The saga is ongoing. Lots of updates. Lots of flowery language. Cheerleading.
I'll post the 32 OP posts in comments so save you all going through the whole thread if you're not MN members. Eta - couldn't add as a comment so here's the longest post ever.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4756410-he-has-run-off-with-the-kids-advice-needed-and-handhold
The saga is ongoing.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4756410-he-has-run-off-with-the-kids-advice-needed-and-handhold
He has run off with the kids, advice needed and handhold 32 replies Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 09:30
Posting for traffic. Apologies, its long.
Some might remember my previous threads. Basically I separated from my controlling ex in February. Things moved really quickly. And I managed to find a house. I moved out on Thursday. Instead of taking the kids out whilst I moved to make it less distressing for them which we had previously agreed, he stayed and made me take all my stuff out in front of them, and put it into the front garden. My friend and her children came over to help load her car up with my stuff. As awful as it was I stayed strong for the kids, they were excited about the new house, their new bedrooms and where choosing which toys to bring as well as playing with their friends in the front garden. Once my stuff was out (not much, he refused i take any furniture), he demanded my keys back, demanded the kids go inside, and literally pulled my 4 year old away from me, she was screaming and crying. He slammed the door in my face and shut the curtains. In hindsight I should have called the police then, believe me I realise that now. However i was trying to cause as least stress as possible. Due to previous advice on here I have recorded him on multiple occasions. I recorded the children Thursday morning whilst they were playing whilst I was moving my stuff out. You can see my stuff in the front garden and the kids happy and playing. When he took my daughter off me and put the other two inside and slammed the door on me, I started recording then too. You can clearly see and hear my daughter screaming behind the door , (part frosted glass door) and him pulling her as she's holding onto the front door handle from the inside. You can also hear him say you will see mummy tomorrow. Him and I had agreed that they would come to my new house on Friday morning whilst he goes to work. He has been using my past mental health against me, (see previous threads, I will try to link,) since I told him I wanted to separate, he wanted me to provide him a letter from a medical professional saying im sane 🙄. My cpn is dicharging me next week, so he will have that on paper - i know i dont have to do that but I will send him a copy because i have nothing to hide. On Thursday afternoon he phones me asking when will I be giving him half the child benefit. I tell him I am arranging mediation and we can discuss it there as he keeps ranting at me down the phone. So, Friday morning comes around. I message to double check what time he is dropping them over. I get back one message saying the kids are safe, I'm not taking any calls. He then ignores my texts and calls. I got round to his house and the car is gone, the curtains are drawn. He has done a runner with the kids! I phoned police and social services. As we have only just separated there is no child arrangements order in place. I'm absoloutely heartbroken. I've never known pain like it. They are 1, 4 and 6. They spend the majority of the time with me. Nearly 4 years ago he built and insulated a shed in the bottom of the garden. He has slept out there 99% of the time since. Leaving me to do all night time childcare since then. The girls who are 4 and 6 sleep in the bedroom next to me, the 4 year old wakes almost every night and comes and spends the rest of the night with me. My one year old has been in my bed since birth, what must my poor babies be thinking? He also works part time where I have the children on my own. The 4 and 6 year old are homeschooled. I take them to all activities and clubs and play dates etc. I know this is 100% about control, that he is using the children to try to break me so that his "she's an unstable mother" claims come true. I am 100% confident in my ability to parent my children. I am 100% confident that there is no issue with me, infact I've never felt stronger, my mh has never been better. That's why I knew I had to leave, because I knew I could be a strong single mother to my beautiful babies and I didn't want them witnessing his toxic behaviour any more. I will not have my children growing up thinking his behaviour is acceptable. I have a solicitors appointment Monday morning at 9am. All services have been informed, mediation is booked for 2 weeks time. I have phoned the police 4 times since Friday, who advise its a civil matter. I have spoken to social services who have said I'm doing everything right and have contacted every one I need to. I have even contacted universal credit. I believe part of the reason he has taken the children is because he won't receive the child element of universal credit anymore. He has Been begging for half the child benefit which thankfully is in my name. I was receiving pip due to my previous mental health issues, and he claimed carers element in universal credit. Obviously now I've moved out, and said he isn't my carer since we split, he doesn't get that anymore. He was only having to work part time because of this, despite claiming to be my carer, I was doing the vast majority of child care and household chores, whilst he slept in the shed so his sleep wasn't disturbed.
I have never felt pain like this. Being away from my children and wondering what they must be thinking, why they aren't seeing me, what he's filled their heads with is breaking my heart. I know and I will be strong and get through this short time until the courts decide on child arrangements. I'm also realistic about the fact that he could keep them until that date, in which case it could be at least a month before I see them again. Even when I had pnd 4 years ago, I went to a mbu with my daughter, they knew it was imperative that she be with me. I did end up being sectioned but my medication was adjusted and I made a rapid recovery. I was allowed to leave early from the section and even then all my children were allowed to visit me in the family room next to the unit as everyone knew how important it was they and I have regular contact. I was never a danger to my children, I just felt that I wasn't good enough to be their mother. However I've worked hard on myself, I am fully recovered. I engaged in all therapy, took the medication properly and came off it under their advice. I look after myself because I know that to be a good mother to my kids I need to be good to myself. I since have had my 1 year old and there's been no issues at all. Infact as 'my carer' he never once phoned any services or teams on me with any concerns regarding my mental health in an extremely long time, years, So there is also evidence of this.
I have my furniture being delivered today, the girls Bunk beds and sofa, tables etc. I will make this house a special and safe home for my babies, where they feel respected and loved.
I'm sorry for the huge post. Please if anyone has any more advice on what I can do, Or any questions for the solicitor appointment tomorrow I would so appreciate it. I need all the support and advice I can get. Thankyou
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Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 10:52
NEmama · 05/03/2023 09:46
Stay strong. Are his family involved? Would ex mil speak to him . Awful situation for you op x
Nope, no one is answering or responding. I have absoloutely no idea where they have gone. My guess is he's spoken to a solicitor and they've told him he is legally with in his rights to take the kids as he has parental responsibility and there is no court order in place
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 14:48
Dartsplayer · 05/03/2023 14:43
Unfortunately, having gone through the same thing with a family member, this is correct and there is nothing the police can do.
@Iamworthit you need to download a C100 form and submit it to your local family Court for an emergency hearing to have the children returned to your care as soon as possible. This group were invaluable in guiding us through the process from the children being taken to getting a Child Arrangement Order in place. You sound like you are doing everything right
www.facebook.com/groups/488124058749486/?ref=share
Show quote history I have my solicitor appt Tomorrow. Will she do that?
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:08
CalamityClam · 05/03/2023 10:19
Hold tight. My ex did the same thing. I had to leave without them. The DCs were safe with him even though I knew he was an absolute controlling TWAT - I knew they’d be upset, but I knew they’d be safe. I did everything you’re doing, determined to have it sorted legally so he couldn’t do it again, even if it meant waiting to see them. Believe me, the novelty will soon wear off for him when he realises he’s stuck with the kids and you’re as free as a bird.
It resolved for me quite quickly- within a couple of weeks. We shared care going forward. The DCs are adults now and have a very distant relationship with their dad.
So reassuring to speak to someone who has been through this and there was a positive outcome. I haven't spoken to them at all or seen them since Thursday morning, this is the longest its been. I'm assuming he has gone to his parents over an hour away. The police managed to get hold of him today and will be doing a welfare check tonight or tomorrow. They can't give me his wareabouts. Im terrified my kids are going to forget me, especially the one year old, other than a handful of nights where he agreed to have him for a night or 2 whilst I visited friends/ family, he's always been with me. And what if he turns them against me. I'm so scared they will think I've abandoned them and hate me or forget me. It could be weeks before a court hearing. Can a 1 year old Remember that long. I don't know.
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:23
Sunriseinwonderland · 05/03/2023 11:27
Take a deep breath and step back OP. My ex pulled this stunt more than once and the judge awarded me full custody and him none because DS was so traumatised by him. It took a while but it was ok. Well done for recording it. Your solicitor will advise you.
How long did he keep your son away from you for? I'm so scared they will forget me x
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Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:29
macncheeeesey · 05/03/2023 12:34
He's trying to punish you and unfortunately you have to abide by the system.
He will likely realise how hard it is very soon and won't be able to keep up with the homeschooling and caring for three little ones - especially as you say he sleeps in a shed normally.
Use this time to make the house a home for them. You can apply for an emergency family hearing - I'm sure your solicitor has advised on that.
He's an evil man who is damaging your kids but he won't be able to keep them. You've done everything you need to and informed the right people.
Try to distract yourself and use this time to work on your plan of attack to get them back and get yourself right.
My ex took our DD and wouldn't give her back but did eventually. Police wouldn't get involved after they did one welfare check. I would call them and ask them to do a check and say he is mentally unstable and you're worried about the kids. This will be logged and hopefully will scare him a bit.
I know the feeling, my DD wanted to come back but ex wouldn't let her. When she did some back she was super clingy. She knew what her dad did was wrong.
You've got this and you'll get them back.
I'm sorry you went through this too. How old was your daughter when he did that? How long was she away from you for. I'm scared they will hate me, god knows what he's telling them about why they can't see me
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:33
liveforsummer · 05/03/2023 12:47
Presumably he was taking care of them while she was sectioned so whilst he may not look after them when she’s gone he clearly can.
He looked after 1 dc then, not 3. He has become increasingly abusive since then
No, he went to work when I was in the mother and baby unit with my 2nd daughter. My mum and mil took it in turns to look after our eldest and he would look after her when not at work. Even when i went away for a couple of kights for my friends wedding my mum came to help him look after the kids
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:40
Springchicken75 · 05/03/2023 19:36
Op I would also strongly advise you to contact women’s aid after your appointment with the solicitor, they will offer some much needed support and advice.
www.womensaid.org.uk I did this a few weeks ago and I just got an email back with endless other support agencies, solicitors to call.
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:45
OhmygodDont · 05/03/2023 20:00
Snatches children like some mad man on the street. Or a father having his children for the weekend or maybe even being the resident parent.
With this whole women and men are equal they are aLeo equal parents 🥱. He text saying they were safe and he would not be taking her calls. Police have been called 4! Times and don’t seem to think there is any issue. Op willingly left them on the Thursday.
Im sure op will hear find out more Monday morning but nothing makes her the better or more superior parent in the eyes of the law currently.
The police got back to me today. They are doing a welfare check tonight or tomorrow. I didn't Willingly leave them on Thursday. I left them heartbroken, not wanting to cause any more distress and with a stupid idea he would do the right thing and give them to me the next day as planned.
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 05:16
Sami561 · 05/03/2023 20:22
I am so sorry you are going through this OP. The pain is like nothing else.
I have been in the same position as you and, unfortunately, as you have probably found, The Police have no powers if the father has parental rights. They say it is a civil matters for the courts.
All I can say is that this will massively go against him in family court proceedings- it did for my estranged husband. He was banned from having our child overnight for a considerable amount of time until he could prove he was trustworthy again. The courts and professionals also named that he was using our child as a emotional weapon towards me by doing this. Your husband will be viewed in exactly the same way by all involved. He isn't thinking about the children at all, he is thinking about himself and getting one over on you.
Brilliant that you have a solicitors appointment tomorrow, they will give you the advice you need.
Stay strong and get that child arrangements order in place💐
I really hope they do the same. I'm sorry you had to go through this too. It so incredibly cruel and unfair to the children.
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 05:46
Kinneddar · 05/03/2023 21:49
Probably because it doesn't meet the criteria. The children are with their Dad, there's nothing to suggest they're at risk. Just because their Mum doesn't know where they are doesn't mean there's anything wrong.
The other thing is the police will look at the history of the family in assessing things. They've been called out before because the OP was threatening self harm. She's still currently under a MH section & despite being told its not a Police matter has phoned numerous times today. Regardless of what anyone here thinks they'll make the assessment based on the information they have, which from the sounds of it possibly doesn't look great for the OP. AND the other thing is, we only know OPs version of events. I'm not saying they're not accurate but we have absolutely no way of knowing
Police don't do a welfare check just because someone wants them to, there has to be grounds.
If for instance they don't turn up at school tomorrow that would have things reassessed.
Even if officers did go out to the house tonight & noone was home they're not going to turn it into a misper enquiry at this stage.
Show quote history The police were never phoned with regards to my mental health. I always went through the proper channels with the perinatal team. Yes I did have the crisis team involved but that was 4 YEARS AGO. I was in a mother and baby unit and the medication they gave me to treat it was to low a dose. I was always with my daughter at the mbu. I got sectioned 4 years ago, and once there, my dd went back to the family home with her dad. My mum and mil also took it turns to stay with them for extra support. My section was supposed to last 28 days. I was released at day 14 due responding so well to the medication. I had been observed with my children by the nurses and Dr's theres (yes I still got to see my kids, and kept breastfeeding her and pumping the whole time) even during that period I have never been away from the kids for this long. Everyone in my care knew I was a brilliant mother, I have documents from being there. I struggling with pnd, and never a harm to my children. We were very much bonded, I just felt absolutely not good enough to be their mother. I have engaged with services at every single point along the way. I since had another baby - the one year old, and I was put under the perinatal mental health team again for precaution, but due to me doing really well during that pregnancy my contact with them was very little and the discharged me a year after birth with a plan to come off my medication, which I have done. Even after all this I'm still strong because I know I have to be there for my kids when I do get them back they will need me more than ever. Yes he was claiming carers allowance. However he hasn't phoned any mental health team in years with any concerns about me. He is trying to gaslight me to say that he has concerns, well than why as he only just raised concerns since I told him I was leaving ? Thankfully this is all fact and documented. My cpn has been phoned by my ex regularly since for the last few weeks since I said I'm leaving. My cpn has received calls from my ex and his family claiming I needed a welfare check. I arranged for my cpn to see me, who agreed that I'm fit and well and will be discharged this week. My cpn told me he said to the mil that they are all wasting his time and to stop calling him. My cpn visited me on Friday when I phoned him to say my ex had taken the children, he came over straight away, and is still satisfied I can be discharged. I've had a traumatic childhood, pnd was almost inevitable I've been told, however I have worked bloody hard on myself and am a credit to my children. Any one else reading this thread in the future who has to go through similar, please do not let posters like this wear you down. I have had PREVIOUS mental health issues. My mental health now is better than its ever been.
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 08:55
Thankyou. Omg 8 months your poor baby
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 10:28
UPDATE solicitor was great. She will apply for an urgent hearing today. Expensive, but my mum will pay this initial fee. Hopefully be seen by the court today 🙏 With a predicted respond date by Friday from him. I don't know when this means I will get them back, but at least the ball is rolling She will also put in a Prohibited Steps Order to stop him from changing their gp, Registering them for school, or taking them abroad.
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 10:38
SchoolTripDrama · 06/03/2023 10:36
Fantastic news, I'm pleased for you.
Also, him doing this, will MASSIVELY negatively affect his chances of getting access in the future, via legal routes. Judges look extremely dimly on parents who pull this stunt
Show quote history Thankyou. I hope this can be resolved ASAP. I think she said she's going to request an urgent live with order too
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 13:46
mucky123 · 06/03/2023 13:33
I have no actual knowledge of the Court system in these circumstances or anything helpful to say but I just wanted you to know that I have read the whole thread and I think you are incredibly brave and strong. I think lots of people would have crumpled at this and maybe gone back to him or just broken down. Well done, keep fighting, hope it is all over soon.
Thankyou. Don't get me wrong I've sobbed huge tears of grief this weekend and been full of panic and worry, one thing I will not do is let him break me. My kids need the best version of me right now, and so that's my focus x
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 19:25
Another update Not so great. He also did a Prohibited Steps Order. So the judge received them both today. They decided to see us together but the quickest available date is on the 21st of March! I've seen a copy of his order and requests. He wants me to admit I'm unstable. He wants confirmation from mh professionals I'm OK. It looks like he says I can have Supervised contact and calls. So obviously yes I'll take anything I can get, but need solicitor to confirm this. Also made allegations about how "unstable" I am. That I'm a suicide risk, that I've done x,y,z... BUT there's no record of him phoning my gp or cpn or anything, so hopefully that can quash that! He also keeps phoning my cpn telling him he is going for custody or he is giving me the order, or he is hiding away with the kids... So obvious he wants me to crack in front of the cpn. With regards to my cpn he is telling me he is putting my case to the team for discharge tomorrow, there is a chance they won't agree, and with the luck I'm having atm I'm beginning to think that they are going to say they won't discharge me.
Thanks for all the support. I really appreciate everything you ladies have said. I will update tomorrow with any news.
Go to post Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:30
Nope not since Thursday morning
Go to post Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:46
Scalessayeek · 06/03/2023 22:00
OP I can’t believe how some people are trying to bring you down. I would have completely fallen apart in your situation. You just need someone to see your posts on here to see how centered you are at the moment.
Sending you all the strength and luck in the world!
Thankyou. My kids have never needed more. All his behaviour is doing now is showing me just how controlling he is, and that getting out of that relationship is the best thing for me and the kids long term.
Go to post Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:48
P3N · 06/03/2023 19:42
Stay strong OP. You are doing amazing. Have the police got back about the welfare check? Your ex is disgusting trying to use your MH against you.
Yes. They saw the children and reported they aren't in harms way.
Go to post Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:54
Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:48
Yes. They saw the children and reported they aren't in harms way.
Show quote history Physical harm that Is. I said I'm guessing they are at the grandparents then and his expression told me everything I needed to know. At least they know them. Although they are nearly 80.
Go to post Iamworthit · 08/03/2023 15:57
Whiskeypowers · 08/03/2023 15:47
Hope you are holding up ok @Iamworthit
have you had any updates from the police or your solicitor etc?
No more information from police. He came back last night to his house, was there this morning amd gone this afternoon. I was notified by my friend who lives close by. No idea if the kids are with him. Waiting to hear if I can have Supervised visits before court hearing on 21st. Tonight will be night 7..
Go to post Iamworthit · 08/03/2023 22:08
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/03/2023 19:19
Just for my own understanding, why do you need supervised visits?
Show quote history I don't. He is claiming I'm mentally unstable and a flight risk because he's a controlling, pathetic excuse of a man. He vanished with the kids and put an application for a Prohibited Steps Order that I can't have the children back until he sees a letter from a medical professional to state otherwise.
Go to post Iamworthit · 08/03/2023 22:10
MaireadMcSweeney · 08/03/2023 19:54
Honestly I would probably do this too, but I don't know how that would impact on the court hearing. Remember now the process has started you can't just pull out and cancel it.
Show quote history This. I can't do anything because it's with solicitors, police and social services.
Go to post Iamworthit · 08/03/2023 22:33
Hi ladies. My cpn came over today. He isn't going to discharge me for another few weeks. This is positive, because it means he can tell the courts/judge that he is having the most recent interactions with me and there for can give an honest and open account of how I am. He phoned My solicitor personally and she agreed this would help my case. He has written a letter for this interim period to say he has no concerns. My solicitor believes if he with holds supervised visits before the court date he will be doing himself no favours at all. My cpn also told me that in his notes he has written that in his professional opinion my ex is mentally unstable (he has been pestering my cpn every few days for the past few weeks, since I told him I wanted to leave, however not once in over 3 years before I wanted to split was he concerned). Also that he is bring coercive, he is controlling, and the fact he sleeps in a shed 🤣🤣!! My cpn has Been brilliant throughout this whole thing. It's a case of playing the long game at the moment, I can't do anything to jeopardise seeing my kids. This is night 7. I last saw them a week ago tomorrow at around 11. I will not let him break me. He is using every tactic he can think of.
Go to post Iamworthit · 09/03/2023 11:33
cpphelp · 09/03/2023 08:03
The update about your CPN is fantastic. You are doing everything right. I think you're amazing, and all of this will be working in your favour. Maybe once all of this is over, they will insist on supervised visits only for him! How's the house coming along? Charity shops and the British heart foundation furniture shops are great for filling up a house xx
Thankyou. Yes my cpn has been great! Every second that goes by is another second without seeing my children, but it's also one second closer to getting them back in My arms.
Today marks a whole week since I last saw, held, played with, cuddled or even talked to my beautiful babies.
Go to post Iamworthit · 13/03/2023 20:34
UPDATE So, I got to see them this weekend!!! Supervised with my mum present at his request, but after 9 long days I finally got to see them, hold them, tell them I love them and they didn't forget me! ❤️ They loved the house, and their new bedroom 🤗 it was magic!
I'm hopeful for more contact this week which solicitor is hoping to negotiate. I'm STILL waiting for my letter from the CPN!. He was told by his manager to go through the NHS solicitors to make the letter water tight so that ex/his solicitors can't pick holes in it, so I'm actually waiting on the NHS solicitors now, its frustrating... They have had a similar case happen before, so want to do as much for me as possible.
However, ex agreed to contact this weekend, both days, due to my CPN speaking on the phone with my solicitor, and informing her I am well, capable, of sound mind, has seen me / spoken to me every few days since ex started with these mind games a month ago.
The kids were very anxious about going back to him, which was heartbreaking, but at the very least they know I'm always here, I have a safe home and I'm going to fight for their right to be with me, their mum.
Thankyou for all your support ladies. The first "urgent" hearing is next week, and then it's dealing with cafcass, social services etc for the next (and hopefully final) hearing in 2 months time where we will find out the child arrangements order.
Still a bloody long way to go till this is sorted, I don't trust that he won't do anything he can to get at me. He is already disputing the kids living with me and now my benefits may be stopped or suspended until this is sorted, which is just another form of him trying to control me.
I will never go back to him. I have lost all respect, faith, trust and any love I had for him is well and truly gone. He was able to hide behind clever words, confuse me, manipulate me and control me for far too long.
I hope the kids will forgive me for this upheaval in their lives, and I hope beyond all hope that they are back with me on a regular basis and that the judge can see him for what he is and that his actions have impacted our children's emotional well being significantly. But, until I have the judges decision, I know I won't take anything for granted. Anything could happen and now I know ex is capable of this, he could be capable of more and throw something else at me.
As always, thanks for checking in on me and your support xxx
Iamworthit · Yesterday 18:44
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · Yesterday 10:33
@Iamworthit your court case is Tuesday I think? How are you doing? Have you seen your children again?
Hi, nice username, dd2 loves hungry caterpillar!
I saw them once in the week aswell as yesterday and today. All had to be supervised by my mum, despite his solicitor confirming she sent him the letter from my CpN on Tuesday lunchtime, and me also sending him a message to say he now has it. However this letter he so desperately said he needs for me to have unsupervised and overnight visits he hasn't even responded to. I'm presuming he is waiting till court on Tuesday.
Yesterday the girls informed me that daddy left them at a strange woman's house whilst he went to work...
The time has been wonderful and I've really treasured every moment. Yesterday my one year old was in desperate need of a nap, he snuggled up to me in our new king-size bed in our new house and he slept peacefully for well over 2 hours. I feel so blessed to be their mummy and am thrilled at how comfortable they have been when back with me for these times. If anyone reads this in the future going through something similar - they don't forget you. That was my biggest fear, but I have more faith now that the bond between a mother and her children will always be there, no matter what or who stands in the way. Love is love.
So, our new magic house (the girls named it) is empty again for now. I'm just counting down the time until Tuesday afternoon and hoping/praying/wishing/ that the judge sees him for what he is and what he has put the children through. My solicitor is hopeful, but obviously no one knows what's going to happen on the day. I never thought my ex was capable of what he has done, but here we are.
I hope everyone has had a lovely mother's day 💗
Go to post Iamworthit · Today 11:18
Thankyou for all your messages and words of support for tomorrow. The police know everything, they did their welfare check on the children whilst he was staying at his parents house in their old country farm house with the attatched holiday home for them to stay in surrounded by their 40 acres of land. Not in the home where he and I lived with his shed at the bottom of the garden and no doubt chaos in the house where for the first time he is having to do all housework, laundry and cooking. They have been back at his for almost 2 weeks now. I have found a small comfort in them choosing games on their tablets and me getting the notification to approve their choices. The fact that I left with barely anything means they have the majority of their toys there, beds, tv etc and to them it was our home where we all lived together so at least they have familiarity. Cafcass will probably be doing a Section 7 report in which case they will meet with us and the kids in both houses so can make their own assessments from that.
They love our new house and I've explained to them the benefits of two houses, bedrooms, toys, Christmas, birthdays etc. They are being so resilient and brave through it all. I'm hoping for them it's just been a bit of an adventure.
The children filled me in on their day at the 'stranger ladies' house, where there was other children, guinea pigs a cat and a dog. They watched telly and played with the other kids and the animals and they gave dd2 a dress she particularly liked. They were very animated about it. I guess at the very least they had fun, I imagine they've been pretty bored with him. We had to drive past his house and up the road next to ex's house to get to mine yesterday and dd1 proudly pointed out 'that ladies house'. Would you believe it's almost directly behind his house!! For all I know he's been seeing this woman behind my back. She could have been hopping over the fence every night and going into his shed for all I know. I can't believe this is my life right now, you couldn't make it up. But as I've come to learn the hard way I certainly can't trust him, and I won't put anything past him.
Literally just counting down till tomorrow now.
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Go to post Iamworthit · Today 13:28
I have no idea who she is. I did however do a Facebook search of the local "Andreas" in the area and the kids pointed to who she was and pointed to the children who they recognised. It took all of about 60 seconds to find her. And the kids named the kids correctly to what she had shared publicly on her fb page. There's even a picture of her 'cheers-ing' her primary aged son both of them holding glasses of red wine. I've taken screenshots. Her name isn't on any registered childminder lists.
Go to post Iamworthit · Today 13:29
ThreeLocusts · Today 12:12
Will light a candle for you tonight. You've kept it together amazingly through all this. Here's hoping your kids will be back with you tomorrow.
Thankyou x
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Iamworthit · Today 13:41
Ilovethewild · Today 13:10
Op, stay true to yourself and your children.
don’t get caught up with what ex is doing/seeing/sleeping with. It is irrelevant! You can’t control it and the kids are ok. It will just muddy the waters. As others say it’s another twist from ex to distract you and send you off the rails.
focus on what you can do and what’s in the childrens best interest.
good luck with tomorrow, I hope the kids come home to you asap.
I genuinely don't care what he's up to relationship wise, I've been hoping he'd find someone else for a long time and leave me alone.
What I do care about is him leaving the kids with someone they don't know for whatever reason, when I'm round the corner desperate to see them, and him thinking he can do whatever he likes without any consideration for them, me or my mum who's had to drop everything (shes been brilliant in all this) without question, to supervise time for me to have my own children.
I will definitely be asking for first refusal of child care as some other posters have suggested.
Go to post Iamworthit · Today 13:42
Sunriseinwonderland · Today 13:20
My ex hid him for a month. DS was desperate to see me. My ex is a very wicked man.
Show quote history That's despicable. I'm so sorry x
Go to post Iamworthit · Today 19:19
Tomorrow is an urgent hearing to sort out the interim child arrangements before the first official hearing in May after cafcass have done their reports. It's possible there will be another 2 Hearings after that and this could take anywhere from 6 months up to a year to resolve.
Because he did a runner with the kids first, filed a Prohibited Steps Order to stop them living with me because he is saying I'm mentally unstable.
Best case scenario they return to live with me and the judge sees through his controlling behaviour and that he doesn't have the kids best interests at heart. Worst case scenario it stays as it is.
I suspect he has something else up his sleeve to throw at me tomorrow. Its clear he wants me to suffer as much as possible.