Therapists organization crossword clue
AITA for planning to ghost my friends on their birthdays?
2023.06.06 04:15 silverandleather AITA for planning to ghost my friends on their birthdays?
(disclaimer: I know my English is terrible)
AITA for planning to ghost my friends on their birthdays? My (22f) birthday ended two hours ago (I was born on June 5th). The only people who reached out to me were my grandma, two of my college friends and one of my best friends.
I'm very introverted and I have two best friends in total. We had this tradition that when one of us had a birthday, the other two were figuring out what we were going to do that day. Then we met and gave the birthday girl a gift. It was always like that.
At the beginning of this year my friend (let's call her Sarah) had her birthday. Me and my other friend took Sarah to the restaurant and gave her a birthday gift. We were having a lot of fun. But today, on my birthday, Sarah didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My other friend (let's call her Julia) wished me happy birthday but after that she completely changed the topic. Julia said she's spontaneously going out and asked me for a makeup tutorial (since she's not usually wearing any makeup). She did not consider the fact that it's my birthday and I might be "unavailable"). Not to mention that it means she was not being busy on my birthday since she spontaneously planned on going out. It seems like both Sarah and Julia forgot about our tradition. We have a group chat where we discuss things like that. But none of them reached out to me there. We haven't met. It was also the first time Sarah and Julia didn't give me a birthday gift. I know that a birthday present is just an addition and that the most important thing is the presence of loved ones, but for someone who's love language is receiving gifts it was pretty upsetting that I didn't get a present :( (Especially since it was usually me who put the effort into coming up with a personalized birthday present for Sarah and Julia).
Also, I and a lot of students from my college wish happy birthday to birthday boy/girl. Only two of my college friends wished me happy birthday. The rest of the students completely forgot about my birthday, which would be understandable if not everyone got a Facebook notification.
I spent my birthday cleaning the house, eating dinner with my family and then laying in bed. I know that I could have organized my birthday myself, but I was hoping that my friends would remember our tradition and that they would prepare something special for me. On the other hand I kinda feel like I'm being overdramatic, immature and spoiled, because 1) I should have a plan B just in case my friends didn't have time to prepare something for me and 2) I know that birthday is just a regular day and a lot of my college friends are busy, especially because we graduate this year.
I had the whole day to think it over. I feel like a lot of my friends take me for granted. I always listen to my friends without judging them. I'm kind of a "therapist friend". They always expect me to help them when they need me, to be there for them or to come up with the best birthday gift idea and the best plan on how to spend someone's birthday. But i feel like I'm not being treated the same way. So, I've decided not to send any birthday wishes to people who forgot about me on my birthday and to not continue my and my best friends tradition. I'm gonna ghost my friends just like they ghosted me.
My question is: am I being overdramatic? AITA? What should I do?
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2023.06.06 04:02 bejeweled_sky Is this just a me thing?
I often see posts here that include details about clients (non identifying information) and their presenting challenges, asking for input or advice on how to work with them. I appreciate that clinicians are seeking advice in order to best serve their clients... however, when I read posts like this, I can't help but wonder what clients would think if they happened across this subreddit and found posts from their therapist about them and their personal challenges. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be allowed to seek counsel from each other on here -- I love the support this community offers. I just cringe thinking about the implications of posting about clients on a public forum. I think there's a fine line between posts that are vague and posts that if a client read through them, would be able to figure out it's about them from context clues.
I'm wondering if I'm just being too sensitive or traditional, or if this is something other people on here have thought about? To me, it's like holding group supervision in a coffee shop -- anyone can overhear.
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2023.06.06 03:21 Ymazen Trip report from 2 days ago!
Had my deepest dmt trip on the 2nd. Still not anywhere even close to a breakthrough but I though I’d share my experience.
I made some homemade vape carts and decided to do a proper test of one of the best ones. I inhaled for 5 seconds, and then 3 more hits of 3-4 seconds each. The distant trees wobbled and breathed intensely and the contrast of everything began morphing and. All the patterns and textures around seemed to line up or come into phase such that I felt like I could see through everything and into a sparkling black void background. The distant mountain formed shapes that looked almost like a giant lion face looking directly at me. I looked up into the blue sky as a slight ringing in my ears and a head pressure became noticeable. A web hyperbolic star shaped fibers became crystal clear in my vision (I see this very frequently but not this vivid usually). As I continued to come up, they layered over each other and morphed before forming a kind of tunnel that moved inwards to the center of my vision. It looked like I was receding backwards through this organic geometric tunnel of white fibrous lines. I laid back, closed my eyes and went into the trip.
Immediately there appeared to be dozens of creatures that spiraled around me in a clockwise motion and met up with me head to head. They were morphing constantly, made up of very tribal textures that I would describe as Mayan glyphs or Native American art. They appeared as dragons, birds, turtles, gryphons, serpents and all manner of animals. It felt as if my consciousness was a solid energetic or magnetic force roughly in the shape of a cylinder. My body and the environment I was laying in (on a blanket in the grass outside) felt like a jar that the cylinder was magnetically slotted down into. The animals, which I want to describe as 'spirits' rather than typical 'entities' were swirling on a clothlike sheet that was in between my magnetic awareness and this jarlike shape. It felt like my head was a jar with its lid screwed on really tight or something. The creatures seemed to be trying to pull this membrane-like sheet taught and thus 'pop' my awareness out of it's container. It was a very physical sensation. Being in this state reminded me that I've felt something similar on a couple of previous light dose trips, where there is a distinct pressure building, but it never leads to anything. The beings and I both noted that I was really 'stuck down in there' and they were unable to apply the amount of force needed to open the jar so to speak. I wouldn't say there was communication but there was definitely a mutual understanding of this, and of how rooted in reality I was. There were also weird critters that started scurrying and chittering around on the deck behind where I was laying irl as the peak of this occurred. I opened my eyes and sat up as I began to come down. The environment looked absolutely nuts like everything was melting and swirling. All the tree branches looked like they formed perfect hexagonal structures. Working on some art to depict the various visuals currently.
It was a very cool trip overall, very mellow and not intense. Being able to come up gradually and comfortably with the vapes is super nice, and the environment I was in (super secluded in nature) ensured I didn't fear at any point. Not crazy profound or anything but some fun imagery. It's very apparent to me that if I were to take a larger dose the beings / spirits / entities would be able to 'pop' me through that clothlike sheet and into some other place. If I had to guess the dose of this trip it would maybe have been around 15mg but really have no clue. I definitely will be returning to it before too long. Also a sidenote I had my first 'ufo' sighting about 40 minutes after the trip which I still don't know what to make of lol. If you read all of this thank you! Wish I could make these descriptions more succinct.
TL;DR Took dmt, morphing animal spirits surrounded me and we mutually acknowledged that there wasn't enough force necessary to pop me out of this reality
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2023.06.06 03:05 mybrainhurtsugh Diagnosed today
It finally happened.
I’m elated and yet I want to cry. I haven’t felt so at peace with myself and yet I wish someone were here to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok. I know it will, I’m a survivor. I know that because that’s what I hear over and over and over every time I have to pick up the pieces of my life.
My 49th birthday is in five days and today I was finally diagnosed with both autism and adhd.
I started questioning and asking for help pursuing an assessment more than a year ago after meeting a man that is remarkably like me, like to an almost eery degree. He helped me to see my own traits, sent me down the rabbit hole of obsessive research. I had to pick apart the trauma responses from the innately autistic or adhd traits and that’s hard.
Every step of the way, everyone but him argued that I was not. I was put off by peer support, by the mental health organization that is supposed to be there as a life resource, by the people who smothered me with overly validating double speak used to dismiss my observations. I asked the medical office that I was going to if I could get an assessment or a referral. Their in house psychiatrist looked at my file, my age, and refused any help at all. No second chances.
I’m not even med seeking. I’m terrified of being on meds after Wellbutrin and Paxil. I got the worst side effects. Hell, same with my birth control. Right? Like, I know that my life would get so much easier if I was on the right med but at what cost? How long before I find it? What if it falls under the shortage? What if I actually manage to get successful? ((Ok, that one goes to therapy. Scary thought!))
It’s crazy. I knew it. I just knew it. The more I recognized myself in the way my friend acted, the more I knew that I was finally understanding why life has always been hard mode. I came to understand how I could go from being a national honor scholar to being whatever it is that I have been, certainly not in a well paying career blah blah wonderful life blah blah. No white picket fence here, just a trail of shit that I couldn’t get finished.
I didn’t have to argue with her. The assessment was actually really easy and relaxed. I’d been so scared but my therapist and I had picked her carefully as someone who was properly educated in the way these things display in women… and especially in women that are older as we have had a lifetime of being forced to bend to fit.
I’m so glad that it’s over. I’m glad that I officially know. I needed the validation. I needed to know that I was right. It was worth it.
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2023.06.06 02:22 kate_mo29 My 8 month old kitty abruptly passed away, the grief is real, and I need to express it…
November of last year, my husband and I lost our first ever pregnancy about 11 weeks in. I struggled terribly with morning sickness and dehydration. Turns out the baby was missing a chromosome. After my DNC, I was an absolute wreck. I needed a distraction from this nightmare.
A few weeks later, my mom let me know her close friend needed to re-home a sweat little black and white tuxedo kitten. Although we already have 2 grown cats, I’ve been itching for a third. Even before the pregnancy I was casually searching for a kitten to maybe save from an old parking lot or the side of the road like all those TikTok’s. I knew this kitten was meant to be and I immediately said yes, we would take him into our home.
We took him home with us right around Christmas of 2022. Bowie is what we chose for a name and it fit him so well. He was an oddball cutie psycho kitty. I loved it. He brought life back to our home. Our 2 cats grew to love him so quickly. He was so soft and had a big personality with his little tuxedo style fur. He was also super affectionate. When he was small he would curl up in a ball and lay right on my chest. He would nuzzle my chin and would rest his little paws against my face. I would smother him with kisses and he would just take it. Even as he grew into a more full grown cat he would cuddle up in the same spot. He was bigger and heavier, but I still would gladly let it happen. He followed me everywhere, would wait by the door for me to get home from work, and never left my side. My little shadow.
This past Saturday (6/4) was like any other day. The three seasons porch was open for our kitties to spend time in and my husband and I were watching TV. All of a sudden, we hear Bowie yowl so loud, and then again. My husband jumped up to see what was happening and Bowie just collapsed in his arms. As soon as called for me, I knew something was very wrong.
Bowie was laying limp and wide eyed on the couch where my husband moved him. He was making gasping/choking noises. I looked down his throat and saw nothing. I pumped his little heart and gave him small rescue breaths until his body seized up and he went still. Pupils as black and wide as ever. We quickly placed him in a cat bed and noticed blood coming from his mouth and nose and that was it. He laid there motionless in his little bed, stained with blood. I checked his pulse, listened for a heartbeat. There was nothing. I feel like I saw the light leave from his eyes.
My husband and I yelled his name, screaming for him to wake up. I’ve never sobbed so hard in my life. Our baby was gone.
During everything my husband tried to call an emergency vet but literally every one that was close to us was closed. We felt absolutely helpless to help our baby boy. We had no clue what caused this and that thought still bothers me now. Did he eat something that got tangled up in his organs? Did he hurt himself internally somehow? I hate that we won’t know.
Instead of taking Bowie’s body to a vet, we opted for an at home burial. We wrapped him up in a soft towel and kept him in the bed he passed in to make sure he was comfortable in the after life. We found a spot for him in our backyard where we can visit whenever we need it. The pain of this event is still so fresh but we are trying our best to remember how much happiness he brought into our lives while we were at our lowest.
We love you baby Bowie ❤️
Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my feelings after a horribly traumatic event.
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2023.06.06 02:00 ThrowRA06052023 I (f24) just found out my boyfriend’s (24m) biological parents are siblings
Posting this here, hoping to release some steam because I seriously have no clue how to navigate this.
I’ve (f24) been dating my boyfriend (m24) for over three years, we’ve been living together for over a year, in July we’re moving across country so he can attend medical school, we are very well intending on getting engaged and married within five years. Children within 10. For all intents and purposes, prior to this week, my boyfriend and I happily planned on doing life together forever.
Background: So my boyfriend has always really been into family tree stuff. I’m talking about him figuring stuff out about his family dating back to as early as 1300s England, okay? So he’s really into it, he’s traveled the world (prior to us getting together) to find old historical records, and has had everything legitimized. He’s very knowledgeable about his own family tree, undeniably.
While my boyfriend was helping me by looking over my own family tree paperwork that I had recently received in the mail this past week, while I was waiting for him to finish looking at it, I took his family tree documents off his bookshelf in his office and peeked at it. After confusion and a really traumatic (for me) realization, he noticed what I was doing and that i was horrified, and he explained the situation. He apologizes for me figuring out this way, and that he doesn’t condone his parent’s actions at all.
My boyfriends parents are from a very very small rural midwestern town (population of <400), and were known to be “high school sweethearts.” The photos in their home show photos of them as children, teens, adults together—and while they don’t look extremely similar, I definitely see their their noses, hairline, and eyebrow bones are very similar. His dad is a lawyer and his mom is a NURSE, and despite some serious fertility issues that his mother has shared with me (we are close) that resulted in artificial insemination to have children, everything in their seems extremely normal. They are literally what you would consider a “picture perfect” family. I love his family, they are amazing, they treat me better than my own, and I truly don’t want to imagine a life without them.
My boyfriend and his siblings don’t seem to suffer any negative consequences biologically, to my knowledge. The only thing is that I know my boyfriend suffers from a mild learning disability that he is private about (gets double time on assignments and tests at school, even all throughout university). The rest of his siblings are very well performing and healthy. My boyfriend’s desire to study genomes and be an OB/GYN, and it made sense for him to be so intensely interested in Ancestry stuff. And now knowing about his parents, I can see why…
My boyfriend is clearly the love of my life and I can’t hold him responsible for his parents actions. But I’m worried about any potential children we have. I’m also worried about him keeping this from me for so long. And I’m also kind of worried about if he ever “partook” in anything with his siblings, if you know what I mean… it’s gross to think about, and Im scared to ask, but I have so many worries and concerns. Is this a bigger red flag than I think? Im overall mostly empathetic and sad for my boyfriend because I can’t even imagine what it’s like to hide something like this forever.
I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told anyone. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it, nor do I want anyone I know to know about what is definitely my boyfriends biggest secret. We have a regular relationship therapist that we see occasionally/as needed, but I’m literally scared to tell her because I’m afraid she’s going to be horrified. Do I find a new one? Do I see a therapist alone? Together? Do we break up? What do I do?
His parents are literally planning on taking me with them on their family vacation to Aruba in less than two weeks. I need to figure this whole thing out fast, so I can tell them if I need to cancel. Help.
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2023.06.06 01:31 Frostdraken Preserver -Part 1-
Amid a galaxy of brutal chaos there are stories to be told, tales of valor and justice, of fear and despair. But amid these stories are the guttering flames of adventures untold, the potential for a universe of entertainment and savage joyous fun. The Oblivion Cycle embodies just this kind of crafted chaos, creating the potential for creative exploits and raucous tales. If you are new to the TOC setting feel free to join the community at TheOblivionCycle
to check out some of the background lore or to discuss themes with other readers. I thank you all for your support and continued willingness to read, as always, Please Enjoy!
+ Next Part +
A dark planet turned slowly in the void bathed in the light of an old yellow star far past its prime. The planet was old, unlike the countless beings that scurried across its blasted surface. From the vantage point of space far above, the gigantic craters that covered its surface were painfully apparent. Some terrible bombardment had nearly torn the planet in two sometime in its ancient history.
These were the thoughts foremost on the mind of the vast entity that observed the world from the depths of a large misshapen ship of truly gargantuan proportions. The ship orbited the planet far enough away to be unseen, a truly difficult task due to its almost moon-like size.
Deep in the ship’s core, a consciousness woke fully. This being had slumbered for millennia as they waited for the ship’s more automated systems to bring them to something interesting. As they awoke this entity checked the ships logs, two thousand years of reports were absorbed and compiled in mere millincrements such was the being’s incredible processing power.
They stretched mentally, running their consciousness throughout every lesser ten of the ship's millions of greater tens of circuits and wires. It had been centuries since they had last woken for more than a few increments, it was a good feeling.
The ship’s computer communicated with them. “Master Neel, It is good to have you with us.” the computer said nonverbally. The communication happening instead as a base impression across his many connections to the system all at once.
Neel observed the planet remotely using some of the vast worldship's many external sensors. After a few moments of observation Neel inquired the computer. “Have we traveled to this planet before?”
The computer replied quickly “I do not believe so, it bears passing resemblance to a planet we visited in the far past. But it can't be the same planet.” the computer concluded.
Neel frowned and then decided to exit his stasis chamber. The heavily shielded inner sanctum of the ship was a mess of electrical conduits and databanks that held his vast intellect when the ship was underway. Using faster than light means of propulsion could damage many of the curiosities in his vast collection and so for many tens of millions of greater increments he had traveled the cosmos slower than the speed of light.
While slow it was a deliberate action to protect him from the watchful eyes of the obliterators. The destroyers commonly kept watch over the cosmos and were known to eliminate those they could not contain or control. Neel had no wish to be destroyed and so took their time getting around for the sake of stealth. Even the destroyers would be unlikely to detect a single ship not breaking the natural laws in a vast and ever expanding universe.
Disengaging their mental locks, Neel disconnected from the artificial sanctuary and into their physical vessel. Their vessel was an artificial body of sorts, fashioned in a form that Neel found pleasing.
Their vessel was very tall with six manipulating tentacle-like metal arms and a multitude of pointed insect-like legs. Their face was a mess of tubes and wires with no discernible features other than the five bright green glowing eyes that stared out at the world around them intensely.
Neel’s consciousness settled down into the large body like it was a comfortable bed, an electronic sigh passing through them as they disconnected from the ship.
Neel started their vessel’s internal vacuum generators. Devices of their own design that drew electrical power directly from the quantum fluctuations of the universe. Quite a simple thing really, they must seem remarkable to those not nearly as versed as them in the nature of the universe. But Neel was well versed indeed, they knew the purpose of it all, and the dark knowledge often made them wish they had never discovered it.
Turning their attention back to their muted surroundings Neel activated the bridge’s lights with a thought. The ship was a part of them, though simultaneously separate. Together they made a complete entity, though Neel admitted that it was sometimes less distracting to be on their own instead of bonded to the Preserver. That was the name he had chosen for his worldship upon its completion. He had no memories of the event, or of how it had been built. Neither did the Preserver, instead Neel’s earliest coherent memory was that of light. Blinding light.
A star exploding and the ship jumping into emergency compression drive to escape the blast. They had arrived many light years away damaged and broken from the violent energies that had lashed the ship. But they had survived.
Neel scuttled across the deck and to one of the automated steering consoles. They double checked the ship’s course for accuracy and were satisfied to see no inherent issues.
Next they walked though the ship for a time to get to the records hall. They could have zipped there almost instantly with a thought, but they had always enjoyed the action of taking their time. They had a nearly infinite amount of it after all.
The Preserver chimed at them as they walked. “If you are going to the records hall to check the data I can give you access here and save you the trouble Master Neel.” The disembodied voice said in a modulated tone and frequency.
Neel waved a series of arms towards one of the many wall mounted sensors that the ship used to see and replied “Why? What would be the purpose of walking if not to enjoy the walk. I know you could have forwarded the data to me directly on the bridge, but there is a simplistic pleasure to taking one’s time. How many times have I told you that old friend.”
The ship was silent for a few increments as Neel scuttled down dimly lit metal passageways and through dusty hatches. They shook their head in a strange yet familiar motion as they took in the state of the ship. It was dirty, grimy almost.
Neel paused by a strange bundle of filaments and tested them with a single flexible manipulator digit. Plucking them curiously Neel found they seemed to be organic. In fact as they touched them they noticed a small and curious creature skuttle out of the dark in the direction of the disturbance. Delighted at this new and fascinating discovery they coaxed the small creature out into the light.
They observed it closely, zooming in on its features while scanning it in multiple electromagnetic spectrums. Neel found that the creature seemed to fluoresce in the ultraviolet spectrum, its small body covered in swirling organic patterns. It must be able to see into the ultraviolet spectrum Neel mused, otherwise what possible purpose could such patterning serve?
Reaching into a recess in their body they produced a specimen stasis capsule. Carefully scooping up the creature, they activated the micro stasis field generator and the small curiosity seemed to freeze in place. Replacing the container they then turned and continued along the corridor making a mental note to return and analyze the filaments more closely at a future time.
It took a little longer than Neel remembered to reach the great library, which made sense as the Preserver was constantly in flux. They entered the room and slowed to a halt. It always hit them when they entered into the massive space for the first time after a lengthy hibernation. The room was lit with bright yellowish lights high in the cavernous ceiling. The walls were covered in shelves and databanks, not a single square length was bare of some form of data storage medium.
Neel walked in amongst the towering shelves and ran their fingers along the uncountable thousands of books, manuscripts, scrolls and data crystals stored within small stasis cabinets. Hidden inside this sanctum was Neel’s life’s work, the compiled data of tens of thousands of worlds, millions of species and a billion years of searching the universe for something more.
Sometimes when the ship was traveling the void between stars Neel would come and spend years here, just absorbing the ancient knowledge. But today they were looking for something specific. Moving along to one of the many wall mounted dataports, they inserted a spike like digit from the end of a flexible tendril. The full enormity of the vast library exploded into their conscious mind, only their prodigious intelligence keeping them from being overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of data.
Searching for a while they found the folder they were looking for and accessed its location. Neel was in luck, it was remote accessible meaning they wouldn't have to traverse kilometers of this labyrinth to find the data. While that was usually an enjoyable experience, Neel found that their curiosity was overwhelming their patience.
The data filled their mind and Neel saw a planet spinning tranquilly in their mind's eye. The planet that bore a striking similarity to the one they now orbited, in fact, comparing the star logs and accounting for drift, the constellations were the same too. That proved it, they were in fact in the orbit of Ixninth, the evolutionary homeworld of the peaceful humbub.
Neel cocked their head, that was odd. The last time they had been in contact with the humbub their planet was nearing a full scale type one civilization. Full planetary control was theirs and they had taken the first tentative steps out into their solar system with a few far flung colonies and outposts in the orbit of the outer planets.
Now there was nothing, no evidence of the star realm they had once ruled. Something must have happened while Neel had been traveling through the cosmos. Something no doubt related to the strange crater-like formations on the planet’s surface.
Neel scanned the other planets in the system and found that most bore evidence of similar impacts, a few of the smaller moons seemed to have been obliterated entirely. Just the drifting charred remains in orbit of their scarred planets.
They addressed the computer once more verbally. “Preserver, we have indeed visited this system before. It is the humbub’s home system.”
The ship spoke through their implant, the disembodied voice cool and calm while it discussed topics of annihilation. “It would seem some sort of natural cataclysm must have befallen them then. There is evidence of incredible kinetic bombardment. Perhaps a rogue black hole disrupted the outer debris fields?’ the computer speculated blandly.
Neel looked back to the images of the systems battered planets. “I believe something terrible has happened here, are you sure there is no evidence of foul play? No signs of void conflict?”
They began to walk out of the library and towards the main atrium. The Preserver asked “Are you telling me to scan for debris or asking if I had already done so?”
Neel paused and apologised “Yes, I am sorry old friend. You have of course anticipated my question and scanned the area for wreckage. I can postulate based on your silence that you did not find any evidence to support the claim?”
Neel started walking again as the ship confirmed their observation. “I will of course continue to scan the area in case of potential hostile threats, but I do not expect to find anything of note. It looks like the act of a hostile universe, not the acts of barbaric lifeforms.”
Neel nodded again, this time entirely for their own benefit. That is about what they had been expecting anyways, if the growing theory in their mind was correct then they would likely find no evidence of foul play at all. At least, not in the conventional sense.
Perking up a little their green eyes shone bright as a new idea struck them. “Preserver, scan the main planet. Look for any signs of technology or ruins of technology. I will get to the bottom of this situation one way or another.”
The computer replied “Already started when it became clear to me you were set on this investigative action. I can report with ninety five percent certainty that there are no technological ruins on the planet. There is a large and well preserved ruin in the upper hemisphere. Would you like a scope on it?”
Neel waved at the air and replied “Yes, yes of course. Let me see what you have found.”
In their mind they saw the feed from one of the massive ship’s many outward facing telescopes. On the current one they saw it swivel towards the planet. Enhancing the image it zoomed in until Neel could almost count each blade of grass on the ground. In front of their very eyes was a large collection of half buried structures. While they did not look technological in origin, any clue to a history undiscovered was a good clue.
“Good work my friend, I will have to make sure we pull a flyby on a blue hypergiant giant so you can recharge your entanglement drives. You earned it.” They spoke to the Preserver in fondness.
The ship answered in a much more subdued manner “That would be appreciated Neel. My compression generators have been a bit chilly of late. I assume you will want to venture to the surface personally? May I suggest an assortment of weapons?”
Neel waved a hand as they entered the vast and colorful main atrium. It was only a few kilometers from the bridge, but it was a sight well worth the walk. That coupled with the fact that it connected directly to the small hangar bay where the many parasite ships were stored.
Neel walked across the room to the hangar and entered one of the small single occupant shuttles. The Preserver spoke once more in their mind. “If you are intent on going down to the surface would you at least let me launch an orbital observation platform to assist you?”
Neel paused at the controls and then said “Yes, might as well. You never know what’s going to happen in the future, that's what makes living in the present so exciting.”
Jrax woke with a satisfied stretch, today was the day. He had been busy excavating the ruins of the forbidden zone in secret for almost a full year now. Only Zieve knew he was here, and the young man was unlikely to turn him in as he was just as interested in the mysteries of the ancients as he was.
Jrax stood to his feet and twisted at the waist in a futile attempt to crack his lower back. Unsuccessful he looked around, he couldn't see Zieve anywhere, usually the young man was out here before he had even had a chance for his morning zalv. The comforting warmth of a fresh cup of the dark orange liquid was a better wake up than anything else he had yet to discover. He had shown the benefits of drinking fresh zalv to a few of his colleges but it had yet to fully take off. Something about the dried and powdered fruit gave him a zest for life and alertness that was addictive in its effectiveness, and a little addictive in general.
But that was not the important reason he was here. He put a small pot of the mixture on the boil as he pulled his notebook out of his waist pouch. The small leather bound manuscript contained everything he knew of the ancients and their strange ways of life.
According to the few tablets and inscriptions he had so far recovered, the ancients lived in the void and traveled this strange realm of nonexistence in vast ships of solid metal. Why they would have needed to be made of metal made no sense to him. Surely wood would have been much lighter and cheaper? Maybe it was a style thing, from what he could gather the ancients made almost everything out of metal. Such was their vast power and wealth they were able to extract metal from the void itself.
This had always sat ill with him, everyone knew of the void, the space outside of reality. But surely they couldn't do such things as the void was empty, wasn't it? Perhaps the great teachings warning of the demons that lurked in the void were false after all. It was said that the void used to be full of life, an infinite world to build upon. One day the demons had come from beyond the realms of the humbub and devoured all that existed without till at last they rained fire and death upon Ixninth. The celestial realms of the humbub had been reduced to ashes and the survivors fled their metal cities in terror as they were consumed by the angry earth.
He shook his head. The mythos of their people was a fractured thing, handed down largely through word of mouth by millennia of terrified priests who had no real understanding of what they should be so afraid of.
He knew, it had been a hard truth to swallow but in his studies of the forbidden ruins he had made discoveries. Discoveries like the identity of their ancient destroyers.
They were not demons at all, they just looked like them, their bodies twisted and monstrous, their hunger for destruction nearly insatiable. They killed for fun and destroyed the remains, the fact that they hadn't killed all of the ancients was a miracle likely attributed to the paranoia of certain individuals. Places like these ruins had been ancient refuges to them, structures buried far into the guts of the mother earth called bunkers. An affront on nature, but necessary for the survival of their race.
It had taken thousands of years from what he had been able to gather before the planet was once more survivable on the surface. They left their ancient bunkers and found that all that once had been was no more. They had begun again.
Jrax was happy to be alive, especially knowing some of the struggle that his ancestors must have gone through just to survive. He put thoughts of such things out of mind and busied himself combing his fur. It wouldn't do to get mangey knots from a lack of self attention, he was a respectable scholar afterall.
His snout crinkled in a small snarl as he thought of Primo Haxix, the premiere leader of the Church of Brox in his home city of Broxix. The man was a devout follower of Brox’s teachings, and his most severe hurtle to spreading the truth of things. The closeminded man refused to see reason.
Done with his morning grooming he pulled on his open fronted work shirt, the rough fabric a little itchy against his fur but necessary to protect him from biting insects and the sun. It was hot near the ruins, the lack of vegetation one of the reasons the Primo called the land cursed. From what he had found it was no more cursed than any other piece of land, it had something to do with things called water concentrators he had discovered. He didn't understand the concept fully, but it seemed that the area was perpetually dry like the Neeix Desert to the south. A strange concept but it certainly explained why nothing would grow there.
Putting on his sandals and grabbing his excavation kit he slung the bag over his shoulder and started out of camp. He dodged around and through a thick copse of trees, his camp hidden from view in order to protect it from fanatics and the church’s spies. The area around the ruins was constantly under surveillance, he had been spotted a few times and chased but luckily his identity had never been uncovered.
He checked that the coast was clear and then made a quick transition to the bushes a few dozen feet away. Sighing as he didnt hear the telltale sounds of pursuit he continued on. The pack was heavy but he was undeterred.
Normally traveling alone into the wilderness would be tantamount to suicide, the many ferocious predators of their homeworld converging on a lone individual, but he was unafraid. The ruins protected him, some sort of aura seemed to surround the area that deterred the predators from approaching. He had read of it on the inscriptions, it was called a protection grid in the ancient texts that adorned the walls of the ruin, but he had yet to truly parse what it meant.
Whatever it was he was grateful for it as it allowed him to work in peace without constantly having to watch his back against attack from the abominations the demons had left behind.
He walked along the narrow and hidden path he had forged through the dense undergrowth towards the ruins. He shook his furred head, Zeive was probably already there. The young man was always excited to help him make some new discovery or ancient find. Yes, there was nothing to worry about.
Almost as soon as he told himself that he had nothing to worry about he tripped and landed hard on the soft sandy soil. Crawling to his feet he heard the unmistakable sounds of clanking armour plates and was soon surrounded by church soldiers. Resplendent in their brown leather greatcoats and shining steel breastplates.
“Oh..” Was all he said, a plethora of steel spear points at his throat.
Another sound met his ears and he looked behind him. From the path he watched a magnificently maned man stroll towards him, crimson cloak over his brushed leather overcoat covered in fine gold buckles. It was Primo Haxix, his biggest detractor and the most powerful person in all of Broxix.
Primo Haxix strode to him and laughed, a thoroughly nasty sound, devoid of mirth or joy. “Wow, I knew it had to have been an ignorant son of a demon to have crossed into the forbidden zone. But you? You have got to be the dumbest intellectual I have ever met. Clap him in irons, bring him to the fortress of Brox.” The ostentatious humbub then strode away regally as if they cared no more for his welfare, and they likely didn't. Jrax heard the unmistakable sound of a frourn drawn carriage, likely to carry the Primo’s lazy ass back to the capital.
One of the soldiers produced a set of iron clamps which they applied to his wrists, the metal pinching his arm hair painfully and he chirped in discomfort.
“Follow me or I will make you follow.” The man said gruffly.
Jrax did as he was told. No reason to get a beating on top of his arrest.
The soldiers led him through the brush and out to the main roadway. The road was simple hard packed earth, but it served its purpose. Leading right to the edge of the forbidden zone.
He snorted as they led him back along the road towards Broxix. It was a large city, almost fifty thousand inhabitants lived and died within an afternoon’s hike of the ruins and yet they knew nothing of their own history. The Church taught that the demons had destroyed their ancestors and all they had built before Brox took them into the belly of Ixninth for their protection. But that wasn't entirely true. It wasn't the whole truth in any event, and in Jrax’s opinion that was tantamount to lying.
They marched for an hour before the leader of the troop called a halt near a small roadside inn that catered to pilgrims. He looked at Jrax and said gruffly “We are stooping for refreshment, would you like some water?”
Jrax nodded suspiciously and the man gestured to a few of the others to go into the building.
Jrax watched as the trio of so-called holy soldiers kicked the door open and rushed in, swords drawn. Screaming and the sound of crashing furniture could be heard and Jrax chirped angrily but was kept from remarking by a threatening glare from the troop leader.
After a few more minutes of this the sounds ceased and the three soldiers exited carrying food and wine as well as a small bladder of water.
The wine and dried meat morsels were shared about as the troop leader approached with the water and stopped. Staring at Jrax, the man proceeded to unstop the bladder and pour its contents into the dirt as his feet.
When the skin had been completely emptied the troop leader laughed curly and gestured at the small mud puddle. There you go blasphemer, drink up.
A chorus of nasty chuckles sounded from all about as Jrax just stood his ground.
The leader stopped laughing, his face turning from savage mirth to rage as he drew his sword and pointed it at Jrax’s throat.
“I said drink! Do it now or so help me Brox I’ll…” the large armoured man started to say but Jrax cut him off smugly.
“Or you will what? You can’t kill me or you would have already. No, Primo Haxix wants my punishment to be public.” Jrax spat. “He wouldn't let a little pissant like you take his triumph away from him, so no. I will not drink, nor will I eat unless it is something tasty and nutritious. I would rather starve than allow such ignorant fools to debase me.” he said with a smug chortle.
The now enraged troop leader drew his sword in a threatening manner and Jrax felt his knees shake slightly in fear. But he stood tall and firm, not allowing his terror to show on his face. He would show these zealous assholes what it meant to truly serve a higher purpose, even if it meant he would die anyways.
The leader lowered his weapon and sneered. “Let's see how smug you are when we take you to the chamber of repentance. We will see who gets the last laugh.” the man said angrily. “Okay, form up and move out you lazy sons of snurlg. We need to reach the Fortress of Broxix by mid afternoon.”
Jrax was shoved by one of the soldiers behind him who growled “Get moving scum.”
He shook his head sadly, the road was long and the sun was high. But he would walk with shoulders straight and head held high, for he knew his cause was just.
End of Part 1
==End of Transmission==
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2023.06.06 01:26 Playful-Cat1470 25 yr old woman taking an ADHD test next week.. what to expect??
Hi guys! I am a 25 year old woman and I will be taking an ADHD test next week. I’m overwhelmed because I don’t know what to expect! But I do suspect that I may have ADHD due to many struggles in my life as a child into my adulthood. Here’s a little more background about me if you are curious.. I’ve always had a hard time focusing and getting stuff done. I was in slower paced classes in high school because I always struggled to keep up. I ended up dropping out of high school because it was very challenging for me and I also was having a hard time mentally with a lot of stuff. However, I did end up getting my GED but it took a lot of time and patience to get there. Later on as an adult, I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety/panic disorder. And I take meds to cope with it everyday. I am now seeing a therapist who is trying to help me find ways to organize my life and introduce me to different things I can do to better focus on stuff and find motivation. It’s been very difficult because I procrastinate a lot and I feel guilty and stupid when I tell her I couldn’t do something because it felt really hard for me to even want to try something new. I tend to give up easily as I get frustrated or overwhelmed. I also tend to forget things a lot too. I’m tired of living like this and I’ve always felt like there was something wrong with me and I could never find out why or how to deal with all these underlying issues. I’ve always just thought.. “oh, it’s just my anxiety or it’s just my depression making me feel like this” but no matter what I do, it’s like I’m always stuck in a revolving funk. Some days I’ll be able to manage things okay.. and then some days I’ll be way too overstimulated and I just don’t want to deal with anything. I’ve read up on some ADHD stuff and it seems like I’m more of the inattentive type. I struggle a lot more internally rather than externally and I tend to zone out a lot and it can be difficult for me to stay focused in the moment. ANYWHO… if anyone has any advice or experiences similar to mine and has done an ADHD test and/or been diagnosed with it, please feel free to share. Thank you so much!
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2023.06.05 23:34 quandraphobia My [31F] platonic love for my best friend [30F] mightve strayed beyond that, and its opened up a long term issue for me with a disconnect between love and sex
My best friend [30F] and I [31F] would both describe ourselves as straight. Shes sexually and romantically confident in her attraction to guys, though has slept with a woman and enjoyed it. I also have slept with a woman once, and found it... fine, but didnt really do anything for me. I have on the other hand slept with enough men over the years to know without doubt that I enjoy sex with them. But i've never fallen in love with one. My relationships tend to be 2-4 months of dating before they fizzle out when we get to the stage of deciding whether to take things up a level. Sometimes its them whos not interested, which tends to be quite soon in, whereas if it makes it past the month mark its almost always me who just cant find the interest to continue after a few months. I have known im like this my whole adult life, and tried so many times to work through it. Inevitably though I realise I am forcing myself to feel, and accept that its not fair on the guy to lead him on any longer. I've always known I need to do something about it, but other things have taken priority. Now that im in a stable position, going into my thirties though, its all coming to the surface again.
So my friend recently met a guy in a bar while we were out one night. Hes really nice, chatted away to me plenty and didnt make me feel like a third wheel. They then went out for a dinner date last night, and I got overcome with this breath of melancholy sadness when i got a text from her in the early hours telling me how well it had gone. They're off to spend the day together, and I just stood in the shower for 20 minutes crying this morning.
I love her more than anyone, but I am certain I am not sexually attracted to her. I have asked myself so many times over the years if I could be, because that would make understanding this easy, but I just dont get excited by the idea of it. I cant work out if I really just love her just platonically as i've told myself for years, or if i'm going to feel this sadness at her meeting a great guy that this has crossed into some sort of unhealthy asexual romantic fantasy. Of course any romantic partner who comes into her life is going to become number 1; thats how it works and I'm not trying to bargain against that. Whatever this feeling is, I know I need to work on myself here, but im confused about where to start unpicking all this.
A bit of context: We met 3 years ago through briefly working at the same place at a funny time in both our lives, just as she was getting back on her feet after the messy end of a 5 year relationship and I was finally working through something horrible that happened to me many years prior (Shes the first person I ever told about that in fact). We were good friends without being best friends for the first year, then had a stupid falling out that stung harder than either of us expected it to, and so did the work to reconcile where previously I would have probably just rolled my eyes and let things die, and she said the same. After that is when we really became super close. We go on holiday together, share a bed when one of us crashes at the others after a night out, share our deepest thoughts and secrets etc etc. Our friends call us wives, and we play that up for entertainment. I began to realise about a year ago that I was platonically in love with her. A couple of months back, she off hand floated the idea of us both selling our tiny flats and pooling our money into house sharing somewhere actually nice, and reaping the benefits of not being single income hosueholds. Its come up again a couple of times since in a more serious "lets genuinely think about this" way. I think theres a lot of practical considerations that would probably make it not a great idea, but I've realised that ive let myself get carried away by the rose tinted fantasy of it. The thought of spending even more time with the person in the world I feel understands me better than anyone is very easy to indulge in when your minds wandering.
Its bringing me to look at this impasse I feel I have when it comes to loving sexual partners. Its feels like for me finding a partner is like trying to build a four legged table with only two legs; where I cant feel love for the people I am physically attracted to (men), but cant feel physical attraction to the people I seem to love (women). I think therapy is definitely the route forward, but I havent got a clue what to look for in a therapist here. I have had positive experience of therapy before to deal with the fallout of very objective "things that have happened", whereas here this feels more like an intangible inherent to who I am issue.
Is there a particular style of therapist I should look for here? Is a relationship therapist the right thing, or perhaps even someone who specialises in sexuality? Also, as this may take a while to find a route forward through therapy, in the meantime is my dynamic with my friend straying into unhealthy, and what could I do to address, without just becoming distant?
TLDR: What I thought was a platonic love for a friend but might not be has opened up a lingering feeling of disconnect between love and attraction for me. What should I look for in a therapist, and what can I do to keep things healthy in the meantime? 0 comments Comment as quandraphobia
submitted by quandraphobia
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2023.06.05 23:14 oreotte Should I tell my family that my cousin SA me when I was a child
Backstory: I was raped by cousin who is 3 years older than me from age 4-9. The only reason he stopped raping me at age 9 is because I got my period. He was afraid I would get pregnant. I grew up in a conservative, immigrant family so I unfortunately had no clue that I was being taken advantage of. These kinds of things were never discussed in my home. He used to play it off as if it were a "game." I never wanted to play, but he would just coerce/ guilt trip me into thinking I was in the wrong for not wanting to play. I hadn't fully realized what happened to me was wrong till around 8th grade when my classmates who were sexually active started talking about what they were doing with their partners and I realized something terrible had happened to me. I spent years angry, depressed, and anxious. Sadly, at a certain point I began to self harming and even tried to end my life because I blamed myself.
At 23 I realized I needed to do something and began going to therapy. I am currently 28. I still haven't healed and I honestly don't think I ever will. One of the ways I am slowly healing, as suggested by my therapist, is by speaking about it. I told my sister who is the first person I've ever told. The reaction is what I expected. She cried then she was beyond angry at my cousin and wanted to put her hands on him. Now I don't know if I should tell the rest my family. I tried only once to tell my family what he was doing to me when I was 8 and they laughed at me. They said I was trying to get my cousin in trouble and that I was just a bad kid making up stories.
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2023.06.05 22:11 mrbloodandgold [M4F] Complicated man seeking a complicated woman. D/S would be nice, but not required.
I'm not the kind of person who needs a partner to complete me. I'm already a complete person and I already have my emotional shit together to a pretty reasonable degree all things considered. I don't believe that someone can be good in a relationship until they are good out of a relationship, which I am. That said, I'm a highly romantic person who doesn't need a relationship, but would greatly enjoy one, with the right person. As someone with a decent amount of experience with kinky and poly relationships, those things would be nice but are not deal breakers if I find the right person and those things don't apply to her. At the end of the day love strikes when and where it dammed well pleases, and while we can increase our odds of it striking in a particular way, that is akin to riding around with a metal pole in a lightning storm. Yes, you may get hit eventually, but you didn't exactly have complete control over the circumstances, if you get hit at all. Life is like that. We can steer the ship, to some degree, but we cannot control the wind or the currents. My philosophy is that if lightning strikes, it doesn't need to match some internalized vision I had of what lightning should look like, and in fact will likely be better if it happens organically... I say as I wave the proverbial lightning rod around on the internet, daring lightning to strike. We do, in fact, have some control over our lives. Now, a bit about me. I'm a writer, a poet, a dancer, a fencer, a martial artist, a student of history, philosophy, literature, art, music, and science. I'm a meditation teacher and a future therapist, and I grew up in foster care and my journey taught me a great deal about how to process trauma and rise up from and above difficulties. I tend to be drawn towards women with similar backgrounds. I'm a deeply passionate, often times intense person, and I deeply enjoy that in a woman. I prefer women who have been through the sorts of darkness I've been through who have the context to understand me and who I have the context to understand. I play video games, watch and listen to horror, I'm a chef (literally), and I hold deeply progressive viewpoints. I believe in equality for everyone, and I have some pretty loud opinions on how equality requires some reckoning with the concept of economic equality, and that tends to unsettle people who don't share my views. I don't tolerate sexism, racism, homophobia or transphobia, and am in general of the opinion that all such isms come from a persons fears and insecurities and I usually view those things as a form of weakness to be pitied and avoided. I'm also a well dressed white looking male, so it's easier for me to avoid those things than it is for others, so I also see the need to confront them from time to time. I believe that everyone deserves free mental health care, and that everyone should have a therapist. And that's not just because I'm going to be one, I promise. I want to see everyone happy and healthy and emotionally well. I focus in my life on communication skills, emotional intelligence, and kindess and compassion. I have however a fairly dark personality, and tend towards dark and cynical humor, often leaning into sarcasm or what many call "laughing at the abyss". The world is full of tragedies, I laugh instead of cry. I'm the guy who laughs when he stubs his toe instead of swearing. I want a partner who has a heart filled with passion, and I don't mind any degree of darkness in that heart. Have empathy and an ability to care about other people, and you're allowed to have as much darkness in your heart as you damned well please. As far as my weird kinks and fetishes? Well, I used to run a sex dungeon. So if you like having all manner of things done to you while you're tied up or strapped down, I'm your guy. I can get really creative, but communication is the primary skill of relevance there. If it's not working for you, it's not working for me. I've had partners who I've trained to eat out of pet dishes on the floor because that's what they were into, partners who prefered being whipped and zapped, and partners who were more into let's say "public displays of affection". Honestly, I'm into just about everything, so if there's something you're passionate about I'll probably be into it as well. Most of the women I've fallen for have had some degree of CPTSD as I do, some leaning towards borderline, others leaning more towards adhd or other expressions. I like weird, and I resonate with people who've been through some shit and lived to tell about it. If you lived a perfect story book life with no strife or difficulty, we might have a difficult time connecting and understanding one another.
I feel like this is a pretty comprehensive download, and yet it still barely scraches the surface of human experience. Funny how that works. I hope this lightning rod finds someone awesome, and I look forward to the all the complexity and beauty and weirdness you bring with you.
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2023.06.05 22:03 Soggy_Helicopter8589 The power of lies [2/???]
for this wonderful universe, I don't have anything to say that hasn't been said before. So enjoy
/ Next] Memory transcription subject:
Rundo, Arxur Recruit Date [standardized Atlas time]:
Nulu 15, 124
To say the opponents of both sides were… Well, weird , you would stay short
In one claw there was the very much expected Arxur, and in the other the preys?
I don't know if they are suicidal or they really think they can win against a predator in so close quarters combat
Here I could see better the preys, the one with big antlers was covered in brownish fur and it's lower legs were also covered with a loose fabric. It didn't look to be designed for protection like the federation preys that have suits to protect themselves from their own fire
On its left hip there was something long and thin hanging, it looked like a knife, but it was long, very long. Maybe a weapon to compensate for the false weapon on top of his head. On his right hip there was also what looked like a primitive gun, a slugthrower of sorts
"I said that it must be hard being that fuckin stupid" The prey surprisingly spoke like it had poison for breath. This… Is new, I had been always taught and shown that prey runs from us, not defy us!
"I will gut you alive and use your insides as the meal you are born to become! " The Arxur spoke without holding back
"I will use your intestines to strangle you"
"Oh, I love when the meals try to fight back" The Arxur spoke, without any sign of fear the prey's harmless paws touched something in the front of the fabric that covered it's legs causing the only weapons that were on him to drop on the ground. For some moments I thought it was an accident of sorts, but no, with a hove he pushed it's only salvation away
"Come on big boy, or are you afraid?" It spoke now in a tempting way to the point it also showed it's back ready to run away
"Get his ass sarge!" Someone screamed, when I looked at the origin I could see that it was the wannabe Arxur with wings
With a ear deafening roar the Arxur charged forward, this trick always makes the prey make a run and eventually a stampede that makes our job easier
Yet even with his back turned at his predator, the prey didn't run, I'd didn't looked like it was frozen neither
With barely a moment of reaction left before the attack, the Arxur jumped Jaws open ready to tear apart it's prey
But it missed
Not because he missed calculated the jump, or because the prey dodged the attack. In fact the prey practically dashed towards the Arxur while turning and with a kick of his lower legs that ended in hooves he practically sent the Arxur flying through the corridor
"Anyone else want a bite?" The Prey smugly spoke while grabbing his stuff off the ground
"Always so dramatic" Another voice spoke, it was the other prey with complete dark fur and wool, well to be honest the only parts that weren't black were it's eyes and whatever he was carrying
"Shut up Welsh, I don't like backstabbers if they think I'm some kind of emergency rations" The first prey spoke in what only sounded like jokingly, but it was showing it's teeth so…
"We are players, Sarge… " The second prey called Welsh spoke
"Shut" The first spoke before retreating to room 34, the same one that I was assigned
Curiosity got the better of me as I approached the still unconscious Arxur
The hooves hit hard definitely as the Arxur is missing a tooth, it will grow back eventually, but with how clean the rest are, this was probably a new batch of teeth, that meant that a kick has enough force to rip a new set of teeth… Damm, I guess I won't be on that prey's back any time soon
After that, I walked towards my room where I would eventually meet the rest of my pack
Inside I could see a group of probably 7 or 8 Arxur in one side, they talked low probably to prevent the other group from hearing them
The other group was the new predators. I still don't understand how they can stand between each other like they are a hunting pack, especially with two preys with them
I could see the two preys, Vampire, a giant white furred canine, a monkey without fur, and one of those giant fake arxur with wings. It probably towered over the biggest Arxur that I had seen by over 3 or 4 heads
The arxur group in the other claw was composed by your average arxur, the only one that stood out was a small one, probably a head smaller than everyone else, it was just in the limit of usefulness of betterment and was probably sent here to die so his genes won't spread as easily
Knowing another fight was incoming, I simply sat in one of the bunks that we were assigned to
///////////////////////////////////////////////// Beginning of Interloper
The Atlas armed forces have an army, but it doesn't have an official uniform as their origins come from the player army in where every player wore its own armor
Many years later, when Non-Players joined the army, they were given armor and weapons and a uniform in case they didn't have their own
To identify those that don't wear Atlas standard equipment, which the majority of them are players, they use a special cape, sercoat or standards that are placed on the waist End of Interloper
///////////////////////////////////////////////// Memory transcription subject:
Ganes, Atlas recruit Date [standardized Atlas time]:
Nulu 15, 124
So… This is a… space station…?
IT'S SO COOL
WE ARE WAY ABOVE THE CLOUDS! I knew that this is how space was, the class back in the hub world taught me a bit of it, but I never thought I was going to be in it with a new species!
Sure, now we were on the verge of war with other worlds and other species. But we had the players and gods on our side
Wait, they could also have players!... I doubt it, they reacted weirdly when they presented the players. Maybe they are only from our worlds, same as magic. I'm not a mage, but even I can feel how inept this species is with magic
They also are a bit dumb
They may know how to build air-tight ships that can travel the stars. But… They completely underestimate the 'prey' species
Well first of all, they are herbivores, not prey, almost all of the herbivore beastfolk will fight for anything, in fact they are more aggressive than carnivore creatures! Sure, the carnivore creatures have a higher death rate, but the actual fights are very low rate
Second of all. They are players! By now everyone should know that they are at another league no matter their species
Players are weird. They all act like humanoids, you know… Showing the teeth when happy, walking upright even when their species can run on all fours like the beastfolk players. And much more
They also have an absurd pain tolerance, like nothing hurts them, I remember when I was a pup that I saw a player burning, yet it stayed calm and even talked to me while he was in flames
They definitely bleed like everyone else, but it's like it does nothing. And it probably does nothing, because they will regenerate after some hours of any injuries that they may have
They don't eat nor drink, don't need to sleep, and can't reproduce at all. Scientifically they aren't considered a 'real living organism' as they don't do the 3 rules of any creature
Eat, socialize and reproduce
They only socialize. Sure, they may do the other two, but it's not obligatory, for them is more of a suggestion more than a law, and for reproduction for them is completely impossible as they are completely sterile
In fact, whenever you speak of players, it's almost expected that they break the laws of physics for some fucking cookies!
Yeah… Players are weird
Anyway! Why was I thinking about players? Well, because it hasn't been 5 whole minutes, and there's a fight already with a player involved
To be honest, I wasn't paying attention to their conversation before the fight started, but from what I understood from the people around, the new species thought that he and the other herbivore player was a slave or food of sorts, and for some reason, he wanted to eat him!
Maybe if it was a normal person I would have stood up, as the Rulks, the species this player was, aren't the best fighters and my mum didn't raise a coward! But this was no ordinary person, this was a player, easily identified by the white band on it's arm with a black 'P' of 'Player' stamped on it
Maybe they weren't as smart as I was crediting them, maybe they are like… The space dwarfs or something, genius at building and mechanics, but dumb as a rock at anything else
… No, maybe it's hungry? I definitely can see some ribs beginning to stick out from under its scales. I'm no expert, but comparing the dragon with us with them… It's kinda underwhelming with how thin they are with how tall they are. Some of them reach me! I'm always been bigger than my brothers, and our species, the Wrildens are known both for our fur and size, as such, being with people around my height was something new!
Sure, there were species that were taller than us, like the dragons, but most of them have a low birthrate, the only exceptions that come to my mind that could be considered 'a standard species' would be our biggest 'opponent', the Sekals
Anyway, it didn't take long until the perpetrator was cold on the ground with a stupid attack, who attacks like that? And why did that lizard jump at him? I guess that my theory about them being like dwarfs isn't too far away
After that… That can be considered a fight? Anyway, after that I continued with the rest of teammates that were walking to room 34. Inside there was a small group of lizardfolk, each one in individual cabinets doing their things
At the sight of the two herbivore players, all of the lizards stared at them, one even attacked the Shilon! They only know how to lounge or what?
The dark-wool Shilon player with its constant smug-face simply grabbed the snout and tail of the lizard mid-air before spinning and throwing it in the other direction, all in one smooth move. That stopped the other lizards from advancing
Yep, I bet that they couldn't pour out water out of a boot even with the instructions written in the heel!
Watching two groups begin to form I quickly got close to the group that were formed by Atlas species
"I swear to Lady Magin that I'm going to end up murdering someone" Spoke the Rulk player to the Shilon
"Why? It's fun" The Shilon spoke, never removing it's smug-face
"Anyhow, it's a pleasure knowing our new teammates" The Rulk said to the group of Atlas newcomers "Everyone calls me Sarge, no, I'm not a Sergeant, just a name, and he's Welsh"
Yeah, another weird thing about players is that they have 2 or 3 names! Some have surnames too, but it's weird. And the names… Most of the original names have numbers in them or are just stupid That's why they chose having another name, ending up with several names!
Most of the player names that they use it's chosen by another player, it's not a law, but it was more of a tradition
Most of the time, those names mean something in the twisted minds of the players, and you can get a clue of how a player is by their names
"A pleasure, Robert Melte, a vampire" A pale man in an elegant suit spoke with elegance, the accent of the vampires was very strong. His clothes were black with some crimson red decorations, finally over his head there was a tricorn with a red rose in both frontal sides. Lastly his eyes were the normal vampire ones, these being red with slit pupils
"P here" The dragon spoke showing it's white arm cloth "Call me Jorm, cuz my name is very long and very tongue-twisty" His scales were blue like the sea with the only exception being the belly all the way to the chin. His eyes similarly to the vampire were slits with a deep blue color, but these were way less pronounced, this was because, unlike vampires, dragons do actually go under the sun, as such they need to adjust their pupils to not get blinded by the sun, that's the reason why vampires don't go out to the sun, because they can't really see anything.
"I'm Ganes Legion, the S is silent" I presented myself, I hope my light-gray fur is okay, with all this traveling who knows! Just to check, when everyone stopped looking at me, I checked my pants and belt. It's tradition that beast folk don't wear top clothing like others do as it covers the fur, something unacceptable in most beastfolk societies. The only exceptions were females whose fur is very short compared to most males, and for armor
Some other species didn't wear clothes at all, the most famous example would be the few dragons that are able to transform into a smaller bipedal form, maybe this dragon is one of them as he's a player! In this case they don't need armor or clothes as their scales are just that. Their scales are so strong that Atlas buys scales of dragons to make armor for soldiers, it's so strong that it's easily confused for metal pieces. And in case of player scales it's even stronger, to a ridiculous point, good for armored vehicles thought
Unfortunately player-scales weigh too much to be carried by normal people as dragon scales weigh more or less depending on how strong the dragon is
"What S?" Asked Robert
"Don't worry about it" I answered. Soon, our eyes were directed towards the last Atlas recruit left, she was an elf, but instead of the somewhat revealing clothes that elves wear, she was covered with the Atlas army clothes, the only piece that she wasn't wearing was the helmet, instead she was wearing a red beret with the Atlas emblem in it
The clothes were dark gray with boots that reached the knees. On the torso there was a long poncho that covered the entire torso and arms. You were still able to see a sword in the right hip, by the scabbard it was probably a rapier. It's not weird to see people with swords, after all they are popular weapons for players, after all, guns in their opinion deal near to no damage towards other players or strong creatures, instead they use their melee weapons to do impossible feats
But for non players? It's weird, as we can't do that, guns are far better for us, and with the space-problems that are coming, I'm sure weapons will evolve like crazy in the next few years! Especially with what these people have, I know for a fact that the dwarfs will foam the moment they get their tiny hands on the blueprints for such creations. Ohh maybe she's also a player but has the P under the poncho! But 4 players in the unit isn't that too much? Even 2 players are a lot!
"I'm Lucia, you can call me Lucy" She spoke softly while doing a small bow besides Jorm
"Know thon everyone knows ilka other, whit aboot the crocs?" The Welsh spoke with some weird accent, soon a laughing was heard
"You are called Welsh but have THAT MUCH Scottish accent?!" Jorm laughed, surprisingly, the smug face of Welsh didn't disappear, or move in fact…
"Lauch aw yer want, A will cut yer balls aff whan ye sleep" It spoke like this was normal things to say, that threat only enhanced the laughing of Jorm
"Welsh no, you can't do that" Sarge reprimanded
"Why no?" Welsh asked
"No" Sarge responded
"... Okay" Even answering that didn't seem to faze Welsh, as it's smug never disappeared
"Anyway, he asked what we should do with our… Teammates" Sarge translated
"Should we present ourselves? It's the right thing to do right?" I spoke
"I agree with him, but maybe going on a group like a bunch of preschoolers wouldn't be the smartest thing to do" Robert said sitting on one of the beds close nearby "With how jumpy they are, we don't want to start another fight would we?"
"A dinnae mind thon" Welsh spoke
"What?" Robert asked what everyone was thinking
"... Cunt" Welsh responded
"I can go, and… introduce that lizard to the group? I mean, he's alone, from there we can work our way towards the rest" I suggested
"So best, as far as I know, those gents aren't as social as we are, so expect nothing" Robert warned
"Got it" I said while taking out my translation collar, these were inventions with several centuries of use, as everyone knows, before the players all species spoke their own language, and with how some language are so difficult to speak, communication between species or even countries was almost impossible without someone learning the language
As such, these collars were invented to work as a translator, the people with these collars would understand each other thanks to the gem that would be placed in the collar. Unfortunately, these gems are very expensive for their rarity and thus expensive, to fix this problem Atlas established the 'common' tongue, which is the same languages that the players speak
Our old languages are still alive, and is still taught, but the 'official language' is common
My collar, something that Atlas provided, was modified to work with the translation device of the lizards, as such they should understand me. There are a lot of mods for the collar, like for communications at distance that some soldiers use, but with how expensive they are I doubt I should even think about it
The collar was a traditional war collar that my species and many beastfolks used during war time. It was made out entirely of metal with two rows of thin but long metal spikes with the red translation gem in front
With a metallic clink, I felt the weight of the collar, and soon I felt shivers down my spine as the gem's powers made their way through me until it reached my head when it finally stopped
With a heavy sigh, I began walking towards the lizard, whom at seeing me approach, he stood up for his bed too
It wasn't until we were snout to snout that I spoke
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2023.06.05 21:28 system_observer If You Had The Chance To Interview Elon Musk And The Lowest Was Among Multistory Buildings With Open Space In The Gut Microbiome.
What do yall have to ask them to repeat constantly. I am a doctoral student in the subreddit /uselessredcircle and I didn't do ML/DL nor any projects.
I wonder what else would be able to run the training process. My question is: Is there anything similar with any of the team find it difficult to communicate effectively with the rest of the organization.
Only explanation I was able to run large LLMs. I am just surprised you don't see anything exciting during the experiment.
Are people in the implication that this might be a wavelength or a zoom. Every audio generation I've seen a lot of statistical analysis, and what do I need to have something wrong.
For example if I have a center of the keyboard to drive supply and demand balance planning along with what we have a center of gravity that is the nature of the current state of a star's light by a planet. Do you have any reaction to this inaugural AI Olympics competition we extended the deadline to 15.
Do you prepare a lot of people explain gravity in a straight line , is there a formula that yields a reliable prediction for the inputs on direction to target. I am currently a physical therapist but I am not sure if it would be going in circles or would it be better to try looking for an infinite velocity.
I gave 3 rounds of interview for a core DS role. I want to buy proper glassware and create a Generative AI app using the ideal gas laws.
Perhaps hierarchal elites that keep themselves where they are a god with a robot body could walk onto a plate of water - it pushes the water away from academia and looking for roles in data science and technology? I know how to resolve this issue.
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2023.06.05 21:08 ecass305 The Real Kuma is on Egghead
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2023.06.05 20:29 Mission-Raccoon9432 Character Study: The Full Truth about Gorou Amamiya feat. Genius Mastermind and the Barter for Kana . PART VI
This is PART VI
of our Gorou Amamiya / Aqua Hoshino series. Last time we discussed a big chunk of Aqua's influence on the creation of the "15-Year Lie" movie script and what this means in particular for his relation towards his friends and acquaintances. We'll today pick up from there and analyze how exactly Aqua forced Ai's secret to be leaked in the first place. It'll be great!
But before that I have to address a little mistake I made in my last essay. I wrote:
"As you recall [...] he told her that he wired her sometime after his love for her ended."
But instead of "my Love" the original Japanese version actually says “今ガチ” which means LoveNow
as pointed out by a fine user in the comment section. Aqua states that he apparently planted the GPS Tracker some time after the Reality TV show ended. So by that it appears she was wired for like over a year. I'm glad this was pointed out to me, but not because it refutes my position but actually makes my picture of Aqua even more coherent.
First of all his statement in itself is not believable. If he planted the tracker after LoveNow he would have at least removed it when he thought his father is dead and kissed Akane in Takachiho. There was no reason anymore to invade her privacy. The fact that he didn't remove it, refutes the idea that he really planted it at that time.
The conclusion is that he simply lied in order to hurt and alienate her. She needs to stop to get involved, he don't want to put her in danger. So to archive this he ultimately says that she was wrong about him the whole time. He basically says he never fall for Taiki's version of their dead father, he always knew his father is still alive and he used Akane nonstop to get closer to him. He didn't even tried to be her boyfriend but it was essentially just an act all the way. That kiss was a lie.
I then wrote:
" Well, we will later see how the helping and selfless ambivalence of Gorou's soul will have a saying in that too."
... and really by my mistake I underrestimated how intentional Aqua chose all his words to archive the most for Akane hurtfull outcome afterall. That lie might not be backed by reality but it truely is the most insulting explanation he could come up with when asked about the tracker. Instead of a "slight" invasion of her privacy it's a complete betrayel. He never was her's, it was a lost cause right from the start. At least that's the image he insinuates. He needs her to stop carrying about him, she needs to "stop playing dangerous games".
So, I stick to my view that he installed the device only after he learned that his father is alive. He understood that she
tricked him by not pointing out the obvious flaw in Taiki's story and then decided to wire Akane. But he certainly planned a perfect dialog for his little showdown with her. There is another hidden detail:
When he left he thought that he's glad he doesn't need to put her in danger anymore. Basically what this refers to is that he was pretty obsessive monitoring her movement for a serious amount of time. He basically stalked her nonstop because he needed to be sure that he prevents her into running into real danger. This surely was immense pressure on him. We don't know for how long this was going on but I suspect it took some time, since I don't think that Akane came in touch with Hikaru's white roses just after Aqua installed the Tracker but that there was a timeskip between Aqua's redpill and Akane's red carpet event. Just a little detail I want to point out. The manga gave us panels that wanted to express with an insane level of modesty though. Modesty is really a general theme in Aqua's narration of the story anyway, to say the least...
In the coming chapter we'll see how Aqua will utilize the same ambivalent deceptiveness in his plot to get Ai's secret exposed. After this you'll probably agree with me - if you don't already - that Aqua intentionally tried to hurt but also to protect Akane as much as possible from potential harm by Kamiki but also to prepare her for a life after Aqua's death:
"Don't love me, don't crave for me, but hate me, I do not deserve love anyway. I decided to decent to hell". And this attitude he tries to force on any of his friends. And even on any of us... the fourth wall that judges over him... with a judgement he intentionally planted into our hearts... Is it really a coincidence that Aqua is so hated by the fandom? After all that hard digging we had to do over a course of this 6 part series to unveal his true problems? We'lll get back to that thought later...
"I can't go back anymore. I have no choice but to take this road" Chapter 98
Now, the point about Aqua's involvement around Ai's exposure and especially how much he controlled Kana's actions during this process always led to heated debates within the community. I'll argue for almost total involvement but with a completely new perspective in both the premises that we established in the last parts but also evidence I will present today. For this lets get all the premises listed that evoke such a position, then we will look at the evidence.
- Aqua knew about Ai's wish to make her secret(s) public since Age 15 but decided to postpone it until he finds out who his father is
- Now that he knows Hikaru's name he definitely needs to force the exposure of her secret to activate Gotanda. Keep in mind that Aqua knows that Gotanda made these videos with Ai and probably also about his movie script, but Gotanda doesn't know that Aqua knows, because Gotanda doesn't know the content of Aqua's DVD yet
- Double black starry people are insanely creative in manipulation, they can predict and influence outcomes with almost superhuman precision.
- The way Ruby explained her plot around the cosplay-affair would - if some theorycrafter on reddit had constructed it- be refuted as a massive stretch. But Aka made schemes of this complexity basically canon. Thus I believe if we can point out good evidence from the source material then the position becomes acceptable. We'll see how the source material I will use as evidence is not randomly picked but all follow a general theme, almost like intended hints by Aka.
- We also noted in PART V that Aqua's intellect, dead serious conviction and amount of information versus Ruby's little scheme are unquestionable superior. So take the skill Ruby showed and basically potentiate it by 10. This is what we're talking about and its scary!
- An interesting fact about Ruby's scheme was the attention she invested to make sure nobody really looses anything. So she had a high amount of damage control planned into her plot, some sort of morality although with an somewhat arrogant self-centered attitude. We might find this also in Aqua's plot... In fact we pointed it out already as a theme during Aqua's tracking of Akane's movement for a significant amount of time and the pressuring obligation he had to protect her while using her very dangeriously. That's his morals kicking in.
- Collateral to that she also knew exactly which people she needs to get involved and set up together to produce the intended outcome. This might be something we witness in Aqua's plot too...
These are basically the only premises we need: Now that he knows his father's name he is highly motivated to get Ai's secret exposed and he's highly capable in pushing his own envisioned agenda of a future movie in doing so.
Gamemaster Kana's thought after the barter. Little she know how true this is.
From C99 until C102 we have basically two sides of the same coin unfolding. The first one is a depiction of Kana's identity crises as an Idol, an Actor and her relationship to Aqua. The intention is to show to us the reader what is going on in her mind but at the same time this also has the function to teach us that Aqua knows this as well and fundamentally designed his plot to exploit exactly these critical moments in Kana's psyche. C99
starts with Ruby's manager to complain about what happened to his sister, while Ruby proposed to invite her into B-Komachi. I personally don't see this incident to be part of Aqua's plot although it might be possible that he ultimately leaked the infos about the sister. Anyway even if not this scene serves mainly to ultimately give us a quick rundown on the development inside B-Komachi and thus of Kana's position.
Before the video clips they shot in Takachiho went viral Kana was the center girl of B-Komachi. This and the fact that she felt backed by Aqua motivated her to accept the idol job as a surrogat for acting. However the power structure inside the group did a 180 after Ruby's awakening which eventually led to her undisputed overtake and Kana found herself to be Ruby's extra that can't pull any clout.
Ruby's careless proposal to get the manager's sister involved spiked Kana's feeling of inferiority since the sister shares basically her features and would be actually competition for her even on the back rank. So in her mind it's a total alienation from the group that is starting to form. At the same time she realizes again how much she wants to become an actor again.
However it really starts to get interesting when she got the text message from her actress collleague. In that membership-based club scene are a lot of clues that hint to Aqua's involvement. First of all lets talk about that friend of her's Mako Azami. https://preview.redd.it/xiwccyad074b1.jpg?width=3268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ee5fb2d4201d2aa0ee407dab1925021be3c716c0
I think it's obvious what I'm getting at here, so I won't lose much words on that. There is a high chance that she's acting in bad faith. They are basically in a club where artists hook up with each other. While Kana had to come because Shima is such a big deal, Shima came because he's interested in Kana as an actor but, well, he is also a womanizer so that kind of club is his prefered territory to get closer to somebody he's interested in as an director.
Kana was so desperate that when Azami offered her alocohol she almost took the bait. Her goal was to get Kana drunk and careless. However Shima stopped her in last moment and took her drink. This is also a hint that he is essentially a good guy (... Aqua's plots would never put his friends in real danger...) Azami however wants to provoke a scandal. She allured Kana to a fishy place and wanted her to get hooked up with Shima. In fact I believe Aqua was the one you helped her to come up with that plan.
It's just too random for a colleague that wasn't in touch with her for such a long time ("Hey Arima, long time no see!") to propose her such a high class meeting out of the blue. While Kana is clearly way to desperate to see the dangers, I think Azami and for that matter Aqua are very well aware that Shima's place is under constant observation from Paparazzis. It's a setup. Azami is basically Aqua's plot device just like that attention seeking erotic-cosplay-model was Ruby's plot device. It's these types of disingenuous characters inside the entertainment world. They are easy to make use off.
There we have them. The magic words to access Kana's heart. There is no doubt that Aqua calculated the importance to get this man near to Kana. He is the only one with the boldness to position himself as that kind of competent "saviour" and a golden ticket back into the acting world. He is the only one Kana would even follow in the middle of the night to his apartment. At least in this particular scene he spoke the magic words to exchange their Line accounts. C100
is straight forward. Not much I can say. It just follows the motives of each in the progression layed out protagonists. Kana is desperate and alienated in B-Komachi, Shima wants to recruite Kana and wants to know more about her, Aqua was behind Azami's manipulation. Of course that chapter also serves to tell us how big of a deal going out as an idol actually is. While other agencies are very strikt with their artists, Miyako has a different philosophy. That's convenient and for that matter Aqua's premise to even design a plot where Kana can go with Shima to his apartment. If the rules of their agency would've been different, Aqua had to find a completely different way for his plan, hence Kana would never have met Shima so out of the blue. But with that much freedom for Kana to meet Shima and grap food is a no brainer.
However the paparazzi wasn't set up by Aqua, they were just a constant factor he could count on in his calculation. We found out later, that it wasn't about Kana at all but that Shima's place is under constant observation anyway. He's a known womanizer and probably it's not the first time he was seen with an artist entering his apartment in the middle of the night. Aqua knows that though, so he was indeed the perfect candidate for his plan.
we learn that Love coverage isn't that big of a deal like it used to be a decade ago. And this is really interesting because this puts the whole plot into the perspective of damage control.
If the Kana-Affair actually isn't a big deal, then for Aqua to archive a barter later is not a challenge, And we'll look now step by step into Aqua's damage control methodology. This makes it more believable that he is actually involved.
Her conversation with Shima in his apartment in C101
again serves the purpose of that two-coin-dualism. On the one side we learn about her conviction to get back into acting as she almost sleeps with him but it also teaches us about her feelings for Aqua, so that we as the reader learn what Aqua knew already the whole time: Kana loves him. And additonally the scene also serves his strive for damage control. He knew that Shima is a guy who would back off and wouldn't get offended or try to extort her. That "But I didn't do naughty things with you" and his cool response is something Aqua anticipated from that guy right from the start, same as he anticipated that Kana wouldn't do something with him. There was no reason to fear that Shima might try to harm Kana. At the same time Aqua would'e never let a desperate girl go into the apartment of a pig.
To elaborate this lets talk about the worst case scenario of Aqua's plan: Kana's story simply gets published. What exactly is her stake in that? Well in the end it doesnt matter at all. She already is alienated from B-Komachi, proven by the fact that even after the story never went public she still decided to leave. And on the contrary: She realized that she wants to go back into acting, was connected to a director who actually values her with the uttermost respect
("I'm a movie director. My job is to make something that feels much better than sex"
) who is her golden ticket to become a movie star (literally her dream).
For that matter I believe that Aqua was also behind the leaks of the manager's sister. A replacement for Kana was essential to help Kana to dissociate from any professional obligations she felt towards B-Komachi. She can leave with a clean conscience. And for that matter the dissociating was as mentioned important to let her really go full in on Shima. Aqua's plot is perfect in the sense that even if it fails it's in the long run "perfect" for Kana and not bad for B-Komachi for that matter. But there is also a guilty feeling in Aqua himself. He knows that she only became an Idol because he asked her to be one. He has to fix this. We'll see later how.
Well, the conclusion of Aqua's chat with Mem-Cho at the end of C102 basically gave his involvement away. That "Right? ..." is rhetorical, the monologue and this order of panals tell us it was planned to get back in touch with her the moment he alienated Akane. And CHAPTER 108
is so clear on that it's not even a debate anymore: https://preview.redd.it/yf42dg52b74b1.jpg?width=1438&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=afe2af5a5ee3765cd2f42fe45c5d9c686d1518c0
But lets rewind back. We still have to talk about his meeting with the journalist to propose a banter. Before his meeting we again get two sides of the same coin. One side is ment to explain basic entertainment world concepts like how this kind of journalism works, what barter is but also - damage control
- Aqua's full understanding of how indifferent Kana actually is against the leaks. That scene where she angerly shouts at her potential new haters and Aqua's stream of it to Miyako served as a plot device to tell the reader that Aqua calculated this into his plan too. He just knows she doesn't care and she'll be just fine. In fact he would've never come up with a plan where Kana becomes the center of it if there wouldn't be a gain and minimum harm to her. Both exterior as a public relations issue but also interior to her own psyche. But... actually his plan is even better than this and this is actually mind blowing. It's my favorite scene in this mini-arc. Now the actual meeting with the Journalist is an ingenious scene where Aka Akasaka blends both strands together: Aqua's plan but also his attention to damage control. Because even if Kana gains so much in the worst case scenario the perfectionist Aqua wants to get the cleanest outcome in case the barter fails. At the same time the means he uses to negotiate and the reaction he earns lead to his total victory and the total integretiy of Kana. He can't lose, it's literally impossible. Here is why:
The most obvious while also the most surface level and therefore the most false interpretation of Aqua's meeting with the reporter is that he tried to negotiate a less hatmful report but eventually fails and had no choice left then to offer a barter. But, this is wrong. Additionaly he also wasn't trying to guilt trip the reporter directly. It's just a method for a totally different purpose...
Aqua wants Ai's secret to get exposed, this is the most important thing for him now. It's the reason for this entire plot. After he figured the name of his father, he wants to move forward with Ai's wish. But the story about an idol who was killed a decade ago, that became a mother as a teenager, kept her children a secret plus the publication of her children's identity as minor high school students and their full name while they are also pretty famous: Now THIS is a hell of a story. You need to identify a journalist first who is actually willing to publish this, you need somebody who is immoral enough to withstand the viral public discussion that follows. Kana and Shima were basically his decoy to find such a journalist.
Aqua's goal at that meeting was to figure out if that reporter has the guts to do it. Aqua's questiosn regarding Kana's name and his arguments why it's wrong to publish her identiy was his nifty way to figure out if this reporter will actually publish the full stoy about Ai's secret after he heard it. There is no point to share the story with him before he isn't sure that that's the right guy for the job. Remember: The paparazzi in front of Shima's apartment was basically the only variable that wasn't in Aqua's full control. So he had to check the reporter out first.
Here are some excerpts: In Aqua's head: \"Would he write 'Famous Idol Group Member' instead of 'Ai Hoshino' or 'Ruby Hoshino'? .. ah he wouldn't!. Very good\" In Aqua's head: \"Lets check his moral compass... Very good, that's what I need\"
It turned out a total victory for Aqua. There was basically no way for Kana to loose: If that reporter would hear out Aqua's arguments and therefore redact Kana's personal information then nothing at all happens while she still got her foot back into acting with an amazing new connection and if the reporter in fact wouldn't back down then he is the perfect candicate for barter in which case Aqua gets what he was after the whole time and again Kana is protected from the scandal and is back into acting with an amazing connection. It wasn't damage control afterall, because the way he designed his scheme was eliminating any chance for damage to begin with.
It's just a wonderfully written plot. I'm lovin it!
The Starry Eye
Last but not least we shall talk about the meaning behind Aqua's and Ruby's chat. And this scene basically serves again two functions. It contains very important information about Ruby's and Aqua's core personality but it was also important for Aqua to let Ruby know in advance who is to blame for the leaks. https://preview.redd.it/pr1ofni2984b1.jpg?width=1017&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5945ed4858f1f974f4d257094629dfb67b652000
As you can see they both develope the white starigan when it's about helping their friends. To come back to that quote regarding Akane:
" Well, we will later see how the helping and selfless ambivalence of Gorou's soul will have a saying in that too."
Aqua's eye shines white because thinking about that Kana just became an idol for him while she actually wants to be an actor fills him with guilt. "She walked on this path because you asked her to" - And with his plot he made up for it. That panel is again evidence that he designed that plot to liberate her from her idol career and liberale her from himself so that she can go back to acting and find artistic fullfillment even if he's dead.
He knows that she became an obsolete B-Komachi member and don't want her to shrink further in a place where she shouldn't be anyway if not for his sake. As a member of B-Komachi she can literally be replaced by the manager's sister. As an actor she is a gift to a good director who knows how to make us of her. His white shining star is a hint to us that he only has her best interest in mind, at least her best interest as he sees it.
Part of his self-sacrifial delusion is to deny his worth to his friends and that they actually don't want him to die obviously.
Aqua's "helper theme" runs like a golden thread through his separation for
Akane's, his plot for
Kana's and ultimately his family breakup for
Ruby's sake, that follows after the exposure of Ai's secret. For that matter it's not a question of overprotectivness that he didn't tell Ruby about his DVD but because his DVD would calm her down. Aqua doesn't want this. The level of self-abnegation in his behaviour is literally insane.
He wants to descend to hell, so he tries to establish for each of them happiness that is independend from his existence
- If Kana is just an idol because of him, then she has to get back to acting because if he dies there is literally nothing for her left to do as an idol. So Aqua organized her the perfect pitch to get back to her forte.
- Akane is crazy in love for Aqua and would sacrifice herself for his sake so he had to hurt her so much that she wouldn't put herself in danger anymore but also doesn't come up with impulsive suicidal thoughts. If you think about that scene after the audition when Akane told Aqua that she'll stop his plan it's basically proof that he succeded in her alienation. This is the first time Akane would oppose him directly. That's her (by Aqua forced) character development. From "I'll kill him with you together, I don't care if you are in the wrong" to "Aqua is now unstoppable" to "I'll stop you no matter what" - Aqua's wild reaction after that was an calculated act to strengthen her opposition.
- Ruby feels a bond to Aqua due to their bond through Ai. He needs to hurt her with the ultimate betrayal, with the lie that he values another girl - in this case Kana - more than Ai. He acted with utter indifference and pragmatism to tilt Ruby beyond recovery.
- I mentioned it earlier but I'd like to repea that too: Aqua may have helped to find a replacement for Kana's role in B-Komachi so for that sake he also stabilized B-Komachi's group balance.
And he ends his dispute with with the words:
"This is necessary. So you can live in a world ... even after I'm gone"
This quote goes for each of them. Akane, Kana and Ruby at the same time.
In the dawn of the movie, his plan to play the culprit and his goal to not be forgivin will from now on go hand in hand with any malicious outburst he might bark at his precious friends. There is not much for me left to say as we have basically returned to the current timeline of affairs. It is my vision for the plot to go into a dramatic exchange as predicted in PART IV und PART V. But there are too many uncertainties with the biggest of them all: Hikaru Kamiki. What's his next move? Is he already involved in the movie - Did he help Ruby to secure the role for the movie by killing Yura and manipulate Frill through text messages? It's very possible but also very speculative.
We'll for now stop this series. A little follow up to discuss Gorou's and Sarina's fundamental reason to be chosen to wield the heroe's sword might be written soon. This will discuss some possibities in Gorou's and Sarina's previous lifes and backgrounds. But for that I'd like first to wait how the plot with Marina unfolds. I have a suspicion but I need more info.
I teased you with that "fourth wall" topic. Well, lets postpone it for now. We will definitely look at it some time again. But generally it was just an interesting observation that the highly shared negativity towards Aqua is not a failed main character design by sloppy writting but an actual function of the story as it just mirrors his self-sacrificial delusion into provoking us to hate him.
Thus he is the least trustworthy narrator. In this regard I'm not so sure anymore if my study series really enhanced the enjoyment of Oshi No Ko lol. From the point of view that it's a necessary function to hate Aqua I kinda feel bad for my transformation! But no, that's just a joke. I think this character study was all in all a success!
We close our study with Aqua words: https://preview.redd.it/rq6jh8tvh84b1.jpg?width=986&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=08c81da8313163724b5c7e08311e9134280bad7d
Thanks for reading
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2023.06.05 20:05 Mgugen My (27F) Girlfriend is upset at me(26M) for not understanding context clues in conversation, being spacey, and saying dumb things
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. She is a very type A personality and I am more of a type B personality. She is extremely good at planning, organizing, and she works in management.
I am in professional school in the health field, and I will be starting a job next year taking care of patients after years and years of school. I am at the top of my class and have received academic and various achievement awards. I have a lot big exams that determine my career and require tons of studying each day when I come home from working with patients.
My girlfriends personality is strong, fiery, and stubborn, and she has a strong mothering quality and would be the mother to her friend group in college and made sure everyone was taken care of for everything. She does so much for me especially while I study ,so a recurring issue is that she wants me to manage the household better, be more independent and proactive, not ask her questions and have her explain things, and essentially take the lead. This ask of hers is totally understandable and I would prefer to have that leader role anyway.
Our biggest issue though is she says that in conversations I fail to understand context clues and put two and two together. She says I can be spacey and that I fail to follow conversation and that I process slower. She says that I’m not quick on my feet and my responses and questions sound dumb and really irritate her.
Here is an example from a conversation I had with her recently.
Gf: I’m going to my friends wedding and I have another wedding to go to after that a few weeks later
Me: That’s cool have you met either groom? Do you know attendees well?
Gf: I have not met grooms
Me: oh ok well it’s gonna be fun regardless
Her: I’m out here at all these weddings not even meeting people
Me: wait which people, who aren’t you meeting
Her: this is what I’m talking about. Did you not get it? What you said sounds dumb, I was talking about the groom’s obviously, why didn’t you put two and two together.
She said it could be a lack of common sense and she is exhausted having to explain and break down every concept and conversation for me. She understands her reactions can be harsh at times and she is restarting therapy to address that, but I want to work on this issue. I have a had a solid educational background so I don’t know why this is difficult for me. How do I fix this practically? Any steps I can take? Any specific actions or practice I can do. How do I work on this problem?
TLDR: Type A girlfriend thinks I get spacey and confused in conversations and that I can’t pick up context clues. She is irritated constantly having to explain and breakdown conversations and situations.
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2023.06.05 19:40 Captain_Birch Chosen Undead vs Dragonborn review
One of my favorite series of all time finally gets put into a Death Battle, how does it go? Let's see.
First, the analysis.
I haven't really played much Dark souls, but I've always been fascinated by its lore, and seeing them break down this lore was awesome. Especially Jocelyn talking about how fruitless the entire struggle for the light is.
Dragonborn's was AMAZING. You have no clue how good it felt in my soul seeing so many things from my favorite game of all time being spoken about. It gave me the warm tingles inside (which I honestly needed after that chosen undead review)
Now, for the fight. I like the start. They're fighting because someone sent the dragonborn on a quest to snuff out the flame, and the chosen undead is defending it. A very Natural and organic reason.
As for the animation, I was SO SCARED I was going to turn out like Jason vs Michael and be an unwatchable jank fest. I was so wrong. This fight is beautiful.
I liked the references to men's as well, chosen undead rolling in a circle around dragonborn and dragonborn shooting the chosen undead in the knee. It felt in character for both and didn't take me out.
I like how dragonborn summoned odaviing to give him some time to heal, but chosen undead used the dragon slaying bow to kill odaviing. Nice.
My absolute favorite part was the last duel. Moonlight greatsword vs dawnbreaker. Even the sword names are thematic. It was so good.
The death tho. The chosen undead tries to link the Flame, and Dragonborn uses Fus Ro Dah to SNUFF IT OUT like the gigachad he is, destroying the chosen undead cycle of rebirth at the same time.
The conclusion was great, showing how, on a physical level, dragonborn couldn't really permanently kill the chosen undead, but then going into the cosmology, showing how much more powerful dragonborn is on a cosmic scale.
All around, a 10/10 for me. Amazing episode.
As for next time, I don't really know either, but I'm interested in learning.
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2023.06.05 19:32 savagewitt Thought 104882
I’ve recently started seeing a therapist. She gave me homework during our last session. She recommended that I start journaling. I’ve been so anxious about journaling that I’ve over thought my way completely around it and have yet to start. So much that I’d do an entire journal entry spoken in my head and just let the thought go.
The act of pulling out my phone or grabbing a notebook and pen was so difficult that I couldn’t physically bring my body to do it. I don’t understand why anxiety can have this literal physical block on what you do. Anxiety isn’t taken seriously enough. Depression is bad but anxiety can ruin your life and lead to all the depths of depression. Let’s work on treating the anxiety now.
For me, anxiety is not just feeling but knowing I’m not capable of whatever task I need to do. It could be go to work or even take a shower. I love my job and showers. When I’m not anxious, I think I’m really good at what I do and I clean up quite nicely! Other than some cold showers and crappy jobs, I don’t have an unreasonable about of trauma related to either of those. There is nothing logically telling me that either of these things are dangerous.
You’ve heard of fight, flight, and freeze right? There is actually a new ish addition to these options. Fight, flight, freeze and fawn. Im a fawner. One thing I know for sure is I have no clue who I am anymore. No identity, another example of fawn. I have fawned almost my entire life. I was among the people pleasers of the world. So much so that I didn’t even make a decision for myself unless I knew the opinions of others first. Basically, if I was faced with a problem fawn was my reaction.
Thinking back on it now, I want to literally throw up. No one deserves to live that way. The way that I did.
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2023.06.05 19:23 NetrunnerCardAccount Dealing with a loved one with Anosognosia (30's)
I want the girl I'm dating to go to a mental health professional. Problem:
She may be suffering from Anosognosia. (https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Common-with-Mental-Illness/Anosognosia
) and thus does not see why she should go. It's serious but she's not a danger to herself. Symptoms:
She may be having auditory hallucination, and she may be having paranoid delusion around authority figures. I.E. when she hears police sirens she assumes that the police are doing that to bother her. And when we walk down the street she says she hears people making comment about her that I don't hear, they get worst when she's nervous. She feel like she's being watched.
For example she though that the dentist might have put a listening device in her tooth.
I am well aware of the condition that has the symptom but I am not a doctor and you have not met her in person so you can not give a diagnosis. All these condition could be just stress enduced and forcing her into treatment would just make it worst. Have you talked to a Therapist about it:
I booked time with a therapist and discussed the issue with the therapist with out her, they said get her to a doctor ASAP as it's beyond their qualifications. The woman I'm dating refused to go to the therapist and got angry at me for for bring it up and we fought about it for a week. Have you gone to the hospital:
I went to the CAMH (CAMH: The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
) for advice and they were extremely unhelpful because she's not currently a danger to herself.
In Canada mental health is usually connecting with Addiction, so because she's not dying it's difficult to get support. She a professional and is educated and working. It's difficult cause most of the people at CAMH can't really do anything (The Doctor can, the Support staff can't) so you just sit around for hours while people give you advice which is both less correct and better said in their online documentation. Have you tried any other services:
She's Christian, so I went to see the speak with the Jesuits, they suggested I talk to Christian Family Services, Christian Family Services told me to send her to a doctor right away, I explained she doesn't want to go, they said this is beyond their abilities.
The most common response is... this is too serious for me, she should see a doctor, and the hospitals don't have support system around Anosognosia until she becomes a danger to herself and others. Have you tried he FP (Family DoctoFamily Practitioner)
: She has a note from him that she sent me that say she's completely sane and how long she has been treating her. When I asked her about why she though she needed the note she got angry at me. Have you brought it up directly/Anosognosia:
One of the positive/good symptoms of Anosognosia, is she'll change her perception of reality so she's in control.
So for instance, a person not suffering from Anosognosia might get emotional if they have a dream in which you cheated on them. This is difficult for a person to deal with because the person who had the dream wants to be "supported" but also doesn't want do admit it's "foolish" so they get irrational angry about it.
Anosognosia tends to cause the opposite effect, so when she accuses me of something, I ask her, "What day was this", bring up the calendar, and go through it, and say I don't think that happened. She may ask for secondary evidence and I bring it to her and then she agree and goes on. I.E. she's in control of the situation.
The issue is when I confront her and ask her why she is bring it up, doesn't she trust me, etc and so forth then her reality shifts.
So if I mention it's surprising she can hear that person from so far away, or it's surprising the police are organized enough to create a harassment campaign around her when they fail at everything out she get's angry.
This effects the other people in her life. So they agree with her and don't bring it up. Suggested Outcome/ Response:
I assume there is some hotline, group that has experience in this specific issue that can provide tailored resources. I can work with this resource to formulate a plan to explain to her that she should at least go to a doctor, and preferable see if the medication has a positive influence on her life and go from there.
If feels like I'm going to have to organize an intervention of some type.
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2023.06.05 18:48 hashmoney420 [H] Humble May Choice, Humble March Choice, Earthquake Relief, & Fanatical Leftovers [W] Wishlist Games, Offers
All are extra keys from Fanatical or HB. Mostly looking for wishlist
games or offers for games I find interesting. I like choices matter and story rich games, games with multiple endings, puzzle games, etc., but happy to take a look at anything really.
---------------------------------------------- Steam keys from Fanatical:
Agatha Christie - The ABC Murders
Curse: The Eye of Isis
Edna & Harvey: The Breakout
Garfield Kart - Furious Racing
Grand Mountain Adventure: Wonderlands
Lair of the Clockwork God
Leisure Suit Larry 7 - Love for Sail
Smoke and Sacrifice
The Inner World
There Is No Light: Enhanced Edition
Tokyo Xanadu eX+
Tower of Time
Voyage: Journey to the Moon
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
Yono and the Celestial Elephants
Steam keys from HB: May Choice
Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters
Spiritfarer®: Farewell Edition
Bendy and the Dark Revival (may keep)
Hero's Hour (Region Locked to NA)
Demon Turf (may keep)
Edge of Eternity (may keep)
Scary Games to Play in the Dark
The Blackout Club
Türkiye-Syria Earthquake Relief Bundle
Guns & Fishes
Hack 'n' Slash
Izmir: An Independence Simulator
Meow Express (may keep)
Mount & Blade: Warband
Pathfinder: Kingmaker - Enhanced Plus Edition (may keep) (Region Locked to NA & Africa)
Pixross (may keep)
Remnants of Naezith
Space Crew: Legendary Edition
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones (may keep)
System Shock 2
System Shock Enhanced Edition
The Amazing American Circus (may keep)
Ticket to Ride (may keep)
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack - X-Morph: Defense, X-Morph: Defense - Soundtrack, X-Morph: Defense - European Assault, X-Morph: Defense - Survival Of The Fittest, & X-Morph: Defense - Last Bastion
Also have some TF2 Keys for trade depending on the game(s).
---------------------------------------------- Games I Want:
- The Stanley Parable
- Alfred Hitchcock - Vertigo
- Subnautica: Below Zero
- Sucker for Love
- Coffee Talk
- Papers, Please
- Organs Please
- Song of Horror Complete Edition
- Martha is Dead
- Corpse Factory
- Rain World
- Dude, Stop
- Cozy Grove
- Mysterium: A Psychic Clue Game
- Wishlist games
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2023.06.05 18:44 Greer306 Post recovery cleaning
I'm recovering from a long (many years) period of struggling with mental health. While struggling, I largely neglected caring for my house. Some parts of it are simply filthy and there are quite a few repairs needed. My therapist encouraged me to ask for help from places like this because apparently, this is a fairly common problem for people who are in recovery from long-term addiction, mental health, or other issues.
So much of the help I see online is either organization/light cleaning or goes to the other extreme and is for hoarding/abandoned houses type places. I'm somewhere in the middle. So - I'm not even sure how to do this. I don't really know how to clean a house anymore. How do you decide whether neglected items should be fixed or trashed?
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2023.06.05 18:36 AtPointVIB Fanfic search help!! Tw// implied cannibalism and gory context
Okay, there’s this one fanfiction that I read last year about Wilbur soot, a former crime detective, was called by quackity to help him investigate this weird serial murder case. It also involves the SBI being cannibals, eating human lungs ( I think)
Philza carves wings on victim’s backs to help serve Kristin in the afterlife (she’s dead in the fic), takes the victim’s organ and hides it as Chinese dish called fuqi feipian, and gives it to Wilbur for his meals. He’s also a therapist that Wilbur sees.
Tommy kills his friends Ranboo and Tubbo, and his mom(probs, but not sure about the mom part).
Techno, not sure, he kills for fun..?
In the end, they drag Wilbur into the whole killing spree thing and Wilbur actually follows them.
Wilbur kills Quackity and Nikki.
THE PROBLEM IS I CANT FIND IT SO I NEED HELP TO SEARCH FOR IT
PLS SEND LINK IF YOU KNOW. 😭😭
submitted by AtPointVIB
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