1903 indian head penny

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2008.04.22 20:36 Coin Collecting - Coin News - Coins in History

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2023.06.03 22:21 happyexit7 On the way to Conconully

On the way to Conconully
Gorgeous little valley.
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2023.06.03 22:20 hashtagpearish Am I (F28) in the wrong that I am unable to accept my mother in law's (F56 I think) flaws (that everyone says is her inherent nature and everyone in the family have accepted and moved on)?

Frequent lurker, not so frequent poster!
Statutory disclosure, I don't know if I'm looking for an advice or simply looking to talk about it. Also, my head is all over the place, so the post might be long.
My husband (33M) and I (28F) got married about a year ago. What we have is a typical Indian family, us, his parents and his sibling.
They're all nice people, my husband is the most wonderful person I could ever think of being with. The problem lies in my Mother-in-law (MIL) (late 50ies).
MIL isn't necessarily a bad person, isn't a monster in law per se, even cares as much as a MIL could. But she's wayyyy too much into formalities, doing things just out of formality, offering to help out of formality, lying for no real reason, small stupid lies (like husband asked to make pancakes for breakfast and said you'll also eat that, when in fact husband had never said that). All of this makes it impossible for me to trust her. Even when she's being genuinely caring or genuinely concerned, I feel like she's faking it.
Another problem with her is her inherent nature, which I can only describe as being self-absorbed. It often feels like she believes she's above everyone else, she's always in the right. What she has, her kids have is the best. She wants to be above everyone else.
I am not the kind of daughter in law (DIL) she had expected. I can't cook, I can't talk much unless I am comfortable, I'm not too much into dressing up like a newlywed should. I've been told multiple times by her that don't I need more bling in my clothes, better jewelry, louder makeup? I am probably the opposite of what she'd wanted in her DIL.
In the last one year, I've been disrespected by her multiple time in multiple ways.
There are so many more instances, I could go on. Since the very beginning I've felt like an outsider here and feel that way today too. It has always been "her" house. And now I've accepted it to be "her" house which can never be mine.
Because of all of this, I've stopped talking to her more than necessary. I am civil, even caring, but I am not how I had hoped we would be. She has a problem with that because according to her, I don't talk to her, I am not free with her, like I am with my FIL and sibling in law. But I am this way because when I tried talking to her, it felt like she's just not interested.
Call me stupid but I'd expected to have a home here, in laws who were like parents. My husband is wonderful, FIL and sibling-in-law are good too. But because of MIL I'm not able to accept anybody. I'm not able to accept this place as home. Feels like a bread & breakfast where I have more responsibilities.
MIL has always been like this, the other three in the house have tried to change her over the past years, realised she won't and have accepted her as she is. She talks, they nod but do what they want to. They cater to her, do not disrespect in any way, they love her but they don't give into her unreasonable demands, or those demands which they are not in a position to fulfil because they have other plans. In short, in spite of her being her and trying to control the, they are living their life the way they want to.
Husband in many ways hopes I become like them too. Ignore MIL and live my life. But I'm not able to do that. If I ignore, I ignore 100%. I can't pretend, I can't fake. Every time I feel disrespected, I cannot ignore that. I am not able to move on from everything that happened over the past year. I have become cold towards everyone, I am not me anymore. I can't ignore her and carry on with my life happily, so I've become quiet and sad.
Every now and then I cry because of something or the other. On an average, I cry every 2-3 days. If for nothing else, I start crying because because of all of this, I'm drifting away from my husband. He's trying his hardest to hold me, to hold onto me, but I'm not able to warm up to him either. I hate it. I know this is not how I should treat him, he deserves better, so much better, but I'm just not able to give him that. I don't know what to do.
On some days I feel maybe its my fault that I am not able to accept MIL as she is, ignore her and live happily, like everyone in this house is doing. I feel like I'm wrong for not being able to ignore everything she does wrong (because that's her nature) and still love her. I've tried. I've not been able to.
I don't hate her. I care for her. But I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of living like this. My husband deserves better.
Am I really in the wrong? Should I try harder to accept her flaws, like her kids and her husband has?
P.S. Husband, FIL and sibling-in-law has told her most of the time she has done wrong to me. It isn't like they aren't doing anything to make me feel more comfortable. So much that FIL and MIL have had huge fights over some of the things she's done towards me and my family in the past. But MIL doesn't really learn, she may have accepted maybe 2 out of 10 mistakes, the other 8, she probably feels she wasn't in the wrong.
TDLR- MIL is a difficult person who feels she's always right and is above everybody else. Things she says/ does can be insulting. She also does a lot of things because society demands, does things for the sake of formality. Everyone else in the family have accepted and moved on. I am not able to do that. Consequences are, I am not even able to accept the other family members and I am drifting away from my husband. Am I wrong in being unable to accept that this is how she is and this is how she is to everyone, even her own children and husband?
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2023.06.03 22:02 Southern_Type_6194 I wish we had learned to sing a different song

Most days I can push you out of my head, but for some reason today is more difficult. I can't keep bringing you with me everywhere. You're too heavy on my heart and I don't want to keep paying this excess baggage fee.
This is what you wanted to do with the extra chance you begged so hard for? I don't understand how you could come back saying you don't want to be a reminder of the pain you caused me and then turn around and cause more damage and scarring. You fucked it. I always did say you were a Kendall.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me two, three, four...I've lost count but you get the point. Shame on me. You had me believing you really saw how dim and sad the last year of your life was without me. That you never wanted to go through that again. But just add in a little work stress and the promise that you'd rather face any conflict with me than be without me in your life falls apart.
No matter how much I wanted to believe in you, I always remembered the story you told me about a brewery you were really stoked to go to but your partner at the time wasn't feeling well and you didn't want to go by yourself because you'd feel guilty. I realized I couldn't imagine you ever doing something that selfless for me. It's kind of codependent, but still selfless. I wanted your actions to prove me wrong, but time and time again they just proved what I suspected. You only cared about me when it was convenient for you.
I was the one who made time in the middle of getting ready for my birthday party and housewarming to talk with you on the phone when you said you needed to while you couldn't even figure out how to fit in regular phone calls. You sure made time to repeatedly fly halfway across the country for your tattoo though. Work was busy and you couldn't do a bunch of visits right now? Cool. You could've flown in even if we could only see each other for five hours before you had to turn right back around to show me that you actually took this seriously. It's what I would have done for you in a heartbeat if the situation was reversed. When someone is special to me I make sure they know it without a doubt.
I asked you multiple times if you could make me a priority and you swore up and down it wouldn't be an issue. Your words mean less than the penny now. When your work slows done and you realize what you lost again it won't matter that you know how badly you fucked up or that you think I'm your person. I can't trust a single word out of your mouth.
The saddest thing is that I do believe you truly thought I was your person and that we could have had everything. That you wanted to see me. But when you actually have the possibility of having everything and being in a real romantic relationship with someone you're compatible with you freak out and go cold. You crave and need real intimacy right up until you can actually have it because you realize that would require you to be truly vulnerable and the deep feelings that come with it, managing conflict, and fear. Then you go right back into your comfort zone of hiding out in relationships with people who know are wrong so that you can always keep some level of emotional distance. Time goes on and once you feel safe again that need for intimate connection comes back. Rinse and repeat.
Until you address your issues around your emotional unavailability you will continually crave to have your needs met and trip over your own feet every time you see the finish line. I'm taking myself out of this twisted merry-go-round of yours. You will never be able to be the person who meets my needs and the only thing I can depend on you for is disappointment.
You said repeatedly you can't change your life right now but you've been saying that for almost three years. If not now then when? The answer is never because you won't.
Yeah, we could've had everything. We could have had so many nights just like Ft. Wayne. A lifetime of them. But now you'll just have to make do with whatever happiness you can find without your person in your life.
I hope the loss of me feels like a phantom limb. That you always go to tell me something that's happened in your life and realize with a gut punch that I'm gone forever because of your own selfish actions. That you always sense something integral is missing from you and the void left where we were once so deeply intertwined eats away at you. You know I was the love you'll always remember. The one in your mind on your deathbed while you're still singing "I Don't Like Who I Was Then" to me even after all these years. And you'll never see me again.
It's so sad that our story ends with those being the last things we ever say to each other. Words full of betrayal and pain. My last memory of you will be of you just letting me go and disappointing me after you said you'd never do that again. I guess ours was always destined to be a tragedy. I'm not just closing the chapter on us, but the whole damn book.
I so wish we had learned how to sing a new song together but you've always returned to the same refrain the entire time I've known you. The song of a man with no spine.
Goodbye to the effortless way we talked and bonded with each other. Goodbye to the way you looked at me that first night like I was a goddamn miracle. How you kept reaching over in your sleep to pull me close and make sure I was still there. Goodbye to Sundays hiking with the dogs and spending the evening intimately wasting time until the sushi gets delivered and all the other things that could have been.
There will be no Sundays hiking with the dogs and spending the evening intimately wasting time until the sushi gets delivered. There will be no beach vacations or coming home to me after work and the chicken pot pie I made you. No exploring new places with fingers laced or telling you what I want to do to you at the most inopportune times that have you pushing me into dark corners to kiss my neck. No life where we got to be the happiest and most fulfilled version of ourselves. Those pages never got written. That song never got sung.
You said you didn't want this with anyone else but that's exactly what you've chosen. I'm done lowering my standards just because I loved you.
I'll bury my memories of you, hopes, trinkets, and the list of funny husky memes I saved to send to you when you're stressed into a watery grave. I'll pour a whiskey out for you but only the cheap, shitty kind. You're dead to me now. Goodbye, cowboy.

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2023.06.03 21:24 PM_ME_YOUR_DALEKS A list of 15 selected longreads about Hollywood for the weekend

I originally posted this list of Hollywood related longreads to a gossip subreddit, but have been meaning to clean it up and share it here since. I'm hoping to be more active here from now on, as I am definitely a passionate longreader. :)
"Tears and Terror: The Disturbing Final Years of Mickey Rooney," The Hollywood Reporter
"One of the biggest stars of all time, who remained aloft longer than anyone in Hollywood history, was in the end brought down by those closest to him."
The gripping tale of Mickey Rooney, the legendary child star turned Oscar nominee and how his tormented end unfolded— abused and robbed by his eighth wife and her children. This is a captivating story that exposes the tragic downfall of a true Hollywood icon.
"The Untold Stories of Wes Studi," GQ
"In the process, he's become the biggest star we've ever had in the Native acting world, but he's never attained actual stardom."
A terrific profile of Wes Studi, the renowned Native American actor who stands as a true luminary in the industry. With good insight into the workings of Hollywood, Studi's remarkable journey encompasses not only his experiences as a Vietnam War veteran but also his invaluable wisdom acquired as an activist within the American Indian movement of the 1970s.
"The Rise and Fall of Planet Hollywood," Esquire
"My second wife was on the way back from [an event], and she flew back with George Clooney. He got the call where he found out he was Batman on the plane. . . . He was saying, ‘I am Batman.’. . . There were so many celebrities, it became like high school. You got to hang out with the cool kids.”
Embark on a nostalgic journey through the bygone era of the 1990s, where Planet Hollywood reigned. This movie-themed restaurant, owned by the movie stars themselves, promised a glamorous encounter with the very celebrities who graced the silver screen. At the pinnacle of pop culture's obsession with fame, this chain soared before crashing into bankruptcy not once, but twice. This article will take you back if you ever experienced the dubious pleasure of sampling the lackluster food at a Planet Hollywood franchise.
"Frank Sinatra Jr. is Worth Six Buddy Grecos," GQ
"Not one of them can even imagine what it is like to be Junior, to have a father who would do something like that to his own son, to have a father who is proud enough, fierce enough, brutal enough and big enough to present his son to a thousand faces and then turn him into a shadow."
An exquisitely crafted profile, not only due to its prose but also the way it exudes a remarkable sense of empathy. Frank Sinatra Jr. was not just a walking punchline but trapped in the unfulfilled, lonely cage of his father's fame. This is not just a mere recounting of events, but a sincere examination of the profound loneliness and unfulfilled dreams that defined Junior's existence.
"The Ego Has Landed," People magazine
"He has been compared to nearly every great man in history. The funny thing is, he's the one doing all the comparing."
Step into the world of Philip Michael Thomas, a former TV star whose fleeting fame on Miami Vice propelled him to astonishing levels of egomania. While his name may have faded from memory, this article unflinchingly spotlights a man whose taste of success led him to unparalleled heights of self-importance.
"Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan in Your Movie," The New York Times
"She proclaimed the director a jerk, her co-star a nightmare and the crew unfriendly. On it went. Schrader listened for a while. He looked stricken. He softly tapped his balding head on the table. Lohan asked him what was the matter."
The Canyons was destined to be a disaster film simply because of the crazy egomaniacs (and worse, in the case of James Deen) involved, at the service of what was, by all accounts, an awful script. I haven't seen the film myself, but I have read this piece several times, which captures the slow trainwreck in progress. At the center of this calamity stands Lindsay Lohan, a star who somehow manages to duck any inklings of sympathy by embodying entitlement and assholeish behavior.
"Val Kilmer Doesn't Believe in Death," Men's Health
"'Cher dipped out for afternoon errands,' he writes. 'Night fell, and I fell asleep. Suddenly I awoke vomiting blood that covered the bed like a scene out of The Godfather. I prayed immediately, then called 911.'"
A poignant piece that details how a once radiant star grapples with the passage of time and the relentless grip of throat cancer. This piece gives a mix of emotions that range from sympathy to a lingering sense of unease - the latter due to Val's bizarre obsession with his Christian Science faith and how it requires reconciling his idols Mary Baker Eddy and Mark Twain, two totally opposed personalities.
"Ten Years Ago, I Called Out David Letterman. This Month, We Sat Down to Talk," Vanity Fair
"I’m sorry I was that way and I was happy to have read the piece because it wasn’t angering. I felt horrible because who wants to be the guy that makes people unhappy to work where they’re working? I don’t want to be that guy. I’m not that guy now. I was that guy then.”
Twenty years ago, Nell Scovell quit her dream job as a writer at The Late Show with David Letterman over sexual harrassment. In the wake of the #MeToo movement, Scovell seizes the opportunity to conduct an interview with Letterman, who confronts the difficult questions. However, amidst the acknowledgment and apology, Scovell grapples with a lingering doubt: Does Letterman's contrition stem from genuine remorse or simply from the consequences of being exposed? This compelling piece questions the intricacies of celebrity apologies and the true nature of accountability.
"Nobody's Victim: An Interview with Samantha Geimer," Quillette
"I know what happened, and I know how I feel. I will not silently let my life be distorted and used by strangers, whatever their intention, knowing full well that they care nothing for me."
An incredibly hard read, this interview is with Samantha Geimer, who was violently raped by Roman Polanski at age 13. Yet this emotionally charged piece has lingered in my thoughts for years, as it grapples with the complex issues surrounding society's expectations of sexual abuse victims, particularly the victims of heinous acts committed by public figures. As you navigate through the interview, be prepared for moments of discomfort as Geimer calls out even those who purport to advocate for her, revealing how their actions have, at times, exacerbated her pain. Bonus: For the intricate details of the legal case and all its twists and turns, see this examination by Jeffrey Toobin in The New Yorker.
"The King of the Geezer Teasers," Vulture
"Off-camera, De Niro’s ordeal was no less daunting — somehow, the great actor had to keep Hollywood’s worst filmmaker from ruining the movie they’d set out to make together."
Written before Bruce Willis' dementia diagnosis, this is a revealing profile that takes you behind the scenes of the straight-to-video empire constructed by Randall Emmett, a mastermind who leverages aging male stars to churn out profitable yet subpar films. There have been accusations since this piece was published that Emmett exploited Bruce Willis to keep his deals going.
"Oliver Stone's Mother Lode," Washington Post
"It's not clear -- from detailed interviews with Elizabeth, Oliver and his mother Jacqueline -- what actually occurred."
What starts as a routine profile of Oliver Stone explodes when his ex-wife drops a bombshell allegation about an incident from his childhood. The normally combative Stone seems uncharacteristically reticent (or perhaps in denial) at times, as the writer tries to untangle the family drama and how personal history intertwines with the filmmaker's work. Bonus: Carole Cadwalladr revisted these allegations thirteen years later in this excellent Guardian profile of Stone.
"Natalie Wood's Fatal Voyage," Vanity Fair
"After a few minutes, Wagner appeared and told the captain, “'She’s gone.'"
What happened the night Natalie Wood drowned? Was it an accident or something more sinister? This article of unparalleled depth explores that tragic night, including incredible revelations from the captain of the yacht - the only surviving witness willing to talk.
"Trapped in the Twilight Zone," Los Angeles Times
"'It’s not that there are no values in Hollywood,' Puttnam says. 'It’s that there is a whimsical lack of consistency on ethical issues. People can be incredibly loyal and forgiving toward some individuals, and completely unforgiving toward others.”
In 1982, a horrific accident killed Vic Morrow and two child actors (working illegally) on the set of The Twilight Zone: The Movie. While the powers that be - John Landis, Steven Spielberg and Frank Marshall - faced no long-term consequences and reached new career heights, it wasn't so for the crew members who survived the tragedy. This compelling article delves into the profound impact that continued to haunt the below-the-line personnel years after the incident, and on the enduring trauma it left behind.
"The Miranda Obsession," Vanity Fair
"'On a good day,' she wrote, 'I feel like a shipwrecked person spotting the sight of some nearing shore: a taste in the wind, a softness in the light, a sudden passage of words. Love is so easy in the movies.'"
In the pre-Internet era, the enigmatic figure of Miranda Grosvenor weaved a web of allure and deception over the phone, captivating numerous famous and influential Hollywood men with her mesmerizing voice and innate charm. However, the true identity of Miranda Grosvenor was far from the persona she projected. In a tale that predates the concept of "catfishing," this peculiar and poignant narrative explores the impact of illusion and the poignant reality of loneliness.
"The Unbearable Bradness of Being," Rolling Stone
"We are alone. Pitt glances suspiciously at what lies between us on the table, as though it's always the inconsiderate, tattle-telling interloper that spoils a good conversation. 'The dreaded tape recorder,' he says, fingering it."
This starts as a typical celebrity profile from the late 90's, slightly edgy because it was from Rolling Stone and Brad Pitt was in his dudebro era. But things get interesting when Brad has second thoughts, and he and the writer, Chris Heath, get into an argument. Heath shares the power struggle that ensues when a celebrity - at the peak of their influence -attempts to seize control of their profile.
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2023.06.03 21:22 WiryReaction indian hack beautiful blue eyes school creampie blonde hoties hannahowo gifs sex hair girls head social exposed deep statewins perky link

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2023.06.03 21:19 Hippy_Johnny69420 Some new coins i got, love the 3 cent piece

Some new coins i got, love the 3 cent piece
All the coins are marked as details. Got them for $35, not shown here are an EF/XF 1930 Buffalo nickel, an EF/XF 1903 Indian head cent, and a poor condition 1915-D wheat cent.
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2023.06.03 21:05 Dizzy-General8771 Instinct

This story is true about what my husband experienced one summer in the mid 90’s while working as a grounds keeper at a camp for kids.
It was the early 90’s and at the time my husband, Eddie (just passed his 19th birthday) hadn’t yet decided whether or not he wanted to go to college. He had recently lost touch with most of his high school friends and as such, didn’t have much planned for the summer. So, when the offer to be a live-in grounds keeper at a children’s day camp came his way, Eddie was happy to take the opportunity. He lived in a rural area of Ontario so the camp, surrounded by trees and having it’s own small lake, was both secluded enough to have peace and quiet, but not so far away that he couldn’t manage a trip home on the off days.
While the seclusion wasn’t geographically extreme, once everyone left on Friday afternoons – all the children gone, the day staff back home to their families – the place was actually really eerie. This was magnified by the fact that at the time, Eddie didn’t have a car, and the only phone was about a 20 minute walk from his tiny cabin at the back of the property along a dark dirt path. This meant that most evenings and weekends were spent next to a camp fire or inside the cabin with the door locked listening to loud music and having a few drinks.
Usually, the property was really quiet and it would actually get boring out there with no one to talk to and nothing to do. Eddie once told me that he would pass time by canoeing around the tiny lake (which was more like a large pond) and catching every turtle he could find. He would place them in the bottom of the canoe( with some water and lily-pads so they were comfortable) then once he caught every one he could find, he would canoe to different parts of the lake and put them back one-by-one. So, obviously, there wasn’t much going on in the area.
It was one quiet night however, where despite how peaceful it seemed, there was definitely something evil happening out in those trees and fields.
The night started like any other. It was a warm Saturday in Ontario which meant that the bugs were biting and you could drown in the humidity. It was getting toward the end of the summer and Eddie had gotten into the weekly routine - cleaning and fixing things around the camp during the week days then wandering around the property on the weekends. This Saturday had started off no different that the others. Eddie had done a quick security sweep of the area in the morning to make sure nothing was amiss, then spent the afternoon paddling around the lake catching turtles. A few hours before sundown, Eddie was back at his cabin and had built a nice campfire. He always made sure to start the fire before dark.
On this Saturday Eddie had spent the evening cooking a meal over the fire and reading his favorite Stephen King novel The Stand. He had listened to the weather forecast on the little cabin radio earlier that morning and was aware there was a chance of some nasty thunderstorms that night. He was keeping a close eye on the wind and the clouds as night rolled in, knowing that even this far north, the heat and humidity was known to give rise to fearsome tornadoes every few years.
Not long after he finished his meal, the sky turned dark and the wind began to pick up. Eddie doused his fire and was starting to pack up his book and his dishes when he heard something moving through the brush. He stopped and listened for a moment. The rustling continued, but figuring it was a racoon or a deer, Eddie went about his business – more concerned with the approaching storm.
Once in the cabin, Eddie locked the door and felt a little more secure. He turned on the single, un-shaded light bulb that hung above the sink. The rickety cabin wasn’t much, it had no bathroom and no stove, just a mini fridge, sink, a hot plate, and musty bed. As rickety as it was, it still had a lock on the door and the only window was too small for a person to fit through without a struggle.
Soon, Eddie was getting settled back in with his book. It wasn’t long before the rustling sound he had heard outside returned, but this time it sounded like something was brushing up again the outside wall of the cabin. Still thinking it was just an animal, Eddie tried to keep his attention on his book. The curtains on the window were closed, so he couldn’t see outside, but he knew it was dark and thought he heard the distant rumbling of thunder. The rustling and brushing sound was right outside his door now. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he had heard the handle jiggle.
Suddenly the rustling turned to a crashing and it sounded like two or three people were running away from the cabin. This startled Eddie causing him to drop his book.
Maybe that wasn’t just a deer after all”. Eddie thought out loud. He stood up and hesitated.
What was he going to do?
Part of his job was to watch out for trespassers and notify them that they had to leave if he found any. Usually this was an easy job. He was only run into this a couple times and both occasion it was a group of local kids taking a nighttime swim in the pond. Usually, he scared them more than they scared him.
Thinking this was probably the case – the local kids having found his cabin and decided to play a bit of a prank on him- Eddie grabbed his keys and his flashlight and headed for the door.
He could hear the wind howling and the rain starting to tap on the roof. Not quite a downpour yet.
He took a deep breath and opened was about to open the door when he heard a gentle tapping on the window. This was obviously not rain.
The hairs on his arms stood at attention. His blood ran cold even in the stuffy and sweltering heat of late July. He was frozen with his hand on the door knob. Not even breathing. Something in his stomach was telling his to remain completely still and whatever he did to NOT OPEN THE DOOR.
After a few minutes, the tapping hadn’t returned. The rain was coming down harder now and Eddie began to breath again. He let go of the door knob and immediately turn off the light. He quietly got under the covers, not even bothering to take off his shoes or put back the large, metal flash light, in case whatever it was that was out there came back. Eventually he fell asleep.
The next morning Eddie awoke and felt no sign of the eerie presence from the night before. He got up and immediately noticed that the storm had passed and the morning sun was shining through the curtains. Groggy and a bit shaken, Eddie splashed some water on his face and began to rummage through the fridge for something to eat.
He was just debating whether he wanted to cook his eggs and bacon over the fire or if the firewood was too damp when there were a loud knock at the door. Eddie jumped and almost soiled his pants. No one had even shown up unannounced way out here on a Saturday.
“Eddie, it’s Jim, your mom’s friend from work. Are you in there?”
Eddie recognized the voice. His mom worked in dispatch for the local police department. Eddie, being a bit of a trouble maker in a small town, knew the members of the force both from family BBQ’s and from his own personal run-ins.
Eddie let out a breath and relaxed a bit, but then it hit him – Why was Jim out here so early on a Saturday?
Thinking something might be wrong at home, Eddie rushed to the door and unlocked it.
“Hey Jim, is everything okay? Why are you out here?”
“Morning Eddie, everything is fine, but your mom sent me to pick you up and bring you home this morning.” Jim looked around the cabin. He was in his uniform and Eddie could make out his cruiser a few yards away. Eddie noticed Jim was subconsciously fingering his weapon.
“I think you’re mistaken Jim. I’m not supposed to be going home until next weekend and Mom said that she was going to come out to pick me up.” Eddie took a step back and watched Jim’s face as he surveyed the tiny cabin.
“I know that was the original plan, Eddie, but we all think it’s best that you get your things and come with me.” Jim stood in the door with the face of a man who was not to be questioned. The hair’s on Eddie’s arms stood up and he had no choice but to agree and begin to pack up his belongings.
As they packed the car, Eddie could have sworn he was a set of shoe prints that made a trail around his cabin.
After driving in silence for a few minutes Jim casually began asking Eddie what he had been up to last night.
“Did you go out at all or just stay by the fire?” Jim asked, his eyes watching Eddie through the rearview mirror.
“I was by the fire, but they went in side when it started to rain. That storm was starting, so I didn’t want to be caught out in it.”
“It must get a bit creepy out there all alone during a storm”, Jim said. That’s when Eddie remembered the tapping at the window and the strange rustling sounds.
“Actually, it’s usually fine, but last night I got a bit of a scare. Just as the storm was starting, I think an animal or something was walking around my site. Probably a coyote or a fox that smelled my supper.” Eddie’s eyes locked with Jim’s.
“Did you see anything?” Jim asked.
“No. At first I thought it was some of the local kids that I had kicked out of the lake a couple weeks ago. Thought maybe they were playing a bit of a prank on me in return, but the rain was starting to pick up, so I decided to stay in the cabin and pretend I didn’t notice.” Not wanted to sound like a wimp in front of one of his mom’s coworkers in the force, Eddie lied about the chills he had experienced.
“That’s probably for the better.” Jim said. “They usually go away if you ignore them”.
The rest of the ride was silent. Eddie drifted to sleep for a little while and when he awoke they were pulling into the driveway of his parents house. His mom was standing on the front steps when they got there.
“Eddie!” His mom called as he was getting out of the car. “Come inside, I have coffee and breakfast ready”.
“Thanks mom, just let me get my things from the trunk.”
“Just leave them for now. Jim is going to join us for breakfast. You can get your things after we talk.” His mom turned and disappeared into the house. A little confused, but hungry from having missed his morning meal, Eddie shrugged and walked toward the house. Jim locked the car and followed close behind.
Eddie sat at the kitchen table and was greeted with a plate of hot pancakes with bacon and a fresh cup of coffee. Eddie began to eat but noticed that Jim and his mom were only drinking coffee.
After a couple minutes of pleasantries Eddie was starting to get annoyed.
“Why did you pick me up early mom? And if you’re home, why did you send Jim out to get me? Mom, what’s going on!?”.
“Eddie,” his mother said his nice calmly yet firmly in the way only a mother can, as she rested her hand on this arm. He stopped and looked at her. What she said next still gives my husband a pit in his stomach to this day.
“Three people were found dead within a mile of that camp early this morning, just as the storm was clearing.” The words sounded distant in Eddie’s ears.
“What do you mean? Like a car accident?” Eddie was confused but starting to get nervous.
“A man was found dead at the bottom of a radio tower a half mile up to road. We don’t know how he got in there, but it looks like he tried to climb it and fell off.”
Eddie’s eyes widened.
“About a half a mile in the other direction, a young man and woman, about your age Eddie, were found dead. The woman was in the house and the man was found in the back yard. They were both stabbed to death. We found no evidence of a break in.” Jim told this part of the story. He watched Eddie to gauge his reaction.
Suddenly Eddie’s pancakes didn’t taste to good any more and he felt a knot build in his stomach.
“So, you came to get me because you were afraid I might be dead too.” Eddie said this slowly and looked at both his mother and officer Jim.
“Did you hear or see anything strange last night, Eddie?” His mother tightened to grip on his arm and looked into his eyes. He glanced at officer Jim who gave an emotionless stare back.
“Yeah. I was telling Jim that I heard what I thought was an animal rummaging around by the fire after I went to bed. It didn’t go away and I thought it might be some of the local kids. I was going to check it out, but the rain was heavy and I thought they would go away if I stayed inside and ignored them.”
“Thank god you did.” Eddie’s mom hugged him and tried her best to hold back tears. Eddie hugged his mom back. His breath shallow from the shock.
Had he almost been one of the victims of this murder? Had the murderer tried to hide out at the camp after brutally slaying the young couple up the road? If Eddie hadn’t gone inside when he did, would he have been murdered while he sat by his fire?
Eddie’s thought were spinning so fast that he didn’t even notice Jim get up and leave. It was a half hour later when his mother calmed down enough for Eddie to realize that Jim had driven off with his things.
“Mom, you need to call Jim, my things are in his car!”
“I’ll call the station and let them know”. Eddie’s mom didn’t seem surprised that Jim had left without saying goodbye. She just went to the phone and called the station.
“Hi Gale, it’s Penny. Eddie was wondering when Jim will be back with his bags.” At the time, Eddie didn’t notice that his mother hadn’t had to explain the situation to her coworkers in dispatch. Wouldn’t they be wondering why Jim had Eddie’s bags in the car?
Jim eventually came back on his way home after his shift. He dropped Eddie’s stuff off, gave him a squeeze on the shoulder, and said “take care of yourself, kid. It was smart of you not to open that door last night.”
It wasn’t until looking back on the incident 5 years later that Eddie realized Jim had come to pick him up for two reasons. Either, after receiving the call about the three deaths, they were all afraid that Eddie, out there alone in the food with no way to call for help, mate the same fate as the poor souls who lost their lives during that storm, OR, Eddie himself had been the one who had stabbed a young man and his wife to death in their own home before murdering a third victim near a radio tower in the field adjacent to the camp.
Eddie isn’t certain, but when he counts the story, he seems to remember when he got his bags back they weren’t packed in the same way he had left them. He is convinced that his mother and the officers thought that we had been the perpetrator of the terrible crimes committed that stormy July night in southwestern Ontario.
They never did end up finding the killer.
submitted by Dizzy-General8771 to BeingScaredStories [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 20:31 DudeNamedCollin Did I pay too much? It has a little damage but I thought it was a pretty good deal.

Did I pay too much? It has a little damage but I thought it was a pretty good deal. submitted by DudeNamedCollin to Gold [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 20:29 Roh33zy LTJ Bukem is the truth

First time poster here! Not a huge DnB head but started getting into it recently, and I saw that the legend LTJ was playing in my city last night I had to see what he was all about.
I got there about 15 minutes after the venue opening. It’s more of a club so people tend to come a bit later but I like to see the openers so I usually turn up early. Anyway, I get there and the main room he’s playing in is completely empty save for a few photographers and LTJ himself basically troubleshooting sound issues.
The whole time he has a smile on his face and is just going through what it could be. Eventually they get it sorted out and he jokingly remarks “I miss the days where I could just throw a vinyl record on the turntable and it was that simple”
After this, he leaves to do his pre-show ritual which I can only assume has been honed to regimented routine after over 30 years. As usual, the openers bring the heat and set it up for the man.
As his set time is approaching, I’m in a state of liquid dnb bliss, and a brush on the shoulder takes me out of it. Who else is it other than the man himself trying to get to the decks to start his set! He hits me with something like an “excuse me” I think(could barely hear over the music) and proceeds to get behind the decks and give me 2 hours of the craziest DnB tunes across what felt like all sub categories of the genre.
Still on a high from the experience, and I feel like it was made so much better from the vibes I got from him that he’s just a regular guy who freakin’ LOVES the music he plays.
Tl;Dr- Saw LTJ Bukem last night. Worth every penny. Can see why he is at “living legend” status to many!
submitted by Roh33zy to DnB [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 20:09 Buckeyefitter1991 Help ID please

Help ID please
I picked these 3 coins a an estate sale recently, and I cannot ID 2 of them. I think the far right one is matron head 1822/7? And I think the bottom one is a KG3 half penny but I have no idea what the top one is. Please help.
submitted by Buckeyefitter1991 to coins [link] [comments]

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submitted by AutoModerator to WhiteMenJumpHdFre [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 19:19 AdPrior1061 Disrespectful Preteen Bus riders.

Yesterday while riding the 23 bus out Indian Trail I was first nauseated at the behavior, comments and mocking this group of 4 or 5 young females displayed while riding the bus. not only were they loud though they seemed to indiscreetly mock each and every rider who just wants to mind their own business and get to their destination. not only that though they were holding the vertical rails and doing backflips while the bus is in motion. At one point they were yelling stereotypical remarks at an asian lady that seemed to have missed her stop and was confused as to where to go. As they were standing at the back door, directly infant of my seat, one of the females stuck her tongue out at me in a licking gesture, I shook my head and calmly yet firmly had remarked just how disrespectful they all were. After leaving the bus, thankfully, the driver had opened his door to address this improper behavior. from what I could hear he told them that they may be kicked off if they continue in the future. I had spoken with another passenger who has came in contact with these ladies before and the behavior seemed to be no different as he told me they were already kicked off during that ride. PARENTS, PLEASE TEACH YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO BEHAVE IN PUBLIC & HOW TO RESPECT OTHER'S.
submitted by AdPrior1061 to Spokane [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 19:14 toeeq Plans for tomorrow

At least I am not alone. I am planning to off myself tomorrow night. It will be done. The only thing is that could save me is 500 eur for rent. Penny for the 1% that have more than the other 80 % of our society.
I have two different options. The first is the train, it can easily slice of my head from my neck. So I will be chillin near a station. I will carry a knife with me, in case the train won't come.
I am tired of shame, I defend others around me from myself. I told this to my pchyciatrist, she gave me some shitty pills. At least I have the will power now.
Edit: I actually like my life but I have still feel people around me will have better life without me in a long run. I know this thread about support, but the support I need is instructions for painless death. I think with the train I have choosen a good one.(but I feel sorry for people who will be late from work because of me. I have doubts with the knife tho.
submitted by toeeq to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 19:00 MelanieAntiqua Ship Wars 7 - Tournament Edition; The Final Four

Here are the results of yesterday's matches:
Nuts & Dolts defeated Crosshares
White Rose defeated Arkos
Bumblebee defeated Land of Lesbos
Renora defeated Rosebird
This year's tournament continues to be strange in how weirdly normal it is. With the exception of White Rose narrowly beating Arkos, these were all just the higher seed beating the lower seed by decent margins (though only really overwhelming in the Bumblebee vs. Land of Lesbos match. The other two were somewhere in between the two extremes of "very close match" and "complete blowout"). I noticed that turnout was significantly higher than anything before, even the day where the results were actively tampered with. Nothing seems suspicious about the results, but I do wonder if maybe these polls got linked somewhere? Admittedly, this wasn't anywhere near a "Bee Tumblr Invasion in Ship Wars 4" level of turnout boost, more simply a return to what sort of turnout was fairly typical of these polls in earlier years (actually it's still a bit lower than in those days. It's maybe on par with the early rounds of Ship Wars 6, before things picked up later in the tournament). I tend to be a bit antsy and paranoid about these things, but unless someone brings concrete evidence that these polls got linked on some other site, I think the most logical explanation is that simply more people on this subreddit are finding these threads and voting. So, congratulations to all the winning ships!
Here is the bracket, and now for today's matches:
Match 1: Nuts & Dolts (Ruby x Penny) vs. White Rose (Ruby x Weiss)
For our first match, top-seeded Nuts & Dolts takes on 12th-seeded White Rose in a battle of the two biggest Ruby ships. Despite both of these ships pretty much always being strong contenders, this is surprisingly the first time they've ever faced each other one-on-one in Ship Wars history. So there's weirdly not a point of reference to how these two going head-to-head could play out. On one hand, you've got the ship between Ruby and Penny, two characters who have had plenty of recent meaningful interactions (Well, if Volumes 7 and 8 still count as "recent", or if you want to count the illusory Penny that Neo made in Volume 9), but may have taken a hit from the extremely controversial way Penny's character arc (and life) ended in Volume 8. On the other side, you have the show's first-ever ship, one of the Big Four, and the most-accoladed ship in the subreddit's history... between two characters who feel like they've gone years and years without really having a meaningful one-on-one interaction despite being two of the four main characters of the whole show. Both of these ships have their strengths and weaknesses is what I'm trying to say.
Here is the poll for this match.
Match 2: Bumblebee (Blake x Yang) vs. Renora (Nora x Ren)
Our other match for the day is a rematch of the first-ever championship match, as 2nd-seeded Bumblebee faces off against 6th-seeded Renora. While Bumblebee won that match, the two ships met again in the Final Four of Ship Wars 2, and that time Renora ended up being the victor. However, Ship Wars 2 happened six years ago. Not only is the subreddit very different (a lot of people left, a lot of people came in), the show is very different as well. Renora had their kiss in Volume 7, but then it swerved away in Volume 8 (but I'm pretty sure no one actually thinks that means Ren and Nora aren't going to get "together together" in the end), while, in Volume 9, Bumblebee reached full canonization status and had a kiss of their own. After all this time, how will another rematch of the first championship battle go?
Here is the poll for this match.
Here is the schedule for the remainder of the tournament:
June 3rd: Final Four
  • Nuts & Dolts vs. White Rose
  • Bumblebee vs. Renora
June 4th: Grand Championship
June 5th: Final Results
And now, let the tournament continue!
submitted by MelanieAntiqua to RWBY [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 18:57 Exemplar1968 My mates new bathroom floor, mildly infuriating!

My mates new bathroom floor, mildly infuriating! submitted by Exemplar1968 to CasualUK [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 18:51 RyuShay Pset 6 sentimental-cash

I have copied and pasted my code from cash.c and changed it, so that it works on python, but it doesn't seem to work as intended. There is some issue with the math logic and I can't seem to wrap my head around it, please help.
# TODO import cs50 def main(): dollar = get_dollar() quarters = calculate_quarters(dollar) dollar = dollar - quarters * 25 dimes = calculate_dimes(dollar) dollar = dollar - dimes * 10 nickels = calculate_nickels(dollar) dollar = dollar - nickels * 5 pennies = calculate_pennies(dollar) dollar = dollar - pennies * 1 coins = quarters + dimes + nickels + pennies print(coins) def get_dollar(): while True: input_dollar = cs50.get_float("Change owed: ") if input_dollar > 0: return input_dollar def calculate_quarters(dollar): quarter = dollar / 25 if quarter > 0: return quarter else: return 0 def calculate_dimes(dollar): dimes = dollar / 10 if dimes > 0: return dimes else: return 0 def calculate_nickels(dollar): nickels = dollar / 5 if nickels > 0: return nickels else: return 0 def calculate_pennies(dollar): pennies = dollar / 1 if pennies > 0: return pennies else: return 0 main() 
submitted by RyuShay to cs50 [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 17:39 Evrant Syncing the Spider-Verse

With Across the Spider-Verse's release real recent, Let's talk multiverse.
Have you ever come across that thing about how a time machine would have to be a teleporter too? Because otherwise if you time jumped a day or whenever, you'd wind up in outer space since Earth's at a different location of its orbit from when you started.
It's a problematic claim, buut let's bounce off the springboard already. A transreality machine is next level. It has to be a teleporter AND a time machine too; in that it must travel to a place and time in the destination universe. No points of arrival fundamentally correspond to any departure time and place in the starting universe.
In in Into the Spider-Verse, when Miles first met Gwen at school, Dr. Octavius in the video for class declared, "Our universe is in fact one of many parallel universes happening at the exact same time." Fine. Lemme roll with the mad scientist's assertion. Time is perfectly aligned in two separate universes, same as how time ticks along simultaneously on North America and Europe on our planet.
Later in the film, the supercollider in Miles' reality got a lock on five other realities. Green Goblin jammed Blonde Peter into the wowbubbow beam, and his spider-blood made the machine scoop spider-blooded people from those five realities and toss them in Miles' reality.
Those five realities were honed in on by scanning for DNA matches to hair samples of Richard and Venessa (weird there were DNA matches in Spider-Ham's aniverse). Iterations of them were present in each of the five realities at the same time the supercollider activated in Miles' universe. The scan wasn't seeking spider-people, so there being spider-people alive in all five anyhow was bizarrely coincidental.
Like, those other universes obviously didn't have versions of Green Goblin available, since Gobby's fat foot dipped into the supercollider shampoo same as blonde Peter's head, but no other Goblins got drafted to Miles' world. Why weren't any of the worlds missing spider-folk as well?
You might be thinking Miles' universe was exactly 1 jillion years old when the supercollider explosion transpired. It nabbed spider-people from universes at the exact same age. That's what it means for universes to be "happening at the exact same time".
If the supercollider had instead gone kablooee a year later, for example, the interdimensional portal that seized Spider-Gwen would've blossomed beside her when her universe was 1 jillion and 1 years old. One year after her fight with Doc Ock seen in her one last time segment.
What do you think about how Miles wrote the year was 2018 on his fake-fail test, Spider-Noir said it's 1933 in his reality, and Penny 3145? That all with the B.C., A.D. standard? Before Christ, After Delivery? Guess Jesus was born in the Noirverse 85 years after an alternate him was born in the Milesverse, and 1,127 years earlier in Penny's reality than Miles'.
And what about time dilation? Imagine if blonde Peter had blasted off on the Spider-Rocket long before his death at the supercollider. A spectacular space spider superhero story to awe all! Through time dilation, his homeworld wound up being a year ahead of him upon his triumphant return.
By the supercollider fight, to Peter, his universe is 1 jillion years. To the rest of his world, it's 1 jillion and 1 years old.
When Peter's perfect face gets caressed by the supercollider's neon vomit, How old will the other realities be when the warpholes that swallow their spider-folk appear? Age 1 jillion, or age 1 jillion and 1?
If a reality can't keep itself in sync because time dilation, how can it keep in sync with other realities?
They aren't in sync; time is not absolute across the spider-verse.
However, you could say the supercollider's big bad blast was the reference point for entrance times and places to Miles' reality chosen by the displacement modus. Every spider-visitor tumbled into the supercollider's reality approximately when and where it kaboomed.
Peter, aggressively analyzed by the supercollider, was the reference figure that led to exit times and places from the foreign realities being chosen by the displacement modus. It searched everywhere and everywhen (the distinction between past, present, and future is but a stubborn illusion) in the other universes to snatch someone with spider-blood from each of them.
Where they were at, when they were at, how long they'd had spider-powers, those were random, unimportant. All that mattered was they had spider-blood, spider-blood, radioactive spider-blood like the figure of reference.
The supercollider kablam method of reality jumping wasn't very controlled. But in the first trailer of Across the Spider-Verse, Gwen made a controlled warp to right above Miles' bed, using that bracelet device on her wrist like the one Miguel used post-credits in the previous film.
Maybe the bracelet can only open a pipeline to near someone with spider-powers, but then Gwen should be able to go to blonde Peter, maybe save his life (Ick. A wormy can of bootstrap paradox). Or meet Miles at any point in his life post-spider bite. What, is the gadget gonna cry unless Miles and Gwen match in how long it's been since they've seen each other?
I'm not watching Across the Spider-Verse any time soon, but fill me in if Gwen is traveling to last month and next year and whenever with that vortex manipulator of hers. Yes, she can.
submitted by Evrant to CharacterRant [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 17:27 blackvrocky indian juiced town.

indian juiced town. submitted by blackvrocky to nattyorjuice [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 17:23 KembarDad What is one seemingly insignificant scene or character in a movie that you just can't get out of your mind?

I honestly haven't rewatched Dances With Wolves in over 20 years, but I vividly remember that scene when the fat man approves Kevin Costner's transfer request near the beginning of the movie.
The strange dialogue: "I quickly deduced that you were an Indian lover. I did not get to this position by being stupid.", "You think I don't know?" "No sir, it's just that I don't know." "I've just pissed in my pants, and nobody can do anything about it!"
The fat man's mannerism are just strange: The way he takes a bite out of that biscuit (or whatever) and shakes his jowls. The way he hurriedly scribbles the approval letter. The way he mockingly returns Kevin Costner's salute in disdain.
That whole scene is etched into my memory for some odd reason. The funny thing is that it could be removed from the movie entirely and it really wouldn't affect the story at all.

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2023.06.03 16:49 Proletlariet Thirteenth Doctor - Comments


The TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions in Space) is a Type 40 time capsule the Doctor nicked many years and regenerations ago. It travels throughout space and time by passing through a space-time vortex and is dimensionally-transcendental (bigger on the inside than the outside).
Space Travel
Time Travel & Manipulation
Security & Defenses
Interfering with Technology
Remote Transportation
Addtional Console Functions
Intelligence & Sentience

Sonic Screwdriver

The Doctor's version of a Swiss Army knife but without the knives or Swiss Army. The trusty Sonic Screwdriver functions as a scanner, door opener, machine operator and whatever ridiculous need arises.
Life Forms
Manipulating Technology
Detection & Tracking
Physical Manipulation
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2023.06.03 16:27 PretendServe688 23 days so far

23 days so far
This may be a trigger warning for some people, so proceed with caution if you feel vulnerable.
I’ve struggled with a porn addiction for a long time. It began when I was in middle school. At that time, smart phones weren’t even a thing and all we had was the family computer that was in our living room.
But we used to get a bunch of magazines in the mail like JC Penny’s, Sears, Kohls, target, and some others. I remember just flipping through the pages while using the bathroom or out of Boredom. Then I came across swimsuit and the advertisements for bras.
I remember getting on the family computer and googling “boobs” “nude boobs” “naked boobs” and sometimes taking a picture with my phone.
We’d also get free HBO occasionally which had soft core porn late at night.
I remember in 8th grade a kid named Joey I was friends with said his locker was gonna get searched and he had a porn dvd in his locker and asked if I’d take it. I just tried to be a friend and hide it in my bag, he told me I could keep the dvd.
I went home and popped it in my PlayStation 2 and it was like a low quality film and was somewhat gross to me. I remember giving it to another friend and it got passed down to another friend. That kid actually cut it up and buried it In His backyard for whatever reason.
At an early point in high school, my sister moved into a house with her then husband who was renting from another family member. We were helping clean out the house and do repairs. Me and my brother explored the old, moldy basement and found the grail of curiosity for a teenager. We found a big stack of playboys and Hustlers from the 70s. The original owner of the house was dead and we came up with a master plan to smuggle those old magazines to our house.
Between that and the family computer that got moved to a different bedroom, I was hooked. It became much worse once I got a laptop and tablet of my own, and it became much worse once I had a smartphone.
Porn really does do damage on your mind. It set some bad examples of what sex is and what you should think it is. While we should know that stuff, younger people are very impressionable and don’t know that.
I’m 28 and I’m about to be over 23 days free of PMO. It has not been easy in the slightest but I would like to share some thoughts and tips that’s helped.
Don’t look at porn in general is my first tip. I have pulled it up a few times during this streak and it only makes things worse. I had some bad temptations. It’s easy to pull up a site or search on here and find that one actress you like seeing or finding what you crave to view. But don’t. Obviously my goal is to cut it out and never view it. It may be a great thing to say you looked at temptation and didn’t give in, and it is. But looking up the temptation is general is bad and is a dangerous thing.
Understand what triggers you: when are the moments that you feel temptation? Is it when you’re in the bathroom, bed, home alone? Figure out when that monkey on your back comes around. Acknowledge it too and find a way to distract yourself. Make a new habit. I’ve had moments where I would instead try to read a book or listen to some music, or do anything else. What else triggers you? Seeing someone with an amazing figure? Push that thought out if your mind.
Make it to morning: I’m not wanting to use this post to preach, but of course I’m sharing something that helps me. There’s a Bible verse I read that talks about how Gods mercy is renewed every morning. It rings in my head as “it’s a new day.” There have been nights I could not sleep. It helped me sleep. “If I can make it to the morning, I’ll be okay.” Now documentaries and sitcoms will permanently help that.
Be proud of your progress: I know twenty three days isn’t too much, but it’s good for me so far and I want to keep it going for the rest of my life. If you make it one day, good for you. Now focus on making it two. It feels good to wake up and say “I made it another day.”
Find what works for you: accountability partners didn’t work for me ever and blockers didn’t help too much. What I’ve shared about worked for me, but may not for you.
I don’t want to sit here and say I got super powers from making it this far like so many of you all have got, and I’m proud of you for that! But I am so much happier. If I can’t get anything right today or have a bad day, I made it another day free. I did something great today but that alone. During this time I’ve also decided I want to a join a gym. Not that I should, that I WANT to. I’m also considering going back to school so I can get out of working at a factory. I also feel more confident in myself as a person.
I really hope this has helped someone here, keep up the fight!
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2023.06.03 15:48 Grand-Journalist784 Advice needed on how to battle a very negative mindset

Hi everyone,
I just want to get this off my chest.
I (F, 27, from Europe) need some advice on what to do when you´ve been feeling so bad for so long about yourself?
When you have:
I have had many conversations with my parents and therapist, but convincing myself to do something about it, take action and challenge my thoughts, that seems almost impossible right now.
I know what to do and how to overcome this, but it´s so fucking hard to actually put it into practice. I feel so alone and weak, fighting against this big negative storm in my head, and all of this when you have to live your day to day live.
They say when you are at your lowest, the only way to go is up. But maybe I´m not low enough yet and I should maybe give in to the thoughts of ending it all, so that I can think and see clearly again.
Thanks for reading! I apppreciate it!
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