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I Need Help Finding A Mechanical Engineering Internship Around West Chester, PA

2012.05.15 19:29 jpm374 I Need Help Finding A Mechanical Engineering Internship Around West Chester, PA


2018.07.07 18:00 earnburn LPC-Official

LPC is a crypto-currency based on proof-of-stake (POS) and masternode. Our main emphasis is to maintain the conditions that it is more profitable to keep your coin in our wallet then their sales.

2023.04.01 21:37 Chemical_Bathroom368 Does the girl wants to meet or not ?

I was on date with one girl,date was pretty good , we kissed nearly even had sex talked about a lot of things she asked me day later how iam and stuff. But now iam suspicious that she dont want a second date. I have asked her for it she told me yeah she wants to go but she is going into vacation for 2 weeks randomly . After 2 weeeks she is having plans everytime i ask her out. Its been nearly monht but she still tell me we will go. Should i just drop it ?
submitted by Chemical_Bathroom368 to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:37 ninjakitty47 ... yet I'll still want you

You and I... is it just a fantasy I've been feeding myself?
Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion, or I'm not seeing things for what they are. Yeah, maybe so. It's just weird. You told our friend that you're interested in me, that you want me... You know that I feel the same. Yet the signals you're giving off are pointing in a different direction. What am I supposed to think here? I feel like this whole thing is one-sided. I initiate conversations with you. I wait, and wait and wait for you to come by again. I get a hug, and then... it's almost like you don't want to be near me. I don't get it, Jeff. I think I'm just breaking my own heart with you. If you're wanting to be strictly friends, then I wish you'd be up front about it. If you want more, then show me that you want more.
I understand wanting to go slow. But at this point... I feel like I could go grab that bike that's hanging out back, remove the wheels and try to pedal down the street, and I'd make it farther with the bike than I ever could with you.
submitted by ninjakitty47 to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:36 Maximum-Rabbit-31 NCD Journal of Intelligence, Journalism and Psychology: “How Willy OAM helps fuel the Kremlin propaganda machine, whether he realises it or not”

NCD Journal of Intelligence, Journalism and Psychology: “How Willy OAM helps fuel the Kremlin propaganda machine, whether he realises it or not”
“Gd’day legends, I hope you’re doing well”…
Anyone involved, interested or invested in Russia’s invasion of Ukraine has likely heard those words in that warm, welcoming Australian accent. Whether it’s a conflict update, vlog or a long form interview with a foreign fighter, Willy has produced some of the most original English-language reporting on Ukraine. A former soldier who was not long ago diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour, Willy is as inspirational as he is impressive. He differentiates himself from the mainstream media by his dogged pursuit of objectivity, while simultaneously admitting his fallibility.
He positions himself as an anti-war arbiter of balance in a media space crowded by partisans, propaganda, trolls and bots. “Guys, I don’t care which side you’re on, a war crime is a war crime”. “There is propaganda on both sides”. “There are war crimes on both sides”. “There are things that you wont necessarily agree with that are true”.
Such sentences litter his videos with an almost obsessive frequency, and nothing he is saying is wrong. In fact, most of these proclamations are so self-evident that they’re almost not worth saying. And this is also where Willy falters. The fallible white knight of independent journalism, on his obsessive crusade for balance and objectivity, is actually inadvertently damaging the very values he claims to uphold. And this goes beyond his acknowledged pessimism. As proffered by physicist Dr. David Grimes (Nov 2016), “The assumption that good journalism requires mutually opposed views to be treated as equally valid simply doesn’t hold”. Willy is constantly falling into the trap of so-called “false balance”.
According to the New York Times (2016), false balance, sometimes called "false equivalency" or “bothsidesism,” refers disparagingly to the practice of journalists who, in their zeal to be fair, present each side of a debate as equally credible, even when the factual evidence is stacked heavily on one side. A study by Northwestern University (2022), found that false balance, “can damage the public’s ability to distinguish fact from fiction and lead audiences to doubt the…consensus on pressing societal challenges”. One of the study’s coauthors, psychologist Dr. David Ramp, offers climate change as a good example, because the scientific consensus is nearly unanimous. “If 99 doctors said you needed surgery to save your life, but one disagreed, chances are you’d listen to the 99,” Rapp said. “But we often see one climate scientist pitted against one climate denier or down player on the news, as if it’s a 50-50 split.”
“When both sides of an argument are presented, people tend to have lower estimates about scientific consensus and seem to be less likely to believe climate change is something to worry about,” Rapp continued, adding that false balance creates doubt, confusion and a tendency to prefer the more placating option. This is wholly applicable to Willy’s journalism. He is constantly trying to provide balance, which is admirable if naive, but it is seldom analytically helpful because he often inadvertently provides false equivalence. Willy always talks about how there's propaganda on BOTH SIDES and war crimes on BOTH SIDES. But these equivalencies are flawed and misleading, because the scale of Russian war crimes, censorship and propaganda is just incomparable to that on the other side.
If Russia commits 98% of war crimes in a war they started and Ukraine commits 2%, it is not objective or fair to give them 50/50 coverage. Genocide, hate speech, rape of Ukrainians as young as 4, illegal annexation of territory, beheading and shooting of POWs, torture, massacres and targeted killings of civilians, mass forced deportations, including of children who are subsequently re-educated (brainwashed) to erase their national memory. And the Ukrainians? One only needs to recall the outcry over the Amnesty International report to understand the ludicrousness of some of Willy’s statements.
“What annoys me is that there is propaganda on BOTH sides". Yes Willy, there is, but Russia’s state-controlled TV is talking about transexual satanic NATO super soldiers carrying slav-killing pathogens created in nazi-run biolabs and staging videos of Ukrainians bombing cities, while the British Sun is running a story about whether or not Putin “shat himself”. There is no equivalence. Drawing any is an insult to those suffering in this war or under Putin’s authoritarian regime. Willy is unwittingly acting out a page from the FSB’s misinformation handbook. At the start of the war, the Russian misinformation machine had the World talking about Ukrainian nationalism and rampant Naziism, while their soldiers were mindlessly killing Ukrainians on the streets of Bucha and other cities. The propaganda was bollocks, but the public nonetheless became fixated with it. It helped dilute and confuse opinion at a time where decisive action was needed. Luckily it did not work well enough, but it certainly helped Russia’s cause on the World stage at the time. When Russia’s actions in Ukraine are so deplorable, sometimes all they can hope for is to try level the playing field by highlighting bad things from the other side. Willy offers them that privilege much more often than they deserve.
I shall end with a quote, followed by some examples of this discussion from one of Willy’s videos. “On matters of [politics]..desire to present all views equally can be a Trojan horse for damaging falsehoods..If one position is supported by an abundance of evidence whilst another is bereft of it, it is profoundly misguided to afford them equal air‐time. Responsibility for improving societal understanding is [not to be confused with talking about both sides]. If we are to stem the tide of misinformation, it is imperative that [journalists] themselves become more enmeshed in the communication of [fact and reality]. False balance is insidious, giving dubious positions an illusion of respectability......a Trojan horse that allows the most odious of fictions to gain a foothold. False balance creates a perception in the public mind that an issue is contentious, when it is not”.
Willy’s journalism may still be useful, interesting and enjoyable, but do listen out for - and call out - any false balance you hear. There are many Ukrainians who have long abandoned his content because of it.
SOURCE: youtube.com/watch?...
In the text below [FOBV] stands for ‘fucking obvious’. I’ve used it to highlight any self-evident statements.
EX 1
1:37:51: Nucking Futs is talking about the brainwashing of Russians who believe that Ukraine is theirs. Willy responds as follows: “Something that annoys me is there’s things on both sides that can be, um, correct, that you dont need to agree with...”. [FOBV] He goes on to provide examples from…both sides…and how people think he’s either Kremlin or CIA plant…”no I’m just trying to take an objective view on something” etc. Nucking Futs brushes over what Willy said and goes back to what he was talking about.
This is an example of false balance / false equivalence. Willy took the conversation away from topic to give a self-evident proposition (that some things are true even though we don’t want them to be?), and provided (false) balance between Western and Russian brainwashing/propaganda.
EX 2
1:46:39 Nucking Futs finishes talking about Russia’s invasion of Georgia and its imperialist behaviour since the end of the CW. He rhetorically asks how the world would react if Finland decided it wanted to reclaim St. Petersberg, or China reclaim Vladivostok, or Mongolia the whole of Asia and Russia etc. Willy responds, “One of the big ones I do understand though is that…the idea of America getting away with so much shit”. He then says, “you can say two things are bad but you dont need to turn on your side” [FOBV]. He gives the example of people justifying Russia’s invasion of Ukraine because of America’s illegal invasion of Iraq - and says that you can condemn both [FOBV]. “And I see this everywhere, I see this on both sides”. Nucking Futs then brings the discussion back to Ukraine and Russia.
Willy is again bringing things back to “both sides”. His main proposition - that you can condemn an act irrespective of the actor - is again completely self-evident, or fucking obvious. However, by bringing up America as a counterweight, he is inadvertently creating the exact false balance that he is trying to avoid. Rather than an objective discussion about Russian imperialism and interventionism, Willy is needlessly doing the both sides dance.
EX 3
1:51:41 Nucking Futs has just finished talking about how he had a romanticised view of Russia and the Soviet Union while growing up, which was eventually shattered. He tries to head Willy off at the pass by giving the example of the U.S. fucking around in their back yard (central/South America) and how that was wrong, just like Russia trying to forcefully impose its will on former Warsaw pact / soviet bloc countries. After agreeing, Willy responds, “I’ve been very outspoken on my channel, um, completely saying how awful war crimes are [FOBV]…and how there are videos from both sides of executions, and I would never downplay that that happens”. “Now, of course, one side is responsible for a lot more than others, but either way, and I’m like no, any, that is a war crime, and I don’t care what uniform they’ve got on, I don’t care if they’ve got an Australian uniform on” [FOBV].
Here Willy is drawing false equivalence between Russian war crimes and Ukrainian war crimes, for no obvious reason. That war crimes are bad and happen on both sides is fucking obvious. Whilst he does restore some balance by saying that “one side [without specifying which] is responsible for a lot more than others”…he quickly gets back to his main thrust…which is the self-evident position that war crimes are bad no matter who conducts them. Cheers Willy, I thought Americans and Australian soldiers shooting Iraqis was fine, but now you’ve enlightened me. Russia is committing genocide in Ukraine, bombing civilians and their homes, forcefully deporting children, torturing and raping civilians, annexing land that isn’t theirs, beheading or dismembering Ukrainian soldiers, shooting POWs….but for Willy it is more important to provide balance by saying that both sides have conducted war crimes and both sides should be condemned for them. Do you see how this is false balance? Put yourself in the shoes of a Ukrainian when listening and it will become evident.
EX 4
1:53:50 Prompted by a question from Willy, Nucking Futs does a great segment talking about various Russian propaganda B.S. - Ukrainian nazis, staged incidents, no video or photographic evidence of the constant shelling of donetsk Russia claims occurs, and the latest alt right trope of saying the whole war is fake. Willy responds about how easy it is for people to be taken out of context [FOBV], and gives a funny story about how he was joking around with a friend on video calling each other nazis in Ukraine, and it got posted on some Russian telegram as if it was serious. “It’s so easy to take things out of context, and there is absolute propaganda on both sides of this, and journalists on both sides of this will completely ignore the facts and realities…”. He then carries on about how it’s great to be doing a long interview, and that people need to watch the entire thing and not quote clips that can be taken out of context.
Here he is providing false equivalence between the degree of propaganda from Russia (where you get put in Prison for speaking out against the war) and the West, where you are free to say whatever the fuck you want, including going on social media to worship Putin, call for Ukraine’s downfall as a fake Nazi biolab state, and pray for Trump’s coup d’etat. The example above is especially good, because it contrasts the extent to which he thinks he is being balanced and objective, with the false balance he inadvertently but nonetheless gives.
submitted by Maximum-Rabbit-31 to NonCredibleDefense [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:36 Money_Matters8 Just hit 500K NW and finally on track for FI

A big RSU grant just vested and I am at $530K right now at age 36. Nobody to tell so here goes my story and lessons
Not sure what I expect from sharing this. I guess if there is someone out there early on in a promising career working their ass off - it will get better as long as you are a sponge and focus on learning as much as possible (particularly leadership skills)
submitted by Money_Matters8 to financialindependence [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:36 dogglesnake ChocoPro 303 🍫 Need a bit more wrestling this weekend? How about Smiling Violence, Monsters, and Ryuichi Sekine & Mochi Natsumi VS EGG TART (Chie Koishikawa & Hagane Shinno)! Tonight at 11 pm EDT, Live & Free on YouTube

ChocoPro 303: Egg ResTart It’s ChocoMania weekend! Tonight’s solitary episode features some rare combinations: Sayaka takes on Masa in singles, the Utility Players face off against the forces of UMA (including Nightmare Factory’s Kojio!), and EGG TART finally reforms to battle two of the wildest Ichigaya has ever housed. Let’s Go, ChocoPro!
🍫 CLICK HERE FOR THE LINK! ChocoPro 303 🍫 Sayaka VS Masa Takanashi, Choun Shiryu & Shin Suzuki VS Sayaka Obihiro & Kojio, Ryuichi Sekine & Mochi Natsumi VS EGG TART (Chie Koishikawa & Hagane Shinno)! It airs TONIGHT at 11 pm EDT / 8 pm PDT (Tomorrow at 4 am BST, 12 pm JST). Live and Free on YouTube!

Don't forget to Adjust Your Volume, Wrestling is Loud!

Change the stage, escape the normal! ChocoPro is built different. Find out why wrestlers like it so much: Find a new home on the bleeding edge. (This is not your regular wrestling show.) Join us for this episode, or check out the back catalog of 17 wonderful Seasons on the Gatoh Move ChocoPro YouTube channel...300+ episodes with stories and pro-wrestling like you've never seen. New to the promotion? It features a roster of skilled veterans, rising stars, and wonderful guests fighting in the ChocoPro Arena: Ichigaya Chocolate Square. Subscribe for more content than just the live matches! (AEW Watch Alongs, Discussions, Interviews, Food Challenges, etc) Even if you can't catch it live, don't sweat it! It will still be available on the channel.

Sayaka 👗


Masa Takanashi 🍶

Violence & Booze

“I'm gonna kill you! Yayyyyy!” While she has become infamous for her unsettling quotes, “Smiling Violence” Sayaka is known more for her ungodly brutal striking power. Those explosion like forearms stagger even the toughest opponents in Ichigaya! Add in Sayaka’s pin point dropkicking ability and her growing talent in pins and submissions, and Masa might find that the rising Twitch star is just too much to handle. Sayaka’s unnerving cheerfulness while she does vicious things provides her with a big presence in the square. That unattached joy will eventually be the stuff of legends! (After all, she’s “happy to beat someone”!) Don't forget, Sayaka hangs out around Minoru Suzuki and survives to tell the tale! Will we see a Hammer of the Gods? This photogenic phenom is on the rise, keep an eye on her!
Drunken Monkey Masa Takanashi is ready for anything! The belt collecting president of Gatoh Move is known for racking up wins as much as he does bar tabs, representing many companies with a swagger and slick technique that will have you questioning just how tipsy he is! The Counter Fighter of ChocoPro baits his opponents into reversals and trickery that will have them staring at the lights or tapping out in quick fashion. He’s got a lot of tricks up his sleeve, but will he be able to handle overwhelming power? Takanashi had better keep up that fancy footwork or he’ll find himself hammered into oblivion! OrePan might have been fended off once by CDK, but Sayaka is still aiming for that big win.

Choun Shiryu 🐉 & Shin Suzuki 🍙


UMA+ (Sayaka Obihiro 💙 & KOJIO 💀)

Utility, Monsters, Action!

Monsters? “So what!?” Choun Shiryu is here! The Dragon of ChocoPro is a Wuxia hero (having done some of the most spectacular acts in Ichigaya) with his own fantastic flair! He is one of the most legitimate forces in the promotion. This Kung Fu master boasts a truly unique fighting style, pulling off action movie stunts you’ll not find elsewhere. While his usual partner is taking some time away from wrestling, (though Ninja Sayuri is still behind the scenes, as is tradition!) this time his partner is fellow utility player Shin Suzuki! Shin is always ready to go! His warm personality and intense athleticism fit well with the general vibe of Ichigaya...and honestly, his knack for dealing with kids (as a proud father) comes in handy in this den of goblins and monsters! Shin & Choun both mesh well with just about any pairing, so expect these two to sync together with machine precision once again. Can speed and teamwork overcome this Arkham Horror?
Fresh off an appearance at GanJo, Sayaka Obihiro is cool as hell! With a deep sense of humor and lightning quick striking & pinning techniques, Obi rules...but she is a bit...different...when she teams with Monsters. The charismatic full time chef has got a great set of flame gear and an intense uncontrollable style. Even if she’s gone feral, you'll find yourself enchanted by her brash nature and wild antics! Strange and occult happenings are somewhat common in Ichigaya, and the mysterious organization known as UMA features many monsters that just so happen to wrestle. Horrors from across the world are attracted to ChocoPro due to their influence...Speaking of which, a cold wind brings a shadow over Ichigaya once again! Hailing from Parts Unknown and trained at the Nightmare Factory (which makes even more sense given that sinister look!), kojio’s frightening presence made him fit right in with the other Monsters of UMA. With brawling brutality, vicious submissions, and an absolutely wicked set of gear that makes him look like a character straight from a comic book, kojio scares his opponents and impresses the audience with his relentless nature and bone chilling aura. That laugh is something else! This unstoppable monster has been a wonderful addition to Ichigaya, but how long will he accept Obi taking pinfalls? I wouldn’t want to upset him!

Ryuichi Sekine 🐗 & Mochi Natsumi 🍡


EGG TART (Chie Koishikawa 🏵️ & Hagane Shinno ⚔️)

Egg ResTart

A returning team up 12 years apart!? Pairing up Mochi Natsumi and Ryuichi Sekine is like putting two different kinds of explosives together. While the Rebellious Hardcore & Deathmatch Unit known as PROMINENCE has a lot of exciting members busy all over the place, Mochi has been killing it in Ichigaya. She is a dark clad fiery personality with an undeniable raw charisma. Her shocking moments of brutality are some of my favorites in the whole series. A well balanced strength and agility fighter with a good sense of humor will always thrive in Ichigaya, but Mochi has fit in as if she was always there...the same can also be said for Sekine! While he took time off to focus on his farming (and to get married to TJPW’s recently retired Nodoka Tenma), he is just as dangerous as he always was! He just also sells Rice Cakes now. Sekine is a loud, wild, completely chaotic element when it comes to Ichigaya. He’s known for obliterating stools and the environment alike! This violent farmer would stop at nothing to entertain the audience, unleashing a volatile way of fighting that usually ends with the opponent locked into the Combine. Much like his emoji (the wild boar), expect Sekine to rampage maniacally through ChocoPro once again. Good thing Mochi is always up for a good rampage! With these two together, be careful not to be overwhelmed by their wild energy and charm!
It has been a long time, but they’re back together! Chie Koishikawa & Hagane Shinno, the combination known as EGG TART, are a hot and cold team. Opposites definitely attract, and the polar attraction results in some of the craziest team attacks you will ever witness! “Too Much Energy” Chie brings an uncontrollable excitement wherever she goes (including recently GanJo), sprinting around the Square and delivering lightning quick striking...often from the air! Her tightly locked Stretch Mufflers and eye catching arm drags will have you shouting as much as she does. The Frantic Fencer is one of the most popular characters in all of ChocoPro! Her Wintery partner on the other hand is a remorseless killing machine...and the Super Asia Champion! Hagane’s icy ferocity usually brings about ugly thuds via heavy striking and brutal slams. The “Cold Killer” earned his epithet by easily dispatching some of the best the promotion has to offer! This ageless assassin only shows emotion around his chaotic partner...and together they amplify one another’s personality! These two have limitless potential, and now that Hagane has the Big Blue Belt they will also have limitless enemies looking for an opportunity!
Enjoy all the wrestling this weekend!
Come and see the wild creativity that produced Two of the Seven AEW Women's World Champions! (Both of which have appeared on ChocoPro!) You'll be wondering if you're seeing future champs, as well. ChocoPro is the Frontier of Pro Wrestling! Match after match of hard hitting, chaotic, fun bouts with a friendly online audience. We're quickly growing, and you're welcome to come along!
Here are some Frequently Asked Questions:

“What is this?”

ChocoPro is a free online promotion run by AEW's Emi Sakura, that takes place in the legendary Ichigaya Chocolate Square! It features a steady pace of live Episode releases, fan interaction, season long story arcs, and much more! A place where the turnbuckles are replaced with 14th floor windows, the ropes are often replaced with fans, unforgiving walls provide creative avenues for skills otherwise unthinkable, and you can take solace in knowing that the referees usually do nothing. While it might be a shocking change at first, the intensity and storytelling will leave you wanting more.

“Why are they fighting in ____?”

Short answer is that it is a cost effective, unique venue with a better availability schedule and allows the roster access for training. Emi Sakura has been using this place for a long time, and you might be surprised at some of the names that have used it (even outside of ChocoPro!). There are a few in-ring Episodes and Gatoh Move has in ring shows with crowds on the YouTube channel. Think of it like the Hart Dungeon but as a promotion, if that helps!

”What are the rules?”

While special match stipulations will usually be explained before the respective matches, the general rules of ChocoPro are simple. Pins only count on the Chocolate Mat and are not broken by the edge or Wall. Submissions usually only count on the Chocolate Mat, and ARE broken by reaching the edge or wall (sometimes ceiling...). Double pins and Double submissions are legal (and encouraged) in ChocoPro Tag matches, meaning cohesive teams will always have the advantage! Count Outs only exist if specified, since many matches stray from the comfort of the Chocolate Square into the streets (and the rest of the building itself!) There is a Time Limit for each bout (based on card placement and importance) and the Referee has discretion (even if they tend to do nothing most of the time!). Every Ref is different, some have different levels of bias and speed.

“How can I support them?”

Watch the show! Even if you can't see it live, the views matter! Like & Subscribe! You can join the Channel's membership for different tiers of perks...but also, you can buy single episode Sponsorship, Digital autographed photos, and more on their shop site as well as purchase shirts from PWTees (which features some great options!) If you'd like to donate or purchase a main wall sponsorship, you can via Paypal or Patreon...and don't forget to cheer for your favorites! (especially if you want to do a superchat!)

”How come there aren’t a lot of comments on the threads?”

ChocoPro is a YouTube show, meaning the discourse happens live...in the chat! Those that comment in the threads on here tend to do so in order to help new viewers that might be intimidated by the fast moving chat. Don’t be afraid to just dive in though, the community is friendly.

“Why are you posting this here? / Are you paid for this?”

This is a wrestling forum, and I'm trying to broaden the horizons of others! There is a lot of good wrestling out there...Plus growing the fan base means more people for me to joke around with! I honestly do believe this is what a lot of fans are looking for, even if it is too different for some! But different tastes are good. Variety is the spice of life. This is a labor of love (it really doesn't take that long) considering how much work they do to put on so many shows...for free!
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask me on here or on Twitter, where I’m April Foolin’! ChocoPro is full of Mania!
Season Tracker: We're 3/18 into Season 18! (Each Season is usually around 18 episodes)
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2023.04.01 21:35 BarnesEffect Why is applying for PA so difficult?

So I've worked for Amazon for almost a year now and I really do like this job. My managers and coworkers are all mostly great to work with, and I love the variety.
I've learned a lot, I've actually had every role on the ship dock including PG for 3 sub-departments, problem solve, ambassador, robot operator, TDPIT, shipclerk and all that. I have 75 hours of UPT. However, I've never even gotten an interview for PA. I've applied several times for more than 4 buildings but I can't seem to get passed "under consideration"
I've worked on my resume and perfected it to the point that several PAs, AMs (my manager included), OMs and even HR associates have told me it's very professional and nearly flawless. They all say I'd make a great PA. Hell, I've even had a few mock interviews just so i could hone in on what they want, using more than a single perspective.
I've been in safety roles and even general management before but I still haven't even got an opportunity to interview.
So what am I missing? It doesn't say anywhere on the application that I need tenure. And some of the current managers got into PA within 6 months. So, why is it so difficult now?
submitted by BarnesEffect to AmazonFC [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:35 BeansStopScratching I’m at my breaking point

Hi everyone. I’ve never posted on here, I’ve always felt like guilt would come after I post, so I never did but I really just need to get my feelings out there. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or if I just want to rant but here it goes.
I am just over 7 months postpartum with a sweet baby girl. She’s my first. Also important to know that I am close with my mother but she lives across the country. I miss her dearly.
My baby was born in late August and I have been seeing a therapist since early December. I have a history of anxiety and depression and have been on an antidepressant for over 4 years now. I haven’t been to therapy in over 2 years. My new therapist is teaching me how to try to set boundaries but is telling me it’s going to come when I feel comfortable doing it.
My MIL makes me feel so completely useless as a mother. She has many kids and many more grandkids so clearly has taken care of many babies. In the first month, I often asked her for advice because I was very much struggling with breast feeding. I abruptly stopped asking for advice when during a hearing discussion between the two of us she stated that “Breastfeeding is easy and I’m over complicating it” (because I’m following the pediatrician’s instructions and not MILs advice). That was like a waking moment for me that I no longer should be asking for her input.
But now she feels this right to tell me how to be a mother. I feel like I’m a kick ass mom, until I talk with my MIL. I do anything and everything to make sure my baby girl is happy and healthy. She’s a baby, obviously things are not always a walk in the park. So when my MIL asks what I’m doing for a,b, and c, I feel obligated to share for some reason then she proceeds to tell me how she would do it instead.
I also started feeling like she was kind of overstepping, and wanted to interject me so she could “mother” her if she was fussing. like literally cutting me off when I’m on my way to the pack and play where my baby is crying so she can get to her first. And I’m so sick of people, not just her, holding my baby and she’s obviously not happy and then when I want to take her back, they say “oh she’s fine”. No, she’s not, give me my baby.
I could sit here and list so many examples of times I have been frustrated and defeated but I would be writing for days and I already know this is a book.
I remember one time she asked me if I was nursing my baby and scoffed when I replied yes because she didn’t think she needed fed for some reason. Countless times where she has told me or demanded to “give me her” even though I told her I don’t like that she does that. She’s said “ not that I’m implying you don’t know what you’re doing, but” then proceeds to tell me how to feed my child.
I just feel like it doesn’t matter what I do as a mom it’s not what she would do so it’s not good enough. I feel she thinks I’m incompetent so she wants to step in and be the mom when she can and it’s completely overstepping. She’s not giving me a chance to be a mom.
I want to have a good relationship with my MIL and I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her grandma. So today she invited the two of us over and I nervously accepted. When I get there, I’m holding my baby trying to get bags out and my MIL asks if I need help then proceeds to rudely say “no give me the baby” when I try to hand a bag to her. With a little laugh after like it wasn’t rude. and I just let her say thar to me ugh. Then we have an hour of fussiness from my baby and my MIL taking my baby from me, trying to mother her instead of letting me.
Again, I want to just keep listing examples, but the real problem is that she gives unsolicited advice, does not respect any boundaries, completely over steps, and makes me feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. And I continue to let her be rude to me, struggle to put any boundaries in place, and don’t stand up for myself.
We are moving near my family in the near future. We don’t have a date yet our situation is a little complicated. But it is a for sure thing in the next six months we will be moving. It can’t come sooner, I’m having a really hard time. I know people are going to ask if my fiancé has stood up for me and yes, he has a few times in the heat of the moment, and I really appreciate that. But I’m also not expecting him to have some discussion with her about her behavior because I feel he is very much in the middle and I feel really bad about that.
It just really sucks me and her used to be pretty dang close. Then everything changed after I had my baby.
If you read all this, thanks. I appreciate any comments. I just really needed to vent.
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2023.04.01 21:34 BeautifulPie6922 Grabber Blue on order

Doesn't seem to be many UK people on here. But I've an order for a 2022.25 extended range AWD Mach-E that should be with me in 4-5 weeks. Can't wait. Had hoped to get a Mach-E a few years back but went for a Kuga PHEV 1st Edition (Escape) due to costs at the time instead.
I went into the dealer looking for a 2023 extended range RWD+tech pack. But 0% finance on the AWD in the UK at the moment meant the 2022.25 worked out cheaper, and had all the same features. I won't notice the slightly lower miles/charge for the majority of driving I'll do.
In the UK I had to educate my dealer on the Driver Monitoring camera and BlueCruise. Ford haven't yet told them what those little Infrared lights are, or what BlueCruise is. I've been invested in the company that likely supplies the tech behind that camera for a few years so will be awesome to get BC enabled in a few months when it's rumoured to be enabled over here.
submitted by BeautifulPie6922 to MachE [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:34 TheOneWithTheWeird0 My mom is toxic, but I love her too much to say anything.(TW s**cide mention)

My mom is very toxic. For background she has been a single mother for pretty much my(F 13) and my brother(m17) entire lives. I also have another younger brother and my mom is still with his father, also pregnant with his second child. My father was very abusive toward me and my brother and mother. After she left him when I was 5 life got better, but not our relationship. I want to say we were close when I was younger, but I can’t really remember. My mom went through my phone a lot and I never know when the next time is. I feel like she’s trying to protect me but she crosses the line. She’s taken my phone away and I’ve never gotten them back, imagine being 12 years old with no way to contact her when I’m doing an after school activity and then getting yelled at by her because my stepdad was waiting 1 hour long for me to leave, I said it was 8:30 but he showed up at eight and it is a whole story. During one of our bad fights I was trying to leave the house and she wouldn’t let me. So she hit me. It wasn’t a bad hit more like a slap, but she should not have done that to me. She procedes to tell me I’m just as abusive as my dad and then she’s terrified that I’m going to kill them all in their sleep. She told me she doesn’t want me near my brother, who I watch basically 90% percent of the time. One time she got mad at me and my brother and said that my little bro was the only think keeping her from suicide. She knows I’ve been struggling with suicide my entire life basically. She has made comment multiple times saying that she’s going to drive herself off a bridge when she’s mad at us for little reasons. Then she doesn’t even apologize and we’re back to normal. I have stories that can go like that for ages. I love her too much though and want to have a good relationship but at the same time I can’t wait to turn 18 and go no contact with her. What should I do if I’m too scared to ask for boundaries?
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2023.04.01 21:34 Infinity-2222 Sometimes you come to mind

In my most tense moments, you come to mind. It's been years since I heard your voice, still as faint as ever and your face familiar yet unrecognizible.
Maybe from missing you too much before, my body and mind just gave up. There's no desire to reach for you anymore and there hasn't been for a while but at times there's sort of a pinch in my brain that brings a memory of your face, it feels nostalgic and strange. As if my heart wants to remember, but my body and head want to keep you astray to protect themselves from further harm. Doesn't matter who I date or meet, I might catch feelings for them but at the end of the day i'm unable to love, there's no fuel that has been able to light this fire like you did at one point. Logically and physically i'm done with you, I don't even know you in a way; yet my heart desires for another connection like ours once was. Ours depleted me, I was just a kid and u were one as well. Maybe that's why I can't see too well. It changed my brain chemistry ans way of functioning as a human. I don't really recognize myself or you. Was I ever a fool to fall in love with you despite me destroying the one person that ever made me feel alive? I enjoy my own company now and have grown to forgive myself but that part that ticks when an inconvenience happens, brings me back to ur memory.
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2023.04.01 21:34 masonc422 21m looking for friends or gaming buds

Please be 18+
Im looking for long term friends/gaming buds. I accept any and everyone as long as youre 18+
The video games i play are: fortnite, minecraft, rogue company, COD, just got into overwatch2. Im pretty open to playing new games and learning about them. I play on xbox but i do also own a switch but i only have pokemon sword for it.
I have a cat, his name is otis and hes a sweetheart so he’d cuddle with you. I have a few tattoos and piercings, id say im pretty easy going and chill to talk to except for my chronic anxiety nagging me. But aside from that we dont have to have the same interests i just want friends haha but i do vc or text alot so you’ll always have someone to talk to.
Im down to make a minecraft village or something:)
Im also looking for my duo partner or a squad on fortnite if you play
I also make art so if youre into that as well thats a plus :)
Im a pokemon fan and I watch a ton of anime, could always use more recommendations. My music taste also ranges from like pop punk to edm to indie to lofi, to rock, etc.
submitted by masonc422 to discordfriends [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:33 Loleeeee On the Historicity of Characters in the Kharkanas Trilogy Part Three - An Analysis of Fall of Light's Last Scene

If, for some god forsaken reason, you wish to read the other two installments of this series, here you are.
Part One
Part Two
Proceed at your own risk, from here on, because - you know - massive spoilers for FoL.

Chapter Three - Fall of Light's Last Scene - What the F-

Important note: In this essay, I do not seek to deeply analyse the motives of Renarr. I dare not delude myself into thinking – or believing – that I can understand, in any capacity, Renarr’s motivations. While I may make claims about her historicity as a character, and I may make certain ventures into trying to understand what she thinks… your guess is as good as, and probably better, than mine.
As such, this essay considers Vatha Urusander much more closely than it does Renarr (at least, to the extent possible). It also – as per the title – deals with the historicity of the events described, and why the way they’re related to us matter. Thus.
“Renarr found herself the sole occupant of Urusander’s intended quarters, with not even a servant present. She wandered through the rooms, stirring the ashes of her regret. A single ember remains, and surely it shall burn me, and my name, for ever more. But some things we do not choose. Some things are chosen for us.
That’s some very apt imagery. Plenty of that coming up in the rest of the scene, too. It does bear mentioning that Renarr’s murder(?) of Urusander has been foreshadowed since at least Chapter Nineteen, if not earlier – one can make the case that the very first scene of Fall of Light is foreshadowing that very fact. And throughout, Renarr has been dreading it. And before she acts, she makes sure Urusander knows that she dreads this. Keep this in mind.
“She heard the outer door open and then shut. Returning to the main room she saw Vatha Urusander. He seemed startled to see her, but only momentarily. He smiled. ‘I am glad to find you here, Renarr.
‘Is she done with your company already?’
‘It has been a long time since we last slept. There are storms in our heads, and storms between us. Of the latter, I see a calm ahead. Of the former …’ He shrugged, and walked towards the window overlooking the broad sward behind the Citadel.”
Think on what Vatha sees in this moment. A moment free of responsibility, free of charade, a moment where he can spend some genuine alone time with his adopted daughter. A daughter he knows indulges him, challenges him, perhaps on some level, wholly rejects him. But what Renarr does not do, is disrespect Vatha. Renarr is, with the exception of maybe Mother Dark, the only individual character to respect Vatha Urusander’s agency.
Does he foresee what Renarr is here to do? Perhaps. He knows about Renarr’s misgivings. He knows about the fate of her mother, he knows that she but indulges him – as Mother Dark put it – and he knows that Osserc… well, Osserc murdered Millick, for potentially undisclosed reasons.
He is also well aware of how false everything thus far has been. He knows – he says as much to Renarr & his company – that the marriage won’t stem the tide of blood. It is purely political in nature, and it only serves as an uneasy delay. It accomplishes nothing. Vatha stands here, before Renarr, with nothing to show for it. There’s a storm in his head, with no end in sight.
And yet, he’s happy to see her. Because he’s fairly sure she comprehends, more than he does, the extent of this situation.
“‘Will you deal with Hunn Raal?’ she asked, drawing closer to him.
His back was broad, but it now belonged to an ageing man. There was sadness in this detail.
‘Deal with him? I had ambitions there, didn’t I? He names himself my Mortal Sword. This should make plain who serves whom.’
‘And does it?’ She hesitated a few steps behind him, watching as he leaned forward close to the windowpane and looked down.”
Renarr cuts directly to the chase. No beating around the bush here, no elegant ceremony to mask the unkind, unhappy truths beneath. Hunn Raal has been allowed to go forth, unmolested, uncontested, for too long… until, just about, the very scene before this.
By Vatha’s very assertion, Hunn Raal’s actions have been disowned, and, indeed, decried by Father Light. It’s Renarr herself that elaborates on this on Hunn Raal, no doubt savouring the taste of vengeance. Granted, Vatha did say he’d hand Hunn Raal to the Andii to be tried as a common criminal – he didn’t – but his political maneuvering, or more accurately, his political stumbling, has at last bore fruit: Osserc is Vatha’s heir, and all of Raal’s machinations are rendered moot, insofar as he’s exposed and can no longer work behind Vatha’s back.
The fact that Osserc is still around but Hunn Raal isn’t probably points to Raal dying at some point in the (near) future, if nothing else, because he’s a massive dipshit.
Now, yes, Vatha merely naming Osserc his heir isn’t magically going to make the problem that is Hunn Raal go away. But the point I’m getting at is that Urusander has dealt with Hunn Raal, in exercising both his identity of Father Light & Commander of the Legion. Does that directly affect Hunn Raal? Could Urusander have done more? These are all questions running through Renarr’s mind, but she knows that what she’s asking is already done. So it’s clearly not that.
In the meantime, Urusander – his back to Renarr – is now staring out the window, with a broad back “belonging to an aging man.” The Vatha Urusander in this room is nothing like the fabled Father Light.
“‘A keep’s refuse,’ he muttered. ‘How it backs the wall, below the chutes. I wonder, do we build houses simply to keep the garbage out? It should be buried.’
*‘It buries itself,’ Renarr replied. ‘Eventually.’” *
I absolutely adore this part. Not least because Urusander compares Hunn Raal to “a keep’s refuse,” but also because of the poetic language employed. You can substitute “garbage” and “houses” with just about anything and get a meaningful part out of it. Here, let me try.
“Do we create rules & prohibitions simply to keep the outlaws at bay?”
“Do we build societies & civilizations just to keep the misfits out?”
And so on.
While Urusander never struck me as a man to believe in the “natural order of things,” he understands that Hunn Raal cannot thrive in such a society, and longs for the time when he, too, will be buried. There will come a day when he’ll bury himself. That, or the rest of the garbage in the pile will deal with him.
“‘Hunn Raal deems himself immune. Perhaps he is right in that. Leave him to Syntara. He’s her problem, not mine. Mother Dark has the right of it. We step back, saying little. The condition of our people is for them to decide. I considered setting forth my laws, my foundations upon which a just society could rise. But how soon before my words are twisted? My premises twisted and suborned? How soon before we, in our mortal natures, corrupt such laws, each time in answer to a wholly self-serving need?’”
And so he elaborates. It is not up to him to fix this mess, just like it does not fall to Mother Dark to rein in the more unwieldy individuals among the Andii. Urusander has seen both Emral and especially Syntara twist the words of their deities; he struggled putting forth his laws on the basis of “moral stance” – because law itself might be subject to ambiguity; how could he even consider putting forth such laws when his followers are bound to twist the words he speaks for their own benefit?
Urusander’s nightmare since his first appearance on page in Forge of Darkness is realized here, and he is powerless to stop it. He follows Mother Dark’s example, but I doubt that is fulfilling in any capacity. Urusander was a soldier, and it is that attribute of his that Renarr calls upon in asking him to deal with Hunn Raal… but when not even Father Light is capable of dealing with his Mortal Sword, what hope has Vatha Urusander?
He has argued himself into a corner and his only way out is, well, standing right behind him.
“‘Have we seen the last of honourable men and women, Vatha Urusander?’
He straightened once more, but did not turn to face her. ‘The brutes are in ascension, Renarr. Against that, reason has no chance. You think the blood has ended? I fear it is only beginning.’
‘Then, sir, nothing has been solved.’
‘I am not the man to solve this,’ Urusander said. ‘But,’ he added after a moment, ‘you knew as much, didn’t you?’
This part interests me as well, because the two of them are talking about wholly different things.
Renarr is appealing to Urusander’s sense of military honour. Hunn has overstepped the line, lapped the line twice, moved the goalpost, crossed it again, and is just now cracking open champagnes to celebrate. In other words, Hunn Raal is a mess, and it falls to Urusander – as a soldier, as his commander – to deal with him.
Urusander, on the other hand, views the situation through his own lens of principles & morality. For starters, Hunn Raal has grown past his own influence, so bringing him down in any manner of collective justice is nigh impossible. As such, Raal will need to be brought down either in an underhanded manner (assassination or some such), which in and of itself is difficult, or by someone else entirely – which, alas, did not happen (Renarr laments this as well). The former is not just difficult, but in direct violation of Urusander’s morals and paradigm. If he sets the precedent that “if someone oversteps the line, then kill him on any basis you find”, any society he attempts to build is going to crumble from the very beginning.
Neither of them are objectively wrong. They employ different views on morality – deontology versus consequentialism – and judging one through the lens of another is going to bring up numerous contradictions, especially if you don’t believe in objective morality. Subjectively, both Renarr’s approach of “Kill Hunn Raal before he causes more harm” and “Leave Hunn Raal to those responsible for him because I cannot deal with him without violating my ideals and principles” are both morally correct (in their respective moral frameworks).
Obviously, Urusander’s position – by this point – borders on indefensible for us as outside observers, and Gallan makes sure you get that, but he does not portray Urusander as “wrong” in his approach per se.
In any case, it dawns – slowly – on Urusander that Renarr is keenly aware of this. She somewhat understands where he’s coming from, and though she can’t bring herself to forgive him for it, she takes no pleasure in what she has to do. Because, as aforementioned, Urusander hasn’t necessarily done anything objectively wrong – if nothing else, more than once, he bordered on actually fixing the whole mess – but he never took the required step to do away with Hunn Raal. And now the whole mess is beyond fixing.
It bears reminding about here that Urusander has not faced Renarr since entering the room. He hears these words – knowing Renarr, utterly inflectionless – and continues facing the window, facing down, and away. And you have to wonder, how much does Urusander know of Renarr, and what is he playing at? He does not understand her, not fully, but he’s not quite dense. And, I think, at this point, he can see how this ends, and so makes one last – indirect – request of Renarr.
“‘What of my son?’
‘His judgement was in error.’
Evidently, not the answer Urusander was expecting. It is unclear to me quite how much is known about Osserc & Renarr at this point, and how much of this is Urusander guessing, so I’ll refrain from commenting overmuch.
‘A young man bereft of responsibility will yearn for it,’ she replied. ‘A young man will see the virtues of duty and honour as shining things, harsh and not subject to compromise. From such a position, he may well make mistakes, but they remain well meant.’
Still he would not face her. ‘Something in you is broken.’
‘Something in me is broken.’
‘My son killed the man you loved. He … misapprehended the situation.’
‘Yet, it seems, you have forgiven him.’”
Something within me is itching to bring up Rake “yearning for responsibility” and how this is Gallan indirectly sticking it to him, but that’s a story for another day.
There is something deeply tragic about how Renarr phrases things here. Throughout the book, her thoughts often drift back to Osserc – how “her resistance was feigned,” how “no amount of thrusting cock can make him a man” (Yikes) – and this is the culmination of that. There’s a certain dose of self-loathing mixed in for good measure. But what I want to focus on here is her choice of words: a young man sees the virtues…
But Urusander is not young. To Renarr, Urusander should know better. Duty & honour are not inviolate virtues to be unquestionably upheld: Look where that got us. A realm riven with civil war, a war criminal & murderer free to rampage, because he – first and foremost – discarded duty & honour in the name of personal advancement. And Urusander, well, he remained true to his morals & ideals, but to what end are those morals & ideals helpful if nothing ever gets done?
Something in her is broken indeed. But what truly shocks Vatha is that Renarr finds it in herself to forgive Osserc… but not him. The “why” is a tale for another time – and it’s not one I’m qualified to tell – but let’s just say, it’s shocking for Urusander.
“‘I wish,’ she said, ‘you had killed Hunn Raal. I wish you would stand behind your sense of justice.’
He grunted. ‘No exceptions, no compromises. Had I done what was right, each and every time …’
‘Instead, you did nothing, and now here you stand, Vatha Urusander. Father Light.’
There, for the less perceptive among us, Gallan throws us a bone. Renarr isn’t forgiving Urusander for letting Raal walk free.
What is interesting, though, is that she appeals to his sense of justice. Which is, I think, one of the first missteps of Renarr in this scene – it is intentional, no doubt – in that, well, he did just that. There was no manner in which Urusander could apprehend Hunn Raal in a way that appeased his sense of justice. And he tells her as much – “no exceptions, no compromises.”
As aforementioned, Renarr is appealing to Urusander’s sense of honour as a soldier; not a scholar of Forulkan works, not a reformer, not “Father Light.” Oddly, this is quite reminiscent of the justice that someone like Dassem Ultor would have his soldiers dispense. No better way to explain than to simply provide the quote:
“Monkrat realized that Spindle was still waiting. 'Do what's right,' Dassem told us. Gods, even after all this time he still remembered the First Sword's words. 'That's a higher law than the command of any officer. Higher even than the Emperor's own words. You are in a damned uniform but that's not a licence to deliver terror to everyone – just the enemy soldier you happen to be facing. Do what is right, for that armour you wear doesn't just protect your flesh and bone. It defends honour. It defends integrity. It defends justice. Soldiers, heed me well. That armour defends humanity. And when I look upon my soldiers, when I see these uniforms, I see compassion and truth. The moment those virtues fail, then the gods help you, for no armour is strong enough to save you.'”
Instead, Urusander stuck to a higher sense of justice, rather uncomfortably close to that of the Forulkan, one born of strict idealism & moral absolutism. Kant ain’t got shit before Vatha Urusander in such matters.
Does that make him bad? Incompetent, impotent, villainous? Is inaction to be equated with cowardice, in a world where actions are always misinterpreted (I mean, just look at Draconus)? Do these questions even matter?
To be honest with you, I don’t know. I’ll tackle this matter a bit later, but the diegesis certainly predisposes us a bit badly towards Vatha Urusander, and I find that to be terribly interesting.
“‘Yes, my blinding gift.’ He was silent for a time, and then he said, ‘Have you seen it yet?’
‘My portrait. In the corridor on the approach to these chambers. Kadaspala did well, I think.’
‘I am afraid I did not notice it,’ Renarr said. ‘I give little regard to art, especially the compromised kind.’
‘Ah, then, are all portraits a compromise? In his sour moments, I think Kadaspala would agree with you.’ He leaned both hands on the windowsill.”
And thus we circle back to one of the defining traits of Father Light: his portrait. It has dominated his character since, well, since he first appeared, posing for Kadaspala and getting irrationally pissed at the artist. Renarr plucks the key idea of it from Urusander’s mind: His portrait is – has always been – a compromise. And he knows this, for how could he not?
His portrait is a political tool in the arsenal of the Kurald Legions to avert civil war. Kadaspala says so himself:
I have painted a man worthy of being her husband. They will see his strength, his resolute integrity, because these lie on the surface. They will not see the underside of such things – the cruelty beneath strength, the cold pride behind that stern resolution. The blade of judgement grasped firm in integrity’s hand.
They will see in his stance his soldier’s discipline, and the burdens assumed without complaint. Yet see nothing of withered empathy or unreasonable expectation.
In the tones they will find warmth with but a hint of the underlying metal, and in so seeing they will understand nothing of that melding of fire and iron and all that it promises.
My power is vast, the talent undeniable, the vision sure and true. Yet all it leaves me is torment. There is but one god, and its name is beauty. There is but one kind of worship, and that is love. There is for us but one world, and we have scarred it beyond recognition.
Art is the language of the tormented, but the world is blind to that, for ever blind.
Urusander, I see you – I face you now – in the failing light, and you frighten me to the core.
‘I had a thought.’
‘Indeed, and will you tell me that thought, Kadaspala?’
‘If anyone can prevent civil war’ – and he nodded towards the portrait – ‘it is that man.’
What could be more of a compromise than this, precisely? And Urusander knows this – even if it took him two books to finally articulate it – he knows his portrait is faked. It’s a compromise. It’s not him on that portrait; it’s Father Light, it’s Mother Dark’s husband, it’s the man that could avert civil war.
He, alas, was not that man. Nor did he aspire to be. And, on some level, the diegesis seems to begrudge him this.
“‘Well,’ he said, ‘it seems that I am not to be forgiven.’
‘Only your son.’
She saw him nod, and then he sighed and said, ‘Tell them, will you, of the likeness. So deftly, so honestly captured by that blind man’s hand.’
‘He was not blind when he painted you, I think.’
‘Wasn’t he? No, demonstrably not, as far as that goes.’
And this particular exchange is why I sat down to write this essay. That line above. The single line that made me wonder, “how much does this bastard know?” And, moreover, how much does Renarr know?
At first, it sounded to me like an old man’s ravings before his inevitable death. Regrets mounting, a concession of guilt moments before the knife descends. He is not to be forgiven, but his son will live on, not to be hunted by the Fury that is Renarr.
In more recent times, and after further reading (and after talking about it with Steve!), I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t much like that interpretation.
This moment is present for posterity. Vatha & Renarr, father & daughter, one final time. And so, after the more personal matters are done away with – his son’s safety, his not dealing with Hunn Raal, his honour, his sense of justice – they turn to posterity. The portrait was excellent, perfectly & unerringly rendered, to stand the test of time.
But in truth, the language used is very specific. I have no doubt towards Kadaspala’s efficacy & his deftness, but honesty? We saw above that Urusander ought to know that his portrait is, indeed, a compromise. And he amends this, with “blind man.”
Urusander acknowledges that Kadaspala was wrong. He did not paint Vatha Urusander; he painted an idealized form that he wished to paint, a man that could be worthy of being Mother Dark’s husband, a man that could prevent civil war.
And by all accounts, Vatha was pleased. He was… transparent. So expertly portrayed, by a blind man’s hand.
But what if Kadaspala saw true? In his monologue we already saw all the different aspects that he portrayed in his painting, how none who look upon the portrait can see any of it. Nor, one expects, Vatha Urusander. Alas, perhaps Renarr did. And, perhaps, she concurs with Kadaspala: Both the idealized form, and the man himself, frighten her to the core.
And so…
‘Vatha Urusander,’ said Renarr, ‘there will be justice.’
She saw him nod again, in the instant before her knife sank deep beneath his left shoulder blade, stilling the beat of his heart. Unblinking, she stepped back, leaving the dagger in his back. He tilted forward, forehead striking the leaded window, before his legs gave out and he fell to the floor at her feet.
Looking down, she saw the smile on his face. Peaceful, content, lifeless.
Anything I say is bound to not do justice (ha) to this scene. Just admire it.
Which brings us to the true meat of this essay, about 3.7k words in. And that is, why? Why do we see this scene like this?
Vatha Urusander is dead. Renarr is – by Steve’s admission – spending the foreseeable future in a cell underneath Kharkanas for his murder. Unless not-quite-blind Gallan has visited her in the cell to get her tale, quite like Rise Herat wished to do earlier, I doubt anybody would have direct access to the information & dialogue spoken between the two.
So why are we seeing it through this lens? What is the goal? What is Gallan trying to show us?
First & foremost, the PoV framing. This isn’t an omniscient scene; we see the world through Renarr’s eyes, eyes weary of the world itself (sound familiar?), a woman too old for her years, filled with regrets & despair. She wields conviction like a knife, but draws no pleasure from what she knows she must do.
Renarr, as aforementioned, is one of the (if not the) few characters that respect Vatha Urusander’s agency. Whatever decisions he ought to make, he must make them himself; it is of utmost importance to her being able to dispense adequate, unsullied justice as she claims she has to.
And so, she does not belittle him. Though you can almost feel the self-loathing & hatred seethe beneath Renarr’s words, she does not seem to hate Urusander whatsoever: Indeed, she deeply regrets this and expresses to him that she wishes he’d done differently.
It is quite tragic that the man that has sought to do good time & again but always seems to have failed is confronted by the very consequences of said actions. Renarr is his adopted daughter, yes, but she is nought but a ghost, wandering aimlessly through the world, taking in its atrocities, while her father stands on the sidelines. And one wonders, where is the emotion from this woman? Why does this feel so… abject? There is no glory, no catharsis to be found in Urusander’s death; no vow avenged, no vengeance gained. “There will be justice” indeed, but when, and how?
Moreover, this scene is – as aforementioned – away from the public eye. Neither Renarr nor Urusander need hold back, and both can converse without watching their words. The cryptic and vague responses are evidently manufactured by Gallan & Fisher, to prove a point.
This scene is also a foregone conclusion. Renarr knows she will kill Urusander the moment Father Light steps into the room. Urusander, while he doesn’t know it immediately, gets a pretty good idea by the time the conversation shifts to Hunn Raal; you can see his tone change accordingly (especially when he asks about Osserc, borderline in desperation). And so, whatever the two of them say, is just between them.
It is, in effect, a last attempt from Gallan to give you an idea of the motivations behind Vatha Urusander and Renarr. The former could never back down from his high ideals of justice, and they led to his downfall; the latter, well, the latter “stirs the ashes of her regret” with a good deal of fatalism mixed in (which is a can of worms I’m not opening).
To close, I think this scene is one of the best, and most dense, scenes in the Malazan mythos. I don’t come close to doing it justice here; for that you need quite a lot of background information from Fall of Light that I simply do not have access to. It is an excellent, cathartic moment that brings the storyline of Fall of Light to a simultaneously satisfying, and extremely unsatisfying, close.
And I think it pays to think about if it happened at all, and what the author – the in-world author, that is – is trying to tell us by portraying it in such a manner. I do not doubt that Urusander was killed in some way, perhaps even in the exact manner that we see here: But the act itself is not what matters, but the dialogue & actions taken by the characters that we see. To ask, “why are we seeing it like this and not in some other manner,” can lead to some fairly interesting questions, and some very interesting revelations.
Until next time!
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2023.04.01 21:33 conceivablytheo does anyone know if having pecs makes it more dangerous to wear binders?

ok so for a bit of background im pre-t and pre-top surgery with a relatively small chest (a B cup last time i checked? it’s been forever since i have but i think my chest has stayed mostly the same). i started training my chest a few months back cause i thought it might make me look a little more masculine. and i think it has, like, they sit a little bit higher now and it can look in certain clothes like i just have pecs, but over the same period of time i’ve nearly lost the ability to wear binders on a regular basis like i used to. i’ve used the gc2b half tank binder since april 2021 (first a small, now a medium as of a few months ago) and i never binded super unhealthily. i always stuck to an 8 hour limit and didn’t do intense exercise in it or double bind or wear it to sleep, but i still find myself out of breath now as soon as i put it on and ill get random sharp pains in my ribs even when im not wearing it. im pretty sure im wearing the right size? i even went up one and it doesn’t feel too tight, i just physically can’t feel that comfortable in them anymore.
my question is, could training my chest muscles have something to do with it? my friend who had a huge chest before surgery said that he used to double bind and wear it for too long but didn’t have any rib pain, and he thinks it’s because he had so much breast tissue and fat to cushion him. i dont know. im close to being able to get on T and hopefully arrange to get top surgery, but for the mean time it would be nice if i could bind again. my body image has just been so unstable lately, and i miss when i could compress my chest just a little for some euphoria.
submitted by conceivablytheo to FTMFitness [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:32 NemesisNotAvailable Considering quitting the game and leaving community altogether

Hey there, long time lurker first time poster.
I’ve been considering this for a while but after seeing moderators reactions to people criticizing how Dehya has been handled is the straw the broke the camels back. I actually started playing the game after a friend of mine told me that this cool sword lady was going to be playable. I loved her design and started playing explicitly because I was excited. And then not too long after my start the leaks about Dehya started.
Initially I ignored them but when I stumbled upon some I was quite frankly dumbfounded. For context I’m someone who has jumped around various gacha games because I have no impulse control, and very few games I’ve seen have been so genuinely disrespectful of customers money.
They expected people to pay real money for the chance to get a character who is awful, genuinely almost unusable. And then when people got rightfully upset, they were completely silent. Even worse I’ve been seeing moderators on this very subreddit cracking down on posts calling out Mihoyo over it. Instead of banding together as a community it has instead decided to put others down and censor criticism.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen this happen with a gacha game. Quite frankly it’s disgustingly vile behavior and incredibly anti consumer, even for the standard set by gacha games and various other slot machines disguised as video games.
All of this has quite frankly just made me not want to touch the game at all. I’ve completely dropped off and stopped logging in as the excitement I had for the game has just been burnt away by negativity and a bad taste in my mouth given by both the company and members of this community.
I expect this post to be removed and for me to potentially be banned for it, as that seems to be the track record for posts like this. Perhaps no one will even see this before it is removed, perhaps not. I know this likely won’t change anyones mind or anyones actions but I’m used to screaming into the void about these things. Money at the end of the day seems to overpower all acts of scrutiny.
submitted by NemesisNotAvailable to Genshin_Impact [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:32 Little_Antelope What are some unintentionally hilarious things your NParent has said or done?

My NMom has said and done so many things that I can't help but laugh about because it's so absurd. I was just wondering if anyone else has stories like these?
Here are a few of my favorites from NMom:
I have an endless list of stories but these always make me laugh because I have no idea where she gets these crazy ideas from. But since the world revolves around her, there's no way she could be wrong!
submitted by Little_Antelope to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:32 pastelecakekurain The Tiger and The artist (Geiju x Itachi)

“Watch where you're going, doofus” Itachi snapped, pushing the person who had bumped into him just a few moments ago.
“Im....Sorry” Geiju bowed, his beret falling from his head like a cherry blossom petal.
That was his first impression of the stoic redhead, A clumsy, weak, and art-loving sissy that seemed to entrance the school the second He first walked in the gate, He was pathetic and gay, the type of man he hated. He couldn't understand how somebody could purposely make themselves appear so weak, so fragile... Just waiting for somebody to swoop them up in their arms and never let go.
Did he stupidly fall in love? Sadly yes.
He just couldn't help it, Geiju was possibly the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on, His soft silky red hair, His emerald orb-like eyes that glimmered in the light, his frail but long arms and legs, star-speckled freckles and a perfect voice. He was like an angel, a heavenly being created with love and care by the goddess Aphrodite. The mental image of Geiju on a comfy lace bed with pillows and ribbons, in soft baby-pink kitty lingerie, was enough to make his whole face burn red in lust, guilt, and shame. He would peek from behind the art club door, just to watch him paint. He would watch in awe as Geiju created life on a canvas, from mere color, curve, and line. He would silently watch, captivated by his talent.
He wanted to fuse with him, to fill all his senses with his scent, so Itachi would be the only thing geiju would think about. Oh, to rip all his clothes off his body and take him right there and then, In front of everybody. And do it again and again and again and agai-
Mantaro conked him in the head with his shampoo bottle, as Hojiro and Unagi both exploded into boisterous laughter.
“You're going to waste all the water” Iruka said, Slipping on his boxers. He was also very cute, With plump cheeks and short, curvy figure.
He got up and dried himself up, there were lots of boys in school that he liked, Otohiko, A boy that wore the female uniform, He had peach pink hair and pretty little amber eyes, He had decided that Otohiko was too sweet for his dirty hands. Iruka was also alluring, He was quiet but not in the same way as Geiju, he was more straightforward and preferred to talk only when it was necessary. He had swishy silver-grey hair and soft ruby-red eyes. But judging by the way Iruka’s eyes would stay glued to Asu’s chest and butt when she was in her swimsuit, it would be worthless to try anything. Besides Mantaro would kill him with his own hands if he even breathed the wrong way around him.
He finished buttoning up his uniform top, He got a text from his father, or as he liked to call the mouthpiece of shit, Limpdick. It wasn't anything, just telling him to come home or he’d “Beat his ass” He wanted to see him try, He was a lot stronger now, so he could beat his ass.
He stepped out of the locker room, The setting sun looking gorgeous as always. He sighed and tossed his backpack over his shoulders, he really wanted to try talking to Geiju, but he had absolutely no idea where to even start, besides why would geiju like him? He had been nothing but rude to him so what reason would he have?
He kept his head down as he walked out of the school gates; The warm and comforting environment of sunset made him feel a lot better. As he was walking home, he couldn't say he wasn't pondering over asking Geiju out. What if he said the wrong thing and messed it all up? What if they started dating and they weren't meant to be? After all, it was so rare to find such a gorgeous being, it was a miracle he actually managed to find such a person, but he was worried.
He got home and went straight to his room.
“If I start being nicer to people, would he like me?” He thought to himself as he undressed and slipped into his pajamas. He walked over to his mirror and took off his shirt.
As a child, he was a very scrawny and feminine build, something his father hated, so he would always belittle him. He thought that, maybe, if he got big and strong, he would feel confident in himself.
But unfortunately, that didn't happen, he was muscular and lean now but he still felt insecure and weak inside.
“Why?” Itachi frowned, touching his chest. “Why don’t I feel strong?” he asked himself. He was angry with himself; He would never grow a pair and just ask the boy he loved so much. He was afraid of doing anything that might make his dad angry at him again. And yet, he still wanted to talk to Geiju, to make him feel happy, to hold him in his arms and never let him go.
He sighed, he closed his eyes and tried to imagine Geiju's face, He imagined his snow-white skin, his delicate fingers, and his kissable lips. He imagined him wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight, He imagined him smiling and laughing, He pictured him painting the flowers Itachi worked so hard to grow.
He opened his eyes and saw tears leaving his eyes. “What is this? Why am I crying, I'm a man! I shouldn't cry for a boy that probably hates me” he complained to nobody.
Itachi wiped his tears away and stood there, He thought about all the things he wanted to say, the words he wanted to say and how they sounded in his mind. How they would sound in his heart.
“I want you to smile for me, I want you to laugh with me, I want you to be my Husband” Itachi whispered to himself, closing his eyes again.
“I need you, I can't live without you, please, just tell me your feelings” He sat on his bed, Clutching a pillow tightly. He knew that if he never tried, nothing would happen. If he never even tried to talk to him he would regret, it forever. He pulled up a dating strategy on his phone, to prepare
Geiju was so engrossed in painting that he did not notice the footsteps behind him until he was Kabedon wall slammed.
He gasped, flinching for a moment before looking up to see the very person he had been imagining.
Itachi could feel his heart tighten as he looked at Geiju’s little “o” face of surprise. He stood there, frozen, words failing to leave his mouth.
Geiju was completely red in the face, his lips quivering, his hands shaking. He stared at Itachi with wide eyes, as though he was seeing him for the first time, like a stranger. His heart was racing in his chest as the realization that his crush had just wall slammed him.
“Uhhhh......” Geiju stammered out, He was still staring at Itachi in shock.
“I....I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" Itachi mumbled awkwardly, his heart beating loudly in his ears.
“No, no” Geiju shook his head. “It's ok” he felt himself hand flap, trying to calm down his racing heart. Geiju smiled nervously, He cleared his throat and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants.
“Uhh....I just wanted to ask.......do you want to have lunch with me?” Itachi nervously stammered out.
Geiju blinked a few times, He was surprised but also happy. "Yes, I'd love to!" he replied immediately, making Itachi sigh with relief.
True to his word, Geiju had lunch with him that day, He learned that geiju adored anything with strawberries, especially strawberry shortcakes. So, every time they ate together, he would bring him strawberry shortcake for them both, and they would talk about everything under the sun, they talked about school and about their pasts, their hobbies, and their likes and dislikes, they shared many laughs and smiles and soon, their friendship grew and grew.
They became best friends; their relationship grew stronger and stronger. Itachi would do anything for Geiju, He would sacrifice himself for him and he would do it gladly. He was afraid that one day he would lose him, so he gave him his heart and soul.
He slowly started to see himself becoming kinder and gentler. He changed his hairstyle to a bob cut that swished around his head.
He got brave enough to get a therapist to talk about his issues. And he had to thank it all on geiju. His feelings for Geiju got stronger and stronger until he couldn't deny it anymore. He had to ask him out. He knew that he should've done it sooner, but he was scared, he was afraid that Geiju wouldn't accept him for who he truly was.
“Geiju, I know this might seem sudden, but would you like to go out with me?" He asked while they were walking home from school. Geiju blushed and nodded, making him hug him in joy.
The date was on Saturday, they would meet in front of the 7-11 at 2:45 precisely. There Itachi would take him to a restaurant and then a walk through the park.
The rest of the week was excessively boring and dull, the two tentatively waited for the school day to end to prepare for tomorrow’s date.
Geiju knew he wanted to cross-dress but wasn't sure exactly what to wear. Luckily, he had Otohiko, a fellow cross-dresser's advice.
“Something with his favorite colors, tell me his favorites” Otohiko said, he wore a pearl pink oversized sweater and pure white drawstring shorts. “Black, orange” Geiju replied, readjusting his skirt.
“Well, you can wear Black Mary Janes and some orange jewelry” Otohiko got up from his very soft bed and strutted over to his closet, pulling out a pair of lolita Style Mary Janes with sheer white bows decorating them.
“Maybe you can wear something tight... you know........to leave him with a veryy gooood memory” He teased, watching Geiju’s face light up.
Back in his house, Geiju chose a light pink sailor dress with a white petticoat, he replaced the dark red ribbon with a light orange ribbon, black pantyhose, and the Mary Janes that Otohiko let him borrow. Shouko had gifted him an orange-themed necklace a few years ago, so he fished it out of his trinket box.
Itachi leaned against the light pole, a bouquet of flowers in hand, a special handpicked bunch of bright red roses, Violets, and green carnations. He grew the flowers all by himself, so he really hoped that Geiju would like them.
“Ita-Kun” he turned to see Geiju, who was in a dress. He felt his entire face burn red as he looked Geiju up and down. He looked so Innocent and girly in that dress.
Geiju smiled softly and twirled around, “Like it?” he teased, making Itachi blush harder.
He pulled Geiju into a hug, his heart racing as he held Geiju close. Geiju smiled happily as he snuggled closer to Itachi, putting his arms around him.
He presented Geiju with the flowers and he put them into his bag, taking a green carnation and putting it in his hair.
They walked close together, Itachi with his arm around Geiju’s waist, They laughed and chatted about random things.
“Alright, were here” Itachi said, stopping in front of the café that he had chosen, Itachi looked up at the sign above the door.
It read 'Café Yume' in colorful letters.
Geiju looked up at the sign, smiling widely, He hugged Itachi close and whispered, "Thank you for going on this date with me!"
The two walked in, with a young woman in a maid dress greeting them.
“Welcome Master” She chirped; Itachi quickly realized why the café had such good reviews, he had chosen a fucking maid café, on his first date. Shit.
Geiju was surprised but went along with it. “Yeah, sorry....” “No, it's okay” Geiju reassured Itachi it was ok, the two chatted while waiting for their food.
Geiju ordered a Hamburg curry with orange juice and Itachi ordered an omurice. Itachi made the mental note to get better at cooking.
The food came out and it smelled absolutely delicious, Geiju's was even more delicious than it looked. The two savoured every bite of their meal,
“So, how’s your mom” Itachi asked. “She’s great, Shes going to have our little sister soon”
“Oh, Shes pregnant?’ “Yeah!” Geiju replied excitedly, giggling.
“Aww, I'm happy for her!” Itachi replied with a smile. “What about your mom Ita-kun?” Geiju asked innocently.
Itachi frowned, His mother had left when he was very young, she had packed up her bags and left. He had never seen her or even heard from her since.
“She’s........fine” he lied, not wanting to sour Geiju’s mood. “That’s good” geiju replied, picking the dessert menu, and ordering a Strawberry shortcake.
Itachi brought out his wallet and paid for their meal, making them both smile happily.
The blooming cherry blossoms were gorgeous, Geiju had told Itachi he loved flowers, so he brought him to a beautiful park where there were tons of cherry trees. The petals of the trees had fallen, they were all over the ground like snow and the air was filled with the sweet scent of the flowers.
The two lay down in the cool grass, watching the clouds pass overhead. They watched birds flutter around, laughing as Children chased each other.
“This is amazing, so peaceful” Geiju commented, gazing up at the sky. “Yeah, its nice” Itachi agreed.
Geiju put his arm around Itachi, the two nuzzled into each other.
“Geiju?” Itachi whispered. Geiju looked up at him and smiled. “Yes, Ita-Kun?” he whispered back. “I love you” Itachi confessed, making Geiju smile wider.
“I.....Love you too” Geiju murmured, cuddling up to Itachi. The two sat and stared up at the sky, watching the clouds float by. Itachi was content, he had finally told Geiju how he felt and he had been accepted.
They stayed like that for hours, Cuddling close together. “Um...” “Yeah?”
“Can we kiss?” Geiju asked shyly. Itachi blushed, embarrassed, but nodded. Geiju leaned in and kissed Itachi on the lips, his tongue gently caressing Itachi’s bottom lip. It was their first kiss, so it was sloppy and awkward, but still romantic.
Geiju broke off the kiss, looking up at Itachi. He smiled tenderly and Itachi smiled back, kissing Geiju on the cheek.
“Your........good....at this’ Geiju murmured, blushing. “No, you're good at this” Itachi teased, poking his belly.
“Do you want to do it again?” Geiju asked shyly, looking up at Itachi.
“Yeah!” Itachi replied, leaning down to kiss Geiju on the lips once more.
Itachi could feel his heart beating faster and he knew that he loved Geiju more than ever before.
At this point, the sun was starting to set, painting the sky in yellow, purple and red.
"Wow, it really does look like a painting..." Geiju murmured, staring up at the beautiful sky.
“Yeah... it's pretty amazing” Itachi agreed.
The two laid down on the grass in silence, just enjoying each others company.
“Hey, Ita-Kun?” Geiju asked timidly. “Yeah, what is it?” "Will.....you be my boyfriend?" He shyly asked, making Itachi smile. “Of course! Yes! I'll be your boyfriend forever!” Itachi exclaimed excitedly, hugging Geiju tightly.
Geiju smiled and hugged him back, the two held each other close for a long time.
"Ita.......I have to go home...." Geiju said, frowning. "Why?" Itachi asked worriedly.
"My family will be worried if I don't come home by sundown" Geiju explained.
“Oh” Itachi replied, thinking about it. . "Im sure your family will be worried for you too" Geiju said, Starting to get up. Itachi sighed, His father didnt give a shit about him, he knew if his son never came home, his father wouldn't think twice about it.
"Let's walk home together then" Geiju suggested.
Itachi nodded, relieved that Geiju wanted to stay with him. The two walked side by side, holding hands and talking about random stuff. Itachi was growing progresively more nervous, what would his father think of his son dating a man? Itachi wondered if his dad even thought of him.
"Im hungry......" Geiju muttered. "Again?" "Yeah..." Itachi really didn't want to go home now, so he asked Geiju if he could eat dinner at his house. "My dad's out most of the time, so I'm sure he wouldn't mind it" Itachi said, forcing a smile.
"Ok, I guess I can come over" Geiju said, sounding quite content. Mama would get to meet Him!
“Mama! Im back!” Geiju called out, taking off his shoes at the entrance.
"Mom at her obstetrician appointment! She and dad will come back soon!" Shouko called out from the kitchen, He noticed Itachi and Gave him his signature grin.
"Oh hey, Hi!" Shouko chirped and quickly went back to preparing dinner. "Uh, I didn't know that you and Shouko-san were brothers' Itachi said. "Stepbrothers" Geiju replied. “Mama and Shouko’s papa got married” Geiju continued.
“Yeah? I wanna meet them after dinner” Itachi said enthusiastically. “Sure” Geiju replied with a smile, going upstairs to change.
Geiju changed into pastel green drawstring shorts and a Cream Pj shirt with light green lines. He took off his jewelry and scurried back downstairs.
Itachi was with Shouko, Engaging in light small talk. "Im making hamburg curry with cardamom spice, I hope Geiju likes it," Shouko said excitedly.
Itachi grinned, "I'm sure he will". "Is it done yet?!” Geiju called out, coming back down the stairs.
“Almost” Shouko replied. “Zametora-kun, can you help set the table?” he asked, Itachi nodded and went over to help Geiju.
"Thanks, Ita-Kun!" Geiju said gratefully. Itachi and Geiju worked together to place the plates on the table. Geiju grabbed the cups and Itachi placed plates on the table.
"And done!" Shouko said, grinning. “Yay,” Geiju said, and Shouko pulled out a bottle of orange juice. Shouko then brought over the curry and Itachi poured the juice into the cups.
“Let's eat!” Shouko said, giving Itachi and Geiju a smile. "Thanks for having me here," Itachi said, grabbing a fork. Geiju nodded, smiling widely as he grabbed his own spoon.
Everyone dug in, and Itachi couldn't stop thinking about how cute Geiju was. Geiju was super polite, always saying please and thank you.
"Is good,” Geiju said, "Thank you, Im glad you like it!" Shouko replied. Itachi smiled, he felt odd being in the presence of family love, when he had dinner with his father, they never talked, sometimes His father would berate him, or he wasn't there at all. On those days he would just order a pizza or heat up leftovers. Shouko's food tasted really good, better than anything that he had ever eaten. Geiju was staring at Itachi, smiling happily at him.
“We should watch a movie after dinner” Shouko said, looking between Itachi and Geiju. “My neighbor Totoro” Geiju quickly said, making everyone laugh at how quickly he said it.
They all huddled up on the couch. Geiju cuddled up to Itachi, making him smile. Geiju had his head on Itachi's shoulder. He felt like he was part of the family now.
This. This is where he belonged.
Itachi was so happy; he hadn't felt this way since his mom left.
He had been abandoned by his mother and his father is abusive, but now he had found a family who loved him.
submitted by pastelecakekurain to Osana [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:32 randomblackeye Girlfriend matched several states away

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly three years now. She matched in a state that would take a 3-4 hour flight to get to. She got a hospital that was relatively high on her list and I'm happy for her. But im also sad because I can't see this relationship working out with the distance. She'll be working all week and my work schedule is tough for me to get away also so we'll likely see each other only a couple times a year.
In the past couple months she's become more distant. I assume its because she may be trying to distance herself for the potential breakup between us. Mainly I'm just sad. I knew dating a doctor-to-be would have it's difficulties but I didn't know it'd be this hard.
She struggles with her mental health, which I imagine is true for many pre meds and residents, which has added it's hiccups to our relationship. She claims this is the reason why she's been distant but it doesn't make sense to me when shes visiting with friends every weekend. I want to make the most out of these next few months before she leaves but she is prioritizing her friends over me. I can understand wanting to see her friends she won't see for a long time, I'm just having a difficult time compartmentalizing and coping with this.
Just had to get it off my chest
submitted by randomblackeye to MedSpouse [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:31 AleristheSeeker I'm trying to build a setting to use for a collaborative, multi-group evolving campaign. Please AMA about the setting to help me flesh it out more!

Greetings, everyone!
As the title says, I've put it in my head to make a setting to use as a basis for a small cluster of groups to run campaigns in and interactively shape the setting through the activities of each campaign. My plan is to have a solid foundation of setting, then invite other GMs to shape the fineries of the setting together. Finally, each GM would have their own group using the same basic ruleset and keep track of how that group changes the setting. Then, we'd consolidate the changes and use these as new plot hooks, changes to the environment, etc. Is it a Pipe Dream? Perhaps. But better to have tried and failed than to have never tried.
First, some basics about the setting:
The active part of the setting is limited to a single city. Anything beyond the walls of this city (at least beyond the local farms...) is "off-screen" action. This city, however, is likely the largest city in the world, built upon ruins of untold ancient secrets and diffused with magic, both the "will aid you in your darkest hour" kind and the "blows up your library for mispronouncing Xyhklrectizism" kind, depending on aptitude, talent and, most importantly, sheer luck. Since the first two of those are still marginally important, the Great Academy of Magic has been around for a couple of centuries to somewhat offset the greatest misfortunes.
The ruins below the city have long spewed out monsters and magical artifacts, acting as both a boon and a curse to the perpetually homeless, injured, terrified but notably rich citizenry - that is, until the current King, Vailart the Tamer, ventured down to the bottom of the ruins and somehow calmed and tamed the ruins nearly a century ago. Today, the city is as peaceful as any and far more rich, even with a much less constant stream of magical artifacts being salvaged from the bowels of the Ruins.
Being as big as it is, the City is partitioned into multiple, very distinct disctricts that are heavily influenced by magical phenomena oozing out of the Ruins. Be it mystical fog that dulls the senses, an innate understanding of a person's very soul or the ability to bring any object to life - each of these phenomena, the "Influences", shape a district for better or worse. But much more than its magic, the city is defined by its inhabitants. The citizens pride themselves in seeing the crazy and unbelievable as a daily occurrence, nod and wish it a good morning, then go on their merry way. The city is unjudging, as it at most only cares about either the gold in your pockets, the strength of your arm or, if you are crazy enough to mingle with that kind, your ability in the field of magic.
There is a lot going on in this city. From the violent dealings of the Thieves' Guild, over the drudging studies in the Great Academy of Magic to the seemingly endless Forlorn Forest that is being cut down regardless, there is plenty to see, do and get killed by. This is Tomboro, often called the City of Legends - past, present... and future!
And a remark about the rules used, since they do impact the setting quite a bit...
Spheres of Power is the main key difference to most settings, which carries some implications, such as:
  • Different types of Magic (divine, arcane, ect.) exist but are not tied to specific classes.
  • Since martials get a wider selection of abilities in Spheres, a multitude of fighting schools have established themselves in the city
  • Magic Casters can differ wildly and be exactly the same, no matter whether they're from different or the same classes. As such, classes themselves have a smaller than normal impact on the setting.
And... I think that's it... Thank you for sticking with me through this long post. I'd love to answer some questions, of course what I wrote isn't the entirety of what I have written down already, but it's the unexpected questions that are best to build out the setting.
So with that: I'm trying to think of a setting to build out together with others, AMA!
submitted by AleristheSeeker to Pathfinder_RPG [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:31 dartbacon College group tasks are the real April fools joke

Irresponsible groupmates are nothing new, but I really want to vent about a recent example. Basically, we had a paper due midnight of April 1. I made a google docs a week prior, assigned tasks to members, and completed my part a day prior to the deadline. Meanwhile my groupmates had still not written a single word by the afternoon of April 1 and were not responsive to my follow-ups. I was also the overall editor, but at this point there was nothing to edit other than my part, so I made a general outline with research for the parts of my other members in the hopes it would get done quickly.
You can see where this is going.
I then set an internal deadline of 7pm so that I could edit the whole thing, make it actually readable and still go out for an event I had at 9pm, which I had already told my group about a few days prior.
Then of course my groupmates decided to only start writing by 10pm. I was beyond frustrated at this point and left the final editing to my group members cramming the paper. I check in at like 1am after my event and the whole paper is a mess with the format I made based on instructions completely fucked as well as missing an entire core section. So of course they submitted this shitty paper minutes before midnight.
I confront the group about it, finding that they KNEW it was shitty and still submitted cause they didn't want to submit late. I dont think I need to explain the problems with this.
Channeling my frustration, I redirected it to the paper and basically revised the whole thing, and with only some of the members' contributions being coherent and relevant to the paper, most of the paper ended up written by me. Although in no way a perfect paper, I can objectively say it is a signficant improvement. At 3am I resubmitted the paper with permission from the group which will most definitely be deducted late but tbh would be better than submitting a paper that had "March something, blah" as a date for the title page.
Moving forward I don't really know what to do other than wait for results. Maybe confront my group, maybe go solo, or maybe talk with my prof about the whole fiasco. Anways, that was my vent its nearly 4am now and I'm going to sleep thanks for reading.
submitted by dartbacon to Vent [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:30 R_T_S_D DMC4 Dante Pro Controller Style Switching

So I recently got the Hex Gaming hyper controller for ps4/pc (https://www.hexgaming.com/collections/ps4-hyper-controller).
Long story short, mapping the style buttons from just the d-pad to both the d-pad and the 4 corresponding back buttons simultaneously seems to remove any need for clawing and also allows controller Dante's to execute inputs that were previously not practical in average gameplay without using keyboard.
I've only had it for a couple days, it is very weird and will take more getting used to but it helps that you can still play exactly like before with d pad switching so you can slowly acclimatize to the extra available buttons.
So far the biggest wins are the obvious 3: any form of direction specific star-rave, the near-perfect omni-directional wave dashing (not quite TAS perfect as that would still require you to hit repeated 1 frame inputs), and any direction specific guard flying.
Basically any tech that can benefit from style switching while simultaneously inputting movement directions with the left stick is now a million times easier.
As of right now I'm not yet fully sold on the need for these double mapped inputs with regards for Sword-master or Gunslinger but it's still very new to me; however doing this for TricksteRoyal-guard is unquestionably a huge improvement.
submitted by R_T_S_D to DevilMayCry [link] [comments]

2023.04.01 21:30 R_Dey [MF] The Test

Part I
Rajendra Jain had been pacing back and forth in his living room for the past fifteen minutes and there was no trace in his pace that would’ve indicated that he would not indeed be doing the same for fifteen more.
Sitting on the sofa, cross-legged and sipping a cup of coffee was his wife, Arushi Madan. She had taken a particular interest in observing her husband at times when he would be expecting his ‘friends in high places.’ He would go to great lengths to ensure that these guests of his received the finest treatment in his house. After he had made sure that everything in the house was tidier than they normally were, from the furniture to the modest collection of vases and trinkets, he would start pacing back on forth in his living room which he would only stop when the doorbell would ring. This was one such occasion.
‘Fifty-five!” Arushi murmured.
“What was that?” Rajendra asked and then he suddenly let out a loud cry of agony.
“It’s usually after your fiftieth round that you stub your toe on that table. The maximum it has taken till now is fifty-nine rounds, but mostly it happens by the fifty-fifth one.” Arushi said.
They both glanced at each other, Rajendra with a bewildered gaze and mouth wide open while Arushi smirked with a cunning look in her eyes. Arushi was good at observing things at a young age. She could observe and make an accurate assumption about almost everything. When she was twelve, she knew that the old lady next door would react in a negative manner when her father would’ve approached her to talk about her grandson taking up his parking spot. She had instead told him to wait till his grandson arrives and speak with him directly as that would’ve solved the dispute amicably.
“You shouldn’t make early assumptions.” Her father had told her.
After her assumption had turned out to be right, she had the same smirk and cunning look in her eyes. Her father had then smiled back and told her that her eyes at that point looked pretty like that of a puppy after sipping vinegar. She had never seen a puppy sip vinegar before, but this compliment had made her feel happy, nevertheless.
She, however, hadn’t received nor did she expect to receive any such compliment from her husband in such situations.
“Can you stop giving me that stupid smile and bring some bandages? Ugh, I think my toe is bleeding.” Rajendra said as he got down to his knees to inspect his wound.
Arushi didn’t say anything but, quickly got up from her sofa after keeping the coffee mug down and went to look for the first aid.
Just then the doorbell rang. The friends of Rajendra had arrived.
He sprang up to greet them. He had made four influential friends that he would refer to as ‘very close’ since he had moved for business reasons to Barsatpur, a very remote town in India.’ Rajendra despite at that time undergoing some financial issues, was a wealthy man. He had a big house, the biggest in that town and didn’t have a car only because he could not drive.
“But your wife can drive. Why don’t you get a car.” Dhruv, one of Rajendra’s four friends asked him, just as all five of them had seated themselves in the living room.
‘I err…. she doesn’t drive that well you see, and I don’t see any reason for…’ Rajendra began and then suddenly stopped and turned around to see Arushi who had re-entered the living room with bandages and some cotton along with a bottle of antiseptic.
“Sorry, it took a while, I had kept the first aid in a different place so….”
“Well, I won’t be needing it anymore!” Rajendra said.
Arnav who had by now noticed Rajendra's wounds began with a smile “Looks like our buddy Rajendra’s absent-mindedness gets him injured indoors as well.”
Rajendra began to quiver in embarrassment as he fixed his gaze on the floor with fists clenched on both sides. Arushi was still standing behind the sofa where Rajendra was sitting, puzzled at Arnav’s remark.
Rajendra looked up at his wife and through an angry glance at her signalled her to leave. She obeyed but just as she turned her back to leave, Arnav told her to wait.
He began “It was that one time when I saw Rajendra walking alone near the market, lost in his own thoughts as usual. Suddenly I saw him falling straight into a wide-open ditch and after that got covered in all sorts of nasty…”
“That will do!” Rajendra finally blurted angrily. He then turned to Arushi and began in an angrier tone than before. “And you! Do you want to sit and chat with us, or do you have some work of your own?” Arushi didn’t reply but simply turned and walked away.
Rajendra felt calmer when she was gone. He however didn’t notice how all four his companions had been gazing at her as she was walking out of the living room. They had gazed at the back of her long and slender neck, and they had gazed all the way down to her waist and hips. All the while Rajendra felt relieved at the thought of how he was now free to converse with his friends now that the only annoying presence was gone.
It had been a couple of hours of talking and feasting and drinking until Rajendra’s guests were ready to go home.
“The food was delicious.” Said Tejas.
“Yes, but next time try the new chicken recipe that I told you about, the one with lots of garlic and spices.” Added Dhruv. “Your wife would love it too.”
“She is vegetarian actually.” Rajendra replied.
“Ah, that’s no surprise.” Said Arnav who was a bit too drunk compared to the rest. “After all she is an animal lover. Loves hugging dogs whenever she sees one.” His voice shifted from faint to loud at the same pace as he swayed from left to right while trying to achieve a fixed standing position.
The rest of the company wondered if he should be told to stop talking before he decides to abandon certain moral codes when it comes to respectful communication.
“And I must add…” Arnav continued while raising his hand which was also having a hard time staying firmly raised “women who are vegetarians have the perfect body, and my dearest lucky Rajendra, your miss’s body can rival any runway or lingerie model. I mean she also does like showing herself off when she wears those extremely revealing clothes often.”
One would imagine Rajendra was the person that told him to stop talking about his wife in such a way, but he wasn’t. It was Pratyush. Pratyush was a man of great size and stature. He didn’t speak much but had a habit of stepping in whenever there was a situation where someone was needed to step in.
In this scenario he gently lifted Arnav from his feet as if he was a small doll. Arnav who had offered no resistance while being picked up had suddenly dozed off in his drunken stupor like a toddler falling asleep in his father’s shoulder.
“Looks like he had a bit too much to drink today didn’t he.” Said, Rajendra.
No one of his four companions had asked for him to defend the man who was sexualizing his wife, but he did it anyway. “All right then goodnight,” said Rajendra.
“Before I go, I just want to ask if….” Tejas said. He looked around and signalled the others to carry on.
Tejas waited till the rest of the company had gone beyond hearing distance. He then lit a cigarette, offered one to Rajendra as is courtesy and upon his rejection began to speak.
“I was wondering if you have had some time to think about what I had asked you a couple of days back?”
Rajendra said in a hesitant tone “I would of course like to help you in your time of need but as you already know I am also going through financial hardships and the amount of money that you asked for is…. don’t take it the wrong way but I don’t feel comfortable in lending it to you in such times.”
“Look, I have always trusted you and it’s fine if you have some reservations despite this.” Tejas continued with his persuasion for a while and then went off saying his “goodnight” and “do think about it.”
As Rajendra walked his way towards the entrance of his house, he recalled what Arushi had been telling him. She had said that all these four people whom he considers friends just tried to use, and associate with him for his wealth. She had also told him that if given the opportunity, they will even throw him in jeopardy if that makes them gain any advantage out of him. However, Rajendra had always dismissed these thoughts as baseless.
Part II
It was raining heavily, and Rajendra who was returning home from the market had forgotten his umbrella. His fast-paced walk soon turned to sprint, not because he wanted to reach home before getting too drenched but because he didn’t want to be seen by any of his four ‘close friends’ walking drenched in rain without an umbrella, given his reputation of being absent-minded and clumsy.
His house had a recent infestation of rats, and he was for once proud of himself to have not forgotten buying the rat poison. The old one was almost finished with zero dead rats. As he entered his living room, he found an old man lying down on his living room sofa.
He too had been drenched in the rain not long ago as his thick beard and scarce and thin hair were still wet. However, he saw that this unexpected visitor had been provided dry clothes. It was Rajendra’s clothes that he would wear at business meetings. The man was asleep. Rajendra had only examined the man for a little while before deeming him as ‘disgusting.’ He had no foul odour but his unkempt appearance and his wet and dirty jacket hanging nearby made Rajendra deduce that he was a poor homeless man and hence was to be deemed ‘disgusting.’
“Arushi!” Rajendra called his wife.
“Arushi, who is he and what is he doi….” Rajendra paused when Arushi showed up with an expression on her face that he didn’t expect and one that that scenario hinted of trouble.
She had tears in her eyes and had a hard time speaking what she was trying to say. “He just…. I am so sorry…he is not….” She broke into more tears.
Rajendra rushed to her and gave her a hug. “It’s alright, I am here now.”
Arushi clenched her husband tightly and buried her face on his chest that made the only part of his shirt that was somewhat dry from rain now wet with tears.
“tell me what happened? Who is this man and why is he here?” Rajendra asked agitatedly.
“He is dead!” She replied reply. Outside there came the sound of a sudden loud thunder.
Rajendra felt like he was going to fall sick.
“How did this happen?” He asked.
Arushi hesitated for a while, took a deep breath, wiped off her tears and started with her explanation. She explained how this man arrived at her doorstep while being drenched in rain. How despite him looking like a homeless man wandering the streets, she immediately recognized him as his old friend from college. How he had told her that he was in extreme debt and had now been pushed to crippling poverty. She took another deep breath when she said that she had invited him in, given him some fresh clothes, offered him a glass of water and had only gone to the kitchen to make him some tea when she realized her mistake.
“You don’t mean it was the same glass which contained….?” Rajendra began in a terrified tone.
Arushi simply nodded in affirmative while pointing to the glass that had supposedly contained liqua-tox II, a liquid concentrate that is used to kill rats and mice and which had led to the death of their unexpected visitor.
Rajendra fell into the chair in a state of fear and panic. Arushi was sobbing once more and told him that she had killed a person and will now surely be in prison.
Rajendra suddenly leapt up from his chair. An idea had struck him. He knew how to save her. Rajendra felt a sense of jubilation thinking how this sudden idea will make him the knight in shining armour and his wife will be the damsel in distress that he will save. Never again will he be called things clumsy, impotent and absent-minded and never again will his wife count the number of rounds he takes in the living room before he stubs his toe on the table.
His idea was to call his four friends in high places and with their connections dispose of the dead body. After all why would anyone care or miss a man who was pushed to poverty by possibly his own bad decisions. Most people would probably think that this man had committed suicide.
Rajendra explained this plan to his wife and before she could give any opinion of her own, for or against this plan of his, Rajendra ran to get his cell phone. He called Arnav first who said that he was out of town and reassured him not to worry. He then called Tejas who said that he would have shown up at his place that very moment had he not just recently fractured his leg. Dhruv declared that he was away attending a wedding and Pratyush said that will not help.
After his call ended with Pratyush he felt that he was indeed helpless. He thought to himself that he was just unlucky as this misfortune had to strike him when all three of his friends were busy and one in a possibly mad mood.
He sat motionless in his chair for what felt like hours. It probably had hardly been fifteen minutes and the rain was still pouring when Rajendra suddenly heard a knock on the door. As he opened the door, he felt a rush of joy. All his four friends were outside.
“Thank God, I knew you all will come to help me.” Rajendra said smiling ear to ear.
“This is him, officer.” Said Arnav pointing towards Rajendra.
Rajendra’s smile faded as he heard this, and a look of terror took hold of him as he noticed two police officers standing behind.
“What is the meaning off all this?” Rajendra asked bewildered.
“This man tried to ask her to hide a dead body. His wife murdered a poor man, and he wanted us to be his accomplice.” Said Tejas.
“We all knew early on that he and his wife were a bit crazy, but we had never expected something like this. Well, here is what one can call devil in sheep’s clothing.” Said, Dhruv.
Pratyush meanwhile didn’t say anything.
“Please step aside.” Said one of the police officers shoving everyone to one side and entering the house to investigate the crime scene. “My wife is innocent! She would never hurt a soul!” Rajendra began to shout.
The other policeman firmly grabbed Rajendra’s arm with only minimal force and told him to calm himself. “Sir, as per protocol I am calling in for a lady police officer as we have a female who is accused of murder.” He said to the policeman who was coming back from the living room.
“No need for that!” came the reply. “There is no murder and hence there is no accused.”
Everyone looked at surprised at the policeman who said this. Then a figure emerged from behind him.
Rajendra suddenly screamed as he felt a sudden sense of terror. “A ghost! There is a ghost!”
“Now, now let’s not act so rude. I only look so ridiculous because of the weather. Rain doesn’t suit me at all you see.” Said the unwanted visitor who was unmistakably not dead.
There was a moment of confusion until the people present began to get a sense of clarity, some faster than others.
“You should get yourself a lawyer sir, you can try criminal conspiracy or sue for defamation.” The policemen said to Rajendra before leaving. The four other people left almost immediately.
The unexpected visitor introduced himself as Saurabh Deb who was a budding actor and a good friend of Arushi. He explained to him that it was Arushi who had made created this plan to test the loyalty of these people who Rajendra had considered very good friends. Together they had put up this act which led to the true colours of all four of Rajendra’s friends being brought to light.
The rain had stopped by then and the sun was shining bright in the afternoon sky.
There were a thousand words of gratitude that Rajendra wanted to say to his wife at that time. Arushi looked at him, smiled and then with a twinkle in her eyes she said “The weather is perfect today. Would you take me out for some coffee?”
Rajendra smiled back and said “Yes.”
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2023.04.01 21:30 SillyObjectives 25

Yesterday I deleted all of my unsent letters to you. There were 25 of them.
I don’t know if you ever read them (I doubt it) but I had a rough day yesterday. Something really bad happened and because of that I felt hurt and generally emotionally vulnerable. It suddenly felt terrifying to have all of those emotions laid out there and I acted from sleeplessness and anxiety. I haven’t taken many steps to protect myself since I have known you and I have been stripped of my agency at every step. Deleting those letters felt like one thing I could do in my life to get back some control. I know you understand that.
I honestly regret it. Over the course of 3 months I had written so much to and about you that I was proud of and even though I will never see you again, it was still my honest emotion. I did keep copies, but I regret being embarrassed of my feelings.
You chose to walk away from this. There were so many factors beyond your control and I know it wasn’t what you wanted but you chose a lot of things along the way that hurt me or pushed me away. I have no real information about those choices or where we stand now and for all I know you never told me the truth, or you are simply done with me and have moved on.
But that has nothing to do with how I feel. I choose to believe you loved me truly, and wanted to be with me. I choose to believe the choices you made were done from exhaustion, hurt and fear and not from malice. If you felt otherwise or manipulated me then that’s your guilt to deal with, not mine. Those letters were written by someone in love to someone they lost and taking them down felt like denying those feelings existed and putting them back inside of me.
That’s not where I am at. I don’t want those feelings and I won’t hide them. You can come back any time and know you will be met with open arms and an open heart but you have not and probably will not and I can’t make you. I need to move forward living life, and forward with knowing that your choices had nothing to do with my value.
I know that while I was nowhere near perfect I can be confident that I loved you deeply and wildly and truly and was open to learning and growing together. I expressed that love, and I believe I felt it in return. I don’t think I made all the right choices but I do feel I did my very best to love you in the way you needed and I KNOW I would have continued to try harder if you had let me. I have to believe you felt the same, no matter where your circumstances led you.
That’s where I’m at. There is a certain comfort in accepting helplessness. I feel peaceful for the first time in a long time. I want to talk to you one day but I will be okay eventually if I never do. I have no resentment towards you or the choices you made to survive, and I have accepted that I can’t resolve the endless hypotheticals about your actions or feelings. If you betrayed me, it wasn’t my choice and you will need to live with that.
I have fallen in love twice in my life and I am not embarrassed to admit I loved you. Love you. I love you and I always will. I don’t know where this love in my body will go now that you are gone or what to do with it, but I lived it and I won’t deny that. I can smile about the good times together, and not lose myself any more in the pain of unknowing.
I don’t know where you are, but I hope wherever it is you are well. I hope that the feelings you felt were as real as the ones I did so you have something amazing to remember me by if our paths have permanently split. I hope you find some joy in this life, even if I am not there to share it.
I love you.
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