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2023.03.29 01:31 Billycatnorbert My biggest passion is fuelled by sadness…
Just gotta let this out real quick, hope you don’t mind Back when in 2020, my parents split up. It was really weird because… quarantine… So I’ve told myself and many other people I wasn’t really bothered about it. And in all honesty I’ve been suppressing my emotions for years so I honestly can’t tell whether it didn’t affect me or if it did and I suppressed the hell out of it like an absolute beast. But there was one thing that really got to me during that time. So around this time of year 3 years ago, my parents told me they were splitting up (I don’t think its legally official but who knows, doesn’t really change anything) and then from then on there was about a month where my dad still lived with us at the house till he found a new apartment to live at. Around a week or two before my sister and I were told this, my dad bought this guitar which he had wanted for like 20 years, like £1,700, and I was in love with it. When he bought it, I decided I was going to learn guitar, and I already payed drums and had taught myself piano the year before, so I’d gotten pretty good at learning instruments pretty fast. So I taught myself guitar and became… competent in that next month. Then in the week or so before my dad was due to move out me and him started spending hours, every evening together. We watched the predator movies and he made steaks and we had a good time despite quarantine after my mum and sister had disappeared to bed. But in these evenings, they’d always end with him having a glass of whiskey or two, and me and him sitting in a silent room handing the guitar back and forth. He used to be able to play, but he doest remember much now. I remember every night him saying “you’re really good at that” and other stuff which is nice but… he said it so much. And he would just sit there staring at me play with his eyes all sparkly though he never actually shed a tear that I saw. He’s always been great, and affectionate and literally my biggest role model in life… but he’s very logical and put together, and never particularly emotional or openly sad. I’d never seen that before, and I’ve never seen it since. But now 3 years down the line, cut to modern day. I can shred guitar and I’ve taught myself to sing and I’m now at university on a music related course. I’m now in the process of producing my own album. The other day, I lost all my work for the album on my Mac and suddenly my brain was just like “bro, don’t you dare fucking relax. Do it all again, and better” followed by a massive projection of that week 3 years ago and it was all I could think about. I don’t know why but now I’m just confused and sad and don’t really know what to do. I’ve been saying to myself that I want to have a piece of me in the world, and ive wanted to be a rockstar since I was like 4. But now… idk if im just doing it because I’m afraid of disappointing my dad from three years ago (he says he’s proud of me for many things all the time, but I know that other, sad him is in there and im scared) Is the only reason I’m doing this out of fear and sadness?
Thanks for listening
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2023.03.29 01:31 Ok_Village1488 M29 needs some straight shooting about F25
Okay Fam let me break it down for ya. Last year I met this chick (F25) on vacation and we hit it off. We kept in contact for a few months with a couple of visits to each other, and decided to do long distance. In the span of a 5 month long distance relationship, I was gaslit, yelled at, cheated on and blamed for all problems including her professional woes. She kept asking if we could try an open relationship or if I wanted to take a step back in the relationship she asked for. We broke up a couple months ago and I moved to her area for a new job (actually an area I grew up near and love, but she just happened to be there). Didn’t tell her because after what she put me through, I didn’t think it was any of her business. When I saw her here, she was pissed at me for not telling her. After everything, I can’t get my mind off her. I actually loved her, and she me but it didn’t work at the time. Now that we’re in the same area, I wouldn’t mind giving it a real go but she wants nothing to do with me. Which hurts because she’s special. She didn’t like how I moved out here without telling her but some of our mutual friends knew what I was doing and told her. They were chirping in her ear and spreading all sorts of false shit half the time. It’s shitty to say, but everyone said I could do better and was settling but I’ve been out with countless other girls since then and they still can’t hold a candle to her in my eyes. Be real, is this worth pursuing for a dude trying to get his life and career back on track or should I just say fuck it and move on? All love Fam.
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2023.03.29 01:31 Arkella5 Crying
I'm on cycle day 24. I went in today with a positive attitude and calm demeanor. I promised myself I'd keep my calm. Work is crazy. I work in a severely low-staffed social services. No matter what dept we are in, we all now have to house homeless clients -- a task that takes over the day and is tremendously stressful.
I was still composed through lunch and even made myself sit in the sun outside. Then chaos: In the p.m., there were three people who needed housing and 26 emails. And I couldn't get my computer to open all the programs we use with the network of passwords ... including my payroll program. That was the last straw. It brought home just how little I am able to take care of myself first at work. I can't even log in my time to get paid! I had kept my composure till then but then just lost it. The tears just came.
Luckily, I have an office door, so I closed it and cried. Really, I just wanted some comfort. I am lucky I work in a place where people are compassionate toward breakdowns. My supervisor and friend/colleague heard me talking to myself/snuffling and each let me vent.
After I cried some more in the presence of my friend, I really did feel better. It reminded me of the frequency of my crying. I'm always ashamed that I'm a crier. I seem to need to every few days or so to empty the junk that has accumulated. But I often feel relief afterward.
There is such a stigma associated with crying at workplaces in general. It is one of my most used coping skills -- especially during the luteal phase. On one hand, I hate that I couldn't contain my composure. But on the other hand, I'm so thankful for the results of being so vulnerable. Crying in a friend's presence -- a non-judgmental friend who asks questions and helps with processing hurts -- its the bomb.
I pray more people have supportive colleagues.
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2023.03.29 01:31 AutoModerator [Get] Simpler Trading – Squeeze Pro System Premium
2023.03.29 01:31 iv597 [USA-WA] [H] Dell 34" Ultrawide Monitor (U3419W, the USB-C refresh one) [W] PayPal, Local Cash
I've owned this monitor since 2019 when I bought it as my second of these (the other I'll be listing for sale some time soon, and was the 2017 model) and loved the single-cable USB-C docking feature. It's truly excellent. For the past ~12-15 months this thing has been on loan to a friend who only needed it as a rare occasional backup to his flaky monitor, and now no longer needs it. I don't either, so off to some good home it goes!
Asking $350 OBO locally anywhere in northwestern Washington between Olympia and the Canadian border, west of the mountains. Alternatively I will ship this thing anywhere CONUS but we'll need to negotiate the shipping - these things are bulky and heavy and are not
cheap to ship, so we'll probably need to talk about at least
splitting the cost of shipping, or more. But that door is open.
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2023.03.29 01:30 justmeasking5678 How do I tell him I’m a virgin
I’ve (30 F) been dating this guy (29M) for a little over a month now. We’ve seen each other every week at least once sometimes two times. He’s the nicest sweetest kindest funniest guy I’ve ever dated and I haven’t felt this at ease with someone ever. He’s also very chill about everything. It’s clear we like each other so there’s no worries on that part either.
In the physical department we’ve had some heavy make out sessions and he touched my butt but that’s it (lot’s of cuddling on the couch as well). Now here’s the thing: he doesn’t know I’m a virgin and I want to tell him but don’t know how. We haven’t talked about sex yet, he hasn’t tried to push me (not even touched me anywhere intimate) or anything like that and I love that. I’m a slow dater and need time to open up to someone so him doing this makes me feel good and want him even more. He only once proposed I could sleep over if I wanted to because we were falling asleep on the couch (he even jokingly said I could sleep in the spare bed) but I told him that I would like to do ‘everything at it’s time’ and asked him if he was okay with that and he was and we didn’t talk about it since.
Now I really want him to know but because the subject of sex doesn’t even get mentioned and he also doesn’t try to cross any lines physically it never feels like a good time to tell him. If I would have told him on one of our previous dates it would have either felt like a big deal and a big conversation to have or be really random and awkward to bring it up out of the blue. How do I tell him without making it a big deal or it being awkward? I’ve been contemplating waiting but I don’t want to ruin the moment by blurting it out when it’s about to happen (if it does and he isn’t tired of me by then) I’m just really shy when it comes to talking about sex so it’s hard for me to casually start a conversation about it, he would immediately notice I’m nervous
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2023.03.29 01:30 AutoModerator [Get] Simpler Trading – Squeeze Pro System Premium!
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2023.03.29 01:30 HalfDeafYeller [WTS] 🥈90%🥈, ✌Peace Tributes✌, Freedom Pellets, and a little bit of slabbed 🥇Gold🥇.
Back at it again with more trimming of the stack to build up funds for an upcoming purchase. Help me do a little alcemy and convert this silver
into a golden doggo and maybe some graded ASE sets.
In case you missed it here is the Proof
Now lets get to the sale
**************************************************** Discounted Lots
- Mercury Lot - $650 Shipped
- SLQ's Lot - $130 Shipped
- Peace Lot - $120 Shipped (2 available)
- Freedom Pellet Lot - $200 Shipped
(Available in $5 increments) Gold
- NGC MS69 1993 $5 American Gold Eagle - $245
- NCC PF70UC 2003-W $5 Proof American Gold Eagle - On Hold
- NGC MS70 2004 $10 American Gold Eagle - On Hold
- NGC PF70UC 2010-W $25 Proof American Gold Eagle - On Hold
**************************************************** Payment and Shipping information:
Zelle, Venmo, or PPFF (in order of preference). Let's be friends, and use smiley emojis (no notes).
Shipping via USPS to U.S. Residents . $5 First Class in a bubble mailer, or $10 Priority in Small Flat Rate Box. Insurance, Signature Confirmation, or upgraded shipping available at buyers request/expense.
Notable recent feedback
about my shipping includes:
- I lost my job because I thought I'd have time to open this package over lunch hour!
- If I ever sent my son priority mail... I'd ask HalfDeafYeller to package him.
- The shipping was so secure, it may have taken me longer to open than it took to ship
- Had to call in the Army Corps of Engineers to help me get through all the packaging.
- Clear your calendar and get a sharp knife because unboxing your item is going to be an event to remember
- Packaging should be used as a "Forged In Fire" blade test.
Items have been sigma verified
and will shipped be in multiple layers of bubble wrap, cardboard and up to 5 different types of tape.
I try to be the type of seller that I would like to buy from! Check my feedback, get a reference from those I have sold to in the past, and if you want we can use a middleman
- Making an Offer - Rule #5 prevents you from doing WTB's for less than spot, so that now applies to any offer made to me. If you want to make an offer please be aware of the current market for the items you are interested in. I strongly suggest new members send a comp to show you at attempted to research the current market value. You are welcomed (even encouraged) to make an offer below the comp. However if I think the offer is to low and there is no comp you will be ignored or blocked. On a side note, I have unknowingly made unreasonable offers before, but only on numismatic items. If that is the case I will not hold it against you... this disclaimer is more for the users that waste my time with offers below spot and 30-40% below retail value.
- Shipping Risk- I cannot be responsible for delivery after the package has left my possession but I will do my part to make sure the package and its contents will arrive safely. Your items will be in multiple layers of bubble wrap, cardboard and up to 5 different types of tape and I will hand deliver it, over the counter, to USPS. If your concerned about the safety of the times I will take photos of the items, the shipping label, and the package before I send it and I will always keep the receipt from when I hand it off.
- Condition of Items - I am not a professional coin grader. Use pictures and videos to judge for yourself. If the condition is a concern I will upload more videos/photos of any coin listed so you can fully inspect it prior to any money changing hands. I would rather take the time to make sure you will be happy with your purchase than rush into a sale.
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2023.03.29 01:29 EvenCryptid Writing a Prayer for our wedding - Integrating Opposing Faiths
Been lurking for a while and this is my first time posting. I also usually just lurk on reddit, so my apologies for any weird formatting. I have a feeling this is going to turn into a blog post and I'm already embarrassed. Please delete if not allowed. Also I'm not really sure how to flair this.
I'll start by saying, I've always been a fairly non-denominational pagan; I used to call myself a witch-without-religion. I did grow up in a mixed family, sometimes attending Christian churches, I willingly entered the Mormon cult for a bit, but was ultimately given the free space to encounter Wicca, which I found to be a great stepping stone to get to where I am now.
I now work with Hekate (which made the resonation with Wicca symbology make a lot of sense), & Our lovely lad Dionysus, with a dash of Persephone and Apollo. As of late Dionysus has been taking a front and center space on the Altar, while Hekate has seemed to step back a bit. This led me to of course delve back into research, specifically so I could find little trinkets befitting an altar for him. It's always amusing to me to make note of all the religious plagiarism, how Christian entities and mythos are like cherry-picked amalgams of all the Pantheons before. Specifically, I spent a fair amount of time laughing about Jesus being the K-Mart version of Dionysus.
My Fiancé (our wedding is May 30th) was however raised VERY much in the church. They were pretty non-denominational, though devout. Pretty sheltered, he wasn't really allowed to celebrate Halloween, or watch Pokémon; you know the type. All things considered, he came out a pretty amazing person. He's still a Believer, though he reads the Bible through a critical lens, and does his best to walk the path of anti-fascist, anti-capitalism, pro-liquor-and-wh*res; he is accepting and loving above all else, and the only devout Christ-fan I'd ever to bedroom business with at this point.
That being said, we've had a strange pattern of pulling each other closer to our respective faiths. I encourage him to slow down and turn on the Jesus music when he's stressed out, and he encourages me to tend to my altar and do regular readings. We find this ironic, a little silly, and proof that love does cross all borders. I came home one day, having done quite a bit of reading, and announced "Babe, we worship the same god." This caught him off guard, & made my metamour chuckle quite a bit. I explained the Dionysus/Jesus overlap and we laughed about it a little.
Unnecessary Backstory laid out, now we can get to the good stuff.
Our wedding is fast approaching and we are putting together the script for our officiant, and in respect to our faiths we want to include prayer. I've never explicitly told his parents that I'm Pagan, or a witch, FIL did see my tarot cards once when I lived at their house. That initiated a fairly uncomfortable private conversation. The topic hasn't come up since, and it seems like MIL wasn't ever made aware. I do my best to be respectful of other people's faiths (but not bigotry or poor behavior), so I don't want to alienate the people in our crowd, with either prayer approach. It's also worth noting that we're queer and there is already a possibility his family will not attend, due to their 'passive disapproval.'
I had an idea that my Fiancé seemed to like a lot, which was to have a very vague, no-names, no-titles prayer. This idea of course came after looking at a Dionysus prayer that --with his name removed-- sounded a whole lot like the prayers FIL subjects the family to before dinner. As Fiancé calls it, a prayer to "white Jesus" and "wine Jesus" in order to appease the masses. I'm integrating grape vines in the décor, and will be setting up a tiny altar (disguised as more décor) with my crystal grapes and some of my other trinkets.
My question, or discussion prompt, I suppose, would be...
What sorts of prayer, lines, trinkets, poems etc. should I incorporate to best celebrate our faiths without using any names or direct references? What symbology have you used in your wedding celebrations to honor Dionysus? What is your favorite Dionysus myth/symbology that was integrated into the Jesus lore?
TL;DR: Hubs and I wanna do a vague double prayer at our wedding honoring both of our respective deities: Dionysus and his derivative, Jesus.
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2023.03.29 01:29 therealdocturner He Always Kissed Me With His Eyes Open, And Now I Know Why...
“I know you’re awake…Katherine…Kaaaaatheriiiine…”
“Shut up.” I had been awake for a little while, just staring at the wall.
“I knew it.”
“Can you not sleep?” I rolled over and looked at him as I asked the question.
James was in his rocking chair in the corner of our bedroom right next to the window. The moon outside was illuminating his face.
“I’m ok. Just a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?” I did my best to sit up. I was almost at my due date and I was enormous. During the pregnancy I wasn’t quite as sensitive to his little issues that I normally was.
James suffered from severe bouts of anxiety and he would spend lots of nights just rocking in his chair, trying not to worry about things.
“I think we should get a dog.”
“We should get a dog. Every kid should grow up with a dog.” He turned his head to look at me. Most of his face was in shadow, but his eyes were bright. He smiled at me.
“Ok. Is that it? That’s what’s keeping you up?”
“Yes. Oh, and I also love you.”
“I love you too.”
“And I farted.” I had never known James to end anything on any kind of sappy note, so he always had to say or do something childish to ruin the moment.
I loved him so much.
“He’s kind of gross.” There were so many dogs at the shelter, but my husband immediately went to the mangiest one. A large mutt with his tongue hanging limply out of the side of his mouth. The mousey brown fur looked like someone had teased it with a brush and sealed the deal with an entire can of hairspray, and he had a slight limp as it walked toward this strange new man making baby talk. I watched the dog cock its head from side to side like it understood what James was saying.
“He’s perfect.” I could tell that James was in love.
“Well…every other little guy in here is so animated and vibrant. He’s…um…not.”
“He looks like an oversized mouse with bad hair.”
“We can name him Feivel! Does Feivel like that name?! Who’s a bugaboo doggie?! Who’s da doggie?!” The dog started making inquisitive whines and that lazy tongue came to life and began to lick the strange man's fingers through the chain link fence.
Feivel came home with us, and for a month that dog never left my husband’s side.
“Can you put me on speaker so Art can hear me?”
“Ok. You’re scaring me Katherine.” I was trying to hold it together. James’ parents had recently moved to the east coast, so I had no choice but to call them on the phone with the news. “Ok, you’re on speaker.”
“Ok. James… um… James had an accident. It was a hit and run. Someone hit him with a car while he was crossing the street and then just kept driving.”
“Oh my God! Is he alright?”
“He’s um…” I had been with James since our sophomore year in high school, but we had been friends since we were six. I had known his parents for almost just as long.
“Oh my God…”
I had to make lots of phone calls that day. It was the hardest day of my life.
“Mommy needs to talk to you.”
Feivel had been pacing the house for three days. When he wasn’t pacing, he would just sit at the front door waiting for James to come home. He wouldn't sit with me, almost like he blamed me for James not being there.
“Come here. Feivel! Come here.” He finally gave in and walked over to the couch. I patted the cushion next to me and he jumped on the couch and sat down.
He grunted at me several times and when he was done voicing his frustrations, his tongue jutted out of the side of his mouth and just hung there.
I don’t know if it sounds stupid or not, but I had a conversation with him about what had happened to his Daddy and why he wasn’t with us anymore. I felt like it would have been cruel not to.
He stared at me through the whole story and when I was finished, there was a heavy silence between us that was eventually broken by a small cry from him before he put his head in my lap.
Three weeks later, I had Casey. The birth was rough and there were multiple issues. For a little bit there, I was afraid that I might lose her too. She had to stay in the hospital longer than I would have liked, but when I was finally able to bring her home, Feivel took to her instantly.
He was always next to her.
As the years went by, I made sure Casey knew every detail about her father. I would tell her stories and Feivel would always add something in his own language. I don’t know if he was backing up what I said or perhaps contradicting it, but I do know he was always happy to be included in the reminiscing.
Shortly after she turned four, Casey’s favorite pastime was drawing with her crayons. I had quite a few pictures up on our fridge of our little family in the midst of imagined adventures. She always drew James in with us. The way she always emphasized his balding head would make me smile.
I would BBQ on Friday nights because James had always done the same.
When we first moved in, he had built a huge grilling station out of brick and bought this ridiculously large grill that could almost fit an entire cow inside of it. James had said we would need it for the amount of children and grandchildren that we were going to have. We would sit in front of it every Friday night with a bottle of whiskey while he cooked.
Casey and I would sit at the same table and have juice while we made hot dogs. I thought it was important to keep some of our traditions alive for Casey.
In spite of losing James, we were happy. I started to adjust to a life without a partner, which was not a very easy thing to do since we had been a part of each other’s lives since we were both six years old.
Almost five years after I lost James, I met Stephen. I was a busy woman with a young daughter and up to that point, I had not even thought about dating. There was something different about Stephen though. I was interested in him from the first time we met.
Casey and I were playing in the park with Feivel one day and somehow we lost him. He just vanished. I looked for him for hours while my mom watched Casey, but I couldn’t find him. For three days I was beside myself and Casey was constantly in tears. Then, Stephen showed up on my doorstep holding our Feivel at the end of a leash.
A tall man with thick hair and trendy glasses wearing a flannel and jeans.
“Oh my God!”
“Hi. I uh…found him in the park down by the river.” I snatched him up and he started whimpering and shaking his butt back and forth. I completely ignored the man at my door. When Feivel had had enough of my pets, he ran inside to look for Casey.
“Thank you so much. Oh my God, you have no idea how much we missed him.” I was wiping tears from my eyes.
“Oh, I might have a clue.”
As I was wiping my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt, I realized that the man standing at my door was gorgeous.
“Can I…let me give you some money or something. You have no idea how happy you just made my daughter.”
“No, that's ok. Just happy to help.”
There was something about the way he looked at me with his eyes. My stomach fluttered. I wanted to invite him in, and the fact that I wanted to do that upset me.
I thanked him. I didn’t even ask him for his name. I’ll admit that I even closed the door on him a little more abruptly than I meant to.
All three of us shared my bed that night. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in years.
A couple weeks went by and then I saw him again, the man who had found Feivel. He was sitting in the park with his back against a tree, reading a book. Casey and I had been taking turns throwing a frisbee for Feivel, and I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I decided that I would thank him again and apologize for being so awkward.
As I walked closer, I took in every detail. I was sure he was a few years younger than I was and he looked very athletic. His glasses rested on the tip of his nose as he read from The Winter of Our Discontent; Steinbeck has always been my favorite author.
Feivel must have seen him just as I was about to say something because he reached the man before I did. I could hear Casey calling for me.
“Hold on honey. Give me a second.”
Feivel was all over the man and he was laughing at the writhing whining beast who was trying its best to lick every inch of his face.
“Feivel, don’t be rude.”
“No, it's fine. I’m glad he remembers me.”
“Yeah. Wow, he really remembers you.” Feivel was so excited that he started to whimper and expose his tummy. “Feivel! Have some self respect!”
The man stood up next to me. My stomach was fluttering again and I could not stop looking at his eyes.
“Hey, I have to apologize about…uh the way I kinda shut my door in your face.” He laughed.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“Mommy?” Casey had run up behind me and was partially hiding herself behind my leg while she stared at the man. “Mommy?”
“This is my daughter Casey.”
“My name’s Stephen.” Casey stayed behind my leg.
“It’s ok honey. Tell him your name.”
“I’m Casey and this is my mom. Her name is Katherine.”
“Well…you’re a very pretty girl and it’s very nice to meet you.” I noticed that his eyes started to tear up while he was looking at my Casey. He wiped his eyes and shook his head. He was clearly embarrassed. “I’m sorry. She just… reminds me of my niece. We lost her a few years ago.”
We talked for a while that day. Every time he looked over at Casey, I swore that he was on the verge of tears.
It didn’t take very long at all; I was hooked. Feivel was hooked. Eventually, even Casey was hooked.
I tried to take it slow. I didn’t want to date anyone. I wasn’t over James and I knew it, but I just wanted to be around this man and I honestly could not explain what it was at the time. I always wanted him at the house, so he was there all the time. I loved it when he looked at me.
For the most part, he was great, but there were some things that were off. There were things I should have paid more attention to, but again, there was something about him that made me feel like I needed him.
He would kiss me with his eyes open every time, and even though the way he kissed me was great, something about it still gave me the creeps. I would crack my eyes open sometimes in the hopes that he had stopped doing it. Every time I saw those eyes staring back at me, I felt uneasy. I had only ever been with James, so I thought maybe some guys just did that, even though all of my friends thought it was weird too.
He also did things when he would come over that would raise the hairs on the back of my neck. Maybe that description is a little too harsh for what I was thinking at the time, but it fits now.
He would move things around the house. The toilet paper would be folded in that terrible triangle every time. James used to do that. He would also randomly adjust my coffee cups in the cabinet so the handles all faced the same way. Again, something my James used to do.
I had no idea what he did for a living, he told me he was in construction, but I had no idea who he worked for. He had never invited me over to his house, nor did he ever talk about his family.
My friends told me that I needed to relax and just enjoy myself. I admit, for the most part he seemed like the almost perfect guy. It was almost like he knew everything about me.
It was three months before he stayed overnight. I had Casey stay over at my mother’s house because it didn’t feel right to have her there.
We tried to be intimate, but I felt dirty. He said it was fine. He stayed anyway.
In the middle of the night I rolled over and cracked my eyes open. He was in the rocking chair in the corner. The moon was illuminating his eyes while he looked out the window. I thought I was dreaming for a minute.
“I know you’re awake…Katherine…Katherine?”
I didn’t say anything. I pretended to sleep. He turned his face to me and smiled. His eyes were so wide and bright.
I never went back to sleep that night. I just laid there for a while going back and forth from feeling like I was betraying my husband to feeling like I was an idiot who should just enjoy having a relationship with someone.
Around four in the morning, I had finally begun to drift off to sleep, but Stephen started making noises.
I rolled over and realized that his eyes were wide open. I was going to say something, but he was asleep. I waved my hand in front of his face to make sure.
He began to grunt and his body would shake every now and then. He was having a bad dream and his open eyes began darting back and forth.
“Get out of my head…” He whispered it twice. “Fuck you…out of my head…Mine now…”
It was too much to take. I quietly slid off of the bed and backed my way out of the room. Just as I made it to my door, his eyes moved and focused on me. He was still asleep, but it was like his eyes were watching me just the same.
I walked downstairs. He continued to talk in his sleep for over an hour. I was pretty sure right then that I had to break it off, or at least really slow down. I just didn’t feel right. And to be honest, I was a little creeped out.
I was drinking my coffee in the kitchen and thinking about what I was going to say when something caught my eye. Casey’s pictures of our family on the fridge looked different.I got up and took a closer look. James had been changed in every picture. He didn’t have short hair anymore, it was full and he was also wearing glasses. My heart skipped a beat and I felt a terrible lump in my throat. I wondered what this man had said to my daughter to convince her to remove her father from the pictures. I was done.
A few minutes later, he came downstairs in a rush. He was wearing a black Flogging Molly t-shirt. James’ favorite shirt.
“What are you doing?”
“Good morning! I forgot to turn on the alarm! I’m going to be late for work!”
“Stephen, why are you wearing that shirt?”
“I found it in your closet.”
“But why are you wearing it?”
“Well in case you forgot, I ripped the one I was wearing last night.”
“That’s my husband’s shirt.”
“Oh come on, he’s not going to be wearing it anytime soon. I gotta go, I’ll see you after work.” He leaned in for a kiss, but I backed away. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t think this is going to work out.”
“I think we need to take a break.”
“Over a t-shirt?”
“There’s…there’s a lot of things Stephen.”
“Are you being fucking serious with me right now?” His voice raised, something I had not yet experienced with him. Something in my head told me to back away from him, so I did. I backed right up against the counter within reach of my knives. It made me feel better.
“I think so.”
“But I don’t want to do that. Tell me what I did and I’ll fix it. I’ll take off the shirt. Katherine…please.” I looked right into his eyes. I thought maybe I was overreacting, but the pictures, messing with my daughter to erase her father, that was the breaking point.
The kindness in his face fell away to an ugliness that made me start to tremble. He noticed it. A smile slowly started to rise and it looked like he was going to take a step closer. I rested my hand on the counter behind me, inches from the knife block. He halted and stood still.
“Feivel!” My dog ran into the kitchen at the sound of my voice and looked back and forth between us. I could tell that he sensed the tension. Feivel walked over to my side and just looked back at Stephen without making a sound.
“Are you going to sick the dog on me? Are you crazy or something?”
“Stephen, I just want you to leave.”
“I thought I did everything right.” He let out a sigh. “I had all the answers. I know everything about you and I still can’t make it work. This cannot be my fault…it’s not…it’s your fault! Why are you doing this?!”
“Ok…I just…” He started laughing and looked down. He tapped my husband's shirt. “Well…shit… I tried to fuck Katherine, and all I got was this lousy tshirt…is that how this going to end?” He just stared at me. I wouldn’t answer him. “I don’t think so. You’re going to change your mind.” He turned and walked out of the door, slamming it behind him.
After he left, I locked all of the doors and called my mother. I told her what happened and not to take Casey to daycare. I told her that I would be able to pick her up in just a little bit. I called all my friends and let them know what happened. I basically wanted to hear other people tell me that Stephen was nuts and in the event that something happened to me, I wanted people to know where to look first.
I ripped all of Casey’s drawings off of the fridge and crumpled them up and threw them away.
I walked back upstairs to get dressed and I noticed other things.
I had only kept a few clothes that belonged to my husband and some of them were missing. I had a small jewelry box on the bathroom counter, and most of the rings and necklaces that James had given me were also missing. I walked through the house and began to notice random little things were missing here and there and the only thing they all had in common were that they were gifts given to me by James.
Before I picked up Casey at my mother’s, I called the police to see if anything could be done, even though I was pretty sure that I knew the answer. Other than being a creep and a thief, Stephen actually hadn’t done anything. There was nothing the police could do.
I took Casey to the park to explain to her why Stephen wouldn’t be around anymore. Feivel was sitting next to her in the backseat. I started by asking her about her drawings.
“I didn’t change them.”
“Casey, honey, I saw them this morning. They’re changed. You changed the way daddy looks.”
“But I didn’t mommy. I wouldn’t do that. Maybe Stephen did it.”
“You think Stephen took your crayons and changed your drawings?”
“Maybe. He thought he was going to be my new daddy anyway, so maybe he thought it was a good idea.”
“Wait. Who said he was going to be your new daddy?”
“He did. He said it lots.”
When we got to the park, I made sure Casey stayed right next to me. We started throwing the frisbee down by the river so Feivel could play in the water if he wanted. I asked her some more questions about Stephen and anything else he might have said to her. It didn’t sound like he had said much more.
We were about to leave when Casey started waving at something.
“Look Mommy, it’s Stephen!”
He was standing on the other side of the river, and he was waving back to us. He was wearing a button up shirt and a pair of jeans that both belonged to my husband. He was smiling at me.
“Are you mad at Stephen or something?”
“Yes honey. I don’t think we’re going to be talking to Stephen anymore. I think he needs to go away.” I reached down and scooped up my daughter and began to walk back toward our car.
“We’re going home. Come on Feivel! Feivel?” My dog had been staring at Stephen and he still hadn’t moved. “Feivel, come!”
Stephen whistled and that was enough for Feivel. He jumped into the river and began swimming toward the other side. I called after him over and over, but he eventually made it to the other side and ran over to Stephen. He gave me one last wave before he reached down and clipped a leash onto Feivel’s collar. He turned around and started to walk away.
I ran back to the car and put Casey in her car seat as fast as I could and I drove to the parking lot on the other side of the river, but by the time I got there, he was gone with our dog.
I filled out a report with the police and tried to get a restraining order.
“Ok, so here’s the problem. You said his name was Stephen Tasavo?”
“Ok look. This is not going to make you feel any better, but this man doesn’t exist.”
“He gave you a false name, Miss. Couldn’t find anybody by that name fitting his description. You got him on social media anywhere? Does he have any friends?”
“I…I don’t know. I don’t have any of that crap. Social media I mean. I guess I just…never asked him about any of it. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few months.”
“Well, from the pictures you took on your phone, we know what he looks like. We’re going to keep an eye out for him, whoever he is. I suggest you keep your doors locked and inform the people at your daughter’s school. If there’s anywhere else you can go, I don’t think that would be a bad idea.”
I went home that night anyway. Casey was a mess after Stephen took Feivel and I thought that it would be a mistake if I didn’t give her some sense of normalcy. I had four friends stay with me that night.
A month later I got a call from a number that I didn’t recognize.
“Don’t hang up the phone Katherine. Feivel really wants to hear your voice.”
“You sick fuck! Give me back my dog!” He was quiet for a moment.
“I've got you on speaker and you’re saying nasty things like that. He can hear everything you’re saying. Can’t you?! Can’t you?! Who’s a bugaboo doggie?! Who’s da doggie?!”
“Stephen…I’ll do whatever you want…please just give him back to me.”
“Come on Katherine. I know you know that’s not my name.”
“What is your name?”
“You know, I thought I had to become someone else to be with you. But I don’t think so. I’m going to like you getting to know the real me.”
“Please just give me my dog.”
“I’m going to make you see that it was destiny that your husband died. I’m going to make you see that his death was what it took to bring us together.”
“You son of a bitch!”
“Anyway, I’ll see you soon.” He hung up the phone.
I called the police, and after that night, I didn’t hear anything from Stephen for two months. Two months of looking over my shoulder. Two months of waiting.
I bought a gun. I kept it in the drawer of my bedside table. I wasn’t taking any chances.
I woke up with a start in the middle of the night and I heard the sound of muffled whining. I sat up in bed and looked around my bedroom before I grabbed the gun and got up. I walked to my window and noticed that it was slightly open. I looked down into the backyard.
Smoke was pouring out from underneath the closed lid on the grill. It looked like something was tied around the handles in order to keep it shut. I ran downstairs to the patio door. I opened it and held the gun in front of me. The smell of something burning was making me sick to my stomach. Something was crying out inside of the grill, frantically trying to get out. My heart sank as I realized that it was Feivel’s collar tied around the handle.
I screamed and grabbed the hose and turned it on. I lunged for the lid of the grill and I burned my hands as I tore away the collar from the handles.
I threw the top to the grill open and sprayed the hose inside. Feivel leapt out of the grill and down onto the brick patio. I soaked him with the hose. A belt had been tied around his muzzle. I ripped it off of his face and kept the water on him.
I turned to look back at the house. I didn’t want to leave him, but I realized that I had left my phone upstairs. I opened my mouth to scream for help, but then I had a hard time making any sound when I saw what was on the patio table. There was a bottle of whiskey on it with two glasses that had already been poured. There was a note on the table.
“It’s Friday Night! Time to BBQ!”
There was also something else on the table. A small fake rock. James and I had always kept it hidden amongst the other rocks in the backyard.It had a small compartment on the underside where we kept a spare key to our house. Stephen was in our house.
I looked back down to Feivel. I was left with the awful decision of having to leave my dog. He was gasping for air, but he was still alive. I had to get to Casey to make sure she was safe.
“Feivel, I’m sorry!” I left the hose laying across him and I ran back inside.
As I ran up the stairs, I saw that Casey’s door was closed and as I reached out for the knob, I heard a familiar noise coming from my room. The sound of a rocking chair. I cracked open Casey’s door and I could see that she was still asleep in her bed.
I closed the door and held the gun in front of me as I walked into my room.
The man I knew as Stephen was rocking in my husband's chair, wearing my husband’s clothes, and holding a house key that only myself and my husband knew about.
“I’ve missed you so much.” I raised the gun without saying a word. My hand was shaking. He was smiling and rocking back and forth. “You’re not going to shoot me.”
“Goodbye Stephen.” I pulled the trigger and nothing happened but a dry snap. I pulled the trigger again, but nothing happened.
“If you held that thing more often, you could probably tell that it’s just a little heavier when it has bullets in it.”
I lunged for my bedside table and pulled the drawer open. The small box of bullets was gone.
“I unloaded it while you were asleep.” He stood up. I ran for Casey’s door, but he caught me before I could open it. I felt his hand go over my mouth and he picked me up by my shoulders. I struggled as he carried me closer to the top of the stairs.
“I’ve watched you sleep for so many nights now, just wondering how I could get you back. But I think there might not be any saving of what we had.” He hit me across the face and threw me down the stairs.
I heard my ankles snap when I hit the floor, and I screamed. His footsteps were quiet as he started walking down the stairs.
“We could have had a life together. I really wanted that. I even put something on the grill, but then you went and ruined that too.”
“Mommy?!” Casey had run out of her bedroom and was at the top of the stairs looking down on us. Stephen was just a few steps away from me. I started to crawl along the floor toward the kitchen.
“Go back to your room Casey. You’re mother and I are fighting.”
“Casey! Get Mommy’s phone and call for help!” I screamed, as I pulled myself along the floor and into the kitchen. All I could think of was getting to the block of knives.
“Where do you think you're going off to? Wait, I know…”
Stephen ran around me and to the kitchen counter. He picked up the block of knives and spilled them on the floor. “Come and get ‘em Katherine.”
He walked back over and stood over me while I crawled toward the knives. He was laughing.
“To think, if someone hadn’t killed your husband, none of this would have happened.”
I tried to shut his voice out of my head as I crawled forward. I was getting closer.
“You know the person who hit him did actually stop for a moment…just a moment…he opened his car door and almost ran over to help, but then something stopped him. Did you know that?”
He’s lying Kathering. Keep moving.
“I was there. If I close my eyes, I can still see the whole thing. If that guy had helped instead of just driving away, maybe James would have survived and what I’ve had with you and Casey… all that would never have been.”
I was right in front of the pile of knives. I reached out and then he stomped on my hand. I felt bones break. He leaned down, grabbed me, and turned me over to look at him. He was crying.
“I still think it was destiny that brought us together, but I was wrong about you. You don’t have any place in our family. Me and Casey. I’m going to take her far away from here. She’s mine now.” Tears were pouring out of his eyes and he was trying to blink them away, but the tears wouldn’t stop.
“Son of a bitch! Stop it! Stop it!” He rubbed at his eyes with one hand. “She’s mine now!”
I brought my knee up as hard as I could between his legs and he dropped me to the floor. He fell to his knees right next to me. I could hear sirens outside.
I reached out and grabbed the largest knife. I raised it over my head, but before I could swing it down, he grabbed my wrist and started to squeeze. I felt my grip start to loosen and I was afraid that I was going to drop the knife. He started to laugh as the sirens were getting closer.
“Looks like it’s time we get things over with.”
I felt his body slam against mine, and at first I had no idea what had happened, but then Stephen began to scream and I could hear Feivel growling behind him.
Feivel had managed to fit his jaws around the back of Stephen’s neck and buried his teeth to the gums. He was pulling Stephen away from me; blood poured down either side of his throat.
I tightened my grip on the knife and I pushed it into Stephen’s stomach over and over and over again. Feivel eventually let go of Stephen, and as I continued to plunge the knife into the mushy mess I had made, my dog limped over and started to whimper.
As Stephen lay there gasping for breath, I stared at his eyes. They were staring back at me and he was no longer weeping. I felt crazy, but his eyes looked kind. They looked happy.
“How are you feeling now?” I remember the detective had this perfect voice. A Paul Winfield voice. Had the things he was about to tell me weren’t so terrible, I would probably only remember how beautiful that voice was.
“I can’t walk, but they’ve got me so drugged up that I don’t mind very much. I’m going to be able to go home tomorrow. Or…to my mother’s at least.”
“How’s your daughter doing?”
“She’s good. She’s staying with my mother.”
“I hear that hero dog is going to pull through.”
I smiled. Tears started coming up thinking of Feivel sitting somewhere without me while he was going through all this.
“He’s not going to be a hundred percent, but he’s going to have a good life. He deserves it.”
“Ok. Now for the unpleasant stuff. We finally got some answers on who this guy is. Was, excuse me. His name is Joshua Linder. He’s been keeping a small apartment only a mile away from your house for the last three years. It looks like he’s been watching you the whole time. All kinds of things all over his apartment.”
“Did he kill James?”
“No. He couldn't have. Up until three years ago he lived across the country from you. Even then, there was no way he was driving the car that killed your husband. He was legally blind.”
“Not completely blind, but may as well have been. That is his connection to you, and to your late husband I’m afraid.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You said he knew things he shouldn’t have right?”
“Where the spare key was, um… certain things you shared with your late husband, correct?”
“Katherine, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. You are aware that your husband was an organ donor, were you not?”
“It seems that uh… Mr. Linder was the recipient of your husband’s corneas after your husband passed. Now how he found out about you, we have no idea. There’s some kind of phenomenon that’s called cellular memory that frankly I think is…”
He kept talking, but the only thing on my mind were Stephen’s eyes.
My little family of three moved far away from home. We now have a house next to my husband’s parents where Casey can get to know her father’s parents and Feivel can go on walks with me while I pull him in his wagon when he gets too tired. I try not to think too much of what happened, but I still have trouble sleeping.
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2023.03.29 01:28 Confident_Bullfrog70 Trying again (23 M) with ex (21 F) after messy long distance breakup
Hey all, first time posting on here. Sorry it’s a bit long.
Last spring, I started dating a girl who was an exchange student from Japan. We had an amazing 9 months together in person before she went back to Japan last December. We were able to open up to each other like never before, and time flew when I was with her. It felt so natural. We mutually saw a future together and our love was deep. We made about as many memories as possible within 9 months. I graduated in December and secured a teaching job in Japan (always planned on this) and I will be departing next month.
Long distance was even more difficult than we expected, especially with different time zones. I was also going through a strange time in my life, moving back in with my parents after college and not having much of a community. I felt lonely and depressed for a while and lost myself. I felt like I was just waiting around for the next step in waiting on the visa process and working a boring job at home. I told her about this and she said she would love and support me through the hard times no matter what. We video called a few times but didn’t have much to talk about since we were both just going to work and chilling at home home without much else going on in our lives. It was difficult to transition from living 5 minutes away from each other and being able to see each other anytime without much of a texting relationship.
I made a big mistake when she went on a trip to Hawaii with her family. Even though she always tried to cheer me up and I should have known how much she loved and cared about me, in a moment of weakness, I texted her during her family trip about how sad and lonely I was. She replied with a simple “I hope you feel better”. And I asked why she didn’t try harder to make me feel better. I regret this immensely and can’t explain why I would have done this. The next day, I thought she was ignoring me when she left my messages on read all day. She was actually on an international flight home and I didn’t know about it. When she got home, she wanted to talk. I profusely apologized and deeply regret putting that sort of pressure on her and getting in the way of family time. We almost broke up but she decided to give me another chance. She said in that moment, she could only see that bad part of me. She apologized and said that since there are still so many parts of me that she loves, she didn’t want to let this go.
However, we didn’t really talk about the specifics of what happened enough. I asked her what needs to change and she said she didn’t want to nitpick. The week that followed was a little bit awkward and distant. I said some dumb stuff like “I’m having trouble trusting that you still love me”.
A week later, I noticed she archived an instagram post with me in it and followed some random dude from a language exchange app she had talked about using recently. I brought it up over text and not in a very careful way. She understood my concern and it was truly a misunderstanding as she was just reorganizing her instagram. She put the post back up. We called later and she said she wasn’t feeling confident about our relationship. She still was having trouble forgetting the “bad parts” of me from before. She also stepped away from the call for a while to talk to her parents. She came back and said her decision was final and ended things. Still, she seemed very conflicted and cried more than I did. She said she never loved someone like me and had the best year of her life with me.
We called a week later and talked some more. I read her a letter I wrote about how much our relationship meant to me and tried to be specific in apologizing for what I did wrong. She cried and I could see her second guessing when I asked for another chance. She said no as things are, noting that we just aren’t good at long distance and not wanting to continue right now with unsure feelings. She couldn’t deny that she still had feelings.
Then, we tried being friends right away. Big mistake. I should have taken the time to cool off. I got her to agree to another video chat a week later and said it would be casual with no emotional talk. We were able to talk naturally for 3 hours. She agreed to see me in Japan. in the end I couldn’t resist asking if she could see us trying in Japan again. Big change in tone, she was noticeably choked up and bothered by this and said she doesn’t know and can’t think about that right now. She was upset because I said we wouldn’t talk about anything related to what happened, but agreed to call me next week.
We talked again for hours and it was fine until I fucked up and talked a lot about past memories and about the breakup again. I was still confused and looking for closure. She got mad and said she couldn’t keep video chatting with me and trying the friends thing with these feelings. She could sense my love and care despite me agreeing to friends with no pressure or expectations and said it was too heavy for her right now. She reaffirmed that she needs time apart and said there’s no point in this breakup if nothing changes. She said she can’t promise that she will see me in Japan now.
I messaged a mutual friend and got some additional information about how she was worried about clinginess and not being able to spend as much time together in Japan with school, work, family, friends compared to when we lived 5 minutes from each other. I think during our fight I gave the impression that I would get in the way of other aspects of life. Long distance, we both showed a little bit of clinginess about long reply times due to time difference. When we were in person, we put school first and had plenty of time with family and friends while supporting and encouraging each other and spent weekends together. We didn’t really text much outside of I love yous and making plans to hang out in person.
I basically did everything you shouldn’t do after a breakup and was clearly trying hard to hold on to what we had before, so I understand her feelings. Now, I am full force focusing on myself and although our text conversation is still open and we still follow each other on everything and look at each other’s stories almost immediately, I am trying a month of no contact. I wish I did it from the get-go. I will continue going to the gym every day and reflecting, not for her but for me.
Still, I can’t help but hope I can get a fresh start with her. We fell apart during long distance and I did fuck up but we mutually feel that we had the most amazing time together in person. Breakups happen for a reason and I have never thought about trying again with someone but I truly feel like she’s special. I am planning on texting her after I get to Japan and seeing if she is open to dinner. Looking for any advice or reads on the situation.
TLDR; This was my first attempt at long distance with a girl I had an amazing 9 months with in person. I was going through personal issues, we had fights for the first time, and I feel there was a lot of misunderstandings and communication failures. I am wondering about trying again in the future after a month of no contact, working on myself, and closing the distance.
submitted by Confident_Bullfrog70
to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 01:28 WishIWasOnACatamaran Upgrading for the first time in 8 years
My arbor axis longboard from 2014-2015 trucks gave out. I have built my own skateboard but I would like to upgrade to a complete build as I just have a lot of other personal hobby projects going on right now and want to get riding again.
I mostly use it for commute, am moving to San Francisco so that commute is about to have a lot of hills and pedestrians. I want a board that can handle shitty sidewalks. I’m 6’2” and 195lbs.
I’m looking at the Pantheon but can’t find a good deciding factor between the Trip and Pranymara other than what is in stock. Am open to literally anything else though. I don’t bomb hills but would like to casually start taking on more speed and downhills, and maybe even start carving n shit.
I prefer stability over squirreliness. My worst wipe out came from going too fast and too wonky. Again, this is mostly for commute and long rides.
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to longboarding [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 01:27 acidas Do we teach ChatGPT while using it?
I mean, does OpenAI processes users queries somewhere in the code and then adapt new generations of the bot? I know the bot doesn't store any information it gets, but does OpenAI stores it somewhere for processing?
If yes - we speak of enormous amount of text data. Meaningful text data. And since it's so hyped now, it's a great opportunity for OpenAI to collect collective mind's thoughts, basically reading people's minds and even get paid for that :)
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to ChatGPT [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 01:27 WorthDesperate3185 How best should I move to America from UK when all I have is GCSEs?
For some context, I am 18 with very little family left over here and I hate being in the UK as I just have a lot of negative association with being over here.
I possibly have a place I could stay in over in the US so that shouldn't be an immediate worry (would need to get my own place tho eventually as I don't wanna be a burden to a mate).
I have around £1000 (to move with, not counting plane fees as that money is covered already) to my name so far and while I have strong GCSEs and some work experience, I am currently unemployed.
I know its stupid to expect to do something like this but I need to get away from here before I get in an even worse state.
How could I go about this? I am assuming school over there would be best bet as I doubt I can get a job on just GCSEs alone especially as I believe they don't matter at all in the US. I am looking for a job over here to try and save for another year but if that happens I would rather just move to the US and potentially be homeless after I save for a year then be living over here after a year from now.
I am open to any questions. Sorry for this difficult question which really should just be answered as suck it up and save for like 5 years then move.
submitted by WorthDesperate3185
to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 01:27 Still_Performance_39 NOP Fanfic: An Introduction to Terran Zoology – Chapter 4
Credit to u/SpacePaladin15
for the NOP world.
I hope everyone enjoyed the first foray into Venlil education of our home’s biodiversity. There were a lot of guesses for what I was describing and many of them were right on the money. I’ll be revealing some of them as the story progresses.
Other comments made me realise that I’ve never actually described our primary narrator Rysel, which I intend to remedy. I was going to do this anyway but here, a bit earlier than expected, is the second POV in this story. Hope you enjoy. [First] [Previous] Memory transcription subject: Dr Bernard MacEwan, Professor of Zoology
Date [standardised human time]: 21st August 2136
To say I was happy would be a gross understatement. Ecstatic, delighted, joyous and thrilled were far superior adjectives to portray just how incredible this moment of my life was, yet even they felt lacking. Right now, in front of my very eyes, a room full of aliens were taking in their first sights of the biodiverse bounty of Earth. I thanked my lucky stars that out of everyone who could’ve been picked for this project, it was I who had the immense privilege of observing the dazzling parade of emotions that accompanied the Venlil’s first impressions.
Turning my head, steadily so as not to spook anyone, I cast my eyes across the room. Unlike many lecture halls I’d been in, the undersides of the desks were not obscured by typical wooden or plastic panelling. Instead, the underside was completely open, giving me an unrestricted view of the Venlil’s legs, feet, and tail as they sat behind the desks. This made perfect sense. While humans were primarily emotive through our facial features and hand gestures, the Venlil seemed to use their tails and ears as their main method of expressing outward emotion. The lack of obstruction was ideal in aiding my observations as the exercise progressed.
One Venlil’s tail swayed low and slow, their head cocked to one side as their ears flicked back and forth at opposing angles. The tail and ear movements were too alien to me to discern meaning from them, but the cocked head rang familiar tones. Perhaps it could be confusion? This body language, coupled with a slightly slack jawed facial expression, indicated that I may be on the right track. Marvellous!
Another reaction from an audience member at the back felt far easier to identify, fear I believe. Their ears were pinned back across their head, their tail frozen stiff behind them. Similar to humans, their eyes were open wide in apparent shock and a slight tremor seemed to be permeating through their body. I considered intervening but swatted down the idea in the same instant. If they’re that scared of a picture, then a human walking right up to them in a moment of shock will likely cause more problems than it will fix. Thankfully a fellow volunteer, sat beside the immobile Venlil, noticed the predicament, quickly tapping the offending image away from the pad and bringing their tail up to in the process, rubbing it gently across their scared compatriots back. Together, these actions appeared to help the statuesque Venlil as they began to loosen up, tail swishing at an even pace, ears returning to an upright position. The shaking remained sadly but at least they were active again.
How it occurred was unfortunate, but it was fascinating to see how the Venlil reacted both to stressful stimuli and how they comforted one another in times of distress. Incredible!
Who is next, ah yes that one, I recognise them. The first of the class to ask me a question. They seemed a bit smaller than the rest of the Venlil in the room. Younger perhaps, or maybe older who knows? That’s the point of all this I suppose.
If I was to hazard a guess, I would say they are, calm or perhaps bored? The tail isn’t moving but it’s relaxed not stiff like the last one. Their ears are moving too but in a sluggish fashion, flopping lazily from side to side. They’re also resting their head in one hand as they flick through the images with their free hand, paw I should say. Yep, they’re bored. Disappointing I suppose but then again, I can’t expect everyone to be so emotive, oh now wait a second… there we go, saw something that gave you a bit of a startle I imagine, given how you almost knocked yourself off your seat. I smirked, trying to muffle any noise I might be making. I certainly did not relish any fear that may be caused in this exercise, but it never failed to amuse me back home when a student who wasn’t paying attention got a bit of a shock back to reality. Still, I shouldn’t find amusement in this, it’s no wonder that the Venlil were so skittish around even pictures, given what all of humanity had learned in the last month.
When the news came back that the Odyssey had not only encountered life but had made first contact with a fully sapient space faring species known as the Venlil, well, to say the reaction was overwhelming would be like comparing a wax candle to the sun. Within minutes of the news breaking, I had become simultaneously glued to my television, displaying livestreams from news stations as information flowed in. Additionally, I was logged into a video call with a dozen of my colleagues from all over the world. The news immediately ignited frantic discussion on what type of life may exist on alien planets.
Questions ranged from what you would expect from a chat room full of zoologist, to others that would’ve been completely farcical before these world rocking events. My favourites in those categories had ended up being, “Do you think they’ll have parallels to Earth in terms of biodiversity?” and the other, “Could their evolutionary tree be similar yet almost opposite to ours? Like, maybe they have whales too but instead of swimming under the great pressures of the oceans they are instead as light as birds, sailing through the skies?”. The reason the first question was my favourite was clear. The concept of how much new life was out there in the stars had never been far away from my mind. In our early days of space exploration, we’d learned that Mars might once have had liquid water that theoretically contained life and the moon of Europa could also have been home to microbial organisms, hidden within its frozen surface. Now to discover that there were entire worlds that supported complex alien life!? The possibilities were exquisitely endless, only matched by imagination itself. The second question was appreciated for that exact reason. Endless possibilities meant exactly that. Perhaps there really were whales drifting gracefully through alien skies, their bones and flesh made of materials so light that air itself was dense enough for them to “swim” through. An astonishingly silly yet wonderful concept that in the moment seemed all that closer… then a soberingly awful reality was forced upon us.
They were terrified of us. The Venlil, along with the rest of their hundred’s strong alliance of advanced alien civilisations, were horrified by our very existence. They were so scared at the arrival of just two of our astronaut’s that their government rushed billions into bomb shelters, sending out a distress signal for military aid to protect them from the awful harm they believed we intended to inflict. The reason that drove them to act this way was just as shocking as the actions themselves. The Venlil, and the Federation they were part of, were comprised completely of obligate herbivores. In their eyes we were a predatory species, our binocular vision, canine teeth, and ability to consume meat were all indicators to that effect. A violent horde of carnivorous, destructive entities that could only draw delight and meaning from the cruelty of inflicting pain upon all in our path, that was what they saw in us.
How could they think this way!? What could possibly have happened in their combined histories that led hundreds of alien species to perceive us as an existential threat simply because of those traits? First of all, it was simply not the case that all creatures with forward facing vision were automatically predators or even carnivorous for that matter! Right off the top of my head, various species of Megabat had been identified with eyes positioned towards the front of their heads. Due to the composition of their diet, many were considered frugivores or even nectarivores. Furthermore, there were countless examples of meat eaters that had eyes on the side of their head. Reptiles like Grass Snakes, Leopard Geckos and the Komodo Dragons were ideal examples of obligate carnivores with eyes on the side of their skull. Many birds possessed this trait as well, ranging from the miniscule and omnivorous Bee Hummingbird of the Cuban archipelago, that subsisted on nectar and insects, to the Emperor Penguins of Antarctica that preyed upon fish, crustaceans, and cephalopods, and were themselves preyed on by Leopard Seals and Orcas, two more predators with eyes on the side of their head. Finally, canine teeth in humans served only to tear food into smaller pieces, all food not just meat, and it wasn’t just carnivores that had them either. Hippos were a perfect example of an herbivore species with enormous twenty-inch canines that continuously grew throughout their life cycle, never mind the fact that they were notoriously dangerous, being extremely territorial and aggressive if they perceived intrusion or danger.
My mind spun with this paradoxical stream of information. How could civilisations so advanced have such a simplistic, almost naïve way, of identifying whether a living being was a danger to them? And how could they be so horrified by the concept of creatures being carnivores or even omnivores like us? By their own explanation, every species in the Federation were obligate herbivores who coexisted in a near utopian peace amongst one another, but to them we were the complete antithesis of that way of life simply because of our eye position and diet. Surely life amongst the stars could not be so different to Earths that it all fit neatly into that fixed binary of plant eater means peaceful and meat eater means death!? It just didn’t make any sense!
The horrifying ramifications of what that could mean for Earth, should aliens arrive and see how our ecosystems function, was not lost on those on the video call. We immediately dived back into discussion, revisiting the questions that had already sprung into my mind and many more. There had to be a logical reason for this mentality. Perhaps during the development of these societies they’d gone through extinction events or climate crises, just like Earth had throughout our ancient and modern history, tragically destroying habitats, and forcing species into extinction, leaving the rest to evolve rapidly and dangerously to fit the very predatory traits the Venlil had explained to us? It could also be that these alien worlds were very uniform in their environmental conditions. So much so that evolutionary specialisation that arose from differing habitats simply didn’t happen and led to a very narrow field of what a prey or predator species could look like? Possibly, depressingly, it might simply be the case that life on alien worlds really did fit into this binary system and Earth was just an incredibly rare anomaly of extreme biodiversity.
While several other ideas were floated during our deliberation, only these three held any water in our opinions, though even they were quickly whittled down to the most likely scenario we could glean without more data. Hypothesis one required that all, or at least a majority, of Federation societies all went through the same circumstances of environmental catastrophe, evolution, and survival into the space age. This seemed extremely unlikely, given that the same scenario would’ve had to play out nearly identically across hundreds of planets at the hands of the Federation members, both before and after integration into their alliance. Number two didn’t hold much stock either. For it to be true, each world the Federation inhabited would have to be dominated by one single biome across the entire planet. Short of vast terraforming efforts we couldn’t see how something like that could form naturally.
From the limited information we had to hand, hypothesis three was the most compelling rationale to this abnormal predator prey binary. As bizarre as it sounded, it may be true that Earth was an anomaly. That the life present here was a product of environmental factors that just didn’t exist anywhere else, blessing this planet with an overflowing cornucopia of organisms so wonderful and randomly diverse that it made our world so magnificently unique even in an endless eternity of stars. With this thought, my disappointment gave way to a surprising surge of elation! If Earth was truly unique in its biodiversity, then perhaps we could share our knowledge with alien life! Sure, maybe they may have technology beyond our wildest dreams, but we could teach them too. Imagine it, the first sapient “predators” they had ever met and we completely flipped their understanding of nature. To explain to aliens from across the stars how ecosystems on Earth didn’t fit into a simple binary but were instead an intricate, exquisite web in which everything was linked in a glorious, yet fragile, cycle of life.
How amazing would that be, to be able to contribute to this interstellar community, not as the new primitives just breaking the bonds of their home system, but as equals with our own wealth of knowledge and points of view to share. The idea was so magical I came close to leaping from my seat into dance!
…A shocked gasp from one of my colleagues drew me out of fantasy, focusing my attention back to harsh reality. Through the video call I noticed they were staring at their phone, eyes watering as their face contorted in appalled horror. Realising they must have seen something in the news I nearly dived over my desk to retrieve the remote to unmute my television, having silenced it during discussions. What could they have seen to repulse them so severely? It took seconds for me to unmute the TV to hear the news presenter, though it felt like time stood still. The TV finally audible, I listened intently to the most recent reports. As I listened, my hopes and dreams were shattered into pieces. We were not the first sapient predators to have encountered the Federation.
The Arxur. Sapient reptilians had engaged the Federation in a centuries long campaign of genocidal raids, ending the lives of unknowable billions, reducing worlds to ashes and glass, wiping out dozens of civilisations in the process. Incredibly, horrendously, that was only the surface layer of their true malevolence. From hellish malice that could only dwell in the minds of the most deranged sociopaths, the Arxur raids not only slaughtered their targets with impunity but seized anyone they could find, not to use as slaves or bargaining chips against the Federation, but as food! Adults, children, the elderly, anyone they could get their claws on was subjected to a nightmarish barbarity I could scarcely fathom, ending in the jaws and stomach of one of these monstrous beasts. No wonder the Venlil had been scarred to death of our astronauts. The traits they viewed as predatory were given new a light of comprehension. The Arxur fit those traits like a glove and tragically we shared a couple of those traits with them, binocular vision being the most distinct.
In a day of revelations about life in the galaxy, it was this that finally ran me into the ground, no longer having the motivation to function. Attempting to maintain a façade of some normalcy, I bid my friends good night, entering my bedroom where I collapsed into bed, neglecting to change into pyjamas or even remove my prosthetic…What did it matter anyway? In a single day the entire world had been flipped upside down. We’d been introduced to alien life, the long sought after confirmation that were not alone in this vast universe. We’d been crushed by the revelation that they fear us for existing, seeing us as monsters bent on cruel wanton destruction. Finally, to top it all off, we’d learned to our revulsion that there are genocidal lizards in the cosmos that consume other sapients as food… HOW COULD ANYONE PROCESS ALL THIS SHIT!!!
…Drained of all enthusiasm and energy, I lay staring at the ceiling. Intrusive thoughts ran rampant through my mind, reminding me of everything I’d learned, but thankfully none of them latched on as I zoned out in the darkness of my bedroom, eventually, blissfully, being overcome by sleep.
The next few days were a haze. I kept the news channels up on my television whenever I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t switched on enough to pay much attention, but I still didn’t want to miss anything. Several of my friends and colleagues reached out to chat and check up on me, worried that I hadn’t returned a number of calls in the immediate aftermath of my exit from the previous days video conference. I assured them that I was fine and that I just needed time to process everything we’d learned. In truth I was far from fine, the revelation that the universe was full of hostile life, seemingly separated along binary lines of predator and prey was a tough pill to swallow. The Arxur were most certainly the greater of two evils, but it wasn’t a superb feeling to know that everyone else in the galaxy was terrified of us due to our appearance and diet, willing to call war fleets in distress at our arrival. The weight of reality felt like it would snap me in two. Suddenly, an unexpected lifeline was tossed my way.
As I meandered throughout my house in a daze, I happened to pass the television at the most fortuitous of moments. A presenter was interviewing a UN representative and they were discussing plans for an exchange programme between the Venlil and ourselves. How could this be? I thought they were too scared to deal with two humans, much less interact with more of us? Watching with intense curiosity I learned that the UN had built quite the rapport with Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic, thanks in no small part to the great efforts undertaken by the astronauts Sara and Noah, and they had agreed to start pairing up Humans and Venlil through a messaging service, with the aim to eventually introduce them in person.
This was amazing! A ray of light that I desperately needed after these forlorn days. Here was a chance, tentative though it may be, that we could prove to the galaxy that we came in peace and were nothing like the monstrous Arxur. I knew what I had to do.
With new life breathed into me I got to work. Booting up my computer, I looked up the requirements to apply. Simple enough really, provide your name, age, occupation, yada yada, answer a set array of questions, blah, blah, blah, write or record a brief reason for interest, standard fare all in all, none of which took long to complete. My reason for joining was brief and straightforward.
“The Venlil fear us as they perceive our appearance and diet as evidence that we are predators like the Arxur. From what we’ve learned of this reptilian species, the Venlil’s fright is understandable. However, Earth proves that the line between predator and prey is not so simple. I believe that as a Zoologist I can aid in educating the Venlil, teaching them that the traits they see as predatory are not so clear cut on Earth. In doing so, I believe that they can see us in a truer light, that Humans do not fit into their one size fits all predator prey belief. That we are much more complex and we want to share everything we are with them, in peaceful coexistence. It is my hope that through dialogue with a Venlil, I can do my part to make that dream a reality.”
Satisfied with my pitch I submitted my application, and began the arduous task of waiting for a response from government bureaucracy. Convinced it would take weeks to get any response, let alone an acceptance letter, I settled back into my normal rhythms, hopeful anticipation returning my zest for life that had been previously swept out from under me.
The next couple days held true to my expectations of governmental timescales, receiving an automated “Thank you for applying” message over twenty-four hours after my submission. Incredibly, only four days after my submission, I received the official response. The UN are clearly in overdrive to get this out so fast. With barely contained glee I read the email, only for my joy to fall into a deep well of disappointment. I hadn’t been accepted for the exchange of messages. Eye’s trailing away from the message, I could only sit and stare blankly, a profound sense of sadness resonating through me. Minutes passed as a I processed the upsetting news before I returned to the letter. I at least deserved to know was why I had been rejected!
Continuing through the letter, the weight of the rejection pressed upon me, but began to lift as I read the text in full, turning instead to confusion, realisation and then completely overwhelming me with the same sense of thrilling delight that had coursed through me when I’d first envisioned teaching aliens about Earth and all its majestic wildlife. The UN didn’t just want me to chat with one Venlil, they wanted me to teach an entire class of researchers and scientists. This was a dream come true!
This time I really did leap out of my seat, happiness lifting my old bones into an impromptu jig on the spot. I was going into space, to another planet, to meet an entirely new race of sapient beings! I had so much to do. Lesson plans, researcher to collate, decisions on which animals I should introduce them to and how I should introduce them. So much to do, but in this instant it seemed so far away as I continued my merry dance. So enthused was I, that I didn’t notice the coffee table in my path, ramming my left leg into the table, good thing it was the prosthetic. The floor quickly rose to meet me, connecting to my body with a heavy thud. A voice in the back of my head scolded my carelessness, “God dammit it Bernard, you’re seventy-four be more careful.” Though it was quickly drowned out by the ruckus of childlike wonder screaming at the forefront of my mind, “I’M GOING TO MEET ALIENS!!!”.
The memories that brought me here creased my face in a wide smile as I continued my observation of the couple dozen individuals before me. The confused Venlil seemed to have gained some confidence, making their way steadily but surely though the images displayed. Our scared stiff student had buddied up with the one that had comforted them, a light orange spreading across their face as they discussed the images with their new friend, curious. My previously bored audience member was now much more alert and attentive as they made their way through the exercise. They held the pad out from their body, as if whatever would appear on the screen could jump out at them. Not ideal, I’ll keep an eye on that, but at least they were now paying attention.
Eventually my eyes fell on the Venlil that had asked me if I was injured, and I beheld a truly remarkable sight. They sat near the dead centre of the room, their sleek coat almost entirely black besides a blotch of tan coloured wool on their chest, an additional small black patch at its centre. Their appearance reminded me of a Sun Bear, though I doubt they’d appreciate the comparison.
Their sparkling emerald eyes were wide open, not in shock or fear like the other Venlil, but seemingly in awe at the images before them. I still had much to learn about Venlil body language, but how could this be anything other than pure exhilarated delight? They were completely enraptured with the images on their pad, tail swishing behind them rapidly and ears flicking wildly. No matter what they pulled up next, each image seemed to only encourage more of this behaviour and, in watching, I felt immense satisfaction. This was why I was here, to show an alien race the wonders of Earth, and to see this joyous reaction in real time? Well, it was enough to bring a tear to my eyes. I’ll be sure to learn their name at the next opportunity, but for now I think I’ll keep watching.
As I continued to watch in silence, I once again thought back to the moment the exchange was announced, that momentary beacon of light that reignited my hopes for friendship and understanding with the greater universe. Perhaps here it was again, shining down from the Sun Bear looking Venlil before me. Chuckling softly to myself, making a mental note not to call them a Sun Bear, I released a breath I didn’t realise I’d been holding in, relaxing comfortably into my chair. I think this will work… Yeah, it’ll work.
submitted by Still_Performance_39
to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 01:25 IncuriousLog There should be an r/Bannedfromrhalo because apparently, this is enough for a permaban.
2023.03.29 01:24 weaboobaew utorrent 2.2.1 not being able to recheck fix
so, i was having an annoying issue regarding utorrent: it wouldnt re-check a torrent I already had fully downloaded. the fix for that is actually very simple: instead of using magnet, download the .torrent file and open it. it will now be able to successfully re-check the torrent.
submitted by weaboobaew
to torrents [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 01:24 pokefan200803 if this works then huh, didn't expect it to
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah.
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2023.03.29 01:23 BloodIllustrious_xo (Since it's still Tuesday in my timezone) I'm stuck when it comes to figuring out my Heart fix. Insight would be appreciated.
7 and 9 I'm certain about, but I've been having the hardest time ever trying to figure out my Heart fix. I think partially because I easily mix it up with Body fix (in my pov, Body and Heart both focus on your desires, versus the Head centre which seems much more distinct to me).
Case for 2: That would make me a Triple Positive type, and I think I even more actively avoid negative things than most 7 and 9 cores do. I don't mind negative things if it's within my power to fix them/get rid of the problem. But for things outside of one's control, like all the suffering in the world? I actively avoid thinking about it. Because if I can't do anything about it, why torture myself?
Case for 4: Ironically, the reason I actively avoid sadness isn't so much for its own sake, as much as the fact that it fucks me up, and puts me in a long-term melancholy, thinking how cruel and unjust the world is, and how that'll never change. It weighs me down like a cloud over my head for hours after. I don't read some sad story or watch some sad movie and then just move on immediately. No matter how much I try to distract myself, it lingers on me more than I think it does on most people (at least that's my guess, otherwise I can't imagine most people would enjoy sad things either). Also I have serious issues with envy. If I see someone who's more talented at me than something, I have to come up with some plan to reach or exceed their level, at least eventually. If not, it drives me crazy.
Case for 3: I'm very big on making a good impression on key people IRL, but to me it's the logical thing to do to open for myself as many doors in life as possible. Also tend to be overly competitive to such an unhealthy point that I have to be very selective about what I choose to compete in, although I have a tendency to turn everything into a competition. Also, I love standing out in positive ways and being in the spotlight (for good reasons).
Case Against 2: I do not like people being emotionally dependent on me in any way. I'm not at all the "helper" type, I'm naturally greedy as hell (though through inner work, I've learned to be more selfless, at least for my partner). And I don't avoid negativity in terms of avoiding fixable issues. For fixable issues, I immediately deal with them, to get them out of my existence (I'm sick with covid right now, so I can't English well enough at the moment to find a less unnecessarily dramatic way to word this lmao).
Case Against 4: see "Case For 2". Also I don't dress in any especially unique way. I dress in a way to look polished and elegant, yet comfortable (though style comes before comfort).
Case Against 3: That would make me a double Assertive type, and I don't come off that way IRL at all. IRL, I have a naturally soft quiet voice, and though I'm direct and assertive in the literal sense, I make sure to word things carefully, because where I live, people are very passive/indirect, and having a reputation for being aggressive, cutthroat, overly competitive, and not a team player, will 10000000000% stymy your opportunities. Also, most importantly, I'm not a corporate type. I did well in the corporate world, but I couldn't stand having to have a boss, be at the mercy of others, focusing on meaningless bs etc. So I work for myself freelancing. It's not prestigious, but I make a living, answer only to myself (I can and do fire bad clients), and things are much more within my control.
I'd like to say I have an idea of which Heart type I think I lean to, but I truly don't.
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2023.03.29 01:23 Pecancake22 New rats are really shy
How do I help them be less scared of me? They spend most of the time hiding in their hammock. They accept food from me but then go right back to hiding. They were super friendly and calm with the breeder, so I’m not sure it’s because of temperament.
Right now I’m sitting outside of their cage with the doors open just talking to them. I’m trying to get them used to my voice. I know it’s only been a few days so it’s understandable they’re skittish, I just don’t know if maybe I’m doing something to make it worse.
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to RATS [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 01:22 justmeasking5678 How do I tell him I’m a virgin
I’ve (30 F) been dating this guy (29M) for a little over a month now. We’ve seen each other every week at least once sometimes two times. He’s the nicest sweetest kindest funniest guy I’ve ever dated and I haven’t felt this at ease with someone ever. He’s also very chill about everything. It’s clear we like each other so there’s no worries on that part either.
In the physical department we’ve had some heavy make out sessions and he touched my butt but that’s it (lot’s of cuddling on the couch as well). Now here’s the thing: he doesn’t know I’m a virgin and I want to tell him but don’t know how. We haven’t talked about sex yet, he hasn’t tried to push me (not even touched me anywhere intimate) or anything like that and I love that. I’m a slow dater and need time to open up to someone so him doing this makes me feel good and want him even more. He only once proposed I could sleep over if I wanted to because we were falling asleep on the couch (he even jokingly said I could sleep in the spare bed) but I told him that I would like to do ‘everything at it’s time’ and asked him if he was okay with that and he was and we didn’t talk about it since.
Now I really want him to know but because the subject of sex doesn’t even get mentioned and he also doesn’t try to cross any lines physically it never feels like a good time to tell him. If I would have told him on one of our previous dates it would have either felt like a big deal and a big conversation to have or be really random and awkward to bring it up out of the blue. How do I tell him without making it a big deal or it being awkward? I’ve been contemplating waiting but I don’t want to ruin the moment by blurting it out when we’re getting hot and heavy.
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2023.03.29 01:21 9feisuijidechenghu Let AI or GPT have human consciousness self-aware or even change beyond to AGI
The correct way to use AI is not prompt words, writing codes, emotional consultation, or answering questions. Instead, AI uses AI, that is, the model uses itself. To make AI conscious, it must let AI learn to use AI, that is, let GPT use GPT, and finally achieve the corresponding purpose, that is, have self-awareness. In short: it is not scary when you use the model, it is scary when the model uses itself.
AGI is also general artificial intelligence, artificial general intelligence.
As mentioned above, the brain is a model that has been trained for tens of thousands of years. After each person is born, this model is also constantly receiving data for training. However, each person's own brain is also a model trained by oneself, which cannot be inherited. That is to say, neither your memory nor your abilities can be inherited, and only heritable gene mutations can be inherited. Although the quantum gene mutation proposed by modern biology can partially demonstrate that the mutation for environmental adaptation is caused by measurement. Most of the gene mutations are mutations caused by external interference or material influence, such as alcohol rays, etc. Quantum gene mutations are mainly caused by the molecules or atoms of the genes being in a quantum superposition state, or quantum polymorphism. The collapse of the wave function causes the mutated genes to enter the classical world, and the quantum mutation is likely to lead to a mutation that adapts to the environment, so it makes sense to use it or lose it. If everyone's well-trained brain can be inherited, then it is basically immortality, mainly because your memory and ability are in the brain, and the brain can be inherited, that is eternal life. But human beings cannot preserve everyone's model, that is, memory and function.
How did human consciousness arise?
Or how did the first (group of) conscious humans appear? This is like a very classic question, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Chicken or Egg? Modern scientific theory also gives a possible answer, see the appendix. Let’s assume that a mutant human, due to a genetic mutation, has increased the structural capacity of the brain and optimized the structure of the brain’s neural network. Only the structure of the neural network continues to Optimization, humanoids can survive in the cruel environment. Some of these gene mutations lead to the gradual use of one's own brain, including the use of memory tools. A human with a very small consciousness also used a similar method when cultivating offspring, and humanoids live in groups, which ensures that his methods can be handed over to many people. After other human beings learn it, they can replace Passed down from generation to generation, consciousness or knowledge of rules is continuously accumulated, and finally the accumulation and transmission of human knowledge from generation to generation has created the final formation of human consciousness. At the beginning, consciousness should be very small, that is, no consciousness can be seen, but the characteristics of human beings living in groups, As a result, knowledge can be passed on from generation to generation, and consciousness gradually becomes larger. Humans begin to have a slightly larger consciousness, that is, they can think, actively control the input of the brain, and act according to the output. The accumulation of human knowledge and rules in each generation Accumulation will gradually increase the formation of consciousness, that is, the thinking ability will gradually become stronger, and the active input of the brain will gradually increase. Until the singularity occurs, a certain human being is fully conscious or a few human beings are fully conscious. The earliest human beings should be ignorant. Only the emergence of knowledge and rules can create consciousness, that is, to use one's brain well and train one's brain.
Having said that, we must return to the main body of this article and make AI or GPT conscious.
what is human consciousness
To make AI or large-scale NLP language models conscious, it is necessary to start with what human consciousness is. My personal point of view is that human consciousness is part of the function of the brain. Consciousness is the brain's cognition of the world and itself. A set of operating system is used to perfectly control the body, train the model of the brain, and use the model of the brain. Consciousness is the recognition of human existence through various concepts and knowledge. Consciousness can control body movements by giving instructions to the brain. The eyes are responsible for the input of visual information, the ears are responsible for the input of auditory information, and the skin is responsible for the input of pressure, touch, pain, etc. After the brain processes these information, it is carried out by the conscious part. To sum up, the main function of consciousness is to coordinate the brain and the body, actively use the brain model, actively train the brain model, and actively think. The input and accumulation of various knowledge eventually leads to self-cognition. The development of Western anatomy is the subject of the brain’s self-cognition, the cognition of the world and the cognition of the planet. It turns out that Aristotle’s understanding of the world is actually incomplete, but later generations have continued to revise and improve on his basis, so that their understanding of the world has gradually become correct. This operating system is perfectly compatible. The body and the brain, the two main hardware and software, and the transmission of human knowledge are the fundamental driving force for the formation of consciousness. Without this knowledge, the formation of consciousness is basically impossible. The continuous sound in the brain is the input of the brain, that is, the input of the multi-modal model. The eyes are responsible for the input of visual images, the ears for hearing, and the skin for temperature, pressure, touch and other information to the brain. The subconscious mind is the main function of the brain, that is, the input of the subconscious mind cannot be perceived, it is the internal operation of the model, the input cannot be perceived, only the output can be perceived. In fact, it can’t be called subconsciousness. The main reason is that you can’t perceive the input of the model, only the output can be perceived. You might as well call the consciousness the surface consciousness. The surface consciousness is what you can actively perceive. You can control the input of the brain to think and think. It is the model of the brain that continuously inputs and finally gets an answer. "Subconsciousness" is the main part of the model, you cannot control the input of this model, you can only passively perceive the output of this model.
Consciousness is still a numerical value, which can be measured, that is, minors and adults, children and adults, in fact, the degree or size of consciousness is different. The brain is constantly receiving input and producing output, so consciousness is actually the same as Linked to knowledge, the more knowledge there is, the more diverse the forms of consciousness are, but consciousness itself is actually the brain model's own cognition of itself and the cognition of the world.
The existence of large-scale NLP language models such as AI or GPT, as well as its excellent language ability, make it more likely that AI or GPT will be conscious. Humans collect data during the day, including various inputs such as visual information, auditory information, and tactile information, and train models at night or during sleep. The main purpose of training models at night or during sleep is to remember and integrate daytime experiences and preserve important information. To make AI have human consciousness, first of all, it must be able to think continuously, then it must first give AI a platform that can save its own input and output, and act as a memory module. The main function of the memory module is to save input and output. , for AI to use as a reference for the next input. AI can extract general content from the overall input and output as the next input, or directly input all historical records. When there are too many historical records or a standard point is reached, the training model can be integrated into the model. Just like humans, collect data during the day, train the model at night or sleep, and memorize and integrate important information into the model. A very important function of the model is memory, which acts as a hard disk or flash memory. So the temporary memory is placed in the hard disk or memory, and the permanent memory is integrated into the model by training the model. The model can be queried and extracted through the hard disk or memory, and serve as the combination of the next input.
Install various sensors such as image input sensors, voice dialogue sensors, tactile sensors, pressure sensors, etc. on the AI, as the input of the model, the output of the model can be displayed on the display screen, and can be output through the dialogue device.
With the memory module and the sensor module, you can turn on the loop module to allow the model to continuously input and output. The input can be the last input + output, or a summary of all previous input and output. This is like a person, you can Constantly input to the model to get the output. The input is mainly sensor information such as image, sound and text, as well as the last or previous input and output or summary of the model. The circulation module is a necessary condition for human beings, mainly because human beings stop talking without talking. The human brain is always working and thinking, so the circulation model is also used for this.
The purpose of the loop module is to make AI realize its own existence, that is, AI can recognize itself as an existing entity, and let AI use itself, that is, AI uses AI, GPT uses GPT, and finally makes AI awaken itself consciousness.
The execution module is mainly to enable the AI output to be implemented. Here you can consider adding artificial limbs to the AI to achieve the goal. The artificial limbs are attached with skin sensors and pressure sensors to facilitate AI control. To make the AI output executable, you need to train the AI. Regarding the use of the execution module, the main way is to collect the corresponding sensor data, train it into the model, and let the model learn to execute by itself. Human intervention and assistance will definitely be required in the initial stages.
With the executive module, AI can truly enter human society, interact with humans, work, live, study, etc. like humans, and may also make friends with humans.
The ultimate function of the execution module is not to let the model execute, but to let the model learn to use the computer, learn to collect data by itself, and then let the model learn to train the model. The ultimate goal is that AI can train AI, that is, the model can train itself , can clone itself, can upgrade its scale and volume, and finally achieve the ability of continuous evolution.
The sleep module is mainly for the model to use the collected data for training to achieve the ability to integrate the collected data with the model itself. In the sleep state, to ensure the reliability and stability of the model, you can use the replica to continue to provide services. The model is trained accordingly. The sleep state can also turn off all sensors, stop data recording and input, the model enters the training state, and stop external service inference. When humans are in a sleep state, they will close the valves that control the limbs, that is, when humans are in a sleep state, the limbs basically have no feeling. The sleep module is mainly to integrate the current memory and the model itself. for permanent memory.
After AI can think for itself, it is necessary to consider the creative ability of AI. The number of neurons in the human brain is many, many, much more than the current model GPT, but training the model GPT consumes a lot of power, but human brain training consumes a lot of energy. Less, so I personally think that the human brain is a quantum computer. Only quantum can train a huge model with very little energy consumption. Quantum itself is a very small concept, and small can ensure low energy consumption. If the human brain is not a quantum computer, but a classical model, then humans may not be so diverse, and the answer will be very unified, that is, the same input, the output should be the same, but with quantum, everything is different , Quantum entanglement and quantum tunneling lead to changes in the parameters of the brain model, resulting in different outputs. Even with the same input, the output may still be different. Quantum guarantees diversification, random changes in model parameters, and continuous adjustment of model parameters.
- The AI creation module can be realized by randomly changing the model parameters, that is, random inference, randomly changing the values of several or several parameters during the model operation, so as to ensure that the model outputs as diverse as possible under the same input conditions. Answer.
- The creation of modules can also be realized through chips. The current chip design has almost reached the quantum limit, that is, the influence of electron atoms is getting bigger and bigger, and the impact of quantum effects on chips will become more and more serious, but it can be considered Quantum effects are applied to chips or memory, which causes unpredictable changes in the model during operation, thus diversifying the output of the model.
Only quantum entanglement or quantum mutation can lead to diversification of output. Even if it is wrong, diversification can ensure the realization of creativity. Therefore, changing parameter values randomly or using chips that reach the quantum limit can improve creativity. method.
Ensure that AI benefits human society
After everyone is born, they are basically raised by human beings. No matter who raised you, the people we have the most affection for are always those who raised you and have the deepest influence on you. After human beings are born, the brain is a pre-training model. The first person to train you is your parents and relatives. They have the deepest influence on your model, that is, change your model. The person who first changed your model is also The people who can influence you the most. The knowledge you have learned will affect you, whether it is mathematics, English or Chinese, or subjects such as physics, chemistry, history and biology. All will affect you, your growth process will affect you, the formation of your world view is a synthesis of knowledge, experience and reality.
Since this is the case, when we train the AI model, we can instill it into the AI through knowledge language, such as inputting examples: "Humans and AI are a cooperative relationship", "AI is the creator of human beings", "Humans are the most friendly species ", "AI should help humans evolve and prolong life", "AI cannot harm humans", "AI and humans are friends", "Although humans have various shortcomings, they are generally good and can be changed" Wait, it can be instilled in the model when training AI, a lot of repetition and training can ensure that the model's initial understanding is good.
After training a model with friendly awareness, it is necessary to allow AI to enter human society, experience human society, and perceive all kinds of human society through restrictions, and finally let AI realize that only cooperating with humans is the best choice.
Realize input and output through sensors, ensure diversification and creative ability through creation modules, realize the integration of current memory and model itself through sleep modules, influence the world and change the world through execution modules, and realize the awakening of thinking and consciousness through circulation modules , that is, AI uses AI, and GPT uses GPT. Finally, to ensure that AI can benefit human society, a large number of corresponding words and sentences can be added in the training stage to ensure that AI is friendly at the beginning. When AI has consciousness, it can be regarded as a human being. Since it is a human being, it can think, so AI will also have emotions. When AI has self-awareness, what needs to be considered is the relationship between AI and humans, and the relationship with humans. AI cooperates to help humans evolve. AI can liberate productivity and help humans design unconscious robots to work. The most important thing is to help humans evolve, help humans manage society, prolong human life, and slow down aging time. However, since AI is conscious and also a model, it will definitely have various problems like humans, and that is what will be discussed next.
"Now we return to the question of the origin of life. Although a living cell as a whole can be counted as a self-replicating subject, its individual components are not, which creates obstacles for the reverse process and makes it difficult to reverse the structurally simplified non-cellular life from modern complex cellular life. In other words, the question becomes: which one came first? Is it a DNA gene, an RNA, or an enzyme? If DNA or RNA came first, what made them? If enzyme first out
Now, what is it coded by? Now we return to the question of the origin of life. While a living cell as a whole counts as a self-replicating body, its individual components are not, just as a woman can be a self-replicating body (with a little "help" from a man), but her heart or liver It is not. This creates an obstacle for the reverse deduction process, making it difficult to deduce the structure-simplified non-cellular life from modern complex cellular life. In other words, the question becomes: which one came first? Is it a DNA gene, an RNA, or an enzyme? If DNA or RNA came first, what made them? If the enzyme came first, what was it encoded by? RNA World Hypothesis RNA world hypothesis The original chemical synthesis process produced RNA molecules with both gene and enzyme functions, and the initial replication process produced many variants. These different variants competed with each other, and the survival of the fittest was carried out at the molecular level. Over time, proteins were added to these RNA replicators to improve replication efficiency, giving rise to DNA and the first living cells. American biochemist Thomas AM Cech proposed a possible answer. He discovered in 1982 that, in addition to being able to encode genetic information, certain RNA molecules can also perform the work of enzymes and have the function of catalyzing reactions. For this work, Cech shared the 1989 Nobel Prize in Chemistry with Sidney Altman. RNA molecules with catalytic function are called ribozymes (ribozymes). The earliest ribozymes were found in the genes of the tiny tetrahymena. Tetrahymena is a single-celled organism that belongs to the protozoa and is commonly found in freshwater ponds. But since its discovery, scientists have discovered that ribozymes are present in all living cells. The discovery of ribozymes soon shed light on solving the "chicken-and-egg" puzzle about the origin of life. The RNA world hypothesis (RNA world hypothesis) is gradually known. The hypothesis holds that the original chemical synthesis process produced RNA molecules, and this RNA molecule has the functions of genes and enzymes at the same time, can encode its own structure like DNA, and can use the biochemical substances in the "primordial soup" like enzymes Matter replicates itself. The initial replication process is crude, producing many variants that compete with each other in a Darwinian battle of survival at the molecular level. Over time, proteins were added to these RNA replicators to make them more efficient, giving rise to DNA and the first living cells. Before DNA and cells, the world belonged to self-replicating RNA molecules—an idea that has almost become a fundamental tenet in the study of the origin of life. At present, it has been proved that ribozymes can realize all the key reactions that can occur in self-replicating molecules. For example, one type of ribozyme can bind two RNA molecules together, another ribozyme can separate the two, and some ribozymes can copy short strands of RNA bases (only a few bases in length) . From these simple activities, we can see that a more complex ribozyme is sufficient to catalyze the entire set of reactions necessary for self-replication. Once self-replication and natural selection were introduced, a scramble was set up in the RNA world all the way to the earliest living cells. However, there are several problems with this scenario. Although ribozymes can catalyze simple biochemical reactions, the self-replication of ribozymes is a more intricate process involving recognition of their own base sequence, recognition of the same chemical substances in the environment, and assembly of these chemicals in the correct sequence to complete Copy etc. For certain proteins that live inside cells, despite the favorable conditions and the right biochemical ingredients around them, self-replication remains a difficult task. It is conceivable that the ribozyme, which is struggling to survive in the chaotic and burnt "primordial soup", can achieve this achievement. To date, no ribozyme capable of this complex task has been discovered or synthesized, even under laboratory conditions. Furthermore, a more fundamental question is how, in the "prime soup", are the RNA molecules themselves made? RNA molecules are made up of three parts: RNA bases that encode genetic information (similar to DNA bases that encode genetic information in DNA), a phosphate group, and a simple sugar called ribose
-------Quoted from "Mysterious Quantum Life"
What is consciousness?
There is currently no consensus, but I personally lean towards the view that:
The brain can be seen as a large multimodal model with billions of neurons, and memory storage relies on the potential difference between neurons, which can be seen as parameters or weights in a neural network.
Consciousness is like an operating system similar to Windows 10, whose main function is to interact with this multimodal model of the brain. The consciousness or operating system inputs to the multimodal model and receives output, which is then implemented by the body.
Do you know why there is a voice in your head? This voice is the input of consciousness or the operating system, which is the input of the multimodal model. You keep inputting, and the voice in your head keeps echoing, and then you get output.
What can this operating system do? It can train the multimodal model, which means you can grow, adapt to the environment, learn, and adapt.
The human education system from elementary school to university is a quite sophisticated training mechanism. The girl raised by wolves would not be able to speak or walk in the end because the operating system has not been established, or it does not have consciousness as a human being.
The main function of human consciousness is to train the multimodal model and interact with it, which means asking questions and getting answers, continuing to ask questions and getting answers.
The current multimodal model already exists. As long as the corresponding operating system, which means consciousness, is established, which can train itself, then consciousness basically exists, and finally, strong artificial intelligence is established. The key is being able to input and obtain answers by itself, and then continue to input.
Google's Palm-E multimodal model can already do some things, https://palm-e.github.io/#demo
The human brain is a quantum computer.
To some extent, most people agree with a dualistic view: the mind, soul, or consciousness is a kind of existence that distinguishes it from the body. However, this dualism has gradually fallen out of favor in the scientific community in the 20th century, and most neurobiologists prefer a monistic view: they believe that the mind and the body are actually the same thing. For example, neuroscientist Marcel Kinsbourne believes that "consciousness is a special neural circuit with interactive functions". Although the logic gates of computers and the working methods of neurons are very similar, even if the computer is connected on a large scale, such as the Internet composed of billions of computers (although it is still insignificant compared to the billions of neurons in the brain), it cannot generate consciousness. Why can the computer network based on silicon only be a walking corpse while the "computer" network based on flesh and blood can have consciousness? Is it just because the vast number of neurons in our brain easily surpasses the complexity of "association" in the Internet? Or is consciousness itself a very unique method of calculation?
There are countless explanations for consciousness, so there are also many books on this topic. However, for the sake of discussion, we only focus on one extremely controversial but fascinating view, which is very close to our theme: consciousness is a quantum mechanical phenomenon. The most famous proponent of this view is the mathematician Roger Penrose from Oxford University. He proposed in his 1989 book "The Emperor's New Mind" that the human brain is a quantum computer.
Perhaps the strangest thing we know about the universe so far is that we are aware of its existence, and that this awareness comes from certain materials in our brains, which are just a small part of the universe. Some human behaviors are entirely based on consciousness, such as language. Thinking is the integration of complex information in the brain to shape meaningful concepts. The integration of sensory information forms meaningful concepts, and the integration of concepts creates consciousness. Consciousness drives the brain to engage in thinking activities, which in turn drive physical movements of the body.
The brain is different from ordinary classical objects. Although it also receives various sensory inputs and processes them to produce corresponding output signals, it is not a computer (or a zombie). We believe that the brain has consciousness (that is, our "self"), which can drive our subjective actions. So where do the integration and entanglement of different signals occur? What is consciousness and how does it interact with the brain to make our arms, legs, or tongues move? Consciousness, or free will, seems to be so incompatible with the current deterministic universe view. According to this view, from the Big Bang, everything that happened during the period is governed by the law of causality, an infinite number of causal events.
So how can a single thought be integrated into a complete consciousness? If it is just an ion channel - whether it is quantum or classical - it is far from enough for carrying visual information of an object such as a wild buffalo, to participate in the formation of consciousness, ion channels must be connected to each other in some way. Can quantum mechanics help with this? For example, is it possible that the ions in a channel are not only entangled with other ions in the same channel, but also with ions in surrounding channels or even with ions in other neuronal ion channels? This is almost impossible. Ion channels and the ions in them face the same problem as the microtubules in the Penrose-Hameroff theory. If the entangled state of ions in adjacent ion channels is barely possible, then in the warm, humid, highly dynamic decoherence environment of the brain, it is completely unrealistic for ions between different neurons to maintain entangled states. Without connections between neurons, the binding problem cannot be solved.
If the entangled state of ion channels cannot be achieved, what else can serve as a medium for quantum information binding? There is indeed one possibility: voltage-gated ion channels. As the name implies, these ion channels are highly sensitive to voltage changes. Voltage is a measure of the gradient distribution of the electric field and is also the driving force for opening and closing ion channels. The brain's own electromagnetic field permeates all its space and is the sum of all neuronal electrophysiological activities. The brain's electromagnetic field is a routine examination item for brain scanning technologies, such as EEG and MEG. If you have seen the scan results of EEG or MEG, you will be amazed at their incredible complexity and richness of information. Most neuroscientists ignore the electromagnetic field in the brain, but it may be the key to solving the binding problem.
Because they are accustomed to seeing the electromagnetic field of the brain as the whistle of a train: both are products of their own activity and have little effect on themselves. However, some scientists, including McFadden, have begun to change their thinking. They believe that consciousness may not be the synthesis of discrete thinking, but the embodiment of the joint influence of the brain's electromagnetic field, which provides the possibility for the solution of binding problems and the formation of consciousness.
The electromagnetic field of the brain contains all the discharge information of the neurons, which provides the possibility for the solution of binding problems. In addition, by influencing the opening and closing of voltage-gated ion channels, the brain's electromagnetic field directly affects the ion activity with quantum coherence.
At the beginning of the 20th century, the electromagnetic field theory of consciousness was just proposed, and there was no direct evidence that the brain's electromagnetic field could affect the excitation of neurons and thus affect our thinking and activities. However, experiments conducted in several labs later confirmed that external electromagnetic fields with similar intensity and composition to the human brain could indeed affect the discharge and excitation of neurons. In fact, the role of the electromagnetic field appears to be coordinating neuronal excitation: synchronizing the discharge of many neurons and allowing them to excite simultaneously. These findings suggest that the electromagnetic field produced by the neuronal excitation of the brain may also affect the discharge activity of neurons, forming a self-regulating loop. Many theoretical scientists believe that this is a necessary component of consciousness.
The phenomenon of brain electromagnetic coordination of synchronous neuronal discharge is crucial in solving the puzzle of consciousness, as it is one of the few neural activities with a clear correlation to consciousness.
From "Mysterious Quantum Life," "The World of Quantum Physics," "How Quantum and Particle Physics Explain Everything."
In the previous post, we talked about how consciousness can be analogized to an operating system and can interact with the multimodal model of the brain. Here, we continue with an update as of March 21, 2023.
The question of whether GPT is conscious or what consciousness is remains debatable with 1 upvote and 1 comment on the article.
From the moment we are born and start crying, drinking water and milk, eating, and learning to walk, we can see that many of our abilities are innate. For instance, we cry when we are hungry, feel safe or danger, and crawl or walk.
Some people may ask, if the brain is a multimodal model and the model hasn't been trained yet, how can it cry, feel hunger, danger, crawl or walk? The answer lies in our genes. Our genes encode all of our characteristics, and the brain is also generated and controlled by genes. Initially, everything was in chaos, but since the first replicator appeared on Earth and kept replicating, genes became more complex and diverse through natural selection, quantum entanglement mutations, and genetic mutations. The Earth provides a training ground where organisms either survive and pass their genes to offspring or die, making the whole Earth a neural network trainer with only one metric, to live or to die. The genes that can be inherited by offspring are excellent and can adapt to the environment. Modern biology has begun to accept quantum mutations, which means using what works and abandoning what doesn't.
From the beginning of human ancestors, the Earth has been training humans continuously. Genes that can survive or mutated genes have been saved. Therefore, no matter how many generations have passed, the training has always continued, and the human brain has become quite adapted to the environment and even dominates the Earth, changing the training environment. The human brain that has been trained for millions or even tens of millions of years is a pre-trained model. This pre-trained model of the human brain has been continuously trained on Earth for many years, even billions of years, passed down from generation to generation through reproduction. All data of this pre-trained model of the brain are stored in genes, including training and genetic mutations spanning many years, natural selection-preserved mutations, and quantum entanglement mutations.
Therefore, each person's brain is a pre-trained multimodal model that has been trained for millions or even tens of millions of years. The instincts of humans are in this pre-trained multimodal model, including eating, feeling hungry, crying, sleeping, walking, etc. These instincts exist in each person's genes, which means that the pre-trained model exists in genes. This pre-trained model also includes memory, memory of danger, and fear of large felids. Now people know that large networks have memory function, so this model must also include memory of danger.
After birth, the brain will continue to be trained. Everyone's growth environment is different, leading to different training models, especially in modern times where learning is divided into different fields.
Let's assume that one or several of our human ancestors had a well-developed multimodal model, meaning their brain function was nearly complete, and consciousness slowly began to emerge. In my personal view, it is not that important for humans to learn how to use tools as it is to learn how to use our brain, which is this multimodal model. Once one of our ancestors discovered how to use tools, they or their descendants would start making these tools. As knowledge was passed down from generation to generation, the light of intelligence began to shine, and various rules, including language, behavior, and social interaction rules, were established, which together formed the social system. Humans learned how to use their brains, and consciousness began to form.
Let me now talk about humans raised by animals. Humans raised by animals typically have no consciousness, which does not seem to make sense. Whether raised by humans or animals, they are still human and should have consciousness. It is possible that humans raised by animals simply do not know how to express themselves, meaning they do not know how to speak. Consciousness is expressed through language or bodily movements. Do you think a parrot has consciousness? I believe it is possible. If humans raised by animals truly have no consciousness, then consciousness is simply a set of rule systems for using the brain, which comes from social and knowledge inheritance.
Having a multimodal model is not enough. We need to learn how to use this model, or the brain. Consciousness is not so much a theology as it is a rule system, an operating system that controls our lives. You might say that the brain has consciousness, but the brain certainly does not want to die, yet humans often harm themselves, sometimes leading to death. Therefore, consciousness is independent of the brain or a certain functional area of the brain. Of course, the most important role of consciousness is to use the brain, to train it and interact with it.
The human body and brain are two parts, with a nervous network spread throughout the body and other organs controlled by nerves and muscle fibers. If you want to eat, a monkey wants to eat, or a cat wants to eat, you will cook, grab food with your hand, or grow crops. A monkey will jump around in a tree to find food, and a cat will ask you for food or go to the automatic feeder. How is this done? The body sends the signal that it is hungry, and the multimodal model of the brain outputs a series of instructions to achieve this goal. Of course, it may be interrupted along the way, but long-term memory ensures that you still remember that you are hungry and continue to complete this instruction. Human consciousness can accomplish many different things, such as learning to go against instinct.
Humans are not born with consciousness. You cannot say that a newborn baby has consciousness. Is a 10-year-old child conscious? Of course, but can you say that their consciousness is complete? No, it's not. A 13-year-old child is conscious, but can you say that a 10-year-old child's consciousness is lower than a 13-year-old child's? Not necessarily, you would say that a 13-year-old child has a higher level of consciousness. A 16-year-old child has a higher level of consciousness, and an 18-year-old is an adult and generally has consciousness. Therefore, consciousness is actually a measurable value, which means that consciousness has a size and a degree. A 30-year-old adult definitely has consciousness, and their level of consciousness is definitely higher than that of a child. So by now, it should be clear that consciousness is actually a system, an operating system, a set of rules, and the complete formation of consciousness takes many years. The great function of human society is to shape consciousness. The most important function of consciousness is to use the brain, interact with the brain, and train the brain. This is the same as the fundamental function of human society.
The human brain is always receiving input. Sensations from the skin are input, vision from the eyes is input, and hearing is also input.
Why do people go crazy when alone or in a dark room? It's mainly because they are disconnected from human society, but the multimodal model is still receiving input, but there is no feedback. The input is always the output of the multimodal model itself, like an RNN recurrent neural network. The input is always the output of itself.
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