2005 dodge dakota gas tank size
[P&P Round 2] LT-010 MARV
2023.05.30 21:03 Infinite_North_1982 [P&P Round 2] LT-010 MARV
![[P&P Round 2] LT-010 MARV](https://a.thumbs.redditmedia.com/aayFeFzvOp9jhuYSzMpsnDSUkfP_ynnfl_S6bfMUUX8.jpg "[P&P Round 2] LT-010 MARV") | General Jurg, a human general, although one might mistake him for an Orc from a short distance, briskly walked through the doors into the armored research division. Spotting Dr. Wyyvirna with his technicians working on a very large magic circle. The General approached quickly, "Doctor, I got word that you were ready for a demonstration of a new light armored scout vehicle, what is all this?" The General was confused, outside the training ground was empty, and there were no vehicles to be seen. submitted by Infinite_North_1982 to SprocketTankDesign [link] [comments] "Ah, General..." the doctor begins, standing and facing him. "Yes, that is correct, however, we also have a much bigger development to share with you!" The doctor says excitedly. Her slight lisp showing through, a common issue when Kobolds speak common. "We've come up with an exciting new tank development method. Utilizing the vast intelligence and powered offered by magical aether!" The doctors tail is now twitching as her excitement grows. "We call it A.I! Aether Intelligence! and we think it'll revolutionize, not only technical developments, but all sorts of magic research and circle writing!" The doctor was nearly jumping up and down where she stood. The General, stood placidly listening. "I see, and how is this supposed to help us develop tank? And, if it's helping to do so, then where is this tank?" The General was growing in annoyance. "Why am I here, Doctor? There are other important issues to attend to!" Doctor Wyyvirna's tail droops considerably at the response. "Please, General, allow me to show you how this can be used to help us. The A.I that we speak with via the magic circle interface, will be able to develop or find a vehicle based on our inputs, and then provide us with a test model and plans to build! This means it could pull in designs from many worlds and universes, or we could get a brand new design...maybe something we've never considered! Technology we've never seen!" The General's face doesn't change, he merely crosses his arms and remains stationary. This seems to delight the doctor. "Are we ready?" Murmurs of "yes" float in quickly from across the room. "Then start it up!" the doctor shouts. Magic from the mages on the outside of the circle poured in, the room growing dark while the red glow of the magical runes grows ever stronger. Building to a near blinding brightness, the light quickly vanishes, followed by a voice from the aether. "Awaiting Inputs.." a light whisper says. The General couldn't tell if the voice came from somewhere in the room, or within his own mind. The doctor and other researchers were writing down runes or taking notes. "Awaiting inputs...." The voice says again, researcher. "Focus up, people! Add the runes for the tank requirements!" Doctor Wyyvarna shouts, snapping everyone to attention. Researchers start moving quickly, adding runes to the outside of the circle, while the mages chant the written runes to seal them into the circle. Within a couple of minutes they have the weight, size, and armor information entered. They then add the weapon options, engine options. The mages once again pour magic into the circle. "Inputs accepted....Initiating search...." The voice whispers through the aether, filling the minds of those in the room. A tense silence follows, the long wait to see what will happen. A minute passes, then another A researcher pips up, probably to break the tension "Well?......" "Search complete...4 matches found.....first match materialization.......complete" With a sudden "POP", a tank appears outside in the training ground. https://preview.redd.it/oq3tifbhw13b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d08976d3811043282ad1689bcf254152c2e6affd Everyone stood blinking for a moment, looking down, Doctor Wyyvirna realizes a spec sheet has also appeared. She reads.. "Uhh...this is the uh, Stoat?. 40 mph top speed, using our 45mm cannon and the v8 engine. Seems that armor is lacking, as well as crew vision. It says this comes from the...uhh...CYOA universe. General?" The General was already inspecting his sheet. "No, the next one. It had 4 right? How do we do that?" The mages shift their magic and another sudden "POP". The old tank and spec sheets have been replaced instantly. https://preview.redd.it/bbibel6fy13b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1fad4f90d3f13084201c0dc9802bf42f07397643 "The Weasel MK I, from the Zeta universe. 40 mph top speed using our 40mm autogun and the v8 engine. The front "windows" are armor made clear using a sophisticated magical process. It seems like it would be quite difficult and time consuming to produce such a thing. While the specs seems pretty good, the technology is advanced, and this would be quite difficult to produce in large numbers" Says the Doctor. "We'll keep this one in mind for a more specialized, limited production vehicle, perhaps. Next!" "POP" https://preview.redd.it/x23lnajuz13b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b282c3aa312e09ece31eebd02e527ab43fa6d563 Everyone blinks. "Uhhh...that's uhhh....huh" stammers the Doctor. Looking at the spec sheet. "The Samurai, from the Universe CR4P. It uhh, uses the 23mm autogun, the v8, and oddly, is pretty well protected and the fastest so far at 41mph...but uhhh, it looks a bit..." "Derpy?!" the General chimes in, and what use is the thing on the turret?! just.....to...show off? No! Next!" "POP" https://preview.redd.it/fv3mcq7v023b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=afe489e754389cde2c12f48ca8dc67aa368c692c "Awww, it's cute!" the Doctor exclaims. "Let's see, from the Z Universe, this is the uhh, Moderately Armored Recon Vehicle. They call it, MARV!" The Doctor seems to enjoy this too much. "Well, frankly the specs look great, and it should be easy to make with our current technology. Nothing too crazy to be found" "MARV uses the 38x388mm cannon with 80 total rounds available. All the ammo is stored within it's domed turret. This turret also houses the commander and the gunner, who also loads. It looks like the driver is the only other crew member. This will mean we can man more units for the same amount of people. And with the 38mm ammo being so available, it should not suffer from any logistical issues." https://preview.redd.it/c7lay8qr123b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b1d7c3972ced51ab96f2b615911d7a79eac41a7 "Let's see here.... MARV uses the v10, "Dorn" engine to make it as fast as possible. With a top speed of 44+ mph. And for it's ability to climb slopes, all it says is "yes"." The doctor continues helped along with magic circles for grip "It can also step up onto the .75m step from a standstill, although it says that the 1m step is too high. It also has 600 liters of fuel stored internally. Also, it uses purification runes on the gas intake system, to reduce the amount of derision and shade thrown by the Dorn." She smiles. "Well the troops will appreciate that!" "So will our logistics system, being able to use lesser grade fuels or dirty fuels would be a great boon to troops that are way out on the front." The General says, rather impressed so far. "The domed turret has vision slits spaced around the entire turret, giving excellent 360 vision, as well as giving the commander a periscope, so that the tank can use it to look over hills that is is behind! Well, that's certainly clever!" "Yes, and if we give that periscope a zoom rune, it could really be used to see quite far distances while keeping the troops safe. Plus there is other magic that could be used to enhance the vision" The General seems to already be marking down some alterations to make to enhance the tank https://preview.redd.it/yaor2vyl423b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=728313f74c1cb176c043314699f47323ad83a645 "The armor protection is within our requirements, with 100+ effective in areas on the front and turret, and moderate armor protection on the sides and rear. With the lightest being on the very top of the turret and bottom of the tank" The doctor finishes. "Excellent, let's get a crew in to learn this vehicle from front to back. We'll take these plans to the appropriate people to see that they can be built. And then we'll await the word from procurement to see if we can start to build these. Thank you, Doctor. I hope to see great things from this....A.I..in the future" With that, the general turns and leaves. https://preview.redd.it/3c3xe7wi523b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f43eb8133cfe361555d3fb79637691417f2a884a https://preview.redd.it/z3w1t5wi523b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=804a88851c173d711125c5e135a33c3c9fb36db4 https://preview.redd.it/reiekc5l523b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1a250c35d3cde2acecd9baf50955777cb77fa79 https://preview.redd.it/hwk1oe5l523b1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9c726eb0475192a54dd7a87a9d65c353e997f667 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wow, much longer than I had anticipated, but I hope if you read it that you enjoyed! Cool fantasy version of a tank building competition! |
2023.05.30 20:35 Sure_Science_7161 With the Reopening of the Carousel, the New York State Museum May Once More Go Around in Circles
After a relaxing European vacation with one of his employees, Mark Schaming, director of the New York State Museum, is back and ready to get to work. All who know the man will tell you that he's displayed new energy and ambition after Chris Churchill of the Times Union insinuated that he is unfit in his job as director of the New York State Museum. As Mr. Churchill writes:
Visitors to the newly reopened Discovery Place will see that the State Museum has taken to heart rethinking touching exhibits, as it is clear the room has been largely untouched after years of "rethinking" and "renovation." From a cursory glance, it seems to me that the only changes are the removal of all books, toys, puzzles, handouts, and staff.
Now, as a scattering of sources indicate, the New York State Museum approaches its pièce de résistance, the reopening of its carousel which has been closed since 2019. After much digging, it appears the cause of the closure was some minor damage the carousel experienced when it violently (and potentially lethally?) exploded during regular operation. Thinking it unsafe to have metal suspension beams swinging about and shrapnel flying as children rode the carousel, a repair effort was initiated.
The century-old artifact was ridden into the ground (or, technically, helicoptered into the air) once due to poor operating conditions, but the people of Albany ought feel confident that mistakes were learned from. Previously the carousel was operated nearly constantly and without proper care in place to keep the artifact balanced. Although unconfirmed, word is that now the carousel will be operated nearly constantly and without proper care in place to keep the artifact balanced. It is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, but I call going in circles a carousel.
Fortunately for the carousel, it looks like staffing constraints will interfere with the planned constant operation of the carousel. This is being swiftly addressed by Mr. Schaming, though not by hiring new staff. Rather, as at least one source indicated, Mr. Schaming is currently interested in changing the job descriptions of people in different departments to include carousel operation.
It may seem strange that Mr. Schaming is reticent to staff his museum, but the reader must understand the important considerations behind these decisions. One must first be aware that in 2015 the New York State Museum received $14 million in funds for a massive three to four year renovation. As Paul Grondahl of the Times Union wrote in 2015:
One may be concerned that Mark Schaming, director of the New York State Museum, is having difficulty performing his job. Fortunately the director of the New York State Museum is overseen by the Deputy Commissioner of Cultural Education, who is also Mark Schaming.
One may then be concerned that Mark Schaming, director of the New York State Museum and Deputy Comissioner of Cultural Education, is having difficulty performing his two jobs. Fortunately the director of the New York State Museum who is also the Deputy Commissioner of Cultural Education is overseen by Sharon Cates-Williams. Ms. Williams, who herself holds the two jobs of Deputy Commissioner of Performance Improvement & Management Services (PIMS) and Executive Deputy Commissioner, stated to Mr. Churchill on the matter:
Dr. Rosa has served as Commissioner of Education since 2021 when she, as Chancellor of the Board of Regents, elected herself Commissioner of Education. Unlike others, she gave up her former position as Chancellor of the Board of Regents upon her self-election. It is unclear how she feels about others who do not likewise content themselves with wearing only one hat.
Perhaps we soon will have an opportunity to ask Dr. Rosa. Although details are sparse, it has been indicated that Mr. Schaming is planning a victory celebration for managing to successfully reopen the carousel after four years. Specifics on the event and even the exact date have been infuriatingly kept under wraps, but it is speculated that Mark Schaming and Betty A. Rosa plan to celebrate this monumental occasion by giving speeches and riding on the carousel with elementary school students.
We can safely say that the sun is rising on the New York State Museum. After only four years the State Museum has managed to successfully "renovate" Discovery Place through the power of downsizing and is on the cusp of reopening the carousel under the same conditions which led to its prior destruction. With only $5 million remaining in the pocket and only running about five years behind schedule on a grand renovation, who knows what wonders we can expect in the years to come.
submitted by Sure_Science_7161 to Albany [link] [comments]
The full-sized carousel, up on the fourth floor, has been closed for maintenance for years. The museum's famous subway car is also off-limits, with a sign telling visitors it's closed for repairs. Discovery Place, the building's hands-on learning center for young kids, is also closed.From the imposing stone edifice of the Cultural Education Center, Mr. Schaming is cognizant of the cries of the people. This reporter can confirm from a recent visit that Discovery Place has reopened after only three years of closure. JP O'Hare, a spokesperson for the State Museum, explained the long closure, saying that "the pandemic forced us to rethink touchable exhibits."
Those aren't the only disappointments. The State Museum no longer offers a restaurant or any sort of fresh food, forcing visitors to line up at vending machines to quell their grumbling tummies. Some escalators and elevators are out of service. The museum, on the whole, feels forgotten.
Visitors to the newly reopened Discovery Place will see that the State Museum has taken to heart rethinking touching exhibits, as it is clear the room has been largely untouched after years of "rethinking" and "renovation." From a cursory glance, it seems to me that the only changes are the removal of all books, toys, puzzles, handouts, and staff.
Now, as a scattering of sources indicate, the New York State Museum approaches its pièce de résistance, the reopening of its carousel which has been closed since 2019. After much digging, it appears the cause of the closure was some minor damage the carousel experienced when it violently (and potentially lethally?) exploded during regular operation. Thinking it unsafe to have metal suspension beams swinging about and shrapnel flying as children rode the carousel, a repair effort was initiated.
The century-old artifact was ridden into the ground (or, technically, helicoptered into the air) once due to poor operating conditions, but the people of Albany ought feel confident that mistakes were learned from. Previously the carousel was operated nearly constantly and without proper care in place to keep the artifact balanced. Although unconfirmed, word is that now the carousel will be operated nearly constantly and without proper care in place to keep the artifact balanced. It is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, but I call going in circles a carousel.
Fortunately for the carousel, it looks like staffing constraints will interfere with the planned constant operation of the carousel. This is being swiftly addressed by Mr. Schaming, though not by hiring new staff. Rather, as at least one source indicated, Mr. Schaming is currently interested in changing the job descriptions of people in different departments to include carousel operation.
It may seem strange that Mr. Schaming is reticent to staff his museum, but the reader must understand the important considerations behind these decisions. One must first be aware that in 2015 the New York State Museum received $14 million in funds for a massive three to four year renovation. As Paul Grondahl of the Times Union wrote in 2015:
The State Museum will undergo a $14 million renovation that will dramatically re-imagine the exhibits with dynamic technology, interactive displays and a fresh form of narrative storytelling.The expected completion date is in the rear view mirror, and it's now common knowledge that the $14 million gas tank is mostly fumes. Although it has been difficult to unravel exact information, best evidence suggests that currently the State Museum has $5 million still in the pocket. It's time for tightening the belt, and part of that looks to be staffing cuts.
When the work is finished in three to four years, it will represent the largest upgrade to the capital city's most popular tourist attraction since it opened in 1976 at the newly built Empire State Plaza.
One may be concerned that Mark Schaming, director of the New York State Museum, is having difficulty performing his job. Fortunately the director of the New York State Museum is overseen by the Deputy Commissioner of Cultural Education, who is also Mark Schaming.
One may then be concerned that Mark Schaming, director of the New York State Museum and Deputy Comissioner of Cultural Education, is having difficulty performing his two jobs. Fortunately the director of the New York State Museum who is also the Deputy Commissioner of Cultural Education is overseen by Sharon Cates-Williams. Ms. Williams, who herself holds the two jobs of Deputy Commissioner of Performance Improvement & Management Services (PIMS) and Executive Deputy Commissioner, stated to Mr. Churchill on the matter:
I think he's doing a good job wearing two hats. It does not interfere with the core mission of the museum, and it's a decision that we stand by.One may then be concerned that Sharon Cates-Williams, herself wearing two hats and self-supervising, may have some biases. Fortunately the Deputy Commissioner of PIMS who is also the Executive Deputy Commissioner reports to Betty A. Rosa, the Commissioner of Education.
Dr. Rosa has served as Commissioner of Education since 2021 when she, as Chancellor of the Board of Regents, elected herself Commissioner of Education. Unlike others, she gave up her former position as Chancellor of the Board of Regents upon her self-election. It is unclear how she feels about others who do not likewise content themselves with wearing only one hat.
Perhaps we soon will have an opportunity to ask Dr. Rosa. Although details are sparse, it has been indicated that Mr. Schaming is planning a victory celebration for managing to successfully reopen the carousel after four years. Specifics on the event and even the exact date have been infuriatingly kept under wraps, but it is speculated that Mark Schaming and Betty A. Rosa plan to celebrate this monumental occasion by giving speeches and riding on the carousel with elementary school students.
We can safely say that the sun is rising on the New York State Museum. After only four years the State Museum has managed to successfully "renovate" Discovery Place through the power of downsizing and is on the cusp of reopening the carousel under the same conditions which led to its prior destruction. With only $5 million remaining in the pocket and only running about five years behind schedule on a grand renovation, who knows what wonders we can expect in the years to come.
2023.05.30 19:51 scarsellaj Tottenham Hotspur: Twenty-Three Years of Failure
February 2001: It’s a bright new era for Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. After years of mediocrity and flirts with relegation in the 1990s, a new ownership group is taking over from that cheapskate Alan Sugar. Meet your new overlords in English National Investment Company and your new chairman, Daniel Levy! Its sure to be a great start of a beautiful journey!
May 2001: Finishing 12th is not what you would call ideal. No European football. Not to mention bowing out in the FA Cup Semis and League Cup third round. Enjoy this new manager in Glenn Hoddle.
2001-02 : Sol Campbell signed with our eternal rivals in Arsenal! Levy didn’t offer him a new contract? What?? Doesn’t he know those Gunner clowns can’t be taking our players like that? We also finish 9th but made the League Cup final. It helps having the return of our goal scoring phenom in Teddy Sheringham. Adding Gustavo Poyet helps too. Still no European football.
2002-03: The best way to fight back into the elite is to have more goal scorers right? Welcome Robbie Keane from Leeds United! A crafty piece of business on our end! Him and Sheringham power us to…10th place. The fuck? And third round exits in the Cups…
2003-2004: Glenn Hoddle is underachieving! Get rid of him. David Pleat can surely handle the task at hand. Nope, we finished 14th…and still no trophies. But hey check out our shiny new forward in Jermaine Dafoe.
May 2004: Sol Campbell becomes a key contributor to Arsenal’s Invincibles season and wins the Premier League title. Does it feel cold?
2004-2005: Here’s our new manager in Jacques Santini ~goes 5-4-5~ ok never mind. Here’s our REAL new manager in Martin Jol, much more quality. He’s got the gusto and know-how to guide us to 9th and no trophies. At least Jermaine Defoe was the club top goal scorer…and Ledley King is coming into his own.
May 2005: Our other eternal rivals Chelsea win their first Premier League thanks to that outlandish manager Jose Mourinho and oligarch Roman Abramovich. All they do is buy players whenever they please. Pfft, that won’t be sustainable, they’ll come back to Earth eventually.
2005-06: Martin Jol has been a massive improvement to our fortunes. No trophies yet but we’re back in Europe. It’s good to be back in the UEFA Cup, think of the tv revenue. 5th place is a nice finish. Robbie Keane and newcomer Mido carried us to this spot. We should be keep them around for a while. Bringing in experienced talent like Edgar Davids and this young defensive midfielder in Tom Huddlestone helps. And check out our new record signing in Jermaine Jenas.
2006-07: Michael Carrick is a great defensive midfielder but Manchester United want his services. Here, take him. Edgar Davids is also much too old to be playing Premier League football. Our loss is also our gain with 15 million quid in the books. Let's invest that into a brand-new world class striker in Dimitar Berbatov. And Carrick's replacement in Didier Zokora certainly helps us...but we finish 5th again. No tropies either...at least European football?
2007-08: Jermaine Dafoe and Mido are gone. We need to replace them. Darren Bent seems like a good idea. But who the hell is this young left-back named Gareth Bale? Why is he worth 14 million pounds? Whatever, we need depth, he probably won't be much. Snap up this Jonathan Woodgate guy, too, someone has to help Ledley King here!
Oct 25, 2007: So you sacked Martin Jol at halftime against Getafe because reasons? Maybe if you stopped selling all his good players the division wouldn't have started. The fans are not pleased about this at all. Smooth them over with Juande Ramos from Chelsea.
League Cup Final 2008: All this leads to an 11th place finish, but fear not - YOU WON THE LEAGUE CUP! The first trophy since 1999, a true triumph. Certainly Spurs can aim higher now right?
2008-09: Juande Ramos is a fraudulent piece of shite that doesn't deserve to work in North London. We've promptly canned him for the legend that is Harry Redknapp. Just look at him inspire us to...8th place. We made the League Cup Final broken glass window and we've lost to Manchester United. And sold them Berbatov because money. This is shit. Enjoy this new midfielder signing in Luka Modric. He'd only become one of the best players in the world, nothing too crazy. Oh and Robbie Keane is back. So is Jermaine Defoe! Yay?
2009-10: A full season of Redknapp ball has led to a glorious prize! 4TH PLACE! Tottenham Hotspur will be playing under the lights on Tuesday and Wednesday! Play the music....THE CHAMPPPIONS! All it cost was loaning out Keane, selling Bent, and bringing in Peter Crouch. What a team we have forming. This Aaron Lennon kid is turning into quite the player. Oh and that Gareth Bale kid we paid a premium for? Yea, he's playing left winger now.
2010-2011: Champions League football requires Champions League talent. Quickly, let's eye up cheap deals for Rafael van der Vaardt, Sandro, and William Gallas. The attacking front of Crouch, Bale, Defoe, van der Vaardt, and Roman Pavlyuchenko powered us to 5th. It’s been a tough test balancing these nights. But did you see our massive victories against both Milan teams? I think we'll be back here in no time. Is it really a bad season without winning any trophies?
2011-12: A critical season. Harry Redknapp's contract is set to expire and Daniel Levy hasn't really been known to give coaches pay raises unless they merit it. Unfortunately, Peter Crouch is too old to keep around. Off to Stoke City with you, lad, thanks for that night at the San Siro. Bringing Emmanuel Adebayor from the exile of Manchester City should be a like-for-like swap. It all powers us to finish 4th again! HUZZAH! Another season of Champions League revenues! But still no Cups to take home.
2012 CL Final: Unfortunately, Chelsea did something incredible and won the Champions League in the most chaotic final in recent memory. Thus, for finishing 4th, you get Europa League football...god I hate Chelsea.
2012-13: Gareth Bale is becoming an elite winger without elite help. We've also decided to do something ridiculously unpopular and sell Luka Modric to Real Madrid for huge money. van der Vaardt is also out the door to Hamburg. The revenue brings in Hugo Lloris, Mousa Dembele, Clint Dempsey, and Jan Vertonghen. Under the plucky Andre Villas-Boas we finish 5th and go back to Europa. But our Cup showing was even more abysmal this season. Gareth Bale potted 21 goals...oh god he's next to go isn't he?
2013-14: The worst day has come. Gareth Bale has been sold to Real Madrid. He's joining up with Modric and Cristiano Ronaldo. The money reinvested brings in Christian Eriksen, Erik Lamela, Paulinho, Etienne Capoue, and the meme known as Roberto Saldado. Andre Villas-Boas' tenure was short-lived. Tim Sherwood is a former Spurs lad, surely he can lead us to greatness. If you call 6th place and no trophies greatness.
CL Final 2014: Luka Modric and Gareth Bale become key contributors to Real Madrid's Decima in the Champions League. Bale also scores one of the best goals of the campaign in the Copa Del Rey against Barcelona. The fans are pissed at Daniel Levy and ENIC.
2014-15: We've been knocking on the door of the elite English teams for a few seasons now. Time to put up or shut up. Tim Sherwood, you are not that guy pal. Mauricio Pochettino, welcome to Spurs. Here's the plucky academy kid in Harry Kane. Please get him firing, our striker woes are well-known. You want to sell Gylfi Sigurdsson and Sandro for this League One prospect in Dele Alli? Ok if you say so. Who the hell is Eric Dier and why do you want him? Culminating in a fifth place finish and League Cup final. Harry Kane scored 21 goals though...whoa.
2015-16: Defense needs an upgrade. Let's buy this experienced Belgian in Toby Alderwaiald. Him and Vertonghen played together before, surely it will work. We also need a left winger. How about Hueng-Min Son? He's been torching defenses for Leverkusen, he can surely do it here. The top teams are having a down season, now is the time to strike. We can smell the Premier League title in our grasp.
Final Matchday 2016: They finished third in a two-horse race after Leicester decided to have the greatest sports story ever play out in real life. It seems like a missed opportunity, but there is plenty to build on. Poch's team is coming together. Kyle Walker and Danny Rose are molding into elite fullbacks. The Belgians and Lloris are brick walls. Harry Kane is becoming a world-class striker. He even won the Golden Boot! They just need a little bit more to get over the trophy drought.
2016-17: Ok this is the year. We made it back to the Champions League, but this will be the last year at White Hart Lane. It's much too old for this modernizing football club. We need a really big stadium to bring in that sweet matchday revenue like our rivals. And I'm talking REALLY big, the best in all of England. It would be nice to fill it with some Champions League revenue and some silverware no? Well, seems like we finished 2nd and didn't win any Cups...AGAIN. But hey, Harry won the Golden Boot again! Dele Alli took serious strides in becoming a generational talent. Progress is progress amirite?
Final Matchday 2017: Chelsea win their 4th Premier League title since Abramovich took over. At least you finished above Arsenal again...that's a win isn't it?
2017-18: Kyle Walker has been sold to Manchester City because we like money over glory. Don't worry, we have a solid replacement with Kieran Trippier. We'll use the Walker money to bring a new defender in Davinson Sanchez from Ajax and right winger in Lucas Moura from PSG. Oh and for the hell of it, here's Serge Aurier from PSG too. Glorious depth. We still don't have a reliable backup striker, but how about a cheap deal for the aging legs of Fernando Llorente. He was good in a past life right?
Nov 1, 2017: By God, we've done it. We've slain the evil empire in Real Madrid. It's hard to believe a team of this size and caliber could scar the kings of Europe. Surely the only way is up from here.
March 2018: Nope, the knockout stages pit you up against a thunderous Juventus team that makes you their English bitch. Giorgio Chiellini goes on to make one of the most overused memes in all of football Twitter. "Iz di history of di Tottenham..."
Final Matchday 2018: Respectable 3rd place finish behind Manchester United lads. Too bad no trophies to go with it. Sigh... what else is new? We finished above Arsenal again...yay? Meanwhile, Kyle Walker is part of the Centurion Manchester City team...I need more liquor.
2018-19: Harry Kane is starting to get impatient. He needs to start seeing some silverware soon. Hueng-Min Son is emerging as a top forward in the league. Dele’s dropped off a bit but it’s just a blip, nothing to worry about. Jan and Toby are rock-solid at the back. We have a plucky solid squad, filled with some high-end talent but we didn't get any reinforcements in the summer...what the fuck? You do realize squads transition every season, ENIC? Where's Poch's reinforcements? Why did you sell Mousa Dembele mid-season, he was still useful! Oh dear god, what have they done? Oh that’s right…the new stadium. It’s still not done yet is it?
UCL QFs 2019: This is massive test. We managed to beat Barcelona in the group stage, and cake-walked through Dortmund in the Round of 16 but this is a new beast. We're up against the defending PL champs in Man City. Harry is hurt but we've got Sonny, Lucas, Chrisitan, Dele, and Fernando to make up for his goals. A huge pen save by Hugo on Aguero keeps us in the tie. Son puts us up 1-0 in the first leg. Going to the Etihad without Harry, it's a tight affair. Son and Sterling trading goals, Fernando kneeing in the go-ahead, Bernardo Silva pulling one back, 4-3 Man City, and seeing out the final whistle. Away goals take us over the line. Onto the Semis!
UCL SFs 2019: This Ajax team downed Real Madrid. They're gonna walk all over us. At least in the first leg. The second leg is a masterpiece. Lucas scored not one, not two, but THREE away goals to push us to glory! Gas up the bus boys, WE ARE GOING TO THE UCL FINAL!!!!
UCL Final 2019: What the actual fuck? How was that a handball on Moussa Sissoko??? IT HIT HIS BLOODY SHOULDER! You gifted this match to Liverpool, UEFA! (This is the moment that broke Tottenham Hotspur) And why the hell didn't Lucas start the game? After that fantastic hat trick? I don't care if Kane was fit to play, this is massive managerial blunder. Maybe this is the summer things start to change. All we got for this was a runner-up medal. At least we finished 4th in England. BUT STILL NO MOTHER FUCKING TROPHIES! writer proceeds to smash his laptop in the process
2019-20: The UCL Final should be a springboard for another potential title charge. Poch is calling out ownership for not wanting to give him signings. They only fumbled the Paulo Dybala signing, surely we can still trust Levy and ENIC right? Here's Giovani Lo Celso instead and Tanguy Ndombele to shore up the midfield. Here's our replacement for Danny Rose in Ryan Sessegnon. Unfortunately, Chrisitan Eriksen wants out and we let his contract run down. He leaves in January for basically nothing. Results are starting to flounder so Poch, pack your furniture and get out of our house. Meet our new manager: Jose Mourinho, the Special One. Just nobody tell Daniel he's been sacked infamously by both Chelsea and Manchester United for being a toxic presence. At least the new stadium is ope---ah fuck, it's COVID. An injury-plagued campaign culminates in a 6th place finish, but still no trophies. Another finish over those Gunners though! Why aren't you fans happy? We can't spend money, don't you see we didn't get any matchday revenue???
FA Cup Final 2020: Even though we finished above them, Arsenal take home an FA Cup with a squad arguably much less talented than Spurs. It was also against Chelsea...who finished above you. Can someone drive me to the nearest cliff please?
2020-21: A full season of Mourinho-ball. Tensions are starting to run high. Kane is pissed at the direction we're going. Jan Vertonghen and Kieran Trippier are gone. Dele Alli forgot how to play football under Jose. We need a new center-back...too goddam expensive. Let's convert Eric Dier to CB and have play back there, what's the worst that can happen? Fans aren't happy at all. I know the solution: you kids remember Uncle Gareth?? He's baaaaack! Sure, he's in his early 30s and a shell of himself but he's won 4 UCL titles and scored that fabulous bike kick in 2018. He's still class. Here’s a bunch of mid table players in Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg, Matt Doherty, and Joe Rodon to supplement the team.
March 2021: Europa League is quite winnable. Surely nothing bad will happen like you losing to a team who's manager is in prison for tax fraud. breaking glass sounds you fumbled a 2-0 agg lead to Dinamo Zagreb...who's manager was in prison for tax fraud. You're fucking pathetic you know that?
April 2021: Jose Mourinho is a dinosaur of English football. Look at him playing park the bus tactics while we can'tdefend score. Let's get rid of this cancer before it spreads. Who cares if it's six days before the League Cup Final against City? Why can't Ryan Mason see it out?
EFL Cup Final 2021: It's not a blowout loss, but it's clearly an overmatching. City run rampant on Spurs as they lift the trophy they basically own at this point. Fans are calling for Levy's head. In fact, they were calling for it as early as the FA Cup loss to Everton in the fourth round.
Final Matchday 2021: Jose refused to play Gareth Bale. Looking back that was a terrible decision. Bale and Kane power us to a 7th place finish. We finish above Arsenal again. It's a successful season in ENIC's checkbook. And there's still European football to play. Harry Kane wins another Golden Boot and the Golden Ball for most assists. We have to keep him around.
May 2021: Kieran Trippier and Christian Eriksen become key contributors to Atletico Madrid and Inter Milan's respective title wins. In other news, Juan Foyth wins the Europa League with Villarreal while on loan. Does that sound familiar?
CL Final 2021: Chelsea find another way to win another Champions League title, despite sacking a manger midway through the season and having misfiring forwards. And it was against Man City…who we beat every now and then.
2021-22: We need a director of football to help us match up to our rivals better. Fabio Paratici built Juventus in the most dominant club in Italy, surely he can replicate that in England. No we won't hire Paulo Fonseca and his 7 assistant coaches, way too much payroll. And no, you can't hire Gennaro Gattuso for his derogatory comments. Wait, where the hell is Harry Kane? Ahh I see he wants to be sold to Man City. HA! Doesn't he know he just signed an extension? Son has too, so if Harry wants to play hardball let him. Quickly, hire Nuno Espirito Santos as our fail-safe. He's not what we wanted but we fucked up so we're fucked now. Wait, how can we be so critical of ourselves? CHECK OUT THIS GLORIOUS STADIUM!!!!
Nov 2021: Nuno is terrible, he's lost 5 in a row. Who cares if we beat Man City on opening day? Get him out NOW! Get Antonio Conte in. It's another former Chelsea manager to restore our standing in the club.
Final Matchday 2022: HUZZAH! After a turbulent season, losing to wifi-password named clubs in the Conference League then getting kicked out of it for COVID reasons, Conte calling us out in the media multiple times, we galvanized ourselves to a 4th place finish. We're back, and it's thanks to the Juve rejects in Cristian Romero, Dejan Kulusevski, and Rodrigo Bentancur. Son won the Golden Boot, a true testament to his development at Spurs. Back on track. But still...no trophies. Another finish above Arsenal...they should just make a team award for that at this point.
2022-23: A full season of a happier Conte should lead us to silverware. Let’s not dawddle, start making signings. Richarlison always victimized us at Everton, let’s bring him to back up Kane. Yves Bissouma did the same at Brighton and we do need a batter box to box midfielder. Him too. Ivan Perisic on a free for Conte’s wingback. Surely our defense is fine in the hands of Romero, Dier, Clement Lenglet, and Ben Davies. And Djed Spence because reasons.
April 2023: It’s been a terrible season. From having our best start to a season since 1967 to bottling game after game after game. Tepid football, lack of inspiration. Despite small triumphs like winning the Champions League group stage and mugging Manchester City of points again, they have failed miserably again. Son’s form is gone. Richarlison doesn’t know how to score. The defense is wide open. It implodes after giving up 3 goals to a bottom table Southampton after being up 3-0. Conte is furious, criticizes ownership again, and is canned back to Italy. Fabio Paratici was also banned by FIFA for cooking Juve’s books. To make it worse, Arsenal was leading the top of the table and almost won the title. Thank the football gods for Man City and their oil money franchise. That means nothing as the season prolapses, we fall out of European contention, and finish 8th. No manager, no director football, toxic fanbase crying out for changes. I have now developed heavy drinking. "ZE DON'T WANT TO PLAY FOR SOMETHING IMPORTANT! 20 YEARS THERE IS THE OWNER AND NEVER WON SOMETHING!"
UEL Semi-Final 2023: Did I mention this gets worse because it does. A couple seasons back, Spurs swapped Erik Lamela and 25 million for promising Spanish youngster Bryan Gil from Sevilla. Gil was never favored by Nuno or Conte, with the Italian basically exiling him from the team unless he had no other choice but to play him. Gil would be loaned back to Sevilla where he assisted Erik Lamela's game-winning goal in stoppage time to book Sevilla a place in the Europa League final. I want to drink bleach...
Twenty-three years of failures and memes, Tottenham look like a lost club. All the shiny toys, but nothing to show for it. Champagne expectations with a beer budget. Does the ownership really value profit that much? Daniel Levy always insists his goal every season is to win a trophy. But how do you do that without attracting top talent? They squandered a window in 2019 and can’t remake the glory. They've made signing after signing that are inconsistent or not at the level to win trophies. It feels like they value cheap deals rather than actual talent. It's killing the club. Kane has been a legend at the club but he’s ready to move on. I don’t blame him, his career is incomplete with some hardware. But the future looks bleak. What will Spurs do next? Will they do a full rebuild and risk the possibility of no European football? Or will they try to win at least one trophy before Kane's contract is up?
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May 2001: Finishing 12th is not what you would call ideal. No European football. Not to mention bowing out in the FA Cup Semis and League Cup third round. Enjoy this new manager in Glenn Hoddle.
2001-02 : Sol Campbell signed with our eternal rivals in Arsenal! Levy didn’t offer him a new contract? What?? Doesn’t he know those Gunner clowns can’t be taking our players like that? We also finish 9th but made the League Cup final. It helps having the return of our goal scoring phenom in Teddy Sheringham. Adding Gustavo Poyet helps too. Still no European football.
2002-03: The best way to fight back into the elite is to have more goal scorers right? Welcome Robbie Keane from Leeds United! A crafty piece of business on our end! Him and Sheringham power us to…10th place. The fuck? And third round exits in the Cups…
2003-2004: Glenn Hoddle is underachieving! Get rid of him. David Pleat can surely handle the task at hand. Nope, we finished 14th…and still no trophies. But hey check out our shiny new forward in Jermaine Dafoe.
May 2004: Sol Campbell becomes a key contributor to Arsenal’s Invincibles season and wins the Premier League title. Does it feel cold?
2004-2005: Here’s our new manager in Jacques Santini ~goes 5-4-5~ ok never mind. Here’s our REAL new manager in Martin Jol, much more quality. He’s got the gusto and know-how to guide us to 9th and no trophies. At least Jermaine Defoe was the club top goal scorer…and Ledley King is coming into his own.
May 2005: Our other eternal rivals Chelsea win their first Premier League thanks to that outlandish manager Jose Mourinho and oligarch Roman Abramovich. All they do is buy players whenever they please. Pfft, that won’t be sustainable, they’ll come back to Earth eventually.
2005-06: Martin Jol has been a massive improvement to our fortunes. No trophies yet but we’re back in Europe. It’s good to be back in the UEFA Cup, think of the tv revenue. 5th place is a nice finish. Robbie Keane and newcomer Mido carried us to this spot. We should be keep them around for a while. Bringing in experienced talent like Edgar Davids and this young defensive midfielder in Tom Huddlestone helps. And check out our new record signing in Jermaine Jenas.
2006-07: Michael Carrick is a great defensive midfielder but Manchester United want his services. Here, take him. Edgar Davids is also much too old to be playing Premier League football. Our loss is also our gain with 15 million quid in the books. Let's invest that into a brand-new world class striker in Dimitar Berbatov. And Carrick's replacement in Didier Zokora certainly helps us...but we finish 5th again. No tropies either...at least European football?
2007-08: Jermaine Dafoe and Mido are gone. We need to replace them. Darren Bent seems like a good idea. But who the hell is this young left-back named Gareth Bale? Why is he worth 14 million pounds? Whatever, we need depth, he probably won't be much. Snap up this Jonathan Woodgate guy, too, someone has to help Ledley King here!
Oct 25, 2007: So you sacked Martin Jol at halftime against Getafe because reasons? Maybe if you stopped selling all his good players the division wouldn't have started. The fans are not pleased about this at all. Smooth them over with Juande Ramos from Chelsea.
League Cup Final 2008: All this leads to an 11th place finish, but fear not - YOU WON THE LEAGUE CUP! The first trophy since 1999, a true triumph. Certainly Spurs can aim higher now right?
2008-09: Juande Ramos is a fraudulent piece of shite that doesn't deserve to work in North London. We've promptly canned him for the legend that is Harry Redknapp. Just look at him inspire us to...8th place. We made the League Cup Final broken glass window and we've lost to Manchester United. And sold them Berbatov because money. This is shit. Enjoy this new midfielder signing in Luka Modric. He'd only become one of the best players in the world, nothing too crazy. Oh and Robbie Keane is back. So is Jermaine Defoe! Yay?
2009-10: A full season of Redknapp ball has led to a glorious prize! 4TH PLACE! Tottenham Hotspur will be playing under the lights on Tuesday and Wednesday! Play the music....THE CHAMPPPIONS! All it cost was loaning out Keane, selling Bent, and bringing in Peter Crouch. What a team we have forming. This Aaron Lennon kid is turning into quite the player. Oh and that Gareth Bale kid we paid a premium for? Yea, he's playing left winger now.
2010-2011: Champions League football requires Champions League talent. Quickly, let's eye up cheap deals for Rafael van der Vaardt, Sandro, and William Gallas. The attacking front of Crouch, Bale, Defoe, van der Vaardt, and Roman Pavlyuchenko powered us to 5th. It’s been a tough test balancing these nights. But did you see our massive victories against both Milan teams? I think we'll be back here in no time. Is it really a bad season without winning any trophies?
2011-12: A critical season. Harry Redknapp's contract is set to expire and Daniel Levy hasn't really been known to give coaches pay raises unless they merit it. Unfortunately, Peter Crouch is too old to keep around. Off to Stoke City with you, lad, thanks for that night at the San Siro. Bringing Emmanuel Adebayor from the exile of Manchester City should be a like-for-like swap. It all powers us to finish 4th again! HUZZAH! Another season of Champions League revenues! But still no Cups to take home.
2012 CL Final: Unfortunately, Chelsea did something incredible and won the Champions League in the most chaotic final in recent memory. Thus, for finishing 4th, you get Europa League football...god I hate Chelsea.
2012-13: Gareth Bale is becoming an elite winger without elite help. We've also decided to do something ridiculously unpopular and sell Luka Modric to Real Madrid for huge money. van der Vaardt is also out the door to Hamburg. The revenue brings in Hugo Lloris, Mousa Dembele, Clint Dempsey, and Jan Vertonghen. Under the plucky Andre Villas-Boas we finish 5th and go back to Europa. But our Cup showing was even more abysmal this season. Gareth Bale potted 21 goals...oh god he's next to go isn't he?
2013-14: The worst day has come. Gareth Bale has been sold to Real Madrid. He's joining up with Modric and Cristiano Ronaldo. The money reinvested brings in Christian Eriksen, Erik Lamela, Paulinho, Etienne Capoue, and the meme known as Roberto Saldado. Andre Villas-Boas' tenure was short-lived. Tim Sherwood is a former Spurs lad, surely he can lead us to greatness. If you call 6th place and no trophies greatness.
CL Final 2014: Luka Modric and Gareth Bale become key contributors to Real Madrid's Decima in the Champions League. Bale also scores one of the best goals of the campaign in the Copa Del Rey against Barcelona. The fans are pissed at Daniel Levy and ENIC.
2014-15: We've been knocking on the door of the elite English teams for a few seasons now. Time to put up or shut up. Tim Sherwood, you are not that guy pal. Mauricio Pochettino, welcome to Spurs. Here's the plucky academy kid in Harry Kane. Please get him firing, our striker woes are well-known. You want to sell Gylfi Sigurdsson and Sandro for this League One prospect in Dele Alli? Ok if you say so. Who the hell is Eric Dier and why do you want him? Culminating in a fifth place finish and League Cup final. Harry Kane scored 21 goals though...whoa.
2015-16: Defense needs an upgrade. Let's buy this experienced Belgian in Toby Alderwaiald. Him and Vertonghen played together before, surely it will work. We also need a left winger. How about Hueng-Min Son? He's been torching defenses for Leverkusen, he can surely do it here. The top teams are having a down season, now is the time to strike. We can smell the Premier League title in our grasp.
Final Matchday 2016: They finished third in a two-horse race after Leicester decided to have the greatest sports story ever play out in real life. It seems like a missed opportunity, but there is plenty to build on. Poch's team is coming together. Kyle Walker and Danny Rose are molding into elite fullbacks. The Belgians and Lloris are brick walls. Harry Kane is becoming a world-class striker. He even won the Golden Boot! They just need a little bit more to get over the trophy drought.
2016-17: Ok this is the year. We made it back to the Champions League, but this will be the last year at White Hart Lane. It's much too old for this modernizing football club. We need a really big stadium to bring in that sweet matchday revenue like our rivals. And I'm talking REALLY big, the best in all of England. It would be nice to fill it with some Champions League revenue and some silverware no? Well, seems like we finished 2nd and didn't win any Cups...AGAIN. But hey, Harry won the Golden Boot again! Dele Alli took serious strides in becoming a generational talent. Progress is progress amirite?
Final Matchday 2017: Chelsea win their 4th Premier League title since Abramovich took over. At least you finished above Arsenal again...that's a win isn't it?
2017-18: Kyle Walker has been sold to Manchester City because we like money over glory. Don't worry, we have a solid replacement with Kieran Trippier. We'll use the Walker money to bring a new defender in Davinson Sanchez from Ajax and right winger in Lucas Moura from PSG. Oh and for the hell of it, here's Serge Aurier from PSG too. Glorious depth. We still don't have a reliable backup striker, but how about a cheap deal for the aging legs of Fernando Llorente. He was good in a past life right?
Nov 1, 2017: By God, we've done it. We've slain the evil empire in Real Madrid. It's hard to believe a team of this size and caliber could scar the kings of Europe. Surely the only way is up from here.
March 2018: Nope, the knockout stages pit you up against a thunderous Juventus team that makes you their English bitch. Giorgio Chiellini goes on to make one of the most overused memes in all of football Twitter. "Iz di history of di Tottenham..."
Final Matchday 2018: Respectable 3rd place finish behind Manchester United lads. Too bad no trophies to go with it. Sigh... what else is new? We finished above Arsenal again...yay? Meanwhile, Kyle Walker is part of the Centurion Manchester City team...I need more liquor.
2018-19: Harry Kane is starting to get impatient. He needs to start seeing some silverware soon. Hueng-Min Son is emerging as a top forward in the league. Dele’s dropped off a bit but it’s just a blip, nothing to worry about. Jan and Toby are rock-solid at the back. We have a plucky solid squad, filled with some high-end talent but we didn't get any reinforcements in the summer...what the fuck? You do realize squads transition every season, ENIC? Where's Poch's reinforcements? Why did you sell Mousa Dembele mid-season, he was still useful! Oh dear god, what have they done? Oh that’s right…the new stadium. It’s still not done yet is it?
UCL QFs 2019: This is massive test. We managed to beat Barcelona in the group stage, and cake-walked through Dortmund in the Round of 16 but this is a new beast. We're up against the defending PL champs in Man City. Harry is hurt but we've got Sonny, Lucas, Chrisitan, Dele, and Fernando to make up for his goals. A huge pen save by Hugo on Aguero keeps us in the tie. Son puts us up 1-0 in the first leg. Going to the Etihad without Harry, it's a tight affair. Son and Sterling trading goals, Fernando kneeing in the go-ahead, Bernardo Silva pulling one back, 4-3 Man City, and seeing out the final whistle. Away goals take us over the line. Onto the Semis!
UCL SFs 2019: This Ajax team downed Real Madrid. They're gonna walk all over us. At least in the first leg. The second leg is a masterpiece. Lucas scored not one, not two, but THREE away goals to push us to glory! Gas up the bus boys, WE ARE GOING TO THE UCL FINAL!!!!
UCL Final 2019: What the actual fuck? How was that a handball on Moussa Sissoko??? IT HIT HIS BLOODY SHOULDER! You gifted this match to Liverpool, UEFA! (This is the moment that broke Tottenham Hotspur) And why the hell didn't Lucas start the game? After that fantastic hat trick? I don't care if Kane was fit to play, this is massive managerial blunder. Maybe this is the summer things start to change. All we got for this was a runner-up medal. At least we finished 4th in England. BUT STILL NO MOTHER FUCKING TROPHIES! writer proceeds to smash his laptop in the process
2019-20: The UCL Final should be a springboard for another potential title charge. Poch is calling out ownership for not wanting to give him signings. They only fumbled the Paulo Dybala signing, surely we can still trust Levy and ENIC right? Here's Giovani Lo Celso instead and Tanguy Ndombele to shore up the midfield. Here's our replacement for Danny Rose in Ryan Sessegnon. Unfortunately, Chrisitan Eriksen wants out and we let his contract run down. He leaves in January for basically nothing. Results are starting to flounder so Poch, pack your furniture and get out of our house. Meet our new manager: Jose Mourinho, the Special One. Just nobody tell Daniel he's been sacked infamously by both Chelsea and Manchester United for being a toxic presence. At least the new stadium is ope---ah fuck, it's COVID. An injury-plagued campaign culminates in a 6th place finish, but still no trophies. Another finish over those Gunners though! Why aren't you fans happy? We can't spend money, don't you see we didn't get any matchday revenue???
FA Cup Final 2020: Even though we finished above them, Arsenal take home an FA Cup with a squad arguably much less talented than Spurs. It was also against Chelsea...who finished above you. Can someone drive me to the nearest cliff please?
2020-21: A full season of Mourinho-ball. Tensions are starting to run high. Kane is pissed at the direction we're going. Jan Vertonghen and Kieran Trippier are gone. Dele Alli forgot how to play football under Jose. We need a new center-back...too goddam expensive. Let's convert Eric Dier to CB and have play back there, what's the worst that can happen? Fans aren't happy at all. I know the solution: you kids remember Uncle Gareth?? He's baaaaack! Sure, he's in his early 30s and a shell of himself but he's won 4 UCL titles and scored that fabulous bike kick in 2018. He's still class. Here’s a bunch of mid table players in Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg, Matt Doherty, and Joe Rodon to supplement the team.
March 2021: Europa League is quite winnable. Surely nothing bad will happen like you losing to a team who's manager is in prison for tax fraud. breaking glass sounds you fumbled a 2-0 agg lead to Dinamo Zagreb...who's manager was in prison for tax fraud. You're fucking pathetic you know that?
April 2021: Jose Mourinho is a dinosaur of English football. Look at him playing park the bus tactics while we can't
EFL Cup Final 2021: It's not a blowout loss, but it's clearly an overmatching. City run rampant on Spurs as they lift the trophy they basically own at this point. Fans are calling for Levy's head. In fact, they were calling for it as early as the FA Cup loss to Everton in the fourth round.
Final Matchday 2021: Jose refused to play Gareth Bale. Looking back that was a terrible decision. Bale and Kane power us to a 7th place finish. We finish above Arsenal again. It's a successful season in ENIC's checkbook. And there's still European football to play. Harry Kane wins another Golden Boot and the Golden Ball for most assists. We have to keep him around.
May 2021: Kieran Trippier and Christian Eriksen become key contributors to Atletico Madrid and Inter Milan's respective title wins. In other news, Juan Foyth wins the Europa League with Villarreal while on loan. Does that sound familiar?
CL Final 2021: Chelsea find another way to win another Champions League title, despite sacking a manger midway through the season and having misfiring forwards. And it was against Man City…who we beat every now and then.
2021-22: We need a director of football to help us match up to our rivals better. Fabio Paratici built Juventus in the most dominant club in Italy, surely he can replicate that in England. No we won't hire Paulo Fonseca and his 7 assistant coaches, way too much payroll. And no, you can't hire Gennaro Gattuso for his derogatory comments. Wait, where the hell is Harry Kane? Ahh I see he wants to be sold to Man City. HA! Doesn't he know he just signed an extension? Son has too, so if Harry wants to play hardball let him. Quickly, hire Nuno Espirito Santos as our fail-safe. He's not what we wanted but we fucked up so we're fucked now. Wait, how can we be so critical of ourselves? CHECK OUT THIS GLORIOUS STADIUM!!!!
Nov 2021: Nuno is terrible, he's lost 5 in a row. Who cares if we beat Man City on opening day? Get him out NOW! Get Antonio Conte in. It's another former Chelsea manager to restore our standing in the club.
Final Matchday 2022: HUZZAH! After a turbulent season, losing to wifi-password named clubs in the Conference League then getting kicked out of it for COVID reasons, Conte calling us out in the media multiple times, we galvanized ourselves to a 4th place finish. We're back, and it's thanks to the Juve rejects in Cristian Romero, Dejan Kulusevski, and Rodrigo Bentancur. Son won the Golden Boot, a true testament to his development at Spurs. Back on track. But still...no trophies. Another finish above Arsenal...they should just make a team award for that at this point.
2022-23: A full season of a happier Conte should lead us to silverware. Let’s not dawddle, start making signings. Richarlison always victimized us at Everton, let’s bring him to back up Kane. Yves Bissouma did the same at Brighton and we do need a batter box to box midfielder. Him too. Ivan Perisic on a free for Conte’s wingback. Surely our defense is fine in the hands of Romero, Dier, Clement Lenglet, and Ben Davies. And Djed Spence because reasons.
April 2023: It’s been a terrible season. From having our best start to a season since 1967 to bottling game after game after game. Tepid football, lack of inspiration. Despite small triumphs like winning the Champions League group stage and mugging Manchester City of points again, they have failed miserably again. Son’s form is gone. Richarlison doesn’t know how to score. The defense is wide open. It implodes after giving up 3 goals to a bottom table Southampton after being up 3-0. Conte is furious, criticizes ownership again, and is canned back to Italy. Fabio Paratici was also banned by FIFA for cooking Juve’s books. To make it worse, Arsenal was leading the top of the table and almost won the title. Thank the football gods for Man City and their oil money franchise. That means nothing as the season prolapses, we fall out of European contention, and finish 8th. No manager, no director football, toxic fanbase crying out for changes. I have now developed heavy drinking. "ZE DON'T WANT TO PLAY FOR SOMETHING IMPORTANT! 20 YEARS THERE IS THE OWNER AND NEVER WON SOMETHING!"
UEL Semi-Final 2023: Did I mention this gets worse because it does. A couple seasons back, Spurs swapped Erik Lamela and 25 million for promising Spanish youngster Bryan Gil from Sevilla. Gil was never favored by Nuno or Conte, with the Italian basically exiling him from the team unless he had no other choice but to play him. Gil would be loaned back to Sevilla where he assisted Erik Lamela's game-winning goal in stoppage time to book Sevilla a place in the Europa League final. I want to drink bleach...
Twenty-three years of failures and memes, Tottenham look like a lost club. All the shiny toys, but nothing to show for it. Champagne expectations with a beer budget. Does the ownership really value profit that much? Daniel Levy always insists his goal every season is to win a trophy. But how do you do that without attracting top talent? They squandered a window in 2019 and can’t remake the glory. They've made signing after signing that are inconsistent or not at the level to win trophies. It feels like they value cheap deals rather than actual talent. It's killing the club. Kane has been a legend at the club but he’s ready to move on. I don’t blame him, his career is incomplete with some hardware. But the future looks bleak. What will Spurs do next? Will they do a full rebuild and risk the possibility of no European football? Or will they try to win at least one trophy before Kane's contract is up?
2023.05.30 17:15 NickelTheWise WILDLIFE Ch. 1-2 pt. 2
"You did WHAT?!" The half-completed apartment building was a dangerous ribcage affair of a building, wind easily guiding itself thru it at higher floors, of which there were four total. The entrance office was enclosed and hard to notice, so they'd parked in the nearby crew lot and walked before talking business, which Fennel was already regretting. "Hey, it's a fullproof way to do this stuff without attracting attention, like you said." Her contact with the Syracuse Runners was this wiry albino fox, red eyes and piercings adding to the shock of his white pelt and various tattoos, like the tiger stripes on his burly arms. Fennel thought an 80s action movie was missing an antagonist somewhere, but that was the point of this whole venture; to maintain attention. "She'll come here, we beat her near to death in the ensuing ambush, then we split that reward money fifty-fifty, it's easy as that." "Yeah? Well, genius, what if she decides to just show up now?" He held up a finger as his phone suddenly beeped a phone call, which he answered with a hands-free. "Talk to me... uh huh, did you pay him? Alright cool, once you get the go-ahead from D&D, tell 'em to sit tight at their hotel room until I call 'em, then we can get everyone paid and leave town, alright? Okay, good, set up at the look-out spot once you're here, we'll be waiting. Right, see ya." He hung up the phone and gestured purposefully with both arms. "You see? Everything's coming up roses, all we gotta do now is take her down." "WITHOUT killing her." Fennel said firmly, crossing her arms. "Without killing her, yeah sure." and the gang leader turned to meet his men outside. Fennel's bodyguards came down from upstairs, putting their suit jackets back on. "We checked it out, the real party's ready to go and the last of the extra team is about 10 minutes from here." "Alright, good, some news I can count on. Has Fez sent any further information?" One of them nodded. "Yeah, apparently this red-haired cat was talking with some striper earlier, our guy on the streets saw them and figured to call it in, he said they seemed on complete speaking terms." Fennel's eyes narrowed. "Could be a possible proxy or old partner, do we got any further leads on this guy?" "Only that he's the only northern raccoon the guy's seen in town recently, should make finding him a cinch." The wolf nodded, heading onwards with her entourage in tow. "Alright, that simplifies things; you guys see him at any time before we head home, you pull him off the streets, take him into the woods and slice him, and not a trace left behind, capisce?" "You got it boss, this chick's gonna be our main concern until we break her down, then we just find this dude and ice him." "Right, Moe? Starting to like working out here after all, how 'bout that?" They chuckled maliciously and left the skeletal building, but from up on a pile of particle-board slabs, Tom's head poked out a little and he let out a huge breath, his eyes darting wildly all over the place in mind-crushing trepidation. A step went awry and he fell to land on two feet, skidding backwards a bit to crash into a stack of pallets. Fear stung his mind again as he got up quickly and headed up his escape path, making it to the trees and falling breathless behind a wide-trunked spruce, trying to calm his mind. He'd taken a detour through the woods, but there was still a good 300 paces between the route and the gas station next to the Door. "Fuck... holy fuck, they're gonna kill me... shit, this--" He sat in that one spot for a long time, feeling a terror in his chest even as he somehow fell asleep with thoughts of losing it all ringing in his mind.
Shank of night was approaching, and Karilara Sunkiller was readying herself for a real fight, one that she intended to survive. The point she'd been trained for, and trained in her own time for, was maximum movement, keep the vitals out of the fight, and shoot first. She'd gotten into her old worn-in black jeans and tank top, which she further covered with custom combat armor, meant to maintain ease of movement while covering a few more than the standard weak spots. She frowned a bit while inspecting the plates and weave, wishing she had a better alternative. Still, these fools had called her out, and leaving the engagement area wide open was a mistake... a slightly obvious mistake, but maybe that was for the best. She unrolled an old weapons satchel and began to equip the blades. Throwing knives, a folding dagger she hid at the base of her tail, and then, a hunting knife with a dark crimson hue to the blade. She unsheated it and took a look over the finished sheen of it, putting the pommel to her eye to check the tang and tip, taking some copypaper and deftly slicing it in two with nary a hiss. It had been quenched and treated in special oils to allow a dangerous level of swiftness to its edge, and it was Kari's singular trophy she retained from her days as Death's Eyes. The scarlet color of the weapon shone blood red across her face from the light in her bathroom. The weapon went back into its sheath and the whole bargain was belted to her waist, along with her trusty K90 ten-mil pistol, taken apart and prepared for the occasion earlier. It wasn't the strongest pistol she owned, but the point was to wound and finish up close; if anything, she rarely used the weapon except for a few bad jobs and her escape from DEN. The monitor of her computer had an online map of the area in question, and the ingress/egress routes drawn in dry-erase marker, one of them leading off the road and into the wooded area. It was all in her mind now, and it was time to go. Kari took a while yet to braid her hair into a short bun at the back. Her armor and pride rode on keeping her back away from the enemy at all times, so she worried little about someone grabbing it. With one final tightening of straps and stares into the mirror, Karilara Sunkiller went to leave her room, looking over it for a moment, then headed downstairs and out to her car, leaving the darkened home behind as she crawled inside herself to unlock the chains of a killer that rested patiently there.
There wasn't much to describe of the surrounding area besides the road leading to the attack site. The evening sky was overcast and lent a spooky muted tone to anything he could see. Larry, the look-out spot was in a perfect spot with a long view down the main road, which would give him ample time to call it in, get back to the others, or just hit the dirt and remain quiet while the others got the work done. Equal shares, that's what their leader had said, so this would be easy. Any second now, the binoculars, the road, and his awareness would lead to a huge payout and easy street for the rest of the year, if not, more. Sure enough, a car's lights topped the small rise before heading into the slight downgrade before rising back up into view, only the car pulled off to the right and vanished. Larry blinked, checking the road again; there wasn't any other way to the site than this, maybe he was seeing things? Larry hastily returned to his watch, waiting quietly, breath fogging in slow sequence, his weapon loaded and phone fully charged, he was ready. A blade gently touched under his chin and throat, making him lock up completely. "How many." said a voice, not asking a question. "Fuck you." The blade slid faster than he could call out with a smooth, silent metallic ring in the air and a puff of red mist, the thicker liquid behind drooling from the thin slice across his throat, deep enough to sever vocals, and so wickedly fast. Larry was gone a second after he hit the ground and laid still. Kari wiped the blood off on his coat and hurried to the site down the way.
Tom gasped wildly, his memories tangled at the ankles in dreams before reality. It all came back to him, the site, the run back, the conversation at the site, the orders to find and kill him. He almost got up and ran in a random direction, better judgement holding him in place to plan first. The gradual bones of the building were still nearby, a couple hours had passed, and from a careful peek around the tree and immediate area, he could see the cars hidden behind the portable offices for the project site. Lights were on in the first floor area, the gangers from before were visible, but just as he leaned closer, he noticed some movement on the top floor. His ears turned and listened carefully... definitely voices and movement up there. Further movement caught his eye suddenly, from on top of the portables. A dark monster of some kind was crawling across the aluminum roof, but it took on a more real shape when the red hair and tail were spotted. "You've gotta be shitting me..." he whispered, watching Kari move like a spider, hopping off silently to move around to the sides and disappear thru a small doorway in the wall there. Somewhere between panic and preservation, perverse interest was beginning to mount and urge him on towards what might be something crazy. With his heart pumping a little faster, he hurried from the woods and across to a vantage point. He almost shouted in surprise at someone staring right at him in the window he looked into, only to recognize his reflection as he ducked back down in the throes of a micro-coronary. 'A clean window... I'd only ever heard stories.' he thought, wondering for the 33rd time if this was a good idea, only to hear a voice above him. "I'm just opening it to let the breeze in here." "Just get back over here, something doesn't feel right." Tom sank lower, his shoulders somewhere behind his ankles as he held still. Movement was heard now, up the stairs to the balcony overlooking the office. The raccoon slowly stood up to try and have a look around the office area. They were silent, looking around, guns drawn... there was a squawk, a noise, like when you bump into someone, heard from up high, then near-silent taps. Blood was on the air. "Jack! What's up there, dude, hey!" called their leader, with seven of his men closing ranks. A bouncing thud was heard and something had fallen into the first floor. One of them produced a flashlight and pointed it towards the sound. It was a severed head. Sounds of terror and surprise followed, clicking of hammers, more flashlights now. Tom felt his mouth go warm and wet, portending vomit, but he held in check, looking around for the red-haired woman... something hit the ground heavily to their right and the bullets went chasing after it, the biomancers eyes growing wider as he saw it happen. The headless body had gone in one direction, Kari went the other, landing at their backs now as they turned to shoot, and she attacked. Her movements were continuous, impactful, touch-and-go, almost a dancer's grace. A knife flashed in the dark, and arms went around where it sailed past before their owner fell to their knees and collapsed. Two or three entanglements got more of the group injured or killed outright, one especially for certain as she held him as a bullet shield as a volley of blasts went her way. Gunfire erupted again, chasing the blue-eyed shadow aside, a gagging sound following from the attacker feeling a thin metal needle go into their open mouth. The attacker drew her own gun and fired twice, two shots blowing a splatter of red against the wall. There was only one left now, and barely 23 seconds had passed. "Oh FUCK this!" the fox grunted, laying down more bullets rapidly to force Kari back behind cover as he ran up the unfinished access stairs which lacked walls. The snow leopard wiped her blade off on the sleeve of one of the dead men, exhaling for a moment to assess her body quickly. In the confusion, she'd actually been attacked a few times, but seemed unhurt. She got a thumb under her sweater and lifted it, making Tom feel like looking another direction, only to see one bullet had struck home on the armor. As adrenaline ebbed, he could actually see she was breathing a bit labored; the flattened bullet was low and to the left, definitely struck a rib. Kari dug the slug loose with her knife and sheathed it, hurrying to the stairs to finish the job, leaving Tom to consider how to follow for a bit. That was when he heard the shout of 'NOW!' and football-arena lights erupt from the third floor landing. "That can't be good!" he said under his breath, moving into the atrium gingerly to try and see up above. There were probably 14 of them, all too big and almost arm to large arm. Kari began marking off targets in her mind, but it would be a terrible squeeze. It would hurt, and she was fine with that, it would really hurt, and she was fine with that... but capture was tantamount to death, so that she was not fine with, and would prevent at all costs. The hallway 'ledge' might be her only shot, but two stories down without a minute to prepare could cause a broken leg or arm. Many variables, all of them pointing to a grim conclusion. No capture. "She's cut off, get her!" someone shouted, and they came at her and she came at them. A haymaker greeted her first, dodged, a second attack stopped in a spray of blood as she clawed at the exposed side, aiming a hard kick up at the third, but three more were already upon her. Kari raked out and hissed, putting her foot hard into the side of an exposed knee to extend in sideways. The owner shrieked in pain, but Kari felt two blows, and another begin hitting home, so she dove through the opening and tried to get clear from the four behind them. Another fist cut across her face, all the shouting and yelling from her and them was gathering into a fever pitch, she was throwing fists and kicks, but could barely see from the mob striking at her from all directions. Someone pulled her back, and the racket was muffled by bodies as she was kicked at from the left and right, her arms crossed over her face and chest to guard. One hand closed around something, a brick, and she managed to hold it hard and punch its dense weight into what shins she could, managing to make enough room to get back up and go on the attack again, putting two of them down hard with savage brick-slams to the head. Suddenly, an explosion went off behind her and she went down to barely stop on one knee: her back stung like it had been ripped off and replaced again, she'd been shot and it went thru the armor just behind her right shoulder. Winded and wounded, she collapsed to the floor, motionless, hair hanging from the tight braids. The assembled attackers stayed around her, out of breath and some clutching at hard injuries. "Fuck... aaahh-- fuck, the bleeding won't stop.." "Did we get her? Someone make sure she's still breathing." "Hold still, man, I think your skin is flapping off." "AAAAHH! DON'T TOUCH IT!" "Moe! Hey, someone get the med kit, he's not breathing!" The damage sustained from the attacks were enough to hopefully repair, but Kari was facedown and feeling her body alive with pain, wisely trying to breathe shallow to appear harmless. Hands suddenly grasped her from behind and hauled her around on her knees, bent before the doorway as her breathing came in low, labored gasps. It hadn't gone well, and there could be more in reserve. What the feline wasn't expecting to see was Fennel, who had flipped her off only two days ago now, stepping out of the shadowed doorway to close the distance. A zip-tie closed at Kari's wrists and her odds shrank significantly. Fennel put a finger under the snow leopards chin to meet her face-to-face. "Hey, bitch, guess you've been having a pretty nice fuckin' time of it, yeah?" Heavy breathing only responded, Kari's face contorted in anger. "Well, don't expect us to lose any sleep over those guys you killed or anyone in your career, no... we're here because one specific job." Kari felt inwardly lucky; this Fennel woman seemed to have a need to talk, a perfect way to buy time. It was a long time ago, but she had ways of escaping zip-ties. "You're gonna have to refresh my memory here, sweetheart," she managed, coughing only once, "I've killed a lot of people." Fennel's eyes narrowed and she began to pace, Kari barely resisting rolling her eyes at this move. "2005, it was," said the wolf, "an old villa house in a secluded area of Campigliano, the home of a very important old man, one Allesandro Gabriele Russo." Kari thought for a moment, her ears pointing up as she pretended to vaguely remember "Oh, him! Head of a rogue crime syndicate that was attempting to muscle in on the Cosa Nostra operations setting up in Salerno. Yeah, entire crew found dead on the scene, and apparent leader stabbed once and left burning in a hearth like the old trash bag he was, THAT Allesandro Gabriele Russo?" Fennel looked beyond enraged, and decided to let a hard kick to Kari's nose provide the rebuttal. Her face exploded in cold pain, she felt something crunch in her nose and she bent forward, nearly falling onto the poured concrete to cough again, blood pouring from her onto the floor. She laughed somehow and leaned back as she sat up, feeling her options shrinking and somehow, not minding so much, or so it appeared and sounded. "Ha ha, heh.. kffh hnhh... oh wow, I haven't been beaten like this since prom night. Look, if you're gonna kill me or take me back to them for the reward, let's hurry it up already, can we?" Composure managed to return to the wolf woman's attitude and she came closer again to hunker down with a psychotic glint in her eye. "Oh, it'd be easy and a better use of time, no doubt. But you see, you killed my great grandfather, ruined my family's wealth in the subsequent criminal charges and all, and broke my father's heart... so no, we're not going anywhere." She had cupped Kari's cheek here before patting it gently and getting up again. "You gotta understand two things I got to work with here: one, the contact from DEN just said alive, not necessarily intact, and two, when I put the word out for people interested in this gig, I made sure to find some scum, I mean real monsters here, the kind of people that can't be trusted with pictures of a playground." There was sinister chuckles and calls from behind Kari and she began to feel a sting of actual worry, trying to hurry up with her wrists. "Once these disgusting reprobates are done holding you down and violating your fucking brain to pieces, we're gonna take some of these here medical tools and cut you down to size by numbers. We even brought a doctor to make sure you're alive when we toss what's left at the feet of this Bear guy." 'Come on, hands...' Kari thought wildly, almost stuck in the zip-ties now. Fennel smiled viciously, her back teeth exposed in the killers grin. "Gotta admit, this'll be fun to watch. Alright, you sick fucks, she's all yours." As a foot was pressed to her shoulder, Kari opted to make a quiet, scared noise all of a sudden. The others were still coming closer, but Fennel held up a palm and they stopped. "What?" said Fennel. Kari shook and trembled, feeling the terrible visions the imagination produced of her damnable fate. "Oh god, it's the end... let me just say something fast." The wolf huffed a bark of laughter and crouched close, shaking her head. "Always such badasses until you clip those wings... what is it, bitch?" "The... oh god-" and she whined a little, her head hung and trying to breathe, "Just remember this next time you have to kill someone, please!" "What about it, cunt?" Kari's palm slid up the other and relocated into place, and she smiled a skull-like grin.
"Just kill them."
All at once, she sprung out onto Fennel's torso like a cobra, her free hands scratching and raking at whatever she could reach, the wolf's going berserk as she shouted in pain while clawing and kicking at the serpentine assailant. The others recovered from the stunning instant and moved to attack her, but faltered as Fennel's screams became a wild shriek of agony, rising in pitch as Kari's head pulled back, one blood-soaked paw holding her down. Clamped in her sharp teeth, at the end of a long, stretched line of viscera and optic nerve, was a dark brown eyeball, coming free with a snap. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHAAAAAAA!!" Kari looked coldly into Fennel's shocked face as the moment froze in aghast eternity, her jaws holding the little fleshy ball up before smiling again and chomping it with a wet splatter and taking off to run to the stairs to the third floor. The goons were coming, she had to hurry. Clamored voices from below; they'd cut off the stairwell. Kari lungs were working like bellows as she gained distance down a 3rd story hall. With a little luck, the scaffolding could be a way down, if she had one good jump in her. It was on the left side of the building, she was almost there as the footsteps neared from behind, but the incomplete walls vanished fast and the jump was before her. 'Jump, take the landing, roll with the impact.' she hurriedly thought before turning to get a sprinting start back. As she turned, it all happened in slow motion. The loading mechanism advanced a shell into the barrel, and the quiet clicking of the trigger pull barely registered before there was an explosion and an impact that knocked wind and mind from her. She flew backwards so suddenly, the snow leopard might've seen her own tail. She tried to turn in mid air, but only glanced her arm across an unseen fixed pipe. It was definitely broken, and the pain threatened to blur out her senses. She turned more now and felt a dull explosion at her back this time, and the limit was reached. Her autonomic system seemed to have shut her down for reboot, and when she fell with a thwack to the poured cement below, she barely felt anything. One weak attempt at rising proved nothing and the lights went out all at once, leaving her at the worlds' mercy.
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Shank of night was approaching, and Karilara Sunkiller was readying herself for a real fight, one that she intended to survive. The point she'd been trained for, and trained in her own time for, was maximum movement, keep the vitals out of the fight, and shoot first. She'd gotten into her old worn-in black jeans and tank top, which she further covered with custom combat armor, meant to maintain ease of movement while covering a few more than the standard weak spots. She frowned a bit while inspecting the plates and weave, wishing she had a better alternative. Still, these fools had called her out, and leaving the engagement area wide open was a mistake... a slightly obvious mistake, but maybe that was for the best. She unrolled an old weapons satchel and began to equip the blades. Throwing knives, a folding dagger she hid at the base of her tail, and then, a hunting knife with a dark crimson hue to the blade. She unsheated it and took a look over the finished sheen of it, putting the pommel to her eye to check the tang and tip, taking some copypaper and deftly slicing it in two with nary a hiss. It had been quenched and treated in special oils to allow a dangerous level of swiftness to its edge, and it was Kari's singular trophy she retained from her days as Death's Eyes. The scarlet color of the weapon shone blood red across her face from the light in her bathroom. The weapon went back into its sheath and the whole bargain was belted to her waist, along with her trusty K90 ten-mil pistol, taken apart and prepared for the occasion earlier. It wasn't the strongest pistol she owned, but the point was to wound and finish up close; if anything, she rarely used the weapon except for a few bad jobs and her escape from DEN. The monitor of her computer had an online map of the area in question, and the ingress/egress routes drawn in dry-erase marker, one of them leading off the road and into the wooded area. It was all in her mind now, and it was time to go. Kari took a while yet to braid her hair into a short bun at the back. Her armor and pride rode on keeping her back away from the enemy at all times, so she worried little about someone grabbing it. With one final tightening of straps and stares into the mirror, Karilara Sunkiller went to leave her room, looking over it for a moment, then headed downstairs and out to her car, leaving the darkened home behind as she crawled inside herself to unlock the chains of a killer that rested patiently there.
There wasn't much to describe of the surrounding area besides the road leading to the attack site. The evening sky was overcast and lent a spooky muted tone to anything he could see. Larry, the look-out spot was in a perfect spot with a long view down the main road, which would give him ample time to call it in, get back to the others, or just hit the dirt and remain quiet while the others got the work done. Equal shares, that's what their leader had said, so this would be easy. Any second now, the binoculars, the road, and his awareness would lead to a huge payout and easy street for the rest of the year, if not, more. Sure enough, a car's lights topped the small rise before heading into the slight downgrade before rising back up into view, only the car pulled off to the right and vanished. Larry blinked, checking the road again; there wasn't any other way to the site than this, maybe he was seeing things? Larry hastily returned to his watch, waiting quietly, breath fogging in slow sequence, his weapon loaded and phone fully charged, he was ready. A blade gently touched under his chin and throat, making him lock up completely. "How many." said a voice, not asking a question. "Fuck you." The blade slid faster than he could call out with a smooth, silent metallic ring in the air and a puff of red mist, the thicker liquid behind drooling from the thin slice across his throat, deep enough to sever vocals, and so wickedly fast. Larry was gone a second after he hit the ground and laid still. Kari wiped the blood off on his coat and hurried to the site down the way.
Tom gasped wildly, his memories tangled at the ankles in dreams before reality. It all came back to him, the site, the run back, the conversation at the site, the orders to find and kill him. He almost got up and ran in a random direction, better judgement holding him in place to plan first. The gradual bones of the building were still nearby, a couple hours had passed, and from a careful peek around the tree and immediate area, he could see the cars hidden behind the portable offices for the project site. Lights were on in the first floor area, the gangers from before were visible, but just as he leaned closer, he noticed some movement on the top floor. His ears turned and listened carefully... definitely voices and movement up there. Further movement caught his eye suddenly, from on top of the portables. A dark monster of some kind was crawling across the aluminum roof, but it took on a more real shape when the red hair and tail were spotted. "You've gotta be shitting me..." he whispered, watching Kari move like a spider, hopping off silently to move around to the sides and disappear thru a small doorway in the wall there. Somewhere between panic and preservation, perverse interest was beginning to mount and urge him on towards what might be something crazy. With his heart pumping a little faster, he hurried from the woods and across to a vantage point. He almost shouted in surprise at someone staring right at him in the window he looked into, only to recognize his reflection as he ducked back down in the throes of a micro-coronary. 'A clean window... I'd only ever heard stories.' he thought, wondering for the 33rd time if this was a good idea, only to hear a voice above him. "I'm just opening it to let the breeze in here." "Just get back over here, something doesn't feel right." Tom sank lower, his shoulders somewhere behind his ankles as he held still. Movement was heard now, up the stairs to the balcony overlooking the office. The raccoon slowly stood up to try and have a look around the office area. They were silent, looking around, guns drawn... there was a squawk, a noise, like when you bump into someone, heard from up high, then near-silent taps. Blood was on the air. "Jack! What's up there, dude, hey!" called their leader, with seven of his men closing ranks. A bouncing thud was heard and something had fallen into the first floor. One of them produced a flashlight and pointed it towards the sound. It was a severed head. Sounds of terror and surprise followed, clicking of hammers, more flashlights now. Tom felt his mouth go warm and wet, portending vomit, but he held in check, looking around for the red-haired woman... something hit the ground heavily to their right and the bullets went chasing after it, the biomancers eyes growing wider as he saw it happen. The headless body had gone in one direction, Kari went the other, landing at their backs now as they turned to shoot, and she attacked. Her movements were continuous, impactful, touch-and-go, almost a dancer's grace. A knife flashed in the dark, and arms went around where it sailed past before their owner fell to their knees and collapsed. Two or three entanglements got more of the group injured or killed outright, one especially for certain as she held him as a bullet shield as a volley of blasts went her way. Gunfire erupted again, chasing the blue-eyed shadow aside, a gagging sound following from the attacker feeling a thin metal needle go into their open mouth. The attacker drew her own gun and fired twice, two shots blowing a splatter of red against the wall. There was only one left now, and barely 23 seconds had passed. "Oh FUCK this!" the fox grunted, laying down more bullets rapidly to force Kari back behind cover as he ran up the unfinished access stairs which lacked walls. The snow leopard wiped her blade off on the sleeve of one of the dead men, exhaling for a moment to assess her body quickly. In the confusion, she'd actually been attacked a few times, but seemed unhurt. She got a thumb under her sweater and lifted it, making Tom feel like looking another direction, only to see one bullet had struck home on the armor. As adrenaline ebbed, he could actually see she was breathing a bit labored; the flattened bullet was low and to the left, definitely struck a rib. Kari dug the slug loose with her knife and sheathed it, hurrying to the stairs to finish the job, leaving Tom to consider how to follow for a bit. That was when he heard the shout of 'NOW!' and football-arena lights erupt from the third floor landing. "That can't be good!" he said under his breath, moving into the atrium gingerly to try and see up above. There were probably 14 of them, all too big and almost arm to large arm. Kari began marking off targets in her mind, but it would be a terrible squeeze. It would hurt, and she was fine with that, it would really hurt, and she was fine with that... but capture was tantamount to death, so that she was not fine with, and would prevent at all costs. The hallway 'ledge' might be her only shot, but two stories down without a minute to prepare could cause a broken leg or arm. Many variables, all of them pointing to a grim conclusion. No capture. "She's cut off, get her!" someone shouted, and they came at her and she came at them. A haymaker greeted her first, dodged, a second attack stopped in a spray of blood as she clawed at the exposed side, aiming a hard kick up at the third, but three more were already upon her. Kari raked out and hissed, putting her foot hard into the side of an exposed knee to extend in sideways. The owner shrieked in pain, but Kari felt two blows, and another begin hitting home, so she dove through the opening and tried to get clear from the four behind them. Another fist cut across her face, all the shouting and yelling from her and them was gathering into a fever pitch, she was throwing fists and kicks, but could barely see from the mob striking at her from all directions. Someone pulled her back, and the racket was muffled by bodies as she was kicked at from the left and right, her arms crossed over her face and chest to guard. One hand closed around something, a brick, and she managed to hold it hard and punch its dense weight into what shins she could, managing to make enough room to get back up and go on the attack again, putting two of them down hard with savage brick-slams to the head. Suddenly, an explosion went off behind her and she went down to barely stop on one knee: her back stung like it had been ripped off and replaced again, she'd been shot and it went thru the armor just behind her right shoulder. Winded and wounded, she collapsed to the floor, motionless, hair hanging from the tight braids. The assembled attackers stayed around her, out of breath and some clutching at hard injuries. "Fuck... aaahh-- fuck, the bleeding won't stop.." "Did we get her? Someone make sure she's still breathing." "Hold still, man, I think your skin is flapping off." "AAAAHH! DON'T TOUCH IT!" "Moe! Hey, someone get the med kit, he's not breathing!" The damage sustained from the attacks were enough to hopefully repair, but Kari was facedown and feeling her body alive with pain, wisely trying to breathe shallow to appear harmless. Hands suddenly grasped her from behind and hauled her around on her knees, bent before the doorway as her breathing came in low, labored gasps. It hadn't gone well, and there could be more in reserve. What the feline wasn't expecting to see was Fennel, who had flipped her off only two days ago now, stepping out of the shadowed doorway to close the distance. A zip-tie closed at Kari's wrists and her odds shrank significantly. Fennel put a finger under the snow leopards chin to meet her face-to-face. "Hey, bitch, guess you've been having a pretty nice fuckin' time of it, yeah?" Heavy breathing only responded, Kari's face contorted in anger. "Well, don't expect us to lose any sleep over those guys you killed or anyone in your career, no... we're here because one specific job." Kari felt inwardly lucky; this Fennel woman seemed to have a need to talk, a perfect way to buy time. It was a long time ago, but she had ways of escaping zip-ties. "You're gonna have to refresh my memory here, sweetheart," she managed, coughing only once, "I've killed a lot of people." Fennel's eyes narrowed and she began to pace, Kari barely resisting rolling her eyes at this move. "2005, it was," said the wolf, "an old villa house in a secluded area of Campigliano, the home of a very important old man, one Allesandro Gabriele Russo." Kari thought for a moment, her ears pointing up as she pretended to vaguely remember "Oh, him! Head of a rogue crime syndicate that was attempting to muscle in on the Cosa Nostra operations setting up in Salerno. Yeah, entire crew found dead on the scene, and apparent leader stabbed once and left burning in a hearth like the old trash bag he was, THAT Allesandro Gabriele Russo?" Fennel looked beyond enraged, and decided to let a hard kick to Kari's nose provide the rebuttal. Her face exploded in cold pain, she felt something crunch in her nose and she bent forward, nearly falling onto the poured concrete to cough again, blood pouring from her onto the floor. She laughed somehow and leaned back as she sat up, feeling her options shrinking and somehow, not minding so much, or so it appeared and sounded. "Ha ha, heh.. kffh hnhh... oh wow, I haven't been beaten like this since prom night. Look, if you're gonna kill me or take me back to them for the reward, let's hurry it up already, can we?" Composure managed to return to the wolf woman's attitude and she came closer again to hunker down with a psychotic glint in her eye. "Oh, it'd be easy and a better use of time, no doubt. But you see, you killed my great grandfather, ruined my family's wealth in the subsequent criminal charges and all, and broke my father's heart... so no, we're not going anywhere." She had cupped Kari's cheek here before patting it gently and getting up again. "You gotta understand two things I got to work with here: one, the contact from DEN just said alive, not necessarily intact, and two, when I put the word out for people interested in this gig, I made sure to find some scum, I mean real monsters here, the kind of people that can't be trusted with pictures of a playground." There was sinister chuckles and calls from behind Kari and she began to feel a sting of actual worry, trying to hurry up with her wrists. "Once these disgusting reprobates are done holding you down and violating your fucking brain to pieces, we're gonna take some of these here medical tools and cut you down to size by numbers. We even brought a doctor to make sure you're alive when we toss what's left at the feet of this Bear guy." 'Come on, hands...' Kari thought wildly, almost stuck in the zip-ties now. Fennel smiled viciously, her back teeth exposed in the killers grin. "Gotta admit, this'll be fun to watch. Alright, you sick fucks, she's all yours." As a foot was pressed to her shoulder, Kari opted to make a quiet, scared noise all of a sudden. The others were still coming closer, but Fennel held up a palm and they stopped. "What?" said Fennel. Kari shook and trembled, feeling the terrible visions the imagination produced of her damnable fate. "Oh god, it's the end... let me just say something fast." The wolf huffed a bark of laughter and crouched close, shaking her head. "Always such badasses until you clip those wings... what is it, bitch?" "The... oh god-" and she whined a little, her head hung and trying to breathe, "Just remember this next time you have to kill someone, please!" "What about it, cunt?" Kari's palm slid up the other and relocated into place, and she smiled a skull-like grin.
"Just kill them."
All at once, she sprung out onto Fennel's torso like a cobra, her free hands scratching and raking at whatever she could reach, the wolf's going berserk as she shouted in pain while clawing and kicking at the serpentine assailant. The others recovered from the stunning instant and moved to attack her, but faltered as Fennel's screams became a wild shriek of agony, rising in pitch as Kari's head pulled back, one blood-soaked paw holding her down. Clamped in her sharp teeth, at the end of a long, stretched line of viscera and optic nerve, was a dark brown eyeball, coming free with a snap. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHAAAAAAA!!" Kari looked coldly into Fennel's shocked face as the moment froze in aghast eternity, her jaws holding the little fleshy ball up before smiling again and chomping it with a wet splatter and taking off to run to the stairs to the third floor. The goons were coming, she had to hurry. Clamored voices from below; they'd cut off the stairwell. Kari lungs were working like bellows as she gained distance down a 3rd story hall. With a little luck, the scaffolding could be a way down, if she had one good jump in her. It was on the left side of the building, she was almost there as the footsteps neared from behind, but the incomplete walls vanished fast and the jump was before her. 'Jump, take the landing, roll with the impact.' she hurriedly thought before turning to get a sprinting start back. As she turned, it all happened in slow motion. The loading mechanism advanced a shell into the barrel, and the quiet clicking of the trigger pull barely registered before there was an explosion and an impact that knocked wind and mind from her. She flew backwards so suddenly, the snow leopard might've seen her own tail. She tried to turn in mid air, but only glanced her arm across an unseen fixed pipe. It was definitely broken, and the pain threatened to blur out her senses. She turned more now and felt a dull explosion at her back this time, and the limit was reached. Her autonomic system seemed to have shut her down for reboot, and when she fell with a thwack to the poured cement below, she barely felt anything. One weak attempt at rising proved nothing and the lights went out all at once, leaving her at the worlds' mercy.
2023.05.30 16:09 RobertSKeene [The Primeval Apocalypse] - Chapter Seventy-Two (collaboration with u/hydrael)
![[The Primeval Apocalypse] - Chapter Seventy-Two (collaboration with u/hydrael)](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/9B1cY3bBltSflNod_ch7-9r9cCaFEj_f3T7z-IQ2rkI.jpg "[The Primeval Apocalypse] - Chapter Seventy-Two (collaboration with u/hydrael)") | submitted by RobertSKeene to redditserials [link] [comments] The Primeval Apocalypse by Robert Keene and Alex Raizman Start here (Prologue) Previous I was pretty confident that if I got hit with Infected Bite again, I could survive. On The Prowl would let me weather the damage-over-time effect. But disabling all my other healing meant that I’d need to avoid all damage for the entire duration. With the Mandrill guards closing in—and the queen and her forces nearly upon us—that was a tall order. Besides, this was all according to plan. A little faster than intended, but all according to plan. The entelodont’s giant teeth snapped at me, and I pushed off of Rachel, sending each of us to either side of the fearsome maw. For a moment, its eyes locked into her instead of me, but I put a quick end to that. Activating Enrage before smashing my axe into the side of its head and landing a brutal cut there was more than enough to turn it back to me. Activating Enrage also spread the effect to the whole raid crew. Their damage output increased sharply, and the thin line of guards came apart at the seams in an instant. Two were dead through the alpha’s healing, and the other four were forced back. The alpha backed off as well, but his expression read to me like a knowing smirk. He thought that the entelodont was going to be the end of us even if he had to retreat. If I was him, I’d have thought so, too. Giant claws raked out at me, too fast to dodge and too strong to parry. They ripped across my chest leaving deep wounds. At level 8, two hundred damage wasn’t the end of the world, but it was still a lot more than I wanted to take from a single strike. But I couldn’t just back off. The whole plan was going to come apart if the beast was allowed to run loose among us. Snarling in the entelodont’s face, I hit it again. The stacking attack speed buff from my new axe was starting to feel outrageous as my weapon spun in my hands with tremendous speed, landing two more slashes before the creature could even flinch from the first. The monster bit at me again, seeming to remember how its infection debuff had obliterated me, but I remembered, too. With Rachel’s Shout buffs still rolling I twisted out of the way as the massive teeth snapped shut a hair away from my skin. Rachel darted into the fight herself, her giant cleaver carving a deep cut across the monster’s rear flank, driving it towards me and stopping it from rearing back to lunge again. It kicked at her with its rear leg almost absently, as if in reflex rather than offering her any real attention. Despite the casual nature of the kick, when she caught the beast’s claws on the flat of her blade it was still enough force to bowl her over, sending her scrambling, the tinkling of her armor almost drowning out her grunt of frustration. My detection radius warned me that the Mandrills were fencing us in. Big Sam and Yara were already struggling to hold the line at the back against the initial response, and the other melee fighters—even those who weren’t tanks—were struggling to hold the line as the guards closed in on our flanks as well. We were dishing out a lot of damage, but the Mandrill numbers were growing the longer we outstayed our welcome. The Mandrills’ wounded fell back from the front line, but another rank surged forward to take their place. Rachel’s raid group had to tighten around us to stop the Mandrills from breaking through our line. What few healing abilities we had were getting burned left and right to keep us going; we didn’t have a second rank to replace the front. We barely had room for the plan already, and the noose was tightening around us now. And straight ahead of us, across from the pen and behind the alpha’s retreating line, the queen was about to join the fight with her forces, smashing through the strongest part of our line with superior numbers and support. All this with an unstoppable killing machine behind our line already, consuming the attention of the team’s best fighters. We were going to be overrun in seconds. With all of us captured or dead, no one would be left to go back to camp. Just as we’d be crushed now, everyone else would be crushed by the end of the day tomorrow. And after that? King Alpha and his Monkey Knights of the Round Banana would take a few weeks to armor up and wipe out any humans they could find for miles around. It would be devastating. So, if the plan was going to work, it had to work now. For the sake of everyone, not just those here, and not just those in Rachel’s camp. But for my old friends back in Jamestown, and every other budding human settlement I would ever set eyes on. I broke and ran. There was a snort of satisfaction. Like the daeodon that it vaguely resembled, when the entelodont was a predator it had a sadistic streak. It wanted to run me down, and when it lunged again, its teeth snapped shut right behind my heels. The monster could have caught me. It was faster, after all, but now that I was running, it wanted to keep me running. And why not? It didn’t actually care about me. The damage I’d done was nearly inconsequential to it, after all. It was only killing me on orders from the Mandrills. What scraps of meat were on my bones were never going to satisfy this monster. The satisfaction it wanted was in the killing itself. It wanted to have some fun. And that meant that it only had eyes for my fear as I ran past the others. The two remaining mages cowered away, distracted from their duties supporting the others. But the beast ignored them, charging after me even though it meant ignoring the much softer morsels along the way. Even though it meant running right past Liz. There was a flash of energy. Liz’s snare trap blasted the entelodont. Crude bolas of green energy whipped around the beast’s legs, binding it and weighing it down, but at the moment of the trap’s triggering a separate purple tether wrapped around its head and yanked it down like a leash. Even as it arrested the entelodont’s momentum, it was already breaking apart, as it would only last a fraction of a second. More than long enough for me. As soon as the blast of energy came, I changed direction, darting to the left around the monster. While it was immobilized, all it could do was follow me with its eyes, ready to pounce once Liz’s ability wasn’t holding it down any longer. I wasn’t going to give it the option. As soon as I was far enough around it to charge right at the beast without leaving myself open to its teeth or claws, I closed in. The window was narrow, but not too narrow for me to squeeze through. The tether snapped and the beast started to whirl, but it was too late already. I slapped my hand to the monster’s bristly hide, and focused on sending my newest ability down my arm into the beast. The muscles beneath my hand stiffened, tensed, and then relaxed. The entelodont’s next growl was a very different timbre. Instead of mindless aggression, there was intent behind it. Meaning. I understood. Freedom, it growled. Freedom good. “Right, freedom good,” I said quickly. “Freedom very good. That’s all I wanted to give you. Consider it a gift. Use it in good health! Preferably somewhere very far away from me!” Despite its size and the clear intelligence behind its humanlike eyes, the monster wasn’t very coherent. But I didn’t need coherence. I just needed it loose. The beast snorted, and as Liz’s ability-created bonds fell away. It didn’t lash out. And for a brief moment, the Mandrills around us hesitated. Even from here, I could sense the panic that gripped the alpha. He turned as the queen charged to enter the fight. The Big One, he snapped at her, hooting loudly to try and flag down her attention. Something’s wrong with The Big One! Despite the language barrier, the entelodont recognized the name the Mandrills had given it. It whirled suddenly, bowling me over with its shoulder. I caught a glimpse of its eyes and saw nothing but rage in them. Captor, the monster bellowed as soon as it saw the queen. “Clear a path!” I yelled, “or this is gonna get ugly!” |
2023.05.30 15:25 Jet_Jirohai Late to the party: my planetarium items, ranked
I know we don't really do this anymore, but I didn't get repentance until much later than the rest of the sub. Wanted to get my two cents out in the wild for people to read, if they're interested!
1: TERRA - The randomized damage modifier gives an overall damage up and a visual cue as to how powerful your individual tears are. That alone is useful, but free rock destruction and secret room access puts it in the top spot easily. 10/10 item that's worth missing item rooms for. It's a run winner with both damage and general utility
2: NEPTUNUS - Pre-charged bursts of tears are super useful for just about every situation in the game, especially against the countless enemies with invulnerability states. Being able to quickly send out controlled bursts changes the entire way you play- in the best way possible. Almost better than Terra, imo
3: URANUS - Being able to freeze enemies and use them as sliding icicle bombs is already fun and useful on its own. Getting that AND neutralizing secondary enemy phases easily puts it in top 3. The only reason it's not higher on my list is because, without piercing tears, frozen enemies become surprisingly durable shields that can prevent you from hitting other enemies
4: VENUS - Heavily underrated item. Being able to singlehandedly take care of large groups of enemies without you even having to fire a single tear and nigh entirely removing contact damage mobs as a threat is SUPER useful. Even moreso when turning spawned mobs immediately back on a boss enemy. The health up is just the icing on the cake. It's not as flashy as other options, but it's a solid pick nonetheless
5: LUNA - Extra secret rooms, extra guaranteed soul hearts and tear upgrades that can break the cap? If you didn't have to put in all of the extra legwork to get all of that stuff, then this item would be God tier. Can be a bit underwhelming at first, given you get nothing upon picking it up, but it pays off as you keep playing
6: MERCURIUS - A solid speed up and no locked doors has some extremely specific uses, but can be a godsend under the right circumstances for energy management. If Terra didn't already act as a makeshift Mercurious, it may even be a bit higher on the list... But it's a bit of a disappointment on it's own. This is also the point on the list where I'd say I'm starting to slightly regret having given up item rooms for a planetarium
7: MARS - Oh boy, did I toil and sweat over the placement of Mars and Pluto. Almost as much as I did Terra and Neptunus. The charge attack can allow for free curse rooms and blood donations, which is incredible, but the nature of how you use it is anything but. Double tap on an analog stick is a great way to accidentally charge headfirst into a pile of enemies you were trying to avoid, basically negating any health you save from curse room entry. Switch up the way Mars is activated and you may even have yourself a top 4 item. In the meantime, bottom 4 is where this item belongs. It can be fun, but everytime I see it, I have to look at my health to make sure I can safely take it. That's the mark of a bad risk/reward item
8: PLUTO - It may be controversial to put it in rank 8, but the massive size down of Pluto has only niche benefits- if you've made it to end game bosses who's projectiles you can duck under, you probably don't need to focus on evasion. The small size also comes with downsides we don't tend to really talk about. I've gotten lodged in-between rocks trying to dodge a bomb, only to get hit. I've also lost track of my character many times in the chaos of later levels with tons of projectiles floating around. Even though it's safer than Mars, it's less fun, hence why it's lower on the list
9: SATURNUS - Oh my... Saturnus. What's there to say? It's boring, has synergy issues and the ring of tears isn't very good defensively when you can't predict if an enemy projectile will get caught in it. I'm not even sure if it scales with damage. Can be useful very early on, but otherwise a waste of a planetarium slot
10: SOL - Damage up good? Yes, very. Needing to kill the thing at the end of the level that you'd want the damage up bonus for anyway before you can get said damage boost? Nope. Change that "the sun" bonus into a "Dagaz" bonus upon killing the boss and you might have a strong argument for usefulness, given you could cure a floor curse. Low tier item in it's current form
11: JUPITER - What better way to end a tier list than with a big, fat, wet and ugly fart? Jupiter isn't useless, but putting a short ranged gas attack that requires you to stop moving to charge it in a game that constantly requires you to move and keep enemies at range feels like a joke. Like it was never supposed to be a good item to begin with. On principle alone, Jupiter must be at the bottom of this list- the worst planetarium item in the game
submitted by Jet_Jirohai to bindingofisaac [link] [comments]
2: NEPTUNUS - Pre-charged bursts of tears are super useful for just about every situation in the game, especially against the countless enemies with invulnerability states. Being able to quickly send out controlled bursts changes the entire way you play- in the best way possible. Almost better than Terra, imo
3: URANUS - Being able to freeze enemies and use them as sliding icicle bombs is already fun and useful on its own. Getting that AND neutralizing secondary enemy phases easily puts it in top 3. The only reason it's not higher on my list is because, without piercing tears, frozen enemies become surprisingly durable shields that can prevent you from hitting other enemies
4: VENUS - Heavily underrated item. Being able to singlehandedly take care of large groups of enemies without you even having to fire a single tear and nigh entirely removing contact damage mobs as a threat is SUPER useful. Even moreso when turning spawned mobs immediately back on a boss enemy. The health up is just the icing on the cake. It's not as flashy as other options, but it's a solid pick nonetheless
5: LUNA - Extra secret rooms, extra guaranteed soul hearts and tear upgrades that can break the cap? If you didn't have to put in all of the extra legwork to get all of that stuff, then this item would be God tier. Can be a bit underwhelming at first, given you get nothing upon picking it up, but it pays off as you keep playing
6: MERCURIUS - A solid speed up and no locked doors has some extremely specific uses, but can be a godsend under the right circumstances for energy management. If Terra didn't already act as a makeshift Mercurious, it may even be a bit higher on the list... But it's a bit of a disappointment on it's own. This is also the point on the list where I'd say I'm starting to slightly regret having given up item rooms for a planetarium
7: MARS - Oh boy, did I toil and sweat over the placement of Mars and Pluto. Almost as much as I did Terra and Neptunus. The charge attack can allow for free curse rooms and blood donations, which is incredible, but the nature of how you use it is anything but. Double tap on an analog stick is a great way to accidentally charge headfirst into a pile of enemies you were trying to avoid, basically negating any health you save from curse room entry. Switch up the way Mars is activated and you may even have yourself a top 4 item. In the meantime, bottom 4 is where this item belongs. It can be fun, but everytime I see it, I have to look at my health to make sure I can safely take it. That's the mark of a bad risk/reward item
8: PLUTO - It may be controversial to put it in rank 8, but the massive size down of Pluto has only niche benefits- if you've made it to end game bosses who's projectiles you can duck under, you probably don't need to focus on evasion. The small size also comes with downsides we don't tend to really talk about. I've gotten lodged in-between rocks trying to dodge a bomb, only to get hit. I've also lost track of my character many times in the chaos of later levels with tons of projectiles floating around. Even though it's safer than Mars, it's less fun, hence why it's lower on the list
9: SATURNUS - Oh my... Saturnus. What's there to say? It's boring, has synergy issues and the ring of tears isn't very good defensively when you can't predict if an enemy projectile will get caught in it. I'm not even sure if it scales with damage. Can be useful very early on, but otherwise a waste of a planetarium slot
10: SOL - Damage up good? Yes, very. Needing to kill the thing at the end of the level that you'd want the damage up bonus for anyway before you can get said damage boost? Nope. Change that "the sun" bonus into a "Dagaz" bonus upon killing the boss and you might have a strong argument for usefulness, given you could cure a floor curse. Low tier item in it's current form
11: JUPITER - What better way to end a tier list than with a big, fat, wet and ugly fart? Jupiter isn't useless, but putting a short ranged gas attack that requires you to stop moving to charge it in a game that constantly requires you to move and keep enemies at range feels like a joke. Like it was never supposed to be a good item to begin with. On principle alone, Jupiter must be at the bottom of this list- the worst planetarium item in the game
2023.05.30 11:52 Outside-Tie-2851 Question about putting an electric backup small motor on a Bowrider
Little info, just bought a 17' 2005 Glastron MX 175 from a marina in Buffalo. Died on me in the water though near Dunkirk and had to call coast guard as tow boat us does not go out there. Thankfully some1 helped while Coast Guard was in route but still was stranded for like 5+ hours... Anyways ... I never want this to happen again. I was thinking of installing a small battery powered motor. Does anyone know a good electric motor to use? Looking for something with a good price and will work at least 5-10 miles off shore if this ever happened again. I do not want to use a gas one, as it seems like I would need a separate gas tank, or would have to tear into the boat to use existing one. Something lithium, not lead acid, that I can recharge at home and I can take with me when I go out. Can anyone point me in the right direction as well as a good guide to mounting it. Would like it to be useful for a full load emergency, lets say total weight 3,500 lbs so I guess 70 lbs of thrust. 55 lbs might be enough though. Also would a hand cranked trolling one be feasible as well? How long would that take at 5 miles offshore? The 1 ore I had that day was useless so not sure...
submitted by Outside-Tie-2851 to boating [link] [comments]
2023.05.30 04:49 AcidSilver Respect Death (Have A Nice Death)
"Get back to work."
Death
Created from the deepest void, the entity known as "Death" has existed since the dawn of time alongside his equals, Time and Life. His work in the universe started out as a small family business, reaping the souls of the living by his own bony hand over billions of years. But over time Death had grown weary and his scythe elbow had only gotten worse; that's when he had the brilliant idea to create the Sorrows, beings of death who would do the work for him, while he took his spot as CEO of Death Incorporated. Unfortunately, the Sorrows have begun to grow out of control and are more focused on reaping as many souls as possible, causing Death to literally become buried in paperwork. So it's time for Death to take up his loyal cloak, his magical Pitbook and his trusty scythe once more so he can remind the Sorrows whose in charge and take down the mysterious being who seeks to use his Sorrows to depose him as CEO of Death Incorporated.Direct Feats
Strength
- Can break through walls with his weapons or by dashing through them.
- Can swing weapons that are bigger and heavier than his own body
- Can shatter the head of Rocksters which are solid stone
Durability
- Can tank a nuclear ballistic missile
- Is completely unharmed from a blast that destroys the Modern Warfare Department which is big enough to have its own artificial sky
Speed
- Can dodge RPG shots
- Can dodge bullets from machine guns
- Can temporarily outrun a ballistic missile
- Can dodge lightning from a living storm cloud
Scaling Feats
- Defeated the Natural Disaster Department's Sorrow, Catherine Immamura, who can cause solar winds, floods, and cause meteors to rain down with just a snap of her fingers
- Defeated Time who is powerful enough to destroy a being capable of manipulating a quantic distortion, which is an alternate timeline, with a wave of his hand
- Defeated Life who was created from infinite energy
Weapons
Death may have started his career with nothing more than his basic scythe and a handful of magic spells. but over the years he's expanded his repertoire of deadly weapons. What's more, Death has a variety of different scythes (and some non scythes) to choose as his main weapon due to its transformation feature. Though Death has countless weapons at his disposal, we only see 71 in the game. Every weapon also has its own Frenzy attack which is a super powerful move that is charged up as Death deals damage.The Scythe:
His trusty blade that can cut through space, time, and the elements. Death can summon his blade by holding out his hand as it flies towards him or he can simply have it teleport to him. Death can also stand in place to charge up his energy for a powerful charge attack- The Diss Scythe: A variation of the basic scythe that allows Death to attack from further away.
- Twinsie: A variation of the basic scythe that prioritizes power over speed due to its second blade.
- Sickles: A pair of sickles that allow Death to attack at higher speeds in exchange for less range.
- Billhooks: A pair of blades that Death can throw at enemies before they return to his hands just like a boomerang
- Parasol 1.0: An enchanted parasol that can not only stab through foes with brutal efficiency but can also act as a shield/deflector.
- Seletine: Has slower attack speed but by slamming the mace end into the ground, Death can boost the power of his next attack.
The Cloak:
A sentient flying cloak that prefers to stay wrapped around Death's shoulders, the cloak not only lets Death turn invisible but can also transform into a variety of deadly weapons. It even protects him from the elements.- Behammorth: A powerful hammer that's bigger than Death himself that hits hard in exchange for its slow attack speed.
- Brutumhammer: An upgrade of the Behammorth that lets Death slam it into the ground, launching stones all around him.
- Shake Spear: A long range spear that Death uses to attack foes with a three-pronged combo.
- Jabelin: A spear that Death uses to launch himself forward towards enemies, impaling anyone in his way.
- Sisword: A blade that Death uses to quickly jump in the air before diving at foes at lightning speeds.
- Drageanor: The sister to the Sisword, this blade allows Death to launch sharp projectiles with each swing.
- Slaymore: A giant sword that Death swings as he jumps in the air before slamming it down on the ground.
- Slaygore: Similar in size to the Slaymore, the Slaygore allows Death to slam the blade into the ground and send out an electrical shockwave. Can also be used to launch projectiles when swung mid air.
- Whirl Daggers: A pair of poisoned blades that Death uses to stab anyone nearby.
- Daggust: Death uses powerful gusts of wind to move back and worth in a flurry of sharp blades.
- Kaze-Kunai: Death throws out pairs of rapid-fire daggers (that are sharper than any metal on the surface) in a straight line. Death can summon an unlimited amount of these weapons.
- Arashi-Kunai: Death summons half a dozen daggers in front of him before launching them in a straight line. Death can summon an unlimited amount of these weapons.
- Ferral Fists: A pair of powerful arms that crush whoever is between its giant hands.
- Raparrier: A rapier that Death uses to brutally stab anyone in front of him. Should anyone wield this object then they will be consumed by an unstoppable rage until they stab someone with this blade. Death is immune to this effect.
- Dirty Dagger: A small dagger that, if stabbed in the back, injects you with a metallic substance that attacks your vital organs.
- Rocket Launcher: A rocket launcher that holds a malicious soul within, amplifying its power.
- Revelation Bow: A deadly bow and arrow shot with extreme efficiency. Death can summon an unlimited amount of arrows.
- Fire Bow: Similar to the Revelation Bow but with a slight homing effect on its arrows. Death can summon an unlimited amount of arrows.
- Death Star: A vicious looking morning star that Death had made after almost getting into a fight with a strange, cloaked, old man who kept bragging about his new "secret" space base while at a seminar.
- Murray of Crows: Death summons a murder of crows to surround him, damaging anything nearby.
- Vampire Battery: Death electrocutes himself and anyone nearby while also shooting out electrified bats at random. Death is not harmed by this.
- Beasteel: Death summons spider-like limbs from his back before jumping onto nearby enemies. Can also shoot out projectiles when used mid air.
- Excavor: Giant steel blades surge out of the ground around Death, impaling anyone nearby.
Pitbook:
A fireproof, floating, magical book that is filled with all kinds of magical spells that Death has learned over the years. It follows Death around like a loyal dog and if opened by anyone else other than Death, the only text visible will read: "WOOF! WOOFWOOOF! GRRR!"Each of Death's spells consume a portion of his max mana reserves that automatically fills back up unless fully drained in which case it refills after a few seconds. While he starts the game with a low amount of mana that can be increased with items, this appears to be a gameplay mechanic as he is described as being able to increase his mana reserves at will and far beyond what the game will allow with the Focus spell.
- Fire Arrow: A simple fireball spell.
- Dark Talons: Summons a clawed hand from a creature named Charlie that grabs foes and pulls them closer to Death.
- Explosion: Causes an explosion.
- Poisoned Gift: Death throws two balls of venom made up of all the venoms of every snake found on the surface, poisons excreted from all the most lethal spiders who have ever existed, and a hint of wild mint for flavor.
- Boomerang Hex: Death shoots curved pure mana that then comes back around like a boomerang. Can launch more than one at a time.
- Myriad of Stars: Death summons a handful of miniature stars that then fly forward.
- Shockwave: Death releases an energy wave all around him.
- Spitfire: Pitbook shoots out a trail of fire on the ground.
- Poison Mist: A poison cloud of gas so powerful that it can poison a being made of pure toxic sludge. Can summon more than one cloud at a time.
- Boulderain: Summons boulders out of thin air and rain down on enemies.
- Mordicine: Death ingests a pill that hurts him in exchange for increased damage.
- Sacrifix: Death deals slight damage to himself over a period of a few seconds in exchange for two cups of Koffee (healing items)
- Vladislaw: Heals Death but reduces his maximum health with each use.
- Aleistar: A magical time bomb.
- Dark Claws: Summons claws that rip and tear at foes.
- Bees: Death summons a pair regular bees that chase after foes. Can summon more than one pair at a time.
- Moskillto: A pair of magically enhanced mosquitos that chase after foes. Can summon more than one pair at a time.
- Star Raving Mad: Summons a meteor shower to rain down on foes.
- Skyfall: Lightning bolts rain down in front of Death.
- Makeshift Rockets: Death shoots a magical firework that explodes on impact.
- Piercing Ray: Death shoots out beams of light that home in on foes.
- Spiteful Chomper: Summons one of Charlie's mouths that crawl forward, chomping on anything in their path. Can summon more than one at a time.
- Starry Halo: Summons two stars that temporarily spin around Death, damaging anything that comes near. Can summon more than one pair at a time.
- Firescreamer: Pitbook shoots out a stream of fire in front of Death.
- Soul Razor: Opens a vortex that damages enemies within while enhancing Death's damage.
- Focus: Temporarily increases Death's mana regeneration speed while increasing his max health and mana reserves.
- Voracious Burst: A spell that lowers Death's maximum health in return for summoning a spectral mouth in front of Death that heals Death equal to the 15% damage dealt.
- Ganglion X-4: Summons spiked balls that can bounce around for a few seconds before disappearing. Can summon more than one at a time.
- Frostbreeze: Shoots out a freezing gust of wind that also inflicts Frozen which slows down foes
- EyeSeeYou: Summons one of Charlie's eyeballs that acts as a turret, shooting projectiles at an enemy before disappearing after a few seconds. Can summon more than one at a time.
- Wishtorm: Shoots down golden bolts of lightning powered by wish magic that can destroy every layer of reality.
- Frostoxic: Causes a bunch of ice spikes to shoot out of the ground.
- Tempus Abjuratum: Traps foes in a bubble of stopped time.
- Sepulchral Ray: Fires a beam of damaging purple energy that inflicts the Arcane effect which deals additional damage after five layers of arcane are applied to a foe.
- Troublecross: Shoots two rays of energy that move in a crisscross formation.
- Wizzalch Barrage: Brings down several lightning bolts on the foe's head.
- Tornadmin: Launches a Mach 2 cyclone at foes that is full of sharp edged papers.
- Lyberis Skulls: Summons exploding skulls around Death, damaging foes.
- Nihilaser: The strongest laser in Death's arsenal, it can destroy all forms of existence in the universe when used correctly.
- Anvilaunch: Death uses telekinesis to rip out one ton's worth of metal from the ground and throws it at foes while it's in the shape of an anvil.
- Void Rift: Tears a hole in the fabric of reality above a foe's head as several of Charlie's fists come flying through, smashing anything beneath them.
Miscellaneous Powers
- Time Travel: Various weapon lore entries make mention of Death's ability to travel through time and space at will.
- Healing: Death can heal 15% of his total health with the use of bursts of life essence called Animas. Death can only hold three of them at a time.
- Resurrection: Death is never the end for this CEO and if his body should ever be destroyed then Death will reappear right back at his desk, ready to give it the old college try once again.
- Head Removal: Death can remove his head without issue.
- Damaging Non-Physical Beings: It's no surprise that Death can attack ghosts, but he's also capable of hurting and killing living fire, living water and living clouds as well
- Resistance To Time Manipulation: Time's own time stop attack can only hold Death for a few seconds
- Dashing makes him immune to damage, allowing him to dash through enemies and attacks
- Can float above the ground
Curses
Death can also gain various curses which (despite the name) amplify his stats, scythe, cloak, magic, or give him new abilities outright. As there are 243 curses available, I will only be including those that aren't reliant on gameplay mechanics and can be translated into lore (such as a curse that doubles defense) and will only include the best version of a curse (meaning that if there is a curse that triples Death's damage then I will not post a curse that only doubles his damage).- And My Axe!: Every time Death dashes forward, an axe is launched from his cloak.
- Knave of Swords: Summons a small flying scythe that moves around Death.
- Praised Be The Bombcloak!: Every time Death dashes forward, a bomb is launched from his cloak.
- MC Scythe: Death can ignore pain while attacking.
- Astral Claws: Every few seconds, the foe (or a random foe if there is more than one) will be attacked by invisible claws.
- Soul Sucker: After taking damage, a percentage of any damage that Death deals in the next two seconds is gained as health.
- Tyrannical Boss: After taking damage, the next attack that Death lands deals 200% more damage
- Social Toxicity: All of Death's attacks inflict poison on foes.
- Burning Up: Death's attacks burns foes.
- Perish The Thought...: Death's attacks inflict Frozen on foes, slowing them down.
- Millanima Eye: Death gains two extra anima slots.
- Burn-Out Channeling: Being damaged increases the Frenzy gauge.
- A Spoonful Of Suger: Every attack has a 10% chance of freezing an enemy in time. Both this curse and Tempus Abjuratum are strong enough to work on Time himself.
- Anima Lambic: Consuming an Anima grants Death temporary regeneration.
- Eye For An Eye: Being damaged grants Death temporary regeneration.
- Tooth For A Tooth: Being damaged grants Death a 30% chance of gaining an Anima.
- Straw Helm: Doubles Death's defense.
- Animoolah: Golden Animas fully heal Death.
- Corvus Nefas: Being damaged launches crows towards the nearest foe.
- Flash Of Brilliance: Every attack causes the target to be struck by lightning.
- Conflagrations: Using a spell causes explosions to appear around Death.
- Iranima: Using an Anima fills up Death's Frenzy bar by 50%.
- Crow Cover: Using a spell launches crows towards the nearest foe.
- Imminent Burnout: The Cloak periodically launches crows towards the nearest foe.
- Social Security: Death is invincible for one second after taking damage.
- Imminent Reverie: Death periodically creates another Anima.
- Zeus's Wrath: Being damaged causes the foe to be struck by lightning.
- Static Electricity: Dashing causes the nearest foe to be struck by lightning.
- Stroke of Luck: Death will survive a fatal attack as long as he's not one hit away from death. This effect will continue as long as this is the case.
Welcome To The Afterlife
2023.05.30 03:53 Proletlariet Nemesis
Respect Nemesis!
All feats come from the 2020 remake of Resident Evil 3 unless stated otherwise. The "cutscenes" category also includes scripted gameplay.
First Form
Nemesis's initial and most iconic form. He can produce a prehensile tendril from its body, seemingly only one at a time.Strength
Cutscenes- Smashes through the wall of Jill's apartment.
- Knocks away Jill with a kick.
- Lifts up Jill with one hand.
- Smashes down his foot, breaking the wooden floor beneath him, then embeds his fist in a wall.
- Hits a door from behind, crumpling it, then eventually breaks through. Despite being a wooden door it crumples like metal for some reason.
- Throws a large block of stone debris through the air. This is in the last clip too.
- Smashes down through a floor.
- Smashes a wooden floor with a punch.
- Tears off a heavy piece of debris from a wall, then runs forwad with it grinding it into a wall. It eventually breaks apart, blocking a doorway.
- Smashes through a stone brick wall.
- Smashes through a stone brick wall again.
- Destroys a helicopter.
- Leaps up high with a heavy flamethrower, smashing through a panel on the way.
- Throws his ruined flamethrower through the air.
- Ruined a train car offscreen, taking off the top and killing everyone inside.
Durability
Cutscenes- Takes direct gunshots unaffected.
- Gets crashed into with a car, smashes through its windshield, takes a fall off the top of a parking garage, has the car land on top of him, and then gets back up. He then survives the car blowing up right near him.
- Survives getting shot with a rocket, though he's incapacitated for some time.
- Survives the fuel tank of his flamethrower blowing up.
- Gets defeated by Jill in a boss fight and subjected to a large explosion on a rooftop. He shows up just fine some time later.
- Jumps down from a building unharmed.
- Gets blasted aside by a mine, then takes gunfire.
- He's near a fuel truck as it explodes. He once again shows up just fine some time later.
- He's inside a train car as it explodes. The next time he shows up he's covered in fire and stumbles into a river, where he then mutates into his second form.
- Grenades only stun him.
- He can take shots from Jill's grenade launcher.
- He can take blasts from Jill's shotgun.
- According to some loading screen text, "standard weaponry is of no use" against Nemesis. This could either be a lore thing or just talking about how he works in gameplay.
Speed/Agility
CutscenesGameplay
- Unlike some other horror monsters, he can book it if need be.
- He can leap pretty far: (1, 2). It's hard to tell just how far he can jump though since he usually jumps in from off screen.
- He can avoid shots from Jill's grenade launcher.
Tendrils
Cutscenes- Snatches Jill's leg, but she's able to cut it off and escape.
- Uses a tendril to catch a missile fired at him.
- Uses a tendril to grapple himself upwards.
- Impales a man through the chest from a distance with a tendril, then pulls him over and holds him in the air.
- He can use his tendril to pull Jill over from a distance, lassoing her around the neck.
- He can use his tendril to pull himself up pretty far, almost like Spider-man. He uses this to travel around.
- With the move Tentacle Scythe, Nemesis can put his hand to the ground and send three tendrils through the floor that knocks back survivors it hits. This is from Resident Evil Resistance, a multiplayer mode that comes with the remake.
- Kills Jill inside a car using the tendril, impaling through the car and her neck.
- While choking out Jill, extends his tendril out to impale her through the chest.
- Impales Jill through the head.
Weaponry
- A flamethrower.
- Uses this to gradually set a partially constructed building aflame.
- Appears to have a range of a few yards.
- By aiming it into the air he can spread flame all around.
- The fuel tank is a weakness, but can still take tons of damage from Jill's weapons before blowing up.
- Even after it gets wrecked, he still attacks Jill with it like a club and swings it around to spread fire.
- A laser-guided rocket launcher.
Other
- Created by implanting a parasitic organism into the brain of a Tyrant.
- Can make decisions for itself to determine how to achieve its goals and has notable regenerative abilities. This is from its bio on the official game website.
- He can use a roar attack that stuns Jill.
- He can implant parasites into standard zombies. This gives the zombies a prehensile head tentacle they can use to attack, a weird second mouth they can also attack Jill with, and additionally increases their resilience.
- In death animations, these mutated zombies can take out Jill with the tendril and the parasite can leave the zombie and latch onto Jill, taking her over.
- Bitch can't even swim.
Second Form
After taking enough damage, Nemesis mutates into a hulking quadripedal form. After getting his arm taken off by Jill, he grows a large tentacle to take its place.Strength / Tentacle Arm
Cutscenes- Leaps out of a river, smashing through a metal barrier.
- Smacks Tyrell into a wall with its tentacle arm.
- Impales Tyrell through the chest with its tentacle arm.
- Lifts up Jill into the air with its tentacle arm.
- Pulls back Jill with its tentacle arm as she tries to crawl away, only letting go after being rocked by an explosion.
- Snakes its tentacle arm out from a vent on the ceiling to attack Jill from above, lifting her up then throwing her. Jill stabs it a few times with a knife and it seems to be unaffected too.
- Smashes a door off its hinges, then pulls its way through the opening, breaking the wall around it.
- Pounces at a metal staircase, knocking it loose from the catwalk its attached to. It attempts to use its tentacle arm to save itself from falling, wrapping it around the staircase several times.
- Leaves footprints in brick running along walls in its boss fight.
- Brings up rubble from the ground while hitting it.
- Cracks the floor hitting with its hands.
- Smashes the floor by slamming down on it.
- Extends its tentacle arm to lash at Jill from across the arena.
- Pulls Jill back through the air with its tentacle arm.
- Tackles down Jill and kills her with two bites. He can do this again in his second boss fight.
Durability
Cutscenes- Unaffected by bullets.
- Takes more bullets.
- Gets beaten by Jill in a boss fight and gets up right after, still able to attack her.
- Gets caught in a number of gas explosions after Jill shoots some tanks. He re-emerges afterwards, just fine.
- Pounces and hits against a metal staircase, knocking it loose, then falls down to the floor below. He's perfectly fine the next time we see him.
- After getting beaten by Jill in its last boss fight and being left in a pool that gets filled with corrosive acid, it somehow escapes and re-emerges in its third form.
- Just fine jumping off a tall tower.
- In its first boss fight, this form can take a lot of damage from Jill's weapons unaffected. You need to use a certain mine weapon while its running along the walls to blast it to the ground, which additionally reveals the parasite inside it that's more susceptible to damage.
- Also in its boss fight, it's shown to be most susceptible to the fire rounds Jill can use with her grenade launcher.
- In its second boss fight, it can survive getting electrocuted and splashed with acid, though its eventually defeated by this method.
Speed/Agility
Cutscenes- Moves pretty fast despite its large size.
- Runs forward and pounces through the air.
- Chases after Jill.
- It can run up on and around the faces of buildings and scale a high tower.
- Leaps across a room from a high ledge.
Other
- Can stun Jill with a roar in its boss fight.
- It sets off these electrical things with a roar in its second boss fight, which Jill has to set off with gunshots.
- After getting its arm cut off with a falling gate, it regrows a barbed tentacle arm and sticks Jill with one of the barbs.
- This barb is shown to have infected Jill with the T-virus, which turns people into zombies. After she gets stuck with the barb, Jill is knocked out for half a day before Carlos finds her. He gets the T-virus vaccine and injects Jill with it, which works, but she's still asleep for a while.
Third Form
Nemesis's final form, basically just an enormous blob with weird limbs and a tiny little head. Nemesis only ever enters this form after getting defeated by Jill and left in a chamber that gets flooded with acid. Since there's not really that much for him, I'm not going to bother with splitting it up by gameplay and cutscenes.Physicals
Strength- While moving as a blob, bursts through a wall.
- Can crack the floor in its boss fight by slamming down its limbs.
- In a death animation, it can kill Jill by squeezing her hard enough to send out a shower of blood.
- Survives a blast from the FINGer, a railgun, though it blasts off a part of him.
- Finally dies to two more shots from the FINGeR, the last one blowing him to pieces and also leaving a hole in the walls behind it.
Other
- It can spit out acid.
- Like its other forms, he can stun Jill with a roar. He also has pustules that burst out acid after getting shot.
- The pustules are a weakness in its boss fight, and shooting all of them stuns Nemesis for a while.
2023.05.30 03:32 _Inkwell Pricing vs future mods
So, like many others, I think the grenadier is a great vehicle with an absurd price for what it is and isn’t. Lots of the additional options are not quite what I’m looking for anyway, and would either do it right myself, or get 3rd party options fitted. I’ve heard about (but can’t find links to) aftermarket modifications that may allow me to simply buy (just about) the base model and mod from there for cheaper and better. Has anyone heard more (with links?) about options I’ve heard mentioned for: * Rocksliders but with steps * A compatible lift kit and modified wheel arch panel mods for 35’s * An alternate roof top like Alu Cab (this would probably impact if I got the safari windows or not) * Modifications for an increased gas tank size or secondary tanks? * Steering stabilizer height modifications for increased under body protection panels (it sits very very low)
I’m sure the clarity on these being possibilities or eventualities effect others decision for preordering as well.
I’ll be looking at an aftermarket front winch for the grenadier (assuming I buy one), aftermarket blind spot detection, and rear view mirror camera system (cause you cannot see out the back of this thing).
Thanks, and appreciate any info or help here. As the vehicle is new, I’m sure a lot of this is “wait and see”, but I’d really like to know the latest rumors or see links on these things.
submitted by _Inkwell to ineosgrenadier [link] [comments]
I’m sure the clarity on these being possibilities or eventualities effect others decision for preordering as well.
I’ll be looking at an aftermarket front winch for the grenadier (assuming I buy one), aftermarket blind spot detection, and rear view mirror camera system (cause you cannot see out the back of this thing).
Thanks, and appreciate any info or help here. As the vehicle is new, I’m sure a lot of this is “wait and see”, but I’d really like to know the latest rumors or see links on these things.
2023.05.30 01:12 mtglozwof Respect Ryuuji Kusakabe (Grand Reign)
Ryuuji Kusakabe
"During the short time since I awakened I can already see. The people are free, many, and smiling. The only regret I have is that my father and brothers aren't able to see this."Ryuuji was once the youngest son of a king. His father was one of the Great Demon Kings amongst many demon clans. One day, a grim war broke out between the opposing demon clans, and Ryuuji and his family fell. His father, Ryuugon saved his life by casting a powerful binding spell on him, putting him in a deep slumber. He then teleported a portion of their castle along with Ryuuji to a faraway place. For a thousand years, Ryuuji was unconscious, he finally woke up when a girl with green hair broke the spell.
Ryuuji, like all Kusakabes has a contract with the Hell Dragon, Xidryss. After Ryuuji's father betrayed the Hell Dragon and tried to put an end to the opression of humans, Xidryss began using Ryuuji as a means to return to the world. When Ryuuji lets his emotions get the better of him he can be possessed by the Dragon. Feats performed while possessed are marked X.
Strength
- Rips a tree out of the ground and throws it high into the air
- Jumps off of a tree with enough force to snap it in half
- Sends a giant wolf monster reeling with a kick
- Leaves a huge crater in a street when he punches it
- Crushes the wrist of an armored man in one hand
- Sends a soldier flying back with a punch
- Slams a soldier's head into the ground, cratering it
- Slices cleanly through a giant monster's leg several times
- Cuts the legs of a monster out from under it while flying between them
- Craters the skin of a petrified monster that he couldn't cut through with a punch
- Clashes with Hu Feng
- Carries around a petrified head the size of a building, though he comments on its weight
- When clashing punches with another demon they destroy the ground around themselves
- Clashes with an accomplished demon samurai
- [X] Stabs his hand through a human's chest
- [X] Breaks through a holy binding
- [X] Craters another demon into the ground with a punch
Durability
- Tanks a punch from Stella that sends him skidding through a brick street
- Blocks strikes from Stella with no visible injury
- Tanks a strong punch from Stella
- Unharmed after swatted out of the air and cratered into stone by a giant monster
- Tanks being flung up into the air by a strike from a monster's tail
- Keeps fighting after being cut across the throat
- Ignores the cut he gets from grabbing another demon's katana
- [X] Shrugs off a punch from Ryumma that sends him flying
Speed/Agility
- Jumps out of a hole in a room's ceiling with Midori in one arm
- After throwing a tree into the air jumps up to ride on it in midair
- Repeatedly blocks and dodges attacks from Stella
- Catches a thrown sword and uses a spell in the time it takes for Stella to land after jumping
- Ducks under a sword swing
- Blocks a spear with his katana
- Jumps on top of a monster's arm as it swings it and cuts it apart FTE
- Pulls up to avoid an energy beam while flying
- Nearly dodges a blade of sharp wind
- Dodges attacks from a demon general
- [X] Catches Ryumma's katana mid-swing
Magic
- Can throw small fireballs without any commands that can burn through the skin of a giant monster
- [X] Kills a demon general with a blast of fire
Summons a large pillar of fire in front of himself.
Imitation: Cursed Fire Breath
The user breathes out a blast of fire.
Five Points Lariat
Creates a pentagram that snaps in to trap things inside of it with five flaming ropes. The more someone trapped in it struggles the tighter the ropes get.
Imitation: Cursed Fire Wings
Summons firey wings on his back that he can use to fly at high speeds.
Eye of the Punisher
Only ever used by Xidryss. The user stands still while a constant barrage of homing fireballs are fired from an eye that appears above them.
Other
- Is said to be as powerful as a demon general putting him about equal to 500-1000 humans.
- As a demon, is burned by holy magic
2023.05.29 23:40 Firefly-Fan-7 A relaxing life (Short story)
I'm taking a course on creative writing, and came up with this short story. Hope you like it.
Through the canopy I can only see the grey rigged surface of a massive asteroid. It’s blocking my entire field of view, some of its surface glowing incandescent. I turn off the mining laser and I pull the thrusters on full reverse, watching the asteroid moving slowly away from me, rotating on the horizontal axis. It has a huge protuberance on the left, and it’s getting closer to the left side of my ship. If I can’t get out of its reach, it’s going to hit me again.
This would be easier in a smaller and faster ship, but in a Type-9 this was almost impossible. Being 100 meters wide and long, piloting this ship is like piloting your own city block. I roll the ship to the left, trying to bring the left part of the ship down and evade the asteroid’s arm. I avoid a direct hit, but I’m not fast enough and we take a glancing blow. I can feel the soft tremor when the protuberance hits the ship, “Warning. Hull integrity at fifteen percent.”
The ship is as fast as it could be on reverse gear. We slowly get out of immediate danger, the massive asteroid still in front of us but no longer blocking my view. The asteroid sea surrounds us. Left, right, up, and down, there are asteroids of every size and shape in all directions. I feel a sudden punch behind me as the ship hits another asteroid, this time on our back, “Warning. Hull integrity at six percent.” I curse myself and push the throttle a bit forward, parking the ship between the two asteroids. Now I’m fully awake.
Laser mining was supposed to be relaxing and safe. Sometimes it became even too relaxing. This was not the first time that I fell asleep while mining, but it was the first time that I hammer the ship into an asteroid in the process. And without the shields, the hull took all the impact. Cmdr. Peta was surprised when I said that I ditched the shields in my mining ship to save internal space, which allowed me to get more cargo. He will find it funny that I almost blow the ship while mining alone in a desert ring.
I didn’t like to hunt anymore, so I left my bounty hunting days behind me. No more boosting the agile Fer-de-Lance, the favorite ship of bounty hunters, inside a station like an irresponsible teenager, just to hear that low-frequency hum, cut by high-pitched turbine-like whine that anticipates the fierce roar and the huge acceleration of the ship, while you maneuver it gracefully through the station entrance that resemble so much a mail slot, getting a warning from the authorities for dangerous piloting. No, the Type-9 is a massive brick that requires patience, concentration, and attention to detail. Piloting this inside a mining asteroid ring requires some kind of humble respect for the massiveness of the objects involved. I like this.
I begin to assess the situation. My cargo was at 90 percent capacity. I push away the temptation to keep mining to reach 100 percent. With only six percent of hull integrity, even the slightest hit would tear us apart. If I had put even a small capacity shield, I would probably be carrying roughly the same amount of cargo, but without the danger of getting the ship destroyed. The irony.
I think that whatever course of action, it is best to leave the ring for now. I slowly push the throttle forward and pitch the ship upwards, dodging the asteroids. We get out, my field of view expanding to contemplate the white planetary ring, reflecting the distant star’s light. It’s like a peaceful wide road, going straight for millions of kilometers, until it turns right and disappears behind the light-purple gas giant that it’s orbiting.
I make a cup of coffee, stretch my legs, and start looking for stations with good selling prices. I find one, only one jump away, in a high population system. In other words, risk of pirates. Maybe the system has good security. I come back to my chair, “Sorry girl,” I said, while checking the controllers. “We’ll arrive in a station in no time, you’re getting repaired and will be as good as new, how about that?” I engage the Frame Shift Drive, and we jump to the station’s star system. We’re now only a couple hundreds light-seconds away from the station, traversing in supercruise mode. In normal space this would take months, but in supercruise it’s a matter of minutes.
The station is just a few light-seconds away when I notice two ships behind us, getting closer. The familiar acute noise announces the interdiction, revealing that another ship is trying to get me out of supercruise. I concede to the interdiction, preventing my FSD to overload, thus making reboot faster. When we drop into normal space we are soon followed by a Python ship, and I can see it aiming at us. The pilot opens a communication channel, “Give me some of your cargo or this gets real interesting.” These guys don’t even bother to type the messages themselves; it is always this cold copy-paste communications. His friend doesn’t drop by our location for any reason. If I had shields, I could endure some shots while the hyperdrive charges and boost away. But I look at the bottom right panel, showing the hull integrity “6%”. Any shot and we’re blown to pieces. The best option is to comply.
I start to ditch the results of my honest work to this douchebag, thinking about the time that I spent in the asteroid ring. At least if the ship survives, I won’t have to buy another one, with all the right pieces, and start anew. The truth is that the ship is worth far more than this single cargo. A few moments later two Federal Assault Ships drop to normal space, “This is system security, please comply.” The battle between them and the pirate starts soon after that. Great, now I’m in the middle of a gunfight.
I hold the throttle and look at my cargo floating in space, abandoned by the pirate. The other ships are busy fighting, and I still have some collector limpets. I shouldn’t be this greedy, but I open the cargo hatch and release all my limpets, recollecting my hard-earned materials. The three ships pass beside us, and I hope that we’re not hit by mistake. When we are almost finished picking up all the materials, another ship drops to normal space. The pirate’s friend with another Python. I close the cargo hatch, engage the FSD, push the throttle all the way forward, and activate the engine’s boost. The deep rumble and the throaty roar announcing that the ship is using its full power, making the hull vibrate. I’m not betting on those cops now. I shout aloud in celebration when the hyperdrive gets us into supercruise. Take that Cmdr. Peta, who needs a shield now?
We get out of supercruise at the station location, the massive structure always rotating to provide artificial gravity. I ask for dock authorization, which they grant automatically. I’m hovering my finger on the panel, almost turning the docking computer on. The docking computer can save a lot of work and, nine out of ten times, lands the ship safely. But sometimes it miscalculates the station’s rotation and grazes the Type-9 on the mail slot. This is usually not a problem, but with only six percent of hull integrity I’m not taking any chances.
I take manual control and carefully pilot the ship to the station’s entrance. When we’re right in front of it I synchronize our rotation to the station’s, adjusting it every second. Getting a one hundred meters city block through this portal is not an easy task. I can already see the station’s interior, the two-kilometer-wide hollow cylinder. The internal surface is filled with spaceports, highways, and even leisure parks.
We’re halfway through the gate, entering the internal atmosphere when I hear the familiar low-frequency hum, cut by high-pitched turbine-like whine. I look forward and see a Fer-de-Lance boosting directly towards me. The pilot, probably a teenager, didn’t bother to check which ship was entering the station. Any other ship and he could pass beside us, but the Type-9 takes almost the entirety of the mail slot. He hammers us, his shield absorbing the hit, but to my shieldless ship this was the final blow.
I’m ejected, propelled into the station’s atmosphere, flying away from my ship. I turn myself around, floating alone inside the station, just to watch my ship exploding with hours of mining work and hundreds of millions in equipment.
I try to chuckle, thinking that Cmdr. Peta is going to laugh at this. Next time I’ll use a shield.
submitted by Firefly-Fan-7 to EliteDangerous [link] [comments]
A relaxing life
I wake up to the ship alarms, “Warning. Hull integrity at twenty percent.”Through the canopy I can only see the grey rigged surface of a massive asteroid. It’s blocking my entire field of view, some of its surface glowing incandescent. I turn off the mining laser and I pull the thrusters on full reverse, watching the asteroid moving slowly away from me, rotating on the horizontal axis. It has a huge protuberance on the left, and it’s getting closer to the left side of my ship. If I can’t get out of its reach, it’s going to hit me again.
This would be easier in a smaller and faster ship, but in a Type-9 this was almost impossible. Being 100 meters wide and long, piloting this ship is like piloting your own city block. I roll the ship to the left, trying to bring the left part of the ship down and evade the asteroid’s arm. I avoid a direct hit, but I’m not fast enough and we take a glancing blow. I can feel the soft tremor when the protuberance hits the ship, “Warning. Hull integrity at fifteen percent.”
The ship is as fast as it could be on reverse gear. We slowly get out of immediate danger, the massive asteroid still in front of us but no longer blocking my view. The asteroid sea surrounds us. Left, right, up, and down, there are asteroids of every size and shape in all directions. I feel a sudden punch behind me as the ship hits another asteroid, this time on our back, “Warning. Hull integrity at six percent.” I curse myself and push the throttle a bit forward, parking the ship between the two asteroids. Now I’m fully awake.
Laser mining was supposed to be relaxing and safe. Sometimes it became even too relaxing. This was not the first time that I fell asleep while mining, but it was the first time that I hammer the ship into an asteroid in the process. And without the shields, the hull took all the impact. Cmdr. Peta was surprised when I said that I ditched the shields in my mining ship to save internal space, which allowed me to get more cargo. He will find it funny that I almost blow the ship while mining alone in a desert ring.
I didn’t like to hunt anymore, so I left my bounty hunting days behind me. No more boosting the agile Fer-de-Lance, the favorite ship of bounty hunters, inside a station like an irresponsible teenager, just to hear that low-frequency hum, cut by high-pitched turbine-like whine that anticipates the fierce roar and the huge acceleration of the ship, while you maneuver it gracefully through the station entrance that resemble so much a mail slot, getting a warning from the authorities for dangerous piloting. No, the Type-9 is a massive brick that requires patience, concentration, and attention to detail. Piloting this inside a mining asteroid ring requires some kind of humble respect for the massiveness of the objects involved. I like this.
I begin to assess the situation. My cargo was at 90 percent capacity. I push away the temptation to keep mining to reach 100 percent. With only six percent of hull integrity, even the slightest hit would tear us apart. If I had put even a small capacity shield, I would probably be carrying roughly the same amount of cargo, but without the danger of getting the ship destroyed. The irony.
I think that whatever course of action, it is best to leave the ring for now. I slowly push the throttle forward and pitch the ship upwards, dodging the asteroids. We get out, my field of view expanding to contemplate the white planetary ring, reflecting the distant star’s light. It’s like a peaceful wide road, going straight for millions of kilometers, until it turns right and disappears behind the light-purple gas giant that it’s orbiting.
I make a cup of coffee, stretch my legs, and start looking for stations with good selling prices. I find one, only one jump away, in a high population system. In other words, risk of pirates. Maybe the system has good security. I come back to my chair, “Sorry girl,” I said, while checking the controllers. “We’ll arrive in a station in no time, you’re getting repaired and will be as good as new, how about that?” I engage the Frame Shift Drive, and we jump to the station’s star system. We’re now only a couple hundreds light-seconds away from the station, traversing in supercruise mode. In normal space this would take months, but in supercruise it’s a matter of minutes.
The station is just a few light-seconds away when I notice two ships behind us, getting closer. The familiar acute noise announces the interdiction, revealing that another ship is trying to get me out of supercruise. I concede to the interdiction, preventing my FSD to overload, thus making reboot faster. When we drop into normal space we are soon followed by a Python ship, and I can see it aiming at us. The pilot opens a communication channel, “Give me some of your cargo or this gets real interesting.” These guys don’t even bother to type the messages themselves; it is always this cold copy-paste communications. His friend doesn’t drop by our location for any reason. If I had shields, I could endure some shots while the hyperdrive charges and boost away. But I look at the bottom right panel, showing the hull integrity “6%”. Any shot and we’re blown to pieces. The best option is to comply.
I start to ditch the results of my honest work to this douchebag, thinking about the time that I spent in the asteroid ring. At least if the ship survives, I won’t have to buy another one, with all the right pieces, and start anew. The truth is that the ship is worth far more than this single cargo. A few moments later two Federal Assault Ships drop to normal space, “This is system security, please comply.” The battle between them and the pirate starts soon after that. Great, now I’m in the middle of a gunfight.
I hold the throttle and look at my cargo floating in space, abandoned by the pirate. The other ships are busy fighting, and I still have some collector limpets. I shouldn’t be this greedy, but I open the cargo hatch and release all my limpets, recollecting my hard-earned materials. The three ships pass beside us, and I hope that we’re not hit by mistake. When we are almost finished picking up all the materials, another ship drops to normal space. The pirate’s friend with another Python. I close the cargo hatch, engage the FSD, push the throttle all the way forward, and activate the engine’s boost. The deep rumble and the throaty roar announcing that the ship is using its full power, making the hull vibrate. I’m not betting on those cops now. I shout aloud in celebration when the hyperdrive gets us into supercruise. Take that Cmdr. Peta, who needs a shield now?
We get out of supercruise at the station location, the massive structure always rotating to provide artificial gravity. I ask for dock authorization, which they grant automatically. I’m hovering my finger on the panel, almost turning the docking computer on. The docking computer can save a lot of work and, nine out of ten times, lands the ship safely. But sometimes it miscalculates the station’s rotation and grazes the Type-9 on the mail slot. This is usually not a problem, but with only six percent of hull integrity I’m not taking any chances.
I take manual control and carefully pilot the ship to the station’s entrance. When we’re right in front of it I synchronize our rotation to the station’s, adjusting it every second. Getting a one hundred meters city block through this portal is not an easy task. I can already see the station’s interior, the two-kilometer-wide hollow cylinder. The internal surface is filled with spaceports, highways, and even leisure parks.
We’re halfway through the gate, entering the internal atmosphere when I hear the familiar low-frequency hum, cut by high-pitched turbine-like whine. I look forward and see a Fer-de-Lance boosting directly towards me. The pilot, probably a teenager, didn’t bother to check which ship was entering the station. Any other ship and he could pass beside us, but the Type-9 takes almost the entirety of the mail slot. He hammers us, his shield absorbing the hit, but to my shieldless ship this was the final blow.
I’m ejected, propelled into the station’s atmosphere, flying away from my ship. I turn myself around, floating alone inside the station, just to watch my ship exploding with hours of mining work and hundreds of millions in equipment.
I try to chuckle, thinking that Cmdr. Peta is going to laugh at this. Next time I’ll use a shield.
2023.05.29 22:04 Klokinator The Cryopod to Hell 492: Glinch's Thralls
Author note: The Cryopod to Hell is a Reddit-exclusive story with over three years of editing and refining. As of this post, the total rewrite is 1,933,000+ words long! For more information, check out the link below:
What is the Cryopod to Hell?
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...................................
(Previous Part)
(Part 001)
...
On the world of Numaria, more than half a dozen Demon Emperors and twenty Demon Dukes march through the paradise-class planet's forests as they head toward Emperor Glinch's Stitched Wasteland.
Emperor Auger does not directly join the party. He stays back at the capital of his world, viewing the happenings remotely through the power of a subordinate.
But Yardrat does lead the party. He is joined by Emperors Fae, Dagon, and Nymph, as well as Duke Hamir and several other elites of their Hell. It becomes obvious to all the other demons present that the Fourth Hell of Punishment is truly the mightiest among all the others. Even mere Dukes can explode with the power of Emperors, should Auger choose to grant them that ability.
As for the First Hell of Damnation, its remaining members are truly a miserable sight. Bael has become the lone Emperor still loyal to his Hell, while Mephisto and Zamiel no longer care about the alliances of their species. Bael is joined by Vepar, formerly the Baron of Toxicity, now having evolved to the rank of Duke through the human-demon alliance efforts.
Vepar, while not an Emperor, is still an insidious existence. Like Mephisto, she can transform her body into formless clouds of poison gas. She can strike with venom and poison alike, paralyzing her foes or corroding their nervous systems with ease.
Also notably absent is Beelzebub, due to him forcibly becoming aligned to Jason Hiro. While Beelzebub might actually prove an incredible powerhouse if he were to continue fighting for the First Hell's benefits, the problem is that none can say whether his allegiances would make him privy to spilling secrets of this operation to the humans...
From the Second Hell of Lust, not a single Duke joins the party. This Hell has already thrown their lots in with humanity, so no members of the Mephisto Extermination Operation are eager to have their secrets blabbed. Defeating Mephisto could lead to a discovery about the potential for ascension past the rank of Emperor. No demon elite wants that information to fall into the hands of their enemies.
From the Third Hell of Blood, few elites remain. Many of them were slain by the Cherubiim, reducing their Dukes to only a sliver of the other Hells. The Emperor of Thirst, Kristoff, still walks the mortal coil. He is joined by two subordinates, Vespera, the Duke of Gloom, and Rhesus, the Duke of Predation. These are the elites he considers his Hell's most capable remaining powerhouses, and the ones most suited for the mission to bring about Mephisto's end.
From the Fifth Hell of Calamity, a large number of Dukes join two Emperors, Serena and Crow, as they trail along behind the other Hells.
Unbeknownst to anyone present, Emperor Yumagi is alive and well. The only demons who observed his return were those aligned with Mephisto. Not even Gorn is aware that Yumagi survived the Cherubiim's wrath, and Yumagi is strangely keen to keep his return quiet.
As for the Sixth Hell of Isolation, only Emperor Melody has chosen to come along. The other elites of her Hell simply aren't in the right headpsace to join her, following their fall to the Plague.
Yama's Hell, the Seventh Hell of Corruption, has fallen apart with its Emperor being absorbed by Mephisto. Now, its many darkness-aligned entities have scattered in search of a figure lost to time...
Yardrat, Fae, Dagon, Nymph, Bael, Kristoff, Serena, Crow, and Melody march on the Stitched Wasteland, along with twenty Dukes. A terrifying force in any previous era, but one that feels somewhat weak and vulnerable in the months following the return of the Cherubiim, as well as the two Wordsmiths, not even mentioning the enemy they might face should they fail to stop Mephisto's ascension.
Yardrat's glum expression does nothing to uplift the moods of the others around him. As he and the other Emperors run across Numaria's surface, weaving their ways through the dense forests and trees, Bael speaks up from the back.
"Hey, Yardy! Why are we runnin' like a bunch of chumps? Just pop us over to Glinch with those fancy portals of yours!"
Yardrat shoots a glance back at Bael without slowing down. "I can't. Glinch's minions have an uncanny ability to twist the space around themselves. I couldn't create stable portals once we're inside if my life depended on it. I've no doubt he bred them for the express purpose of keeping me from spying on him."
Fae jumps over a bunch of twisted prickle-vines, scratching her palm on their thorns. "Doesn't that mean if something goes wrong, you won't be able to yank us out of the Stitched Wasteland?"
"Trust me." Yardrat mumbles, sounding more than a little depressed. "You don't want to hear my answer."
"There is no need to concern yourselves with escaping." Crow says solemnly, deftly flying through the underbrush with her blue wings. "If Mephisto ascends, it won't matter where we flee. He will be capable of hunting us like deer."
Yardrat snorts. "Speak for yourselves. I enjoy running away if it means saving my life."
"Coward." Bael says. "A REAL man always fights to the end!"
"Aren't you in a woman's body now?" Yardrat shoots back. "You're one to talk."
"H-hey! Women can be real men too!" Bael protests. "Get with the times!"
Emperor Melody laughs. "You tell him, Bael! Preach it!"
Serena remains silent, merely rolling her sightless eyes at everyone else's childish barbs.
...
Five hours pass as the demons race through Numaria's forests.
Eventually, the trees begin to thin out, before abruptly disappearing altogether. As if erased by a nuclear bomb, the forest's cover vanishes to reveal a grey-colored lifeless plain lacking all traces of warmth and life.
The Stitched Wasteland.
As soon as the demon leaders reach the edge of the wasteland, they pause their flight to stop and look around.
"Glinch's domain is bigger than you might first believe," Yardrat explains, gesturing toward the horizon. "Offhand, I believe the last time we measured the Stitched Wasteland's diameter, it was nearly 500 miles. You can't even see the other side from here because it dips below the horizon. The good news is, we only have to travel halfway into the interior, where Glinch's central laboratory resides."
Dagon, the Emperor of Pathogens, kneels down to scratch at the ashen soil. He grimaces as it clings to his palm and starts to burn his flesh.
"Acidic." Dagon mumbles.
"Every time Glinch creates a new thrall, his domain expands." Serena explains. "His toxic miasma is invisible and odorless, but it destroys plant-life and lower animals with ease. It won't have any effect on elites like us, but it's best if you don't deliberately play with the soil he's corroded."
Dagon shakes the soil off his palm, grimacing as he has to clap his hands and rub them against his pants to stop the acid from burning him further. Luckily, one of the Dukes nearby has a weak healing ability, so they're ability to fix him back up.
"What a miserable shithole." Fae groans. "I do NOT get what Glinch enjoys about living here! I'd go crazy from boredom after a week!"
Bael laughs. "No kidding, toots. Why do you think Glinch is such a wacko? He already went crazy!"
"Oh. Fair point." Fae mutters.
The Emperors and Dukes start moving toward the center of the wasteland, following Yardrat's lead. They do not run, but move at a brisk walk, keeping their eyes peeled for threats. Ten miles in the distance, they spot a pair of strange aberrant creatures standing perfectly still, looking at one another with hollow eyes, but they can't make out the details of those figures at their current distance.
"Bael, watch out!" Serena suddenly shouts, startling everyone.
Every demon elite's head snaps toward Bael's general direction just in time to see an invisible creature materializing, its massive body poised with a giant claw up in the air, ready to slash down at Bael.
The monster's huge torso and comparatively tiny head and skinny legs contrast with its wretchedly massive arms, its mottled and rotted skin, and its beady green venomous eyes.
The instant it snaps its claws down to assassinate Bael, the dumb galump accidentally trips on a rock, stumbling and avoiding the monster's attack! Bael falls face-first in the soil and the creature's downward slash swishes across his back, barely missing him by a millimeter!
"Lucky!" Yardrat exclaims, his pupils the size of pinpricks.
Crow roars in rage. She leaps toward the monster, the strange deformed horror with proportions far different from any naturally born creature in existence, and she swings her fist at its chest!
THUMP!
Crow knocks the creature down, sending it skidding backward across the dirt to lay in a heap.
But Crow doesn't celebrate. To her shock, she didn't even manage to bruise the monster, only knock it on its ass! The frighteningly durable monster silently stands up, and its body rapidly fades away as it becomes invisible.
Not once does the creature make a sound.
"Everyone watch out!" Crow shouts. "This bastard is strong! I don't even know if I hurt it!"
The heart of every demon elite skips a beat as they try to look for any signs of the monster. Only Serena, with her Soul Sensing capabilities, manages to trace its vague movement.
"Over there!" Serena says, pointing in front of Yardrat.
The monster once again becomes visible as it tries to slash Yardrat in half, but he isn't caught off-guard and leaps backward, safely avoiding it just in the nick of time.
"TEAR!" Yardrat yells, gnashing his teeth.
The Emperor of the Void tears the air in front of himself, unable to properly create a portal, but still able to momentarily rip a crack in space straight across the monster's torso.
A shallow cut on its chest is his only reward.
"Lucifer's Tits!" Bael exclaims, climbing to his feet. "This thing is as tough as demonstone!"
Melody fires off sonic blasts at the monster, punching with her fists to try and blow out its eardrums, but her attacks have no effect.
The monster continues charging at Yardrat to try and cut him to pieces. As it does, Crow once again steps up to protect Yardrat, deflecting its rending claws with her steel-like feathers while dishing out punishment with her fists. Crow is without a doubt the most physically imposting member of the party, possessing more strength than any demon in existence except for Belial.
But even she can't manage to do more than knock the monster back!
The other Emperors quickly start pitching in. Dagon summons corrosive chemicals to try and melt the monster's thick hide. Nymph summons vines from beneath its feet to wrap its legs and keep it immobile. Kristoff summons bloodied blades to cut the monster from behind, slashing its back with swords made from his own plasma. Fae fires explosive projectiles with a low yield at the monster, taking care not to accidentally hurt her allies. Melody sends sonic shockwaves into the ground, trying to soften the soil to trap the monster in quicksand.
But the monster proves more frightening than any of the Emperors imagined!
Bael and Serena can't provide much assistance to the others. They watch helplessly as Nymph's vines corrode to ash, melted by the Stitched Wasteland's ability to destroy plant-life. Fae's explosions barely even knock the monster back. Dagon might as well be shooting the monster with a squirt-gun for all the use his chemicals have. Melody can't seem to accomplish anything either!
"Shit." Bael growls. "I gotta help them."
"You don't have any magic." Serena says.
"No. But I got this." Bael says, reaching down to touch his weirdly fancy belt.
When Bael activates the Matriarch's Armor, it begins popping out of his waist and engulfing him from head to toe in lethal-looking demonstone armor. His plated chest and spiked shoulders turn Bael from a dopey looking version of Ose into a commanding and fearful warrior clad in demonic armor, making Serena gasp in surprise.
"Bael?" Serena asks, unable to see the armor, but sensing that his soul has suddenly become difficult to detect due to something shrouding his entire body. "What did you do?"
"Ose gave me some armor." Bael explains. "It ain't mine. But we'll talk 'bout it later. I gotta help the others!"
Bael doesn't hesitate. He rushes toward the monster, joining Crow as a frontline tank to try and draw the creature's attention.
Crow barely even registers Bael's new appearance, shoving any concerns about the demonstone-clad warrior to the back of her mind. All she feels is relief when the monster's brutal strikes slow down as it starts slashing at Bael as well.
THUNK! THUNK!!
The brutish monster silently whales on the others. For ten minutes, Bael and Crow take the beatings of their lives while Yardrat slowly tears its skin and cuts its bones with targeted spatial distortions. He alone manages to injure the creature the most heavily, while the other Dukes and Emperors can barely offer much assistance.
Bael grimaces as the creature grabs him by his helmet, lifts him up, and throws him like a ragdoll. Bael cries out in alarm as he goes flying and lands in the dirt, two hundred feet behind the brute.
"Spawn of a- you piece of trash! Nobody throws Bael!"
He jumps to his feet and starts to run back toward the monster, only to pause when he senses movement.
Bael quickly turns around. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees what he can only mentally describe as seventeen snakes with baby-heads crawling along the ground toward him. The snakes have a single conjoined core body that ties them all together, but it appears as flat as a pancake. Like some sort of Hydra consisting of stitched-together body parts, this multi-headed monster uses its childish faces to drag itself toward Bael at a speed most distressing, causing his butthole to pucker up.
"Eee! Gross!" Bael cries. "What in the hellhound's anus is that?!
Like the previous monster, this 'Snakedra' freak doesn't cry out or make any noises. It silently slithers toward Bael while one of its heads remains elevated to gaze directly at him.
Not wanting his friends to be overwhelmed, Bael decides to try and take the monster on by himself. His eyes fill with determination, and he conjures Mjölnir in his grasp, summoning it from his belt.
"Bad snake!" Bael barks, lunging at the monster to smash one of its heads.
SPLAT!!
Bael crushes the first head with ease!
But as he raises the hammer to strike again, the monster pounces at him! Its sixteen remaining heads bite his armor and wrap around his arms and legs, smothering him and causing him to fall backward.
"Crap, crap!" Bael yells. "Uh, don't worry guys, I've got this! Just keep killing the big one! I've got this cunt right where I want him! YEEOUCH!"
The Snakedra squeezes with all its strength, trying to burst Bael's body like a watermelon. Luckily, the demonstone only creaks a bit and doesn't fold inward, allowing Bael to survive, albeit not to do much else.
Serena, seeing that the others are too occupied to help, decides to try and assist Bael in some way. Since her abilities aren't much use against the first monster unless it turns invisible, she turns her gaze toward the Snakedra.
Emperor Serena maintains a good distance between herself and the Snakedra. She closes her eyes, focuses her mind, then shapes her right hand into a claw pose, snapping it in the Snakedra's direction.
An invisible beam of soul energy travels the gaps between dimensions, drilling into one of the Snakedra's heads. Serena focuses with all her might, attempting to try and locate the monster's soul so she can manipulate or influence it.
Unfortunately, she finds that while the creature does have a soul, it has become a mish-mash of fifty other souls, all witlessly stitched together to create an aberrant, thoughtless machine for killing.
Pain. Pain. Pain. The Snakedra thinks. Pain. Pain. Pain.
Serena grimaces. Her eyes squeeze shut even tighter as she tunes out Bael's exclamations of how 'totally okay and fine' he is. She digs deeper into the Snakedra's psyche, eventually extracting a thread of its existence for her own benefit.
Serena's eyes finally open.
While most entities possess eyes that can 'see' the physical realm, even as an imp, Serena was blind from birth. She was never able to see the world around her, but all of that changed when she met her husband, Gorn.
He and her were only Imps at the time. They became Lords together, and upon her ascension, she gained a new type of vision utterly unique to herself.
The power to see the soul realm.
While usually incapable of influencing the material realm, the soul realm is the domain Serena has become most adept at influencing over the millennia. As an Emperor, her power has become quite substantial in this regard.
Serena tears a fragment of soul energy out of the monster. It doesn't even shudder, but she doesn't care.
With her soul-seeing eyes, Serena deftly manipulates the thread of soul energy, using her fingers to hastily but efficiently craft a Soul Puppet, something not unlike a voodoo doll.
After forming a Soul Puppet in the form of the Snakedra, Serena grabs it out of the air and begins wrenching its heads around, stabbing at its body with her fingernails, and otherwise torturing the false image as much as possible.
Not once does the Snakedra cry out in pain, but its body does twitch and spasm. It writhes and squirms, continuing to hold Bael steady, but sometimes weakening its grip as it loses control of different parts of its body at random.
Meanwhile, Bael occasionally feels the wretched monster weaken its grip on him. Bael might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but as an accomplished veteran of countless wars, he is well-versed in the art of combat.
Bael isn't certain why the creature has started to spasm, but he won't turn down any good opportunity that arises.
He calls forth the power of Mjölnir, summoning lightning from above to strike the hammer. The moment before the lightning falls upon him, the creature suddenly loosens its grip, allowing Bael to swing the hammer at its central body.
BOOOM!!
A terrific blast of thunder and lightning detonates on the Snakedra, making it recoil in agony, release Bael, and pull away from him.
Abruptly dropped on his ass, Bael jumps backward, leaps to his feet, and lifts his hammer high.
"Nobody gives me a squeeze without my OK, bub!"
Bael charges at the monster. He starts smashing its heads one by one, crushing them to bloody pulps while the creature uselessly writhes on the ground, taking the abuse without retaliating.
Five minutes later, Bael slays the bastard, putting it to death for the rest of eternity.
Tired and winded, Bael gasps for air. Never has he had a fight that left him out of breath, but even with the Matriarch's Armor, Ose's body is far weaker than Bael's ever was. He severely regrets losing his invincibility.
Bael turns around and spots Serena.
"Oh! Hey, whew! I just got done kicking that monster's ass!" Bael says. "Good thing I'm such a badass, I must have intimidated it into lettin' me go, heh."
Serena opens her mouth to correct him, but thinks better.
"Right. Excellent work, Bael. You're as capable a fighter as ever."
Bael grins inside his helmet. "Heh, damn right. Now, lemme help the others finish that fat ugly one off."
Bael charges into battle, this time equipped with Mjolnir. He transforms the hammer into his favorite weapon, Big Bonk, and swings the ten ton steel ball at the brutish monster's back.
BOOM!!!
Bael flattens the creature, burying it face-first in the dirt and giving Crow an opportunity to deliver a full-power punch to the back of its head.
SPLAT!
Her fist connects, and she crushes the monster's skull, spraying its brains out all over her feet.
Crow pants like a dog on a hot summer's day. Sweat pools on Yardrat's head from the amount of focus he had to exert to kill this first monster. Even Fae and the others look a little tired.
With the crisis momentarily averted, the demon elites look around, finally noticing Bael's new getup, as well as Big Bonk pressing against the brute's back.
"Bael?" Fae asks. "Hot damn, that's a sweet set of armor!"
"You really saved our asses!" Melody adds.
Crow glances toward the other dead monster. "You killed that one? By yourself?"
Bael thumps his chest. "Couldn't have done it without Ose's fancy-shmancy armor. The ugly bugger got so scared, it just laid there and let me beat it to death! Heh!"
"It just laid there?" Crow asks, glancing around. She notices Serena, then pieces the events together. "Oh, I see. Well, god job beating it by yourself, Bael. You still know how to kick tail."
"Damn right!" Bael proclaims, smiling from ear to ear.
One by one, the other demon elites figure out Bael didn't exactly defeat the monster all by himself, but seeing as how he's been so down ever since losing his powers, they don't want to hurt his feelings.
"We've only fought two creatures so far, but they were both terrifying." Yardrat points out. "If we have to face two or even three at the same time, we might die! Everyone, proceed slowly. Do NOT rush in. We need to pick Glinch's thralls off one by one."
The other demons nod.
"Right!"
submitted by Klokinator to HFY [link] [comments]
What is the Cryopod to Hell?
Join the Cryoverse Discord server!
Here's a list of all Cryopod's chapters, along with an ePub/Mobi/PDF version!
Want to stay up to date on TCTH? Subscribe to Cryopodbot!
...................................
(Previous Part)
(Part 001)
...
On the world of Numaria, more than half a dozen Demon Emperors and twenty Demon Dukes march through the paradise-class planet's forests as they head toward Emperor Glinch's Stitched Wasteland.
Emperor Auger does not directly join the party. He stays back at the capital of his world, viewing the happenings remotely through the power of a subordinate.
But Yardrat does lead the party. He is joined by Emperors Fae, Dagon, and Nymph, as well as Duke Hamir and several other elites of their Hell. It becomes obvious to all the other demons present that the Fourth Hell of Punishment is truly the mightiest among all the others. Even mere Dukes can explode with the power of Emperors, should Auger choose to grant them that ability.
As for the First Hell of Damnation, its remaining members are truly a miserable sight. Bael has become the lone Emperor still loyal to his Hell, while Mephisto and Zamiel no longer care about the alliances of their species. Bael is joined by Vepar, formerly the Baron of Toxicity, now having evolved to the rank of Duke through the human-demon alliance efforts.
Vepar, while not an Emperor, is still an insidious existence. Like Mephisto, she can transform her body into formless clouds of poison gas. She can strike with venom and poison alike, paralyzing her foes or corroding their nervous systems with ease.
Also notably absent is Beelzebub, due to him forcibly becoming aligned to Jason Hiro. While Beelzebub might actually prove an incredible powerhouse if he were to continue fighting for the First Hell's benefits, the problem is that none can say whether his allegiances would make him privy to spilling secrets of this operation to the humans...
From the Second Hell of Lust, not a single Duke joins the party. This Hell has already thrown their lots in with humanity, so no members of the Mephisto Extermination Operation are eager to have their secrets blabbed. Defeating Mephisto could lead to a discovery about the potential for ascension past the rank of Emperor. No demon elite wants that information to fall into the hands of their enemies.
From the Third Hell of Blood, few elites remain. Many of them were slain by the Cherubiim, reducing their Dukes to only a sliver of the other Hells. The Emperor of Thirst, Kristoff, still walks the mortal coil. He is joined by two subordinates, Vespera, the Duke of Gloom, and Rhesus, the Duke of Predation. These are the elites he considers his Hell's most capable remaining powerhouses, and the ones most suited for the mission to bring about Mephisto's end.
From the Fifth Hell of Calamity, a large number of Dukes join two Emperors, Serena and Crow, as they trail along behind the other Hells.
Unbeknownst to anyone present, Emperor Yumagi is alive and well. The only demons who observed his return were those aligned with Mephisto. Not even Gorn is aware that Yumagi survived the Cherubiim's wrath, and Yumagi is strangely keen to keep his return quiet.
As for the Sixth Hell of Isolation, only Emperor Melody has chosen to come along. The other elites of her Hell simply aren't in the right headpsace to join her, following their fall to the Plague.
Yama's Hell, the Seventh Hell of Corruption, has fallen apart with its Emperor being absorbed by Mephisto. Now, its many darkness-aligned entities have scattered in search of a figure lost to time...
Yardrat, Fae, Dagon, Nymph, Bael, Kristoff, Serena, Crow, and Melody march on the Stitched Wasteland, along with twenty Dukes. A terrifying force in any previous era, but one that feels somewhat weak and vulnerable in the months following the return of the Cherubiim, as well as the two Wordsmiths, not even mentioning the enemy they might face should they fail to stop Mephisto's ascension.
Yardrat's glum expression does nothing to uplift the moods of the others around him. As he and the other Emperors run across Numaria's surface, weaving their ways through the dense forests and trees, Bael speaks up from the back.
"Hey, Yardy! Why are we runnin' like a bunch of chumps? Just pop us over to Glinch with those fancy portals of yours!"
Yardrat shoots a glance back at Bael without slowing down. "I can't. Glinch's minions have an uncanny ability to twist the space around themselves. I couldn't create stable portals once we're inside if my life depended on it. I've no doubt he bred them for the express purpose of keeping me from spying on him."
Fae jumps over a bunch of twisted prickle-vines, scratching her palm on their thorns. "Doesn't that mean if something goes wrong, you won't be able to yank us out of the Stitched Wasteland?"
"Trust me." Yardrat mumbles, sounding more than a little depressed. "You don't want to hear my answer."
"There is no need to concern yourselves with escaping." Crow says solemnly, deftly flying through the underbrush with her blue wings. "If Mephisto ascends, it won't matter where we flee. He will be capable of hunting us like deer."
Yardrat snorts. "Speak for yourselves. I enjoy running away if it means saving my life."
"Coward." Bael says. "A REAL man always fights to the end!"
"Aren't you in a woman's body now?" Yardrat shoots back. "You're one to talk."
"H-hey! Women can be real men too!" Bael protests. "Get with the times!"
Emperor Melody laughs. "You tell him, Bael! Preach it!"
Serena remains silent, merely rolling her sightless eyes at everyone else's childish barbs.
...
Five hours pass as the demons race through Numaria's forests.
Eventually, the trees begin to thin out, before abruptly disappearing altogether. As if erased by a nuclear bomb, the forest's cover vanishes to reveal a grey-colored lifeless plain lacking all traces of warmth and life.
The Stitched Wasteland.
As soon as the demon leaders reach the edge of the wasteland, they pause their flight to stop and look around.
"Glinch's domain is bigger than you might first believe," Yardrat explains, gesturing toward the horizon. "Offhand, I believe the last time we measured the Stitched Wasteland's diameter, it was nearly 500 miles. You can't even see the other side from here because it dips below the horizon. The good news is, we only have to travel halfway into the interior, where Glinch's central laboratory resides."
Dagon, the Emperor of Pathogens, kneels down to scratch at the ashen soil. He grimaces as it clings to his palm and starts to burn his flesh.
"Acidic." Dagon mumbles.
"Every time Glinch creates a new thrall, his domain expands." Serena explains. "His toxic miasma is invisible and odorless, but it destroys plant-life and lower animals with ease. It won't have any effect on elites like us, but it's best if you don't deliberately play with the soil he's corroded."
Dagon shakes the soil off his palm, grimacing as he has to clap his hands and rub them against his pants to stop the acid from burning him further. Luckily, one of the Dukes nearby has a weak healing ability, so they're ability to fix him back up.
"What a miserable shithole." Fae groans. "I do NOT get what Glinch enjoys about living here! I'd go crazy from boredom after a week!"
Bael laughs. "No kidding, toots. Why do you think Glinch is such a wacko? He already went crazy!"
"Oh. Fair point." Fae mutters.
The Emperors and Dukes start moving toward the center of the wasteland, following Yardrat's lead. They do not run, but move at a brisk walk, keeping their eyes peeled for threats. Ten miles in the distance, they spot a pair of strange aberrant creatures standing perfectly still, looking at one another with hollow eyes, but they can't make out the details of those figures at their current distance.
"Bael, watch out!" Serena suddenly shouts, startling everyone.
Every demon elite's head snaps toward Bael's general direction just in time to see an invisible creature materializing, its massive body poised with a giant claw up in the air, ready to slash down at Bael.
The monster's huge torso and comparatively tiny head and skinny legs contrast with its wretchedly massive arms, its mottled and rotted skin, and its beady green venomous eyes.
The instant it snaps its claws down to assassinate Bael, the dumb galump accidentally trips on a rock, stumbling and avoiding the monster's attack! Bael falls face-first in the soil and the creature's downward slash swishes across his back, barely missing him by a millimeter!
"Lucky!" Yardrat exclaims, his pupils the size of pinpricks.
Crow roars in rage. She leaps toward the monster, the strange deformed horror with proportions far different from any naturally born creature in existence, and she swings her fist at its chest!
THUMP!
Crow knocks the creature down, sending it skidding backward across the dirt to lay in a heap.
But Crow doesn't celebrate. To her shock, she didn't even manage to bruise the monster, only knock it on its ass! The frighteningly durable monster silently stands up, and its body rapidly fades away as it becomes invisible.
Not once does the creature make a sound.
"Everyone watch out!" Crow shouts. "This bastard is strong! I don't even know if I hurt it!"
The heart of every demon elite skips a beat as they try to look for any signs of the monster. Only Serena, with her Soul Sensing capabilities, manages to trace its vague movement.
"Over there!" Serena says, pointing in front of Yardrat.
The monster once again becomes visible as it tries to slash Yardrat in half, but he isn't caught off-guard and leaps backward, safely avoiding it just in the nick of time.
"TEAR!" Yardrat yells, gnashing his teeth.
The Emperor of the Void tears the air in front of himself, unable to properly create a portal, but still able to momentarily rip a crack in space straight across the monster's torso.
A shallow cut on its chest is his only reward.
"Lucifer's Tits!" Bael exclaims, climbing to his feet. "This thing is as tough as demonstone!"
Melody fires off sonic blasts at the monster, punching with her fists to try and blow out its eardrums, but her attacks have no effect.
The monster continues charging at Yardrat to try and cut him to pieces. As it does, Crow once again steps up to protect Yardrat, deflecting its rending claws with her steel-like feathers while dishing out punishment with her fists. Crow is without a doubt the most physically imposting member of the party, possessing more strength than any demon in existence except for Belial.
But even she can't manage to do more than knock the monster back!
The other Emperors quickly start pitching in. Dagon summons corrosive chemicals to try and melt the monster's thick hide. Nymph summons vines from beneath its feet to wrap its legs and keep it immobile. Kristoff summons bloodied blades to cut the monster from behind, slashing its back with swords made from his own plasma. Fae fires explosive projectiles with a low yield at the monster, taking care not to accidentally hurt her allies. Melody sends sonic shockwaves into the ground, trying to soften the soil to trap the monster in quicksand.
But the monster proves more frightening than any of the Emperors imagined!
Bael and Serena can't provide much assistance to the others. They watch helplessly as Nymph's vines corrode to ash, melted by the Stitched Wasteland's ability to destroy plant-life. Fae's explosions barely even knock the monster back. Dagon might as well be shooting the monster with a squirt-gun for all the use his chemicals have. Melody can't seem to accomplish anything either!
"Shit." Bael growls. "I gotta help them."
"You don't have any magic." Serena says.
"No. But I got this." Bael says, reaching down to touch his weirdly fancy belt.
When Bael activates the Matriarch's Armor, it begins popping out of his waist and engulfing him from head to toe in lethal-looking demonstone armor. His plated chest and spiked shoulders turn Bael from a dopey looking version of Ose into a commanding and fearful warrior clad in demonic armor, making Serena gasp in surprise.
"Bael?" Serena asks, unable to see the armor, but sensing that his soul has suddenly become difficult to detect due to something shrouding his entire body. "What did you do?"
"Ose gave me some armor." Bael explains. "It ain't mine. But we'll talk 'bout it later. I gotta help the others!"
Bael doesn't hesitate. He rushes toward the monster, joining Crow as a frontline tank to try and draw the creature's attention.
Crow barely even registers Bael's new appearance, shoving any concerns about the demonstone-clad warrior to the back of her mind. All she feels is relief when the monster's brutal strikes slow down as it starts slashing at Bael as well.
THUNK! THUNK!!
The brutish monster silently whales on the others. For ten minutes, Bael and Crow take the beatings of their lives while Yardrat slowly tears its skin and cuts its bones with targeted spatial distortions. He alone manages to injure the creature the most heavily, while the other Dukes and Emperors can barely offer much assistance.
Bael grimaces as the creature grabs him by his helmet, lifts him up, and throws him like a ragdoll. Bael cries out in alarm as he goes flying and lands in the dirt, two hundred feet behind the brute.
"Spawn of a- you piece of trash! Nobody throws Bael!"
He jumps to his feet and starts to run back toward the monster, only to pause when he senses movement.
Bael quickly turns around. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees what he can only mentally describe as seventeen snakes with baby-heads crawling along the ground toward him. The snakes have a single conjoined core body that ties them all together, but it appears as flat as a pancake. Like some sort of Hydra consisting of stitched-together body parts, this multi-headed monster uses its childish faces to drag itself toward Bael at a speed most distressing, causing his butthole to pucker up.
"Eee! Gross!" Bael cries. "What in the hellhound's anus is that?!
Like the previous monster, this 'Snakedra' freak doesn't cry out or make any noises. It silently slithers toward Bael while one of its heads remains elevated to gaze directly at him.
Not wanting his friends to be overwhelmed, Bael decides to try and take the monster on by himself. His eyes fill with determination, and he conjures Mjölnir in his grasp, summoning it from his belt.
"Bad snake!" Bael barks, lunging at the monster to smash one of its heads.
SPLAT!!
Bael crushes the first head with ease!
But as he raises the hammer to strike again, the monster pounces at him! Its sixteen remaining heads bite his armor and wrap around his arms and legs, smothering him and causing him to fall backward.
"Crap, crap!" Bael yells. "Uh, don't worry guys, I've got this! Just keep killing the big one! I've got this cunt right where I want him! YEEOUCH!"
The Snakedra squeezes with all its strength, trying to burst Bael's body like a watermelon. Luckily, the demonstone only creaks a bit and doesn't fold inward, allowing Bael to survive, albeit not to do much else.
Serena, seeing that the others are too occupied to help, decides to try and assist Bael in some way. Since her abilities aren't much use against the first monster unless it turns invisible, she turns her gaze toward the Snakedra.
Emperor Serena maintains a good distance between herself and the Snakedra. She closes her eyes, focuses her mind, then shapes her right hand into a claw pose, snapping it in the Snakedra's direction.
An invisible beam of soul energy travels the gaps between dimensions, drilling into one of the Snakedra's heads. Serena focuses with all her might, attempting to try and locate the monster's soul so she can manipulate or influence it.
Unfortunately, she finds that while the creature does have a soul, it has become a mish-mash of fifty other souls, all witlessly stitched together to create an aberrant, thoughtless machine for killing.
Pain. Pain. Pain. The Snakedra thinks. Pain. Pain. Pain.
Serena grimaces. Her eyes squeeze shut even tighter as she tunes out Bael's exclamations of how 'totally okay and fine' he is. She digs deeper into the Snakedra's psyche, eventually extracting a thread of its existence for her own benefit.
Serena's eyes finally open.
While most entities possess eyes that can 'see' the physical realm, even as an imp, Serena was blind from birth. She was never able to see the world around her, but all of that changed when she met her husband, Gorn.
He and her were only Imps at the time. They became Lords together, and upon her ascension, she gained a new type of vision utterly unique to herself.
The power to see the soul realm.
While usually incapable of influencing the material realm, the soul realm is the domain Serena has become most adept at influencing over the millennia. As an Emperor, her power has become quite substantial in this regard.
Serena tears a fragment of soul energy out of the monster. It doesn't even shudder, but she doesn't care.
With her soul-seeing eyes, Serena deftly manipulates the thread of soul energy, using her fingers to hastily but efficiently craft a Soul Puppet, something not unlike a voodoo doll.
After forming a Soul Puppet in the form of the Snakedra, Serena grabs it out of the air and begins wrenching its heads around, stabbing at its body with her fingernails, and otherwise torturing the false image as much as possible.
Not once does the Snakedra cry out in pain, but its body does twitch and spasm. It writhes and squirms, continuing to hold Bael steady, but sometimes weakening its grip as it loses control of different parts of its body at random.
Meanwhile, Bael occasionally feels the wretched monster weaken its grip on him. Bael might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but as an accomplished veteran of countless wars, he is well-versed in the art of combat.
Bael isn't certain why the creature has started to spasm, but he won't turn down any good opportunity that arises.
He calls forth the power of Mjölnir, summoning lightning from above to strike the hammer. The moment before the lightning falls upon him, the creature suddenly loosens its grip, allowing Bael to swing the hammer at its central body.
BOOOM!!
A terrific blast of thunder and lightning detonates on the Snakedra, making it recoil in agony, release Bael, and pull away from him.
Abruptly dropped on his ass, Bael jumps backward, leaps to his feet, and lifts his hammer high.
"Nobody gives me a squeeze without my OK, bub!"
Bael charges at the monster. He starts smashing its heads one by one, crushing them to bloody pulps while the creature uselessly writhes on the ground, taking the abuse without retaliating.
Five minutes later, Bael slays the bastard, putting it to death for the rest of eternity.
Tired and winded, Bael gasps for air. Never has he had a fight that left him out of breath, but even with the Matriarch's Armor, Ose's body is far weaker than Bael's ever was. He severely regrets losing his invincibility.
Bael turns around and spots Serena.
"Oh! Hey, whew! I just got done kicking that monster's ass!" Bael says. "Good thing I'm such a badass, I must have intimidated it into lettin' me go, heh."
Serena opens her mouth to correct him, but thinks better.
"Right. Excellent work, Bael. You're as capable a fighter as ever."
Bael grins inside his helmet. "Heh, damn right. Now, lemme help the others finish that fat ugly one off."
Bael charges into battle, this time equipped with Mjolnir. He transforms the hammer into his favorite weapon, Big Bonk, and swings the ten ton steel ball at the brutish monster's back.
BOOM!!!
Bael flattens the creature, burying it face-first in the dirt and giving Crow an opportunity to deliver a full-power punch to the back of its head.
SPLAT!
Her fist connects, and she crushes the monster's skull, spraying its brains out all over her feet.
Crow pants like a dog on a hot summer's day. Sweat pools on Yardrat's head from the amount of focus he had to exert to kill this first monster. Even Fae and the others look a little tired.
With the crisis momentarily averted, the demon elites look around, finally noticing Bael's new getup, as well as Big Bonk pressing against the brute's back.
"Bael?" Fae asks. "Hot damn, that's a sweet set of armor!"
"You really saved our asses!" Melody adds.
Crow glances toward the other dead monster. "You killed that one? By yourself?"
Bael thumps his chest. "Couldn't have done it without Ose's fancy-shmancy armor. The ugly bugger got so scared, it just laid there and let me beat it to death! Heh!"
"It just laid there?" Crow asks, glancing around. She notices Serena, then pieces the events together. "Oh, I see. Well, god job beating it by yourself, Bael. You still know how to kick tail."
"Damn right!" Bael proclaims, smiling from ear to ear.
One by one, the other demon elites figure out Bael didn't exactly defeat the monster all by himself, but seeing as how he's been so down ever since losing his powers, they don't want to hurt his feelings.
"We've only fought two creatures so far, but they were both terrifying." Yardrat points out. "If we have to face two or even three at the same time, we might die! Everyone, proceed slowly. Do NOT rush in. We need to pick Glinch's thralls off one by one."
The other demons nod.
"Right!"
2023.05.29 22:04 Klokinator Cryopod Refresh 492: Glinch's Thralls
On the world of Numaria, more than half a dozen Demon Emperors and twenty Demon Dukes march through the paradise-class planet's forests as they head toward Emperor Glinch's Stitched Wasteland.
Emperor Auger does not directly join the party. He stays back at the capital of his world, viewing the happenings remotely through the power of a subordinate.
But Yardrat does lead the party. He is joined by Emperors Fae, Dagon, and Nymph, as well as Duke Hamir and several other elites of their Hell. It becomes obvious to all the other demons present that the Fourth Hell of Punishment is truly the mightiest among all the others. Even mere Dukes can explode with the power of Emperors, should Auger choose to grant them that ability.
As for the First Hell of Damnation, its remaining members are truly a miserable sight. Bael has become the lone Emperor still loyal to his Hell, while Mephisto and Zamiel no longer care about the alliances of their species. Bael is joined by Vepar, formerly the Baron of Toxicity, now having evolved to the rank of Duke through the human-demon alliance efforts.
Vepar, while not an Emperor, is still an insidious existence. Like Mephisto, she can transform her body into formless clouds of poison gas. She can strike with venom and poison alike, paralyzing her foes or corroding their nervous systems with ease.
Also notably absent is Beelzebub, due to him forcibly becoming aligned to Jason Hiro. While Beelzebub might actually prove an incredible powerhouse if he were to continue fighting for the First Hell's benefits, the problem is that none can say whether his allegiances would make him privy to spilling secrets of this operation to the humans...
From the Second Hell of Lust, not a single Duke joins the party. This Hell has already thrown their lots in with humanity, so no members of the Mephisto Extermination Operation are eager to have their secrets blabbed. Defeating Mephisto could lead to a discovery about the potential for ascension past the rank of Emperor. No demon elite wants that information to fall into the hands of their enemies.
From the Third Hell of Blood, few elites remain. Many of them were slain by the Cherubiim, reducing their Dukes to only a sliver of the other Hells. The Emperor of Thirst, Kristoff, still walks the mortal coil. He is joined by two subordinates, Vespera, the Duke of Gloom, and Rhesus, the Duke of Predation. These are the elites he considers his Hell's most capable remaining powerhouses, and the ones most suited for the mission to bring about Mephisto's end.
From the Fifth Hell of Calamity, a large number of Dukes join two Emperors, Serena and Crow, as they trail along behind the other Hells.
Unbeknownst to anyone present, Emperor Yumagi is alive and well. The only demons who observed his return were those aligned with Mephisto. Not even Gorn is aware that Yumagi survived the Cherubiim's wrath, and Yumagi is strangely keen to keep his return quiet.
As for the Sixth Hell of Isolation, only Emperor Melody has chosen to come along. The other elites of her Hell simply aren't in the right headpsace to join her, following their fall to the Plague.
Yama's Hell, the Seventh Hell of Corruption, has fallen apart with its Emperor being absorbed by Mephisto. Now, its many darkness-aligned entities have scattered in search of a figure lost to time...
Yardrat, Fae, Dagon, Nymph, Bael, Kristoff, Serena, Crow, and Melody march on the Stitched Wasteland, along with twenty Dukes. A terrifying force in any previous era, but one that feels somewhat weak and vulnerable in the months following the return of the Cherubiim, as well as the two Wordsmiths, not even mentioning the enemy they might face should they fail to stop Mephisto's ascension.
Yardrat's glum expression does nothing to uplift the moods of the others around him. As he and the other Emperors run across Numaria's surface, weaving their ways through the dense forests and trees, Bael speaks up from the back.
"Hey, Yardy! Why are we runnin' like a bunch of chumps? Just pop us over to Glinch with those fancy portals of yours!"
Yardrat shoots a glance back at Bael without slowing down. "I can't. Glinch's minions have an uncanny ability to twist the space around themselves. I couldn't create stable portals once we're inside if my life depended on it. I've no doubt he bred them for the express purpose of keeping me from spying on him."
Fae jumps over a bunch of twisted prickle-vines, scratching her palm on their thorns. "Doesn't that mean if something goes wrong, you won't be able to yank us out of the Stitched Wasteland?"
"Trust me." Yardrat mumbles, sounding more than a little depressed. "You don't want to hear my answer."
"There is no need to concern yourselves with escaping." Crow says solemnly, deftly flying through the underbrush with her blue wings. "If Mephisto ascends, it won't matter where we flee. He will be capable of hunting us like deer."
Yardrat snorts. "Speak for yourselves. I enjoy running away if it means saving my life."
"Coward." Bael says. "A REAL man always fights to the end!"
"Aren't you in a woman's body now?" Yardrat shoots back. "You're one to talk."
"H-hey! Women can be real men too!" Bael protests. "Get with the times!"
Emperor Melody laughs. "You tell him, Bael! Preach it!"
Serena remains silent, merely rolling her sightless eyes at everyone else's childish barbs.
...
Five hours pass as the demons race through Numaria's forests.
Eventually, the trees begin to thin out, before abruptly disappearing altogether. As if erased by a nuclear bomb, the forest's cover vanishes to reveal a grey-colored lifeless plain lacking all traces of warmth and life.
The Stitched Wasteland.
As soon as the demon leaders reach the edge of the wasteland, they pause their flight to stop and look around.
"Glinch's domain is bigger than you might first believe," Yardrat explains, gesturing toward the horizon. "Offhand, I believe the last time we measured the Stitched Wasteland's diameter, it was nearly 500 miles. You can't even see the other side from here because it dips below the horizon. The good news is, we only have to travel halfway into the interior, where Glinch's central laboratory resides."
Dagon, the Emperor of Pathogens, kneels down to scratch at the ashen soil. He grimaces as it clings to his palm and starts to burn his flesh.
"Acidic." Dagon mumbles.
"Every time Glinch creates a new thrall, his domain expands." Serena explains. "His toxic miasma is invisible and odorless, but it destroys plant-life and lower animals with ease. It won't have any effect on elites like us, but it's best if you don't deliberately play with the soil he's corroded."
Dagon shakes the soil off his palm, grimacing as he has to clap his hands and rub them against his pants to stop the acid from burning him further. Luckily, one of the Dukes nearby has a weak healing ability, so they're ability to fix him back up.
"What a miserable shithole." Fae groans. "I do NOT get what Glinch enjoys about living here! I'd go crazy from boredom after a week!"
Bael laughs. "No kidding, toots. Why do you think Glinch is such a wacko? He already went crazy!"
"Oh. Fair point." Fae mutters.
The Emperors and Dukes start moving toward the center of the wasteland, following Yardrat's lead. They do not run, but move at a brisk walk, keeping their eyes peeled for threats. Ten miles in the distance, they spot a pair of strange aberrant creatures standing perfectly still, looking at one another with hollow eyes, but they can't make out the details of those figures at their current distance.
"Bael, watch out!" Serena suddenly shouts, startling everyone.
Every demon elite's head snaps toward Bael's general direction just in time to see an invisible creature materializing, its massive body poised with a giant claw up in the air, ready to slash down at Bael.
The monster's huge torso and comparatively tiny head and skinny legs contrast with its wretchedly massive arms, its mottled and rotted skin, and its beady green venomous eyes.
The instant it snaps its claws down to assassinate Bael, the dumb galump accidentally trips on a rock, stumbling and avoiding the monster's attack! Bael falls face-first in the soil and the creature's downward slash swishes across his back, barely missing him by a millimeter!
"Lucky!" Yardrat exclaims, his pupils the size of pinpricks.
Crow roars in rage. She leaps toward the monster, the strange deformed horror with proportions far different from any naturally born creature in existence, and she swings her fist at its chest!
THUMP!
Crow knocks the creature down, sending it skidding backward across the dirt to lay in a heap.
But Crow doesn't celebrate. To her shock, she didn't even manage to bruise the monster, only knock it on its ass! The frighteningly durable monster silently stands up, and its body rapidly fades away as it becomes invisible.
Not once does the creature make a sound.
"Everyone watch out!" Crow shouts. "This bastard is strong! I don't even know if I hurt it!"
The heart of every demon elite skips a beat as they try to look for any signs of the monster. Only Serena, with her Soul Sensing capabilities, manages to trace its vague movement.
"Over there!" Serena says, pointing in front of Yardrat.
The monster once again becomes visible as it tries to slash Yardrat in half, but he isn't caught off-guard and leaps backward, safely avoiding it just in the nick of time.
"TEAR!" Yardrat yells, gnashing his teeth.
The Emperor of the Void tears the air in front of himself, unable to properly create a portal, but still able to momentarily rip a crack in space straight across the monster's torso.
A shallow cut on its chest is his only reward.
"Lucifer's Tits!" Bael exclaims, climbing to his feet. "This thing is as tough as demonstone!"
Melody fires off sonic blasts at the monster, punching with her fists to try and blow out its eardrums, but her attacks have no effect.
The monster continues charging at Yardrat to try and cut him to pieces. As it does, Crow once again steps up to protect Yardrat, deflecting its rending claws with her steel-like feathers while dishing out punishment with her fists. Crow is without a doubt the most physically imposting member of the party, possessing more strength than any demon in existence except for Belial.
But even she can't manage to do more than knock the monster back!
The other Emperors quickly start pitching in. Dagon summons corrosive chemicals to try and melt the monster's thick hide. Nymph summons vines from beneath its feet to wrap its legs and keep it immobile. Kristoff summons bloodied blades to cut the monster from behind, slashing its back with swords made from his own plasma. Fae fires explosive projectiles with a low yield at the monster, taking care not to accidentally hurt her allies. Melody sends sonic shockwaves into the ground, trying to soften the soil to trap the monster in quicksand.
But the monster proves more frightening than any of the Emperors imagined!
Bael and Serena can't provide much assistance to the others. They watch helplessly as Nymph's vines corrode to ash, melted by the Stitched Wasteland's ability to destroy plant-life. Fae's explosions barely even knock the monster back. Dagon might as well be shooting the monster with a squirt-gun for all the use his chemicals have. Melody can't seem to accomplish anything either!
"Shit." Bael growls. "I gotta help them."
"You don't have any magic." Serena says.
"No. But I got this." Bael says, reaching down to touch his weirdly fancy belt.
When Bael activates the Matriarch's Armor, it begins popping out of his waist and engulfing him from head to toe in lethal-looking demonstone armor. His plated chest and spiked shoulders turn Bael from a dopey looking version of Ose into a commanding and fearful warrior clad in demonic armor, making Serena gasp in surprise.
"Bael?" Serena asks, unable to see the armor, but sensing that his soul has suddenly become difficult to detect due to something shrouding his entire body. "What did you do?"
"Ose gave me some armor." Bael explains. "It ain't mine. But we'll talk 'bout it later. I gotta help the others!"
Bael doesn't hesitate. He rushes toward the monster, joining Crow as a frontline tank to try and draw the creature's attention.
Crow barely even registers Bael's new appearance, shoving any concerns about the demonstone-clad warrior to the back of her mind. All she feels is relief when the monster's brutal strikes slow down as it starts slashing at Bael as well.
THUNK! THUNK!!
The brutish monster silently whales on the others. For ten minutes, Bael and Crow take the beatings of their lives while Yardrat slowly tears its skin and cuts its bones with targeted spatial distortions. He alone manages to injure the creature the most heavily, while the other Dukes and Emperors can barely offer much assistance.
Bael grimaces as the creature grabs him by his helmet, lifts him up, and throws him like a ragdoll. Bael cries out in alarm as he goes flying and lands in the dirt, two hundred feet behind the brute.
"Spawn of a- you piece of trash! Nobody throws Bael!"
He jumps to his feet and starts to run back toward the monster, only to pause when he senses movement.
Bael quickly turns around. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees what he can only mentally describe as seventeen snakes with baby-heads crawling along the ground toward him. The snakes have a single conjoined core body that ties them all together, but it appears as flat as a pancake. Like some sort of Hydra consisting of stitched-together body parts, this multi-headed monster uses its childish faces to drag itself toward Bael at a speed most distressing, causing his butthole to pucker up.
"Eee! Gross!" Bael cries. "What in the hellhound's anus is that?!
Like the previous monster, this 'Snakedra' freak doesn't cry out or make any noises. It silently slithers toward Bael while one of its heads remains elevated to gaze directly at him.
Not wanting his friends to be overwhelmed, Bael decides to try and take the monster on by himself. His eyes fill with determination, and he conjures Mjölnir in his grasp, summoning it from his belt.
"Bad snake!" Bael barks, lunging at the monster to smash one of its heads.
SPLAT!!
Bael crushes the first head with ease!
But as he raises the hammer to strike again, the monster pounces at him! Its sixteen remaining heads bite his armor and wrap around his arms and legs, smothering him and causing him to fall backward.
"Crap, crap!" Bael yells. "Uh, don't worry guys, I've got this! Just keep killing the big one! I've got this cunt right where I want him! YEEOUCH!"
The Snakedra squeezes with all its strength, trying to burst Bael's body like a watermelon. Luckily, the demonstone only creaks a bit and doesn't fold inward, allowing Bael to survive, albeit not to do much else.
Serena, seeing that the others are too occupied to help, decides to try and assist Bael in some way. Since her abilities aren't much use against the first monster unless it turns invisible, she turns her gaze toward the Snakedra.
Emperor Serena maintains a good distance between herself and the Snakedra. She closes her eyes, focuses her mind, then shapes her right hand into a claw pose, snapping it in the Snakedra's direction.
An invisible beam of soul energy travels the gaps between dimensions, drilling into one of the Snakedra's heads. Serena focuses with all her might, attempting to try and locate the monster's soul so she can manipulate or influence it.
Unfortunately, she finds that while the creature does have a soul, it has become a mish-mash of fifty other souls, all witlessly stitched together to create an aberrant, thoughtless machine for killing.
Pain. Pain. Pain. The Snakedra thinks. Pain. Pain. Pain.
Serena grimaces. Her eyes squeeze shut even tighter as she tunes out Bael's exclamations of how 'totally okay and fine' he is. She digs deeper into the Snakedra's psyche, eventually extracting a thread of its existence for her own benefit.
Serena's eyes finally open.
While most entities possess eyes that can 'see' the physical realm, even as an imp, Serena was blind from birth. She was never able to see the world around her, but all of that changed when she met her husband, Gorn.
He and her were only Imps at the time. They became Lords together, and upon her ascension, she gained a new type of vision utterly unique to herself.
The power to see the soul realm.
While usually incapable of influencing the material realm, the soul realm is the domain Serena has become most adept at influencing over the millennia. As an Emperor, her power has become quite substantial in this regard.
Serena tears a fragment of soul energy out of the monster. It doesn't even shudder, but she doesn't care.
With her soul-seeing eyes, Serena deftly manipulates the thread of soul energy, using her fingers to hastily but efficiently craft a Soul Puppet, something not unlike a voodoo doll.
After forming a Soul Puppet in the form of the Snakedra, Serena grabs it out of the air and begins wrenching its heads around, stabbing at its body with her fingernails, and otherwise torturing the false image as much as possible.
Not once does the Snakedra cry out in pain, but its body does twitch and spasm. It writhes and squirms, continuing to hold Bael steady, but sometimes weakening its grip as it loses control of different parts of its body at random.
Meanwhile, Bael occasionally feels the wretched monster weaken its grip on him. Bael might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but as an accomplished veteran of countless wars, he is well-versed in the art of combat.
Bael isn't certain why the creature has started to spasm, but he won't turn down any good opportunity that arises.
He calls forth the power of Mjölnir, summoning lightning from above to strike the hammer. The moment before the lightning falls upon him, the creature suddenly loosens its grip, allowing Bael to swing the hammer at its central body.
BOOOM!!
A terrific blast of thunder and lightning detonates on the Snakedra, making it recoil in agony, release Bael, and pull away from him.
Abruptly dropped on his ass, Bael jumps backward, leaps to his feet, and lifts his hammer high.
"Nobody gives me a squeeze without my OK, bub!"
Bael charges at the monster. He starts smashing its heads one by one, crushing them to bloody pulps while the creature uselessly writhes on the ground, taking the abuse without retaliating.
Five minutes later, Bael slays the bastard, putting it to death for the rest of eternity.
Tired and winded, Bael gasps for air. Never has he had a fight that left him out of breath, but even with the Matriarch's Armor, Ose's body is far weaker than Bael's ever was. He severely regrets losing his invincibility.
Bael turns around and spots Serena.
"Oh! Hey, whew! I just got done kicking that monster's ass!" Bael says. "Good thing I'm such a badass, I must have intimidated it into lettin' me go, heh."
Serena opens her mouth to correct him, but thinks better.
"Right. Excellent work, Bael. You're as capable a fighter as ever."
Bael grins inside his helmet. "Heh, damn right. Now, lemme help the others finish that fat ugly one off."
Bael charges into battle, this time equipped with Mjolnir. He transforms the hammer into his favorite weapon, Big Bonk, and swings the ten ton steel ball at the brutish monster's back.
BOOM!!!
Bael flattens the creature, burying it face-first in the dirt and giving Crow an opportunity to deliver a full-power punch to the back of its head.
SPLAT!
Her fist connects, and she crushes the monster's skull, spraying its brains out all over her feet.
Crow pants like a dog on a hot summer's day. Sweat pools on Yardrat's head from the amount of focus he had to exert to kill this first monster. Even Fae and the others look a little tired.
With the crisis momentarily averted, the demon elites look around, finally noticing Bael's new getup, as well as Big Bonk pressing against the brute's back.
"Bael?" Fae asks. "Hot damn, that's a sweet set of armor!"
"You really saved our asses!" Melody adds.
Crow glances toward the other dead monster. "You killed that one? By yourself?"
Bael thumps his chest. "Couldn't have done it without Ose's fancy-shmancy armor. The ugly bugger got so scared, it just laid there and let me beat it to death! Heh!"
"It just laid there?" Crow asks, glancing around. She notices Serena, then pieces the events together. "Oh, I see. Well, god job beating it by yourself, Bael. You still know how to kick tail."
"Damn right!" Bael proclaims, smiling from ear to ear.
One by one, the other demon elites figure out Bael didn't exactly defeat the monster all by himself, but seeing as how he's been so down ever since losing his powers, they don't want to hurt his feelings.
"We've only fought two creatures so far, but they were both terrifying." Yardrat points out. "If we have to face two or even three at the same time, we might die! Everyone, proceed slowly. Do NOT rush in. We need to pick Glinch's thralls off one by one."
The other demons nod.
"Right!"
submitted by Klokinator to TheCryopodToHell [link] [comments]
Emperor Auger does not directly join the party. He stays back at the capital of his world, viewing the happenings remotely through the power of a subordinate.
But Yardrat does lead the party. He is joined by Emperors Fae, Dagon, and Nymph, as well as Duke Hamir and several other elites of their Hell. It becomes obvious to all the other demons present that the Fourth Hell of Punishment is truly the mightiest among all the others. Even mere Dukes can explode with the power of Emperors, should Auger choose to grant them that ability.
As for the First Hell of Damnation, its remaining members are truly a miserable sight. Bael has become the lone Emperor still loyal to his Hell, while Mephisto and Zamiel no longer care about the alliances of their species. Bael is joined by Vepar, formerly the Baron of Toxicity, now having evolved to the rank of Duke through the human-demon alliance efforts.
Vepar, while not an Emperor, is still an insidious existence. Like Mephisto, she can transform her body into formless clouds of poison gas. She can strike with venom and poison alike, paralyzing her foes or corroding their nervous systems with ease.
Also notably absent is Beelzebub, due to him forcibly becoming aligned to Jason Hiro. While Beelzebub might actually prove an incredible powerhouse if he were to continue fighting for the First Hell's benefits, the problem is that none can say whether his allegiances would make him privy to spilling secrets of this operation to the humans...
From the Second Hell of Lust, not a single Duke joins the party. This Hell has already thrown their lots in with humanity, so no members of the Mephisto Extermination Operation are eager to have their secrets blabbed. Defeating Mephisto could lead to a discovery about the potential for ascension past the rank of Emperor. No demon elite wants that information to fall into the hands of their enemies.
From the Third Hell of Blood, few elites remain. Many of them were slain by the Cherubiim, reducing their Dukes to only a sliver of the other Hells. The Emperor of Thirst, Kristoff, still walks the mortal coil. He is joined by two subordinates, Vespera, the Duke of Gloom, and Rhesus, the Duke of Predation. These are the elites he considers his Hell's most capable remaining powerhouses, and the ones most suited for the mission to bring about Mephisto's end.
From the Fifth Hell of Calamity, a large number of Dukes join two Emperors, Serena and Crow, as they trail along behind the other Hells.
Unbeknownst to anyone present, Emperor Yumagi is alive and well. The only demons who observed his return were those aligned with Mephisto. Not even Gorn is aware that Yumagi survived the Cherubiim's wrath, and Yumagi is strangely keen to keep his return quiet.
As for the Sixth Hell of Isolation, only Emperor Melody has chosen to come along. The other elites of her Hell simply aren't in the right headpsace to join her, following their fall to the Plague.
Yama's Hell, the Seventh Hell of Corruption, has fallen apart with its Emperor being absorbed by Mephisto. Now, its many darkness-aligned entities have scattered in search of a figure lost to time...
Yardrat, Fae, Dagon, Nymph, Bael, Kristoff, Serena, Crow, and Melody march on the Stitched Wasteland, along with twenty Dukes. A terrifying force in any previous era, but one that feels somewhat weak and vulnerable in the months following the return of the Cherubiim, as well as the two Wordsmiths, not even mentioning the enemy they might face should they fail to stop Mephisto's ascension.
Yardrat's glum expression does nothing to uplift the moods of the others around him. As he and the other Emperors run across Numaria's surface, weaving their ways through the dense forests and trees, Bael speaks up from the back.
"Hey, Yardy! Why are we runnin' like a bunch of chumps? Just pop us over to Glinch with those fancy portals of yours!"
Yardrat shoots a glance back at Bael without slowing down. "I can't. Glinch's minions have an uncanny ability to twist the space around themselves. I couldn't create stable portals once we're inside if my life depended on it. I've no doubt he bred them for the express purpose of keeping me from spying on him."
Fae jumps over a bunch of twisted prickle-vines, scratching her palm on their thorns. "Doesn't that mean if something goes wrong, you won't be able to yank us out of the Stitched Wasteland?"
"Trust me." Yardrat mumbles, sounding more than a little depressed. "You don't want to hear my answer."
"There is no need to concern yourselves with escaping." Crow says solemnly, deftly flying through the underbrush with her blue wings. "If Mephisto ascends, it won't matter where we flee. He will be capable of hunting us like deer."
Yardrat snorts. "Speak for yourselves. I enjoy running away if it means saving my life."
"Coward." Bael says. "A REAL man always fights to the end!"
"Aren't you in a woman's body now?" Yardrat shoots back. "You're one to talk."
"H-hey! Women can be real men too!" Bael protests. "Get with the times!"
Emperor Melody laughs. "You tell him, Bael! Preach it!"
Serena remains silent, merely rolling her sightless eyes at everyone else's childish barbs.
...
Five hours pass as the demons race through Numaria's forests.
Eventually, the trees begin to thin out, before abruptly disappearing altogether. As if erased by a nuclear bomb, the forest's cover vanishes to reveal a grey-colored lifeless plain lacking all traces of warmth and life.
The Stitched Wasteland.
As soon as the demon leaders reach the edge of the wasteland, they pause their flight to stop and look around.
"Glinch's domain is bigger than you might first believe," Yardrat explains, gesturing toward the horizon. "Offhand, I believe the last time we measured the Stitched Wasteland's diameter, it was nearly 500 miles. You can't even see the other side from here because it dips below the horizon. The good news is, we only have to travel halfway into the interior, where Glinch's central laboratory resides."
Dagon, the Emperor of Pathogens, kneels down to scratch at the ashen soil. He grimaces as it clings to his palm and starts to burn his flesh.
"Acidic." Dagon mumbles.
"Every time Glinch creates a new thrall, his domain expands." Serena explains. "His toxic miasma is invisible and odorless, but it destroys plant-life and lower animals with ease. It won't have any effect on elites like us, but it's best if you don't deliberately play with the soil he's corroded."
Dagon shakes the soil off his palm, grimacing as he has to clap his hands and rub them against his pants to stop the acid from burning him further. Luckily, one of the Dukes nearby has a weak healing ability, so they're ability to fix him back up.
"What a miserable shithole." Fae groans. "I do NOT get what Glinch enjoys about living here! I'd go crazy from boredom after a week!"
Bael laughs. "No kidding, toots. Why do you think Glinch is such a wacko? He already went crazy!"
"Oh. Fair point." Fae mutters.
The Emperors and Dukes start moving toward the center of the wasteland, following Yardrat's lead. They do not run, but move at a brisk walk, keeping their eyes peeled for threats. Ten miles in the distance, they spot a pair of strange aberrant creatures standing perfectly still, looking at one another with hollow eyes, but they can't make out the details of those figures at their current distance.
"Bael, watch out!" Serena suddenly shouts, startling everyone.
Every demon elite's head snaps toward Bael's general direction just in time to see an invisible creature materializing, its massive body poised with a giant claw up in the air, ready to slash down at Bael.
The monster's huge torso and comparatively tiny head and skinny legs contrast with its wretchedly massive arms, its mottled and rotted skin, and its beady green venomous eyes.
The instant it snaps its claws down to assassinate Bael, the dumb galump accidentally trips on a rock, stumbling and avoiding the monster's attack! Bael falls face-first in the soil and the creature's downward slash swishes across his back, barely missing him by a millimeter!
"Lucky!" Yardrat exclaims, his pupils the size of pinpricks.
Crow roars in rage. She leaps toward the monster, the strange deformed horror with proportions far different from any naturally born creature in existence, and she swings her fist at its chest!
THUMP!
Crow knocks the creature down, sending it skidding backward across the dirt to lay in a heap.
But Crow doesn't celebrate. To her shock, she didn't even manage to bruise the monster, only knock it on its ass! The frighteningly durable monster silently stands up, and its body rapidly fades away as it becomes invisible.
Not once does the creature make a sound.
"Everyone watch out!" Crow shouts. "This bastard is strong! I don't even know if I hurt it!"
The heart of every demon elite skips a beat as they try to look for any signs of the monster. Only Serena, with her Soul Sensing capabilities, manages to trace its vague movement.
"Over there!" Serena says, pointing in front of Yardrat.
The monster once again becomes visible as it tries to slash Yardrat in half, but he isn't caught off-guard and leaps backward, safely avoiding it just in the nick of time.
"TEAR!" Yardrat yells, gnashing his teeth.
The Emperor of the Void tears the air in front of himself, unable to properly create a portal, but still able to momentarily rip a crack in space straight across the monster's torso.
A shallow cut on its chest is his only reward.
"Lucifer's Tits!" Bael exclaims, climbing to his feet. "This thing is as tough as demonstone!"
Melody fires off sonic blasts at the monster, punching with her fists to try and blow out its eardrums, but her attacks have no effect.
The monster continues charging at Yardrat to try and cut him to pieces. As it does, Crow once again steps up to protect Yardrat, deflecting its rending claws with her steel-like feathers while dishing out punishment with her fists. Crow is without a doubt the most physically imposting member of the party, possessing more strength than any demon in existence except for Belial.
But even she can't manage to do more than knock the monster back!
The other Emperors quickly start pitching in. Dagon summons corrosive chemicals to try and melt the monster's thick hide. Nymph summons vines from beneath its feet to wrap its legs and keep it immobile. Kristoff summons bloodied blades to cut the monster from behind, slashing its back with swords made from his own plasma. Fae fires explosive projectiles with a low yield at the monster, taking care not to accidentally hurt her allies. Melody sends sonic shockwaves into the ground, trying to soften the soil to trap the monster in quicksand.
But the monster proves more frightening than any of the Emperors imagined!
Bael and Serena can't provide much assistance to the others. They watch helplessly as Nymph's vines corrode to ash, melted by the Stitched Wasteland's ability to destroy plant-life. Fae's explosions barely even knock the monster back. Dagon might as well be shooting the monster with a squirt-gun for all the use his chemicals have. Melody can't seem to accomplish anything either!
"Shit." Bael growls. "I gotta help them."
"You don't have any magic." Serena says.
"No. But I got this." Bael says, reaching down to touch his weirdly fancy belt.
When Bael activates the Matriarch's Armor, it begins popping out of his waist and engulfing him from head to toe in lethal-looking demonstone armor. His plated chest and spiked shoulders turn Bael from a dopey looking version of Ose into a commanding and fearful warrior clad in demonic armor, making Serena gasp in surprise.
"Bael?" Serena asks, unable to see the armor, but sensing that his soul has suddenly become difficult to detect due to something shrouding his entire body. "What did you do?"
"Ose gave me some armor." Bael explains. "It ain't mine. But we'll talk 'bout it later. I gotta help the others!"
Bael doesn't hesitate. He rushes toward the monster, joining Crow as a frontline tank to try and draw the creature's attention.
Crow barely even registers Bael's new appearance, shoving any concerns about the demonstone-clad warrior to the back of her mind. All she feels is relief when the monster's brutal strikes slow down as it starts slashing at Bael as well.
THUNK! THUNK!!
The brutish monster silently whales on the others. For ten minutes, Bael and Crow take the beatings of their lives while Yardrat slowly tears its skin and cuts its bones with targeted spatial distortions. He alone manages to injure the creature the most heavily, while the other Dukes and Emperors can barely offer much assistance.
Bael grimaces as the creature grabs him by his helmet, lifts him up, and throws him like a ragdoll. Bael cries out in alarm as he goes flying and lands in the dirt, two hundred feet behind the brute.
"Spawn of a- you piece of trash! Nobody throws Bael!"
He jumps to his feet and starts to run back toward the monster, only to pause when he senses movement.
Bael quickly turns around. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees what he can only mentally describe as seventeen snakes with baby-heads crawling along the ground toward him. The snakes have a single conjoined core body that ties them all together, but it appears as flat as a pancake. Like some sort of Hydra consisting of stitched-together body parts, this multi-headed monster uses its childish faces to drag itself toward Bael at a speed most distressing, causing his butthole to pucker up.
"Eee! Gross!" Bael cries. "What in the hellhound's anus is that?!
Like the previous monster, this 'Snakedra' freak doesn't cry out or make any noises. It silently slithers toward Bael while one of its heads remains elevated to gaze directly at him.
Not wanting his friends to be overwhelmed, Bael decides to try and take the monster on by himself. His eyes fill with determination, and he conjures Mjölnir in his grasp, summoning it from his belt.
"Bad snake!" Bael barks, lunging at the monster to smash one of its heads.
SPLAT!!
Bael crushes the first head with ease!
But as he raises the hammer to strike again, the monster pounces at him! Its sixteen remaining heads bite his armor and wrap around his arms and legs, smothering him and causing him to fall backward.
"Crap, crap!" Bael yells. "Uh, don't worry guys, I've got this! Just keep killing the big one! I've got this cunt right where I want him! YEEOUCH!"
The Snakedra squeezes with all its strength, trying to burst Bael's body like a watermelon. Luckily, the demonstone only creaks a bit and doesn't fold inward, allowing Bael to survive, albeit not to do much else.
Serena, seeing that the others are too occupied to help, decides to try and assist Bael in some way. Since her abilities aren't much use against the first monster unless it turns invisible, she turns her gaze toward the Snakedra.
Emperor Serena maintains a good distance between herself and the Snakedra. She closes her eyes, focuses her mind, then shapes her right hand into a claw pose, snapping it in the Snakedra's direction.
An invisible beam of soul energy travels the gaps between dimensions, drilling into one of the Snakedra's heads. Serena focuses with all her might, attempting to try and locate the monster's soul so she can manipulate or influence it.
Unfortunately, she finds that while the creature does have a soul, it has become a mish-mash of fifty other souls, all witlessly stitched together to create an aberrant, thoughtless machine for killing.
Pain. Pain. Pain. The Snakedra thinks. Pain. Pain. Pain.
Serena grimaces. Her eyes squeeze shut even tighter as she tunes out Bael's exclamations of how 'totally okay and fine' he is. She digs deeper into the Snakedra's psyche, eventually extracting a thread of its existence for her own benefit.
Serena's eyes finally open.
While most entities possess eyes that can 'see' the physical realm, even as an imp, Serena was blind from birth. She was never able to see the world around her, but all of that changed when she met her husband, Gorn.
He and her were only Imps at the time. They became Lords together, and upon her ascension, she gained a new type of vision utterly unique to herself.
The power to see the soul realm.
While usually incapable of influencing the material realm, the soul realm is the domain Serena has become most adept at influencing over the millennia. As an Emperor, her power has become quite substantial in this regard.
Serena tears a fragment of soul energy out of the monster. It doesn't even shudder, but she doesn't care.
With her soul-seeing eyes, Serena deftly manipulates the thread of soul energy, using her fingers to hastily but efficiently craft a Soul Puppet, something not unlike a voodoo doll.
After forming a Soul Puppet in the form of the Snakedra, Serena grabs it out of the air and begins wrenching its heads around, stabbing at its body with her fingernails, and otherwise torturing the false image as much as possible.
Not once does the Snakedra cry out in pain, but its body does twitch and spasm. It writhes and squirms, continuing to hold Bael steady, but sometimes weakening its grip as it loses control of different parts of its body at random.
Meanwhile, Bael occasionally feels the wretched monster weaken its grip on him. Bael might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but as an accomplished veteran of countless wars, he is well-versed in the art of combat.
Bael isn't certain why the creature has started to spasm, but he won't turn down any good opportunity that arises.
He calls forth the power of Mjölnir, summoning lightning from above to strike the hammer. The moment before the lightning falls upon him, the creature suddenly loosens its grip, allowing Bael to swing the hammer at its central body.
BOOOM!!
A terrific blast of thunder and lightning detonates on the Snakedra, making it recoil in agony, release Bael, and pull away from him.
Abruptly dropped on his ass, Bael jumps backward, leaps to his feet, and lifts his hammer high.
"Nobody gives me a squeeze without my OK, bub!"
Bael charges at the monster. He starts smashing its heads one by one, crushing them to bloody pulps while the creature uselessly writhes on the ground, taking the abuse without retaliating.
Five minutes later, Bael slays the bastard, putting it to death for the rest of eternity.
Tired and winded, Bael gasps for air. Never has he had a fight that left him out of breath, but even with the Matriarch's Armor, Ose's body is far weaker than Bael's ever was. He severely regrets losing his invincibility.
Bael turns around and spots Serena.
"Oh! Hey, whew! I just got done kicking that monster's ass!" Bael says. "Good thing I'm such a badass, I must have intimidated it into lettin' me go, heh."
Serena opens her mouth to correct him, but thinks better.
"Right. Excellent work, Bael. You're as capable a fighter as ever."
Bael grins inside his helmet. "Heh, damn right. Now, lemme help the others finish that fat ugly one off."
Bael charges into battle, this time equipped with Mjolnir. He transforms the hammer into his favorite weapon, Big Bonk, and swings the ten ton steel ball at the brutish monster's back.
BOOM!!!
Bael flattens the creature, burying it face-first in the dirt and giving Crow an opportunity to deliver a full-power punch to the back of its head.
SPLAT!
Her fist connects, and she crushes the monster's skull, spraying its brains out all over her feet.
Crow pants like a dog on a hot summer's day. Sweat pools on Yardrat's head from the amount of focus he had to exert to kill this first monster. Even Fae and the others look a little tired.
With the crisis momentarily averted, the demon elites look around, finally noticing Bael's new getup, as well as Big Bonk pressing against the brute's back.
"Bael?" Fae asks. "Hot damn, that's a sweet set of armor!"
"You really saved our asses!" Melody adds.
Crow glances toward the other dead monster. "You killed that one? By yourself?"
Bael thumps his chest. "Couldn't have done it without Ose's fancy-shmancy armor. The ugly bugger got so scared, it just laid there and let me beat it to death! Heh!"
"It just laid there?" Crow asks, glancing around. She notices Serena, then pieces the events together. "Oh, I see. Well, god job beating it by yourself, Bael. You still know how to kick tail."
"Damn right!" Bael proclaims, smiling from ear to ear.
One by one, the other demon elites figure out Bael didn't exactly defeat the monster all by himself, but seeing as how he's been so down ever since losing his powers, they don't want to hurt his feelings.
"We've only fought two creatures so far, but they were both terrifying." Yardrat points out. "If we have to face two or even three at the same time, we might die! Everyone, proceed slowly. Do NOT rush in. We need to pick Glinch's thralls off one by one."
The other demons nod.
"Right!"
2023.05.29 21:35 JudgementallyTempora Shiplist: "Cruiser Mafia" Edition
(I'll be borrowing Grievous69's certified Starsector Ship Rating System™. The first score is for a flagship and the second is for an AI ship)
Frigates
NOTE: In general destroyers become almost completely useless by the endgame. While (good) frigates justify their existence by being able to cap objectives, kill stragglers and generally be a distraction that in most cases is almost impossible for the enemy to kill, destroyers lack the speed to do any of this while at the same time lacking range, damage and tank to duke it out with cruisers and capitals.
NOTE2: Carriers(of all sizes) become progressively less useful as fleets get bigger because there's just so much ordnance flying around that fighters evaporate quickly even without any dedicated PD. And bombers don't change targets mid-flight which often leads to them charging right into enemy lines trying to fire on ships that have already retreated.
Valkyrie/Phantom/Colossus Mk.III: not much to say, Phantom is best. Although it should be pointed out that for getting undercover agents out of Pirate/Pather space stations all you need is Valkyrie and 100 Marines, anything above that does nothing.
Nebula/Starliner: you will literally only use these for creating colonies. Why am I writing this. Nebulas are rather common as wrecks during exploration so you can save yourself some money just by keeping any you find for later. Wow.
WayfareGemini/Mule/Tarsus: the "combat freighters", well except for Tarsus but I didn't have anywhere else to put it. Needless to say you should never bring a freighter into combat so only two ships here stand out. The first is Wayfarer which somehow packs 150 cargo space into a frigate hull with no civilian sensor profile penalty and which has OP to spare for Insulated Engine Assembly making it an early game smuggler's best friend. The other is Gemini which is wise enough to stay the hell away from combat, as a freighter should.
Dram/Phaeton/Revenant/Prometheus: unless you really really need sensor profile below 30 without S-modding then Phaeton completely obsoletes the Dram. Revenant exists as a more fancy Phaeton which also doubles as a cargo ship and makes it easier to keep your fleet's sensor profile low which means you can bring larger ships on your smuggling trips. Prometheus is completely pointless, you will never need this much fuel.
Buffalo/Colossus/Atlas: which ship to use will vary depending on your skills(Bulk Transport), desired base Burn, desired sensor profile and how much SP are you willing to spend. From endgame perspective Atlas is a clear winner, being most efficient by just about every metric. With S-modded Insulated Engine Assembly you can get its sensor profile down to that of a frigate(!), hovewer it will have base Burn of 8 - either with Bulk Transport or Augmented Drive Field - which is usually not enough for early game or exploration. Colossus gets to Burn 9, Buffalo gets Militarized Subsystems instead to lower its sensor profile without S-modding, etc.
Salvage Rig: put three of these in your fleet and stop whining about supplies/fuel.
Ox: with the massive bonuses logistics hullmods got when S-modded in this patch there is even less reasons to not use the Ox. Or two.
submitted by JudgementallyTempora to starsector [link] [comments]
Frigates
- Cerberus/Gremlin/Hermes/Hound/Kite/Mercury/MudskippeMudskipper Mk.II/Vanguard: garbage that only exists so you have easy enemies to blow up.
- BrawleCenturion/LasheMercury/Vigilance/Wolf: random crap you put in your fleet because it's common, cheap and you're apparently too lazy to look for actually good ships. You'll likely get rid of them faster than it would take me to review them all.
- Shepherd: your all-in-one exploration ship that you can bring into combat in a pinch.
- Brawler LP(A/A): everyone's favourite Support Doctrine spam ship. All but requires fighter(interceptor) support to work properly. Can serve you well into the endgame - you just need to keep getting more of them and start investing into S-mods - but eventually you'll have to start accepting some losses against large fleets or stations.
- Monitor(S/A): dumb ship for cheesing the AI with so you can pretend you're good at the game. Works best as "flagship", AI will need more Monitors for equal results. In its actual intended role of stopping missiles and fighters it's D/D and completely outclassed by the Omen.
- Omen(A/A): great ship in a role that doesn't actually exist - if you have problems with fighters or missiles put some PD on the ships you already have(or get some Wasps) instead of bringing another ship and hoping it will be in the right place at the right time. Surprisingly capable in real combat - the EMP Emitter is almost a free Pulse Laser damage-wise - to the point you can consider Support Doctrine spam, although it kills very slowly.
- Scarab(A/A): fantastic in early/mid-game, in late-game it will run into serious PPT issues because it's kind of like a phase ship without the massive PPT boost from Phase Coil Tuning skill.
- Tempest(A/A): fastest non-SO frigate around, unfortunately you'll want to SO it anyways because its base flux stats absolutely cannot support two medium energy weapons. At which point it's basically like Scarab, good only as long as you can end the fight before you run out of CR.
- Shade(A/B): like a worse Afflictor. AI has trouble understanding that EMP Emitter and phase cloak are mutually exclusive.
- Afflictor(S/S): hands down the best frigate in the game, at least as long as you take the Phase Coil Tuning skill. Even in AI hands it outperforms everything else thanks to its inhuman reflexes(ever dodged a Tachyon Lance shot? AI can) and always trying to get behind enemy ships.
- Hyperion: Take Scarab/Tempest then double their power but also their PPT issues. Two pump chump with a huge dick.
NOTE: In general destroyers become almost completely useless by the endgame. While (good) frigates justify their existence by being able to cap objectives, kill stragglers and generally be a distraction that in most cases is almost impossible for the enemy to kill, destroyers lack the speed to do any of this while at the same time lacking range, damage and tank to duke it out with cruisers and capitals.
NOTE2: Carriers(of all sizes) become progressively less useful as fleets get bigger because there's just so much ordnance flying around that fighters evaporate quickly even without any dedicated PD. And bombers don't change targets mid-flight which often leads to them charging right into enemy lines trying to fire on ships that have already retreated.
- Buffalo Mk.II: truly one of the ships of all time.
- Condor(B/B): best carrier deck/DP ratio in the game but you get what you pay for. It barely even has enough OP to fit bombers much less everything else. It's also extremely slow which can be an issue if you actually want them to contest air(?)space at the start, since chances are good the Condor won't arrive until the battle is already well underway.
- Drover(A/A): like Condor but good.
- Enforcer(A/A): five medium slots but you'll only have flux to fire three of them. Combined with four small missile slots that's usually enough hovewer. An SO version is probably close to S tbh.
- Hammerhead(B/C): here's a ship which runs into an unusual problem: it doesn't have enough mounts. If you put kinetics in both, you do nothing to armor. If you put explosives in both, you do nothing to shields. If you split, you have firepower of a frigate with none of the advantages of one. If you try to solve the problem with missiles, you better have EMR and Missile Spec. Overrated.
- Hammerhead LG(A/B): this might be the only case where an LG ship is better than the base variant. With Pulse Lasers or Ion Pulsers you don't have to worry about damage types and you still get a damage boost shipsystem.
- Harbinger(A/C): extreme one trick pony: use shipsystem, unload, slither away and wait for shipsystem to be available again. AI is kind of bad at it. You're both better off with an Afflictor.
- Manticore(A/A): the large mount seems great but flux limitations mean that in practice you're looking at the Hellbore and something to break shields, i.e. a Railgun. Still, it's a combo that works well and you still have two medium missiles. Also works as a more generalist alternative to the Sunder for exploration.
- Manticore LP(S/A): imagine a Brawler LP with a Hammer Barrage/Cyclone Reaper Launcher. Less PPT issues but more ammo issues.
- Medusa(S/B): the first in line of high tech ships that work extremely well in player hands but are extremely disappointing in AI hands. Unlike other destroyers Medusa has the speed to remain useful even in late game, but only if you're the one piloting it.
- Shrike(A/B): baby Medusa. Less everything but more common and cheaper.
- Sunder(S/S): arguably the only destroyer which can remain useful in late game in AI hands. Large energy mount and extra 200 range with Advanced Optics means it can keep itself out of trouble while still packing a punch. It's also the best destroyer for exploration as it basically hard-counters the entire Derelict line with a High Intensity Laser. In player hands you can do silly things like put SO on it and then just Autopulse your problems away.
- Apogee(A/A): technically an exploration ship, you will never use it for the role because you will see only two in the entire campaign. Large missile mount for 20 DP is nothing to sneeze at, sadly it has very little to follow up on it. The OP is tight. No, not the good kind of tight.
- Aurora(S/B): the final in line of high tech ships that only work as long as you're the one piloting them, Aurora is a strong contender for the best flagship in the game as it is basically a prefect ship for the hit-and-run playstyle the player excels at.
- Champion(A/A): essentially a fixed Apogee: two ballistic mounts for extra HVD oomph, 25 more OP and a ship system that actually does something. 25 DP though.
- Colossus Mk.II: "Who appointed me? Ludd did. Who appointed you?"
- Dominator(A/C): one of the best examples of how AI cannot handle ships with hardpoints because it changes targets so often it ends up not firing at anything half the time. Shame too, as Dominator has a lot of potential - two large ballistic mounts is solid on its own and you also get two mediums and a generous compliment of missiles.
- Doom(A/C): another one trick pony, you will spend most of the time just spamming the shipsystem key. Sadly, this actually works. Note that while Systems Expertise obviously helps a lot with mine spam, you can theoretically fly the Doom without any combat skills whatseover and still meaningfully contribute - a rarity among flagships. You don't need the Phase Coil Tuning for it either.
- Falcon/Eagle(B/C): I am lumping them together because they have exactly same issue as the Hammerhead: not enough mounts. Eagle was recently buffed but it didn't get any more mounts so the changes were irrelevant. Player can fall back on SO nonsense, the AI cannot.
- Falcon P(A/C): the Aurora-before-Aurora, zoom in, delete something with torpedoes then zoom out. Obviously AI can't hope to replicate this.
- Eradicator(A/A): now here's a good lad, a bit on the glass cannon side but the best defense is a good offense as they say. For a flagship you should also strongly consider Eradicator P.
- Fury(A/B): baby Aurora. Less everything but more common and cheaper.
- Gryphon(A/A): strong but strictly a support ship as it lacks speed or tank to serve on the front line. Please note that linking Squalls with Harpoons/Breachers is banned by the Geneva Convention. Whatever that is.
- Heron(A/A): a quintessential carrier, it carries things, it's fast and it has a ship system that makes the things it carries better.
- Mora(B/B): remember that one time when your carrier ended up on the frontline and you had it tank? Me neither.
- Venture(B/B): a dedicated exploration ship hugely let down by the civilian-grade hull which gives it a sensor profile larger than a capital and which means none of the combat ship only skills apply to it. And if you militarize it, you're stuck with the awkward(for exploration) base Burn of 8.
- Astral(C/C): in most cases you're better off with two Herons(or even Moras) simply to have two sets of fighters which can be in two different places - assuming you need that many fighters in the first place. Like Doom, Astral can work well as a flagship even without any combat skills - not that there are any carrier combat skills anyways - you just shoot things with Squalls then send Daggers at them.
- Atlas Mk.II(B/C): proof that sometimes offense is not in fact the best defense. Forget glass cannon, this thing is a wet toilet paper roll howitzer. The player can keep it safe behind the front line and not fire the main guns most of the time because AI ships will keep getting in the way.
- Conquest(A/S): the best capital in AI hands - no hardpoints, maximum range, mobile in every direcion, omnishield, decent PD all around. On top of that it features a staggering array of weapons for only 40 DP. The shield efficiency is terrible but that is partially compensated for by its monstrous base flux stats. I am actually giving it lower flagship score because almost everyone uses turn-to-cursor which doesn't work with broadside ships.
- Executor(B/B): a great ship let down by its abysmal flux dissipation which forces you to put some of the lowest flux/second weapons in every mount. Which is a shame because other than that it has a good mix of missiles and large energy mounts, it's the fastest battleship by a quite large margin, has strong shields and a useful ship system.
- Invictus(B/C): the flying brick meme ship, Invictus basically has the same problem as the Paragon in that its extreme range doesn't mesh with its extreme tank at all. The fact that you will have to vent after every LIDAR use also drastically decreases its effective DPS. At least unlike the Paragon it gets ballistics and large missiles. The logistics footprint of it is hilarious.
- Legion(A/A): Onslaught's other half, it performs worse as a flagship because Sarissas/Xyphos necessitate getting closer to enemies to blow them up. On the other hand AI does better with it because it's all turreted(I assume you will do a long range/regular fighter build for the AI) I won't make distinction between regular and XIV, the latter is slightly better but they both work in their own ways.
- Odyssey(A/A): your second best pick after Conquest for AI use, largely because it costs 5 DP more but it's hard to justify why. Plasma Cannons cut the range and AI does weird things with Plasma Burn sometimes. Also, since all Odysseys are inherently left-sided, this will cause all of them to drift towards right side of the map as the battle goes on. Score deduction for broadside still applies.
- Onslaught(S/B): everyone's favourite battleship modeled after the hairline of a certain famous Twitch streamer. Extremely effective in player hands, the AI as usual has problems focusing on a single thing to shoot. Although in case of the Onslaught it's less of a problem because the downtime at least lets the ammo in TPCs regenerate. XIV is a straight upgrade.
- Paragon(B/C): possibly the most overrated ship in the game, Paragon brings measly four large energy mounts for a whooping 60 DP while its flux can barely support four Tachyon Lances. It also brings Fortress Shield which it will never use because it outranges everything in the first place. And if caught - which usually only happens to enemy Paragons - the AI is bad with Fortress Shield, often interrupting its own guns.
- Pegasus(S/B): two Squalls and two Hurricanes, as well as a generous array of medium ballistic mounts make Pegasus a "gentleman's choice" compared to the caveman Onslaught. I wouldn't call it better though, especially at 50 DP. Funnily enough AI is about as bad with Pegasus as it is with the Onslaught as it will gleefully waste all of the Hurricane shots with Fast Missile Racks long before Squalls run out, leaving you with a ship that can't finish anything off.
- Prometheus Mk.II(C/C): while Atlas MK.II sucks in a radical way, Prometheus Mk.II sucks in a boring way. It actually has some tank, and more sensible weapon layout, and even some fighter bays, all in a crappy civilian package with not enough flux.
- Retribution(B/D): and to think that for 5 DP less you could have an Aurora. Retribution is a battlecruiser cosplaying as a cruiser, which takes all the battle out of it. Damn that was good. Basically what I'm saying is that it has weaknesses of both and strengths of neither.
- Ziggurat(B/D): the mosquito broccoli is simply not worth 75 DP, not even when used by the player. Maybe give it one rank up if you fit it with omega weapons or something.
- DefendePicket/Sentry/Warden/Bastillon/Berserker: trash.
- Rampart(B): green brick with a lot of gun for 15 DP.
- Guardian: overpowered with a lot of cheats built-in, you can't get them.
- Fulgent/Scintilla/Apex/Brilliant/Nova/Radiant: whether or not these ships are good is irrelevant as they're all let down by Reckless core AI limitations...
- Lumen(B): ...unless you fit a ship with all 1000 range beams and slap Advanced Optics on top of that which all but negates said AI limitations. Lumens are cheap and flimsy but fast and slippery. You can bring more of them into the fight than Glimmers but they're still less effective per DP.
- Glimmer(A): speaking of, here's arguably the second best AI frigate in the game after Afflictor. And yes, I am talking about Graviton Beam/2-4 Tactical Laser Glimmer, not the SO version. While they're usually not the first to reach the third objective they can reliably push enemy ships off of it and then hold it until it's capped. They do not count towards your officer limit, do not require Phase Coil Tuning to work, provide decent amount of ECM from elite Gunnery Implants and unlike most other premium frigates have amazing PPT. Sure, one or two may blow up occassionally(especially against Persean League and their Hydras) but they're machines, not people, so who really cares?
Valkyrie/Phantom/Colossus Mk.III: not much to say, Phantom is best. Although it should be pointed out that for getting undercover agents out of Pirate/Pather space stations all you need is Valkyrie and 100 Marines, anything above that does nothing.
Nebula/Starliner: you will literally only use these for creating colonies. Why am I writing this. Nebulas are rather common as wrecks during exploration so you can save yourself some money just by keeping any you find for later. Wow.
WayfareGemini/Mule/Tarsus: the "combat freighters", well except for Tarsus but I didn't have anywhere else to put it. Needless to say you should never bring a freighter into combat so only two ships here stand out. The first is Wayfarer which somehow packs 150 cargo space into a frigate hull with no civilian sensor profile penalty and which has OP to spare for Insulated Engine Assembly making it an early game smuggler's best friend. The other is Gemini which is wise enough to stay the hell away from combat, as a freighter should.
Dram/Phaeton/Revenant/Prometheus: unless you really really need sensor profile below 30 without S-modding then Phaeton completely obsoletes the Dram. Revenant exists as a more fancy Phaeton which also doubles as a cargo ship and makes it easier to keep your fleet's sensor profile low which means you can bring larger ships on your smuggling trips. Prometheus is completely pointless, you will never need this much fuel.
Buffalo/Colossus/Atlas: which ship to use will vary depending on your skills(Bulk Transport), desired base Burn, desired sensor profile and how much SP are you willing to spend. From endgame perspective Atlas is a clear winner, being most efficient by just about every metric. With S-modded Insulated Engine Assembly you can get its sensor profile down to that of a frigate(!), hovewer it will have base Burn of 8 - either with Bulk Transport or Augmented Drive Field - which is usually not enough for early game or exploration. Colossus gets to Burn 9, Buffalo gets Militarized Subsystems instead to lower its sensor profile without S-modding, etc.
Salvage Rig: put three of these in your fleet and stop whining about supplies/fuel.
Ox: with the massive bonuses logistics hullmods got when S-modded in this patch there is even less reasons to not use the Ox. Or two.
2023.05.29 19:23 Irreverent_Aegis Bal Sunnar Vet Dungeon Tanking Guide (With Hard Mode Notes)
Hey everyone, I'm continuing my Reddit series on tanking vet dungeons since they've been pretty well received since I began doing them. I write these up for the Tank Club, so I'm sure this guide will be posted there shortly as well.
This time, the write up is for Vet Bal Sunnar. I have hard mode notes included, but be aware that this is definitely not a hard mode guide at all.
I also have a guide video to accompany this, and, as usual, we 2-manned it so you actually have time to see all the mechanics. I put some extra production value in the video to really show mechanics, featuring super slow motion so you can see the moves I'm discussing as I'm thoroughly discussing them! Sometimes the explanations take way longer than the move, so I slowed it down!
Here's the video guide: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C08dY4dneA0
Once again, here is the accompanying video guide: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C08dY4dneA0
If I missed anything or am wrong about something, let me know. I'll research it and update the guide accordingly.
Enjoy!
submitted by Irreverent_Aegis to elderscrollsonline [link] [comments]
This time, the write up is for Vet Bal Sunnar. I have hard mode notes included, but be aware that this is definitely not a hard mode guide at all.
I also have a guide video to accompany this, and, as usual, we 2-manned it so you actually have time to see all the mechanics. I put some extra production value in the video to really show mechanics, featuring super slow motion so you can see the moves I'm discussing as I'm thoroughly discussing them! Sometimes the explanations take way longer than the move, so I slowed it down!
Here's the video guide: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C08dY4dneA0
Boss 1: Kovan Giryon
Attacks to look out for- Teleport Strike Heavy Attack: Kovan raises his blade over his shoulder with the point facing somebody in the group, then teleports across the room to strike them. As long as he is taunted and you block, you and your group should be okay.
- Gap Glose AOE: If you get too far away from Kovan, an AOE will appear under his feet and he’ll start running towards you. It’s a gap closing move and doesn’t appear to occur if you stay close to him. If he does use it, a shade will appear where he started, and it will do the same move a few seconds after the first one lands.
- Strike from Above AOE: Boss will do a move where he appears to strike the ground. He’ll then teleport into the air and a large AOE circle will target someone in the group. This should be roll dodged. A shade will appear in the air, and about 8-10s later, it will strike the same location.
- Lingering Rectangle AOEs (first wave): The boss will flash to the outside of the room and will send out a rectangular AOE that goes across the entire room. He’ll then flash to another end of the room and send out a second AOE that is parallel to the location of the first one. The AOE will linger for 4s after the attack lands. Don’t stand in these. They kill you fast. After sending out the attack, Kovan will leave behind a shade in this location which can also send out rectangular AOEs throughout the fight. They never go away.
- Lingering Rectangle AOEs (second wave): Kovan will repeat the move just described later on in the fight, but he’ll send out these two perpendicular to the location of the first two. Once again, shades will appear that can also send these out for the duration of the fight. As a result, you’ll have 4 shades sending out these rectangle AOEs throughout the fight.
- Poison Circles: Boss will bring his arm towards the center of his body and then will raise his hand over his head. His hand will glow, and a poison AOE will appear underneath everyone. The damage from these stacks, so don’t overlap your circles.
- Primitive Nix-Ox (Mini Boss)
- Appears at 70%
- Conal AOE: as is usually the case, you’ll be tanking this so it is facing away from the group, so this shouldn’t be an issue
- Spinning AOE: Richard Nix-Ox throws a tantrum and sends AOEs in a circle around him. You can interrupt this. It is telegraphed like a heavy attack, so you can bash without a single one going out.
- Primitive Nix-Hound
- They attack your team. Chain them in.
- Primitive Kwama
- They explode when near death or upon death.
- Iron Atronach (Mini Boss)
- Appears at 45%
- Heavy attack + Lava Circle: It strikes the ground, leaving a lava AOE in its place. Don’t stand in the lava.
- Lava AOE (Channel): This sends flame AOEs out all over the arena. It’s just like the Nix-Ox’s spinning AOE and can be interrupted.
- Frontal Lava AOE: The Atronach sends out 5 AOE circles in a frontal attack
- Flame Salamanders
- They attack your team. Chain them in.
- Fire Shalks
- Mostly, they will perform AOE attacks around where they are standing. Chain them in.
- After shadow phases end, be on the lookout for Kovan’s strike from above (it’ll hit in the exact spot it last hit before he left). Immediately range taunt him, as he will go into his teleport strike heavy attack right after he lands. If he isn’t taunted, he’ll often target somebody else, leading to a death from a group member who isn’t ready for it.
Boss 1: Hard Mode
Differences:- Everything deals a lot more damage, including adds, so make sure you chain them in ASAP so they aggro to you and die in the cleave.
- The Primitive Kwama still explode when they are about to die, but they deal way more damage. To help your group, you can call out “block cast” so that your group members can block cast AOE abilities when they’re up to mitigate explosion damage
- The poison circle is the main threat, as it deals massive damage. It’s best to soft stack (healer and tank positioned on opposite sides from each other with Kovan in between, both DPS on the left and right of Kovan) to make it easier to heal. A damage shield and a self heal like Vigor give more room for error in stacking or healing.
Optional Boss 1: Urvel Drath
Attacks to look out for- Summon Pillars (Surround): The boss will put up pillars around himself. Mostly they’re just annoying.
- Summon Pillars (Linear): This is a long, telegraphed heavy attack. When it lands, it sends out lines of pillars.
- Cookies: The boss will put a red circle (cookie) above someone’s head. AOE circles will target that person. If you have a healer in the group, they aren’t really a threat.
- Other stuff: I bet the boss does other stuff too, but seriously, this boss doesn’t really need a write-up, so I didn’t consult my video when I wrote this and have no idea if anything else happens.
- Taunt and hold block. Make jokes both related to and unrelated to ESO. Do not make unwarranted sexual jokes, however, as you are a glorious tank, and you should uphold high ethical standards.
- At some point in the fight, this Argonian Behemoth uses “Hulk Smash” on Urvel Drath and knocks him into the ground, stunning him. I have no idea who this NPC is or why he’s here, but get wrecked, Urvel.
- For beating this guy, your group gets Ancestral Vitality, increasing stamina and magicka recovery by 30%
Boss 2: Roksa the Warped
Attacks to look out for- Summon Darklight Orbs: This attack happens frequently. Roksa will throw her head into the air and send light out from it, summoning orbs to the outsides of the arena. These orbs will tether to each player, and as soon as the tether appears, a 6-second countdown timer will appear on your buff/debuff bar. The orbs can be destroyed by any player by interrupting them with a bash, crushing shock, or another interrupt ability. Two players can get all the interrupts relatively easily by slotting Crushing Shock. Healers with good situational awareness, two functioning eyes, and Crushing Shock can actually get all the interrupts from the center of the room if they also slot Propelling Shield on their bars. (Propelling Shield is the morph of Siege Shield from the “Support” skill line, and it extends the range of ranged abilities by 7 meters, allowing Crushing Shock to span the required distance to interrupt the orbs).
- Fire Throw: If you are too far away from Roksa, she’ll shoot three beams of fire at you that leave lingering AOEs. Get up close and stay close. You mostly need to worry about this during the Darkness Phase where Roksa jumps across the room.
- Spinning AOE: This is the same attack that the Nix-Ox mini-boss does in the first fight, except it can’t be interrupted. It happens after the Darkness Phase where the boss stays.
- Nix-Ox: This mid sized Nix-Ox has a heavy attack that is fairly dangerous if not blocked. More importantly, it’ll kill your teammates, so grab them as soon as they appear, and don’t lose aggro.
- Larval Nix-Ox: Lots of these appear throughout the fight. Just taunt them and chain them in.
- Darkness Phase (Boss Stays): This occurs at 85%, 70%, and 25%. The NPC will say “Get to the Light” and Roksa will jump across the room. Two light spheres will appear, one by the NPC and one by Roksa. You take damage when you aren’t in one of the light spheres. The tank should get up to Roksa ASAP to avoid the fire throw attack.
- Darkness Phase (Boss Leaves): This occurs at 70% and 40%. The boss leaves the arena entirely, and the NPC will summon a single light sphere for everybody to stand in. A Nix-Ox and multiple Larval Nix-Oxen appear. Chain everything in. Once a certain number of adds die, the phase ends.
- After each shadow phase (70% and 40%) ends, whoever had aggro on Roksa will be targeted by the Nix-Ox on one of the outside ledges with a tether beam. The beam does damage, but not a ton. It will quickly damage and likely kill anybody who touches it, however, so make sure to shame anybody who runs through it. You can use it to kill adds if you want, though.
Boss 2: Hard Mode
Differences (and notes):- After each shadow phase (70% and 40%) ends, there will be 3 tethers on the tank instead of 1. The damage ramps up pretty quickly, so the tank should be prepared with a damage shield and possibly Vigor to alleviate some stress on the healer.
- All the adds do significantly more damage, so it is imperative you chain them all ASAP. It is also important that group members (especially the healer) let you know if you missed any, as sometimes the group will be spread out.
- The Nix-Ox add is best left unkilled. It doesn’t pose much of a threat to you as the tank, as you’ll be blocking the whole time. You will never get two of these at the same time, but if it dies, another one will appear at a random spawn point in the room after a certain amount of time. This is dangerous, as it can easily kill your group members before you are in range to taunt it. To keep it alive, just stand between it and the boss so it is out of the cleave. That makes it much easier to keep aggro, and you don’t need to worry about finding a new one when it appears.
Boss 3: Matriarch Lladi Telvanni
Attacks to look out for- Staff Slam (Multi-Target AOE): Boss will slam her staff into the ground (the animation is like casting wall of elements) and an AOE circle will appear under each player. Don’t stand in it or try to block it (especially on hard mode). Just roll dodge it.
- Ranged Heavy Attack: Puts a heal check on you (your health bar goes white, and you can’t heal normally until you heal through the white bar; unlike many heal checks, you CAN self heal out of it). You can roll dodge this.
- Glide Across the Room (Multiple Linear AOE Circles): This move is telegraphed. The boss will face a direction other than the tank and an AOE circle will appear underneath her feet. The boss will glide across the room, leaving behind AOE circles in her wake. As soon as group members see this, they should move out of the way so they don’t get run over and killed.
- The Ipecac Challenge (conal AOE): A large cone of vomit. If you don’t block this, you will be locked out of using any abilities for several seconds, AND you will spew out your own vomit cone in whatever direction you are facing. Anybody who gets hit by your cone or the boss’s cone will be forced to relive one of my favorite scenes from Family Guy.
- Choking Pestilence (75% and 45%): The boss will move to the center of the room, go invulnerable, and put out an AOE that hits the entire arena. It will tick for damage every second and should be healed through. It lasts for 25 seconds. During this phase, 4 Peryite’s Blessed will be summoned.
- Summon Peryite’s Glory: The boss will place a single AOE circle on the ground and throw something on it. A Peryite’s Glory add will spawn in that location. This move will first begin after the first choking pestilence phase.
- Peryite’s Blessed: They should be chained so they are taunted and die in the cleave. They don’t look like wood elves, but they throw green mud balls at you. Breda would be proud.
- Peryite’s Glory: These green blobs should be taunted as soon as they are summoned by the boss. They will immobilize you and apply a debuff.
- Time stop synergy: During the first choking pestilence phase and on, an AOE will appear that freezes time for all the adds. The best time to hit it is after all the adds are grouped up. Call out to someone in your group when you want this synergized, or hit it yourself if you’re close to it.
Boss 3: Hard Mode
Differences:- Choking Pestilence (SUPER IMPORTANT): This AOE slaps really hard on hard mode. However, the damage you receive is based on a PERCENTAGE of your max health, and that percentage increases every tick. Therefore, it is best for you and your entire group to use food that DOES NOT give you extra health. (I ran around 32K health for this fight). I also recommend skipping the final buff, which increases everyone’s health by 3K. Your healer can much more easily top off your health between each tick if you have less health to heal. The popular strategy for this phase is to run a barrier rotation, where your healer and another group member alternate barriers. However, you won’t need a single barrier if your healer is competent, your group stays soft stacked, and nobody runs food that increases max health. If you feel like it, you can quick-slot two different consumables, one for this phase, and one for the other parts of the fight, although there isn’t a ton of danger that would require this.
- SKEEVERS: These bastards are the real hard mode. They come out constantly (several during choking pestilence), and mark a single group member with a red cookie above the head. If the skeever touches that person, they get a huge debuff, making all their abilities cost dramatically more resources. If one of these touches the healer during choking pestilence, good luck! These CANNOT be taunted, but they can be snared and immobilized. During choking pestilence, if you or another group member can run Caltrops, it can be dropped in the center of the room on the boss, and then all the healer (or anybody else who is targeted) needs to do is run to the opposite side of where the skeever spawned. Caltrops will snare the skeever, allowing it to quickly die in the cleave before it reaches the person.
- The Peryite’s Blessed are invulnerable until you hit the time stop synergy. Chain them in so they are grouped before telling somebody to hit the synergy. Once they are all grouped, ultimates should be released to get rid of them quickly.
- Peryite’s Glory: These hit really hard and will likely one-shot your DPS and healer. Look out for the ground AOE that summons them so you can taunt them immediately.
Once again, here is the accompanying video guide: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C08dY4dneA0
If I missed anything or am wrong about something, let me know. I'll research it and update the guide accordingly.
Enjoy!
2023.05.29 19:08 Proletlariet Donnie 12
Donatello
Donatello is the fellow, has a way with machinesMany years ago, four baby turtles and a man named Hamato Yoshi were mutated in the sewers of New York City. These turtles became the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, taught the way of the ninja by Yoshi, also known as Master Splinter. Donatello is the brains of the outfit, with a keen mind and tendency to over-analyze the situations he finds himself in. He has a big crush on his human friend, April O'Neil. He serves as the inventor of the team, creating weapons and vehicles to help his brothers in their war against the alien Kraang and the Foot Clan's master, the Shredder.
Feats will be marked with the season and episode number (i.e. S2E14).
Physicals
Strength
Bo
- Knocks back Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- AgainS1E5
- Smashes turretsS1E19
- Launches an Elite Foot robot awayS4E20
- Disables a Kraang droidS1E2
- Disables Foot robotsS2E6
- Knocks a Kraang droid's head offS2E11
- 2S2E24
- Knocks a MOUSER's head offS2E5
- Disables MOUSERSS1E11
- Knocks out a Foot ninjaS1E10
- Knocks out Punk FrogsS3E4
- With Casey Jones, smacks Bebop through a wooden wallS3E11
- Sends a Kraang hoverpod flying into a window, breaking a hole in itS1E17
- Hits a piece of toast hard enough to break through a plateS2E5
Naginata
- Stabs through an Elite Foot robotS4E20
- Shinigami can't cut an EliteS4E16 but can cut through robotsS5E19
- Cuts through a Foot robotS2E22
- Cuts the shaft of a swinging metal ballS4E26
- Cuts into stoneS5E14
- Stabs through a Foot robotS2E6
- 2S2E8
- Stabs a Kraang droidS2E21
- Stabs a Kraang computerS2E21
- Stabs Don Vizioso's flying chairS4E18
- Cuts open a fire hydrantS5E5
- Cuts chainS5E16
Lifting/Throwing
- Flings Michelangelo into the airS2E20
- Throws his bo staff hard enough to take the head off of a Foot robot and embed it in a wallS2E25
- Throws his bo staff hard enough to launch away a Kraang droidS1E1
- Ricochets shuriken to stab into Foot robotsS2E3
- Throws shuriken into a metal shutterS1E7
- Throws a shuriken to cut open a pipeS2E13
Other
- Punches a man into a dumbwaiter hard enough to crack the wall around itS1E7
- Disables a Foot robotS2E3
- Breaks sections of rock with his axeS3E8
- Stabs a Kraang blaster rifle into a fuel tankS1E21
Durability
Blunt
- Takes hits from Super ShredderS4E26
- Takes a hit from ShredderS2E20
- Takes a punch from mind-controlled SplinterS1E13
- Gets slammed into a wall hard enough to crater it by Baxter Stockman's mech and is okS1E5
- Gets slammed into Leonardo by Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- Takes hits from Zeno, a Triceraton gladiatorS4E7
- Zeno could one shot Triceraton soldiersS4E7 when Zog, a half-dead Triceraton with oxygen poisoning, can smash through concrete and no sell hits from SlashS3E24
- Gets blasted with psychic energy from vampire AprilS5E14
- Takes a hit from RahzarS4E20
- Takes a hit from DogpoundS2E5
- Dogpound smashes through concreteS1E11 and destroys a pillarS2E5
- Takes a kick from FishfaceS1E22
- Takes a hit from Mutagen ManS2E4
- Gets punched by SlashS2E17
- Gets blasted by Wind and ThunderS2E23
- Takes a hit from a Foot robotS2E3
- Takes a hit from Frankenstein's MonsterS5E17
- Takes hits from 1987 KrangS5E19
- Takes a hit from CaseyS4E5
- Gets hit by BigfootS3E2
- Takes hits from Mona LisaS4E2
- Gets hit by KirbyS2E1
- Takes a hit from Lord DreggS4E9
- Gets hit by Stockman-Fly throwing Casey at him hard enough to shatter cratesS2E16
- A grappling gun hook bounces off of his shellS2E9
Energy
- Gets blasted with magic by The Mummy, whose magic is strong enough to destroy his sarcophagus lid and the statue pinning it downS5E14
- Takes a shot to the shell from Tiger Claw's gunS4E26
- Gets blasted by Krang's laser which sliced a radio tower in halfS4E10
- Gets blasted by a giant eye which took a chunk out of concrete with a smaller blastS4E19
Heat
- Gets blasted through a wall by KavaxasS5E3
- Temporarily withstands the heat of reentryS3E12
- Gets hit with Metalhead's flamethrowerS2E11
Electricity
Other
Speed/Agility
Reaction/Dodging
- Dodges crossbow bolts and arrowsS3E2
- Smacks an arrow awayS5E7
- Dodges and deflects Triceraton blaster fireS4E7
- Dodges through a barrage of blaster fire from KraangS1E3
- Dodges shots from Steranko's gunS3E10
- Dodges Metalhead's laserS1E6
- Dodges a shot from a Kraang blasterS1E1
- Dodges shots from a Kraang energy cannonS1E6
- Dodges blasts from turretsS1E19
- Blocks Kraang blaster fireS1E16
- Blocks blasts from BebopS3E15
- Pushes Michelangelo out of the way of a particle disruptorS1E19
- Avoids lightning fired by LightningS2E23
- Avoids missiles fired by Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- AgainS1E19
- Dodges and deflects missilesS4E25
- Dodges a missile from a Kraang robotS2E9
- Dodges through a barrage of glue shots from BebopS3E11
- Dodges Metalhead's rocket fistS1E6
- Swats a kunai thrown by Oroku SakiS3E20
- Blocks a shuriken thrown by KaraiS2E6
- Blocks a shuriken thrown by a Foot ninjaS1E4
- Dodges attacks from Super ShredderS4E26
- Dodges a strike from SnakeweedS1E2
- Dodges a sword swing from Mirage Comics LeonardoS4E10
- Easily avoids attacks from the Purple DragonsS1E8
Movement
- Crosses a fair distance while his staff appears to be falling in slo-moS1E16
- Keeps pace with a fleeing van while running across rooftopsS1E1
Agility
- Catches April after she falls from a helicopterS1E2
- Catches April by swinging on his grappling hookS1E13
- Leaps across rooftopsS1E1
- Scales a long shaft by jumping up the wallsS1E26
- Jumps up floating platformsS2E11
- Wall jumps up out of a labS1E3
- Jumps up to the raftersS2E5
- Runs up and flips off of a wallS1E4
- Jumps around objects to tie up Snakeweed with his own vinesS1E14
- Jumps around the gear mechanism of a giant towerS3E19
- Flips onto Michelangelo, landing in a handstandS1E5
- Pole vaults with his staff to reach a helicopterS1E2
- Bounces off of an awning and springs off of a fire escape to reach the top of a buildingS2E23
Skill/Misc
Combat
- Learns to fight without thinking, allowing him to defeat a psychic who was able to see his next movesS1E7
- Fights off multiple Foot ninja at onceS1E8
- Maneuvers to stab a Kraang droid in the head with a shuriken using his feet while hanging from a helicopterS1E2
- Easily takes down a man who attacks him from behindS1E7
- Takes out samurai while on horsebackS5E7
Stealth
- Picks off Foot ninja without being seen or heardS1E4
- Sneaks around a meat locker to land surprise attacks on Tiger Claw, a mutant with super sensesS2E19
- Sneaks into the elevator of TCRI without being seen by the receptionistS4E23
- Takes out mobsters without being detectedS5E3
- Takes out samurai without being detectedS5E7
- Sneaks through the subway undetected by KraangS3E9
- Sneaks around vampires without being detectedS5E17
- Appears on a ledge in a flash of lightningS3E10
Accuracy
- Calculates how to throw multiple shuriken so that they will ricochet and strike Leonardo at multiple anglesS2E3
- Calculates how to throw shuriken and kunai so that they ricochet and stab Foot robotsS2E3
Hacking
- Hacks into Kraang computers with a modified toaster and his phoneS1E25
- Hacks into the power grid and blows the electricity in Shredder's lairS2E22
- Hacks Baxter Stockman's computer to open Splinter's cageS3E9
- Hacks into city camera systemsS4E25
General
- Helps Dr. Frankenstein bring his creation to lifeS5E16
- Forges new weapons to undertake his Vision QuestS3E8
- Uses a breathing technique to operate without oxygenS4E7
- Makes a flowchart that predicts every outcome of a conversation with AprilS1E7
- Modifies his phone so it can track ambient AC currentsS1E19
- With Casey Jones, repurposes Kraang technology to soup up an old carS3E6
- April says that Donatello is way ahead of most scientistsS2E13
- Revives Raphael after he had been turned into a plant and his mutagen had been siphoned outS3E1
- Spins his staff to blow away poison gasS3E10
- Pretends to be a kappa to frighten off ninjaS3E20
Gear
Standard Weapons
- His trademark bo staffS1E1
- ShurikenS2E3
Space
- While in space, Donny wore a space suitS4E1 and used a technologically-advanced staff
- Carries a blaster pistolS4E6
Misc
- A spyglassS1E3
Inventions
Metalhead
A robot made by Donatello by reverse-engineering a Kraang droid and adding his own modifications.Physicals
- Defeats Raphael, Leonardo, and Michelangelo in a demonstration, easily catching Raphael's attack and proving impervious to Leonardo and Michelangelo'sS1E6
- Makes a crater when he lands after jumping onto a roofS1E6
- Rips off a Kraang droid's armS2E11
- No sells shots from Kraang blaster riflesS1E6
- Accidentally blows up propane canisters with his laser and is fine after the resulting explosion, though the antenna that allowed Donatello to remotely control him was brokenS1E6
- Catches Leonardo's sword swingS2E11
- Dodges strikes from DonatelloS2E11
- Shoots his own bombs reflected back at him out of the airS2E11
- Programmed to know dozens of fighting styles including the Foot and the KraangS2E11
Weapons/Gadgets
- Guns down Kraang droids with his laser cannonS1E6
- Rocket fistS1E6
- FlamethrowerS1E6
- Shoots a bomb out of his eyeS1E6
- Shoots manyS1E6
- Scans a room to look for hidden passagewaysS2E11
Misc
- Develops retro-mutagen that can reverse mutationsS2E16
- Built an advanced music player using a discarded military chipS1E5
- Built a digital lockpickS1E7
- Builds cell phones for the turtlesS1E7
- Uses an electric gun to take down Pigeon PeteS1E9
- Outfits a cockroach with gear to spy on the KraangS1E18
- Builds radar beaconsS1E20
- Builds an electro-grenadeS1E20
- Built "ooze specs" that track mutagen trailsS2E2
- Invents air-powered grappling harnesses that allow the wearer to move in any directionS4E17
- Creates gear that destroys ghostsS5E4
- Creates an anti-gravity calzone makerS5E18
2023.05.29 19:08 Proletlariet Leo 12
Leonardo
Leonardo is the leader in blue, does anything it takes to get his ninjas throughMany years ago, four baby turtles and a man named Hamato Yoshi were mutated in the sewers of New York City. These turtles became the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, taught the way of the ninja by Yoshi, also known as Master Splinter. Leonardo is the leader of the turtles, the most serious and dedicated to the way of the ninja. He acts as field leader and tactician in the turtles' war against the alien Kraang and the Foot Clan's master, the Shredder.
Feats will be marked with the season and episode number (i.e. S2E14). Any feats that include albums have sources in the albums.
Physicals
Strength
Swords
- Decapitates Super ShredderS4E26
- Cuts off Kraang Prime's giant mech headS1E26
- Cuts a warbot in halfS4E4
- Cuts apart a turretS1E19
- AgainS1E19
- Cuts through Elite Foot robots
- Shinigami can't cut an EliteS4E16 but can cut through robotsS5E19
- Cuts apart Kraang droids
- Cuts apart Foot robots
- Cuts off the arms of Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- Cuts apart MOUSERS
- Stabs a Kraang bio-droidS2E1
- Cuts through the supports of a water towerS1E8
- Cuts a pipeS1E11
- Cuts off Karai's metal collarS3E10
- Cuts off Tiger Claw's robot handS4E26
- Decapitates an ant mutantS4E17
- Cuts off Snakeweed's armS1E2
- Cuts a large mushroom stemS2E10
- Cuts chain
- Cuts through a cable pipeS1E13
- Knocks back Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- AgainS1E5
Striking
- Kicks a Kraang pod down hard enough to make a crater in the metal floorS1E26
- Punches Hun through doors, knocking him outS4E16
- Knocks out Foot ninjaS1E19
- Knocks back SlashS2E7
- Slash is heavy enough that when he falls off a roof he makes a crater in the ground belowS2E7 and he tanks Casey's slapshotsS2E17 which damage a statueS2E23
- Kicks the top of an air vent offS1E14
Lifting/Throwing
- Throws his sword through a Foot robot's headS2E3
- Decapitates a Foot robot with shurikenS2E13
- Throws an Elite Foot robot's hat hard enough to cut chainS4E16
- Moves wooden beams off of Hamato YoshiS3E20
- Boosts Donatello to the top of a buildingS1E2
Other
- Holds back Kraang Prime's giant mech until it breaks the chainS1E26
- Catches an attack from Super ShredderS4E26
- Blocks attacks from Raphael and Karai at the same time with one arm eachS1E15
- Stops a strike from SlashS3E16
- Matches RahzarS4E25
- Clashes with and pushes back a Foot robotS2E3
- Holds onto an elevator cable as Foot robots dogpile him, only falling when the cable snaps from the weightS2E3
- With Raphael, pushes over a large statue in a pharaoh's tombS5E14
Durability
Blunt
- Takes hits from Super ShredderS4E26
- Takes a hit from ShredderS2E20
- Takes a punch from mind-controlled SplinterS1E13
- Gets slammed into Donatello by Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- Gets hit with a charge and punches from ArmaggonS4E4
- Gets hit with a pulse of psychic energy from Za-Naron-possessed AprilS4E22
- Gets blasted with psychic energy from vampire AprilS5E14
- Takes hits from Tiger Claw, Fishface, and Rahzar in rapid successionS2E25
- Takes hits from DogpoundS1E10
- 2S1E10
- 3S1E19
- 4S2E5
- Dogpound smashes through concreteS1E11 and destroys a pillarS2E5
- Takes a kick from FishfaceS1E16
- Takes a hit from Tiger ClawS4E20
- Takes a hit from Mutagen ManS2E4
- Takes a hit from LeatherheadS1E12
- Leatherhead burst through a wall,S1E12 knocked the leg off of a Kraang vehicle,S2E24 threw a car,S4E18 threw a Stone Soldier into another stone soldier hard enough to shatter both,S5E20 and can throw around Traag, a giant made of stoneS1E17
- Gets slammed by Chrome DomeS2E6
- Takes a hit from RocksteadyS3E11
- AgainS3E23
- Rocksteady can spin and throws a car,S3E11 box out a Triceraton,S3E25 charge through a wall of the Technodrome and break giant Krang's leg,S5E20 and shatter a Stone Soldier with a punchS5E20
- AgainS3E23
- A large smokestack falls on him and he is okS2E13
- Takes a hit from a Foot robotS2E3
- Fine after being pushed through a stone floorS3E23
- Gets hit by Frankenstein's Monster, who's [strong enough to crater Michelangelo into a wall(https://gfycat.com/powerfulvillainoushorseshoecrab)^S5E16
- Takes a hit from Lord DreggS4E1
- Gets hit by SnakeweedS1E2
- Gets hit by Kraang Subprime throwing a pinball machine at himS2E25
- Gets hit into crates by Spider BytezS1E3
- Gets punched by MetalheadS1E6
Energy
- Gets blasted with magic by The Mummy, whose magic is strong enough to destroy his sarcophagus lid and the statue pinning it downS5E14
- Gets blasted by Krang's laser, which sliced a radio tower in halfS4E10
- Gets blasted by a giant eye, which took a chunk out of concrete with a smaller blastS4E19
Heat
Electricity
- Gets shocked by lightning hitting the radio tower he's onS4E22
- Gets shocked by Newtralizer, whose electricity is hot enough to melt a chain link fenceS5E5
- Gets electrocuted by Baxter Stockman's robot and is fineS1E5
- Ok after being electrocutedS5E19
Other
- Unharmed by an explosion that immolates the mutant next to himS1E15
- Ok after being hit by an RPGS1E20
- Ok after breathing in poison gasS2E9
- Overcomes psychoactive spores that make him experience his worst fearS2E10
Speed/Agility
Reaction/Dodging
- Dodges and deflects shots from Tiger Claw's gunsS2E13
- Blocks shots from Tiger Claw's rifle and Bebop and Rocksteady's weaponsS4E16
- Cuts arrows out of the airS2E25
- Reflects a shot from a Kraang blaster back at the KraangS2E9
- Deflects fire from two KraangS2E17
- Deflects moreS2E21
- AgainS3E24
- Deflects Triceraton blaster fireS4E5
- Dodges and deflects Triceraton blaster fireS4E7
- Dodges through a barrage of blaster fire from KraangS1E3
- Dodges shots from Steranko's gunS3E10
- Dodges a shot from a Kraang blasterS1E1
- Dodges shots from a Kraang energy cannonS1E6
- Dodges blasts from turretsS1E19
- Avoids missiles fired by Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- AgainS1E19
- Dodges and deflects missilesS4E25
- Dodges a missile from a Kraang robotS2E9
- Avoids lightning fired by LightningS2E23
- Dodges electricity fired by a mutantS1E15
- Deflects a barrage of ricocheted shuriken thrown by Donatello from multiple anglesS2E3
- Swats Raphael's thrown sai out of the airS2E3
- Deflects shuriken from Foot robotsS2E25
- Dodges and deflects kunai from Foot ninjaS1E8
- Deflects Metalhead's rocket fistS2E11
- Dodges attacks from Super ShredderS4E26
- Dodges attacks from mind-controlled SplinterS1E13
- Dodges a strike from Splinter he doesn't see comingS1E19
- Dodges several attacks from brainwashed RaphaelS3E16
- Dodges acid spit from Stockman-FlyS2E16
- Dodges a strike from SnakeweedS1E2
- Easily avoids attacks from the Purple DragonsS1E8
Movement
- Manages to punch Splinter in a training exerciseS1E13
- Slices two Foot robots into pieces before they begin to fallS2E8
- AgainS3E9
- Cuts off pieces of Baxter Stockman's power armor before they begin to fallS1E5
- Knocks a Kraang droid into the air and strikes it again before it can fallS2E6
- Dashes past a skeleton, swiftly cutting off all its limbs and headS3E19
- Swiftly cuts off Zombie Shredder's arm and headS5E4
- Saves people from falling mutagen just before it hits themS3E12
- Keeps pace with a fleeing van while running across rooftopsS1E1
- Keeps pace with a motorcycle while running across rooftopsS2E7
- Outruns an explosionS4E4
Agility
- Fights Mega Shredder while swinging around with two grappling hooksS3E21
- Leaps across rooftopsS1E1
- Dodges strikes from a Kraang droid by flipping aboutS1E1
- Jumps through branches while fighting Punk FrogsS3E4
- Scales a wall by repeatedly jumping off of itS1E5
- Scales a long shaft by jumping up the wallsS1E26
- Jumps up floating platformsS2E11
- Wall jumps up out of a labS1E3
- Jumps up machinery to escape a Kraang labS1E25
- Jumps up to the raftersS2E5
- Jumps around the gear mechanism of a giant towerS3E19
- Climbs a mountain with an injured legS3E7
- Uses his grappling hook to swing onto the chimera's back after being droppedS3E7
Skill/Misc
Combat
- Fights off multiple Foot ninja at onceS1E8
- Beats Tiger Claw in a swordfightS4E26
- Wins a free-for-all against the other turtlesS2E8
- Beats Michelangelo in a sparring matchS1E1
- Easily beats Donatello and Michelangelo alongside RaphaelS1E11
- Disarms Donatello in a sparring matchS1E21
- Easily disarms a crookS5E18
- Gets Raphael in an arm bar, though he escapesS4E18
- Senses when Splinter is going to strikeS1E19
- Beats a medieval knight in joustingS3E19
Pressure Points
- Paralyzes KaraiS3E18
- Paralyzes RaphaelS5E2
- Uses pressure points on Hattori Tatsu that renders him incapable of using his enhanced hearingS5E2
Accuracy
- Curves a thrown shuriken to hit a fleeing van's tireS1E1
- Ricochets a shuriken to activate a forkliftS1E6
- Throws three shuriken to disable three gunsS4E23
- Throws a knife to knock a phone out of Dogpound's handS1E11
- Throws a knife to disable a laser ax before it can hit DogpoundS1E19
- Throws a knife to hit a buttonS5E17
- Throws a smoke bomb into the barrel of Rocksteady's gunS5E3
- Ricochets stakes fired from a crossbow to stake Dracula in the backS5E16
Stealth
- Picks off Foot ninja without being seen or heardS1E4
- Sneaks around a meat locker to land surprise attacks on Tiger Claw, a mutant with super sensesS2E19
- Sneaks up on and takes out two Foot robotsS2E13
- Sneaks into Shredder's dungeon and takes down a Foot robotS2E22
- Takes out mobsters without being detectedS5E3
- Takes out samurai without being detectedS5E7
- Sneaks into the elevator of TCRI without being seen by the receptionistS4E23
- Sneaks through the subway undetected by KraangS3E9
- Sneaks around vampires without being detectedS5E17
- Sneaks up on MichelangeloS2E4
- Suddenly appears on the edge of a rooftopS1E14
- Appears on a ledge in a flash of lightningS3E10
General
- Forges new weapons to undertake his Vision QuestS3E8
- Uses a breathing technique to operate without oxygenS4E7
- Uses the Healing Hands mantra taught to heal himself of Karai's venomS3E18
- Comes up with a plan to defeat the rapidly-regenerating SnakeweedS1E2
- Hijacks a flying Foot robotS2E16
- Tricks an invisible foe into walking through steam to reveal his locationS2E20
- Picks a lockS2E22
- Pretends to be a kappa to frighten off ninjaS3E20
- Pilots a spaceship through the ruins of a moonS4E11
Gear
Standard Weapons
- His trademark katanasS1E1
- ShurikenS1E1
- Uses a blinding egg bomb on HunS4E16
Space
- While in space, Leo wore a space suit and used energy swordsS4E1
- Carries a blaster pistolS4E6
Misc
- A spyglassS1E2
2023.05.29 19:07 Proletlariet Mikey 12
Michelangelo
Michelangelo, he's one of a kind, and you know just where to find him when it's party timeMany years ago, four baby turtles and a man named Hamato Yoshi were mutated in the sewers of New York City. These turtles became the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, taught the way of the ninja by Yoshi, also known as Master Splinter. The youngest brother and most fun-loving of the team, Michelangelo is laid-back and optimistic, providing a hopeful, if childish, light for his brothers. Though a bit of a goofball, when the chips are down, Mikey is a powerful asset in the turtles' war against the alien Kraang and the Foot Clan's master, the Shredder.
Feats will be marked with the season and episode number (i.e. S2E14).
Physicals
Strength
Nunchucks
- Knocks back Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- Smashes turretsS1E19
- Shatters giant teethS3E21
- Disables a Kraang droidS1E2
- AgainS1E12
- Disables a group of Kraang droids with a flying strikeS1E2
- Disables a Foot robotS3E16
- Disables Kraang droids and knocks out Foot ninjaS1E19
- Disables MOUSERSS1E11
- 2S1E19
Kusarigama
- Cuts apart a Foot robotS4E26
- Cuts metal restraintsS2E21
- Stabs Kraang droids' headsS2E25
- Cuts off Mega Shredder's tongueS3E21
- Cuts apart a wormS3E21
- Cuts Snakeweed's vinesS1E2
- Sharp enough to cut into stoneS3E7
Striking
- Knocks back Spider Bytez with a kickS1E3
- Knocks back Spy Roach with a kick after it no sold shots from the Shellraiser's garbage cannonS1E18
- Kicks off a Kraang droid's headS1E6
- Disables Kraang droidsS1E6
- 2S1E24
- Disables a Foot robotS2E3
- Stabs a baton into a Kraang droid's headS1E12
- Knocks a horse off its feet by kicking its riderS5E7
- Breaks a branch off of a treeS3E4
Other
- Throws barrels at Spider BytezS1E3
- Throws shuriken to stab a Kraang droidS2E9
- Moves wooden beams off of Hamato YoshiS3E20
- Holds himself and Dogpound up with one armS2E5
Durability
Blunt
- Takes hits from Super ShredderS4E26
- Takes a hit from ShredderS2E20
- Takes a punch from mind-controlled SplinterS1E13
- AgainS2E12
- Takes a punch from mind-controlled RaphaelS1E23
- Gets thrown into a building by Baxter Stockman's mech and is okS1E5
- Gets slammed into a wall hard enough to crater it by Stockman's mech and is okS1E5
- Takes hits from Zeno, a Triceraton gladiatorS4E7
- Zeno could one shot Triceraton soldiersS4E7 when Zog, a half-dead Triceraton with oxygen poisoning, can smash through concrete and no sell hits from SlashS3E24
- Takes a punch from ArmaggonS4E9
- Gets hit with a pulse of psychic energy from Za-Naron-possessed AprilS4E22
- Gets blasted with psychic energy from vampire AprilS5E14
- Takes a hit from RahzarS5E2
- Takes a hit from DogpoundS1E10
- 2S1E10
- 3S1E19
- 4S2E5
- 5S2E5
- Dogpound smashes through concreteS1E11 and destroys a pillarS2E5
- Takes a kick from FishfaceS1E16
- Takes a hit from Mutagen ManS2E4
- Takes hits from Newtralizer, who is strong enough to punch Agent Bishop into a wall and crack itS5E5
- Gets slammed by Chrome Dome, who proceeds to throw over the ShellraiserS2E6
- Takes hits from Foot robotsS2E20
- Gets cratered into the wall by Frankenstein's Monster then hit moreS5E16
- Gets hit by BigfootS3E2
- Ok after a piece of a large sign falls on himS1E9
- Gets hit by SnakeweedS1E2
- AgainS1E2
- Gets kicked by Kraang SubprimeS2E25
- Gets punched by MetalheadS1E6
- Takes a hit from one of Dregg's VreenS4E1
- Gets slammed by Raphael onto a satellite dish hard enough to break itS1E3
Energy
- Gets blasted with magic by The MummyS5E15
- Gets blasted by a Kraang walker, which blew up a shipping containerS2E17
- Gets blasted by Krang's laserS4E10
- Gets blasted by a giant eyeS4E19
Electricity
- Ok after being shocked by a Kraang droneS3E25
- Gets electrocutedS4E7
- Gets shocked by lightning hitting the radio tower he's onS4E22
- Ok after being electrocutedS5E19
Other
- Gets bitten by ArmaggonS4E9
- Temporarily withstands the heat of reentryS3E12
- Ok after being hit by an RPGS1E20
- Withstands Mutagen Man's acidS2E4
- Ok after breathing in poison gasS2E9
Speed/Agility
Reaction/Dodging
- Dodges several shots from Tiger Claw's gunsS2E13
- AgainS3E16
- Dodges crossbow bolts and arrowsS3E2
- Dodges lasers from a warbotS4E4
- Dodges and deflects Triceraton blaster fireS4E7
- Dodges through a barrage of blaster fire from KraangS1E3
- 2S2E25
- Reflects a shot from a blaster back at a Kraang droidS2E11
- Dodges Kraang blaster fireS2E21
- Dodges a shot from a Kraang blasterS1E1
- Dodges shots from a Kraang energy cannonS1E6
- Dodges blasts from turretsS1E19
- Avoids lightning fired by LightningS2E23
- Avoids missiles fired by Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- AgainS1E19
- Dodges and deflects missilesS4E25
- Dodges a missile from a Kraang robotS2E9
- Dodges attacks from the other turtles while they are brainwashedS2E18
- Dodges several of Leonardo's sword slashes in a sparring match, though he is ultimately hitS1E1
- Dodges attacks from Leonardo in a training exerciseS2E3
- Dodges an attack from Raphael in a sparring matchS1E21
- Dodges several shurikensS1E4
- Deflects claws fired by RahzarS2E13
- Catches Metalhead's rocket fistS2E11
- Dodges attacks from Super ShredderS4E26
- Dodges attacks from RocksteadyS4E16
- Dodges attacks from Foot robotsS2E3
- Dodges several strikes from Snakeweed's vinesS1E2
- Knocks away hacky sacks thrown by Leonardo and RaphaelS5E19
- Smacks away flying pizzaS2E18
- Easily avoids Napoleon Bonafrog's attacksS3E4
- Easily avoids attacks from the Purple DragonsS1E8
Movement
- Cuts an arrow out of the air by throwing shurikenS5E7
- Keeps pace with a fleeing van while running across rooftopsS1E1
Agility
- Fights spiritual Foot ninja while leaping from tree to treeS3E8
- Runs across trees to get the drop on samurai on horsebackS5E7
- Fights Kraang by leaping between their flying pods and swinging on turbines with his chainS3E12
- Leaps across rooftopsS1E1
- Skates across rooftopsS1E5
- Skates through an electric trap without getting hitS3E17
- Scales a long shaft by jumping up the wallsS1E26
- Jumps up floating platformsS2E11
- Wall jumps up out of a labS1E3
- Jumps up to the raftersS2E5
- Jumps around the gear mechanism of a giant towerS3E19
- Runs up and flips off of a wallS1E4
- Traverses on Creepweed's vines to attack itS3E22
- Traverses a cavern filled with rock platformsS5E4
- Swings on his chain to save Mondo Gecko from fallingS3E17
Skill/Misc
Combat
- Fights without thinking, allowing him to easily dodge Splinter's strikesS1E7
- Fights off multiple Foot ninja at onceS1E8
- Easily defeats a goon attacking him from behind without lookingS1E16
- Puts Napoleon Bonafrog in a holdS3E4
- Takes out samurai while on horsebackS5E7
Stealth
- Picks off Foot ninja without being seen or heardS1E4
- Sneaks around a meat locker to land surprise attacks on Tiger Claw, a mutant with super sensesS2E19
- Takes out samurai without being detectedS5E7
- Sneaks into the elevator of TCRI without being seen by the receptionistS4E23
- Sneaks through the subway undetected by KraangS3E9
- Sneaks around vampires without being detectedS5E17
- Appears on a ledge in a flash of lightningS3E10
- Sneaks up on LeonardoS3E21
Kusarigama
- Strings up Shredder on a sign using his kusarigamaS1E9
- Catches Raphael's grappling hook with his kusarigamaS4E13
- Entangles a Foot robot with his chainS2E8
- Wraps his kusarigama around a beam to slow himself after being thrown by RahzarS2E5
- Wraps his kusarigama around a Kraang blaster to make a Kraang droid shoot its fellowsS2E6
- Grabs a camera drone and pulls it downS4E7
- Catches Donatello as he's falling with his chainS2E12
- Grabs onto Fishface's leg as he falls off a roofS2E22
- Stabs through a pizza with his kusarigama and swings it around to beat up evil pizzasS2E18
Accuracy
- Throws a shuriken to hit a button and start a rollercoasterS3E11
- Throws a pizza to blind Baxter Stockman in his mechS1E5
- Throws two shuriken to disable Kraang podsS2E1
- Throws three shuriken to kill three samuraiS5E7
- Throws a staff to stake Dracula through the heartS5E17
- Headshots several skeletons with a bow and arrowsS3E19
- Hits a silver coin into a werewolf's mouthS5E15
General
- Forges new weapons to undertake his Vision QuestS3E8
- Uses a breathing technique to operate without oxygenS4E7
- Spins his nunchucks to blow away poison gasS3E10
- Retracts his limbs and head into his shellS1E17
- Makes intricate shadow puppetsS2E6
- Eats Pizza Face, a large pizza mutantS2E18
- Pretends to be a kappa to frighten off ninjaS3E20
Gear
Standard Weapons
- His trademark nunchucks, which can turn into a kusarigama through a retractable blade and extendable chainS1E1
- ShurikenS2E1
Space
2023.05.29 19:07 Proletlariet Raph 12
Raphael
Raphael's got the most attitude on the teamMany years ago, four baby turtles and a man named Hamato Yoshi were mutated in the sewers of New York City. These turtles became the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, taught the way of the ninja by Yoshi, also known as Master Splinter. Raphael is the most conflict-loving member of the team, harboring a near-uncontrollable fury that makes him the fiercest fighter among his brothers. His rage and skill make him a dangerous enemy to the alien Kraang and the Foot Clan's master, the Shredder.
Feats will be marked with the season and episode number (i.e. S2E14).
Physicals
Strength
Sais
- Stabs and cuts a giant Kraang laser drill before ripping out the focusing lensS1E18
- Stabs into Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- Slices a Foot bot in halfS4E26
- Stabs Kraang droidsS1E2
- Stabs Foot robotsS2E3
- 2S3E16
- Stabs MOUSERSS1E11
- 2S1E11
- Stabs through a orb droneS1E19
- Stabs a Kraang drone and a wall panelS3E25
- Stabs a metal detectorS1E15
- Breaks metal restraintsS2E21
- Cuts off Fishface's robot legS4E26
- Cuts off a Foot robot's legS2E8
- Cuts chainS4E16
- Stabs and tears apart Vreen, techno-organic insectoid drone warriorsS4E12
- Decapitates an ant mutantS4E17
- Cuts a monster's tentacleS3E3
- Cuts Snakeweed's vineS1E14
- Cuts open Snakeweed's podS1E14
- Cuts the cable holding up a chandelierS1E15
- Breaks a Foot robot's swordS2E20
- Knocks back Stockman's mechS1E5
- Shatters frozen SnakeweedS1E14
- Pierces through a floating platform when launched by FishfaceS1E19
Striking
- Tackles Super Shredder through a concrete wall then slams his face into a pipeS4E26
- Kicks a barrel, sending two Kraang droids flying with itS1E9
- Smashes a Foot robot's head into the wall hard enough to crack itS2E3
- Breaks apart a Kraang droid with a kickS2E25
- Punches off Bishop's head, who withstood being projectiled hard enough to crack concreteS5E5
- Punches off a Kraang droid's headS2E11
- Punches off Lord Dregg's headS4E12
- Disables a Foot robotS2E3
- Knocks out a Foot ninjaS1E10
- Knocks back SlashS2E7
- Slash is heavy enough that when he falls off a roof he makes a crater in the ground belowS2E7 and he tanks Casey's slapshotsS2E17 which damage a statueS2E23
- Sends Fishface sliding back with a punchS4E26
- Sends a goon flying with a kickS1E11
- Kicks down a locked doorS1E15
- Breaks logsS3E8
Lifting/Throwing
- Grabs Snakeweed's vine and pulls him overS1E2
- Rights the flipped Stealth CycleS1E22
- Rips off a Kraang droid's armS1E2
- Throws a barrel down the street at a truckS1E3
- Throws his sai through a Kraang droid's head then rips it offS1E6
- AgainS1E9
- Throws his sai through a Foot robot's headS2E8
- Throws his sai through a MOUSER, carrying it and pinning it to the wallS1E11
- Throws his sai through a Foot robot, pinning it to a pillarS2E8
- Throws his sai to burst open a canister of liquid nitrogenS1E14
- Throws shuriken to cut open barrelsS1E13
- Moves wooden beams off of Hamato YoshiS3E20
Other
- Catches a blow from Super Shredder with his saiS4E25
- Stops a kick from Fishface with his saiS1E16
- Matches strength with Slash as they smash through walls in a buildingS2E7
- Matches Slash againS2E17
- Matches strength with two Foot robots with one arm eachS2E3
- Breaks April's metal restraintsS2E9
- Shatters an ice dragon's headS4E2
- Swings Michelangelo around by a ropeS5E9
- Pulls two Punk Frogs restraining him with their tongues togetherS3E4
- Breaks out of the grip of a large mutantS1E15
- Slams Michelangelo onto a satellite dish hard enough to break itS1E3
- With Leonardo, pushes over a large statue in a pharaoh's tombS5E14
Durability
Blunt
- Takes hits from Super ShredderS4E26
- Takes a hit from ShredderS2E20
- Takes a punch from mind-controlled SplinterS1E13
- Gets punched into a wall by Baxter Stockman's mech hard enough to make a crater and knock down pieces of it and is okS1E5
- Gets punched by Stockman's mech again and is okS1E5
- Takes a charge and a punch from ArmaggonS4E9
- Gets hit with a pulse of psychic energy from Za-Naron-possessed AprilS4E22
- Gets blasted with psychic energy from vampire AprilS5E14
- Takes a hit from DogpoundS1E10
- 2S2E5
- Dogpound smashes through concreteS1E11 and destroys a pillarS2E5
- 2S2E5
- Takes a hit from LeatherheadS1E12
- Leatherhead burst through a wall,S1E12 knocked the leg off of a Kraang vehicle,S2E24 threw a car,S4E18 threw a Stone Soldier into another stone soldier hard enough to shatter both,S5E20 and can throw around Traag, a giant made of stoneS1E17
- Takes a hit from RocksteadyS3E23
- Rocksteady can spin and throws a car,S3E11 box out a Triceraton,S3E25 charge through a wall of the Technodrome and break giant Krang's leg,S5E20 and shatter a Stone Soldier with a punchS5E20
- Takes kicks from Fishface, who can crater a concrete wall with a kickS1E16
- Takes a hit from Tiger ClawS4E20
- Gets thrown through subway doors by Tiger ClawS4E20
- Takes a hit from Mutagen ManS2E4
- Takes hits from Newtralizer, who is strong enough to punch Agent Bishop into a wall and crack itS5E5
- Takes a kick from Chrome DomeS2E6
- Takes several hits from SlashS2E7
- Takes a hit from a Foot robotS2E3
- AgainS2E3
- Takes hits from Zeno, a Triceraton gladiatorS4E7
- Zeno could one shot Triceraton soldiersS4E7 when Zog, a half-dead Triceraton with oxygen poisoning, can smash through concrete and no sell hits from SlashS3E24
- Gets smashed through a wall by ZogS3E24
- Punched into a wall by Mohzar, a TriceratonS4E5
- Takes hits from 1987 KrangS5E19
- Blocks a punch from a Kraang droid with his arm after it craters the street with a punchS1E1
- Gets flung off of a van into a concrete wall hard enough to crack itS1E1
- Takes hits from Mona LisaS4E2
- Gets hit by SnakeweedS1E2
- Takes a hit from Lord Dregg that launches him back into debrisS4E1
- Takes a hit from one of Dregg's VreenS4E1
- Takes a hit from FugitoidS4E4
- Takes several hits from the Shiva Shredder mutantS3E9
- Gets punched by MetalheadS1E6
Energy
- Gets blasted with magic by The Mummy, whose magic is strong enough to destroy his sarcophagus lid and the statue pinning it downS5E14
- Gets shot in the shell by a Kraang blasterS1E25
- Intercepts a shot from Tiger Claw's gun headed for Casey with his shellS4E24
- Gets blasted by Krang's laser, which sliced a radio tower in halfS4E10
- Gets blasted by a giant eye, which took a chunk out of concrete with a smaller blastS4E19
Heat
Electricity
- Fine after being electrocuted by Casey JonesS2E8
- Ok after being electrocutedS5E19
- Gets shocked by lightning hitting the radio tower he's onS4E22
Other
- Ok after being hit by an RPGS1E20
- Withstands Mutagen Man's acidS2E4
- Ok after breathing in poison gasS2E9
Speed/Agility
Reaction/Dodging
- Dodges several shots from Tiger Claw's gunsS2E13
- Dodges several arrows in a training exerciseS1E3
- Dodges Chrome Dome's lasersS2E6
- Dodges and deflects Triceraton blaster fireS4E7
- Dodges through a barrage of blaster fire from KraangS1E3
- Dodges shots from Steranko's gunS3E10
- Deflects Kraang blaster fireS2E21
- Dodges Newtralizer's rapid-fire plasma weaponS2E17
- Dodges a shot from a Kraang blasterS1E1
- Dodges shots from a Kraang energy cannonS1E6
- Avoids lightning fired by LightningS2E23
- Avoids missiles fired by Baxter Stockman's mechS1E5
- AgainS1E19
- Dodges a missile from a Kraang robotS2E9
- Blocks a barrage of knives thrown by XeverS1E8
- Dodges and deflects kunai from Foot ninjaS1E8
- Blocks shuriken from a Hamato ninjaS3E20
- Dodges blades thrown by a Kraang droidS1E15
- Kicks away Metalhead's rocket fistS2E11
- Dodges attacks from Super ShredderS4E26
- While brainwashed, intercepts Leonardo's attack meant for ShredderS3E16
- Dodges Donatello's staff strikes in a sparring matchS1E1
- Dodges attacks from Casey JonesS2E8
- Ducks a stop sign fired at him from a trapS1E12
- Dodges several strikes from Snakeweed's vinesS1E2
- Easily avoids attacks from the Purple DragonsS1E8
Movement
- Keeps pace with a fleeing van while running across rooftopsS1E1
- Throws two shuriken to hit two missiles in flightS1E15
- Hits threeS4E18
Agility
- Leaps across spires in Dimension X to save Mona Lisa as she's fallingS4E8
- Leaps across rooftopsS1E1
- Scales a long shaft by jumping up the wallsS1E26
- Jumps up floating platformsS2E11
- Wall jumps up out of a labS1E3
- Jumps up to the raftersS2E5
- Jumps around the gear mechanism of a giant towerS3E19
- Wall runsS1E17
- Jumps over pipes while on top of a subway trainS2E8
- Accelerates in the airS2E2
Skill/Misc
Combat
- Fights off multiple Foot ninja at onceS1E8
- Beats Leonardo in a sparring matchS1E1
- Defeats three Kraang droids at once in close quarters in the back of a truckS1E3
- Easily beats Donatello and Michelangelo alongside LeonardoS1E11
- Disarms SlashS2E7
- Uses a pressure point on Slash to stun himS2E7
- Escapes Leonardo's arm barS4E18
- Takes out samurai while on horsebackS5E7
Stealth
- Picks off Foot ninja without being seen or heardS1E4
- Sneaks around a meat locker to land surprise attacks on Tiger Claw, a mutant with super sensesS2E19
- Sneaks into Shredder's dungeon and takes down a Foot robotS2E22
- Takes out samurai without being detectedS5E7
- Sneaks into the elevator of TCRI without being seen by the receptionistS4E23
- Sneaks through the subway undetected by KraangS3E9
- Sneaks up on MichelangeloS2E4
- Appears on a ledge in a flash of lightningS3E10
Accuracy
- Throws two shuriken to hit two missiles in flightS1E15
- Hits threeS4E18
- Throws four shuriken at once to hit four drones following himS1E19
- Throws his sai into the barrel of a mobster's gunS4E18
- Throws his sai down the barrel of a Kraang robot's missile launcherS2E9
- Throws a shuriken into the barrel of a Kraang's blaster rifleS2E24
- Pins a mutant's arm to the wall with a thrown saiS2E2
- Throws a shuriken to hit a power buttonS1E10
- Throws a shuriken to disable Newtralizer's weaponS2E17
- Takes down several Kraang droids with shuriken while ascending with a grappling hookS3E24
- Throws a shuriken to puncture Baxter Stockman's spray canS1E11
- Snags Casey with his grappling hook after he's knocked off the subway trainS2E8
General
- Forges new weapons to undertake his Vision QuestS3E8
- Uses a breathing technique to operate without oxygenS4E7
- Trained pigeons to block security camerasS2E3
- Pretends to be a kappa to frighten off ninjaS3E20
Gear
Standard Weapons
- His trademark saisS1E1
- Keeps a knife in his beltS2E7
- ShurikenS1E19
Space
2023.05.29 19:06 Proletlariet Shredder 12
Oroku Saki, the Shredder
"There is undoubtedly a fascinating story in how my old nemesis came to teach ninjutsu to four mutant turtles. Perhaps I will let one of you live long enough to tell it"Oroku Saki was the adopted brother of Hamato Yoshi, heir to the Hamato ninja clan. The pair were rivals in all things, but when the love of Tang Shen, Yoshi's wife, came between them, Saki attacked Yoshi, accidentally killing Shen and starting a fire. Saki also stole Yoshi's infant daughter Miwa, who Yoshi believed dead in the fire. Saki became head of the Foot Clan, taking the moniker of the Shredder, and traveled to New York when he heard that Hamato Yoshi was still alive, now known as Master Splinter, intent on ending their rivalry once and for all with the destruction of Yoshi and his sons, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Feats will be marked with the season and episode number (i.e. S2E14).
Human
Strength
Blades
- Slices through a large sign and chainS1E9
- Cuts Dogpound's spikeS1E10
- Cuts through the barrel of a Triceraton's gunS3E25
- Cuts through a shipping container doorS1E20
- Stabs into concrete to pin LeonardoS1E9
- Cuts chainsS2E13
- AgainS2E22
- With a kunaiS3E20
- Cuts through Casey Jones' batsS3E14
- Cuts through a tree with a katanaS3E20
- Stabs through a tree with a katanaS3E20
- Cuts through a wood beam with clawsS3E20
- Cuts through a candle holder with clawsS3E20
Striking
- Kicks Raphael into a large sign hard enough to damage one of the lettersS1E9
- Beats a Triceraton unconsciousS3E25
- Zog, a half-dead Triceraton with oxygen poisoning, can smash through concrete and no sell hits from SlashS3E24
- Beats Leatherhead unconsciousS2E25
- Leatherhead can charge through a wall with no harmS1E12 and take multiple hits from Slash and keep fightingS3E16
- Beats up DogpoundS1E22
Other
- Matches SplinterS1E26
- Breaks Splinter's staffS1E26
- Lifts Baxter Stockman with one armS1E11
- Flexes out of rope bondsS1E26
Durability
Blunt
- Gets bitten and slammed by Leatherhead, then thrown through metal pipesS2E25
- Leatherhead bites a robot in half,S3E12 burst through a wall,S1E12 knocked the leg off of a Kraang vehicle,S2E24 threw a car,S4E18 threw a Stone Soldier into another stone soldier hard enough to shatter both,S5E20 and can throw around Traag, a giant made of stoneS1E17
- Takes many hits from SplinterS1E26
- Takes anotherS2E25
- Splinter launches him through a concrete wall and he is fineS2E25
- Tanks repeated punches from RaphaelS1E9
- Tanks a kickS2E20
- Unfazed by Donatello hitting him hard enough to break his bo staffS1E9
- Tanks Michelangelo hitting him in the face with his nunchucksS3E10
Other
- Gets slashed by Leonardo and is unharmedS1E9
- AgainS3E10
- Recovers soon after getting electrocuted by Casey JonesS3E14
Speed/Agility
Reaction/Dodging
- Dodges strikes from SplinterS1E26
- Blocks shurikens thrown by MichelangeloS1E9
- Dodges shurikens and strikes from Raphael, Michelangelo, and DonatelloS1E20
- Blocks strikes from Leonardo, Raphael, and DonatelloS3E10
- Dodges attacks from RaphaelS3E16
- Easily evades LeatherheadS2E25
- Dodges shots from Bebop's blasterS3E11
Movement
- Lands multiple strikes on Splinter right after he dodges thrown bladesS2E25
- Overwhelms Leonardo's guard with strikesS2E20
- AgainS3E10
- Runs to and strikes Fishface before he can reactS2E20
- Appears behind Leonardo in the time it takes lightning to flashS2E25
- Cuts the meatball a man is about to eat and two candles FTES3E14
Skill
VS Splinter
- Fought against Hamato Yoshi when he was human, though the dojo they fought in burning and the interference of Tang Shen left the fight inconclusiveS3E20
- Loses his first fight against SplinterS1E26
- Wins his second fight against SplinterS2E25
Combat
- Defeats all four turtles and the Mighty Mutanimals at onceS3E16
- Defeats all four turtles at onceS1E9
- Takes down Bebop and RocksteadyS3E11
Misc
- Appears suddenly behind Ivan SterankoS1E20
- Sneaks up on SplinterS1E25
- Cuts a photo into several piecesS2E16
Gear
- His gauntlets have extendable bladesS1E8
- Shredder's helmet, the Kuro Kabuto, has survived undamaged for 1500 years and is made of an alloy stronger than steelS2E20
- Uses blinding powder on SplinterS2E25
Super Shredder
Blades
Cutting
- Cuts apart Elite Foot robotsS4E25
- Shinigami can't cut an EliteS4E16 but can cut through robotsS5E19
- Cuts through a fuel truckS4E21
- Cuts apart concreteS4E25
- Cuts through a chainlink fenceS4E26
- Guts SplinterS4E25
Misc
- The blades are retractableS4E20
- Drags his blades on the ground to ignite gasolineS4E20
- Shoots his blades hard enough to break turretsS4E25
- Rapid-fire bladesS4E25
Strength
Striking
- Shatters the Mighty Mutanimals reinforced concrete barriersS4E25
- Shatters a block of concrete with a backhand while his mutation is malfunctioningS4E20
- Tackles Splinter hard enough to crack through a concrete wallS4E20
- Punches Splinter into a concrete wall hard enough to make a crater the size of SplinterS4E25
- Knocks out Leatherhead and SlashS4E25
- Knocks out RaphaelS4E25
- Launches an air vent with a kick and heavily cracks another by punching Leonardo into itS4E26
- Punches through a garbage truckS4E25
- Bends a metal fence post with a kickS4E26
- Beats down Karai's Foot ninjaS4E20
Other
- Stops a charge from the Shellraiser and throws it awayS4E20
- Throws an empty fuel tanker and swats it away when April throws it backS4E21
- Throws Slash hard enough to heavily damage a large signS4E25
- Leaps through concreteS4E25
- Thunderclaps hard enough to knock back a carS4E21
Durability
- Fine after a fuel truck crashes into himS4E21
- No sells strikes from SplinterS4E20
- Takes more hitsS4E25
- Takes hits from the turtlesS4E26
- Gets tackled by Leatherhead and blasted with superheated plasmaS4E25
- Takes hits from Raphael and Casey JonesS4E25
- Gets hit by a hot dog cart thrown by AprilS4E21
- No sells April's tessen and Karai's bladeS4E21
- No sells kicks and slashes from ShinigamiS4E20
- Blasted through a concrete wall by April then crushed in a garbage compactor and is fineS4E25
Speed/Agility
- Though slower than before, is still fast enough to tag SplinterS4E20
- Dodges attacks from Raphael and LeonardoS4E26
- Catches an attack from DonatelloS4E26
- Tags Karai and AprilS4E21
- Leaps across the undercityS4E20
Skill/Misc
- Holds a heavy advantage in his fight with Splinter, but his unstable mutation and a trap from Splinter ends the fight before he can finish himS4E20
- Defeats Karai and ShinigamiS4E20
- His senses are enhancedS4E20
Zombie Shredder
- Uses telekinesis to throw away Michelangelo and Donatello, then swats and takes hits from the turtles and April and Casey, reattaching his severed arm when Leonardo cuts it offS5E4
- Takes shots from Tiger Claw's guns then pushes him away with telekinesisS5E4
- Breaks a mystic seal by stomping on itS5E4
2023.05.29 18:59 Proletlariet RotTMNT Krang
Respect the Krang
"Many planets before yours have spoken of duty. They too have been consumed by the Krang. And now, our glorious crusade continues, to restore the natural order of things. The strong will devour the weak."Long, long ago an alien race called the Krang arrived on earth. Powerful and barbaric, they attempted to conquer the planet like they had done to countless worlds throughout the ages. But before they could succeed a team of four mystic warriors created a mystic key and used it to seal the invaders in a prison dimension, with the key being safely guarded for hundreds of years to prevent their return.
1,000 years later the key was retrieved by the Foot Clan, who freed the three remaining Krang from their prison. The Krang then decimated the planet, finally crushing the resistance in 2044. But before they were completely wiped out Michelangelo and Leonardo managed to send Leo's student Casey Jones back in time to the night the key was stolen, hoping he could warn their brothers, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Sources
- Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles season # episode # - S#E#
- Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie - M
The Krang
General
- Their initial invasion of earth took place 1000 years agoM
- The source of Yokai life, Empyrean, comes from the corpse of a Krang. Its mech, the Crying Titan, was huge and had a barrier that Shredder had to put effort into piercingS2E13
- Their flesh can be melted by an experimental herbicide, with it melting Krang 2's eye and a chunk of her head, a number of tentacles and a Krang Zombie trainM
Krang 1
"Weak words, weak actions! I have forever known what you fail to understand. Strength! Always! Prevails!"
Unarmoured
Physicals- Blocked Raph's mystic punch, then caught April and Mikey's attacks before embedding Raph into the ground and soloing Donnie, Mikey, April, Splinter and CaseyM
- Deflected Leo's thrown sword and equaled him in a clashM
- Knocked Leo back through a metal railingM
- Jumped high into the air and stabbed through the top of Raph's shellM
- Dodged gunfire and downed two helicoptersM
- Sealed the Turtles' (and maybe April's) mystic powers with a screechM
- Probed Raph's mind by pushing his tentacles into his eye socketsM
Armoured
Strength- Scratched his throne with his clawsM
- Punched through the arm of Raph's mystic avatarM
- Punched through some walls inside a building and split it in half from the insideM
- Overpowered the Turtles' combined attack with a finger flick, sending them flying back and destroying the arm of Raph's mystic avatarM
- Shattered Donnie's mystic tech shield with a punch, destroying the building they were on and launching Donnie and Mikey to Staten IslandM
- The force of him landing made a shockwaveM
- Threw Leo into the Technodrome hard enough to make a crater and made another by stomping on himM
- Crushed Leo's bones with his foot and made the crater even deeper by tightening his gripM
- Pummelled Leo, making him spit blood and breaking off the bit of ground they were onM
- Hit Leo hard enough to shatter a TechnodromeM
- Punched into the air by Ralph hard enough to tear up the floor and form an air cone around him, swung through multiple walls and into his throne hard enough to destroy it by Mikey and bombarded by an absurd amount of Donatello's mystic tech, and was fineM
- Hit multiple times by Raph's mystic avatar, knocked through the air by Donnie, clipping a building as he went, then thrown onto a building by Mikey, and was fineM
- Had a building thrown at him by Mikey, slamming through multiple of its wallsM
- [Deleted Scene] Pummelled in mid-air by Donnie's jet-staff
- [Deleted Scene] Tanked a building-sized explosion after blowing up a gas truck
- [Deleted Scene] Dropkicked into the Technodrome by Raph's mystic avatar boosted by a mystic tech jetpack, with the shockwave of the initial kick dissipating a dust cloud and shattering a building
- [Deleted Scene] Swung through the Technodrome's tentacles at high speeds by Raph's mystic avatar
- Can be pierced by Leo's swords, through they don't do any serious damageM
- Tanked Donnie's mystic tech drill to his exposed brain and threw it awayM
- Appeared behind the Turtles before they could reactM
- [Deleted Scene] Outraced a barrage of mystic tech missiles from Donnie and split one in half before it detonated
- Blitzed Donnie, moving along the side of a building fast enough to shatter all of its windowsM
- Can override the Technodrome's controls by connecting to his throneM
- [Deleted Scene] Fired a laser from its eye that blew up a gas truck
Krang 2
"Oh, if you two don't mind, I haven't killed anything in ages."
Unarmoured
- Leapt off a podium and knocked Raph into a support beam hard enough to bend itM
- Floored the rest of the Turtles with a leg sweepM
- Cut a damaged support beam in half with her tentacleM
- Swung Splinter by the tail through a wall, knocking him outM
- Used a chunk of concrete as a melee weaponM
- Kept up with a Turtle Cycle and eventually outsped it, knocking it over with a swingM
- Tanked April throwing a number of objects at herM
- Got crushed under a wrecking ball and got out from under it with no damage laterM
Armoured
- Jumped across New York, landing with enough force to shatter windowsM
- Jumped over a buildingM
- Knocked back by a wrecking ball hard enough to tear through the concrete below herM
- [Limit] Rendered useless after getting impaled with a dozen metal girders and having a construction site dropped on itM
Krang 3
"..."
Unarmoured
PhysicalsAbilities
- Merged with the doorway that they initially came through, being able to form tentacles put of itM
- Formed a mass of flesh that mutated the Foot Clan and turned them into Krang ZombiesM
- Filled Metro Tower's lobby with Krang flesh and turned everyone there into Krang ZombiesM
Armoured
- Sent flying by one of the Technodrome's tentaclesM
- Burst out of some debris with some effortM
- [Limit] Knocked into a wall and restrained by some tentaclesM
Krang Zombies
"We live to serve."By covering people or objects in their flesh the Krang can mutate them into savage beasts they can control.
"You will serve me, whether you live or not."
Raphael
- Punched Leo away and threw Mikey and Donnie off of himself before he was fully mutatedM
- Blitzed April and SplinterM
- Clashed with LeoM
- Threw Leo into a wall, making a small craterM
- Threw Leo through a part of a platform and then jumped through itM
- Punched Leo into the roof hard enough for him to ricochet off the floor and crash onto the ground belowM
Train
- Shattered Donnie's Battle Shell with one hitM
- Heavy enough to cause a cave-in by runningM
- Tunnelled through the roof of a subway and burst out inside of a buildingM
- Tunnelled through a building, destroying a tank in its wayM
Helicopters
Dogs
Tech
- The Shredder's armour, the Kuroi Yōroi, was given to him by a Krang.S2E12
- In the year 2044 the Krang have an army of drones armed with lasers that can vaporise humans (and future Leonardo)M
The Technodrome
"And behold, from their perch atop New York City, the Krang ripped open the sky itself. What came out was terror, and what rained down upon us was worse than death."The Krang's mothership, a bio-technological war machine used to devastate civilizations.
General
- Seemingly has some control over gravity, passively ripping cars and buildings into the air when arriving on earthM
- The air pressure from its tentacles kicking off the ground sent debris flying across New YorkM
- Tanked bombardment from the US militaryM
- [Limit] Blew up after getting cut in half by a closing portalM
- The ship is controlled by the pilot's thoughts through a main console that needs to meld with the pilot's body and mindM
- Krang 1 can override the controls by connecting to his throneM
- Can fire small pods that turn anything they hit into Krang ZombiesM
- Its cannon made gigantic explosions across Manhattan with one blastM
- Can form tentacles inside itself
- Krang 3 accidentally knocked himself out of the main console with a tentacleM
- Donnie knocked Krang 3 into a wall and restrained him with tentaclesM
- Krang 1 pulled Donnie out of the main console with them, pulling him and Mikey to his throne roomM
- Krang 1 restrained Leo with a tentacle and forced it under his skinM
Keystone
The mystic key made to seal the Krang in their prison dimension.- April and Splinter failed to destroy it with a number of methods, including trying to smash it, acid, Donnie's black hole toaster and a laserM
- The gateway made by the Foot Clan sent people flying into walls when openedM
- The gateway made to summon the Technodrome used enough power to cause a city-wide blackoutM