This is how I see Moe getting enlisted into Papa's ranks (the second worker will be known from now as X), in whatever gameria he's going to work at:
Newspaper cover shows him getting caught and brought to justice. At Papa's "suggestion", he's sentenced for community service and sent to work at Papa's latest restaurant to do his time.
Breaking News 1: There's a new unidentified criminal causing trouble at *insert flipverse city here*. Duke Gotcha tells the population to stay alert and report anything suspicious they may find.
Breaking News 2: The criminal causes even more unrest. People try to point the blame at Moe and X. In order to prove their innocence, they volunteer to help Hank and Ninjoy to solve the case and stop the menace.
Breaking News 3: Hank and Ninjoy confront the criminal but are defeated by them. As they make their escape, they drop a note that reveals their hideout.
Breaking News 4/Outro: Hank, Ninjoy, Moe and X bust the criminal, revealing them to be ?????. In the aftermath, Papa congratulates them for their heroism.
Who would the female worker be and what would she be sentenced for? That depends on who wins with Moe. For example, if it were Olivia (if she wasn't in Cluck), it could be that one of her parties went out of control and caused some damage.
As for custom workers, you'd choose what crime they'd be sentenced for (similar to Papa's Bakeria). Crimes would include things like robbery, vandalism, and other "family-friendly" crimes (so no murder or something of that capacity).

The entirety of Harry "Truck" Hannah's major league career came with the New York Yankees -- all three years of it. But if you include his participation in the minors, he had a long career, beginning in 1909 with the Tacoma Tigers in the Northwestern League and ending in 1940 with the Memphis Chickasaws in the Southern Association. He is one of only a handful of players to have a hit in five different decades!
Of all the forgotten Yankee with memorable nicknames -- No Neck, Stanky the Yankee, Sailor Bob, Spud, Slow Joe, The Mummy, Birdie, Bump, and Grandma Johnny -- there's something to be said about the sublime elegance of a big, brawny catcher nicknamed Truck.
James Harrison Hannah Jr. was born 134 years ago today, on June 5, 1889, in what was then the Dakota Territory. (It would become the state of North Dakota about five months later.) By age 2, the family had moved to Seattle, Washington.
As a kid, he was called Harry, but by the time he was playing baseball, he was universally known as Truck. There are several stories as to how he got the nickname. Some said it had to do with his imposing size -- he stood 6'1" and weighed a solid 190 pounds -- and others because of the way he could block the plate as easily as a truck could block a street. Other sources say the nickname wasn't comparing him to a motor vehicle but to a horse, or rather a truck horse, as horses that pulled heavy wagons were called at the time. His daughter, Helen, said he got the nickname simply because he was "big and slow."
Another explanation, a little less colorful, was that Hannah paid the bills in the off-season by working as a truck driver!
Hall of Fame Umpire Billy Evans said Hannah was adept at the catcher's trick of distracting the batter with a steady stream of banter while behind the plate:

"Truck Hannah always has been an object of interest to me when catching. Aside from always doing a pretty good job receiving, he never failed to have a line of conversation that would make a bigger hit on the vaudeville circuit than some of the stuff used by some monologue artists. Hannah keeps up a continual chatter from the time the game starts. Of course, his conversation is largely directed at the batter, in the hope that his line of talk will take the mind of the batter from his work, the making of base hits. He seeks to keep the batter from concentrating, and from the many strikes slipped over by the New York pitchers, I would say there was merit in his system. Hannah's conversation is never objectionable. He usually has the batter laughing at some of his talk, rather than sore."

But Hannah used more than just banter to distract batters. As the pitch was being delivered, he would sometimes spit tobacco juice onto a player's shoes, toss pebbles onto the plate, or throw dirt at their hands on the bat!
Hannah got his start in professional baseball as a 20-year-old third baseman with the Tacoma Tigers in the Northwestern League. When the team needed an emergency catcher, Hannah was put behind the plate and stuck there for the rest of his career. Over the next five years he played for five different teams in four different leagues, until in 1914 finally catching on with the Sacramento Wolves in the Pacific Coast League. The PCL at the time was considered by some to be a third major league, or at least the minor league closest to major league competition, and Hannah was regarded as one of the best catchers in the league. He drew interest from several major league teams, including the Tigers, Phillies, and Browns. But it was the Yankees who finally acquired him, paying $4,000 to acquire his rights after he hit .292 in 569 at-bats in 1917.
Truck pulled into the Polo Grounds -- not Yankee Stadium, which wouldn't be built until 1923 -- as the foundation was being laid for a dynasty. Jacob Ruppert and Tillinghast Huston purchased the Yankees in 1915 and immediately set about reversing the fortunes of what had been for years one of the worst-run teams in the American League. The Yankees, as they became known in 1913, had only winning season in the last 10 years.
The new owners set about making changes, acquiring a number of valuable players: Wally Pipp, Home Run Baker, Ping Bodie, Aaron Ward, Urban Shocker, and previously forgotten Yankee Bob Shawkey.
After the 1917 season they made the biggest change of all, firing well-liked manager Bill Donovan and replacing him with former St. Louis Cardinals manager Miller Huggins, who over the next 11 years would lead the Yankees to six pennants and three World Series.
Huggins made another move, acquiring from the St. Louis Browns future Hall of Fame pitcher "Gettysburg Eddie" Plank and veteran second baseman Del Pratt. The latter would be a good player for the Yankees, hitting .295/.348/.394 (106 OPS+) over the next three seasons, but the 42-year-old Plank refused to report and retired instead. In return, the Yankees shipped out five players... including starting catcher Les Nunamaker, who had been with the Yankees for four seasons.
And so, needing a catcher to replace Nunamaker, the Yankees paid the Salt Lake City Bees $4,000 for Hannah. He was expected to battle 22-year-old Muddy Ruel to be the backup to the 25-year-old Roxy Walters, who had been Nunamaker's understudy since September 1915, but Ruel would be drafted into the U.S. Army and Walters broke his finger in an exhibition game 10 days before Opening Day. By the time Walters was ready to play again, Hannah was hitting .288/.432/.356 and had thrown out 19 out of 34 basestealers; over the rest of the season, he would maintain that pace to lead the league in CS% (55%) as well as in double plays as a catcher (16). His batting average would fade dramatically, however, dropping all the way to .220 by the end of the season, but he was still contributing with a .361 OBP in 312 plate appearances. Walters's bat never got started at all, and hitting just .199/.239/.236 in 205 plate appearances.
Technically a major league rookie when he joined the team, the 29-year-old Hannah was treated like a veteran from his four seasons in the well-respected Pacific Coast League. In addition, he was -- literally as well as figuratively, at 6'1" -- one of the few players on the team who could see eye-to-eye with the 6'2" Babe Ruth when he was acquired prior to the 1920 season. When Ruth got into squabbles with diminutive manager Miller Huggins, it was often Hannah's duty to keep the peace.
Yankee shortstop Roger Peckinpaugh, the Yankee captain from 1914 to 1921, described one such incident to long-time Yankee PR man Marty Appel in 1974:

"Once we were leaving Boston after a tough loss, and Babe was drunk, and he said he was gonna throw Huggins off the train! He was heading for his drawing room. On the way he stopped in the men’s room and punched this huge mirror. It fell into a million pieces. Me and Ernie Shore and Truck Hannah pulled him down to the ground and sat on him until he passed out. Truck — a big guy — puts him over his shoulder and moves him to the next car."

At the end of the season, the Yankees were happy enough with Hannah that they traded Roxy Walters to the Red Sox. For the next two years, the catching duties were almost evenly split between Hannah and Ruel, who was back from the Army with the end of World War I.
The "Muddy-Truck" tandem was colorfully named but disappointing, with Ruel hitting .255/.325/.306 (71 OPS+) in 560 PA and Hannah .243/.313/.317 (70 OPS+) in 553 PA. Catcher in those days was very much a defense-first position, and both had good gloves, but the Yankees (even with the newly acquired Babe Ruth having an 11.7 bWAR season) finished three games out of 1st in 1920.
Ruppert and Huston asked Huggins what the team needed to win, and his answer: a catcher.
At the end of the season, the Yankees sent Hannah back to the Pacific Coast League, and traded Ruel to the Red Sox for previously forgotten Yankee Wally Schang, the first in the long line of great Yankee catchers. In his five years with the Yankees, the switch-hitting Schang hit .297/.390/.406 (105 OPS+), and in the 1923 World Series -- the first of 27 won by the Yankees -- Schang played every inning of every game, went 7-for-22 (.318) with a double and three runs scored, and allowed just one stolen base.
Hannah would stay in the Pacific Coast League for the next 22 years as a player, coach, and manager. He had a great year with the Vernon Tigers in 1923, hitting .346 with 23 doubles and 6 home runs in 370 plate appearances. His final plate appearance came on May 19, 1940, when he was managing the Memphis Chicks. Two weeks shy of his 51st birthday, with both his catchers injured, Hannah caught both ends of a doubleheader and went 1-for-6.
Hannah retired from baseball two years later after his St. Paul Saints lost 15 games in a row -- 11 of them by one run! He said he couldn't sleep anymore, replaying every loss in his head over and over, second-guessing every decision he made as manager.
He retired to his ranch in Southern California, but remained active enough in the regional baseball scene that when the Los Angeles Angels played their first major league game in 1961, Hannah was selected to catch the ceremonial first pitch.
Truck Hannah died on April 27, 1982, five weeks shy of his 93rd birthday. His wife, Helen, died in October, a month before what would have been their 70th wedding anniversary.
Keep On Truckin':

• One of the more interesting aspects in researching information about Truck Hannah is in looking for pictures of him, you come across many photos of trucks owned by women named Hannah.
  
• Hannah made his major league debut against the great Walter Johnson. In his first major league plate appearance, he singled up the middle! He popped out his second time up, then struck out. His fourth time up he drew a walk against Johnson, advanced to second on a single, and scored his first major league run on a double, and the Yankees won, 6-3. Not a bad debut against the future Hall of Famer!
  
• According to his SABR biography: "Hannah’s daughter may have led a more interesting life than her ballplaying father. Helen Lorraine (Hannah) Campbell was one of the first women in Los Angeles to enlist in the Marine Corps during World War II, and retired from the Marine Corps Reserve in 1975 after 32 years of service. She was also a chaperone for several years with the Muskegon and Kalamazoo teams in the All American Girls Professional Baseball League, the league that inspired the 1992 movie A League of Their Own. At the age of 75 she went parasailing for the first time and at 78 sailed over Africa’s Serengeti plains in a hot-air balloon. She died in 2013 at the age of 97."
  
• On May 12, 1920, Hannah went 4-for-4 (all singles) with two runs and two RBIs in a 14-8 rout of the Chicago White Sox. Hannah singled twice in a seven-run 6th inning, as did pitcher Bob Shawkey; it was the first time in major league history that a pitcher and catcher each had two hits in the same inning.
  
• That was Hannah's best day as a major leaguer, but he had another four-hit day on September 11, 1920, with a double and three singles in five at-bats against the Cleveland Indians.
  
• Truck Hannah was the first major leaguer born in what would become North Dakota when he made his debut on April 15, 1918. He also is one of three Yankees born in North Dakota: Ken Hunt, an outfielder in the Yankee farm system from 1952 to 1960 who had a couple cups of coffee in the Bronx, and later played for the Angels and Senators; and long-time Cleveland Indians 1B/DH Travis Hafner, who ended his career with the Yankees in 2013. The most famous Yankee raised in North Dakota is Roger Maris, but he was actually born in Minnesota. The family moved to Fargo when Maris was 8 years old. A total of 20 major leaguers were born in North Dakota, and the best, by bWAR, was Angels outfielder and two-time All-Star Darin Erstad.
  
• Hannah is on the All-Palindromic Last Name Team, along with Dean Anna, Toby Harrah, Eddie Kazak, Dave Otto, Glenn Otto, Dick Nen, Robb Nen, Johnny Reder, Juan Salas, and Mark Salas.
  
• In 1917, Hannah was behind the plate for the Salt Lake City Bees in the Pacific Coast League when former New York Giants outfielder Fred Snodgrass came up to the plate for the Vernon Tigers. Hannah, by this time a 28-year-old nine-year minor league veteran and hitting a respectable .292, wasn't impressed. "So you're a big leaguer? I guess you're going to come out here and show us how the Giants used to do it, eh? Let's see if you can hit this one." That off-season, major league teams asked Snodgrass for his opinion on the top players in the Pacific Coast League, and his report on Hannah: "I don’t like him personally, but I must say he is the best all around catcher in this league, and my dislike for him does not blind me to that fact."
  
• George Halas -- who would later be the founder of the Chicago Bears -- was a 24-year-old rookie on the New York Yankees in 1919. He was on the bench sitting next to Truck Hannah during a game against the Tigers, staring wide-eyed as his boyhood idol, the legendary Ty Cobb, strode to the plate. Hannah, maybe pranking the rookie, told Halas he ought to razz Cobb to try to throw him off his game. Halas did as he was told, and to his surprise, got a reaction: Cobb dropped his bat, marched over to the Yankee dugout, and pointed at Halas. "Punk! I'll see you after the game! Don't forget, punk!" Halas, a Navy veteran and a college football player, was no punk but not exactly looking forward to a brawl against the famously irascible Cobb. He stayed in the locker room as long as possible, hoping Cobb would be gone by the time he emerged, but when he finally came out, the Georgia Peach was waiting for him. "I like your spirit, kid," Cobb said, "but don't overdo it when you don't have to." Halas said it was a lesson he never forgot.
  
• Speaking of Cobb, he told a sportswriter he didn't care for Hannah's distracting patter behind the plate: “This fellow Hannah of the New York club keeps me busier at the plate than any other catcher in the league. I don’t like letting a recruit outtalk me, and in my effort to keep my end of the conversation, I had my work cut out for me making base hits off those Yankee pitchers.”
  
• Carl Mays, who had pitched for the Red Sox since 1915, was acquired by the Yankees on July 30, 1919. Delighted to go from the 38-48 Red Sox to the 48-38 Yankees, Mays made the rounds in the clubhouse, shaking hands. When he got to Hannah, he offered his hand, but Hannah shoved him away, then charged after him. Mays backed up until Hannah vaulted over a table and cornered him against a wall -- and only then did Hannah shake his hand. "We're even," Hannah said, grinning. Since the previous season, Hannah and Mays had been feuding. Mays took great pride in keeping his uniform spotless, and hated Hannah's trick of spitting tobacco juice onto his shoes while batting. So every time Hannah came up to the plate, Mays came "up and in" to make him hit the dirt. In April, the last time they'd face each other, Mays plunked him. But now they were teammates and all was forgiven. Ironically, a year later, Mays would kill Cleveland Indians shortstop Ray Chapman with a pitch that hit him in the head.
  
• During the off seasons, Hannah played in the California Winter League, believed to be the only integrated league in professional baseball at the time. Hannah also played against Negro Leaguers when barnstorming with Babe Ruth in 1920 and Dizzy Dean in 1935.
  
• Prior to the 1927 season, Babe Ruth made a silent movie called Babe Comes Home. Based on a short story called "Said With Soap," it had quite the plot: Ruth is Babe Dugan, a ballplayer whose tobacco-chewing habit means his uniform is always stained. He falls in love with Vernie, the laundress who cleans the team uniforms, but she wants him to stop chewing tobacco. Babe then goes into a slump, and finds himself on the bench. Vernie finally relents and gives him a plug of tobacco, and Babe hits a game-winning home run. The movie was filmed at Wrigley Field -- not that one, but a field with the same name in Los Angeles. It was the home stadium for the Los Angeles Angels, and on the Angels were several ex-Yankees, including Truck Hannah. Ruth was much more interested in his old pals than in the movie, and the exasperated director struggled to keep Ruth's attention. Finally, he moved Ruth to a distant park of the stadium, as far away as he could from Hannah and the other ex-Yankees. But Hannah and the others kept mischievously hitting balls in his direction, causing Ruth to botch take after take!
  
• Hannah was in two movies himself, both times as a baseball playing extra. The films are notable because they are both early "talkies". His first appearance was in 1928's Warming Up, about a pitcher (played by Richard Dix, later a star in westerns) who falls in love with the team owner's daughter (played by Jean Arthur, who would later co-star with Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington). A year later Hannah was in Fast Company, about a baseball player (Jack Oakie) who is inspired to greatness thanks to fan letters he thinks come from a beautiful woman (Evelyn Brent) but are actually written by his conniving manager (Skeets Gallagher). In 1940, Oakie was nominated for an Academy Award for his performance as a parody of Benito Mussolini in Charlie Chaplin's The Great Dictator.
  
• Joe DiMaggio, still a teenager, played for the San Francisco Seals in the Pacific Coast League from 1932 to 1935. Hannah, with the Los Angeles Angels, played against him often. Prior to DiMaggio's debut with the Yankees in 1936, a sportswriter asked the former big leaguer for his scouting report on DiMaggio. "They'll be comparing him to Tris Speaker and Harry Hooper and those fellows in a year or two," Hannah said. Truck was right: Speaker and Hooper were both Hall of Fame outfielders, and of course, so was the Yankee Clipper.
  
• In 1936, Hannah was a playecoach for the Los Angeles Angels. Ted Williams, already a legendary hitter (and pitcher) from his exploits at Herbert Hoover High School in San Diego, was being courted by both major and minor league teams. Ted's father, Sam Williams, was acting as his agent, and he arranged a meeting with Truck Hannah to talk about a contract with the Angels. "When my dad went down to talk to him, Hannah said, 'Where's the kid?'" Williams later recalled. "Dad says, 'He's not here.' Hannah said, 'Well, for crying out loud, go get him. He's the one I want to talk to, not you!'" Insulted, Sam Williams walked away. Instead, Williams -- after turning down offers from the Yankees and the Cardinals -- signed with the newly formed San Diego Padres of the Pacific Coast League. Had he signed with the Angels, Williams likely would have been a Cub, as they were a Chicago affiliate. (But Williams, a San Diego native, likely would have signed with the Padres even if Hannah had made a better impression.)
  
• Hannah's mouth almost cost his team another teenaged prospect. In 1934, 16-year-old Steve Mesner went to an open try-out for the Los Angeles Angels, and Hannah was helping to evaluate the prospects. He took one look at Mesner and shouted, "Get out of here, kid! You're too little!" Mesner started walking off the field, but someone told him to go back. During batting practice, he hit three balls over the fence! During a fielding drill, he was handling every chance, and the coach kept hitting them harder and harder, expecting the teenager to boot one. He didn't, and the team gave him a contract. Mesner hit .328 in three years with the Angels before going to the Chicago Cubs and later the Cincinnati Reds.
  
• The winter of 1918-1919 was gripped by the "Spanish Flu" epidemic and, in a scene that would be familiar to all of us today, the players, umpires, and fans in a Southern California winter league wore face masks during the game. A photo ran in the newspaper with the catcher misidentified in the caption as "Trash" Hannah of the New York Yankees!
  
• Hannah is a member of the Pacific Coast League Hall of Fame. Some sources say he was an inaugural member when it was created in 1943; other sources say he was inducted in 1950. Other notable Yankees in the PCL HoF include Frankie Crosetti, Joe DiMaggio, and Casey Stengel.
  
• Hannah's daughter, U.S. Marine Master Gunnery Sergeant Helen Hannah Campbell, went to Whittier High School with Richard Nixon, and later served as a docent the Richard Nixon Library and Birthplace in Yorba Linda, California. Richard Nixon, who grew up watching Hannah as a player and manager in the Pacific Coast League, said in a 1983 interview: "I remember Truck Hannah. He was a great catcher and could hit."
  
• In 1925, Hannah helped organize the Association of Professional Ball Players of America, created to assist former professional baseball players who are injured, elderly, or destitute. The APBPA is still in existence today!
  

Near the end of his career, Truck Hannah was interviewed about the rigors of being a catcher. He said during his 30 years in baseball he'd broken every finger on his right hand at least twice. "What the hell, it's all part of the game," he said. "It sure was fun while it lasted. Even with busted hands and fingers and everything else, I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

Yeah yeah, he's a loonie. W/E, I've decided not to buy anymore products of his/theirs, I'm just using what I have. I've got a 16oz bottle of Lexington Gray, it's going to take a feller a second.
Everybody always hates on Noodler's inks because they "dry slow" and smear even after they're dry.
Here's something important about 99% of Noodler's inks: They're meant to be used on extremely crap paper. That's why they smear and take a while to dry. IIRC the original black ink was made to resist feathering on newspaper, but still absorb and not bead off with water.
If you use an ink that's designed to absorb into paper on a paper that's not absorbent (IE: paper "we" consider "good") It's going to dry slow, and smear because it's highly pigmented, and it dried on top of the paper, rather than absorbing into it. Just like a ballpoint.
If you've got a pile of notebooks with trash paper, bust them out and use a Noodler's ink on them, 99% of the time it works like a charm.
Now there's obviously exceptions. I've got a bottle of Rome that feathers on even the nicest paper, but it's a very pretty flat gold color and I like how it changes to pink when it gets wet/tries to be removed, so I still use it, just not as much.
Thought I'd post this because it's often overlooked. There's a reason Noodler's Black and X-Feather are on "inks for bad paper" lists.

Note: and other people in the same category as them

Wang Dan accused of sexual harassment by two people

Lee Yuan-chun accuses Wang Dan of sexual harassmentAccording to Radio Free Asia, on June 2nd, 2023, a man named Lee Yuan-chun (李元钧), accused Wang Dan of sexual harassment on Facebook. According to Lee Yuan-chun, in 2014 in Flushing, Wang Dan kissed him, attempted to rape him, and later continued to say sexual things. On Facebook, Wang Dan wrote that this did not happen. Li Yuan-chun told Radio Free Asia that he has some evidence related to the allegation.Reports: China Times SanlihRadio France International reported about this, but the article was deleted.**Xu Haoqian accused Wang Dan of sexual harassment (note: this name was transliterated from Chinese to pinyin)**Later, according to multiple news media, a Master of Taiwan's Tsinghua University also accused Wang Dan of sexual harassment.Reports: Apple Daily China Press United Daily NewsFurther reports: HK01 CTS

Zeng Dajun was rumored to be a CCP agent

In 2011, the China Social Democracy Party had a lot of internal conflicts involving Liu Guokai, Lu Yi, Liu Yinquan, Xiaopingtou, and others. Some members of the China Social Democracy Party were accused of being agents or doing bad things.In 2016, Bowen Press reported that Zeng Dajun, the chairman of the China Social Democracy Party was a CCP agent who infiltrated the overseas Democracy Movement and who had caused the arrest of many people in China, such as the China Social Democracy Party member Wang Xiaoning (王小宁). Zeng Dajun joined the China Social Democracy Party in 2000 and was elected to be its chairman in 2013.https://bowenpress.com/news/bowen_54262.html

Guo Baosheng convicted of fraud and defamation

On December 23rd 2019, the jury verdict ordered that Guo Baosheng pays a total of $24,000 (in defamation and fraud charges). WENGUI GUO is the plaintiff and BAOSHENG GUO is the defendant. The court is the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia.To verify this information, you can use the case number , which is 1:18-cv-01064-TSE-IDD.

Chen Yangchao and Zeng Jieming had a conflict on a forum of the Democracy Movement

Chen Yangchao is the author of "On Privilege" and a participant of the "Democracy Wall" movement. Zeng Jieming is an exiled Chinese who participated in various dissident publications.In May, Chen Yangchao suggested that Zeng Jieming was a CCP spy on The Independent Review.Below is the continuation of the online conflict translated from Chinese to English.On May 18th, on the Independent Review forum of the Democracy Movement, Chen Yangchao wrote another post criticizing Zeng Jieming. In this post, Chen Yangchao called Zeng Jieming a "suspected communist agent", a "Little Pink", and a "gangster" ("共特嫌疑人小粉红混混"), and accused Zeng Jieming of supporting Russia against Ukraine.Zeng Jieming: "[...] What pro-democracy activist are you now? Since 2008, after you fought with Wu Fan to be the 'President of the Transitional Government of China', ended in failure and shame, except flattering the tyrannical dictators, writing letters to persuade Jiang Zemin, Hu Jintao, and Xi Jinping [note: Zeng Jieming used the nicknames 僵贼泯, 胡紧套 and 习正恩], proclaiming the emperor to 'create peace for all ages', what have you done? Is flattering and persuading tyrannical dictators the 'democracy movement' according to you? [...]"Chen Yangchao: "You immoral, corrupt thing that reverses black and white, didn't you see my series of long essays against the CCP? [...]" Chen Yangchao also attached a long article about the Christianity and Chinese politics.Zeng Jieming: "In October 2011, you and Liu Guokai (刘国凯) visited my residence by chance and were warmly received by my partner and me. Later, Liu Guokai reluctantly left first, but the next day, you left angrily. For a long time, I didn't know why and thought that my hospitality wasn't good. Later, I finally understood: when taking the group photo (my wife took the photo), I didn't let you 'saint' stand in the middle, but let Liu Guokai stand in the middle. [...]"Chen Yangchao: "In October 2011, to reconcile the conflict between Liu Guokai and Liu Yinquan (刘因全), before flying from Los Angeles to New York, I made an appointment with Liu Guokai to meet and exchange ideas at your home. I went to see your family who just immigrated to the United States.After that, you propose to take a group photo. Guokai was a person who personally experienced the Democracy Wall movement and the shocking influence of 'On Privilege' at that time. Therefore, he insisted that I stand between you and him. Because I thought that you just arrived in the United States and needed Liu Guokai's help, and should help strengthen your relationship with him, I insisted that he stand between me and you. So we pushed each other several times. You said: 'It's better to ask Chairman Liu to stand in the middle', and I also said: 'Guokai is welcome to be in the middle.' Only then did the mutual pushing between me and Guokai stop. After the group photo, I took a photo while holding your son who was born after I took a long-distance taxi in Bangkok to visit your family in Thailand. Where is that 'fact' that you fabricated?[...]Not to mention, Mr. Liu Guokai your wife are witnesses. If your wife is as heartless as you are, responding to kindness with hate, then the wrath and severe punishment of God will come upon your family![...]It's a pity that you didn't send me any of the photos you took this time. Otherwise, I can post it now to let everyone see if I am narrow-minded and "angry and resentful (yet)" as you said![...]At your house this time, you insisted that when I went to live with Liu Yinquan's family in Los Angeles, I was sick because Liu Yinquan drugged me; that the computer had problems because Liu Yinquan damaged it! You insisted that it was this scoundrel spy Liu Yinquan who did it! You asked me to publicly reveal this matter, and expose Liu Yinquan's true face! I have repeatedly told you that you can't do this arbitrarily. I have repeatedly advised you to improve your relationship with Liu Yinquan as much as possible... [...]"Zeng Jieming: "Only looking at your words 'he died well' when you heard the news of Peng Ming (彭明)'s death, Peng Ming's spirit in heaven will not forgive you! [...]"Chen Yangchao: "[...] I have some criticisms of Peng Ming's seriously anti-democratic dictatorial gangster tactics that are more vicious than those of the Communist dictators. [...]In the article '答友人谈彭明的典型意义和代表性兼及其它', I have already quoted a series of anti-democratic and anti-society words written by Peng Ming in his 'Democracy Project' and the 'legal clauses' tailor-made for Peng Ming from the '中国联邦临时政府约法（草案）' personally revised by Peng Ming, which solidly proves that Peng Ming — in essence, he is a typical evil breed hatched in China's century-old troubled times. [...]"Other commentsSome people commented on their conflict on The Independent Review."Guo Qinghai" (郭庆海): "I support old Chen to relentlessly pursue and fiercely attack, heheh""Leg pain" (小腿疼): "When mental illness occurs, you should increase your medication."

Shen Tong accused of adultery and beating his wife

Shen Tong was a leader of the '89 protest movement. In recent years, his level of participation in the overseas Democracy Movement diminished.In 2005, Shen Tong was accused of adultery in Taiwan with a woman surnamed Lai.TVBS: https://news.tvbs.com.tw/local/417997In 2017, Shen Tong was accused of beating his wife (Ms. Lai) in the U.S and was indicted on one count of second-degree assault.New York Post: https://nypost.com/2017/10/04/millionaire-anti-violence-activist-busted-for-beating-his-wife/

Wu'erkaixi's controversy in Taiwan

In June 2005, Wu'erkaixi was photographed "picking up girls" at a nightclub in Taipei.TVBS: https://news.tvbs.com.tw/life/440370In 2019, Wu'erkaixi was arrested in Taiwan for driving a motorcycle while drunk. The level of alcohol contained in his body surpassed the allowed limit.China Times: https://web.archive.org/web/20190515050022/https://www.chinatimes.com/amp/realtimenews/20190331001111-260402

Wang Dan allegedly received 400,000$ from the Taiwanese government

In April 2011, multiple news media reported that testified in court that he had received two grants from the Chen Shui-bian administration totaling 400 000 USD and that the source of the money was not clear.
China Times: https://www.chinatimes.com/amp/newspapers/20110416002085-260107
Liberty Times: https://news.ltn.com.tw/news/politics/pape484870
Wang Dan responded that the reports of him having received 400 000 USD are false.
North America Online/BBC: http://naol.ca/news/world/2011/04/16-1.htm
Later, Wang Dan said "The report [of the Central News Agency] is misleading. What we accepted is the Republic of China's government's funding of the overseas Democracy Movement. Well, if it is said to be Chen Shui-bian's personal support, then I think this is not in line with the facts. [...] What he represents is not himself, but the government of the Republic of China."Deutsche Welle: https://www.dw.com/zh/%E7%8E%8B%E4%B8%B9%E5%8F%B0%E6%B9%BE%E8%B5%84%E5%8A%A9%E5%B9%B6%E9%9D%9E%E9%99%88%E6%B0%B4%E6%89%81%E7%9A%84%E4%B8%AA%E4%BA%BA%E6%94%AF%E6%8C%81/a-14997215
Cao Changqing pointed out that Wang Dan's response to this allegation made no sense.ChinaAid: https://www.chinaaid.net/2014/09/blog-post_38.html

Chen Shui-bian disclosed in 2022 that he paid Wang Dan

Chen Shui-bian paid 6.6 million NTD to Wang DanIn April 2022, Chen Shui-bian revealed 21 cases of "Guowu Jiyao Fei", including two payments to Wang Dan, totaling 6.6 million NTD.China TimesMing PaoChen Shui-bian disclosed that Wang Dan was paid 200,000 USD after meeting himWang Dan came to the Presidential Palace to talk to Chen Shui-bian. Chen Shui-bian also allocated 200,000 US dollars to be paid in two years to Wang Dan. However, Chen Shui-bian said that U.S. law stipulates that it is not allowed to accept foreign government funding. In order to help Wang Dan, the government used many people. Wang Dan admitted it in a secret court.SanlihThe Storm Media

Wang Dan was accused of pretending to be ill to receive donations

In 2014, Wang Dan claimed to have a brain tumor and asked for donations. Feng Congde and Tang Baiqiao accused him of deceiving people.China Times Liberty Times

Innapropriate photos of Sheng Xue

Sheng Xue is the leader of the Federation for a Democratic China (FDC). Many other political dissidents, such as Fei Liangyong, accuse her of behaving badly.https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/01/world/canada/china-dissident-harassment-sheng-xue.htmlThese are alleged nude and innapropriate photos of Sheng Xue. She denied it.https://web.archive.org/web/20230228122715/http://45.35.61.42/hero/201608/xiaopingtouyehua/2_1.shtmlhttps://web.archive.org/web/20230228122715/http://45.35.61.42/hero/201608/xiaopingtouyehua/2_1.shtmlhttps://web.archive.org/web/20230228123614/https://club.6parkbbs.com/bolun/index.php?app=forum&act=threadview&tid=15257084

A spy and an murder in Flushing

Wang Juntao is the leader of an organization of the "China Democracy Party" in Flushing. A Beijing petitioner named Zhang Xiaoning killed the lawyer Jim Li. Zhang Xiaoning was a participant of the protests of Wang Juntao's group. Wang Shujun, someone who was close to Wang Juntao, was found to be a spy of China.https://nymag.com/intelligencearticle/wang-juntao-exile-chinese-communist-party-nyc.html

Liu Gang's wife was accused of being a Chinese spy

Liu Gang is the former leader of the student self-government federation during the '89 protest movement. In 2011, he accused accused his wife of being a spy of China.

Guo Wengui

Guo Wengui is a rich businessman who escaped from China. In 2017, he was supported of many people such as the dissident former official Bao Tong and the soccer player Hao Haidong.In 2017, he was accused of sex assault.He got into conflict with many political dissidents, including Bob Fu, Tang Baiqiao and Guo Baosheng.

Chai Ling accused Yuan Zhiming of raping her

Chai Ling was an important person during the '89 protest movement. However, she is not very active now.In 2015, she accused the dissident pastor Yuan Zhiming of raping her in 1990. In 2016, the christian group "GRACE" published their final report on the allegations.

Peng Ming

In October 1998, Peng Ming's organizations, the China Development Union, was declared illegal by the government and closed.In 2005, Peng Ming was in China sentenced for terrorism.Peng Ming intended to use violent methods to overthrow the Chinese government, such as assassinations and poisoning the Miyun reservoir in Beijing.Radio Free Asia, Yi Gai Creaders (万维)

Wei Jingsheng was accused of rape

Wei Jingsheng is the "father of the Democracy Movement". He wrote "the fifth modernization", calling for democracy.In 2019, Liu Huaizhao filed a complaint alleging that Wei Jingsheng had a child with her after a sexual intercourse but did not give financial support as promised. Wei Jingsheng claimed that Liu Huaizhao was sent by the CCP to disrupt his work.

Ni Yuxian

Ni Yuxian is the founder of a "Party for Freedom and Democracy in China".
In 2006, because of a conflict with Xie Wanjun (leader of a China Democracy Party), Liu Dongxing invited Ni Yuxian to cooperate. Because of this, Ni Yuxian got into conflict with other political dissidents.
In 2007, after Liu Dongxing and Ni Yuxian expelled each other from an organization named "China Democracy Party", Ni Yuxian reported Liu Dongxing to the 109th branch of the municipal police in Flushing, accusing Liu Dongxing of embezzling party fees and other crimes. On October 27th, the police arrested Liu Dongxing at the "party central office".
According to Ni Yuxian, Liu Dongxing demanded that anyone who joins the China Democracy Party must pay 500 US dollars plus 10 US dollars each month and an activity fee for each activity. According to Ni Yuxian, Liu Dongxing often asked for donations without receipts, and forced people to buy "democracy stocks" that he printed himself and the "US Headquarters of the China Democracy Party" ("中国民主党美国总部") of Liu Dongxing participated in political asylum business.
Ming Pao

"Be excellent to each other... and party on dudes!"

He is Bill S. Preston, Esq.! And he is Ted "Theodore" Logan! And together, they are Wyld Stallyns!
To everyone else in late-80s/early-90s San Dimas, California, Wyld Stallyns may look like the impossible dream of two slackers with no skill in anything else. But in truth, the music of Wyld Stallyns is so bodacious, so non-heinous, so excellent that it brings about an era of prosperity, both across the earth and to the stars beyond, and technological advancement so advanced that even time can be accessed as freely as a 10-digit phone number from the nearest payphone. Because of this, agents from the future utopia have sent back a time-travelling phone booth as well as information about the future to make sure that Bill and Ted are able to continue having most excellent adventures and fulfill the destiny of Wyld Stallyns.

Key

Movies:
^EA = Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
^BJ = Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
^FtM - Bill & Ted Face the Music
Shows:
^CSxEy = Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures (DiC Animated Series); Season X Episode Y
^LAEx = Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures (Fox Live Action Series); Episode X
Comics:
^M#X = Bill & Ted's Excellent Comic Book (Marvel Comics) Issue #X
^BVx#y = Boom! Studios Comics; Volume X, Issue #Y

Vol. 1 = Bill & Ted's Triumphant Return
Vol. 2 = Bill & Ted Go To Hell
Vol. 3 = Bill & Ted Save the Universe
BV1#xS = Boom! Studios Comics; Side Story

^DH#X = Dark Horse Comics (Face the Music Compliant) Issue #X
Games:
^AL = Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (Atari Lynx)
^NES = Bill & Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure (NES)
^WS = Wyld Stallyns (Mobile Game)
Live Show:
^EHAyy = Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure; 19YY/20YY

Bill and Ted

Strength

• Twist around several amps while running as a blur. ^CS1E7
  
• Run straight through several tentpoles. ^CS1E7
  
• Hold themselves against the winds created by a giant monster that toss around buses and tanks. ^CS2E5
  
• Push around large stone slabs. ^AL
  
• A version of Bill and Ted from a bad future become super jacked and help curbstomp a robot. ^FtM
  
• [Limitation] Struggle to do push-ups. ^BJ
  

Speed/Agility

• Dodge a stone discus launched hard enough to embed into a marble pillar, and a falling chandelier. ^CS1E2
  
• Dodge around weapons swung by Roman gladiators. ^CS1E3
  
• Dodge a speeding horse and a flying coffin. ^CS1E9
  
• Able to dodge a frog mid-jump. ^CS1E11
  
• Run off fast enough to kick up a trail of dust. ^CS2E1
  
• Intercept a cannon shot. ^CS2E1
  
• Dodge a cannon shot just before it hits. ^CS2E3
  
• As babies, able to run off hidden behind a cloud of baby powder. ^CS2E7
  
• Duck underneath a swinging pendulum. ^AL
  
• Very good at jumping really high. ^NES
  
• Dodge a booth as it falls from time jump. ^LAE2
  
• Disguise themselves as a doctor and a cadaver in the time it takes for a woman to leave a room. ^LAE3
  
• Scale up the snout of a large, metal dragon. ^BJ
  
• Attempt and almost succeed at intercepting a bullet, moving a good distance in the time it takes to go from a gun to a person feet away. ^EHA08
  
• Outrun several species of dinosaur. ^M#2
  
  • Outrun a T-Rex running fast enough to kick up large rocks in its wake. ^BV1#3S
• Dodge a superhero sent flying hard enough to leave a comet trail behind him. ^M#10
  
• Dodge around machine gun fire. ^M#11
  
  • Again. ^BV1#5
• Able to see the two drivers in a high speed chase. ^BV1#2S
  
• Hit a button that causes the spaceship they're in to lurch forward fast enough to send everyone inside tumbling, then run off before anyone else can catch their bearings. ^BV3#1
  

Durability

• Get tossed across a bar, their heads smashing through a thin wood wall. ^EA
  
• Fall from a second floor balcony into some bushes and walk it off. ^FtM
  
• Has Death thrown at them bodily and get back up. ^DH#3
  
• Crushed under a mountain of falling china. ^CS1E1
  
• Are sent flying back by their amplifier's exploding to little ill effect. ^CS1E1
  
• Have a stove dropped on their heads. ^CS1E2
  
• Launched through a window and fall a story down into a stone fountain. ^CS1E2
  
• Fall from the top of a three-story building into some bushes. ^CS1E4
  
• Get slammed into a brick wall hard enough to indent. ^CS1E7
  
• Get launched into the air by their inflatable shoes and then fall back down. ^CS1E9
  
• Get kicked out of a stadium hard enough to send them flying, toppling a food cart. ^CS1E9
  
• Get blasted high into the air by a jet of water strong enough to blow away a stone statue, then land in a river. ^AL
  
• Get blasted back by the explosion from this huge gun. ^M#8
  
• Punch themselves. ^M#11
  
• Get zapped in a clash between Darth Vader and Gandalf and walk it off. ^EHA02
  
• Fall down a trap door a dozen feet and get up fine. ^BV3#1
  
• Hit a button that causes the spaceship they're in to lurch forward fast enough to send everyone inside tumbling, then run off before anyone else can catch their bearings. ^BV3#1
  
• Take hits from the Death Quills of Koloko IV, the Lightning Web, the Fire Bones of Kykartian Dragodon, the Cyberwasps of the Robot Zoo Planet, and the Lavaspin of Sector 487. ^BV3#2
  
• Roll into a snowball then crash into a building hard enough to demolish it. ^DH#3
  
• [Limitation] A long fall from the top of this cliff is enough to instantly kill them. ^BJ
  

Skill

• Easily bat in a baseball game one-handed while focusing on other things. Ted even throws the bat so that it spins hard enough to hit the ball without him holding it. ^CS2E3
  
• Jump from an upper banister and swing down on ropes, knocking out two guys and stealing their weapons in the process. ^LAE6
  
• Briefly hold their own in a duel, despite neither having any dueling experience. ^M#1
  

Intelligence
Yes, really.

• Can comprehend and utilize stable time loops. ^EA
  
  • Leave a recording device hidden in the corner of a room with a timer to use as a distraction. ^EA
  • Leave a typed message for themselves at a printer with instructions to duck at just the perfect time. ^EA
  • Sets up a trash can to fall at the right time to trap Ted's father. ^EA
  • Outwit De Nomolos, setting up not only a sandbag and cage to fall at just the right time and place to disarm and trap him, but also set up a key for the cage and fake gun to trick him into believing that he would win the encounter. ^BJ
  • When they don't have access to a booth, they go back in time to ask Station to build one so that he's done in time for them to go back and ask. ^BV1#1
  • Loosen a chandelier just so that it falls on Vlad the Impaler's head while he's cornered them. ^BV3#1
• When they're being pursued by versions of them from a bad future, who remember everything they're about to do, they do something they can't possibly remember doing to escape. ^FtM
  
• Able to somewhat fix the booth's broken antennae with some fudge cans and a large wad of chewed gum. ^EA
  
  • Able to somewhat fix the booth's broken antennae with a magazine and a shoelace. ^LAE1
  • Able to more or less fix the booth's broken numpad by copying what they remember Station doing to fix it. ^BV1#3S
• Survive a long fall from within the booth by jumping at the last second. ^CS1E8
  
• Rig up a lever to launch Dracula out of the booth and onto a bed. ^CS1E9
  
• Make functional guitars out of laundry and string. ^CS1E12
  
• Make a castle display out of water sealant cans and boxes. ^LAE2
  
• Rewire a jukebox to play music from a walkman. ^LAE5
  
• Their advice helps their music teacher move on from heartbreak and live peacefully where before she was bitter and angry at everyone. ^LAE7
  
• Outwit Einstein, tricking him into delivering his speech about the Theory of Relativity instead of his bad stand up routine. ^LAE8
  
• Able to escape from Death with a Melvin. ^BJ
  
• Trick Evil Robot Bill and Ted into thinking they're the real good Bill and Ted. ^M#7
  
• Escape from a future prison by starting a fire to set off the fire alarm. ^M#8
  
• Impress Socrates with their philosophizing. ^EA
  
• Are able to convince Hyper-World, a planet who's entire society is predicated on comic book violence, to stop fighting... for a few seconds. ^M#10
  

Rockitude
Skill

• Wyld Stallyns' music eventually becomes good enough that it ushers in interplanetary peace. ^EA
  
  • Their music apparently brings about post-scarcity, or at least post-the need for money. ^CS1E12 ...NOT! ^M#8
  • Post-training and with full band backing, a televized broadcast of their performance is able to cause people of multiple different cultures around the world to jam. The newspapers of the following years also state that their touring schedule causes crops to grow in the American midwest and peace to come to the Middle East, that rumors of their split cause the stock market to plummet and when those rumors are disproven the stock market surges. ^BJ
• Seduce a pair of medieval babes with some off the cuff lyrics. ^EA
  
• Jam with Little Richard and a young Mozart. ^CS1E2
  
• Rock with Angus Young. ^EHA01
  
• Shred with James Hetfield. ^EHA06
  
• Tear it up with Fall Out Boy. ^EHA13
  
• Demolish with Axl Rose and Slash. ^EHA14
  
• Fuck it up with Kurt Kobain. ^EHA15
  
• Play the guitar very well with Freddy Mercury. ^EHA17
  
• Play a pocket organ well enough that the surrounding Roman guards are too busy dancing to notice them. ^AL
  
• Can play basically any instrument placed in front of them. ^FtM
  
• Calm an agitated baby dinosaur. ^BV1#3S
  
• Able to build guitars out of random debris in a gladiatorial death pit in a matter of seconds, then play well enough to pacify a rampaging alien monster who is also the most esteemed music critic in the galaxy. ^BV3#3
  
• Able to rouse a crowd of people from a society so downtrodden that the ability to smile has atrophied out of the gene pool. ^BV1#5
  
  • Writing one song is enough to uproot the entirety of said society and motivate Death to bring them back after dying even though he had lost the ability to do so. ^BV1#6
• Even God and Satan are fans. ^BV2#4
  
• Alien cultures that don't even speak English and who's entire cultures are predicated around war are brought to peace by hearing their music. ^BV3#1
  

Power

• Consistently blow out their amps while playing. ^EA
  
  • Blow out an amp and cause it to catch fire. ^LAE1
• Defeather a bird. ^CS1E1
  
• Shatter a porcelain cup. ^CS1E1
  
• Knock dozens of objects off of a nearby shelf and shatter windows. ^CS1E7
  
• A single resonant note is enough to knock out the Black Knight. ^CS1E7
  
• Even when hooked up to a boombox, are able to blow away people and tables. ^CS2E5
  
• After Bill rewires the amp, it causes Ted's guitar to melt through the floor. ^CS2E7
  
• After Station alters the amps a little, cause any avalanche. ^DH#4
  
• Destroy robots with their riffs alone. ^WS
  

Ghost Bill and Ted

• People can pass right through them, though it causes some unnerving (though not totally unpleasant) sensations. ^BJ
  
• Can possess the bodies of the living. ^BJ
  

Other

• Build the Great Wall of China in a couple days. Although not particularly well. ^CS1E1
  
  • They arrive in China on Saturday and have finished and leave before Monday. ^CS1E1
• Summon rain with an Incan rain dance. ^CS1E3
  
• Play a single player game co-op and one-handed. ^CS2E7
  
• Are able to beat Death at Battleship, Clue, Electronic Football, and Twister. ^BJ
  
  • And Monopoly. ^M#5
  • And Rock, Paper, Scissors. ^EHA17
• Can fly after being zapped by the F-Ray, which only convinces the brain that it is capable of flying, thus allowing it to fly. ^M#10
  
• Spend a week without sleeping and only eating snack foods trying to devise a plan to save Abraham Lincoln. ^M#11
  
• Are temporarily given God's divine enlightenment, able to see everything past and future, and on a micro and macro scale. ^BV2#4
  
• Surf on a black hole. ^BV3#3 They're obviously going through some form of spaghettification, but also given the size of the black hole, the audience, and the official helping them do it, it's likely that this black hole has been altered to be safe to surf.
  
• Have sex. ^BV1#1
  
• Do drugs. ^EHA00
  

Bill

Strength

• Knocks over the Liberty Bell with an elbow. ^CS1E5 The Liberty Bell weighs over 2000 lbs.
  
• Easily pitches and bats cannon balls that Ted had difficulty handling. ^CS1E9
  
• Knocks Ted into the air with an accidental headbutt. ^CS1E9
  
• Floors Monomonop with a yo-yo. ^M#8
  

Speed/Agility

• Pulls Ted out of the way of a flail. ^CS1E3
  
• Snatches a flying chip bag out of the air. ^CS2E2
  
• Bats a baseball pitched hard enough to leave a trail of flames. ^CS2E3
  
• Escapes from being grappled by swinging on a noose while the floor is dropped from under him. ^EHA92
  
• Ducks a bullet at close range. ^EHA08
  

Durability

• Takes a punch from Evil Robot Bill. ^M#7
  
• Takes a punch from Ronda Rousey. ^EHA16
  

Skill

• Spars with Joan of Arc. ^EA

Other

• Strong poker face. ^EA
  
• Folds a paper hat into a to-go box. ^CS1E1
  
• Rewires an amp which causes it to melt Ted's guitar through the floor. ^CS2E7
  
• Beats up the Invisible Woman using dark force powers gained as Darth Bogus. ^EHA05
  
  • Force chokes a man to the ground in an instant. ^EHA05
• Save nearly 70 people from being used as a virgin sacrifice. ^EHA13
  

Ted

Strength

• Knocks out a man in a leather helm with one strike. ^EA
  
• Accidentally sends Marco Polo flying with the swing of a broom. ^CS1E1
  
• Flicks a paper football hard enough to knock an apple into the air. ^CS1E2
  
• Breaks a wooden plank off on the T-800 Terminator, then knocks him into a well using a skateboard. ^EHA92
  

Speed/Agility

• Takes a tumble down the stairs hard enough to knock him out of his metalplate suit and somehow hides before anyone notices. ^EA
  
• Flip jumps to the top of the booth. ^CS1E5
  
• Dodges a swipe from behind from Vlad the Impaler. ^BV3#1
  

Durability

• Takes a tumble down the stairs hard enough to knock him out of his metalplate suit. ^EA
  
• Takes a headbutt to the chin that knocks him off of his feet and into the air. ^CS1E9
  
• Takes a full punch to the gut from Officer T. J. Hooker and brushes it off. ^EHA98
  
• Gets tackled to the ground and waled on by General Thade. ^EHA01
  
• Doesn't seem bothered touching a lightsaber with his bare skin. ^EHA05
  
• Gets smashed over the head with a guitar hard enough to crack it in half. ^BV1#4
  
• Thrown across the room onto the coffee table and is back on his feet shortly. ^BV2#1
  

Skill

• Flicks a paper football in such a way so that it flies around and knocks an apple off of Bill's head from the side. ^CS1E2
  
• Lassos the Black Knight while he's riding a horse full speed. But then forgets to keep a hold on the other end of the rope. ^CS1E7
  
• Briefly holds his own against an Italian fencer. ^LAE6
  

Other

• Reads the time and place text. ^CS1E1
  
• Starts a fire by rubbing George Washington's wooden teeth. ^M#8
  
• In a bad future where Ted was sent to military academy, he was able to double bust a corrupt cop by posing as a drug dealer. ^LAE4
  
• Kicks the Sith out of Darth Bogus. ^EHA05
  
• Gets with Taylor Swift. ^EHA13
  

Good Robot Bill and Ted

Robots created by the most brilliant mind in the universe, Station, to combat the powerful Evil Robot Bill and Ted. ^BJ

• The can be controlled via remote control but also seem to be capable of autonomous movement. ^BJ

Strength

• Punch through a brick wall. ^BJ
  
• Decapitate Evil Robot Bill and Ted with a punch, then cause their bodies to explode with a second punch. ^BJ
  
  • Evil Robot Bill and Ted no sell a punch to the chin from Bill and walk off crashing through a window and into a brick chimney. ^BJ
• Chew up a phone reciever. ^M#3
  
• Punch out the demonic Colonel Oats when the princesses couldn't faze him with their strikes. ^BV2#1
  
  • The princesses were smashing up musical equipment and sending other women flying with their strikes. ^BV1#6S
• High five each other hard enough to destroy each others' hands. Keep the Evil Robot Bill and Ted scaling in mind. ^DH#1
  
• Walk through a wall. ^DH#4
  

Durability

• Still functioning while demolished down to just their heads. ^M#7
  
  • Or arms. ^BV2#3
• Robot Ted gets blasted through several brick walls. ^BV3#4
  

They Run On Car Batteries

• They do. ^BV1#1S
  
• Electrocute two men to death when they try to stab them with rapiers. ^M#1
  
• Cause the booth to randomly jump when they electrocute it after touching some slushie material. ^M#12
  

Other

• Have tape recorders built in. ^M#3
  
• Can receive temporal emails, and promptly get a virus from this. ^BV1#1S
  
• Their code is written in a form of binary compose of "Bill"s and "Ted"s. With a source code constructed entirely of Van Halen references. ^BV1#1S
  
• Become presidents of the United States. ^BV1#2
  

Mecha Bill & Ted

• Rocket away from San Dimas to Scandinavia. ^DH#4
  
• Transforms from houses into humanoids form, piloted by Good Robot Bill & Ted. ^DH#4
  
• Beat up and send flying giant mountain trolls. ^DH#4
  

Mobile Suit Bill & Giganto-Ted

• Burst out of the sewers and through the streets, creating a massive tremor that could be felt from blocks away. ^BV1#6
  
• Disarm an entire crowd of guards with powerful magnets. ^BV1#6
  

The Time Booth

Time Travel

• A time machine that can travel to any place and time on earth after dialing a specific number. The number for each time and place is listed in an attached directory which catalogues most important points in history. ^EA
  
  • If Bill and Ted don't know what time or place they're looking for, they can ask the operator for help identifying a landmark. ^CS2E1
  • Can travel all the way back to the big bang. ^M#2
  • Is able to travel to and from "the center of time" which seems to exist outside of the regular timeline. ^M#6/7
• It is stressed multiple times throughout the series that even while time travelling, the clock in San Dimas is running, so Bill and Ted still have a limited amount of time to accomplish their goals while time travelling. ^EA This isn't well supported by other events and usages of the booth in the series, but it is a consistent concern regardless.
  
• Bill and Ted can use the Phone Booth to interact with themselves in the past, giving themselves needed equipment or advice. ^EA
  
  • Find a note of advice from themselves and then go back and leave the same note without having to even write it. ^AL
  • Get called to go forward from a few minutes beforehand to help out their future selves. ^EHA06
• Allow Bill and Ted to leave and then return to the exact same point in time, with 16 months of training in between. ^BJ
  
  • Further emphasizing that they can return to any point they want and San Dimas time doesn't matter. ^CS2E1
• A trip through spacetime can be cut short and will cause the booth to reappear at a median point. ^CS1E2
  
• A trip can also be reversed, allowing the booth to return to from where it just came. ^CS1E9
  
• A trip can be rerouted mid-stream without too much issue. ^CS1E10
  
• While this is not usually the case, as most time travel trips result in loops, drastically changing past events can lead to alternate present timelines. ^CS2E5
  
  • Bill and Ted use the booth to go back 15 minutes and redo a botched conversation resulting in a different outcome. ^LAE1
  • A closer to canon example. ^M#11
• Time travel 2 seconds into the future to catch an evil robot off guard. ^BV1#3
  
• Falling into the wormhole behind the phone booth can let someone travel through the circuits of time with it. ^EA
  
  • Rufus is able to follow a different phone booth using a grapple electric guitar, despite not being anywhere close to it when it time travels. ^BJ
  • The black knight and his horse are able to follow the booth. ^CS1E7
• Able to travel and be gone in the time it takes for a killer robot to aim and fire a vaporization beam. ^FtM
  
• Can travel to a point in time and space selected by an actual phone number in use at the time. ^CS1E8
  
• Can travel to a different point in space without changing time. ^CS2E8
  
• Elizabeth and Joanna apparently use the booth to travel to alternate timelines, though this mostly happens off screen. ^FtM
  
• Can travel to alternate dimensions entirely. ^M#10
  
• Travels to heaven. ^M#11
  
  • And hell. ^BV2#1
• Teleports from heaven to the earthly timeline, all the way to the Boomerang Nebula, and back in a matter of seconds. ^BV2#4
  
• Using the infinity button, allows the occupants to be multiplied infinitely to interact with all points in space and time simultaneously. ^FtM
  
• The booth can't travel if all of the circuits of time are currently occupied. ^CS2E5
  
• Travelers through the circuits of time can see other travelers in the same area. ^M#2
  
• The booth can seemingly track individuals in a specific time frame as shown by the fact that the future Bill and Ted were able to trick Bill and Ted into thinking they were rich and successful by being in the right place at the right time. ^FtM
  
• Rufus gives Bill and Ted a new booth that can trace the calls of other booths, though it tends to show up a little late. Also it's a rotary phone. ^M#2
  
• Rufus gives Bill a mobile phone which can call back the booth with the correct number. The first time its used however, it calls Doc Brown's Delorean instead. ^EHA92
  
  • Shown here actually working. ^EHA96
• When Ted uses a magazine to try and fix the antennae Bill and Ted end up going inside of the world of the magazine by accident. ^LAE1
  
  • By connecting the booth to a cable box, they're able to enter the worlds of television broadcasts, though it's entirely dependent on what the tv is currently turned to. ^LAE3

The Squint System
An upgraded directory that allows the booth to travel to fictional settings, including books, CDs, movies, and games. ^CS2E2

• Use the booth to enter an episode of Leave It to Badger. ^CS2E4
  
  • Can also use the booth to skip around within the episode. ^CS2E4
  • Once the episode ends, every person in it, including Bill and Ted, disappear. It looks like this. ^CS2E4
  • Foreign objects can persist between episodes, if they're plot relevant. ^CS2E4
• Can bring characters from the fictional world to the real world. ^CS2E4
  
• Characters in the fictional world are fully aware that they're fictional. ^CS2E4
  
• Altering the interior of the fiction does change how the fiction appears in the real world. Also might cause that fiction to become unavoidable? ^CS2E4
  
• Showing places that aren't supposed to be there reveals static. ^CS2E4
  
• Shrinks Bill and Ted down to smaller than a bottlecap when they forget to put the 1 in front. To reverse this effect, they simply dial 9. ^CS2E2
  

Durability

• [Limitation] When the booth's antennae get smashed by a knight's flail it can still travel fine but where and when it lands becomes uncontrollable. ^EA
  
  • [Limitation] A thrown frisbee knocks out the antennae, preventing the booth from time travelling. Ted is able to partially fix this with a magazine and a shoelace, though it causes the jumps to become uncontrollable again. ^LAE1
• Crash lands upside down and works perfectly fine. ^CS1E2
  
  • Tears through the roof of a tent, crash lands upside-down, and then falls onto its side. ^CS1E5
• Slides along the ground, crashing into a horse hard enough to launch it into the air, taking no damage. ^CS1E2
  
• Gets knocked off a crow's nest with a cannonball and tumbles to the deck of the ship without damage. ^CS1E4
  
• Gets run over by a train. ^CS1E8
  
• Tanks a fall from the top of Big Ben's clock face. ^CS1E8
  
• In a cabin as its demolished by a cannon, and protects the people within. ^CS1E9
  
• Smashes up the wooden walls of a log flume. ^CS1E11
  
• Takes several blasts of energy weapon fire and isn't damaged until one hits the antennae. ^LAE4
  
• Gets shot up by Billted 1.0's machine gun arm and has enough in it to make a trip before collapsing. ^BV1#4
  
• Vlad the Impaler has trouble breaking the glass with the hilt of his sword. ^BV3#1
  
• [Limitation] The floor breaks falling onto a bear's head. ^CS1E13
  
• [Limitation] Destroyed by a large boulder falling on it. ^BV2#3
  

Landing Strength

• [Limitation] While operating normally, it doesn't land hard enough to seriously harm an old man. ^CS1E5
  
  • But it did harm this guy. ^LAE1
• While malfunctioning however, digs a hole into the earth in a second. ^CS1E5
  
• Still while malfunctioning, crashes up through some wooden floorboards, knocking aside a dresser. ^CS1E5
  
• Demolishes a small kennel. ^CS1E6
  
• Smashes through a thick wooden roof. ^CS1E10
  
• Smashes through the deck of a ship. ^CS2E3
  
• Sends Columbus ricocheting around the Santa Maria. ^CS2E5
  
• Sends two cowboys a distance away flying from the shockwave. ^EHA92
  
• Smashes Billted 1.0 which is capable of flying straight through walls and windows without damage. ^BV1#3
  
• While malfunctioning, lands hard enough to crater concrete. ^BV1#4
  
• Smooshes a pair of demon spawn. ^BV2#4
  

Other

• Can still make a trip while on its side and is able to land normally. ^CS1E11
  
• It also works while water-logged. ^CS1E1
  
• Sideways AND waterlogged. ^S1E12
  
• It hovers in the air for unsaid reasons while malfunctioning. ^CS1E4
  
• Has some video recording and playback functions, though seemingly a preset one for display purposes. ^FtM
  
• When their regular booth gets blown up, Rufus lets them use a payphone on a stand to much the same effect. ^EHA02
  
• Can sometimes require coins to make calls with. ^NES
  
• It can also make regular calls. ^EA
  

"Catch ya later Bill and Ted!"

By Chuck Hustmyre
Sometimes when you look into the mirror, the mirror looks back.
William Bailey's forehead shattered the mirror like a sledgehammer. The last thing he remembered before he blacked out was the feeling that he was falling through the mirror. Sub-cranial hematoma, a concussion, maybe even a cracked skull--that had to be the reason for the strange feeling. The mirror was mounted on the wall just to the right of the bar, four feet tall by about three feet wide. As consciousness slipped away, common sense and his strong belief in the rational world told him that he couldn't fall through the mirror. He must have bounced his head off the wall and be falling toward the floor.
It seemed like just a second or two before William's eyes popped open. He lay on his back, on the hard wood floor of Fausto's, with Johnny Davis towering over him. Big Johnny probably wanted to finish him off, maybe kill him, and finally end their twenty-year-old feud. Either Big Johnny Davis and the ceiling lights above him were spinning, or William's head was spinning, but either way something wasn't right.
He raised his head and looked to his left, toward the bar. Except the bar wasn't there. Instead, he was staring at the bathrooms. That didn't make sense. It must be his brain that had gotten spun around. William turned his head and peered over his size-ten wingtips at the busted mirror. The wooden frame and most of the glass still clung to the wall, the rest sat broken on the ground. The bar had to be on his left. He looked again, and still saw the bathrooms. A brain bruise, maybe some fluid pressure building up might be the cause of it.
"Get up!" Big Johnny Davis said.
William looked up at him. Johnny stood behind him, just beyond his shoulders. Perfect place for him to stomp my head into the plank floor. Except Johnny Davis was holding out his hand.
"Come on, we've got to get out of here."
Davis looked scared. It was the first time William Bailey could ever remember Johnny Davis looking scared. William had always been scared of Big Johnny, but Big Johnny wasn't scared of anything or anyone.
Police sirens wailed in the distance.
Johnny glanced over his shoulder. William craned his neck to look where Johnny was looking, saw he was staring at the front door like a man terrified something bad was going to come through it. Big Johnny looked down at him again and pumped his hand. "Come on, get up. They'll be here any second."
"Who?" William asked. "Who'll be--" But before he finished, Big Johnny Davis reached down, grabbed him by both arms, and jerked him to his feet.
As he was dragged toward the door by the only man in town who truly hated him, William glanced up and saw the rusted metal sign nailed above the door. He had to have a concussion, probably severe; that had to be it, because the letters on the sign were backward. It said TUO.
As Johnny Davis pulled him out the door, William heard tires skid on the pavement.
"Where's your car?" Johnny asked.
William twisted away from the big man's grip, then turned to his left. "In the alley." He started to run, still not sure exactly what he was running from.
Behind him, Big John shouted, "The alley's over here."
William kept running but turned his head back toward Johnny. "I know where the alley--"
Something hit him across the midsection and toppled him to the ground. He got his hands up just in time to break his fall and managed to keep his head from slamming into the sidewalk. When he looked up he saw a shopping cart tumbled onto its side.
Once again, William found himself lying flat on his back, this time amid the spilled contents of the cart. It had been filled with junk: paper bags full of dirty clothes, canned food, bags of potato chips, a diamond shaped, orange road sign, and other trash that looked like it had been collected from back alley garbage bins.
The homeless man who'd been pushing the cart was scrawny, and wafer thin. His skin was the color of old shoe leather, and he wore a long gray beard, tangled and matted with food and bits of filth. He was sprawled on the ground next to his cart, half sitting up, staring at William with his bright blue eyes.
Car doors slammed, men shouted.
"You better get going," the homeless man said, as he cocked his head. "The police after you?"
Police!
Before William could assure the old man that the police weren't after him--he was a respected businessman and family man--someone behind him grabbed him under both arms and pulled him to his feet. William turned and found himself staring into the face of Johnny Davis. "The alley's that way," Johnny said, pointing to the other side of Fausto's. With one hand gripping William's jacket, Johnny dashed across the front of the bar toward the alley. The alley--right there, plain as day--on the other side of Fausto's, right where it shouldn't be, where it couldn't be. William had been here a thousand times. As you stepped out of the bar, the alley was on the left, Brockton's Ace Hardware on the right. Now everything was mixed up and in the wrong place.
Johnny Davis turned down the alley, dragging William behind him. After just a few steps, a spotlight flashed in front of them.
"Stop!" a voice commanded. "Get on the ground."
William couldn't see because Johnny was in his way. "Who's that yelling?" he asked.
Big Johnny stopped and William plowed into his back.
"Get on the ground," the voice boomed again.
William poked his head out from behind Johnny Davis's back. The blinding white light was in his face. He couldn't see a thing.
POP! POP! POP!
Gunshots.
Big Johnny sagged, then crashed to his knees. Instinctively, William bent forward and grabbed hold of Johnny. "What's the matter?"
More pops.
Johnny's big hand reached out and shoved William back toward the street. "Back door," he wheezed, then plunged forward onto his face.
William stood alone. Behind the white spotlight he saw blue police lights flashing. He was totally exposed.
POP! POP!
He saw flashes--little yellow spurts of flame--as something tugged at his jacket.
William had said "back door." What back door? Fausto's had a back door, but it didn't lead anywhere except to the open space behind the building used for trash and deliveries. Twenty feet of asphalt between the bar and the back of the building on the next block. William had parked his car at the end of the alley, but the police cars--or whatever they were--had the alley blocked off. The building behind Fausto's also had an alley that ran alongside it, but the owner had closed it off to keep the bums out. He'd put up a gate, padlocked it, and topped it with razor wire. It was a dead end.
Two more pops. Dead end or not it was better than standing here and getting shot. William turned and ran. He burst through the front door of Fausto's, dashed through the bar, past the shattered mirror, hit the back door at a dead run, and was outside behind the bar within seconds.
He could see the tail end of his car sticking out from the corner of the building, but with the cops blocking the alley, his car was useless to him. William glanced across the open space to the alley that ran next to the other building. The gate, the padlock, the razor wire--all still in place. To his right an overflowing garbage dumpster sat beside the back of Fausto's, jammed against the fire ladder.
The fire ladder.
An iron ladder bolted to the cinderblock wall.
William looked up. The top of the ladder was lost in shadow, but he knew it went up two stories to the roof. Last summer, when the toilet had stopped up, he'd come out back to take a leak and had stood behind the dumpster, peeing against the wall like a kid, one hand draped over the bottom rung of the ladder.
He slipped behind the dumpster. The smell made him gag. The bottom of the ladder was four feet from the ground. William reached up as high as he could, grabbed hold of the third rung, then hauled himself up.
Through the partially open back door came the sounds of heavy feet pounding on the hard wood floor of the bar.
Halfway up the ladder, he was exhausted--and scared. Shaking, he white-knuckled the ladder. Being more than ten feet off the ground terrified him. He needed a break, just a second or two to catch his breath. There was enough moonlight so he could see into one of the second story windows. Inside, junk was piled everywhere. Old barstools, a busted jukebox, furniture stacked almost to the ceiling. Years ago, old man Fausto lived on the second floor, but Jake, who'd bought the place from the old man and had decided to keep the name, used it for storage.
Below him, William heard the back door thrown open so hard it banged against the wall. He scrambled up until he reached the top of the ladder, then hoisted himself over the edge of the roof. Down on the ground a voice shouted, "There he is, up there."
Another gunshot. What the hell was going on?
The unmistakable sound of feet--fast feet, in shape feet, boot shod feet--scurrying up the ladder. Standing on the tar and pebble roof, William glanced around for something he could use as a weapon, shocked he was even thinking of such a thing. A five gallon plastic bucket was all there was. It stood upright, filled with rainwater. He picked it up and peered over the edge. A uniformed policeman was three quarters of the way up the ladder. Two more cops were right behind him.
William looked at the heavy bucket in his hands, thought about just dumping the water onto them but knew it wouldn't stop them. There was only one way to stop them, and that was to knock them off the ladder. He thought about warning them, maybe trying to scare them away. But they were cops. You couldn't scare them away.
So why had they shot Johnny Davis, and why were they shooting at him?
The first officer looked up and saw William staring down at him with the bucket in his hands. Their eyes locked for just a second and the cop stopped. In those eyes that stared back at him, William saw an almost maniacal determination that sent a shiver down his spine. The officer held his grip on the ladder with his right hand while his left dropped to the pistol resting in his gleaming leather holster. In one smooth motion he drew his gun and raised it toward William.
William Bailey tossed the bucket down the ladder. A shot rang out an instant before the heavy bucket thudded into the cop's head. Like a gruesome traffic accident happening before his eyes, William couldn't help but watch as the policeman fell, taking his two partners down with him. The last thing William saw before he turned away was a jumbled heap of black uniforms resting on the concrete below the ladder.
* * *
Hiding in the shadow of a telephone booth, thinking. Home. He had to get home. Had to get back to Marge and the kids. Maybe somehow he could explain what had happened. Vincent, his attorney, he would know what to do--maybe--but he was a civil lawyer not a criminal attorney. He wrote contracts and did personal injury on the side; he didn't get people out of jail who'd killed a cop by dropping a bucket of water on his head and knocking him and his buddies off the side of a building.
As the cab he'd been waiting for pulled up, William stepped out from the dark and climbed into the back seat.
The driver turned around. "Where to?"
William pulled the door shut. "Uptown. 1721 Audubon Court."
"Fare's gonna be about fifteen dollars. After dark, I gotta have the money up front."
"What?"
"Company policy." The cabbie shrugged. "A lot of drivers been getting stiffed."
William opened his wallet, pulled out a twenty and handed it across the seat. The driver took it and almost slipped it into his cash box, then took a second look at the bill. His face tightened. "What the hell is this?"
"Huh?"
With the bill stretched between his hands, the cabbie stared at it for a second then looked up at William. "You're either the dumbest counterfeiter who ever lived or you've been had."
"What you are talking about?"
The driver faced the bill toward William but didn't hand it back to him. "It's printed backwards."
William looked at the twenty-dollar bill in the man's hand. It looked like--it was--an almost brand new bill, nothing wrong with it as far as he could tell.
"Get out of my cab," the driver said.
William didn't know what the man was talking about but knew he didn't want to get out. This cab was his only way home. He reached for the twenty. "If you don't like that one I've got another--"
The driver pulled his hands away. "I ain't giving this back. I got to turn it in to the police." He dropped one hand behind his seat back, then came up clutching a pistol, an old German Luger by the looks of it, the muzzle aimed straight at William's face. "In fact, I bet they give me a reward if I bring you in with it."
William jerked the door handle and rolled out into the street. He sprang to his feet and ran, the driver's yells just background noise. Has everyone gone crazy or is it just me?
Home. He had to get home.
* * *
Rain. Driving, relentless rain. William was just two blocks from Fausto's. In two hours, that's as far as he'd gotten--one block an hour. Police cars prowled the neighborhood, shinning spotlights into every nook and cranny, lighting up every shadow. Everyone in Fausto's knew his name. He'd been going there three or four nights a week after work for years. The cabbie had his address. William had given it to him when he told the hack driver where to drop him.
Ten o'clock at night, with nowhere to go and no way to get there, William sat behind the closed Goodwill store, under an overhang that barely kept the rain off of him.
Huddled in the dark, head sunk between his knees, he hadn't heard anyone approach.
"You don't look so good."
Startled, William looked up, prepared to run again. It was the homeless man he'd knocked over outside the bar. The one with the shopping cart and the leathery skin. William relaxed a little. "Excuse me?"
The man pushed his cart closer. "You're not supposed to be here."
William looked around. "Why not?"
The old man grinned, half his teeth gone.
William found it nearly impossible to tell his age. The guy could be forty and maybe had lived a hard life, or perhaps he was a well-preserved seventy, pickled by a lifetime of booze. William waved him off, expecting a plea for money. "I can't help you."
The old man stopped just a few feet away. "Everything's out of place isn't it?" He had a strange lilting voice. Almost like an accent.
And he was right. Everything was out of place--from Johnny Davis to the cab driver--everything was wrong.
Strapped to the back of the old man's shopping cart was a plastic sign about the size of a loaf of bread. William recognized the sign, the words, the colors, the logo of a local supermarket chain, all were familiar to him, but the letters were backward, unreadable.
Rainwater ran down William's face. He pointed to the sign. "Why's it written like that?"
The old man looked at the sign then back at William. "Like what?" he said, then shuffled away behind his basket.
* * *
The rain came down even harder. William slouched in a darkened doorway across the street from Fausto's. Nothing made sense. Everything was messed up, backward, out of whack. Almost like this wasn't his home, like he was a stranger seeing it for the first time.
But that was crazy. He'd grown up here, gone to Brother Martin High School, dated Jenny Underhill who went to Cabrini, lost her to Johnny Davis, then got her back only to lose her again the first year of college to some kid who drove a Mustang. Two years later William married Marge at Saint Luke's. They had two kids.
This town was his home. He recognized it. He knew the people here, Big Johnny and Zeke, the bartender at Fausto's. But things were different, little things. John Davis for one. In trying to help him, the big man had gotten himself killed. That wasn't John Davis--at least not the one William Bailey had known since seventh grade. Everything looked the same but wasn't. Nothing was quite right.
But they knew him--or someone like him.
A strange sensation crept over him that made the hair on the back of his neck rise. Maybe he didn't belong here. Maybe everything wasn't as it appeared. Maybe this wasn't his home. But if that were true, then whose home was it? Another thought, even scarier seeped through his brain. If he was here, who was there--at his home?
Crazy.
William dropped his head into his hands. Just considering such nonsense was a waste of time. Yet, here he was scanning the street, thinking of going back inside Fausto's, back to that mirror.
Not much time to think about it. The bar closed at three AM and it was already two-thirty. When he'd left--run for his life with Big Johnny--most of the mirror was still in the frame hanging on the wall.
Something about that damned mirror.
But Fausto's was dangerous, so a couple of hours ago William had found another mirror. In the men's room of a twenty-four hour gas station. The Chevron on North Rampart.
He had approached it cautiously, afraid he was going mad. As he peered over the sink into the mirror, he saw what he always saw, his own reflection. Holding up his left hand, he looked at the image in the mirror, at the watch strapped to his wrist. He noticed that the man in the mirror wore his watch on his right hand. Just the opposite.
William stood in the gas station bathroom for twenty minutes before he worked up his nerve. Finally, he took a deep breath, leaned back, then slammed his forehead into the dirt-streaked mirror. The glass shattered and cut his head. Blood dribbled off the tip of his nose into the sink. His reflection stared out at him from the other side of the mirror, blood running down his face, too.
I have gone crazy!
So the gas station hadn't worked out. Ducking police cruisers, William had wandered the streets, his head reeling. What was he doing?
On the sidewalk, he found a sopping wet magazine that the wind had blown up against the side of a newspaper machine. The cover caught his eye. He picked it up. It was printed backwards, the letters reversed, words running right to left. The spine was on the right. As he flipped through the pages, he couldn't read a thing. Then William had an idea.
In the bathroom of an all night restaurant he held the wet magazine up to the mirror. Perfect. The reflected image was normal, spine on the left, words running left to right, all the letters printed correctly. He could read it clearly. But what did it mean?
Then he drove his head into that mirror. The glass cracked. Someone walked in, a skinny waiter wearing an apron. He stood gawking as William leaned over the sink with tears of pain filling his eyes.
The waiter looked at the broken mirror, then jabbed a finger at William's bloody forehead. "What the hell are you doing?"
"An accident," he mumbled, pressing his fingers against the fresh cut.
The waiter turned. "I'm calling the cops."
William Bailey ran.
Now he was huddled in the rain staring at Fausto's across the street. Because he had nowhere else to go.
He stood and walked toward Fausto's. When he was halfway across the street, a police car glided around the corner, headlights reflecting off the wet pavement. The cops in no hurry, just cruising. William forced himself to keep walking, not to run. One foot in front of the other. In the downpour, odds were that the cops wouldn't even recognize him.
But they did recognize him.
The police car slid to a stop as its high beams clicked on and its blue strobe lights started popping. Both front doors flew open.
Like a sinner seeking the sanctuary of a church, William ran straight for Fausto's door. As he burst inside, Zeke looked up from behind the bar. "William! What the hell are you doing here?"
He ignored the bartender, running right past him, eyes focused on the broken mirror and its busted frame hanging on the wall.
Zeke again, "The cops been looking all over for you. Say you killed two officers and--"
Behind him the front door banged against the wall. "Police!" a voice behind him commanded. "Stop."
But William didn't stop. He kept running--running straight for the mirror. Reflected in its fragmented pieces he saw two uniformed police officers behind him, heard their boots pounding on the wooden floor. Just ten feet separated him from the mirror. At full speed he took two strides then dove. He stretched his arms out overhead and tucked his chin into his chest as his feet left the floor.
He felt one hand hit wall and the other strike broken glass. Then his head hit. More glass cracked, more skin split.
Darkness.
* * *
William's eyes popped open. He was staring at the ceiling. Rough voices, even rougher hands. They rolled him over onto his stomach and jerked his arms behind his back. He felt cold steel on his wrists and heard the metallic ratcheting as the handcuffs tightened and bit into his skin.
He tilted his head up and rested his chin against the floor. Blood poured down the side of his face; he watched it pool on the floor then seep between the wooden planks. By rolling his eyes up he could just see the empty spot on the wall where the mirror had hung. Lying on the floor, three feet from his head, was the broken frame and the rest of the glass.
The two cops grabbed his arms and yanked him to his feet, sending waves of pain through his shoulders and wrists. As they spun him toward the door, one of the officers said, "You're under arrest."
"Why?" William asked.
The officer pressed his face into William's. "Murdering your family for starters."
"My...my family." William felt his stomach cinch and his bowels turn to ice. A thought he'd had earlier in the night echoed inside his head. If he was here, who was there--at his home.
As the cops dragged him across the floor, William glanced up and saw the rusted metal sign nailed above the door.
OUT.
He was home.
THE END

To give you context I live in some of the shittier parts of Georgia. And my family is full of addicts and ex addicts. I'm sure you already know how the police feel about addicts. But anyway, I've been through 2 police raids. 1 when I was about 4 or 5. That one was because someone had used my moms ip to upload cp, the cops had been watching us for a month. Nothing even remotely suspicious, then when they raided our house. They shattered the door and the door frame. They held guns to my naked mother who had just fallen asleep. They held a gun to my step-moms head while they tore their room apart. And they pretty much destroyed our house, they didn't find shit. Aside from the drugs my moms had in the house. Which the cops laid out on their bed. Because they couldn't arrest them for any of it.
Now the 2nd time was a case of police brutality, we were living with my grandmother because she was dealing with real bad depression. Well she pissed off the guy she paid to mow her lawn, by cussing him out for not mowing the lawn while the septic tank was leaking. Well he was also a cop, and was able to call in a few favors. And basically had us pinned as the "biggest drug den in Henry County" they get a warrent. And they pull up with an entire swat team. They three flashbangs into our backyard with a 9 ft tall privacy fence because our dogs were barking. They threw flashbangs into our neighbors yard, which honestly fuck him, he killed our cat.
They busted open the door, they threw my disabled grandmother to the ground. Kicked my 15 yr old aunts knees put from under her and caused her to hit her head on the corner of a desk. They zip tied all the kids, tore our house apart again. They found a vault my step-mom had of pills she was given to keep safe by my grandmother. There were also some pills my Nana had given her for tooth pains. All of those were felony charges, 7 to be exact. That was the only thing they found, when my mom and step-mom got home. The cops threw her into the side of the car hard enough to leave a bruise and dent in the car. I was 6 then, the cops weren't allowed to do any of that. The warrant they had only allowed them to search and ask questions.
Now that we've covered my past experiences with cops, let's get into the reason i hate those pieces of shit. Like i said before my family is full of ex-addicts. Well my dad, I never knew him and that was my choice. Because all I knew is that he was constantly in jail and on drugs. I will always regret the fact that I never gave him a chance. Because he was constantly trying to get clean. He was always going to rehab, constantly on detox all of that. His issue was the people he was around didn't want to quit and didn't want him to quit. So he was constantly relapsing. Well 3 years ago now, he was 3 months clean. He'd been getting clean with some girl I don't remember her name. But they were getting clean together, well one day some fuck ass pos picks this girl up. And he takes her back to his place, obviously the dude is a well known piece of shit, or as my mom would say, grade A fuck nigga. So when my dad found out, he starts walking to this dude's place to beat his ass. Well some dumbass kid ends up hitting him with his car. And I don't blame the kid for anything we all make mistakes.
But the kid doesn't call the cops immediately he calls his granddad. His grandad was the ex commissioner I think I don't remember I just know he used to be hot shit with the cops. Well his granddad tells the kid he'll handle it and to just drive off. Granddad calls the cops out there and when they find my dad's body, they mark it as being a fucking bumper. My dad's body wasn't officially found until hours after the cops had been called. They tried to cover up his death. Then in the county newspaper the editor his name is Will Davis if you want to look him up. Wrote about my dad, calling him a druggie and lying about how my dad got hit. That piece of shit said my dad was sitting in the middle of the street when he got hit. My mom was able to sue the police department for covering up my dad's death she won the case. But everytime I think about that shit it pisses me off. Because to give you an example of how good of a person my dad was. When he died he didn't have shoes because he'd given his only pair to someone who'd had theirs stolen. I never knew him but I do know he was a good person.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

♫ I love being a Turtle ♫

Mutated in the sewers of New York many years ago, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are the sons and students of Hamato Splinter, and act as a force of good in New York City, where they battle many evils, chief among them the threat of the evil Foot Clan and it's master, the Shredder.

Leonardo

Leonardo's always in control. The field leader of the turtles, Leo is the most responsible and focused of the team. Wielding twin katana and wearing blue, Leo's skill is unparalleled on the battlefield.
Full RT

Strength

• Cuts off a mech suit's arm
• Sends Dark Leonardo flying through metal doors, warping them
• Lifts a car off of Raphael
• Pushes over a large statue with his legs

Durability

• Takes a hit from Razorfist, who dented and sent a thick metal door flying
• Not cut by Stockman's cyborg blades, which cut a semi in half
• Blades break on his shell
• Caught in the explosion of a bomb that brought down a warehouse

Speed/Agility

• Cuts a bullet out of the air
• Deflects, dodges, and catches crossbow bolts
• Leaps between missiles in mid-flight
• Slices a gun and armor to pieces before they begin to fall apart

Skill

• Disarms the other turtles in a training exercise
• Defeats invisible Foot Tech ninja by blindfighting
• Cuts the string off of a bundle of newspapers, then cuts the newspapers into stars as they fall
• Manages to complete Splinter's stealth lesson where the other turtles failed

Michelangelo

The wise guy is Michelangelo. The goofball of the group, Mikey is happy-go-lucky and a jokester, bringing a sense of levity to the fight. Wielding twin nunchucks and wearing orange, Mikey's attitude belies his adaptable fighting style, which he has made use of to win many important battles.
Full RT

Strength

• Hits a Mouser into a concrete pillar hard enough to break it with his nunchuck
• Kicks Mephos through a thick wall
• Breaks shackles holding his feet
• Rips off a robot's arm

Durability

• Thrown through large metal doors hard enough to warp them
• Kluh's blade, which sliced through a log, breaks on his shell
• Blasted by the Foot Mystics hard enough to break a stone pillar
• Hit with a laser from Nano, which sliced through a large statue

Speed/Agility

• Dodges some gunfire
• Dodges a missile launcher
• Dodges strikes form Leonardo and Raphel in a training match
• Acrobatically avoids police capture

Skill

• Trained in every weapon form
• Takes down Kluh while standing on one hand
• Beats a stronger foe by using stealth and fog from a fire extinguisher to wear him down
• Hits off a man's belt with his nunchuck

Donatello

Donatello, he's the brains of the bunch. The resident genius of the team, Don's intellect and skill in all things machine is a boon for his team in their battle against evil. Wielding a bo staff and wearing purple, Don's wide berth of expertise and ability make him an integral part of all battle planning.
Full RT

Strength

• Smacks mutant Hun through a concrete pillar
• Shatters several robots with a staff swing
• Throws his staff through a large bone structure
• Flings a large armored alien on the end of his staff

Durability

• Gets sent flying by Jammerhead through a metal door hard enough to warp it
• Takes blows from a Foot Mech disguised as Splinter that warped thick metal with strikes
• Ok after a missile destroys the warehouse he's in^S3E18
• Hit by Stockman's missiles, which blew a hole in the floor^S1E23

Speed/Agility

• Dodges shots from gatling guns
• Swats and dodges missiles fired by Stockman's mech
• Dodges attacks from a large robot with water arms
• Pole vaults onto a ship

Skill

• Defeats a group of Foot ninja
• Creates a portal that allows the turtles to enter cyberspace as well as gear for them to use in there
• Rigs an EMP using his laptop and a roller coaster
• Fixes a busted alien hovercraft in seconds

Raphael

Count on Raphael to throw the first punch. The turtles' hothead, Raph is an angry and driven fighter in his family's battle against evil. Wielding twin sai and wearing red, Raph is a ferocious force on the battlefield.
Full RT

Strength

• Smashes a large stone monster's head using its arm as a club
• Carves through rock with a sai
• Breaks Foot robots
• Holds open the jaws of a mechanical dragon

Durability

• Punched through a building wall by giant Cyber Shredder
• Charged by a monster that smashes through trees
• Hit by a blast from the Sword of Tengu which destroyed a dock and heavily fractured the concrete ground
• Powers through an electric whip

Speed/Agility

• Catches a crossbow bolt
• Dodges an RPG
• Dodges strikes from 3 Foot ninja at once
• Leaps through a laser trap

Skill

• Manhandles some mobsters
• Beats a robot that can predict his moves by using Leonardo's swords
• Ricochets his sai off of trucks to take out Street Phantoms
• Sneaks up on two Foot ninja

Shared Feats

• Leonardo, Raphael, and Michelangelo hold back a large robot^S2E1
• All four Turtles hold up a large piece of debris^S2E15
• All four Turtles lift Cody's Turtle X armor from the ledge of a chasm^S6E5

Turtle Gear

Shared Gear

• Climbing claws that dig into concrete^S1E2
• Shell phones^S4E3
• Gear designed to deal with a mutant outbreak^S4E19
• Dart guns that return cyber beings that got loose in the real world to cyberspace^S7E8
• Gear for fighting another mutant outbreak^S7E14
• Mech suits for fighting mutant dinosaurs^S7E14

Battle Shell I

Physicals

• Knocks over giant robot^S1E5
• Crushes a dumpster^S1E1
• Smashes through some gates^S1E1
• Smashes through a security shutter^S1E8
• Takes several hits from Nano^S1E5
  • In a weaker body, Nano punched through several prison walls^S2E11
• Unharmed by energy turrets that leave holes in the concrete floor^S1E21
• Unaffected by a flamethrower^S1E9

Gadgets/Weapons

• Shoots missiles^S1E9
  • Blows up a turret and a metal door^S1E21
• Shoots a single missile that blows up a thick metal wall^S1E21
  • Blows up a control booth^S1E21
  • Makes a crater in concrete^S4E15
• Tracks the unique energy signature of nanobots^S1E5
• Can be remotely called to a location^S1E8
• Activates boosters to ram a truck^S1E9
  • Uses boosters to tilt on its side to pass through a closing door^S1E21
• Uses a grappling hook to stop itself from driving off of a dock^S1E9

Misc Vehicles

• The Battle Shell II, allegedly an improved version of the Battle Shell that doesn't really get used^S4E19
• The Shell Cycle, a motorcycle stored within the Battle Shell^S1E4
• The Sewer Slider, a hoverboat^S1E2
  • Has a stealth mode^S1E13
  • Extendable bed^S2E19
• The Sewer Sled, a rocket powered watercraft^S5E6
• The Turtle Tunneler, a drilling vehicle^S2E13
  • Designed to withstand lava^S2E13
• The Shell Sub, a submarine^S2E18
  • Has depth charges and torpedos^S2E18
    • The torpedoes make a crater in the sea floor^S4E15
  • Takes fire from Shrednauts, which blasts through concrete^S4E15
• The Turtle Copter, an overhauled military helicopter^S4E24
  • Has energy weapons that smash concrete^S7E5
  • The weapons destroy mutant dinosaurs^S7E14
  • The weapons blow up Foot robots^F
• The Turtle Taxi, an armored taxi^S5E6
  • Knocks aside wrecked cars^S5E7
  • Rotates its wheels to drive sideways^S5E7
  • Has a grappling line it uses to tow away a car^S5E7
  • Has a fire extinguisher^S5E7
  • Has a jet engine in the trunk^S5E7
  • Rights itself after being flipped over^S5E7
• The Hover Shell, a futuristic hovercraft used while the turtles were stuck in the future^S6E2
  • The cockpit can separate and become a ground vehicle^S6E2
    • Also functions in water^S6E20
  • Crushes a car with its weight^S6E7
• The Turtle Hauler, an overhauled garbage truck with hover capabilities^S7E2
  • Gets hit with fire hydrant caps^S7E11
  • Has an energy cannon that breaks a support pillar^S7E14
  • Fires missiles^S7E14
    • Blows up a dog mutant^F
  • Engages a device that it uses to break support beams^S7E14
  • Drives straight through some mutant dinosaurs^S7E14
  • Flies through a concrete floor^S7E14
• Flight packs^S4E7

Leonardo

"Leonardo's always in control"

Leonardo is one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, mutant turtles taught the way of the ninja by their rat sensei, Hamato Splinter. Leo is the most skilled and responsible of the turtles, acting as the team's field leader on missions against their enemies, most notably the ninja crime lord known as the Shredder.
Feats will be marked with the season and episode number (i.e. S3E5). Feats from Turtles Forever will be marked with F.

Physicals

Strength

Swords

• Cuts off a giant robot's arm^S1E5
  • Again^S4E2
• Cuts through a Triceraton hoverplatform^S3E2
• Cuts off the arm of Stockman's mech^S1E23
• Slices through a stone monster's limbs^S4E12
• Decapitates Utrom Shredder's armor^S1E23
• Penetrates Utrom Shredder's armor^S2E8
• Slices apart a robot^S2E20
• Cuts off a robot's arm^S6E3
• Stabs through a piece of machinery^S1E23
• Cuts apart Mousers^S1E1
  • 2^S1E2
  • 3^S1E2
  • 4^S1E2
  • 5^S1E2
• Slices through a stone sword^S4E14
• Decapitates a statue of Oroku Saki^S4E16
• Slices a small robot in half^S2E22
• Cuts through a thick metal roof^S6E21
• Slices an Utrom hovercraft in half^S1E26
• Cuts a metal pole^S1E14
• Cuts bus railings^S2E15
• Cuts cage bars^S1E8
• Cuts a gun in half lengthwise^S6E26
• Cuts apart a gun^S3E11
• Slices the barrels of laser rifles^S2E1
  • 2^S2E18
  • 3^S3E24
  • 4^S4E4
  • 5^S4E9
  • 6^S4E11
• Cuts a pipe^S1E4
• Cuts down metal supports on the roof of a sewer^S2E1
• Cuts down a metal chair support^S2E15
• Cuts through a turret^S3E9
• Cuts an elevator cable^S1E22
• Cuts through swords^S1E10
• Stabs the roof of a semi trailer^S2E10
• Cuts chain^S1E6
  • 2^S1E9
  • 3^S2E15
  • 4^S3E12
• Cuts through a tire underwater^S4E3

Striking

• One shots Foot Tech ninjas^S1E17
  • A Foot Tech takes a hit that launches him hard enough to warp a large metal beam^S1E7
• Kicks a large stone mutant into a wall hard enough to crater it^S2E13
• Kicks a Foot ninja into an hvac unit hard enough to warp it^S1E11
• Punches Hun into a chimney, causing it to collapse on him^S1E17
• Sends Dark Leonardo flying through metal doors, warping them^S6E23
• Punches a foe, sending him sliding across a bar and putting his head through the wall^S6E3
• Breaks doors^S1E22
• Knocks out a group of Triceratons with a kick^S2E3
• Kicks a zombie hard enough to snap a spear^S3E17
• One shots Foot ninja^S1E6
• One shots goons^S1E4
• With Raphael, kicks Casey into a large gong hard enough to damage it^S7E2

Lifting/Throwing

• Throws a Triceraton into a metal beam hard enough to warp it^S6E18
• Throws a Triceraton hard enough to smash a crate^S6E26
• Flings a Triceraton across a training room^S2E4
• Throws a car bench at a pursuing Triceraton^S2E2
• Forces open a mutant T-rex's jaws^S7E14
• Lifts a car off of Raphael with one arm^S6E4
• Moves a large piece of rubble off of himself^S7E5
• Holds up a Triceraton with one arm^S3E5
• Throws shuriken hard enough to embed in a gun^S4E4
• Throws shuriken hard enough to embed in concrete^S4E5 *With Raphael, holds up a large stone trap^S6E15

Clashing

• Matches a mace blow from Stockman's cyborg body, which used the mace to make shockwaves that knocked over semi trucks^S7E5
• Pushes back a strike from Dark Michelangelo^S6E23
  • Dark Michelangelo launched Michelangelo through a thick concrete wall^S6E12
• Locks blades with Hun^S1E10
• Locks blades with the Daimyo's guards, who can cut into stone^S3E23
• Clashes with and overpowers several Foot ninja at once^S1E11

Other

• Pushes over a large statue with his legs^S3E17
• Bends open a large metal door^S4E9
• Either he or Raphael flings Michelangelo through large metal doors hard enough to warp them^S6E7
• Disarms Raphael, launching his sai hard enough to embed in concrete^S1E10
• Stabs into concrete with a bladed gauntlet^S2E10

Durability

Blunt

• Gets kicked by Utrom Shredder^S1E11
• Takes a hit from Razorfist, who dented and sent a thick metal door flying^S1E14
• Takes a hit from Stockman's mech^S1E23
  • Stockman's mech hit Shredder hard enough to make a hole in the wall and slammed him through a pillar^S1E23
• Punched through a building wall by giant Cyber Shredder^S7E8
• Hit by Dr. Dome's mech, which busted a large hole in stone^S2E22
• Takes a hit from Hun^S1E10
  • Hun hit Raphael hard enough to warp steel bars^S1E8 and swung a mace straight through solid metal^S3E25
• Gets thrown by Hun hard enough to warp a metal pole^S1E18
• Gets hit by Hun collapsing a steel cage on him^S1E8
  • Hit by Hun into a pigeon coop^S1E17
• Takes repeated hits from Foot Tech ninja^S1E17
  • Takes more hits^S1E21
    • A Foot Tech launches another hard enough to warp a large metal beam^S1E7
• Takes a kick from a Triceraton^S2E4
  • A generic Triceraton tears apart a hovercraft^S2E2
• Hit with a shoulder charge by Leatherhead^S2E12
  • Leatherhead rips a large metal gate out of the wall and throws it,^S3E9 punches a metal door out of its frame and warps it,^S3E25 and sends Mutated Donatello flying through a concrete wall with a tail slap^S4E24
• Takes blows from a Foot Mech disguised as Splinter^S2E19
  • The Mech warped thick metal with strikes^S2E19
• Kicked into a lamppost hard enough to bend it by the Ultimate Ninja^S2E10
• Hit by a monster that broke trees in half^S4E2
• Punched through concrete by Sh'Okanobo^S6E7
• Fine after being thrown into a large shelving unit hard enough for it to collapse on him^S1E21
• Flung back by brainwashed Michelangelo hard enough to smash a couch^S6E11
• Falls onto a car hard enough to dent the roof^S1E11
• Takes a kick from brainwashed Casey Joens^S7E2
  • Casey smacked Hun bleachers hard enough to collapse them^S1E8 and kicked a door open hard enough to break the cement bricks it hits^S4E5
• Jumps off of a building into a garbage truck^S2E1

Piercing

• Not cut by Stockman's cyborg blades, which cut a semi in half^S7E5
• His shell is uncut by a Foot Elite's blade^S2E20
  • An Elite cuts through a suit of armor^S1E18
• Blades break on his shell^S1E6
• Jumps through a window^S4E5

Energy

• Hit by a blast from the Sword of Tengu^S1E6
  • Again^S1E23
    • A cannon powered by the Sword destroyed a dock and heavily fractured the concrete ground^S1E6
• Fine after being caught in Tengu Shredder's energy tornado, which destroyed the top of his fortress and flung the turtles away^S5E11
• Blasted by the Foot Mystics, who launch Michelangelo hard enough to break a stone pillar^S1E22
• Hit with a laser from Nano, which sliced through a large statue^S5E6

Explosives

• Caught in the explosion of a bomb that brought down a warehouse^S2E14
• Ok after a missile destroys the warehouse he's in^S3E18
• Ok after a bomb collapses bleachers on him^S2E18
• Hit by Stockman's missiles, which blew a hole in the floor^S1E23
• Hit by missiles from Stockman's cyborg body^S7E5

Other

• Hikes up a mountain with a large pack on his back^S5E1

Speed/Agility

Against Projectiles

• Dodges a laser^S1E3
• Cuts a bullet out of the air^S3E11
• Deflects, dodges, and catches crossbow bolts^S2E24
• Cuts an arrow fired from behind out of the air^S1E10
• Cuts more arrows out of the air^S3E22
• Blocks arrows with a table after they're fired in a training exercise^S6E3
• Leaps between missiles in mid-flight^S7E14
• Dodges a missile fired from a Foot tank^S1E21
• Dodges missiles fired from Stockman's mech^S1E23
• Dodges an RPG^S2E15
  • 2^S2E16
  • 3^S4E11
• Dodges energy blasts from Stockman's robot^S2E14
• Deflects energy blasts from turrets^S3E9
• Deflects blasts from laser rifles^S4E9
• Dodges fire from a Shrednaut^S4E16
• Catches a blade thrown from behind just before it hits him^S2E10
• Dodges Stockman's flamethrower^S1E23
• Deflects shuriken thrown by the Ultimate Ninja^S2E10
• Deflects a hail of shuriken thrown by Foot ninja^S1E11
• Deflects more shuriken^S6E3
• Catches a thrown spoon between his feet^S6E2

Against Melee

• Dodges a sword swing from Utrom Shredder^S1E23
• Dodges a surprise punch from behind from the Ultimate Ninja^S2E10
  • Catches a strike just before it hits him^S2E10
• Catches a sword swing from Agent Bishop^S3E18
• Dodges an attack from Karai^S2E20
  • Karai (disguised as Shredder) deflects gunfire^S2E16
• Dodges attacks from a Foot Elite^S2E8
  • Elites deflect gunfire^S2E16
• Dodges a swing from a Foot ninja^S1E6
  • Foot ninja dodge^S2E14 and deflect gunfire^S2E16
• Dodges attacks from two alien gladiators^S2E4
• Easily dodges strikes from two Triceratons^S6E18
• Catches an axe swing from a Triceraton gladiator^S2E4
• Dodges a punch from a giant robot^S2E11
  • 2^S5E10
• Dodges a punch from a large monster^S4E2
• Easily dodges attacks from karate students^S7E2
• Acrobatically dodges large stone traps^S6E15

Cutting

• Slices a robot into several pieces before it begins to fall^S2E20
• Slices apart a gun and armor in the same way^S3E11
• Slices apart another gun in a similar manner^S4E4
• Slices apart another gun^S6E10
• Cuts apart a bat in a similar manner^S7E14

Movement/Agility

• Fights while balancing on bamboo poles in the dark as part of his training^S1E7
• Bicycle kicks Hun^S1E10
• Attaches a grappling hook to a truck and swings on it to attack his foe from behind^S2E10
• Takes out Foot ninja by jumping on their heads^S1E11
• Flips around rock spires to avoid a giant serpent^S5E5
• Jumps off of a wall to avoid a large monster^S2E4
• Recovers after being flung by a tornado^S1E22
• Flips across the lair to catch a tape after Casey drops it^S2E10
• Leaps through a laser trap^S3E9
• Leaps across rooftops^S1E1
• Leaps up bridge cables to reach the top^S2E10
• Scales a building^S1E1
• Wall runs^S6E2
  • 2^F
• Leaps up onto a ship from the dock^S1E6
• Flips up onto an awning^S1E1
• Jumps onto stampeding dinosaurs and then off to safety^S4E20
• Jumps onto a train as it passes^S1E2
• Springs off of a polearm over a group of guards^S3E23
• Swings from a grappling hook to catch Splinter as he's falling^S1E23
• Swings from a grappling hook onto the Foot's HQ^S4E16
• Walks across a tightrope^S1E25
• Catches up to a semi by moving through the trees^S2E10
• Outruns a rolling boulder^S1E13
• Flips up the line of the other turtles hanging from a ledge^S3E26
• With the other turtles, flings himself up to the top of a ledge while hanging from a rope^S1E13

Skill

Vs Single Opponents

• Defeats Karai^S4E16
• Defeats Rat King^S4E5
• Beats an undefeated Triceraton gladiator in a quick duel^S2E4
• Disarms Splinter in a spar^S4E14
• Disarms Karai^S2E15
• Disarms Tomoe Ame, a samurai^S3E22
• Disarms Jammerhead^S6E5
• Maneuvers in Hun's grip in order to twist his arm^S4E4

Vs Groups

• Disarms the other turtles in a training exercise^S1E10
  • Takes down Raphael and Donatello in a training exercise^S4E7
• Defeats a group of Foot ninja^S1E10
  • Defeats another group and an even larger group after fighting the Foot clan for over 12 hours^S1E17
• Defeats a group of Mogura ninja^S3E22
• Defeats Shredder's Foot Elite with the other turtles^S1E23
• Defeats a group of Triceraton soldiers with the other turtles^S2E3
• Defeats a group of Foot Ninja with the other turtles^S2E14
• Fights off a group of Neko ninja with Usagi and Gen^S3E22
• Trashes the Purple Dragons, the toughest gang in New York, with the other turtles^S1E1
• With the other turtles, defeats a group of Avian warriors while wearing a flight pack^S4E7

Blindfighting

• Defeats invisible Foot Tech ninja by blindfighting^S1E17
• Blocks strikes from Splinter in a blindfighting exercise^S2E9
• Cuts down swinging candles while blindfolded^S4E13

Cutting Precision

• Cuts the string off of a bundle of newspapers, then cuts the newspapers into stars as they fall^S1E10
• Cuts Karai's Shredder helmet to pieces off of her face without hurting her^S4E16
• Cuts a mask off of a man's face without hurting him^S4E12
• Cuts webbing off of Michelangelo and Raphael without hurting them^S2E13
• Cuts off Leatherhead's bonds without hurting him^S3E9
• Cuts off a man's pants without hurting him^S3E11

Accuracy

• Reflects blasts back at the turrets that fired them^S6E26
• Throws a sword through three candles while blindfolded^S4E13
• Throws a shield to hit an assassin in the rafters^S2E24
• Throws a shuriken to knock a knife out of a man's hands^S4E12
• Kicks a knife to pin a Street Phantom to some barrels^S6E5

Stealth

• Manages to complete Splinter's stealth lesson where the other turtles failed^S1E1
• Sneaks into the Foot Clan's HQ without being detected^S4E16
• Sneaks on board a Foot ship^S2E19
• Takes down some Purple Dragons in their hideout without being noticed^S4E4
• Sneaks away from a group of soldiers^S2E1
• Pulls a Batman on April^S1E3
  • Again^S1E16

Mechanical/Metalworking Skill

• Tricks out an armored car with the other turtles^S1E4
• Forges new swords^S1E20
• Forges new armor and weapons^S7E14
• Makes weapons and a windsurfer out of jungle supplies^S2E21

Precision Striking

• Discombobulates Hun by striking his ears^S1E8
• Uses a pressure point to knock out a giant alligator as a child^S1E19

General

• Trained in every weapon form^S2E12
• Uses a technique to slow his breathing and heart rate in order to survive without atmosphere^S2E3
• Flings an active landmine away from him with Donatello's staff^S3E9
• With the other turtles, defeats the Foot Mystics on the Astral Plane^S4E8
• The turtles were naturally resistant to a magic spell that made a demon invisible^S5E9
• Reconstructs what happened when Donatello and Splinter were attacked by the Foot in his mind in order to find where they have hidden, doing the same for Michelangelo and Raphael^S4E16

Gear

Swords

• His trademark swords^S1E1
  • Bounces back a laser beam^S1E3
  • Blocks shots from Triceraton blasters, which blow a large hole in a stone ceiling^S2E5
  • Witshands clashing against the Ultimate Ninja's kusarigama chain, which snapped a lamppost in half^S2E10
  • Withstands clashing against the Ultimate Ninja's swords, which cut through a bridge cable^S2E10
  • Blocks blasts from a robot^S2E15 that blew a hole in a wall^S2E14

Fast Forward

When the turtles and Splinter are brought into the year 2105, they are given special gear that provides them with a personal atmosphere, gravity regulators, and a universal translation device as well as futuristic versions of their traditional weapons

• Fires energy blades from his swords that cut through concrete^S6E2
• Cuts through a ring post^S6E4
• Cuts through a mech suit's leg^S6E10
• Cuts a monster's teeth^S6E22
• Cuts through metal cuffs^S6E22
• Throws them to cut through chain^S6E9
• Evaporates water with a sword, creating a smokescreen^S6E16

Cyberspace

When the turtles enter cyberspace, they use special armor and vehicles

• The vehicles can track energy signatures like Splinter's data bits or the Cyber Shredder^S7E3
  • The vehicles drive up falling rubble^S7E10
• Stabs his cyber swords into a data stream^S7E3
• His swords destroy Cyber Shredder's arms^S7E10
• In cyberspace, the turtles are capable of teleporting^S7E3

Chi

After training under the Ninja Tribunal, the turtles gain the ability to tap into their chi to enhance themselves

Enhancing Physicality

Though Leonardo is never seen using his chi to enhance himself physically, he received the same training as the other turtles and by all accounts should be capable of replicating their feats

• Raphael grabs a large stone golem and swings it into another, shattering both^S5E4
• Donatello punches through a large stone golem, shattering it^S5E4
• Michelangelo performs Hisomi's speed technique to reach a guarded cask unseen^S5E2
  • Hisomi used this technique to cross a 200 yard bridge so fast that nobody watching him saw him move^S5E2
• Michelangelo matches Hisomi's speed^S5E4
• Michelangelo saves Karai from a snake strike^S5E8

Dragon Form

By focusing his chi, Leonardo is able to manifest and embody his spirit animal, the dragon, on the physical plane

Fire Breath

• With the other turtle-dragons, matches a blast from Tengu Shredder with his fire breath^S5E8
• With the other turtle-dragons, blasts Tengu Shredder through the roof of a skyscraper with his fire breath^S5E8
• Blasts dragon Tengu Shredder through several buildings with his fire breath^S5E12

Physicals

• Gets blasted by dragon Tengu Shredder^S5E12
• Tackles dragon Tengu Shredder through some buildings^S5E12
• Destroys Tengu Shredder's helmet by stomping on it^S5E12

Misc

• Summoning his dragon spirit destroys nearby nezumi tengu^S5E4

Gunshin

Gunshin is a mystical sword and is the weapon that Faraji received from the Dragon Forge. Faraji gifted Gunshin to Leonardo on his deathbed, claiming that the sword was always meant for him

• Evaporates a river^S5E2
• Disintegrates a giant demon^S5E5
• Disintegrates the Wind Herald^S5E11
• Destroys a giant robot^S5E10
• Holds open the Herald's portal^S5E5
• Puts out the ring of fire surrounding him^S5E11

After a 1940 defined by gathering strengths and refinement across the feature, the early months of 1941 bring a few troubling portents behind-the-scenes for Fox's affectionately termed Grainy Gladiator. Nothing ruinous in itself, but signs of an upcoming radical shift away from what the character represented to start.
For one, the April issue of Adventure Comics (#61) brings with it a new cover feature, Ted Knight AKA Starman, courtesy writer-artist Jack Burnley. Already the second lengthiest entry in the book at nine pages, Starman quickly managed what neither Sandman nor Hourman could during their respective years as star attractions and upgraded to a full thirteen pages by his third appearance in #63. For context, Sandman only went from six pages to ten with its upgrade, while Hourman has remained rockstaedy at eight pages, and neither took down another non-superhero supporting feature to justify the page increase like Starman did Barry O'Neil and Mark Lansing. Moreover, from Starman's second appearance on, he is only drawn by Burnley; writing duties now belong to the Sandman's own Gardner Fox.
Which loops in with two other issues at play over Wesley's tossing, turning figure. Starting with issue #61, available online sources no longer fully agree who wrote what for the Sandman feature. You must understand, outside superstar figures with major pull like the creators of Superman or Batman, very few creative teams are properly credited in these Golden Age comics - my credits the last few posts have all been crossreferenced across numerous wikis and databases who owe their credits to investigative work by fans like Jerry Bails back in the 1960s. Such work was sadly not exhaustive, and while a few places (like DC Continuity Project and Wikipedia) state or else imply Fox stayed on as writer for the next few issues, from June to November there is no consensus as to who penned the stories.
I shouldn't be surprised if Fox's involvement terminated with the March issue, for April also saw All-Star Comics shift its format slightly, with Fox writing all nine interior stories for the 64 page mag in addition to his duties on the longer Starman feature. Man would have to work double time to keep pace, even if Sandman didn't drop to eight pages with #62 in May. Either way, Fox is certainly gone following #64 in July, as that issue features the final story drawn by regular artist and co-creator Creig Flessel, who departs to work on Shining Knight later in the year. As I say, things are changing fast for Sandman, and not all changes seem necessarily for the better. Best, however, to take the stories on their own level before drawing any final conclusions!
^{Coverage note: This entry goes to July rather than June for the sake of my sanity. If I stopped midway through the year, I'd only need cover seven features here, but the back half of '41 would require coverage of eleven. A nine-nine split feels much more feasible.}

• ADVENTURE COMICS #58 (January)

Orchids of Doom - Gardner Fox, Creig Flessel, Chad Grothkopf

Once again, a socialite friend to Wes and Dian is at the center of a minor mystery with big implications - namely, how can Pedro Nogades, father to Carla, rightly claim he breeds otherwise purely wild orchids in captivity? Investigating as the Sandman, Wes and Dian find a dead man in the Nogades greenhouse with his head stripped to the bone, and in following another fellow who sniffed an orchid before promising a shipment of such to some ruffians on the bad side of town, see his own face dissolve to bare skull. A visit to the police chemist reveals the orchids on the dead men's persons were laced to release a deadly flesh-eating gas on exposure to natural air, which is enough probably cause for Wesley to enlist Carla's boyfriend Bill in staging a raid on the Nogades manor. Some close shaves and fisticuffs end with the group discovering a diorama of the local coast, laid out to assist enemy agents in an invasion. Pedro is put away and the orchids revealed as concealing microfilm copies of the coastal plans, but how do we square the mystery that started it all? Simple: Nogades was no botanist, and called the flower by the wrong name when concocting his cover story!
An alright yarn to kick of the calendar year. As per usual when Fox tries for a somewhat complicated mystery, he's no adequate means of tying off loose ends other than large blocks of text, but it's lively and keeps the situation evolving with decent justifications for mid-story action and dragging Bill along for further fisticuffs. Hooking the entire mystery on, "Oh, the bad guy misspoke," is a tad lame, if understandable in the context of Fox's passion for slipping general knowledge flexes into his stories. Flessel and Grothkopf get some good mileage out've the skull imagery that crops up whenever the flower kills, and I rather like the brief bout of fisticuffs towards the end. The minor social awkwardness when Bill gets in the car with Wes and Dian is pretty good too, and I'm sorry to report I can't add this story to the "Wesley getting shot" count, as the bad guy only plugs his hat. Kinda funny having a Golden Age Sandman story involving orchids given Neil's own pre-Sandman work with Black Orchid, innit?

• ADVENTURE COMICS #59 (February)

The Story of the Flaming Ruby - Fox, Flessel, Grothkopf

There exists a ruby of blazing red, which has driven men to rage and madness wherever it appears, and today it sits in the hand of a young man in the local jeweler's shop, who flashes it cross Dian's vision. Later in the evening, she wakes in a trance consumed with the urge to kill her father, stopped only by Sandman as he rushes in from investigating a similarly queer case. A bank teller friend from his private life has found himself driven to steal from the vault and deliver it to some crooks on a lonely road every night, all after one of those men flashed him the ruby. Wes and Dian are unable to stop this night's transaction (on account of the ruby briefly turning Dian against Sandman), but seeing the gem in action gives Wes an idea on how to counteract its effects, and go into battle during the next drop armed with blue cobalt glasses. A brawl puts down all the blackmailers except one, but Wes opts instead to go after the head of the operation, knocking him out and lurking in the dark to catch the last as he reports in, revealing the bank teller! Turns out the ruby DOES have hypnotic properties and was used to assist their robberies, but the teller - hoping by playing at the victim to lure Sandman into his cohorts' midst and rub him out - spoke as if he remembered the whole experience, where Dian forgot herself on every exposure. Oops!
Same basic mystery structure and resolution type here as last month, complete with overly-wordy explanation, although I find the hook of pitting Dian and Wesley against one another gives it a minor leg up, as does the relatively straightforward nature of the criminal operation compared to planting microfilm in deadly flowers. There's a more even balance between the rush in bust 'em up style of crime-fighting the feature has developed and the stealthy skullduggery I think suits the character best, with nice action art to match each. Dian has some silly faces whenever she wakes from her hypnosis, and the four panel sequence of Wes halting her murder attempt works pretty well. This is, unfortunately, the final pencil-inking collaboration between Flessel and Grothkopf, and much as I've kvetched over the second man's solo work, I'm sorry to see the back of him in this capacity. When the two were in proper tune, they were the best artistic team Sandman enjoyed yet.
(Stop dodging bullets, I want to see you gunshot.)

• ADVENTURE COMICS #60 (March)

Mystery at Malay Mac's - Fox, Grothkopf

^{Hey, a rare post-Hourman, pre-redesign cover appearance! That's always nice. "Hello, officer? Yeah, coupla chucklefucks right here, the alley off Fourth, can't miss 'em."}
What's this? Dian breaking into a notorious criminal slumlord's safe in the bad part of town? A safe, as Wes discovers after he scares the lady off, filled to the brim with poison gas! Evidently not, as Dian is sound asleep when Wes arrives at Belmont manor to investigate, and a subsequent visit to Mister Mac reveals the only person who'd know the safe was booby-trapped is a local kidnapping organizer. Some blind, flailing fists turns up the girl, Dian's perfect duplicate, snatched from out of state to replace Dian and gain leverage over the cops. Too bad the kidnapper's made of strong stuff, knocking out Sandman and taking both woman for a ride to get back at Mac. Fortunately, Dian leaves Wes a trail of jewelry out the window, enabling him to follow and take down all the crooks with one throw of his gas pistol, revealing in the process 'twas Mac himself who tipped Dian's duplicate to his safe, in hopes of spoiling his rival's big plot.
Art-wise, this is probably Grothkopf's best work for Sandman to date. His tendency to exaggerate is translated into some properly goonish faces for the villains and really, really strong action poses, with some properly atmospheric shots sprinkled in for good measure. He cannot draw the gasmask for piss, but there's such an improvement I almost thought this was a Flessel joint before checking the wiki credits. Makes me wish we could see what he'd do if he kept on as a solo artist - free from the impulse to treat the feature as a cartoon, he produces damn fine work. As a story, this makes good time to mention my misgivings with Wesley's tendency to burst through windows and start swinging long before he thinks to use his sleeping gas. While it's great fun to describe and hype up as the mark of a madman who's even cooler as the badass normal than Batman, it also encourages a faster degradation in the character's identity. I'm sure you'll notice it's been yonks since lurking in the shadows and thinning the ranks by knocking them out in advance has factored into the stories. That Wes handles the bad guy by literally clonking him over the head with the gas gun rather than pulling the trigger speaks to the influence other, punchier superhero features have exerted over the strip.

• ADVENTURE COMICS #61 (April)

The Menace of the Metal Gun - Fox?, Flessel

From aboard a mysterious aircraft, a madman fires upon the city with a metal-melting ray that dissolves the skyscrapers into slag! Alerted to Doctor Borloff's activities, Wesley meets with swift defeat when the rogue scientist melts his gas gun and escapes in his cylindercraft to terrorize afresh. There IS a bright side, as seeing the ray firsthand gives Wesley some idea how to counteract its effects, and he sends Dian and her father warning for the local airforce to coat their planes in sand as a silicate buffer against the ray. Alas, only one officer heeds his message, leaving Sandman alone to get aboard the machine via his new wirepoon gun and defeat Borloff from within. For his brawling process, a good midflight fight is nothing if the hero gets tossed out an open door, but fortunately he can grapple onto the lone surviving plane, recover his bearings, zip back up, and put a stop to Borloff's dreams of world conquest once and for all!
Action is the name of the game here, and even without Grothkopf's inking enhancements, I think Flessel does a fine job on his own. I'm wary of the wirepoon in the future, as by year's end it will completely replace the gas gun as Sandman's sidearm of choice in further drift from the original Christman concept, but taken as a neutral in its debut, giving Sandman greater aerial mobility does lead to some cool shots and enhance the sense Wes goes stark bananas in the mask by pulling some stunts that would almost certainly pull his arms from their sockets in real life. There are, however, some particularly stiff action shots, and in one panel Flessel cocks up the design on the mask worse than Grothkopf last ish. Based on the opening vignette, Borloff decimated millions of innocent lives in addition to all the planes he melted out of the sky, making him easily the deadliest foe Wes has faced to date, and in turn making the "We did it, gang, everything is bright and peachy again!" ending sorta offputting. They'll have to organize mass funerals tomorrow, Wes. Show a little respect.

• ALL-STAR COMICS #4 (April)

For America and Democracy: The Grey Shirts - Fox, Grothkopf

In the top-level story, the JSA learn of their mission for the FBI: a group of Nazi insurgents known as the Grey Shirts are plotting subversive and destructive activities all across America, and are now posed to badly destabilize the nation in a series of disruptive attacks. Each is assigned a mission at critical points cross the nation, though given the widely-ranging disparity in their powers, their usefulness to the cause varies equally wildly. The Atom humiliates some goons spreading Nazi ideology at a single college, Hawkman barely prevents the destruction of an aviation plant in California, and Hourman's defense of an Oklahoma oil field ends with him toppling one of the oil towers to stop his quarry. Meanwhile, Green Lantern detonates a zeppelin secretly jamming radio transmissions nationwide, the Spectre casually annihilates some otherworldly vampiric globes sympathetic to Hitler's cause, and Doctor Fate uses his magic to out every single spy on the eastern seaboard. Uneven efforts or not, the group converge on the Grey Shirts' ringleader, and with a little help from Johnny Thunder, turn him over to good ol' J. Edgar Hoover's custody. Alas, Wesley does not get the blood he's thirsting after.
(Also Doctor Fate alerts Wesley to the identity and location of the ringleader before his mission starts rather than letting him figure it out on his own like everyone else. Prick.)
For his six-page leg of the assignment, the Sandman is off to El Paso, Texas to assist a local newspaper under threat from the Grey Shirts for printing pro-democracy and anti-Hitler editorials. Of course, this being Wesley Dodds on the job, he gets this information by roughing his way into the newspaper offices, then acts on it by beating on the guard at the Grey Shirts' camp and pounding down a band of brainwashed young men to prove he's a better American than them. After sending the wannabe Nazis for a whirl by running their bomb shipment off the road, Wesley doubles back to completely break the recruits' spirits, daring them to prove their hard enough by shooting an unarmed man in Hitler's name, chiefly himself. When none can cut the mustard, he marches them back into town with collars strapped to his car, and inspires the lot to join the Army to a few shirtless bars of "God Bless America."
Cripes but jingoism produces some heady results, doesn't it? I'm not sure I can rightly condone the ridiculous levels of patriotism on display here, even against such classically anti-American enemies as Nazis, yet at the same time, look at this and tell me it isn't the hardest shit you'll see all week. Again, though I've my misgivings about Wes as a brawler no matter how entertaining the results prove, there's something endearing about him being so raring for a fight his first move is to altercate the receptionist at the place he's assigned to defend. On the whole, Grothkopf's final Sandman contribution also shows refinement from his earlier works, the broader, thicker elements of his linework now tempers on a somewhat more grounded approach. Certainly the Sandman himself keeps a consistent look better than he does in any other issue published thus far this year. I DO notice he reused Flessel's design for the District Attorney wholesale on the newspaper publisher. Since he's going and heading out on a job well done, let's not hold it against him, eh?

• ADVENTURE COMICS #62 (May)

The Purple Death Ray - Fox?, Flessel

At the nightly planetarium show, a member of the audience screams and falls down dead, stricken by a litany of strange symptoms with no obvious cause. Wesley, believing the man was killed by a death ray, examines the auditorium's projector, only to find no obvious alterations or fault. Undeterred, he purchases himself a seat next to the murdered man's for the next show, which is now occupied by another fellow who received a last-second courtesy invitation. Acting quickly, the Sandman reexamines the projector from the shadows and finds a replacement bulb screwed into the socket pointed directly at the man's chair. With assistance from his wirepoon, Sandman swings down and wrenches the man from his seat just as the show starts, the bulb bathing his seat in deadly radiation. On learning the man is a former judge and the deceased a former DA, it's not long before Wes ferrets out the killer; it's the cashier, a former scientist sent to jail for misappropriating university funds years ago, out for revenge and now stopped cold.
See, while I'm skeptical about the growing presence of science-fiction elements in the series, they make fine fodder when they play to Sandman's strengths. Lurking high above a crowd of people seeking the answer to some deadly mystery is exactly Wes' bag, and plus or minus some strange mask drawings, Flessel captures that thrill of closely examining a big deadly machine in secret before it fires. I'd submit the page where Sandman saves the judge from the beam as an easy contender for best of the year thus far, and the shot where Wes pushes Dian away from the killer's bullet is another fine piece of work. My memories of this one before sitting down to reread and write were a lot chillier, probably because I wish the series remained in crime pulp rather than raygun pulp, but a good outcome is a good outcome. Seriously, though, why is the mask going so bobble-eyed of late?

• ADVENTURE COMICS #63 (June)

The Voodoo Sorcerer - ???, Flessel

As Dian and Wesley tiff over his interest in an exotic dancer they know through a mutual friend, the woman's tail-lashing dance is interrupted when she sees a great glowing triangle materialize before her eyes. With the shock straining her bad heart, the Sandman brings her to boyfriend's house, where he reveals the triangle is a voodoo witch doctor's means of accusing someone of murder - just as news comes over the wire that the man the woman lashed with her costume tail has died! Smelling a rat, Wes rushes to the scene of the crime to find the taile barbed with poison quills, only for the titular sorcerer to bumrush him out the window. It's a big misunderstanding, thankfully: he's as shocked by the murder as Sandman, and only summoned the triangle on suggestion from an acquaintance, forgetting the dancer would know its significance through her partner. By happiest coincidence, this provides Wesley the solution to the mystery right quick, for only his friend's chauffeur would have motive, opportunity, and knowledge to frame his employers and their associates for the murder of a stock broker who owed them money.
Hmm, ah, see, on the one hand, it IS nice that the voodoo guy is innocent of everything except a lapse in judgement and the real twist is an unassuming little man exploiting the mystery and fears around the craft to cast suspicion off his person. On the other hand, eek, yike, zoinks! None good. Bad, even. Outside unfortunate depictions of non-white persons from the 1940s, the story's pretty weak for a murder mystery, as numerous elements are evidently known to the characters well in advance, yet only made clear to the reader right before they become relevant, like the exact identity of the murdered man. It's only eight pages, so there's little opportunity to piece information together on your own time, and as such it is heavily reliant on narrative cheats to generate cheap surprise. About the best thing here is the big page-dominating panel of Wesley swinging through the city on his wirepoon, unconscious woman tucked under arm. Kinda hard to convincingly raise my dander about what it means for the character and his feature when it's successfully operating on the long-standing principle of "masked mystery men swinging on a wire through skyscrapers looks really cool." S'like a solid fifth of the formula behind why Spider-Man is so enduringly popular.
(Also not a big fan of how Wes dismisses Dian from participating in the case without any adequate reason why. She calls him out over it, even, and nothing in the story justifies his decision to fly solo on this one.)

• ADVENTURE COMICS #64 (July)

The Unseen Man - ???, Flessel

Dian's purchase of paints from a local hobby shop includes quite the unusual accidental item: a paint that turns anything and everything invisible on contact. Determined to solve this mystery on her own, Dian investigates the shop with the dealer's cooperation, only for the dread Unseen Man to get the drop on her. Fortunately, Sandman is there to save her because he won't let Dian do anything on her own; unfortunately, Dian doesn't know Wes can see her attacker through his blue cobalt lenses and pulls him away, thinking him mad and letting the Unseen Man go free. As reward for her screw up, she's targeted in her home the next night, only for Wes to barge in again, having anticipated the only possible secret identity for the crook would make him likely to strike back at Dian. It is, unsurprisingly, the hobby shop owner, who Wes turns over to the police before heading out to patent his invisibility paint with the United States Army.
Alright, it's definitely not Gardner Fox writing anymore, because I cannot imagine Fox treating Dian so poorly. I gave her some dignity in summary, but this story is plain dumping all over her as a fussy, incompetent tryhard who fails at investigating on her own on account her womanly ways. Just look at the sheer antagonism between her and Wes; you two are partners, she's saved Sandman's skin like a dozen times, worn his costume and wielded his gas gun to do it once, even! Don't try to BS me into thinking Wes would run this paternalist "let me handle it, Dian, I wear the pants in this relationship" crap on her. You're only alive because she's worn your fucking pants. Otherwise, 'nother instance where the story and art alike don't give me much of note. I reckon Flessel was about done with the series with Fox gone and sorta phoned in his last few assignments. They're nowhere near the standard of his early solo artistic duties on the title. There IS another good wirepoon swinging shot, if one counterbalanced by a crummier instance with yet another weirdly-proportioned mask.

• ALL-STAR COMICS #5

The Mysterious Mr. X: The Kidnapper's Union - Fox, Cliff Young

The Justice Society are bored. Bored, bored, bored. Why are they bored? There is no crime. Not a single ruffian or scoundrel or roughneck lawbreaker anywhere in the city! Where did crime go? Crime has taken an enforced vacation, courtesy the plans of big crime boss Mister X (hats off), as prelude to his scheme for taking out the JSA and putting all his criminal enterprises back on easy street. It's quite the collection of rackets out against the superheroes - an arsonist ring for Flash, a jewel snatching gang for Hawkman, leader of the phony fortune teller underworld against Doctor Fate, even hard-pressing gym membership shakedowns for the Atom! Naturally our heroes triumph, though every one also encounters a strange little man idly strolling through their battlegrounds. He's so omnipresent despite his mousiness, he's even there when they convene at the police station to organize Mister X's (hats off) arrest. Except this unassuming slip of a man? He IS Mister X (hats off), and with the Justice Society having taken all the fun out've crime, he's turning himself in to live comfortably on the state's dollar in jail. WHOOPSY-DOODLE!
For his six-page part in the game, Sandman must contend against the kidnapper's union, who naturally enough have abducted Dian to get his attention. Not only have these lowlives taken Dian hostage (though she doesn't particularly mind), they've taken out phony accident insurance claims against themselves should the hero injure any of them en route to his untimely death! Nobody quite expects Wes to avoid the sniper-guarded roads to their remote hilltop hideout, though, and a quick wirepoon swing over the canyon (complete with Mister X - hats off - sighting) puts him right in the criminal den. From there, it's a simple biff wham boom to take down the punks and disarm their supporting fire. Alas, Sandman is once again only in the loop on the true nature of the threat against the JSA because someone notifies him from their own investigation, this time Flash via telegram. Let him do his own detective work, you pricks!
Right. You see these panels? You see Dian being calm and collected in the midst of a kidnapping operation? You see Wes trusting her with a submachine gun to keep watch on the fools who mean them harm? Yeah, THAT'S Fox writing Dian. Whoever's writing the Adventure feature at this time ought've taken notes. Artistically, Young makes a fine replacement for Grothkopf and Flessel in Adventure - he can match the first for goons, the second for action, manages a nice turnaround effect before Wes swings on his wirepoon, and even gives us a by-now all-too-rare heavy shadow shot on Wes and Dian. I'm a big fan of the lead kidnapper who calls the JSA the "Justiss Sassiety," and find this instance of Mister X (hats off) the second best in the book, behind only his appearance in the Hourman story, which I think speaks for itself. Probably the only time I'll express preference for something Hourman related over Sandman.
The loss of all three major contributors to the Sandman feature across early 1941 and the crunch down to eight pages has certainly made the Adventure Comics side of the Sandman line a rockier experience. It's still possible to derive enjoyment from the wonky mysteries and higher-concept criminals, but one must accept atmosphere and and particularity have been near-entirely sacrificed for generalized bombast and louder appeal. Don't misunderstand, I've become a fan of Wesley Dodds, Fist-Swinging Bullet Sponge, and my past praises for him aren't diminished by the realization of what this has done to his integrity as a character circa today's stopping point. The trouble is, while I enjoy this half-mad, impossibly reckless read on the character, it simply no longer bears any resemblance to the early days' lurking and creeping through the seedier parts of town. There's a great series of justifications running through the Sandman concept - he's no powers, so he uses the gas gun, so he needs the gas mask, which hides his identity so perfectly it frees him to wear the ordinary business suit, which highlights his vulnerability. Fling him around like a ragdoll who knows no fear of injury or death, although I'll clap for the bravado of it all, I must object if it means any notion he should be sneaky or cautious degrades.
Especially if it means the gas gun vanishes from the character. It hasn't met its final end just yet, but for this seven month block it's proven a very perfunctory aspect of the strip, hung by his side and occasionally brandished without acting as an integral part of the action or storytelling. The wirepoon has subsumed its function as the sidearm, and while I must stress there are plenty aces shots of Wes swinging that fully justify its prominence, taking precedence over the thing that makes him the Sandman, Crimefighter What Fights Crime By Putting The Criminals To Sleep plain rubs me the wrong way. Be awful nice i we could have both without the new toy putting the old out to pasture, y'know? It's not led to anything I'd full-throatedly object over just yet, but... ach, you'll see next time. Speaking of...
Next time! 1941 comes to a close as Wesley picks up another feature to his name, and also a stupid, ugly new costume!
(Previous write-ups: 1939, 1940 pt 1, 1940 pt 2)

Baymax

"Hello, I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion"

Baymax is a healthcare robot created by Tadashi Hamada, a student at the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology. After Tadashi’s death, Baymax took Hiro, Tadashi’s younger brother, as his primary patient. When Hiro decided to build gear to become a superhero and bring the man who caused Tadashi’s death to justice, Baymax joined him, along with Tadashi’s former classmates, to become Big Hero 6, San Fransokyo’s premier superhero team.
According to side material, Baymax is 6’ 2" normally and 6’ 5" in the armor, though he sometimes seems to be larger than that.
Hover over the feat for the source. This is the list I’m using for the episodes.

Physicals

Strength

Striking

• Matches blows with Yokai’s microbots, sending the car he’s in skidding back
  • Yokai’s microbots can throw a car down a street and throw a giant chunk of concrete
• Staggers the giant Kentucky Kaiju animatronic
• Splatters Nega-Globby
• Crumples a speeding car
• Shatters a falling piece of concrete
• Breaks through concrete pillars
• Smashes Yokai’s microbot tendrils
  • Again
• Kicks a Noodle Burger Boy copy into the wall hard enough to make a crater and knock down a billboard
• Punches a Buddy Guard, a military-grade security drone, into a wall hard enough to destroy it
• An unarmored copy of Baymax smashes concrete with a punch
• Shatters a warehouse door with a kick
• Breaks boards and a table with strikes
• Unarmored, hits a tennis ball through afence

Lifting/Throwing

• Rips a hatch off of a giant animatronic and throws it out of sight
• Stops a shipping container from falling on his teammates
• Catches a falling shipping container
• An unarmored copy of Baymax flings a car through the air
• Catches the hammer of Baron Von Steamer’s spider mech and throws it back a bit
• Catches a falling turbine
• Catches Mega Yama as it’s falling, breaking the floor beneath him
• Rips a bolted-down statue out of the ground and flies off with it
  • Could lift the same statue unarmored, though the bolts were removed beforehand
• Catches a falling concrete pillar
• Can lift 1000 lbs
• Unarmored, easily lifts a couch with three people on it
• Easily lifts a tray Cass struggles to budge

Pushing/Pulling

• Stops a train being powered by an energy amplifier that makes machines powered by electricity overclock until they break
• Stops a giant chunk of concrete from crushing his teammates
• Stops a runaway cable car
  • Again
• Bends open the lid of an armored crate underwater
• Stops and breaks traps about to crush Hiro
• Bends train tracks

Rocket Fist

• Shatters a giant chunk of concrete
• Knocks several shipping containers into the air
• Punches himself back into a car hard enough to flatten it
• Puts a large hole in the front of a warehouse
• Destroys a statue and puts a hole in the wall behind it
• Punches through the tooth of the giant Kentucky Kaiju animatronic and embeds in a billboard
• Punches through a shipping container underwater
• Makes a crater in a metal wall
• Blasts through a pile of microbots
• Pushes a large pod a fair distance through a portal
• Destroys a Buddy Guard
• While malfunctioning, breaks a streetlamp in half
• Knocks over a stack of crates
• After being redirected by Globby, causes a large explosion
• Supersonic Sue uses it to bust through a prison wall

Clashing

• Clashes with Nega-Globby
  • Nega-Globby can smash and launch cars and launched Fred a far distance away
• Clashes with Mega Yama
  • Mega Yama could float through a concrete wall

Other

• Go Go, Wasabi, and Fred fail to hold him back while he is uninhibited and attempting to kill Yokai
• A newspaper in the credits shows him stopping a runaway cable car
• Breaks off a vault door and throws
• Catches a thrown I-beam
• Flexes out of the ice encasing him
• His wings cut through metal cables
• Grips onto the wings of Greg’s jet engine hard enough for it to tear itself apart

Durability

Blunt

• Takes his own rocket fist to the chest and is ok
• Fine after stopping a giant chunk of concrete thrown by Yokai from crushing his teammates
• Gets sent flying by Yokai’s microbots
  • Yokai’s microbots can throw a car down a street and throw a giant chunk of concrete
  • Takes another hit from Yokai’s microbots
  • Again
• While unarmored, gets tackled by Orso Knox and is fine
  • Knox can overpower Baymax, pushing him back in a clash and toss aside cars, however, Knox was not trying to hurt anyone in this episode
• Ok after getting launched high into the air and landing on an iceberg
• Ok after getting sent flying by Nega-Globby
• Gets swung into concrete and a stage by Yokai’s microbots
• Gets tail-slammed by the giant Kentucky Kaiju animatronic
• Gets shoved through several pillars by Obake’s robot and has the ceiling collapse on him and sustains only minimal damage
• Takes several blows from Supersonic Sue
• Gets embedded in stone by Baron Von Steamer’s spider mech
• Gets hit by Globby swinging Go Go
• Gets checked by Jaq
  • Jaq lifts two tires to work out
• Gets knocked back by microbots
  • Again
• Ok after crashing to the ground hard enough to tear up the sidewalk
• Gets swung into a glass wall hard enough to leave a crater by Noodle Burger Boy’s mech
  • Gets punched into another glass wall hard enough to leave a crater
• Tanks several blows to the face from a Noodle Burger Boy copy
• While unarmored, tanks blows from El Fuego
• Slamming into a large piece of rubble hard enough to shatter it breaks his armor, but he is still functioning

Heat/Energy

• Gets hit by Greg’s energy bazooka and is fine
  • Greg’s bazooka spun a yacht with an indirect hit
• Fine after taking two shots from Mega Yama’s plasma blaster and crashing through a wall
  • Mega Yama’s plasma blaster made a large hole in a reinforced concrete wall
• Gets hit by Noodle Burger Boy’s lasers
  • Again
  • Once more
• Gets blasted by Mechadama
  • Mechadama launches a box truck with a blast
• Gets blasted by Buddy Guards, though they break his armor
  • The Buddy Guards destroy desks and computers with their blasts
• A copy of Baymax no-sells Fred’s fire

Electricity

• Baymax has a notable weakness to electricity:
  • Baymax’s endoskeleton gets taken down by Yama’s thug’s stun rod
  • Malfunctions after getting blasted by High Voltage
• Despite this, there are times Baymax has resisted electricity:
  • Seems to be unaffected by electricity that floored the rest of his teammates

Other

• A news report calls copies of Baymax indestructible and are too much for the police to handle
• Unaffected by a swarm of bees

Speed/Agility

Reaction/Dodging

• Dodges blasts from Buddy Guards
  • Dodges blasts from invisible Buddy Guards
• Saves Go Go from High Voltage’s electricity, then dodges more
  • Dodges High Voltage’s electricity underwater
  • Dodges High Voltage’s electricity ball
• Dodges a Noodle Burger Boy copy’s lasers
  • Dodges more
• Dodges a plasma blast from Mega Yama
• Dodges a blast from Hardlight
  • Dodges more attacks
• Dodges a blast from Noodle Burger Boy’s mech
• Dodges sword swings from Momakase
• Avoids getting grabbed by Noodle Burger Boy’s mech
• Dodges Yokai’s microbots
  • Again
  • Once more
• Dodges Baron Von Steamer’s heat ray
• Dodges the Kentucky Kaiju animatronic’s fire breath
• Dodges out of the way of Supersonic Sue and Baron Von Steamer after being knocked over by Sue’s electric wave
• Dodges a charge from Orso Knox

Movement

• Catches Juniper after she launches herself across a bank at high speed
• Catches Baron Von Steamer’s spider mech hammer mid-swing

Agility

• Outside of combat, Baymax is notably stiff and slow

Flight

• Catches and surpasses a train being pushed over its limits by an energy amplifier
• Flies at high speeds through San Fransokyo, easily navigating through obstacles
• Flies at high speeds through a portal realm, avoiding debris
• Easily catches Greg’s jet engine, despite his head start
• Catches a runaway cable car
• Catches Wasabi before he can fall into molten iron

Skill/Misc

Accuracy

• Takes down all three Mad Jacks with a single rocket fist
• Uses rocket fist on a seat to knock a robot into the air
• Destroys a drone with a rocket fist while stuck

Misc

• Lies to protect Hiro

Ultra Armor

General

• The Ultra Armor is armor made by Hiro that is a titanium-enhanced version of the Super Armor, giving Big Hero 6 greater durability

Strength

Striking

• Punches a Buddy Guardian encased in a chem ball into others hard enough to knock them over
• Knocks back Mega Yama with a clothesline
• Punches away a rocket-powered magnet strong enough to embed in concrete

Lifting/Throwing

• Throws a monstrous Mayoi high into the air
• Catches a falling helicopter
• Throws a log, destroying several Buddy Guards
• Easily lifts an I-beam

Rocket Fist

• Punches Orso Knox through several wooden beams
  • Knox was barely moved by Fred jumping on his face
• Uses both rocket fists to punch Mega Yama into a prison wall hard enough to crater it
• Destroys several Buddy Guards with the initial strike and one on the return

Clashing

• Clashes with Bessie
  • Bessie can crumple a bank vault door, break a boulder in half and bust through several bank walls

Durability

Blunt

• Gets thrown by Bessie
  • Again
  • Gets punched and thrown
• Takes his own rocket fist unharmed
• Gets tackled by a monstrous Mayoi
  • Mayoi in their non-monstrous form can toss cars with their feet
• Gets slammed into a wall by a Buddy Guardian
  • Takes another hit
• Gets hit by Fred getting launched by Nega-Globby in Globby’s body
• Takes blows from Supersonic Sue
• Gets kicked and slammed by Mega Yama and is fine
• Tanks blows from El Fuego
• Gets punched by Trina, knocking him back into Hiro hard enough to make a crater in the concrete wall
• Takes a swing kick from Noodle Burger Boy
• Ok after the roof of a warehouse collapses on him

Other

• Defends his teammates from a giant explosion
• Gets blasted by Trina channeling electricity from the city’s turbines
• No sells multiple ping pong balls from Nega-Globby controlling Globby, who can hit them hard enough to leave a crater in metal

Speed/Agility

• Dodges Bessie’s electromagnetic beam
• Dodges lasers from Noodle Burger Boy
• Dodges a barrage of blasts from a group of Buddy Guards
• Dodges and catches the training room emulating Supersonic Stu
• Dodges El Fuego’s fireballs

Gadgets

Scanner

General

Medical Usage

• Identifies that Hiro has an epidermal abrasion
• Identifies Hiro’s allergies
• Scans Hiro’s hormone and neurotransmitter levels
• Scans Yokai’s blood type and cholesterol levels
• Determines that two women are an exact genetic match
• Scans a man’s DNA to determine that he is not Alister Krei
• Identifies Callaghan’s daughter as still alive in the portal realm
• Scans Obake’s brain damage
• Determines that a pathogen will soon reach a contagion level of 10
• Determines that "mysteryloaf" is safe for consumption
• Identifies how healed a woman’s rhinoplasty is
• Identifies that a boy is overproducing earwax
• Identifies a fracture in Hiro’s leg that a doctor did not
• Scans the microbes in a ball pit
• Takes a DNA sample from a monster’s saliva and cross-checks it against every known species to determine what it is

Identifying

• Scans Globby to determine what he is made of and how he controls his body
• Scans a cable car to determine what caused it to go out-of-control
• Scans a present to determine what is inside
• Identifies that Hiro is feeling guilty
• Scans a glass of water to determine the percentage it is filled
• Identifies a dung beetle
• Maps Orso Knox’s iris onto a monster to determine that it is him
• Matches a woman’s facial structure to a database to determine who she is
• Scans a skyscraper to determine if there is any ongoing construction
• Scans a piece of cheese to determine what it is
• Scans a Mayoi to determine that it is a plant-mammal hybrid

Locating

• Scans the city for the heat signature of graphene
• Attempts to scan for a man using biometric data from his picture, but is interrupted
• Locates Sirque miles away
• Scans a building to locate a device
• Tracks the RFID chip in Honey Lemon’s school ID card
• Scans the Lucky Cat Cafe and determines Cass isn’t there
• Scans a room for a specific device

Range

• Scans all of San Fransokyo for a match to Yokai
• Scans the city to locate Fred
• Locates Mochi on the bridge from the middle of the city
• Scans for Yama, locating him a far distance away
• Detects a disturbance 9 blocks away

Medical Tools

• Has defibrillators in his hands
• Uses an anti-bacterial spray on Hiro
• Has a heater in his body
• Has nasal spray in his hands
• Has ammonium chloride cold packs in his skin

Knowledge Database

• Is programmed with over 10,000 medical procedures
• Downloads information from the internet about personal loss treatment
• Hiro gave him a chip that contained karate techniques
• Hiro gave him a chip that contained superhero knowledge
• Hiro gave him a chip that contained dance knowledge
• Has knowledge about Muirahara Woods National Park

Misc Functions

• Tracks a heat signature
• Acts as a flotation device for his teammates
• Prevents Hiro from opening his chip slots
• Plays back video he recorded
  • Displays an image of a badge on his chest
• Keeps a record of how many times Fred has said "secret headquarters"
• Can tell when someone is lying
• Vibrates his arms to perform Shiatsu
• Has flashlights in his hands
• Sprays water out of his finger
• Acts as a trampoline
• Has a fire extinguisher in his hand
• Has a laser cutter in his hand
• Can adjust his volume, making himself loud enough to shake Hiro’s house
• Has multiple language settings
• Hiro builds him an underwater suit
  • Has a sonic blaster

Overdrive Mode

General

• Baymax can enter a powered-up state called Overdrive Mode, though using it quickly drains his battery
• Baymax can call a jetpack to him that boosts his flight speed and acts as an reserve battery, allowing him to stay in Overdrive Mode for longer
  • Seems to make a sonic boom

Sword

• Using his underwater suit, destroys the giant container of Baron Von Steamer’s mech
• Destroys part of a cage made with special bars and part of the wall outside it, kicking up a massive dust cloud and damaging the floor
  • Wasabi’s plasma blades can’t cut the bars
• Cuts several Buddy Guardians in half
  • Wasabi’s plasma blades barely scratch them
• Hits mutated Momakase, sending her flying through the air and kicking up a lot of dust
• Cuts through the legs of Baron Von Steamer’s spider mech

Physicals

• [Strength] Launches a bunch of cars on a bridge through the air with the air pressure of him rushing forward
• [Strength] Punches down a door that withstood his rocket fist
• [Strength] Throws off the Buddy Guardians that were holding him down
• [Strength] Clashes with Momakase, knocking the sword out of her hands
• [Durability/Strength] No sells an attack from Supersonic Sue, then blocks a strike from Baron Von Steamer’s spider mech with his arm
• [Durability] Takes multiple graphene claw slashes from mutated Momakase without harm
• [Speed] Blitzes mutated Momakase
• [Speed] Flights high into the air very fast
• [Misc] After his leg is cut off, going into overdrive mode replaces it

"I cannot deactivate until you say you are satisfied with your care"

Happy Friday, everyone! With this installment, we finally get to the interview with Tansy and also conclude Part 2.
I'm headed down to Universal Orlando for the holiday weekend, so no updates during that time, but I will be reading any comments you dear readers might provide. I'll also see if I can pitch my banger of an idea for an annex to Wizarding World that's a walkthrough Denmark Street Office attraction and Tottenham Pub restaurant. I mean, who wouldn't want that?
If you're looking for the previous installment of this re-read, here ya go.
Chapter 2.11 - Rich Girl Thin
What happens:
The next morning, Robin informs a besuited Strike that Duffield is flatly refusing to meet or give any interview about Landry and Guy Some has similarly rebuffed her attempts. Rummaging through the pile of boxes that, like any other element of his living at the office, she is studiously ignoring, Robin finds his appearance like that of “a rugby player en route to an international.” He finally emerges in triumph with the invitation to Jack’s birthday only to realize that he cannot remember how old he is. [It’s ok Strike, we’ve all been there.]
Robin presents an appreciative Strike with an article about Freddie Bestigui that she has copied from the previous day’s paper, commenting, mildly, that he is “not lucky in love.” When Strike responds that this goes along with the impression that Wardle had given, Robin’s curiosity gets the better of her and she asks how he has police contacts. This leads Strike to tell her for the first time about his prior service in the Military Police and his departure after an unspecified injury. She is intrigued by this background which certainly goes a way to refute Matthew’s poor opinion of Strike.
On his way to the meeting with Tansy and Bristow, Strike peruses the article on the former’s husband. Born into wealth, Freddie parlayed his inheritance into a highly successful career as producer of popular films. His pending divorce turns out to not be Freddie’s only legal entanglement, as he is currently fighting it out in court with two newspapers which had reported on numerous allegations of sexual harassment and bullying of his female staff. Freddie clearly has more than enough reasons to avoid any more publicity.
Arriving at the upscale Cipriani restaurant, Strike is mildly surprised to see not just the lawyer and Tansy, but another woman, who turns out to be Ursula May, Tansy’s sister. May is married to Cyprian [a name that’s likely illegal to have unless you come From Money], a senior partner at Bristow’s firm, which is also representing Tansy in the divorce. This means that they had a tangential pre-existing connection to Landry, but this apparently never came up before her death.
Strike’s famous father notwithstanding, the sisters automatically place him as a class beneath and treat him dismissively as such. Nonetheless, Tansy wants to make one last try at getting someone to believe her story about the overheard fight, although adamant that she won’t go public again. Ursula, on the other hand, is against the whole thing, believing it could stir up trouble in the divorce.
Beginning the interview proper, Strikes pulls out his notebook, prompting a panicked Tansy to say she wants nothing in writing. Strike agrees to this, deftly setting his cell phone to record while putting his notebook away.
Lula had moved into the building only three months prior to her death and during that time, she remained basically a stranger to Tansy. Freddie likewise hardly knew here; however, not for lack of trying. He had made several invitations and followed her once to a party. Tansy supposes this was partly sexual interest, but mostly a desire to get her to play a role in one of his films. Freddie was obsessed with getting headline catching celebrities into his movies, to the consternation of the directors who have to shoe-horn them in. The business with the white roses was likely a similar ploy to strike up a relationship with Deeby Macc for the same purpose, but, to Tansy’s knowledge, the two never ended up meeting.
It looks like Lula never signed any sort of agreement to pursue a picture with Freddie; however, Bristow does reveal that a couple of weeks ago Freddie had approached his mother about making a biographical film on her life. Yvette turned him down and Tony later chewed him out, closing down the prospect of further contact. Bristow regrets this somewhat as he wonders if Freddie had dug up any useful information on Lula’s early life.
Moving to the events of the night of Lula’s death, Tansy’s account is broadly what we’ve heard before, with some alterations and additional details. She says that she had got up to get a glass of water from the bathroom, and, while on her way back to the bedroom, heard the shouted words that Wardle repeated to Strike on the previous day. Then she saw Lula fall, something she mimes while Bristow seems to react with nausea.
Tansy then screamed and ran out of their apartment, past Freddie, to get the security guard. She is still frustrated that Wilson first went out to check on Landry instead of going directly to her flat, which Tansy thinks could have let the murderer get away. When Wilson returned from the street, he told them to call the police, which they did, but not until Freddie dragged her back up to their flat.
At this point, the interview is paused as Bristow excuses himself to take a call from Alison, his secretary and girlfriend. While the lawyer is out of earshot, the sisters take the opportunity to share that Alison is infatuated with Tony and only with Bristow as a sort of consolation. They clearly take cruel delight in the gossip about Alison’s unrequited affection. Ursula, loquacious after the glasses of wine that she has been downing at an impressive rate, speculates to Strike that the call must be about the late financier Conway Oates’s executors, who are furious about the handling of his affairs. Tony and Cyprian are having John handle the shit work of trying to get things quieted and Ursula’s tone implies that Bristow doesn’t exactly enjoy much status at the firm.
Bristow returns and Strike continues the interview, this time pushing on the issues the police had with her account. Tansy claims that she had opened a window on the way from the bedroom to the bathroom as it was “stuffy”. When pressed, she admits to having used cocaine earlier in the evening, during the dinner they hosted. Tansy believes that the police have been deliberately trying to discredit her to cover up for their incompetence and inability to arrive quickly enough to catch the murderer.
Strike steers back to the line of questioning, clarifying that Freddie had been asleep and in bed, then woken when Tansy screamed. Tansy confirms this, leading Strike to point out an inconsistency: she had said that she ran past Freddie when going down to the lobby, but, if he had only just woken up when she screamed, how could he have made it to the room with Tansy so quickly? She is caught off-guard by this, then says she must have frozen from shock for a moment between screaming and running downstairs. [I don’t wanna be a cynic folks, but I’m starting to wonder if this lady is 100% trustworthy]
Tansy quickly moves to the subject of her speculation on how the killer got in. She’s decided that he must have followed Lula in and was missed by Wilson while he was in the back, her having already expressed her low opinion of the security guard. She doesn’t know how they would have had the security code, though.
When Strike asks if she could recognize the voice of the man if she heard it again, Tansy is doubtful. [Given present company, I’m gonna rate that a solid “no”] This leads to her speculation as to whether it may have been Duffield. Like everyone else so far, she has a low opinion of the heroin-chic rocker, and recounts how he previously had to be thrown out of the building by Wilson as he was shouting and trying to bust down Lula’s door. She knows his alibi seems airtight, though.
After a digression on how little the sisters think of Lula’s friends and some casual racism, the interview and meal begin to wrap up, Tansy reiterating that she wants everything she has said to be off-the-record. As they prepare to leave, they are shocked by the sight of a tall, smartly-dressed man near 60 entering the restaurant and striding directly to their table. This is Cyprian, who was definitely not told that any such meeting might be happening by his wife. After he escorts the sisters out, Bristow confesses that his senior partner will definitely be displeased that Tansy has spoken to Strike and speculates that Alison had ratted them out. Strike notices Bristow’s hands apparently trembling at the prospect of what might be in store when Cyprian inevitably tells Tony about what happened.
Making his way back from the restaurant, our detective is deep in thought until he is jolted back to the present when he almost catches a ride in the worst way possible while crossing the street. Finding a safer spot outside the way of both automobile and human traffic, Cormoran pulls out his phone to go over the recording of Tansy’s interview. [He’s also smoking, but he’s outdoors and standing still, so I think we can call that a given.] Strike listens to her account of the argument specifically twice, then begins to make notes.
Strike knows all about liars and how to spot them, and Tansy had just done quite a bit of that. Yet, that specific account of the argument, he was sure that at least Tansy believed she was telling the truth on that, however many other lies about that night's events she wrapped it in.
Commentary:
Ok, we’ve now got another crucial clue revealed in Tansy’s contradictory statements about where Freddie was. Have you put it together? Ready to find the murderer? Well, I wasn’t either, at this point: I had absolutely no idea where it was going.
I think there’s definitely good bits to this chapter. I would especially highlight the Sisters Sophisticate in their description, attitudes, and dialogue. Like:

They were both as pristine and polished as life-size dolls recently removed from their cellophane boxes; rich-girl thin, almost hipless in their tight jeans, with tanned faces that had a waxy sheen especially noticeable on their foreheads, gleaming dark manes with center partings, the ends trimmed with spirit-level exactitude.

and:

The unbuttoned neck of her thin silk shirt revealed an expanse of butterscotch skin stretched over her bony sternum, giving an unattractively knobbly effect; yet two full, firm breasts jutted from her narrow ribcage, as though they had been borrowed for the day from a fuller-figured friend.

Ok, that last one made me laugh. And I don’t want JKR to ever write a mockery of my appearance. We see that they are crafting a particular image to show the world which is as much intended to project a message of how they want to be perceived as a teenager’s choice of edgy t-shirt from Hot Topic.
Following that description, we get this exchange which says so much:

‘We could have met somewhere more discreet,’ commented Strike.
‘No, it’s fine, because nobody here will know who you are. You don’t look anything like your father, do you? I met him at Elton’s last summer. Freddie knows him. D’you see much of Jonny?’
‘I’ve met him twice,’ said Strike.
‘Oh,’ said Tansy.
The monosyllable contained equal parts of surprise and disdain.

Yet, at this point we’re going through our third account of the same night in the span of just a few chapters and, while there are details and clues to be found in each one, it’s getting a bit wearying. I think this is one of the things that makes Cuckoo’s Calling feel longer than something like Career of Evil or even Lethal White. It’s also something JKR avoids in the rest of the books. Growing pains, it’s understandable.
Alright, on to miscellaneous
Bristow’s apparently nauseated reaction to Tansy specifically talking about, and miming, Lula’s plunge. I’m not sure what this is. I don’t think he feels any remorse, but maybe he is still off put at the memory? He doesn’t seem like a person made of stern stuff. Or maybe it is just acting? Thoughts?
Although:

And Tansy made a tiny jerky movement with her hands that Strike understood to indicate flailing.

The image of this in my mind is actually funny and it’s possibly because I’m a terrible person.
We have Strike finally tell Robin that he was in the military and he was injured, even if he avoids specifics not wanting to see a “shocked expression.” I think it is a little bit of a deserved flex to just drop that he was SIB (yes, I know that SIB is a higher grade than just MP, work with me), kinda like casually mentioning an engineering degree from Stanford.
I’ll finish with this paragraph that I just really enjoyed:

Her [Ursula] antipathy towards Strike seemed to have evaporated. He was not surprised; he had met the phenomenon many times. People liked to talk; there were very few exceptions; the question was how you made them do it. Some, and Ursula was evidently one of them, were amenable to alcohol; others like a spotlight; and then there were those who merely needed proximity to another conscious human being. A subsection of humanity would become loquacious only on one favorite subject: it might be their own innocence, or somebody else’s guilt; it might be their collection of pre-war biscuit tins; or it might, as in the case of Ursula May, be the hopeless passion of a plain secretary.

I stepped onto the front porch holding out the hope that there’d be a basket of pastries and cookies; There was nothing there. It had been two weeks since the Gibsons had popped by. The Gibsons, our neighbors from the farm next to us, sported several more acres of land than our family and with how amazing the early elderly couple were, they deserved it.
Melvin and Maya baked together, even as Melvin’s mind slipped it was one of the only things he could remember from his 37 years of marriage with Maya. They always brought us lots of their baking, and in turn we all would help them out with things around their farm. Maya’s mind was sharp, even if both of their bodies were giving out. It was the least we could do for such lovely neighbors.
So when more than a week had passed with no calls or basket drop-offs, I knew something was wrong.
“Where are you going? Sun’s almost down,” mom asked me as I threw on some boots.
“Checkin’ on the neighbors,” I replied, stone faced.
“Oh I’m sure they’re just fine, their son and his wife were supposed to be visiting, right?”
I didn’t have a real response to that. Something felt wrong, but maybe I was expecting far too much from them. If they had family over I shouldn’t be so bent out of shape.
“Maybe you’re right,” I relented. “Perhaps it’s just that-”
Sirens rushing down the road cut me off. They were headed west. Towards the Gibson’s farm.
“When was the last time you heard those around here, ma?” I asked.
“Five months,” I got back. The reality did hit me. We were roughly twenty minutes south of Albany, and I probably haven't been to Atlanta in maybe three months. I was grateful for my online friends, let alone having the internet in the first place.Which is why I’m writing what I’m writing.
“Jonah, where are ya going?” I heard my dad call out to me as I hurried into the truck. He’d been watering the tomato plants outside.
“Checkin the Gibsons!” I called back.
“Dammit, you’re gonna look silly when you crash their family bbq cause you was worried!”
“Explain the cops then!” I retorted before slamming the truck door and speeding west.
Melvin and Maya’s place was ten minutes away by vehicle. I had the windows down, and around the halfway mark I heard gunshots. I picked up speed, thrashing the poor truck on the dirt road.
I didn’t wanna be right, but sure as shit there were two cops and an ambulance parked outside of their place. I got out of the truck and rushed over. The law enforcement and paramedics were a little jumpy, and very pale.
“What’s going on..?” I asked much slower than I normally would. The sheriff looked back at the house, and that’s when I noticed the window had been smashed. The frame of the window was torn right off the house, too.
“An attack of some kind,” The sheriff told me. “It’s a gnarly scene there, kid. We suspect a-”
“Don’t bullshit him you saw it, too!” a much younger deputy called out. “That thing’s a monster!”
The sheriff sighed, giving this visibly shaken deputy a pat on the back. “We’ll see to it that someone destroys it.”
“A monster!?” I spat. “Y’all can’t be using that word lightly!”
“A big one, too,” the deputy rambled. “Damn thing took six of my bullets before it charged into the woods! I didn’t wanna believe it! Bigger than any bear I’d ever seen, and I damn well know it ain’t one!”
“Who are you anyways, kid?” the sheriff asked. “You shouldn’t be here, it’s dangerous.”
“The neighbor,” I said, pointing back down the road towards my house. I gestured to look around back, and I followed the sheriff and his deputy closely.
The Gibson’s crops were torn up in some spots, uprooted to be specific. There was a trail of blood smeared across a section of the field that led to a busted portion of their fence, trailing towards the woods and swamp. I wanted to check for tracks, but I was no detective nor would the police let me get close.
“I…did they make it?” I asked nervously. The sheriff shook his head, looking down at his badge shamefully.
“I don’t believe so, son. Couldn't find a body to tell ya.”
I bit my lip, trying my hardest not to cry. I walked back to the truck and drove off. I couldn’t hold anything back and cried for most of my drive back to my place. I grew up with them always down the road, and they were kind and gentle souls. It was the type of loving marriage I envisioned myself having later in life.
My parents had finished eating dinner by the time I had gotten back. I quietly scarfed down some food on my own before telling my parents what I had seen. They were upset, for sure.
“They couldn’t find a body?” My dad asked. “That means that there’s a chance they might be alive.”
“I want to believe that, I do…but the amount of blood that was there…” I said. “I don’t think anyone could’ve survived that.”
“What are you going to do about it, son? You can’t go and fight this ‘monster’ or whatever that they said they saw.”
“They were good people. I can’t do nothing about it, pops.”
“Live a good life, for them at least. They’d definitely want that for you."
A couple days went by, and I saw some vehicles pass our place to their property a few times. It was pretty quiet. I worked around our smaller farm, and helped my parents bring food to the nearby markets. Eventually their obituaries presented themselves in the newspaper.It was cited that Melvin, Maya, and their son and their daughter in-law all died from a bear attack. This ignited a fire of conviction in me. I wasn’t a sheriff or deputy or whatnot, but a “bear attack” was bullshit. I had to get to the bottom of it.I cared about the Gibsons. I wasn’t going to give up until I found out what really attacked them.
I drove to their property, much to my parents dismay, and saw nobody was there. Someone had boarded up the broken window, and I saw a toolbox laying about on the front porch. I hopped the fence behind the house and saw the smeared trail was drying up. Something was off, more of their crops were uprooted. There was also a vile smell in the air.
Whatever the thing was, it was here recently. I was also able to find some tracks.
Hooves. Larger ones at that.
“Couldn’t be a killer deer,” I chuckled to myself.
I circled back around the house and noticed something shocking on the side I hadn’t seen yet.There was a fresh trail of blood smeared towards the woods. Who was here recently that this thing killed?
I took a look and saw a small broken window that was halfway through being boarded up. Looking down at the trail, there were once again hoof tracks leading away from the house. I saw some torn denim, soaked in blood on the ground, as well as a screwdriver.
This thing killed whoever was patching the place up. I was too scared to follow the trail, I was unarmed.I checked the nearby barn that held their sheep and goats. They were massacred, dried blood everywhere. The only remains of any animal was in the form of a rotting goat carcass that was missing its backside.
In my disgust I thought of an effective but risky plan. I took the carcass back to my truck and drove back to the house.
Mom and Dad always were in bed early, and they were deep sleepers by 8:00pm. I did make an effort to be quiet with my sneaking, as I looted our compost, and added in some of the fresh tomatoes to my bucket of slop. I unlocked the gun safe, got the highest caliber hunting rifle, and loaded myself up with a handful of bullets. I grabbed a high powered flashlight for good measure, too.
The sun was still in the sky when I got back to the Gibson’s place. I took the carcass to the back of the house, dropping it on the blood trail. I dumped the compost slob on top, as well as the fresh tomatoes for extra measure. By the looks of it, the bait may not have been necessary but I wanted to speed things along.I managed to navigate the intact wooden railings on the back porch and climbed on top of the roof.
I got a view of most of their field, which was almost completely ransacked. I took out the gun and waited.
Nothing came for two hours. The moon was full with a clear sky; I didn’t even need the flashlight I brought. Disrespectful as it was, I also peed off the house towards the carcass. That was not part of the plan, but a part of me was glad I did.
About twenty or so minutes later I heard something from the woods. I quietly got the gun ready. It was a bear, and a pretty big one at that. No bear could’ve done this, right? It began sniffing where I had peed, as well as the bait I had laid out. I wanted to fire off a warning shot to scare it off. It was interfering with the “monster!”
As I prepared to fire off the gun, I heard a low grunt and snort from the woods. It was loud. Sounded like a wild boar, but not quite. I heard the sound of something slowly dragging through the underbrush. The bear noticed it, too, and ran away. A bear was running from something like a boar? What the hell?
It emerged from the woods and I understood why.
It was a massive boar, I’d argue it was taller and heavier than the bear. It didn’t have the thick hair your average feral pig had. No, it had a bristly mane but almost no hair on the sides. It looked like it had been stabbed or shot, its hide had dark, exposed holes. I could see from the moonlight that its tusks were stained with what I could make out was blood.
Its bloated gut dragged on the ground, and the thing wheezed each step it took. It reached the bait. Did it notice me? I took aim.
The thing began to heave and hack. First, a slew of blood and bile came from its mouth. It looked like it was struggling. Then something else came out of its mouth that will no doubt be burned into my brain for the rest of my life
.A set of flailing human arms.
They swayed as this creature heaved some more. More blood came out. The arms were hung up in its mouth, and tapped desperately on the snout. Oh god, the person it ate is still alive!?
I took aim and fired into its side. It gurgled and shrieked. It spat out more content that made me lose hope.
It opened its mouth wider and a slimy, half digested torso dropped onto the ground. It wasn’t done yet. It shook its head and the arms that were stuck in its teeth flung away.
It kept puking. A hammer, a half-melted hardhat, and two severed human legs came out of its mouth. It went back to the pile and began to gorge. This thing was simply making room.
No doubt, this was the monster.
Furious, I took another shot at it. I got it right in the ear. It squealed, and turned its gaze upward. Its cold, beady eyes locked onto me. I slowly began to back up, reloading another bolt into the rifle. It snorted and roared. It reared up at me, its oversized gut weighing it down. It began pacing from side to side, before charging towards the house.
It pressed its massive body against the house, and I could’ve sworn I heard some creaking from the wall. I took another shot at the top of its head, it drew blood, but I doubt it went close to the brain.It looked up at me, opening its massive, disgusting mouth. I instinctively gasped when I saw what was inside:
It was glinting in the moonlight, the gem on Maya’s wedding ring. My body must’ve moved on its own, because I don’t remember putting the flashlight in my hand, but before I knew it I turned it on and I couldn’t believe what I saw in the light.
The ring was attached to a slimy, mangled arm resting at the back of this thing’s throat. This monster pig ate her!
I screamed in terror and in rage and fired a shot into this thing’s mouth. It stumbled backwards, squealing and rolling. Its insides were still vulnerable. As I shakily went to reload, I realized I had ran out of bullets! Shit!
The giant pig squealed and roared. It took a few steps and began to retch once again. It vomited up Maya’s body, in pieces, before retreating into the woods. I could hear its gut dragging along the ground.
I was distraught, I could tell through the disgusting, slimy and bloody body that this was indeed one of my neighbors. It was far more gone than what I can only imagine was the gentleman who was patching the windows up.
I made it home, and my mind is still a bit hazy. I don’t think anyone is going to believe me when I tell them what killed our neighbors. I want to call the sheriff, hell even the military over. I cared so much about our neighbors in life, I want them to rest easy in death.
My parents didn't even come out to scold me, they must have really been sound asleep. I wonder if anyone else heard the gunshots. Our other neighbours are fairly far out. My ears are ringing, my heart won't stop beating, and my mind is racing far too quickly to fall asleep.
I knew it wasn't a bear that devoured our neighbours. I wish it were so simple, but I wish nobody had to die in the first place.
If there's more of those things out there, then I'm worried for us. When will that thing turn its attention towards our farm?I’ve been staring at my phone for about an hour now, ready to make a call.
I’ll be able to help them out just a little bit-By guiding them to the newest trail of blood, going into the woods.

I'm planning on running Impossible Landscapes in 2024 for our group, the campaign will be the groups first Delta Green game, (Thought group played a 3-part, pulpy CoC game 2 or 3 years ago). I've got some plans and alterations I'm wanting to put in place for chapter 1, as well as questions about complimentary scenarios for which I'm looking to hit specific tones and themes.
Goals:

• Select a suitable introduction operation for new DG players.
• Make the Night Floors a little less like being pulled completely into an alternate universe (at least in the eyes of the agents, if not the players).
• Tie an aspect of the night floors geometry / geography & gameplay to sanity & corruption ... Rather than the heavy handed mechanic of just pulling all agents up to another agents corruption level as they traverse a point-crawl.
• Play a little more with themes of disjointed time in the campaign.
• Switch up the tones of the game with some mundanity, before things get really surreal.
• Introduce operations that don't end in monster fights or huge sanity shattering revelations (there's not enough "low lights" in a lot of the DG content I'm seeing, outside of "Home" scenes ).
• Add an interesting background to the 20 years between chapter 1 & 2 that leaves the players with some minor conflicts to resolve.
• End The Night Floors with a more interesting epilogue.

DG Intro I want to start off the campaign with a modified Reverberations, that is to be the original 90's incident (Pre-verberations?), exposing the Agents to mind altering hallucinogens and raising the chances of a disorder during the scenario causing drug dependency, which could sully the credibility of an agent. But generally the exposure to, and knowledge Liao is enough to set up what will take place in The Night Floors modification.
The Night Floors
Mod #1 Rather than having to contrive, force or bore the players to give up on Abigail and exit the Night Floors, some event (TBD) results in all but one or two of the Agents starting to move with mechanical jerks, their jaws fall slack revealing mouths full of cogs, their eyes collapse, fold and flick back like delicate and ornately lacquered tin leafs that hide a black void from which faint music emanates.... The treacherous marionettes bring their guns to bare on the other agents and then BANG!... The door to the roof slams shut!
Those agents playing the part of the marionettes in the previous scene arrive on the rooftop of the Macallistar building to find the remaining agents catatonic and playing with what looks like a large pigeon loft that has been converted into a huge (shit encrusted) dolls house, the bottom floors of which are a replica of the Macallistar building along with many other floors on top of them that don't exist. (Recalling how many floors the doll house has will differ from agent to agent, based on corruption, and any cataloguing of it as evidence will result in a report of it having yet another number of floors).
The agents playing with the dolls house should be the ones that used or are still using Liao (from the previous operation) and/or the ones with the highest corruption.
Regardless of if anyone was using Liao, DG demands drugs tests, and finds it in the blood of the agents that where catatonic. The team are lambasted, and the agents failing the drugs test are threatened with being "this close to being the 'next mission'"... It is hinted at that those agents may also be in league with the with regards their access to Liao.
This is just a ruse to shuffle these agents off the case and sow distrust to deter them from collaborating on following any of this up in their own time.
Over the following 8-10 years the disgraced agents spend a lot of time looking over their shoulder as they fear DG is tailing them for the accusations during the debriefing. While the other agents are tasked with 2 or 3 operations (not played out, just the overview narrated as I explain the passage of the decade) that are many layers removed from any actual otherworldly encounter and are mostly logistical or bureaucratic but give them a very brief glimpse into some things I think those particular players will find interesting from DG lore.
The next decade sees DG reach out and tentatively reactivate the group (The Program? The Outlaws? agents of the King?)
Request 1 What I need here are 2 or 3 sessions of operations that don't end with a bang... Operations where the agents are left questioning if anything actually happened (or the culprit is human religious nuts who may or may not be worshiping something actually dangerous) .
Evidence is lacking/stolen/damaged and witnesses are untrustworthy, dead, missing, seeking fame by fabricating evidence, etc. Not operations doomed to fail, but completed and wrapped up, it's just there's no tangible proof that anything really is "out there". The goal here isn't for me to serve up a bunch of unsatisfying missions for a cell who got busted down to "traffic duty", but as a canvas to layout the other part of my modification...
Mod #2
I'm planning to break out small stand-alone scenes/rooms/etc from The Night Floors to be time-shifted. e.g:

The agents decide to enter a room. But I narrate them leaving the room with a sense of confused panic, and a short exchange of words between them that I will slur or muffle. If asked to clarify I will tell the player their agent agrees that it was "kzery ubsnurfrbluk", and they should probably not hang around outside this room, etc, etc.

The way these scenes play out will depend heavily on the instance at hand, context, etc. If no parts can stand alone like this I'll make some that can be tied in.
During the operations (Request 1), prior to A Volume of Secret Faces, when any agent that was cast as a marionette in the Night Floors epilogue sleeps or looses consciousness after taking sanity loss (or gaining corruption), all the agents will be taken to one of these "skipped" scenes to actually play it out... Except they can use knowledge from the present, and they stand a chance of also having items on them they had the day prior to being unconscious. They will awake with revelations of their fellow agents from operation ALICE being "right all along!". With any wounds sustained during the dream present in the waking world.
Any agent who dies or is lost during these re-visits to the night floors will go missing in the waking world. Cogs or intricate clockwork parts can be found with a thorough search of where the agent went missing and a photograph in the room/apartment/etc will have been replaced with a postcard sized print of a strange painting. The artist's signature matches Abigail's, and the print matches a private commission she's made. If the agents try and track down the painting, they find it's title has some twist on "until we meet again" with the agent who found its name or handle cleverly worked into the wording. There's no record of this print being made.
Agents vanishing in this manner are replaced with new ones who everyone but the original agents from operation ALICE treat as having been in the cell since the lost agent went missing in the 90s. This causes corruption, but over the course of the next few days the surviving agents have fully adopted a second set of confusing and conflicting memories corroborating these claims.
(Maybe there's some bonus background information to be found if the agents can correctly recall or deduce the chronological order of the time shifted events ... or maybe knowing this helps them work out if an agent who should be dead or lost in this flashback is a traitorous marionette doppelgänger, TBD)
Agents will have also received strange/anonymous communications, phone calls, useless leads (or leads they just ignored) on the Abigail case in the years that have passed. Odd echo's of the events and personalities from operation ALICE will popup during the short missions leading up to A Volume of Secret Faces .
Any agents lost to the night floors will somehow appear in photos, or their names in newspaper clippings (and other operation clues), be glimpsed in reflections or out of the corner of a tired agents eyes.
Request 2
Examples of operations (or scenario's from other games) and how they do this kind of time-split mechanic.
Request 3
I want some tonal grounding in the real world in what leads up to chapter 2... Through some boring admin and comically jobs-worth / nit-picky npcs to talk the agents though processes like submitting expenses, firearms training (for those not in law enforcement or military roles), identifying cult brainwashing techniques and those effected by them etc, etc. So could use some sources of inspiration for this (e.g: NPC's or admin-orientated-scenarios from other DG content).

Sorry this is long I like having all details included but TLDR at bottom
Some backstory: since I was a child I have fished in a certain spot on the river that this woman ownes. My father had gotten permission when i was a child and when I was a teen I got permission from her myself since I was going without him now. She has always been a bit of a hermit but other than the occasional yell from her porch verifying who I was, we never spoke.
Last year my partner asked me to start hunting again. He had never hunted before and I hadn't since I was in middle school. Since neither of us had any recent experience we also didn't have anywhere to go. So I decided to call up the woman and asked if she'd grant us permission. She said yes in exchange for helping her with small chores such as taking off her trash. When we'd go to hunt we'd always stop and talk to her on our way out so there was a bond being grown.
The issue is that since befriending her she has called me multiple times to help out with various things around her house far outside my scope of knowledge (plumbing, home repairs, etc). We have attempted to help here and there. So we actually got to see her house up close.... It is a death trap. I've come to realize she is a horder and her house is literally falling apart. There's rats, mold, leaks, cat urine and feces...everywhere. I was physically ill after being in her house for 30 minutes. She didn't have water for almost 2 months during winter because she had a line bust and wanted us to fix it or find someone to fix it cheap. She also loses phone service often (land line) so I feel like I have to go over if I havent heard from her in awhile to check on her.
She lives in her living room and cannot access the rest of her house. The floors are covered in newspaper and there's a trail to her kitchen and bathroom (I have not seen these rooms so I can only imagine how bad they are). At first I thought she could not afford to fix things but she infact is very wealthy since she's never married or had children she saved most of her income until she retired. Her property alone is worth millions if she wanted to sell. She also has massive amounts of (what I would call) junk that she's accumulated over the years and actually owns an old building in town that is also packed full of junk. These items could be sold as well.
She has taken to us a lot and I enjoy chatting with her but now I feel this emense weight of burden to be the one to help her. She has literally no one else. Most people hate her because she was always the type to make a fuss and try to sue people back in the day (small town "karen"). I can see how they can see her in this light bc she is grouchy but loves me and my partner so we've always been treated well. She has no family around and I cannot take responsibility of her. I have my own life to live (mid 20s) and do not have time or energy to make sure she isn't dead in her house. I went to help her move stuff into storage the other day and had to brush a mat out of her hair so I dont think shes been bathing. She is very old and has health problems so it scares me.
I have tried to talk her into selling everything and setting herself up in a safe home to live out her days. She says she's been talking to realtors but im not sure she will do it. I also have told her that the stress she has put on me is too much so she did lay off on calling us to fix things all the time. I do not know what to do at this point. I have been so stressed about it that it has made me sick. Her house would 100% be condemned if inspectors knew about it. I thought about contacting adult social services but she is so stubborn she would probably chew them out and then chew me out. I also feel like if I don't do anything then I'll be the one to have to find her dead. What the heck should I do reddit?
TLDR: Befriended an older woman who I've come to find out lives in horrendous conditions. She has no family or friends and now I feel responsible for her. Don't have time or energy to take care of her since I'm mid 20s and she's 70s. She can easily afford to take care of her situation but doesnt (mental and physical health problems). What should I do?