Happy thursday images

Happy Thursday! Anyone else experiencing getting multiple buyers pre-approved and then they just can’t find a house to buy? high rates, high prices, and low inventory; I currently have 5 couples out there searching (and a 6th applying now) and they’re having a hard time competing with cash buyers and finding things in their budget. I’m good at keeping them optimistic (the right one will come!). I’m also not a commission breath person but eventually I’ll need a $ check; my last close was in April 😬. Hoping to hear what others are seeing.

Till Lindemann and sex are like Rammstein and fire, an inseparable combination. Most of Till's lyrics are connected to sex. Many people even see Till as a sex symbol.
He is already 60 years old and I have seen lot of people here finding older mans sexuality weird or disgusting for some strange reason. For me he is not even so old, he is still pretty young. Even old people can be sexually active. It is also Till's own choice what he does backstage or what his fans decide to do backstage. I am not getting into that discussion now.
What I find interesting is Till's public image, his type of women and how he sees sex. Now that everyone knows about row zero the real question remains, what do fans think about Till and how he wants to be seen in eyes of the public? Was there some PR strategy behind the decisions made in recent years? Surely Till must have known that the row zero was eventually gonna leak and he had no problem with that.
When reading Till's lyrics such as Feuer un Wasser and watching videos like orchestra version of Lubimiy Gorod you might think he appreciates stylish, classy, beautiful women. After this row zero thing it turns out he loves drunk fans and groupies. This behaviour is not very romantic, and it is fully focused on sex.
When watching Till's music video Till the end for the first time it seems like a porn video. But when analyzing it more deeply there are themes similar to the lyrics of Keine lust. Nothing feels like nothing anymore. Even sex feels like nothing. Till is surrounded by girls but he feels nothing. The endless cycle of being a sex icon.
In the past Till has given a two sided image of himself... Till the end Till who parties a lot and an introvert poet who writes sexual, romantic and shocking lyrics and poems. Now that we see his backstage persona so close, the image of him will most likely turn to towards Till the End Till.
What happens in future? Now I personally see Till differently when it comes to his relationship with women. When he looks at the eyes of a beautiful violin player in Lubimiy Gorod, I start to think she is not Till's style at all, she is above him. Till wants drunk groupies.
If Till wanted to build a public image of himself as seductive Don Giovanni, row 0 has pretty much destroyed that image. Right now many people see him like he portrays himself in Till the end and Platz Eins. Is this a real Till or is it just his stage persona... we dont know.
The path Till has chosen requires him to push the shock factor even further and further in order to be interesting. Because just like Till becomes numb to sex, many fans become numb to old scare tactics. Who gets shocked by Bück dich dildo anymore? I believe that the next logical step is to have sex on stage. This happens already in sexhibitions by professionals so maybe Till wants to push the boundaries and he could join too. I am sure hardcore fans would pay even very expensive tickest to see Till the end live. He seems to be an exhibitionist so why not? Everything else has been done already. The other option Till could do is make more beautiful songs like Lubimiy Gorod, Wer weiß das schon, Alle tage is kein sonntag and soften his public image.
The music made by Rammstein, Till and Lindemann is very important for me. I have grown up and went through many happy and difficult seasons in life with the power of his music. I will always love music, no matter how Till's public image will change.
What do you guys think Till will do next?

(Can’t post images on Thursdays)

Important Background:

• I am estranged from my own mother due to severe mental health struggles, alcoholism, and abusive behavior.
  
• Only child and neither parent is particularly close to their family so therefore neither was I
  
• Husband's family appears very close knit and healthy dynamics from the outside, but I don't think any family is immune from having their own flavor of dysfunction and they certainly have it when you sit inside with them long enough.
  
• I super value family, celebration, and quality time and really want my kids to feel connected to a larger family network as that was always a sadness for me in my early childhood as I looked at what all of my other friends had.
  
• Pregnant with second baby.
  
• We were on the other side of the country and no it was COVID for our first and his family didn't get to have much involvement with shower or any of those type of big "first baby" events. And we also missed out on some of those in person events.
  
• We moved solely to be closer to my husband's family solely so that they could have a larger role in our little family's life. And my husband was all excited and still viewed his family with a rose colored lens. We left behind a beautiful network of close friends and an amazing support system to do this.
  
• Family was all excited and welcoming for us to move.
  
• It was a really tough first year after the move on my husband and I as we actually found that we did not gain back nearly what we lost in the move. (Example, my husband had a great and fun network of fishing buddies that also supported us and our family and he had hoped to fill a little bit of that void and loss with getting to go fishing on at least some occasions with dad/grandpa...and then they had little interest or time to join him. I had friends that would just drop by to say hi or be there in 30 min if I expressed needing help, that kept me company and helped with little chores when our first was born just because they wanted to. And when I would ask family to stop by (they lived literally next door...) just to hold/watch the baby after we moved so that I could fold some laundry...they always seemed to have an excuse. However, when it was convenient for them, they demanded to have time with us and our son and would expect us to cancel plans or be flexible to their spontaneous wishes and there were never spontaneous offers to "help"..just give out time to them)
  
• So we moved...just 5 hrs away from family to have better access to the things that made us happy and closer to other established friends and support systems.
  

Scenario:

• I really wanted to have a baby sprinkle for my second just to celebrate with the family and friends that we couldn't in person when we lived on the other side of the country and it was COVID.
  
• I expressed this very early in my pregnancy to my mother-in-law and asked if she had any interest to help me plan something, especially to coordinate so that we could get the family together and have it be a more family centric event. I knew it would be easier on family if we had it closer to where they lived, and I would need help to plan if it was to be there. Her answer was point blank "No" and it really caught me off guard. And no one else in the family was interested either, and I said that it would then have to be where we live so that I could plan and asked if that was something they were willing to travel for because I did really want it to be a family event. Answer: "Sure"
  
• They make this trip all the time... usually spontaneously and with little regard of if it works for what we have going on and what our needs are
  
• This really hurt me for a multitude of reasons. One being, I really don't have anyone else that traditionally fits the role of the "person" that would usually help the mother-to-be to plan that or just take it on and plan it for her anyway. That's a very sore spot for me and I struggle with mothedaughter dynamics anyway.
  
• She's usually a nice and supportive person, but just very busy with career and social calendar.
  
• I decided to plan one anyway and fortunately had a friend that volunteered to help when she found out I was trying to plan it all by myself (and struggling) and she was shocked and immediately threw herself into planning so that it could be what I was hoping for.
  
• I at least got my MIL to help coordinate the date...which was a hassle...because there was no real space in her social calendar and it needs to be convenient to "make the drive" otherwise no one would want to go...again the language of the exchange hurt and made me feel like we weren't worth the effort to interrupt their lives and schedules even though they frequently demand and expect it from us. And the only reason it was "inconvenient" was because no one was willing to help with any of the planning over there.
  

Fallout:

• 2 weeks out from the date, I reach out to confirm plans and then am blindsided that it is only my sister and mother in law coming. When I express my shock and that I thought FIL and grandparents were also planning to come...the response is, "Well this is just a women's only thing and since grandpa couldn't come grandma couldn't drive herself. She's really sad to not come. The date is just really inconvenient"
  
• I full on breakdown at this point.
  
• When I express why I am so hurt and again what my vision had been and that I never said or intended for it to be "women only"...that's not how I roll and my husband is also playing a big part in this event, the response was "Well you never made that clear. I guess we can see what we can do. We had no idea"
  
• It then devolved into her expressing that she thinks I am oversensitive and that the only reason I am upset is because of my trauma history and that's not her fault. She doesn't remember any of the conversation surrounding me trying to get her to help me plan and me explaining what my vision for the event was. She was frustrated by the date that she herself chose, and blaming me. And more and more got brought up that they are frustrated that my husband and I aren't flexible enough for them and just rehashing everything over the last year. How we need to understand they are just spontaneous people and laid back and we just need to go with the flow better. How all of this is a miscommunication on my part.
  

My husband is upset and just feeling let down because this also isn't the family he remembers and he doesn't understand why they are being this way either. I feel very gaslit and just sad and grieving a loss that I already had in not having a family that you can count on to be there and support you and celebrate you for your big moments.
The fact that they truly think they did nothing wrong and that I shouldn't have even thought of or assumed that a baby shower is a family type event really threw me for a loop too. Am I wrong in assuming that that is typically a family type event? Every single one I have been to has been the whole family (even men) of the expected little one there and generally planned entirely by a sister or maternal figure. The fact that they purposely are saying that I just don't understand because I dont have my own family and don't know how real families function...just really hurts and red flags as gaslight-y to me, and a lack of respect to me as a person as well as all of the hardwork that I have put into healing from my trauma on therapy for years before they were ever even a part of my life....but also makes me question if I am really that "warped"...because they aren't wrong and I am still trying to construct an image of what I think a healthy family looks like?

This is it,my 18th Bday. I’ve gone and deleted over 900 images and videos,everything I had in the last 6 months. I’ve probably deleted over 2000 in the past 2 yrs but anyway. I’m 18 now,I have to become the man I needed as a child. Part of that is becoming resistant to certain feelings or impulses I guess. I need to become a more inspiring person. I let **** ruin me for the longest time. But I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’m ready for actual relationship,companionship. I don’t want to stare at a screen any longer. I’ve wasted too much precious time already,I don’t want to waste any more. I will pursue goals and hobbies and happiness. **** has really affected my self esteem and irl relationships. There was this artistic and interesting girl in my life this yr that unfortunately I fumbled due to my addiction. I hope I can see her again in the future and be better to her. Don’t let **** ruin your life guys. Do something else. For example I’m learning German and learning how to play the guitar. Its always been day 1 but years have gone by. Not anymore.

Context: I've been working in this place as a graphic designer for 5 years now, My arrangement is Tuesdays to Thursdays, 4 hours each day, with some flexibility possible from my end in case some exceptional, important work pops up (I'm not being paid extra, but more like doing hours in advance that i compensate later in hours within my schedule). Some weeks are busy and some are completely dead with no work, but my bosses before never had an issue with this since they are the ones in charge of generating the content for me to design. I can't quit my job rn due to complicated medical/ pshicological reasons i need to work from home; we don't have HR, and i sadly don't live in USA (because if i did, I've already sued my workplace).
Everything was fine until last year, when i got a new boss, who slowly but surely revealed how abusive and out-of-touch he is, He did not ask but demanded i work always out of my regular hours, soon all projects were "emergencies" out of my schedule, and i was always harassed by him via text to comply to do the work.
We even had several meetings to talk about it but because he lacks any decency he played the Jekyll and Hyde game, he acted correct and comprehensive in person but will blame me non stop via text saying i didn`t have "the good will to do my job", he was always disatisfied even if for some time (about a month or two) i tried to comply to every request, and put oot all the fires that he came up with (cause all those are made up solely by his incompetence, we actually had a system for emergencies a ton of premade work in canva in the current style of the brand, so anyone with a phone in the company could fill in the text and the pic and upload it to sm, but even if i explained this to him he doesn't want to use it).
I tried to ask him for payment if he wanted me to do all those hours out of my regular days, because i have other clients in freelance, and i explained that i use my personal time to do other jobs, and those clients pay me for that time, so i expected the same from this situation (literally, the price i offered for an hour was equal to a cup of coffee, he didn't accept, but that kept him quiet for a while). Last time i was just finishing a project in my normal hours, and then he sent me 2 urgent ones, i talked to him on the phone and said i could do those because i had the time atm and we agreed that later I'd compensate those hours within that week. Later, with everything solved, i calculated the hours i worked in advance and texted to him the amount (which he knew because it was the time i delivered each work to him, about 8 hours more), saying that if there were any other emergency in bewten me to compensate my hours, I'd be available to do the job and be willing to push those hours to compensate next week.
Within minutes, i got a text from my coworker that acts like his shadow saying something along the lines of, "The boss told me he is no longer ok with you compensating those hours within the future, and since we didn't ask you for any job last week, you should compensate the extra hours you worked today with that free time you got last week." I was speechless...
Since I've been played with, i decided, "Okay, then i'll block all people from that job so they can't botheask/harass me to do any free work out of my hours anymore (only blocked in wp, tho), and since i was clear with him last time, saying, "I'm not taking responsibility for the work out of my regular hours, since we did not reach any agreement,"
I was happy and at peace, but he got offended because, of course, he tried to contact me out of hours again, called me too (but i didn't reply i was busy, and who will think i have a life to take care of out of work?).
He then made up i had him blocked during working hours so he couldn't send me the work that has to be done and involved the coworker mentioned before, saying he cannot reach me (BS because i block and unblock all of them at the same time, even before my shift starts, and some weeks i don't block them cause is too bothersome, particulary there were all unblocked since past week). My coworker wanted to be awful too and blamed it on me even if i said, of course i don't have him blocked, of course i contacted him and he didn't answer; actually, he never does, almost all communication is done between me and that awful coworker, because he delivers the orders to her.
I literally can't believe i'm dealing with this nonsense, i always do my job, and nobody i've worked with had anything bad to say about me. Also, I didn't mention it, but he is covertly threatening me with being fired, saying if you are not available, i'll need to ask another designer, and if i do so i'll just have to replace you...
Now all the time he is not content, he tells me to have a meeting to talk about it when he comes to the city (he is not living here where the office's is). What bothers me is that this AH got so deep into my head i cannot stop thinking about it all the time, i'm doing theraphy, but i'm sick that all the money i make is going to theraphy for the disturbance this AH causes me, i really try to get out of it, but as I said before, i have mental issues just by existing, and this is really destroying the little peace i have.
I feel pathethic that this person is literally controlling what i do and dont with my phone out of work, which is just ridiculous, i don't know if i should keep blocking ppl at the end of my shifts, or just receive the harassment via text and not reply.
Sorry for the long awful post, Thank you for reading. i hope you are having have a nice day :)

Hey everyone! I managed to finally do what I planned and alternate fics with each chapter xD. I don't know what it is, but I get hyper focused here and there and then I can get such writer's block with certain things while writing but then get in a zone after managing to get past certain sections. Anyway, this is the second of three planned Linked Souls Day chapters, the next one being the last and from there just hopefully one more chapter that serves as a prelude and transition into the canon events. But don't quote me fully on this as it MIGHT turn into two chapters depending on if I can fit everything in it. But I'm excited to get into the canon material as I've had plans for it since 2020 xD. Anyway, I'm going to likely swap back to my Helluva Boss fic to do a chapter than swap back to this as I want to try to prevent any burn out. Fair warning, I might get a lil hyper focused on the HB fic, but I will do my best to keep a good balance and get back to this as soon as possible.
As I've said before both of these fics are passion projects that I intend to finish no matter how long it takes as I love writing in both worlds. Also, I'm still sticking to this being set pretty much in Japan given everything in canon and sticking to those sensibilities and laws while not neglecting my own western ones and other westerners. I know I've put the disclaimer bout the Nazomi and Sebastian relationship on every prior chapter focusing on then, I just want to make it clear each time this is being handled with care and the maturity it demands. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and I might get the next chapter out maybe early next month or near the end of this one depending on how things go, but I WILL get it out.
Also, curious what everyone thinks about my introduction of a Valentines equivalent.
-------------------------------
After Shinoku and Vega left to meet up with Anya and Sheila, Sebastian took the time to finish getting ready for when he’d meet up with Nazomi. Just like his friends, Sebastian took his time to make sure that he looked good enough for their rendezvous, putting on some clothes he had that looked very similar to the Cherryton uniform aside from differing colors and other minor things. Also like Shinoku and Vega, he had gotten Nazomi a gift as well. After making sure he was good and ready for his meet up with Nazomi, Sebastian went back to reading to pass the time till he needed to head down the hill to meet up with her. As he waited, Sebastian heard his phone ring, quickly going to see who it was and answering it when he saw it was his mother.
“Hello Sebastian.” His mother said as he answered the phone. “I hope you’re well.”
“Hi mom.” he replied. “Yeah, I’m doing well.”
“That’s good to hear. How are your grades, I trust you’re keeping them high like you always do.” His mother inquired.
“I am.”
“That’s good to hear, you always do your best. Though, I’m not sure why you don’t do cram school like your brother did and your sister is doing. It’s nice that you work hard, don’t get me wrong, but I just want to make sure you’re living up to your full potential.” She said, her tone carrying that always subtle pressure of a proud lioness with high expectations.
And there it was; while she did care for him like any lion mother, she always wanted him to live up to the standards and the image of what a lion should be. Not that she was any different from any other lioness towards her kids, they all knew they had to make sure that the reputation of the king of beasts was maintained. It was an ever present driving force for lions; to stand apart, set the example, excel and push yourself to ever higher points and positions. It was both the greatest driving factor, and the most dangerous threat to a lion. While most would manage to get by and repress the toll it took or even thrive; for others, it would be far too much pressure. It was what lead to so many lions to go to the back alley, to form the likes of the shishigumi or join it.
Sebastian took a moment, the pressure of his mother’s expectations briefly showing before he quickly composed himself. “I understand mom, don’t worry, I have everything planned out.” he assured her. “I’m just tackling things in a way that allows me to give my full attention to my grades here. It’s not that I’m not interested in cram school, I just think it’s more logical to not have my focus split too much.”
“Always the analytical one my little Seby.” his mother commented. “But you only focus on your schoolwork and your reading, even your brother managed to handle doing cram school AND being on his school’s baseball team. He always did so well, even as a cub. Your sister’s also excelling in her gymnastics.” She added. His mother never overtly sounded disappointed, but the subtle nudges and constant reminding of his siblings’ achievements spoke volumes of her wanting him to be like them and every other lion. Why couldn’t she just understand that while he had the potential like every other lion, he just didn’t have the interest? Wasn’t it enough that they were bringing home trophies to show off?
Sebastian let the pressure he felt slip slightly once more before regaining his composure again. “That’s good to hear they’re doing so well…” he said in a cheerful voice. “You don’t need to worry though mom, I’ll make sure I get into a good college, plus all my teachers like me. Getting a recommendation good enough to be accepted won’t be hard to get.”
“True, your teachers always liked you.” His mother said. “But it’s just so rare for a lion not to do cram school. At least, in terms of the ones wanting to make a good life for themselves.” she commented in a veiled implication that a lot of the lions who chose not to were always trouble makers and bad seeds.
“I know mom.” Sebastian replied. “But I do have a career path set and I’m not going to stray from it.”
“And given the way you study and your grades I have no doubt. I can’t wait to hear what prestigious college you become the head over. But you might decide to be something equally important to society.” his mother commented. He never dared once to say he wanted to just teach, he didn’t even care where. All he ever said when what he wanted to be came up was something potentially in education and just smile and nod when his mother would suggest stuff. “By the way, have you found a nice lioness yet?”
“No, not yet mom.” Sebastian replied. He didn’t even dare to think about giving her a hint that he had found someone, knowing full well the questions that ensue about her and wanting to see a picture of or talk to her.
“That’s a shame, I hate to hear that you’re alone on Linked Souls Day. Are you looking?” his mother asked.
“Yes mom, I am.” Sebastian lied. “I’ll find someone, it just takes time for some.”
“But you’re so handsome, are you sure you’re looking or giving good impressions?”
“I am…” Sebastian replied as he held back a sigh.
“Alright. But just know that I have a few friends with very nice daughters, I could always introduce you to.”
Sebastian pinched his brow. “Thanks...but I’m sure I’ll find someone soon.”
“OK, just don’t get so caught up in your studies that you forget.” his mother commented. “Anyway, I need to get going, your father’s going to be taking me out for a romantic date. He says hi by the way.”
“I won’t.” Sebastian said as he composed himself once more. “And that sounds nice, tell him I say hello.”
“Sure. And Sebastian, keep working hard and making us proud.” his mother said before hanging up.
Sebastian let out a sigh as he hung up his phone, putting it back in his pocket. As he did so, Hassan looked at him. “I get the whole familial pressure, it’s not fun. I can only imagine what it’s like with being a lion.”
“She means well…” Sebastian replied.
“Clearly given the expressions you let slip.” Hassan pointed out. “I’m not trying to say your mother’s horrible, but her intentions aren’t exactly selfless.”
“It’s just how it is for us lions.”
“Well if you ask me it’s a bunch of bullshit.” Jax commented.
Hassan just shrugged. “Like Sebastian said, it’s just what it is. All we can do is just not let it get to us and forge our own paths the best we can when it comes to expectations.”
“Anyway, I better start heading out, it’s getting close to time for me to meet up with miss Nazomi.” Sebastian said as he stood up, walking over to get the flowers and gift for Nazomi.
“Sure you don’t need any help?” Hassan asked.
“I’ll be fine.”
Hassan nodded. “Alright.”
“Keep living the dream dude, maybe you’ll get to spend the night with her.” Jax said with a wide grin.
Sebastian just rolled his eyes at Jax before walking out to meet up with Nazomi, not even wanting to respond to the comment. As he headed down to the main floor of the dorm, Sebastian felt a combination of excitement and nervousness. It was his first time celebrating Linked Souls Day with anyone, not that he was ever really bothered about not being able to do so in the past. Sebastian also felt a bit guilty due to the fact that because he was a student and Nazomi a teacher, he couldn’t really do anything publicly with her let alone the fact that she was preparing the meal for them to eat.
Deep down he was a romantic at heart, much maligning the fact that he couldn’t be the one to treat her to a cooked meal. It didn’t really feel right that on Linked Souls Day she was doing most the work. It was just something that he would make sure to do in the future if things got that far with them. Although he still worried about being the potential cause of her losing her job. That, and exactly when and how he was going to introduce her to his parents when he was no longer a student. Hopefully he’d have it figured out when the time came.
Sebastian let out a sigh as he exited the boy’s dorm. Despite all the worries, he still deep down found himself hoping that this would work out. Even with the returning thought of this being just a potential rebellion against his parents and their expectations, he could not deny how he felt about the older feline. Especially with their first date still ever present in his mind. No matter what challenges or obstacles they might face, he was willing to face them, his resolve hardening all the more. Even if it ended up with them having to end things before something bad happened, he’d rather live knowing he tried his best than giving into the fear and not trying to fight for his own happiness.
It didn’t take long for Sebastian to leave the school and get down the hill to where Nazomi said she would be waiting for him, and as he got to their rendezvous spot he stopped. His eyes widened as he felt his heart about to beat out of his chest. Before him stood Nazomi next to her car, dressed in a rather nice satin button down green blouse and black business skirt with a slit on the left side that fit her perfectly. She looked beautiful, so much so that Sebastian felt his cheeks were on fire and his heart was about toleap out of his chest as he blushed, unable to really say anything for a few moments.
“W-wow…” he managed to say as he managed to walk over to Nazomi. “You look...amazing.”
Nazomi smiled a bit. “Thank you, I did try.” she said as she blushed ever so slightly. “I would have worn a dress, but I didn’t want to arouse any real suspicion…”
“It’s fine, there’s not a time I’ve seen you where you didn’t look beautiful.” Sebastian said as he continued to blush, rubbing the back of his head as he did so.
Nazomi blushed more. “You look quite handsome yourself, and just as professional as I do.” she commented. “At least it won’t look too suspicious...I hope.”
“I’m sure it won’t.” Sebastian commented before blinking. “Oh, right, I got you these.” Sebastian added as he handed her the bouquet.
“Awe, thank you love.” Nazomi almost cooed as she took the flowers. “They’re beautiful, I can’t remember the last time I got flowers...Thank you.”
Sebastian smiled as he then handed her a smallish wrapped box. “I also got you this.”
Nazomi blinked as she took the gift, opening it to see it was a bottle of perfume. Taking it out of the box she gave it a sniff. “It smells wonderful, I can’t imagine how much this was…”
“It’s nothing, I saw it one day and thought it’d suit you. So I saved up to make sure I could get you it for today.”
Nazomi smiled, tail flicking as a purr emitted from her throat. “You really are too sweet.” she said as she moved to put the gifts up and then hugged Sebastian. “Again, thanks.” she added as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Shall we?”
“Yes.” Sebastian replied, giving Nazomi a nuzzle.
The two got in Nazomi’s car, Sebastian first asking if he should maybe hide out of site like in the trunk only for Nazomi to insist that he sit in the passenger seat. Despite his concerns she said if anyone asked, she was just helping him get to Linked Souls Day meet up. Which, in the most technical sense was not a lie. Sebastian nodded, getting in the passenger seat before Nazomi started her car up and drove.
As They drove through the city to Nazomi’s house something hit Sebastian that he could not believe he didn’t think about even when he had first seen the female cat. “Hey, Mrs. Nazomi?” he asked as he looked at her.
“Yes love?” she asked.
“I just realized...you’re a bit tall for an oriental shorthair. It’s something I should have realized sooner, are you…”
“A mixed species?” Nazomi finished asking for him with a slight smile. “Most don’t really take note until they hit their growth spurts and outgrow me by whatever their heights usually are depending on species. But yes, I am.” she answered. “I’m one third panther on my mother’s side.”
Sebastian blinked, that would explain why she was a bit more ebony in her fur color and why she was taller than the typical shorthair. In fact, her coming up to just under the mid point of his chest hadn’t come off as odd until he thought about it. With some growth still to come, odds are she’d likely be at his gut or just over his waist by the time he finished growing. Not that it was really a problem or he minded, it was just an observation he made.
His eyes glanced over at the scenery as they drove, taking in the buildings and noting that they were sticking to a fairly nice part of town. He then glanced over at Nazomi, taking in how beautiful she looked with a blush, she really was quite something. Sebastian found himself moving his hand closer to hers when they stopped at a red light. Nazomi smiled as she noticed, her hand moving towards his as they held hands for a moment before the light turned green. It did become a thing though with each stop they had to make, both of them enjoying the sign of affection.
It didn’t take too long until they had entered in a rather nice looking neighborhood, about the kind Sebastian assumed Nazomi might live in. It was nice and modest and the house that Nazomi pulled in to was just as nice looking. Thankfully, most of her neighbors were either out celebrating the holiday or doing so in their homes.“Here we are.” Nazomi said warmly.
“It’s a nice looking home.” Sebastian said as the two got out.
“Thanks. It’s really nothing all that special, but it’s nice and cozy and it’s really all I need.” Nazomi replied as she got the gifts Sebastian had gotten before heading to the door with the lion, both their tails flicking and even entwining a bit as they approached it. When they got to the door Nazomi fumbled a bit as she got her keys to unlock it.
“Allow me.” Sebastian offered as he helped her unlock the door, opening it for her.
“Thank you.” Nazomi smiled as she took a quick look around before pecking his cheek. “I’ll put these up while you make yourself at home. I haven’t quite started what I was going to fix, so it will be a bit longer before we eat.”
“You haven’t?” Sebastian inquired. “Then mind if I help? I feel bad that you’re doing a lot of the work and it’s only right that I do everything I can for you today.”
Nazomi smiled as she looked at him. “You’re such a kind, sweet, animal Sebastian. I don’t mind, really.”
“I insist.”
Nazomi chuckled slightly. “You really are a gentleman aren’t you?” she mused.
Sebastian blushed a bit as he rubbed the back of his head. “I just...I want to do whatever I can. You’re a wonderful woman and a great teacher. And, well, I want to take any and every opportunity I can get to treat you right because you deserve it.” the lion said as he blushed some more, conviction clear to see in his eyes.
Nazomi couldn’t help but blush, his words having touched her more than anything in her past relationships. “Alright, how about this? If you want to help me then let’s make it a thing and finish cooking it together?” she offered with a smile.
“I’d like that.” Sebastian agreed with his own smile.
“Alright, just give me a moment.”
Sebastian nodded as Nazomi went to go put up the gifts that Sebastian jad gotten her. As she headed off, Sebastian found his eyes wandering over her form, taking in her figure that was shown off by her attire as well as lower, noting her slightly swaying hips and…tail. Sebastian cursed himself as he moved his eyes to something else. Sure he was still a teenager, a boy, but he prided himself in being better than most. Sure he had his...moments, as Jax so brazenly pointed out. But the last thing he wanted was to be that inappropriate towards Nazomi, even if he did, at times, allow some indulgences here and there.
When Nazomi got back she smiled. “Alright, ready?”
Sebastian nodded. “Yes.”
“OK, should be done in half the time with both of us working on it.”
Nazomi lead Sebastian to the kitchen to show him that she was preparing, a fruit lasagna with the usual accompaniments. After Sebastian looked over the recipe she was using, one from the cooking show Happy Happy Cooking that was toted to be one of their more popular ones among carnivores. he set to work helping her, working side by side as they prepared the fruit, making sure that everything was layered properly. Like in the car, ever now and then Nazomi and Sebastian would briefly hold hands as they prepared the meal, satisfying their feline proclivity for touch contact. It wasn’t too long before they had the lasagna in the oven and the accompanying bread.
“Alright, shouldn’t be too long for it to fully cook, thanks for the help.” Nazomi said as she nuzzled Sebastian, giving him an affectionate hug as well. “In the meantime, we can go over some of my old notes and other things while we wait to help you out with your career path if you like.”
“Sure.” Sebastian smiled as he nuzzled and hugged her back, the two staying like that for a good minute.
“I’ll go get them then.” Nazomi said as she finally and somewhat hesitantly separated to go get her old college notes and study material, returning shortly after with them.
While the food cooked Nazomi went over various things she had to study and learn with Sebastian, covering things they hadn’t gone over from prior times and quizzing him on material they had. To Sebastian, this was like cram school in a sense, getting ready for what he’d need to know to excel in college, only with a more...personal and romantic one on one touch. While he never had issue with paying attention to any of his teachers, Sebastian always hung on every word Nazomi said. To him, her voice was just as beautiful as everything else about her. And just like all the times before, they shared affections with each other.
It seemed like no time at all when the food was done, the two of them chalking it up to them just enjoying each other’s company so much. As Nazomi got the lasagna and bread Sebastian set the table before helping her prepare their plates. As he finished helping her he noticed her take out some wine glasses and a bottle of wine and pouring some of the red liquid in each, although one was more of a sample serving compared to the other, before putting it up and placing them on the table.
“Wine?” Sebastian inquired.
“Just to help things feel a bit more normal.” Nazomi explained. “You don’t have to even drink it. But I was your age once, Rex it only feels like yesterday, and even back then sampling wine wasn’t wrong. That first date we had where you encouraged me to not deny myself any wine, where we acted like a teacher and student just having a meet up to discuss things, stayed on my mind for a while. It wasn’t right that there was some inequality, a full romantic atmosphere. So, I figured sense we’re in private I’d have us on an even level or give the feeling of it. But as I said, you don’t have to drink it.” she said before sitting down.
Sebastian blushed, smiling as he sat down. “Thank you, love.” he said with a fair bit of warmth in hid voice.
It never ceased to surprise the other that both worried about the other’s feelings and the challenges they had to face with their secretive relationship. Something that mad each grow more attached to the other was when a few days after their first date Nazomi had confessed to Sebastian that she was far more hesitant and worried than she let on. Revealing she had been hiding the anxiety of them being a thing and was actually on the verge of suggesting they just call the attempt off out of fear as well as the revelation of his uncle. But she had decided to go through with it because of how truly genuine and good a man he was among other things that made her want to try. Sebastian himself had also confided in her his own concerns and worries about it and her, which made her just feel all the stronger for him over time.
“By the way, how has your day been so far?” Sebastian asked as he began to eat, taking a bite of the lasagna. “Oh, this is delicious.”
“It is.” Nazomi agreed as she took a bite of it. “It’s all thanks to you though, doubt it would have been as good without a little help.” she said with a smile. “As for my day, it’s gone well so far, just the usual grading of papers and preparing for the coming weeks’ lessons. Same old, same old, really. So far the rest of the students I have are nice and do there best. Despite what issues some might cause outside of the classroom I don’t really have to deal with any troublemakers really. Maybe a few slackers or an unmotivated student, but that’s about it.”
“Well you’re a great teacher, I find it hard to believe that any pf my peers would want to cause any trouble in your class. Not only that, but you’re very nice and helpful too.” Sebastian commented.
A smile formed on Nazomi’s mouth as her ebony fur darkened. “Thank you, you’re always so sweet Sebastian.” she said as she purred a bit. “Honestly, I think you’re one of the best students at the school, you work hard and are always so polite. I know you’ll go far with being a teacher.”
Sebastian blushed heavily. “Thank you…” he said with a half smile. “Though I will admit, keeping it up can be a bit— stressful. Comes with being a lion, expectations and familial pressure.” he admitted
Nazomi blinked as she looked at him. “Is it that hard?”
“It’s, well…”
Nazomi moved her hand to rest on top of his. “You can tell me if this is something negatively effecting you Sebastian.”
The lion sighed a bit. “It is hard. Being a lion you’re seen as the king of beasts, someone who’ll go far and have high positioned jobs or in some form of leadership. That image both helps and hurts us, becoming a driving factor of pushing ourselves as much as possible to keep to a standard. It’s something that permeates every lion family, the mothers and fathers pushing their kids to do something worthy of being a lion. Cram school is seen as an expected and normal thing to do and those who don’t do it are mostly looked down on as they are often those that end up in gangs or didn’t try hard enough.”
Nazomi’s hand gripped his, squeezing gently. “Is your family pressuring you?”
“Not...entirely. My mother often brings up what my older brother and my sister are doing and keeps suggesting I try to do the same. She doesn’t seem disappointed, but there’s just something about her voice…” Sebastian admitted. “She is happy that I’m doing well, but I know she expects more. She thinks I’m planning to go into an education position that’s high up, or at a prestigious university when I don’t care where I teach so long as I do some good.”
Nazomi squeezed his hand again, feeling bad for the lion. “That’s not all that good Sebastian, have you thought about bringing it up to a councilor?”
Sebastian shrugged. “Somewhat. But as I said, this permeates lions as a whole, it’s far too ingrained to really be dealt with. Thankfully my situation isn’t too bad, it cab be far worse. Plus, I like learning so it’s not that big of a deal. I also have my friends and, well, you.” he smiled.
Nazomi blushed heavily. “I see…”
“I hope I didn’t make things awkward or anything…”
“No, no! You’re fine Sebastian.” Nazomi assured. “It’s good you have a support system and you don’t really let it get to you, you’re very strong for that. Will you tell your mother you’ll try to teach anywhere?”
“Eventually, yes, when I’m nearing the end of my higher education and am about to apply to various places.” Sebastian answered. “Just like how I’ll tell her about us when I’m a bit into my freshman year at college or before I get into college if we get that far, which I hope we do and keep doing. You are an amazing woman and to be honest, to me you are far more exceptional than any other.”
Nazomi blinked, her fur becoming more dark red than ebony black as her heart melted. He was the kindest, most genuine soul she had ever met and continued to prove he was mature beyond his years. “I— thank you Sebastian.” she said with a soft purr, falling a fair bit more for the lion.
From there the two continued to talk as they ate, taking their time and enjoying each other’s company as they swapped stories about their childhood. Nazomi found herself surprised as she learned that even as a young kid Sebastian was well mannered and somewhat bookish. She felt comfortable around him, able to share with him more embarrassing things like the time she was so nervous to do a presentation in high school that she messed up a word or two or when she practically face planted when she was looking at a crush. It just felt right and natural to be so open with him.
When they had finished eating, Sebastian even having drank the small bit of wine, he and Nazomi cleared the table. Sebastian even helped her with the dishes before they went back to going over some more of Nazomi’s old papers and work to help prepare him. It seemed like no time once more as they noticed the sun was start to set.
“Is it really that late already?” Nazomi asked as she looked at her clock, taking note of the time.
“Looks like it.” Sebastian commented.
“My how time flies, it seems to go so slow until well…” she blushed. “I’m around you.”
Sebastian blushed heavily. “Yeah…”
“Thank you for the lovely time, as well as the gifts and helping out, not many guys are as considerate as you.” Nazomi commented.
“Well, you’re worth any effort…” the lion blushed.
Nazomi smiled, blushing as well. How could this lion keep finding ways to make her heart feel like it was a puddle? She hadn’t really met many guys with the ability to do that over the years, more so not in recent years. It had gotten to the point where she just really stopped looking. But then Sebastian came around and made her feel things she hadn’t felt in a long time. His gentlemanly studious nature and willingness to be so considerate, among other things, just had her more enamored with each time they were together. The fact that he was willing to take things so slow, deny himself the most basic of typical teenage experiences that most his age were having just made him seem too good to be true. And yet, there he was proving to be just that good.
Then there was the fact that while she did do a fare share for the holiday he had not only helped out, but went out of his way to get her flowers and a rather nice gift, not expecting anything special in return and just wanting to treat her right. As the lion got up from where they had been sitting she stood. “Sebastian, before I take you back to Cherryton...I think you deserve another kiss.”
Sebastian blinked as he blushed. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to…”
“No, I want to.” Nazomi admitted with a smile. “The only true thing that’s tricky with our relationship is that you’re a student and I’m a teacher. You’ve proven time and again just how good a man you are and that you are someone I...have looked for.” she blushed. “So I don’t see us kissing, at least in private and while off school grounds as being an issue. I know you’d never take advantage of me and I want to reward you for such, and for treating me to one of the best times I’ve had in a while.”
Sebastian’s tail started to flick happily as he smiled. “Alright.”
The two approached each other, embracing as they leaned in to share a kiss. Just like with their first, it was utterly electrifying for Sebastian. The feel of Nazomi’s lips unlike anything he felt before as his heart beat out of his chest as he started to purr. Sebastian enjoyed every second that the kiss lasted, his hands starting to subconsciously roam along her back a bit, though he would catch and restrain himself before they went too low.
Nazomi for her part pressed a bit firmer than last time, what with it being a holiday for love. As they kissed she noticed that Sebastian’s hands roaming along her back, taking in her form and the feel of her body and causing her to purr a fair bit. She smiled as she noticed he restrained himself from doing anything inappropriate, knowing her trust in him would never be misplaced. Although she promised to herself one day when he was no longer a student, she’d allow him to no longer restrain himself.
As she finally broke the kiss Nazomi smiled. “That was a wonderful kiss, possibly better than the first.” she giggled.
“Y-yeah…” Sebastian agreed, his cheeks a dark red.
“Thank you for being such a gentleman and not taking advantage.” Nazomi commented as they stayed embraced.
“I’d never.”
“I know love.” she smiled. “And that is why I will make you this promise. If we manage to make it to when you are out of school, then you have permission to not restrain yourself anymore as we’ll be in the clear. Not that you’d need my permission at that point” Nazomi giggled. “Anyway, we best get going before it gets too dark.”
Sebastian’s blush deepened all the more. “Yeah…”
The two headed back out to Nazomi’s car, first checking for anyone that might notice before getting in and driving off. The ride back went much like the first, the two briefly holding hands here and there as they made their way through the city. It was something that both Sebastian and Nazomi seemed almost unable to resist doing. Hell, when they had walked back to Nazomi’s car their tails entwined again.
When they got back to the bottom of the hill that Cherryton rested on the moon had not been fully risen for too long. “Thanks again for the lovely Linked Souls Day, I haven’t really celebrated it in so long.” Nazomi said as she parked the car.
“No problem, hopefully our next date can be somewhat soon.” Sebastian replied with a smile. “I hope the rest of your weekend goes well.”
“Thank you Sebastian, you too, I’ll see you Monday.” Nazomi smiled.
Sebastian was about to get out when he stopped. “Nazomi?”
“Yes?”
“Mind if we...have one more kiss?” Sebastian asked as he blushed.
Nazomi smiled as a giggle escaped her lips. “I suppose not, it’s only right to have a goodnight kiss after a date.”
The two leaned in close, sharing in one more kiss as they rested a paw on the back of each other’s head, purring loudly as they did so. When the kiss broke a few moments later Sebastian smiled. “Good night.”
“Good night love.”
Sebastian got out of the car, walking back up the hill as Nazomi turned her car around and left. The lion smiled as his heart continued to race, he was as happy as he had ever felt and was all the happier that Nazomi felt the same way as he did. While it was true their relationship had a strong possibility of stopping if they were ever in great enough danger of being found out, it seemed that she was daring for it to work as much as he was. Whether it did or not, only the future knew.

After conversing briefly with the director and Dr. McGregor, Anina walked to the engineering room and sat behind the screen. It was time to search for information about planet Zeroria. She’d been here for years and had never heard about it. She started typing on the touchscreen keyboard.
The door of the other room opened, and Jerry came in. He had stains on his suit again.
“Hey,” he called.
“Yeah,” Anina answered.
“Why did he ask you to wait?”
Anina smiled. “He wants to know why I want to be part of the mission. You know.”
“And?”
“The director is worried about putting women on such a mission.”
“Excuse me?” Jerry raised his brows.
“Well, I told him not to worry about it.”
“Why did he ask you that in the first place?”
“Some bullshits about, ‘as a woman, you are more important on this ship to this planet than being out there.’”
“What nonsense?”
“You know I have a womb, and they will prefer to use it for good rather than waste it out there.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him I would be fine.”
“That’s a shitty thing to say to you.”
“Yeah, I know. I told him I would go. Now he has been given an assignment. To convince more people to join us. He thinks I can do it….”
Jerry shook his head. “This mission doesn’t look important to him.”
“It does to me.”
“Why?”
“It’s a new planet. What will happen if we find natural resources and rocks that could be used for anything else? Things we can use to build homes. What if we find out how to survive there? The sun has been the major source of energy for a long time, but what if we can find other things that are extremely cheaper and more useful too? Does it fascinate you that we can have the chance to see new things?”
“I am not. I can see all I want to see from here. These computers have everything we would ever need, all the data or the information ever known to man.”
“How come you didn’t know about Zeroria.”
He shrugged and nodded.
Anina laughed. “There is a lot out there that we don’t know about.”
“So, what is the next move now? How will you convince people? How many people will you convince?”
“I’m going to convince the doctors and engineers to join us. Parker and the director are working on how to convince the soldiers.”
Jerry nodded and returned to the other corner to continue working on the truck.
Anina turned back to the screen and tried to find information about Zeroria. Each time she searched for information, it only showed a picture of a giant rock and a summary:
The Zeroria was discovered by a group of astronauts a hundred years ago (October 2018) as part of an effort to find alternative planets that could sustain humanity. Unfortunately, the mission to see if it is survivable has been canceled.
She cleared her throat and typed something different.
“Why was the mission to Zeroria canceled?” She pressed enter, and the page showed two lines.
The reason for canceling the mission to Zeroria was the risk involved. Experts think the danger is too severe.
Anina frowned and typed again. “Has there been any human contact with Zeroria?”
There is little documentation about human contact with planet Zeroria. Although there have been drone tours of the planet, nothing has been recorded of human activity. A group of scientists visited in October 2018 but have not returned.
Anina spent the rest of the day reading about survival outside the planets, especially about Zeroria. Why was there little news about this planet? Maybe the only reason it had yet to be adequately documented was that the mission was unsuccessful. The government and International space mission didn’t want people to take such risks. She continued to read the details of the Reformers' procedures to survive outside the planets. She used videos, books, and AI-generated responses to learn all the information she could find.
In the evening, after dinner, Anina went to talk to a couple of people. Her sister, Candace, had been training under a professional doctor, and although she wasn’t a professional yet, she could be helpful on the mission.
She was sitting inside her laboratory. On this ship, there were only a few places to visit. So Anina wasn’t expecting Candace to be anywhere except the bedroom, library, or laboratory.
Anina knocked on the door and looked into the room through the glass part of the door.
Candace stopped what she was doing and looked up. Then, she waved, stood up, and came to open the door.
Anina stepped inside. “Am I allowed to walk around here without a coat?” she asked.
“Shhh,” Candace said, pointing to another corner of the room.
Anina stared at where she pointed. A group of men and women were working on something. They were all staying quietly and watching a glass on a flame from a bunsen burner.
“Why are you here?” she asked.
Anina followed Candace to the seat. On the table, a ray of light formed the image of an animal organ in front of her. It was generated from the lights from a flat bulb. She was reading a book on her iPad, too.
“I came here to tell you about an adventure,” Anina said.
“Planet Zeroria?” she asked.
“How did you hear about that?”
She glanced at Anina with a smile on her face. “You think you’re the only one with the latest news.”
“I’m just curious. You were not invited to the discussion today. Were you?”
“No, Dr. Muhammed was invited, though.”
“So, have you thought about it?”
She shook her head, adjusting the image on her iPad. The image of the intestine became twice the initial size.
“I’m not…. My superior doesn’t want to go. He said the mission was meaningless. So I am not going either.”
“I won’t force you, but this is a lifetime thing. Think about everything you could experience if you go on this journey.”
“You are talking about it like it’s some vacation. It’s another planet. That is probably toxic and can kill you if anything goes wrong.”
I rubbed my hair backward. “I’m not saying it is safe. I’m saying you could contribute to something bigger. Look at you. There is nothing here. You’re stuck in a laboratory, learning, and learning. How do you plan to use your skills and gain some experience? We have another two years before we will get to Ionigius. Have you thought about how long that would be?”
Candace was looking at Anina's face, and Anina could see in Candace’s eyes that she wanted to say yes.
“Just tell me you will join us, and I will be happy.”
“What about your dad and Rachel?”
“They are old for this kind of mission,” Anina said. Her father was neither an engineer nor a doctor. Rachel, her father's new woman, would turn fifty-five in the coming month, and Anina’s father had turned sixty-five the month before. Their years of being athletic and energetic were a bit behind. The survival details were not communicated yet, but they were not the best choice.
“Seriously, I wish I could come with you,” Candace said. “I will have to talk to my boss and see what she says.”
“This is a lifetime thing. Do you have to seek his permission?”
“Please, stop, Anina. I’m not going to do that. To just walk away without asking him.”
“Okay.”
So, Anina nodded and left the laboratory. The plan was to meet some engineers and explain why they should value such an experience to Zeroria. But on her way to the engineering department, she heard the fire alarm. The alarm started with a blast. The light in the ship blinked twice, and then the red light that always stayed quiet started blinking in a circular motion, and the alarm began.
She stopped walking.
She was standing in the lobby that led to the second engineering department. She withdrew her hands from the pocket of her pants and shirt. During the day, she would have had her engineering suit on, and it would have been a lot tougher to run in it. But this was free. She looked around and started running towards her father's room, not in the direction of the engineering.
In the past couple of years, he had dedicated himself to helping with the food department. Here, most of the food items were raised using enhanced scientific methods.
She sprinted as fast as she could. The automatic sprinkler system started a few seconds later, and Anina had to stop running. She exhaled and looked at the floor as the water covered the whole place. Then, she began to stroll back to the bedroom area where she would find her father.
The sprinkler didn't launch outside the block of the engineering department, so the area was dry, which only meant one thing, the fire didn’t happen in the bedroom unit.
Anina walked to her father's room, but he wasn’t there. So she headed out again towards the food department. Before panicking, she saw her father walking back into the room.
“Hi, honey,” her father called and hugged her.
“There was fire, and I rushed down here….”
“Yeah, I am glad you are okay. I’m okay.”
“Do you know where the fire happened?” Anina asked.
“It’s the food store,” her father said. “A part of the food store is gone now. It went up in smoke. What we have left are crumbles from that unit.”
“But the fire has stopped now?” Anina asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “There is a bigger problem, though. Some of our food is gone. I think the farm is damaged too. We have to start all over.”
Anina shook her head. She had been to the farm once and saw the technology that kept the crops growing — the stores, the processed algae, and how the plants were raised vertically.
“So, the farm is gone,” I asked.
“Not everything. We are only down a little. But,” her father said, we will need a little more resources to get it up again,” her father said.
“Resources like what?” Anina asked.
“I guessed the engineers would figure that out.”
Later in the evening, Anina was in her bedroom with Jerry when they discussed what had happened. He was sitting on the floor beside her, and they both were looking out of the glass window. It was a computerized window made of glass. You could turn it off, and it would become blank, blocking the view and light from outside.
Anina stared out at the space, which was just like the name sounded, a dark, endless expanse with sources of lights that were sometimes as wild as the size of a book or huge, like a giant balloon or a rugby ball. They had been on this ship for some time, and this was the first time a fire had started and destroyed something huge. Most times, when a little fire accident happened, people stopped it from jumping from burning cigarettes to a whole desk. Corners of the ships had extinguishers too, so it was easy to prevent such hazards.
“My dad said the food store is badly damaged.”
“It destroyed the supply of oxygen, too,” Jerry said. He had his palm on his chin. “We won’t be able to produce oxygen, except on a smaller scale.”
“Damn,” Anina said. “So, what is the solution?”
"Zeroria,” he said. We are going to Zeroria.”
Anina put her hands on her knees and stared at the glass window. She had one question on her mind. “I think the fire wasn't an accident,” she said.
Jerry murmured, hymn, and then sighed. “I think it's orchestrated….”
​
****
​
Part one here.
If you like Mafia romance, check out Saved on Amazon Kindle.

Too long, i am sorry but yeah.. i hope.u read, thank u ❤️
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I am 20 Years Old. I am Male. My description, hmm, i don't really know alot about myself due to lack of experience and stuff but yea i like singing, i play guitar. I lack social skills, but these days I'm getting better at it. I am sensitive (atleast i think that i am sensitive) but i don't like showing people i am sensitive, but that ain't the reason people call me insensitive, they call me cuz they find me uncaring because there are some manners or behaviours that i lack due to knowledge, or maybe it's that other guys fault for keeping his high expectations on me or maybe i made him think highly of me, so lot of times i try to avoid making people put their expectations on me, like what if i fail to achieve right? Also I'm kinda confused about my sexuality but i know for sure i like women mostly. Yea masculinity is important to me but femininity is also there in me, i try hiding it but yea it's there. Also yea people can't offend me but if they say things about something or someone i love, that offends me.. i don't get angry but i get sad.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
I am not diagnosed but i know my mental health is not good. I have anxiety and stuff. Lot of times i feel ill die and stuff idk why, things scare me but i don't show them that they scare me, i try to be tough. And also i feel lonely, and very different from others, lot of times i feel like I'm putting on a fake image to look like them but also i feel like I'm failing to be like them and some times i don't know what to feel, but i know there are times when i feel something subconsciously but it's hard recognising what i am feeling, ya sadness lot of times i recognised and cried at night. When I'm alone watching reels, i do laugh, when I'm alone at night trying to sleep, remembering how lonely i am, how different i am from people my age and other age, how am I struggling with some stuff, how people make me feel different unknowingly, i cry and i realise i am sad. But when I'm with others, lot of times i don't understand what to feel.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My upbringing, is good. My parents are great people, yea we fight sometimes. I fight with my older sister too. It's normal and we love each other alot. My religion is Hindu, and yea i love my religion, i also respect other religions. Honestly idk what to put here.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I am an engineering student, i honestly don't know if i like it or not. I wasn't forced into it or anything, i took it because I thought it is for me and I don't know if i am right or wrong, i think it's fine cause' i don't really seem to have any problem with it but yea obviously classes and assignment is hard but I kind of wanna have a degree so gotta work. But yea i don't really wanna work lol but i have no option, gotta be realistic u know. Yea i like singing, it's kinda my dream to be a singer.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I'd be fine i think but yea loneliness would still be there even if i spend an entire weekend with others. But yea if i am alone by myself, I can do stuff without anyone, also those stuff that no one needs to see u doing, lol. Also video games, Netflix and books can keep u busy. Yea i don't read my academics books lol.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I play guitar, I sing. I record myself, i watch movies or anime or any Web series and about sports, yea i love watching sports like wrestling, cricket, MMA stuff. I used to workout before, nowadays not so much but i soon will start again cause' I'm looking forward to losing some weight. I also when i was kid, used to go out and play some sports like Cricket. I did enjoy, nowadays I've stopped and don't do sports, just watch.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
Curious about weird stuff, i was when i was younger. Like on the internet, if something got into my mind, i won't stop researching. Pretty weird things, I'd research and sometimes I'd regret researching sometimes. Lol cuz i end up traumatizing myself lol, but yea after some days i get normal and move on. Do i have more ideas then i can execute? Ideas like what? Does thoughts count as ideas? First, i overthink alot, and i can say i also like talk to myself like rn also, lol asking myself and me replying back to myself only that I'm completely clueless what to put here lol. I have many thoughts, some are product of overthinking, which is kinda like a problem. Sometimes, I'd remember a certain funny incident and laugh, or angry incident that'd make me pissed off at a person, sometimes weird incident i cringe at or embarrassed for.. sometimes sad incident or remember a emotional song, i listen to 90s Grunge rock era, and i love all those singers, their song kinda makes me cry sometimes, even sometimes when I'm just thinking about them. Curious about? Well when i was a kid, i was curious about multiple professions, then world leaders, then LGBTQ then different kind of people, then darkweb and stuff, then about horror stories that people claim are real, then curious about why people are so afraid to watch this movie or search certain stuff on google. Well most of the time, it depends on how the guy explains those things which are never to be googled, like if he describes it in a way that if i search it up it will leave me traumatized, i won't search it at all, or else i have no issue searching it. That's why I don't let my curiosity dominate me always, sometimes i do.. sometimes i don't.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Aah i wish, but i don't think i am any kind of a leader but yea i wish i was a leader, yea lot of times i watch videos to be like a leader but i don't know if i ever will be but i believe it is possible. Based on my research, i think a good leader is one who's pretty good at making decisions that's pretty well accepted by everyone who he leads, a good leader listens. It's hard to be a good leader. U gotta know how to speak well, how to lead (obviously lol) and also u gotta have confidence. It's hard. I don't really consider i am ready to be a leader yet, cause' i lack leadership skills. And also it's quite nice not being a leader. Maybe I'm leader sometimes where I'm expert, or maybe it's like everyone is a leader in their own life!
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
Coordinated? U mean organized? Well i don't think so, my room is messy but yea when i heard guests are coming.. i cleaned it up real quick and i kinda liked it that way so kept it clean but it's kinda Again getting messy but this time, i feel like i should keep it clean to keep a pleasant atmosphere, let's see when I'm gonna clean lol. Working with my hands, hmm.. I am not really sure how to answer this question. Well, i am lazy.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I am Artistic, like I love music, emotional music and i sing and play guitar... Make riffs. Soon I'm also planning to write songs, i wanna write deep meaning emotional songs. I am mostly into 90s Punk Rock Grunge Era, but i also listen to some of the pop songs and some good emotional rappers. Good lyrics and good music, i love and play. Music Heals!
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
My past, lot of times when i think of Past, i feel regrets. We all feel some regret when we think of Past. Also lot of times i miss my past, like my childhood. Sometimes, my cousins come, and i think about our childhood, how we were innocent and were so random and cringe.. but it was good. I miss those times. I really do. And i hate those times which destroyed me, which filled my life with regrets. About present, i can't say much.. present.. i don't really know what to say about present.. fully clueless lol. About future, it excites me.. but yea it also scares me.. what ifs can be scary.. and also makes me anxious. But also excites me, many times.. maybe things change and i get better... Sometimes these thoughts come.. and sometimes overthinking comes and scares me. Yea from past, good thing is sometimes i learn from past to avoid doing certain stuff. But yea sometimes i fail to learn and keep doing the same mistake again and again and again, maybe cuz it's an addiction.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
Sometimes,i willingly help and sometimes i unwillingly. Recently I learnt how to kind of deny, at first i was coming off as rude but slowly learnt to give them a good excuse. But yea it's hard for me to tell them no, lot of times... I am clueless how to say no and in my mind, i get blank ... So no lie or fake excuse i could use. So i notice some of my other friends use some excuse and i use them lol, or create some more fake ones from them by mixing or twisting. But this is super hard for me, most of the time.. i, in a dumb way, give off a straightforward no, but yea i didn't meant to be rude.. i realise later it was rude.. so it's hard for me to say no, i become blank and stare at them in a weird way, i think my face gives off my "unwilling to help" expression. If i would decide to help them, i don't really know why would I, maybe cuz i wasn't feeling lazy or i wasn't feeling like my personal space was hampered that's why or maybe i didn't wanted them to feel helpless.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Logical consistency, i think yes.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
Ahh, I AM NOT PRODUCTIVE AT ALL, MAYBE A LIL BIT WHEN IT COMES TO MUSIC BUT MOST OF THE TIME I WASTE MY TIME. But yea i believe it's an important thing, but i am so lazy.. i try to be efficient.. it's like dream to be efficient but it's so hard.. and i am not being productive too. It kinda sucks. I keep wasting my time on bed.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I don't think i control people, when i was a kid.. i used to fight with my elder sister.. she'd say i was being dominating or controlling.. but that's cuz i was a kid.. as a grown up, i am not. Maybe in a relationship, i may act a Lil controlling but obviously not in a toxic way.. the way she'd act controlling, I'd be the same. So i am not a controlling person, kinda middle ground.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Music, video games, movies, web series, anime and sometimes books. Going outside, walking or just riding my bike, alone. Going to terrace.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
Idk what to put here cuz I'm kinda dumb but let's go: I kinda need a fun mentor who'd make me learn everything, but yea hard learning environment is when the teacher is hard on u, they don't really care to explain.. they'd ask u to use book language and no other way of explaining stuff. It pisses me off. That environment i hate. I believe one should learn it, like know it and then can write in his own words, yea but one should also be able to use appropriate words. I think I'd prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity? But yea classes involving physical senses can be cool too.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I think i suck at strategizing, but I'm not sure.. but i do think i suck, i mean if someone is there to help me, maybe then we both can work together and complete it, i think i can be capable of that. But yea strategizing, i suck at that. Do i easily break up projects into manageable tasks? I think I'll go with No, but yea i think i know how to break it into manageable tasks, maybe i don't know, who knows lol. No i don't have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as i go because this sounds a lot of effort, but i have no option when I'm giving a project. I gotta work with a friend, and with his help, I'd just finish it.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
Professionally, I'd aspire to be well settled, whatever i do.. i hope i earn good money. Personally, I'd aspire to know myself very well, and accept myself and be comfortable with myself.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
My fear is die without achieving anything, without proving people who brought me down wrong. Other fear is, i am afraid of heights and cockroaches. People staring at me for long period makes me uncomfortable, i mean Idk what to put here so whatever came to mind, i just put it here. I hate people who call themselves mature but it's obvious they are immature, people who themselves are fake but act like they don't like fake people. Also i hate fake people but I'd be lying if i said, I'm 100% real, i am not, we are all a Lil bit fake, we don't realise but we are all Lil bit fake. I hate people who use other people by using the word friendship, they abuse the word(well yea these people are of hypocrites gang only).
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
Highs, i am extremely happy... I turn on music and give concert in my room... Go out eat something.. hang out with my best friend.. or stuff like that, most of the time i just stay home watching a movie.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
Lows, i cry.. feeling lonely, i don't call anyone but yea maybe i text a friend talk to him.. he motivates me. But sometimes i don't even texts, just feel very empty and cry somtimes.. look at the internet, reels and shorts but feel nothing.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
This is a difficult question, i am attached to reality but yea i get lost in my thoughts many many many times.. like i don't listen well in class, singing songs or just randomly thinking something about like making a scenario "if this happens again next time, I'll do this" stuff like that. So yea. And yea i wanna be present and aware of this moment but this shits so hard.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
First, I'd be really scared... Second I'll start thinking slowly about people in my life and laugh, or be annoyed or be sad or angry stuff like.. then I'll start thinking about musicians, i like.. then make some scenarios where i give interviews talking about these musicians.. then again get anxious and be scared.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I take long long time, and yea i do change my mind sometimes but once it's made, it's made if it can't be undone.. but if it can be undone, i try my best to undo it.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Well, some alone time is fine to process my emotions. Emotions are important i guess cuz like i love emotional music, they arouse emotions in me.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Well yes but cuz i don't wanna argue, i don't like debates and arguments. Yea sometimes rarely i do, but most of the time with outsiders, i just agree. With family, not so much. I don't like arguing so, it happens rarely that i disagree.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
Yep, some rules are plain stupid, so yea some rules i break. But most rules are fine. I think authority knows better, but yea we could request some changes. I break rules mostly maybe cuz I'm in hurry. That's all.
Guess it's finished. Sorry, i know it's too long. If u read full, thank u!

THIS IS JUST AN INCOMPLETE PLACEHOLDER. CHECK BACK TOMORROW FOR THE FULL LISTING.
Events are listed by the day. Events that happen every week appear first, one time stuff after that. If you have anything you’d like people to know about, comment here or message me and I’ll add it in. If you’d like further info about any of the events, look it up! I usually don’t have any extra to add.
Large Scale, Ongoing, and Multi-Day Events

Local Running, Walking, and Biking Info: https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/
OutdooFarmer’s Markets:

• Lake Ella Grower's Market: Wednesday, 11am-2pm. You can always find organic vendors, and foragers: The Holistic Cannabis Community, Artzi Farms, Hickory Nut Gifts, and others. Including Pita Queen! Farmer's Market Nutrition Program Coupons gladly accepted!
  
• Frenchtown Market: 524 N MLK Jr Blvd. Saturdays, 10am to 2pm. Come grow community and support your local farmers and makers, while you get your groceries for the week! Don’t forget! We match SNAP/EBT, so you DOUBLE your money to go towards locally grown fresh fruits and vegetables!
  
• Tallahassee Farmers Market: 2904 Kerry Forest Pkwy, Saturdays, 8am to Noon. Come see us at Tallahassee's longest-running farmers market! We are a year-round market, featuring local farms and vendors that provide the best seasonal produce, meats, baked goods, and more. We welcome you and your whole family (leashed pets included) to come out and meet your local farmers! Ample parking is available between our lot and the shopping center lot next door (by Red Elephant). Come early for the best selection.
  
• Tallahassee Downtown Market: Ponce de Leon Park, Saturdays, 10am-2pm. Join us for a stroll in the park among local makers, bakers, artists and farmers as live music is played by local musicians!
  

THURSDAY, 6/1

• Blue Tavern: Happy Hour Pickfoolery. 5pm
  
• The Hub at Feather Oaks: Bingo. 6pm
  
• Dreamland BBQ: Weekly Open Blues Jam. If you'd like to sing, please bring your own mic. 6pm
  
• Blu Halo: Upside Avenue. 6pm
  
• Lake Hall: Thursday Night Paddle Series. Weekly paddles at Lake Hall every Thursday starting at 6PM. The park closes on a sliding scale each night dictated by sun set. The park entrance fee is $6.00 (the ranger station closes at 5:30 and they typically do not charge for entry after this time). While there is no fee for this event ALL paddlers must have filled out the ACKC insurance waiver. Link here: https://form.jotform.com/JLAagency/apalachee-canoe--kayak----club-waiv Welcome to our weekly Thursday night paddling event at Maclay Gardens State Park in Tallahassee, Florida. Our event is designed to be both casual and instructional, offering paddlers of all skill levels the opportunity to improve their kayaking abilities while enjoying the beautiful surroundings. Starting at 6pm and ending at sunset, our weekly paddling event will provide participants with the chance to learn and practice different strokes, capsize recovery, and kayak rolling techniques. Sometimes there will be knowledgeable instructors on hand to provide guidance and instruction helping you to develop your skills and build your confidence on the water. Whether you are a beginner looking to learn the basics of paddling or an experienced paddler looking to improve your technique, our event is perfect for you. We welcome all skill levels and provide a supportive and encouraging environment to help you achieve your goals. Join us each Thursday evening at Maclay Gardens State Park and experience the thrill of kayaking while learning new skills and making new friends. Don't miss out on this fantastic opportunity to improve your paddling abilities and explore the beauty of Tallahassee's natural surroundings. 6pm
  
• The Great Games Library: Solforge Fusion Sealed-Deck Tournament. Anyone interested in SolForge: Fusion, please come out! Thursday nights at 6:00pm to 9:00pm ish will be dedicated to SolForge Fusion gameplay and weekly tournaments. If you play or have played MTG but would like to spend less, this is a great alternative CCG with inexpensive entry and minimal purchases to enjoy playing competitively. In-store and online tournaments may be played with the same decks purchased at any store. SolForge was created by the same designer for MTG, Netrunner, and Key Forge, Richard Garfield, and the designer for Ascension, Justine Gary. 6pm/$35 Entry Fee for 4 Sealed Half-decks, Special Art Playmat Prize for 1st Place
  
• Oyster City Brewing Co: Open Mic Night! Join us on Thursdays from 6:30-9:30 PM for Open Mic Night hosted by the incredible Mike Ingram of The Brown Goose! 🎙️ 🎶 This is your chance to show off your skills! Whether you're a musician, poet, comedian, or have a hidden talent, we can't wait to see what you bring to the stage. 6:30pm
  
• World of Beer: Trivia Night. 7pm
  
• Lake Tribe III: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Smitty's Taphouse: Trivia Lab Thursdays. Teams of 6 or fewer players can compete for $30 / $20 / $10 Prizes + The Golden MacGuffin prize table! New format! Interactive smartphone answering for your comfort and safety! 6 Fun Rounds - 42 Total Questions. 7:30pm
  
• House of Music: Prime Rib Thursday & Karaoke. 7:30pm
  
• Cap City Video Lounge: Red Zone Cuba: MST3K May the Fourth Double Feature. Join us Thursday as we climb aboard The Satellite of Love along with Joel, Tom Servo and CROOOOWas the Gang riffs filmmaker Coleman Francis' 1966 neo-noir art film magnum opus, RED ZONE CUBA! immediately proceeded by the short, SPEECH: PLATFORM, POSTURE AND APPEARANCE! 8pm/free but donations encouraged
  
• Fire Bettys: Electronic Thursdays. There will be rotating music genres from local artists! 8pm/free/21+
  
• Poor Pauls: Trivia. 8/21+
  
• 926: Karaoke. 9pm
  
• Fire Bettys: Electronic Show. Join us for Experiment 002 and take a mind-bending trip into the sound of the future! Our electrifying music party will transport you to another dimension with cutting-edge beats and non-stop excitement. 9pm
  
• Bird’s: Karaoke with Nathan. 9pm
  

• Blue Tavern: Bluegrass Jam with Dennis Hardin. 5pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Wasted Potential Brass Band. 8pm
  
• House of Music: Steeln’ Peaches: The Music of the Allman Brothers Band. 8pm
  

FRIDAY, 6/2

• Lake Tribe: Flannel Friday. Flannel Fridays will be featuring a wide range of fall themed 'Pop-up' activities such as food trucks, live music, campfires, s'mores roasting, new seasonal brews, and more! Come dawn your flannel and cozy up to the simpler things in life. Our beers taste like the outdoors feel, let our tasting room be your Friday cabin retreat. 4pm
  
• Gamescape: MTG Friday Night Magic. FORMAT: Standard Constructed. Swiss rounds as determined by the number of players with a maximum of 5 rounds. 7pm/$5
  
• Hobbit West: Friday Night Dart Tournament. Anyone can Enter! Sign ups at 7:30, Darts fly at 8:00/$10 entry fee
  
• Ouzts Too: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 8pm
  
• Club Downunder: CDU X Hip Hop Club Presents Freestyle Friday. Show off your freestyle rap or poetry skills at Freestyle Friday! Doors are at 7:30 with the show starting at 8:00 in Club Downunder! Send an email to [email protected] to sign up! 8pm
  
• The Bar at La Casa: Karaoke with DJ FUSION. 9pm
  
• Just One More: Karaoke with DJ Rah. 9pm-11pm/21+
  
• 926: The Hot Friday Night Party and Drag Show. 9pm/$5/18+
  

• Blue Tavern: Everett Young. 5pm
  
• Square Mug: Jordie Hendrix. 6pm
  
• The Plant: Maker’s Market featuring local artists selling handmade items and live music by Bad Weather, High Speed Suicide, Speed Runner, ArsonGender, and Computer Man. 6:30pm
  
• Ology Midtown: Kanise featuring Facey. 7pm
  
• Island Wings: Lee C Payton performs a tribute to Kathryn Belle Long. 7pm
  
• Fire Bettys: Groove Merchants. 8pm/21+
  
• The Bark: Saturnalia, Gangs of Paris, Headfoam, and Wojtek. 8pm
  

SATURDAY, 6/3

• Brinkley Glen Park: Invasive Plant Removal. Join Master Gardener Volunteers at this weekly invasive plant removal event. This is a great way to learn to ID our invasive plant species and how to remove them. We recommend wearing long pants and sleeves, closed-toed shoes, gloves, a hat and mosquito spray. Bring gardening tools such as hand clippers, loppers, trowels, etc. if you have them. We are removing coral ardisia bushes and berries, nandina, tung trees, Tradescantia flumenensis, cat's claw vine, winged yam, Japanese climbing fern, skunkvine and more. Directions: The best way to get there is to take Meridian Rd to Waverly Rd, go to the next intersection and turn left onto Abbotsford Way, then turn left at the next road called Woodside Dr. At the stop sign turn left onto Lothian. Lothian ends in a cul-de-sac and there is a sign that says Brinkley Glen Park. 8:30am-11:30am
  
• The Rose Room: The Rose Revue. Performances by your favorite entertainers and special guests! Shows at 8pm, 10pm, & Midnight! A unique cast EACH show! 7pm
  
• Duke’s and Dottie’s: Line Dancing Plus Lessons. 7pm/21+
  
• Bird’s Oyster Shack: Laughterday Night Fever. This week: Five Year Anniversary Laughterday Night Fever! Join us every Saturday at Bird's Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack for a free comedy show! 8:30pm
  
• La Casa Bar: Karaoke With Nathan. 9pm-1am
  

• Blue Tavern: First Saturday Swim with Bluegill Bill. 5pm
  
• Tally Print Studio (225 E Pershing St): Grand Opening featuring local printmakers, food vendors, live screen printing, clothing swap, and live music from DJ Enigumatic, Danitza, Rachel Hillman, and Sleep John B. 5pm-10pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing Co: Mechanical Lincoln. 7pm
  
• The Bark: Boy Named Sue, Teens In Trouble, and Copyright Claim. 7:30pm
  
• Square Mug: Suddenly, Bench Warmer, and Sarah Morrison. 8pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Prine Time: Local Songwriters cover the music of John Prine. 8pm
  
• House of Music: The Funky ‘Taters featuring Lili Forbes and friends. 8pm
  

SUNDAY, 6/4

• Bicycle House: Sunday Ride. Ride at 10:30 AM from Bicycle House. We will ride the Cascades trail to the St Marks trail and down to Wakulla station and return, about 31 miles. Ride speed is 12 to 14 mph, with periodic regroups. Vernon Bailey is the ride leader. Vernon is a new CCC member who’s been biking for 50 years enjoys riding with small groups and weekend touring. 10am
  
• Gamescape: Pokémon League. Come learn, play, and trade with the Pokémon Trading Card Game and the Pokémon video games! We LOVE seeing new players, so come learn how to play! We play both the Trading Card Game and the Video Game casually and competitively. The store offers lots of different seating arrangements to meet our group's needs, as well as food, drinks, and Pokémon products for purchase. We are also hold regular, officially sanctioned tournaments for Pokémon Trading Card Game and Video Game Competitions! 2-4pm
  
• Lake Tribe: Colby Scheib. 3pm
  
• House of Music: Songwriter Sunday. Songwriters of Tallahassee hosted by Rachel Hillman. Bring your original songs on Sunday - sign up is at 4:30. No Cover Songs please - this is an event celebrating original music. Accompanists and Bands Welcome - you must be able to set up within two minutes, so no crazy pedals or amp shenanigans. No Backing Tracks - Please find someone to play your song with you. 5pm
  
• The Plant: Open Jam. All instruments, all players welcome. 5pm-9pm
  
• House of Music: Perkins Street Pickers. 5pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing: Comedy Night. Come have some laughs with us on Sunday nights! If you are interested in participating in the show, reach out to [email protected] 7:30pm
  
• The Rose Room: Synful Sunday. 8pm
  

**MONDAY, 6/5

• Just One More: Bingo. 5pm-6:30pm
  
• American Legion Hall: Cha Cha - Weekly Lessons. 6:15pm/$5
  
• Hangar 38: Bingo. 6:45pm
  
• Vino Beano: Tipsy Trivia. 7pm
  
• The Rose Room: Karaoke Night. 8pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing: The Bachelor Watch Party! 8pm
  

TUESDAY, 6/6

• Blue Tavern: Happy Hour with Paddy League. 5pm
  
• World of Beer: Poker Night. 6pm
  
• The Rose Room: Drag Bingo and Open Stage Night ft. Britney T. Foxx! 6pm
  
• Crafty Crab: BOOMIN' Karaoke. 7pm
  
• Ology Midtown: Jazz Jam Sessions. 7pm
  
• Island Wings: Trivia. 7pm
  
• House of Music: Tuesday Trivia & Karaoke. 7pm
  
• Burrito Boarder: Karaoke with DJ Roldus. 8pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Tuesday is Blues Day. Every Tuesday is Blues Day @ the Blue Tavern and Blues Meets Girl is a Tallahassee favorite. This perfect, intimate venue provides just what you need for both a mid-week break and authentic blues music experience. 8pm
  
• 4th Quarter: Professor Jim's Tuesday Night Trivia. Popular for a reason! 8pm
  
• Argonaut Coffee: Trivia Tuesday. 8pm
  
• 926: Tacos and Trivia. 9pm
  
• Fire Betty’s: Comedy Show. 9pm/21+
  

• Retrofit Records: Janelle Monáe “The Age Of Pleasure” Album Listening Party. 8pm

WEDNESDAY, 6/7

• Rose Room: Women's Wednesday. Featuring Our Rose Roulettes and drink specials all night long. A night for all of our female-identifying friends to enjoy a safe space and an awesome happy hour! 5pm-2am
  
• Blue Tavern: The Wednesday Night Lab Session hosted by Jim Crozier. 5pm
  
• Sugar and Spice Tally: Game Night. Join us every Wednesday Night for community game night. Bring your own or use ours! Let me know if you need to reserve space for a large group. Free to attend! 5pm
  
• Tara Angel’s Magic: D&D Experience - Adult (18+) Group. Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition - Candlekeep Mysteries. A one-shot is a D&D event that starts and finishes in the same session, typically lasting 3 - 4 hours. We have pre-generated characters for players to choose from. WHAT TO BRING: Pencils, Dice (can be purchased in store), Mask (encouraged for unvaccinated participants), Enthusiasm! Please sign up in advance to reserve a spot in this campaign. Tickets can be purchased in-store, over the phone, or on the website. For more information, please email [email protected], or call: (850) 878-4555 6pm-9pm
  
• Goodwood: Wonderful Wednesday. 6pm/$5
  
• Level 8 Rooftop Lounge: Trivia. 6pm
  
• The Great Games Library: Open Game Night. 6pm/free
  
• American Legion Hall: Sue Boyd Country Western and More Dance Class. Session 2 - Beginner 6:30 to 7:45 pm What: East Coast Swing and Waltz. Cost: $8.00 per person. Wear comfortable shoes you can turn in. 7:45 to 8:15 - Practice dance with paid admission. 8:15 to 9:30: Intermediate - 2 Step and WCS. $8.00 per person or $13.00 for both classes. Vaccines are required. Face masks are optional. Changing partners is optional. 6:30pm
  
• Perry Lynn’s Smokehouse in Quincy: Wed Night Open Mic w/ Steven Ritter and Friends. 6:30pm
  
• Hangar 38: Trivia. 6:45pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing Tallahassee: Trivia. Teams up to 6 players for three rounds with 10 questions and a tie breaker each round. Winners are by round so don’t worry if you need to come late or can’t stay the whole time! Prizes include a round of beer, a 6 pack and a gift card! 7pm
  
• Proof: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Vino Beano: Wine Bingo. 7pm
  
• Fermentation Lounge: Trivia. 7pm
  
• House of Music: Open Mic at House of Music. Join us Wednesday nights for open mic in the bar with host Mike Ingram of The Brown Goose. Come early for Happy Hour and dinner! 8pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Warehouse Wednesdays Open Mic Night. The open mic night that has run continuously for almost 20 years, once housed at the Warehouse, lives on at the Blue Tavern. Doc Russell continues as the host with the most. Sign up starts at 8pm/free to attend
  
• Fire Betty’s: Karaoke! 8pm/21+/free
  
• Dukes and Dotties: College Night and Line Dancing Lessons. 8pm
  
• The Bark: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 9pm
  
• 926: Dragged Out Wednesday. 10pm
  

• The Bark: Dikembe, Glazed, and Professional Businessman. 7:15pm

For the Seeker of the Unseen. I'm here to finally show you the truth. Open wide, baby. 😏
Just your mind, this time. Pervert.
So many ways to say so many things. Different ways to frame them... So many ways to try and reach you, yet I never really do anymore it seems. That will be different this time, I can sense it.
I could simplify it all and just say, "you manipulate and treat me like shit," which is objectively at least partially true. I could say, "you endlessly lie and pervert the truth on purpose to take advantage of others, including me," and you'd not really be able to refute that very easily. I could also say, "you give until you literally can't anymore," or I could probably also say, "you love me, which is also why you hate me."
I could say all of that, and infinitely more, and I'd be right. Except, I also wouldn't be.... 🤷🏻‍♂️
Because you're also just a scared small girl, holding on to your inner child for comfort, just riding out the waves of life on your emotional instinct alone and desperately hoping to make it through to the other side. Hoping to wash up on some distant foreign shores, where you're met with a smile and a long hug, rather than the tip of a spear you constantly feel. Somewhere you can sink your roots into the sand, a place to call "home" once more.
This one is going to reach you, though, because I have all the pieces finally. Well, no I don't. Not at all. But, I have enough of them.
I'm sorry we failed, you know. I tried everything I could, though, despite what your mind tells you. I'm going to explain why we failed, and why I don't blame either of us.
Hmm where to start...
You feel everything so incredibly intensely to the point you eventually have to separate the feelings from yourself. Things hurt you far more than they should, and your attachment is incredible. I never saw this before btw.
However, despite that attachment, you basically lack entirely all drive to "resolve" problems, (which I'll explain why that is a little later, that's the climax). But it's something that makes you feel very broken internally. This is just the surface, but all this culminates to make you feel deeply bitter and resentful, and you project it both inwards and outwards, which actually makes it worse.
This is why I was special to you, though. I know you forgot, but this is what I gave you for a long while. I gave you the ability to resolve things. For a while, at least. You felt a lot of pride when something got better. Like an incredible amount, no matter if it was tiny. I never understood this before, but now I see that for you it was huge.
I led you through it, sure, but the change is always ultimately with you. I resolved things for you as much as I could, but... You had unresolved issues that actually weren't related to me, but which you placed onto me instinctually.
Unfortunately, this is what made it so you weren't ready to learn what you needed to learn. And I didn't realize this in time to be able to stop it, so I wasn't ready to teach you I guess. But hey, I'm going to help you with that here. This letter is going to heal you, okay? I'm being serious. You'll see.
The instincts you're riding the waves of right now are why you're so volatile with me, and your own mental image of me. You're deeply conflicted, and you're confused because sometimes it strikes back out at you in your confusion and hurt yourself. The reason is because you subconsciously are aware of the truth, though you obscure it heavily.
This will ease some of that fog for you, though you may feel a little guilty. Maybe not. Either way, even if we don't end up together, which seems more and more likely since you continue to devalue me, I still want you to be happy. Hopefully you can stop doing this, at least. Anyways...
You can tolerate all these emotions jumbled up in your brain for a while, and I've even actually seen you fully control it in rare moments. I've seen you dominate your mind with an incredible will and quash your emotions that you desperately WANT to feel, if only for brief periods. But, of course you feel that this comes at great cost to you, since that's what instincts are and do. It's only natural you feel this way, don't beat yourself up over it. It's no fault of yours. It will take lots of practice and time.
But, you didn't know any of this in the past. You truly could not control anything when you were younger and it was hell. So, you began to disassociate from the pain. You split into your "system". Kind of. Your creativity, along with your need to find the explanations, which I'll get into soon here, has done a lot in that regard. Plus you're very intelligent in your own unique ways. You're the most talented girl I've ever known in your chosen paths, and probably even more obsessive than me. It's admirable, but good God is that ever a necessary compensation. 😉
You've fucked your own mind and self perception up wonderfully. I hope you know this, or can admit that about yourself. You need a guide... You're lost in there right now. Lately. This is probably both the best and the worst time in your life for your mental health. I'm worried about you a lot. You're on a path I can't watch you go down, because it kills me to have failed... So, I'm stopping it.
I did realize recently that you truly do lie to yourself. It's not faked as I'd thought. Well, it isn't always.
You can't handle these emotions anymore it doesn't seem. You hate yourself for them, for the control they steal from you, and all the opportunities that you've lost, the love, the life you should have had, you hate them so much... So the solution, in your mind, which you've HEAVILY fixated on... Is to fucking kill them. I see now that you're trying to smother your empathetic side, and to embrace all the darkness you can. I wonder if this is even possible? But then I look at the progress you've made and I think I'd rather not find out.
Stop.
You do have, and always have had, the capacity and even the compulsion sometimes to just shut your empathy off. This is a common defense mechanism. One that is to a great degree already engrained in you. However, this can come at a cost after the fact. Particularly in what you lose... Who you lose. Eventually it catches up to you, and you do NOT like when you have to feel that. You despise paying that price.
That's what makes you hate me in large part as well, I think. I've become a great burden upon your mind in this way. Your empathy towards me.
Your hate is actually genuine and not forced as I thought. So is your love, in turn. I personally don't have the capacity to be so volatile, so I never really understood it until very recently.
I simply love you (and I don't hate you), but you already knew that. But, now the important bit. Please open your mind when you read this, do not get stuck on bias.
I'm sorry you have to feel all these things on your own.
I'm sorry the world has not been fair to you.
I'm sorry you had the childhood you did especially, where you still feel so deeply ashamed for feeling how you did. How you still do. No matter what anybody says, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I promise. I have wanted to talk to you about this for a while, but you're so evasive and cruel lately. 🥹
This is the important bit: The abuse you suffered was very subtle and unclear, as is the nature of neglect. You were subtly gaslit by your parents and even your sisters, and actually you even still are, which only further exacerbates the trauma... You have no clue what it actually was that you could point to, and you're deeply ashamed of yourself for being so weak in light of that. So affected. After this, no more shame.
Just saying "neglect" doesn't adequately describe how it feels at all. It doesn't have the power behind it that saying something like, "I got punched in the fucking face," has. It feels empty because it is, and so it gets ignored. It gets brushed aside. People don't help or care. This is where most of the trauma truly comes from. It's this feeling of doubt and insecurity it creates in you. It's a very insidious evil.
You never had anything definitive to point to, though, and this is in incredibly important point that's why I'm repeating it. You did what any child does in that situation. You looked for reasons to explain why you felt the way you did. 🤷🏻‍♂️ This most likely started with you and your sisters, with your intended target being your parents, but it obviously shifts over time to a lot of different things.
You probably succeeded just as you failed, you obviously learned a great deal. It's also obvious that you were shut down and shut out, time and time again. This is where you started lying, though. It became such an improperly addressed force in your life and it still is just that. That's the root of why you still lie so compulsively.
You couldn't "find" anything, because it isn't clear, and there's truly nothing to find. So, you made the reasons up. You did this everywhere that you could. Online. School. Friends. You would make stuff up to try and fill up that gap. I won't get into all the ways that you do this, but it has taken over your life.
You began doing this obviously very early on, not knowing what this would eventually make you... And the saddest part? It didn't even work. Nobody had the love you wanted, nor the validation or sympathy/pity. You can't replace that from your parents, not easily. And the reason that you feel like you don't have empathy now? It's because you subconsciously think everybody else lies. Your obsession with victimhood has made you numb to it with others.
The ironic thing is, is that when you truly ARE a victim of something? That's when you shut down and don't want to talk about it at all. There's stuff you still have never told me, either because it makes you look bad or because it's TRUE. 😔
Your parents failed you, though. But in your mind, you failed to show them their role. There's nothing to show though, and that's why it's so hard. It's them entirely, THEY failed to take responsibility time and time again, and that only ever made it worse and worse.
You have always tried to find things to rationalize WHY it is you feel so much pain and sadness. This has exacerated the issue so dramatically over time. You have become "this" now, and I'm here just humbly asking: please stop.
This childhood trauma created a complex in you... 😭 It's why you always tried to find the same things in me as well, from the very beginning. We both knew it from early on, but we never talked about why nearly enough. What a stupid oversight on my part...
You more or less forced this into me, though. And I played my own role, don't get me wrong, but I tried for so long to stop that course and you couldn't help me. You sacrificed everything with ME to get that love from your parents in the end, and it didn't even work. 🥺
I realize this is why you hate me, though. You want me to take responsibility for "it", but... I truly don't know what you want me to take responsibility for, exactly. I have taken responsibility for what I could, when I could, but your indirect communication makes it rather impossible anyways. 😔
This makes you hate me even more, though. I'm sorry but I can't change this. I'm not stupid nor an asshole, I just truly don't know.
In any case....
It's not your fault, either.
I forgive you.
If I could go back in time? I'd destroy everybody who dared wrong you in such a way.
Okay, not really. I'd try to just help you and them first, which I'm sure I could.
But, hypothetically, if I couldn't? I meant it when I said I'd burn the whole fucking world down for you.
You say you're doing well, but I think you're lying usually. If you are, though? Then I'm glad to see that, and I hope this helps you make it more permanent. I'm moving on from here, though, because this is a mental poison I don't particularly need.
Reddit is, I mean.
If you want me to be there for you, I will be. Seems unlikely, at this point. You have nothing to fear from me, and you never did. I'm no longer going to be seeking you out, though, because all you do is hurt me now. 🤷🏻‍♂️
Ugh, so many other things I could and want to say...
I think the last thing I would want to say to you is the importance of realizing the impermanence of our perception, and the imperfections in them.
In your eyes, I've been an incredible variety of things. I once was exalted and seen as the hero god. But, I've also been seen as the abuser and reviled and hated. I've been judged as unworthy in your eyes now, and it seems permanently.
You know it hurts to be here for me, which is why you've put me here in this position. You hurt, and so I must feel it 100x over, and I've simply let you. But, I won't be here forever, and you'll have to contend with that as well.
I do love you, and I'm sure I won't stop. I understand it's unrequited and foolish. I understand it's one sided. I don't see why I'd care.
If I can love in these conditions as I have for months now, then surely at some point you can see yourself out of the hate you've immersed yourself in?
Hope this helps you figure it all out, regardless. I care about you a lot. I want you to be okay, not just fall into the darkest parts of you. I taught you to be stronger than that, didn't I? Hopefully you can remember.
I love you, goober,
B

Looking for tips for formatting a new spread? Never bullet journaled before and want to get started? Post them all here! This thread will be reposted every Thursday, so please save questions for this thread. Happy journaling!
If you like the idea of weekly generated discussion threads, please feel free to message the mods with ideas for other themed threads!

Happy Thursday everybody!!♥️ How is everyone’s day going? Mine is going great. This just a random list of things that I would like.
Random list - Amazon Gift List - https://www.amazon.com/registries/gl/guest-view/3QBU1RXF4NWNO