2200 good hope road enola pa

I see a lot of people posting their first-time worries, so I figured I'd pass mine along and see if anyone can help! We almost have our plan together, but I can't seem to find specific answers to the following:

1. My partner and I have express entry through lodging. How does the express line work? Are we allowed to pass everyone in line? (this is how it worked at another camping fest I've been to, I just don't want to be a dick and pass everyone if that's not the case here!) Is there good signage for where to go?
   
2. We want to arrive early either Tuesday or Wednesday, but will be driving in after 8 hours on the road. Would the lineup getting in be easier to manage on one day over the other?
   
3. We also wanted to chill after the festival and stay for an extra night, possibly more. I haven't heard how late is too late to be staying on the festival grounds after everything is over. Anyone know when everyone is supposed to be off the premises?
   

Any advice is greatly appreciated!! Hope to see you all there!

Sorry in advance for the long post, but we really don't know how to handle this. This is in Philadelphia, PA btw. Car is registered to NY, not sure if that makes any difference. Any help is greatly appreciated!!
Bf parked his car in front of my home on 5/8 behind a very recognizable van (very large van with a fairly long quote stickered on the back). Around 3am, that van backed up into his parked car with enough force to completely smashed in the front left bumper, misaligned the wheel, and push the car several inches into the curb. It then quickly drove off. I have the video of it occurring, but it is taken at night so you can only make out the general build of the van. You can't get a good look at the driver or the plates However, I see the van a lot in my neighborhood, it is driven by multiple people, one of the guys that drive it lives a few houses down. We filed a police report and completed a claim with our insurance immediately after. Also, after the accident, we stopped seeing the van, but today, it showed up again and was parked on the corner again.
We approached the driver to let him know. When we had spoken to the driver initially, he said it was not him, but he has other people drive the car for him and they may have been drunk when they moved the car. He also mentioned his license was suspended so he did not want cops involved. He agreed to pay back the amount we spent to get the car fixed. However, soon after, someone else shows up claiming they are the owner of the car and to have the cops come. When the police officer finally showed up, we were hoping to at least get the guy for a hit-and-run, but he said there was nothing he could do since no one got hurt, and it is therefore not criminal. He said we deal with it through our insurance company. He also said we could not add to our initial police report with the new information (photos of the van with matching damage, video clip we got from neighbor of van hitting us). Is there anything else we can do? The hit and run resulted in bf not being about to drive for over a week and he was supposed to drive back to NY that day for classes and exams. The deductible was also a huge hit since he is a student.

If I had to pick an embarrassing moment which will haunt me until I die—it has to be the time I tried out for The Sunbeam cheer squad last year. I was a freshman, and I wanted community. Friends.
I heard the cheer squad were just an extra-curricular group rather than an actual majoring level class, so I figured I’d give them a shot. It’s not like I could ignore them.
On my first day when I was moving into my dorm room, I must have walked into the same girl three times. I am in strict belief that it is not possible for a human being to be permanently happy.
And yet that was her. She wandered around like the sun shone right out of her ass, and it was both endearing and terrifying.
The girl resembled the sun herself, a halo of golden curls held in a scrunchie and a flaunting sundress, matching ribbons wrapped around her. The Sunbeam Squad were easy to spot because they were all wearing insanely bright yellow—waving around gold streamers, ribbons tangled in their hair. They all spoke in insanely high pitched voices like they inhaled helium for a living, but that must have been their shtick, right? It was kind of cute. I wasn’t expecting such a welcome in the shape of guy’s and girl’s looking like they had just stepped off of ABC Kids. The girl who handed me a flyer and yelled in my face about school spirit was practically hopping up and down, a bright grin splitting her lips apart.
I nodded and smiled politely, stuffing the flyer in my bag and heading into my room to finish moving my stuff in. When I looked out of my window a few hours later, the Sunbeam squad was still threaded through the crowd, each of them wrapped in glittering fairy lights illuminated in the late evening sunset glow. Sunbeam. Yeah, I got it, but it was still kinda overkill. They were starting to remind me of a cult.
That, however, didn’t stop me trying out. I’m fairly athletic, and they were exactly what I wanted. I’ve never had a group of people I could call friends.
Though it’s not like I could blame anyone but myself. I was a shut-in for most of high school. I either worked or preferred my own company in my room. One of my biggest regrets is pushing people away, friends I wanted to get even closer to. Because now they had built these lifelong friendships and relationships, and I was stuck at 18 years old with nobody but childhood friends I spoke to once a year when we sent mutual holiday greetings to each other. But college could change that.
At least, that’s what I hoped. I spoke to as many people as possible on my first day—and in my head I was making them. Slowly but surely I was actually making friends in my classes I wanted to hang out with.
Sunbeam were my attempt to go even further and join a club. Through word of mouth in my first few weeks of classes, I learned they were more of an extra-curricular group for fun.
They didn’t cheer competitively and had been formed in the mid-90’s by some kids who wanted to make a community out of positivity and school spirit. Sunbeam had a reputation for being Watson State student body’s beacons—and their team’s good luck charm. It was well known across campus that the squad was the reason behind the college’s fortune.
It had been like that since they formed 30 years ago, with members through the generations carrying out that pledge to spread as much pep as possible. While I say that they seemed nice judging from what I heard from others, they weren’t exactly the easiest clique to get into. Unless you were on the squad.
I saw them around campus between classes. They always moved as a group, the six of them with their arms wrapped around each other, brandishing the school colours. The guy’s in loose fitting varsity jackets, while the girl’s flaunted cheer skirts.
The way they acted was a little too close, like they were more than friends—and community and friendship had bled into something else. Like they had just walked out of an early 2000’s teen movie. Not that I was complaining. Their style was intriguing. They were like this untouchable group of god’s who had been placed on the highest pedestals. They ruled over campus, which made me want to get to know them even more. So, I tried out. Which was my first mistake of many in my freshman year.
It didn’t hit me that I was in way over my head until I was in the college gymnasium, standing in front of a four person panel like I was auditioning for a Hollywood movie. Sunbeam took their try-outs incredibly seriously. Which was weird considering they were known to be the complete opposite.
There were maybe fifty or so applicants, and we had to stand near the back wall and watch others try out one by one. Which was already setting off my anxiety. Weren’t they supposed to be closed try-outs? Initially, I was excited.
I had my routine in my head. What I had learned from watching the squad at my old school. High V, Low V, followed by a Touchdown, and then a backflip. I was confident. I mean, it ticked most cheer moves off, and even had a flip to complete the routine. My high school were a multi-sex quad, so I learned a lot from watching the guy’s moves during pep rallies.
I wasn’t really worried about the quality of the moves since they were known not to take everything too seriously. But watching the others try-out, impossible flips without crash mats and twisting their bodies in ways I didn’t know was possible, I quickly realised I was screwed. My competitors were acting like they were auditioning for an Olympic level team. My gut was dancing when I took centre stage.
The panel were made up of four members of the squad. Two boys and two girl’s, including the blonde who handed me the flyer on my first day. I was surprised when her eyes lit up with recognition.
"Oh, I know you!" She squeaked. Leaning forward, her smile seemed to brighten, illuminating her features. All four of them seemed to emanate a warm glow.
I felt myself relax slightly, the knot in my stomach loosening. Maybe their heightened positivity thing wasn’t a shtick, after all. The girl, as well as the other members of the team seemed genuinely happy to see me trying out. “What’s your name?” Her voice reverberated off of the walls, and I was suddenly aware of a dozen other students watching me.
“Alex.” I said, offering a shy wave. “Hey.”
Still grinning, she nudged a redhead next to her playfully. The guy was like no other I’d seen before. He was a god damn traffic light. He was easy to spot in a crowd and was usually one of the low-key members who kept his head down. All of those colours painting him, and yet somehow he wasn’t blinding people.
Though admittedly, he suited them; bright red hair clashing with the blue and gold of his football jersey, pasty skin and dark eyes drinking me in while the blonde girl pulled at his sleeve. “See, I told you annoying freshmen would work!”
In response, he chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Whatever you say, Evie.” The guy straightened up, leaning his chin on his fist, a curious spark in his eyes. “Alright.” Twisting around in his chair, he signalled for music. When it started, the beat slammed into me, rumbling under my feet. “Let’s see what you’ve got!”
I’m not going to describe my routine because I don’t have time to describe how fucking bad I was. In my head, I was doing okay. I was ready to finish with my back flip, but the music abruptly cut off and I found myself struggling to find my breath with my hands in the air, panting like an idiot. The blonde maintained her smile, but it was slightly strained. I could tell she was struggling to keep the façade of a Sunbeam member while also retaining critical thinking.
The redhead looked like he was in pain. He was first to speak, and I could tell by his sympathy smile I’d screwed up. The others who I hadn’t fully taken in until that moment, an asian American guy, and a girl with pigtails, were laughing like pre-schoolers. And they didn’t stop until the redhead shot them the warning eyes.
Weirdly enough, the crowd of onlookers didn’t join in. I expected the redhead to politely tell me I sucked, but instead he cocked his head, chewing on his pen. “You’re good.” He said. “You’re a good dancer, and I liked your moves…”
He trailed off. “But it’s positivity we’re looking for. And you didn’t smile once through your whole routine which made you look stiff. Like you weren’t even enjoying it.” He shrugged helplessly. “I like you, and I like your dancing. And I’m sure you could be better if you worked on it. There are countless dancing clubs here, so maybe you might be better fitted there.” After exchanging a look with the blonde, he sighed. “Unfortunately, you’re not the type of person we’re looking for.”
Evie nodded. “I agree. We pride ourselves on staying positive and smiling. I didn’t see that on you, Alex.”
“Same here.” Pigtails, still giggling, joined in. “I don’t think you’ve got enough school spirit.”
The other guy scoffed. He looked to be of Korean descent. Unlike the redhead, he was always at the centre of their group, always joking around and laughing. Just looking at him told me he was the leader. “Bullshit!” He slapped the table with one hand, running his hands through thick dark hair with the other. “I liked it. Fuck pep, amirite?” He threw his pen at the blonde, who retaliated in a squeak, lobbing hers at him. “Ignore these clowns. I think you’ve got what it takes. We just gotta work on you, y’know? All you’re missing is a cheesy grin.”
He pointed to himself, stretching his lips into the widest smile he could muster. “See? Like this.”
“Clowns?” Evie shook her head. “I didn’t see one smile. Sunbeam is all about smiling!”
“You make us sound like a cult.” The Korean-American caught my eye. “Which we’re not, by the way. These guys are just scared of change.”
“Okay, that’s too far.” Pigtails shot him a scowl. Are you seriously disrespecting the alumni who created us? Who birthed us?
“Well, yeah!” He threw his paper at her. “Sunbeam is a pep cult. We get high off of happiness. I thought we distinguished that.”
“Take that back!”
“Never! Why do you think I joined? To get high! Do you really think I joined for the cheering?”
They were joking around. I could tell by the smiles on their faces—a smile I knew I would never be able to mimic.
“Quiet.” The redhead shushed them. The guy had been sitting silently. Studying me. He leaned back, folding his arms.
“See, even now—even when I’m considering giving you a chance, there’s no hope in your eyes. Not even a glitter of excitement. You’re still not smiling and that’s what we want, Alex. We want people who will embody what Sunbeam is all about. Even if I give you a second chance to brighten up your routine your smile will be fake. And that’s not what we want. We want people who are willing to shed their humanity and become beacons.”
Beacons, huh?
And they were seriously saying they weren’t a cult?
The redhead stabbed at his sheet of paper with the end of his pen. “Can’t you just give us one smile? It won’t kill you.”
It was then when the others watching started to laugh—and I wanted to punch the asshole in the face.
“Dude, chill.” The Korean-American played with his pen, twirling it between two fingers. “He’s right, as much as I hate saying it. We do need smilers, unfortunately. But hey, you can try out next year! Just remember to smile, alright?” He threw something at me. A squashed candy bar.
Which made me look even more pathetic.
I found myself nodding, even when I knew it was all bullshit. Still though, what each member had told me hit me harder than it should have. They were just words, what could they do? It turned out, words were far more powerful than I realised—I just didn’t know it yet. I didn’t wait for the others to speak and made a quick getaway, my gut twisting and turning.
They were a cult. That is what I decided. These guys were a cult who needed members willing to throw away their souls. Probably for ritualistic sacrifice.
They needed weak people, I thought. Even when part of me knew they were right. I wasn't a smiler. Every photo I'm in, I'm either frowning or look constipated. Still though, I didn't dwell on the try-outs for too long. By the time a week had gone by, I had mostly forgotten about it and threw myself into my studies and college life.
Though something was wrong with me. It was as if the world had slowed down, had stopped making sense completely. Every day felt like a dream, and I myself felt like I was a ghost, like I was disassociating from my own body. Conversations with people felt fake. Like I was making them up.
I remember waking up day after day in a daze I couldn’t get myself out of. It was only several weeks later did the thick mind fog which had been blanketing my brain finally lift—only for me to hear the news that all six members of the Sunbeam squad had disappeared. I don’t know how I didn’t notice, how I didn’t see the police investigation, or hear rumours being spread around like wildfire.
According to the college, it wasn't technically considered a disappearance since the members were all over eighteen, no longer minors. However, an investigation was conducted, with a statement being released that they were due to be performing at Knoxville College, cheering on our football team. But they never turned up. And what made it worse, was their bus was found abandoned on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Sounds bad, right?
Well, that's what we all thought. Vigils were already being held, and bodies weren't even found yet. Every time I walked back to my dorm after classes, the night would be lit up in warm golden light, candles flickering in the breeze. I'm not sure how many days had gone by-- they all seemed to blur into one-- when our college made another statement. The members of the Sunbeam squad were alive and healthy and had been sent to a training academy for professionals.
When the student body responded with confusion and scepticism, the college reassured us they were coming back once they were finished training. And while my classmates were relieved, I found myself confused. Sunbeam didn't cheer competitively. Their whole thing was that all they wanted to do was spread cheer and pep, regardless of how good they were. I had seen them perform, and they were good, sure. They were better than average. But definitely not good enough to be trained into pro’s. Their moves were too clumsy, too half assed—which I was convinced they thought overwhelming amounts of positivity could fix. So it didn’t make sense that they had been sent to some training academy. I kept up my scepticism until I saw them for myself.
The college were right. Sunbeam returned a week later like nothing had happened.
I did see a change in them. I think that was a universal opinion though. Sunbeam were well known for their pep and cheer, their constant smiling faces which drove me crazy—and it’s not like that stopped. They still smiled. They still walked around campus laughing together, in their own little world. That was when people were watching. When they had an audience. I caught them when they didn’t have an audience. Without eyes on them, they detached from each other, their eyes darkening, expressions twisting, like each of them could smell something rotten in the air. I started noticing they were getting progressively clumsier at keeping up that Sunbeam façade they must have pledged when they joined the group. I figured it was just tiredness. They must have been through some pretty intense training.
Anyway, months went by. I started to feel less distant, and the fog which had been choking me faded, thankfully. I started my junior year moving into a shared house with my roommate, and the only talk I’d heard about Sunbeam was that one of their ex members was rumoured to be pregnant. As for the rest of the squad, they were still popular, still talked about—but their disappearance had definitely made people wary of them. I even heard someone say they were considered bad luck. I guess people thought they had sold themselves out for a chance to get into the big leagues. And it wouldn’t surprise me.
Forced positivity can get you a long way, sure—but recognition can get you further.
It was just a few weeks ago when I was invited to a game. Our first of the season, thanks to delays due to cuts in the sports department. I’m not much of a sports fan, though I needed a distraction from the copious amounts of assignments I’d let pile on my desk.
When I sat down with a chilli dog and Coke, I wasn’t expecting to get so invested in a game where I had no idea what was happening. It was loud and obnoxious and I was choking on the stink of fried food, but it was fun. It was fun until Sunbeam walked out onto the side-lines. I glimpsed them in a blur of blue and gold, and a dull pain crawled across the back of my head. “You okay?” My housemate’s voice was barely distinguishable in my ears, when I found myself transfixed by the way they moved in erratic jumps, quickly taking position. They had gotten better. Everything which was Sunbeam had been stripped away. Their smiles were forced. Wrong.
I remembered they used to push and shove each other, making the crowd laugh. Now though, they were in almost perfect sync in the way they moved, no longer shakily, sometimes stumbling into each other. Their routine was longer than it usually was—and when the Korean-American guy perfected a triple flip, the crowd went crazy. I expected him to smile when he landed, grinning into the audience to generate what Sunbeam was made for. But his expression stayed stoic. Robotic. They were stiff. Heads up, backs straight, staring ahead of them. I was told when I tried out that fake smiles weren’t allowed, and yet that was all I was seeing. I was seeing egotistical grins and curled lips, quick glances between each member.
I expected looks of reassurances, and in jokes only they found funny. Instead, it looked like a mutual agreement.
They were planning something. From the looks on their faces, it wasn’t a firework show.
Sunbeam used to generate happiness. Their smiles, even under a façade, had always been real.
These guys emanated power. The way they stood. The guy’s at the front, readying what I guessed was a lift, and the girl’s on top of them.
Their routine ended with the music reaching a climax, and the two main girl’s being lifted into the air while performing High V’s.
But they didn’t stop there.
When the crowd exploded with applause, one of the girl’s slowly raised her arms and shot into the crowd with finger guns.
She shot twice—and with every time she pulled that imaginary trigger, her painted lips stretched into a maniacal grin.Until her gaze was on me. And then behind me. I could see it in her glittering eyes I could no longer call human. I met Evie at the start of my freshman year, and then at the disastrous try-outs.
I knew her wide smile, and the glint of passion twisting her expression—a love for the group and the members she couldn’t put into words. Right then I wasn’t seeing Evie, a Sunbeam cheerleader. I was seeing something else entirely, a being scanning faces in the crowd for a victim.
Her expression seemed to melt, from a gleeful grin, to something twisted and putrid, someone who craved the exact opposite of what Sunbeam preached. I watched her lips. I watched the words pop into existence, drowned into nothing by the crowds cheering. But I saw them in perfect clarity. “Drop.” She said, before pulling the imaginary trigger again.
No sooner had the words left her mouth before someone screamed behind me. I twisted around to see a guy had collapsed. He was pronounced dead five minutes later by his sobbing girlfriend who had attempted CPR. When I twisted back to look out onto the field, the Sunbeam Squad were gone. It didn’t make sense that they were the ones to cause the guy’s death—but it couldn’t have been a coincidence, right? Evie had shot into the crowd at the exact same time the guy had dropped dead. Finger guns weren’t a weapon of course, but the timing was too coincidental. I already knew there was something wrong with Sunbeam. And this just strengthened my claims.
Obviously, when I tried to tell people this, I was called crazy. Delusional. I reported it to the student information building and just got a blank stare.
The woman wasn’t even attempting to hear my story. She just heard “murder” and “Sunbeam” and her lips curved into an amused smirk. “You know, you are quite fascinating,” leaning back against her chair, the woman frowned at me through wonky glasses. "First you unexpectedly quit, and then you accuse them of murder. Which I can tell you is false.”
She flipped through a notebook in front of her. “According to the autopsy report released a few days ago, the young man died of a brain haemorrhage, not the result of being pretend shot at by a cheerleader miming finger-guns.” The woman cleared her throat.
“Tell me, what exactly do you have against the Sunbeam squad?"
“What?”
“You quit the squad at the end of your freshman year,” she said, “And now you’re trying to accuse them of murder? Fascinating.”
Her words struck me, a shiver sliding down my spine. The office was cosy, and when I sunk into the rich leather of the couch in front of a roaring fire I recognised the book on her desk. It was a dog eared copy of Harry Potter. I’d seen it before. But that was impossible. I had never been in her office. “Quit?” I shook my head. “No, I don’t…” I trailed off, stumbling over my words. “I’ve never been part of Sunbeam.”
“Were you not?” She shook her head, a crease forming between her brows. “Ah, I must be getting you mixed up with someone else.”
I nodded. “Just… can you just listen to me? That Evie girl was fucking—”
She cut me off. “Language.”
“Sorry. Evie. She was… I don’t know what she was doing... she was doing like... like magic?”
“Are you sure you didn’t dream it?”
“Yes!"
“Mmm hmm.” The woman cleared her throat, dismissing my protests. “I’m not a doctor, but If you’re experiencing memory loss and confusion, I suggest you go to the hospital. As for your ludicrous claims, you should keep them to yourself. That poor young man died due to a brain haemorrhage. Terrible and tragic, yes. But it was accidental, and not the work of… I’m sorry, what were you claiming it to be?”
“Magic.” I said, again.
When she raised her brow, I couldn’t resist a groan. “I saw her! She shot into the crowd and mouthed something!”
“She… mouthed something?”
“Yes! But—"
Again, her words sliced into mine. “Okay, let’s say you were right,” she said. “If you are saying this girl shot into the crowd with her imaginary gun, wouldn’t it be a gun shot which would have killed him? You said it yourself—, it was some kind of witchy magic to kill him. So, where was the bullet wound?” When I tried to speak, she raised her arm to shut me up.
“Exactly. There was none. Because the man suffered a haemorrhagic stroke, and nothing could be done to save him. Your claims a group of young people carried this out as a murder is not only blatant defamation, but also disrespectful to the young man and his family. Now, please leave my office. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” The woman nodded for me to stand up. “I think you have been watching too much TV. Might I suggest focusing on your studies?”
I left her office, slamming the door.
My housemate wasn’t helpful when I told him. He told me I was maybe a little too obsessed with Sunbeam. He headed to work, and I ended up in the lounge trying to focus on an episode of Criminal Minds. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Evie.
I saw what she said.
Drop.
But it wasn’t the force of her imaginary finger-guns ricocheting back. It was the word. Drop.
It had been alive on her lips like it was a sentient thing bleeding into existence. I managed to fall asleep, twisted like a pretzel in my housemate’s favourite chair, when three loud knocks on the door tore me from slumber. I was on my feet, blinking, disoriented. It was rare when we got a visitor. Stumbling over to the door, I had a moment of hesitation. I imagined Evie on the other side.
I imagined her raising her arm and shooting her pretend finger-guns directly into my head.
When I opened the door, I was surprised to see three little kids. The youngest must have been maybe nine years old. To my surprise, they were dressed in Halloween costumes. There was a little witch, a ghost, and a scarecrow all carrying pumpkin shaped holders It took me a moment to realise I was staring at a group of Trick or Treaters. It wasn’t even mid-October yet.
“Hey there,” I said, “Uh, you guys are a little early.”
The little girl’s eyes were wide and unblinking. “We want candy.” She held out her candy holder. “Now.”
I decided to be firm with them. “It’s not Halloween.” I said, taking a small step back. I was grasping the handle, ready to slam it in their faces. These little shits were freaking me out. Not just their tone, but their expressions were vacant. There were no lights on and that terrified me. “Sorry kids, I don’t have any candy. But like I said, come back when it’s actually Halloween, and I’ll have candy bars for all of you. "
What I wasn’t expecting was for the Scarecrow to pull a knife out of his pumpkin shaped candy holder. He didn’t hold it like a kid should, clumsily, confused. There was a strategic way the way his fingers were wrapped around the handle—like he’d brandished one before. The kid held the knife up to his own neck and made a slicing motion. Like the little girl, his eyes were blank. Unblinking. There was something wrong in the way he was standing. Stiff, like a puppet on strings. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He squeaked out a laugh. I didn’t see him lunge forward, I was already moving back, stumbling, losing my footing.
The kid moved with impossible speed—and before I knew what was happening, the hilt of the knife was buried in my lower leg. I didn’t even feel pain. My body was being driven by adrenaline, pushing me to get away from him. I remember falling back. I remember my own trembling hands grasping hold of the handle and pulling out the knife. Red was pooling down my jeans and onto our hardwood floor. The little kids turned around and ran back down the steps into the night, and I watched them in a sort of daze.
They didn’t move like normal.
They stalked down the sidewalk like video game characters. The witch shoved a passing old man before pulling out a gun and pointing it at his head. But she didn’t shoot. The three of them ran off—and it was only when I was watching the top of the girl’s witch hat disappear into the night, when I glimpsed something—or someone—at the corner of my eye.
Before I heard laughter. The tree in front of me moved. At first I thought they were shadow’s. Before the shadows bled into figures. Four of them. I glimpsed the school colours. Blue and Gold. I saw twin ponytails, velvet and blonde-- as well as the tell-tale Sunbeam varsity jacket. The group were laughing, whispering to each other. Not exactly doing a good job of hiding. When they slipped from their hiding place, I recognised Evie. Her fingers gingerly on her nose while intense red pooled down her chin.
The others were the same, swiping at their faces with jacket sleeves. They didn’t seem fazed. The redhead’s gaze was latched onto the retreating children, his lips curling. I could sense he was still tethered to them. He was still commanding them to act out grand theft auto. They had caused the man’s death at the game and had controlled those children.
I wasn’t crazy or delusional. Evie had killed someone by simply shooting imaginary finger guns, and somehow the others were able to bleed into children’s heads, taking them over.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I heaved out a breath. The pain was starting to hit in waves I had to grit through. I couldn’t move. I was stuck, curled up on my floor. While they laughed.
I was halfway through stabbing 911 into my phone when one of them came over. It was the Korean-American. The one who had been the nicest to me out of all of them. The real smile I remembered was gone, replaced by something inhuman. Something I didn’t want to question.
With his hands stuffed in his varsity jacket pockets, he approached me with mocking eyes, almost an attempt at trying to mimic his old self.
The guy knelt in front of me with a chuckle. “Kids these days, right? They’re animals.”
His voice, no, his words, were hurting me. I felt each one penetrate me like gunshots.
My wound wasn’t bad. That’s what I estimated, anyway. I don’t think the kid had hit anything vital. But I needed the emergency room. I still had one hand grasping at my side, drenched in red.
I managed a hiss, grasping for my phone when he pulled it out of my grasp and waved it in the air. “Fuck off. What did you do to those little kids?” I gritted out, trying to reach for my damn phone. I was starting to feel the pain in my side and it hurt like a mother fucker—dizzying bolts of electricity which felt like waves of boiling hot water slamming into me one by one. I tried to get onto my knees, but he pushed me back down again. The guy cocked his head to the side, confusion creasing his expression.
“Ouch. That must hurt.”
"What did you... what did you do?" I hissed out.
His presence was hurting me. Every time he opened his mouth, it was agony. Somehow, it was worse than the stab-wound. This kind of pain was no other I’d felt before. The type I’d rather die than feel. A cry was clawing at my throat, fight or flight taking over. Again, I tried to move, I tried to get away from him. But he was holding down my arms and prodding at my side before sticking his finger in the cut and twisting. "I didn't do anything, Alex.”
His voice barely hit me when my vision blurred and I screamed. Like a fucking animal, I screamed. But not because his fingers were digging around in my insides.
Because my brain was suddenly boiling, a metal rod piercing my skull and stirring it into a soupy mess. His voice was inside me. It was bleeding into me, taking over me. But not just his voice. The world blurred around me and I was no longer in my doorway, bleeding out against the wall.
Instead, I was moving. I was… I was walking. No, I was being dragged. Except these weren’t my memories. This wasn’t my mind. I could see bare feet beneath me delicately slapping on white tiles. When I looked up, I saw an expanse of white like I was being led straight into the clouds. This was a building. There were glass doors and electronic panels, people in black guarding each one. It took a while for me to gain my senses—or him to gain his.
We could smell something like chlorine and taste rusty coins at the back of our throat. Feel the ice cold tiles against our bare toes. A strange feeling at the back of our head. We kept wanting to run our fingers through our hair, but every time we did, our fingers only touched bare skin. Scuffed and rigged skin. Tight fingers were wrapped around our arm, dragging us further and further into a white oblivion. Until a glass door seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
From now on, I am going to describe his memories very vaguely. I’m just going to tell you what I saw.
The room we walked into reminded me of a classroom—but there were no desks. In front of me were the other members of Sunbeam pressed against the back wall. They faced forwards, their gazes penetrating nothing. But I saw they were trembling. Terrified. The squad were dressed in pale white shorts and t-shirt, ugly red spattering the front. There were still traces of blue and glitter on their faces, ribbons hanging from bedraggled curls.
Their feet were bare and filthy like ours. When we were shoved forwards, we took our place next to Evie who had half of her hair shaved off. Her arms were folded across her cheer uniform, her bare feet tapping a beat against the floor. When a woman with dark red hair held in a strict ponytail entered and asked if either of us wanted to show her what we had learned, Evie eagerly raised her hand. “Okay, Evie.” The woman’s voice was too sweet. Sickly sweet. She gestured for the girl forward. “Show us what you’ve got.”
The door opened, and a man stepped through. His hands were tied in front of him, his eyes blank.
Evie nodded, her eyes set in determination. She cleared her throat. “Shatter.”
Nothing happened.
“Intent, Evie.” The woman said. “It doesn’t matter how you say the word unless you use proper intent. Try again.”
The girl did, growling in frustration.
"Shatter.”
The man’s head flew from his torso suddenly in a river of red, and the girl squeaked in excitement.
While we watched in horror, the rest of the squad gave in to their own despair.
Different days bled into one—and we watched faces change. Heads were shaved. Hair grew back. Fear turned to joy.
A blonde girl exploded into bloody chunks, splattering against the walls.
“Yes!” The redhead high-fived pigtails, the two of them locked into some bizarre handshake. “That’s what I’m TALKING about!”
“Bang!” One of the girls used finger guns, and with each “shot” innocents dropped against the wall one by one, their heads blown through.
She jumped up and down in glee. “Bang, bang, bang!”
“Keep going,” the voice of the woman crackled through the speaker. “You’ve almost got it.”
“Divide.” Pigtails used her pointer finger at an old man who was skewed by an invisible force sending bloody chunks of him to the floor.
"Show off.” The redhead said in a sing-song voice. He was slumped against the back wall using his jersey to wipe blood from his face while the others painted the room scarlet. With simple words of intent and a hand gesture, they were able to take people apart piece by piece.
Pigtails snorted when another “test subject” was brought in. "Oh, you think you can do better?”
“Think I can? I know I can.”
This time he plunged two fingers into his temples. He was centre stage, the others against the back wall with their arms folded.
“Rip it out.”
The test subject’s eyes widened, her trembling hands clawing at her own head, fingernails digging into flesh. “Rip…rip it out?”
His lip curved. “That’s what I said.”
We didn’t see the test subject rip her own brain from her skull. We were already burying our head into our knees and screeching into the floor. Another flash. Like watching a movie.
This time we’re cutting into our wrist with shards of glass. Pulling back fleshy flaps of our flesh, there are two wires entangled with muscle and bone. One red and one blue. “Why won’t you submit?” A sharp growl, and I can feel our body pressed against metal. Our arms are restrained. “Out of all of them, you refuse it.” A hand slaps our face. “You don’t want it!”
He started to laugh.
“You don’t want… control?”
He leaned his face closer. “Tell me to mutilate myself. Tell me to… to tear out my brain stem! That’s the beauty of it! No matter how impossible the order is, it will be completed! Control, my boy. Use it. Do you even understand how much you are going to shape the world? Words! Do you know how powerful they are? When said from the right mouth, with the right intent, they can cause bloodshed, pain and misery-- a despair drowning our already shattered earth. And you will be the centre of it. You will bring this world to its knees, Jason."
"Now, do it. We call it cutting, but you will find familiarity in referring to it as erasure. You can make up your own words if you would like. What matters is the intent.” I feel something slicing into our arm. It’s nothing medical. It’s torture. He plunges something sharp into the same spot and twists the blade until we throw our head back and scream at the ceiling.
“You’re the last one.” The man hissed. “Do it.”
“No.” I heard his—our—voice. “I… I can’t!”
“Do it!”
He’s dragging us again, forcing us down a long winding corridor until we reach another door.
"Drown." The boy - - Jason's-- voice was suddenly in my head. I could sense it was trying to hold back, attempting to peel back whatever power his own words had. But the word came again and again until it was suffocating his mouth. “Drown. Drown. Drown. Drown.” We were standing in the doorway of a smaller room. In the corner there was a figure curled up with their head pressed against the wall.
It was a guy.
I recognised our school colours, a bloodied varsity jacket over shorts and t-shirt. When he lifted his head and twisted to face the boy whose mind I was in, I noticed he had an uncanny resemblance to me. His eyes wide, frightened. They were my mother's.
This guy looked exactly like me.
No, it WAS me.
My eyes were shadowed and haunted.
Like I had been drained of everything I was.
As quickly as the memories came crashing into me, they were yanked away when the guy must have pulled back.
I blinked rapidly, and Jason looked as confused as me. Slowly, he pulled his finger from my cut. The man's voice was in my skull, and it was agonising. I felt the command in my head, my body instantly reacting to... to nothing. I had my hands out, ready to do.... do something.
"That was… just a trick,” He said. “Yeah! Just a trick!”
I found myself nodding, echoing his words. Something warm ran from my nose.
"Just... a trick..." I whispered, the words forced from my lips.
Blood spattered down my chin.
“Louder.” He said.
"JUST A TRICK!" I yelled, the force of the wail sending me my knees, panting. The guy was frowning, seemingly unsure what to do with me.
He wrapped up my wound and told me it wasn’t bad—and it wasn’t. I watched in disbelief as my skin stitched itself back together.
"Go into your kitchen." Jason said, and I felt the power of his words ripping through me like bullets. My body moved on its own, and I got to my feet and stepped into my kitchen. He followed me, grabbing a scarf off of the table.
"Get on your knees." I did, dropping to my knees, my breath in my throat, my mouth sealed shut. I could sense the others in the doorway as he wrapped the scarf around my eyes, the heel of his shoe slamming into my neck forcing me onto my stomach.
"I want you to wait for me to kill you."
His words pierced into me. I did. Even when I knew he was gone, the door slamming shut-- I waited. I waited until the next morning, until I regained control over my own body and pulled the scarf from my eyes. I'm still waiting, my brain in constant panic, twisting around when I'm alone, looking into every corner.
I was roped into going to Friday's game against Harrington. During Sunbeam’s routine, they did it again. They had the crowd's attention, and Evie was mouthing something. I felt her words, sharp like needles cutting into me. But they didn't penetrate. They have done something to the student body. Ever since, I’ve been catching looks around me. Those whose heads they have crawled into. Mindless eyes. Every so often an arm will touch mine, fingers will wrap around my neck. I can hear their feet pitter pattering after me. Those little kids from that night. I keep seeing the little witch girl in the corner of my eye. They’re creating an army who are coming for me once he decides to kill me.
If only I knew what happened to the Sunbeam squad. Maybe I can help them somehow.
But something tells me they’re way past help.
And so am I.
I wonder if one day, I might be allowed a glimpse of my memories. What really happened to me during my freshman year.
And why, ever since going into his mind, I dream of a white room.

Howdy, y'all. I know I broke some conventions here, so if you find them detrimentally egregious, please do let me know! Thanks in advance!
Dear [AGENT],
HORSES, WAGONS, & DRAGONS is a cozy fantasy covered in a sticky coating of comedy. Complete at 90,000 words, it will appeal to readers of Travis Baldree’s Legends & Lattes and Nicholas Eames’ Kings of the Wyld.

Of all the things one can say about goblins, ‘smart’ is assuredly not among them. ‘Curious?’ Sure. ‘Enthusiastic?’ Absolutely. ‘Likely to critically bungle the vast and pivotal quest before them?’ Also yes.
Oli the goblin is the last creature anyone would send on a world-ending quest. But the Dark Lord’s under siege and without his doomsday weapon, those pesky forces of good might just get it done this time. Seizing the long-awaited opportunity to serve their Big Boss, Oli and his cousins strike out on a super secret mission to retrieve the doomsday wep–on a road trip to see their family.
With the hopes of every creature sinister and foul riding on them, the goblins hurry directly to their destination. Mostly directly. Okay so it’s more of a zigzag. Also the wicked item delivery network’s in shambles on account of the war, and since they’re already headed that way, maybe the goblins could help out the Dark Lord’s spies and deliver a few evil packages?
Agents of Good await at every stop, but with empty heads and too-big hearts, Oli and his bumbling family deliver the packages (mostly), sabotage the forces of evil (accidentally), and save their Dark Lord (probably). All of this while facing down the dangers of road rage, unionization, and one genie wish gone terribly wrong.
The final battle’s brewing between good and evil and the fate of the world rests in Oli’s wriggly little hands.
Gods help us all.

HORSES, WAGONS, & DRAGONS is a standalone with duology potential, and my tenth novel. My past works include XXX and XXX (Audible Originals), XXX (a YONDER Exclusive), and the co-written XXX series, the audio rights for which sold to Audible in a significant deal. I’ve been writing full-time since 2018 with the intent to create books that allow readers to dream, laugh, and sometimes question my sanity.
All the best,
Aza_
Author website
Email

I'm on a 3-4 years relationship now, we're engaged for the most of it. We are planning our wedding this yeanext year but lagi kong naiisip ang break up lately. I'm M, 26 we have the same age.
Here's some context (Ayoko siraan sya or lumabas na magmalinis so sasabihin ko rin mga sa tingin ko is need ma-work on sa akin, also di ako magaling mag story telling, bear with me)
So, first of all, I really love my fiancee, pero lately, napapansin kong madalas syang nagagalit, to the point na kahit maliliit na bagay, nasesermonan (or borderline na sigaw) nya ako, though I am doing what she's telling me, madalas nga lang pinapag mamaya ko lalo na kapag hindi naman masyadong urgent. Pero during my day offs, ako na ang nagkukusa and gumagalaw sa mga bagay na alam kong iuutos nya. Gumagalaw din naman sya dito sa bahay pero kapag day off nya, hindi ko nakikita yung same effort na ginagawa ko for her like yung pagluluto sakin, simpleng paghugas ng pinggan, etc.
Nag start ako magbilang ng mga ginagawa kasi feel kong parang taga utos lang siya, tapos pag di ko nagagawa yung mga gusto nya, nasesermonan ako and to the point na inaaway. Pero kung ako yung nag uutos, and di nya agad nagawa or di nya nagawa at all, hindi ko siya masyadong pine-press kasi tinatry kong intindihin na baka pagod sya. Same eto sa lahat ng bagay, lahat ng mali, sobra nyang pinapalaki kahit maliit na bagay, tapos sumasanma ang loob ko. Pero pagdating sa akin, sinasabihan ko lang sya ng malumanay, kasi again, I try to understand her.
Aware ako na nagiging toxic na ang relationship namin, lagi na kaming nag aaway sa ultimong napakaliit na mga bagay. Kahit tahimik akong tao, nasisigawan ko na sya, and di ko naman din gusto yon, feeling ko lang kasi hindi nya naririnig and naiintindihan mga sinasabi ko, hindi ko gusto yung nangyayari at ginagawa ko.
Dumating rin sa point ng mga away namin na sobra syang galit and nasusuntok nya na yung braso ko, alam kong frustrated sya sakin kaya feeling ko deserve ko rin.
Siguro yung purpose ng post na 'to is manghingi talaga ng advise sa mga married couple if anong pwedeng gawin? And pano i-aapproach yung issue, sorry na uli kasi hindi talaga ako magaling magkwento pero magdadraft ako ng continuation and magdadagdag pa ng context if needed, pero I hope nagets niyo kahit paano. Thank you.
Edit - Additional context:
To add more context,
Yung laging pinag aawayan from her side is maliliit na bagay like: (Eto yung mga madalas)

1. Pera - Pagdating sa pera, wala akong issues or whatnot kasi I earn 6 digits na kaso nga since nag iipon kami and may kanya kanya kaming responsibilities sa side of families namin, medyo pressured kami sa pag iipon kasi magpapakasal nga. Yung recent na napag-awayan namin dito is yung may pera kami para sa bahay na nakalapag lang somewhere pero dun kinukuha yung mga pang daily needs namin madalas. One time she was asking kung bakit wala 20% nalang yung andun, I was trying to enumerate lahat ng nabili/nagastos pero di ko kasi maibigay lahat, yung kinasama ng loob ko dito which nag trigger sa pagsigaw ko is she was asking multiple times kahit di pa ako tapos sumagot, again, alam kong masama ang pagsigaw pero nafifeel ko kasing pressured ako.
2. Gawaing bahay - Kapag paalis na sya or nagpeprepare kami to go to work, may mga maliliit syang bagay na sinesermon nya sakin, which sumasama yung loob ko kasi madalas may mga nagawa na ako para sa bahay pero namiss ko lang yung isa or dalawang bagay.
3. Laro (Mobile Legends) - Alam kong personality nya is mang trashtalk, pero kasi madalas parang imbis na magkakampe kami and sabay dapat naming niki-critizise yung laro ng iba, madalas nyang pinepress is ako lang. Siguro dahil magkasama kami and sakin nya nabubuntong yung galit nya.

Long story short, sensitive ako sa words and tono towards sa akin, kaya as much as possible, yung approach sa ibang tao and tono kapag kumakausap ng ibang tao ay tinatry kong kumalma parin kasi alam kong napaka impacting ng words/approach sa ibang tao.
Marami din akong lapses, kagaya ng pagiging procrastinator and pagiging baby pag may nararamdaman, harsh magsalita kapag nagagalit na (pag sobrang emotional na), etc. Marami din syang good qualities, pero ang gusto ko lang sana sa kanya is maging mas understanding. Nag-usap na kami about dito, it's been a few days, may konting improvement na rin pero lumalabas parin yung pagiging ganon nya. How long do you think na need ko syang i-observe and anong gagawin ko kapag positive or negative yung kakalabasan? Help me please.
Replied to someone din na same yung question sa iba: Wala namang malaking event na nangyari, kung tutuusin nga I am working hard to make heour lives comfortable. And always nyang sinasabing mababa ang self-esteem nya, which I understand kaya kapag may gusto syang bilhin na skin care or any item na makakapag boost ng confidence nya, I just let her. I also give compliments to her from time to time. Nung nagusap kami about dito, sabi nya naman na she still loves me, pero hindi ko magets yung sinabi nya na "Kung anong magiging decision mo, basta buo na yung loob mo, I'll follow your decision. Pero kung sakin lang ayoko sanang maghiwalay"

Hi all! First time posting here, hopefully we can get some advice. I'm so sorry for the ranty long post!
My SO and I both moved around a ton in our lives and we're both exhausted from it because we can't seem to find a place to settle down at and afford to continue living there. I make roughly $59k/yr, she makes $48k/yr give or take. We also honestly really hate California. She grew up in the Bay area, I grew up near Philly.
My SO and I are debating moving out of our current city (San Jose, CA) due to cost of living being unaffordable even with dual income. Almost all apartments here don't allow animals, tend to be $2500+ a month not including utilities or pet deposits, and we're just basically priced out of the area.
We were debating Sacramento, CA where we can rent a decent place with a yard and garage for roughly $1700 - which we can afford - but she'll need to switch jobs regardless of where we move, and I work remotely so that's less an issue for me. Problem with Sacramento is that we need to earn 3x the income, and if we move, she loses her job. Meaning we will just barely not qualify for a place. We could settle temporarily somewhere cheaper for a year, but moving again will exhaust us I think..
Second option is Pittsburgh, PA. Way more affordable, and I grew up in PA so I'm a little more familiar with how everything works versus here where I got an extreme culture shock when I initially moved here. The cost of living is cheaper, and since I work remotely, I can actually qualify for the rent requirements in PA. The people are generally nicer, areas tend to be quieter, but maybe I'm extremely biased.
Could anyone put their inputs in on either areas? Any advice on how to make the right choice?
TL;DR: Wanna move, either to Sacramento or Pittsburgh. We're both kind of over the type of interactions we have in California - and I low-key really miss my home state and diverse weathecheaper living. Is Pittsburgh a good option, or should we move to Sacramento?

Thanks in advance for any and all feedback. This is my first novel and am working on material to begin querying agents.
Chapter 1
June 12, 2036, Franklin, North Carolina
I walked through the front yard to the front door. I dropped my duffel bags on the porch, stepped up to the front door, and knocked. Mom answered with surprise and worry on her face.
'Oliver? What are you doing here?' she hugged me as I stepped across the threshold. Winston, sniffed my legs wagging his tail in excitement.
'Long story, Mom, I’m out of the Army, for good,' I said. She nodded but didn’t ask any further questions. We moved into the kitchen and sat at the table to drink mugs of strong coffee.
'Do you want to tell me what happened?' she asked.
'Things went sideways.' I said. I realized I wasn't ready to talk about it just yet. 'I thought I could try and start up Dad’s welding business. I was always good at it, and I think I could drum up his old clients and stay busy with some work.'
'Well, it would be nice to have you around, honey. You’ll need to look through all his business paperwork and get caught up on all that.'
I nodded, 'We have time. I want to ensure I’m doing it right.'
'I understand, Ollie,' she said and smiled, 'let's go to the diner tonight, my treat.'
'I could go for some peach cobbler and ice cream. Sure, Mom sounds perfect,' I said, and we rose. I went to the guest room and changed out of the clothes I had spent the last 22 hours traveling in. I grabbed the truck keys, and Winston followed us down the hallway to the front door.
'Hold down the fort, Winston,' he wagged his tail in response.
'You want to drive?' Mom asked.
'I haven't had a chance to drive around Franklin in a long time,' I said, and Mom climbed into the passenger seat of the Tesla. Mom turned the radio to a classic rock station as I backed out of the driveway. I drove along the winding asphalt road to town.
'Hope it isn't too packed, it is Friday night,' Mom said.
'I'm sure we'll be ok; it's still early enough. I bet we beat the dinner rush.'
J's Diner was the only diner in town and could fill up quickly. I passed the large, green, metal sign welcoming drivers to Franklin, and approached the historic square of town. I made a couple of left turns to the diner's street parking and came to a stop. There were only two other cars.
'See, Mom, I think we'll get our cobbler pretty quick,' I said. I walked just behind her; the jingle of a bell announced our entrance.
'Just seat yourself; I'll be right with you,' a female voice called from behind a counter in the kitchen.
'Ok, thanks,' Mom answered.
We found a booth in the back corner of the small, red and white decorated restaurant. It had a 1950's theme and even a tiny 1957 Chevy hung from the ceiling. A waitress came around the front counter, her brown, hair in a messy bun and two menus in her hands.
'Here you are, Mrs. Banks,' she said, setting the menus before us. 'Can I get you two anything other than water?' She looked at my face and froze, 'Oliver, is that you?'
'Lacy?' I asked, now understanding why her voice sounded so familiar.
'I didn't know you were back in Franklin,' she said, smiling. I also noticed a large grin on Mom from her side of the table.
'Just got back, actually, a few hours ago.' I explained.
'Done seeing the world?' She said, her hands in the front of her apron, she sounded genuinely curious.
'You could say that,' I said. Lacy seemed unable to think of another question for me.
'Sorry, umm, just waters?' she shook her head.
'Waters are fine, sweety,' Mom answered, glancing between the two of us. Did Mom think this was actually going to work?
'No problem, I'll be right back,' and Lacy walked off.
'Don't be so weird, Mom,' I said, and she just shrugged her shoulders innocently. Our phones on the table between us began to flash and buzz loudly. I picked mine up and read the Alert Message, it read.
THE NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION HAS DETECTED AN IMMINENT ELECTRO-MAGNETIC SPACE THREAT TO PLANET EARTH. A SOLAR FLARE-GENERATED WALL OF SPACE WEATHER WILL IMPACT EARTH IN APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. IF YOU ARE INDOORS, STAY INDOORS. IF YOU ARE OUTDOORS, SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER IN A BUILDING. REMAIN INDOORS, WELL AWAY FROM WINDOWS. IF YOU ARE DRIVING, PULL SAFELY TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND SEEK SHELTER IN A BUILDING OR LAY ON THE FLOOR. WE WILL ANNOUNCE WHEN THE THREAT HAS ENDED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION MEASURES.
'What the hell does that mean?' Mom asked, jerked her head up to look at me, panic creeping into her features.
'The message said five minutes, assuming there was a good flash to bang on the message being created and sent out,' I said.
Suddenly, our phones’ screens flashed white and winked out, going black. The diner's lights began to flicker on and off until they dimmed too.
'We have to get out of here, Mom,' I said, sliding out of the booth.
'Ollie, what's happening?' she asked, following me.
'We have to get home, now,' I grabbed her elbow and began to steer her to the exit. I opened the door, and we stepped out onto the sidewalk.
The early evening sky was streaked with green and purple ribbons of bright, glowing light. The northern lights were flashing and strobing over Franklin. It was beautiful and terrifying. Mom muttered something under her breath at my side, but couldn't hear. The streetlights, had just started to turn on for sunset, flashed and remained off. All the stoplights around the town square shut off. Cars were strewn about the streets, people stood next to them, staring at their phones, and fear on everyone's face. Off to the south, a loud rushing of air could be heard. I stepped out onto the street to get a better look. A large commercial airliner jet was careening out of the sky directly at the center of town.
'Mom, get down,' I yelled, throwing her to the ground and covering her with my body. The explosion as the jet crashed into the northern edge of town was deafening. The earth shook, windows around us shattered and glass struck the asphalt and concrete. I remained lying over Mom until the roar of the blast faded. I stood and stared north. A giant ball of flame still rose into the sky, visible over the three-story buildings of the town.
'Oh my god, those people,' Mom gasped, 'we have to help.'
'They can't be helped,' I said. The text message and what was happening before my eyes started to fit together in my mind like a puzzle. Suddenly Buddha, was standing by me just a couple of feet away. He looked real, solid, his good eye catching mine.
'You have to get your Mom home, Stone,' Buddha said, 'this place is about to turn into a freaking madhouse, and you know it.' He was right, no matter how weird the conversation with my old mentor was.
'Come on, Mom, we can't stay here. We have to get home to the cellar and hold up,' I said. I climbed into the pickup and Mom got in the passenger seat. I hit the push start, but nothing happened. It was dead.
'We have to walk,' I said, 'Come on, Mom, it's only a few miles.'
I got out of the truck and helped Mom out of her side. She stared at the streaks of northern lights, waiting for another jet to plummet down on top of us. We walked the sidewalk to US 56, the highway that would take us out of town to the homestead. We turned and began the upward climb out of the shallow valley Franklin sat in the bottom of. We summited the last hill, longer and steeper than the first couple we had climbed.
'Stop, catch your breath Mom,' I said. She had done well. Mom was fit for a woman in her mid-fifties but the adrenaline was starting to wear off. She turned and looked back down the valley toward town and gasped. The whole northern half of town appeared to be on fire.
'The whole town is burning,' she said. Her voice reminded me of shell-shocked soldiers I had seen.
'Main Street and Garfield should keep the fire contained to those current blocks, I think,' I said. I hope it saves the grocery and hardware store. This isn't going to be wrapped up and back to normal anytime soon. At 2100 hours, we turned up the driveway and back to the house. We entered the front door and checked each room in the house. The power was off in every room. I lit a fire in the living room fireplace, and we sat on the couch. Winston hadn't calmed since we entered, continuously trying to climb into our laps for comfort. Mom eventually let him onto the couch, and he laid his head on her lap.
'Ollie, did you understand the message?' she asked, still looking into the fire.
'Just from some basic space weather information I hear in briefs,' I said. 'Space weather changes based on the Sun, what kind of radiation is coming off of, and hitting the Earth at any given time. The message said a flair, so the Sun must have blasted a huge amount of radiation at a given time, and it fried everything.'
'So when does it all come back on?' she asked.
'Hard to say, if it hit the whole country,' I paused,' then it doesn't.'
'God help us,' Mom breathed.

#1 priority for me is to find a corp that is active from 1800-0200 Eve time (1400-2200 EST) during week days.
I'm pretty laid back and voice chat friendly. Always been serious about Eve but I finally have a job that allows me to really dig my teeth into the game.
- 28 Million Skill points on my main - just starting to skill up my alts
- Currently run a Mackinaw but training into Orca in a couple months, hopefully sooner if I can make enough isk to buy injectors.
- I have lots experience with high and low sec mining but I'd be open to get into null sec mining or even gas huffing in j-space. I'm looking to go anywhere the isk is.
- I'm capable of being self sufficient but being part of a consistent mining fleet and having a corp with a good buyback would be awesome.
- Also interested in dipping my toes into wider eve content, Abyssals, Ratting, Mission Running etc. but mining is definitely my priority.
- I log on every week day for at least 5 hours. I'm usually busy during weekends but I can make sure to be free on a weekend if there is an event going on.
So who's hiring?

We arrived later than expected Friday night 5/26(around 9:15PM EST) and checked in. We rented cabin #7 which is the largest and their only handicap accessible cabin. My 5yo was thrilled it had bunk beds and wanted to read a story before bed on the top bunk before going to sleep on the bottom.
Saturday it was slightly overcast and windy. We slept in and then went to Huddle House for breakfast and then to Ingles for supplies. When we got back the weather didn't stop us from having to get into the pool at 1130AM. Kids have no nerve endings that supply data about cold water I swear. Dinner was BBQ cooked onsite and pretty yummy! My 5yo usually doesn't eat BBQ and baked beans and she ate everything.
Sunday we woke up and had the onsite cafe breakfast, hard to beat 2 eggs with bacon and toast for $7. More pool time, it was slightly more sunny this day and less wind. We decided to get dinner offsite and it was a total disaster - every restaurant (even domino's pizza) was an hour and a half behind!) When we got back to the resort about 730 it was too cold for her to get into the pool so we played in the hot tub instead and she was good with that.
Monday we had breakfast onsite again and used the pool until about 1145 when we had to leave to get on the road. Hated to leave as it was the warmest and sunniest day of them all!
Overall I'd say 7 or 8 out of 10. The resort is a little more "rustic" than I expected...but perhaps that isn't fair because the only other resort I have stayed at overnight was Cypress Cove. The cabin definitely needs some work. The blinds were broken and missing their tilt rods, the bathroom sink was clogging up and every cabin was missing it's skirting around the bottom outside. I will say however that everything else was wonderful, especially the people! It's no wonder they have won awards for the friendliest resort multiple years. We will be back for sure! My daughter was hoping more kids would be there for her to play with and apparently Memorial Weekend is usually more crowded but the forecast probably scared a lot of them away. Also the cell signal in this entire region is TERRIBLE. ATT is the worst offender but Verizon is a close second. In many places downtown I had ZERO signal and driving there/home there was an hour and a half span where I had nothing - I expect that driving through the Chattahoochee Forest but not on main roads.
Thank you to everyone I met and talked to and interacted with my daughter when she was chucking her Marvel super heroes into the pool. :D

GO Battle League Season 15 is upon us, and along with it, our now-customary move rebalance! What's new, what's improved, what's good, bad, or ugly coming out the other side? Let's dive right in and see!
As per usual, Niantic has made us wait until the 11th hour for information on this coming season. (Thanks, Niantic... love you too! 😝) As is NOT usual for them of late, the rebalance taking place at the start of this new GBL season is massive, with no less than thirty three Pokémon being directly affected. Needless to say, this is going to be a lengthy analysis, so let's just dive right into it, shall we?
A FAIR WIND, OR GALE FORCE WINDS? It might seem odd to lead off with a move given to only two new recipients, but CLEFABLE is no ordinary recipient. It has faded further and further into obscurity over time as other Fairies have risen up around it, having dropped out of the Top 5 Fairies in Ultra League and almost out of the Top 10 in Great League. It's still decently bulky, and still comes with the awesome Meteor Mash, which is not only cheaper than most charge moves found on various Charmers (that don't rhyme with "Aloe Van Pine Nails"), but is very widely unresisted and, critically in themed Cups where Clefable is eligible, super effective versus fellow Fairies, often delivering a knockout blow. The problem, of course, is that like other Charmers, you're unlikely to reach it in multiples, since Charm only generates a way below average 2.0 Energy Per Turn (EPT), tied for worst energy generation in the game. It also has Psychic for coverage, or Moonblast for big STAB damage, but the likelihood of reaching any of those in a critical spot is rather low since Charm is just SO slow to get there. So it has sat, languishing, as other interesting Charmers have come along and is now, at best, just part of a growing pack of similiar Pokémon.
That ALL changes with the addition of Fairy Wind and its 4.5 EPT. Not only does this allow it to finally break away from the pack and make its own unique mark, but it works REALLY well with its moves. Spamming a Meteor Mash every 6 seconds (or thanks to carryover energy, just 5 seconds between the second and third Mash) sounds pretty good to me! And indeed, as compared to Charm, you can see immediate improvement in Great League, with new wins against Noctowl (!!!), Azumarill, Froslass, Diggersby, Alolan Ninetales, and somehow even Fairy slayer Shadow Victreebel by slamming it with two Meteor Mashes. Even after all that, though, it remains underwater overall as far as win/loss record goes, though beating Medicham and Noctowl and all else that you'd expect of a good Fairy give it some great corebreaking potential.
For the eye-popping numbers, we actually turn to Ultra League, where Clef turns from this into this. Yes, that IS more than double its former win total (and a jump from under 30% winrate to now 60%!), with those new wins coming versus Walrein, A-Ninetales, Sylveon, Aurorus, Cobalion, Dubwool, Snorlax, Drapion, DDeoxys, and even resists-all-of-Clefable's-moves Escavalier! And if its relatively high XL cost is scaring you, fear not... you can build a hundo to 2499 CP and miss out only on Walrein and Greedent, for what that's worth. Put simply, Clefable is one of the biggest winners in this rebalance, moving from a previous rank of #145 in Open UL all the way up now to #28, with Tapu Fini being the only Fairy ranked higher!
More of a footnote is TOGETIC, which now also learns Fairy Wind, and boy did it need that. Previously having to rely on the mostly awful Hidden Power (in which case you usually had to hope to get lucky with Flying type H.P.) or the subpar Extrasensory, it was left looking quite pitiful. But now, at least it could be spice in the right meta, maybe.
WIGGLYTUFF did not get Fairy Wind, but it is receiving Disarming Voice, a move I've been wishing would be more widely distributed for years. A Fairy-type clone of moves like Psyshock, Magnet Bomb, and Foul Play, it's a more-than-passable move, and quietly the cheapest one that Fairy has available...15 less energy than Play Rough and Moonblast, and better Damage Per Energy {DPE} than the former. Anyway, seeing as Wigglytuff currently relies on Play Rough, Voice likely now slots in as its replacement for a little more shield pressure and new wins like Azumarill and Lickitung. The needle doesn't move too much, but the improvement is still appreciated!
PRIMARINA also gets Voice, but it doesn't really help it... yet. Prima IS a little underrated in Master League, where its Water typing is much more help (resisting Ice, Fire, Water) than hindrance (very little Grass and Electric around to exploit it). But it won't really take off until it also eventually gets Hydro Cannon... sometime in 2025? At that point, it will appreciate having cheap Disarming Voice alongside Cannon more, I think.
LONG STORY SHORT, Fairy Wind Clefable is one of those rather rare overnight sensations that could see an immediate usage spike in Ultra League and as a nice corebreaker in Great League (the pickup against Noctowl really pushing it over the top). It really appreciates the extra energy to spam charge moves, and has just enough variety between Meteor Mash, Psychic (the move!), and Moonblast to keep the opponent guessing and shielding when they really don't want to. The other Fairies with new toys (Togetic and Wigglytuff especially) appreciate small bumps in performance, but are unlikely to suddenly appear where they weren't already.
DRILL RUNNIN' 🔥 As with Fairy Wind, there are only two new recipients of Drill Run, but both are very interesting.
We'll start with ALOLAN SANDSLASH. It sees some play already in both Great (including the Shadow variant and Ultra Leagues, usually with former Community Day move Shadow Claw to give it a unique profile, and spammy Ice Punch and typically Bulldoze for coverage. Bulldoze has excellent coverage (primarily versus Rocks, Steels, and Fires that give A-Slash a lot of trouble otherwise), but isn't a very good move (60 energy for only 80 damage). Drill Run is a strict upgrade, dealing the same 80 Ground-type damage for only 45 energy, a big savings.
Looking simply at simulation numbers, Drill Run doesn't seem to be a great improvement in Great or Ultra, with just occasional new wins popping up like UL Scizor or GL Alolan Marowak in certain shielding scenarios. But this goes beyond the numbers. Those who already use and love A-Slash will greatly appreciate the extra pressure that comes with Drill Run, as it can now be sprung for just 5 more energy than Ice Punch, making each shielding decision that much sweatier for the opponent. Even without STAB, Drill Run still deals quite a bit more damage than Ice Punch versus neutral targets, so this isn't just for strict coverage either. In every way, this makes Alolan Sandslash better, and better at covering its backside. I think players that don't already use A-Slash may come to better appreciate and respect it now too, and perhaps not just in Limited metas!
Perhaps even more interesting (and, frankly, unexpected) is DEWGONG, the poor WateIce type that has NEVER had a move rebalance other than taking its two best moves (Ice Shard and Icy Wind) away. Niantic has finally given it a LOT of love in this update, with Drill Run providing new coverage, and new move Liquidation finally giving it a viable Water move too. (Water Pulse and Aqua Jet are both terrible, folks... so much so that I've always recommended Blizzard as Dewgong's second move. For example, did you know that it tends to lose to Alolan Marowak with super effective Pulse but actually wins with resisted Blizzard?!) Anyway, I do think you want to definitely keep Icy Wind, so then your choice becomes Drill Run to have a shot at things like Froslass, Toxicroak, Lanturn (with Water Gun), and the aforementioned Alolan Marowak, or Liquidation to better outrace Skarmory and Alolan Ninetales? Either way, you get things like Azumarill and Dunsparce now, and still beat things that don't show in those sims like Swampert and Sableye by remaining fully commited to Icy Wind spam. And while you don't see a lot of new Rock or Steel or Fire wins popping up, Drill Run especially gives them all serious pause, forcing them to shield where they really never had to worry about it much before. (Because, again, Water Pulse is awful.)
So not really a great case for Liquidation here, but this is at least a way to transition into covering that move more fully next!
LONG STORY SHORT, both Dewgong and Alolan Sandslash immediately get better (and get better coverage) with Drill Run in the mix. I think it will be their preferred secondary/closing move going forward, and both will see a bump in play.
LIQUIDATION... GOING OUT OF BUSINESS ALREADY? So about that new move Liquidation. It's a good if not fantastic move, an exact clone of Crunch... same cost (45 energy), damage (70), and potential debuff (30% chance to reduce the opponent's Defense). Not game breaking, but very, very solid.
But the real question is... do any of the things that recieve it really want it, and if so, do any of them notably improve in PvP?
I'm gonna save you some time (and me some characters!) by immediately pushing many of its recipients right off the raft.
I think CLOYSTER actually prefers to hold on to a big closer like Hydro Pump rather than Liquidation, preferring to soften things up with Icy Wind and then go in for the kill. Pass.
Similarly, all of the following prefer to keep existing movesets: SAMUROTT (Hydro Cannon/Megahorn), CARRACOSTA (Body Slam/Surf), BEARTIC (Ice Punch/Aqua Tail), EELEKTROSS (Dragon Claw/Crunch). All remain fringe at best.
VAPOREON basically views Liquidation as a sidegrade to existing Scald, though Liquidation is NOT Legacy as Scald is, so it's worth it for any Vapes that don't have its old Community Day move. But Vaporeon remains mostly on the outside looking in at better Water types in various Leagues. No real boost here.
GOLDUCK sees a slight bump with Liquidation, but remains just a spice play, at best.
There is a reason you have never seen FLOATZEL in PvP... it has terrible charge moves. Bad, bad moves like Swift and Aqua Jet, with Hydro Pump as a passable closer but stymied due to average-at-best energy gains from Water Gun or Waterfall. Liquidation is in some ways just what the doctor ordered, but uh... Floatzel still sinks in PvP.
ARMALDO remains a lost cause as well. If you want a GOOD Rocky Bug, use Crustle. If you want a spice one, go with the new Kleavor. If you want to just tank your ELO, THEN maybe consider Armaldo. That's about it though, even with the new move.
Man, quite a bummer, right? Decent move, but really nothing that gets it stands to benefit in a way that will impact PvP. So moving on then to... wait, what? I missed one? Oh... OH! So I did. And thankfully, we can end this section on a good note... because GOLISOPOD just became a bit more interesting.
Remember that when it was first released, it was a completely lost cause, with Fury Cutter, Metal Claw, and Waterfall as its clumsy fast moves, and underwhelming X-Scissor, **Aerial Ace, and somehow even worse Aqua Jet as its only charge moves. That left it in a very sad state. Eventually, it acquired Shadow Claw, which made it at least slightly interesting. And now comes the charge move it's been begging for, with Liquidation elevating it into spice territory, at the very least. Now you can potentially beat things like Charizard, Nidoqueen, Alolan Sandslash, Alolan Ninetales (Powder Snow), Talonflame, Cobalion, and Sylveon that you couldn't before, though even as bad as Aerial Ace is, giving it up means you generally now lose some Grasses like Venusaur and Virizion. Still though, things are looking up for Golisopod!
LONG STORY SHORT, while Liquidation is actually a nice addition to Water's arsenal (a clone of Crunch, including the debuff chance), the only thing that gets it initially that really looks to benefit is Golisopod. Stay tuned to what may get it down the road, though... most of its current recipients just have more problems than Liquidation alone can solve.
THE LEAF AGE BEGINS? Probably haven't seen Bullet Punch in PvP much, have you? Scizor and Metagross use it, and uh... that's about the extent of it. But it's actually a pretty good PvP fast move, with the average 3.0 Damage Per Turn (DPT) but above average energy generation (3.5 EPT). And now here comes Leafage, an exact clone of Bullet Punch for the Grass typing. The number of things that get it is quite a bit smaller than Liquidation (only three evolutionary lines), but I think this is a clear case of quality over quantity in Leafage's favor.
I could write an entire article on the injustices done to DECIDUEYE in Pokémon GO. All its interesting moves in MSG, and here it sits with underpowered Shadow Sneak, overpriced Energy Ball, and big but risky closer Brave Bird, and all locked behind low-energy Razor Leaf or arguably worst fast move in the game Astonish. #JusticeForDecidueye! While I do still hope for an eventual and LONG overdue buff to Astonish, for now the addition of Leafage should be a big help, right? Weeeeeeeell..... I mean, yes, it is most certainly better, and will become even a bit moreso when it eventually gets Frenzy Plant. But clearly, it's problems are not JUST the fast moves. Heck, pre-evolution DARTRIX (who has also been trapped behind Razor Leaf) even looks better than Deci in the here and now, thanks in large part to having Seed Bomb as a more workable second charge move to set up Brave Bird. It does seem that even though ROWLETT also gets Leafage, it may still prefer to keep existing Razor Leaf down in Little League, where Razor Leaf can admittedly be particularly dominant.
LURANTIS (and Little League pre-evolution FOMANTIS) operates nicely right now as sort of a Jack of all trades with Fury Cutter (and its Bug damage output) powering up Leaf Blade and Superpower (well, Grass Knot in Fomantis' case). Superpower allows for some nutty wins like Bastiodon, Galarian Stunfisk, and excecuted properly, even Registeel, clearly showing Lurantis' appeal. So does Leafage help or disrupt the good Lurantis has already got going? Eh, I think we're gonna call it a sidegrade, though a tasty one for sure. Lurantis does give up a couple things where the effectiveness of Fury Cutter wins the day (Cresselia, Shadow Victreebel) and loses a little speed, which flips Shadow Alolan Sandslash to a loss. (Luratnis cannot hit a Leaf Blade AND followon Superpower in time with Leafage like it can with Fury Cutter.) But Leafage is able to carve out new wins like Shadow Alolan Ninetales and Pelipper with superior neutral fast move damage (as opposed to resisted Bug damage), and also can outrace Walrein far more reliably. So not an upgrade, but a nice sidegrade like this can add some disruption into appropriate metas just fine.
Speaking of disruption, let's check out ABOMASNOW. Obviously it runs more as an Ice than a Grass, humming along nicely in multiple metas with Powder Snow and Weather Ball (Ice) and Energy Ball for a big Grass closer when the situation calls for it. And more than likely, it will mostly continue in that configuration moving forward. BUT, Leafage may be preferred in certain metas now, at least, and not just because it now slams the door on Water types (instead of sometimes merely scraping by with Powder Snow). In Great League, where ShadowBama is usually preferred, Powder Snow continues to shine out, but it's worth noting that while Leafage is an overall downgrade, most of the wins it gives up are versus Flyers (Altaria, Noctowl, Skarmory, Mandibuzz), with new losses to Umbreon and Venusaur as the most notable exceptions. Leafage DOES make some new key contributions like Powder Alolan Ninetales and Galarian Stunfisk that may come more to the fore in Limited metas with, say, fewer Flyers? Just saying. In Ultra League, the biggest knock against Leafage is that it drops the Giratinas (as compared to Powder Snow), but otherwise Leafage makes a pretty strong case with pickups of Poliwrath, Walrein, and Alolan Ninetales (with Powder Snow OR Charm). I think Leafage deserves some real consideration at Ultra League level!
LONG STORY SHORT, no huge improvements to be found with Leafage, but it does earn a rightful place as a robust sidegrade consideration for the Lurantis and Abomasnow lines (particularly with Ultra League Aboma). It's an upgrade for the Rowlett/Dartrix/Decidueye line, though Deci itself remains middling at best until it one day gets Frenzy Plant (or just some more synergistic charge moves in general!). Leafage SHOULD start popping up here and there in PvP soon, moreso than Liquidation likely will.
JUST A BRUSH FIRE, REALLY Honestly, I expected a number of things to get Mystical Fire after it recently entered the game, but for now, Niantic chose to distribute it to only two new Pokémon:
As I mentioned in my analysis on Mystical Fire back during Delphox Community Day, DRIFBLIM is an intriguing choice. Mystical Fire and existing Blim coverage move Icy Wind share the same stats aside from typing, so this is almost the very definition of sidegrade... against neutral targets they do the exact same thing, so it just comes down to effectiveness. If Blim is facing something burnable (like a Steel, Ice, or Bug type), it will prefer to have Mystical Fire. For things weak to Ice, like Flyers and Dragons and Grounds, obviously it will want to be packing Icy Wind instead. (Grasses are weak to both Fire and Ice, so usually no change there, aside from things like Abomasnow with a subtyping that favors one or the other... in that case, Mystical Fire is double super effective and Icy Wind is merely neutral.) I'm not going to bother with the sims, as they're close to indistinguishable at a high level, but I WILL note that Mystical Fire can potentially beat Galarian Stunfisk at Ultra League level, and more definitely beats G-Fisk AND A-Slash, Skarmory, and even Registeel at Great League level, none of which Icy Wind can realistically hope to replicate. (Its only standouts are things like Gliscor.) Yes, giving up Icy Wind means completely abandoning hope versus things like Ghost-resistant Pidgeot and especially Noctowl, but overall? I think Drifblim might be getting much hotter soon, in several senses of the word! 🔥
Not nearly as exciting, I admit, but note that LITWICK also gets Mystical Fire. It's really only for Little League use, and has been an interesting but lesser-used Fire type, falling behind things like Vulpix, Growlithe, and Tepig thanks to them having some good neutral coverage, while Litwick has been stuck with just Flame Charge and two other rather Fire charge moves. Mystical Fire slots in as a nearly straight upgrade with pickups that include Wynaut, Vullaby, Obstagoon (for LL Cups where it's allowed), and... Vulpix, regardless of which fast move 'Pix is using. Something to look forward to in the next Little League rotation!
LONG STORY SHORT, Mystical Fire IS likely the default coverage move of choice for Drifblim going forward, just because of the number of burnable things (as opposed to freezeable things) in its respective metas, Great League especially. Except to see Blim soar up a little higher than it has in a while. It's also a nice upgrade for Litwick, who should finally emerge as a true Fire contender in Little League formats.
ODDS AND ENDS Going to put everything else together in this last main section, but don't mistake that to mean they're less important... quite the contrary! Just doing this because these are all one-offs, as opposed to the changes above which directly affected multiple Pokémon recipients.
Before I dive into the specific move additions, let's briefly review the existing moves that are being buffed or nerfed in this update.
Icicle Spear - 60 power → 65 power. Obviously this only affects WALREIN (for now), and is obviously a strict upgrade, since the cost and all else remains the same, just more damage. Specifically, at a high level, I see Walrein picking up things like Skarmory and Umbreon (non-Shadow) and Trevenant, Pelipper, and Azumarill (Shadow) in Great League, and stuff like Shadow Alolan Ninetales and Virizion in Ultra League. So yeah... you didn't need me to tell you this was an improvement, but maybe that helps you decide how much of an improvement and whether you want to turn back to Wally if you ever turned away before. I'd say Great League in particular has reason to fear it a bit more again.
Poison Fang - 40 power → 45 power. More things affected by this than Icicle Spear, but obviously most of you just want to know about NIDOQUEEN, so in the interest of time and... well, interest, we'll just highlight her for now. Again, you don't need me to tell you this only makes things with Poison Fang better, but HOW much better? Honestly not too much changes in Great League (as far as straight wins a losses go, though this is undoubtedly scarier now!), but in Ultra League, I see new wins for Queen versus things like Charizard, Pidgeot, Cresselia, Dubwool, Obstagoon, AND Guzzlord, among others, so this is no small tweak! Might Nidoqueen be "back"? Only time will tell. Admittedly, what made it SO scary in the past was the cheaper cost of Poison Fang, and that hasn't changed, so I don't see it returning to full dominance like she once enjoyed. I also think she was treated rather harshly even before this buff... she didn't fall off quite as hard as many made it out to be. This will reveal that more fully... she's not so much "back" as much as I think she never really left. Also keep in mind things like GOLBAT/CROBAT and SALAZZLE/SALANDIT** that stand to benefit from this as well!
Rollout - 4 power → 5 power. So low power that I can tell you this won't be a big shift, but obviously it DOES help. DUNSPARCE picks up a potential win over Shadow Alolan Ninetales (hey, Rollout is super effective, so....), and MILTANK a new win versus Shadow Swampert, of all things, and sometimes (Water Gun) Lanturn when utilizing Ice Beam instead of my personal recommendation of Thunderbolt (which beats Lanturn as well). It tends to prefer Tackle in Ultra League, though newly buffed Rollout is MUCH improved now with new wins versus Cresselia, Drapion, Umbreon, Alolan Muk, AND Walrein. Perhaps Tackle won't be the default now? As for ALOLAN GOLEM, Volt Switch just remains a much better move in nearly every scenario and meta. Stick with that, I say, and get all the Rock damage you need from the charge moves instead. 🪨
Mud Bomb - 55 power → 60 power. The two big ones that come to mind are TOXICROAK and WHISCASH, the latter of which honestly needed a boost like this. However, this small a bump looks and feels like more of a "win more" where they already won more than anything. The only notable new win I see (at the high level this massive rebalance is demanding of little old me!) is Toxicroak versus Trevenant, though I think that's more due to Trevenant's nerf (which we'll get to in a moment) than Toxicroak's resisted Mud Bomb dealing a tiny bit more damage. (And upon further review, it may be neither of those and instead just come down to move timing.. but leaving Trevor in here as it's a good setup for later.) The big winner here is actually QUAGSIRE, who FINALLY gets a charge move cheaper than 55 energy to reach the same spam potential as its fellow Mud Boys. It's hard to show how this improves things in simulations, as they actually tend to favor Earthquake in many situations (such as in 1v1 shielding, where Quake shows additional wins against things like Azu, Sable, Swampert, and Umbreon), but the difference is more obvious when you go 2v2 shielding, and the extra spam of Mud Bomb shows out with new wins that include Froslass, Jellicent, Toxicroak, Shadow Alolan Ninetales, and Shadow Walrein. I actually don't know if this will actually bump up Quagsire's useage or not, though it's shot up about 60 slots to #15 in PvPoke's rankings. Not sure if that will match reality, but I DO think it's time to see if you have a good PvP Quag to perhaps take out for a spin and see. It certainly has some exciting new potential it's never had before!
Seed Bomb - 55 power → 60 power, Energy Cost Increased. The only thing on this list that's not a straight upgrade, getting the same damage boost as Mud Bomb but increased cost to go with it... mostly, I feel, as a backdoor way to bring Trevenant down a bit. (And indeed, PvPoke has dropped Trev 25 slots from #10 to #35 in Ultra League, and down nearly 70 slots in Great League from Top 10 to outside the Top 70!) I certainly don't think Trevor will be going away -- it still breaks several cores across multiple Leagues -- but this is undoubtedly a hit. In Great League, it looks like it's now at a disadvantage against things it used to be able to beat like Walrein, Talonflame, Alolan Marowak, Sableye, and even Toxicroak. The hit is a bit less severe in Ultra League (where it can hang in longer to somewhat compensate for the increased energy needed), but it does still lose former wins like Jellicent and the re-buffed Nidoqueen. Most of the rest of the collateral damage will be felt in Little League, where several notable things have Seed Bomb (like Bulbasaur, Exeggcute, Oddish, etc.). Note much of note in bigger Leagues, though it IS noteworthy that WHIMSICOTT is getting Seed Bomb for the first time. And yes, I think it DOES become the favorite in most circumstances over existing Grass Knot, despite the latter being a "better" move (50 energy for 90 damage) and using that to get a couple unique wins still like Diggersby and Lickitung, because Seed Bomb brings new bait potential to set up big Moonblast wins over Cresselia, Pelipper, Toxicroak, Vigoroth, and Trevenant. Not sure Whimsie is suddenly going to bust out in Open Great League or anything, but I think it's very safe to say it just became a bit scarier and more versatile in Limited metas for sure.
And there are all the actual move "rebalances". Now to wrap it up real quick with a final list of existing moves now assigned to new Pokémon!
PROBOPASS is in some ways similar to Defense Deoxys, in that it has long had three charge moves that seemed almost interchangeable in overall performance. Rock Slide is pretty standard for Probo, and most folks also run it with Thunderbolt, but it's so lackluster than even Magnet Bomb has always hung around as a viable alternative. Well that changes now, as its bulk allows it to make good use of new addition Zap Cannon. I think it and Rock Slide are the new standard, along with Spark to power them out, and that combo brings in new wins over Sableye and Umbreon, along with wider margins of victory over things it just scraped past before like Cresselia and Bastiodon. Probo used to escape them both with less than 10 HP, but now waddles away with quite a bit more than that. Not sure if this will send it up the charts (Bastiodon itself is still usually preferred), but it IS a more intriguing alternative now.
Speaking of funky Rock types, HEATRAN can learn Earth Power now! But uh... you still don't want it, sorry. At least give it Incinerate, Niantic... c'mon!
A MUCH more interesting Rock type is CRADILY, now getting some more speed with Rock Slide as a new alternative to Stone Edge. In my first blush analysis on the day of these many announced changes, I speculated that Cradily may want both Rock charge moves going forward, as it still beat things like Lanturn and even Swampert without needing Grass Knot. But in hindsight... nah, I think you want to instead just swap out Edge for Slide and be done with it. Keeping this short and sweet, here are some of my findings when comparing these side by side (by side): Grass Knot is absolutely needed to beat Diggersby, and is obviously the surest way to beat Waters and Ground (and/or Rock) types in general (including having ANY shot at beating up things like Galarian Stunfisk and Bastiodon). The raw power of Stone Edge is still the best way to punch out things like Alolan Ninetales, Lickitung, and Shadow Victreebel. But the speed of Rock Slide (10 less energy than Edge) adds the potential to now handle stuff like Cresselia, Alolan Marowak, Sableye, Venusaur, and most notably, Noctowl. That's right... Cradily now becomes a handy way to handle Lanturn AND Noctowl, among many others, and can also beat popular Sableye as well. Corebreaker potential on the rise. Dilly dilly!
Look, URSALUNA continues to disappoint and likely always will until it gets a better fast move than Tackle. I know it, you know it, basically everyone but Niantic (and maybe TPCi) knows it. But as I wrote when Luna was first released, Ice Punch at least gives it the most bite of the three main elemental Punches, and until now it was the only one Ursaluna could not learn. Now it can! That gives it a bit more reach in Master League (the one League where it currently has any real play at all) with all the Dragons already. Specifically, Ice Punch allows it to now consistently beat Garchomp and Landorus, so that's nice. But come on, Niantic. Give the people what they want!.
Let's be honest: the addition of Brutal Swing to the arsenal of TYRANITAR is more a cause of celebration for raiding than it is for PvP. (New top Dark type in PvE, I hear!) But yes, it DOES help in PvP too. Tyranitar has the size to work in Master League, but even with Brutal Swing, it's still an awkward fit. The one place I have seen it pop up here and there is actually in Great League, albeit in Limited metas only. While those opportunities are relatively rare, I am happy to report that Brutal Swing is a noted improvement over former best Crunch, adding on wins you would expect of a Dark type (Sableye, Cofagrigus, Jellicent) and a few you might not expect (Drapion, Toxapex, and finally it can beat Altaria!). Still more niche than meta, but at least it's an improving niche!
And finally, we come to humble little EMOLGA, and the first non-Community Day recipient of Acrobatics. Long-time (or even some short-time!) readers have surely seen me write many times about Aerial Ace. It's a passable move -- barely -- dealing 55 damage for 45 energy. Boooooring, but it usually works JUST enough to not be total trash. It's a move I would LOVE to see buffed a little at some point, but it's also a move currently assigned to a massive number of Pokémon, and unlikely to change unless Niantic wants to REALLY shake up PvP. And like way too many Pokémon, poor Emolga has long been stuck with dull old Ace as its only Flying move, leaving what should be an exciting option languishing in obscurity. But now, finally, this mighty mouse may be about to soar! Just look at the HUGE names it can now beat: Medicham. Lickitung. Sableye. Shadow Swampert. Trevenant. Shadow Alolan Ninetales. And Cresselia and even Froslass for good measure. Those are some really big names, folks. Did Emolga just go from being afterthought behind Zapdos to passing it completely? I think it may have! If, like me, you've been holding on to a good one and just biding your time... well, that time is now, my friend! ⚡
Speaking of time, though... it's up! The new season is here! So we're gonna wrap it up right here for now. I hope this was as helpful a read as it was LONG. 🙃
Until next time, you can find me on Twitter or Patreon. Or please feel free to comment here with your own thoughts or questions and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!
Stay safe out there, Pokéfriends. Best of luck this season, and catch you next time!

Guide available! Go here.
Series beginning is here.
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Once we had taken down the camp, I loaded the cart with the animal carcasses using my Hands of Air. While I was strong, there was no way I was lifting a female Dire Bear. Once our quarry was loaded onto the cart, I helped my Haarthuu friends up as well. They all situated themselves in the front seat, and I took my place behind the handle.
“Off we go!” I exclaimed and pushed off from the ground. It was difficult to get the cart rolling, but once I did, keeping it there wasn’t too much strain.
We continued in this way for about five hours, which is when we came to a hill that I would be unable to climb with the cart, and I doubted my companions would be much help. I had stopped and was leaning against the handle, breathing hard and heavily.
“Well, I can’t climb this, and I don’t have it in me to tunnel through. What should we do, Liss-ran?” I asked, panting.
Liss-ran sat there in a slight panic. “Um, I’m not sure. If there were Uror nearby, I’d say to convince one of them to help?”
I snapped my fingers. “That’s it! I’ll call Walter,” I said happily.
I closed my eyes and leaned on the cart.
“Walter?”
“Yeah, Boss? You okay? You sound beat.”
“I’m fine. Just kinda tired. Where are you located right now? I could use some help.”
“Yeah? Let’s see…. I’m about an hour or so away from where you are right now. What’s going on?”
“I’m pulling a cart through the woods back to Haruma. I’ve hit a hill that I can’t pull it over. It’s too loaded down, and I’m not strong enough.”
“Ah. I see. Well, I can be there in an hour. Or should I send someone else?”
“Well, this cart is narrower than the last. It may be a bit uncomfortable for you.”
“Okay. I can send a kid over to you. They’ll be able to carry you and pull the cart.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, boss. She’s on her way right now. From a different herd, so she can get to you faster.
“Okay. Should I give her some of my magic so she can communicate with me, or are you the only member I will be able to speak with? I don’t know how this all works.”
“Nah. Don’t worry about it. She’ll be able to understand you, and will take you home no sweat. If she decides to stick around, I might uhh… claim her. Have your woman try to bond with her.”
I laughed and let the matter drop. “Okay Walter. Thanks man. If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know. Oh. We’re leaving the week after last frost. Heading to Klearm. If you could meet us in Haruma beforehand, I’ll make sure you’re fed well and your coat is nice and shiny.”
“You got it, Boss! Looking forward to it!”
I pulled my Pack off, and removed a large piece of leather, as well as my tools. “Gonna need these in a few. We have a female Uror heading our way. I’m going to make a harness and a saddle for her once she gets here, and we will be on our way. Sound good?” I announced.
Four heads looked at one another, then at me. “How did you manage that, Ivor?” Liss-ran asked incredulously.
“Uh, I just reached out to Walter, the Uror that brought us here. Apparently when you bond yourself to a Uror, you can speak with them from great distances. He’s an hour away. The female should be here much quicker. She’s from a more local herd,” I explained. “I won’t be able to speak with her the same as I do Walter, but I was instructed to see if Elizabet would like to try and bond with her.” I concluded.
“Okaaayyy….. If you say so, Ivor. I guess we get to see a different Uror,” Liss-ran said, shaking her head.
I rested there, cutting some strips from the leather for makeshift reins, belts and straps. I also took the time to fashion buckles from the Duplicated knife blade I had in my Pack. About fifteen minutes after I had finished making those, a shaggy Uror trundled up and halted beside the cart. She snorted and stamped a paw on the ground, seemingly eager to get this over with.
“Hello, my lady! Thank you for answering Walter’s call to help us. I trust he has explained the situation to you?” I said to the shaggy beast.
She tossed her head twice, which I took as an affirmative. “Excellent. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to fit you for a harness so we can hitch you to the wagon. Would you mind if I got to work? I’ll do my best to make it as comfortable as possible. If it pinches or is uncomfortable, please snort twice,” I said, receiving another toss of her head.
I smiled and got to work, crafting the harness from memory and sizing it to fit the much smaller female. After a few mistakes, she and I fell into a routine, and I had the harness crafted in short order. Once I explained the concept of the saddle to her, I began the process of making that, with similar results. All in all, it took us the better part of an hour to finish the work.
“There we are. Hmm. You know, I can’t just call you ‘Uror’ or something like that. May I call you Lady?” I asked.
The shaggy beast was still for a moment, and then tossed her head twice. “Excellent, Lady! I am Ivor, and we are going to Haruma. I will direct you, if that’s okay?” Another head toss and she began to strain against the weight of the cart. I quickly climbed up, and we were off.
With the assistance of Lady, we made short work of the hill in front of us. I let her choose the pace, and we were slowly, but steadily, on our way to Haruma once more.
“Liss-ran? How long do you think we have until we get home?” I asked.
“At this rate?” she said, taking stock of our surroundings and pace. “We should be there around dinnertime, I’d say.”
“Awesome. Just in time to have some of Gon-rash’s amazing cooking. This day is getting better and better!” I said happily, shrugging my Pack back onto my shoulders.
We rode and chatted for another hour or so, and I saw how lifted everyone’s spirits were. Even Tren-sun was cracking jokes and smiling.
After an hour or so, Kilik-ma called out, “Hey Ivor. What kind of entertainment does your world have?”
“Entertainment? Well, we have books, plays, theater, dance, songs, musical bands, and a form of entertainment that absolutely doesn’t and hopefully will never exist on Chaia, television,” I said. “Why?”
“Well, Liss-ran was describing your music to me when we were hunting, and I was curious to hear some.”
“Oh. Well, that device is back in Haruma, actually. I left it with Elizabet for safe-keeping, so I can’t use it right now to show you my music,” I said regretfully.
“Oh. Okay,” Tren-sun said, sounding dejected.
“But I’m feeling pretty good, so how about I sing a song for you?” I ventured.
Four voices replied in the affirmative, and even Lady tossed her head. Looks like I was committed. I racked my brain, trying to think of a decent one that I actually knew all the lyrics to, when a shiver ran through me. That’s it! I took a deep breath and began…
“Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?....” My rich baritone rang out through the forest, echoing off the trees and the mountain beside us.
As I was atop Lady and had my eyes closed, I was naturally unable to see the stunned reactions on the faces of my companions, as I was also facing away from them.
As I sang, the very air around us changed. The scent of snow that I had grown accustomed to had multiplied, finally depositing its bounty of crystalline glory across the entirety of the forest. Unnoticed by me, some of the buckles had been Duplicated, and now hung on the reins as small tinkling bells.
A smattering of small, blue birds had taken flight shortly after I began, wheeling their way south. The Haarthuu watched, openmouthed, as they took flight, as there had been no birds in those trees before.
Feeling joy course through my core, I opened my eyes to a forest covered in a blanket of fluffy snow. I continued, nearly trancelike, with my song, seeing the images from my mind’s eye blossom into being in a clearing to our left.
Two people made of snow, resembling myself and Elizabet, were building another snowman, giving him a defined beard and a book. These snowy puppets acted out the lyrics to the song I was singing, bowing and dancing about.
The scene shifted, and there was a fireplace made of snow, complete with dancing flames made of snow within. Two puppets, easily the size of a dire bear, pantomimed speaking and were then covered by a snowy blanket.
Once more, we saw an empty field, with the same three puppets from before. They danced and glided about the field, “speaking” to the snow-preacher.
As my song concluded, we saw the two puppets walking arm-in-arm beside the cart, and then they collapsed into a pile of wet snow once I closed my mouth.
As I came back to my senses, I realized I was sweating profusely, and my stomach was protesting loudly.
“Ivor. What. Did. You. Just. Do?” Liss-ran asked breathlessly.
I sat there, panting. Trembling, I reached into my coat for the jerky that I had taken to keeping there. I began stuffing piece after piece into my starving gullet, trying to stave off the unconsciousness that loomed on my horizon. I swallowed more and more of the meat, my mouth eventually going dry. I slung my Pack to the front, and pulled out the pitcher and drank deeply of its cool bounty.
My thirst slaked, my hunger staved off for the moment, I turned and looked at Liss-ran.
“I have no idea. It looks like I can’t be singing things like that. I hope I haven’t royally mucked up the weather…” I said in a shaky voice.
“Was that the Ancient Tongue?” asked Piri-thak.
“Huh?”
“Ivor, we couldn’t understand a word of that. Are you telling me that you didn’t realize you were singing in the Ancient Tongue?” Liss-ran asked gently.
Realization hit me like a truck. I sang the weather into existence. It was effortless and easy. I didn’t even register that I was doing so until after I was done and the shakes hit. What’s more, I sang what I saw in my head into existence. All the images I would see when I heard that song manifested in this world as snowy puppets and props. Even the bells that were on the harness were exactly as my mind’s eye saw them. I could only guess that I may have created a new species of bird. I felt mortified.
“No… I had no idea I wasn’t singing in your language. Well. Now to deal with the fallout. Is this the normal time the snows would begin, Liss-ran?” I asked quietly.
“Thankfully, yes. It’s a week early, but nothing too far out of the ordinary. I wouldn’t worry too much about altering the weather. Those birds, though. That may be a different story. There _were _only twenty or so,” she replied.
I nodded and closed my mouth. This was a new lesson, and one that I needed to ensure stayed present in my mind. I zipped my coat up against the wind, and Lady trudged on.
As the skies darkened, we could see the main road that led into our home. Kilik-ma jumped down and raced ahead, probably to let the village know we were back a little early.
About ten minutes after he left, we had a throng of people rushing out to meet us. At the forefront were Elizabet, Talah-ma’at and our boys.
“Hi everyone! We’re a little early, I know. We’ve got some goodies in the back of the wagon, and a lot more in my Pack. Let’s get Lady into the city, and we’ll unload everything, okay?” I called out.
The crowd of maybe thirty individuals parted and walked beside us like an honor guard, leading the Uror into the central hall of Haruma. Once inside, I called the gentle beast to a halt, and dismounted. I unhooked her from the cart and began to remove her harness when she snorted twice.
“Lady? Is something the matter?”
The Uror walked out of the twin shafts of the cart and turned to face us. Or, more specifically, she faced Elizabet. She looked directly at her and tossed her head.
“Present your magic to her, Elizabet. See if she’ll take it,” I said softly.
Slowly, Elizabet raised a trembling hand and a small, iron-gray sphere rose from her palm and hovered four inches above it. She approached the shaggy beast with her outstretched hand, and waited.
Lady stepped forward and gently plucked the sphere from Elizabet with a delicate tongue. She stood there chewing on it for a moment, and it was then that I heard Elizabet gasp.
“She said her name is Lola. And that she’ll follow us wherever we go. And that you…” she trailed off and turned to stare at me with an arched brow. In a low, dangerous tone she said, “What. Did. You. Do?”
I knew that tone. I sighed and shook my head. “Thanks, Lola. I was going to get around to that shortly.” I said in a wry voice. I looked Elizabet in the eye. “I appear to be able to control the weather to a degree. I don’t know to what extent it goes, but…. I sang a song into existence,” I said, defeated.
Elizabet looked confused. “You… Wait, you can sing?”
Liss-ran piped up. “His voice is rich and deep, too! It was nice,” she said with a little giggle.
“And loud. He has some lung power, he does,” Tren-sun added.
“Does anybody else wish to make her even more upset with me than she already is?” I asked in a loud, exasperated tone. “No? Thank you.”
“Try it again, Ivor. Tell me what you did,” Elizabet said firmly, crossing her arms beneath her prodigious chest.
“Yes, genius. Tell us what wonder you pulled out of your ass this time,” Blainaut said, coming up from behind Elizabet.
“Oh, gods. Not again,” I said, hanging my head.
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Master List

Once we had taken down the camp, I loaded the cart with the animal carcasses using my Hands of Air. While I was strong, there was no way I was lifting a female Dire Bear. Once our quarry was loaded onto the cart, I helped my Haarthuu friends up as well. They all situated themselves in the front seat, and I took my place behind the handle.
“Off we go!” I exclaimed and pushed off from the ground. It was difficult to get the cart rolling, but once I did, keeping it there wasn’t too much strain.
We continued in this way for about five hours, which is when we came to a hill that I would be unable to climb with the cart, and I doubted my companions would be much help. I had stopped and was leaning against the handle, breathing hard and heavily.
“Well, I can’t climb this, and I don’t have it in me to tunnel through. What should we do, Liss-ran?” I asked, panting.
Liss-ran sat there in a slight panic. “Um, I’m not sure. If there were Uror nearby, I’d say to convince one of them to help?”
I snapped my fingers. “That’s it! I’ll call Walter,” I said happily.
I closed my eyes and leaned on the cart.
“Walter?”
“Yeah, Boss? You okay? You sound beat.”
“I’m fine. Just kinda tired. Where are you located right now? I could use some help.”
“Yeah? Let’s see…. I’m about an hour or so away from where you are right now. What’s going on?”
“I’m pulling a cart through the woods back to Haruma. I’ve hit a hill that I can’t pull it over. It’s too loaded down, and I’m not strong enough.”
“Ah. I see. Well, I can be there in an hour. Or should I send someone else?”
“Well, this cart is narrower than the last. It may be a bit uncomfortable for you.”
“Okay. I can send a kid over to you. They’ll be able to carry you and pull the cart.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, boss. She’s on her way right now. From a different herd, so she can get to you faster.
“Okay. Should I give her some of my magic so she can communicate with me, or are you the only member I will be able to speak with? I don’t know how this all works.”
“Nah. Don’t worry about it. She’ll be able to understand you, and will take you home no sweat. If she decides to stick around, I might uhh… claim her. Have your woman try to bond with her.”
I laughed and let the matter drop. “Okay Walter. Thanks man. If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know. Oh. We’re leaving the week after last frost. Heading to Klearm. If you could meet us in Haruma beforehand, I’ll make sure you’re fed well and your coat is nice and shiny.”
“You got it, Boss! Looking forward to it!”
I pulled my Pack off, and removed a large piece of leather, as well as my tools. “Gonna need these in a few. We have a female Uror heading our way. I’m going to make a harness and a saddle for her once she gets here, and we will be on our way. Sound good?” I announced.
Four heads looked at one another, then at me. “How did you manage that, Ivor?” Liss-ran asked incredulously.
“Uh, I just reached out to Walter, the Uror that brought us here. Apparently when you bond yourself to a Uror, you can speak with them from great distances. He’s an hour away. The female should be here much quicker. She’s from a more local herd,” I explained. “I won’t be able to speak with her the same as I do Walter, but I was instructed to see if Elizabet would like to try and bond with her.” I concluded.
“Okaaayyy….. If you say so, Ivor. I guess we get to see a different Uror,” Liss-ran said, shaking her head.
I rested there, cutting some strips from the leather for makeshift reins, belts and straps. I also took the time to fashion buckles from the Duplicated knife blade I had in my Pack. About fifteen minutes after I had finished making those, a shaggy Uror trundled up and halted beside the cart. She snorted and stamped a paw on the ground, seemingly eager to get this over with.
“Hello, my lady! Thank you for answering Walter’s call to help us. I trust he has explained the situation to you?” I said to the shaggy beast.
She tossed her head twice, which I took as an affirmative. “Excellent. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to fit you for a harness so we can hitch you to the wagon. Would you mind if I got to work? I’ll do my best to make it as comfortable as possible. If it pinches or is uncomfortable, please snort twice,” I said, receiving another toss of her head.
I smiled and got to work, crafting the harness from memory and sizing it to fit the much smaller female. After a few mistakes, she and I fell into a routine, and I had the harness crafted in short order. Once I explained the concept of the saddle to her, I began the process of making that, with similar results. All in all, it took us the better part of an hour to finish the work.
“There we are. Hmm. You know, I can’t just call you ‘Uror’ or something like that. May I call you Lady?” I asked.
The shaggy beast was still for a moment, and then tossed her head twice. “Excellent, Lady! I am Ivor, and we are going to Haruma. I will direct you, if that’s okay?” Another head toss and she began to strain against the weight of the cart. I quickly climbed up, and we were off.
With the assistance of Lady, we made short work of the hill in front of us. I let her choose the pace, and we were slowly, but steadily, on our way to Haruma once more.
“Liss-ran? How long do you think we have until we get home?” I asked.
“At this rate?” she said, taking stock of our surroundings and pace. “We should be there around dinnertime, I’d say.”
“Awesome. Just in time to have some of Gon-rash’s amazing cooking. This day is getting better and better!” I said happily, shrugging my Pack back onto my shoulders.
We rode and chatted for another hour or so, and I saw how lifted everyone’s spirits were. Even Tren-sun was cracking jokes and smiling.
After an hour or so, Kilik-ma called out, “Hey Ivor. What kind of entertainment does your world have?”
“Entertainment? Well, we have books, plays, theater, dance, songs, musical bands, and a form of entertainment that absolutely doesn’t and hopefully will never exist on Chaia, television,” I said. “Why?”
“Well, Liss-ran was describing your music to me when we were hunting, and I was curious to hear some.”
“Oh. Well, that device is back in Haruma, actually. I left it with Elizabet for safe-keeping, so I can’t use it right now to show you my music,” I said regretfully.
“Oh. Okay,” Tren-sun said, sounding dejected.
“But I’m feeling pretty good, so how about I sing a song for you?” I ventured.
Four voices replied in the affirmative, and even Lady tossed her head. Looks like I was committed. I racked my brain, trying to think of a decent one that I actually knew all the lyrics to, when a shiver ran through me. That’s it! I took a deep breath and began…
“Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?....” My rich baritone rang out through the forest, echoing off the trees and the mountain beside us.
As I was atop Lady and had my eyes closed, I was naturally unable to see the stunned reactions on the faces of my companions, as I was also facing away from them.
As I sang, the very air around us changed. The scent of snow that I had grown accustomed to had multiplied, finally depositing its bounty of crystalline glory across the entirety of the forest. Unnoticed by me, some of the buckles had been Duplicated, and now hung on the reins as small tinkling bells.
A smattering of small, blue birds had taken flight shortly after I began, wheeling their way south. The Haarthuu watched, openmouthed, as they took flight, as there had been no birds in those trees before.
Feeling joy course through my core, I opened my eyes to a forest covered in a blanket of fluffy snow. I continued, nearly trancelike, with my song, seeing the images from my mind’s eye blossom into being in a clearing to our left.
Two people made of snow, resembling myself and Elizabet, were building another snowman, giving him a defined beard and a book. These snowy puppets acted out the lyrics to the song I was singing, bowing and dancing about.
The scene shifted, and there was a fireplace made of snow, complete with dancing flames made of snow within. Two puppets, easily the size of a dire bear, pantomimed speaking and were then covered by a snowy blanket.
Once more, we saw an empty field, with the same three puppets from before. They danced and glided about the field, “speaking” to the snow-preacher.
As my song concluded, we saw the two puppets walking arm-in-arm beside the cart, and then they collapsed into a pile of wet snow once I closed my mouth.
As I came back to my senses, I realized I was sweating profusely, and my stomach was protesting loudly.
“Ivor. What. Did. You. Just. Do?” Liss-ran asked breathlessly.
I sat there, panting. Trembling, I reached into my coat for the jerky that I had taken to keeping there. I began stuffing piece after piece into my starving gullet, trying to stave off the unconsciousness that loomed on my horizon. I swallowed more and more of the meat, my mouth eventually going dry. I slung my Pack to the front, and pulled out the pitcher and drank deeply of its cool bounty.
My thirst slaked, my hunger staved off for the moment, I turned and looked at Liss-ran.
“I have no idea. It looks like I can’t be singing things like that. I hope I haven’t royally mucked up the weather…” I said in a shaky voice.
“Was that the Ancient Tongue?” asked Piri-thak.
“Huh?”
“Ivor, we couldn’t understand a word of that. Are you telling me that you didn’t realize you were singing in the Ancient Tongue?” Liss-ran asked gently.
Realization hit me like a truck. I sang the weather into existence. It was effortless and easy. I didn’t even register that I was doing so until after I was done and the shakes hit. What’s more, I sang what I saw in my head into existence. All the images I would see when I heard that song manifested in this world as snowy puppets and props. Even the bells that were on the harness were exactly as my mind’s eye saw them. I could only guess that I may have created a new species of bird. I felt mortified.
“No… I had no idea I wasn’t singing in your language. Well. Now to deal with the fallout. Is this the normal time the snows would begin, Liss-ran?” I asked quietly.
“Thankfully, yes. It’s a week early, but nothing too far out of the ordinary. I wouldn’t worry too much about altering the weather. Those birds, though. That may be a different story. There were only twenty or so,” she replied.
I nodded and closed my mouth. This was a new lesson, and one that I needed to ensure stayed present in my mind. I zipped my coat up against the wind, and Lady trudged on.
As the skies darkened, we could see the main road that led into our home. Kilik-ma jumped down and raced ahead, probably to let the village know we were back a little early.
About ten minutes after he left, we had a throng of people rushing out to meet us. At the forefront were Elizabet, Talah-ma’at and our boys.
“Hi everyone! We’re a little early, I know. We’ve got some goodies in the back of the wagon, and a lot more in my Pack. Let’s get Lady into the city, and we’ll unload everything, okay?” I called out.
The crowd of maybe thirty individuals parted and walked beside us like an honor guard, leading the Uror into the central hall of Haruma. Once inside, I called the gentle beast to a halt, and dismounted. I unhooked her from the cart and began to remove her harness when she snorted twice.
“Lady? Is something the matter?”
The Uror walked out of the twin shafts of the cart and turned to face us. Or, more specifically, she faced Elizabet. She looked directly at her and tossed her head.
“Present your magic to her, Elizabet. See if she’ll take it,” I said softly.
Slowly, Elizabet raised a trembling hand and a small, iron-gray sphere rose from her palm and hovered four inches above it. She approached the shaggy beast with her outstretched hand, and waited.
Lady stepped forward and gently plucked the sphere from Elizabet with a delicate tongue. She stood there chewing on it for a moment, and it was then that I heard Elizabet gasp.
“She said her name is Lola. And that she’ll follow us wherever we go. And that you…” she trailed off and turned to stare at me with an arched brow. In a low, dangerous tone she said, “What. Did. You. Do?”
I knew that tone. I sighed and shook my head. “Thanks, Lola. I was going to get around to that shortly.” I said in a wry voice. I looked Elizabet in the eye. “I appear to be able to control the weather to a degree. I don’t know to what extent it goes, but…. I sang a song into existence,” I said, defeated.
Elizabet looked confused. “You… Wait, you can sing?”
Liss-ran piped up. “His voice is rich and deep, too! It was nice,” she said with a little giggle.
“And loud. He has some lung power, he does,” Tren-sun added.
“Does anybody else wish to make her even more upset with me than she already is?” I asked in a loud, exasperated tone. “No? Thank you.”
“Try it again, Ivor. Tell me what you did,” Elizabet said firmly, crossing her arms beneath her prodigious chest.
“Yes, genius. Tell us what wonder you pulled out of your ass this time,” Blainaut said, coming up from behind Elizabet.
“Oh, gods. Not again,” I said, hanging my head.

I'm looking to buy my first bike. I'm rather confident that I will stick to it, but I'm also not able to splurge too much on any new hobby at the moment. Hoping to spend around $500. I'm in Houston TX, so whatever kind of trail/off-road riding that can offer - not mountains, I know. I'm 5'11.5", 180lbs. Pretty set on 29er hardtail. I've scoured resale pages and have some options saved, as well as talked to some LBS about what I might be able to get new. I'm indifferent on whether I buy new or used, just want a good deal.
Here are some used options, some of which I have no idea the year or maybe even specific model due to the seller not specifying, in some cases I've asked others I haven't or they don't know.
2020 Trek marlin 6 - 29er Large
Specialized Rockhopper - Looks to be an older model with cables not routed in the tube.
Diamondback Overdrive Comp 29er - 20" Large - again somewhat older. Has 3x10 which I only see associated with like 2012?
2013 Trek Mamba - 29er Large - front brake line needs repair.
2021 Giant Talon 5 - 29er Large
New:
Haro Double Peak Sport
Golden Cycles Grizzly
Any insight is appreciated...

GO Battle League Season 15 is upon us, and along with it, our now-customary move rebalance! What's new, what's improved, what's good, bad, or ugly coming out the other side? Let's dive right in and see!
As per usual, Niantic has made us wait until the 11th hour for information on this coming season. (Thanks, Niantic... love you too! 😝) As is NOT usual for them of late, the rebalance taking place at the start of this new GBL season is massive, with no less than thirty three Pokémon being directly affected. Needless to say, this is going to be a lengthy analysis, so let's just dive right into it, shall we?

A FAIR WIND, OR GALE FORCE WINDS?

It might seem odd to lead off with a move given to only two new recipients, but CLEFABLE is no ordinary recipient. It has faded further and further into obscurity over time as other Fairies have risen up around it, having dropped out of the Top 5 Fairies in Ultra League and almost out of the Top 10 in Great League. It's still decently bulky, and still comes with the awesome Meteor Mash, which is not only cheaper than most charge moves found on various Charmers (that don't rhyme with "Aloe Van Pine Nails"), but is very widely unresisted and, critically in themed Cups where Clefable is eligible, super effective versus fellow Fairies, often delivering a knockout blow. The problem, of course, is that like other Charmers, you're unlikely to reach it in multiples, since Charm only generates a way below average 2.0 Energy Per Turn (EPT), tied for worst energy generation in the game. It also has Psychic for coverage, or Moonblast for big STAB damage, but the likelihood of reaching any of those in a critical spot is rather low since Charm is just SO slow to get there. So it has sat, languishing, as other interesting Charmers have come along and is now, at best, just part of a growing pack of similiar Pokémon.
That ALL changes with the addition of Fairy Wind and its 4.5 EPT. Not only does this allow it to finally break away from the pack and make its own unique mark, but it works REALLY well with its moves. Spamming a Meteor Mash every 6 seconds (or thanks to carryover energy, just 5 seconds between the second and third Mash) sounds pretty good to me! And indeed, as compared to Charm, you can see immediate improvement in Great League, with new wins against Noctowl (!!!), Azumarill, Froslass, Diggersby, Alolan Ninetales, and somehow even Fairy slayer Shadow Victreebel by slamming it with two Meteor Mashes. Even after all that, though, it remains underwater overall as far as win/loss record goes, though beating Medicham and Noctowl and all else that you'd expect of a good Fairy give it some great corebreaking potential.
For the eye-popping numbers, we actually turn to Ultra League, where Clef turns from this into this. Yes, that IS more than double its former win total (and a jump from under 30% winrate to now 60%!), with those new wins coming versus Walrein, A-Ninetales, Sylveon, Aurorus, Cobalion, Dubwool, Snorlax, Drapion, DDeoxys, and even resists-all-of-Clefable's-moves Escavalier! And if its relatively high XL cost is scaring you, fear not... you can build a hundo to 2499 CP and miss out only on Walrein and Greedent, for what that's worth. Put simply, Clefable is one of the biggest winners in this rebalance, moving from a previous rank of #145 in Open UL all the way up now to #28, with Tapu Fini being the only Fairy ranked higher!

• More of a footnote is TOGETIC, which now also learns Fairy Wind, and boy did it need that. Previously having to rely on the mostly awful Hidden Power (in which case you usually had to hope to get lucky with Flying type H.P.) or the subpar Extrasensory, it was left looking quite pitiful. But now, at least it could be spice in the right meta, maybe.
  
• WIGGLYTUFF did not get Fairy Wind, but it is receiving Disarming Voice, a move I've been wishing would be more widely distributed for years. A Fairy-type clone of moves like Psyshock, Magnet Bomb, and Foul Play, it's a more-than-passable move, and quietly the cheapest one that Fairy has available...15 less energy than Play Rough and Moonblast, and better Damage Per Energy {DPE} than the former. Anyway, seeing as Wigglytuff currently relies on Play Rough, Voice likely now slots in as its replacement for a little more shield pressure and new wins like Azumarill and Lickitung. The needle doesn't move too much, but the improvement is still appreciated!
  
• PRIMARINA also gets Voice, but it doesn't really help it... yet. Prima IS a little underrated in Master League, where its Water typing is much more help (resisting Ice, Fire, Water) than hindrance (very little Grass and Electric around to exploit it). But it won't really take off until it also eventually gets Hydro Cannon... sometime in 2025? At that point, it will appreciate having cheap Disarming Voice alongside Cannon more, I think.
  

LONG STORY SHORT, Fairy Wind Clefable is one of those rather rare overnight sensations that could see an immediate usage spike in Ultra League and as a nice corebreaker in Great League (the pickup against Noctowl really pushing it over the top). It really appreciates the extra energy to spam charge moves, and has just enough variety between Meteor Mash, Psychic (the move!), and Moonblast to keep the opponent guessing and shielding when they really don't want to. The other Fairies with new toys (Togetic and Wigglytuff especially) appreciate small bumps in performance, but are unlikely to suddenly appear where they weren't already.

DRILL RUNNIN' 🔥

As with Fairy Wind, there are only two new recipients of Drill Run, but both are very interesting.
We'll start with ALOLAN SANDSLASH. It sees some play already in both Great (including the Shadow variant and Ultra Leagues, usually with former Community Day move Shadow Claw to give it a unique profile, and spammy Ice Punch and typically Bulldoze for coverage. Bulldoze has excellent coverage (primarily versus Rocks, Steels, and Fires that give A-Slash a lot of trouble otherwise), but isn't a very good move (60 energy for only 80 damage). Drill Run is a strict upgrade, dealing the same 80 Ground-type damage for only 45 energy, a big savings.
Looking simply at simulation numbers, Drill Run doesn't seem to be a great improvement in Great or Ultra, with just occasional new wins popping up like UL Scizor or GL Alolan Marowak in certain shielding scenarios. But this goes beyond the numbers. Those who already use and love A-Slash will greatly appreciate the extra pressure that comes with Drill Run, as it can now be sprung for just 5 more energy than Ice Punch, making each shielding decision that much sweatier for the opponent. Even without STAB, Drill Run still deals quite a bit more damage than Ice Punch versus neutral targets, so this isn't just for strict coverage either. In every way, this makes Alolan Sandslash better, and better at covering its backside. I think players that don't already use A-Slash may come to better appreciate and respect it now too, and perhaps not just in Limited metas!
Perhaps even more interesting (and, frankly, unexpected) is DEWGONG, the poor WateIce type that has NEVER had a move rebalance other than taking its two best moves (Ice Shard and Icy Wind) away. Niantic has finally given it a LOT of love in this update, with Drill Run providing new coverage, and new move Liquidation finally giving it a viable Water move too. (Water Pulse and Aqua Jet are both terrible, folks... so much so that I've always recommended Blizzard as Dewgong's second move. For example, did you know that it tends to lose to Alolan Marowak with super effective Pulse but actually wins with resisted Blizzard?!) Anyway, I do think you want to definitely keep Icy Wind, so then your choice becomes Drill Run to have a shot at things like Froslass, Toxicroak, Lanturn (with Water Gun), and the aforementioned Alolan Marowak, or Liquidation to better outrace Skarmory and Alolan Ninetales? Either way, you get things like Azumarill and Dunsparce now, and still beat things that don't show in those sims like Swampert and Sableye by remaining fully commited to Icy Wind spam. And while you don't see a lot of new Rock or Steel or Fire wins popping up, Drill Run especially gives them all serious pause, forcing them to shield where they really never had to worry about it much before. (Because, again, Water Pulse is awful.)
So not really a great case for Liquidation here, but this is at least a way to transition into covering that move more fully next!
LONG STORY SHORT, both Dewgong and Alolan Sandslash immediately get better (and get better coverage) with Drill Run in the mix. I think it will be their preferred secondary/closing move going forward, and both will see a bump in play.

LIQUIDATION... GOING OUT OF BUSINESS ALREADY?

So about that new move Liquidation. It's a good if not fantastic move, an exact clone of Crunch... same cost (45 energy), damage (70), and potential debuff (30% chance to reduce the opponent's Defense). Not game breaking, but very, very solid.
But the real question is... do any of the things that recieve it really want it, and if so, do any of them notably improve in PvP?
I'm gonna save you some time (and me some characters!) by immediately pushing many of its recipients right off the raft.

• I think CLOYSTER actually prefers to hold on to a big closer like Hydro Pump rather than Liquidation, preferring to soften things up with Icy Wind and then go in for the kill. Pass.
  
• Similarly, all of the following prefer to keep existing movesets: SAMUROTT (Hydro Cannon/Megahorn), CARRACOSTA (Body Slam/Surf), BEARTIC (Ice Punch/Aqua Tail), EELEKTROSS (Dragon Claw/Crunch). All remain fringe at best.
  
• VAPOREON basically views Liquidation as a sidegrade to existing Scald, though Liquidation is NOT Legacy as Scald is, so it's worth it for any Vapes that don't have its old Community Day move. But Vaporeon remains mostly on the outside looking in at better Water types in various Leagues. No real boost here.
  
• GOLDUCK sees a slight bump with Liquidation, but remains just a spice play, at best.
  
• There is a reason you have never seen FLOATZEL in PvP... it has terrible charge moves. Bad, bad moves like Swift and Aqua Jet, with Hydro Pump as a passable closer but stymied due to average-at-best energy gains from Water Gun or Waterfall. Liquidation is in some ways just what the doctor ordered, but uh... Floatzel still sinks in PvP.
  
• ARMALDO remains a lost cause as well. If you want a GOOD Rocky Bug, use Crustle. If you want a spice one, go with the new Kleavor. If you want to just tank your ELO, THEN maybe consider Armaldo. That's about it though, even with the new move.
  

Man, quite a bummer, right? Decent move, but really nothing that gets it stands to benefit in a way that will impact PvP. So moving on then to... wait, what? I missed one? Oh... OH! So I did. And thankfully, we can end this section on a good note... because GOLISOPOD just became a bit more interesting.
Remember that when it was first released, it was a completely lost cause, with Fury Cutter, Metal Claw, and Waterfall as its clumsy fast moves, and underwhelming X-Scissor, **Aerial Ace, and somehow even worse Aqua Jet as its only charge moves. That left it in a very sad state. Eventually, it acquired Shadow Claw, which made it at least slightly interesting. And now comes the charge move it's been begging for, with Liquidation elevating it into spice territory, at the very least. Now you can potentially beat things like Charizard, Nidoqueen, Alolan Sandslash, Alolan Ninetales (Powder Snow), Talonflame, Cobalion, and Sylveon that you couldn't before, though even as bad as Aerial Ace is, giving it up means you generally now lose some Grasses like Venusaur and Virizion. Still though, things are looking up for Golisopod!
LONG STORY SHORT, while Liquidation is actually a nice addition to Water's arsenal (a clone of Crunch, including the debuff chance), the only thing that gets it initially that really looks to benefit is Golisopod. Stay tuned to what may get it down the road, though... most of its current recipients just have more problems than Liquidation alone can solve.

THE LEAF AGE BEGINS?

Probably haven't seen Bullet Punch in PvP much, have you? Scizor and Metagross use it, and uh... that's about the extent of it. But it's actually a pretty good PvP fast move, with the average 3.0 Damage Per Turn (DPT) but above average energy generation (3.5 EPT). And now here comes Leafage, an exact clone of Bullet Punch for the Grass typing. The number of things that get it is quite a bit smaller than Liquidation (only three evolutionary lines), but I think this is a clear case of quality over quantity in Leafage's favor.

• I could write an entire article on the injustices done to DECIDUEYE in Pokémon GO. All its interesting moves in MSG, and here it sits with underpowered Shadow Sneak, overpriced Energy Ball, and big but risky closer Brave Bird, and all locked behind low-energy Razor Leaf or arguably worst fast move in the game Astonish. #JusticeForDecidueye! While I do still hope for an eventual and LONG overdue buff to Astonish, for now the addition of Leafage should be a big help, right? Weeeeeeeell..... I mean, yes, it is most certainly better, and will become even a bit moreso when it eventually gets Frenzy Plant. But clearly, it's problems are not JUST the fast moves. Heck, pre-evolution DARTRIX (who has also been trapped behind Razor Leaf) even looks better than Deci in the here and now, thanks in large part to having Seed Bomb as a more workable second charge move to set up Brave Bird. It does seem that even though ROWLETT also gets Leafage, it may still prefer to keep existing Razor Leaf down in Little League, where Razor Leaf can admittedly be particularly dominant.
  
• LURANTIS (and Little League pre-evolution FOMANTIS) operates nicely right now as sort of a Jack of all trades with Fury Cutter (and its Bug damage output) powering up Leaf Blade and Superpower (well, Grass Knot in Fomantis' case). Superpower allows for some nutty wins like Bastiodon, Galarian Stunfisk, and excecuted properly, even Registeel, clearly showing Lurantis' appeal. So does Leafage help or disrupt the good Lurantis has already got going? Eh, I think we're gonna call it a sidegrade, though a tasty one for sure. Lurantis does give up a couple things where the effectiveness of Fury Cutter wins the day (Cresselia, Shadow Victreebel) and loses a little speed, which flips Shadow Alolan Sandslash to a loss. (Luratnis cannot hit a Leaf Blade AND followon Superpower in time with Leafage like it can with Fury Cutter.) But Leafage is able to carve out new wins like Shadow Alolan Ninetales and Pelipper with superior neutral fast move damage (as opposed to resisted Bug damage), and also can outrace Walrein far more reliably. So not an upgrade, but a nice sidegrade like this can add some disruption into appropriate metas just fine.
  
• Speaking of disruption, let's check out ABOMASNOW. Obviously it runs more as an Ice than a Grass, humming along nicely in multiple metas with Powder Snow and Weather Ball (Ice) and Energy Ball for a big Grass closer when the situation calls for it. And more than likely, it will mostly continue in that configuration moving forward. BUT, Leafage may be preferred in certain metas now, at least, and not just because it now slams the door on Water types (instead of sometimes merely scraping by with Powder Snow). In Great League, where ShadowBama is usually preferred, Powder Snow continues to shine out, but it's worth noting that while Leafage is an overall downgrade, most of the wins it gives up are versus Flyers (Altaria, Noctowl, Skarmory, Mandibuzz), with new losses to Umbreon and Venusaur as the most notable exceptions. Leafage DOES make some new key contributions like Powder Alolan Ninetales and Galarian Stunfisk that may come more to the fore in Limited metas with, say, fewer Flyers? Just saying. In Ultra League, the biggest knock against Leafage is that it drops the Giratinas (as compared to Powder Snow), but otherwise Leafage makes a pretty strong case with pickups of Poliwrath, Walrein, and Alolan Ninetales (with Powder Snow OR Charm). I think Leafage deserves some real consideration at Ultra League level!
  

LONG STORY SHORT, no huge improvements to be found with Leafage, but it does earn a rightful place as a robust sidegrade consideration for the Lurantis and Abomasnow lines (particularly with Ultra League Aboma). It's an upgrade for the Rowlett/Dartrix/Decidueye line, though Deci itself remains middling at best until it one day gets Frenzy Plant (or just some more synergistic charge moves in general!). Leafage SHOULD start popping up here and there in PvP soon, moreso than Liquidation likely will.

JUST A BRUSH FIRE, REALLY

Honestly, I expected a number of things to get Mystical Fire after it recently entered the game, but for now, Niantic chose to distribute it to only two new Pokémon:

• As I mentioned in my analysis on Mystical Fire back during Delphox Community Day, DRIFBLIM is an intriguing choice. Mystical Fire and existing Blim coverage move Icy Wind share the same stats aside from typing, so this is almost the very definition of sidegrade... against neutral targets they do the exact same thing, so it just comes down to effectiveness. If Blim is facing something burnable (like a Steel, Ice, or Bug type), it will prefer to have Mystical Fire. For things weak to Ice, like Flyers and Dragons and Grounds, obviously it will want to be packing Icy Wind instead. (Grasses are weak to both Fire and Ice, so usually no change there, aside from things like Abomasnow with a subtyping that favors one or the other... in that case, Mystical Fire is double super effective and Icy Wind is merely neutral.) I'm not going to bother with the sims, as they're close to indistinguishable at a high level, but I WILL note that Mystical Fire can potentially beat Galarian Stunfisk at Ultra League level, and more definitely beats G-Fisk AND A-Slash, Skarmory, and even Registeel at Great League level, none of which Icy Wind can realistically hope to replicate. (Its only standouts are things like Gliscor.) Yes, giving up Icy Wind means completely abandoning hope versus things like Ghost-resistant Pidgeot and especially Noctowl, but overall? I think Drifblim might be getting much hotter soon, in several senses of the word! 🔥
  
• Not nearly as exciting, I admit, but note that LITWICK also gets Mystical Fire. It's really only for Little League use, and has been an interesting but lesser-used Fire type, falling behind things like Vulpix, Growlithe, and Tepig thanks to them having some good neutral coverage, while Litwick has been stuck with just Flame Charge and two other rather Fire charge moves. Mystical Fire slots in as a nearly straight upgrade with pickups that include Wynaut, Vullaby, Obstagoon (for LL Cups where it's allowed), and... Vulpix, regardless of which fast move 'Pix is using. Something to look forward to in the next Little League rotation!
  

LONG STORY SHORT, Mystical Fire IS likely the default coverage move of choice for Drifblim going forward, just because of the number of burnable things (as opposed to freezeable things) in its respective metas, Great League especially. Except to see Blim soar up a little higher than it has in a while. It's also a nice upgrade for Litwick, who should finally emerge as a true Fire contender in Little League formats.

ODDS AND ENDS

Going to put everything else together in this last main section, but don't mistake that to mean they're less important... quite the contrary! Just doing this because these are all one-offs, as opposed to the changes above which directly affected multiple Pokémon recipients.
Before I dive into the specific move additions, let's briefly review the existing moves that are being buffed or nerfed in this update.

• Icicle Spear - 60 power → 65 power. Obviously this only affects WALREIN (for now), and is obviously a strict upgrade, since the cost and all else remains the same, just more damage. Specifically, at a high level, I see Walrein picking up things like Skarmory and Umbreon (non-Shadow) and Trevenant, Pelipper, and Azumarill (Shadow) in Great League, and stuff like Shadow Alolan Ninetales and Virizion in Ultra League. So yeah... you didn't need me to tell you this was an improvement, but maybe that helps you decide how much of an improvement and whether you want to turn back to Wally if you ever turned away before. I'd say Great League in particular has reason to fear it a bit more again.
  
• Poison Fang - 40 power → 45 power. More things affected by this than Icicle Spear, but obviously most of you just want to know about NIDOQUEEN, so in the interest of time and... well, interest, we'll just highlight her for now. Again, you don't need me to tell you this only makes things with Poison Fang better, but HOW much better? Honestly not too much changes in Great League (as far as straight wins a losses go, though this is undoubtedly scarier now!), but in Ultra League, I see new wins for Queen versus things like Charizard, Pidgeot, Cresselia, Dubwool, Obstagoon, AND Guzzlord, among others, so this is no small tweak! Might Nidoqueen be "back"? Only time will tell. Admittedly, what made it SO scary in the past was the cheaper cost of Poison Fang, and that hasn't changed, so I don't see it returning to full dominance like she once enjoyed. I also think she was treated rather harshly even before this buff... she didn't fall off quite as hard as many made it out to be. This will reveal that more fully... she's not so much "back" as much as I think she never really left. Also keep in mind things like GOLBAT/CROBAT and SALAZZLE/SALANDIT** that stand to benefit from this as well!
  
• Rollout - 4 power → 5 power. So low power that I can tell you this won't be a big shift, but obviously it DOES help. DUNSPARCE picks up a potential win over Shadow Alolan Ninetales (hey, Rollout is super effective, so....), and MILTANK a new win versus Shadow Swampert, of all things, and sometimes (Water Gun) Lanturn when utilizing Ice Beam instead of my personal recommendation of Thunderbolt (which beats Lanturn as well). It tends to prefer Tackle in Ultra League, though newly buffed Rollout is MUCH improved now with new wins versus Cresselia, Drapion, Umbreon, Alolan Muk, AND Walrein. Perhaps Tackle won't be the default now? As for ALOLAN GOLEM, Volt Switch just remains a much better move in nearly every scenario and meta. Stick with that, I say, and get all the Rock damage you need from the charge moves instead. 🪨
  
• Mud Bomb - 55 power → 60 power. The two big ones that come to mind are TOXICROAK and WHISCASH, the latter of which honestly needed a boost like this. However, this small a bump looks and feels like more of a "win more" where they already won more than anything. The only notable new win I see (at the high level this massive rebalance is demanding of little old me!) is Toxicroak versus Trevenant, though I think that's more due to Trevenant's nerf (which we'll get to in a moment) than Toxicroak's resisted Mud Bomb dealing a tiny bit more damage. (And upon further review, it may be neither of those and instead just come down to move timing.. but leaving Trevor in here as it's a good setup for later.) The big winner here is actually QUAGSIRE, who FINALLY gets a charge move cheaper than 55 energy to reach the same spam potential as its fellow Mud Boys. It's hard to show how this improves things in simulations, as they actually tend to favor Earthquake in many situations (such as in 1v1 shielding, where Quake shows additional wins against things like Azu, Sable, Swampert, and Umbreon), but the difference is more obvious when you go 2v2 shielding, and the extra spam of Mud Bomb shows out with new wins that include Froslass, Jellicent, Toxicroak, Shadow Alolan Ninetales, and Shadow Walrein. I actually don't know if this will actually bump up Quagsire's useage or not, though it's shot up about 60 slots to #15 in PvPoke's rankings. Not sure if that will match reality, but I DO think it's time to see if you have a good PvP Quag to perhaps take out for a spin and see. It certainly has some exciting new potential it's never had before!
  
• Seed Bomb - 55 power → 60 power, Energy Cost Increased. The only thing on this list that's not a straight upgrade, getting the same damage boost as Mud Bomb but increased cost to go with it... mostly, I feel, as a backdoor way to bring Trevenant down a bit. (And indeed, PvPoke has dropped Trev 25 slots from #10 to #35 in Ultra League, and down nearly 70 slots in Great League from Top 10 to outside the Top 70!) I certainly don't think Trevor will be going away -- it still breaks several cores across multiple Leagues -- but this is undoubtedly a hit. In Great League, it looks like it's now at a disadvantage against things it used to be able to beat like Walrein, Talonflame, Alolan Marowak, Sableye, and even Toxicroak. The hit is a bit less severe in Ultra League (where it can hang in longer to somewhat compensate for the increased energy needed), but it does still lose former wins like Jellicent and the re-buffed Nidoqueen. Most of the rest of the collateral damage will be felt in Little League, where several notable things have Seed Bomb (like Bulbasaur, Exeggcute, Oddish, etc.). Note much of note in bigger Leagues, though it IS noteworthy that WHIMSICOTT is getting Seed Bomb for the first time. And yes, I think it DOES become the favorite in most circumstances over existing Grass Knot, despite the latter being a "better" move (50 energy for 90 damage) and using that to get a couple unique wins still like Diggersby and Lickitung, because Seed Bomb brings new bait potential to set up big Moonblast wins over Cresselia, Pelipper, Toxicroak, Vigoroth, and Trevenant. Not sure Whimsie is suddenly going to bust out in Open Great League or anything, but I think it's very safe to say it just became a bit scarier and more versatile in Limited metas for sure.
  

And there are all the actual move "rebalances". Now to wrap it up real quick with a final list of existing moves now assigned to new Pokémon!

• PROBOPASS is in some ways similar to Defense Deoxys, in that it has long had three charge moves that seemed almost interchangeable in overall performance. Rock Slide is pretty standard for Probo, and most folks also run it with Thunderbolt, but it's so lackluster than even Magnet Bomb has always hung around as a viable alternative. Well that changes now, as its bulk allows it to make good use of new addition Zap Cannon. I think it and Rock Slide are the new standard, along with Spark to power them out, and that combo brings in new wins over Sableye and Umbreon, along with wider margins of victory over things it just scraped past before like Cresselia and Bastiodon. Probo used to escape them both with less than 10 HP, but now waddles away with quite a bit more than that. Not sure if this will send it up the charts (Bastiodon itself is still usually preferred), but it IS a more intriguing alternative now.
  
• Speaking of funky Rock types, HEATRAN can learn Earth Power now! But uh... you still don't want it, sorry. At least give it Incinerate, Niantic... c'mon!
  
• A MUCH more interesting Rock type is CRADILY, now getting some more speed with Rock Slide as a new alternative to Stone Edge. In my first blush analysis on the day of these many announced changes, I speculated that Cradily may want both Rock charge moves going forward, as it still beat things like Lanturn and even Swampert without needing Grass Knot. But in hindsight... nah, I think you want to instead just swap out Edge for Slide and be done with it. Keeping this short and sweet, here are some of my findings when comparing these side by side (by side): Grass Knot is absolutely needed to beat Diggersby, and is obviously the surest way to beat Waters and Ground (and/or Rock) types in general (including having ANY shot at beating up things like Galarian Stunfisk and Bastiodon). The raw power of Stone Edge is still the best way to punch out things like Alolan Ninetales, Lickitung, and Shadow Victreebel. But the speed of Rock Slide (10 less energy than Edge) adds the potential to now handle stuff like Cresselia, Alolan Marowak, Sableye, Venusaur, and most notably, Noctowl. That's right... Cradily now becomes a handy way to handle Lanturn AND Noctowl, among many others, and can also beat popular Sableye as well. Corebreaker potential on the rise. Dilly dilly!
  
• Look, URSALUNA continues to disappoint and likely always will until it gets a better fast move than Tackle. I know it, you know it, basically everyone but Niantic (and maybe TPCi) knows it. But as I wrote when Luna was first released, Ice Punch at least gives it the most bite of the three main elemental Punches, and until now it was the only one Ursaluna could not learn. Now it can! That gives it a bit more reach in Master League (the one League where it currently has any real play at all) with all the Dragons already. Specifically, Ice Punch allows it to now consistently beat Garchomp and Landorus, so that's nice. But come on, Niantic. Give the people what they want!.
  
• Let's be honest: the addition of Brutal Swing to the arsenal of TYRANITAR is more a cause of celebration for raiding than it is for PvP. (New top Dark type in PvE, I hear!) But yes, it DOES help in PvP too. Tyranitar has the size to work in Master League, but even with Brutal Swing, it's still an awkward fit. The one place I have seen it pop up here and there is actually in Great League, albeit in Limited metas only. While those opportunities are relatively rare, I am happy to report that Brutal Swing is a noted improvement over former best Crunch, adding on wins you would expect of a Dark type (Sableye, Cofagrigus, Jellicent) and a few you might not expect (Drapion, Toxapex, and finally it can beat Altaria!). Still more niche than meta, but at least it's an improving niche!
  
• And finally, we come to humble little EMOLGA, and the first non-Community Day recipient of Acrobatics. Long-time (or even some short-time!) readers have surely seen me write many times about Aerial Ace. It's a passable move -- barely -- dealing 55 damage for 45 energy. Boooooring, but it usually works JUST enough to not be total trash. It's a move I would LOVE to see buffed a little at some point, but it's also a move currently assigned to a massive number of Pokémon, and unlikely to change unless Niantic wants to REALLY shake up PvP. And like way too many Pokémon, poor Emolga has long been stuck with dull old Ace as its only Flying move, leaving what should be an exciting option languishing in obscurity. But now, finally, this mighty mouse may be about to soar! Just look at the HUGE names it can now beat: Medicham. Lickitung. Sableye. Shadow Swampert. Trevenant. Shadow Alolan Ninetales. And Cresselia and even Froslass for good measure. Those are some really big names, folks. Did Emolga just go from being afterthought behind Zapdos to passing it completely? I think it may have! If, like me, you've been holding on to a good one and just biding your time... well, that time is now, my friend! ⚡
  

Speaking of time, though... it's up! The new season is here! So we're gonna wrap it up right here for now. I hope this was as helpful a read as it was LONG. 🙃
Until next time, you can find me on Twitter or Patreon. Or please feel free to comment here with your own thoughts or questions and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!
Stay safe out there, Pokéfriends. Best of luck this season, and catch you next time!

GO Battle League Season 15 is upon us, and along with it, our now-customary move rebalance! What's new, what's improved, what's good, bad, or ugly coming out the other side? Let's dive right in and see!
As per usual, Niantic has made us wait until the 11th hour for information on this coming season. (Thanks, Niantic... love you too! 😝) As is NOT usual for them of late, the rebalance taking place at the start of this new GBL season is massive, with no less than thirty three Pokémon being directly affected. Needless to say, this is going to be a lengthy analysis, so let's just dive right into it, shall we?

A FAIR WIND, OR GALE FORCE WINDS?

It might seem odd to lead off with a move given to only two new recipients, but CLEFABLE is no ordinary recipient. It has faded further and further into obscurity over time as other Fairies have risen up around it, having dropped out of the Top 5 Fairies in Ultra League and almost out of the Top 10 in Great League. It's still decently bulky, and still comes with the awesome Meteor Mash, which is not only cheaper than most charge moves found on various Charmers (that don't rhyme with "Aloe Van Pine Nails"), but is very widely unresisted and, critically in themed Cups where Clefable is eligible, super effective versus fellow Fairies, often delivering a knockout blow. The problem, of course, is that like other Charmers, you're unlikely to reach it in multiples, since Charm only generates a way below average 2.0 Energy Per Turn (EPT), tied for worst energy generation in the game. It also has Psychic for coverage, or Moonblast for big STAB damage, but the likelihood of reaching any of those in a critical spot is rather low since Charm is just SO slow to get there. So it has sat, languishing, as other interesting Charmers have come along and is now, at best, just part of a growing pack of similiar Pokémon.
That ALL changes with the addition of Fairy Wind and its 4.5 EPT. Not only does this allow it to finally break away from the pack and make its own unique mark, but it works REALLY well with its moves. Spamming a Meteor Mash every 6 seconds (or thanks to carryover energy, just 5 seconds between the second and third Mash) sounds pretty good to me! And indeed, as compared to Charm, you can see immediate improvement in Great League, with new wins against Noctowl (!!!), Azumarill, Froslass, Diggersby, Alolan Ninetales, and somehow even Fairy slayer Shadow Victreebel by slamming it with two Meteor Mashes. Even after all that, though, it remains underwater overall as far as win/loss record goes, though beating Medicham and Noctowl and all else that you'd expect of a good Fairy give it some great corebreaking potential.
For the eye-popping numbers, we actually turn to Ultra League, where Clef turns from this into this. Yes, that IS more than double its former win total (and a jump from under 30% winrate to now 60%!), with those new wins coming versus Walrein, A-Ninetales, Sylveon, Aurorus, Cobalion, Dubwool, Snorlax, Drapion, DDeoxys, and even resists-all-of-Clefable's-moves Escavalier! And if its relatively high XL cost is scaring you, fear not... you can build a hundo to 2499 CP and miss out only on Walrein and Greedent, for what that's worth. Put simply, Clefable is one of the biggest winners in this rebalance, moving from a previous rank of #145 in Open UL all the way up now to #28, with Tapu Fini being the only Fairy ranked higher!

• More of a footnote is TOGETIC, which now also learns Fairy Wind, and boy did it need that. Previously having to rely on the mostly awful Hidden Power (in which case you usually had to hope to get lucky with Flying type H.P.) or the subpar Extrasensory, it was left looking quite pitiful. But now, at least it could be spice in the right meta, maybe.
  
• WIGGLYTUFF did not get Fairy Wind, but it is receiving Disarming Voice, a move I've been wishing would be more widely distributed for years. A Fairy-type clone of moves like Psyshock, Magnet Bomb, and Foul Play, it's a more-than-passable move, and quietly the cheapest one that Fairy has available...15 less energy than Play Rough and Moonblast, and better Damage Per Energy {DPE} than the former. Anyway, seeing as Wigglytuff currently relies on Play Rough, Voice likely now slots in as its replacement for a little more shield pressure and new wins like Azumarill and Lickitung. The needle doesn't move too much, but the improvement is still appreciated!
  
• PRIMARINA also gets Voice, but it doesn't really help it... yet. Prima IS a little underrated in Master League, where its Water typing is much more help (resisting Ice, Fire, Water) than hindrance (very little Grass and Electric around to exploit it). But it won't really take off until it also eventually gets Hydro Cannon... sometime in 2025? At that point, it will appreciate having cheap Disarming Voice alongside Cannon more, I think.
  

LONG STORY SHORT, Fairy Wind Clefable is one of those rather rare overnight sensations that could see an immediate usage spike in Ultra League and as a nice corebreaker in Great League (the pickup against Noctowl really pushing it over the top). It really appreciates the extra energy to spam charge moves, and has just enough variety between Meteor Mash, Psychic (the move!), and Moonblast to keep the opponent guessing and shielding when they really don't want to. The other Fairies with new toys (Togetic and Wigglytuff especially) appreciate small bumps in performance, but are unlikely to suddenly appear where they weren't already.

DRILL RUNNIN' 🔥

As with Fairy Wind, there are only two new recipients of Drill Run, but both are very interesting.
We'll start with ALOLAN SANDSLASH. It sees some play already in both Great (including the Shadow variant and Ultra Leagues, usually with former Community Day move Shadow Claw to give it a unique profile, and spammy Ice Punch and typically Bulldoze for coverage. Bulldoze has excellent coverage (primarily versus Rocks, Steels, and Fires that give A-Slash a lot of trouble otherwise), but isn't a very good move (60 energy for only 80 damage). Drill Run is a strict upgrade, dealing the same 80 Ground-type damage for only 45 energy, a big savings.
Looking simply at simulation numbers, Drill Run doesn't seem to be a great improvement in Great or Ultra, with just occasional new wins popping up like UL Scizor or GL Alolan Marowak in certain shielding scenarios. But this goes beyond the numbers. Those who already use and love A-Slash will greatly appreciate the extra pressure that comes with Drill Run, as it can now be sprung for just 5 more energy than Ice Punch, making each shielding decision that much sweatier for the opponent. Even without STAB, Drill Run still deals quite a bit more damage than Ice Punch versus neutral targets, so this isn't just for strict coverage either. In every way, this makes Alolan Sandslash better, and better at covering its backside. I think players that don't already use A-Slash may come to better appreciate and respect it now too, and perhaps not just in Limited metas!
Perhaps even more interesting (and, frankly, unexpected) is DEWGONG, the poor WateIce type that has NEVER had a move rebalance other than taking its two best moves (Ice Shard and Icy Wind) away. Niantic has finally given it a LOT of love in this update, with Drill Run providing new coverage, and new move Liquidation finally giving it a viable Water move too. (Water Pulse and Aqua Jet are both terrible, folks... so much so that I've always recommended Blizzard as Dewgong's second move. For example, did you know that it tends to lose to Alolan Marowak with super effective Pulse but actually wins with resisted Blizzard?!) Anyway, I do think you want to definitely keep Icy Wind, so then your choice becomes Drill Run to have a shot at things like Froslass, Toxicroak, Lanturn (with Water Gun), and the aforementioned Alolan Marowak, or Liquidation to better outrace Skarmory and Alolan Ninetales? Either way, you get things like Azumarill and Dunsparce now, and still beat things that don't show in those sims like Swampert and Sableye by remaining fully commited to Icy Wind spam. And while you don't see a lot of new Rock or Steel or Fire wins popping up, Drill Run especially gives them all serious pause, forcing them to shield where they really never had to worry about it much before. (Because, again, Water Pulse is awful.)
So not really a great case for Liquidation here, but this is at least a way to transition into covering that move more fully next!
LONG STORY SHORT, both Dewgong and Alolan Sandslash immediately get better (and get better coverage) with Drill Run in the mix. I think it will be their preferred secondary/closing move going forward, and both will see a bump in play.

LIQUIDATION... GOING OUT OF BUSINESS ALREADY?

So about that new move Liquidation. It's a good if not fantastic move, an exact clone of Crunch... same cost (45 energy), damage (70), and potential debuff (30% chance to reduce the opponent's Defense). Not game breaking, but very, very solid.
But the real question is... do any of the things that recieve it really want it, and if so, do any of them notably improve in PvP?
I'm gonna save you some time (and me some characters!) by immediately pushing many of its recipients right off the raft.

• I think CLOYSTER actually prefers to hold on to a big closer like Hydro Pump rather than Liquidation, preferring to soften things up with Icy Wind and then go in for the kill. Pass.
  
• Similarly, all of the following prefer to keep existing movesets: SAMUROTT (Hydro Cannon/Megahorn), CARRACOSTA (Body Slam/Surf), BEARTIC (Ice Punch/Aqua Tail), EELEKTROSS (Dragon Claw/Crunch). All remain fringe at best.
  
• VAPOREON basically views Liquidation as a sidegrade to existing Scald, though Liquidation is NOT Legacy as Scald is, so it's worth it for any Vapes that don't have its old Community Day move. But Vaporeon remains mostly on the outside looking in at better Water types in various Leagues. No real boost here.
  
• GOLDUCK sees a slight bump with Liquidation, but remains just a spice play, at best.
  
• There is a reason you have never seen FLOATZEL in PvP... it has terrible charge moves. Bad, bad moves like Swift and Aqua Jet, with Hydro Pump as a passable closer but stymied due to average-at-best energy gains from Water Gun or Waterfall. Liquidation is in some ways just what the doctor ordered, but uh... Floatzel still sinks in PvP.
  
• ARMALDO remains a lost cause as well. If you want a GOOD Rocky Bug, use Crustle. If you want a spice one, go with the new Kleavor. If you want to just tank your ELO, THEN maybe consider Armaldo. That's about it though, even with the new move.
  

Man, quite a bummer, right? Decent move, but really nothing that gets it stands to benefit in a way that will impact PvP. So moving on then to... wait, what? I missed one? Oh... OH! So I did. And thankfully, we can end this section on a good note... because GOLISOPOD just became a bit more interesting.
Remember that when it was first released, it was a completely lost cause, with Fury Cutter, Metal Claw, and Waterfall as its clumsy fast moves, and underwhelming X-Scissor, **Aerial Ace, and somehow even worse Aqua Jet as its only charge moves. That left it in a very sad state. Eventually, it acquired Shadow Claw, which made it at least slightly interesting. And now comes the charge move it's been begging for, with Liquidation elevating it into spice territory, at the very least. Now you can potentially beat things like Charizard, Nidoqueen, Alolan Sandslash, Alolan Ninetales (Powder Snow), Talonflame, Cobalion, and Sylveon that you couldn't before, though even as bad as Aerial Ace is, giving it up means you generally now lose some Grasses like Venusaur and Virizion. Still though, things are looking up for Golisopod!
LONG STORY SHORT, while Liquidation is actually a nice addition to Water's arsenal (a clone of Crunch, including the debuff chance), the only thing that gets it initially that really looks to benefit is Golisopod. Stay tuned to what may get it down the road, though... most of its current recipients just have more problems than Liquidation alone can solve.

THE LEAF AGE BEGINS?

Probably haven't seen Bullet Punch in PvP much, have you? Scizor and Metagross use it, and uh... that's about the extent of it. But it's actually a pretty good PvP fast move, with the average 3.0 Damage Per Turn (DPT) but above average energy generation (3.5 EPT). And now here comes Leafage, an exact clone of Bullet Punch for the Grass typing. The number of things that get it is quite a bit smaller than Liquidation (only three evolutionary lines), but I think this is a clear case of quality over quantity in Leafage's favor.

• I could write an entire article on the injustices done to DECIDUEYE in Pokémon GO. All its interesting moves in MSG, and here it sits with underpowered Shadow Sneak, overpriced Energy Ball, and big but risky closer Brave Bird, and all locked behind low-energy Razor Leaf or arguably worst fast move in the game Astonish. #JusticeForDecidueye! While I do still hope for an eventual and LONG overdue buff to Astonish, for now the addition of Leafage should be a big help, right? Weeeeeeeell..... I mean, yes, it is most certainly better, and will become even a bit moreso when it eventually gets Frenzy Plant. But clearly, it's problems are not JUST the fast moves. Heck, pre-evolution DARTRIX (who has also been trapped behind Razor Leaf) even looks better than Deci in the here and now, thanks in large part to having Seed Bomb as a more workable second charge move to set up Brave Bird. It does seem that even though ROWLETT also gets Leafage, it may still prefer to keep existing Razor Leaf down in Little League, where Razor Leaf can admittedly be particularly dominant.
  
• LURANTIS (and Little League pre-evolution FOMANTIS) operates nicely right now as sort of a Jack of all trades with Fury Cutter (and its Bug damage output) powering up Leaf Blade and Superpower (well, Grass Knot in Fomantis' case). Superpower allows for some nutty wins like Bastiodon, Galarian Stunfisk, and excecuted properly, even Registeel, clearly showing Lurantis' appeal. So does Leafage help or disrupt the good Lurantis has already got going? Eh, I think we're gonna call it a sidegrade, though a tasty one for sure. Lurantis does give up a couple things where the effectiveness of Fury Cutter wins the day (Cresselia, Shadow Victreebel) and loses a little speed, which flips Shadow Alolan Sandslash to a loss. (Luratnis cannot hit a Leaf Blade AND followon Superpower in time with Leafage like it can with Fury Cutter.) But Leafage is able to carve out new wins like Shadow Alolan Ninetales and Pelipper with superior neutral fast move damage (as opposed to resisted Bug damage), and also can outrace Walrein far more reliably. So not an upgrade, but a nice sidegrade like this can add some disruption into appropriate metas just fine.
  
• Speaking of disruption, let's check out ABOMASNOW. Obviously it runs more as an Ice than a Grass, humming along nicely in multiple metas with Powder Snow and Weather Ball (Ice) and Energy Ball for a big Grass closer when the situation calls for it. And more than likely, it will mostly continue in that configuration moving forward. BUT, Leafage may be preferred in certain metas now, at least, and not just because it now slams the door on Water types (instead of sometimes merely scraping by with Powder Snow). In Great League, where ShadowBama is usually preferred, Powder Snow continues to shine out, but it's worth noting that while Leafage is an overall downgrade, most of the wins it gives up are versus Flyers (Altaria, Noctowl, Skarmory, Mandibuzz), with new losses to Umbreon and Venusaur as the most notable exceptions. Leafage DOES make some new key contributions like Powder Alolan Ninetales and Galarian Stunfisk that may come more to the fore in Limited metas with, say, fewer Flyers? Just saying. In Ultra League, the biggest knock against Leafage is that it drops the Giratinas (as compared to Powder Snow), but otherwise Leafage makes a pretty strong case with pickups of Poliwrath, Walrein, and Alolan Ninetales (with Powder Snow OR Charm). I think Leafage deserves some real consideration at Ultra League level!
  

LONG STORY SHORT, no huge improvements to be found with Leafage, but it does earn a rightful place as a robust sidegrade consideration for the Lurantis and Abomasnow lines (particularly with Ultra League Aboma). It's an upgrade for the Rowlett/Dartrix/Decidueye line, though Deci itself remains middling at best until it one day gets Frenzy Plant (or just some more synergistic charge moves in general!). Leafage SHOULD start popping up here and there in PvP soon, moreso than Liquidation likely will.

JUST A BRUSH FIRE, REALLY

Honestly, I expected a number of things to get Mystical Fire after it recently entered the game, but for now, Niantic chose to distribute it to only two new Pokémon:

• As I mentioned in my analysis on Mystical Fire back during Delphox Community Day, DRIFBLIM is an intriguing choice. Mystical Fire and existing Blim coverage move Icy Wind share the same stats aside from typing, so this is almost the very definition of sidegrade... against neutral targets they do the exact same thing, so it just comes down to effectiveness. If Blim is facing something burnable (like a Steel, Ice, or Bug type), it will prefer to have Mystical Fire. For things weak to Ice, like Flyers and Dragons and Grounds, obviously it will want to be packing Icy Wind instead. (Grasses are weak to both Fire and Ice, so usually no change there, aside from things like Abomasnow with a subtyping that favors one or the other... in that case, Mystical Fire is double super effective and Icy Wind is merely neutral.) I'm not going to bother with the sims, as they're close to indistinguishable at a high level, but I WILL note that Mystical Fire can potentially beat Galarian Stunfisk at Ultra League level, and more definitely beats G-Fisk AND A-Slash, Skarmory, and even Registeel at Great League level, none of which Icy Wind can realistically hope to replicate. (Its only standouts are things like Gliscor.) Yes, giving up Icy Wind means completely abandoning hope versus things like Ghost-resistant Pidgeot and especially Noctowl, but overall? I think Drifblim might be getting much hotter soon, in several senses of the word! 🔥
  
• Not nearly as exciting, I admit, but note that LITWICK also gets Mystical Fire. It's really only for Little League use, and has been an interesting but lesser-used Fire type, falling behind things like Vulpix, Growlithe, and Tepig thanks to them having some good neutral coverage, while Litwick has been stuck with just Flame Charge and two other rather Fire charge moves. Mystical Fire slots in as a nearly straight upgrade with pickups that include Wynaut, Vullaby, Obstagoon (for LL Cups where it's allowed), and... Vulpix, regardless of which fast move 'Pix is using. Something to look forward to in the next Little League rotation!
  

LONG STORY SHORT, Mystical Fire IS likely the default coverage move of choice for Drifblim going forward, just because of the number of burnable things (as opposed to freezeable things) in its respective metas, Great League especially. Except to see Blim soar up a little higher than it has in a while. It's also a nice upgrade for Litwick, who should finally emerge as a true Fire contender in Little League formats.

ODDS AND ENDS

Going to put everything else together in this last main section, but don't mistake that to mean they're less important... quite the contrary! Just doing this because these are all one-offs, as opposed to the changes above which directly affected multiple Pokémon recipients.
Before I dive into the specific move additions, let's briefly review the existing moves that are being buffed or nerfed in this update.

• Icicle Spear - 60 power → 65 power. Obviously this only affects WALREIN (for now), and is obviously a strict upgrade, since the cost and all else remains the same, just more damage. Specifically, at a high level, I see Walrein picking up things like Skarmory and Umbreon (non-Shadow) and Trevenant, Pelipper, and Azumarill (Shadow) in Great League, and stuff like Shadow Alolan Ninetales and Virizion in Ultra League. So yeah... you didn't need me to tell you this was an improvement, but maybe that helps you decide how much of an improvement and whether you want to turn back to Wally if you ever turned away before. I'd say Great League in particular has reason to fear it a bit more again.
  
• Poison Fang - 40 power → 45 power. More things affected by this than Icicle Spear, but obviously most of you just want to know about NIDOQUEEN, so in the interest of time and... well, interest, we'll just highlight her for now. Again, you don't need me to tell you this only makes things with Poison Fang better, but HOW much better? Honestly not too much changes in Great League (as far as straight wins a losses go, though this is undoubtedly scarier now!), but in Ultra League, I see new wins for Queen versus things like Charizard, Pidgeot, Cresselia, Dubwool, Obstagoon, AND Guzzlord, among others, so this is no small tweak! Might Nidoqueen be "back"? Only time will tell. Admittedly, what made it SO scary in the past was the cheaper cost of Poison Fang, and that hasn't changed, so I don't see it returning to full dominance like she once enjoyed. I also think she was treated rather harshly even before this buff... she didn't fall off quite as hard as many made it out to be. This will reveal that more fully... she's not so much "back" as much as I think she never really left. Also keep in mind things like GOLBAT/CROBAT and SALAZZLE/SALANDIT** that stand to benefit from this as well!
  
• Rollout - 4 power → 5 power. So low power that I can tell you this won't be a big shift, but obviously it DOES help. DUNSPARCE picks up a potential win over Shadow Alolan Ninetales (hey, Rollout is super effective, so....), and MILTANK a new win versus Shadow Swampert, of all things, and sometimes (Water Gun) Lanturn when utilizing Ice Beam instead of my personal recommendation of Thunderbolt (which beats Lanturn as well). It tends to prefer Tackle in Ultra League, though newly buffed Rollout is MUCH improved now with new wins versus Cresselia, Drapion, Umbreon, Alolan Muk, AND Walrein. Perhaps Tackle won't be the default now? As for ALOLAN GOLEM, Volt Switch just remains a much better move in nearly every scenario and meta. Stick with that, I say, and get all the Rock damage you need from the charge moves instead. 🪨
  
• Mud Bomb - 55 power → 60 power. The two big ones that come to mind are TOXICROAK and WHISCASH, the latter of which honestly needed a boost like this. However, this small a bump looks and feels like more of a "win more" where they already won more than anything. The only notable new win I see (at the high level this massive rebalance is demanding of little old me!) is Toxicroak versus Trevenant, though I think that's more due to Trevenant's nerf (which we'll get to in a moment) than Toxicroak's resisted Mud Bomb dealing a tiny bit more damage. (And upon further review, it may be neither of those and instead just come down to move timing.. but leaving Trevor in here as it's a good setup for later.) The big winner here is actually QUAGSIRE, who FINALLY gets a charge move cheaper than 55 energy to reach the same spam potential as its fellow Mud Boys. It's hard to show how this improves things in simulations, as they actually tend to favor Earthquake in many situations (such as in 1v1 shielding, where Quake shows additional wins against things like Azu, Sable, Swampert, and Umbreon), but the difference is more obvious when you go 2v2 shielding, and the extra spam of Mud Bomb shows out with new wins that include Froslass, Jellicent, Toxicroak, Shadow Alolan Ninetales, and Shadow Walrein. I actually don't know if this will actually bump up Quagsire's useage or not, though it's shot up about 60 slots to #15 in PvPoke's rankings. Not sure if that will match reality, but I DO think it's time to see if you have a good PvP Quag to perhaps take out for a spin and see. It certainly has some exciting new potential it's never had before!
  
• Seed Bomb - 55 power → 60 power, Energy Cost Increased. The only thing on this list that's not a straight upgrade, getting the same damage boost as Mud Bomb but increased cost to go with it... mostly, I feel, as a backdoor way to bring Trevenant down a bit. (And indeed, PvPoke has dropped Trev 25 slots from #10 to #35 in Ultra League, and down nearly 70 slots in Great League from Top 10 to outside the Top 70!) I certainly don't think Trevor will be going away -- it still breaks several cores across multiple Leagues -- but this is undoubtedly a hit. In Great League, it looks like it's now at a disadvantage against things it used to be able to beat like Walrein, Talonflame, Alolan Marowak, Sableye, and even Toxicroak. The hit is a bit less severe in Ultra League (where it can hang in longer to somewhat compensate for the increased energy needed), but it does still lose former wins like Jellicent and the re-buffed Nidoqueen. Most of the rest of the collateral damage will be felt in Little League, where several notable things have Seed Bomb (like Bulbasaur, Exeggcute, Oddish, etc.). Note much of note in bigger Leagues, though it IS noteworthy that WHIMSICOTT is getting Seed Bomb for the first time. And yes, I think it DOES become the favorite in most circumstances over existing Grass Knot, despite the latter being a "better" move (50 energy for 90 damage) and using that to get a couple unique wins still like Diggersby and Lickitung, because Seed Bomb brings new bait potential to set up big Moonblast wins over Cresselia, Pelipper, Toxicroak, Vigoroth, and Trevenant. Not sure Whimsie is suddenly going to bust out in Open Great League or anything, but I think it's very safe to say it just became a bit scarier and more versatile in Limited metas for sure.
  

And there are all the actual move "rebalances". Now to wrap it up real quick with a final list of existing moves now assigned to new Pokémon!

• PROBOPASS is in some ways similar to Defense Deoxys, in that it has long had three charge moves that seemed almost interchangeable in overall performance. Rock Slide is pretty standard for Probo, and most folks also run it with Thunderbolt, but it's so lackluster than even Magnet Bomb has always hung around as a viable alternative. Well that changes now, as its bulk allows it to make good use of new addition Zap Cannon. I think it and Rock Slide are the new standard, along with Spark to power them out, and that combo brings in new wins over Sableye and Umbreon, along with wider margins of victory over things it just scraped past before like Cresselia and Bastiodon. Probo used to escape them both with less than 10 HP, but now waddles away with quite a bit more than that. Not sure if this will send it up the charts (Bastiodon itself is still usually preferred), but it IS a more intriguing alternative now.
  
• Speaking of funky Rock types, HEATRAN can learn Earth Power now! But uh... you still don't want it, sorry. At least give it Incinerate, Niantic... c'mon!
  
• A MUCH more interesting Rock type is CRADILY, now getting some more speed with Rock Slide as a new alternative to Stone Edge. In my first blush analysis on the day of these many announced changes, I speculated that Cradily may want both Rock charge moves going forward, as it still beat things like Lanturn and even Swampert without needing Grass Knot. But in hindsight... nah, I think you want to instead just swap out Edge for Slide and be done with it. Keeping this short and sweet, here are some of my findings when comparing these side by side (by side): Grass Knot is absolutely needed to beat Diggersby, and is obviously the surest way to beat Waters and Ground (and/or Rock) types in general (including having ANY shot at beating up things like Galarian Stunfisk and Bastiodon). The raw power of Stone Edge is still the best way to punch out things like Alolan Ninetales, Lickitung, and Shadow Victreebel. But the speed of Rock Slide (10 less energy than Edge) adds the potential to now handle stuff like Cresselia, Alolan Marowak, Sableye, Venusaur, and most notably, Noctowl. That's right... Cradily now becomes a handy way to handle Lanturn AND Noctowl, among many others, and can also beat popular Sableye as well. Corebreaker potential on the rise. Dilly dilly!
  
• Look, URSALUNA continues to disappoint and likely always will until it gets a better fast move than Tackle. I know it, you know it, basically everyone but Niantic (and maybe TPCi) knows it. But as I wrote when Luna was first released, Ice Punch at least gives it the most bite of the three main elemental Punches, and until now it was the only one Ursaluna could not learn. Now it can! That gives it a bit more reach in Master League (the one League where it currently has any real play at all) with all the Dragons already. Specifically, Ice Punch allows it to now consistently beat Garchomp and Landorus, so that's nice. But come on, Niantic. Give the people what they want!.
  
• Let's be honest: the addition of Brutal Swing to the arsenal of TYRANITAR is more a cause of celebration for raiding than it is for PvP. (New top Dark type in PvE, I hear!) But yes, it DOES help in PvP too. Tyranitar has the size to work in Master League, but even with Brutal Swing, it's still an awkward fit. The one place I have seen it pop up here and there is actually in Great League, albeit in Limited metas only. While those opportunities are relatively rare, I am happy to report that Brutal Swing is a noted improvement over former best Crunch, adding on wins you would expect of a Dark type (Sableye, Cofagrigus, Jellicent) and a few you might not expect (Drapion, Toxapex, and finally it can beat Altaria!). Still more niche than meta, but at least it's an improving niche!
  
• And finally, we come to humble little EMOLGA, and the first non-Community Day recipient of Acrobatics. Long-time (or even some short-time!) readers have surely seen me write many times about Aerial Ace. It's a passable move -- barely -- dealing 55 damage for 45 energy. Boooooring, but it usually works JUST enough to not be total trash. It's a move I would LOVE to see buffed a little at some point, but it's also a move currently assigned to a massive number of Pokémon, and unlikely to change unless Niantic wants to REALLY shake up PvP. And like way too many Pokémon, poor Emolga has long been stuck with dull old Ace as its only Flying move, leaving what should be an exciting option languishing in obscurity. But now, finally, this mighty mouse may be about to soar! Just look at the HUGE names it can now beat: Medicham. Lickitung. Sableye. Shadow Swampert. Trevenant. Shadow Alolan Ninetales. And Cresselia and even Froslass for good measure. Those are some really big names, folks. Did Emolga just go from being afterthought behind Zapdos to passing it completely? I think it may have! If, like me, you've been holding on to a good one and just biding your time... well, that time is now, my friend! ⚡
  

Speaking of time, though... it's up! The new season is here! So we're gonna wrap it up right here for now. I hope this was as helpful a read as it was LONG. 🙃
Until next time, you can find me on Twitter or Patreon. Or please feel free to comment here with your own thoughts or questions and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!
Stay safe out there, Pokéfriends. Best of luck this season, and catch you next time!

GO Battle League Season 15 is upon us, and along with it, our now-customary move rebalance! What's new, what's improved, what's good, bad, or ugly coming out the other side? Let's dive right in and see!
As per usual, Niantic has made us wait until the 11th hour for information on this coming season. (Thanks, Niantic... love you too! 😝) As is NOT usual for them of late, the rebalance taking place at the start of this new GBL season is massive, with no less than thirty three Pokémon being directly affected. Needless to say, this is going to be a lengthy analysis, so let's just dive right into it, shall we?

A FAIR WIND, OR GALE FORCE WINDS?

It might seem odd to lead off with a move given to only two new recipients, but CLEFABLE is no ordinary recipient. It has faded further and further into obscurity over time as other Fairies have risen up around it, having dropped out of the Top 5 Fairies in Ultra League and almost out of the Top 10 in Great League. It's still decently bulky, and still comes with the awesome Meteor Mash, which is not only cheaper than most charge moves found on various Charmers (that don't rhyme with "Aloe Van Pine Nails"), but is very widely unresisted and, critically in themed Cups where Clefable is eligible, super effective versus fellow Fairies, often delivering a knockout blow. The problem, of course, is that like other Charmers, you're unlikely to reach it in multiples, since Charm only generates a way below average 2.0 Energy Per Turn (EPT), tied for worst energy generation in the game. It also has Psychic for coverage, or Moonblast for big STAB damage, but the likelihood of reaching any of those in a critical spot is rather low since Charm is just SO slow to get there. So it has sat, languishing, as other interesting Charmers have come along and is now, at best, just part of a growing pack of similiar Pokémon.
That ALL changes with the addition of Fairy Wind and its 4.5 EPT. Not only does this allow it to finally break away from the pack and make its own unique mark, but it works REALLY well with its moves. Spamming a Meteor Mash every 6 seconds (or thanks to carryover energy, just 5 seconds between the second and third Mash) sounds pretty good to me! And indeed, as compared to Charm, you can see immediate improvement in Great League, with new wins against Noctowl (!!!), Azumarill, Froslass, Diggersby, Alolan Ninetales, and somehow even Fairy slayer Shadow Victreebel by slamming it with two Meteor Mashes. Even after all that, though, it remains underwater overall as far as win/loss record goes, though beating Medicham and Noctowl and all else that you'd expect of a good Fairy give it some great corebreaking potential.
For the eye-popping numbers, we actually turn to Ultra League, where Clef turns from this into this. Yes, that IS more than double its former win total (and a jump from under 30% winrate to now 60%!), with those new wins coming versus Walrein, A-Ninetales, Sylveon, Aurorus, Cobalion, Dubwool, Snorlax, Drapion, DDeoxys, and even resists-all-of-Clefable's-moves Escavalier! And if its relatively high XL cost is scaring you, fear not... you can build a hundo to 2499 CP and miss out only on Walrein and Greedent, for what that's worth. Put simply, Clefable is one of the biggest winners in this rebalance, moving from a previous rank of #145 in Open UL all the way up now to #28, with Tapu Fini being the only Fairy ranked higher!

• More of a footnote is TOGETIC, which now also learns Fairy Wind, and boy did it need that. Previously having to rely on the mostly awful Hidden Power (in which case you usually had to hope to get lucky with Flying type H.P.) or the subpar Extrasensory, it was left looking quite pitiful. But now, at least it could be spice in the right meta, maybe.
  
• WIGGLYTUFF did not get Fairy Wind, but it is receiving Disarming Voice, a move I've been wishing would be more widely distributed for years. A Fairy-type clone of moves like Psyshock, Magnet Bomb, and Foul Play, it's a more-than-passable move, and quietly the cheapest one that Fairy has available...15 less energy than Play Rough and Moonblast, and better Damage Per Energy {DPE} than the former. Anyway, seeing as Wigglytuff currently relies on Play Rough, Voice likely now slots in as its replacement for a little more shield pressure and new wins like Azumarill and Lickitung. The needle doesn't move too much, but the improvement is still appreciated!
  
• PRIMARINA also gets Voice, but it doesn't really help it... yet. Prima IS a little underrated in Master League, where its Water typing is much more help (resisting Ice, Fire, Water) than hindrance (very little Grass and Electric around to exploit it). But it won't really take off until it also eventually gets Hydro Cannon... sometime in 2025? At that point, it will appreciate having cheap Disarming Voice alongside Cannon more, I think.
  

LONG STORY SHORT, Fairy Wind Clefable is one of those rather rare overnight sensations that could see an immediate usage spike in Ultra League and as a nice corebreaker in Great League (the pickup against Noctowl really pushing it over the top). It really appreciates the extra energy to spam charge moves, and has just enough variety between Meteor Mash, Psychic (the move!), and Moonblast to keep the opponent guessing and shielding when they really don't want to. The other Fairies with new toys (Togetic and Wigglytuff especially) appreciate small bumps in performance, but are unlikely to suddenly appear where they weren't already.

DRILL RUNNIN' 🔥

As with Fairy Wind, there are only two new recipients of Drill Run, but both are very interesting.
We'll start with ALOLAN SANDSLASH. It sees some play already in both Great (including the Shadow variant and Ultra Leagues, usually with former Community Day move Shadow Claw to give it a unique profile, and spammy Ice Punch and typically Bulldoze for coverage. Bulldoze has excellent coverage (primarily versus Rocks, Steels, and Fires that give A-Slash a lot of trouble otherwise), but isn't a very good move (60 energy for only 80 damage). Drill Run is a strict upgrade, dealing the same 80 Ground-type damage for only 45 energy, a big savings.
Looking simply at simulation numbers, Drill Run doesn't seem to be a great improvement in Great or Ultra, with just occasional new wins popping up like UL Scizor or GL Alolan Marowak in certain shielding scenarios. But this goes beyond the numbers. Those who already use and love A-Slash will greatly appreciate the extra pressure that comes with Drill Run, as it can now be sprung for just 5 more energy than Ice Punch, making each shielding decision that much sweatier for the opponent. Even without STAB, Drill Run still deals quite a bit more damage than Ice Punch versus neutral targets, so this isn't just for strict coverage either. In every way, this makes Alolan Sandslash better, and better at covering its backside. I think players that don't already use A-Slash may come to better appreciate and respect it now too, and perhaps not just in Limited metas!
Perhaps even more interesting (and, frankly, unexpected) is DEWGONG, the poor WateIce type that has NEVER had a move rebalance other than taking its two best moves (Ice Shard and Icy Wind) away. Niantic has finally given it a LOT of love in this update, with Drill Run providing new coverage, and new move Liquidation finally giving it a viable Water move too. (Water Pulse and Aqua Jet are both terrible, folks... so much so that I've always recommended Blizzard as Dewgong's second move. For example, did you know that it tends to lose to Alolan Marowak with super effective Pulse but actually wins with resisted Blizzard?!) Anyway, I do think you want to definitely keep Icy Wind, so then your choice becomes Drill Run to have a shot at things like Froslass, Toxicroak, Lanturn (with Water Gun), and the aforementioned Alolan Marowak, or Liquidation to better outrace Skarmory and Alolan Ninetales? Either way, you get things like Azumarill and Dunsparce now, and still beat things that don't show in those sims like Swampert and Sableye by remaining fully commited to Icy Wind spam. And while you don't see a lot of new Rock or Steel or Fire wins popping up, Drill Run especially gives them all serious pause, forcing them to shield where they really never had to worry about it much before. (Because, again, Water Pulse is awful.)
So not really a great case for Liquidation here, but this is at least a way to transition into covering that move more fully next!
LONG STORY SHORT, both Dewgong and Alolan Sandslash immediately get better (and get better coverage) with Drill Run in the mix. I think it will be their preferred secondary/closing move going forward, and both will see a bump in play.

LIQUIDATION... GOING OUT OF BUSINESS ALREADY?

So about that new move Liquidation. It's a good if not fantastic move, an exact clone of Crunch... same cost (45 energy), damage (70), and potential debuff (30% chance to reduce the opponent's Defense). Not game breaking, but very, very solid.
But the real question is... do any of the things that recieve it really want it, and if so, do any of them notably improve in PvP?
I'm gonna save you some time (and me some characters!) by immediately pushing many of its recipients right off the raft.

• I think CLOYSTER actually prefers to hold on to a big closer like Hydro Pump rather than Liquidation, preferring to soften things up with Icy Wind and then go in for the kill. Pass.
  
• Similarly, all of the following prefer to keep existing movesets: SAMUROTT (Hydro Cannon/Megahorn), CARRACOSTA (Body Slam/Surf), BEARTIC (Ice Punch/Aqua Tail), EELEKTROSS (Dragon Claw/Crunch). All remain fringe at best.
  
• VAPOREON basically views Liquidation as a sidegrade to existing Scald, though Liquidation is NOT Legacy as Scald is, so it's worth it for any Vapes that don't have its old Community Day move. But Vaporeon remains mostly on the outside looking in at better Water types in various Leagues. No real boost here.
  
• GOLDUCK sees a slight bump with Liquidation, but remains just a spice play, at best.
  
• There is a reason you have never seen FLOATZEL in PvP... it has terrible charge moves. Bad, bad moves like Swift and Aqua Jet, with Hydro Pump as a passable closer but stymied due to average-at-best energy gains from Water Gun or Waterfall. Liquidation is in some ways just what the doctor ordered, but uh... Floatzel still sinks in PvP.
  
• ARMALDO remains a lost cause as well. If you want a GOOD Rocky Bug, use Crustle. If you want a spice one, go with the new Kleavor. If you want to just tank your ELO, THEN maybe consider Armaldo. That's about it though, even with the new move.
  

Man, quite a bummer, right? Decent move, but really nothing that gets it stands to benefit in a way that will impact PvP. So moving on then to... wait, what? I missed one? Oh... OH! So I did. And thankfully, we can end this section on a good note... because GOLISOPOD just became a bit more interesting.
Remember that when it was first released, it was a completely lost cause, with Fury Cutter, Metal Claw, and Waterfall as its clumsy fast moves, and underwhelming X-Scissor, **Aerial Ace, and somehow even worse Aqua Jet as its only charge moves. That left it in a very sad state. Eventually, it acquired Shadow Claw, which made it at least slightly interesting. And now comes the charge move it's been begging for, with Liquidation elevating it into spice territory, at the very least. Now you can potentially beat things like Charizard, Nidoqueen, Alolan Sandslash, Alolan Ninetales (Powder Snow), Talonflame, Cobalion, and Sylveon that you couldn't before, though even as bad as Aerial Ace is, giving it up means you generally now lose some Grasses like Venusaur and Virizion. Still though, things are looking up for Golisopod!
LONG STORY SHORT, while Liquidation is actually a nice addition to Water's arsenal (a clone of Crunch, including the debuff chance), the only thing that gets it initially that really looks to benefit is Golisopod. Stay tuned to what may get it down the road, though... most of its current recipients just have more problems than Liquidation alone can solve.

THE LEAF AGE BEGINS?

Probably haven't seen Bullet Punch in PvP much, have you? Scizor and Metagross use it, and uh... that's about the extent of it. But it's actually a pretty good PvP fast move, with the average 3.0 Damage Per Turn (DPT) but above average energy generation (3.5 EPT). And now here comes Leafage, an exact clone of Bullet Punch for the Grass typing. The number of things that get it is quite a bit smaller than Liquidation (only three evolutionary lines), but I think this is a clear case of quality over quantity in Leafage's favor.

• I could write an entire article on the injustices done to DECIDUEYE in Pokémon GO. All its interesting moves in MSG, and here it sits with underpowered Shadow Sneak, overpriced Energy Ball, and big but risky closer Brave Bird, and all locked behind low-energy Razor Leaf or arguably worst fast move in the game Astonish. #JusticeForDecidueye! While I do still hope for an eventual and LONG overdue buff to Astonish, for now the addition of Leafage should be a big help, right? Weeeeeeeell..... I mean, yes, it is most certainly better, and will become even a bit moreso when it eventually gets Frenzy Plant. But clearly, it's problems are not JUST the fast moves. Heck, pre-evolution DARTRIX (who has also been trapped behind Razor Leaf) even looks better than Deci in the here and now, thanks in large part to having Seed Bomb as a more workable second charge move to set up Brave Bird. It does seem that even though ROWLETT also gets Leafage, it may still prefer to keep existing Razor Leaf down in Little League, where Razor Leaf can admittedly be particularly dominant.
  
• LURANTIS (and Little League pre-evolution FOMANTIS) operates nicely right now as sort of a Jack of all trades with Fury Cutter (and its Bug damage output) powering up Leaf Blade and Superpower (well, Grass Knot in Fomantis' case). Superpower allows for some nutty wins like Bastiodon, Galarian Stunfisk, and excecuted properly, even Registeel, clearly showing Lurantis' appeal. So does Leafage help or disrupt the good Lurantis has already got going? Eh, I think we're gonna call it a sidegrade, though a tasty one for sure. Lurantis does give up a couple things where the effectiveness of Fury Cutter wins the day (Cresselia, Shadow Victreebel) and loses a little speed, which flips Shadow Alolan Sandslash to a loss. (Luratnis cannot hit a Leaf Blade AND followon Superpower in time with Leafage like it can with Fury Cutter.) But Leafage is able to carve out new wins like Shadow Alolan Ninetales and Pelipper with superior neutral fast move damage (as opposed to resisted Bug damage), and also can outrace Walrein far more reliably. So not an upgrade, but a nice sidegrade like this can add some disruption into appropriate metas just fine.
  
• Speaking of disruption, let's check out ABOMASNOW. Obviously it runs more as an Ice than a Grass, humming along nicely in multiple metas with Powder Snow and Weather Ball (Ice) and Energy Ball for a big Grass closer when the situation calls for it. And more than likely, it will mostly continue in that configuration moving forward. BUT, Leafage may be preferred in certain metas now, at least, and not just because it now slams the door on Water types (instead of sometimes merely scraping by with Powder Snow). In Great League, where ShadowBama is usually preferred, Powder Snow continues to shine out, but it's worth noting that while Leafage is an overall downgrade, most of the wins it gives up are versus Flyers (Altaria, Noctowl, Skarmory, Mandibuzz), with new losses to Umbreon and Venusaur as the most notable exceptions. Leafage DOES make some new key contributions like Powder Alolan Ninetales and Galarian Stunfisk that may come more to the fore in Limited metas with, say, fewer Flyers? Just saying. In Ultra League, the biggest knock against Leafage is that it drops the Giratinas (as compared to Powder Snow), but otherwise Leafage makes a pretty strong case with pickups of Poliwrath, Walrein, and Alolan Ninetales (with Powder Snow OR Charm). I think Leafage deserves some real consideration at Ultra League level!
  

LONG STORY SHORT, no huge improvements to be found with Leafage, but it does earn a rightful place as a robust sidegrade consideration for the Lurantis and Abomasnow lines (particularly with Ultra League Aboma). It's an upgrade for the Rowlett/Dartrix/Decidueye line, though Deci itself remains middling at best until it one day gets Frenzy Plant (or just some more synergistic charge moves in general!). Leafage SHOULD start popping up here and there in PvP soon, moreso than Liquidation likely will.

JUST A BRUSH FIRE, REALLY

Honestly, I expected a number of things to get Mystical Fire after it recently entered the game, but for now, Niantic chose to distribute it to only two new Pokémon:

• As I mentioned in my analysis on Mystical Fire back during Delphox Community Day, DRIFBLIM is an intriguing choice. Mystical Fire and existing Blim coverage move Icy Wind share the same stats aside from typing, so this is almost the very definition of sidegrade... against neutral targets they do the exact same thing, so it just comes down to effectiveness. If Blim is facing something burnable (like a Steel, Ice, or Bug type), it will prefer to have Mystical Fire. For things weak to Ice, like Flyers and Dragons and Grounds, obviously it will want to be packing Icy Wind instead. (Grasses are weak to both Fire and Ice, so usually no change there, aside from things like Abomasnow with a subtyping that favors one or the other... in that case, Mystical Fire is double super effective and Icy Wind is merely neutral.) I'm not going to bother with the sims, as they're close to indistinguishable at a high level, but I WILL note that Mystical Fire can potentially beat Galarian Stunfisk at Ultra League level, and more definitely beats G-Fisk AND A-Slash, Skarmory, and even Registeel at Great League level, none of which Icy Wind can realistically hope to replicate. (Its only standouts are things like Gliscor.) Yes, giving up Icy Wind means completely abandoning hope versus things like Ghost-resistant Pidgeot and especially Noctowl, but overall? I think Drifblim might be getting much hotter soon, in several senses of the word! 🔥
  
• Not nearly as exciting, I admit, but note that LITWICK also gets Mystical Fire. It's really only for Little League use, and has been an interesting but lesser-used Fire type, falling behind things like Vulpix, Growlithe, and Tepig thanks to them having some good neutral coverage, while Litwick has been stuck with just Flame Charge and two other rather Fire charge moves. Mystical Fire slots in as a nearly straight upgrade with pickups that include Wynaut, Vullaby, Obstagoon (for LL Cups where it's allowed), and... Vulpix, regardless of which fast move 'Pix is using. Something to look forward to in the next Little League rotation!
  

LONG STORY SHORT, Mystical Fire IS likely the default coverage move of choice for Drifblim going forward, just because of the number of burnable things (as opposed to freezeable things) in its respective metas, Great League especially. Except to see Blim soar up a little higher than it has in a while. It's also a nice upgrade for Litwick, who should finally emerge as a true Fire contender in Little League formats.

ODDS AND ENDS

Going to put everything else together in this last main section, but don't mistake that to mean they're less important... quite the contrary! Just doing this because these are all one-offs, as opposed to the changes above which directly affected multiple Pokémon recipients.
Before I dive into the specific move additions, let's briefly review the existing moves that are being buffed or nerfed in this update.

• Icicle Spear - 60 power → 65 power. Obviously this only affects WALREIN (for now), and is obviously a strict upgrade, since the cost and all else remains the same, just more damage. Specifically, at a high level, I see Walrein picking up things like Skarmory and Umbreon (non-Shadow) and Trevenant, Pelipper, and Azumarill (Shadow) in Great League, and stuff like Shadow Alolan Ninetales and Virizion in Ultra League. So yeah... you didn't need me to tell you this was an improvement, but maybe that helps you decide how much of an improvement and whether you want to turn back to Wally if you ever turned away before. I'd say Great League in particular has reason to fear it a bit more again.
  
• Poison Fang - 40 power → 45 power. More things affected by this than Icicle Spear, but obviously most of you just want to know about NIDOQUEEN, so in the interest of time and... well, interest, we'll just highlight her for now. Again, you don't need me to tell you this only makes things with Poison Fang better, but HOW much better? Honestly not too much changes in Great League (as far as straight wins a losses go, though this is undoubtedly scarier now!), but in Ultra League, I see new wins for Queen versus things like Charizard, Pidgeot, Cresselia, Dubwool, Obstagoon, AND Guzzlord, among others, so this is no small tweak! Might Nidoqueen be "back"? Only time will tell. Admittedly, what made it SO scary in the past was the cheaper cost of Poison Fang, and that hasn't changed, so I don't see it returning to full dominance like she once enjoyed. I also think she was treated rather harshly even before this buff... she didn't fall off quite as hard as many made it out to be. This will reveal that more fully... she's not so much "back" as much as I think she never really left. Also keep in mind things like GOLBAT/CROBAT and SALAZZLE/SALANDIT** that stand to benefit from this as well!
  
• Rollout - 4 power → 5 power. So low power that I can tell you this won't be a big shift, but obviously it DOES help. DUNSPARCE picks up a potential win over Shadow Alolan Ninetales (hey, Rollout is super effective, so....), and MILTANK a new win versus Shadow Swampert, of all things, and sometimes (Water Gun) Lanturn when utilizing Ice Beam instead of my personal recommendation of Thunderbolt (which beats Lanturn as well). It tends to prefer Tackle in Ultra League, though newly buffed Rollout is MUCH improved now with new wins versus Cresselia, Drapion, Umbreon, Alolan Muk, AND Walrein. Perhaps Tackle won't be the default now? As for ALOLAN GOLEM, Volt Switch just remains a much better move in nearly every scenario and meta. Stick with that, I say, and get all the Rock damage you need from the charge moves instead. 🪨
  
• Mud Bomb - 55 power → 60 power. The two big ones that come to mind are TOXICROAK and WHISCASH, the latter of which honestly needed a boost like this. However, this small a bump looks and feels like more of a "win more" where they already won more than anything. The only notable new win I see (at the high level this massive rebalance is demanding of little old me!) is Toxicroak versus Trevenant, though I think that's more due to Trevenant's nerf (which we'll get to in a moment) than Toxicroak's resisted Mud Bomb dealing a tiny bit more damage. (And upon further review, it may be neither of those and instead just come down to move timing.. but leaving Trevor in here as it's a good setup for later.) The big winner here is actually QUAGSIRE, who FINALLY gets a charge move cheaper than 55 energy to reach the same spam potential as its fellow Mud Boys. It's hard to show how this improves things in simulations, as they actually tend to favor Earthquake in many situations (such as in 1v1 shielding, where Quake shows additional wins against things like Azu, Sable, Swampert, and Umbreon), but the difference is more obvious when you go 2v2 shielding, and the extra spam of Mud Bomb shows out with new wins that include Froslass, Jellicent, Toxicroak, Shadow Alolan Ninetales, and Shadow Walrein. I actually don't know if this will actually bump up Quagsire's useage or not, though it's shot up about 60 slots to #15 in PvPoke's rankings. Not sure if that will match reality, but I DO think it's time to see if you have a good PvP Quag to perhaps take out for a spin and see. It certainly has some exciting new potential it's never had before!
  
• Seed Bomb - 55 power → 60 power, Energy Cost Increased. The only thing on this list that's not a straight upgrade, getting the same damage boost as Mud Bomb but increased cost to go with it... mostly, I feel, as a backdoor way to bring Trevenant down a bit. (And indeed, PvPoke has dropped Trev 25 slots from #10 to #35 in Ultra League, and down nearly 70 slots in Great League from Top 10 to outside the Top 70!) I certainly don't think Trevor will be going away -- it still breaks several cores across multiple Leagues -- but this is undoubtedly a hit. In Great League, it looks like it's now at a disadvantage against things it used to be able to beat like Walrein, Talonflame, Alolan Marowak, Sableye, and even Toxicroak. The hit is a bit less severe in Ultra League (where it can hang in longer to somewhat compensate for the increased energy needed), but it does still lose former wins like Jellicent and the re-buffed Nidoqueen. Most of the rest of the collateral damage will be felt in Little League, where several notable things have Seed Bomb (like Bulbasaur, Exeggcute, Oddish, etc.). Note much of note in bigger Leagues, though it IS noteworthy that WHIMSICOTT is getting Seed Bomb for the first time. And yes, I think it DOES become the favorite in most circumstances over existing Grass Knot, despite the latter being a "better" move (50 energy for 90 damage) and using that to get a couple unique wins still like Diggersby and Lickitung, because Seed Bomb brings new bait potential to set up big Moonblast wins over Cresselia, Pelipper, Toxicroak, Vigoroth, and Trevenant. Not sure Whimsie is suddenly going to bust out in Open Great League or anything, but I think it's very safe to say it just became a bit scarier and more versatile in Limited metas for sure.
  

And there are all the actual move "rebalances". Now to wrap it up real quick with a final list of existing moves now assigned to new Pokémon!

• PROBOPASS is in some ways similar to Defense Deoxys, in that it has long had three charge moves that seemed almost interchangeable in overall performance. Rock Slide is pretty standard for Probo, and most folks also run it with Thunderbolt, but it's so lackluster than even Magnet Bomb has always hung around as a viable alternative. Well that changes now, as its bulk allows it to make good use of new addition Zap Cannon. I think it and Rock Slide are the new standard, along with Spark to power them out, and that combo brings in new wins over Sableye and Umbreon, along with wider margins of victory over things it just scraped past before like Cresselia and Bastiodon. Probo used to escape them both with less than 10 HP, but now waddles away with quite a bit more than that. Not sure if this will send it up the charts (Bastiodon itself is still usually preferred), but it IS a more intriguing alternative now.
  
• Speaking of funky Rock types, HEATRAN can learn Earth Power now! But uh... you still don't want it, sorry. At least give it Incinerate, Niantic... c'mon!
  
• A MUCH more interesting Rock type is CRADILY, now getting some more speed with Rock Slide as a new alternative to Stone Edge. In my first blush analysis on the day of these many announced changes, I speculated that Cradily may want both Rock charge moves going forward, as it still beat things like Lanturn and even Swampert without needing Grass Knot. But in hindsight... nah, I think you want to instead just swap out Edge for Slide and be done with it. Keeping this short and sweet, here are some of my findings when comparing these side by side (by side): Grass Knot is absolutely needed to beat Diggersby, and is obviously the surest way to beat Waters and Ground (and/or Rock) types in general (including having ANY shot at beating up things like Galarian Stunfisk and Bastiodon). The raw power of Stone Edge is still the best way to punch out things like Alolan Ninetales, Lickitung, and Shadow Victreebel. But the speed of Rock Slide (10 less energy than Edge) adds the potential to now handle stuff like Cresselia, Alolan Marowak, Sableye, Venusaur, and most notably, Noctowl. That's right... Cradily now becomes a handy way to handle Lanturn AND Noctowl, among many others, and can also beat popular Sableye as well. Corebreaker potential on the rise. Dilly dilly!
  
• Look, URSALUNA continues to disappoint and likely always will until it gets a better fast move than Tackle. I know it, you know it, basically everyone but Niantic (and maybe TPCi) knows it. But as I wrote when Luna was first released, Ice Punch at least gives it the most bite of the three main elemental Punches, and until now it was the only one Ursaluna could not learn. Now it can! That gives it a bit more reach in Master League (the one League where it currently has any real play at all) with all the Dragons already. Specifically, Ice Punch allows it to now consistently beat Garchomp and Landorus, so that's nice. But come on, Niantic. Give the people what they want!.
  
• Let's be honest: the addition of Brutal Swing to the arsenal of TYRANITAR is more a cause of celebration for raiding than it is for PvP. (New top Dark type in PvE, I hear!) But yes, it DOES help in PvP too. Tyranitar has the size to work in Master League, but even with Brutal Swing, it's still an awkward fit. The one place I have seen it pop up here and there is actually in Great League, albeit in Limited metas only. While those opportunities are relatively rare, I am happy to report that Brutal Swing is a noted improvement over former best Crunch, adding on wins you would expect of a Dark type (Sableye, Cofagrigus, Jellicent) and a few you might not expect (Drapion, Toxapex, and finally it can beat Altaria!). Still more niche than meta, but at least it's an improving niche!
  
• And finally, we come to humble little EMOLGA, and the first non-Community Day recipient of Acrobatics. Long-time (or even some short-time!) readers have surely seen me write many times about Aerial Ace. It's a passable move -- barely -- dealing 55 damage for 45 energy. Boooooring, but it usually works JUST enough to not be total trash. It's a move I would LOVE to see buffed a little at some point, but it's also a move currently assigned to a massive number of Pokémon, and unlikely to change unless Niantic wants to REALLY shake up PvP. And like way too many Pokémon, poor Emolga has long been stuck with dull old Ace as its only Flying move, leaving what should be an exciting option languishing in obscurity. But now, finally, this mighty mouse may be about to soar! Just look at the HUGE names it can now beat: Medicham. Lickitung. Sableye. Shadow Swampert. Trevenant. Shadow Alolan Ninetales. And Cresselia and even Froslass for good measure. Those are some really big names, folks. Did Emolga just go from being afterthought behind Zapdos to passing it completely? I think it may have! If, like me, you've been holding on to a good one and just biding your time... well, that time is now, my friend! ⚡
  

Speaking of time, though... it's up! The new season is here! So we're gonna wrap it up right here for now. I hope this was as helpful a read as it was LONG. 🙃
Until next time, you can find me on Twitter or Patreon. Or please feel free to comment here with your own thoughts or questions and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!
Stay safe out there, Pokéfriends. Best of luck this season, and catch you next time!

Public opinion of TriMet's decisions have been pretty mixed, mostly because TriMet's decisions are so convoluted that they can be a real challenge to understand. In reality, Metro and Portlanders need to have a bigger civic conversation about the future of TriMet, looking at the big picture. We have 3 looming existential crises of TriMet to be concerned about that are bigger than revenue dips, crime, or homeless people.
Civic leaders and the public are focused on a quick "fix" for TriMet revenue drops - even though we've seen this coming for a long time, it's very predictable that TriMet's Board of Directors acts at the last minute. Also, very predictably, TriMet's Board opted for a fare increase because over the previous 20 years that's been a go-to answer to every problem (except for that one time they killed Fareless Square). The politically appointed boards of TriMet and Metro lack the unique specialized knowledge of the issues I'll bring up here. If TriMet knows about these larger issues, they're obviously burring it from public view. In the short term, increasing fares is like putting fresh paint on a house that's on fire; in this situation, that paint is HIGHLY flammable.
First - fare hikes as a tactic is a brain-dead move. Just the most utterly stupid and self-sabotaging response to a looming budget shortfall. I'm dwelling on this because it illustrates their terrible decision-making, which is functional proof they have no idea what they're doing. Some of the core reasons for this:

• Increasing fares reduces utilization. Higher cost means fewer people ride, which will decrease the ridership revenue. It will also marginally increase the number of people who won't pay (funny story, some of those who don't pay actually can't afford to). TriMet isn't a monopoly or inelastic service, and plenty of other choices exist that didn't exist 20 years ago: an actual bike share, scooters, electric bikes, UbeLyft, shared vehicles, and more bike paths. Before the pandemic, it was common that I would bus into downtown for work and then take a Lyft home because it wasn't all that expensive, like $8 more than a bus ride - TriMet's price increases make a system that wasn't very competitive simply less compelling.
  
• Across Portland we need to go through a process of austerity and downsizing government. I absolutely support Wheeler putting a pause on rate increases, but for God's sake, we have far too much largesse in every layer of government. If you need to learn what I'm talking about, read my old article on Parks & Rec. So many divisions/agencies have doubled their staff while reducing service levels. It's bonkers. Cutting throats needs to be an imperative. This is because the great majority of public sector employees in Oregon and Portland are incompetent, redundant, and only exist because Oregon and Portland have been reluctant to use automation. And I don't mean the cutting-edge AI stuff, I'm talking about people who still handle business processes as if they're paper forms. I could tell so many stories from my professional experience - but you'll have to take my word for it for now: culling this bureaucracy is the right move, and until there's a significant downsizing, the political class is taking none of the financial crisis or cost of living situation seriously.
  
• TriMet's operating budget/revenue is primarily Payroll Taxes, not passenger revenue. About 20-30% of TriMet's budget comes from people buying fares, whereas the bulk of money TriMet needs comes from payroll taxes that businesses pay directly. Because of this, transit activists (including myself) have been proponents of increasing the payroll taxes marginally to make TriMet free for riders. Of course, fareless transit comes with a wide variety of new and different problems (that's an article for another time). Still, when you understand that only a sliver of revenue comes from fares, increasing the fare simply results in a marginal increase in revenue. The much bigger problem is going to businesses investing outside of Metro, and changing workforces that 1) won't pay payroll taxes reliably, 2) don't need people to go into the office. Think about the longer-term game here: is TriMet's board going to increase fares as utilization drops and payroll taxes continually diminish? (See my point above about how their default answer is "yes" because it's the only politically expedient answer.)
  

Reading comments about the fare hikes, most of the public thinks TriMet is dealing with a safety or utilization issue. Both of these are 100% true: soft-on-crime progressives have wholly obliterated the working class perception of TriMet safety - there are so many different ways this has happened, but we should thank so many people in the media and political class: Ana del Rocio's crying wolf about racism in fare inspections (and the media entertaining it), or Mike Schmidt deinstitutionalizing of the justice system, or Legislature's inability to act on the massive mental health crisis and drug addiction crisis in Oregon. No matter the underlying cause, we have a system where deranged violent mentally ill tweakers can be disruptive on the train, but working-class people face a $250 fine if they can't afford a $2.50 ($2.80) ticket. TriMet is less safe, especially the light rail and bus lines. We could hypothetically talk about various policy and infrastructure changes, such as turnstiles and security guards - but pragmatically, this won't do shit when our society has adopted a philosophy of transforming the urban core into an open-air insane asylum and opened the doors to the prisons. This safety issue is well beyond TriMet's scope, and even if there was consensus among TriMet and Metro to solve this, the entire justice system and Legislature is still broken.

Fare Hikes and Utilization is the Red Herring - Let's talk about TriMet's future

In reality, multiple design choices made decades ago set us up for failure. But we also have to thank brain-dead progressive lunatics and corrupt politicos who have steered our transit decision-making into the ground.
There are three specific issues I'm going to talk about, with each becoming more consequential and disastrous for TriMet:

• Hub and Spoke Design and the need for a redesign of the entire system to fit new commuting/transit patterns
  
• Portland Light Rail's short cars are a capacity problem not worth the price tag to fix
  
• Autonomous vehicles are here, and it's just going to get worse for TriMet
  

The strategic design of TriMet's system is broken, and it's been broken before.

If you looked at a map of TriMet's bus and rail system, you'd see a design pattern often referred to as a "Radial Design" or sometimes a "Hub And Spoke" design. The Hub and Spoke strategy is building our transit system around centralized locations to connect to other routes. For Portland the idea is to go downtown (or sometimes a Park and Ride) where you can connect to your next destination. This is why the majority of bus routes and all the max routes go downtown, to our Transit Mall and Pioneer Square.
Downtown planning was a smart idea in the 1960s when it was coupled with Main Street economic theory and prototype urban development zones - all of this wrapped up in the 1972 Downtown Plan policy. During these decades, the primary economic idea of urban revitalization was that downtown cores could provide better business climates and shopping districts that amplify economic activity synergistically. In other words, packing all the office jobs and luxury shopping in one area is good for workers, business, and civic planning.
All very smart ideas in yester-year, so TriMet became focused on serving the downtown business community myopically. This myopia became so paramount that it was considered illegitimate (actually taboo, borderline illegal) if you used a Park & Ride facility to park and NOT ride downtown. Amanda Fritz once explained that we couldn't expand Barbur Transit Center because that would result in students parking at Barbur Transit Center and riding the bus to PCC Sylvania. This view implies that TriMet exists only to service downtown workers, not the students, not the impoverished mom needing to go to a grocery store.
How does TriMet's hub and spoke design represent its purpose?
Portland's unspoken rule of transit philosophy is that jobs pay for the system (remember, business payroll taxes pay for most of it), so TriMet should be focused on serving people utilizing it for their job - employers pay for it, and they get value out of it. But this is both unspoken (never said aloud) and largely unobserved. The whole idea of TriMet as a social service to serve low-income people, to help impoverished people - well, those ideas were just lukewarm political rhetoric that is tossed out as soon as some Undesirable with tattered clothing reeking of cigarettes gets aboard - then Portlanders jump right back "this is for workers only!" Sadly, there hasn't ever been a public consensus of why TriMet exists because I could equally argue that TriMet's purpose isn't serving the working class; it's actually vehicle emissions reductions - but here, too, reality contradicts that this is the purpose for why we operate TriMet. TriMet's real purpose seems to be "Spend money on lofty capital projects" and if we want to be cynical about it, we can elaborate "…because large capital projects enable grift, embezzlement, and inflating property values for developers."
We haven't always depended upon a hub and spoke design. A great article from Jarrett Walker written in 2010 on his Human Transit blog explains in "The Power and Pleasure of Grids"

Why aren't all frequent networks grids? The competing impulse is the radial network impulse, which says: "We have one downtown. Everyone is going there, so just run everything to there." Most networks start out radial, but some later transition to more of a grid form, often with compromises in which a grid pattern of routes is distorted around downtown so that many parallel routes converge there. You can see this pattern in many cities, Portland for example. Many of the lines extending north and east out of the city center form elements of a grid, but converge on the downtown. Many other major routes (numbered in the 70s in Portland's system) do not go downtown, but instead complete the grid pattern. This balance between grid and radial patterns was carefully constructed in 1982, replacing an old network in which almost all routes went downtown.

Over the years the grid pattern was neglected in favor of a downtown-focused investment strategy. To a real degree it made practical sense: that's where the jobs were. But again, this is the presumption that TriMet and Mass Transit ought to service workers first, and there's not much consensus on that. But while we can't decide on TriMet's purpose, we can absolutely agree on one important thing: Downtown is dead.
No 5-star hotel is going to fix it. (As of writing, I'm not even convinced that this mafia-connected bamboozle of public fraud will open.) No "tough-on-crime" DA to replace Mike Schmidt, like Nathan Vasquez, will fix downtown. It's not JUST a crime problem: most of the problems we deal with today mirror the problems facing Portland in the 1960s, especially our inability to invest in good infrastructure people actually want to use. That's on top of crime, vandalism, and an unhealthy business ecosystem.
IF we want to maintain TriMet (and that's a big IF, for reasons I'll explain below), then it will be focused on something other than downtown. We need to move back to a grid-design transit system, as this is a much easier way to use transit to get around the city, no matter your destination. If TriMet continues to exist and operate fleets in 20-30 years, this is the only way it exists - because it will just be too inconvenient to ride downtown as a side quest to your destination, especially as we look at 10, 20, 30, 40 years from now.
Of course, we can only transform some parts of the transit infrastructure this way, and there are no uplifting and moving train tracks here. So light rail doesn't have a future in the grid system - but even without the grid system, light rail is doomed.

The fatal flaws of light rail in Portland.

I want to preface this by saying I like light rail as a strategy, it's not a bad system or bad civic investment. I could write another 5,000-word essay on why Seattle did an excellent job with light rail and the specific decisions Portland made wildly incorrectly. In transit advocacy the wacktavists inappropriately categorized skeptics of Portland's light rail as some soft bigotry - as if you're racist if you don't like Portland's light rail - even though, ironically, most light rail systems tend to be built for the preference of white culture and white workers, precisely what happened here in Portland and most cities (but this is all a story for another time).
Portland's light rail system has a capacity problem and has dealt with this capacity problem quietly for the last 20+ years. When you see the capacity problem, you can quickly understand this light rail system won't work in the future. All the other smart cities in the world that designed light rail realized they needed big long trains to move many people. Portland decided to limit the train car length to the size of our city blocks to save construction costs - and this has always been a fatal flaw.
Portland's highest capacity train car is our Type 5, according to Wikipedia it has a seating capacity of 72 and an overall capacity of 186 per train. Let's compare:

• Washington DC has 6-car trains capable of carrying 120 passengers per car, or 720 per train.
  
• Salt Lake City has a 4-car train capable of carrying 230 passengers per car, or 920 per train.
  
• Seattle's Link system has a 3 or 4-car train, each capable of carrying approximately 200 passengers per car, so 600 to 800 per train.
  

Portland's light rail lines have roughly the same people moving capacity as a single lane of a highway, maybe marginally more, maybe marginally less. These other cities have a light rail system that can move the same amount of people as an entire 3-lane highway.
You might suspect that Portland could simply run trains more frequently - but nah, that's impossible because the trains run through the central core of downtown Portland, and they're blocked by the real interfaces with road traffic and bottlenecks. TriMet/PBOT/Metro has offered rosy ideas that we could hypothetically run cars every 90 seconds, 2 minutes, 4 minutes, or 6 minutes (depending upon who you ask) - but these are garbage numbers invented out of thin air. For example, you could stand at Pioneer Courthouse Square at 4:50pm on a Wednesday in 2016 - there was a train opening doors to load passengers, and you could visibly see the next train at Pioneer Place Mall pulling into the station behind. Trains were running at approximately a 3 to 4 minute at peak - but on paper, TriMet will claim anything, as they don't give a shit about lying to the public. But the bigger problem is that trains were full. You might have to wait 90 minutes to find a train that offers a seat. And god forbid you had a bike.
I'm not making this very real capacity problem, Metro even acknowledges:

At the busiest hours of the day, 40 light rail trains must cross the river and traverse downtown – one train every 90 seconds. As the region grows and the demand for light rail increases, the region will need at least 64 MAX trains through downtown every hour, more than one train each minute. Our current system can't support that change.

Suppose you're silly enough to trust government propaganda. In that case, you can read the details of Metro study on this in 2019. If we assumed their numbers added up, it's just fucking impossible to run 62 trains per hour, because passenger loading and unloading can take a full minute (sometimes longer). So unless we want to apply substantial g-forces onto the passengers, the train isn't accelerating out of the stops fast enough. Not to mention how unreliable this whole system would be if a sole tweaker, bike rider, or person with a stroller held up the system for 2 minutes.
This is why the bottom line needs to be upfront about capacity - quoting Metro's study here:

Today MAX is limited to 2-car trains because of the length of downtown city blocks. A tunnel could allow for longer trains if the stations outside the downtown core are retrofitted. In the long-term, this could greatly increase MAX capacity.

Do you see that trick? Build a tunnel, yes - but the entire system has to be retrofitted. Literally every light rail station would need to be redesigned, the lines themselves recalculated for larger heavier trains - and extending platforms at Willow Creek might be simple enough, but how in the living fuck is Metro going to afford to expand the Zoo stop? Doubling the size of that platform would cost $500 million alone.
If the city weren't full of cheap dipshits, we would have elevated or buried our light rail lines in the 1980s or 90s, enabling longer train cars to run. Yes, we all knew back then that it was the best practice not to have light rail running on the street - it's less safe, less reliable, runs slower, and limits train car size. Oops.
Just to keep TriMet's own bullshit inflated utopian vision, it would mean spending another billion dollars just to unfuck downtown, bypass an aging bridge, and potentially allow a marginally higher volume of trains - which again is a band-aid on a mortal wound.
The real buried lede is that to add extra train cars means retrofitting all the stops in the system - that's tens of billions of dollars. You can argue costs, but Metro knows we need to do this. It means shutting down the system for a year or years while construction and retrofits happen. It's fucking outrageous. Is this system worth of people per line worth 20, 30, or 40 billion dollars? Fuck no, it ain't. Again, if we had a raging metropolis of industry and commerce downtown, we could reasonably entertain the idea for a moment - but we don't and never will again.
Some folks might argue that if we kill off the light rail system we'd lose out on all those lucrative Transit Oriented Developments. Originally the public was told that Transit Oriented Development strategy would cause a massive infusion of private investment because the light rail was so damn lucrative and desirable for Richard Florida's Creative Class. Turns out the Creative Class is now called today the Laptop Class, and they don't give a flying fuck about street cars, light rail, or walking scores - because most can't be bothered to put pants on during their "commute" from bed to desk. TOD was all a fantasy illusion from the beginning, as multiple studies about Portland commuters showed that college-educated white folks riding Max were equally comfortable riding their bike as a substitute for the same commute. All of these billions of dollars was to accommodate white fare-weather bikers. So here's my hot take on transit: pave over the rail lines and put in bike lanes, and boy, then you'd have a bike system to give folks like Maus a hardon. But of course, Bike Portland would complain because their focus isn't biking; they exist only to favor all poorly thought utopian transit ideas.
Another group of Max/TOD advocates would claim that TOD is better for disabled and impoverished people. And yeah, there's truth there, but see my entire argument above about the Hub & Spoke design of TriMet being the antithesis of transit as a social service. If you believe that TriMet should serve low-income people, you must advocate for a bus-centric grid design.
But even if you're a die-hard believer in light rail - there's another inevitable reality coming that is the nail in the coffin.

Autonomous vehicles will replace mass transit faster than the automobile replaced the horse.

I work in advanced technology, and the thing about tech is that the public and politicians deny that it's going to be there until the majority of the public finally experiences it. You could say this about personal computers, internet, cloud compute, electric cars, smartphones, distributed ledger (cryptocurrency), AI, and driverless vehicles.
Schrodinger's technology doesn't exist until it's measured in an Apple store or your mother asks you for tech support.
No one thought AI was really real until ChatGPT did their kid's homework, and today most people are coming to terms with the fact that ChatGPT 3.5 could do most people's jobs. And that's not even the most advanced AI, that's the freeware put out by Microsoft, they have paywalls to access the real deal.
In 2018 I rode in my colleague's Tesla in self-driving mode from downtown Portland to Top Golf in Hillsboro. We started our journey at the surface parking lot on the west side of the Morrison Bridge. He used his phone to tell the car to pull out of the parking spot and to pick us up. Then he gave the car the address, and it drove us the entire way without any human input necessary. The only time he provided feedback was to touch the turn signal to pass a slow car on the highway. People think self-driving isn't here - but it is - and it's gotten exponentially better and will continue to do so. People will complain and moan about idealized, utopian, pedantic "level 5" full self-driving, how none of it exists or could exist, as a Tesla passes them on the road and the driver is half asleep.
Of course, Portland and every major city have also thought deeply about self-driving technology, and a few places have implemented self-driving solutions - but so far, none of these are really at scale. Though it will be a short time before cost-conscious cities go all-in.
TriMet kicked around the idea of using an autonomous bus for a leg of the trip of the Southwest Corridor project, connecting a segment of the light rail route to the community college. It was bafflingly stupid and short-sighted to think they could use it in this niche application but that it wouldn't open the floodgates for a hundred different applications that eviscerate TriMet's labor model. The simplest example of autonomous operation would be to operate the light rail systems - because they don't make turns, all we need is an AI vision service to slam on the breaks if necessary - that technology has existed for 20+ years. We could retrofit the entire train system in about 3 to 6 months - replace every Max operator with a security guard, and maybe people would ride the Max again? But I digress.
Let's speculate about the far-future, some 5, 10, or 20 years from now: your transit options will expand significantly. The cost will decrease considerably for services using automated vehicles.
You'll look at your options as:

• Drive to work: fastest, takes $100+ worth of gas a month, but you also need $50+ for insurance and $500+ for the monthly car payment, plus those surprise maintenance and broken windows. Also, do you pay for parking? Pick a number for how much it costs to drive your personally owned and manually operated vehicle to work each month.
  
• Autonomous vehicle service: price TBA, but think of how much an Uber costs when you don't have to pay the driver, you don't have to pay for gas. An Uber that runs for $20 today would likely be $10 or less. So, to and from work 20 times a month, $200. $300? Ok, let's just say it's $400 a month. It's still all cheaper than owning a car and driving it to work. No parking fees, and it picks you up quickly enough that it's not a nuisance.
  
• Mass Transit: $150 per month, but ugghhh it's slow, it smells like piss, a guy jacked off in your hair, and you can't schedule a meeting for the first 30 minutes of your anticipated workday in case you miss a connection - and it breaks so often the government actively hides the reliability data from the public and media.
  

Just a few years into this future we'll see a brand new trend, one that already exists: a shared autonomous vehicle like a privately operated bus. For example, Uber Bus - it already exists as a commuter option in some cities, it's just not autonomous yet. The significant benefit of an autonomous bus is that these shared vehicles will utilize HOV lanes very commonly, and commuting in an autonomous vehicle will be as fast as driving to work in your manually operated car while also being less expensive.
Simultaneously automobile accidents in autonomous vehicles will be virtually non-existent, and insurance companies will start to increase prices on vehicles that lack AI/smart assisted safety driving features. Public leaders will see the value of creating lanes of traffic on highways dedicated explicitly to autonomous vehicles so that they can drive at much higher speeds than manually operated traffic. Oregon won't lead the way here, but wait until Texas or one of the Crazy States greenlights a speed limit differential, and self-driving vehicles have a speed limit of 90, 120, or 150 miles per hour. You might think "accidents would be terrible and deadly" but there will be fewer accidents in the autonomous lane than in manual lanes. At this point, it will be WAY faster to take an autonomous vehicle to your work.
Purchasing power of consumers will decrease while the cost of vehicles will increase (especially autonomous vehicles), making ownership of any vehicle less likely. Frankly, the great majority of people won't know how to drive and will never learn to - just like how young people today don't know how to use manual transmission. However, fleets of autonomous vehicles owned by companies like Tesla, Uber, and Lyft will benefit from scale and keep their autonomous bus fleets operating at low cost. This will lead to a trend where fewer and fewer people will own an automobile, and fewer people even bother learning how to drive or paying the enormous insurance cost.... while also depending upon automobiles more than we do today.
Eventually, in the distant future, manually driven vehicles will be prohibited in urban areas as some reckless relic from a bygone era.
Cities and public bodies don't have to be cut out of this system if they act responsibly. For example, cities could start a data brokering exchange where commuters provide their commuting data (i.e., pick-up point, destination, arrival time). The government uses either a privatized fleet or a publicly owned fleet of autonomous vehicles to move as many people as possible as often as possible. Sort of a publicly run car-pool list - or a hyper-responsive bus fleet that runs for the exact passengers going to exact locations. A big problem companies like Uber, Lyft, and Tesla will have is that they'll lack market saturation to optimize commuting routes - they'll be able to win unique rides, but the best way they can achieve the lowest cost service model is these super predictable and timely commuter riders. The more data points and riders, the more optimization they can achieve. These companies can look at the data for as many people as possible and bid for as many routes as possible - optimizing for convenience, time, energy usage, emissions, etc. The public will voluntarily participate if this is optimized to get the cheapest ride possible. If the government doesn't do this, the private sector will eventually.
As a parallel, no one today even considers how Metro runs garbage collection. No one cares. And if you didn't like Metro's trash service, if you needed a better service for unique needs, you go procure that on your own. Likewise, you wouldn't care about the quality of the commuting trip as long as it's up to some minimal standards of your class expectations, it's reliable, nearly as quick as driving your own vehicle, and it seems reasonably affordable.
If the public ran this data exchange, fees could subsidize lower-income riders. This is a theory on what a TriMet like system or mass transit system could look like in a primarily autonomous world where most people don't own their own or drive an automobile.
This system would be far from perfect, opening up all sorts of problems around mobility. However, it's hard to see how autonomous vehicles will not obliterate the value proposition of mass transit.

Another narrative on the same story.

As the working class moves to autonomous vehicles, transit agencies will collect fewer and fewer fares - prices and taxes will rise, creating a cycle of failure. As a result, some cities will make buses self-driving to cut costs. It could start with Tokyo, Shanghai, Oslo, et al. Again, it's unlikely that Portland or Oregon will be the first movers on this, but when cities start laying off hundreds of mass transit operators and cutting fares to practically nothing, there will be substantial public pressure to mimic locally. It will be inhumane, it will be illiberal, to make those impoverished bus-riding single mothers pay premiums. As most of the fleet becomes autonomous, responsive, and disconnected from labor costs, the next question arises: why do we still operate bus routes? Why big buses instead of smaller and nimble vehicles?
This alternative story/perspective leads to the same outcome: we figure out where people are going and when they need to get there - then dispatch the appropriate amount of vehicles to move that exact number of people as efficiently as possible.
But our local government getting its act together on all this is outside the world of possibility.
In a practical sense, we're going to see history repeat itself. Portland's mass transit history is about private and public entities over-extending themselves, getting too deep in debt on a flawed and outdated idea. As a result, the system collapses into consolidation or liquidation. Following this historical pattern, TriMet/Metro won't respond to changing conditions fast enough, and laughably stupid ideas like cranking up taxes or increasing ridership fares will continue to be the only option until the media finally acknowledges these groups are insolvent. I just hope we don't spend tens of billions of dollars propping up this zombie system before we can soberly realize that we made some mistakes and these vanity-laden projects 20 and 30 years ago need to die.
You see, the biggest flaw with TriMet isn't the design, it needs to be outpaced by technology, it's that the people making decisions at TriMet and Metro are going to make the politically expedient decisions, not the right decisions. They won't redesign, and they won't leverage technology for cost savings, so this charade will just get going along until the media simply declares they're insolvent.
Back to fares for a second - the media happily reprints TriMet's horseshit take about "The higher fares will bring in an estimated $4.9 million in annual revenue starting next year, the report says." Just sort of amazing to me there's no skepticism about this number - but most spectacular is no media considerations about alternative solutions. For example, I could tell TriMet how to save $9,548,091 next year - a useless program primarily utilized by white middle-class folks who own alternative methods of transport - and this would inconvenience way less transit-dependent people than raising fares. But, that's off the table - we're not even developing a decision matrix for when we kill the blackhole of money known as WES.

Chapter 1
The Villager’s Warning
In the North near the tempestuous mountains and the groves of the Relum trees, which grow relum, which are like sweet pears, was a prosperous village called “ Alestra”. Alestra is a medium-sized village known for its cloying relums and its soft and crumbly soil perfect for the trees and gardens. They lived a humble and healthy life supplying themselves with veggies and meat from the boars they hunted. The water from Rivenile was the source of their agricultural success and survival. The sound of little children having fun exploring the fields of grain while their family works diligently on the farms. Most of the children spend their time outside either helping with their family's farm or playing near the grains and on the trees playing fun games. All except one particular boy who will spend his days indoors writing stories and reading about the fascinating creatures he wishes to discover. His name was Aran Yearwood, a 12-year-old with red hair living with his parents who helped the village by transporting their food and veggies to nearby villages. Aran eagerly followed his father, perpetually saying “Father, can I hear the story about the Rift Creators of the Coliseum again please?”. The father replied, “ How about tonight when your mother is back for dinner, is that alright?”. “ Yes Father,” said Aran. Aran rushed to his room whose walls were covered with sheets of drawings and a portrait of his family right in the center of his room. His desk was piled with books and maps slightly torn and dirty. His bed was big enough for him, and a little chest lay at the end of the bed to store the items he cherished. Aran sat on his chair and picked up a book labeled “ Creatures of the Night” and he sat on his bed and read from where he began. Meanwhile, the Father went near his stable and put the ponderous goods on the wagon when he smelled a putrid stench of a rotting corpse. The father looked around to find the smell and discovered a Villager riding a horse carrying a wagon with numerous dead bodies disfigured and all missing body parts. “ What happened to them!?” stuttered the father in shock. “ To be honest I don’t know?” said the villager. “It might be a wolf or a bear,” said the villager. “That can’t be bears since it's winter,” said the father. “We might have to stop shipment to other villages,” said the villager. “Why, though, it's only a few animals we can take care of,” said the father. “Well, that depends if the mayor agrees,” the villager says. “Shouldn’t we mail this to animal control, maybe they can control these beasts,” the father said. “Already mailed it to them, should be arriving in a few weeks or so”. The villager rode his horse to the village square leaving the father worried. When it was nightfall the family was at the dinner table eating their food. They had a hot and warm meat pie filled with lamb and pork all mixed with gravy with a side of pan-fried spinach. After their dinner, Aran rushed towards his room with his father following him. “ Are you gonna tell me the story Father?” asked Aran. “ Alright, hold your patience,” said the father as he sat down on the bed. “ The story of the ..colosseum begins with the Greater wills, gods who judge the realms and serve as the way of evolution”. “When these gods see someone they love they give birth to the demigods. “ Each demigod ruled the realms and served as a ruler for their realms,” asked the Father. “ They had abilities like gravity, time, War, pestilence, and even death, while others had less powerful abilities like sand,” said the father. “ Each of the demigods is known to be the best and the most revered in their worlds.,” said the father in a Joyous mood. '' “All had everything they could need in their lives, but some wanted more”. The father looked outside the dark knight. “ Well it's getting late. The father replied with a tired tone “ Sleep well Aran”. “Can you finish the story tomorrow? " asked Aran, resting his head on the pillow. “Of course,” said the father. Aran closed his eyes and dreamed of himself in the stars, seeing the planets go by as he feels the
5 years later
Aran who was now 17 got off his bed with his room no longer having the drawings he used to have and the desk he still had an accumulation of books. He passed his parent's room and went into the kitchen to make his parents some breakfast. Aran's parents were always tired of the number of resources needed for other villages and Aran’s mother sprained her knee when running back to the village. Aran grabbed a few thick pork slices and chopped them to put on the ardent sizzling pan. Aran proceeded to crack a few eggs, mix them with scallions, and place them on the pan with the pork bits until they were cooked well. The sound of the sizzling food awoke the father as he peeked through the kitchen to see his son cook. The father asks” Son it's still dark outside why are you up this early”. “I wanted to give you something to eat while I’m gone with the delivery for the next town,” said Aran. “ Alone, you can’t be alone when Wendigos are out on the road”. “ Let me come and help you deliver the food..” but as the father said that he was cut off and the Aron said, “ It's alright I brought a knife with me and I’ll be cautious”. Aran exited the house and went near the stable to ride his horse carrying the fruits and vegetables on his side. Aran rode his horse down the road to the village square. The village square had big houses with markets surrounding the houses and farms surrounding the Relum trees growing ever so long behind the village. The villagers look depleted and worn out. Aran rode his horse to the other houses to ask for resources and food they offered them all saying “ Tell Newberry to stay strong”. After Aran was finished taking the villager's supplies for Newberry he went to the village chief to gather his resources. He knocked on the door of the Mayor's house and saw him with a pile of water buckets, a few bags of gold, and Packs of wood. “ Ah Aran, please put this on your cart and tell Newberry to stay safe and have hope”. “Of course chief,” said Aran. Aran rode his horse to the village gate next to the tower post. When Aran was next to the post a Knight went outside of the tower replying “ What is your business of leaving Alestra '' . “ I’m transporting my family’s food to the village of Newberry, “ said Aran. “ The village of Newberry isn't doing well since the Wendigos raided them, they're going to need those supplies” said the knight. Aran was permitted to leave Alestera and Aran continued his journey on the path. Aran passed through from a few corpses to an abundance of them until Aran saw the village. The village was burned and ravaged with dark smoke covering the sky and the stench of burning flesh still in the air. Aran rushed to the village to see if anybody survived but found none survived. When Aran was about to leave he saw smoke coming out of the forest, Aran rode his horse swiftly and came to the source of the fire. He saw a few villagers and a small number of children near the fire scared and tired from the raid. “ Are you the villagers of Newberry?” asked Aran. “ We used to be until the Wendigos attacked,” said an elderly lady. Aran with a shocked look on his face asked: “ What about the knights”. “ Most of them died fighting while some died running,” said the old man next to the lady. “ Some more knights tried to help but those insidious beasts forestalled ”. Aran was worried for the villagers of Newberry and shouted“ I have resources from the town of Alestra and we have come for your help!!!”. All the villagers looked at Aran as he continued to shout “ Please gather any resources you need and help yourself to the food you need to survive with!!!”. The Villagers filled with hope and joy rushed to the cart and gathered all the supplies. They were all eating and drinking and covering themselves with blankets making them feel just a little bit safer. “ We don’t know how to thank you, young sir,” said a man with his children next to him. “ Please sir you don’t have to do anything, but if you and the others need help we're just a few miles away south,” said Aran. Aran left with an empty cart and a feeling of beatitude when he saw the villagers of Newberry full of bliss and hope. Halfway through his trip back to his village the horse instantaneously stopped and nearly threw Aran off the horse. “ Stay here Becky,” said Aran smoothly. He jumped off the horse and looked all around to see if anything would jump out and attack him. Suddenly he heard a large screeching sound mixed with screeching. He heard rustling and sticks being broken. He heard the noise again except it was teeth chattering and the sound of a loud sharp horn was closer. “ We have to go, Becky,” said Aran urgently as he jumped on his horse and rode as fast as he could. Aran heard the sound come closer and faster towards him. Aran had the sudden urge to stop the horse midway. Aran stopped his horse and soon after a dark wendigo jumped out in front of him and crashed near some trees and was unconscious for a few seconds. Aran used that time to ride away while horrified by that chase. The wendigo screeched in anger as Aran was out of its sight. Aran returned to the village sweaty and scared and opened the doors only to be on his knees. The father rushed up to him with the mother following him slowly. “ Aran what happened to you?!” asked the father in a frightened manner. “I escaped from a wendigo,” said Aran panting. “ How in this world did you survive?!” asked the father. “ Raranold, let the Aran rest now,” said the mother. “ Aran is traumatized enough for today, we can ask when he is ready but for now let him sleep and rest”. The father took a deep breath and said to Aran “ You can go upstairs and we’ll cook something for you, is that okay ''. “That's okay,” Aran replied. Aran went upstairs to his room and went to his bed to sit. Aran heard voices from downstairs wanting to hear what his parents were talking about. Aran opened the door quietly, walked on the stairs sneakily, and peered through the kitchen to hear what they were saying. “ 7 people died on that road and were eaten, there is no way our son could survive one of their attacks,” said Raranold. “ I think it's time for us to leave the village”. “But where will we go, Raranold,” asked the mother. “ We could go to the city of Elistar and maybe there we can be safe,” said the father. “I don’t know what to do now Elizabeth”. “ We can leave tomorrow when we pack all our stuff and leave while we still have light, and maybe we can reach an inn,” said Elizabeth. “ But what about Aran, how will he handle this?” asked Raranold. “He might be upset about it but I’m sure he’ll love the big city and all its fancy buildings and all the new stuff he’ll like”. “ Plus we have a good amount of money to survive in the city”. “ Now then, we should be cooking dinner at Raranold”. “ Please pass me the mushrooms on your right, we're going to be making some skewers” Aran walked to his room quietly shocked by the fact that he will move from the village he grew up in. Aran looked out the window gazing at the village thinking about how he will never get used to the city. Aran suddenly saw something big and tall in the bushes. It was the same wendigo that was chasing him through the path. Aran quickly fell over in terror and when he got back up, the wendigo was suddenly gone in an instant. “ Oh lords,” said Aran. The wendigo rushed deep into the forests crossing through the dry trees and the murky puddles towards an abandoned camp. The abandoned camp was full of wendigos either resting or fighting each other for food. Near the big stump sat a tall wendigo with various skulls and aches full of bottles and ashes on his sides. The wendigo held a staff with a large skull. The wendigo went towards the large wendigo and shrieked “ Shouldn’t we attack the village now”. The tall Wendigo stood up and said “ We attack when the sun is dim”. They heard horses coming through the road with knights packed with weapons passing by them. The tall Wendigo screamed in the sky letting every Wendigo know that they would attack the village of Alestra.

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Chapter 3 - Dreams and Vows
Northern Facility, Vanstead Dukedom of Augustein, Year 989
“You’ve never heard of the Warped Forest?”
Amara looked over from where her gaze had drifted over to Lily and Tom in the corner. The two were playing some kind of hand game involving a series of intricate motions that she still couldn’t make sense of. It still felt odd to see the two of them older now. She’d gotten used to them being the “babies” of the cell, but they’d shot up in height and didn’t look all that different from the rest of them now.
Edith was watching her expectantly, and Amara shrugged.
“No.”
“How, though? Literally everyone in Vanstead knows about it!”
“Didn’t you say I was probably from Chaunton?”
The other girl sputtered, but quickly spoke again, never one to lose ground for long. “Well, we’re in Vanstead right now, you know? Once we get out of here, you’d better know about it!” She spoke the words confidently, like she spoke most things. Edith leaned forward. “My mo—I’ve heard tons of stories,” she corrected. Over the years, the girl had grown increasingly uncomfortable mentioning her family or anyone else she used to know.
Amara nodded, obligingly turning to face her and crossing her legs. “Tell me,” she said. Edith grinned triumphantly, and that alone was more than enough.
A few of the other kids paused and glanced over, including Lily and Tom, who stopped their game and scooted closer. Along with them came Susie and Ben, and eventually almost the entire cell was gathered around Edith, who sat up straighter. She began gesturing wildly with her arms as she always did when she told stories.
“Far up north in the Shifting Lands, where the air’s cold and there’s more trees than grasses, they say there’s a forest where the trees move.” She paused for dramatic effect.
“I thought they changed shapes,” Susie piped up.
“Shush, I was getting to that!” Edith huffed. “Up there, they say there’s no more form magic in the earth to keep them still, so they keep changing shapes. The branches’ll get longer and shorter, and the trunks twist around and bend as easily as water.” She mimicked the motion with her body. In her thin, malnourished state, her flailing arms brought back memories of James. Amara swallowed and kept listening.
“But the forest doesn’t just stay there,” Edith said dramatically. She leaned closer, and her audience obligingly leaned forward as well. “Every year it moves further and further south, and everywhere the trees go, that place also ends up, well, like that!” The girl fumbled for words, but pressed onward. “Not just that, but they say Aberrations live deep in the forest. They hide away in the trees, and whenever the forest gets close to a town, the Aberrations jump out!”
Edith swung her arms up like she was about to pounce, and a few of the kids gasped. Most of the ones who did so were the newer arrivals, people who hadn’t spent a year in the facility yet. After that point, their reactions usually dulled to some extent.
Edith looked around expectantly, and after a few seconds, they started clapping in awkward, erratic bursts, unused to the gesture. It seemed to be enough for the girl, who looked pleased with her story’s reception.
“Why’s it keep moving south?” one of the girls asked. She was one of the youngest in their cell. She didn’t speak much, but Amara often caught her singing to herself at night and after sessions. She always did it softly, mostly to herself, but Amara found herself wishing the girl would be louder. She had a pretty voice.
Edith frowned, and her eyes darted over to Amara for help. Amara just shrugged. She certainly didn’t know. Edith rolled her eyes and launched into an impressively convoluted string of explanations that grew increasingly more wild the longer she went on. Amara listened patiently, enjoying the tale despite its absurdity.
Later that night, while the rest of the kids slept, Edith sat down near Amara, who raised an eyebrow at her.
“So, the forest.”
Edith hit her good naturedly, making sure to focus the blow on Amara’s shoulder and not her increasingly scarred arms. “Shush. It’s cool, okay?”
Amara hummed. “It sounds scary.”
“Well, maybe a little, but I still want to see it.”
Amara nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I think I do too,” she said after a moment of thought. Through Edith’s tales, she’d learned about a string of different places, all of which sounded equal parts terrifying and beautiful. Just last week, Edith had spoken about the great storms of Aeramire, where excessive energy magic ore mining had resulted in extreme and unstable weather patterns. The way the other girl had described them had made them seem otherworldly and awe inspiring.
Sometimes, a small part of Amara resented Edith for telling these stories and filling her head with these images that she knew deep down she would never get to see. But then Edith would talk about the two of them traveling around the world together and going to see all those sights with such assuredness that she forgave her immediately.
Amara closed her eyes and allowed sleep to overtake her. She didn’t dream often, but that night, she dreamed of swirling branches and distorted trees, sharp figures against a vast, unending sky.
—
Susie died. Edith took it harder than Amara had expected, but the two of them had always been closer than Amara ever was with the girl. The next two nights, instead of sleeping near Amara like she usually did, she lay down on Susie’s old spot and stared up at the ceiling for hours. Amara didn’t know if she actually fell asleep those nights; she didn’t see her shut her eyes before her own weariness overtook her.
There hadn’t been a death in a long time, Amara realized. The last one was over a year ago. A part of her had assumed that those of them left in the cell were the “successes,” that they at least wouldn’t have to worry about losing another face among them, and she could tell that the others had thought the same, too. Amara absentmindedly squeezed her arm and stared at Susie’s old spot. She allowed numbness to overtake the simmering cold feeling in her gut.
She thought about the girl’s warm, bright hair. The cell was significantly more colorless without it.
—
“How long do you think they’ll keep us here?” Edith asked one day. Amara frowned at her, rolling over and bumping into the girl in the process. She tried to keep quiet, aware of the slumbering forms surrounding them.
“Go to sleep,” Amara whispered to her instead. She was about to shift and roll over again, but before she could, Edith’s hand shot out, stopping her.
“The Raymoths were overthrown.”
Edith’s eyes burned fiercely, their usual sparkle now so sharp they were almost painful to look at. Her hands shook slightly with rage. Amara swallowed. She’d never seen Edith look like that before. She sat up a little.
“…Are you sure?”
It was all she could think of to say. Her own mind reeled, trying to digest the information. For as long as she could remember, she’d always associated “Raymoths” with “the Sovereign” and “Sovereign” with those introductory words the magicians had said all those years ago: that the Sovereign had ordered for the experiments to occur. It was simply a fact of their existence that everyone in the cell knew of, but none had ever been able to do anything about it. Even Edith had, at most, speculated for a few days about the reason for the experiments before she, too, became tired of the subject and its lack of answers.
The Raymoths were overthrown? That meant there was a new Sovereign, which meant—
“I heard the guards talking about it.” Edith interrupted her thoughts, the other girl’s voice low. She clenched her fist. “The Sovereign’s been different for three years.”
Amara shook her head. “That can’t be. The experiments—”
“—are still going on.” Edith let out a frustrated breath. “The magicians must’ve kept doing them on their own.” She tugged at her hair, biting her lip so hard that Amara was worried it would start bleeding.
“Maybe the new Sovereign doesn’t know,” Amara said half-heartedly, both for Edith’s and her own sake. In her mind, all that rang out was, You’ll be here forever. The cold feeling boiled so intensely she was worried it would overflow. But she couldn’t let it, not here in the cell, surrounded by everyone else.
Even though she’d always told herself that she’d accepted her fate, a small part of her might have always hoped, she realized. But if the old Sovereign, the one who had ordered the experiments, was dead and they were still happening, then that was undeniable proof to her that nothing would ever stop them. They would die in the facility, and the rest of the world would probably never even know that they existed. The latter, Amara realized, was somehow an even more terrifying thought than the first.
Edith started to get up. “I’m gonna ask them,” she said, eyes hard. Amara jerked her head up in alarm.
“Are you crazy?” she hissed.
“I need answers,” Edith said. Amara reached up and grabbed her, preventing her from standing.
“Go back to sleep,” she said. She paused to take a second and glance around, worried that she’d woken the others, but if she had then they were good at pretending to be asleep. Amara turned back to Edith, pulling on her sleeve with more urgency. “What’s asking them gonna do? Even if they answer you, we’re still stuck here.” Edith flinched, but she quickly recovered, the flame in her eyes flaring.
“They can’t keep us here forever. We’re not just scared little kids anymore!”
“Yeah, which means they’ll get rid of us if they have to!”
The older they got, the more the magicians treated them with wariness. They were reaching an age where they were harder to control, and Amara was very aware that they weren’t the only “successes” in the facility. They weren’t valuable enough to risk keeping around if the magicians ever thought they were too much to handle.
Edith grit her teeth, swallowing, and Amara could see the girl shaking as she visibly tried to calm herself. She yanked her arm away and turned around, laying her head down with her back facing Amara and resolutely refusing to look at her.
Amara tried to tap her shoulder a few times over the night, calling out her name, but Edith continued to ignore her. Finally, Amara gave up and turned away as well, closing her eyes and waiting for sleep to take over. This was fine, she told herself, forcing her mind to that floaty place where everything was muted and there was no danger of that cold feeling rising. She’d rather Edith be mad at her than dead.
​
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The whirring blades of my MD-902 throbbed against the warm evening air, and I smiled.
From 5,000 feet, the ground flew by in a carpet of dark forests and kelly-green fields. The sun hung low on the horizon in a picturesque array of dazzling orange and gold, and I could make out the narrow strip of the Ohio River to my left, glistening in the fading daylight. This time of year, the trees would be full of the sweet aroma of fresh blossoms, and the frequent rains kept small pockets of fluffy white mist hanging in the treetops. It was a beautiful view, one that reminded me of why being a helicopter pilot trumped flying in a jumbo jet far above the clouds every day of the week.
Fourteen more days, and I’m debt free.
That made me grin even more. I’d been working as a charter pilot ever since I obtained my license at age 19, and after years of keeping my nose to the grindstone, I was closing on the final payment for real-estate in western Pennsylvania. With no debt, a fixer-upper house on 30 rural acres all to myself, and a respectable wage for a 26-year-old pilot, I looked forward to the financial freedom I could now enjoy. Maybe I’d take a vacation, somewhere exotic like Venice Italy, or the Dominican Republic. Or perhaps I’d sock the money back for the day I started a family.
“Remember kleineun, a real man looks after his own.”
My elderly ouma’s voice came back from the depths of my memories, her proud, sun-tanned face rising from the darkness. She and my Rhodesian grandfather had emigrated to the US when they were newlyweds, as the violence against white Boer descendants in South Africa spiraled out of control. My mother and father both died in a car crash when I was six, and it had been my grandparents who raised me. Due to this, I’d grown up with a slight accent that many of my classmates found amusing, and I could speak both English, and Afrikaans, the Boer tongue of our former home.
I shifted in my seat, stretched my back muscles, and glanced at the picture taped to my console. Both my parents flanked a grinning, gap-toothed six-year-old me, at the last Christmas we’d spent together. My mother beamed, her dark hair and Italian features a sharp contrast to my father’s sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. Sometimes, I liked to imagine they were smiling at me with pride at how well I flew the old silver-colored bird my company had assigned to me, and that made the long, lonely flights easier to bear.
A flicker caught my eye, and I broke my gaze away from the photograph.
Perched in its small cradle above the controls, my little black Garmin fuzzed over for a few seconds, its screen shifting from brightly colored maps to a barrage of grey static.
Did the power chord come loose?
I checked, ensuring the power-cable for the unit’s battery was plugged into the port on the control panel. It was a brand-new GPS unit, and I’d used it a few times already, so I knew it wasn’t defective. Granted, I could fly and navigate without it, but the Garmin made my time as a pilot so much easier that the thought of going blind was dreadful.
My fuel gauge danced, clicked to empty, then to full, in a bizarre jolt.
More of the gauges began to stutter, the entire panel seeming to develop terrets all at once, and my pulse began to race. Something was wrong, very wrong, and the sludge inside my bowels churned with sour fear.
“Come on, come on.” I flicked switches, turned dials, punched buttons, but nothing seemed to fix the spasming electronics. Every gauge failed, and without warning, I found myself plunged into inky darkness.
Outside, the sun surrendered to the pull of night, the sky darker than usual. A distant rumble of thunder reverberated above the roar of my helicopter’s engine, and I thought I glimpsed a streak of yellowish lightning on the far horizon to my left.
Calm down Chris. We’re still flying, so it must just be a blown fuse. Stay in control and find a place to set her down.
My sweaty palm slid on the cyclic stick, and both feet weighed heavy on the yaw pedals. The collective stuck to my other hand with a nervous vibration, and I squinted against the abyss outside.
Beep.
I jumped despite myself, as the little Garmin on my panel flared back to life, the static pulling aside to reveal a twitching display. Each time the screen glitched, it showed the colorful map detailing my flight path over the ground below, but I noticed that some of the lines changed, the names shifting, as if the device couldn’t decide between two different versions of the world.
One name jutted out at me, slate gray like most of the major county names, appearing with ghostly flickers from between two neighboring ones.
Barron County.
I stared, confused. I’d flown over this section of southeastern Ohio plenty of times, and I knew the counties by heart. At this point, I should have been over the southern end of Noble County, and maybe dipping lower into Washington. There was no Barron County Ohio. I was sure of it.
And yet it shown back at me from the digital landscape, a strange, almost cigar-shaped chunk of terrain carved from the surrounding counties like a tumor, sometimes there, sometimes not, as my little Garmin struggled to find the correct map. Rain began to patter against my cockpit window, and the entire aircraft rattled from a strong gust of wind. Thick clouds closed over my field of vision like a sea of gray cotton.
The blood in my veins turned to ice, and I sucked in a nervous breath.
Land. I had to land. There was nothing else to do, my flight controls weren’t responding, and only my Garmin had managed to come back to life. Perhaps I’d been hit by lightning, and the electronics had been fried? Either way, it was too dark to tell, but a storm seemed to be brewing, and if I didn’t get my feet on the ground soon, I could be in real trouble.
“Better safe than sorry.” I pushed down on the collective to start my slow descent and clicked the talking button for my headset. “Any station, this is Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, over.”
Nothing.
“Any station, this is Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, requesting emergency assistance, over.”
Still nothing.
If the radio’s dead, I’m really up a creek.
With my hand shaking, I clicked on the mic one more time. “Any station, this is—”
Like a curtain pulling back, the fog cleared from around my window, and the words stuck in my throat.
Without my gauges, I couldn’t tell just how far I’d descended, but I was definitely very low. Thick trees poked up from the ground, and the hills rolled into high ridges with flat valley floors, fields and pastures pockmarking them. Rain fell all around in cold, silvery sheets, a normal feature for the mid spring in this part of Ohio.
What wasn’t normal, were the fires.
At first, I thought they were forest fires for the amount of smoke and flames that bellowed from each spot, but as I swooped lower, my eyes widened in horror.
They were houses.
Farms, cottages, little clusters that barely constituted villages, all of them belched orange flames and black pillars of sooty smoke. I couldn’t hear above the helicopter blades, but I could see the flashes on the ground, along the road, in between the trees, and even coming from the burning buildings, little jets of golden light that spat into the darkness with anger.
Gunfire. That’s rifle fire, a whole lot of it.
Tiny black figures darted through the shadows, barely discernable from where I sat, several hundred feet up. I couldn’t see much, but some were definitely running away, the streaks of yellow gunfire chasing them. A few dark gray vehicles rumbled down one of the gravel roads, and sprayed fire into the houses as it went. They were fighting, I realized, the people in the trucks and the locals. It was horrific, like something out of war-torn Afghanistan, but worse.
Then, I caught a glimpse of the others.
They didn’t move like the rest, who either fled from the dark vehicles, or fired back from behind cover. These skinny figures loped along with haphazard gaits, many running on all fours like animals, swarming from the trees by the dozens. They threw themselves into the gales of bullets without flinching, attacking anyone within range, and something about the way they moved, so fluid, so fearless, made my heart skip a beat.
What is that?
“Echo Four Actual to unknown caller, please respond, over.”
Choking back a cry of shock, I fumbled at the control panel with clumsy fingers, the man’s voice sharp and stern. I hadn’t realized that I’d let go of the talking button and clicked it down again. “Hello? Hello, this is Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot out of Pittsburgh, over.”
An excruciating moment passed, and I continued to zoom over the trees, the fires falling away behind me as more silent forest took over.
“Roger that Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, we read you loud and clear. Please identify yourself and any passengers or cargo you might be carrying, over.”
Swallowing hard, I eyed the treetops, which looked much closer than they should have been. How far had I descended? “Echo Four Actual, my name is Christopher Dekker, and I am alone. I’m a charter flight from PA, carrying medical equipment for OSU in Columbus. My controls have been damaged, and I am unable to safely carry on due to the storm. Requesting permission to land, over.”
I watched the landscape slide by underneath me, once catching sight of what looked like a little white church surrounded by smaller huts, dozens of figures in the yard staring up at me as I flew over a towering ridgeline.
“Solid copy on that Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot. Be advised, your transponder shows you to be inside a restricted zone. Please cease all radio traffic, reduce your speed, climb to 3,000 feet and proceed north. We’ll talk you in from there. How copy, over?”
My heart jumped, and I let out a sigh of relief. “Roger that Echo Four Actual, my altimeter is down, but I’ll do my best to eyeball the altitude, over.”
With that, I pulled the collective upward, and tried my best to gauge how far I was by eyesight in the gathering night, rain still coming down all around me. This had to be some kind of disaster or riot, I decided. After all, the voice over the radio sounded like military, and those vehicles seemed to have heavy weapons. Maybe there was some kind of unrest going on here that I hadn’t heard about yet?
Kind of weird for it to happen in rural areas though. Spoiled college kids I get, but never saw farmers get so worked up before. They usually love the military.
Something moved in the corner of my eye, and I turned out of reflex.
My mouth fell open, and I froze, unable to scream.
In the sky beside me, a huge shadow glided along, and its leathery wings effortlessly carved through the gloom, flapping only on occasion to keep it aloft. It was too dark for me to see what color it was, but from the way it moved, I knew it wasn’t another helicopter. No, this thing was alive, easily the size of a small plane, and more than twice the length of my little McDonald Douglass. A long tail trailed behind it, and bore a distinct arrow-shaped snout, with twig-like spines fanned out around the back of its head. Whatever legs it had were drawn up under it like a bird, yet its skin appeared rough and knobby, almost resembling tree bark. Without pause, the gigantic bat-winged entity flew along beside me, as if my presence was on par with an annoying fly buzzing about its head.
Gripping the microphone switch so tight, I thought I’d crack the plastic, I whispered into my headset, forgetting all radio protocol. “T-There’s something up here.”
Static crackled.
“Douglas Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, say again your last, you’re coming in weak and unreadable, over.”
“There’s something up here.” I snarled into the headset, still glued to the controls of the helicopter, afraid to deviate even an inch from my course in case the monstrosity decided to turn on me. “A freaking huge thing, right beside me. I swear, it looks like a bat or . . . I don’t know.”
“Calm down.” The man on the other end of the radio broke his rigorous discipline as well, his voice deep, but level. “It won’t attack if you don’t move too fast. Slowly ease away from it and follow that course until you’re out of sight.”
I didn’t have time to think about how wrong that sounded, how the man’s strict tone had changed to one of knowledge, how he hadn’t been the least surprised by what I’d said. Instead, I slowly turned the helicopter away from the huge menace and edged the speed higher in tiny increments.
As soon as I was roughly two football fields away, I let myself relax, and clicked the mic switch. “It’s not following.”
“You’re sure?”
Eyeing the huge flapping wings, I nodded, then remembered he couldn’t see me. “Yeah, I’m well clear.”
“Good. Thank you, Mr. Dekker.”
Then, the radio went dead.
Something in my chest dropped, a weight that made my stomach roil. This wasn’t right, none of it. Who was that man? Why did he know about the thing I’d just seen? What was I supposed to—
A flash of light exploded from the trees to my right and shot into the air with a long finger of smoke.
What the . . .
On instinct, I jerked the cyclic stick to one side, and the helicopter swung to avoid the rocket.
Boom.
My world shook, metal screeched, and a dozen alarms began to go off inside the cockpit in a cacophony of beeps and sirens. Orange and red flames lit up the night sky just behind me, and the horizon started to spin wildly outside. Heat gushed from the cockpit door, and I smelled the greasy stench of burning oil. The safety belts dug into my shoulders, and with a final slip, the radio headset ripped free from my scalp.
I’m hit.
Desperate, I yanked on the controls, fought the bird even as she spun toward the ground in a wreath of flames, the inky black trees hurtling up to meet me. The helicopter went into full auto-rotation, the sky blurring past outside, and the alarms blared in a screech of doom. Panic slammed through my temples, I screamed at the top of my lungs, and for one brief second, my eyes locked on the little black Garmin still perched atop my control panel.
Its screen stopped twitching and settled on a map of the mysterious Barron County, with a little red arrow at the center of the screen, a few words popping up underneath it.
You are here.
Trees stabbed up into the sky, the belts crushed at my torso, glass shattered all around me, and the world went dark.
Copper, thick, warm, and tangy.
It filled my mouth, stank metallic in my nose, clogged my throat, choking me. In the murkiness, I fought for a surface, for a way out, blind and numb in the dark.
This way, kleineun.
My ouma’s voice echoed from somewhere in the shadows.
This way.
Both eyes flew open, and I gagged, spitting out a stream of red.
Pain throbbed in my ribs, and a heavy pressure sent a tingling numbness through my shoulders. Blood roared inside my temples, and stars danced before my eyes with a dizzying array. Humid night air kissed my skin, and something sticky coated my face, neck, and arms that hung straight up toward the ceiling.
Wait. Not up. Down.
I blinked at the wrinkled, torn ceiling of the cockpit, the glass all gone, the gray aluminum shredded like tissue paper. Just outside the broken windows, thick Appalachian bluegrass and stemmy underbrush swished in a feeble breeze, backlit by flashes of lightning from the thunderstorm overhead. Green and brown leaves covered everything in a wet carpet of triangles, and somewhere nearby, a cricket chirped.
Turning my head from side to side, I realized that I hung upside down inside the ruined helicopter, the top half burrowed into the mud. I could hear the hissing and crackling of flames, the pattering of rain falling on the hot aluminum, and the smaller brush fires around the downed aircraft sizzling out in the damp long grass. Charred steel and burning oil tainted the air, almost as strong as the metallic, coppery stench in my aching nose.
They shot me down. That military dude shot me out of the sky.
It didn’t make sense. I’d followed their orders, done everything they’d said, and yet the instant I veered safely away from whatever that thing in the sky had been, they’d fired, not at it, but at me.
Looking down (or rather, up) at my chest, I sucked in a gasp, which was harder to do that before.
The navy-blue shirt stuck to my torso with several big splotches of dark, rusty red. Most were clean slashes, but two held bits of glass sticking out of them, one alarmingly bigger than the other. They dripped cherry red blood onto my upturned face, and a wave of nausea hit me.
I gotta get down.
I flexed my arms to try and work some feeling back into them, praying nothing was broken. Half-numb from hanging so long, I palmed along my aching body until I felt the buckled for the seat belts.
“Okay.” I hissed between gritted teeth, in an effort to stave off my panic. “You can do this. Just hold on tight. Nice and tight. Here we go . . .”
Click.
Everything seemed to lurch, and I slid off the seat to plummet towards the muck-filled hole in the cockpit ceiling. My fingers were slick with blood and slipped over the smooth faux-leather pilot’s seat with ease. The shoulder belt snagged on the bits of glass that lay just under the left lowest rib, and a flare of white-hot pain ripped through me.
Wham.
I screamed, my right knee caught the edge of the aluminum ceiling, and both hands dove into a mound of leaf-covered glass shards on the opposite side of the hole. My head swam, being right-side-up again enough to make shadows gnaw at the corner of my eyes.
Forcing myself to breath slowly, I fought the urge to faint and slid back to sit on the smooth ceiling. I turned my hands over to see half a dozen bits of clear glass burrowed into my skin like greedy parasites, red blood weeping around the new cuts.
“Screw you.” I spat at the rubbish with angry tears in my eyes. “Screw you, screw you, screw you.”
The shards came out easy enough, and the cuts weren’t that deep, but that wasn’t what worried me. On my chest, the single piece of cockpit glass that remined was almost as big as my palm, and it really hurt. Just touching it felt like self-inflicted torture, but I knew it had to come out sooner or later.
Please don’t nick a vein.
Wiping my hands dry on my jeans, I gripped the shard with both hands, and jerked.
Fire roared over my ribs, and hot blood tickled my already grimy pale skin. I clapped a hand over the wound, pressing down hard, and grunted out a string of hateful expletives that my ouma would have slapped me for.
Lying on my back, I stared around me at the messy cargo compartment of the MD-902. Most of the medical supplies had been in cardboard boxes strapped down with heavy nylon tow-straps, but several cases had ruptured with the force of the impact, spraying bandages, syringes, and pill bottles all over the cluttered interior. Orange flames chewed at the crate furthest to the rear, the tail section long gone, but the foremost part of the hold was intact. Easily a million-dollar mess, it would have made me faint on any other trip, but today it was a godsend.
Half-blind in the darkness, I crawled along with only the firelight and lightning bolts to guide me, my right knee aching. Like a crippled raccoon, I collected things as I went, conscious of the two pallets of intact supplies weighing right over my head. I’d taken several different first-aid courses with some hunting buddies of mine, and the mental reflexes kicked in to help soothe my frazzled mind.
Check for bleeds, stop the worst, then move on.
Aside from my battered chest and stomach, the rest of me remained mostly unharmed. I had nasty bruises from the seatbelts, my right knee swelled, my nose slightly crooked and crusted in blood, but otherwise I was intact. Dowsing every scratch and cut with a bottle of isopropyl alcohol I found, I used butterfly closures on the smaller lacerations that peppered my skin. I wrapped soft white gauze over my abused palms and probed at the big cut where the last shard had been, only stopping when I was sure there were no pieces of glass wedged inside my flesh.
“Not too bad.” I grunted to myself, trying to sound impassive like a doctor might. “Rib must have stopped it. Gonna need stitches though. That’ll be fun.”
Pawing through the broken cases, I couldn’t find any suture chord, but just as I was about to give up, I noticed a small box that read ‘medical skin stapler’.
Bingo.
I tore the small white plastic stapler free from its packaging and eyeballed the device. I’d never done this before, only seen it in movies, and even though the cut in my skin hurt, I wondered if this wouldn’t be worse.
You’ve gotta do it. That bleeding needs to stop. Besides, no one’s coming to rescue you, not with those rocket-launching psychos out there.
Taking a deep breath, I pinched the skin around the gash together, and pressed the mouth of the stapler to it.
Click.
A sharp sting, like that of a needle bit at the skin, but it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the cut itself. I worked my way across the two-inch laceration and gave out a sigh of relief when it was done.
“Not going to bleed to death today.” I daubed ointment around the staples before winding more bandages over the wound.
Popping a few low-grade painkillers that tumbled from the cargo, I crawled wriggled through the nearest shattered window into the wet grass.
Raindrops kissed my face, clean and cool on my sweaty skin. Despite the thick cloud cover, there was enough constant lightning strikes within the storm to let me get glimpses of the world around me. My helicopter lay on its back, the blades snapped like pencils, with bits and pieces of it burning in chunks all around the small break in the trees. Chest-high scrub brush grew all around the low-lying ground, with pockets of standing water in places. My ears still rang from the impact of the crash, but I could start to pick up more crickets, frogs, and even some nocturnal birds singing into the darkness, like they didn’t notice the huge the hulk of flaming metal that had fallen from the sky. Overhead, the thunder rumbled onward, the feeble wind whistling, and there were other flashes on the horizon, orange and red ones, with crackles that didn’t sound quite like lightning.
The guns. They’re still fighting.
Instinctively, I pulled out my cellphone, and tapped the screen.
It fluttered to life, but no matter how I tried, I couldn’t get through to anyone, not even with the emergency function designed to work around having no service. The complicated wonder of our modern world was little better than a glorified paperweight.
Stunned, I sat down with my back to the helicopter and rested my head against the aluminum skin of the craft. How I’d gone from a regular medical supply run to being marooned in this hellish parody of rural America, I didn’t know, but one thig was certain; I needed a plan. Whoever fired the missile could have already contacted my charter company and made up some excuse to keep them from coming to look for me. No one else knew I was here, and even though I now had six staples holding the worst of my injuries shut, I knew I needed proper medical attention. If I wanted to live, I’d have to rescue myself.
My bag. I need to get my go-bag, grab some gear and then . . . head somewhere else.
It took me a while to gather my green canvas paratrooper bag from its place behind the pilot’s seat and fill it with whatever supplies I could scrounge. My knee didn’t seem to be broken, but man did it hurt, and I dreaded the thought of walking on it for miles on end. I focused instead on inventorying my gear and trying to come up with a halfway intelligent plan of action.
I had a stainless-steel canteen with one of those detachable cups on the bottom, a little fishing kit, some duct tape, a lighter, a black LED flashlight with three spare batteries, a few tattered road maps with a compass, a spare pair of socks, medical supplies from the cargo, and a simple forest green plastic rain poncho. I also managed to unearth a functioning digital camcorder my ouma had gotten me for Christmas a few years back, though I wasn’t sure I wanted to do any filming in such a miserable state. Lastly, since it was a private supply run from a warehouse area near Pittsburgh to a direct hospital pad in Ohio, I’d been able to bring my K-Bar, a sturdy, and brutally simple knife designed for the Marine Corps that I used every time I went camping. It was pitiful in comparison to the rifle I wished I had with me, but that didn’t matter now. I had what I had, and I doubted my trusty Armalite would have alleviated my sore knee anyway.
Clicking on my flashlight, I huddled with the poncho around my shoulders inside the wreck of the chopper and peered at the dusty roadmaps. A small part of me hoped that a solution would jump out from the faded paper, but none came. These were all maps of western PA and eastern Ohio. None of them had a Barron County on them anywhere.
The man on the radio said to head north, right before they shot me down. That means they must be camped out to the north of here. South had that convoy and those burning houses, so that’s a no-go. Maybe I can backtrack eastward the way I came.
As if on cue, a soft pop echoed from over the eastern horizon, and I craned to look out the helicopter window, spotting more man-made flashes over the tree tops.
“Great.” I hissed between clenched teeth, aware of how the temperature dipped to a chilly 60 degrees, and how despite the conditions, my stomach had begun to growl. “Not going that way, are we? Westward it is.”
Walking away from my poor 902 proved to be harder than I’d anticipated. Despite the glass, the fizzling fires, and the darkness, it still held a familiar, human essence to it. Sitting inside it made me feel secure, safe, even calm about the situation. In any other circumstance, I would have just stayed with the downed aircraft to wait for help, but I knew the men who shot me down would likely find my crash site, and I didn’t want to be around when they did.
Unlike much of central and western Ohio, southeastern Ohio is hilly, brushy, and clogged with thick forests. Thorns snagged at my thin poncho and sliced at my pant legs. My knee throbbed, every step a form of self-inflicted torture. The rain never stopped, a steady drizzle from above just cold enough to be problematic as time went on, making me shiver. Mud slid under my tennis shoes, and every tree looked ten times bigger in the flickering beam of my cheap flashlight. Icy fear prickled at the back of my neck at some of the sounds that greeted me through the gloom. I’d been camping loads of times, both in Pennsylvania and elsewhere, but these noises were something otherworldly to me.
Strange howls, screeches, and calls permeated the rain-soaked sky, some almost roars, while others bordered on human in their intonation. The more I walked, the softer the distant gunfire became, and the more prevalent the odd sounds, until the shadows seemed to fill with them. I didn’t dare turn off my flashlight, or I’d been completely blind in the dark, but a little voice in the back of my head screamed that I was too visible, crunching through the gloomy forest with my long beam of light stabbing into the abyss. It felt as though a million eyes were on me, studying me, hunting me from the surrounding brush, and I bitterly recalled how much I’d loved the old Survivor Man TV series as a kid.
Not so fun being out in the woods at night. Especially alone.
A twig snapped somewhere behind me, and I whirled on the spot, one trembling hand resting on the hilt of my K-Bar.
Nothing. Nothing but trees, bushes, and rain dripping down in the darkness.
“This is stupid.” I whispered to myself to keep my nerves in check as I slowly spun on the spot. “I should have went eastward anyway. God knows how long I’m going to have to—”
Creak.
A groan of metal-on-metal echoed from somewhere to my right, and I spun to face it, yanking the knife on my belt free from its scabbard. It felt so small and useless in my hand, and I choked down a wave of nauseas fear.
Ka-whump. Creak. K-whump. Creak.
Underbrush cracked and crunched, a few smaller saplings thrashed, and from deep within the gloom, two yellow orbs flared to life. They poked through the mist in the trees, forming into slender fingers of golden light that swept back and forth in the dark.
The soldiers . . . they must be looking for me.
I swallowed hard and turned to slink away.
Ice jammed through my blood, and I froze on the spot, biting my tongue to stop the scream.
It stood not yards away, a huge form that towered a good twelve feet tall in the swirling shadows. Unpolished chrome blended with flash-rusted spots in the faded red paint, and grime-smeared glass shone with dull hues in the flashes of lightning. Where the wheels should have been, the rounded steel axels curved like some enormous hand had bent them, and the tires lay face-down on the muddy ground like big round feet, their hubcaps buried in the dirt. Dents, scrapes, and chips covered the battered thing, and its crooked little radio antenna pointed straight up from the old metal fender like a mast. I could barely make out the mud-coated VW on the rounded hood, and my mind reeled in shock.
Is . . . is that a car?
Both yellow headlights bathed me in a circle of bright, blinding light, and neither I nor the strange vehicle moved.
Seconds ticked by, the screech-thumping in the background only growing closer. I realized that I couldn’t hear any engine noises and had yet to see any soldiers or guns pointed my way. This car looked old, really old, like one of those classic Volkswagen Beetles that collectors fought over at auctions. Try as I might, I couldn’t see a driver inside the murky, mold-smeared windows.
Because there wasn’t one.
Lightning arched across the sky overhead, and the car standing in front of me blinked.
Its headlights slid shut, as if little metal shades had crawled over the bulbs for a moment and flicked open again. Something about that movement was so primal, so real, so lifelike, that every ounce of self-control I had melted in an instant.
Cursing under my breath, I lunged into the shrubs, and the world erupted around me.
Under my shoes, the ground shook, and the car surged after me in a cacophony of ka-thumps that made my already racing heart skip several beats. A weather-beaten brown tow truck from the 50’s charged through the thorns to my left, it’s headlights ablaze, and a dilapidated yellow school bus rose from its hiding place in the weeds to stand tall on four down-turned axel-legs. They all flicked their headlights on like giants waking from their slumber, and as I dodged past them, they each blared their horn into the night in alarm.
My breaths came short and tight, my knee burned, and I crashed through thorns and briars without thought to how badly I was getting cut up.
The cheap poncho tore, and I ripped it away as it caught on a tree branch.
A purple 70’s Mustang shook off its blanket of creeping vines and bounded from a stand of trees just ahead, forcing me to swerve to avoid being run over, my adrenaline at all-time highs.
This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.
Slipping and sliding, I pushed through a stand of multiflora rose, and stumbled out into a flat, dark expanse.
I almost skidded to a stop.
What had once been a rather large field stood no taller than my shoestrings, the grass charred, and burnt. The storm above illuminated huge pieces of wreckage that lay scattered over the nearly 40-acre plot, and I could just make out the fire-blackened hulk of a fuselage resting a hundred yards away. The plane had been brought down a while ago it seemed, as there weren’t any flames left burning, and I threw myself toward it in frenzied desperation.
Burned grass and greasy brown topsoil slushed underfoot, and I could hear the squelching of the cars pursing me. Rain soaked me to the bone, and my lungs ached from sucking down the damp night air. A painful stich crept into my side, and I cursed myself for not putting in more time for cardio at the gym.
Something caught my left shoelace, and I hurtled to the ground, tasting mud and blood in between my teeth.
They’ve got me now.
I clawed at the mud, rolled, and watched a tire slam down mere inches from where my head had been. The Mustang loomed over me and jostled for position with the red Volkswagen and brown tow truck, the school bus still a few yards behind them. They couldn’t seem to decide who would get the pleasure of stomping me to death, and like a herd of stampeding wildebeest, they locked bumpers in an epic shoving match.
On all fours, I scampered out from under the sparring brutes, and dashed for the crumpled airplane, a white-painted DC-3 that looked like it had been cut in half by a gargantuan knife blade. I passed a snapped wing section, the oily remains of a turbo-prop engine, and a mutilated wheel from the landing gear. Climbing over a heap of mud, I squeezed into the back of the ruined flight cabin and dropped down into the dark cargo hold.
Wham.
No sooner had my sneakers hit the cold metal floor, and the entire plane rocked from the impact of something heavy ramming it just outside. I tumbled to my knees, screaming in pain as, once again, I managed to bash the sore one off a bracket in the wall.
My hand smeared in something gooey, and I scrabbled for my flashlight.
It clicked on, a wavering ball of white light in the pitch darkness, and I fought the urge to gag. “Oh man . . .”
Three people, or what was left of them, lay strewn over the narrow cargo area. Claret red blood coated the walls, caked on the floor, and clotted under my mud-spattered shoes. Bits of flesh and viscera were stuck to everything, and tatters of cloth hung from exposed sections of broken bone. An eerie set of bloody handprints adorned the walls, and the only reason I could tell it had been three people were the shoes; all of them bore anklebones sticking out above blood-soaked socks. It smelled sickly sweet, a strange, nauseas odor that crept into my nose and settled on the back of my tongue like an alien parasite.
Something glinted in the beam of my flashlight, and my pulse quickened as I pried the object loose from the severed arm that still clung to it.
“Hail Mary full of Grace.” I would have grinned if it weren’t for the fact that the plane continued to buck and roll under the assault from the cars outside.
The pistol looked old, but well-maintained, aside from the light coating of dark blood that stained its round wooden handle. It felt heavy, but good in my hand, and I turned it over to read the words, Waffenfabrik Mauser stenciled into the frame, with a large red 9 carved into the grip. For some reason, it vaguely reminded me of the blasters from Star Wars.
I fumbled with a little switch that looked like a safety on the back of the gun and stumbled toward a gap in the plane’s dented fuselage to aim out at the surrounding headlights.
Bang.
The old gun bucked reliably in my hand, its long barrel spitting a little jet of flame into the night. I had no idea if I hit anything, but the attacking cars recoiled, their horns blaring in confusion.
They turned, and scuttled for the tree line as fast as their mechanical legs could go, the entire ordeal over as fast as it had begun.
Did I do that?
Perplexed, I stared down at the pistol in my hand.
Whoosh.
A large, inky black shadow glided down from the clouds, and the yellow school bus moved too slow to react in time.
With a crash, the kicking nightmarish vehicle was thrown onto its side, spraying glass and chrome trim across the muddy field. Its electro-synth horn blared with wails of mechanical agony, as two huge talon-like feet clamped down on it, and the enormous head of the flying creature lowered to rip open its engine compartment.
The horn cut out, and the enormous flying entity jerked its head back to gulp down a mass of what looked like sticky black vines from the interior of the shattered bus.
At this range, I could see now that the flying creature bore two legs and had its wings half-tucked like a vulture that had descended to feed on roadkill. Its head turned slightly, and in the glow of another lightning bolt, my jaw went slack at the realization of what it was.
A tree trunk. It’s a rotted tree trunk.
I couldn’t tell where the reptilian beast began, and where the organic tree components ended, the upper part of the head shaped like a log, while the lower jaw resembled something out of a dinosaur movie. Its skin looked identical to the outside of a shagbark hickory but flexed with a supple featheriness that denoted something closer to skin. Sharp branch-like spines ranged down its back, and out to the end of its tail, which bore a massive round club shaped like a diseased tree-knot. Crouched on both hind legs, it braced the hooked ends of its folded wings against the ground like a bat, towering higher than a semi-truck. Under the folds of its armored head, a bulging pair of chameleon-like eyes constantly spun in their sockets, probing the dark for threats while it ate.
One black pupil locked onto the window I peered through, and my heart stopped.
The beast regarded me for a moment, with a curious, sideways sniff.
With a proud, contemptful head-toss, the shadow from the sky parted rows of razor-sharp teeth to let out a roar that shook the earth beneath my feet. It was the triumphant war cry of a creature that sat at the very top of the food chain, one that felt no threat from the fragile two-legged beings that walked the earth all around it. It hunted whenever it wanted, ate whatever it wanted, and flew wherever it wanted. It didn’t need to rip the plane apart to devour me.
Like my hunter-gatherer ancestors from thousands of years ago, I wasn’t even worth the energy it would take to pounce.
I’m hiding in the remains of the cockpit now, which is half-buried under the mud of the field, enough to shield the light from my screen so that thing doesn’t see it. My service only now came back, and it’s been over an hour since the winged beast started in on the dead bus. I don’t know when, or how I’m going to get out of here. I don’t know when anyone will even see this post, or if it will upload at all. My phone battery is almost dead, and at this point, I’m probably going to have to sleep among the corpses until daylight comes.
A dead man sleeping amongst friends.
If you live in the Noble County area in southeastern Ohio, be careful where you drive, fly, and boat. I don’t know if it’s possible to stumble into this strange place by ground, but if so, then these things are definitely headed your way.
If that happens . . . pray that they don’t find you.