This is a throwaway account because family members and my girlfriend have me on my main and I’d be a little embarrassed if they saw this.
My (m17) girlfriend (f17) of ten months has gone nearly non-verbal, meaning she talks fine until her social/verbal battery runs out. She’s been stressed a lot lately and she does her best to talk to me as much and as long as she can, but it gets to a point she really can’t talk, usually something—that something being her family being just kinda rude to her and then she just stays quiet and kinda does her own thing.
When we’re on FaceTime and this happens- and it tends to happen at least once a day—she ends up teaching me a little sign language. I don’t fully pay attention because usually I’m gaming, but I’ll pay attention enough for her to write something down and have her show me, or for her to sign I love you.
When I’m stressed because of school or losing a game, she’ll get my attention and “boop” me (poke the camera) or “pat” me (cup her hand over the camera and pat it a few times) and she’ll just sit there supporting me with whatever’s going on.
She’s the sweetest person I could ever ask for and I love her so much. She’s never judged me for anything, she’s always been here through anything I’m dealing with, stands up for me when I’m getting picked on, etc.
I plan on marrying her one day. Yeah yeah, we’re young, and we’ve only been together ten months, but sometimes you just know. I love her, she has my heart and I know I have hers.
Don’t want any advice, just wanted to let that out.

Hi. My name is Amy and in October I got very sick. I stayed that way despite multiple hospital visits that just disregarded my symptoms and gave me two powerful anti biotics. On December 8 I went in to the hospital because I felt like I was dying. They tried to pull the same thing with giving me anti biotics and sending me home. This time I rejected them and said no I need further evaluation. Giving me a general diagnosis of colitis and treating it with anti biotics just doesn't seem right. The anti biotics were making me feel worse. They admitted me that day.
Three days later they gave me a colonoscopy in order to give me an actual diagnosis and it turns out I had severe ulcerative colitis. steroids failed, Remicade failed, and I was transported to a hospital in Baltimore, bc I live in a rural area. The doctors were supposed to be more experienced. On January 5th, I had a total collectomy and now I have a colostomy bag.
A few days later they realized my right ureter (the tube between your kidney and bladder that transports urine) was severed. They put a stint in to try to direct the urine but the doctor didn't place it properly and severed the ureter completely. I ended up with a nephrostomy bag. The tube leading to the bag would cause me to become septic approximately every two weeks. I was very sick the entire time I had it and it wasn't until two weeks ago that I got rid of it through another major surgery.
May 15 I was supposed to have a surgery to remove my right kidney and transplant it to the left side of my body to re attach the ureter. But I was already in the hospital for another infected nephrostomy tube. so they had to put it off until I was able to be transported to a different hospital in Baltimore.
The kidney was so damaged from the weeks of continued infection, that after they connected the kidney to the ureter and transplanted what they thought was successful, I started bleeding internally and my body was rejecting the kidney. Just two weeks ago I nearly died. I now have one kidney, but I am alive. And grateful.
All of this has happened since October. My life changed in an instant. I was already on this sub because I have a neck injury that is also pretty severe. I can't even feel my neck pain because of how badly this abdominal pain is. I don't know what I did to myself to end up like this, but it's rare I wake up without crying every day.
The hospital prescribed me 15mg of oxycodone, once every 4 hours. They gave me a two week prescription, 84 pills I think. It said two weeks on the label. So two weeks would be the 7th.
I had an appointment with my pain management doctor yesterday so I called the pharmacy to make sure they ordered a months supply of this medication. I had her send the prescription way ahead of time so if any issues arise, they can be handled before the 7fh. He tells me they're on back order. That my insurance company won't cover any amount of pills until the 18th instead of the 7th. And when they do fill it, they can only fill 96 of the 180 that I was ordered for a months supply.
So I've been taking my prescription as prescribed by the surgeons who wrote the prescription. Every 4 hours. I am in serious pain. They did some serious damage and I am having more disgusting symptoms than ever. Now I can't even pee normally either. I start to pee, I'll get a good stream going, and then suddenly, it stops. I wait a moment or two and the same thing happens. I go through this until I think I have emptied my bladder. I'm worried because I am not sure that I have fully emptied my bladder. I am concerned about getting a kidney infection due to this. I can't get an appointment with a urologist until the.28th.
I have to go back to Baltimore on the 8th for a follow up. Visit with the surgeons or just a surgeon who may or may not have worked on me. I have to drive almost three hours to Baltimore for me to see the doctor for probably less than five minutes. Then turn around and go back home. At least that's how it went with the follow-up with the surgeon who did the collectomy.
I guess I just needed somewhere to rant. I have enough pills now that if I only take one a day, I'll be fine by the me the 18th rolls around. I'm calling my insurance company as soon as I can on Monday to see what's going on here. They have some policy that every 25 days, you're allowed 180 pills. After 25 days end, it starts over and you are allowed 180 pills. This is the first time I've ever come close to having a script so large until now.
I'm terrified of how the next two weeks are going to go. I'm in serious pain. Just the incision hurts so much, my entire inside feels bruised. You don't think about how much you use your abdomen until something like this happens and your abdomen is cut through..it's hard to walk, even just standing is a task. I can usually only do one activity per day before I need to rest. But I'm doing my best to get out at least once a day now. Also, while I was in the hospital my dog Lucy passed away on her 12th birthday. I had rescued her at six months old..
Thanks for listening to my unloading of so.much.sh*t.

Me: 39M, healthy, tall, educated, reasonably attractive, not on any medication, full hair, finances not quite what they should be at my age (that's what academia does to you) but better than ever before and improving, so no obvious red flags as far as I can tell and no downward tendencies in the last few years that would be an obvious reason for why I'm in a sexless marriage. I'm as fuckable as I ever were. So it's probably not that. I also have no unorthodox sexual desires, let alone recently developed ones, so it's not that either. I used to enjoy a hedonistic sex life in my 20s until I realised that it didn't fulfil me. Started looking for more calm waters and more meaningful connections, fell deeply in love with who would become my wife. The way I'm phrasing the story is relevant because sex was never a priority with her from the start. It was good, not great, it was fun/frequent enough but I loved her for other reasons and I mostly believe I still do.
Her: 37F, still very attractive to me, her body outright refuses to age, used to have some chronic endocrinological health conditions (thyroid issues) that were resolved beautifully when she changed her diet into a (now not so strict anymore) paleo direction and became a bit obsessed with gut health, gluten-free, yoga, supplements, etc. But her health seems to be proving her right ever since. Otherwise in good health and no psychological condition or trauma I'm aware of and no medication other than thyroid hormones.
Timeline: We met in 2010, split up for almost a year in 2015 (she left and asked me to take her back), we decided to go all in after that. Started trying to have kids around 2017, which turned sex into a chore with obsessive timing and zero passion whatsoever from her side. That phase really took the joy out of it for me as well and I was glad when we decided to stop and instead go with IVF, wich got us a wonderful little boy and my favourite human in 2019. There was no diagnosis that would have explained the difficulties. IVF took a second attempt as well. We also got married in 2018 but since then have had sex for fun exactly twice (once in 2018 and once in 2019). And of course it wasn't great, but why would it be after such a long time? I really enjoyed the intimacy with her though and suspected that we'd be able to have actual fun again. Interestingly she initiated both times (I have stopped trying a long time ago.) and both times happened on vacation in a hotel room. Make of that one what you will, psychologists. Maybe she was trying to find out if optimal conditions would make her enjoy it, I don't know. She's not easy to talk to about these things and acts very intuitively.
Fast forward to now. She has zero interest in sex and/or intimacy whatsoever, she says she never masturbates, has no sexual thoughts or desires whatsoever, she has just become completely colourblind to sexuality. She is a non-sexual entity and I've kind of started accepting her that way. But sex isn't the only thing that's lacking in our relationship. Any kind of non-sexual intimacy is extremely rare and our emotional connection is clearly damaged, as we both don't seem to show the kind of resilience and patience with each other anymore that family life demands of partners. I'm under the impression that couples who have a sex life are just more resistant to outside stress. Well, we clearly don't have that anymore. We're a functional team, most of the time. She's a wonderful mother, we still have our moments, and I don't think our marriage is 100% doomed quite yet. But I'm feeling some resentment and maybe even contempt building up on both sides when times are stressful and my general level of frustration shows.
And I honestly don't think anyone else but myself is to blame for my decisions. I don't feel deceived in any way and I'm also not viewing her decline to zero as in any way linked to external issues, trauma or health. I knew perfectly well that her sex drive and probably her whole experience of sex was near the lower limit of what I'd be able to live with, even in our 20s. I knew that she was just wired a little differently and that there would always be a chance that things could get worse. Her pregnancy issues kind of confirmed that intuition. Interestingly, her sex drive faded even more with her improving health, if she wasn't pretending that she ever had it in the first place. I couldn't blame her. I also appreciated (and still do) the great influence she is on my life in terms of values and self-care. Choosing her was like eating my vegetables. Maybe even punishing myself a bit for the life I've had before (again, nothing crazy, just flings with lots of women and no attachment). But it was eating my vegetables with someone I truly loved and who was (and still is) crazy attractive to me. But I should have seen this coming. It was wishful thinking all along. And that's completely on me.
So what now? Ever since my Dad passed away somewhat surprisingly in his late 50s, I'm starting to ask myself how many years of health I have left and I'm starting to think that I cannot live like this until I die. The idea of having sex with her now seems more weird and awkward to me than with a literal stranger, because of all the history and baggage. I honestly can't see myself doing that anytime soon but I'm also sure that it won't be asked of me. I'm going through some kind of midlife crisis 15 years too early, but for pretty much exactly the same hormonal reasons (on my wife's end).
Here are the options that I would suggest if I were the reader:

1. Suck it up. Life could be worse. I have a somewhat functional marriage and a lovely son who needs a functional family. We are his world and he deserves his world not to be fucked with. Pun intended. All the sex I've had in my 20s didn't make me happy either. Eventually my testosterone levels will drop and I will find more appreciation for the extra time I have. During this marriage, I've painted some badass Warhammer armies. But then again, my early midlife crisis is kicking in hard right now. I'm not ready to die. Maybe using something like excessive exercise or a new hobby etc... could it be possible to redirect the unused sexual energy. Does anyone have experience with something like that? Does it get better or worse if you hit the gym 6 times a week?
   
2. Seek Professional advice. I'm pretty sure at this point that I couldn't get her to seek medical advice. She has no unmet need, I do. Call it selfish, maybe this is something I need to bring up more. As far as she is concerned she has never been a very sexual person. Psychological: No idea. My wife will be very skeptical because she's a therapist herself (not for sexual issues though) so she probably knows the limitations better than anyone. Maybe she's just comfortable with the situation and has no regard for how I feel, so there is no pressure to fix things.
   
3. Leave. I couldn't do that to my son. I don't want to talk to him at 16 or whatever (if he still talks to me then) and tell him sorry son, that you had a fragmented, guilt-ridden and emotionally confusing childhood, but I had to leave because turns out I really like pussy. Impossible. Really not the kind of life the little guy deserves. So hard no. Of course this doesn't mean that my marriage won't blow up in my face eventually but I see no need to pull that plug preemptively.
   
4. Talk her into an open marriage. Not gonna work. She actually brought that up herself, as if I had asked already. And despite not wanting sex, I believe a total lack of jealousy would be horseman of the apocalypse, more than anything else.
   
5. Cheat and don't get caught. I'm thinking about this "solution", also knowing that some day I will have the opportunity to do something really stupid after three drinks and possibly will end up paying for it dearly. So why not do it intelligently instead? After about 3 years of sexlessness I hooked up with an old acquaintance from my university days a few times. It was incredibly easy for me to do, no guilt whatsoever. Because after all, I clearly wasn't giving anything to her that my wife would have wanted. Whatever we have isn't monogamy, it's zero-gamy, so to speak (couldn't be bothered to look up the greek word). I guess that's what you get for viewing your wife as a non-sexual entity. It felt amazing to be appreciated and the experience itself was a blast, but I wasn't able to fully relax because instead of guilt, I felt a sense of shame because I never thought this is the man I was going to be and also a kind paranoia for fear of getting caught and destroying my son's family in the process. Taking off your wedding ring before entering a hotel room is such a gut-wrenching degree of personal failure that I dread ever being in that situation again (strangely that move was out of respect for the institution, isn't that absurd? Of course my friend knew I was married). Also the fear of getting another woman pregnant or jealous etc.. is a fear I'm not sure I'd be able to cope with long term. Ultimately, I'm not sure if that means that this path isn't for me or if I'd just need to get used to the pressures. Right now I don't want to. But how do you even approach "ethical" cheating? Lying to one woman is stressful, lying to two is bound to fail. So given that your affair needs to know that she's just that, what kind of woman is both comfortable in a situation like that AND trustworthy/stable enough for you to gladly put the fate of what's left of your family into her hands? It doesn't seem worth it and even though said former uni friend is probably both of those things, she has her own issues (and a failing marriage) too, and ironically, it seems wrong to be part of that in any way. So am I looking for a woman with lower ethical standards than my own here? How do you even approach that? Cheaters, please let me know how you do it. No judgement.
   
6. Prostitution. No. Just no. For a million reasons. Feel free to try to change my mind but no.
   

Here is what I am doing though. In order to fight my early onset midlife crisis, I made a pact with a friend who's also turning 40 by the end of the year to try to get ripped until our respective birthdays. I've been into some martial arts in the past but extreme personal fitness has never been a real goal of mine so this is what I'll be doing until the end of the year, hoping that spiking my testosterone isn't going to be all it does, thereby increasing the chance of doing stupid things. I'm hoping that being physically exhausted all the time makes me calmer and better able to vent my frustration and looking the best I ever have might also serve as a test for whether there is any sexuality left in my wife at all or if everything is truly lost and dead in that department. I'll also keep it in my pants for now as there doesn't seem to be a solution.
Thank you for your time, any comment is very much appreciated, including those telling me to grow a pair.

I'm almost 23 and I've never been in a relationship before. No one's ever asked me out or pursued me seriously. I get along with most people quickly and without problems, I'm quite extroverted and I do get "approached" by men but mostly for conversations about mutual hobbies or to talk about our studies, but nothing beyond that. I've never been asked out before. I've dated through apps, but it usually didn't go anywhere so I deleted them.
I dress relatively well, and I'm average with the ability to look above average with enough effort put in(I study a demanding STEM field and I work so I don't put on a lot of makeup or tooooo much care into looking glam 24/7, but I do obviously try!) and I've been told I look good - specifically my body outshines my face - I'm mixed, so I thought maybe that was why but I don't find that most people have an issue with me being mixed or where I'm from.
I always get "friendzoned" / I have very deep relationships with people, and especially men but they're usually very close friendships where they love me like a sister and they don't see me as a romantic partner.
A lot of people are confused when I say I've never been in a relationship, and many are of the opinion that it's a red flag especially after a specific age. Tbh idk what to do, I have tried plenty of times but now I'm at a point where I'm busy and not really looking to invest into something that isn't working out.
Would you find that to be an instant red flag in a woman? I feel like it does turn some people off that there's no "competition" for me or that I don't get men lining up wanting to be with me or whatever.
The only time I can recall being asked out was by a guy who was extremely racist and mean to me, so obviously I said no. But that's it. I also get harassed a lot for some reason? Many men will get touchy with me and it freaks me out! Then they'll tell me they're not into me and they'd never touch a woman that way that they want for something serious!!

Sigh…. If you want a job where you do bare minimum all day or have little interaction, go overnight. Work at a book store. Cut the grass at a grave. Idk, but get the hell away from me. Bring back the days of people caring, taking pride no matter the pay. If they didn’t care, they knew how to fake it. So yes I’ll take being called the devil, I have a business to run. The department has to make money. It won’t make money with you hiding in the roses outside or receiving. I refuse to motivate all these 20 something’s “just here until I get a real job man” or the older “I’m just getting some spending money until I die” How about I help you find your real job faster and write you right on out you bum. Excuse the rant, retail workers weren’t always the best but didn’t used to be like this. I blame the parents.

Hi, I'm new to the sport and would like to ask for some advice regarding F1TV. Please note English is not my first language so I will try my best to articulate my query well.
I am split between two countries at the moment, Greece and the UK. I frequently fly between the two for family and schooling.
My phone (S22+) was purchased in the UK, my Play Store location is set to UK, and I have a Greek SIM.
Currently I am in Greece.
Preferably I would be paying with a UK Lloyds bank card, NOT A Greek card. But a Greek card is an option if absolutely necessary.
I would like to watch the races live in both countries without hassle. Is this possible?
Further questions, what way should I approach purchasing a subscription and setting up an account that benefits me the most? Should I do it in Greece or wait and do it in the UK? Are there any important conflictions I should be aware of?
Just any advice in general would be greatly appreciated as I'm quite in the dark on this. I have a learning difficulty and figuring this out on my own is hard.
Please note I am not interested in using a VPN for any reason, thank you.

Long story short…
I accepted a batch last night at 9. Somehow they didn’t know that the store closed at 9, so I had to take a picture and submit it to support.
Okay, so the agent says that I am getting paid for the batch still (the base pay was above average) and not having it count towards my cancellation rate.
Today, I still haven’t gotten paid. I message support… they tell me they don’t see a batch that was “removed” but it was marked “unassigned” therefore I can’t get paid. After being told that I would. This is just one of many issues I’ve had with support… but I know how shady they are with low ratings, so I keep giving them 5 stars.
This is annoying.

My ocd is super hot this week (I have my period anyway now) it has been jumping theme to theme:
“What if I truly don’t love him and I’m just in denial ? What If I don’t want to be with him and I’m truly in denial?”
“What if I’m just in denial of any problems in the relationship/flags?”
I’m in therapy. And my partner loves the idea of couples therapy if it comes down to it. Right now it’s all okay it’s just fear that overtakes me (Esp right now with my period).
I’ve gone over every possible concern with my partner and therpist - and from both ends , nothing screams red flags. But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m trapping myself by committing (we want to get married in the near future, and it’s a goal we are trying to reach).
Here is the thing, I was married before at 22 years old and it was an abusive relationship. The abuse didn’t come out till we got married :(. I also told him everything I wanted in life and expected from the relationship for 2 years that we were dating, and gave him plenty of opportunities to leave , but he didn’t. I asked him if he was really happy with me and wanted this life and he said “yes”. That was a lie. He told me 10mo after we were married that he never wanted to marry me, he never loved me, and he doesn’t want to be with me…. He just didn’t know how to break it off (what a whimp)! Do you see where my fear steams from?!? I told my ex husband while we were dating all my travel goals and desires and he agreed and loved to travel. We even took 2 big trips together while dating so I believed him.
My current soon to be fiancé loves to travel. But I’m just so scared. What if I’m married and I’m trapped ? Meaning he say we will take a trip but we really don’t ? What if my partner says , when married , it’s different and I’m trapped ? It means I made a mistake and it’s not recoverable. But I’d still want to be with him as long as he’s not beating me up. :(
My future fiancé has already said he doesn’t want me to feel or be trapped. And that he’s not my ex-husband.
I’m so scared that I’m going to trap him too. :( Meaning, when I get married I’m going to realize I don’t love him, never wanted to be with him, and that I just played him on like my ex-husband did to me. My ocd convinces me at time I’m just going down the path of my ex-husband , and this time I’ll be the bad guy.
My therapists has also confirmed these are TRAMA BASED fears that I’m dealing with. Seeing that my ex promised me one thing and did a 360… I’m so scared my partner will do the same, or I will.
How can we get married with ocd ? :( any success stories? I’m so scared if I feel panic at engagement, or wedding, I’ll run away.. I don’t want to. I just wish I can wake up, and be married to my best friend ;(
It’s as if the steps (milestones) and wedding day is a huge trigger. A symbol.

What in the actual hell!! Couldn't play Thursday night and now can't play Saturday night because of your servers. Why did I spend the extra money to early access? Are we entitled to a refund at this point? Please I'll wait for someone to tell me I am overreacting or if I just purchase things from the store it will work.

First Previous
Ja’vail woke up with a yawn, her eyes squinting in the evening light. Her room was positioned in the castle on the west side, to ensure that Tor’s sun would wake her up for her duties. It was a purpose that it served with perfection, despite the fact that she really would have liked to sleep for a few more minutes.
However, her duty could not be delayed. It was her power that served as the linchpin to Tor’s spell, and she would fulfill her duty to ensure her Diarchy’s, and her world’s, future. With a grunt of exertion, Queen Ja’vail rose from her bed, stretched out her wings, and moved to the balcony before picking up her robe. As soon as she was somewhat decent, the Queen of the Night then opened her wings, looked to the skies, and began channeling her power into the spellform that had been weaved between the planet and its moon, renewing the bonds that connected them, and ensuring the delicate balance between her magic and her husband’s would not come undone.
She performed this ritual twice a day, every day, to ensure the spell’s continued existence. In the past few months she had performed it well before Tor had performed his own renewal, and had had to go remind the foolish drake to not only perform his duties, but to hurry up and get his tail to bed. Without her efforts, and her constant reminder to the king, the entire thing would come undone, ensuring their planet’s rapid descent into division once again.
Without the two dakri turning the planet, the two sides would either become too hot or too cold to sustain life, with the twilight between them ruled by monsters birthed from the nightmares of the oppressed.
It was with some surprise, then, that as she poured her soul into this undertaking, she could feel the thrum of her husband’s power clear in her mind, letting her know that Tor had already renewed his half of the spell for the night.
He really did need that sleep, she thought, giving a self-satisfied nod towards the setting sun before turning back towards her private chamber. She still had much to prepare for her night; even with the most pressing matter out of the way, she still expected a full schedule. Her court wasn’t especially busy, as the dakri found the night to be the best time to sleep and prepare for the next day.
That was besides the point, though, as her duties rarely involved overseeing the day-to-day rule. Rather, her task was to patrol the ǣther, hunt the nightmares that plagued her people, and to do her best to heal the source of those nightmares.
This was especially important now that she had cleared the Forest of Yith and had located the source of that particularly violent nest. It was best to keep those nightmares from returning, and for this cause she was going to attempt to enter the survivor’s dreams again. She doubted she would have as much success this time as she had last time, simply because almost drowning had weakened the creature’s defenses significantly. However, she had faith that she would at least be able to soothe the visitor’s dreams, and possibly gain a little more information on how he thought.
At the very least, she’d settle for a name. She couldn’t just keep calling it ‘the creature’ or ‘the survivor,’ as those ‘names’ grew heavy on the tongue, and wore down her patience. A name would also help the visit she had planned go a lot smoother, and would hopefully help them as they tried to convince him to come to the castle with them.
Once Ja’vail was dressed, she left the comforts of her room and made her way to her husband’s study. As she expected, he was still there, his desk still quite messy, a combination of his daily paperwork and the reports of the crashed alien spaceship forming the majority of the clutter.
Much to Ja’vail’s surprise, however, Tor wasn’t at his desk. Instead, the drake was standing at his window, looking out over the countryside and the eerie sunset before him, a reminder of the twilight that his people had escaped. In his hand he held a memory crystal, its red glow plainly visible in the slowly darkening room.
“Tor, are you alright?” the queen asked as she approached her husband.
Tor turned to look at her, surprise on his face. “Oh, I am well enough, I suppose…” he said, clearly still lost in thought. The king then looked down at the memory crystal in his hand, his brows furrowing in displeasure. “I have just received some… unsettling news. I was actually waiting for your arrival before deciding on anything.”
Ja’vail took a few more steps, her eyes locked on her husband's diminutive form. “What happened?”
Tor looked at her, then back at the stone. “It isn't easy to say this, but… we may have to kill the visitor.”
Ja’vail felt like her stomach had turned to ice. “Kill? Tor, what madness are you spouting? What crime could he have possibly committed while I was asleep to earn him a death sentence?”
Tor looked at his wife, pain in his eyes. “Nothing, dear. He’s completely innocent. That is beside the point, however.”
“Then tell me, what madness has overtaken you that you would murder an innocent?” Ja’vail demanded, her tone brooking no argument. “Or what monster are you, to have taken the place of my Tor? I must say, you have the likeness down, but your impression of his mannerisms leave much to be desired.”
Tor let out a mirthless laugh at that. “No monster or madness, my dark princess. Just a visit from an old friend…” he sighed again, before turning and holding out the crystal for Ja’vail to take. “Lady Siv paid both me and the survivor a visit today. She left me this, as well as a decision to make.”
Ja’vail looked at the crystal, before staring back at her husband, a dubious expression on her face. "And she told you to kill him? I do not remember her being so heartless.”
“And you would remember correctly. She was nearly in tears when I met her, though she did well in hiding them,” Tor said, before approaching his wife. He gently took her hand, and placed the crystal in her palm. “When she saw the visitor, she also looked into his future. This is what she saw. Please, do not force me to bear this knowledge alone.”
Ja’vail’s expression softened ever so slightly before she glanced down at the stone in her hand. “I will look, but I do not promise anything.”
Tor’s crest rose, but he did not say anything else. Instead he turned back to the window, waiting patiently for his wife to see what he had seen.
The memory took Ja’vail less than a second to go through, but she felt like she had been gone for a lifetime when the world came back into focus. She stared at the rock in horror, before throwing it to the ground. It did not shatter, it being made of quartz, but it still felt satisfying after the horrors she had witnessed.
“I was not pleased, either,” Tor said, not even bothering to turn and look. “Even if the visitor was guilty of some crime, I would spare him for what he could teach our people. As it stands, he is lost and alone, hoping for a friend. And I have to kill this lonely soul.”
“But… but we can’t do this! You’re better than this… we’re better than this!” Ja’vail said, nearly in tears. “Would we really sacrifice an innocent for the security of our own realm? Would you… would you…”
“Would I what?” Tor asked, turning to his wife, fire in his eyes. “Would I judge the worth of souls? Would I weigh a single life against the good of my people? Of his people? Would I become my father?”
Ja’vail looked away, her eyes closed as she folded her arms. “I’m… I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be,” Tor said, turning back to the window. “You have no need to apologize. I cannot measure the worth of anyone’s soul, nor would I try. However, this visitor’s life is not worth the lives of every person on this planet. When you include the lives of his own world, as well as the unnamed snake people… well… the choice is quite obvious.”
Ja’vail looked down at the floor, her eyes filling with tears as she thought everything over. “Would it have been better, then, had I not saved his life? Should I have let him drown?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
“Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that the spirits have told us that the lives of others are better off if his is forfeit,” Tor said, his voice filled with bitterness. “I have not even seen this visitor in the flesh, and I do not know anything about him at all. What is he like? Does he have a family? What does he enjoy?” Tor asked, looking to his wife hopefully.
Ja’vail shook her head, not daring to bring her eyes up to meet her husband’s, as she didn’t think she could contain herself if she did. “I cannot say. I was only in his mind for a brief time, and I do not understand much of what I saw,” she said, her form gently shaking, as if a chill wind had entered the room.
Tor looked back at the window, his eyes closed as he thought on this. “Essentially, we are deciding the fate of not only an innocent, but a complete stranger.” Tor took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. “And try as I might, I cannot measure his worth as greater, or even equal, to the lives of my people’s. If it comes to it, he will be slain, and his body destroyed, just as the spirits have told us to do.”
Ja’vail began crying in earnest, her shoulders slumping with the weight of guilt. This caused Tor to turn to her, lifting her beak gently with one hand until she looked him in the eye. “So… let’s ensure that it never comes to that.”
Ja’vail looked up at Tor, hope in her eyes. “But, Tor, we can’t-”
“Shhhh…” Tor said, encircling his wife in his arms. He was shorter than her, but she still felt comforted, simply because it was him. “I’m not going to murder someone simply because of the damage his life might cause. Siv’s vision wasn’t that his continued existence spelled our doom, but that we must do everything in our power to ensure he doesn’t leave.” He pulled away from her a little, looking up into her hopeful eyes. “His death will be treated as a last resort, nothing more. For now, let us see how much worth his life is. What can he teach us? What is his people like? I, for one, do not want to squander this opportunity that the spirits have gifted us, simply for fear of an unknown future.”
Ja’vail’s crest rose as she dried her tears with the feathers on the back of her arm. “Yes… I completely agree…”
The two of them spent quite a bit of time like that, lost in each other’s arms as the sun slowly set on the horizon. Even after the world was shrouded in night, they were still there, lost in the comfort that each other provided.
* * *
Kel’vara’s beak glowed as she wove her magic, pulling the water from the bucket in front of her. It coalesced into a ball hovering inches above her hand, the swishing, splashing sounds of the liquid a soothing counterpoint to the frustration she was feeling.
She liked working with liquids when she was feeling upset. It had always come easy to her, the seemingly chaotic way it flowed and ebbed was a balm on her nerves, instead of a frustrating mess that most other practitioners found the state of matter to be.
She slowly flexed her fingers and extended her wings, the movements giving a tactile presence to the shapes she was forming in her imagination. Slowly, as if watching ice melt in reverse, the ball of water stretched and flowed, extending here, twirling there, molding and shaping to her will to become whatever she wanted.
In this instance, the water took the shape of a dragon, its long, strong legs striding through the air as it looked around, its inquisitive, intelligent eyes searching for prey, or barring that, a dakri to play with. Its long tail wagged behind it as it seemed to spot something, before it shot off like an arrow, dashing towards whatever had garnered its attention.
The small, watery, facsimile of a dragon didn’t get very far across the room before the door opened, breaking Kel’vara’s concentration and causing her happy little pet to lose its cohesion. In an instant, the once watery, spiky, two legged reptile was nothing more than a mess on the once clean floor.
Kel’vara looked up in annoyance, her gaze falling upon an irritatingly unapologetic Valros as he entered the room. “Haven't you ever heard of knocking?” Kel’vara demanded as she used her magic to scoop up the water and return it to the bucket.
Valros was unimpressed. “Kel’vara, you can’t just stay here sulking, we still have work to do.”
“I’m not sulking! I’m just practicing my more precise spell work,” Kel’vara said, turning up her beak as her crest lay flat against the back of her head.
Valros, however, did not look convinced in the slightest. “Kel’vara, The Lady is her own person. You can hardly expect her to stay around and answer every single question you have.”
“I never said that she wasn’t.”
Valros let out a frustrated sigh. “Well, if you’re sure, then I really think we need to go over the plan for tomorrow,” Valros said, trying to get Kel’vara back on track. “I don’t think we’ll need many knights, the thing’s pretty docile, all things considered. Have you given much thought in how we’re going to actually communicate with it?”
Kel’vara thought about this for a while, her beak glowing softly as she played a little with the water in her bucket, causing the surface of the liquid to ripple in odd ways. “Ja’vail said that she was able to communicate pretty well with it while it was dreaming. The only problem with that is that it was dreaming. I don’t know how dreams work with its species, but for dakri at least, anything that happens to our subconscious from outside forces is quickly forgotten. Bad dreams, flights of fancy, nothing to be taken seriously, or remembered.”
“I’ve been talking with the Captain of the Dreamguards about that too. He told me that we can’t rely upon that for communication, since we’re just as likely to get a straight answer as one about how the creature loves to eat its own pillow and ride a dragon made of Twirly Whirlys,” Valros said, stretching his wings a little and grunting with discomfort. The knight quickly brought his arm close to his chest, searching the broad wing until he found the feather that had been giving him trouble, and quickly put it back into its proper place.
Kel’vara found herself staring a little as the knight preened himself, before she turned away, her feathers fluffing a little in embarrassment. “Yes, and… ah, and in addition, the creature won’t be as weak as when we fished it from the river. It has an ǣon level spirit, after all, regardless of any actual ability it may or may not possess. We’ll be lucky to be able to intrude on its dreams at all.”
If Valros noticed her discomfort, he didn’t show it. Instead, he stood up and made his way to the window. “I remember the Sunrise Tribe had something to communicate, but it was mainly used to control their apprentices during ǣon training. It was supposed to be able to cross language barriers, but I don’t think we want to be dredging up the old ways…”
Kel’vara shuddered a little. “Those ways were barbaric.”
Valros nodded at her, but did not say anything as he stared out the window. “I suppose the only choice we have is to slowly teach the thing how to speak.”
“That’s not as easy as it sounds, though,” Kel’vara said, shaking her head. Valros looked at her, one of his brows raised, prompting her to continue. “When I treated his wounds, I ran a number of tests on him. He’s showing the symptoms of someone who has been transmuted into another shape entirely, except that he has no binding spellform keeping him in that shape.”
Valros looked confused at this. “You’ll have to forgive me, M'lady, but my knowledge of magic is somewhat limited to a handful of combat spells. You’ll have to use less formal terms with me.”
Kel’vara rolled her eyes a little, then used her magic to pull the water from the bucket again. With a thought, she caused the water to take on the shape of a dragon again. “With magic, it is possible to force something to assume another shape or state. Such as turning a dragon into a pig.” With a little exertion, the water took on the desired shape. “I’ll not bore you with the details, but things… well, they remember what they were. Always. If the spell is not properly maintained, the spellform will eventually fall apart, and the thing will revert. This is because things want to return to their old state. They’ll continue chipping away at the spellform, increasing the difficulty of keeping things in their altered state, until it grows beyond the mage’s ability to control. It’s why you cannot turn copper into gold and have it stay that way, or why you cannot turn dirt into food without accidentally poisoning someone.”
“Or purposefully poisoning someone,” Valros pointed out. “I remember history class at least. That happened quite a number of times during the Clan Wars.”
“It was a popular method of assassination, yes, but the old ruling class quickly caught on, and began screening their food before eating.” Kel’vara furrowed her eyes as she twisted the water to appear like the creature. “Whatever the bug-like aliens did to the creature, it didn’t involve magic. ‘The creature’s shape isn’t his own,’ if you remember what the queen told us. It’s entirely possible that it’s lost the ability to speak, even in its own language.”
Valros thought about this for a time. “Well, can’t we turn it back? Reverse the changes, and return it to its original shape?”
Kel’vara thought about this for a little bit, but shook her head. “It’s… possible, but there are so many unknowns. I was even afraid of using regeneration magic on him when I healed him. I had to resort to sealing spells to repair the damage.”
Valros looked confused. “I’m not sure I follow. I thought you healed it up pretty good.”
“I didn’t heal it at all. All I did was fuse its skin together, and do some very basic repair based on that strategy, to keep it from bleeding internally or externally. It’s why I still applied bandages, in case those wounds reopened; I couldn’t risk regenerating it,” Kel’vara explained, her voice both pained and exasperated.
Valros still didn’t understand what the fuss was about, though. “Why not? What’s the big deal if you use a little regeneration? And what does this have to do with changing it back?”
“Everything!” Kel’vara said, standing up in anger as she rubbed both hands through her crest. In response, the water in her grip twisted and flowed into strange shapes, a clear reflection of the tormented state of the battlemage’s mind. “This is an entirely unknown scenario, with an entirely unknown species! The spell to do this doesn’t even exist! All we have are spells to change something into something else, not to return something to its original shape. The way we would do this if this were a magical affliction would be to simply collapse the spellform, but this isn’t magic! If I were to try to change it back, any number of things could go wrong, the least being the creature dies a quick, painful death as it turns completely inside out! The closest I can come up with is the regeneration spell, which would force accelerated cell mitosis using the target’s remembered form, not its changed form. If I did use regeneration, it is entirely possible that the creature might revert…”
“...But?” Valros asked, knowing that there was a but in there somewhere.
“But the creature’s body might start attacking itself, killing itself from the inside out! The two different sets of genetic material might merge, making it into something even more monstrous than it is now! Any number of things could go wrong!” Kel’vara shouted, the water next to her turning into some kind of lumbering beast, whose basic shape only vaguely resembled the creature in the forest.
Valros held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Okay, okay, I get it. It’s probably a bad idea… but what do we do, then?”
Kel’vara collapsed into her chair, the water that she had been shaping falling into the bucket at the same time. “I don’t know… I really don’t know…”
Valros rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, there’s always pictures and trying to teach it to read…”
“That would take even longer than just teaching it to talk,” Kel’vara said dismissively. “Especially since it probably can’t-”
Before Kel’vara finished, a voice chimed in, interrupting her thought process. It seemed to be coming from the lieutenant’s belt pouch, and based on the tone of the speaker’s voice, whatever it was was urgent. “Sir Valros! Are you there?”
Valros quickly pulled out his whispering stone and gave it a squeeze, worry building in his heart. “What’s wrong, Calis?”
He almost wished he hadn’t asked, because what Calis said next turned his insides to ice. “Sir, I’m relaying a message. Viar and his drakes need backup, and they need it now. It’s those bug aliens the queen told us about. They’re here.”
First Previous
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Dun dun dun!!
Remember: if you can't wait, and want to find out what happens now, you can always just buy the books...
Amazon:
What I've Become
Nightmare of the Past
Google:
What I've Become
Nightmare of the Past

My partner travels extensively for work and I like to be able to go with him, but I’m struggling to be able to still get my hrt prescription on time—if at all—while away.
I live in NY so the laws aren’t too bad here right now, but testosterone is still very heavily regulated, so normally there is only one day a week I can fill it and it is literally the same day I have to use it. If I’m home I can do this somewhat normally as long as nothing goes wrong with Walgreens and my insurance, but so far requesting refills in advance like normal for travel reasons hasn’t worked I’m not sure why, it’s just not filled despite being approved weeks in advance and I have no time to fight it because I usually have to leave the next day. I don’t know if Walgreen’s systems are blocking it because it’s so tightly controlled or if there is some miscommunication between my doctors office and the pharmacy.
To get around this I’ve also tried just asking my doctors office to send the prescription into a pharmacy near wherever I’m at if it’s in the US. So far this ended in disaster as well and I had to wait to get home before I could refill. When I tried this in DC a few weeks ago, my doctors office was able to find pharmacies but for some reason the prescription was blocked and they could not send it—and hrt is not banned in DC right now at all.
At the end of next week I’m going to be in Seattle and me and my partner have no idea how I’m going to be able to get my prescription. I’m going to call my doctors office on Monday to try to figure something out but so far everything in the past has not worked out. I just don’t want to be landlocked to one place forever just to be able to access my necessary prescriptions…
I was hoping someone would have an idea of what I should do?

It’s my first time closing the store tonight. And my boss never showed me how to close the self check out at the end of the night.

i have been told so many times “oh yeah being a cashier is easy!!” NO. IT IS NOT. ANYONE WHO DISAGREES..STFU!! try to be on the register for 8 HOURS STRAIGHT, no breaks, nothing. just constant people and them being FUCKING STUPID i’m so sick of this i’m sick of everyone and eberything i want to QUIT but i can’t because i need a car first BUT GODDAMN I AM SO SICK OF EVERYOJE WHO COMES IN THIS STORE AND TREATS ME LIKE SHIT. like bitch i’m not fucking telepathic?? how am i supposed to know where anything is in the back when i can barely even go in the front.. i fucking hate this, i hate my store i love SOME of my coworkers and i hate almost all the customers because goddamn they’re stupid as hell.

This isn't some sort of troll post or intended to start a war, but here goes.
Trans daughter in college in her 20s who lives at home. Hasn't transitioned and does not pass. Midwest US, mostly conservative and wealthy area but borders on some real redneck areas.
Wears painted lashes all the time. Not petite lashes but something Trixie Martel would proudly wear on stage. So going to the grocery store in a suburban area she is wearing what looks like theatrical makeup.
Daisy Duke shorts, tube top and/or a crop top (HRT work in progress). Short boots and sometimes stockings. She's tall and skinny like a model (and pretty).
At a glance the look is either a runway model or some other less upstanding career.
I'm as liberal as they come, I love and support my child no matter what. I love and support her friends and everyone should be and love who they want.
In a world where bad things happen, this is scaring me to death. Every. Single. Day.
I know I can just smoke more pot and hope this goes away.
I'm pretty good at having tough discussions but am stuck. Where to start?

I see in the portal Internet customers can get 25% off 4 wireless BYOD lines. Calculator on the page agrees and refers me to a sign up that appears to only add one phone at a time and at regular price. If I go through the on-screen options, setting up and checking out one phone at a time, once I get all four enrolled will my overall bill drop to what the calculator said or am I better off going to a corporate store? This is kind of important as one phone is hundreds of miles away and nowhere near a store.

Okay to start off i’ve been at this same store for 2 years now. We have this guy that comes in everyday, let’s call him Spencer. Before i got promoted, spencer would sit out by our cars at night when we closed and after. We would clock out and he would be in his car, while he was parked RIGHT next to outs. This got so bad to the point I didn’t feel safe closing, so my boyfriend would come sit up there with us. This went on for MONTHS. Then he started sitting at the tables with young women, and would just stare at them until they got up and left. We’ve caught him before taking pictures of us because a customer saw him do it and told us. We’ll his mom comes in the store and tells us he has schizophrenia and that he’s harmless. Then the manger at Lowe’s said he was banned for stealing credit card information when he worked there. At this point he was still sitting by our cars at night, so my boyfriend came up to the store and literally just told him “I don’t know if you mean to but you’re making all the workers here really uncomfortable.” Well the next day my sm had a conversation with me about my bf “threatening” spencer. I told my sm about how uncomfortable he makes all us but she said “he’s harmless and doesn’t want to discriminate against someone with a mental illness” which i get but i really think it’s more than that. Some of my baristas started saying he’s taking pictures of them again. We found out a few weeks ago he was banned from our local coffee shop because of a “violent outburst” and then from EVERY big lots because he was stalking a girl that worked there. Sorry this is so long but basically is there anything i can do? Am i in the wrong for being so uncomfortable. Am i discriminating against him? Help

i work in a pet store. i see weird gendered shenanigans on dogs all the time (had a lady once get a black leather leash because the brown was to feminine for her male dog lmao) but this was one was the wildest.
this lady came in and had a shampoo and asks me if we have wipes that smell like it. i do not have olfactory nerves or glands or whatever idk i don’t have the shit you need to smell so i asked her to describe and tell me what sent she’s looking for. this lady in full seriousness told me she needed a masculine boy scent for her dog. she kept insisting that her dog gets smelly at the end of the day and she wants her boy dog to have a nice manly scent. the crisis this sent me into. i was like i’m a boy i need to know the boy scent. but what the hell is a boy scent out of mango tango, outmeal, green tea, cherry and lavender ??? APPARENTLY GREEN TEA??
as someone who can’t smell i never considered scent dysphoria? is that, a thing do you guys try and smell like boys? is there a boy smell?????

Quick family background: I am from a family of five. Mom, Dad, D (older brother), me (F, 30), N (younger brother).
Both of my brothers are happily married with kids. I love them and their families! However, I feel as if I've fallen into the typical troupe of the "middle child." I am single, not particularly by choice. I have been in a few bummer relationships. Two were quite serious with an engagement in the near future until it wasn't. No worries there or whatever!
When my brother's started talking about or having children, my mom decided that she wanted to get her wedding dress remade into a christening/baptism gown for the grandchildren. She had mentioned that she was considering it. A few months later, we got picture texts in the family group chat from her showing us the new christening gown. It was beautiful, no doubt! I loved the dress but felt sad in the back of my mind because I would no longer be able to use her dress as a part of my (hopeful) wedding in the future.
Today was the first baptism since the gown was made. All of a sudden, I was feeling super sad. Just bummed that my mom hadn't considered me, her only daughter, before taking this dress and using it for her grandchildren.
I stewed about it for a while and finally decided I should text her with the off chance I feel better. My text read,
"Hi! Great day today. It was really nice to have both families all together! I don’t want to make this is a big deal but I just feel like I'll feel better if I share how I'm feeling. We can talk about this at a later date if you would like. I think the christening gown is SO lovely and Baby looked precious today. However, I wanted to let you know that I feel sad that if I get married in the future, I have missed out on an opportunity to be able to incorporate your dress into my special day. I just wish we, as mother and daughter, had had a conversation about the dress before it was remade into a christening gown. It was difficult for me today and I just thought that I would be remiss if I didn't let you know."
I wasn't really asking for anything. I just felt like I needed my feelings to been seen. She replied with this,
"I’m sorry you feel that way… I think I saved the pieces that were not used? They are in a box somewhere in this house. I will start looking for it. Sorry today was difficult for you."
Am I the asshole for being upset about this?? I know that I'm not close to marriage but I am VERY close to my family. Does it feel like I wasn't considered?

The neighbors kids are very loud when playing outside and I would really like to tell them to turn down the volume a bit when playing - but it‘s a playground neainfront of our balcony (parents live on the same floor in the same block right next to us) and I‘m afraid of them (parents) starting a discussion with me, what (if even) could I do or tell the kids/parents?
My mother used to tell all the kids playing in our area be less noisy when she got annoyed, doesn‘t matter who‘s kid it would be. She would also roast the crap out of the guys who used to bully me, it was badass.
But it‘s 2023 now and I‘m too young to be able to relate to parents; can I still ask something like this of someone else‘s kid? I don‘t want to wake the parents protective rage since the kids are playing outside on a playground
Advice is needed - I‘m already looking for a new place to move to.. with less families around (sorry I just really dislike the noise).

i am back to a city in my homeland from abroad and the house i live in rn is kinda close to my to my ex’s house, and i had kind of a findom relationship and emotional addiction with him. i was very tempted, tried to hold myself but eventually i went to his neighborhood and was hanging around his house thinking if i should do anything. the fact that he doesn’t want me and doesn’t care about me and i’d do so much for him kinda turns me on, i was very very excited and i had this adrenaline rush… i called his house number (i don’t remember it so i just guessed and tried, and it also was a big apartment with a lot of flats) and it was apparently wrong (i thought an old man answered me, i got scared and hung up) and i was thinking whether i should call again or not cuz i wasn’t sure. and then the door opens and i didn’t see who was there but i just ran away. i don’t even want him or love him, but the fact that he doesn’t care about me and stop can control me is so… weird. my heart was beating so fast and i was laughing and nearly crying — i kinda missed this feeling. i’m thinking now if i should text him or not now i also feel kinda shit :/

The 3 basic parameters of hashtag #Valzubiriagenda:

1. We artists and everyone else can write and self-publish art- and artist-related books: memoirs, biographies, art books and art catalogs. Books are forever. Pamphlets and brochures are not books.
2. We announce a schedule of increasing prices of our art pieces, which includes quantities (scarcity numbers) per price point and overall (the total quantity of art pieces we might ever make). This helps art traders, art investors and art collectors speculate or even stop speculating and instead join a community of investors working together to hopefully skyrocket to the higher announced prices in a shorter span of time.
3. We can use the NFT world, because NFTs provide the tracking (who owns what) and trading.

We can also not be involved with NFTs. Stores and individuals can help sell art using online presence and our catalogs in the stores. If this trends, or once this trends, even expensive art can be sold by neighboring businesses, without exclusivity. Commission systems do not have to be standardized. Art investors can produce their own catalogs to leave at the cafés. Even the cafés can produce their own catalogs.
Valzubiriagenda NFTs
NFTs only came about a few years ago. But I had been working on this since the 1990s. I wrote a book, Valzubiriagenda, along with fellow artist Silverio Perez, and released it in 2018 (Amazon and elsewhere), tackling everything related to #1 & #2. We'll come up with #3 in a later book/ memoi marketing book.
Any artist, including tangible artists can release 10,000 NFTs if the artist chooses to do so. For tangible artists, the NFT first becomes an Art Commission Contract for sight unseen, yet-to-be made art. Once the art is made, the NFT becomes proof of ownership that the actual, tangible art is theirs.
Warehousing our tangible art
Another related idea is that the tangible art may be warehoused by the artist so that the NFT traders continue to trade. This means that even 10-ton 10-foot tall sculptures can be owned and traded by anyone without worrying about shipping, reshipping, scratches, smudges, parts breaking off, etc. The newness of the pieces remain because they are stored by the artist, source, gallery, etc. The art piece gets shipped to the art collector, the ultimate owner.
An artist who makes ceramic coffee mugs - smaller art pieces, can release 10,000 NFTs with a schedule of increasing prices so that NFT traders can trade immediately. The 10,000 coffee mugs can get damaged, so as they are made, they continue to be stored by the artist, until the time when art collectors decide to have the art pieces shipped to them.
Why only now?
I decided to write as many book-length memoirs as I can before I came out to promote this.
I'm an artist and an author. Both need time to "master." I would not even fully use "master" on myself, because there's always something new, even to my own art, my own writing and publishing.

I am now claiming that I'm the visual artist who has produced the most artist memoirs in the world. I have 5 on Amazon. I count Valzubiriagenda as both a marketing book and a memoir-of-sorts, because it has a lot of my own life lessons on writing and publishing. I would not care to contest my claim of having the most memoirs. I will release 5 more over the next 3 years.

BARTER! Get help to write, photograph art and publish your books!
Anyone can hire 11 ghostwriters for 11 memoirs. If you can make art, but you cannot write, then barter your forever art with those who can help you produce forever books.
I don't feel the pressure of writing and publishing because I feel my focus should be on art students and art experts who would study my art and my books 100 years from now. Don't expect relatives and friends to read your books.
I call myself the Dollman
For my NFTs, I am proposing to make dioramas - my original, costumed, bejeweled porcelain dolls in backdrops that will also have precious metals and gemstones. This way I can incorporate precious metals and gemstones in my work, to make sure that people perceive my art as expensive, just in case I myself don't become "famous" - there's no need to get world famous. We are artists and all we need to do is to satisfy the art niche.
Use your laptop now!
I will encourage you to start writing your book-length memoir. Write, Edit and then Self-publish it. Get help. Why wait a hundred years for someone to write about you when all you need is a laptop and a nearby coffee shop.
Don't start counting chickens before the eggs hatch. I have encountered a lot of would-be writers who immediately see themselves as bestselling. world famous assets to society. Two even wanted me to sign NDAs (Nondisclosure agreements), because they did not want me to steal their book ideas.
Here's a suggestion. I would not personally do it. From one manuscript can come 2 books: The Original Draft (unedited, with misspellings, considered to be an art piece, scanned pages(?) of your handwritten original effort), and The Final Edition (edited).
PROVENANCE!
Another way to enhance our investability, tradability and collectability is PROVENANCE - how art ownership proceeds through time. The way this can be done is also through publishing books. Everyone can write their memoirs, biographies, art books and art catalogs, including traders, investors and art collectors. In effect, we artists can continue to be included or mentioned in even more books, without any additional effort by us.
You as an investor, reseller, trader, art collector should be able to publish a catalog with 250 works by 250 different artists, but they need to agree to this right from the start - it's your money, you should require them to follow your version of the hashtag #valzubiriagenda parameters, which preferably should include permission for you to publish their art. Why would you track down 250 artists later?
No exclusive contracts
If you're a café, you can call for artists, and come up with a book with for example, 30 artists, with a chapter devoted to each artist's profile and images of the artist's art.
You can distribute your catalogs to businesses and individuals near and far and online.
The book Valzubiriagenda even cites that funeral homes and janitors closets can sell art, with or without exclusivity. Airline catalogs can include million dollar art pieces. Car manufacturers, showrooms and even car repair shops can sell art as well. Everyone should be able to do this, anywhere in the world, especially not just because of the pandemic, but right now, we are in really bad economies.
What's with the name #Valzubiriagenda
I was into conspiracy theories in 2018, and this term, "The Mandela Effect," was popular. I had read many times that an artist coined the term, but I had to research online, for her name, many times, before remembering it. I'm not good at remembering names. It took me a year and a half to finally tell you that Fiona Broome coined "The Mandela Effect."
I also thought I might have to research trademarks and copyrights just to come up with a generic name. So I decided on "Valzubiriagenda." I was not really sure at first, but I decided to use it as the title for my book (with co-authoartist Silverio Perez) so that there would be no turning back and I can move on.
Am I a FUTURIST?
Someone I recently met this May 2022 just called me a futurist.
In the 1990s, I proposed to a pension fund that they can raise billions of dollars, especially for emergencies, or as needed, or out of desperation, if the pension fund purchases a quantity of art from an artist who not only has a current, reasonable price, but an announced future price that the artist wants to reach.
That future price would obviously be higher than the current price. The art commission contract for multiple art pieces can be taken to the fund's financial lender for a loan. The higher future price can be used for financing purposes.
The pension fund's treasurer, a publicly elected official, said this idea might work, but we had to keep this a secret and discuss this some more, because other pension funds might copy and do this prematurely. This idea had to come from the two of us. The treasurer needed his votes and I needed credentials.
Added into the pot was my idea that I, as the artist, will also write one book-length artist memoir. This was and still is a strong factor, because the leadership and marketing books I had read then mentioned a strong tip. If you want to advance in your field, write a full-length book that is related to the field.
Unfortunately, the elected official, the treasurer of the pension fund, who was also a friend, passed away - he was old and had ailments. At that point in time, I cannot just approach another pension fund treasurer to share this idea with.
I realized I had to write a few memoirs. I needed to set an example for other artists, so I needed to write more than one memoir. Then I felt I should also make ready another book - the how-to of what I'm up to. I wrote Valzubiriagenda, which was a memoir of sorts. I knew how long it would take me to write a book, so I had to make sure I can also consider this book a memoir.
In 2008, I imagined that someone like Bernie Madoff, or a fund like Lehman Brothers, would be desperate enough to use this to save themselves and their companies. I was not ready. I had only written 1 manuscript for a memoir.
In 2012, I released Dollman the Musical, A Memoir of an Artist as a Dollmaker. Once again, I was not ready because writing it depressed me a little, and I knew I had to write more.
In 2014, I released 3 memoirs, and re-released Dollman the Musical. Besides releasing regular books, I released special editions of the 4 books, which had a "Special Secret Insert for Bankers," which explains my ideas of an announced schedule of exponentially increasing prices, to satisfy investors, and the publication of artist memoirs, to satisfy art collectors.
In 2014, I also issued out a press release. Google "Can Billion Dollar Artist Save Investors and World Economy Valentino Zubiri PRWeb August 19 2014" and you will see the press release.
What I did was stake a claim on my ideas. I did not promote my books and the press release. I just wanted them to stay online, like a sleeping giant or a dormant volcano. I even designed 3 of the book covers to look like indie books from the 1980s. I was planting the seeds, thinking they will eventually grow and bear fruit in the future.
In 2015, I was interviewed by Richard Syrett, about one of my memoirs, Hocus Pocus Lately. This book is my memoir with paranormal stories. I could have pursued promoting my paranormal stories, but I wanted to be known first as a visual artist and memoirist, so I allowed myself one interview related to Hocus Pocus Lately. Richard Syrett has(had?) his own syndicated radio show, The Conspiracy Show with Richard Syrett, about the paranormal. He also guest hosts on Coast to Coast AM, another internationally syndicated show about the paranormal.
In 2018, I released Valzubiriagenda (co-authored by artist Silverio Perez, a fellow artist). Finally, this book is "the how-to of what I'm to."
I'm going to end this with some strangeness. In 1986, a lady at a religious gathering went into a trance and left a good number of messages. Supposedly, anyone who got into a trance would have messages, but once the trance was over, the person would not remember what was said.
I was not part of the group, but the lady turned her head to face me. She "foretold" that whatever I would decide to do in the future, it will take time, but it will be the right thing. This is one of my stories in one of my memoirs, Hocus Pocus Lately.
The Tulipmania of 1634-37
I discovered that there was this incident of rare tulips becoming collectible during the Dutch Golden Age. There were tulips so rare and so well-desired that their prices equaled to that of a house. You can read more about this online (Wikipedia) or watch a few YouTube videos about it.
Here is the most useful idea that I gleaned from the Tulipmania. The tulip bulbs remained safe inside nurseries. The traders were carrying the deeds of ownership to the tulip bulbs.
Then NFTs came to the forefront
I started learning PHP, an HTML scripting language, and MySQL, the database that PHP can connect to in the background, in 1999, when there were only 3 books about PHP and MySQL at the bookstores.
By 2014, I was trying to figure out how to make the "ledger," or database that can be used to update ownership and who can be contacted. If we are trading art, then the art ownership should be updated.
Then NFTs came about. This can be used as our ledger. Everyone can immediately trade NFTs of future, yet-to-be made art pieces, especially because it takes time to make tangible art.
NFTs actually went a step ahead, by allowing digital art to be traded.
The only setback with NFTs, in my opinion, is that it still lacks a commission system for resellers and representatives.
For example, if a café wants to represent me, then they can promote me at their café and on their online pages. If I make one piece of art that will be exclusively represented by a gallery, then that commission will be different and more specific. As ownership is transferred, the subsequent owners should be able to reset the commission. We should also have the option of giving commissions to hundreds of representatives at one time with different percentages if need be.
The recent crypto crash
Lately, we have observed that NFTs and cryptocurrencies have been behaving like the stock market and other markets. They have been fluctuating.
I believe that it is time for a trend which discourages fluctuation of prices.
I have also seen YouTube videos where social influencers are encouraging us to be on the lookout for exponentially profitable ventures, because we have all seen this happen with the exponential increase of Bitcoin and Ethereum.
Let's see if #Valzubiriagenda trends
We can announce present and future art prices. The galleries won't do this (yet?) because they follow a more traditional approach to the business of art.
We have a choice of using incrementally or exponentially increasing prices. We still reserve the right to change things in the future, so everyone should know to follow the latest update.
If this trends, if you as an artist simply announces that you will write an artist memoir, or that you will include the future works in future art books, you might have more art traders, investors and collectors approaching you.
Get your pen, paper and calculator
Imagine yourself as an artist, where you are right now. Let's just say you still do not have a book about yourself and your art yet. Imagine now that you have a memoir out there. Don't you think it makes sense to charge more than what you are charging now? Writing and publishing books is just the beginning. I'm just standardizing this approach. The books also say to do other related projects. In my case, getting Dollman the Musical onstage is one idea. You will have other related projects, but the publication of memoirs, biographies, art books and art catalogs will help all of us.
You can also imagine that a law firm that has meeting rooms, with someone who wants to form a local #valzubiriagenda group, can have meetings. A local café can do the same. Local photographers for your art, writers, editors, book designers, proofreaders and others can join in.
I suggest have printed books to share. 15 copies of your memoir or art books will be better than an e-reader or laptop or your phone to show. These gadgets can be stolen, sabotaged, broken, have coffee spilled on them, etc. 15 printed books means simultaneously showing to 15 people. You can even give them away to potential resellers, investors, traders and collectors.
When it rains, it pours, as in the days of Noah
There's a saying, "When it rains, it pours." There is a negative interpretation and a positive interpretation.
Negative: When trouble comes, they cascade to even more.
Positive: When opportunity comes knocking, more follow suit. We can assume that if one gets our art because of #valzubiriagenda, more want to do it now, because of the rising prices, and FOMO - fear of missing out. What will they lose if they miss the boat?
As I have said earlier, if the #valzubiriagenda trends, if you announce a future memoir or art catalog, you might have an increase of investors, traders and art collectors who would want to check you out. You might encourage more sales. Just remember to write and publish that memoir and art catalog.
There's this saying, "As in the days of Noah." Imagine Noah, building his ark, with members of his own family, putting all his time and effort into it. Noah was a nice guy. I'm sure every once in a while a neighbor offered him coffee, or chai latte, or whatever refreshing drink they might have back then.
Here's the lesson to be learned. Just because they offered him some type of bubble tea drink, or coca cola, they still didn't make it to the ark. Rubbing shoulders with actors does not make you an actor. I have told my artist friends to write their memoirs. They told me that once they see me succeed, after all these many years of seeing my seemingly useless efforts, then they will write their memoirs and follow the road that I had paved for them.
Good luck to them, but if I were you, act now, get my art or make art. Support the 5-year old artist whose parent promised to release a comprehensive art catalog. If you get that 5-year old's art, and mine, I would be honored to be in the same art catalog that you will produce. I'm already successful at that point. You have gotten the mission just right.
I have already claimed to have written the most book-length artist memoirs in the world. Dethrone that claim. Barter. Use ghostwriters. Success to me means facing God one day and saying, I wrote my memoirs and left the world a legacy of books and art. I will not tell God, smiling and proudly, that I encouraged a run for my art by announcing a schedule of exponentially increasing prices that reached 9 figures. I'm sure God knows we had fun.

JOIN THIS GROUP

If you want to try out #valzubiriagenda, in any capacity, join this group. Let others know about this group as well.
If you are an artist, you can let everyone know here that you will produce your memoir, art catalogs, etc. It's okay if you don't know how to go about publishing yet, I will discuss this. Please be honorable enough to produce what you promise to produce.
If you want to meet fellow artists, investors, resellers, etc., join us here.
If you are a book writer, editor, proofreader; if you can photograph art pieces; if you are a book designer, etc., join us here. Let us know if you charge, barter for art, or both.
If you have your own tips and knowledge to share, join us here.
If you have underaged artists you are managing (parents, etc.) join us here.
Join this group if you want to sell works. Post your works. You web links. I'm sure I will.
You can announce meetings in your area. You might have meeting rooms, a café, restaurant, etc. where people can meet. In the future, you can have the regular show and tell, where books can be shown and shared.
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Thanks for reading. Please let me know if I need to edit some parts. Please share and join this group. - Valentino Zubiri, Dollman, Artist, Memoirist
Underaged artists are welcome here, so please be mindful of your language. We cannot post your adult-oriented art pieces, but you can direct us to a separate page or community. There will be limits to your posts, and there will be adult-oriented art that we cannot allow to be posted.
Thanks for reading. Please let me know if I need to edit some parts. Please share and join this group. - Valentino Zubiri, Dollman, artist & memoirist

My FP is very much alive, but his absence feels like a death. It's been nearly three years, and the gaping hole in my heart is still present. I feel like it doesn't matter how kind I am, how hard I work, he's never coming back. I know it's a very jaded perspective of the world. But he meant everything to me. I honestly think I'll be an old lady, waiting on my deathbed for him to return