Married at first sight jose instagram

Before I get to the punch line of the story I must provide some backstory for everything to make sense. I (22m) got engaged when I was 19 to my ex (21f) who was 18. Our relationship had always been rocky but when we talked about getting married and starting a life together I was excited. She proposed to me on my 19th birthday while I was visiting her. We were long distance for 2 years before we got engaged. We were living in a different country when we first met due to our parents being in the military. After getting engaged I flew her out to visit me twice once during Christmas shortly after my birthday then again in March when Covid first hit in 2020. Before I flew her out the second time she admitted to cheating but came up with an excuse to deflect the blame from herself. I forgave her and my mom offered to fly her out due to all the craziness because of Covid. The day after she got back home she broke up with me. I begged her to take me back and she agreed on the conditions that I work on myself, and that I be willing to provide the things she wants in life. As it turns out before she asked me to marry her she was seeing someone else and to quote her words “you were a back up in case he wasn’t who he said he was”. 2 months after our breakup she was married to him and expecting a child. I was devastated and to this day still have trauma and nightmares because of this. Now to the story, almost 3 years after the break up and finding out the news her husband texts me. However he does not start with a normal intro. The first message he sends me is “what all have you done with (ex’s name) sexually?”. I responded to him what does it matter what we’ve done together it has been three years since we were together ask her yourself. He tells me that he feels like she’s been lying to him all these years and that she still brings up my genitals when the argue in order to hurt him. I recounted in details the dates and a overview of what all happened without delving into details he need not know about. During this conversation he kept asking for the size of my genitals, asking for measurements no less than 4 times. He also kept calling me a liar saying his wife was denying what I said. During this he tells me he knows she cheated at least 3+ times not including him, and that the reason she left me was because I did not want kids. After saying this he mentions that she said the only way we would’ve had sex was if she was drunk or on sleeping pills, accusing me of assaulting her. I kept recounting the story from my point of view avoiding telling him the size of my genitals. Finally I told him after his constant hounding. I was trying to be civil and connect with him being honest that I was having a panic attack because of this. He told me that he was medicated because of the stress and anxiety she has caused him. He stated that it was so bad when she came to see me that he was vomiting. The next day he texts me again saying that she told him that I was lying in order to hurt him. I asked him if he wanted me to confirm what she is saying or to tell my side of the story. he asked for the truth and I recounted the tale again with as much detail as I could remember while still trying to maintain mine and ex’s privacy. During the retelling he again kept asking about the size of my genitals. I finally had enough and asked would you like a picture in order to confirm if she’s lying to you or not. Hoping he would drop it and move on. He agreed to the picture saying yes he wants proof. He responded with she is denying everything else except that the picture is of me. After all of this he stated he was immature for this and shouldn’t be worried about all of this and should focus on making his wife happy and being a good dad. I congratulated him on his growth and proceeded to block him.

He and I met when I was 20. We were both raised in a very strict religious community and got married after like 10 weeks of dating. I had our babies at 21 (11 months after we got married), 22, and 23. All girls.
He was nice, but lazy. He never beat us or cheated but he got fired from multiple jobs for not showing up. We were extremely poor and living on welfare. He would go to the store and shoplift tiny stupid things because he felt bad that we couldn’t afford them. I’d confront him about it and the idiocy of risking jail for literal $5 toys and he would just shrug.
We were supposed to be this traditionalist family where the wife stayed home with the kids because that’s what God wanted, but I finally snapped and left the church and told him I was going to go back to school (I’d dropped out) to finish my programming degree, and that he was going to put me through it by working. He agreed and managed to hold a job for the 2.5 years it took me to get back in and graduate.
I did well and got a tech job at a small company. The pay was fine, and we were making it work. Then I got an opportunity that would basically double my salary but would require us to move. He was making like $50k at the time in a pretty generic job. We decided to move and have him find new work.
AFTER we moved, he dropped a bombshell: he had decided he wasn’t going to work anymore because I was making enough. He wanted to be a stay at home dad, he said. Keep in mind that by now our youngest was in 2nd grade. We didn’t need a stay at home parent, and I was really skeptical that he actually wanted to do it anyway, but what was I going to do—force him to get a job? Apply and interview for him?
Sure enough, he would spend about 2 hours a day cleaning/cooking, about 1 hour a day driving the kids places, and all the rest of the time watching porn or playing video games. He’d tell the girls to go play in their rooms and that was it. They had no activities or play dates other than what I set up. It wasn’t uncommon for me to come home at like 8 pm and nobody had eaten and he had no plan for food.
It all came to a head when I got into a bad car accident. The other guy was drunk (blew a .2 after) and t-boned my little Camry. I was out of work for like 2.5 months and had to have multiple surgeries. I spent about 14 days in the neuro ICU. There was no big settlement (other driver had no assets and a $15k policy limit). It happened in November so we hit our max out of pocket in back to back months, and there was a big question of whether I’d be able to work again at all.
During this time, he continued to be sweet but kind of useless. My brains were melting but I still had to be the one to figure out all the next steps. He didn’t try to look into finding work, even when I exhausted my PTO and went on unpaid FMLA and we had no idea if I’d recover. After I got back to work, I’d just kind of had it. I started gaming as soon as the kids were in bed and we basically didn’t speak to one another.
While gaming, I met an online friend who was smart and funny and driven. We were purely platonic at first, but after a month of messaging about game stuff on Disc I realized holy shit, I was starting to have a crush on this guy. And it was like I’d been living in greyscale and suddenly everything was in color. I hadn’t felt anything besides burned out and exhausted for so long, I didn’t even realize I could feel a romantic connection to anyone anymore.
As soon as I realized that, I confronted my husband and told him I was miserable (he’d heard this before) and I needed him to make some changes or I’d be gone in six months. I’d been asking for these changes for years by now (our youngest was now in 5th), but he had never taken me seriously before. This time, he realized I was and, instead of agreeing to work on things or go to marriage counseling, suggested we separate.
While we were separated I continued to pay for his entire existence. He couldn’t get a place because he had no income or work history so he stayed in the house and I continued to pay the mortgage while I moved out. During this time I also paid for him to get some additional certification for this career he claimed he wanted and he ended up blowing off the final test, so didn’t get his certificate. Six months later, he still had no job, and was fine with it. I told him even like DoorDash would be enough of a job for me, I just wanted to feel like we were both contributing. He did it for about two months and then gave up.
I told him I was done and wanted a divorce. We started on the paperwork. When we separated, I had told him I wanted to be dating other people but didn’t start until now. I went on a bunch of app dates over the next six months and then ended up reconnecting with the dude from Discord.
That was in 2019. Three months ago, after living together for about 18 months, Discord dude and I got engaged. My ex found out about it, went home, and promptly shot himself. He left a long note apologizing to me and to the girls for being not what we needed and for “making me miserable for years.” He had hoped to win me back but now that I was engaged knew that wasn’t possible, so he was done.
Ultimately, I knew this would be the outcome. I agonized over it to my closest friends when we were separated. I told them if I divorced him he would do this. I was everything to him. And I left anyway. I picked my own happiness over his LIFE.
What’s really fucked up is, although I’m truly sad that he’s dead, I still don’t regret leaving. I’m glad I did. My girls get to grow up without a father and I can’t bring myself to regret it. Even though I know he’s be alive today if I’d stayed. And he wasn’t a bad person—he had a big heart and he truly loved me. He was kind and funny and put up with a lot of my issues while being unfailingly loyal to me. He just didn’t make me happy. That’s not something that should carry a death sentence. I made enough money for us to live off of, I genuinely could have supported him doing nothing—but his love and devotion weren’t enough for me, and he died because of it.
But if I could go back in time, even knowing what I know now, I’d leave him again. And I guess I have to live with that about myself.

I guess if you even have to ask, the answer is probably pretty obvious. I’m at a crossroads and just need somewhere to vocalize my thoughts and maybe get some advice from someone who’s been in a similar situation.
I’ve been with my wife for 13 years, married for three. My wife started going to therapy about a year ago, and one of the things she’s gotten out of it is that she isn’t emotionally fulfilled in our relationship. To the point where we’ve discussed if we should go through with a divorce because of it. Mainly, she asks what I’m thinking about and I’m usually not thinking about anything. Or why I’m mad when I’m not but she thinks I am.
From my point of view though, I already do so much often times without her help, and basically being told “you don’t do enough” just irks me. We both work full time jobs making similar money, but our agreement when she graduated was that I would take care of the bills so she can focus on paying off her loans. On top of that I also do 80-90% of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and all of the yard work, home projects, and car maintenance. I however work from home, I recognize her job is a lot more stressful and less fulfilling than mine, so I don’t mind doing extra at home so she can relax after a hectic day. That doesn’t mean I want to do all of it, and it seems like she only will do chores if she thinks I’m mad at her for not doing them.
She’s cheated on my twice in our relationship, about 6 years ago she kissed a guy that she worked with. I foolishly took more responsibility for that I should have, blaming myself for not giving her enough attention while I working two jobs while going to school full time. More recently I caught her talking more intimately to another girl that she met at volleyball. I wasn’t mad at first, but was after she basically said it was on me for not proving the emotional element she needs.
At this point, these are my thoughts and I’ve told her this word for word last time we talked about it. I love her and care about her, and want what’s best for her. If she’s not happy with me, I don’t know what else I can reasonably do to change that. Any gestures I make at this point feel forced, and she’s has said that too(so anything I try to change would just be seen as fake). If she wants to leave, I’m not going to stop her. She doesn’t provide anything to this relationship that I couldn’t get from someone else. I’m not going to beg someone to stay with me that does want to, who’s hurt me and lied to me on multiple occasions, and someone who expects me to make changes without trying to change the things that I’ve expressed bother me or prove to me that she “deserves” to be with me.
To add insult to injury, she’s made a new friend who openly believes “all men are trash” because her husband is a lying POS, I know she’s vented to her about our issues and she is openly encouraging her to leave. Everything is my fault, I’m a baby, the simple gestures I do just because are weak attempt at a half-assed apology(for something I didn’t know I did and am not actively apologizing for, my work from home job is just an excuse to sit on my ass all day, etc. Nobody is more supportive that the friend that doesn’t know the full story, but that’s another topic of discussion. I’m sure she was ready to leave before doing some research and coming to the conclusion that she couldn’t afford to live in her own.
I on the other hand have been paying everting for years. Short of a job loss, I would be fine. She has way more to lose from this, and I understand that makes me sound like a dick, but I’m just done with the back and forth between us.

This happened when I was about 16 years old, a freshman in high school. So me and this girl by the name of sindy (not her real name) have known eachother since we were the age of 10. We had met at the boys and girls club we went to after-school and were good friends. I liked talking to her and she always looked for me when we use to get off from the bus that picked us up. Fast forward to when we were 13 and she told me she has had feeling for me for some time now, but she wasn't ready for a relationship. She recently just broke up with her bf about 2 weeks prior and I've been there comforting her and making sure she was ok. She had trouble with relationships lasting because she wasn't the "prettiest girl around" in her words, but I assured her she was gorgeous just how she was and any guy would be lucky to have her. She always thanked me for being there for her and told me things like "I wish we can be together" or "I promise we're going to be together when I can love my self". Eventually I started getting feelings for her too and I started telling her about how I feel about her but she would say the same thing about "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship" and I was ok with that. I didn't want to rush her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way. Fast forward a year later and we're still friends and talking to eachother everyday and would talk on the phone for hours a day. This is when I found it that she has been in and out of relationships including one of my closest friends wich I had no idea aboutthus whole time. During one of our phone calls Sindy was with her cousin and her cousin accidentally asked :if her bf gets mad that she's talking to me". I asked what she meant about that but she tried to play it off and say it's a friend who has a crush on her but they don't even talk or anything. I got suspicious but couldn't say anything because we weren't together even though she said I'm hers and that i would be the best bf when we get together. I later find out that my friend that I mentioned earlier was trying go get back with her and was trying to break her and her recent bf up and wanted me to help him. I asked him if has sure she had a bf because I thought she was single (as she claimed) he assured me that she was in a relationship and confirmed it with some screenshots of his and her convos. At this point I confronted her and told her that I have been waiting and saving myself for her because she kept insisting to be patient until she is ready for another relationship all the meanwhile she has been in and out of relationships for the past year or so while she was playing and manipulating my feelings for her. I told her i would be better off not talking to her anymore and just cutting contact, and that's what I did. I felt betrayed and hurt because she was my first love someone I cared so much about. Now move forward to 2nd semester of freshmen year. I had found Sandy's Instagram and decided to text her and see how she was doing. I still haven't moved on from her and thought maybe we could work it out now that we matured alittle more. But boy was I wrong. After a few months of talking with eachother we finally decided to make it official. The first month went great, we talked like how we used to. We had alot in common( sports,music,movies,etc). We're on the phone for hours and just really connected. The last 2 months were really diffrent though. She started getting distant and often would say she would have to go help her mom with chores and leave for a few hours but would be on her social media posting stuff and doing "tbh post". By the 3rd month she told me that she was having some family problems and couldn't be with me anymore. I told her that I would give her space and be there when she needs me. But after that she ghosted me. Stop replying to my messages. Stop liking my social media post. She even blocked my number. I know this because her cousin was in my class and she had told me. I this point I've had enough. I wasted almost 2 years of my life trying to be with her and no matter how hard and how hurt I was I moved on and kept going with my life. About 4 moths passes by and I get a message from guess who. She was saying how sorry she was for just leaving me the way she did and that she did not want to hurt me and didn't want to put all the weight she was carrying on my shoulders. She explained her situation about her family and asked if we could get back together again and begged to please forgive her as she did not want to hurt me. I told her i would have to think about it. So remember that friend I mentioned? The one who was also in a relationship with her. Well I talked to him about and asked for his advice and what i should. What told me was devastating. He had told me that a week after we had broken up, she had hooked up with another guy from her school and that they have been flirting with eachother for some time now. He showed me convos of him and her talking about it as she was asking him advice because she thought she might be pregnant. I was devastated. So hurt beyond I ever felt. As soon as I had the chance had called her and told her everything I knew. She started crying and apologized again she said she was stupid and didn't know why she did it. She blamed it on hormones which would make sense since we were going through out puberty stages. Even so she had asked me to please be there for her and her child as the father of it moved states when he found it about and now she didn't want to be alone. I told her that would be there for her no matter what. That no matter how much she hurt me i still cared for her and that I will try my best to help her in any way I can, but I would need some time away from her to progress everything that was going to happen. She said she would give me time and space but to please not to leave her alone. After that, I never spoke to her again. I blocked her from all her social media's and her phone numbers. I also blocked her family as I had befriended some of them during the time of our relationship. I couldn't be there for her I was only 16 and was not ready for a kid, especially one that wasn't mine. I hated her for years for her betrayal and her toxic ways. At the end I felt guilty for making her hopes up and just cutting contact with her and ghosting her. I wondered how she was going to do it at 16 and a single mother. I'm 23 now and I recently came across her Instagram account and started remembering everything that happen. So with that being said AITJ for leaving my ex pregnant and alone?
TL:DR My ex that I wasted 2 years of my life trying to be with ends up getting pregnant after we broke and tried to get back at me. Getting her hopes up and cutting contact with her.

Before closing my account for 30 days maybe I last advice I need to have. I posted this on the MM thread aswell but I believe I more active here.
Currently I have a good few months left for my internship for work experience and I can make it actually also my career but there is a big pressure from home to do a master degree. At first I wanted to do a masters However I don’t how long I can be single before I might do something I will regret (nothing illegal). Mentally, emotionally and physically I know I am ready to be married and be a loving and supportive husband. Of course I have to first be actively looking for a spouse which also can take some time. I am currently 25 and the job will make me financially stable with my bachelors and has a lot of attractive growth opportunities I might also do a masters later on. But what if it doesn’t work out. Masters will take me another 2 years and I got accepted in a prestigious university from my country. Too much critical choices and sacrifices to make and too much what if mentality.
Might delete this post

Okay so I shouldn't have, but I snooped on my bfs phone. He's very secretive when he's texting and I know he had a 'fuckboy' phase before we started talking so that on top of my trust issues from being played before made me do it. Obviously I wasn't right for doing that, and I should just trust my partner but this guy has so many red flags that I'm not even going to talk about, just know that if he didn't treat me so golden I wouldn't risk a relationship with him because of how bad he looks on paper.
Anywayss, I went through his phone, he deletes snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram conversations so I found nothing there, but I found his exes nudes in his photo albums, and I mean from multiple exes. That, and I found ss of girls snapchat profiles, which I theorize is people he's adding back if we stop talking. He is always treating me like gold and tells me how much he loves me and how he thinks I'm gorgeous and perfect. But I'm starting to wonder if he just is looking for a partner and it doesn't have to be me, I just get along with him good enough, and am a giving partner. He has a daughter and is in the military, so I think he's looking for someone to take care of his child and then his military check also doubles when he gets married. Not necessarily proof he's not genuine, just saying he has plenty of reason to want to ensnare someone and not want genuine love, just someone to get hitched to.
So obviously I have a problem rn, my plan rn is to try and accumulate more proof next time I have the chance to look in his phone, and then tell him that my friend just got into a fight with her boyfriend about him having nudes in his phone of his exes. The purpose here is I'll say something to communicate that pictures or videos of your ex is alright because I have those too, they're just memories and don't mean anything to me (hoping he feels the same way about the many photos/videos of his exes) but that explicit photos is different and there's no reason anyone should have those of their exes, it's disrespectful towards your past and future partners, and that there's no way the friends bf just 'forgot they were there'. And then I'll just see how he reacts, if he admits he has photos on his phone that are explicit, that's best case scenario bc he admitted to it, and not many people could have the courage to do that. Next best case is he lies and deletes the photos after the fact which I'll verify later when I get the chance to. If they're not deleted idk what I'll do but I'm going to end things some way somehow.
Just looking for thoughts ig, yes I know this is crafty and I shouldn't have looked through his phone but I feel like this is my best option at this point. He's watching my friends cats and he has rumors of abuse circling in his town about him, so I can't exactly confront him directly and admit I looked through is phone even though that would be so much easier and preferred.

So I have been dating this woman for about 3 months now and in the beginning she was very open about the fact that dating her is rather difficult, didn't think anything of this because frankly a lot of people can think that especially without a successful relationship to point out otherwise. Everything was great at first, we talked a lot, hangout, would text back and forth quite a bit, shoot we were even friends for almost a year before this. Then everything started to unravel slowly or maybe quickly but I was not quick enough to notice. I had a really great friend that came back to work where I was working, we used to work together before. Well, my gf met this woman and was rather put off and once while my gf was texting me, the conversation was going well, and then out of the blue in the middle of the conversation told me that I needed to choose between my friend and her, and I simply laughed and said that's not happening, and simply not a choice someone I've been seeing for about 2 weeks should be asking me to do. Eventually she dropped the subject, but never really gave up on the subject of her distaste for this woman.
Well fast forward a few weeks, that woman no longer worked with me, and I chose not to have contact with her out of respect for the relationship. So I thought ok at least that's over and she will have no one to be jealous over, nope. Anyone woman that talked to me, looked at me was an issue, anyone I talked to was an issue, and keep in mind I am not someone who is on my phone texting all day, my phone is mainly my source of music and too keep in touch with family, and my gf saw this and knew this, but still had trust issues out the gate, and there is me still so clueless as to why she is the way she is.
Slowly throughout the time we have been together she has dropped little things from her past in the form of trauma which for her sake I will leave out, but similar to a lot of stories I have read on here. And this whole picture started to become much clearer, mental issues, mental institutions, and overall trauma. None of this was a problem for me, I grew up with one of my parents suffering from a lot of the same things, known many people who weren't perfect, no one is, so I figured oh well let's keep giving this a shot and see where this goes because honestly I cared about her a lot already.
Well about 2 months in we had sex for the first time, definitely could have happened before this but it was definitely my choice to wait. After we had sex we cuddled and talked for a couple hours, this is when she dropped a lot more info on me, telling me that she has bpd, and saying "we are obsessed with you, and we copy your mannerisms, we this and we that". So I am just lying there next to her running this shit through my head, because what do you even say to that other than, we?.
As time went on I noticed her being distant more often, being quiet, and constantly on her phone messaging whether through straight text, Instagram, or snapchat. I am not the type of guy to just say let me see what you're doing, but I surely noticed. So all I did was what I do best, I was extremely attentive, listening to her stories, asking about her friends, which are supposed to be mainly women according to her. Well, a lot of it was not adding up, and I am very good at reading people and their emotions and behavior, so naturally my questions grew more and more, some of which I kept to myself while others I asked her about. So this past Saturday I was at work and she knows that I go on break at a certain time everyday I work, and she was texting me during this time saying that she wished she could get a hug from me, and my response was well come get a huge she said you're at work so I can't, I said no I'm on break so I come by your place and give you one. She told me, oh well my friend (female name of course lol) is over here so you can't come by, this is a person she commonly used as always doing things with, always being with, I never met her, but do keep in mind she supposedly moved 45 minutes from where we live, I was told she was supposed to be transferring jobs to somewhere out there, but also through her many stories that didn't happen and she worked out here still. Anyway nothing of her stories matched up, and she lives 5 minutes from where I work, so I grew tired of just wondering, I drove by my girlfriends house, and would you know, not a damn car was there, no not one. After I drove by I sent a text and said we'll I hope ypu 2 are having fun, and she said yeah we are just here rolling joints. I later asked what time her friend has ro work, because she was only there because "it's on her way to work" and at 3:02 she said oh she just left for work she has to be there at 3.
So, who knows what the real truth was here, and I am left with way more questions then answers and I know she won't be the person to give them to me. I've decided to pull myself out of this situation and never turn back. I constantly felt like I was walking a thin line, I woke up early mornings with cold sweats worrying and wondering. I don't want answers, I don't need that anymore, I just need peace.

The thing about dealing with a narc is that, whatever the trigger was for an argument is usually very arbitrary and stupid sounding to outsiders. Yesterday, my dad put the last straw on the camel's back and I lost it.
BACKGROUND:
I'm 23F and the youngest in my family. Throughout all my childhood, my NDad has been emotionally abusive to my family, though I admittedly have always got the least of his wrath as the 'little girl'. I've always felt it was my responsibility to regulate his emotional state given that my older sibling had denounced him long ago and his relationship with my mother has always been tumultuous (all completely his fault since he is a serial cheater). At the end of the day, I cannot fight this feeling that he is my one and only father. That he is just another human being, and me being soft, I felt I would sacrifice my happiness for him. Whenever he wanted to feel justified in his abuse of my family, he would seek me out and try to coerce me into saying negative things about them and my mother (I never would I just would cry which made him angry at me). When he would get caught cheating on my mom, and the sudden threat of losing control of all of us was on the table, he would isolate me and sob (he never cried unless he was in trouble) until I promised I would visit him and not leave him alone when she divorces him. He'd ask me if I thought he was a horrible and ugly person, and me being just a kid, would feel obligated to tell him he was not. Even though I choked out those words not meaning them. I've historically never been able to stand up to him without shaking, crying, running, freezing, or hiding.
I think he got really used to me being the forgiving and passive one. I was always extremely shy, meek, emotionally stunted, insecure.
I'm not really sure what happened to me, but once I went through college and got away from him for a while, I saw what life is like when you are living it to just be happy and not for someone else. But then I graduated and had to move back. It's like getting to feel what flying is like and then having your wings clipped-- you cannot unsee it.
I've only ever had 2 boyfriends my entire life. My first when I was 19, dated for 2 years, and lost my virginity to him. I'm first generation from Latin American immigrants, so you can imagine how it went down when they learned I was no longer a virgin the first time. I'm currently dating my second boyfriend that I've been with for 2.5 years. Ever since they found out that *gasp* I never stopped having sex within my monogamous relationship after the first round of making my life miserable for it, they both stopped treating me the same. (The story of how they found out about me having premarital sex the second time is literally insane. Might make a separate post). My mother had her come to Jesus moment though and has since apologized and started accepting I'm growing up. My NDad, has not.
Ever since I moved back at the age of 21, after 4 years of living on my own and not only being safe and responsible, but flourishing in a way I never have-- they decided none of that mattered and I'm just a kid living in their house again. They pay the bills, so fine. My dad has never liked my boyfriend, mainly for superficial reasons such as him being from a lower socioeconomic background and a really broken family, even though my dad himself comes from a nearly identical background. He has done everything he can to make our home a hostile environment for any of my friends/partners visiting, to make it difficult to see my boyfriend, to make me feel judged for my relationship, to make me question my own choices at every step. I was given an 8pm curfew at the ripe age of 21 after previously not having had one when I was just a antisocial nerd girl who never left the house anyways. A lot of new rules seemed to pop up as nothing more than punishment for daring to have an outside relationship, and possibly (weirdly) for daring to have sex. I guess? Really rich coming from the guy who cried to his 16 year old about how much he regretted cheating multiple times on their mother with 'fat, gross, and ugly women' as if that made it better. He's been constantly making random remarks such as 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,' and others towards me when I talk about my boyfriend. He does it in a way that I think he does not think I understand what he is saying. I know he thinks I am a slut for many reasons, this is just one example.
I've since got a part-time job, am enrolled in college courses, studying for entrance exams, and am trying to get into a master's program. My boyfriend and I are both really busy all week. He works fulltime while studying engineering. The singular only day we get to see each other all week is Sunday, and even then, we spend all our free-time together renovating an old (super dilapidated) house on his grandmother's property that she gave him for us to live in. I would have left ages ago were it not for the home being too under construction. We both work SO HARD. Very very few days off. It's not the most fun and sexy environment, so even our 'nefarious' activity is at a pretty low rate. I refuse to tell my Dad about the existence of this place because he currently lives a world where I 'have no where else to run to' so he is willing to give me more freedom. Were he to find out about what I'm up to, he would not only just tear and rip all the joy and pride from it, but also probably freak the fuck out and start overcompensating by trying to regain control so I do not run.
I started paying rent mainly so I could have some of my previous freedom back and 'extend' my curfew. I slowly pushed the envelope by silently just coming home later and later on Sundays. This has been sending my dad into a fucking smoke cloud, I truly do not understand why. They know where I am, who I am with, and I ALWAYS am home in bed before morning-- So it is not a safety concern. I still do not have the gall to sleep over at my boyfriends place, though I want to. I cannot shake the deep rooted indoctrination of owing them some 'respect' and obedience for just feeding and sheltering me.
WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY:
NDad parked his car behind mine on the driveway, normally mine is never blocked in. I could move it myself, but would likely get in trouble for not putting in the garage so it is just easier to have some help moving two cars. I asked my mother to help, but she was busy, so I found my dad and politely asked if he could move it so I could go see my boyfriend, per usual. Immediately he takes the keys from me and tells me to close the door behind me. 'Close the door behind you' has always meant trouble. "I'll move the car, but first you have to agree to come home at 10PM. So you better be on the road early because I'm not talking even 1 minute after 10".
I hate conflict, I hate arguing, I hate everything about it. But I've started to learn that I NEED it. No matter how much it goes against everything and who I am, I need to start pushing back on anything and everything, or he will take and take and take. He will keep me broken, quiet, and locked in my room until he dies-- complaining the whole time about what a failure I am for the very things he perpetuates in me.
During these altercations, I've started visualizing digging my heel behind me into the earth, bracing for impact. Endurance. I just tell him 'no'. I'm not doing that. Queue him laughing in my face and telling me it is not a choice, I have to do what he says, I'm his kid living in his house. He says the rent I pay does not mean I have any actual say in house rules. I ask him to explain why the fixation on my being home exactly at 10pm when he knows this is the only day I ever see my boyfriend. He never ended up actually explaining, just started saying that all I ever do is go to my boyfriend's (lie), and come home at 2am (lie). He makes no mention about safety concerns at any point. I point this out and tell him that I think he is just being controlling, I am not agreeing to come home at any particular time, but I will agree to be safe and come home to sleep. I walk away and just wait in another room, because of course, it's not over. Plus I can't leave unless he moves his car.
He follows me a little while later and we get into a massive blow out where he's still fixated: "Why are you this upset about just having to agree to not coming home at midnight? Do 2 hours really make that much of a difference?" At this point, I'm pissed about everything going back 20 years, not just the curfew thing. YES! Those two hours mean everything to me! This is the hill I am willing to die on, and I'm going to start dying on every hill after this.
To cut some of the fat from this story, as it is already quite long, I point out to him that he refuses to be grateful or acknowledge at all how good he has it with me. That he will not not acknowledge what a massive daily effort I make to be respectful, obedient within reason, and to at least have some kind of positive to neutral relationship with him. He decides to respond to this by saying that 'That's just it, you have to TRY to be respectful! If you have to try and force it, then it does not count! You tolerate me, that does not count as respect!' Like holy shit man, literally... what kind of fucking logic is that. So, I tell him fine then. I won't even try anymore. I will no longer make the effort to show respect in the face of someone who is blatantly disgusted and disrespectful towards me. I remind him of his constant commentary on my sex life, the slut shaming from my own father. He tries denying it at first, but I bring up specific comments. He then starts saying 'those are just figures of speech people say, you shouldn't take it personally'. At this point I start screaming at him that I'm not a robot or stupid, that though I never say anything, every single comment sticks. I remind him he knows NOTHING about my relationship, but thinks he does and chooses to treat me like a dirty whore because that is exactly what he thinks I am. He very contemptuously tells me "Oh, I know exactly what you do with your boyfriend. It's not rocket science. I have a good idea". I tell him that is hilarious and sad that he almost wants to think the worst of me in that way. I see the smirk and glee on his face while he says it. He tells me that he knows my boyfriend does not take marrying me seriously. Why? Because I always have to leave the house to see him and he never visits our family home anymore. I point out that no one visits our home. Not any of my friends, not family, not my boyfriend-- because he creates a horrible and unwelcoming environment. His face falls.
I'm screaming my head off now. I remind him that he is my single greatest hater in life. He has literally walked up to me in the middle of studying just to tell me he does not think I can do it. Because I'm lazy and he is 'just waiting for me to come crying about changing careers when I fail again'. I've had strangers show more kindness and belief in me than my own father ever has. It hurts.
One last deep breath, "SO, FUCK YOU! And remember this, because you know I've never said such a thing to you!"
Now, I'm shaking from head to toe and can't not start crying. My mom and sibling had shown up halfway through. Sibling takes the keys from my dad and moves the car, my mom follows me outside and hugs me to tell me she is proud of me. I stayed parked in my car somewhere to cry for a bit before leaving. I've never screamed at either of my parents, ever, let alone swear at them. I've always been unreasonably terrified and in love with them. I feel extremely guilty for my family because they clearly sided with me in front of him, so I do not know what happened to them after I left. I stayed at my boyfriend's until 2am this time just because I was scared to go home. I'm writing this from the library after sneaking off early in the morning just to not be in the house alone with him today. I do not know what to expect when I go home. Advice is welcome.

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I’ve posted here before (title: my sister is getting married and I am worried) and we’ve been going along with the wedding planning. I don’t want to talk about all of the issues but one of the main issues that a lot of issues have arisen from is my sister and her fiancé wanted a wedding in 2024 and the agreed date was 13th April, giving them 14 months to plan the wedding, get invited out in ample time in advanced etc. but her fiancé said he wanted to write off the first 3 months of the wedding planning so that he could focus on preparing for an interview.
Now the discussed outcome for the wedding was they wanted a Hindu wedding (disputable bc fiancé doesn’t know anything about Hindu weddings and wants the priest to speed through it and get it done)- which requires a lot more things than an English wedding. With the way the Asian wedding industry works, you have to move early and quickly- so as soon as venues get their quotes for the next year you need to have a shortlist of venues ready to pick one and book it by the time those dates are available. The fiancé refused any and every conversation my sister tried to have about the wedding but we knew that we couldn’t sit on it and wait for him otherwise they wouldn’t have a wedding in 2024 at all. They also both work very long hours as doctors so they have limited time to plan anyway so the families have tried to facilitate as much as possible. My sister was getting very stressed doing it all on her own so we were supporting her and getting quotes for her.
Fiancé and his parents have caused a lot of problems with this planning by lying to us about being okay with things or liking things and saying his parents would make decisions on behalf of their son bc he’s focussing on his interview. The massive problem was we were ready to book a venue, we just needed to go to a meeting with the venue rep to negotiate before signing the contract. It went as far as the couple + both families having a zoom meeting to discuss the plan for the negotiation and everyone saying they were on board, to then be turned on it’s head by the fiancé and his family a mere few hours later after booking this meeting to say they’ve been unhappy with everything. We’ve been as collaborative as possible but haven’t made any decisions or any actual bookings yet they’re blaming us for booking things without them. They’ve also said we’ve been bad at communication but we’ve communicated and updated them at every step of the way, meanwhile they’ve told us nothing of what they were doing or thinking.
They blame my dad, brother and sister for a lot, to the extent the two dads had a convo and rightfully or wrongfully my mum, brother and I listened in on the conversation. Somehow fiancés dad went away from that conversation telling his family that my dad didn’t listen, raised his voice and got personal on this phone call - none of this is true, he calmly listened and then said “we’ll have to agree to disagree” about things and tried to say it was never our intention to offend them or keep them out of the loop but we did try to keep them in the loop as much as possible, and also raised the point that nothing has been booked and had we known how they were really feeling, a lot of things would’ve gone differently.
A side thing is his mum is convinced that my sister is evil and trying to take her son away from her and have said things like “we’ve welcomed her into our home and taken care of her”. Fiancé’s defended my sister to his mum BUT he and his family are still insisting we, including my sister, are the problem. Not to mention they have insulted my brother for all of the time and effort he put into getting quotes and contacting suppliers for my sister to use and accused my brother of trying to take over the wedding and making it about him, so essentially they took the time, effort and good intentions my brother put into this and turned it into something nasty, and they’re not even apologetic to when my dad told them how their accusations made my brother feel.
The concerns aren’t just about fiancés family, it’s also a lot about him too.
TLDR: my sisters future in laws are impossible to the extent they take no responsibility for how they have behaved and expect my dad to apologise when he has already apologised for these same things, but they now put even more blame on my dad by concocting some false story about how a phone call between my dad and fiancés dad to confront things went, and they’ve also tried to make out that my brother, mum and sister are also the problem but they’ve done nothing wrong. The fiancés family have me flabbergasted and appalled at the delusion but I have major concerns about the fiancé too.

I’m in the market for a shotgun for trap shooting, bird hunting, self defense etc.
I’ve always been drawn towards old historic guns that the military used so I’m considering between 3 that the US military has used in the past rather than buying a modern firearm. I enjoy the lack of modern technology on old guns as it forces more skill, my first rifle is a mosin nagant and I haven’t had more fun with a gun than when I got the iron sights honed in and consistently hitting a steel plate at 100m and 200m.
The 3 I’m considering are: - Winchester model 1897 (ww1 and ww2) - Winchester model 1912 (ww1 and ww2) - Ithaca model 37 (ww2, Korea, Vietnam)
I’m initially drawn to the 1897 because I think the external hammer makes for a really unique gun. I’ve heard that you’ll smash your thumb up nice and good with improper hand placement but I don’t see that being an issue after some practice.
If anyone has had experience with these shotguns and can give me some info/tips based on your personal experience it’d be great!

tl;dr : my wife has progressively (no pun intended) turned into a “woke” person and is obsessive over identity politics and progressive social politics and it makes me uncomfortable.
I’ve searched and searched for advice on this issue. Most people on Reddit who post things similar to me are accused of “trolling”. I assure you I wish this was a troll post. I miss my wife and I’m just looking for advice on how to salvage this.
My wife and I met in our early 20s. We got married at 25 and we are now in our late 20s.
When we met I fell in love with her instantly. The first years we were together I would have described my wife as a cat lover, a caring person, funny, light hearted, adventurous, and healthy.
If you asked me to describe her today? I’d say she’s a cat lover, feminist, trans activist, body positivity activist, and liberal.
My wife was never big into politics when we met. Sure she had her opinions but it was never more than a brief discussion on current events. Now it’s her entire personality.
I’ll take these issues one by one and explain why they make me uncomfortable.
My wife has become entrenched in feminism. She is constantly complaining about men, she says she hates men. She’s incessantly pro choice. We live near a pro life billboard and when she sees it she gets visibly upset. There’s also a nearby church group that protests abortion often that we see on occasion. If we see that group protesting she will become irate. She will roll the window down and scream at them and flip them off. I find this incredibly embarrassing and immature. I’ve tried to have conversations about this with her trying to explain why someone might be pro life (my family is I am not) and she doesn’t hear me. She insists that anyone who is pro life hates women including my mother. This all makes me very uncomfortable and it’s hard that she won’t listen to me even if she doesn’t agree with me.
Now on to the trans activism. This all started when some male music artist wore a dress on stage or something. Since then she’s made many remarks about how “men in dresses are so hot” and how “if you died I’d definitely marry a trans person”. Her social media is 90% trans people. This all makes me uncomfortable. I honestly do not understand this movement well and am just trying to learn through conversations. I’ve tried to have productive conversations with her about this but when I bring up anything to counter her views she becomes angry and starts crying. She will run circles around her self to make her logic work. She will never acknowledge that I have a fair point or that maybe I’m right. She just gets upset and refuses to continue talking with me.
The body positivity started when we both were staring to put on that post honeymoon weight. I was all in on this one. She would say things like no one should be made fun of for their weight which I agree with. But it’s morphed into this horrific denial of health. We both have added a few pounds over the years but she refuses to acknowledge the effects it has. She’s had doctors tell her her conditions are weight related and she gets upset and refuses their advices. I’ve tried to push us to be more active and eat healthier but she refuses. The thing that bothers me less but still bugs me is that she has this hatred of healthy people. She’ll be scrolling through social media and come across a “progress post” and she becomes angry at them. If someone on tv is in good shape she hates them.
And lastly, the constant talk of liberalism bothers me. I’d consider my self liberal, but as I said earlier I come from a conservative background so I definitely have an understanding of that thought process. My wife hates conservative people. Something on Facebook that’s conservative? She’s going to find a way to paint it as just the worst thing in the world even if it’s a stretch and she’s going to vent about it to me.
All this is all she wants to talk about. I find myself annoyed when she tries to speak with me. I know it’s going to be some nonsense that I don’t want to hear but there’s no point in challenging her as it only makes her upset. So when I come home from work and my wife starts talking to me I almost immediately check out as all it’s going to do is upset me.
At this point I feel further away from my wife than ever. Even when things look up for a day or two it goes right back down when she starts talking about stuff like that non stop.
I’ve been looking into couples counseling. I’m not really sure it’s going to help as I don’t think she will listen. But I don’t want to just give up. Hoping someone here has some useful advice for me
Thank you for your help in advance and I’m sorry for the long venty post.

I struggle oh so much to lose weight. I think I have PCOS which makes things worse I lose the first 7-10 LB so easily in the first week then it stops. I started at the beginning of January and thought this time come high heavens I’m doing it. I usually start all years with a fitness regimen but then it vanishes mid feb when I go on my first holiday of the year and struggle to get back on it but this time I forced myself and yes it’s hard but I did it! Stood on the scales this morning (I’m on my lighter week of the month) and I’m 1 stone (14lb) from my starting point. I’ve never lost this much in my fitness life but I am just going to keep on with it and I will get there! I have no weight goal in sight as I don’t want to set one if I’m building muscle too.

Just need to vent/rant I guess.. I realize noone can speed up this process & cant change my circumstances.. But here goes... I have applied for disability/ssi, and (like so many ive read on here, are waiting and waiting and waiting . I have 2 children that still live with me , (i have 4, two have already moved out) , thankfully i am on HUD, which pays my rent, and snap for groceries, but there's still a pile of unpaid bills, no car insurance right now, the list goes on. I have discussed with a family member about the possibility of having to stay with them, even though i do have hud, i dont have money for electric, water, sewer trash pick up, internet etc. And if the utilities are shut off, then hud will not pay for rent. So i am likely going to have to eventually go stay at a family members house until something changes. I do have a lawyer, but i have no savings no child support for my teenager and my 5yr olds father was killed in Nov, i filed for survivors benefits & bc we werent married, i have to somehow "prove" hes her father . Which he is, and he had never questioned that. But ss office, told me theyre not sure that she is going to be able to get it. We actually did getbmarried, at the court house, got a marriage license etc, at almost our 1 yr anniversary, his x called to say, she had tried to remarry, and was unable to because she is still married to him.. Somehow their divorce papers were never filed at the SAME court house, that married us, so that made our marriage "invalid" . 🤦🏼‍♀️ I have anxiety, depression, back problems that make it where i cannot stand/walk for more than 10-15 min at a time carpal tunnel in my right hand , joint pain, (i am almost positive i also have me/cfs, though my dr just dismisses it as a symptom of my depression, but ive done extensive research on it and have all but one symptom it lists, as how give a diagnosis for this) I applied, with a disability lawyer, middle of last year, so its coming up to a year just waiting on an initial decision which i am told 90% of the time, is denied the first time....) i looked online and it says my applications for disability is only at 73%, and the ssi application is at 58%. I have seen this whole process take years for so many. I have family member who applied and was approved within a year a few years back . This entire process makes much of my health issues soo much worse , the anxiety & depression, migraines ... How do people survive during this whole process?! Its like its made to weed out people by forcing them into homelessness, hospitalization or death. I know there are people that apply that dont actually need the help, but i have read about countess stories from people like me, who are at the end of their rope & dont know what to do...

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Hello guys, gals, and all the colors of our wonderful rainbow. It’s that time again! What time is it you ask? Time for more fluff and love in the Ballad of Lily! I kid, After getting some feedback from the first two chapters, it’s clear I came off as a bit too fluffy and a little pretentious, like I was writing a boring autobiography. I thought I’d write a beat-by-beat recounting of our time together, but given we spent nearly 8 years living with one another, it would be quite an undertaking. With this in mind, I’ve determined to do my best and only relay the important happenings, and leave the filler out. I’ve been hard at work trying to get these out to you as quickly as I can, because there’s a lot of ground to cover. So let’s get right back into it.
You know the cast if you’re caught up, with one addition:
—----------------
OP: Me
Lily: My Girlfriend
Taz: Lily’s mother. Somehow SHORTER than Lily, which is where she got those genes from. A stocky middle-aged woman with frizzy hair and a love for all things Warner Bros’ Tasmanian Devil character.
—-----------------
And with that out of the way, let’s dive into this new installment of the Ballad of Lily. This episode: “True Navigation”.
Where last we left off, Lily and I had drifted asleep in each other’s arms. We slept peacefully through the night, but I awoke to the sound of Lily quietly crying.
Concerned, I turned to face her.
OP: “What’s wrong, love?”
Lily: “How many women have you fucked since you left me in Memphis?” She put extra emphasis on that F-word.
OP: “I don’t think that really matters, Lily. But I can see that it’s important to you. Three. We’ve been apart for almost 3 years, I’ve slept with three women.”
Lily: “Yeah, and you were gonna MARRY one of them. I thought you told me you were against marriage.”
OP: “Well, I am. But it was important to her, and I loved her. So, I agreed. If it’s important to you, one day we will as well.”
Lily was openly crying by now. “You know how many people I’ve had sex with in my life? You, and one other guy. And I could barely call it sex with him.” She slid away from me, but remained on the bed.
OP: “I’ve never cheated on you, Lily. I’m with you now, and I’m in this for the long haul. I’m not leaving. Now, or ever again. Every time. Every time we broke things off it was me who did it. I know how hard that must have been for you. I know I’ve broken your heart so many times. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I’m going to do my utmost to make our future better.”
Lily clutched the blanket. “IT FEELS LIKE CHEATING.” She nearly shouted. “I love you, I’ve loved you, for SO long.” she was sobbing, but there was anger and venom in her voice.
I tried to lay a hand on her shoulder but she pulled away. A grimace came over my face, my brain racing at how to solve this diplomatically. I softened my tone.
“I’ve loved you too, Lily. I never stopped. But life has to go on in the absence of each other. I couldn’t spend my life waiting for a day that might have never come-”
“BUT I DID!” She cried, curling into a ball as she continued sobbing.
“I can’t fix my past, Lily. But know that I love you.. I have some pancake mix. I am gonna go make us some breakfast.”
And with that, I slid off the bed, and made my way to the kitchen. I could hear her sobbing from my room, but I knew anything I said wouldn’t make things any better right now, and it was best for her to let it out. I set about the business of making breakfast. Bisquick, you glorious bastard. You make it so damn easy. I kept an ear on Lily, wishing I could do more to assuage her heartache, but the heart is a fickle thing, vulnerable and easily damaged. I had done damage to that heart, some of it I feared irreparable.
I eventually heard the sobbing wane into a soft cry, and continued on my task of making pancakes. The batter mixed, I threw some bacon in the pan to start frying up. The sizzling of the bacon, the smell wafting through the small apartment, Lily in the bedroom. Hell, it would have felt downright domestic if she wasn’t still sniffling. About halfway through the bacon cooking, I felt her arms wrap around my waist from behind.
“I’m sorry..” Came her quiet voice.
“No apology necessary.” I responded simply.
Breakfast prepared and plates distributed, we sat on my ratty couch to consume, plates in hand.
“I imagine a big TV here.” quipped Lily through her munching. I nodded, pointing at the blank wall.
“You want a plasma? We can mount it to the wall.” I asked.
She shook her head.
“Nah, those are too expensive, probably a nice rear projector, they can make them pretty thin now, and we need to get HD. They’re cheaper than plasmas.”
I nodded again, just happy she was done with crying.
“Sounds good! Once you move in and get settled, what say you we make that our first big purchase together?”
This? This was domestic bliss. Eating a simple breakfast together, talking of future plans, listening to her complain about the burned bacon. It was like heaven to me. It was these small moments I would cherish. The strife of the morning melted away into a rose-tinted beauty.
She smiled and nodded at me. “Deal.” she said. We finished our breakfast, and cuddled on the couch for a bit before I deposited the dirty dishes in the sink.
“You’re not going to do them?” She asked, referring to the dishes being dirty.
“Nah, I’ll clean up later. I want to spend every possible minute with you.”
She wrinkled her nose at that, but relented. “Alright.”
The rest of the weekend went mainly without incident, and soon enough, it came time for her to leave. As she was packing to leave, I gave her a hug. “One more month. I’ve requested time off to come to Memphis and help you get everything packed up and sorted, and get you settled here.”
We both knew the plan, she would put in her two weeks before she left Memphis, she would move in, and look for work. It didn’t have to be anything special, just something to help pay the bills.
She nodded. “I’ll be glad to have you. My step-dad refuses to help because he quote ‘Doesn’t want his only daughter to move half the country away to shack up with some dude he’s never met’ “.
I walked her down to her car, an old Pontiac Grand Prix. I loaded her stuff in the trunk, and gave her a hug that lingered for a while. “I love you. So much. I can’t wait until we’re together more permanently. These visits are nice, but it’ll be nice once you’re here permanently.” I squeezed her, and we exchanged a kiss.
“I think after everything we’ve been through.. This will be longest month of my life.” She replied
I smiled. “It’ll be over before we know it.”
She gave me a wave and pulled out from the parking spot, toddling down the parking lot and turning onto the main road. I watched until her car was out of sight, and sighed.
Then, I cried.
I had managed to hold it all weekend, but it was there, just begging to bubble to the surface. I sat on the steps up to my apartment, held my arms around myself and just sobbed. I had no idea how much I’d hurt her in the past. I just figured she would hate me after my departure from Memphis and tried my best to forget it. I had written her off as the one that got away. I didn’t wait. I didn’t even TRY. But she was always there, in the back of my mind, and often at the bottom of a liquor bottle. I was causing her pain by just existing away from her. So I cried.
After a while, I was able to settle myself down, so I stood up and quickly retreated to my own apartment. I went to the cabinet above the microwave, where Lily couldn’t reach, and retrieved a pack of cigarettes.
On the balcony now, I lit one, inhaled, felt the nicotine immediately take effect and calm me down, and exhaled slowly. This would be the last pack, I decided, as I stood there, reflecting on the weekend in the morning glow of Sunday morning.
It was a strange feeling. You long for something your whole life, and it’s finally at your fingertips, but still just out of grasp. But with every day that passes, your goal comes a little closer.
And closer it came, with every passing day. Lily and I would talk as we usually did, she showed me progress updates on her packing. I was impressed that she’d got it done so early, but she was a meticulous planner, and was usually three steps ahead in anything she had planned. She called herself a perpetual pessimist. Once saying “If I never expect anything good to happen, I can never be disappointed.”
I suppose I played a part in putting that philosophy into her. I was a fairweather boyfriend at the best of times, and freely admit it. We broke up a few times during high school, and we went a few years apart as soon as I turned 18 and moved out simply because I couldn’t afford the internet where I lived and worked. I still loved her deeply, but the reality of our situation was I was in New Mexico, and she was in Tennessee.
Through all of this, she still loved me. I don’t know how she could have possibly loved the stupid, irresponsible mess that I was. But she did, and never stopped. Always hoping I’d reach out again, but also angry that I never did. This strange dichotomy of emotion must’ve wreaked havoc on her heart.
Still, she loved me enough to leave her friends, her family in Memphis behind. She had true ties there. Friends she loved, family who despite their flaws cared for her. She was willing to leave it all behind on the gamble that I loved her, and wanted to be with her.
With that long tangent out of the way, let’s get back to the “present”. One month passed slowly, but also in the blink of an eye. Soon enough, it came time to make the trip to Memphis to help her pack. I arrived at her apartment the day before she was set to move out. We went to a local U-Haul (not sponsored) store to rent a truck.
Confession time!
I had let my license expire. …A while ago. Like, a year ago. Like I’ve said, I was at best irresponsible, and it was all my effort just to remember to pay the electric and internet bills at my apartment and keep up with rent. I had honestly forgotten it had expired until we were at the U-Haul store. The plan was to put my car on a wheel-dolly, and tow it with the truck with Lily following behind on the long journey to memphis. When I presented my ID to the clerk, he informed me that my license was expired.
Lily: “What? Expired? OP….” She glared daggers at me.
OP: “I’m just as surprised, honestly. I had completely forgotten to renew it.”
Lily gave an exasperated sigh. “I guess I’M driving the truck.”
OP: “Can you handle that?”
Lily: “It’s not like we have a choice at this point!” She said, about 5 decibels louder than socially acceptable. So, as it often happens when my dumb ass is involved, plans changed. The new plan was to load up the truck, put Lily’s car on the wheel-dolly, and I would follow behind her and hope to christ I didn’t get pulled over.
We arrived back at the apartment and began packing everything we could with just the two of us, but soon enough dusk had set. We’d made good progress and with her waterbed drained we opted to share a futon for the night.
The next morning, we set back to work loading the U-Haul. It was a three day rental, one way to Tulsa so we had a tight time-table. Moving her stuff into the U-haul was a simple affair, but required a bit of furniture tetris. It seems she measured out all her furniture and boxes and picked the smallest truck that would fit it all. And fit it did, but only just. Helping us was her mother, who in helping us move her out, was also my first time meeting her.
Taz: “So you’re the mythical OP.” She gave me the up and the down stare, circling around me. “I guess I can see what she sees in you.” She then jabbed me in the ribs with a plump finger. “Do you know how many nights I had to console her because of you?”
I could only lower my head. “Yes m’am, I know.”
Taz: “Well it looks like you’re serious about things this time. So take good care of her. If you hurt her again, I WILL come to Tulsa and find you.”
I raised my hands in defeat. “Won’t happen, this is for the long haul.”
“Good.” she replied, then pulled me into an unexpected hug. “She loves you, protect that.”
“I will” I replied, returning the hug as best as I could given her short stature.
Her step-father, as expected, was a no show. Taz said he complained that he couldn’t help because of his bad back, but we all knew he just didn’t want to be here.
With everything eventually loaded in the mid to late afternoon, we loaded Lily’s car onto the wheel-dolly, everyone exchanged hugs. Lily and Taz cried, hugging for a while and Lily making assurances that frequent visits would happen. Taz left, Lily and myself got in my car and we headed to the local dollar store for some cheap walkie-talkies to use to communicate during our trip. This was before USB charging for phones was much of a thing yet. Hell, the iPhone was still a year or so away.
We departed on the long trip back to Tulsa, me following behind a very nervous Lily as she drove a truck easily four times outside of her weight class. To her credit, she was very careful and no mishaps were had.
Well, there was one, but we’ll get to that.
About 10 minutes into the drive my walkie crackled to life. “I can barely reach the pedals!” came the bemused voice of Lily, her nervousness fading as she grew comfortable navigating the truck around.
“Glad we didn’t opt for the booster seat then.” I responded. Then, I gave just enough of a beat for comedic timing and said “Over.”
Lily: “I’ll be honest, I was afraid to drive this at first but it’s not too bad. I’m a little afraid of my night-driving ability in this thing though.” …… “Over.”
I chuckled.
OP: “True, navigation can be tough in an unfamiliar vehicle at night. I’m right behind you, if you lose your nerve I’ll drive.”
Lily: “No. MY TRUCK.” She said sternly back at me.
OP: “Thinking of a career in Logistics?” I said playfully back.
We played like truckers for a bit as we finally hit I-40, talking back and forth about “10-4 good buddy I’m ramblin on lookin’ for a lot lizard” and whatnot, just keeping the mood light as she trundled down the interstate.
The hours passed in peace. We were about two hours from Tulsa when l I saw the U-Haul swerve, but quickly get back on the road.
“Oh jesus fuck me” she said into the walkie. “I just creamed a skunk.”
“I can tell. Holy shit the smell.” I said back.
“I’m pulling over.” She said, I could hear the color draining from her face as we eased off the interstate and put on the hazards.
I got out, as did she, and she immediately ran off into the easement and threw up. I quickly opened the back of the truck, and rifled through some boxes until I found some of the cleaning supplies, which was one of the last boxes loaded. I found some Febreze, and doused the interior of the cabin with the stuff, and pulled some paper towels from the box as well. I rubbed her back as she refunded the supper we had eaten hours earlier onto the Interstate easement. I handed her a few sheets from of paper towels. “Roll up some and stuff it up your nose. I Febreze’d the SHIT out of the truck cabin so hopefully between these two things you can muscle through.”
“It’s….so bad.” She managed to choke out between retching.
After making sure she was no longer nauseous, or at least not in danger of puking again, we got back on the road. The smell was eye-wateringly bad. If you’ve ever hit a skunk on the highway, you know. If you haven’t, imagine a sick baby taking a dump in a used football helmet and strapping that to your face as you walk through a Smash Bros Tournament.
The rest of the journey happened in mostly silence, mainly because it was hard to understand her at all through the combination of cheap walkie-talkies and her home-brew hazmat mask she made from some towels and my overshirt
Finally, we got home to my (I suppose our, now) apartment. We opened the back of the truck, and quickly realized the smell had permeated into every single thing in the truck.
“God….damnit.” Lily muffled through her mask.
“Well, I’ve got loads of laundry soap, and the laundromat here is 24/7. It’s late, but we can at least get the fabrics going. However, my vote is we leave the larger things here for now, and focus on getting the softs and boxes unloaded.” So there we stood, in the stink, unloading things from boxes one by one and me giving it a sniff test to see if it was suitable to enter the apartment. The blankets and clothes were an absolute no-go, but most things that had been sealed in boxes were spared the skunk’s death knell. And the furniture could be either pine-sol’d or washed. We unpacked the items that were spared the skunk or easily de-stunk and collapsed onto my ratty couch. Lily was not in a great mood, but was happy the trip was over. She leaned into me.
“Not an auspicious start to our life together.” She deadpanned, clearly annoyed at having hit that skunk.
“Hey, if that’s the worst that happened on the way here, I’d say we got lucky.”
She turned her head slightly to look at me. “....I hit some Armadillos too.”
She sniffed the air. “Oh god.” she stammered.
“We both need showers.”
“Agreed.”
So we took turns in the shower, scrubbing vigorously until we had been made fairly sure the smell was purged from our skin. Clothes were stuffed into garbage bags and put on the balcony to air out while awaiting wash. She dug through my clothes until she found a pair of pajamas I frequently wore, and a t-shirt.
Fellas, if you’ve never seen your girl wearing your clothes, I gotta say. It’s a beautiful sight. She emerged from my room, wearing my pajamas, the t-shirt nearly reaching her knees, her hair still damp and a bit frazzled. It was… nice.
And so, we drifted to sleep, sharing my blanket Or rather, she did. I laid awake for a while, unable to sleep with my racing thoughts. I would do my damndest to respect what Taz has implored of me. She uprooted her whole damn life just to be with me.
Despite my thoughts, I was eventually able to get to sleep.
I woke up early the next morning. Lily next to me, the blanket having been long stolen from me. I was facing her, and gently put a hand on her shoulder, rubbing it softly.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she frowned, clearly having been annoyed at being awoken, but as her fog cleared and she realized where she was, her gaze softened and she sleepily smiled at me.
“Morning, stinky.” I razzed her softly.
“Hey, you..” She lulled back at me.
I smiled back. “Welcome to Tulsa. You ready to start our lives?”
Annnnd that’s where we’ll leave things for today.
I was 15 when I met Lily. I was almost 23 now. Seven years of waiting. Seven years of her and I circling one another like binary stars, fated to orbit one-another, but never touch. But our orbits had decayed now, and we’d collided. For better or worse, the supernova was beginning.
No apologies for spelling or grammar mistakes. Own your mistakes.
Luca out.

My toddler has been acting pretty clingy recently. Not a problem really, but he’s starting to get old enough to really grasp when we leave, and I can tell he misses us when we’re gone. First time parents, so this is all new for everybody. My best friend is getting married in 2 weeks (destination wedding, so we’ll leave next Weds and be gone for 5 days) and my husband and I were already dreading leaving him. Very excited for my BFF, but just bad timing based on our current situation. We don’t leave often, but in the past couple of months we’ve had a bit more plans than usual. To be super clear, we’re not just gone all the time. But he started school in the middle of December, he spends one weekend per month with each set of grandparents, and I took a trip so I could run a half marathon at the end of February. Due to our schedules there were a couple of back to back weekends of him being gone. When we left my parents house last weekend, it was the first time that he looked upset that we left. He didn’t cry or throw a fit, but he just had this look of confusion like why are you leaving? My mom said he was immediately fine, but that face haunted me all weekend. My husband’s birthday is this week, and we were planning on having a day at the aquarium just the 3 of us, and give our kid even more attention and love this week, ahead of our trip next week. BUT, this morning I tested positive for COVID. Luckily, I guess my kid and husband were negative. But, I’m devastated. This is the third time I’ve had COVID. 2nd that I had it alone. That’s a whole other can of worms. I was so cautious for so long, and it took me until honestly December before I could convince myself that it’s ok to start trying to return to a normal life. I’m rewarded by getting covid twice in a window of 3 months. I may be negative by the time I’m supposed to leave next week, but since I’m isolating from my husband and son that’s almost 2 weeks that I won’t see my son, and I’m just broken. My husband and I have already cleared our schedules to make sure that after the trip, we don’t spend the weekend away from our kid for a while….even if I’m completely misreading the situation with our kid, it’ll make us feel better.
On the other hand we have the scenario that my kid or husband test positive in the next couple of days. Then we can’t go to the wedding at all. We didn’t get trip insurance bc having just gotten over COVID we were too optimistic that we wouldn’t get it again less than 90 days away. The trip is fully paid for and we sprung for the expensive room at the resort. So, that’s literally a few thousand down the drain. Not to mention that I’m the MOH. Soooo many other people have bailed on my friend’s wedding, and I needed to be there for her.
I just feel like I can’t catch a break sometimes, and it just sucks that we keep catching COVID right when there’s something coming up. I’ve had it on Christmas for the past 2 years. Now, right around my best friend’s wedding.
I know that was lengthy, so if you’re reading this, thanks for listening to me vent.

So , there's this mate of mine who has a friend which I was very interested into meeting because , according to my friend's descriptions about her , she is very similiar to me in regard of tastes and personality. My friend told this girl about Me asking to meet her and she first appeared to be very excited and into this , she even said things like : I'm very excited , I'll willingly do that ecc... she even asked for descriptions to him abot my physical aspect and personality. Point is that , the catastrophe occured today : I was with this friend and as soon as we crossed our paths in the hall at school with this girl , which was accompanied by a friend of her, I didn't even have time to stutter a word when an expression of fear and embarassment had risen upon her face and that was the moment she unexpectedly fled away. My friend soon afterwards asked for clarifications and she answered him : "there's no need for him to meet me , I don't need further friends" , that's all. Now , am I ugly? Did I do something wrong? I'm literally clueless of what precisely happened there , I mean she appeared to be happy to meet someone new according to what my friend says. Do you think I shall ask my friend to ask her what happened or shall I just proceed onwards like if this didn't happen ? Thanks for any kind of help given.
P.S sorry for the plausibly confusing text , I was in a bit of a rush , I might revise it later on.
To sum it up : asked friend to meet this girl , she was more than ok with that , she "panicked" at first sight of me like if I were her brother asking for a date... , I'm speechless lmao.

TL;DR: should I just suck it up and wait for expensive, backordered XBee units or is there a third (fourth?) option?
I'm planning on building a janky telemetry system for our janky 24 Hours of LeMons racecar. The car may be up to 1.5 miles away at the farthest sections of the tracks we run at.
Getting the data into a µcontroller is the easy part. Hook up sensors, poll them periodically, viola.
Getting the data back to the paddock is a little more problematic. The general idea is to receive it at another µcontroller which will output to an LCD/LED/whatever screen of some kind.
At first I was thinking of using LoRa. However, after talking to the folks over at LoRaWAN, I'm not sure that will cut the mustard as we may only get an update every few seconds.
XBee seems like it would be good since we can pump the power up... a lot. Also since they can mesh and we can sometimes position somebody with line of sight (or near LoS) between the paddock and distant sections of the track.
The problem... 900 MHz Xbee units with antenna connectors seem to be backordered forever. Also, they're hilariously expensive relative to the whole idea of LeMons racing.
I've considered figuring out some kind of cellular option but we'd rather not have to tether it to somebody's phone or pay for an extra line.

I'm so fucking tired. I'm 25 years old and my life is going nowhere. I only just realised this year, after flopping my A levels (threw up during the exams and couldn't finish), flopping my A level resits (threw up again and couldn't finish), failing the first yr of one degree, being unable to complete the dissertation of another degree after botching the third yr, having my work contract renewal revoked after making stupid mistakes, and spending £2000 on automatic (meant to be the easy option!) driving lessons but being nowhere close to test standard that I probably have ADHD.
Now I'm unemployed (but not seeking benefits), have deferred my dissertation until further notice, still living at the mercy of my parents, am unmarried at spinster age (I'm an Asian woman) and am waiting on the GP to get back to me after filling out a symptom form, but I've been waiting five weeks now when it was only meant to take two. Every week I call the receptionist, get told that I'll be contacted soon, and wait like a mug by my phone for a call that never comes.
I can't get a graduate job until I finish my degree, can't finish the degree until I can focus on something for more than 15 minutes at a time (so I need ADHD meds). I can't get a regular job until I learn how to drive (small town with few jobs to go around, so I need to drive to surrounding areas), but I can't pass a driving test until I can focus on driving for more than 15 minutes at a time (so I need ADHD meds). I'll never have children because I don't want to pass my ADHD and possible autism on to an innocent child, but I'm too retarded to raise an adopted child anyway and no man from my culture will accept an adopted child when he can have a biological one; I can't marry outside my culture because then I'll be disowned by my only support system. No one would marry me anyway except to get a UK visa (and my parents are only too willing to sell me off).
What's the point? I hear some people have to wait seven years for a diagnosis on the NHS. I hear the NHS doesn't always recognise private diagnoses, so bye-bye to reduced prescriptions on the NHS and hello to buying them at full price with no job. I'm so fucking tired. The longer I'm out of work, the bigger my CV gap gets, and I can't provide references for my last job anyway because I'm too socially retarded to ask for a supervisor's contact number. What the fuck is the point.
My parents think I'm overreacting every time I have a breakdown due to emotional dysregulation (common in ADHD and autism), but they won't shut the fuck up and leave me alone until I tell them what's wrong, leading to the said breakdown. My mother smiles when I have a breakdown because she finds it so ridiculous, and my father has nothing useful to say. No one gets what the fuck ADHD is and they don't care.

A couple people asked me to provide an update of how my sister responded to her boyfriend who tried to stop her from getting a tattoo. (Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/exmormon/comments/11s1wbc/my_sisters_missionary_boyfriend_tried_to_control/)
Here is her email, I'm really proud of her.

"I understand that what you're saying is from love, but I still think it crossed a line.
I know that you personally do not like tattoos on people, and that's totally fine. You're allowed to have preferences But with that being said, there is zero doctrine that says a tattoo is a sin, against any sort of covenant, or even just inherently "bad". So my first point is that getting a tattoo is not spiritually "bad" and God would not care.
My second point is that this is not the first time we've had this conversation, and I feel I've already made my boundaries clear, and I feel that you've crossed them. While I understand you want to get sealed in the temple, I am not in your life just to marry. I am a person, and I am a person who has interests, one of which is art, and I think a tattoo is one of the most beautiful ways you can express yourself. I want to be with someone who is going to support me in life and the decisions I make (especially ones that make me happy), not scold and try to change me.
My third point: I am diligent searching for truth. I am just not using only one source anymore. I am following what for most of my life I've called the Holy Ghost, but I now feel is something else. I am going to keep following what I feel is right, regardless of what others tell me to do."

*slow clap*
His response:

"I did not mean to cross any boundaries. I am sorry. I do support and love you. This will not change my opinion of you at all. I cannot write much of what I wish to say today due to time, but on Monday I will apologize in full.
I am sorry, and I love and trust you."

Points for the apology.

Trigger warning
10 years ago last October, my husband and I, just two babies, got married. We were 19 and 21 respectively. How in the world we managed to grow up together while being married is beyond me. It wasn’t always easy, but we did it. And I’m so glad.
We started trying to grow our family right away. We’ve tried it all over the past decade. I don’t have to explain that in this group; y’all get it. No matter what we tried, we never saw those 2 pink lines. Never. The closest we came was after our first round last year, and it was a squinter that, in retrospect, was never really there.
This morning, we got our beta call for round 2. It’s early, but it looks like we’re going to be parents after all.
Today was Day 8. Our HCG was at 70, and my estrogen and estradiol were great. We go back Wednesday for our second beta.
I am in disbelief. I know people are cautious about sharing (and rightfully so), but I want to share blessing, “Little” as I call him or her, with our village just in case. I want to savor this feeling, no matter how long it lasts.
There is always hope. Please do not give up.