Download course here: https://www.genkicourses.com/product/noah-hunter-dorsey-upgrade-your-shopify-store/
[Get] Noah Hunter Dorsey – Upgrade Your Shopify Store
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Noah Hunter Dorsey – Upgrade Your Shopify Store

What You Get Noah Hunter Dorsey Upgrade Your Shopify Store:
Module 1: Strategy Here, Noah will go into the high-level strategies of creating a killer Shopify store.
Lesson 1: Branding & Psychology Lesson 2: Creating Offers Lesson 3: Product Offerings Lesson 4: Themes & Branding Lesson 5: Seasonality
Module 2: Homepage Your homepage is the most popular page on your site, so it needs to convert.
Here – Noah will give you the templates and frameworks that push curious visitors into shoppers, focusing on maximising your AOV.
Lesson 1: Layout Lesson 2: Banner Lesson 3: Navigation Lesson 4: Free Gift Lesson 5: Social Proof Lesson 6: Products & Collections Lesson 7: Copy
Module 3: Product Page
In this module, you’ll build high-converting product pages that turn shoppers into customers like clockwork.
Lesson 1: Familiarity & Setup Lesson 2: Product Images Lesson 3: Name & Description Lesson 4: Social Proof Lesson 5: Shipping & Offer Lesson 6: Discounts & Upsells Lesson 7: Buy Now, Pay Later Lesson 8: Long Copy Lesson 9: Urgency Lesson 10: FAQs Lesson 11: Recommended Products
Module 4: Checkout
Optimise your checkout system to minimise abandoned checkouts, increase conversions and boost AOV with upsells.
Lesson 1: Express Postage Lesson 2: Aftersell
Module 5: Customer Experience
Here, you’ll optimise customer experience, increasing visitor satisfaction, trust & sales.
Lesson 1: Site Speed Lesson 2: Contact Us Lesson 3: Live Chat Lesson 4: Terms & Conditions
Bonus #1: Review Automation System
Social proof is critical for establishing trust and increasing conversion rates in your store. A single positive review is worth $500 or more.
That’s why you’re getting Noah’s exact review automation process, which he used to get Tommi Skin 300+ reviews.
Integrate this into your business and begin receiving 5-star reviews from your customers.
Bonus #2: Product Photography Masterclass
Noah will give you his free, simple system for taking professional website product photos with your iPhone.
He’ll go over various shots, setups, camera settings, and simple editing tools you can use on your iPhone.
In just 30 minutes, you’ll have many amazing product images for your website and social media that will instantly build trust and credibility with your audience and help you make more sales daily.
Bonus #3: Hiring A Customer Service VA System
Tired of providing your own customer service?
Noah will walk you through his step-by-step process for finding, hiring, and onboarding a rockstar Virtual Assistant in as little as 24 hours (for as little as $4 per hour).
Once set up, they will respond to messages and convert them into customers daily, increasing your revenue.
This will save you hours weekly, allowing you to focus on more important things.
Bonus #4: Canva Design Templates
Here, Noah has got his designers to create Canva design templates for you.
Just drag-n-drop images and text in, export them and upload them straight into your site.
These design templates are built to be as fast and easy as possible to have a stunning website design that looks good and gets purchases.

2023 hangers have been BANGERS for me. Tons of numbered pulls and now this!

TL:DR Former players ruined a game I ran before the 5-6th session for me...but I decide to throw my campaign away, became an asshole and turned it into a sandbox for crazy encounters, some nonpermanent worldbuilding and tweaking new/existing npc ideas to see what can work and what doesn't, and gave zero cares about whether the players had fun or not, and had lots of fun doing so until it eventually ran its course!

P.S. I don't advocate for doing this at all. If you are a DM and your group is bad or ruined the game you initially wanted to run for the group, just leave. Don't waste time trying to experiment with concepts or things you found on a thread or subreddit just because you were bored and didn't want to waste time planning your own actual shit for these people(thanks Obsidian). And definitely don't try to fuck over or insult the players because you were feeling petty, even when its really really really funny as hell to see a man child cry like a toddler about not making a high DC Arcana check on a stupid little orb of nothing :)

I am currently in the middle of running three lovely games, two having passed the year and a half mark (60 sessions for one and nearing 40 for another), and one short campaign that has been going for 3 months straight without a single week off! It has been wonderful and I am proud to say that out of the 7 games I've ran, five of them have either ended amazingly, or are still active with no issues whatsoever. 5/7 is a pretty solid batting average as a DM in a gaming community full of constant chaos.
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Even during the experiment I got a little frustrated and vented more than a few times. Luckily game 3(now 2) is well over a year now and still going strong!
The two games that didn't go well ended because of either petty drama between players that resulted in me ending a 80+ session game earlier than I would've liked. Or in this case we are about to get into, a group of inconsiderate people who wanted instant gratification and everything handed to them with no effort because they said so. A group that would bully someone out of a game, a group that would give a DM no real reason to want to play. I thought I could try to salvage something at the beginning, but by Session 6 I was prepared to end the game, But I got a wonderful, albeit, terrible idea. How long can I fuck around in this campaign, give them impossible tasks, and make them fail at everything(they already did that on their own but...),give them NPC's that insulted them or overpowered them constantly before I get bored? Or they finally leave? I knew it was going to be crazy but I did it anyway just to see what I could get away with.
So I became the asshole, I read up on what DM's did and didn't do and found small threads from the internet and comments from videos that I could use to help me with this. I had brought in a third group to make up for this group being so trash as well. After several months of doing these wild things in game and having some fun here and there at their expense, I was having a lot of fun being an asshole that I've heard about so often with these kinds of games and enjoyed turning a shit-show of bad players into my favorite experiment for my own shits and giggles. I stole ideas I didn't care about just to see how it would run in certain events. I made things harder for them by putting them against some heavy enemies. Made the "plot" more confusing so they could wonder around with nothing but their whims to chase something well out of their league. Insulted their lack of intelligence in regard to said whims using NPC's or monsters. Led and kept them in a single location because I didn't want to actually give them a world and much much more.
Using all of the negative and making it into a place to practice certain voices, create interesting ideas and tweak various encounters for future games. My improvisational skills have improved because of this, since I didn't have to prep for this trash group. I was definitely wrong for this, but I didn't care. This is an Assholes perspective on how things can go. My friends told me to just leave rather than suffer but...I wanted to be a petty bastard for once in my life and suffer I did not do :).
The game was going to be completely different with the group starting out as a field unit for an archmage that would send them on small quests throughout the world, traveling from continent to continent, that would eventually tie into world level events well off in the future. But it did not get to that point, and rather than giving them a chance to ruin that setup for me and perhaps more worthy players, I hid it away and changed the entire campaign to have some fun.
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After I told him about this group and explained what I was going to do. He immediately changed his mind about joining up. He was not flexible enough for these players lmao
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So initially, I wasn't going to respond to a post that was circulating a few days ago(or the one made months ago that made me chuckle quite a bit when I first saw it, then forgot about til now) but I was told by a current player about this post that coincidentally sounded a little like a campaign I ran, or rather a campaign that turned into a "danger room" where I could try wacky shit and develop encounters and npc's without the pressure of pleasing those players. A wild idea, but when one of the people that used to be in your server is making up some very interesting things and adding some hilarious lies to their story, the urge to set the record straight and provide some insight is in order. Especially when that person is not exactly a reliable storyteller...You can't single handedly run four...yes FOUR players away and act all high and mighty.
But to be frank I didn't like most of this group at all, when the DM starts fucking around to have fun with such a boring(this 10x over), impatient and frankly shitty group, that you can barely fake like you like them, you have a serious problem as a group. I definitely deserve an Oscar Nomination at the very least for my performance as a "caring and friendly DM" but here's a description of the "golden disaster "party I suppose

• Young girl, new to the game but a sweetheart. Played a interesting young sorcerer, but due to some events caused by a combination of poor actions from her party members,she became one note extremely fast. Now some of it was because I decided to be an asshole, but mostly because she was a new player and she was hyperfocused on one thing for her entire time in the group. Left for school. Not a bad player...just there. First player that I made cry, was kind of funny.
• Young and cheerful girl, that got bullied out of the group(mostly by 1 player). Played a disabled bard in a wheelchair. Got laughed at a lot by some of the group and they didn't let her do anything. Anything she wanted to do got shut down because, "you aren't good enough" "thats a bad idea" "well I can do that so..." "you dont need that spell" "your character should do this" etc...l still feel bad for her. Rather than "kicking" her from the group, I outright told her to leave since this was in the middle of me being an asshole and I legit felt bad for her since she wasn't a bad player or person. Hopefully she's doing better in her current game now!

She got a small win over the shit player before she left though. Kudos

• Friendly and smart guy, that was the target of some interesting words(by 1 player, same as above) Was a good dude, left right before the session where, I spiritually left the group. Played a ranger that was in a same-sex relationship with a backstory npc. Before they even got a chance to really tap into their character they were uncomfortable with one particular player at the table. The way the asshole talked to this player, and their existence gave them and I and the player above red flags. I introduced an NPC that was non-binary and they used They/Them pronouns, and the one shit player would constantly mis-gender them, over and over and over. A number of other things with the shit player made this one leave early on. A real shame, and I wish I put my foot down and dropped the other player on the spot.

The mis-gendering shit of player made the reddit post I'm responding to btw
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Homophobic remarks as well. This player we discussed is who you guys decided to group up with? I expected the artist to be a follower, but the rest of you? Not a good look at all lol.

• Yikes, anyway...Artsy, meme-heavy, foreign person, probably the most boring person in game and out tbh, their art skill was the only real reason for their prescence in the server. They were a follower in the truest form. Their characters were literally blank slates with no threads. Now if I cared about the game or them I would've tried hard to make something worthwhile with them, as it can be done and I'm currently doing it now with great success with a player doing the amnesiac angle. But this players characters were not that. They were both absolute shit so I just threw shit together at them. Was like pulling teeth to get them to do anything, so it made them an easy target for making anything I wanted to happen. They weren't going to do anything anyway so it made it more fun for me to watch them limp around like an idiot. Another player thought that they were cheating at one point but I didn't think they were capable of that, but I didn't care for real. One of the earlier targets of my experiment, I let their first character(if you could call him that) die, brought them back to standing with a stupid Kenku they kidnapped(heroes huh) named buttercup for laughter, I then killed buttercup, only to then kill their boring character again minutes later. This happened when they as a group went to attack a rumored goblinoid horde...at Level 3...and thought they could win, with no planning, or smarts, or patience, or realistic expectations...they thought this was a video game or an anime where they could power through with the power of friendship. Their second character was the same, literally a nonfactor, much like the player.

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Harsh, but it's the honest truth

• Bubbly friendly girl in her twenties probably. Was ok, no real opinion here, probably the best rp in the group but that's not a very high bar when you look at the competition that stuck around long enough. No real problems with them except that their mic picked up them swallowing spit all the time(oof). That mic was solid as hell. Anyways, I actually would've took this player seriously if they were in a different situation. Really don't have much to say, other than if she wasn't in the group, it meant that this player below wouldn't be in the group...and that was my biggest regret. She is the main reason I don't take duos or existing groups for my games as one person might be amazing, and the other...
• Condescending, intolerant, narrowminded, abrasive, know it all, homophobic, racist, person. Sounds enticing doesn't it? I really had to fake every interaction I had with this dude, because he was a disgusting person. This guy was an immediate problem that should've have had an immediate solution. I gave this person a chance only because I liked his buddy's application a lot. Big mistake! They played a chronurgy wizard(you know where this is going) that was a short stereotypical(pretty racist) Arabian inspired pain to deal with and they wanted to time warp the world or whatever to his whim because of some gang shit that happened in his backstory. It was really stupid if you read the whole backstory too. Nothing like hearing "I like being a short exotic sand-person in a world of magic" despite this dude being from the UK. He would constantly backseat the other players("thats not what I'd do") backseat myself(which was funny, especially after session 7 or the "crow master" as I checked out then), metagamed like crazy, murderhobo tendencies, forced his way into scenes to take the spotlight away, joked about how it was racist that they were being targeted in fights, or how it would be funny if the party culturally appropriated certain cultures. Would change his backstory to benefit him so he could succeed no matter what, changed ability scores and skills, as well as powergame powergame powergame. I noticed this all in the first 5 SESSIONS, and it got worse and worse, even when I was purposefully shitting on the game. Those screenshots of the players complaining about someone, or players being bullies, was because of this jackass. Two players quit because of him. One player outright refused to join because of him(apparently they were in a game with him before, lucky guy), a former player of mine I had to warn about playing on Saturdays because of him, and I was definitely encouraged to commit to being an asshole...because of him. This player had the attitude of a Level 20 without any sort of merit or accomplishments, in-game or out of game. So anytime he wanted to do anything I wrecked it. Whatever he did, it didn't work, it didn't respond, it went away, it disappeared, it broke apart, it knocked him unconscious, it took health away permanently, knocked him into another realm, whatever it was, if he was involved, it backfired or failed miserably at some point. I legit had the DC of this little orb so high that it was silly just to see how he would react. It was originally meant to be used to tie into their long and pretentious backstory. Once I gave the game up it then had no real purpose to exist other than to piss him off and I made up something completely unrelated to the orb, that I found on YouTube to see how far it would go. This player is not as smart as he thinks he is so it went on for a long time as he got nowhere near the DC I originally set. Eventually he succeeded, because I had come up with an amazing twist made for him! And what did he get for succeeding after months and months of failure? Absolutely nothing :). Fuck this guy and hopefully none of you get him as a DM or a player on Roll20...because as a player? They were the worst that I've had by far. BAR NONE. Out of 7 groups, 4 long-term games, 3 short adventures and 30+ players...they were easily the worst.
• Lastly a player with a great character concept that did nothing with it. A mage hunter in a party full of mages, seems like quite the chance for some dope ass RP? Nahh you gave this player way too much credit. I pretty much abandoned this player completely and felt just fine about it as it made no difference. Out of game they were fine, in game they were just a country accent wrapped around a bumbling idiot in a cool mask and that was it. They rolled horribly often, and I'm very serious when I say it. They were the epitome of the Wil Wheaton Dice Curse. They couldn't be awesome no matter what they did, so they became known as incompetent, despite their best efforts. Any mystique about being a badass mage hunter went out the window, and sometimes they played along with it. Often tagged along with the player above and that just ruined their character even further, by proxy. I can't really ruin a character if they ruin it themselves? They didn't even give me an opportunity to even try lol, how can I ruin something already ruined? That's redundant. They eventually brought a new character in and I completely forgot what they even were, right before the experiment ended.

No matter what they did, they failed miserably. It was actually amazing. Did they accept that? Nope blame the DM for the failure not themselves. This was a common thing for them. Unlucky player, but they weren't good enough to play into it. Note how the shit player rolled a nat 20, probably rerolled with Chronal Shift because they had to succeed at everything. If I rolled a Nat 20 for the guard's perception check he would've claimed I was cheating or fudging. What an idiot.
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• I did bring two more players in at the end, because I got bored again and wanted to see If I could do a reset. I was going to kick just about everyone and try and start over fresh with a new campaign that I could actually give a damn about. I brought these new players in to see if they could inspire me, but I tapped out like a session or two later and ended the game, because they did not lol. I don't remember much about them other than a drake warden flavored into a genie warden that was interesting, and a druid with no backstory that reminded me of Bambi. After the last session with this group I took a few days off setting up a new short campaign on roll20 and invited the replacements on in. Two of the players left passionate messages and dipped, and right after that I swiftly deleted them. Soon, kicks from the server were sent after a nice message where I pretty much detailed what I've been using them for and that I was no longer interested in their services. Brought the new players in and went back to focusing on the actual games I ran, that had wonderful players/characters and sessions with substance and care put into them.

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But it thankfully and eventually came to an end. But before this post ends, lets address some of these hilarious claims from a certain post with some *mostly* lighthearted responses and screenshots, because we don't like little liars that tell one side of the story right?
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1. The "fudging rolls and cheating"

• So this is hilarious because I as a DM believe that a dice tells the story no matter what is rolled, so I have never cheated a group so they fail or helped them succeed on something to give them or me a desired outcome. It's all in the situation and the encounter, and the I've always let the dice and the decisions decide, never myself. But when you get accused of something you are adamantly against, even at the peak of being an asshole, you have to defend yourself, and what better way than screenshots of said games with my rolls. Because I knew, even back then that a scorned group or a player at some point would try I have receipts. Initially this was just to quickly post in the discord so that everyone in the server could see, that I'm not a liar, but now Reddit can see.
• The thing with me is that I just happen to roll REALLY WELL most of the time. As a player and a DM I've historically rolled well. Publicly and privately, sorry to disappoint you. It's not my fault that as a group you all have a terrible strategy, terrible rolls, and a terrible attitude about not getting your way every single time. This isn't a video game you can "Speed Run" through, despite your worst efforts. If I "fudged the rolls" and gave you everything on a silver platter it would be just as stupid. And the whole metagaming and changing the monsters stats thing. I don't believe in using the stats all the time as it leads to metagaming players trying to cheat the game, so I homebrew or tweak monsters to prevent that. I have a macro on roll20 that lets me roll the health for every monster so with the same group of enemies, some have more health than others, and some are weaker than others. Some bosses have phases where something would happen after a certain health threshold. It's not cheating, it's just a different kind of encounter. All my groups know this, but you all seem to conveniently forget when it suits your little "horror story" But here are some of the many screenshots below to show that I don't fudge/cheat or change a damn thing.

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I keep a screenshot handy for these occasions. I rolled two Nat 20's back to back and it was crazy. It made a relatively tame encounter more memorable because one Sahuagin became an immediate threat because of the dice. From one of my campaigns.
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So many crits happened in this session alone, from me and the players it was insane. No fudging or lying necessary. These players in this seperate game succeed/fail and they enjoy it, the ones that were a part of the shit campaign would cry. Good thing I keep screenshots.
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Player in another campaign I run rolled good to hit on a Sentinel attack(he rolled extra damage by accident) I then followed up with a natural 20 bite for a ghoul. I don't fake these, every last one of my rolls are legit. and for the rolls I get that seem a little \"unbelievable\" I screenshot them to prove dumbasses wrong.
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I screenshot my failures often, just incase a scorned shit-show of a party decides to lie about me. Was an epic moment in the fight against the Medusa in one of my games.
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Look a named NPC in another group of mine, who failed a wisdom save with ADVANTAGE and died! I save the ones where I fail very often, because I don't want anyone to think I felt pity on the party. I didn't save them or pull no shenanigans, he died and his thread was over. No fudging of any dice or lying about rolls. This makes the story more fun.
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This player was on single digit health and was about to be attacked by a \"brain with legs\" They had just missed and I was rolling super well that night. If I hit they were going to die, but I \"magically\" rolled a natural 1 and missed instead. It was followed by the party killing it and escaping in an epic set piece that's still talked about to this day. I screenshotted this and posted it in the discord as proof and they lost their minds.
Nat 20 on a con save to stop someone from escaping or pulling whatever bullshit they think I pull. It is me rolling a digital dice...and rolling well! Not my fault you have no luck, skill or strategy in anything. I'm not gonna hand you the win because you whine or cry about it. Even when I'm experimenting on you idiots and making my own fun, I'm not gonna cheat while doing it. You want to go after something big, then you better bring it, otherwise accept that if you don't roll well...you will lose? Even when I'm taking the game serious for my current players, you will lose if you punch above your station.
Ahh here's one where the rogue of the group rolled another Natural 1. They did this often and it turned their character into a joke despite their best efforts. You can't blame me for you rolling poorly, that's not how this works. But they did, and did it often. Now granted at this point of the game I was already in asshole mode so it didn't matter but still. Also Note how \"that guy\" got a natural 20 on his roll. If I rolled a Nat 20 on the guards perception check, he would've bitched and complained, that I was lying or something. I screenshot it all.
I have hundreds of screenshots from messages, supposed "cheated" rolls, edited sheets, deleted comments etc. that would shine a great light on the types of players I dealt with and much more. Balls in their court though.
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1. The Self Insert DMPC OP NPC's or the main guys I used to insult them in-game

• The first lovely guy was meant to be a simple NPC to introduce one of my groups to their current Sponsor and then disappear. And he did...for that other group, but when the Golden Drakes(stupid name) ruined the game for me, I decided to bring him and a few other NPC's to essentially insult, undermine, overpower and belittle the party at every chance I got. It was absolutely fun fucking with them over and over. But unfortunately, the "gun guy" never got any real screen time in any other games after this? Weird huh? It was almost as if I brought him over to this game specifically to be a "self-insert" for how I actually felt about their group, as well as test the character before taking traits of him for a future campaign worth a damn years later. This guy was there to annoy a group that wanted to rush through the world(at a low level mind you) thinking they were more important than they actually were. Forget the slow rise of heroes dealing with small scale things, becoming heroes worth respect and glory, lets "SPEED RUN" to the powerful cult with eyes and ears everywhere in a city, instead of taking it slow and building ourselves up and then blame the DM when we lose! That'll show him! I had to bring him everywhere I could just to pile on the hilarity and the contempt I had for them at that point. While I was at it I kept them at said city just to add to it as well. They really could of killed this guy if they wanted to but they spent more time complaining or sputtering about the game, adding to the fun for me when he would magically reappear and disappear, because noone thought to counterspell it lol. Or he would be in the middle of doing nothing and they just had to go follow him lol. It was easy as fuck to manipulate them into following him for no reason. They chased him for no reason as he had no purpose other than to insult and infuriate the party. It was glorious. Magically detecting the area isn't how you find someone who rolled high on stealth without magic or finding something that isn't currently doing magic in a well hidden place, but I thought that was obvious enough for a supposed SEASONED PLAYEDM to know. Clearly I was wrong, my bad for having the tiniest bit of loose faith in you.
• In all seriousness, this NPC hasn't appeared in any games since this group has been kicked away(a long while ago btw) and I don't have any plans for him to be in any. He has been mentioned by the one other game he was in(for two sessions wow lol) as a potential ally once or twice, but he's so far away from being involved and out of my plans that it's not going to happen. The three games claim is cheeky though(that how you brits say it?) As a certain god of fate and the moon would say would say...Eventually everything connects and Every lie will unravel. Oh btw he's not an "aptly named" god of visions that "randomly gives visions", you can still creep on the WorldAnvil like I know you all still do and see his actual domains and subdomains you dumb fucks.) Seems like a lot of misremembering or some false statements were said? It needs an update though anyway. I might make a god of Visions now.

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...morons

1. Npc's not dying or them not having an impact in the world.

• This is a very easy response...because you didn't matter anymore. You were never heroes, nor attempted to be. That was before I stopped caring. AFter a certain point my fun was all that mattered, no amount of things you did or didn't do would change that. My world is shared between the campaigns and every action can effect the world on a large or minor scale...except for this group. Everything they did was literally a nonfactor because I didn't care about them. If an NPC died or got away it was mostly because of their terrible planning and the dice not going their way, but a few instances of "sure sure you got them!" didn't effect anything at all. In the campaigns that mattered if they accomplished something, it changed the setting. I'm not sorry about that at all. You all were just a moderately fun test. Simple and plain. Oh and you were never leaving the city and much like the DC 38 check, I was going to enjoy milking every last bit of it that I could. The online resources I used so I didn't have to plan much for your games definitely made it so I could do it for a long time if I wanted to. I do have a resource that collects all of the things together like a wiki page using WorldAnvil, and none of the stuff they did mattered, so of course it's not canon in the world. We can play make believe and act like I was throwing you a bone so you wouldn't feel left out of course, but none of your characters mattered and you only have yourselves to blame.

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So was I an asshole? Absolutely, do I feel bad? Nope not at all. Among that post I saw there were more lies that I could debunk with a quick screenshot or two, but I think this was enough fun for me. The games that I run now that this era has passed have been a wonder to run and be a part of and the world I've created continues to grow because of it! My batting average isn't perfect, hell the one game that ended poorly was because I was a first time DM with a lot to learn and I actually cared about that one. But this one that ended up bad...lmaoo come on. I gave zero fucks about this "lost campaign" and as soon as I finish this post I will forget about it again.
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I do take criticisms well from players I actually care about. They thought that I wasn't doing enough encounters early on to do more persuasion checks. They were right and I learned to highlight this particular skill of his! They are still playing with me a year and a half later!
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Good Moments!
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Fun Times!
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Great Memories!
That is all I got to give as it is now in the past. The asshole experiment where I threw random things at a bad group to give myself some fun went rather well for a while, but its beneath me now. I'm not perfect and that phase is over with. I learned a lot, dabbled in the dark side a bit, and now the world I've created with my friends and future friends can thrive without fail.

I used to be able to relate to her a little bit……like 8 years ago. Now everything is word salad and self-idolization.

Kaneq, hello?
Kaneq, in a red phoenix outfit, looks confused.
It’s getting hot in here, should we get out of here?
“But… the Volcano?” Kaneq asks.
Oh, I'll get the less important ones to fix it.
Ella Mayeaux, Drag Princesita, Slurpiana Cocktail and Queen Quincy, in full drag start to hose down the volcano.
“Fabulous.” Kaneq says.
Chronologica and Kaneq fly off into the air.
“Is it time?” Kaneq asks.
Oh, it’s time…
“Let’s split them up this time.” Kaneq grins. “I have an idea.”
Oh?
“Two balls.” Kaneq smirks.
Two is ALWAYS better than one.
Chronologica winks.
Let’s DO IT!
~
https://preview.redd.it/ff7c1cjnybra1.png?width=900&format=png&auto=webp&s=cf52113abe4aca2eae2e0c9ed0d15edc7120216d
The new werkroom, splattered with pictures of Chronologica, Kaneq and Mary-Lynn Monhoe is showcased with a sickening pink finish.
With the click clack of her cheap heels, La Marias struts out in her little mini dress in black with a wig straight out of a bag, and a smile on her face. “No me subestimen perras, para que no terminen llorando después.”
Marias pouts looks around, pouting. “Dumb bitches didn’t even hear me speak!”
La Marias: “English, now?” Marias rolls her eyes. “Holis, my name is La Marias, and I’m the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen.” Marias flutters her eyelashes. “I am 21 years old, and I am a drag performer from Chihuahua City, MEXICO.”
Marias drops a tiny purse on the table and smiles. “This is my domain, hmm?”
La Marias: “I am not one of those performers who is desperate to give gaudy glamour. Some people need to be the over the top, desperate drag to be beautiful- I do not. I’ve been charmed with natural beauty. I’m here to show myself- just gorgeous, really.” Marias smiles.
“Does this gig come with a cigarette or a cheese platter?” La Marias giggles.
Suddenly, in a gorgeous gingham dress that covers her entire body up to her neck, Southern Belle enters. “They call me Southern Belle.” Belle spins around, a layer of her outfit dropping to reveal a gingham mini dress showing off her body. “But I fuck like I’m from the best little damn whorehouse in Texas!”
Marias smirks.
Southern Belle: “Hello fucking hello!” Belle grins. “My name is Southern Belle, and I’m the sweetest little lady you’ve ever seen.” Belle winks. “I am a 27 year old drag performer from Nashville, Tennessee. I am a Southern Queen. I like big, fabulous drag- straight out of gone with the wind, but make it more grand- and just a little cheeky. Because I’ve got the ass for it, I mean- that’s one perk of having an obsession with cornbread and diabetes!” Belle chuckles. “I’m joking, I’m just PRE-DIABETIC.”
“Hello, gorgeous!” Belle smiles, hugging a slightly awkward La Marias.
La Marias: “Little Bo Peep became una prostituta?”
“My name is Southern Belle. And you are?”
“La Marias.” Marias grins.
“Oooh, THE Maria.” Belle smiles. “My dad usually calls me THE disappointment.”
Marias looks shocked for a moment.
“I kid! He doesn’t know I do drag.”
Marias smiles. “Mine just calls me a maric-”
Suddenly, arriving in a two piece look, with a black pink and yellow crop top, low riding black and yellow track pants and a long pink belt hanging loose, along with a black Beret with long hair, Cleo Mertoris arrives, as she begins to sing. “Cause I’m no ordinary girl..”
“Same!” Belle grins.
Marias nods.
Cleo Mertoris: “Oh, hi.” Cleo flicks back her hair. “I’m Cleo Mertoris, and I’m the Deep Blue beauty you love to look at.” Cleo grins. “I’m your Australian beauty, because God, the last Australian was anything but pretty.” Cleo laughs. “My drag is about my sexiness. I don’t need to wear much, because what I do have is gorgeous. I think of myself as a Siren- I’m here to lure you in with my beauty and voice… then I’ll kill you.”
“Hello, hello!” Belle grins, as Cleo looks around.
“I’m Belle- this is Marias.”
Marias waves.
Cleo Metoris: “I was suddenly taken aback. It’s clear the beauty wasn’t here- that girl looked straight out of the mall. The other one looked like mutton dressed as lamb. Where’s the beauty?”
“How long have you been doing drag?” Cleo looks at Marias, who raises an eyebrow.
“Long enough.” Marias responds.
“Cute.” Cleo laughs.
La Marias: “Oh, I know a girl like that. These girls… they love to judge.”
Cleo Metoris: “It’s drag race, girl. Step it up.”
La Marias: “I can handle them.”
Belle grins. “So, how the fuck are we doing?”
Cleo turns in surprise.
“I have a real potty mouth, sorry.” Belle grins.
“You know, it’s often those without class who speak vulgar.” Cleo laughs.
Belle makes a face for a moment, then it sinks in.
Louise Vuitton sashays into the room wearing a floor-length sequined gown, complete with a fur stole draped over her shoulders. As she struts towards the other queens, she snaps her fingers and quips, "I hope you brought your sunglasses, ladies, because this Queen is serving up some blinding beauty!"
“...Passable.” Cleo says.
Marias flips her hair, already annoyed by Cleo.
Louise Vuitton: “My name is Louise Vuitton, and darling, I’m here to show you a Fashion Queen your dreams.” Louise smiles. “What would I describe my brand as?”
Louise touches her gown with a smile, letting the others soak it in.
Louise Vuitton: “Supermodel.” Louise flicks back her hair and grins. “I’m a new era drag Queen. For me, looking good is at the forefront. Then, moving. Making myself the star is important, and I really am here with a fire in my stomach. I know I can elevate drag, here. So they aren’t ready.”
“So, where are you based?” Cleo asks.
“New York City. Big Apple.” Louise grins.
“Oh, she’s a damn city bitch.” Belle chuckles.
“Best damn city in the world.” Louise nods.
“I spy an accent, though…” Belle responds.
“We don’t talk about Alaska.” Louise quips.
“Oh, you’re a dead fish.” Cleo responds.
Louise looks at Cleo.
Louise Vuitton: “Not a fan of her.”
“Someone just loves to keep talking…” Marias mutters under her breath.
“I’m the rainbow fish.” Loiuse smiles.
The sound of an engine revs somewhere outside the werkroom, and there’s a mechanical chugging.
Cleo looks around, confused. “Does anyone hear that?”
Belle nods. “Damn, Is it getting louder?”
“Duh.” Marias says. “It’s definitely getting–”
Suddenly, riding an inflatable green John Deere tractor, Bessie Big Sky arrives in a red and black chequered jumper, plus a blue jean corset and huge blonde wig. She jumps off the moving tractor…and somersaults forward to strike a pose!
“Here’s Bessie!” she yells in her Mountain twang, grinning wildly. “Welcome to Big Sky Country!”
“Yee Haw!” Belle says.
“Americans.” Cleo rolls her eyes.
Bessie Big Sky: “As the dust settles from my epic entrance, I feel my heart racing with excitement. I'm here with these fabulous ladies, ready to take on whatever challenges come our way. Growing up in Big Sky Country, I always dreamed of being part of something bigger than myself. And now, here I am, living that dream. Sure, some people might think I'm a little over the top with my inflatable tractor and wild outfits, but that's just who I am. I'm Bessie Big Sky, and I'm not afraid to be bold, daring, and a little bit crazy. So buckle up, ladies, because this ride is going to be one for the books!”
“How we all doing this evening?” Bessie bows.
“...It’s morning.” Cleo responds.
“Oh no, this is our night.” Bessie chuckles, throwing her closet on the table as she exhales. “Woof.”
Bessie Big Sky: “I’m a proud mountain drag artist. We don’t get shown off much- but I believe we have the best drag in the world.”`
“So you’re a rural Queen, I'm guessing?” Belle smiles.
“Proudly so. I slayed a bear for the hide for my boots.” Bessie points down with a smirk.
“Did you really?” Louise gasps.
“...No.” Bessie chuckles, as everyone laughs.
Louise Vuitton: “Oh, I didn’t get that.”
Finally, Oda Nobuna struts into the werkroom, dressed up in full Drag Daimyo fantasy, looking like a fierce samurai goddess about to march into battle. As she walks into the werkroom she says "If the cuckoo won't sing..." She drops to the floor in a split as she takes a sword out and slashes it. "Kill it."
“Werk.” Marias claps.
Oda Nobuna: “Hello, world.” Nobuna bows, smiling. “My name is Oda Nobuna, and I am proud to be here. For those who do not know my namesake, I am inspired by the famous warlord from my country who represents both the progressive and audacious traits that I admire. I am a proud performer, visual artist and actor- and I am here to slay these others in an effort to take on this competition. At any cost.” She smiles.
“This?” Bessie grins. “I love a warrior.”
“I’m a lover, not a fighter.” Belle smiles.
You’ve got drag mail!
“Wait, what the fuck?” Belle says.
“This- this isn’t right…” Louise looks concerned.
Bring your sunscreen. Bring your towel. Let’s get wet.
“There’s only 6 of us…” Cleo responds.
La Marias: “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”
It’s Drag Time, BITCHES!
Chronologica smiles as the racers still look confused at her.
Hi racers. I’m so happy to be here, with you. You 6 will be competing for the title of America’s next drag superstar. The winner of this Season will win a fierce crown and sceptre from Moxie Maniac Jewels, the title of next Drag Superstar and $50,000!
This season, I’ve decided to split our cast up with a double premiere in order to really get to know each of you all.
“Fabulous.” Nobuna grins.
We are getting STRAIGHT into the action. For our first maxi challenge… it’s time for a BALL!
Everyone gasps.
Racers, you will be serving us three fabulous looks in The Summer Ball! First, Beach Babe. Then, Summer Night Elegance. Finally…
The pit crew run out with thousands of pool toys.
Making your own looks, Pool Toy Eleganza Extravaganza!
Louise Vuitton: “Fashion is a passion. I’m ready to look fabulous.”
This is a challenge to show up and stand out. There is even MORE of a spotlight on you, with a smaller cast. And someone WILL go home. So… good luck… and don’t FUCK IT UP!
~
The racers start chatting as they prepare for the maxi challenge.
La Marias: “For our maxi challenge, we are doing a ball. I love balls.”
…
La Marias: “Oh…. meh.”
“How are all you pretty pals going with this challenge?” Belle grins.
“Looks are important.” Louise says. “For me, that’s a highlight of drag.”
“I feel the same.” Nobuna grins. “Tell me, what is your inspiration?”
“Glamour.” Louise responds. “I always wanted to be the most beautiful girl.”
“Sorry you aren’t that.” Cleo laughs. “Cause I’m here!”
Nobody laughs.
“Joking!” Cleo chuckles.
“Not a funny joke, but werk.” Marias whispers.
“I just- for me, to show my beautiful capability- drag is my best form, I do fashion, I deliver looks… I’m classic.” Louise nods. “And I like to wear gowns- big grand drag, me and my sister often put together.”
“Sister?” Nobuna asks.
“Twin.” Louise responds.
“Oh, lovely.” Nobuna nods.
Oda Nobuna: “Louise is clearly a threat in a fashion challenge. But her drag is classic. I believe myself to elevate it.”
“I think honing in on those classic instincts is a smart idea.” Nobuna grins.
Louise nods.
Oda Nobuna: “A standout piece can outdo the basic.”
“For me, looks are fun- but mine are darn dedicated to a specific brand.” Bessie grins. “I’m a Westerner. I show that in my drag.”
“Us rural ladies can really stand out on our own.” Belle smiles.
“I’m damn excited for my take on summer.” Bessie nods.
The others look over at Cleo and Marias, with Marias being quite silent.
“What about you, Marias?” Belle asks.
“Drag is drag.” Marias responds. “I don’t really make my own…”
La Marias: “Truly, I tend to buy at the mall.”
“Making your own drag is an important skill I believe.” Bessie turns to Belle, who nods.
“Yeah, even if I don’t always think mine looks great- it’s mine…” Belle says.
“It’s fine, i’ll make it work.” Maria shrugs, before looking down.
La Marias: “I am not like these other divas. I’m not here with the big, dramatic drag. But I turn and see Cleo and...”
“I’m just draping this around my body. Not even sewing.” Cleo laughs.
La Marias: “She’s not even trying. And you know what I have to say to that?”
“I mean, I know I’ll look good in it.” Cleo chuckles.
La Marias: “Stop relying on that body…”
~
The racers continue working on their tasks as Chronologica enters the werkroom.
Hello, Southern Belle!
“Belle if you’re nasty, and I’m filthy.” Belle winks.
Well, well, well Belle… how do you feel about our ball?
“I feel… good.” Belle nods.
Good?
“I like a sexy look. I think of myself as pretty damn pretty…”
These looks are solid. Have you brought them? Or-
“I make all my drag.” Belle says.
You should’ve lead with that!
“Well-” Belle looks shyly.
Clearly- you have the talent. So please, show up, with this level of quality- and I expect to see it confident and ready.
“Yes, Missy.” Belle grins.
How do you think your competitors are fairing?
“The girls all look lovely. Some a little more refined then others…” Belle grins.
I see.
Belle giggles.
…
Hi, Marias.
“Chronologica.” Marias responds.
What is your drag?
“It’s just-” Marias smiles, her face lighting up. “A fabulous time with a gorgeous girl.”
Chronologica chuckles.
I like that. How are you going to present that in this ball?
“For me, it’s just- showing up, and giving that fun flair.” Marias smiles. “To be the Queen at the centre… these are what I want to deliver with these looks.”
Chronologica looks down.
I see some simple concepts. So I want you to glitter, Marias… because these girls are here to bite.
“I have bite, too.” Marias responds.
How do you think your competitors are fairing?
“...I think Cleo is just pretty.” Marias says. “I think Nobuna brings something different, I wonder how it’ll translate. To me, Bessie and Belle seem similar… Louise is… classic, drag.” Marias says, with a hint of shade.
You’re an observer.
“I have thoughts.” Marias smiles.
…
Bessie Big Sky!
“Ms Chronologica.” Bessie bows.
Chronologica grins.
We are doing the summer ball. What’s summer for you?
“Big open skies, smile on my face. My lovers by my side, the fresh air, smiles and love. The salt of the earth on my feet and … joy.” Bessie grins.
That’s beautiful. How do you think your competitors are faring?
“Oh…” Bessie grins. “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling.”
All I’m asking is for you to talk how others are faring.
“They’re all lovely.” Bessie nods.
Totally. Who do you think will bottom?
“I- genuinely have no idea.” Bessie says.
Well I look forward to seeing you push this drag, showing yourself. And don’t forget to show us how you stand out.
“I will.” Bessie grins.
~
The racers chat as they get ready for the main stage.
“It is like, mighty damn crazy thinking there’s a whole other half of us yet to enter…” Bessie says.
“Right?” Louise nods. “I wonder…” Louise purses her lips.
“I’m just excited to get to know you all sexy little things.” Belle grins. “Tell me. Why did ya’ll apply?”
“For me- it was clear. I think I’ve proven my drag is amazing, at the level I expect a superstar to be and I love it. So, the world deserves me.” Louise purses her lips.
La Marias: “Oooh… Cocky.” Marias says.
“I love TV; I think I am fierce, and yeah- the same, really- look, I’m an Indigenous Australian woman in a world we don’t get to shine often. So I’m going to make my presence known.” Cleo responds.
“I like that.” Bessie says.
La Marias: “Similar to Louise. Cocky. But the TV mention makes me think. I’m not here because this is a show. I’m here because this is a competition I can compete in.”
“For me, my drag is to show the world I can do it.” Marias responds, before the others continue to speak.
“Bozeman has power. I love where I live. I feel like- people think of the big city, those Queer meccas- but not all of us live there. Not all of us… want to. I love where I am.” Bessie says. “And I want to show it.”
La Marias: “Sweet. Perhaps too dedicated to that specific genre of drag…”
“I wanted to move to those big cities.” Belle responds. “But I couldn’t afford it. I still can’t- which is why I make my own drag. Moved to Nashville, as that was in my budget.” Belle laughs. “I can’t afford much.”
La Marias: “She’s self conscious.”
“I only moved to NYC because like…” Louise shrugs. “Inheritance.”
“Well, lucky you.” Cleo chuckles.
Louise looks annoyed, as she continues to paint.
“My partner is a drag artist.” Oda Nobuna says. “She is everything. Talented, powerful- gorgeous and dazzling. She MAKES it.” Nobuna grins. “For me.”
The others grin.
“She auditioned for season 1. Didn’t get in. We both did in season 2. She took it hard when she didn’t get in. And then… just before season 3 auditioned, she was in an accident.”
Everyone looks over at Nobuna, who looks sadly for a moment.
“I’m so sorry…” Belle puts her hand on Nobuna’s shoulder.
“I chose to audition this time for her. I love drag. And I know she’d be here if she didn’t. I’m doing this for her… but also, for me too. Because I know I can. She knew I could.” Nobuna grins, as the others all look at her with pride.
La Marias: “Nobuna… that one is powerful.”
“...What’s happened to her now, if I can ask?” Louise says.
“She’s still in a coma.” Nobuna nods, looking down sadly.
The others frown.
“But… perhaps she can watch this- this first episode, and be proud of her love.” Nobuna nods.
“That’s sweet.” Bessie grins.
Oda Nobuna: “All I said was truth. But these girls may see may as the wounded little bird. And by design, I’m happy with that. Because that gives me the opportunity to strike. I KNOW I can win this challenge.”
Nobuna smirks.
Oda Nobuna: “And the battle begins.”
~
Stats
Voting
Spreadsheet

Kaneq, hello?
Kaneq, in a red phoenix outfit, looks confused.
It’s getting hot in here, should we get out of here?
“But… the Volcano?” Kaneq asks.
Oh, I'll get the less important ones to fix it.
Ella Mayeaux, Drag Princesita, Slurpiana Cocktail and Queen Quincy, in full drag start to hose down the volcano.
“Fabulous.” Kaneq says.
Chronologica and Kaneq fly off into the air.
“Is it time?” Kaneq asks.
Oh, it’s time…
“Let’s split them up this time.” Kaneq grins. “I have an idea.”
Oh?
“Two balls.” Kaneq smirks.
Two is ALWAYS better than one.
Chronologica winks.
Let’s DO IT!
~
https://preview.redd.it/yunq2ltnybra1.png?width=900&format=png&auto=webp&s=1cd8cd829620b2cac5d3a75156dd6d6c498df4a0
The new werkroom, splattered with pictures of Chronologica, Kaneq and Mary-Lynn Monhoe is showcased with a sickening pink finish.
With the click clack of her cheap heels, La Marias struts out in her little mini dress in black with a wig straight out of a bag, and a smile on her face. “No me subestimen perras, para que no terminen llorando después.”
Marias pouts looks around, pouting. “Dumb bitches didn’t even hear me speak!”
La Marias: “English, now?” Marias rolls her eyes. “Holis, my name is La Marias, and I’m the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen.” Marias flutters her eyelashes. “I am 21 years old, and I am a drag performer from Chihuahua City, MEXICO.”
Marias drops a tiny purse on the table and smiles. “This is my domain, hmm?”
La Marias: “I am not one of those performers who is desperate to give gaudy glamour. Some people need to be the over the top, desperate drag to be beautiful- I do not. I’ve been charmed with natural beauty. I’m here to show myself- just gorgeous, really.” Marias smiles.
“Does this gig come with a cigarette or a cheese platter?” La Marias giggles.
Suddenly, in a gorgeous gingham dress that covers her entire body up to her neck, Southern Belle enters. “They call me Southern Belle.” Belle spins around, a layer of her outfit dropping to reveal a gingham mini dress showing off her body. “But I fuck like I’m from the best little damn whorehouse in Texas!”
Marias smirks.
Southern Belle: “Hello fucking hello!” Belle grins. “My name is Southern Belle, and I’m the sweetest little lady you’ve ever seen.” Belle winks. “I am a 27 year old drag performer from Nashville, Tennessee. I am a Southern Queen. I like big, fabulous drag- straight out of gone with the wind, but make it more grand- and just a little cheeky. Because I’ve got the ass for it, I mean- that’s one perk of having an obsession with cornbread and diabetes!” Belle chuckles. “I’m joking, I’m just PRE-DIABETIC.”
“Hello, gorgeous!” Belle smiles, hugging a slightly awkward La Marias.
La Marias: “Little Bo Peep became una prostituta?”
“My name is Southern Belle. And you are?”
“La Marias.” Marias grins.
“Oooh, THE Maria.” Belle smiles. “My dad usually calls me THE disappointment.”
Marias looks shocked for a moment.
“I kid! He doesn’t know I do drag.”
Marias smiles. “Mine just calls me a maric-”
Suddenly, arriving in a two piece look, with a black pink and yellow crop top, low riding black and yellow track pants and a long pink belt hanging loose, along with a black Beret with long hair, Cleo Mertoris arrives, as she begins to sing. “Cause I’m no ordinary girl..”
“Same!” Belle grins.
Marias nods.
Cleo Mertoris: “Oh, hi.” Cleo flicks back her hair. “I’m Cleo Mertoris, and I’m the Deep Blue beauty you love to look at.” Cleo grins. “I’m your Australian beauty, because God, the last Australian was anything but pretty.” Cleo laughs. “My drag is about my sexiness. I don’t need to wear much, because what I do have is gorgeous. I think of myself as a Siren- I’m here to lure you in with my beauty and voice… then I’ll kill you.”
“Hello, hello!” Belle grins, as Cleo looks around.
“I’m Belle- this is Marias.”
Marias waves.
Cleo Metoris: “I was suddenly taken aback. It’s clear the beauty wasn’t here- that girl looked straight out of the mall. The other one looked like mutton dressed as lamb. Where’s the beauty?”
“How long have you been doing drag?” Cleo looks at Marias, who raises an eyebrow.
“Long enough.” Marias responds.
“Cute.” Cleo laughs.
La Marias: “Oh, I know a girl like that. These girls… they love to judge.”
Cleo Metoris: “It’s drag race, girl. Step it up.”
La Marias: “I can handle them.”
Belle grins. “So, how the fuck are we doing?”
Cleo turns in surprise.
“I have a real potty mouth, sorry.” Belle grins.
“You know, it’s often those without class who speak vulgar.” Cleo laughs.
Belle makes a face for a moment, then it sinks in.
Louise Vuitton sashays into the room wearing a floor-length sequined gown, complete with a fur stole draped over her shoulders. As she struts towards the other queens, she snaps her fingers and quips, "I hope you brought your sunglasses, ladies, because this Queen is serving up some blinding beauty!"
“...Passable.” Cleo says.
Marias flips her hair, already annoyed by Cleo.
Louise Vuitton: “My name is Louise Vuitton, and darling, I’m here to show you a Fashion Queen your dreams.” Louise smiles. “What would I describe my brand as?”
Louise touches her gown with a smile, letting the others soak it in.
Louise Vuitton: “Supermodel.” Louise flicks back her hair and grins. “I’m a new era drag Queen. For me, looking good is at the forefront. Then, moving. Making myself the star is important, and I really am here with a fire in my stomach. I know I can elevate drag, here. So they aren’t ready.”
“So, where are you based?” Cleo asks.
“New York City. Big Apple.” Louise grins.
“Oh, she’s a damn city bitch.” Belle chuckles.
“Best damn city in the world.” Louise nods.
“I spy an accent, though…” Belle responds.
“We don’t talk about Alaska.” Louise quips.
“Oh, you’re a dead fish.” Cleo responds.
Louise looks at Cleo.
Louise Vuitton: “Not a fan of her.”
“Someone just loves to keep talking…” Marias mutters under her breath.
“I’m the rainbow fish.” Loiuse smiles.
The sound of an engine revs somewhere outside the werkroom, and there’s a mechanical chugging.
Cleo looks around, confused. “Does anyone hear that?”
Belle nods. “Damn, Is it getting louder?”
“Duh.” Marias says. “It’s definitely getting–”
Suddenly, riding an inflatable green John Deere tractor, Bessie Big Sky arrives in a red and black chequered jumper, plus a blue jean corset and huge blonde wig. She jumps off the moving tractor…and somersaults forward to strike a pose!
“Here’s Bessie!” she yells in her Mountain twang, grinning wildly. “Welcome to Big Sky Country!”
“Yee Haw!” Belle says.
“Americans.” Cleo rolls her eyes.
Bessie Big Sky: “As the dust settles from my epic entrance, I feel my heart racing with excitement. I'm here with these fabulous ladies, ready to take on whatever challenges come our way. Growing up in Big Sky Country, I always dreamed of being part of something bigger than myself. And now, here I am, living that dream. Sure, some people might think I'm a little over the top with my inflatable tractor and wild outfits, but that's just who I am. I'm Bessie Big Sky, and I'm not afraid to be bold, daring, and a little bit crazy. So buckle up, ladies, because this ride is going to be one for the books!”
“How we all doing this evening?” Bessie bows.
“...It’s morning.” Cleo responds.
“Oh no, this is our night.” Bessie chuckles, throwing her closet on the table as she exhales. “Woof.”
Bessie Big Sky: “I’m a proud mountain drag artist. We don’t get shown off much- but I believe we have the best drag in the world.”`
“So you’re a rural Queen, I'm guessing?” Belle smiles.
“Proudly so. I slayed a bear for the hide for my boots.” Bessie points down with a smirk.
“Did you really?” Louise gasps.
“...No.” Bessie chuckles, as everyone laughs.
Louise Vuitton: “Oh, I didn’t get that.”
Finally, Oda Nobuna struts into the werkroom, dressed up in full Drag Daimyo fantasy, looking like a fierce samurai goddess about to march into battle. As she walks into the werkroom she says "If the cuckoo won't sing..." She drops to the floor in a split as she takes a sword out and slashes it. "Kill it."
“Werk.” Marias claps.
Oda Nobuna: “Hello, world.” Nobuna bows, smiling. “My name is Oda Nobuna, and I am proud to be here. For those who do not know my namesake, I am inspired by the famous warlord from my country who represents both the progressive and audacious traits that I admire. I am a proud performer, visual artist and actor- and I am here to slay these others in an effort to take on this competition. At any cost.” She smiles.
“This?” Bessie grins. “I love a warrior.”
“I’m a lover, not a fighter.” Belle smiles.
You’ve got drag mail!
“Wait, what the fuck?” Belle says.
“This- this isn’t right…” Louise looks concerned.
Bring your sunscreen. Bring your towel. Let’s get wet.
“There’s only 6 of us…” Cleo responds.
La Marias: “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”
It’s Drag Time, BITCHES!
Chronologica smiles as the racers still look confused at her.
Hi racers. I’m so happy to be here, with you. You 6 will be competing for the title of America’s next drag superstar. The winner of this Season will win a fierce crown and sceptre from Moxie Maniac Jewels, the title of next Drag Superstar and $50,000!
This season, I’ve decided to split our cast up with a double premiere in order to really get to know each of you all.
“Fabulous.” Nobuna grins.
We are getting STRAIGHT into the action. For our first maxi challenge… it’s time for a BALL!
Everyone gasps.
Racers, you will be serving us three fabulous looks in The Summer Ball! First, Beach Babe. Then, Summer Night Elegance. Finally…
The pit crew run out with thousands of pool toys.
Making your own looks, Pool Toy Eleganza Extravaganza!
Louise Vuitton: “Fashion is a passion. I’m ready to look fabulous.”
This is a challenge to show up and stand out. There is even MORE of a spotlight on you, with a smaller cast. And someone WILL go home. So… good luck… and don’t FUCK IT UP!
~
The racers start chatting as they prepare for the maxi challenge.
La Marias: “For our maxi challenge, we are doing a ball. I love balls.”
…
La Marias: “Oh…. meh.”
“How are all you pretty pals going with this challenge?” Belle grins.
“Looks are important.” Louise says. “For me, that’s a highlight of drag.”
“I feel the same.” Nobuna grins. “Tell me, what is your inspiration?”
“Glamour.” Louise responds. “I always wanted to be the most beautiful girl.”
“Sorry you aren’t that.” Cleo laughs. “Cause I’m here!”
Nobody laughs.
“Joking!” Cleo chuckles.
“Not a funny joke, but werk.” Marias whispers.
“I just- for me, to show my beautiful capability- drag is my best form, I do fashion, I deliver looks… I’m classic.” Louise nods. “And I like to wear gowns- big grand drag, me and my sister often put together.”
“Sister?” Nobuna asks.
“Twin.” Louise responds.
“Oh, lovely.” Nobuna nods.
Oda Nobuna: “Louise is clearly a threat in a fashion challenge. But her drag is classic. I believe myself to elevate it.”
“I think honing in on those classic instincts is a smart idea.” Nobuna grins.
Louise nods.
Oda Nobuna: “A standout piece can outdo the basic.”
“For me, looks are fun- but mine are darn dedicated to a specific brand.” Bessie grins. “I’m a Westerner. I show that in my drag.”
“Us rural ladies can really stand out on our own.” Belle smiles.
“I’m damn excited for my take on summer.” Bessie nods.
The others look over at Cleo and Marias, with Marias being quite silent.
“What about you, Marias?” Belle asks.
“Drag is drag.” Marias responds. “I don’t really make my own…”
La Marias: “Truly, I tend to buy at the mall.”
“Making your own drag is an important skill I believe.” Bessie turns to Belle, who nods.
“Yeah, even if I don’t always think mine looks great- it’s mine…” Belle says.
“It’s fine, i’ll make it work.” Maria shrugs, before looking down.
La Marias: “I am not like these other divas. I’m not here with the big, dramatic drag. But I turn and see Cleo and...”
“I’m just draping this around my body. Not even sewing.” Cleo laughs.
La Marias: “She’s not even trying. And you know what I have to say to that?”
“I mean, I know I’ll look good in it.” Cleo chuckles.
La Marias: “Stop relying on that body…”
~
The racers continue working on their tasks as Chronologica enters the werkroom.
Hello, Southern Belle!
“Belle if you’re nasty, and I’m filthy.” Belle winks.
Well, well, well Belle… how do you feel about our ball?
“I feel… good.” Belle nods.
Good?
“I like a sexy look. I think of myself as pretty damn pretty…”
These looks are solid. Have you brought them? Or-
“I make all my drag.” Belle says.
You should’ve lead with that!
“Well-” Belle looks shyly.
Clearly- you have the talent. So please, show up, with this level of quality- and I expect to see it confident and ready.
“Yes, Missy.” Belle grins.
How do you think your competitors are fairing?
“The girls all look lovely. Some a little more refined then others…” Belle grins.
I see.
Belle giggles.
…
Hi, Marias.
“Chronologica.” Marias responds.
What is your drag?
“It’s just-” Marias smiles, her face lighting up. “A fabulous time with a gorgeous girl.”
Chronologica chuckles.
I like that. How are you going to present that in this ball?
“For me, it’s just- showing up, and giving that fun flair.” Marias smiles. “To be the Queen at the centre… these are what I want to deliver with these looks.”
Chronologica looks down.
I see some simple concepts. So I want you to glitter, Marias… because these girls are here to bite.
“I have bite, too.” Marias responds.
How do you think your competitors are fairing?
“...I think Cleo is just pretty.” Marias says. “I think Nobuna brings something different, I wonder how it’ll translate. To me, Bessie and Belle seem similar… Louise is… classic, drag.” Marias says, with a hint of shade.
You’re an observer.
“I have thoughts.” Marias smiles.
…
Bessie Big Sky!
“Ms Chronologica.” Bessie bows.
Chronologica grins.
We are doing the summer ball. What’s summer for you?
“Big open skies, smile on my face. My lovers by my side, the fresh air, smiles and love. The salt of the earth on my feet and … joy.” Bessie grins.
That’s beautiful. How do you think your competitors are faring?
“Oh…” Bessie grins. “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling.”
All I’m asking is for you to talk how others are faring.
“They’re all lovely.” Bessie nods.
Totally. Who do you think will bottom?
“I- genuinely have no idea.” Bessie says.
Well I look forward to seeing you push this drag, showing yourself. And don’t forget to show us how you stand out.
“I will.” Bessie grins.
~
The racers chat as they get ready for the main stage.
“It is like, mighty damn crazy thinking there’s a whole other half of us yet to enter…” Bessie says.
“Right?” Louise nods. “I wonder…” Louise purses her lips.
“I’m just excited to get to know you all sexy little things.” Belle grins. “Tell me. Why did ya’ll apply?”
“For me- it was clear. I think I’ve proven my drag is amazing, at the level I expect a superstar to be and I love it. So, the world deserves me.” Louise purses her lips.
La Marias: “Oooh… Cocky.” Marias says.
“I love TV; I think I am fierce, and yeah- the same, really- look, I’m an Indigenous Australian woman in a world we don’t get to shine often. So I’m going to make my presence known.” Cleo responds.
“I like that.” Bessie says.
La Marias: “Similar to Louise. Cocky. But the TV mention makes me think. I’m not here because this is a show. I’m here because this is a competition I can compete in.”
“For me, my drag is to show the world I can do it.” Marias responds, before the others continue to speak.
“Bozeman has power. I love where I live. I feel like- people think of the big city, those Queer meccas- but not all of us live there. Not all of us… want to. I love where I am.” Bessie says. “And I want to show it.”
La Marias: “Sweet. Perhaps too dedicated to that specific genre of drag…”
“I wanted to move to those big cities.” Belle responds. “But I couldn’t afford it. I still can’t- which is why I make my own drag. Moved to Nashville, as that was in my budget.” Belle laughs. “I can’t afford much.”
La Marias: “She’s self conscious.”
“I only moved to NYC because like…” Louise shrugs. “Inheritance.”
“Well, lucky you.” Cleo chuckles.
Louise looks annoyed, as she continues to paint.
“My partner is a drag artist.” Oda Nobuna says. “She is everything. Talented, powerful- gorgeous and dazzling. She MAKES it.” Nobuna grins. “For me.”
The others grin.
“She auditioned for season 1. Didn’t get in. We both did in season 2. She took it hard when she didn’t get in. And then… just before season 3 auditioned, she was in an accident.”
Everyone looks over at Nobuna, who looks sadly for a moment.
“I’m so sorry…” Belle puts her hand on Nobuna’s shoulder.
“I chose to audition this time for her. I love drag. And I know she’d be here if she didn’t. I’m doing this for her… but also, for me too. Because I know I can. She knew I could.” Nobuna grins, as the others all look at her with pride.
La Marias: “Nobuna… that one is powerful.”
“...What’s happened to her now, if I can ask?” Louise says.
“She’s still in a coma.” Nobuna nods, looking down sadly.
The others frown.
“But… perhaps she can watch this- this first episode, and be proud of her love.” Nobuna nods.
“That’s sweet.” Bessie grins.
Oda Nobuna: “All I said was truth. But these girls may see may as the wounded little bird. And by design, I’m happy with that. Because that gives me the opportunity to strike. I KNOW I can win this challenge.”
Nobuna smirks.
Oda Nobuna: “And the battle begins.”
~
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