Bayada private duty nursing

Jie had set Victoria and I up in adjoined rooms nice enough that I would have only bought them myself if I'd just finished the job of a lifetime. The main centrepiece of my room was a brilliant blue fish tank decorated with plants and colourful fish that my PA told me were from Africa on Earth.
They certainly knew how to flaunt their wealth on Station 26.
The window on the far wall of the room didn't look out over the main promenade of the Pent, nor did it look out into space; both of those would have been too convenient. Instead, it had a view of the 'Jewel of Station 26,' the rare mineral casino that had stood here through several regime changes and funded each of them.
Mining lithium on Station 26 was a fantastic way to make a fortune, which meant that the Station needed a reckless amount of ways to lose it.
On the ground below us, a series of cars and bikes constantly pulled into the Casino for what I imagined was the 'Evening' rush. Stations didn't sleep, and Station 26 certainly wasn't an exception to that rule, but evening and nightlife were still marketing terms.
Moving into the evening meant that I was expecting a knock soon; that would have been completely Jie's speed. Either that or it would be Tash banging on the door and telling me that we needed to go get drinks which was completely her speed, just in a different way.
It had been quiet in my room for a while. Victoria hadn't been able to sleep on the ship while worrying about the battery, so she'd gone to bed while I'd started pacing the second we arrived.
At least we were past the worst version of landing on Station 26; someone new being in power and considering me a friend of the old order.
Of course, it wasn't clear whether our current situation was better.
I ran my thumb over the edge of the unmarked credit chips in my pocket. I should have tried to offer the kid more, get him to fix the ship and get us off the Station before-
Before what? Before Tas- Natasha finished her elevator ride? She was on the way down before we'd stepped off the ship. Unless we'd come here in Victoria's ship, I would get clocked the second I landed with Gunboat Diplomat.
It may be time to get a new ship after all. I could afford it instead of a vacation with the payout from Victoria, or I'd have to repair the ship so many times that I couldn't afford anything other than replacement engines.
I gave up on brooding out the window and grabbed a chair and a datapad I'd brought from the ship to avoid using anything station-provided. I didn't need anyone having easy access to my search history or what I was scanning around the ship.
For now, I mostly just didn't need people knowing that I was looking up Fotuans, or at least trying to; Pasoné, as far as most of the web was concerned, had no relation to the Fotuan Meritocracy. I barely got a trillion results when I searched the name and most of the results related to a Daggeral celebrity from three centuries ago.
That tracked.
I placed the datapad down in my lap and sighed. Compared to other Empires, the Fotuan Meritocracy kept things under lock and key. Even if she was the only person in the entire Galaxy with that name, there might have been nothing about her on the web at all.
Fuck. Was I really going up against the Meritocracy? Dad would be proud.
"Anything yet?" Victoria asked as she opened the door from her room to mine. Combined, our pair of lavish rooms were almost offensive. She'd wrapped herself in a hotel-provided robe that was clearly cut for around six feet as opposed to nearly seven; the emerald colour was stark against her silver-white skin.
"Nobody's come for us yet, no."
"But they're going to?"
"Mhm."
Victoria sat down beside me and pushed her hair over to the shaved side, smoothing it once before crossing her legs on the seat. "I was thinking," she started leaving space for a sarcastic remark.
I declined.
"We should come up with a strategy for how to handle everything-"
"You were fine on the docks."
"Oh."
"Everyone here is going to expect that attitude from you so-"
"Everyone everywhere expects it," she corrected, "it's accurate."
"Mostly."
"Mostly?"
"You've chilled," I offered her a pointed look to communicate that the Victoria I'd met at the bar wasn't about to walk out to 'have a chat.'
"Pardon that."
"I wasn't complaining."
"It's unbecoming."
"It's better for our relationship," I added. There was a lot I was leaving out there, but it wasn't the best idea to spend time trying to spell out 'I actually enjoy your company when you're not being a prick' or 'it helps to not be babysitting a brat.'
We both knew. Firefights were great for keeping people attached.
"One thing about it. Downstairs that is."
"Yeah?"
"Just call me Kingston, don't call me by my last name."
"I thought that was a human thing."
"It is, but it's not an Ovishir one."
"But-"
"People he- The people who know me here are going to think it's weird if you call me by my last name," I explained, "it implies that we're really close. It's better if we keep everyone thinking that we're just arm's length from one another. Or at least try."
"Try?"
"They know me pretty well. I'll try, but people like Tash will be good at reading me. For example, she probably knows that I really don't want to be here."
"You know them that well?"
"Yeah."
"But you're not going to explain it?" she asked.
Down in front of the Casino, a massive, lumbering mining machine that had been repurposed with gold thundered up to the front walkway before opening to dispense a collection of passengers too far for me to clock.
"No. It's not my favourite topic."
"You have a lot of not favourite topics."
"You don't seem that keen to talk about your situation," I pointed out.
Victoria chuckled, "that's fair."
"I did a lot of work here with a lot of powerful people," I explained, "they're big fans, but I'm not that proud of it."
"Are you proud of a lot of your work?"
"Not much," I sighed, "I do the right thing sometimes but-"
"Sometimes you blow up a Mythellion Research station?"
"Yinde deserved that."
"Are you proud of it?"
"I'm neutral," I lied, "feel bad that I disappointed Musc."
Victoria wrinkled her nose and shifted in her chair. "I thought you were going to use the excuse that they were Yinde's bombs."
"Nah," was all I offered. Victoria had been forced to pull the trigger twice in her life, from what I understood, so I didn't want to explain the calculus of blame to her like my Mom had to for me. Sometimes it was you or them, and that was okay, but if you kept trying to shift the responsibility for the people you killed to the actions of others, you'd be able to explain away anything.
That responsibility, according to her, was the difference between people who shot first and people who shot when they didn't need to.
"I killed him. He would have killed us. I was better at it," I continued after a second longer, staring out the window at the crew still unloading parts from the mining vessel. "Tale old as time."
"Hm," was all that Victoria had to offer in response for the moment. If I let it linger too long, she would get trapped thinking about what she'd done on Mythellion.
"What about you?"
"What?"
"Proud of what you do?"' I asked.
Victoria offered me a quizzical look and then turned her attention back out the window. "I-" she bit her lip, "what I do- did, for the Meritocracy wa- is…"
She trailed off, but I understood the last part, 'well, I'm not doing it, so take a guess.'
"You're young," I cut in to give her an out, "you'll figure it out."
"Yeah," Victoria agreed in a way that meant 'hopefully.'
Someone pounded on the door.
I waved Victoria back to her side of the room, and she shut the door behind her before I opened mine.
Tash was at the door, still in a flight suit but missing the apron and grime that came with her work clothes. She still looked like she was one of the dock managers, just an off-duty one.
"Hey you," she greeted while trying to get a look around me to see if anyone else was in the room.
"Vic's in hers."
"Mind if I come in then?"
"Am I allowed to say no?"
There was a pause long enough that one of us should have cut in to break it.
"I'm not here for Jie," she finally said.
"Come on in."
Tash pushed past me before I was fully out of the way, ignoring the lavish decor to focus on the Nurse, which I'd left lying in the corner. She regarded it for a moment but never moved to grab it. "It's been a while since you invited me in."
"What's up?" I asked, closing the door behind us and dodging her attempts to bring up the past as soon as she was inside. Tash continued to stare at the Nurse instead of revealing whether that bothered her.
"Can't I just be coming in to check on a friend?"
"You can," I nodded, "but you aren't."
Tash clicked her tongue.
"What's up?"
"Just serendipity for me that you're here. Need someone for something, and I don't think I'd want anyone else on this station doing it."
"Nobody on the station?"
"You shouldn't trust people from Songlai," she pointed out, using the old nickname instead of anything formal.
"That includes you."
Tash sighed. "I'm aware."
"But?"
"But you and I have history."
We did. I wasn't sure if that helped her case.
"You think I enjoy asking you for help the second I get here?"
"No."
"Then why do you think I'm asking?"
"Because you know I'm good," I suggested.
"Desperate," she corrected, "I don't have many places to go."
"Burned a lot of bridges?" I asked. I knew the answer was yes, but it wasn't like Tash to admit that she was a serial arsonist.
"Working for Jie doesn't get you many fans these days."
"You work for Jie?"
"Everyone on Station works for Jie. Some of us just admit it," she finally turned away from the Nurse to turn back at me. Her eyes had a pleading sparkle, but I'd seen that weaponized before, "everyone else just pretends that their boss doesn't funnel money to Jie, or isn't part of some bullshit network that isn't technically working for her."
"Can't choose who your boss pays."
Tash glared at me but didn't argue against my point.
"What do you need?"
"You have to promise you'll do it if I tell you, can't have it getting out."
"Fuck that."
"Kingston…"
"No, you don't have that privilege."
"Kingson we're-"
"Natasha, you're a client," I cut her off and corrected her simultaneously, "and I have work right now, so I'm not about to drop everything for this."
Natasha looked away toward the window and sighed, running one hand through her hair. There were so many more scars than last time I'd seen her.
I went to open the door for her.
"You're right," she answered instead of moving, "you're right. Look, is there anything you need with the ship? What put that hole in it?"
"I can pay for repairs."
"What put the hole in it?"
There I was again, pressed up against the wall of giving information away that I didn't necessarily want to. That said, the good thing about Station 26 being an unregulated hell hole was its access to systems that might punch through their shields next time. After all, the radar cloaking that allowed us barely escape around Mythellion was from here. "Valikyria"
"What?"
"Fotuan Valikyria. That's what shot the ship."
Tash glanced over at the door to Victoria's room. "What the fuck does she have you doing that you're scrapping with Fotty tech?"
"I'm not discussing that."
"Valikyrias are serious shit."
"So I learned."
"Are you in over your head?"
That was a good question, but I was confident the answer was almost assuredly yes, "No."
She frowned, then nodded, "You get any hits in?"
"If I did, it didn't matter."
"Need firepower?"
"Can you offer something worth what you're asking?"
Natasha walked over to the window but didn't take the seat that I'd been using with Victoria. Instead, she stared out over the Casino. "We have some de-fib rounds on station right now. I can call people on some debts and get them to you."
"That's one hell of a favour."
"I did try to get you to agree without hearing what it was. Those should be enough, though, yeah?"
"I reserve the right to refuse."
"Dick."
"That's not being a dick," I corrected, "that's just not being as dumb as I used to be."
"I liked the old version."
"You would." I watched her reflection sneer at my comment. "Do you want to tell me or not?"
"Fine," she began, "but we have to do it tonight."

A man demands chastity in himself and others, most of all from the being he loves; a woman wants the man with most experience and sensuality, not virtue. Woman has no comprehension of paragons. On the contrary, it is well known that a woman is most ready to fly to the arms of the man with the widest reputation for being a Don Juan. Woman requires man to be sexual, because she only gains existence through his sexuality. Women have no sense of a man's love, as a superior phenomenon, they only perceive that side of him which unceasingly desires and appropriates the object of his affections, and men who have none or very little of the instinct of brutality developed in them have no influence on them. As for the higher, platonic love of man, they do not want it; it flatters and pleases them, but it has no significance for them, and if the homage on bended knees lasts too long, Beatrice becomes just as impatient as Messalina. In coitus lies woman's greatest humiliation, in love her supremest exaltation. Since woman desires coitus and not love, she proves that she wishes to be humiliated and not worshipped. The ultimate opponent of the emancipation of women is woman. It is not because sexual union is voluptuous, not because it is the typical example of all the pleasures of the lower life, that it is immoral. Asceticism, which would regard pleasure in itself as immoral, is itself immoral, inasmuch as it attributes immorality to an action because of the external consequences of it, not because of immorality in the thing itself; it is the imposition of an alien, not an inherent law. A man may seek pleasure, he may strive to make his life easier and more pleasant; but he must not sacrifice a moral law. Asceticism attempts to make man moral by self-repression and will give him credit and praise for morality simply because he has denied himself certain things. Asceticism must be rejected from the point of view of ethics and of psychology inasmuch as it makes virtue the effect of a cause, and not the thing itself. Asceticism is a dangerous although attractive guide ; since pleasure is one of the chief things that beguile men from the higher path, it is easy to suppose that its mere abandonment is meritorious. In itself, however, pleasure is neither moral nor immoral. It is only when the desire for pleasure conquers the desire for worthiness that a human being has fallen. Coitus is immoral because there is no man who does not use woman at such times as a means to an end; for whom pleasure does not, in his own as well as her being, during that time represent the value of mankind. During coitus a man forgets all about everything, he forgets the woman; she has no longer a psychic but only a physical existence for him. He either desires a child by her or the satisfaction of his own passion; in neither case does he use her as an end in herself, but for an outside cause. This and this alone makes coitus immoral. There is no doubt that woman is the missionary of sexual union, and that she looks upon herself, as on everything else, merely as a means to its ends. She wants a man to satisfy her passion or to obtain children; she is willing to be used by man as a tool, as a thing, as an object, to be treated as his property, to be changed and modelled according to his good pleasure. But we should not allow ourselves to be used by others as means to an end.
Kundry appealed often to Parsifal's compassion for her yearnings: but here we see the weakness of sympathetic morality, which attempts to grant every desire of those around, however wrong such wishes may be. Ethics and morality based on sympathy are equally absurd, since they make the "ought" dependent on the "will" (whether it be the will of oneself, or of others, or of society, it is all the same,) instead of making the "will" dependent on the "ought"; they take as a standard of morality concrete cases of human history, concrete cases of human happiness, concrete moments in life instead of the idea.
But the question is: how ought man to treat woman? As she herself desires to be treated or as the moral idea would dictate ? If he is going to treat her as she wishes, he must have intercourse with her, for she desires it; he must beat her, for she likes to be hurt; he must hypnotise her, since she wishes to be hypnotised; he must prove to her by his attentions how little he thinks of himself, for she likes compliments, and has no desire to be respected for herself. If he is going to treat her as the moral idea demands, he must try to see in her the concept of mankind and endeavour to respect her. Even although woman is only a function of man, a function he can degrade or raise at will, and women do not wish to be more or anything else than what man makes them, it is no more a moral arrangement than the suttee of Indian widows, which, even though it be voluntary and insisted upon by them, is none the less terrible barbarity. The emancipation of woman is analogous to the emancipation of Jews and negroes. Undoubtedly the principal reason why these people have been treated as slaves and inferiors is to be found in their servile dispositions; their desire for freedom is not nearly so strong as that of the Indo-Germans. And even although the whites in America at the present day find it necessary to keep themselves quite aloof from the negro population because they make such a bad use of their freedom, yet in the war of the Northern States against the Federals, which resulted in the freedom of the slaves, right was entirely on the side of the emancipators. Although the humanity of Jews, negroes, and still more of women, is weighed down by many immoral impulses; although in these cases there is so much more to fight against than in the case of Aryan men, still we must try to respect mankind, and to venerate the idea of humanity (by which I do not mean the human community, but the being, man, the soul as part of the spiritual world). No matter how degraded a criminal may be, no one ought to arrogate to himself the functions of the law; no man has the right to lynch such an offender. The problem of woman and the problem of the Jews are absolutely identical with the problem of slavery, and they must be solved in the same way. No one should be oppressed, even if the oppression is of such a kind as to be unfelt as such. The animals about a house are not "slaves," because they have no freedom in the proper sense of the word which could be taken away. But woman has a faint idea of her incapacity, a last remnant, however weak, of the free intelligible ego, simply because there is no such thing as an absolute woman. Women are human beings, and must be treated as such, even if they themselves do not wish it. Woman and man have the same rights. That is not to say that women ought to have an equal share in political affairs. From the utilitarian standpoint such a concession, certainly at present and probably always, would be most undesirable; in New Zealand, where, on ethical principles, women have been enfranchised, the worst results have followed. As children, imbeciles and criminals would be justly prevented from taking any part in public affairs even if they were numerically equal or in the majority; woman must in the same way be kept from having a share in anything which concerns the public welfare, as it is much to be feared that the mere effect of female influence would be harmful. Just as the results of science do not depend on whether all men accept them or not, so justice and injustice can be dealt out to the woman, although she is unable to distinguish between them, and she need not be afraid that injury will be done her, as justice and not might will be the deciding factor in her treatment. But justice is always the same whether for man or woman. No one has a right to forbid things to a woman because they are "unwomanly". Woman must be looked upon as an individual and as if she were a free individual, not as one of a species, not as a sort of creation from the various wants of man's nature; even though woman herself may never prove worthy of such a lofty view.
Thus this book may be considered as the greatest honour ever paid to women. Nothing but the most moral relation towards women should be possible for men; there should be neither sexuality nor love, for both make woman the means to an end, but only the attempt to understand her.
Most men theoretically respect women, but practically they thoroughly despise them; according to my ideas this method should be reversed. It is impossible to think highly of women, but it does not follow that we are to despise them for ever. • It seems to me that if we look the facts of the case in the face there are only two possible courses open for women: either to pretend to accept man's ideas, and to think that they believe what is really opposed to their whole, unchanged nature, to assume a horror of immorality (as if they were moral themselves), of sexuality (as if they desired platonic love); or to openly admit that they are wrapped up in husband and children, without being conscious of all that such an admission implies, of the shamelessness and self-immolation of it. Unconscious hypocrisy, or cynical identification with their natural instincts; nothing else seems possible for woman. But it is neither agreement nor disagreement with, but rather the denial and overcoming of her womanishness that a woman should aim at. If a woman really were to wish, for instance, for man's chastity, it would mean that she had conquered the woman in her, it would mean that pairing was no longer of supreme importance to her and that her aim was no longer to further it. But here is the trouble: such pretensions must not be accepted as genuine, even although here and there they are actually put forward. For a woman who longed for man's purity is, apart from her hysteria, so stupid and so incapable of truthfulness that she is unable to perceive that she is in this way negating herself, making herself absolutely worthless, without existence! It is difficult to decide which is preferable: the unlimited hypocrisy which can appropriate the thing that is most foreign to it, i.e., the ascetic ideal, or the ingenuous admiration for the reformed rake, the complacent devotion to him. The principal problem of the woman question lies in the fact that in each case woman's one desire is to put all responsibility on man, and in this it is identical with the problem of mankind. Friedrich Nietzsche says in one of his books : "To underestimate the real difficulties of the man and woman problem, to fail to admit the abysmal antagonism and the inevitable nature of the constant strain between the two, to dream of equal rights, education, responsibilities and duties, is the mark of the superficial observer, and any thinker who has been found shallow in these difficult places—shallow by nature—should be looked upon as untrustworthy, as a useless and treacherous guide; he will, no doubt, be one of those who 'briefly deal with' all the real problems of life, death and eternity—who never gets to the bottom of things. But the man who is not superficial, who has depth of thought as well as of purpose, the depth which not only makes him desire right but endows him with determination and strength to do right, must always look on woman from the oriental standpoint:—as a possession, as private property, as something born to serve and be dependent on him—he must see the marvellous reasonableness of the Asiatic instinct of superiority over women, as the Greeks of old saw it, those worthy successors and disciples of the Eastern school. It was an attitude towards woman which, as is well known, from Homer's time till that of Pericles, grew with the growth of culture, and increased in strength step by step, and gradually became quite oriental. What a necessary, logical, desirable growth for mankind! if we could only attain to it ourselves!" The great individualist is here thinking in the terms of social ethics, and the autonomy of his moral doctrine is overshadowed by the ideas of caste, groups, and divisions. And so, for the benefit of society, to preserve the place of men, he would place woman in subjection, so that the voice of the wish for emancipation could no longer be heard, and so that we might be freed from the false and foolish cry of the existing advocates of women's rights, advocates who have no suspicion of the real source of woman bondage. But I quoted Nietzsche, not to convict him of want of logic, but to lead to the point that the solution of the problem of humanity is bound up with the solution of the woman problem. If any one should think it a high-flown idea that man should respect woman as an entity, a real existence, and not use her merely as a means to an end, that he should recognise in her the same rights and the same duties (those of building up one's own moral personality) as his own, then he must reflect that man cannot solve the ethical problem in his own case, if he continues to lower the idea of humanity in the women by using her simply for his own purposes. Coitus is the price man has to pay to women, under the Asiatic system, for their oppression. And although it is true that women may be more than content with such recompence for the worst form of slavery, man has no right to take part in such conduct, simply because he also is morally damaged by it. Even technically the problem of humanity is not soluble for man alone; he has to consider woman even if he only wishes to redeem himself; he must endeavour to get her to abandon her immoral designs on him. Women must really and truly and spontaneously relinquish coitus. That undoubtedly means that woman, as woman, must disappear, and until that has come to pass there is no possibility of establishing the kingdom of God on earth. Pythagoras, Plato, Christianity (as opposed to Judaism), Tertullian, Swift, Wagner, Ibsen, all these have urged the freedom of woman, not the emancipation of woman from man, but rather the emancipation of woman from pherself. ... Now for the first time, looking at the woman question as the most important problem of mankind, the demand for the sexual abstinence on the part of both sexes is put forward with good reason. To seek to ground this claim on the prejudicial effects on the health following sexual intercourse would be absurd, for any one with knowledge of the physical frame could upset such a theory at all points; to found it on the immorality of passion would also be wrong, because that would introduce a heteronomous motive into ethics. St. Augustine, however, must certainly have been aware, when he advocated chastity for all mankind, that the objection raised to it would be that in such a case the whole human race would quickly disappear from the face of the earth. This extraordinary apprehension, the worst part of which appears to be the thought that the race would be exterminated, shows not only the greatest unbelief in individual immortality and eternal life for moral well-doers; it is not only most irreligious, but it proves at the same time the cowardice of man and his incapacity to live an individual life. To any one who thinks thus, the earth can only mean the turmoil and press of those on it; death must seem less terrible to such a man than isolation. If the immortal, moral part of his personality were really vigorous, he would have courage to look this result in the face; he would not fear the death of the body, nor attempt to substitute the miserable certainty of the continuation of the race for his lack of faith in the eternal life of the soul. The rejection of sexuality is merely the death of the physical life, to put in its place the full development of the spiritual life. Hence it follows that it cannot be a moral duty to provide for the continuance of the race. This common argument appears to me to be so extraordinarily false that I am almost ashamed to meet it. Yet at the risk of making myself ridiculous I must ask if any one ever consummated coitus to avoid the great danger of letting the human race die out, if he failed in his duty ? And would it not follow that any man who prefers chastity would be open to the charge of immoral conduct ? Every form of fecundity is loathsome, and no one who is honest with himself feels bound to provide for the continuity of the human race. And what we do not realise to be a duty, is not a duty. On the contrary, it is immoral to procreate a human being for any secondary reason, to bring a being into the limitations of humanity, the conditions made for him by his parentage; the fundamental reason why the possible freedom and spontaneity of a human being is limited is that he was begotten in such an immoral fashion. That the human race should persist is of no interest whatever to reason; he who would perpetuate humanity would perpetuate the problem and the guilt, the only problem and the only guilt. The only true goal is divinity and the union of humanity with the Godhead; that is the real choice between good and evil, between existence and negation The moral sanction that has been invented for coitus, in supposing that there is an ideal attitude to the act in which only the propagation of the race is thought of, is no sufficient defence. There is no such imperative in the mind of man; it is merely an ingenious defence of a desire. As for the sexual union in which the production of children is prevented, there is no possible justification. • As for the sexual union in which the production of children is prevented, there is no possible justification. Sexual union has no place in the idea of mankind, not because ascetism is a duty, but because in it woman becomes the object, the cause, and man does what he will with her, looks upon her merely as a "thing," not as a living human being with an inner, psychic, existence. And so man despises woman the moment coitus is over, and the woman knows that she is despised, even although a few minutes before she thought herself adored. The only thing to be respected in man is the idea of mankind; this disparagement of woman (and himself), induced by coitus, is the surest proof that it is opposed to that idea of mankind. Any one who is ignorant of what this Kantian "idea of mankind" means, may perhaps understand it when he thinks of his sisters, his mother, his female relatives; it concerns them all: for our own sakes, then, woman ought to be treated as human, respected and not degraded, all sexuality implying degradation. But man can only respect woman when she herself ceases to wish to be object and material for man; if there is any question of emancipation it should be the emancipation from the prostitute element. It has never until now been made clear where the bondage of woman lies; it is in the sovereign, all too welcome power wielded on them by the Phallus. There can be no doubt that the men who have really desired the emancipation of women are the men who are not very sexual, who have no great craving for love, who are not very profound, but who are men of noble and spiritual minds. I am not going to try to palliate the erotic motives of man, nor to represent his antipathy to the "emancipated woman" as being in any sense less than it is; it is much easier to go with the majority, than, as Kant did, to climb, painfully and slowly, to the heights of isolation.
• A woman who had really given up her sexual self, who wished to be at peace would be no longer "woman." She would have ceased to be "woman," she would have received the inward and spiritual sign as well as the outward form of regeneration. Can such a thing be? There is no absolute woman, but even so to say "Yes" to the above question is like giving one's assent to a miracle. Emancipation will not make woman happier; it will not ensure her salvation, and it is a long road which leads to God. No being in the transition stage between freedom and slavery can be happy. But will woman choose to abandon slavery in order to become unhappy? The question is not merely if it be possible for woman to become moral. It is this: is it possible for woman really to wish to realise the problem of existence, the conception of guilt? Can she really desire freedom? This can happen only by her being penetrated by an ideal, brought to the guiding star. It can happen only if the categorical imperative were to become active in woman; only if woman can place herself in relation to the moral idea, the idea of humanity. In that way only can there be an emancipation of woman.

Hello!
I miss having my 2000 Tacoma 2.4L base model. When the market went up, I went ahead and made some profit while the market was hot. Unfortunate 2 years later, I'm in need of s small pick for around the house clean up. I'm not looking to buy a truck for heavy duty work but just the occasional home depot trips and helping out with moving if need be. I'm in the process of restoring my old Mustang and need a bed to haul car parts. I'm going to have a company vehicle here soon that will be my work horse. My wife has a 21 Corolla HB that is mainly used for errands and grocery shopping.
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I would like to stay under 8k cash and no financing. I have several trucks saved on market place and would like some insight before wasting gas driving all over. I would prefer a stick but wouldn't mind an Auto. Below are my options that I have using Autotrader, Craigslist, and the dreaded Facebook Marketplace. These are in no particular order.
Location: Southern IN
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2002 Toyota Tacoma Prerunner short bed 4x4
Owner: Private
Engine: 2.7L
Transmission: A/T
Mileage: 169k
Price 6000
Condition: Looks OK for the year. Owner stated the frame isn't rotted or rusty.
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2003 Nissan frontier SE pickup 4D 6ft bed
Owner: Private (reseller)
Engine: V6
Transmission: 5 speed M/T
Mileage: 150k
Price: 6500
Condition: Paint has a few chips. Interior looks good for its age. No rust on body or frame.
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2007 Ford F-150 XL 6ft bed
Owner: Small dealership
Engine: 4.2L V6
Transmission: 5 speed M/T
Mileage: 115k
Price: 7500
Condition: Excellent. Vehicle looks almost showroom new. Body and Frame are rust free.

AN: WOOHOO I CAN FINALLY RELEASE THE FIRST CHAPTER OF MY NEXT BOOK!
​
It was raining, a light but persistent drizzle that soaks clothing through and through. Though the humidity and heat of Spring in a swamp permeated everything, the rain somehow made it even more uncomfortable. A thick silence lay over the darkness with the only exception being a very faint sing-song tone that could be heard in the distance, the sounds of a formation run in full swing. But beyond that, the base was still sleeping the grumpy snooze of Marines who weren’t really ready to face the new day yet.
Down a darkened street lay the building. Illuminated only by a single, sickly orange street lamp, it appeared that whatever architect had been responsible for the building’s design had really phoned it in on that day. It was a purely functional concrete rectangle with concrete stairs leading to a concrete landing that gave entrance to tired workers with no appreciation for cinder block motifs. Bright green patches of grass were only just managing to survive thanks to SgtMaj’s lifelong ordinance against pedestrians on his lawn, enforced at the point of a knife-hand.
On the ground, pressed up against the construction in what looked like a boring game of the-floor-is-lava, they sat. Shoulder to shoulder, lined up in a neat row, taking advantage of the mere six inches of protection against the elements provided by a high up ledge, Marines quietly waited for things to kick off and get worse. No one was talking. It was far too early in the morning to exercise one’s vocal chords and anyhow, they would be forced from their sulky silence any minute by the platoon sergeant.
Klobi stared blankly at her green running shorts, moving her gaze to the white running shoes and socks. Well, they used to be white. The platoon sergeant’s enthusiasm for running on low-impact surfaces, i.e. grass had fixed that right up. With a mix of exhaustion and low-grade anxiety about the immediate future, she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her green t-shirt. Should she have gotten up a bit earlier and shaved her legs before coming out here? Then again, does anyone really care about prickly stubble after a couple miles? Whatever was going to happen next was entirely out of her hands. The gentle susurration of Marines shifting around in a futile quest for comfort was the only sound. Oh, and the rain.
Softly, from the front of the line, someone muttered, “Yip”
A full second passed. Then another green-clad Marine repeated, “Yiiiip.”
“Yip yip yip…” chattered the next guy, faintly, as if the sound might be giving too much away. But Klobi could hear the wall of silence developing cracks.
“Yipyipyipyipyip” repeated the girl next to her. With no more words exchanged, the whole line suddenly broke out in the monosyllabic repetition.
“YEEEEIP, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip”, multiple voices joined in, all out of rhythm with one another. Then the base section at the very end started with their own contribution.
“UHHH huh, UHHH huh!” Within seconds, a disjointed cacophony was in full swing.
“YEEEEIP, yip, yip, yip, (UHHH huh, UHHH huh), yipyipyip, YEEEEIP…”
This went on for nearly two minutes and then, just like that, they fell silent. An intruder had been detected. A voice from off in the parking lot barked, “COMM PLATOON! FORM UP!”
Uggh. It was time to PT.
A couple of hours later, the gang were sitting in the chow hall picking at their government issued breakfasts. Today’s meal was low grade hash browns, eggs, fried ham slices, and slimy grey goop with chunks in it that the cooks claimed was meat from some named domesticated animal despite appearances. It didn’t look any more appetizing under the painfully bright fluorescent lights. The hall filled with the sounds of competing televisions tuned into the morning news shows and complaining Marines.
"I swear they put saltpeter in the food." Crannick muttered darkly, poking at his scrambled eggs with the cheap tin fork. "Every time we come here for breakfast, my junk don't work for the rest of the day."
"What, like you can't pee?" Tran asked around a mouthful of food. "Because that sounds like you should hit medical." He stabbed a piece of bacon that shattered on impact.
"No! No, I can pee just fine." Crannick grumbled.
"Why is this our breakfast convo, for fuck sake?" Klobi hated how they couldn't even get early mornings right. She smeared jam on toast, preferring that over anything that was cooked in the chow hall kitchens. At least she knew what was in it.
Ignoring her, Crannick pressed on. "I mean I should probably ask doc for some Viagra if I have to keep eating these disgusting eggs."
"So you're saying..." Klobi started to grin.
“Shut up, Klo.”
"I know a guy who can get Viagra for you. Cheap too, so you don't have to tell doc anything." Dawson contributed graciously. “He gets all kinds of stuff.”
"...Crannick is a broke dick?" Klobi looked quite chuffed with her own jokes as usual.
"It's not funny, Klobi!" He turned Dawson. "And is that even legal? Can we buy pills?"
"Long as you are quiet about it. Lots of Marines do." Dawson made a face as he drank some of the weird tasting milk the chow hall dispensed daily. He was the only person Klobi had ever seen actually drink it.
“Oh yeah? Who’s selling it?” Tran asked, entirely unaware of the street rules about naming names. Speaking names could catch the attention of the blue falcons and no one was having any of that if they could help it. Dawson shot him a dirty look and kept eating.
"If you pissed your pants, could we call the resulting puddle Lake Flaccid?"
"I'm leaving, Klobi had no idea how a penis works." As Crannick collected his tray, the others snickered. " Thanks, Dawson." With that, he left to dump his trash.
His departure lulled the conversation briefly. The shop report time was drawing closer no matter how they tried to ignore it. The brief window between PT and work was never enough.
"Who's he trying to perform for anyway? The Green Weenie doesn’t care if his thing works." Tran finished the last of his coffee and stood up. "Time hack?"
Dawson checked his watch, "0745. Let's get going."
They rose together from the benches and made their way out of the chow hall. As they approached the area to dump their trays and make their exit, Klobi saw a small, bleak table that had been set up ceremonially towards the front of the cafeteria. There was one like it in every mess hall in the Marine Corps, no matter where they were. The tablecloth was black. A single white candle sat unlit in the middle of the tiny dining surface and a single chair was sat on the right side. A neatly folded black cloth napkin lay beside a single white plate that was always empty. A bread plate held one single slice of lemon with a salt shaker sitting adjacent to the plate. There was never silverware beside the plates. No point. No one ever sat there and no one ever would. It would be sacrilege.
She took her eyes off the somber scene to toss the last of her uneaten eggs in the industrial waste collectors and stack her tray for washing before following her friends out the door.
As Klobi climbed the steps to the shop, she winced. The run that morning had made her legs sore already and she’d probably be barely able to walk by evening. But she’d be damned if she’d let that show when the others were bounding up the stairs two at a time.
“What are you all in such a hurry for?” she griped.
At the top of the stairs, Tran held the door as Dawson and Klobi went in. Compared to the muggy, suffocating air outside, the air conditioning hit like winter. Despite her muscle aches, Klobi sighed with pleasure. Air conditioning reminded her that it could always be a lot worse. She could’ve gone infantry and missed out on the joys of civilization for the entire enlistment.
Just before entering the shop, they paused at the wall of tiny metal lockers. Taking her phone out, Klobi set it on silent and then dropped it in one of the top lockers, closing the door and taking the key. In accordance with some universal law on abandoned cell phones, someone’s locked up device was playing a ring tone at max volume inside it’s locker. The owner had probably thought the ring tone was clever and individual, but it sounded damn silly on repeat as whomever was trying to call him couldn’t take a hint.
“Sounds like Hileman’s phone.” Dawson tried to get a good look at the locker number.
“How do you know? Besides the shit taste in music, I mean.” Klobi pointed to the offending locker as she was closer.
“What are you talking about? This tune was a banger.”
“Was. Oh well, guess we found our lunch flyer for the day.”
Anyone who didn’t put their device on silent became responsible for the shop’s chow run later. They’d have to take everyone’s order and then suffer the trip to the PX where the fast food joints were. This was also in accordance with universal laws that when a Marine catches another Marine slipping up, there will be some sort of fine levied informally. Especially if the violation was leaving their email open while they went to the head. Ooo-boy, that one was always a hit with the shop.
Stripped of all their devices, the three went to the door and swiped in. The data center might be air conditioned but it was also locked down against unauthorized entry. The Marines who worked in there, like many POG shops, treated their access as a rare privilege. More importantly, there was always internet.
They spread out to their separate desks, positioned all over the watch floor as they each jockeyed for some privacy. There was no other way to pretend to be doing work and if another Marine was sitting right next to you all day it ruined the illusion. Tran disappeared to the vault, his happy place in an otherwise confusing world.
“What’s the deal with Tran?” Dawson asked. “He’s cool and all but I think he might be gay.”
“Impossible” snapped Crannick. “He has boot bands on.”
Klobi snorted.
Dawson’s expression changed with mounting confusion.
“What do boot bands have to do with anything?”
Like any role playing game, and the Marine Corps during peace time bears a great resemblance to a bad one, Marines ascribed certain intangible qualities to otherwise boring (but required) uniform items. For example, Marines who had to wear red patches on their cammies[1] were considered to have AIDS and boot bands eliminated any possibility that your sex life leaned towards homosexuality[2]. The famous Marine dress blues gave the wearer +10 to sex appeal but that was nerfed by -20 when they inevitably started talking.
“He’s a jay-dub, Dawson. Poor kid probably doesn’t even know there’s more than one gender.” Klobi stretched as she talked, making her voice crack a bit when she got to the best part of her back muscles. “Oooooh gods, that’s good.”
Tran was in fact a Jehovah’s Witness. Or at least his family was. The Marine Corps was coming as quite a shock for him.
“Why do you care anyway? You trying to hit that?” Crannick leered at Dawson. “Forget your own bootbands for moment there?”
Dawson just shook his head and laughed. “He’s just…weird. I don’t know anyone back home that’s that innocent out of diapers. But he’s able to absolutely smoke everyone at PT, so yeah, I guess, who cares?”
Back in the barracks that evening, Klobi lay sprawled across her rack, thumbing through a paperback book. Her laptop was open streaming some YouTube channel for background noise, something she rarely did without headphones. This time, however, there was no roommate to bother. She didn’t have the room to herself exactly, although there were so few women in the battalion that single occupancy was not uncommon. It was just that her roommate, Sullivan, was dating another lance corporal, LCpl Hileman, down the hall. Hileman’s roommate had recently rotated out to another duty station and the barracks manager had yet to assign him a new one. That gave Hileman the rare privilege of having his own room, albeit temporarily. From what Klobi had heard, Hileman was using every available means of persuasion short of blunt force trauma and bomb threats to keep this state of affairs going.
The main benefit to Klobi was that, since Hileman’s room was private for now, Sullivan rarely slept in Klobi’s room.
Sully was a nice enough girl, although a bit naive in Klobi’s opinion. She had the look of a strawberry. Bright red hair, chubby oval face, freckles, pale skin that was prone to blushing at even mildly saucy comments, and bright green eyes, Sullivan looked way too innocent to be a Marine. Klobi knew better. The girl swore profusely, albeit in her squeaky high-pitched voice. It was like listening to a drunken chipmunk who’d caught his missus chipmunk with extra nuts.
Klobi shifted in her bed and tried to get back into her book. It was rough, considering she had just read the same paragraph four times but had not gotten any closer to understanding it. She flipped back a couple of pages and started over.
“In the universe, all things trend towards higher and higher states of entropy. Low entropy can be described as a closed system with a very neat order to things and little change, but if you break the system, entropy begins to increase almost immediately…”
She yawned. It was unfair that she so desperately wanted to be more knowledgeable and well educated while at the same time being as easily distractible as a kitten in a yarn factory. No sooner had she read one sentence than her own mind began formulating examples of the idea, until she was daydreaming and an hour later had forgotten the book entirely.
What did entropy have to do with anything? Well, it was pretty damn certain that just as soon as she had gotten things settled and neatly ordered that circumstance would lob a fragmentation grenade into the mix and then giggle with anticipation. Was it the fate of all ordered things to be utterly destroyed by chance? Was chaos never going to ultimately wipe out all possibility of order and sense? What, when you get right down to it, is in it for the universe? Is slam-dancing its way to surly oblivion the only method of locomotion that universes know?
Klobi sighed and closed the book, tossing it to the other side of the bed. Maybe being intelligent had a too crazy a syllabus to be worth it. It wasn’t doing her much good anyway. The more thoughtful she became, the less she fit in with her squad. Crannick, Dawson, and Tran weren’t the kind of folk to be impressed by quotations from Faust. They were more likely to stare in awe and wonder if Klobi were to pee standing up or knock someone out. She started to feel like their low standards were either telling her a major fact about people or else she was missing the real path to wisdom through controlled expectations and grotesque physical humor.
It seemed nature had designed Klobi to not fit in anyway. She dug around under her bed for her locker where she kept small personal items and put the book away. It was late and sleep would come and give her that wonderful feeling of eyeball ache that meant she’d be unconscious soon. No point struggling to understand eternity without its consent, she thought. It probably could not care less about the comprehensions of a hairless ape sitting in a swamp. Anyway, she thought, what, when you get right down to it, is in it for me?
She decided to visit the smoke pit before getting ready for bed. If there was anything going on, that’s where she’d learn about it. Besides, the odds were almost certain that the guys would be out there too.
In the darkness outside, the outline of a wooden gazebo that served as the barracks smoke pit was cast in the fluorescent lights from the barracks rooms. It stood at the far end of the courtyard, providing a vantage point where Marines could see the catwalks, sidewalks, and open windows of at least three floors of the building while they ingested their tobacco of choice. Two old instant coffee cans were placed at opposing corners of the entrance for butt disposal and one of them was charred from a small fire in the recent past. On her way out there, Klobi had knocked on Crannick’s door to invite him to the pit with her. He almost always said yes.
"I think he's up to no good." Klobi scowled. She lounged on one of the benches, pausing to admire the profane graffiti etched into the seat. Phallic fascination knew no bounds in the Marines. Maybe it was like ancient Rome, where dicks pointed the way to the good times. "Huh? He's like the chilliest SNCO in the company." Crannick had an annoying habit of trying to see the best in their leadership. “What did he do to you?”
"I just think," Klobi sniffed, "that he's a wolf in sheep's clothing." There was a slightly too long pause.
"What the fuck are you talking about? Is this your idea of some sort of zoological conspiracy?" Crannick really hated when Klobi got metaphorical.
Klobi rolled her eyes. "I'm saying that- "
"Hey, either of y'all got a smoke?" A new Marine joined them in the smoke pit and Crannick graciously offered him a menthol. As the lighter flared, Klobi could see it was LCpl Dawson.
"What's up, Dawson?" She took a pull from her own cigarette. "Living the dream." His southern drawl was even thicker with sarcasm. "Sup with you guys?"
"Klobi here is getting awfully agrarian about laundry day. " Crannick snickered.
Dawson frowned. "What? What’s that mean?" "I fucking hate you." Klobi sighed.
"What's wrong with her?" Dawson asked Crannick.
"She's been drinking the tap water." Camp Lejeune's tap water was legendary for its malignant properties and the on-base water treatment plant served every barracks, leading to some disturbing speculation on its potential as a source of chemical poisoning.
"Hey Doc!" Crannick hollered to the corpsman, Doc (PO3) Ellis, who had just emerged from the barracks. "You got anything in your bag for an idiom addiction? Klobi needs a fix stat!"
"I might actually stab you, Cranberry." Klobi got her own back by occasionally reminding him that his nickname was a fruit. “We’re talking about GySgt Castor, Dawson. Crannick seems to think he’s a swell guy.”
“No, I don’t. Stop putting words in my mouth.”
“Anything to shut you up.”
“Look, I agree that GySgt Castor is kind of a bastard. He’s just not as big a bastard as you think he is.”
Klobi privately reflected that Crannick was sort of right. GySgt Castor wasn’t a bastard, as such. It was more like he had the general temperament and charm of a demonically possessed wood chipper with a personality disorder. That was fine as far as the Marine Corps was concerned, but it was also a few steps beyond ‘bastard’. She couldn’t fathom why Crannick, or anyone at all besides GySgt Castor’s mother, would ever defend the man.
“He doesn’t sign you up for duty every single time the roster comes around.” Klobi snapped. “Or fail your room inspection for having dust on a pineapple.” She added, wondering to herself how one dusts a pineapple in the first place.
“Well, get good at the job then. If you’re crucial to the shop, you might find you’re less of a target for being voluntold.” Crannick flicked his ashes. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I’ve had barracks duty, chow hall duty, battalion duty, and been sent to motor T to do preventive maintenance on the one humvee we have, all in the last six months.” Klobi took a drag. “No one is that big of a shit bird.”
“Don’t take it personally, Klobi. Crannick’s shit at the job too. He only gets by because he can run good.” Dawson smirked. “If we ever have to retreat, Crannick will be leading the way.”
Doc Ellis wandered up to join them in the dark of the gazebo. He pulled out a tin of shewing tobacco and began to pack it industriously. “How’s everyone doing?” He took a big pinch from the can and began lining his lower lip with a wad the size of a slug. It looked just as appealing.
“Hey Doc. We’re good.” Klobi grinned, thinking back to breakfast. “Actually, Crannick here has some questions for you regarding his-”
“OH BOY, would you look at the time? We’ve got PT tomorrow, y’all. Guess I’d better head back to my room!” Crannick stood up from the bench and shot her one more dirty look as he was leaving.
“Y’all need to quit smoking.” Doc Ellis said, pausing to spit into a reused plastic beverage bottle he always had with him. “It’s really bad for you.”
“Thanks Doc, I’ll forget you said that. Night all.” With that, Crannick departed, leaving the others to trickle away on their own.
“Yeah, that’s it for me too. Good night Doc, Dawson. See y’all tomorrow.” Klobi stretched and yawned, stumbling back to her room for the night.
​
And somewhere, two burly strong men shared an aggressive handshake and immediately exploded in splooge supernovas of epic scale.
​
The End. (For now)
[1] Their proper name is ‘landing support specialists’
​
[2] It does not matter if you then attend a sixty person same sex orgy, so long as you wore boot bands while you did it.

Hi Gastroparesis! I've been lurking for a little while and finally decided to join because no one else in my life really understands what I'm going through and I'm really struggling with adapting. Really sorry in advance for the long post, but I feel like so far I haven't been able to connect with the right set(s) of ears to really feel heard and understood. **TW** I do mention my history with disordered eating/ED's in my second to last question at the end...
It's been a year and four months long (and counting) journey and I'm a little overwhelmed by the simultaneous lack of and plethora of information I've been getting. After reading a few of the posts on here I decided hey maybe joining a community of people who actually have firsthand experience might help, ya know?
It all started really I guess a little over a year ago (January '22) when I got COVID, bad, and had all the violent GI symptoms that were common with the strain that was going around at the time and I really thought nothing of it because I figured it is what it is. It took me many months to get my normal appetite back -- I think it might have been June or July before I really felt like I could even kinda eat "like normal" but noticed my bowels were just never quite the same and I was always, always super full and a little nauseated or heartburn-y after eating. I still just chalked it up to something I ate, or whatever. Before COVID I ate a mostly balanced diet, hadn't been drinking super heavily since the very beginning of the pandemic (very quickly realized what a bad habit it was and cut my alcohol intake to maybe 3-4 drinks a month), and all of my annual physical labwork was always perfectly normal according to my charts.
In mid-late Novembeearly December '22 I started experiencing worse and worse heartburn and nausea after eating, until finally the night of the 6th I was in so much pain and throwing up Pedialyte that I went to the ER, where my labs came back showing my lipase levels in the 1700's. I was diagnosed with acute pancreatitis and admitted, NPO, IV fluids only, and the admitting doc promised I'd get an MRI/MRCP and Ultrasound to rule out gallbladder issues. The next morning and following days, well, different story. I was assigned a hospitalist who was so convinced that she had to be right about a VERY unproven hunch she had that my pancreatitis was caused by my Wellbutrin, which I had been on for a while at this point, and had been tolerating extremely well, that she refused to approve an order for both the MRI/MRCP and the Ultrasound and started demanding that I have a Psych consult to switch my meds cold turkey. The GI PA who came in to see me was just as useless; she ordered an upper endoscopy to rule out an ulcer and said nothing about US or MRI. I ultimately won the battle with the hospitalist to refuse the Psych consult, stay on my meds, and get the Ultrasound the fourth day I was in the hospital, which of course showed nothing gallbladder or inflamation wise. At my follow up three weeks later with the GI (at the private practice the hospital contracts with, also something no one told me, and I didn't get a choice in the matter) they basically just shrugged and relented about ordering the MRI with MRCP, but told me "I don't really know what we're going to find at this point". Oh, and the first hospitalist's theory about the Wellbutrin? Basically 100% debunked by my primary care doc, two other docs I'm friends with (both residents in Internal Med), and a family friend who is an NP.
I should also add that I live 2.5 hours away from my entire family and support system, in an area where there really aren't choices for specialty care or really healthcare in general, and I had no one with me in the hospital or at appointments who could help me advocate for myself, especially when I was really sick and out of it.
I never really regained an appetite after coming home from the hospital, felt constantly nauseous and tired, and had extreme upper abdominal pain and very watery diarrhea any time I tried eating anything -- even eggs, white rice, that kinda stuff.
I had two more ER visits at the same hospital when things got really bad and I was even throwing up clear Pedialyte, a friend took me both times because we thought for sure it was a pancreatitis attack but both times my lipase levels came back completely normal. The final straw was in February when even the IV meds and fluids did nothing for my symptoms, ER tried to discharge me, and when we demanded a second opinion from the doc she yelled at me and said "this is the ER, what do you expect us to do". I'm still waiting on an apology from that hospital; their response has so far been that "the standard of care was appropriate in your case". So I guess the standard of care nowadays is to yell at patients.
The night after that horrible ER visit we finally went to the large teaching hospital in the same system as the smaller local hospital and my primary care doc. After a 7 hour wait in the waiting room, we finally got to see the doc who was much nicer about explaining that all they could do was treat my symptoms, but that if I was still sick after the first round of meds I should have been kept a few more hours for observation or even admitted, especially since I was not able to keep anything down. He even took great care to explain why Zofran wasn't helping me and was giving me violent headaches, and gave me Compazine, and Tylenol on top of the Torodol which also, did basically nothing for me. He also recommended that I follow up with one of the GI specialists at that hospital.
I was very lucky when I called (and kept pushing) to make an appointment and was able to get one within a few weeks (2/24). The GI doc I ended up seeing has listed that he specializes in pancreas stuff so I figured I would be in good hands. At that appointment with him he not only validated that my previous care had been extremely bad and (on the DL) basically in so many words called some of the prior docs lazy, he ordered an endoscopic ultrasound to really rule out gallbladder issues (apparently you can have sludge that isn't visible on CT/MRI/regular US?) and also remarked that the symptoms I had been having even before my first attack of acute pancreatitis sounded an awful lot like Gastroparesis and that his suspicion was that that actually was what was happening. It was the first time anyone had even considered anything like it and he ordered a gastric emptying study as well.
Getting the appointments for the tests was an absolute nightmare, the hospital system wanted to try and tell me the earliest they could do either of them was Mid May or Early June and I said absolutely not, not way, I can't eat anything and I can't live like this for that long. They put a message back to my doc and he said yep, these are urgent, and I managed to get appointments for within the month. Being pushy persistent fortunately is one of my strong suits when I have all my wits about me!
I had my EUS/ERCP on 3/13 and as my new GI suspected, it came back not showing anything. He gave me the gastroparesis diet handouts and told me that once I could, you know, tolerate anything besides just Pedialyte/Gatorade/Sprite/broth (and by this point I could only sometimes tolerate the occasional ice cream/Cream of Wheat), that I should strictly stick to it until we had the results of the Gastric Emptying study and we'd go from there.
My Gastric Emptying was on 3/22. Finishing the breakfast they gave me (good old eggs & toast) was a super struggle and my stomach hurt the entire time, I was extremely nauseous but gritted my teeth thru it because I had fought really hard to get this appointment and I didn't want to have to wait for another one to start over again. Within 20 minutes of leaving the hospital I was able to login to my patient portal and see the results: Delayed Gastric Emptying. At 2 hours i was at about 30% (normal is 40% or more) and at 4 hours I was at around 70% (normal is 90% or more). I confirmed with my GI doc's nurse that I need to stay on the GP diet and be seen by the "Motility Clinic"...but I have to wait for them to call me and they're scheduling out into the summer months at this point. One of my biggest gripes is the way the healthcare system I'm in functions...everything is "you have to wait for us to call you". There isn't another healthcare system in my area that has as many or even the kind of specialists I need (I also see a neurologist for chronic migraines that are very, very well controlled) and anywhere else is 2+ hours away, which is just unrealistic for me to do especially if I were to have a problem and needed to get to the hospital.
I'm so relieved that I finally got into the right hands with a doc who actually considered the possibility of this and was able to rule it out and has a plan(ish) for moving forward, but I'm also so angry and traumatized that I was dismissed so many times and for so long. I see a therapist about it regularly, but I still have so much anger at the docs who mistreated me and the healthcare system in general. Things shouldn't have to be this way. This entire experience has been so exhausting and frustrating and traumatizing and disempowering and...ugh. I can't even think of any more words to describe.
Anyway...now that we know it's GP I have the diet guidelines, I have Compazine tablets for nausea, I have the Sea Bands, I have "safe" flavors of Gatorade and Pedialyte and Ensure that I can tolerate...but what TF else do I do??? My boss has been super nice about letting me work from home, I only really have to go in for meetings and one or two other days a week but I struggle to make it through the day without feeling absolutely wiped out. I'm 32 years old and I can't go for a walk, can't do errands by myself because I feel dizzy and exhausted, and I'm in bed by like 7:30 PM every single night and usually have to take a nap at some point in the day too. I guess my questions right off the bat are:
1) How do you guys get enough calories/nutrients/etc. in a day? All my GI said was "strict Gastroparesis diet" and right now I know what I'm getting by on isn't nearly enough. Last weekend I kinda graduated to peanut butter toast but only one piece and then for the rest of the day I need to be liquids only because I'm so f***ing full.
2) What do y'all do in terms of regulating your BM's? Right now I fluctuate between watery diarrhea and week-long constipation and I'm terrified of taking anything because I don't want to mess my tummy up any worse than it already is.
3) Ditto for heartburn -- I notice that I get it when I have anything that's not a clear liquid like Ensure, peanut butter, crackers, toast, ice cream (I know it's not really on the GP diet and I "should" only have low-fat, but sometimes the Favorite Day brand Cotton Candy ice cream from Target is all I can stomach mentally).
4) Anyone here have any kind of history with ED's and find that this is a complete mindf***? I'm talking to my therapist about it a little, but since she's not super experienced in treating them she can only do so much and also, I feel like no one really grasps how upsetting it is to experience this simultaneous lack of control while also feeling a supreme sense of control over what's going into one's body.
5) Did anyone else here have any experiences with pancreatitis on top of their GP? COVID? My GI is pretty convinced that this is probably a post-viral Long Covid case, but the pancreatitis attack still remains a complete mystery. As of right now we're considering it idiopathic (i.e., no known cause), but I have a feeling that somehow it's all related.
Thank you so much to the mods and whoever decided to start this little community in the first place. I really look forward to learning a lot from all of you and connecting and, with a grain of salt, can't wait to see what's next...

Virgil Smith, Jacquelin Fazzio, Andrew Cash, Robert Sagan, Lee Cooper, Richard Celli, Casey Hallinan, Michael King, Mark Azzouni, Mark Essick, Sharon Loughner, Sonoma County, The State of California, Juan Campa, The United States, the FBI, the DOJ, David Kahl, Jill Ravitch, Lupe Zinzin, Janell Crane, Lynda Hopkins, Robert Pittman, Joshua Myers, David Ratner, Carla Rodriguez, the Brady List, Melissa Wiekel, Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers, Donna M. Ryu, Melissa Parmenter, Rafael Garcia, Azuzena Alvarez, Sergio/Sergey Rudin, Tamar M. Burke, The Federal Pro Bono Project / the Justice & Diversity Center, Abby Herzberg, RoseMarie Maliekel, Gloria Chun, Antonia More,
I just want people to know that the Sonoma County government is corrupt. They spent 186 million dollars on a "new courthouse" that is 163k square feet, which works out to $1,100 per square foot, which is over double the second most expensive building I could find was, and over four times the average price per square foot of palaces and museums. And it's just going to look like a giant portable. This is to house some of the most corrupt people in this County, who all make $200-350+k per year (I am including their benefits in that, but not their pension). The entire DA's Office has a vendetta against Civil Rights in general, and will literally knowingly commit criminal violations of laws for the purpose of covering up serious criminal misconduct on the part of Sonoma County employees.
Lynda Hopkins took money from the law enforcement unions, and turns a willfully blind eye to it.
The County Office of Legal Counsel is literally a crime syndicate.
In 2015, the Sheriff's Office had a veritable torture ring in the jail.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izcHIv5Y4z8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYrGChrW5HM&list=TLPQMzAwMzIwMjMv0QAOPDy1Lw&index=2
This is just the tip of the iceberg. They lied about the existence of these videos, and "lost" the one where they gave one of the inmates internal bleeding, with a knee to their back.
There was a lawsuit about it. It was called the "Yard Counseling Case". There are news articles about it.
There was an official, written policy, called "Yard Counseling", later its name was changed to "Behavior Counseling" which dictated that for arbitrary punitive measures, Sheriff's Office personnel should extract inmates from their cells individually (which meant slamming their heads onto the door frames on the way out and other abuse), and isolate them, and putting them into "pain compliance" techniques (literally, by definition, torture) for extended periods of time while "counseling" them, which meant wearing no name tags, ski masks and riot gear, carrying a shotgun with them, and insulting them in explicit language for over 20 minutes.
This official written policy was acknowledged by Rob Giordano in a video, where he lies that no inmates where injured, uploaded to YouTube in 2018, when they finally addressed this official written policy, and the practice of torturing inmates without reasonable cause (leading exercise routines, for example).
In 2021, they saw one of the victims of this torture ring, who had sued them and had won, at a peaceful protest, and shot him with a grenade launcher while hiding on a rooftop in the face with a crowd control grenade, which exploded on impact and caused horrific injury that I don't care to describe.
In 2017, I was almost killed by application of a "carotid hold" / lateral vascular neck restraint, by a sheriff's deputy, for literally no reason. A knee was placed on my lower back while I was on the ground on my stomach as well, which caused a serious injury to my kidney, which was the worst injury of my life. I have also been diagnosed with an organic brain injury and cognitive impairment. I was tested for the same type of cognitive impairment before the incident and there is a marked difference, and I have about 30 pages describing the differences I've noticed / troubles I've had in my cognitive functioning. There was no probable cause to arrest me, and I was polite and compliant with all the instructions given to me, and this was confirmed by witnesses. I was punished for invoking my right to remain silent, then my arm was grabbed and yanked up behind me, and then a carotid hold was applied because my body pivoted after the deputy grabbed and yanked my arm.
This occurred UNDER A CAMERA and IN FRONT OF WITNESSES. I called the Sheriff's Office the next day said I want to "make an official complaint in writing". I was transferred to Captain of Internal Affairs, Captain Mark Essick. I repeated my request, verbatim. He responded, verbatim: "We don't do that. Why don't you tell me what happened." I did. I told him it happened right under a camera. He said "The camera can't record." I asked for confirmation. He said the cameras "Don't have recording technology installed."
I asked the County for a claim form. They ignored my request, and instructed me to report the incident to IOLERO. IOLERO requested I meet with Internal Affairs, and I said fine.
Sgt. Andy Cash called me and scheduled me for a meeting at the Sheriff's den. I was made to walk first and guided upstairs to a meeting room, and then patted down for weapons, and the interview was recorded. For 75 minutes I was deposed about happened. He asked me repeatedly about my mental state after the incident. I admitted that I was upset after the incident, and he acted like that justified the whole incident. He explicitly promised to interview the 4 deputies who witnessed the event in addition to the 2 deputies who participated, as well as the arresting officer (who I told him would confirm that I was polite and cooperative), which he agreed "would confirm [my] demeanor", and a bystander witness I told him about.
I complained to IOLERO director Jerry Threet. Mr. Threet agreed that that was inappropriate, then resigned without reviewing the investigation.
For about 4 years review of the investigation was put on hold because IOLERO staff quit, and when more staff was hired, they complained of being understaffed. They had a budget of over a million dollars but only had 2 employees. They only reviewed one case per four months. And they put off "backlogged" cases and focused on new cases. My complaint was finally reviewed by Interim Director Garrick Byers who clearly stated that the investigation was not conducted appropriately. I have the letter from him. That still has never been made public.
After the interview with Internal Affairs, I corresponded with Lynda Hopkins, and she refused to give her opinion on the matter. I specifically complained that the carotid hold was being used recklessly, and it is a dangerous technique. This was in 2018. She forwarded me to Janell Crane, who then had me meet with Kristi Schultz.
I contacted the DA's Office and spoke to Richard Celli (who made $346k in 2017, and has gunned down two unarmed people, and was convicted by a jury in one of the civil cases brought against him by one of the victim's family, but the sentence was overturned by a judge, while working for the SRPD). The first time I spoke to Mr. Celli, he told me that another law enforcement agency should take my case. After that first time, him and the rest of the DA's Office openly refused to comply with the Victims' Rights Laws (CA Con Art. 1 S. 28), and the "policies" (which are legally binding under CA Con Art 5 S. 13) of the Attorney General stating clearly that they are to take complaints from victims if it can't be resolved with the department.
After the first talk with Mr. Celli, I called Rohnert Park Police as I was instructed, and they 3-way called the Sheriff's office and then transferred me. I spent about 30 minutes reporting the incident to a deputy, and he asked me questions in a fair manner. The incident report from the 30 minute phone call was "directed" to Andrew Cash, and was then destroyed, which is literally a state and federal crime. I called RPPD back and talked to the arresting officer and he positively clearly confirmed that I was "polite, calm, compliant, and cooperative" (or something nearly verbatim, I can't remember exactly any more).
Andrew Cash called me the next day, at precisely 7:00 AM. He told me he was driving. He was extremely confrontational with me. He said "There were 6 deputies [referring to the two who used excessive force on me, and 4 witness deputies]. You were combative." This was false. He had only interviewed one of the 4 witness deputies, and the other 3 had provided written statements. They said that they had witnessed force being used, that they had not participated in the use of force to the best of their memory, and that I "did not appear to be resisting". But again, he had promised explicitly to interview the 4 deputy witnesses, and the arresting officer, and the other witnesses (such as the bystander witness who saw the whole incident, the nurse, etc.).
Internal Affairs exonerated the officers. The letter was signed by Eddie Engram, captain of Internal Affairs at that time. I called Mr. Engram, and had an hour long conversation with him, and he told me to contact Sgt. Cash after April 1st.
I filed a federal claim on the last day that it was due.
Mr. Cash referred me to Legal Counselor, Kara Abelson.
Ms. Abelson spent a year and a half refusing to comply with the Public Records Act, the Rules of Procedure, and the Rules of Professional Conduct. She refused to provide me documents that I was entitled to under law, including the incident report written by Deputies Jacquelin Fazzio and Virgil Smith, and the recorded interviews that he promised he would conduct, and stated pretty clearly that he had conducted.
Kara Abelson spent a year and a half trying to claim that my federal complaint was time barred by 1 day when it wasn't. The judge (Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers) entertained this and forced me to respond SEVEN TIMES, before she finally admitted that the "law wouldn't allow [her] to dismiss [my] complaint".
After a year and a half, Kara Abelson finally withdrew from the case after I started citing the Rules of Professional Conduct to her that require her to resign or withdraw from the case rather than defend a civil case where defense isn't warranted. Nobody had disputed any of the allegations I had made. In fact, Eddie Engram had confirmed that what I said happened was not disputed by the evidence.
At some point around this time, either before or after Ms. Abelson withdrew, the 2 incident reports written by the two deputies, the written statements by 3 of the 4 witness deputies, and the recorded interviews with me, the 2 deputies who assaulted me, and 1 of the eye witness deputies, were provided, along with various other records from the facility. In the recorded interview, and the incident report, the deputies admitted that Virgil Smith had applied the carotid hold.
I had also reported the incident to the State Attorney General Public Inquiry Unite (Lupe Zinzin). She had told me, over and over and over, that the local DA's are required to take complaints from civilians in these situations. She refused to call the DA's Office, though. The DA's Office (Richard Celli, Mark Azzouni, David Kahl, and the anonymous receptionists who all refused to provide their names) refused to take a complaint from me. They (including the receptionists) hung up on me every time I called after no more than 2 minutes, for no reason, transferred me to dead lines, never returned any voicemails I managed to leave, told me explicitly that if I send a complaint, they will throw it away, and didn't care, at all, what the laws were. The receptionists also refuse to provide their names. The Attorney General's Office told me to send them a complaint, so I did. The DA's Office acknowledged receiving the complaint. But later said that they did not have a record of it, meaning they threw it away.
The Attorney General's Office finally agreed to take a complaint from me. It sat on their desk for a year. I finally called them, concerned that evidence was being destroyed, and left a voicemail for Casey Hallinan requesting that they request copies of the physical evidence from the Sheriff's Office. Literally 2 days after that voicemail, a letter was sent to me signed by Sharon Loughner with Casey Hallinan CC'ed on the letter, stating that they would "take no action", and blamed the incident on me. I had not received the letter though, and called and spoke to Ms. Hallinan, who was extremely rude. After that, the Attorney General's Office hang up on me as soon as they find out it's me, for no reason. There has since been a bystander witness who saw the whole thing, and it has come to light that the cameras did record, that no upgrades were ever performed like Ms. Abelson alleged, the cameras do continuously record (as of 2019), and they just lied through their teeth about the camera for 4 straight years. The Attorney General's Office does not care. They violate the laws, and do not care what the laws are.
Sonoma County Office of Legal Counsel attorney Michael King took over after Ms. Abelson withdrew. Right off the bat, Mr. King told me that my motions were deficient - a contention he has repeated frequently, since then. I asked him how. He changed the subject, and to this day has NEVER given any explanation as to how any of my motions are deficient.
He continued to claim that my claim was time barred, filing frivolous motions, in blatant violation of the rules of professional conduct, after I cited the rules to him, constituting explicit legal misconduct.
As I said, the judge finally agreed to open Discovery after a year and a half of full time work trying to fight for my right to not be nearly murdered for no reason.
Lawyers do not take these cases unless there is undeniable proof of blatant guilt, along with undeniable proof of catastrophic injury. Multiple law firms have confirmed that it takes over a million dollars worth of legal work to get these cases to trial.
The judge also promised me a pro bono attorney "if you make it past summary judgment".
The judge scheduled us for Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) hearing with a magistrate judge. Mr. King elicited an offer from me, which I spent about 2 weeks working on, trying to make it as agreeable as possible. But then for the hearing, his written offer was to waive charging me his attorneys fees. The ADR magistrate confirmed that there was no legal basis for him to do that - it would be illegal. He had been ordered to participate in this hearing, and there was a legal obligation under the Rules of Procedure to try in good faith to settle the case. He violated the order and the rule of procedure (26 (f)).
All of my motions were completely ignored for no reason.
Mr. King / Defendant Virgil Smith lied about the cameras. They said "Denies the existence of cameras capable of recording in the vicinity", in writing, under oath. They never disputed that he put his knee on top of my back with all his weight on it.
Mr. King refused to comply with his Discovery obligations. I had to file about 4 different motions pertaining to their refusal to comply with the laws regarding disclosure of evidence.
Upon receiving an official Discovery request for records of camera equipment, I received a letter signed under oath by Mr. King (nearly 4 years after the incident) stating that the cameras CAN RECORD. But stating "tasks must be performed" to start the recording function, and stating that all records pertaining to the equipment that was installed at the time HAD BEEN DESTROYED (literally a federal and state crime, a civil tort violation, and a sanctionable act of legal misconduct).
Mr. King refused to schedule any of the witnesses for deposition, demanded MY deposition BEFORE he would even schedule the two deputies who assaulted me, even though I had been requesting depositions with other witnesses for over a month, and refused to schedule anyone else, he refused to answer interrogatories, he refused to provide copies of the policies from the time of the incident. He tried to pass off a weird spreadsheet with the word camera on it as proof that upgrades had been done to the cameras. He refused to provide complete training records for the deputies. He refused to provide details about the training. He refused to provide blueprints of the facility, refused to provide photos of the cameras at the location, refused to provide still images showing which direction the cameras were pointing, was caught lying under oath (and "penalty of perjury") multiple times, refused to provide photos of the deputies so I could schedule depositions efficiently.
The judge erroneously dismissed my Equal Protection claims, construing them as Due Process and Employment Discrimination claims, which are different types of claims than Equal Protection claims against a government actor. The government cannot arbitrarily treat anyone disparately. The Court also dismissed my "Monell" claim against the municipality for their "policies, customs, or practices", but left me leave to amend that claim. And she waited until Discovery opened over 1.5 years into litigation, to do this, forcing me to amend the complaint DURING DISCOVERY which was only open for a limited amount of time, instead of any point in the 1.5 years prior to that.
In the recorded interview with Andrew Cash and one of the witness deputies, she spontaneously states that Mr. Cash instructed her to review the written statements made by the two deputies who assaulted me prior to the interview. Another deputy witness confirmed that Mr. Cash had instructed her to review the written reports by the two deputies who assaulted me prior to her providing Mr. Cash with a written statement as well.
The judge finally retaliated against me, without rational basis, for filing motions, which I had filed because I was being illegally obstructed from preserving evidence, by withdrawing leave to amend regarding the "Monell" claim (I had stated a clear Monell claim to begin with, but the judge literally has an aversion to reading, and relies on guessing, and is biased against pro se litigants; I am summarizing well over 100 pages, if not well over double that, of motions, objections, and replies and the judge's responsive orders).
She did however, finally schedule a hearing with a Discovery referee magistrate. All my motions (and the months of work I was required to do dictated by the various rules) was completely disregarded, and both me and Mr. King were given 2 pages each (double spaced) to go over discovery issues, even though I had filed about 4 different motions about various issues, and he hadn't filed ANY, about Discovery issues, and never did.
During conference I was required to do in accordance with the Rules, Mr. King repeatedly tried to establish that I had committed crimes during the course of conferring which was my legal obligation, without having any rational basis to believe what he was trying to establish. He demanded evidence that would exist, and he kept repeating every lie he could come up with to the judge. The judge would either get annoyed at me if I addressed any of Mr. King's baseless accusations, or take his statements at face value for being 100% true.
Mr. King finally "compromised" and agreed to schedule depositions with me (as long as Mr. King wanted to) and the two deputies who had assaulted me (for 25 minutes each or something) all simultaneously, but refused to schedule anyone else, even though this was grossly advantageous to him, and in blatant violation of Rule 26 of Civil Procedure. One of the eye witness deputies later confirmed that he had "consulted" her over 4 times prior to the trial. During this deposition, Mr. King asked me where a family member of mine works. He had spent about 30-40 minutes trying to convince me that I can tell him anything, that the entire record was designated confidential, that I had nothing to worry about - and at a deposition, you are obligated to answer the questions unless they are harassing. Mr. King also requested contact information for counselors from over 10 years ago, and that was the only question I didn't answer - I told him to provide the request in writing. At some point after that, I told Mr. King to not contact my family member at her workplace, and Mr. King responded "unless you fully and completely cooperate" with his request for contact information for counselors from 10 years+ ago, he would do exactly that - harass my family member with subpoenas sent to her workplace, as I had requested he not do, without EVER REQUESTING A DEPOSITION WITH HER, just using it as leverage.
At the hearing, the Discovery Magistrate (Donna M. Ryu) discussed matters only with Mr. King, without including me. He told her that the 4 eye witness deputies "saw nothing" and "weren't there" (verbatim) trying to get her to deny me my request to take their deposition. She asked him if he would get them to sign fresh "sworn declarations", "under oath" (Judge Ryu's words, verbatim) stating this. Mr. King said yes, absolutely, he would. Judge Ryu asked me "Would that be okay?" I said "No." She started laughing, and asked me why, and I explained that I had explicitly described various interactions with them that had taken place while the carotid hold was still being applied to me, and that they had stated in their written statements that they had witnessed force being used, and that I was "not resisting". She confirmed that this was all true with Mr. King and that he already knew all of this, and ordered him to cooperate with scheduling them for deposition. Mr. King then repeated the same phrases "saw nothing", "weren't there" to Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers prior to the trial.
After that, they went back to discussing matters only with eachother, and I was excluded from discussion. This was an hour long hearing, and at about the 45 minute mark, Mr. King was again lying to the magistrate judge, and when he had finished, I interjected, "That's not true". Judge Ryu shouted "Stop! Stop stop stop stop stop!" And then very assertively explained to me the importance of not interrupting people for the convenience of the court reporter / transcriber. I was excluded from the rest of the hearing.
At some point at either this hearing or the next one, I cited the legal requirement for the parties to disclose contact information for witnesses. I cited the rule of procedure. Judge Ryu responded, "Mr. King is a lawyer!" as if that alone justified his refusal to provide me contact information for EYE witnesses who saw the event. Mr. King and Ms. Abelson had also claimed that they did not have the contact information for the bystander witness (which was a lie), and refused to provide the contact information for the nurse. And when Magistrate Ryu ordered them to provide that, they only gave me the company name he used to work for.
Mr. King refused to provide both fresh written statements from the eye witness deputies as he had promised the magistrate, and to schedule them for deposition, and stated that if he provided written statements, they would be copied and pasted versions of the same statements previously provided, signed under oath (nowhere saying that they "saw nothing" or "weren't there").
Mr. King kept threatening to go to my family member's workplace unless I provided him contact information for counselors from 10+ years ago, DURING a DEPOSITION, without him providing any written request for the information.
He also interfered with scheduling the witnesses for deposition, with the Court reporter that I had hired, disregarded the schedule that I had set, and set them according to his own schedule, which raised the cost of deposition from an estimated about $700 to about $4,000, and said this was my one and only chance.
The Federal Pro Bono Project / the Justice & Diversity Center is an organization that receives seven million dollars a year in public funding and is under contract with the Federal District Court to work with the Court to provide legal consultation to pro se litigants. I had about 19 appointments with them, about 18 with Abby Herzberg, and 1 with Rosemarie Maliekel. Ms. Herzberg was precisely 15 minutes late to every single appointment, repeatedly gave me horrible advice ("just wait", do nothing, "don't file this", despite admitting that the entire motion was valid, directly causing excessive delay and the spoliation of crucial evidence). She also yelled at me aggressively on two occasions because I had brought up state laws, which were being currently violated against me, because the Court had dismissed my "state claims" because Sonoma County refused to supply with a state tort claim form when I first asked, reasoning that was not relevant to the state laws being currently violated against me. After Ms. Herzberg yelled at me the second time, I requested an appointment with Rosemarie Maliekel. Ms. Maliekel spent the entire appointment ranting at me about irrelevant issues, and kept talking over me and interrupting me. I was polite but eventually asked "can I finish what I was saying?" She responded "No!" and kept ranting at me.
I had repeatedly asked about how to properly get medical evidence, and about expert witnesses. Ms. Herzberg ignored my questions and spent nearly the entirety of almost every single appointment reading (or pretending to) through the rules, without letting me speak at all, even to summarize the relevant sections of the rules that I had read.
On a video on their webpage (on the Court's website, because they are a "partner project" with the Court), Abby Herzberg explicitly demonstrates a clear understanding of the fact that the Court provides funding for expert witnesses, despite ignoring my questions about that and spending nearly the entirety of almost every single appointment either reading rules or pretending to.
Discovery was closed.
Mr. King rehashed the legally baseless and frivolous "time barred" claim in a Motion for Summary Judgment. I was required to respond to it twice, and it was obvious Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers wanted to dismiss my claim, and I was required to disprove their baseless legal claims with several tens of pages of case laws. I was required to answer all his "undisputed material facts" under threat of terminating my entire case, but he refused to answer mine. He lied over and over to the judges. As I said, the judge ruled that the laws "wouldn't allow [her] to" dismiss my entire case and rejected his Motion for Summary Judgement.
The Court ordered the Federal Pro Bono Project (FPBP) to put me on a list for attorneys seeking clients. Ms. Herzberg told me that if I filed any motions, that the FPBP would not cooperate with the Court's order, until 1 month before my trial, instead of 6 months before. She also said that a law firm had reached out to them about my case over a month prior to that, and that the staff at the FPBP had not followed up. My filing privileges were then revoked by the Court.
An attorney, David Ratner, reached out to me, and scheduled an initial consultation, over Zoom, at which he stated he "hates cops", and gave a showing of being enthusiastic. I explicitly told him that I wanted to make sure we were on the same page as far as what to "aim for". I told him that I had been working for FIVE YEARS, that I had almost died, that I had suffered two different extremely serious injuries (though I was up front about the injuries being surreptitious and that there had been major delays and flaws with medical evaluation, due to the hospitals not taking my insurance at the time, and ongoing delays because of Covid, and other reasons). I told him that what I asked for was consistent with the most similar case (the Esa Wroth case of 2013) that I knew of (an ask of three million dollars). This was coincidental. I was not aware of the Esa Wroth case when I came up with that number. I agonized over the number to ask for, and had tried SEVERAL times to resolve the case for a tiny fraction of that amount, with Kristi Shultz, with Janell Crane, with Lynda Hopkins, several times with Ms. Abelson who refused to even hear me out, and SEVERAL TIMES with Mr. King, and spent a lot of time trying to come up with a amount that would be MUTUALLY AGREEABLE, EACH TIME and described the methods I used to come up with that number in detail in court documents. Mr. Ratner explicitly agreed to aim for that at the trial. During the Zoom conference, his partner Shelley Mollineaux, showed up about 15 minutes late, stayed for about 3 minutes without saying anything, Mr. Ratner made an awkwardly flirtatious remark to her, and she left without saying anything at all.
Mr. Ratner, and Ms. Mollineaux, who was set to represent me at trial under Mr. Ratner's supervision, then both went dark for over a month. They ignored my emails, voicemails, and messages that I left with their receptionists. There was a hearing, and then Mr. Ratner emailed me demanding "all the documents" that I had. I had over 50 gb of files across thousands of files, and spent about a month working with his paralegals sending them batches of files, and providing all the information they asked me for. Mr. Ratner forwarded me an email from Mr. King where King accused me of violating a court order regarding providing medical providers and the physical addresses of my entire family and my friends, which was false -- the Court had ordered me to provide him CONTACT information, at a second hearing, which wasn't significant, and I had fully and completely complied in good faith with all the Court's orders. Mr. Ratner accused me of not sending him "anything", after I had spent at least several weeks with his paralegals sending them batches of files and information, and he simultaneously threatened to ask the judge for leave to withdraw.
There had been major delays with medical evaluation due in large part to Covid, as well as delayed discovery of brain injury, which is very common, and other factors.
With trial set, Mr. Ratner forwarded me an offer from Defendants for $5,000. Upon discussion (which was 100% in email because he refused to talk over the phone and Ms. Mollineaux completely ignored me), he accused me of not doing Discovery right. I pointed him to the video I referred to earlier, which I had found since Mr. Ratner took my case, but wasn't aware of when I was interacting with the FPBP, where the FPBP (Abby Herzberg), and various District Judges from the Court I was litigating in, state that it is general policy (and it is official policy under the Court's General Order 25) to REOPEN DISCOVERY when a pro bono attorney comes onto the case, and to FUND DEPOSITION AND EXPERT WITNESS FEES.
Mr. Ratner stated he "won't file any motions" and ultimately elected to withdraw from the case over fulfill his legal obligations under the Rules of Professional Conduct. Judge Gonzalez Rogers IGNORED MY REQUEST FOR A HEARING, and in her order granting him leave to withdraw about 2 months before my trial, thanked him. I had spent a ton of time trying to find private attorneys and trying to talk to the FPBP, telling them very clearly that I expected to be put back on the list.After Mr. Ratner withdrew, the FPBP refused to put me back on the list. I was forced into trial BY MYSELF, at 1-2 months prior to trial, after 3 months of my time being completely wasted by Mr. Ratner and his law firm.
I went through the appropriate legal process to submit an expert witness. Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers, as usual, completely ignored my motions, but allowed me to use him after I went through the entire legal process, and paid him thousands of dollars without knowing if I would be granted permission or not, and provided the Court a report stating that the carotid hold was ILLEGAL unless the subject exhibited "assaultive behavior" and that Defendants had never alleged any behavior of mine that constituted "assaultive behavior" (under POST Basic, during 2017). The expert was a Master level instructor at a police academy and former SWAT.
Mr. King provided his pre-trial disclosures, and it contained a document from Rohnert Park police department which had been extensively redacted on the copy that they had provided to me. The new copy contained the contact information for the bystander witness. I called him, and he confirmed that he saw the entire thing, that I had never yelled at the deputies before the first deputy grabbed my arm, and that I was not resisting at any point in time. I told the judge this. She had me call him at a hearing, and both me and Mr. King were allowed a couple of minutes to ask him questions, where he refused to admit that I was even "wiggling" when Mr. King badgered him.
RPPD later sent me the email correspondence between them and Mr. King and Mr. King clearly stated that he had that copy in his records without them sending it, but wanted them to send it to appear official, meaning they had the contact information for the bystander witness the entire time, when they repeatedly lied that they didn't have it.
The judge then refused to allow him to appear at the trial over Zoom (during the height of Covid, even though she let one of the deputies), and refused to summon him to the trial.
Just prior to the trial, the Judge accused me falsely of firing my attorney, and explicitly prohibited me from telling the jury about ANY of the Defendants previous statements about the camera's ability to record (that they had lied about it for 4 years). She explicitly prohibited me from submitting scientific evidence about the carotid hold. She allowed Mr. King to make extremely defamatory false remarks about me and my past which had a huge impact on the jury's perception of things. At a pretrial hearing, we had gone over about 110 documents that I wanted to present at the trial. She vetted about 40 as admissible at the hearing, but at the trial she only let me submit about 4. Defendants were allowed to submit a SECOND expert witness, both of whom worked for the Sonoma County Sheriff's Office. The first was Andrew Cash. The second was James Naugle who had been disclosed literally a week before trial, without a report, and without allowing me to take his deposition. She refused to allow me to ask Mr. Naugle about case laws, or about information pertaining to the carotid hold. The Court refused to summon any of my treating physicians, whom I had provided the names and contact information for in my disclosures at the end of Discovery and some in my initial disclosures, and I had complied with Mr. King's written requests for information or objected within the boundaries of the laws (which I quoted and cited), in good faith, and complied with the Court's orders, in good faith.
I had informed the Court that I was scheduled for medical evaluations for brain injury AFTER THE TRIAL. The Court completely ignored this.
So it was my word against theirs. 5 years, at the time of the mistrial, to get a mockery of a trial, and have the jurors' time completely wasted. The jury wrote me a letter thanking me or something, but awarded me nothing.
I was diagnosed with organic brain injury after the trial. I had a similar test prior to the incident and had absolutely no problems and answered every question with no trouble. I now score in the FOURTH PERCENTILE on those areas.
Despite its length, this has been a short summary of all the events over the past 6 years. Much has been summarized, and much has been left out. I tried my best to balance completeness with leaving out irrelevant details.
There is no record of any misconduct on the part of anyone involved in this that is available to any law enforcement agencies or to the public. Nobody has been disciplined. No investigation was ever conducted. I was almost killed and was seriously injured, under a camera, and in front of witnesses, and spent 6 years working with the government. The government has done precisely NOTHING.
The County now routinely retaliates against me whenever we interact, in blatant violation of various laws.

(edit to say, and nurses/other health care professionals too!)
29F. Around 5ft 100lbs, Asian. Recovering alcoholic.
I'm here because I have quit drinking a couple times and then relapsed. The most recent time, a couple days ago, I went to an urgent care and then a hospital for help with detox. They prescribed Librium which I took so now I am able to be sober without feeling like absolute crap.
I am a mother. The last time I sought help for this, I got a visit from CPS. It was extremely stressful and I was finally cleared of everything because they found that I never put my kids in danger (which I would never. This is a private struggle for me and I always ensure my kids are taken care and someone else is present if I am drinking).
But now I am terrified and paranoid that since I went back to urgent care, and it did come up that I have a young child at home, I'm going to get another CPS visit. The anxiety is making me want to drink tbh but I know that is my addict brain talking, I have trained myself to deal with stress with alcohol.
Is this something that would be automatically reported?
Apologies if this is not the right type of subreddit for this question. Please let me know if there is somewhere else I should ask.

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​
Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
​
Chapter 23: Valuing Crowns
Cedric Halls lay with his head in his hands, clearly desperate to block out the words he didn't wish were said.
Unfortunately for the guildmaster of Rolstein's louts … adventurers … no, louts, I'd already delivered everything I had to say. And I made sure I'd been heard. Feigning ignorance was a skill many possessed. This man, who practically had tears rolling down his face, was not one of them.
We were inside the common room of the Adventurer's Guild. It consisted of a reception desk, two bars and enough tables to seat as many adventurers as required to rouse the dawn.
Tonight, it was empty. And the only new patrons were not here to drink.
We were here to deliver news of Rolstein's resident alchemist. And also judge the disgustingness of the floorboards. My boots stuck to the ground as I walked. It was vile. And if I knew how to cast [Infernal Tornado], I would use it in the sad knowledge that it wouldn't be enough to scrub off the decades of accumulated ale that had gone unwashed on the floor.
Seated across from us at a dingy table was a man in the prime of his life. As a branch guildmaster of one of the continent's oldest institutions, it was a position which afforded him a modicum of respect from deadbeats, layabouts and sponges up and down the kingdom.
However, the nature of the spotted lilac poncho he sported, in combination with the tears which puffed up his eyes and shrunk his extra twirly moustache, made him by far the most suspicious looking individual I'd encountered today. Had he stumbled onto the scene while Marina Lainsfont was in the midst of throwing fireballs at me, I would not hesitate to turn my full attention on this fashion anarchist instead.
“Marina … I've known her since she was this high,” said the guildmaster, not actually demonstrating what height that was, but instead backhanding his own eyes to wipe away the tears. “She was always special … but to think that she'd betray us … betray Rolstein like this. It's almost unthinkable ...”
“Oh? Almost unthinkable. But not outright unthinkable. There have been incidents, I take it?”
The guildmaster sadly shook his head. I took that to mean a nod instead.
“She used to reside here, back when her mother was still with us. Those days were fine. She was just like any normal girl. But after the tragedy happened, I'd hear the strangest stories about her. The … magic she could do, even without training. Things that could concern any adult. And Thomas was no different. He took a stern view. Sterner than most.”
“What did she do?”
“The same things that any budding young mage did. Set things on fire. Except unlike other budding young mages, she never bothered putting them out again. It always concerned me how little empathy she showed. But after she left and came back, I thought that the matter was settled. Marina had taken up training as an alchemist, and seemed to have abandoned advancing her magic.”
The guildmaster took out a flask from his side, fiddled with the cap, then returned it without taking a gulp. It seemed he wished to experience the full misery of today's news without softening it.
The smallest reprimand for his failure to identify the source of the Withering.
“A polite young woman. That's how she was to me now. To everyone. She'd fallen out with her father, but that was not my business to pry in. As guildmaster and a citizen of this town, I was happy to have her services. It's clear that her abilities were beyond what this town could pay her. Yet I assumed it to be a charity born of nostalgia. Of fondness. I had little idea that it was the opposite. That she'd instead wish to bring harm to this town is … deeply regrettable.”
I shook my head.
To claim that this woman only sought to bring ruin to one insignificant farming town was a downgrade of her crimes. Of all her acts of high treason, successfully defacing the front of my attire with dust and debris was her most heinous.
It'd taken me entire seconds to dust it all off. As a princess, I had highborn dignitaries waiting months for a moment of my busy time. Those seconds would need to be reimbursed.
“Rolstein is not alone in its grief. I trust you understand the steps that must now be taken to avert further hardship to the lowlands?”
The guildmaster slowly nodded. The weight of his relationship with both the culprit and the region hung heavy over his shoulders.
“I do. Although I must confess now that apprehending Marina is the easier of the tasks ahead of me. Informing Thomas … now that is a task greater than facing down any monster. Did you glean any reasoning from her for her actions?”
“I did not. She opted to deliver a hopelessly uninspired monologue instead. It was eye rolling. She did not even attempt to impassion it with more than a few seconds of maniacal laughter. No, she escaped when her spell was foiled by my clever machinations.”
Beside me, Coppelia nodded with excessive exuberance.
Naturally, as my future handmaiden, she understood that I had planned for the presence of a giant deposit of arcana crystals just beneath the feet of our would-be destroyer, and that our survival was the result of immaculate brinkmanship honed through years of statecraft.
I absolutely did not ride my luck.
“Indeed … Rolstein, no, the kingdom owes you a great debt for the brilliance you've shown. To think that you could identify and expose the source of the Withering the moment you arrived in this town, when those of us who have lived here with the culprit beneath our very noses were so blind to her ruse. It is an unforgivable mistake on our part.”
“A mistake, but not one made of incompetence, but loyalty. To believe in the goodness of those you have shared a table with is not a crime. It's the cog that drives the econo—I mean, the people to greater heights. To doubt your neighbours is to doubt us all. Do not allow this betrayal to spur you to distrust and apprehension.”
I stood up, leaving the guildmaster to his open mouth and the flask he clearly wished to indulge in. Coppelia joined me, but not before glancing at the kegs piled up behind the nearest bar.
I had to pause at that. Did clockwork dolls consume alcohol? Or any liquid, for that matter? Where would it … go?
“Wait.”
The guildmaster stood up also.
He dented his brows, then slung his fist into his chest.
I could only recoil slightly in alarm. Was this some sign of farewell appropriate for commoners? I could hear the thunk as his fist slammed against his chest! Was inflicting pain upon oneself a common gesture among the peasantry?
“I must apologise. Earlier, I had not shown the respect the both of you deserved. Allow me to officially thank you for your services to Rolstein.”
My, so that's what it was!
An apology.
And yet I saw no prostrating on the ground. Given the state of the floorboards, I would be inclined to forgive anyone who threw themselves on it.
Still, I suppose his inconsolable grief at missing the culprit hiding under his tenure gave partial room to forgive the slight. And he was a commoner. A poorly dressed commoner in a spotted lilac poncho. His life must already be of supreme hardship.
“The apology is not needed, guildmaster. Should you endeavour to hold Marina Lainsfont to account, then that is all the redress I require.”
The man nodded, his hand slowly falling from his chest.
“Juliette … and Coppelia. For all your efforts, I do not know who the both of you are. You are not adventurers. Nor are you associated with the local nobility.”
And how glad that I wasn't. One was a group of paid hooligans. And the other were adventurers.
“I am a proud citizen of this kingdom,” I said. “And this is my future handmaid. You need not know anything else, other than the fact we are performing our just duties to crown and country.”
Coppelia raised her hand.
“Actually, I'm an assistant librarian. And I'm not a citizen of this kingdom. Seriously, this is important. I'm not paying taxes. I mean, I don't anyway. But I'm definitely not paying any here. I've seen where your money goes. Really, the amount of portraits of your king—”
“R-Regardless, our goals are noble and pure! Something foul creeps across this fair land. And we shall see it sent back over sea and mountain.”
The guildmaster looked between myself and Coppelia. He took in the girl beside me, hesitated slightly, then turned to me with a look of utmost seriousness.
“I see the desire for righteousness burns in your eyes. Do you intend to take that flame wherever you go?”
“Why, naturally, I do.”
I smiled confidently. The guildmaster relaxed.
“Excellent! Then I take it you also have the funds, provisions and transportation necessary to see out your quest?”
I looked up in thought.
How many crowns did I have again? It was whatever amount I'd scooped up from behind the barkeeper's counter. What provisions would that buy? I had only the cost of my books for reference. And transportation ...
Ah!
“I have a horse. His name is Apple.”
“The draft horse belonging to Thomas?”
“It was destined for Marina Lainsfont. Given recent events, I'm requisitioning him for my use. Speaking of which, I believe he's still stabled outside the store. I'll need to fetch him quite soon ...”
“Wait!”
The guildmaster called out to me once again as I turned to leave.
Really! Now this was becoming aggravating. Apple was likely extremely puzzled at the lack of anyone to tell him where to walk, trot or stand still. And he had the last apple in the saddlebags. If I didn't stamp my authority, he might claim it for himself.
“Those with a noble purpose, seeking to right the wrongs of this land, have ever gravitated towards a single trade,” said the guildmaster, holding himself suddenly higher. “As the Old Companions of past years once did, these courageous men and women gather together not beneath a banner, but the chorus of song and kinship. I would offer the both of you a commission, and to induct you into the ranks of the Adventurer's Guild—”
“No.”
“Assistant librarian. Taken.”
The guildmaster blinked, his rightmost ear turned slightly towards us, as if in more disbelief than of anything else he'd heard today.
“R-Really? No? Are you, uh, certain? We ask of you nothing but your name and your vow to serve the people. If I must say so, to join the guild is a coveted dream of many. There is usually an arduous application process, letters of commendation, trials of valour, weapon skill examinations ...”
For the first time in my life, I was rendered speechless.
Not because I didn't know what to say. But because there were too many competing words wishing to fight for a place to summarily reject this man's offer.
I could scarcely believe it. He was asking me—a princess of the kingdom—if I wished to abandon my urgent commitments to righting the kingdom to … whatever adventurers did when they weren't brawling in bars or breaking and entering into private property.
I had a list longer than my breakfast menu on how many issues I had to solve. I had revolution to the north, war to the east, pirates to the west and criminal syndicates, monsters, common brigands, holes in the ground, snowfall in our forests and now an escaped naked pyromaniac somewhere in between.
Suffice to say, I had no time to beat up fruit slimes for entertainment.
“I … I see … a shame,” said the guildmaster, shoulders slumped. “Indeed, it is this rejection of the old path that makes you all the more suitable. But I suppose that not all seek a guild ranking for their endeavours. In fact, I'd wager that most only seek the crowns. But if neither fame nor fortune appeals to you, then the guild has little else we can offer.”
Goodness, at last, this man had the right of it!
I already had both fame and fortune. What need had I for more? Indeed, were I not masterfully incognito, none would mistake me as some … what did that woman dare accuse me of being? Some bored nobleman's daughter? Ugh. The indignity of it.
Whatever! The fact is that I was already incredibly famous and wealthy. That this man would seek to offer me more of what I had in abundance was laughable.
“Allow me to see you to the door. Will you be staying the night in Rolstein, before travelling to your next port of call?”
I didn't move from my spot.
“Ohhohoho! W-Well, of course! Circumstances, however, have made the logistics of securing accommodation challenging. Do you have a … recommendation? Perhaps a well ventilated establishment which does not boast a bar as its main point of draw?”
The man thumbed his extra twirly moustache.
“A tall order, I'm afraid. Rolstein only has two inns I would truly call reputable. Between them, I recommend the Black Fowl. It's more expensive, but the baron himself stays there when he visits.”
Already, I felt the cold fingers of apprehension pinching the back of my neck.
The Black Fowl. What a terribly … inn like name.
“I see ...” I mentally counted the amount of coins I'd borrowed from the barkeeper. “I have 6 silver crowns, 37 copper crowns, and one crown which may either be gold or copper depending on how the light shines on it. How many days of provisions and nights in an … inn will that provide me?”
He paused and thought about it.
“At the Black Fowl? It's 5 silver crowns a night. You're short 3 copper crowns for two nights, but the proprietor can be haggled down with a smile.”
“I see. One night's stay. And provisions?”
“A fine meal of bread, cheese and salted beef.”
“… And how many days is that?”
“A third of a day. It's one meal.”
“Okay.” I pursed my lips. “What if the one ambiguous crown is a gold crown?”
“It's almost assuredly a copper crown.”
“You haven't seen it yet.”
“It's a copper crown, ma'am.”
I stared at him.
These prices … I did not understand them!
My books cost 250 gold crowns! Each! That felt … reasonable? Maybe? It was … well, it was difficult to tell! Naturally, the production of books was a highly skilled affair, so it made reasonable sense that the cost would reflect that ...
Yet even so!
To think that A Court Lady's Indiscretion, Vol. III had cost me the equivalent of … 500 days in an inn?!
Wasn't that discrepancy too much … ?
Had I … Had I perhaps paid above the accepted market rate … ?
“Uh … are you well? You appear a little shaken. Do you, um, perhaps not have the funds on hand to see through your entire quest?”
… And now a commoner was looking at me with concern!
A commoner!
No, no, no, no. This was … This was no issue whatsoever! I had little funds and nothing in the way of an income stream, yes, which was a problem if I wished to pay for anything—
Fortunately, I had no such wish! I could simply execute a royal requisition order! Ohhohohoho!
But … wait, wasn't I incognito?
Why, the optics of merely strolling in and demanding everything without payment was terrible! I'd look like some common robber, as opposed to royalty! There was a huge difference there!
Did … Did that mean I had to … to …
Work?
To … earn income?
Like a commoner? Or nobility? Or anyone not me?
“Um … are you okay? You … You look very pale? Do you perhaps need to lie down? Something to drink, perhaps? It's … It's clearly been a very tiring day for you. My apologies, I should have taken that into consideration. Please, if you'll wait a moment, I'll just get you something to—”
I sat back down at the table, my body shaking with trepidation.
No! This was not time to falter! I am Juliette Contzen, Third Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea! No matter what challenges I must … I must be hold my head high and face it with the poise of a knight in a tournament!
“For … For my lifestyle needs, I'm willing to suffer any disgrace ...”
“... Huh?”
“T-That's right! No matter how humiliating! No matter how demeaning! No matter how close to the ground I crawl! I … I will do whatever it takes to see this kingdom flourish!”
“That's ... uh, that's highly noble of you. And I promise, if I can do anything in my power to assist, I shall. Rolstein owes you that much.”
Seeing the guildmaster unsure of whether to stay or call for a flagon of water, I swallowed a deep breath.
“What … what income … can an adventurer … expect … ?”
​
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Today, I woke up angry. I have been reading books and articles on hospice care and the functions and services they provide to their patients. It has made me realize that the hospice we used for my mom did not help us the way that they should have and there’s literally nothing I can do about it. I am not sure if what I’m feeling is normal grief or if these are actual issues that I should report.
I believe the hospice we used did some things wrong.
1) Did nothing to support family (aka me). -On the night my mom went delirious, she was incoherent and inconsolable in bed. She was agitated, upset, she couldn’t sleep. At one point she said she needed to go to the bathroom so I helped her up from bed, and as soon as we got into the hallway she immediately began projectile vomiting black fluids everywhere. It was around 2 am. I called the hospice hotline and asked them what to do and asked them to send a nurse because I was home alone and didn’t know what was going on or what I should do. The nurse told me I could either take my mom to the emergency room or that I could give her some anti nausea medication…… that’s it. She didn’t offer to send a nurse over. She basically told me to deal with it myself. She offered no support. She told me she would reach out to our dedicated nurse who doesn’t work during the nights and that was it. That was literally it. I was left cleaning up black vomit with my mom who was suffering tremendously, cognitively and physically.
2) Did the absolute BARE MINIMUM when it came to supporting my mom. -The only thing hospice did was have a nurse come sometimes to check my moms vitals and fill morphine prescriptions. That’s literally it…. They did not administer the morphine or medication or anything…. They just authorized refills.
3) Was overall not empathetic or caring. -My moms dedicated hospice nurse would say she would come over at a certain time, and would ALWAYS be late. Like, an hour+ late. -The doctor who had to declare my mom dead before we could call the funeral home to pick up her body was HOURS LATE. She blamed it on “traffic.” Mind you she was about 2 hours late. That whole time my mom was just lying on her hospital bed, dead. Fucking dead. -During the last 1.5 weeks of my moms life she was totally unconscious and in severe pain. I had to hire 3 outside private nurses to help take care of her and to keep her on a medicine schedule. Every several hours they would administer her morphine and an anti anxiety medication. Because of this, I guess I needed refills on morphine faster than usual (???) because when I called my moms hospice nurse to tell her we needed more morphine, she didn’t believe me. She was in shock and made it seem like me and the nurses I hired were doing something wrong and giving her too much. She was so much in shock and disbelief that she was hesitant to authorize refills. As if we were abusing the medication.
I need answers. Is this normal? Is this how hospice operates? I am so fucking angry. I feel like they let my mom suffer, they were unprofessional in multiple occasions, and they were overall unsupportive.
God, I’m just so fucking angry today.

Virgil Smith, Jacquelin Fazzio, Andrew Cash, Robert Sagan, Lee Cooper, Richard Celli, Casey Hallinan, Michael King, Mark Azzouni, Mark Essick, Sharon Loughner, Sonoma County, The State of California, Juan Campa, The United States, the FBI, the DOJ, David Kahl, Jill Ravitch, Lupe Zinzin, Janell Crane, Lynda Hopkins, Robert Pittman, Joshua Myers, David Ratner, Carla Rodriguez, the Brady List, Melissa Wiekel, Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers, Donna M. Ryu, Melissa Parmenter, Rafael Garcia, Azuzena Alvarez, Sergio/Sergey Rudin, Tamar M. Burke, The Federal Pro Bono Project / the Justice & Diversity Center, Abby Herzberg, RoseMarie Maliekel, Gloria Chun, Antonia More,
I just want people to know that the Sonoma County government is corrupt. They spent 186 million dollars on a "new courthouse" that is 163k square feet, which works out to $1,100 per square foot, which is over double the second most expensive building I could find was, and over four times the average price per square foot of palaces and museums. And it's just going to look like a giant portable. This is to house some of the most corrupt people in this County, who all make $200-350+k per year (I am including their benefits in that, but not their pension). The entire DA's Office has a vendetta against Civil Rights in general, and will literally knowingly commit criminal violations of laws for the purpose of covering up serious criminal misconduct on the part of Sonoma County employees.
Lynda Hopkins took money from the law enforcement unions, and turns a willfully blind eye to it.
The County Office of Legal Counsel is literally a crime syndicate.
In 2015, the Sheriff's Office had a veritable torture ring in the jail.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izcHIv5Y4z8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYrGChrW5HM&list=TLPQMzAwMzIwMjMv0QAOPDy1Lw&index=2
This is just the tip of the iceberg. They lied about the existence of these videos, and "lost" the one where they gave one of the inmates internal bleeding, with a knee to their back.
There was a lawsuit about it. It was called the "Yard Counseling Case". There are news articles about it.
There was an official, written policy, called "Yard Counseling", later its name was changed to "Behavior Counseling" which dictated that for arbitrary punitive measures, Sheriff's Office personnel should extract inmates from their cells individually (which meant slamming their heads onto the door frames on the way out and other abuse), and isolate them, and putting them into "pain compliance" techniques (literally, by definition, torture) for extended periods of time while "counseling" them, which meant wearing no name tags, ski masks and riot gear, carrying a shotgun with them, and insulting them in explicit language for over 20 minutes.
This official written policy was acknowledged by Rob Giordano in a video, where he lies that no inmates where injured, uploaded to YouTube in 2018, when they finally addressed this official written policy, and the practice of torturing inmates without reasonable cause (leading exercise routines, for example).
In 2021, they saw one of the victims of this torture ring, who had sued them and had won, at a peaceful protest, and shot him with a grenade launcher while hiding on a rooftop in the face with a crowd control grenade, which exploded on impact and caused horrific injury that I don't care to describe.
In 2017, I was almost killed by application of a "carotid hold" / lateral vascular neck restraint, by a sheriff's deputy, for literally no reason. A knee was placed on my lower back while I was on the ground on my stomach as well, which caused a serious injury to my kidney, which was the worst injury of my life. I have also been diagnosed with an organic brain injury and cognitive impairment. I was tested for the same type of cognitive impairment before the incident and there is a marked difference, and I have about 30 pages describing the differences I've noticed / troubles I've had in my cognitive functioning. There was no probable cause to arrest me, and I was polite and compliant with all the instructions given to me, and this was confirmed by witnesses. I was punished for invoking my right to remain silent, then my arm was grabbed and yanked up behind me, and then a carotid hold was applied because my body pivoted after the deputy grabbed and yanked my arm.
This occurred UNDER A CAMERA and IN FRONT OF WITNESSES. I called the Sheriff's Office the next day said I want to "make an official complaint in writing". I was transferred to Captain of Internal Affairs, Captain Mark Essick. I repeated my request, verbatim. He responded, verbatim: "We don't do that. Why don't you tell me what happened." I did. I told him it happened right under a camera. He said "The camera can't record." I asked for confirmation. He said the cameras "Don't have recording technology installed."
I asked the County for a claim form. They ignored my request, and instructed me to report the incident to IOLERO. IOLERO requested I meet with Internal Affairs, and I said fine.
Sgt. Andy Cash called me and scheduled me for a meeting at the Sheriff's big station. I was made to walk first and guided upstairs to a meeting room, and then patted down for weapons, and the interview was recorded. For 75 minutes I was deposed about happened. He asked me repeatedly about my mental state after the incident. I admitted that I was upset after the incident, and he acted like that justified the whole incident. He explicitly promised to interview the 4 deputies who witnessed the event in addition to the 2 deputies who participated, as well as the arresting officer (who I told him would confirm that I was polite and cooperative), which he agreed "would confirm [my] demeanor", and a bystander witness I told him about.
I complained to IOLERO director Jerry Threet. Mr. Threet agreed that that was inappropriate, then resigned without reviewing the investigation.
For about 4 years review of the investigation was put on hold because IOLERO staff quit, and when more staff was hired, they complained of being understaffed. They had a budget of over a million dollars but only had 2 employees. They only reviewed one case per four months. And they put off "backlogged" cases and focused on new cases. My complaint was finally reviewed by Interim Director Garrick Byers who clearly stated that the investigation was not conducted appropriately. I have the letter from him. That still has never been made public.
After the interview with Internal Affairs, I corresponded with Lynda Hopkins, and she refused to give her opinion on the matter. I specifically complained that the carotid hold was being used recklessly, and it is a dangerous technique. This was in 2018. She forwarded me to Janell Crane, who then had me meet with Kristi Schultz.
I contacted the DA's Office and spoke to Richard Celli (who made $346k in 2017, and has gunned down two unarmed people, and was convicted by a jury in one of the civil cases brought against him by one of the victim's family, but the sentence was overturned by a judge, while working for the SRPD). The first time I spoke to Mr. Celli, he told me that another law enforcement agency should take my case. After that first time, him and the rest of the DA's Office openly refused to comply with the Victims' Rights Laws (CA Con Art. 1 S. 28), and the "policies" (which are legally binding under CA Con Art 5 S. 13) of the Attorney General stating clearly that they are to take complaints from victims if it can't be resolved with the department.
After the first talk with Mr. Celli, I called Rohnert Park Police as I was instructed, and they 3-way called the Sheriff's office and then transferred me. I spent about 30 minutes reporting the incident to a deputy, and he asked me questions in a fair manner. The incident report from the 30 minute phone call was "directed" to Andrew Cash, and was then destroyed, which is literally a state and federal crime. I called RPPD back and talked to the arresting officer and he positively clearly confirmed that I was "polite, calm, compliant, and cooperative" (or something nearly verbatim, I can't remember exactly any more).
Andrew Cash called me the next day, at precisely 7:00 AM. He told me he was driving. He was extremely confrontational with me. He said "There were 6 deputies [referring to the two who used excessive force on me, and 4 witness deputies]. You were combative." This was false. He had only interviewed one of the 4 witness deputies, and the other 3 had provided written statements. They said that they had witnessed force being used, that they had not participated in the use of force to the best of their memory, and that I "did not appear to be resisting". But again, he had promised explicitly to interview the 4 deputy witnesses, and the arresting officer, and the other witnesses (such as the bystander witness who saw the whole incident, the nurse, etc.).
Internal Affairs exonerated the officers. The letter was signed by Eddie Engram, captain of Internal Affairs at that time. I called Mr. Engram, and had an hour long conversation with him, and he told me to contact Sgt. Cash after April 1st.
I filed a federal claim on the last day that it was due.
Mr. Cash referred me to Legal Counselor, Kara Abelson.
Ms. Abelson spent a year and a half refusing to comply with the Public Records Act, the Rules of Procedure, and the Rules of Professional Conduct. She refused to provide me documents that I was entitled to under law, including the incident report written by Deputies Jacquelin Fazzio and Virgil Smith, and the recorded interviews that he promised he would conduct, and stated pretty clearly that he had conducted.
Kara Abelson spent a year and a half trying to claim that my federal complaint was time barred by 1 day when it wasn't. The judge (Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers) entertained this and forced me to respond SEVEN TIMES, before she finally admitted that the "law wouldn't allow [her] to dismiss [my] complaint".
After a year and a half, Kara Abelson finally withdrew from the case after I started citing the Rules of Professional Conduct to her that require her to resign or withdraw from the case rather than defend a civil case where defense isn't warranted. Nobody had disputed any of the allegations I had made. In fact, Eddie Engram had confirmed that what I said happened was not disputed by the evidence.
At some point around this time, either before or after Ms. Abelson withdrew, the 2 incident reports written by the two deputies, the written statements by 3 of the 4 witness deputies, and the recorded interviews with me, the 2 deputies who assaulted me, and 1 of the eye witness deputies, were provided, along with various other records from the facility. In the recorded interview, and the incident report, the deputies admitted that Virgil Smith had applied the carotid hold.
I had also reported the incident to the State Attorney General Public Inquiry Unite (Lupe Zinzin). She had told me, over and over and over, that the local DA's are required to take complaints from civilians in these situations. She refused to call the DA's Office, though. The DA's Office (Richard Celli, Mark Azzouni, David Kahl, and the anonymous receptionists who all refused to provide their names) refused to take a complaint from me. They (including the receptionists) hung up on me every time I called after no more than 2 minutes, for no reason, transferred me to dead lines, never returned any voicemails I managed to leave, told me explicitly that if I send a complaint, they will throw it away, and didn't care, at all, what the laws were. The receptionists also refuse to provide their names. The Attorney General's Office told me to send them a complaint, so I did. The DA's Office acknowledged receiving the complaint. But later said that they did not have a record of it, meaning they threw it away.
The Attorney General's Office finally agreed to take a complaint from me. It sat on their desk for a year. I finally called them, concerned that evidence was being destroyed, and left a voicemail for Casey Hallinan requesting that they request copies of the physical evidence from the Sheriff's Office. Literally 2 days after that voicemail, a letter was sent to me signed by Sharon Loughner with Casey Hallinan CC'ed on the letter, stating that they would "take no action", and blamed the incident on me. I had not received the letter though, and called and spoke to Ms. Hallinan, who was extremely rude. After that, the Attorney General's Office hang up on me as soon as they find out it's me, for no reason. There has since been a bystander witness who saw the whole thing, and it has come to light that the cameras did record, that no upgrades were ever performed like Ms. Abelson alleged, the cameras do continuously record (as of 2019), and they just lied through their teeth about the camera for 4 straight years. The Attorney General's Office does not care. They violate the laws, and do not care what the laws are.
Sonoma County Office of Legal Counsel attorney Michael King took over after Ms. Abelson withdrew. Right off the bat, Mr. King told me that my motions were deficient - a contention he has repeated frequently, since then. I asked him how. He changed the subject, and to this day has NEVER given any explanation as to how any of my motions are deficient.
He continued to claim that my claim was time barred, filing frivolous motions, in blatant violation of the rules of professional conduct, after I cited the rules to him, constituting explicit legal misconduct.
As I said, the judge finally agreed to open Discovery after a year and a half of full time work trying to fight for my right to not be nearly murdered for no reason.
Lawyers do not take these cases unless there is undeniable proof of blatant guilt, along with undeniable proof of catastrophic injury. Multiple law firms have confirmed that it takes over a million dollars worth of legal work to get these cases to trial.
The judge also promised me a pro bono attorney "if you make it past summary judgment".
The judge scheduled us for Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) hearing with a magistrate judge. Mr. King elicited an offer from me, which I spent about 2 weeks working on, trying to make it as agreeable as possible. But then for the hearing, his written offer was to waive charging me his attorneys fees. The ADR magistrate confirmed that there was no legal basis for him to do that - it would be illegal. He had been ordered to participate in this hearing, and there was a legal obligation under the Rules of Procedure to try in good faith to settle the case. He violated the order and the rule of procedure (26 (f)).
All of my motions were completely ignored for no reason.
Mr. King / Defendant Virgil Smith lied about the cameras. They said "Denies the existence of cameras capable of recording in the vicinity", in writing, under oath. They never disputed that he put his knee on top of my back with all his weight on it.
Mr. King refused to comply with his Discovery obligations. I had to file about 4 different motions pertaining to their refusal to comply with the laws regarding disclosure of evidence.
Upon receiving an official Discovery request for records of camera equipment, I received a letter signed under oath by Mr. King (nearly 4 years after the incident) stating that the cameras CAN RECORD. But stating "tasks must be performed" to start the recording function, and stating that all records pertaining to the equipment that was installed at the time HAD BEEN DESTROYED (literally a federal and state crime, a civil tort violation, and a sanctionable act of legal misconduct).
Mr. King refused to schedule any of the witnesses for deposition, demanded MY deposition BEFORE he would even schedule the two deputies who assaulted me, even though I had been requesting depositions with other witnesses for over a month, and refused to schedule anyone else, he refused to answer interrogatories, he refused to provide copies of the policies from the time of the incident. He tried to pass off a weird spreadsheet with the word camera on it as proof that upgrades had been done to the cameras. He refused to provide complete training records for the deputies. He refused to provide details about the training. He refused to provide blueprints of the facility, refused to provide photos of the cameras at the location, refused to provide still images showing which direction the cameras were pointing, was caught lying under oath (and "penalty of perjury") multiple times, refused to provide photos of the deputies so I could schedule depositions efficiently.
The judge erroneously dismissed my Equal Protection claims, construing them as Due Process and Employment Discrimination claims, which are different types of claims than Equal Protection claims against a government actor. The government cannot arbitrarily treat anyone disparately. The Court also dismissed my "Monell" claim against the municipality for their "policies, customs, or practices", but left me leave to amend that claim. And she waited until Discovery opened over 1.5 years into litigation, to do this, forcing me to amend the complaint DURING DISCOVERY which was only open for a limited amount of time, instead of any point in the 1.5 years prior to that.
In the recorded interview with Andrew Cash and one of the witness deputies, she spontaneously states that Mr. Cash instructed her to review the written statements made by the two deputies who assaulted me prior to the interview. Another deputy witness confirmed that Mr. Cash had instructed her to review the written reports by the two deputies who assaulted me prior to her providing Mr. Cash with a written statement as well.
The judge finally retaliated against me, without rational basis, for filing motions, which I had filed because I was being illegally obstructed from preserving evidence, by withdrawing leave to amend regarding the "Monell" claim (I had stated a clear Monell claim to begin with, but the judge literally has an aversion to reading, and relies on guessing, and is biased against pro se litigants; I am summarizing well over 100 pages, if not well over double that, of motions, objections, and replies and the judge's responsive orders).
She did however, finally schedule a hearing with a Discovery referee magistrate. All my motions (and the months of work I was required to do dictated by the various rules) was completely disregarded, and both me and Mr. King were given 2 pages each (double spaced) to go over discovery issues, even though I had filed about 4 different motions about various issues, and he hadn't filed ANY, about Discovery issues, and never did.
During conference I was required to do in accordance with the Rules, Mr. King repeatedly tried to establish that I had committed crimes during the course of conferring which was my legal obligation, without having any rational basis to believe what he was trying to establish. He demanded evidence that would exist, and he kept repeating every lie he could come up with to the judge. The judge would either get annoyed at me if I addressed any of Mr. King's baseless accusations, or take his statements at face value for being 100% true.
Mr. King finally "compromised" and agreed to schedule depositions with me (as long as Mr. King wanted to) and the two deputies who had assaulted me (for 25 minutes each or something) all simultaneously, but refused to schedule anyone else, even though this was grossly advantageous to him, and in blatant violation of Rule 26 of Civil Procedure. One of the eye witness deputies later confirmed that he had "consulted" her over 4 times prior to the trial. During this deposition, Mr. King asked me where a family member of mine works. He had spent about 30-40 minutes trying to convince me that I can tell him anything, that the entire record was designated confidential, that I had nothing to worry about - and at a deposition, you are obligated to answer the questions unless they are harassing. Mr. King also requested contact information for counselors from over 10 years ago, and that was the only question I didn't answer - I told him to provide the request in writing. At some point after that, I told Mr. King to not contact my family member at her workplace, and Mr. King responded "unless you fully and completely cooperate" with his request for contact information for counselors from 10 years+ ago, he would do exactly that - harass my family member with subpoenas sent to her workplace, as I had requested he not do, without EVER REQUESTING A DEPOSITION WITH HER, just using it as leverage.
At the hearing, the Discovery Magistrate (Donna M. Ryu) discussed matters only with Mr. King, without including me. He told her that the 4 eye witness deputies "saw nothing" and "weren't there" (verbatim) trying to get her to deny me my request to take their deposition. She asked him if he would get them to sign fresh "sworn declarations", "under oath" (Judge Ryu's words, verbatim) stating this. Mr. King said yes, absolutely, he would. Judge Ryu asked me "Would that be okay?" I said "No." She started laughing, and asked me why, and I explained that I had explicitly described various interactions with them that had taken place while the carotid hold was still being applied to me, and that they had stated in their written statements that they had witnessed force being used, and that I was "not resisting". She confirmed that this was all true with Mr. King and that he already knew all of this, and ordered him to cooperate with scheduling them for deposition. Mr. King then repeated the same phrases "saw nothing", "weren't there" to Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers prior to the trial.
After that, they went back to discussing matters only with eachother, and I was excluded from discussion. This was an hour long hearing, and at about the 45 minute mark, Mr. King was again lying to the magistrate judge, and when he had finished, I interjected, "That's not true". Judge Ryu shouted "Stop! Stop stop stop stop stop!" And then very assertively explained to me the importance of not interrupting people for the convenience of the court reporter / transcriber. I was excluded from the rest of the hearing.
At some point at either this hearing or the next one, I cited the legal requirement for the parties to disclose contact information for witnesses. I cited the rule of procedure. Judge Ryu responded, "Mr. King is a lawyer!" as if that alone justified his refusal to provide me contact information for EYE witnesses who saw the event. Mr. King and Ms. Abelson had also claimed that they did not have the contact information for the bystander witness (which was a lie), and refused to provide the contact information for the nurse. And when Magistrate Ryu ordered them to provide that, they only gave me the company name he used to work for.
Mr. King refused to provide both fresh written statements from the eye witness deputies as he had promised the magistrate, and to schedule them for deposition, and stated that if he provided written statements, they would be copied and pasted versions of the same statements previously provided, signed under oath (nowhere saying that they "saw nothing" or "weren't there").
Mr. King kept threatening to go to my family member's workplace unless I provided him contact information for counselors from 10+ years ago, DURING a DEPOSITION, without him providing any written request for the information.
He also interfered with scheduling the witnesses for deposition, with the Court reporter that I had hired, disregarded the schedule that I had set, and set them according to his own schedule, which raised the cost of deposition from an estimated about $700 to about $4,000, and said this was my one and only chance.
The Federal Pro Bono Project / the Justice & Diversity Center is an organization that receives seven million dollars a year in public funding and is under contract with the Federal District Court to work with the Court to provide legal consultation to pro se litigants. I had about 19 appointments with them, about 18 with Abby Herzberg, and 1 with Rosemarie Maliekel. Ms. Herzberg was precisely 15 minutes late to every single appointment, repeatedly gave me horrible advice ("just wait", do nothing, "don't file this", despite admitting that the entire motion was valid, directly causing excessive delay and the spoliation of crucial evidence). She also yelled at me aggressively on two occasions because I had brought up state laws, which were being currently violated against me, because the Court had dismissed my "state claims" because Sonoma County refused to supply with a state tort claim form when I first asked, reasoning that was not relevant to the state laws being currently violated against me. After Ms. Herzberg yelled at me the second time, I requested an appointment with Rosemarie Maliekel. Ms. Maliekel spent the entire appointment ranting at me about irrelevant issues, and kept talking over me and interrupting me. I was polite but eventually asked "can I finish what I was saying?" She responded "No!" and kept ranting at me.
I had repeatedly asked about how to properly get medical evidence, and about expert witnesses. Ms. Herzberg ignored my questions and spent nearly the entirety of almost every single appointment reading (or pretending to) through the rules, without letting me speak at all, even to summarize the relevant sections of the rules that I had read.
On a video on their webpage (on the Court's website, because they are a "partner project" with the Court), Abby Herzberg explicitly demonstrates a clear understanding of the fact that the Court provides funding for expert witnesses, despite ignoring my questions about that and spending nearly the entirety of almost every single appointment either reading rules or pretending to.
Discovery was closed.
Mr. King rehashed the legally baseless and frivolous "time barred" claim in a Motion for Summary Judgment. I was required to respond to it twice, and it was obvious Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers wanted to dismiss my claim, and I was required to disprove their baseless legal claims with several tens of pages of case laws. I was required to answer all his "undisputed material facts" under threat of terminating my entire case, but he refused to answer mine. He lied over and over to the judges. As I said, the judge ruled that the laws "wouldn't allow [her] to" dismiss my entire case and rejected his Motion for Summary Judgement.
The Court ordered the Federal Pro Bono Project (FPBP) to put me on a list for attorneys seeking clients. Ms. Herzberg told me that if I filed any motions, that the FPBP would not cooperate with the Court's order, until 1 month before my trial, instead of 6 months before. She also said that a law firm had reached out to them about my case over a month prior to that, and that the staff at the FPBP had not followed up. My filing privileges were then revoked by the Court.
An attorney, David Ratner, reached out to me, and scheduled an initial consultation, over Zoom, at which he stated he "hates cops", and gave a showing of being enthusiastic. I explicitly told him that I wanted to make sure we were on the same page as far as what to "aim for". I told him that I had been working for FIVE YEARS, that I had almost died, that I had suffered two different extremely serious injuries (though I was up front about the injuries being surreptitious and that there had been major delays and flaws with medical evaluation, due to the hospitals not taking my insurance at the time, and ongoing delays because of Covid, and other reasons). I told him that what I asked for was consistent with the most similar case (the Esa Wroth case of 2013) that I knew of (an ask of three million dollars). This was coincidental. I was not aware of the Esa Wroth case when I came up with that number. I agonized over the number to ask for, and had tried SEVERAL times to resolve the case for a tiny fraction of that amount, with Kristi Shultz, with Janell Crane, with Lynda Hopkins, several times with Ms. Abelson who refused to even hear me out, and SEVERAL TIMES with Mr. King, and spent a lot of time trying to come up with a amount that would be MUTUALLY AGREEABLE, EACH TIME and described the methods I used to come up with that number in detail in court documents. Mr. Ratner explicitly agreed to aim for that at the trial. During the Zoom conference, his partner Shelley Mollineaux, showed up about 15 minutes late, stayed for about 3 minutes without saying anything, Mr. Ratner made an awkwardly flirtatious remark to her, and she left without saying anything at all.
Mr. Ratner, and Ms. Mollineaux, who was set to represent me at trial under Mr. Ratner's supervision, then both went dark for over a month. They ignored my emails, voicemails, and messages that I left with their receptionists. There was a hearing, and then Mr. Ratner emailed me demanding "all the documents" that I had. I had over 50 gb of files across thousands of files, and spent about a month working with his paralegals sending them batches of files, and providing all the information they asked me for. Mr. Ratner forwarded me an email from Mr. King where King accused me of violating a court order regarding providing medical providers and the physical addresses of my entire family and my friends, which was false -- the Court had ordered me to provide him CONTACT information, at a second hearing, which wasn't significant, and I had fully and completely complied in good faith with all the Court's orders. Mr. Ratner accused me of not sending him "anything", after I had spent at least several weeks with his paralegals sending them batches of files and information, and he simultaneously threatened to ask the judge for leave to withdraw.
There had been major delays with medical evaluation due in large part to Covid, as well as delayed discovery of brain injury, which is very common, and other factors.
With trial set, Mr. Ratner forwarded me an offer from Defendants for $5,000. Upon discussion (which was 100% in email because he refused to talk over the phone and Ms. Mollineaux completely ignored me), he accused me of not doing Discovery right. I pointed him to the video I referred to earlier, which I had found since Mr. Ratner took my case, but wasn't aware of when I was interacting with the FPBP, where the FPBP (Abby Herzberg), and various District Judges from the Court I was litigating in, state that it is general policy (and it is official policy under the Court's General Order 25) to REOPEN DISCOVERY when a pro bono attorney comes onto the case, and to FUND DEPOSITION AND EXPERT WITNESS FEES.
Mr. Ratner stated he "won't file any motions" and ultimately elected to withdraw from the case over fulfill his legal obligations under the Rules of Professional Conduct. Judge Gonzalez Rogers IGNORED MY REQUEST FOR A HEARING, and in her order granting him leave to withdraw about 2 months before my trial, thanked him. I had spent a ton of time trying to find private attorneys and trying to talk to the FPBP, telling them very clearly that I expected to be put back on the list.After Mr. Ratner withdrew, the FPBP refused to put me back on the list. I was forced into trial BY MYSELF, at 1-2 months prior to trial, after 3 months of my time being completely wasted by Mr. Ratner and his law firm.
I went through the appropriate legal process to submit an expert witness. Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers, as usual, completely ignored my motions, but allowed me to use him after I went through the entire legal process, and paid him thousands of dollars without knowing if I would be granted permission or not, and provided the Court a report stating that the carotid hold was ILLEGAL unless the subject exhibited "assaultive behavior" and that Defendants had never alleged any behavior of mine that constituted "assaultive behavior" (under POST Basic, during 2017). The expert was a Master level instructor at a police academy and former SWAT.
Mr. King provided his pre-trial disclosures, and it contained a document from Rohnert Park police department which had been extensively redacted on the copy that they had provided to me. The new copy contained the contact information for the bystander witness. I called him, and he confirmed that he saw the entire thing, that I had never yelled at the deputies before the first deputy grabbed my arm, and that I was not resisting at any point in time. I told the judge this. She had me call him at a hearing, and both me and Mr. King were allowed a couple of minutes to ask him questions, where he refused to admit that I was even "wiggling" when Mr. King badgered him.
RPPD later sent me the email correspondence between them and Mr. King and Mr. King clearly stated that he had that copy in his records without them sending it, but wanted them to send it to appear official, meaning they had the contact information for the bystander witness the entire time, when they repeatedly lied that they didn't have it.
The judge then refused to allow him to appear at the trial over Zoom (during the height of Covid, even though she let one of the deputies), and refused to summon him to the trial.
Just prior to the trial, the Judge accused me falsely of firing my attorney, and explicitly prohibited me from telling the jury about ANY of the Defendants previous statements about the camera's ability to record (that they had lied about it for 4 years). She explicitly prohibited me from submitting scientific evidence about the carotid hold. She allowed Mr. King to make extremely defamatory false remarks about me and my past which had a huge impact on the jury's perception of things. At a pretrial hearing, we had gone over about 110 documents that I wanted to present at the trial. She vetted about 40 as admissible at the hearing, but at the trial she only let me submit about 4. Defendants were allowed to submit a SECOND expert witness, both of whom worked for the Sonoma County Sheriff's Office. The first was Andrew Cash. The second was James Naugle who had been disclosed literally a week before trial, without a report, and without allowing me to take his deposition. She refused to allow me to ask Mr. Naugle about case laws, or about information pertaining to the carotid hold. The Court refused to summon any of my treating physicians, whom I had provided the names and contact information for in my disclosures at the end of Discovery and some in my initial disclosures, and I had complied with Mr. King's written requests for information or objected within the boundaries of the laws (which I quoted and cited), in good faith, and complied with the Court's orders, in good faith.
I had informed the Court that I was scheduled for medical evaluations for brain injury AFTER THE TRIAL. The Court completely ignored this.
So it was my word against theirs. 5 years, at the time of the mistrial, to get a mockery of a trial, and have the jurors' time completely wasted. The jury wrote me a letter thanking me or something, but awarded me nothing.
I was diagnosed with organic brain injury after the trial. I had a similar test prior to the incident and had absolutely no problems and answered every question with no trouble. I now score in the FOURTH PERCENTILE on those areas.
Despite its length, this has been a short summary of all the events over the past 6 years. Much has been summarized, and much has been left out. I tried my best to balance completeness with leaving out irrelevant details.
There is no record of any misconduct on the part of anyone involved in this that is available to any law enforcement agencies or to the public. Nobody has been disciplined. No investigation was ever conducted. I was almost killed and was seriously injured, under a camera, and in front of witnesses, and spent 6 years working with the government. The government has done precisely NOTHING.
The County now routinely retaliates against me whenever we interact, in blatant violation of various laws.

I just found PsA and am writing to process some thoughts and feelings. Reading this sub has already made me feel so much better, thanks for that and thanks for allowing (and reading, should anyone choose to) this really really long post.
I have known something is wrong for years. My hands are the main thing that is impacted. I have redness, swelling, rashes, hard bumps, sore joints, itching (god the itching. If it wasn't for the terrible itching I probably wouldn't be here right now, I would have continued to burry my head in the sand). I have always had joint problems but I do my best to utilize cognitive strategies to put them out of my mind, not focusing on the big joint pain due to chronic pain and injuries my whole life, finding coping strategies that help. But ignoring my hands has been constant work because they look and feel so so bad.
In 2020 my hands were the worst they have ever been. It started to impact my daily function. I have always vacillated between being worried and seeking answers, while knowing that the more I think about and focus on my body, the worse my symptoms will be. In 2021 I got in to see a PA with some extra training in rhumatology. After a positive ANA I was told I probably have something in the lupus family, they were thinking mixed connective tissue disease. I'm thankful for this period, it allowed me to go through the mourning process of accepting I have a progressive and lifelong disease.
The PA wanted me to start hydroxyclorequine and Methotrexate. I was pretty shocked about the mtx, it seemed like a hardcore drug to offer at the time. It was peak pandemic, I was in grad school for a healthcare field, I was told I would be immunocompromised and it would impact my fertility. I didn't think about it too much, declined the mtx and started hydroxyclorequine and things got much better. I never got diagnosed with anything, they used my raynaud's diagnosis to justify the medication.
Even with all this I assumed this was in my control to manage, that if I just got on top of my lifestyle factors it would be better. It's the weather, I should be better about not exposing my hands to cold and it will get better. Despite religiously wearing gloves and tshirts in 65 degree weather, I still blamed myself. I thought the bumps were chillblains, obviously if I still get these bumps I'm not caring for myself well enough. I blamed my cardiovascular health, if I just did more cardio it would be better (I mostly just do lifting and hiking, always hated cardio). If I just ate better I would get better. If I stopped casually drinking it would be better. (For context I have never been what society or the BMI measurements consider to be overweight and have always had an active lifestyle, I eat vegetarian and avoid processed foods. This caveat is in no way intended to blame or shame others who are not/do not, I am just so aware of the way perception and body presentation shapes healthcare so it seems relevant). These things help me feel better overall, but obviously no amount of work I put in was going to solve this problem.
In 2022 I started my current job in a different city and got on private health insurance. I went to a new PCP who graciously (/s) allowed me to stay on the hydroxyclorequine but would not give me a rhumatology referral unless I had a positive blood test. The blood work came back unremarkable and despite a positive test in the past, she refused a referral. That was last June. Things had been ok for a while and were ok then so I just put aside my anger and went along with the rest of life.
I am realizing I always get a flare from January/February to April/May. I have taken a lot of pictures to document over the years and now I see the pattern from the time stamp on those pictures.
In my job I perform manual therapy on others and teach people to perform manual therapy. People are always looking at my hands. I just pretended i was fine and most people don't mention the way they look. The hydroxyclorequine reduced my symptoms quite a bit for a couple years. It was ok. I have trained myself to hide my hands whenever possible. I put them under my legs, pull my sleeves down, wear gloves.
People have started to comment on my hands with more frequency. I work with a lot of other medical professionals (nurses, doctors, therapists) but in largely nonmedical settings (I come into their homes to provide services to them). As we have gotten to know eachother better, I have noticed they have started to, with care, comment on my hands. Ask if I have had tests, if they hurt, what's wrong. It's everything I can do to remain composed when this happens and explain what I've been through briefly, not cry, stay composed, change the subject. I take pictures to document how bad my hands are then I put it out of my mind. Not thinking about it has always been the best medicine.
My flare has been so bad recently I have had to talk about it a bit more. I was talking to a good friend of mine who knows the struggle a bit but I never talk about it much. She said, oh my God I can't believe I never put this together. I know someone who's hands look like yours. He has a diagnosis I'm going to ask him what it is.
It's PsA and now everything makes sense. The dry patches on my nose from where my glasses rub, the persistent redness and dryness on my nose that even expensive cosmetic lasers barely treat, it makes sense. This huge rash all over my back and under my breasts, it's psoriasis. The scaley rashes I get on my thumb and wrist. Why my shirts are covered in skin flakes every time I take them off, psoriasis. The lumps on my hands in my joints and soft tissue. My yellowing peeling nails, the beau's lines, and other anomalies. The low grade fevers when I feel bad. The transitory big joint pain, the pain and swelling in only 1 finger at a time, I've been noticing my joints are looking different and slightly dysfigured.
I have an appointment with the PCP who previously refused my referral on Friday. I am going to come armed with all my pictures documenting my hands over the years. I'm going to print out academic papers on PsA in case I need them. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure my rash is as bad as possible when I go in to make sure it can't be dismissed. I'm going to ask for a referral to the the rheumatology clinic associated with the medical school in the large city closest to my town along with a dermatologist. If that doesn't work I'm going to see as many PCPs as I need to until someone gives me a referral. If I have to I'm going to ask physicians I know personally to send me the referral, despite the questionable ethics.
I'm so thankful I have typical visible symptoms that are currently present and I have documented that meet the diagnostic criteria. I know not everyone is so lucky. I hope that works in my favor.
I'm trying to not be too frustrated with myself for not starting the mtx years ago. It didn't make sense to me at the time, it seemed extreme, they couldn't tell me what I actually had, just a general maybe its this...? I thought it made sense to just try the hydroxyclorequine first. In some ways I'm happy it went this way. If I started taking it and it helped, who knows how long it would have taken to get a proper diagnosis. I know I still technically don't know. But I'm so hopeful. For the first time in so so many years. I know it's still a terrible disease, but it has treatments. Hopefully they work for me. Hopefully I can get care. Hopefully I can eventually stop blaming myself.
Sorry for this very very long post. Writing it was cathartic and it a step towards me begining to process all of this. Maybe someone can relate. Thanks so much.

Searching for a PC game that has private match offline no need internet at all
Like rainbow six siege or call of duty but totally offline
Where you can play with bots no need net
First person but third person also ok
Need some variety of weapons or skills whatever
Need some new game not old
Sci fi would be ok
Need a game with many maps characters weapons or skills etc

Company Name	Title	City
Corptemps	Diesel Mechanic	Niles
Adamson Veterinary Services	Veterinarian	Salem
Pinstripes	Building Repair Manager	Beachwood
Keen Transport Inc	CDL A Driver	Columbus
Chemical Interchange co.	OTR Driver	Defiance
PTG Logistics, LLC	Trucker	Dover
AT&T	Shoe Salesperson	Dublin
Hill International Trucks & Hill Idealease	Sales Supervisor	East Liverpool
Hill International Trucks & Hill Idealease	Parts Specialist- Service Parts Counter	East Liverpool
AT&T	Shoe Salesperson	Harrison
Bay and Bay Transportation	CDL A Driver	Lima
Smith Transport	CDL A Driver	Lorain
Classic Carriers	CDL A Driver	Mansfield
Adena Corporation	Bricklayer	Mansfield
Chemical Interchange co.	OTR Driver	Marysville
Hartzell Propeller	Machine Helper	Piqua
Hartzell Propeller	Production Operator	Piqua
Cedar Point Amusement Park	Shop Hand	Sandusky
Cedar Point Amusement Park	Formsetter	Sandusky
°Nomad Health	Telemetry Travel Nurse RN - $2736 weekly (Shift-3x12)- Steubenville, OH	Steubenville
Akron Children's Hospital	CMA	Streetsboro
Cargo Transporters	CDL A Driver	Struthers
KLLM Transport	Trucker	Toledo
AT&T	Shoe Salesperson	Troy
King's Command Foods	Ethanol Operator	Versailles

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in oh. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Company Name	Title	City
United States Secret Service	Criminal Investigator	Lexington
L+C Psychological Services	Mental Health Therapist	Florence
Schneider	CDL A Driver	Bardwell
°Nomad Health	OR Nurse	Bowling Green
Ascent	CDL A Driver	Bowling Green
Heartland Imaging Co	MRI Specialist	Elizabethtown
Pacific Logistics Corp	Fleet Operations Manager	Florence
Mid South Transport, Inc	CDL A Driver	Frankfort
Schneider	Trucker	Frankfort
Trans Quality, Inc	CDL A Driver	Henderson
The Neighborhood At Hopkinsville	HHA	Hopkinsville
Midwest Logistic Systems	Trucker	Leitchfield
Schneider	CDL A Driver	Lexington
Scotlynn Transport	OTR Driver	Lexington
Texas Roadhouse	RN	Louisville
The Bungalows At Mayfield	Deli Cook	Mayfield
Online Transport	CDL A Driver	Mount Sterling
Mesilla Valley Transportation	CDL A Driver	Mount Washington
The Bungalows At Bowling Green	Resident Care Associate- 3rd Shift	Bowling Green
Coesia	R.A Jones HMI and IoT Software Engineer	Covington
BlueOval SK	Controls Engineer – Battery Manufacturing	Glendale
Henderson County Schools, KY	7318 Instructional Assistant II (140 days) - TBJELC	Henderson
Signet Health	Nurse Manager, Psychiatry (#4548)	Leitchfield
Yugo	Leasing Manager	Louisville
Amedisys	Speech Pathologist HH-HAC	Mount Sterling

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in ky. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

my_qualifications: 12th passed engineering college dropout
It's been over three months since I have dropped out of an engineering college but the college has still not returned my original certtificates/documents.
I have dropped out from ECE branch from a tier 4 engineering college in Bangalore. Currently I am preparing for JEE, KCET, COMEDK again in hopes of getting a better college than my previous one and in CSE/IT or a CS specialization branch.
I have called the college counsellor (who manages all the dropouts students) three times already and every time I have called he has said that "the director is busy with exam duties". The thing is I need director's sign on my dropout form, without which my dropout form can't proceed any further.
Last time I had called the counsellor was in last week of February and he told they will call me in March as they conduct this dropout procedure once every six months. They did it last time in October but at that time I was still in college. I had dropped out in December and submitted all the dropout letters and forms in January.
The month of March is has ended and I have still not received any call from them. I am afraid they won't return my original documents until I pay them full four year fees.
I know according to UGC and AICTE, colleges can't withheld the certificates/documents of students but these private colleges are greedy and selfish. They will force us students to pay the full fees. My parents are against complaining it to any govt body like UGC/AICTE or police as they are afraid it will only backslash us as these private colleges have political connections.
What shall I do? I want to take admission in a new college this year.
Please help.

Company Name	Title	City
Hirschbach Motor Lines	CDL A Driver	Arkansas City
Cargill	Batcher	Garden City
Villa Monterrey Apartments	Maintenance Technician	Kansas City
Schneider	CDL A Driver	Lawrence
Villa Monterrey Apartments	Maintenance Technician	Leawood
St Lukes Plaza Apartments	Maintenance Technician	Lenexa
St Lukes Plaza Apartments	Maintenance Technician	Mission
Paul Transportation	CDL A Driver	Newton
TransAm Trucking	Trucker	Olathe
Villa Monterrey Apartments	Maintenance Technician	Olathe
KPC Promise Healthcare LLC	EKG Technician	Overland Park
Paul Transportation	CDL A Driver	Overland Park
St Lukes Plaza Apartments	Maintenance Technician	Prairie Village
Target	Target General Merchandising / Stocker $16-$35/hr	Shawnee
Holiday Resort	LPN- Charge Nurse	Emporia
Holiday Resorts	Cota	Emporia
GoodLife Innovations	Lead Day Services Teacher - Iola	Iola
Berry Global, Inc	Injection Molding Process Technician (2nd shift & 3rd Shift)	Lawrence
Primrose School of Leawood	Support Teacher	Leawood
AppleOne	Front Office Administrative Support	Leawood
National Beef	Production Liberal, Kansas	Liberal
Louisburg Healthcare & Rehab Center	In-house Physical Therapist PRN PT	Louisburg
Good Samaritan Society	Nursing Assistant - CNA Training - PT - Oberlin, KS	Oberlin
Good Samaritan Society	LPN - Cedar Lake Village - Assisted Living - PT Day	Olathe
Parkview Care Center	Occupational Therapist OT with RETENTION BONUS	Osborne

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in ks. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Company Name	Title	City
EBPA Cobalt Benefits Group, LLC	PIP Adjuster	South Burlington
Dunkin' Donuts of Rutland dba Dunkin'	Team Member	Manchester
Casella Construction, Inc.	Heavy Construction Laborer 1	Rutland
Walmart Berlin, VT	Overnight Stocker	Berlin
Smith Transport	Class A CDL Drivers - Home Weekends	Saint Albans
Crete Carrier	CDL A Driver: Earn $103,903 yr with 1yr or more driving experience	Saint Albans
Second Chance Animal Center	Service Advisor	Arlington
Emerald Health Services	Travel Physical Therapist (PT)	Berlin
JP Carrara & Sons, Inc.	Immediate Openings Precast Plant Manager Middlebury	Bristol
Spectrum Youth & Family Services	Shelter Support - Respite	Burlington
Northwestern Medical Center	Immediate Openings Critical Care Nurse Saint Albans	Colchester
JP Carrara & Sons, Inc.	Plant Manager	Middlebury
JP Carrara & Sons, Inc.	Factory Manager	Middlebury
JP Carrara & Sons, Inc.	Immediate Openings Precast Plant Manager Middlebury	Middlebury
Cognizant	QA Data Test Lead	Montpelier
Northwestern Medical Center	Immediate Openings Critical Care Nurse Saint Albans	Saint Albans
Hannaford	FT Operations Supervisor Customer Service	Swanton
Rigorous Technology	Office Manager	Williston
United States Postal Service	Laborer Custodial	Brattleboro
BAYADA Home Health Care	Occupational Therapist, Home Health, 15K Sign On Bonus, Full Time	Middlebury
BAYADA Home Health Care	Occupational Therapist (OT), Home Health	Saint-Albans
Community Health Centers	Immediate Openings Patient Services Representative Burlington	Burlington
Dunkin' Donuts of Rutland dba Dunkin'	Immediate Openings Team Member Manchester	Manchester
Casella Construction, Inc.	Immediate Openings Heavy Construction Laborer 3 Rutland	Rutland
Casella Construction, Inc.	Immediate Openings Heavy Construction Laborer 2 Rutland	Rutland

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings , feel free to comment here if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Company Name	Title	City
United States Secret Service	Criminal Investigator	Springfield
Deltrol Fluid Products	Set up and operate honing equipment	Bellwood
gpm truck center inc	Truck Mechanic	Crystal Lake
Kane County Cougars	Athletic Trainer	Geneva
Hawthorne Animal Hospital	Associate Veterinarian	Glen Carbon
Hawthorne Animal Hospital	Veterinary Technician	Glen Carbon
Hawthorne Animal Hospital	Veterinary Externship	Glen Carbon
Logan’s House - Gurnee	Dog Groomer	Gurnee
All Creatures Animal Hospital	Associate Veterinarian	Lake Zurich
Lakeland Animal Hospital	Veterinarian	McHenry
Advanced Moving & Storage	OTR - Class A CDL Driver	Wood Dale
Longistics	CDL A Driver	Arlington Heights
Grammer Logistics	CDL A Driver	Arlington Heights
Residential Home Health and Hospice	RN	Aurora
CHRISTUS Health	RN, Registered Nurse- Orthopedics- Full Time	Berwyn
Loyola University Health System	Registered Nurse - Primary Care - Oak Brook	Berwyn
Loyola University Health System	Registered Nurse- Emergency Department 7p-7a FT	Berwyn
Aeropostale	Store Lead	Bloomington
Longistics	CDL A Driver	Bloomington
Residential Home Health and Hospice	Home Nurse	Buffalo Grove
Nike	Nike Jobs - Retail Sales Associate $16-$35/hr	Chicago
Trans Quality, Inc	CDL A Driver	Cicero
Hirschbach Motor Lines	CDL A Driver	Des Plaines
Molina Healthcare	RN Family Care	Effingham
Schneider	CDL A Driver	Evanston

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in il. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Company Name	Title	City
Trans Quality, Inc	CDL A Driver	Bellevue
American Broadband	Sr. Account Executive	Bellevue
Cargill	Poultry Processor	Columbus
McFarland Truck Lines, Inc.	CDL A Driver	Elkhorn
Turquoise Truck	CDL A Driver	Hastings
Turquoise Truck	CDL A Driver	Kearney
Region V Services	Intake Liaison	Nebraska City
Coldwell Banker Dover	PM Technician	Norfolk
Hirschbach Motor Lines	CDL A Driver	Papillion
Good Samaritan Society	Nursing Assistant - PT Varied Shifts	Albion
Eat Out Now II LLC	Crew	Grand Island
Legacy Creators Group	Legacy Coordinator	Grand Island
Agemark	Med Aide-Part Time Evenings	Grand Island
Agemark	Full-Time Evening Shift Med Aide	Hastings
Dunkin' QSR Employment	Dunkin' Team Member - Afternoon Shift	La Vista
Legacy Creators Group	Entry-Level Marketing Representative	Lincoln
Agemark	Caregiver-Full Time Evening	Lincoln
Great Plains Health	Clinical Therapist - LMHP	North Platte
Agemark	Universal Caregiver Full-Time Evenings	Omaha
Legacy Creators Group	Entry-Level Marketing Representative	Omaha
Agemark	Med Aide Full-Time Evenings	Omaha
Cyclonaire Corp.	Project Engineer 1	York
Cyclonaire Corp.	Mechanical Technician 1	York
Cyclonaire Corp.	Maintenance Technician	York
Club Car Wash	Car Wash Attendant	Bellevue

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in ne. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Company Name	Title	City
Salmon River Lodge	Lodge Housekeeper	Lemhi County
Cascadia Services, LLC	Intake Nurse	Meridian
AGP LLC	OTR Driver	Nampa
Pilot Freight Services Last Mile Home	Trucker	Payette
Idaho Forest Group	Cyber Security Administrator (Corporate - Athol)	Athol
Cascadia Services, LLC	Caregiver - Bluebird Health	Boise
Cascadia Services, LLC	Bluebird Home Health Registered Nurse (RN) Case Manager	Boise
Bluebird Hospice	Caseworker	Boise
Early Autism Services	Behavior Technician- Part Time- Boise/Meridian	Boise
Life Care Center of Treasure Valley	Speech Language Pathologist (SLP)	Boise
Floors LLC	Staff Accountant	Coeur Dalene
Enlivant	Medication Assistant at Garnet Place	Garden City
Reliant Rehabilitation	Occupational Therapy Assistant FT or PRN	Grangeville
Idaho Forest Group	Grader - WWPA Certified (Grangeville)	Grangeville
RehabAuthority	Physical Therapist, Idaho Falls (Woodruff): ID211	Idaho Falls
Idaho Department of Correction	Correctional Officer	Kuna
CHAS Health	Behavioral Health Professional (BHP)	Lewiston
Tomorrow's Hope	Direct Care-500.00 Sign On Bonus!!!	Meridian
Thomas Cuisine	GL Accountant	Meridian
Tomorrow's Hope	Direct Care For Supported Living-500.00 Sign On Bonus!!	Nampa
Sevita	QIDP	Pocatello
Idaho State University	Associate Vice President for Facilities Services and Chief Facilities Officer (2500)	Pocatello
Life Care Center of Sandpoint	Registered Occupational Therapist (OT)	Sandpoint
Murdoch Law Office	Paralegal/Legal Assistant	Blackfoot
Ibm	System Administrator	Boise

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in id. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Company Name	Title	City
Fisher Industries	Aggregate Tester	Belfield
Fisher Industries	Mechanic	Belfield
Good Samaritan Society	NA - Nursing Assistant - St. Vincent's - PT	Bismarck
Fisher Industries	General Mechanic	Dickinson
Fisher Industries	Mechanic	Dickinson
Fisher Industries	Aggregate Tester	Dickinson
E.W. Wylie, LLC	Accounts Receivable Coordinator	Fargo
Sevita	Caregiver for Behavioral Group Home	Grand Forks
RDO Equipment Co.	Precision Ag Intern	Hazen
United Grain Corporation	Grain Elevator Operator	Hettinger
Good Samaritan Society	Environmental Services Technician - Larimore - PT - Day	Larimore
Good Samaritan Society	Nursing Assistant in CNA Training - Miller Pointe - PT	Mandan
Good Samaritan Society	Environmental Services Technician, Long Term Care - FT Days	Oakes
Good Samaritan Society	Nursing Assistant Long Term Care (LTC) - PT Nights	Park River
Good Samaritan Society	Nursing Assistant, Long Term Care (LTC) - PT Varied	Park River
Matrix Providers	Clinical Psychologist - Williston, ND	Williston
Wm	CDL Truck Driver - Swing - 5000 Sign On Bonus	Minot
Ups	UPS Overnight Warehouse Worker	Bismarck
U.S. Bank National Association	Client Relationship Consultant 1-4 - Dickinson, ND- Sign On Bonus $1000	Dickinson
CHI Living Communities	Immediate Openings Certified Medication Aide CMA PT FT Or PRN Fargo	Fargo
Springhill Suites Marriott	Part Time Laundry Attendant	Grand Forks
Booz Allen Hamilton	DevOps Field Service Engineer	Grand Forks Afb
CHI Living Communities	Immediate Openings Director Of Nursing Fargo	West Fargo
CHI Living Communities	Immediate Openings Certified Medication Aide CMA PT FT Or PRN Fargo	West Fargo
CHI Living Communities	Immediate Openings Dining Attendant Fargo	West Fargo

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in nd. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

In light of the new sub rules, I have "written" a new story. I present for your enjoyment the tale of a handshake. (Graphic scenes not included because it's not Thursday. Please use your imagination and fill in the blanks for yourself.)
I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was hot, dusty, and we were all tired from days of patrolling the rugged terrain of Afghanistan. I was a lowly private, just trying to do my duty and make it back home in one piece. But fate had other plans for me.
We had just finished a meeting with some local elders when a man in a suit approached us. He said he was from some high-ranking government agency and wanted to thank us for our service. I thought, "great, another photo op," but I was wrong.
The man came up to me and extended his hand for a handshake. I extended mine, not thinking anything of it. But as soon as our hands met, I felt it. The most aggressive handshake I had ever experienced.
This guy was squeezing my hand so hard I thought it was going to fall off. I tried to pull away, but he held on tight. I could feel my face turning red as I tried to hide the pain. The rest of my squad was watching in amusement as I struggled to free myself from this man's grip.
Finally, he let go and walked away. I was left standing there, rubbing my sore hand and feeling embarrassed. My squadmates teased me about it for days, calling me "handshake hero" and other silly nicknames.
But as funny as it was, that handshake left a lasting impression on me. It reminded me that even in the midst of war, there are still people out there who have no idea what we go through every day. And sometimes, they just want to show their appreciation in the most awkward way possible.
Chatgpt writes some decent shit even if it is bland as shit lmao