Hi everyone. This is about to get pretty long and ranty. Thanks for reading.
So does anybody feel this way? The internal battle? I guess that's really just a stronger and more pretentious way of saying "I have conflicting feelings". I very recently started REALLY questioning and the past few days have been really brutal.
Like one moment, I'm like "oh my god, I'm so trans, gimme dat HRT" and a few hours go by and I'll be like "Actually, I don't want this at all. It'll never work. This is such a weird form of narcissism and fetishism or something because of my taste" which leads to me feeling really guilty for fetishizing people who don't deserve to be fetishized for just existing. I feel like no matter how this ends, I will lose, I just have to find a way to lose less. I keep thinking, if being trans weren't such a modern taboo and a more difficult experience I would have zero problem. If society made sense and people were just like "oh, they switched their gender, cool. Glad they were able to do that. Good for them". Stupid societal expectation making everything annoyingly difficult and making problems out of nothing. Obviously I have gotten very introspective over the past few days and have realized my old eggy behaviors.
Here is my egg lore/timeline:
As a wee child (bout 3 or 4 years old) I would break into my mom's makeup drawer and essentially try to do myself up like my mom. I remember getting told off and that it was "for girls". Message received. Then when I was like 6 or 7, I saw "that" Mountain Dew commercial where the guy gets turned into a beautiful woman by his friend with some magic car keys. I remember my heart beating a million miles a minute and feeling like I was seeing something inappropriate and trying to avert my eyes. Like I should not have been so thrilled about this commercial. After this, I overcorrected and didn't really think about it again until I was like 13 or 14, when I found tgtf art, and I loved (love?) it. But I didn't think of this as anything other than a fetish, and I didn't realize that it may have been a DIFFERENT type of desire pulling me in. Throughout my childhood, I was like the other boys, but never as aggressive or, I guess, for lack of a better word, angry? I played football for 12 years and other sports for many others and I never liked the cruelty of the sport. It was too brutal for me to really enjoy, meanwhile all the other boys loved all of it. I was always very kind and gentle. Another thing is that I recently asked my mom if she ever noticed that I had changed or if I had started acting different while growing up, and she said when I hit high school I stopped being a happy and outgoing kid and became an apathetic shut-in and she was really concerned about me throughout high school. After reading some other anecdotes, I believe this may have been puberty taking my joy from me, amongst other self-hatred things. This is still kind of my personality now. About 9 years pass (last year) and I haven't thought about it in any way at all (other than my persistent presence in the TGTF community). I am then, out of the blue, invited to a crossdressing party with some friends. I ordered my clothes from Amazon, and was getting oddly excited for the day. The party was then cancelled for some reason or another, and I was like, fuggit, I'mma try on the clothes anyway, I didn't buy them for nothing. Naturally, putting on some thigh highs, a skirt, and some lip gloss put me over the moon. I thought this had just become some sort of crossdressing fetish which I was indulging in, because it WAS very "exciting" to be fair. I misinterpreted it as a "s*ssy" fetish but I did find myself feeling put off by the way they go about things in that sect of life. A bit too degrading. Not for me. But, eventually my shame drove me to purge all of it, and for the next year, I would guiltily peruse online stores for clothes I found cute, not buying anything. One random night I had a very sharp thought "What if I'm trans and I really want to be a girl?". This thought made my blood run cold with fear. I suppressed the thought for several more months but it came back swinging recently when I found my way onto these subs and found it to be all too relatable. Now I can't stop thinking about it. How modern medicine has enabled a near-magical transition into womanhood and how miraculous that truly is. I can't stop thinking about how I would look as a girl. I can't stop thinking about how I could potentially be cute and soft like I desire. It makes me feel warm inside. But I fear it's actually just still a fetish, and that if I transition it would honestly be just a weird form of self indulgence and not be what I really want when I get to the other side. I'm making this post today, because last night I had a dream that I was in girl mode after starting transition and a girl from high school didn't recognize me and some college gal friends all called me beautiful and were accepting of me. I woke up because I actually had been gently crying into my pillow WHILE I WAS ASLEEP and the moisture startled me awake. I felt really bad emotionally after that, so I called into work. So dramatic, lol.
But yeah, that's the gist (long ass gist, lol). I feel like I probably need to get off the internet and away from these forums if I really want to make a clear-headed decision, so I may do that in the near future. But I really want to know what you all think in here, since I really wanted to get this off my chest since I have never had anybody to talk to about it. I need to make it clear, I don't hate who I am right now. I think I have rare masculine personality and mentality traits that are pretty cool and good for the progress of society, I just find myself in a tough spot, ya know? Could I be just a femboy? I don't know how to feel and I want to hear from you all so please let me know your thoughts if you made it this far, hehe.

3 nights ago I started my car and could smell petrol...I got my friend to check if there was any leakage but there wasn't and the smell went away after I drove off. 2 days ago when driving I could smell petrol a little bit at certain times during my journey. The aircon when turned on also had an eggy smell.
Yesterday morning I went to my car which was parked to check on it, and noticed it smelt of petrol despite not being on. My nose was blocked yet I could still smell it. I checked underneath and there were a few patches but i'm unsure if it's fuel or not as it is spread out in many different parts underneath my car. I couldn't see any dripping, and my car fuel level is still the same from when I refuelled it 2 days ago. My fuel cap was properly put on so it can't be that.
Any ideas? I was thinking of getting the car to garage or having mechanics to come have a look.

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5/21/22 End of the world, Anne from Parks and Rec drove me. Saw Elon Musk and complemented how well his wife was programmed. She froze and gazed at me intensely. I noticed horizontal scar lines over her face. She was then carried away by other men. I told Anne not to worry. Musk ignored me.
Later, I saw Musk again and expressed that I was envious of how well programmed she is. That I was only half programmed, a failed program and that it was agony. He was paying attention now. There was all this weird sexual tension from me that I fought. We are now in a white car and get out in a parking lot next to a large building and a row of pine trees. It’s night and a telescope is taken out of the trunk and set up behind the car. His wife goes inside unquestioningly and I remark how envious I am of her to be able to ignore what so obviously looks like an affair. That I want to not feel jealousy, anger, or resentment. I express I want to be programmed like that. I feel bad for her though. I do like her.
Musk leads me through the trees, silent and studying me. The sexual tension gets brought up a few times and I express I am controlling and suppressing it. I’m not letting it get in the way. Internally, I feel that I don’t want to cross boundaries, it’s not fair to his wife.
Keeping his attention is difficult, but he brings out this RC car. It’s grey with a relief of the last supper and an army of people. I hold it in my hands and wonder if he will let me paint it. I think about telling him how good I am with miniatures and how to convince him to let me paint it. He takes it and tells me he’s more of a Doberman guy, not a Pug guy. Then he takes tech components and starts caressing my fingers and hands with them and my arousal goes through the roof, but I fight it still. He asks me if I’m still fighting it and I say yes. He keeps going, focusing more on it, like it’s a game to him to make me break. I can’t pull my hand away because it feels too good, though I try. He explains that I ignore how sensual my hands are and how it relates to how I am good with working with my hands. I continue to fight the arousal but find myself locked in a trance like state, falling deeper and deeper as I near orgasm from having my hands caressed with tech components. (Clearly more stuff I need to work through, also had to google who Musk’s wife was, was the same woman from my dream)
————————— 5/22/22
Protesters, on their side, people aren’t making enough to live. Stop to help a woman abandoned. She had a problem with the protesters but I didn’t know what was going on so I asked her to wait a moment as I tried to educate myself. She suddenly went limp and I decided I wasn’t going to be held back by her drama because she was fine until I wanted to see what the other side had to say.
They were selling kala namak made from people. I saw bone marrow as fine pink salt. The guy with the odd turban like hat said it was eggy. He was buying the bodies of people after death. He gave them money while they lived so that when they died, their bodies became his to turn to salt. I saw the limbless headless bodies hanging behind him and was disturbed. I explained to him that I understand he’s trying to help people make a living but what he is doing is disturbing. I talked about composting our bodies and making memorial arboretums and gardens instead and everyone agreed that was far less disturbing.
Jeff told me he wasn’t telling everything. He sold his body, but the man was turning people to salt while still alive without telling them.
— fed cats and a dog in the parking garage
— in a house with kids. Rescued them from a guy who was trying to kill us. I chopped off his head and he told me they would reincarnate or revive him and that he would come for me again.
————————— 5/23/22
At a park with others. It’s closed down and we explore. It’s pretty cool. I find a mini golf course and show some of the others. The pond around is gunky and I read a sign saying something about the pond being allergic to chlorine. I realized then that the scum and grime was on a whole other level. A woman I’m with turns it on. I try to warn her not too. Now that nasty water is moving and I end having to swim through it to get out. We both get away from it and run back to the pool to meet the group.
I go to the bathrooms to clean off but read something about this story of a guy who’s name starts with an N. He did some gross or bad things and was kind of haunting the place? I walk up to the pool and look back and see a black pipe pumping out nasty water. I grow frustrated wondering if this is going to be another nightmare. I fight to prevent it from being a nightmare but the nasty water from the pond starts pumping in everywhere and now we have to run because something wants to eat us.
Someone said they read something that we have to cross a boundary and get three minutes ahead to stop being chased. We bolted, weaving through the woods to make multiple targets and confuse what is chasing us. Eventually, I’m separated and it’s tailing me. I decide not to weave this time and keep it following me so the others have a chance to get away. It works and I cross the barrier. Now to get three minutes ahead is almost impossible. I run faster than anyone could in real life, even running on all fours, throwing myself ahead with each push of the run. I’m running like an animal. A larger predatory cat is what is chasing me. It’s tan with with lynx like ears.
I thought I lost it when I ran through a field of sheep, but it caught up and bit my left hand, holding on to it. I managed to pry my hand loose while running a few times, but the cat managed to clamp back on to it. Eventually, I get away almost three minutes away. I slow down and the cat catches up. I asked the cat if it really wanted to keep chasing me. It let go of my hand and showed me it kittens. We sat in a field together and I expressed that I would have to go soon. That it may have stopped chasing me, but the kittens were still going to grow up and get hungry. The cat assured me it’s kittens were smarter than that.
We ran so long and so fast that we ran through time. When we returned to the others, ten years had passed. Apparently, we had all gone our separate ways and were reuniting now. We were all so different. One Asian woman was working on clothes when the blonde white woman came up to her. The Asian woman was dismissive of her when she approached her to surprise her. I nudged the Asian woman to be nice and look again, to her surprise to see me. When she looked at the other woman again, she shouted “Whitney!!! What happened to you?” Whitney was a bit offended and the Asian woman corrected herself and explained that she was talking about what ten years had done and they embraced. The others were reuniting, too.
I stopped everyone after they greeted and said I brought someone and the cat came in. Everyone was startled and asked if I had gone mad, but I explained the cat had changed and had family now. The cat shared it’s kittens and showed how smart they are, how they were even solving world problems. It took a little bit, but the cat family was eventually welcomed and peace was finally made among all of us.

Hello there, bold adventuring bards! Today on the 30th of Frostfall, I have been entrusted with carrying out a very important task. Indeed, the author of the Bestiary book series has spent many moons just to search for me, this wise old Psijiic mage, to candidly cover this most curiously confusing creation of Kyne; the femboy. In depth, we shall go over what a femboy is, and the various implications they have for our world.
So, what exactly is a femboy, you may be asking rather inquisitively? A femboy born of the male sex, yet naturally possessing many traits that are most commonly known to be associated with that of the female sex. Unfortunately, I have little, almost no idea what THAT is, a “female”. And B’vehk, I’m sure as oblivion not being paid enough to find out. But I digress. These traits will generally include a toned, meticulously honed physique that many of acquired tastes find ever so unique, significantly reduced body hair density, skin softer, more supple, and smoother than frostbite spider silk.
Boytits, what some would like to call “booba”. Balls, cock and balls, usually undersized. Yet this is actually not a disadvantage at all, contrary to what many n*rds would tell you. Known as the “square cube law”, an Imperially discovered mathematical principle, it states that the surface area of an object is incapable of keeping up with an increase in volume. In layman's terms, this has the effect of bigger things being structurally inferior, less energy and resource efficient in organisms, and also less succulent, less flavorful when enjoying or experiencing something orally. The inverse is true, so the femboy cock and balls, while very small, are supremely delicious like you would not believe, and in fact the chef “Gourmet” has been spotted regularly at many fine femboy hooters establishments, such as the one in Raven Rock, to determine what makes their “menu” items so n’chow delicious, and why in comparison all his dishes are merely kwama piles. Of course, all this also means that femboys are stronger and more physically resilient than they would initially appear, at a glance.
Wide plumptuous hips for child baring, and exceedingly voluptuous buttocks for giving the ol’ slapple grapple. “But femboys cannot reproduce, that’s one of the perks of getting it on with one!”, silence, N’wah! That tongue is meant for lickin’ muatra, not questioning the high ranking Psijiic elders. We will get there, to the topic of femboy impregnation and pregnancy phases. Plenty of time, my sweet. There is also the presence of a very rarely occurring physical characteristic in any biological lifeform, some think it is but a myth. But the butt is no myth. Ah, but it is not a butt, even better, this is known as a “bussy”. An incredibly tight, muscularly elastical sealed hole, from which great pleasures and foul wastes are both going to be coming from.
This “bussy” varies greatly between all races, so I will delve into the minute differences between each of them here, as well as assess the quality and general user experience of each of them.
Nord: Really bad. I can't speak for the overall texture, elasticity, resilience, etc. because I couldn't even stand the stank. Holy fuck. Do you know how badly your ass cheeks can smell after covering them in animal fur or hide that doesn't breathe well? You'd be better off fucking a mutated falmer. It would have been less of a problem if he knew proper hygiene, but that's not exactly common practice. The best hygiene I've seen a Nord practice is to use the iron dagger on the kitchen table that he uses to eat, to cut off his own foreskin. But even then, that's rare, because Nords are known to just keep those cheese generators on, never bothering with a method of cleanliness. 0.5/10.
Imperial: This one was decent. Fairly tight, it smelled okay, and their moans were hitting all the right notes. Turns out, Imperials and their silver tongue makes them sound better when you're giving them your silver tongue, and it feels better when they use yours on you. Err... what was I talking about? Bussy, right. The Nibenese were quite good, if you want an Imperial, go for one of them. It felt like fucking a mer with their submissive and breedable personalities, but they can sure take a lot from behind. Colovians are kinda a turn-off, but if you're lucky enough to find a Colovian femboy to top you, you're really in for a treat. 7.5/10.
Breton: A little bit better than a Nibenese Imperial. They have some of that smooth buttocks commonly found on mer, not quite as firm as Imperials though, the good kind of firm. However, it's kind of odd to discover that the insides of Bretons haven't really evolved to match their perfect man-mer balance. Like, the mer have a distinct feel, as do the men. Bretons are like two different races, in there. Not a hybrid, but like some of the lining is mer, some has the texture of man. Best way to describe the unpleasantness is like dipping your hand (or your cock) into completely neutral temperature water. Like it feels so conflicted, that it feels like nothing and something. Just kind of off-putting. 4/10.
Redguard: Hygiene wasn't much better than the Nords, but was a bit better thanks to the sand keeping it dry. But also, I'm still trying to get sand out from under my foreskin. I guess on the bright side, it now serves to break down smegma, so the chunks don't get so big that it causes phimosis and I have to find a stormcloak to eat it out. By Sithis, though, you won't find a more resilient bussy than that of a redguard. It's the gift that keeps on fucking, or being fucked. Seriously, it doesn't have to take a break, it's not the tightest you'll find, keeps the elasticity it does have, though. 7/10.
Argonian: I really wouldn't recommend trying it. Their cum might be delicious, but you can get some nasty diseases from the Argonians. Or get that hist sap inside your foreskin. Do you really want your foreskin taking orders from a tree in a swamp? When you fuck that Argonian femboy, you're fucking every tree it has fucked too. Nasty. And don't get me started on those rough scales, it's like plowing a brick wall, there's no cushioning. 0/10.
Khajiit: It felt pretty good, warmer than other races, so if your dick feels tired and needs to warm up from the chills of Skyrim, the Khajiit bussy will welcome your member inside its walls. Sort of like an inn for your willy. Nice and soft, too. You might get fur trapped in your urethra though, and if you're unlucky enough, your coccy will get a hairball. Overall, seems like more trouble than it's worth. Sometimes you get a high off the moon sugar they had for breakfast that morning though, so that's a plus. 6/10.
Orsimer: It felt good for the first second or so, but apparently the orcs fart a ton since they don't need to hold it in, being isolated so much. Turns out it kinda forces you out of their hole. Not to mention that it's very hard to find a suitable Orsimer. This one didn't have great hygiene, but didn't stink in a good way. Wouldn't recommend letting them rim you either, those tusks will leave you unable to sit down for days. Overall? 2.5/10.
Altmer: They're not as tight as I would've liked. Probably because of their significantly higher height than the other races, their bowels are more roomy. However, I've had the pleasure of rimming an Altmer twink, and I'll tell you what, few races manage to be as hygienic. Those long lifespans serve their beauty routines well. For the area and skin immediately surrounding it, it's all a bit too soft, you feel like you're gonna break their pelvis. Not that I have experience with that, of course. Soft and mushy, like a banana. Most Altmer have given their anuses electrolysis via shock magic. All in all, the Altmer bussy is fantastic in concept, but in practice it doesn't feel as great. Not the worst either, though. 6.5/10.
Bosmer: It felt really soft and supple, I could actually feel the walls of his rectum hugging me, to be expected of such a small race. But they could also expand a good amount, that's the agility and limberness at play. The Boiche boicoochie/bussy doesn't smell that good, but the green pact has left many as very passionate rimmers in their own right. This might be the best race to go with, if you want to try the anal 69 position with another. They're a staple experience for every bussy connoisseur on Nirn, for good reason. 8.5/10.
Dunmer: This was unexpectedly the best bussy I've had. Out of curiosity, I knelt down to see (or sniff) how stinky that shitter was, placing my hands on both sides of those cheeks, spreading them at least an inch or two. Then I took a deep, deep inhale. B'vehk, the smell with that extra kick of ash was overpowering. It burned my lungs as though Namira thought it'd be funny to turn the air I breathe into spiders. Rather than placing me into a comatose state for perhaps months, the foul stench just filled me with a rage. A burst of insanity, a spout of grand intoxication. But I couldn't help myself. Inhaling again, concern crossing the face of the cute Dunmer boy witnessing my addictive episode, this time the fumes just overtook me. Had to let it out somehow, balling my hand into a fist, I broke out of the yurt, the anal high I received a double dose of leaving me all but mindless, dragging the femboy Dunmer out and onto the ashy plains of Vvardenfell. Tremendous strength from rectal inebriation flowed through my veins and thrumming through my muscles, I began slamming into the Dunmer bussy from behind. Bystanders that I later talked to (after being arrested by some boneheads) said I somehow started dragon shouting from pleasure, becoming ethereal only to phase through his cheeks to get even deeper. It was like becoming one with this guy, before phasing through him and severing his spine with my schlong, before blacking out, the veil of Tamriel fell before my eyes, as I saw the face of the godhead. I don't understand what I saw. But for a moment, just a scene frozen in my memory, I know that I did. I must have. The experience was truly, utterly mind-blowing. 9•π⁹/10.
Ayleid: “I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck”, never, under ANY circumstances, should you utter these words to the rare and exotic Ayleid twink. He will take it as a personal challenge to show you just how much of a sick, twisted, demented, and dare I say a psychopathic fuck he is. That bussy is seriously tight. Never would I have expected this to be possible, but it was actually too tight. In fact, I’m willing to bet you’d be better off in the jaws of oblivion than balls deep in the shitter of a cute Ayleid twink. If I didn’t cast a HIGH level flesh spell on my muatra, it would have been dismembered, almost certainly. The milk tastes good though, more on boymilk shortly.
Before I cover what is boymilk, in depth, I feel that I must prove that it is, in fact, milk. When closely examining the contents of boymilk via various magical rituals and incantations, it was found that it had very ample protein, as well as fats, and it helped feed the uselessly infertile spermies of the femboy in question. Being that it is nutritious, delicious, and feeds “young” in a sense, it can indeed be considered a milk of sorts. Now that we have that established, let us look into the magnificent world of femboy boymilk.
Nord: Extremely rich flavor, their high consumption of milk, cheese, and booze really makes a flavorful milk with a wonderful mouthfeel, 8/10.
Imperial: Tasted kinda sweet, with somewhat eggy/custard like hints to it, would probably make for some excellent yogurt, it's very cultured. 9/10.
Breton: Unfortunately I couldn't extract any, I assume it's because the Bretons are such cucks, having their wives banged by Redguards, that their will to produce their delicious boymother nectar has disappeared.
Redguard: It was rather refreshing, like the juice of a melon, fittingly coming from those boymelons. Pretty light though, less rich and creamy like the others, but solid. 7/10.
Altmer: Very creamy and thick, with subtle notes of what seems like Akaviri pear flavor, 6.5/10.
Dunmer: Pretty disgusting actually, very thick like an Altmer's boy milk, but the smokey flavor is NOT welcome in my culinary practices and utilization of boy milk. Smokey milk is nasty, 2/10.
Bosmer: Their tight bodies and rock hard nipples can shoot scrumptious boy milk into your mouth from across Tamriel. Very creamy, with slightly grassy notes, like canis root milk tea, basically. 10/10.
Orc: Kinda tasted like kwama piles, pretty sure these sick fucks are made entirely out of shit. Disgusting milk. 6/10.
Maomer: A somewhat floral/seaweed like flavor, and it's thin. Not very good, but for a savory dish, it could have its uses. 5/10.
Dwemer: Tasted similar to Altmer, but waaaaaaay creamier because their boymilk maid level has been increased tenfold due to the constant use of Dwemer milking stations. They're also extremely accurate with their milk jets. 9/10.
Snow elf: Pretty similar to Nord, but richer, less boozy, and it comes out really cold, as opposed to warm like others. 7/10.
Ayleid: Kinda tasted of blood, I think they're so sadistic that they replaced their boymilk with blood because that's what they get off of more. Or it could've been a piercing that bled? Either way, not a fan. 3/10.
Vampire: Not applicable, a vampire cannot be a boymother or produce boymilk. I've tried getting my vampire bosmer femboy boypreggers and it hasn't worked out.
Automaton: They don't have any, they usually DO the milking. What, you thought the Dwemer made them to defend their ruins? S'wit.
Daedra: Somewhat like a Dunmer's, but spicy too. This is bizarre because the proteins usually break down the spice when it reaches the palate, resulting in something that simultaneously cools and heats the tongue. Spicy and not spicy. 4/10.
Falmer: Really tasty, actually. Similar to mushrooms, it has a very umami flavor. Not my usual, but very nice, and I'll give it a 7.5/10.
Khajiit: Very yummy, kinda musky. But when you're thirsty, it'll quench ya! They've evolved to have very nutritious boy milk as a result of Dunmer breeding and not letting them eat regular foods. 8/10.
Argonian: Came out like thick sap, in small amounts, but it was so thick I couldn't really get a taste of it. So 0/10.
Sload: I contracted the thrassian plague. So it should really go without saying that it is a SOLID 9.5/10. Also definitely has the creamiest texture out of any boymilk. It is simply superb.
Still following so far? Good! Now, I hear you (no but literally, it’s highly advanced telepathy magic that the Psijiic Order invented, don’t worry about it) wonder, if it’s milk, can cheese be made from it, like with cows, goats, or even mammoths? Good news, the answer is an absolute yes! And we shall cover this subject now.
While many people have never heard of the legendary smegma “muatra cheese” male embracing the smegma “grindset”, many of the few that have heard of this tale, old as time itself (yet perhaps even older) simply write it off as nothing more than folklore, or Thalmor propaganda, I for one know otherwise, that males embracing the smegma grindset DO indeed exist. It ain’t easy, bein’ cheesy.
Yet before speaking of the males or of their grindset, we must first cover what smegma is. Smegma is a substance commonly found on the penis around the glands, with color, texture, viscosity, and taste very much akin to that of cheese. Mostly composed out of dead skin cells, small traces of urine, an undetermined level of cum, and sweat accumulating under the foreskin and sometimes balls, although it still can be found even on those poor, poor circumcised individuals who haven’t nabbed themselves a prosthetic Dwemer foreskin from Cockwork City.
The dead skin cells and, by extension smegma in general, usually occur when the foreskin would naturally separate from the head of the penis and gains the ability of being pulled back. Smegma could then be considered like a glue, finally appearing when the foreskin becomes unbound to the sensually supple sensitive glands residing under it.
Distantly related to the smegma grindset, there’s a more commonly known “sigma grindset” that involves a man being “the top of the social hierarchy”, a “lone wolf”, and many call themselves “highly successful”. This is quite frankly bullshit, kwama pile, as wolves nor humans cannot survive lone, or more accurately, cannot thrive. Despite what the circle of furries in the companions would like you to believe. More on that later, though. All that must be noted for now is that the sigma grindset involves neglecting the needs of others, doing what must be done for self achievement and fulfillment. A male who embraces and truly lives the smegma grindset not only neglects the needs of others for their personal needs, but also neglect their own personal needs for their own personal needs, too. This, of course, includes typical hygienic practices, such as regularly clearing the smegma buildup under their foreskin, causing it to accumulate. This gives them the nickname, smegma male (as opposed to sigma male). Indeed, the social standing of a smegma male far surpasses even the sigma male in terms of the societal hierarchy.
While a sigma male is often associated with a strong will and sense of self, the smegma male is even more so, at least in the former category. When the dick cheese under their foreskin builds up enough, it begins to develop into a crusty, porous consistency, effectively becoming a thick and strong adhesive to reattach the foreskin to the head of the penis, reversing the process of what happened previously occurred and created smegma in the first place, ironically. At this point, it can be quite difficult to reverse, as the solidified penile cottage cheese has gained a tensile strength surpassing metals like ebony or Dwemer alloy, this is why they have such strong wills, matching the predicament they found themselves in. Needless to say, the foreskin isn’t being pulled back any time soon, leading to the inability of penetrative intercourse.
With that inability in mind, no longer are these men distracted by the seductive, alluring ways of women. Assuming that the smegma has not reached and blocked off their buttocks, they may seek a man to pummel their bussy, commonly a sigma male, though they rarely admit to it, wishing to remain seen as not submissive to anyone. In truth, the sigma male cannot resist the smegma male bussy. Additionally, the sigma males are known to appear very muscular. This is very often because they pick out any loose smegma from their sloppy toppy smegma male, and eat it for the high protein content, as well as to display submissiveness. This can be considered a symbiotic relationship, of sorts, where the sigma male eats the smegma of the smegma male’s foreskin for the sake of protein and cleaning what’s unneeded, and in turn, it grants health benefits. Many will deny any of this, as it’s “taboo” or “unsanitary”.
However, despite the loss of pleasurable experiences of their penis, it is not entirely useless. With the solidified smegma blocking off much of the exit and also the internal methods of transportation of sperm and seminal fluid, masturbation results in neither pleasure nor the expelling of anything, aside from air. However, the air that comes out is extremely compressed and focused, due to the way it builds up. This air blast can even level a mountain, in some cases, so it can easily be mistaken for telekinesis. As Todd Howard once said, “See that mountain? You can destroy it.”
An even rarer form of the smegma male is the smegma lich, sometimes seen where Ayleid femboys were buried, and magically preserved so they could metamorphosize into something truly breathtaking, and beautiful. Why the unusual name, you may wonder? Well, the smegma lich has their anus and foreskin completely sealed off with supremely delectable dick cheese, and they evolved to no longer need to eat, sleep, or shit, as most of us must, from time to time.
The blocking off of most of their holes also means there’s a lot of excess smegma and rarely a male worthy of consuming it, so instead the smegma lich expels the extra smegma through their mouth, vomiting it with surprising force. The result becomes a being made entirely out of smegma, creating an even stronger smegma lich than the last, as the cycle continues. This defiance of ordinary needs, being composed out of decaying, mottled, rotting dead skin in the form of smegma, as well as the vomiting being comparable to a necromantic (or necrophilic?) practice giving them the title of a lich, something that cheats death and has supernatural abilities, basically.
One of these abilities is an upgraded version of the expulsion of air, where they not only unleash it penilely, but anally, too, causing a massive wave of air in all directions, a repulsing effect. If they manage to live long enough before maggots eat the smegma (which may take a while due to how tough it has become) they can eventually gain such mastery over this ability to the extent that it becomes a form of flight, mimicking levitation magics, so no longer do they not need food, water, sleep, etc. but even lose the need of any other method of locomotion. Of course, because it isn’t ACTUALLY levitation magic, the empire cannot really outlaw it anywhere, all they can do is merely watch the lich traveling around the province with an intense feeling of jealousy, and the nagging thought “Look at that S car go”, I’m not sure what a car is, dear reader, but I can tell you the S stands for smegma, of course.
When asking about this around a strip club, a drunkard there getting his dick sucked by a tight assed twink bravely recounts the story. "They say Jess’e has started living the Smegma Male Grindset. He smells awful. I told him as much, it seemed to upset him, so I asked if he was gonna cry, piss his pants maybe, maybe shit and cum. And then he did, or at least I think he tried to, it was unclear.
One giant wave of air burst from within him, scattering in all directions to disintegrate citizens, like Force Repulse in the promotional content of the Force Unleashed 2. It was surreal. And he was a good friend."
In rare cases, it has been witnessed that, once a smegma lich vomits into the mouth of an unsuspecting sigma male host, this is where the truly interesting merging can occur. The strength of the smegma and nutritive properties, yet the lack of necrotic tissue in the sigma male, leads to swift mutation of the internal organs of the hypothetical subject in question, replacing organ tissue and skin with smegma. This makes them capable of withstanding more wear and tear, as it were, and they can expand significantly more, allowing the “sigmegma” male to have better endurance.
Heightened endurance, strength, etc. all come at a price though, as they still don’t produce their own smegma and, now that it makes up most of their cellular tissue, must regularly be replaced by a smegma lich. This also ensures loyalty despite the new found strengths of the sigmegma male and their power-hungry nature, they must now rely on the delicacy that is century year old build-up of oily, sublime, rich, and creamy smegma under the foreskin of a powerful smegma lich, in order to survive. Without this regular dose of smegma vomit, the sigmegma male will surely decompose at a highly accelerated rate, lacking the time defying ability of a smegma lich.
And with that, you may be wondering, if the femboys can reproduce via those means, such as in the case of the sigmegma male, is it only limited to that, or are there other evolutionarily developed methods of reproduction? Good news once again, there are! Those wide fertile hips aren’t just thick and soft for grabbing from behind, with those little dimples on their backs for extra grip, no no no! It also serves as storage for extra cum. “What?” you may think? Well, it is true that the femboys and their bussies cannot be impregnated in the traditional sense, however, something happens if a LOT of cum is stored in them. It begins to coat the insides of their colon in a slimy goo-like webbing of cum, and if this continues much more, it won’t come out. This leaves them very “backed up”, as it were.
For this reason, femboys came to be known for their farts, which are a delicacy in some provinces, but I digress. Eventually, a “stink fiend” will form inside their rectum, and emerge. Materials forming its organic matter depend on the diet of the femboy, but shit and cum will most certainly be a prevalent one. There is little to speak of in terms of interesting qualities of the stink fiend, other than the fact that it came out of some cute femboy’s bussy and is yet a disgusting monstrosity that even Kynareth herself would be deeply ashamed of. It possesses little intelligence, merely desiring to eat and kill, however oddly enough, it avoids other “backed up” individuals, leading many scholars to speculate that it can sense when another femboy is boypreggers with a stink fiend. Meaning that it will not harm them, so as to not harm another stink fiend. It’s almost heartwarming, this sense of comradery that they seem to feel for one another.
When giving birth to a stink fiend, the femboy in question will likely be very weakened from the labor, and they won’t have very long until the stink fiend turns hostile, so it is highly recommended that if you did not “use protection” with a “flesh spell” to prevent this from happening in the first place, that you whisk them away in your arms and carry them to safety. As I hope this paper has already established many times over, all femboys of Nirn are beautiful, beautiful creatures, and we of the high ranking Psijiic Order elders have dedicated our millennia long lives to protecting them at all costs. With any luck, I have successfully persuaded you to do the same.
Dear reader, I must apologize profusely for my having neglected the most important, underrated demographic of all regarding femboy milk, boytation milk, and of course the delectable dick cheese. Yes, I am referring to the Chaurus, Skyrim’s beautiful and often misunderstood creatures that inhabit the darkest of caves, illuminating that which is but an otherwise bleak living situation for the Falmer. These Chaurus femboys are perhaps the greatest emotional support femboys of all, and much of Tamriel doesn’t so much as recognize their existence.
So on this day, of Loredas the 17th, of Hearthfire, I aim to change that. Indeed, I’ll be going into blackreach and writing of my findings, exploring the vast and mysterious lives of these majestic Chaurus femboys. Of course, before I am to do this, we must cover the differences between a Chaurus female, a Chaurus male, and the elusively seductive Chaurus femboy.
Characteristics of the female Chaurus include an ovipositor from which they lay eggs, spiky vagina, and the ability to spit venom, as well as inject it directly with a bite. Surrounded in a sturdy chitinous shell, they are quite resilient. Some of them may become queens of the colony, being bigger and stronger, producing more larvae. These Chaurus are the most common to encounter, therefore I shall not cover them in nearly as much detail. Though if you wish to learn more, other scholars have invested their time into writing bestiaries of this group. Or perhaps if you feel adventurous, delve into the depths of blackreach itself, and if you’re lucky, you may encounter them.
The characteristics of a male Chaurus are lesser-known. Rather than sticking to the caves of the underground cave systems of blackreach, the male Chaurus are known to venture into the wilderness, they may be found in the swamps of Morthal, searching diligently for potential mates. This could be you, if dibella smiles upon you that day! Unlike the female Chaurus, the male Chaurus of course possesses a schlong. Yet despite the rest of its body, the penile structure is not spiky as you might initially expect, but rather like a worm, soft and having a gentle pulse. This may occasionally detach and be stuck inside the receiver’s hole, it likely won’t come out no matter how hard you try, at least until the time is right, whenever that may be. And they cannot inject venom via bite force. Yet, this is not a weakness, but rather an evolution developed. Since close range combat has the lowest chance of being envenomed, potential targets will inevitably prefer being close. This gives the male Chaurus opportunity to use its powerful ebony-grip pincers to prevent movement, while it maneuvers itself and the target into the optimal position for mating. In other words, it isn’t evolved out of the need to take life, but rather… to make it. Of course, the male Chaurus also has superior chitin, the strength of which can shrug off blows from ebony, or even daedric weapons at times, if the angle is ideal. And if someone goes near a male Chaurus shortly after consuming Chaurus mating pheromones, however it must be one in the wild, it’ll lure the male Chaurus to whoever imbibed the concocktion, at which point it’ll make the man or mer the next Chaurus queen. Truly beautiful are the blessings of Kynareth! Or perhaps mara, for what better way to show love? It makes for some touching stories and acts of kindness in Morthal, especially to the sister of the alchemist there.
Now to cover the characteristics of the Chaurus femboy. Having more of a light blue hue to their chitin shell, these precious specimens are only found in the deepest reaches of blackreach, and sometimes the Forgotten Vale. They have a bit of a symbiotic relationship with the other Chaurus, not directly relating to the mating rituals, but close enough. Emitting a delicious smell akin to a boiled cream treat, even the most strong willed and stubborn of Nords simply cannot resist some chaurusubussy. But of course, that chaurusubussy in fact has a grip surpassing that of a Daedroth Alpha. Indeed, what comes in, must not cum out. There’ll be none of that. Whilst you struggle, the pheromones coming off you and the femboy Chaurus will alert others, allowing them to surround you, and, well, you’ll be a proud parent to the next colony of Chaurus in no time. To explain the femboy Chaurus in simple terms, the lustrous eyes reminiscent of gems, the beautiful shell, it’s all just a trap. The origin of it is unknown, though. They’ve never been witnessed to be born in a colony, unlike the males or females of the Chaurus.
Around Noon of Loredas the 18th, of Sun’s Dusk: I’ve started gathering the supplies needed for the Chaurus mating pheromone potion, this is of vital importance if I am to have any luck with this endeavor. I already have the swamp fungal pod, the daedra heart, and even the vampire dust. Now all I need is some Chaurus chitin, which should be easy enough to get from that N’wah over at Markarth’s Understone Keep.
Evening of Loredas the 23rd, of Sun’s Dusk: Having paid a visit to that S’wit alchemist in Whiterun (she tried to diagnose me with “an unhealthy obsession with arthropods” which I clearly don’t have!?) I commissioned her to make that potion, charged me an outrageous fee, but no matter, I’ve got the septims. Kept an eye on her though during her work, it wouldn’t do to have her taking any swigs of my Chaurus mating pheromones.
??? of Frostfall: I have successfully made my way into Blachreach! Set up camp in some poor sod’s house, guess he must’ve been an alchemist or something. B’vehk, I hope he didn’t get to the fertile Chaurus before me. Anyway I’m tired after venturing into here, so I think I’ll open up the sack lunch my mother made me. Apple cabbage stew and horker snout, my favorite! Some Chaurus pheromones to wash it all down…
Feeling flushed suddenly after my lunch, I guess there’s nobody around blackreach, so I’ll just remove my tunic, surely nothing will come of it.
???: It would seem that the Chaurus must have taken my clothes, they’ve vanished. Perhaps before welcoming me into their ranks, they’re smelling me out through my belongings? Hope they don’t go through the pockets though and find the satchel of Yagrum Bagarn’s magically preserved smegma, that’s a pretty hard ingredient to come by. By the eight, I’m feeling sleepy. Might rest my eyes for a moment.
???: Waking up, it appears some kind of chitinous creature has attached itself to my lower regions, interesting. Come to think of it, not feeling hot anymore either, maybe chills if anything. I can’t remove whatever this thing is, doesn’t look like a chaurus either, from what I can tell. With my clothes gone for the time being, and it being difficult to walk with this thing attached to me, I’ll merely wait a while. I have some femboy smegma left to sustain me for a few days, anyway.
???: Is it just the darkness, or am I looking blue now? My skin also feels significantly less dry, indeed, more moist than usual. Interesting. Well, the creature seems to have scuttled off, so I can walk again. Think I’ll go explore Blackreach and see what’s keeping these Chaurus so bussy.
Apparently I am not alone, as it would seem. There’s this redguard that just entered the city of Blackreach. N’chow! These were supposed to be my findings!
Now he’s smelling around. Guess he smells something good? I don’t get it.
B-b’vehk~ he’s going for my supple bussy I see~ Wait, why can’t he understand me? By the eight, it seems like he can’t pull out either. What in Oblivion is going on?!
Oh Zenithar, I hear the Chaurus sounds from behind him.. They’re mating with the redguard, not me?! A-ah but I can still feel the force behind their muatra thrusts. N’chow, I’m gonna chim! What’s this, XarXes?? notices my muatra Looks like I may just get to sample some Chaurus femboy smegma.
By Dibella, yes my S’wit...mmmm....quite cheesy indeed...is that....dare I say....mmmmf...chaurus eggs I taste? hmmm...yes...quite so my Redguard darling....sniff....quite tasty cheese eggs yes very much so. Oh yum...very good!....very stretchy and salty cheese....hmmmmm...is that a drop of precum I see on my muatra? Let me...... allow me to just have a little taste before the climax, my darling Chaurus Stud. Stretchy… salty.. And oh so moist, yet it melts on my tongue. The cheese pull… THE CHEESE PULL. Truly delectable, I was most successful here today, I’m going.. going.. I am going to have sloppy toppy, dripping tripping, perhaps even some stripping, hot steamy sex with this male Chaurus
I am going to have sex with this male Chaurus from Blackreach. I find the male Chaurus in the faint futuristically dystopian 9th era neon lights of Blackreach mushrooms to be exceedingly sexy. They're not like the female Chaurus, who only want one thing (to rob me of the pleasure of baring the Chaurus male’s eggs) and got swamp fungal pod infections in their chaurussies. However, the male Chaurus body is made up of sharp chitin that is tough as steel, and their pincers are still very sharp indeed. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with one again. So as to remedy this, the male Chaurus has just encased my genitalia in webbing, perhaps it’ll even cover my whole entire body, making me protected from the, sharpness, blunt force, and serving as a soft sack for carrying its offspring inside my supple bussy. Keep in mind, protected is not the same as immune. I still get falmer cave insect aids. Just because my muatra and eyes of magni are encased in silky smooth Chaurus male webbing, does not mean that I will not feel anything, it simply means that I will take no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with this rare male Chaurus specimen found in Blackreach, I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with, especially non-humans! That Redguard N’wah, who’d he think he was plowing my bussy anyway? I'd rather take damage and be taken advantage of like an N'wah instead, than fail my entire purpose in the godhead’s dream and not pleasure the male Chaurus.
The male Chaurus and I go to a romantic scene in blackreach to have sex, maybe near a river. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human's natural habitat, which is why this study was to be conducted here in Blackreach. And the underground breeze of Blackreach would be so romantic, we'll lay down a lion pelt before having intercourse, of course.
Before we go into Blackreach, the male Chaurus secreted pheromones, as I would secrete mine, which is going to let all the female Chaurus and the falmer know that we are just here for sex (they know not that I’m here to become the next Chaurus Queen!). The Chaurus and falmer will not attack us because they know I am here at the city of Blackreach on official sexual business (I actually advise and council the Jarl on sexual matters, but this is probably all a bit under the table, and a bit over your head) This includes the Frostbite Spiders. However, the Dragon there thinks that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a follower of his orange artificial Dwemer sun lamp cult, considering that I am having unprotected sex (save for his webbing around my muatra and eye of magni) with a male Chaurus. However, I have no interest in becoming a Chaurus femboy and baring the Chaurus larvae for the standard incubation period of 1 week.
Of course, I'm sure that these pheromones will have no effect on my body or on my psyche, or for my distaste and repulsion towards Namira, and all things disgusting of that nature.
Edit: Having gotten significant opposition from citizens via courier, if I didn’t already mention it, that very early on in my career I was promoted to the top of Femboy Hooters, and I’ve been involved in numerous behind-the-counter transactions with customers, and I have received over 300 clinically confirmed prostate orgasms.
I am trained in gag reflex suppression, and I’m the top cocksucker in the entire province of Cyrodiil's Imperial Legion, plus the Psijiic Order elders as well. They are nothing to me but just another client. I will straddle them all the fuck up and down, with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Nirn, mark my fucking words.
They think they can get away with saying that shit to me over the courier? Think again, they should. As we speak I am contacting the Pink Brotherhood enclaves across the Illiac Bay and Cyrodiil. Their soul energies are being detected right now, so they better prepare for the sexual tension, fetchers, the whole lot of them. The next dragon break, the one that wipes out the pathetic little thing they would call their Aedra given virginity and crushes their clockwork balls. They’re truly fucking fucked, those N'wahs. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can pleasure someone in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my tongue alone.
Not only am I extensively trained in Ayleid cock and ball torture thanks to the Ayleid femboy I encountered, but I have access to the entire Daedric tier selection of sex toys, courtesy of Vittoria Vici's secret in Solitude. And of course, I will use it to its full extent to pleasure any gourmet ass off the face of the continent of Tamriel, those little S'wits. If only they could have known what unholy, Daedric retribution these little “clever” letters were about to bring down upon the lot of them, maybe at least one would have held their fucking tongue, and merely cummed their load, like a good Bosmer femboy ought to.
But they couldn’t, they didn’t, and now I’ve sent Imperial guards to them, so all their stolen goods are now forfeit. Those little vehk'n'chow scuttleheads, such grand and intoxicating innocence they have exhibited. I will CHIM all over these poor souls, and inevitably, they will drown in it.
They’re fucking fucked, muthsera. It’s ironic, they could successfully save others from death, but not themselves.

Spoiler Alert: I failed in finishing my taxes and the tax forms is still piled up in my office.
Full background. I realize my finances are sometimes a mess and I’m trying to live my best life. Coming out of a divorce post COVID really put a perspective on what makes me happy. Post divorce I’m still dealing with debts and at least every few months I feel like I’m throwing thousands at some debt I didn’t realize was in my name and/or just trying to move on with my life.
I currently don’t share any expenses for B and he does not pay me for rent and/or utilities. He relocated for me and is now searching for a job but I’m not stressed about financials because of all the expenses at the moment.
The amount of value I put on just having someone who supports me for who I am, is not pushing his life choices on me, and makes me happy is something I never realized was vital in a relationship. If a guy ever gets jealous that you’re more successful than him, gaslights you, and you’re just convincing yourself everyday to just stay with him, run.
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance (and how you got there): 110K? This is hard because my retirement balances are at 3 different places and we all know how the market is right now. Current company I’ve been for half a year has 23K. First company I was at is currently at 47K. I have no idea how much is in the other one (Somewhere between 23K and 47K).
Additionally, I also have a HYSA that has $25K and some crypto investment accounts that I have not looked at in years. I started a Vanguard account a few months ago with $3K thrown in there.
Equity if you're a homeowner (and how much you put down and how you accumulated that payment): $570,000. I put down 18% and paid an additional 2% to remove the PMI last year. Currently have $445k mortgage. The majority of my down payment was a gift from my parents. They did not realize that because I was married, my ex was on the deed even though he is not on the mortgage. Yes I broke down when closing on my house when I found out. In hindsight that should be the first sign that I’m headed towards divorce.
Savings account balance: $15,000. I also have 20,000 in Ibonds for when my student loan deferment ends.
Checking account balance: $4,000
Credit card debt (and how you accumulated it): None, I pay off my CC every month.
Student loan debt (for what degree): $37K Private and $12K Public left for a Stats degree. I paid off a lot of my private student loans in the last few years.
Section Two: Income
Income Progression: I've been working in the analytics field for 8 years, my starting salary was $52,000. I stayed at my first company for almost 4 years, moving internally to grow my skills before finally jumping ship. I took an opportunity (that while I don’t regret now, I took it for a guy) to go outside my industry for $120,000. I left after almost a year after being approached by an old colleague, moving my salary to $125,000 + bonus. I stayed there for two years before moving into my current role role at $170,000.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $8,800
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: Nope
Any Other Monthly Income Here: Nope
Section Three: Expenses
Rent / Mortgage / HOA fees (please specify how you split it if living with a partner): $3,400 (This includes mortgage + insurance + taxes + HOA). I realize this is high but you know what, this is what happiness tastes like for me. I live in a 3b2ba condo and my yearly property taxes is $11,000+ a year. I cover it all.
Renters / home insurance: Included above.
Savings contribution: Whatever is left over from my month. I’m not actively saving at the moment.
Investment contribution: $300. I’m going to ramp this up soon just because of the current market aka dump most of my left over money per month here.
Electric: $150 - $180 for electric and gas
Wifi/Cable/Landline: $90
Cellphone: 0. Not gonna lie, I’m still on my parents plan for this.
Subscriptions: I have Netflix, Crunchyroll, Discord, etc. Do I know the total? Not really, but I’m estimating about $30-40 a month.
Pet expenses: $62.99 for my dogs health care plan which includes X-rays and cardio grams and 2 exams a year and dental cleaning (which he doesn’t use because he’s old and has like no teeth). He also eats expensive dog food. $90 a month for that. He’s old and I’m making sure he living his best life with the little teeth he has remaining.
Car payment / insurance: $620 - I have $4800 left on my car loan. Car insurance is bulked under my moms commercial insurance. Car registration is $115/year.
Student Loans: $535
Any other expense that's relevant to you:
$200 I pay my sisters credit card per month and she has a limit of 200 a month. Sometimes she spends a lot, sometimes she spends very little, but at least it’s there. I want her to enjoy her teenage years and although sometimes she’s as frivolous as I am with money, being able to go out with friends and buy clothes is something I missed out on and I want that for her.
$105 for a monthly facial.
Friday
4 am - Still trying to fall asleep after taking a melatonin at midnight but ended up doom scrolling. I know I’m going to be exhausted today so I’ll try to get some semblance of sleep.
8:55 am - Get out of bed 5 min before my first meeting and brush my teeth and hop into my morning calls. Anyone else can’t do that 5-9 before their 9-5 and roll around in bed until the last minute. B comes into the office with my morning coffee request. Today is a latte day with oat milk.
10:00 am - Break between my calls for some breakfast. B got up early and picked up pastries for me. I scarf down an everything bagel with lox cream cheese and go back for more work.
11:00 am - B comes in with my second coffee request of an americano before he heads to the gym. I jump into another few calls.
12:45 pm - Finally finished all my calls for the day and I go lay down in the guest bedroom for a break. I debate if I should start doing my taxes. I instead opt for a mid day shower to just sit and stare at my tiles.
2 pm - Eat lunch of leftover curry with noodles and another pastry. This one is an eggy cheesy brioche? Not sure but I can taste the amount of butter in this pastry.
4 pm - In bed after work and trying to nap due the lack of sleep. I am not succeeding.
7:30 pm - Walk with B out to a nearby Chinese restaurant for dinner. We got beef noodle soup, fried eggplants, and sour pickled fish. It hits the spot and we joined watching the beginning of the light dusting of snow start falling down. I pay the bill. ($75)
9:30 pm - I roll into bed after dinner and skip my nightly skincare routine because I’ll be getting my facial tomorrow. Turn on some Netflix and scroll through my phone until I passout.
Daily Total: $75
Saturday
10:30 am - Wake up and roll around. Eventually I get presentable and leave for my appointment.
12:30 pm - Make it to my facial and we talk about my new skin issues. I have very sensitive skin lately and I just started using red light daily. The new serum I’m using with it is appearing to cause me to break out so now I’m trying to mitigate the damage. ($65 for add on plus tip)
1:30 pm - Pick up dessert for my family visiting tomorrow at this cute cupcake shop that has Ube cupcakes. ($22.28)
2 pm - B and I make our way to find a place to eat for lunch and get some coffee. We stop first at the coffee shop for a cortado and a cold brew. He says the coffee sucks. He pays. We then walk to this Venezuelan restaurant to try because I’ve been dying for some arepas.
2:30 pm - I got arepas and pupusas mixed in my head. But I still devour the meal and now regret it with the amount of cheese in the dishes. B pays again. We then head over to pick up some cupcakes from another bakery we’ve been meaning to stop by. ($10.41)
3:30 pm - We went to Trader Joe’s for some frozen food. I picked up XLBs, samosas, pizza dough, some beer, ciabatta bread, cream cheese, and lox. They also were giving away free tortilla chips. B pays for groceries. We then head home and found out our dog got on the counter and ate a blueberry muffin! We clean up and put away groceries.
5:45 pm - Friends come visit for a doggy play date. My dog is a very grumpy old man who mainly just likes to sleep all day. Even though he’s been naughty this is good exercise for home.
7:00 pm - Get pizza at a local pizza shop for the friends. We also get elotes and horchata as well. We grabbed a bottle on the way home to continue drinking. I cover pizza, B covers my horchata, and they cover a bottle of whisky. ($46.27)
11:00 pm - Friends leave and I’m really drunk. B puts me to bed and I know I’ll be hungover tomorrow.
Daily Total: $143.96
Sunday
8:30 am - Wake up hungover and just chug water and scroll on my phone.
11:00 am - Finally get out of bed after just spacing out and scrolling all morning. B already made coffee and is washing dishes. He asks what I want and I debate between a latte or americano. Eventually I decide on latte and he makes me one while I just lounge in the living room soaking sun to hopefully nurse my hangover. I eventually get up to do my morning routine and actually dress like I see people. My morning routine is slapping essence on my face, sometimes moisturizer, and sunscreen. Everyone makes fun of how much sunscreen I use but if I leave the house I’m putting on sunscreen, even if it’s just walking the dog.
12 pm - Parents come pick us up for some hotpot. We got a ton of stuff including fatty beef slices, tons of veggies, some noodles, and some apps. My parents pay.
3 pm - We get home and I play some games on my desktop.
6 pm - Make dinner which is just heating leftover pizza. I am so full from lunch still so I just munch off his plate.
7 pm - B peels me a mango and we share some clementines before going back to our computers and playing some more games.
11 pm - Do my nighttime routine of slapping on essence and trying not to blind myself with my red light. Eye cream and then I’m in bed and definitely not ready for Monday.
Daily Total: $0
Monday
7:00 am - Nope not waking up
7:30 am - Still nope
8:30 am - Roll out of bed. My stomach is in pain from the spices from hotpot and I did not sleep well. Walk to the office to log in and start checking emails. B wakes up to make my morning coffee and walk the dog. Another latte day.
9:30 am - My cleaner arrives. I pay 150 + 30 tip for him to clean my apartment every 5 weeks and it helps me so much. ($180) B also makes me another latte before he leaves for the gym.
12:24 pm - Finished my meetings for the morning and then promptly got kicked out of the office by my cleaner. Instead of making lunch I’m opting for a shower to wake me up.
1:10 pm - Debate if I want to make lunch and end up just working in bed instead.
2:00 pm - Cleaner cleaning the kitchen still and I’m starving so I take a drive to McDonalds to grab some food between calls. ($23.16). I then proceed to shove my face with fries and spicy chicken sandwich while I continue with my calls. Cleaner leaves sometime between my calls but B schedules the next cleaning on the way out as I’m too busy trying to talk and scarf down food.
5:00 pm - Done with work so now I do my daily routine of laying in my guest bedroom and scrolling the internet before dinner. I also realized I ruined my sweater in the wash because I’m dumb and so had to throw that in the trash.
7:00 pm - Warm up leftover pizza, elotes, and some XLBs for dinner. Wash it all down with some pineapple coconut bubbly. B and I share a red velvet Bundt cake for dessert. I proceed to once again try to finish doing my taxes.
9:30 pm - Instead of taxes I played video games. I now head to get ready for bed. As you can see I really do have the most exciting life. Usual night time routine of trying not to blind myself with my red light before bed.
Daily Total: $203.16
Tuesday
7:55 am - I get up and roll out of bed.
8:00 am - I make breakfast and my own coffee. I have no barista skills so I use a keurig. I also make a lox sandwich with ciabatta bread, cream cheese, and lox. I proceed to scarf it down staring at my dog who just stares back before logging into work for my meetings.
1:00 pm - Take a break and debate what I want to eat for lunch. Instead I realize I have a dentist appointment after work and just dress myself and make myself presentable and go back to work. B brings me some XLBs to eat as I’m not that hungry.
2:00 pm - Realize I’m way too dehydrated these days and begin chugging water. Continue to work work work work work.
4:00 pm - Take a break from work to just do my usual lay in my spare bed and contemplate life. I wonder if I should brush my teeth before going to see the dentist.
5:45 pm - Got my dental cleaning. $50 copay because I’m on a gum disease prevention plan. Take care of your teeth guys. ($50)
6:30 pm - I make dinner of rice noodles with pickled veggies, shrimp, hotpot meat, dumplings, and regular veggies. I snack on some chips as well.
8 pm - Scroll through the internet on my desktop. I am once again procrastinating on doing my taxes and instead go on a YouTube rabbit hole.
11:00 pm - Crawl into bed and pass out around midnight.
Daily total: $50
Wednesday
7:30 am - Wake up and roll around a little before getting up and making my usual breakfast. Ciabatta, lox, cream cheese. B rolls out of bed and makes me a latte. I sit down in my office and just start answering emails.
12:30 pm - Finally down with meetings for the morning. Debating what to make for lunch is hard. Finally decided on making some ramen and eating the last slice of pizza. I just mainly pick at my food and give the rest to B.
3:30 pm - I have decided to lay down to rest my eyes. My mood is just tired constantly and I’m pretty sure I’m over this weather and winter in general.
5:30 pm - Start on dinner. B made roasted broccoli and then we just ate it with some Galbi and rice. Afterwards we head back to our desktops to play some games.
7:30 pm - Early shower because I have to be in the office tomorrow and I wanna wash my hair.
8:30 pm - Back to games I go. Play for a little bit before I have to get ready for bed.
10:30 pm - In bed and B will join me eventually.
Daily Total: $0
Thursday
7:30 am - Get up and get ready to go into the office. I throw on some sunscreen and some makeup. I walk towards the train and placed a Starbucks order on my app. It’s preloaded so technically I didn’t spend anything.
10:00 am - I’m trying to be productive but I’m always distracted when I’m in the office. I scope out the supplies cabinet as I do every time.
12:30 pm - Get ramen with my coworkers for lunch. ($18.24) I got a ramen with a pork bao and a Thai iced tea. I give my bao to a coworker.
1:30 pm - More meetings and just chilling with coworkers at the office. Sparkling water on tap means trying to sneak bathroom breaks between calls.
4:30 pm - Leave the office and head home.
5:30 pm - Stop by a lounge to get some drinks and relax. 2 martinis and an app later for me and a beer for B, I wobble my way home. ($46.26)
6:30 pm - Made it home and start dinner. B puts in some tater tots while I make some spicy sour noodles with beef slices, seaweed, and dumplings. B eats one of the leftover cupcakes we still have from last weekend for dessert.
8:30 pm - Watch some Netflix in bed as I wind down for the night.
11:00 pm - Pass out somewhere around here.
Daily Total: $64.50
Weekly Total: $536.62
Summary:
This is honestly a pretty typical month end spend for me. I do account for cleaning and facials. I usually eat at home Monday to Thursday and then eat out on the weekend, but I was in the office on Thursday. I’m also struggling lately with really bad seasonal depression, especially combined with my vitamin D deficiency. I am also aware I play a-lot of video games. Even more so lately due to my mood.
As I noted, I’m really just trying to live my best life. I spent a lot of my 20s just drowning in a myriad of different emotions and struggling with parental and cultural pressures. I never had great money habits, ironic given my parents have amazing money habits. I was(am) an emotional spender and I realize I have horrid habits (hello Chanel bags in my 20s) but I’m moving forward and I can say I’m finally adulting(ish).

No pictures as my new car is currently covered in 6-7 inches of snow, but I finally took delivery of my custom-ordered Summit White 2023 Bolt EUV LT yesterday afternoon! I ordered around the end of July, right when orders opened up, and my order wasn't officially accepted by GM until the new year. After that, it took about 4 weeks for production and 2-3 weeks for delivery. All in all, around 7 months from order to delivery. A very long wait, but it helped that I had the luxury of not needing a car for the next year or so and was able to just kind of forget about it. I added on the Driver Confidence and the Comfort packages. Not sure how I lived life before a heated steering wheel........
I paid MSRP, and got CT State rebates (about $4250), GM healthcare worker discount ($500), and a promotional GM Credit Card rebate of $500. Because the car increased in price by $600 from time of order to time of receipt, the finance manager at the dealer told me that I should be getting a check in the mail from GM for the price difference. I was also pretty happy that I was able to get my car while it was still assured to qualify for the $7500 tax credit. The dealer also gave me $100 in GM credit, which my sales rep told me is probably best spent toward all-weather floor mats.
The sales rep at the dealer was wonderful and pleasantly transparent about the entire experience, and he said that my Bolt was the first 2023 they've actually seen someone get from order to delivery. Looking forward to many comfortable commutes in my new car, aka Eggy!

I live in a building with a total of 6 units. 4 across the bottom and 2 penthouses across the top. The structure was built after the original building was destroyed in a Malibu fire. Not wanting to lose another building, the owner rebuilt the structure with steel, foam, and concrete, including interior walls.
The building is in septic with each unit having its own tank. The units sit above a large concrete car port, so none of living space is actually on the ground. My unit, which is 2 floors, smells horrible if I keep the windows and doors closed. It smells like rotten eggs and similar to natural gas.
We cannot locate the source and have had the gas company out numerous times. The gas company says that they don’t know what it is but ITS NOT GAS. It’s been smelling bad for over a year and now the unit right next to me is starting to get the smell too.
Plumbers have come to check the toilets and sinks, HVAC has come out, and today a guy with another gas detector. Everyone can smell it and agrees it smells like an eggy gross smell but all they can say is ITS NOT GAS 😞
Does anyone have any ideas what it could be??

Getting Rid of Most of My Flavors, Part 25
PREVIOUS
Starting flavor count: 2,622 (down from 2,973)
TASK OR TRASH - Each flavor gets assigned at least one task or it goes in the trash.

CAPELLA

Cinnamon Danish Swirl and Cinnamon Sugar
Updates. Snickerdoodles are my favorite type of cookie. So before I mixed and tried (and demolished) another batch of Pheasant Ridge and realized I had to hang on to CAP Cinnamon Danish Swirl for that at least, my concern was being able to make a great snickerdoodle vape without it. To that end, I tried CV Snickerdoodle and liked it very much. It’s proof you don’t need CAP CDS for that. Is it perfect? Not to my taste. First, it’s more representative of one of those hard crunchy snickerdoodles, and just a matter of personal preference, I like the soft, practically gooey ones. Second, again, personal preference, it’s a bit heavy handed with the sucralose. 0.5% CAP Super Sweet is usually too much for a non-candy recipe for me, I think subbing an equal amount of FW Sweetener would be perfect. Also, there’s some separation between the cookie and the butter. So, if we’re being super nitpicky, it tastes like someone laced butter with Splenda and smeared that on a crunchy snickerdoodle. Not gross, actually delicious, but a little strange.
At the same time, I mixed the first version of a snickerdoodle cookie of my own and gave it the same two-week steep as the CV Snickerdoodle. It also tasted pretty good but quite imperfect. I relied too heavily on CAP Sugar Cookie and went way overboard with the FLV Rich Cinnamon and the result was kinda artificial tasting and lots of the cookie was lost under all that cinnamon. I will try again. There were already many similarities between what I made and the CV Snickerdoodle, not from copying, but just because these are obvious ingredients for the job. This time, though, I’m really just slightly revising CV Snickerdoodle to try to make it more to my liking.
Snickerdoodle Credit CV, V1 TASK 1

Co.	Flavor	%
CAP	Cinnamon Sugar	2
WF	Cookie Butter	2.5
TFA	Marshmallow	1.5
FA	Meringue	1
FLV	Rich Cinnamon	0.6
FA	Soho	1.5
FW	Sweetener	0.5
FA	Vanilla Cookie	2.5
CAP	Sugar Cookie	2

I’m swapping the sweeteners. Dropping the FA Butter because I think that’s where the smeared-on butter impression was coming from. Increasing the Rich Cinnamon from the 0.4% in CV’s version to make it a bit more cinnamon-y, but keeping it much lower than the whopping 0.1% my dumb ass had used in mine. A little less Soho and FA Vanilla Cookie to make it a little less crunchy, adding 2% CAP Sugar Cookie to replace the lost bakery notes from doing that with some softer cookie flavor, but not the 4.5% I mistakenly thought was a good concentration to build a snickerdoodle around.

FLAVOR WEST

Sweet Cream
Accidentally skipped over this last time. It mostly tastes like canned whipped cream, just sweet and creamy, soft and mild, smooth, without much actual flavor overall other than a mild butteryness and some vanilla, but slightly weird off notes at 2%. There’s something slightly nut-tasting about it and it has an even more slight chemical aftertaste. I probably wouldn’t choose it because there are better options for cream and whipped cream, and I don’t see it used in anything I want to mix. TRASH 1
Toasted Marshmallow
This doesn’t really taste anything like a toasted marshmallow, and it’s pretty weird, but it does seem like it might be used in some interesting ways. It’s very sweet in the finish but it’s like a blank voluminous sweetness, doesn’t really taste like a marshmallow. Not finding any vanilla. Upfront where it should be toasted, instead there’s some light and slightly roasted nutty weirdness with a touch of something savory, almost like an unsalted soy sauce taste thing, that reminds me of the sweet yet savory aspects of Mom & Pops Calipitter Chow and OSDIY Lucky Shot a little bit. I wouldn’t be super shocked if I found out this is one of the components to those things. It’s pretty dry by itself though, to the point it seems like it would dry a mix out. Like a dry cereal marshmallow, without the marshmallow flavor. Just dense, dry, and gritty sweet. Truly an oddball flavor, but I could see it working in bakeries, especially dry gritty ones, and sweet tobacco mixes, and who knows what else, just don’t piss on my head and tell me we’re toasting marshmallows. Again, nothing I want to mix uses it. TRASH 2
Toffee Dream Cream
I think it’s supposed to be vanilla toffee ice cream in a cone. The in a cone part is the only way I can explain the weird sharp, nutty bakery taste it has. It tastes like just straight up acetyl pyrazine right on top, not really like a ice cream cone or cookie or whatever it’s supposed to be, and it’s odd. Beyond that, there is something toffee-ish, a darker crisp brown sugary sweetness, as well as an underlying rich, sweet vanilla cream. That weird bakery note, though. I wish it didn’t have that. It seems like it could be covered up with other, better bakery ingredients for all kinds of dessert things, but I don’t know about just using it as a toffee ice cream flavor and pretending it’s not there. Again, nothing I want to mix uses it. TRASH 3
Tres Leches
It’s really unfortunate that it has 10 to 20% sugar syrup in it. It’s not as gunky as some of the other SUGAR WARNING Flavor West flavors, but seriously, don’t vape sugar, people. I will not be replacing it when it runs out for that reason, but I don’t want to toss it because it tastes really good. A very sweet, creamy, thick, and slightly sour - just enough to be perfectly authentic - condensed milk flavor, with a little sweet cake behind it and just a touch of dark, carmelly sweetness near the finish. It’s in some recipes I already plan to try, and there are a couple more that look good to me.
Blue Milk Cake TASK 2
Custard Lover TASK 3
Tropical Cream Breeze
Mostly tastes like sweet candy orange with fluffy and milky smooth cream base, similar to a dreamsicle bar, but with enough hints of mango mixed with the orange and a touch of coconut attached to the cream to make “tropical” an apt description. Kind of an odd, busy flavor but very tasty. It’s a little weak on top before you get that candy orange/mango thing, then the milkier cream and a sweet coconut finish that is a bit like FLV Sweet Coconut and makes for a velvety smooth finish.
I'll give this 5-year-old recipe that still looks pretty tasty to me a try before I toss it. 3 days 2 nights. TASK 4
Tropical Punch
It’s not a “red” Hawaiian punch, it’s more of an orange-yellow mix of fake fruit flavors, not natural fruit juice. Candied/artificial orange-pineapple mix up front, with a lot of sweetness right up top, surprisingly smooth and not harsh for orange or pineapple, with sweet apple juice behind it and maybe a hint of mango. I think this is one of their flavors that has actual sugar in it. I’d mess around with other oranges and pineapples before this; it doesn’t have that Yellow Cake or Cake Batter Dip amazingness that might cause you to overlook the cancecoil gore. TRASH 4
Unicorn Vomit
Haven’t tried it yet. But I’ll mix this.. um...recipe? and see what it’s all about. TASK 5
Vanilla Bean Ice Cream
FW Vanilla Bean Ice Cream tastes like the ice cream on the inside of a cheap ice cream truck treat or like ice cream you might be given at a poor kid’s birthday party. It’s actually pretty delicious, but it’s more of a heavily sweetened whipped cream than ice cream. Kind of light and fluffy, but very sweet and fairly creamy. It manages to be quite sweet without being dry, which is nice, and smooth. There might be a bit of butter there but no eggy custardy business. It’s got a nice little dairy tang to it. The vanilla is more of a brighter vanilla extract-ish flavor, so it’s kind of insulting that they had the nerve to call it FW Vanilla BEAN ice cream, but easy to forgive because it tastes good. I just think it has more of a whipped cream body than ice cream and don’t tend to reach for it if the profile calls for ice cream.
I need it to mix more of a favorite, Crumberry Cream. It is an outstanding recipe! That FW Wild Berry Cobbler is great on its own but PUR Boysenberry Preserves leveling up the cooked berry and CAP Sugar Cookie reinforcing its otherwise light crust note, make it even better. These three together perfectly nail the crust and cooked dark berries that taste like a combination of blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries. I don’t know whether it’s more of a light ice cream or a heavy whipped cream filling it out with rich creamy vanilla on top, it’s not an extra-rich thick ice cream, but it’s delicious without distracting from the cobbler itself. TASK 6
What else should I try?
Vanilla Oreo Milkshake. TASK 7
Creamy Pistachio. With FLV Cream giving lending some weight to that fluffy FW VBIC, I can see this very simple recipe working out really well. TASK 8
Tommy’s Tangerine Cheesecake. I’m a sucker for creamy citrus stuff. TASK 9
Vanilla Cup Cake
Tonight when I go to bed, I’m definitely going to be thinking about how stupid I was to enter this flavor into my spreadsheet twice, once with a space between Cup and Cake. Gotta revise the starting flavor count again. TASK 10
Vanilla Cupcake
Uncooked vanilla cake mix. It’s vanilla and sweet and but very dry, dry enough to make me thirsty. It’s full but kind of bland and doesn’t have anything to suggest cream, eggs, butter, oil, or anything moist at all. I have to imagine that this is what it would taste like if you had vanilla cake mix and just ate the mix. I could see it working with both some sweet, buttery, custardy cream to moisten it and a soft bakery like CAP Sugar Cookie to create a vanilla cupcake but at that point you might as well get just any other vanilla and go from there.
I don’t have super high expectations for them, but I’ll try this Cup of Cake TASK 11
And wait out the month-long steep on this Butt’ers CupCake TASK 12
Vanilla Custard
Chalky electric vanilla. It’s not a custard. It’s vanilla-forward, but that vanilla is deeply weird, it tastes artificial and a little plasticky and it tastes like they tried to go for a dark, spicy vanilla bean by adding some nutmeg to it and just missed the mark entirely. It has some cream behind it but that cream is also oddly very chalky. It’s just a messed-up, no-good flavor. TRASH 5
Waffle Cone
This is a pretty good but badly misnamed flavor. More of a waffle flavor than a waffle cone. Actually better waffle than most waffle flavors, which can get pretty gross. There’s a pretty prominent buttery maple accent here and last I checked butter maple is something you want on a waffle, but not on a waffle cone. It is pretty dry, which would place it more in waffle cone territory, but it also doesn’t have as much of that toasted egg white/meringue type flavor that’s a more prominent part of a waffle cone. So not a waffle cone, but not quite a waffle either. People who want a drier, crispier waffle with lighter maple should definitely check it out. People who want a waffle cone for ice cream, might want to skip it, unless maybe it’s some kind of maple ice cream.
Supposedly it helps three other common flavors turn into Golden Grahams, this I’ve gotta see TASK 13
Watermelon
That is a foul thing.. It does not taste like watermelon. It kind of tastes like lipstick, but not just a little, like a whole mouthful just all up in the facehole, just eating lipstick for a snack. Really unpleasant, chemcialish, awful. It does have quite a bit of almost creamy body to it but when something is this yucky and tastes like some kind of cosmetic product, that’s not helpful. Not helpful at all. TRASH 6
Whipped Cream
Very meh. It’s not very flavorful, and I think it could have a slight cardboardy off note but that might also just be what my brain is filling into an absence of flavor. The heart of “whipped cream” is there - it’s smooth and sweet and fluffy, with some dairy taste and teensy hint of vanilla, but it’s light and not very thick, without any richness to it at all.
I really liked this Raincoat recipe years ago, but I don’t remember whether I love it enough to keep FW Whipped Cream to make more. Need a refresher course. TASK 14
Whisky
No shit, this tastes like it has dog food in it. It otherwise tastes a lot like Whiskey and I know it can be a useful ingredient because I’ve seen it in action, but fuck if it doeson’t have a bit of rancidity in the base that tastes an awful lot like dry dog food flavor. Might be working picking up to use to warm bakeries without thinning them out at a low percent but trying to get it to be a cocktail vape is just going to be nasty. TRASH 7
White Cake
Soft and light but has some grainier texture and a little vanilla frosting. Similar to their Birthday Cake but without that obnoxious weird artificial food coloring note that you get from the Birthday Cake. Sweet and fluffy but maybe a little stale, almost but not quite cardboardy. Possibly a little chalky? Doesn’t have rich butter or eggy notes to it, leaving it a little dry, but that adds to the authenticity for something like a white cake you’d buy at the grocery store. Has a balance of something like 10% frosting and 90% cake as a single flavor, but it’s so soft I can easily see that 90% being the first part that gets covered up in a mix.
Vanilla Pudding Poke Cake looks worth a mix for sure! TASK 15
So does Rin’s Cherry Cupcake TASK
And her Blackcurrant Lime Cake TASK 16
And this Sweet Vanilla White Cake TASK 17
And this Car-Nilla Custard Cake TASK 18
White Chocolate
Imperfect, but workable. There’s something a little bakery-esque and borderline cardboardy at the start of the exhale that throws it off profile a bit. At higher concentrations than around 4%, it even gets a little raisin-y. There’s also a bit of chalkiness in the finish. But the 80% in the middle gets it done; smooth, dense, heavy, thick, buttery, creamy, hint of vanilla and authentic cocoa butter. I’m still on the lookout for an even better white chocolate option, but until I find it, a FW White Chocolate and FLV White Chocolate combo works pretty well.
I need it for GTKK 2019, at least until I find a better white chocolate and create a better green tea kit kat. The original sounds pretty good right now, though. TASK 19
Same for Holy Peepus TASK 20
I also need it for Crazberry Crack. Deeelicious! TASK 21
I also wanna try this really interesting looking nuts and chocolate mix So-Ho-Ho-Ho TASK 22
And Pistachio Blondie TASK 23
White Grape
I wasn’t expecting too much from this so I wasn’t too let down. It does mostly taste like sweet white or green grape and is mostly Ok. But if I want to be nitpicky, which I do, it’s a little sharp on top and then there’s a little something spoiled about it, fermented. Instead of that crisp, clean green grape flavor, it tastes a little rotten, like that one grape in the bottom of bag that fell off the bunch and got all smooshed and grody. It is very obnoxiously sweet. You can probably find some creative use for it, but I’ll pass. TRASH 8
Wild Cherry
It vapes really smooth, especially for a slightly tangy flavor, but also tastes like there might be a touch of vanilla in there. It might taste a little cough droppy, but I don’t get any plastic from this. Soap isn’t any better than plastic, though, IMO, and it does come across as having a perfumy soapiness to me, both at 2.5% and when I tried it again at 1.25%, even though it wasn’t as flavorful at 1.25%, the perfumy soap is still there. TRASH 9
Wildberry Cobbler
Also sold as Wildberry Cobbler a la mode. I don’t know what that “a la mode” business is about, it doesn’t taste like there’s any ice cream there, but otherwise, pretty damn legit... Warm, dark, sweet, jammy cooked mixed berries that mostly taste like a combination of blackberries and strawberries up front and later in the exhale, a soft and somewhat doughy bakery. No floral or medicinal notes. It’s well rounded and a solid as a single flavor so I’m not sure what to do with it, because toss in some spice (cardamom comes to mind first, maybe cinnamon) or of course some whipped cream or ice cream (though that might require adding some more bakery - like CAP Sugar Cookie - to boost the relatively light and soft bakery flavor here). Bakery is just a bit buttery. Very smooth compared to many other mixed berry flavors.
I need it for the Crumberry Cream mentioned above under FW VBIC, but oh my goodness, the things people have done with this one look so good.
For example:
Bite Me. TASK 24
Bleeding Berry Cobbler TASK 25
Mixed Berry Crumble Tart TASK 26
Wine Blush Chablis
It’s a little light, not a flavor that really slaps, probably needs to try higher, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t really taste just like a nice pink wine, like a white zen or rose. Very sweet but a little boozy, just unmistakably tastes like it’s supposed to.
I’m going to try to make a froze rose vape out of it.
1-2-3 Froze Rose TASK 27

Co.	Flavor	%
FW	Wine Blush Chablis	3
FW	Pink Bubbly	2
BCF	WS-23 (30%)	1

Wine Merlot
A little gross. It’s dark and grapey and very sweet berry notes and a deep, almost rich base, and mostly tastes like it should, it has some of that same yeasty thing going on. Like there’s a bit of FA Joy in there.. It’s not strong, but it lingers in the aftertaste and just ruins it. Also it apparently contains some sugar syrup, so I’m glad it’s not good. TRASH 10
Wine Red
I did not find it unpleasant at all, but it is deeply weird. It tastes like something that you might add a drop or two of to a wine flavor to make it more interesting, but without any of the actual wine. I picked up some blackberry, blueberry, and sweet chocolate (which was unexpected), with subtle woodiness, and a cream base (also unexpected), but no wine. No grape flavor either. It feels really rich and creamy. Maybe if you had a grape and you mixed in a very small amount of this and some FA Liquid Amber or Brandy flavor or something to booze it up you could create a wine flavor? I don’t know. TRASH 11
Wine White
Sweet white grape with a side of yeast. Genuinely fermented, but more beer-ish than wine-like. Maybe homemade white toilet wine, made from bread and Welch's white grape. It’s a little gross. TRASH 12
Yellow Cake
Ok, so, it tastes just like a big piece of moist, delicious, sweet, unfrosted yellow box cake. But it also has 20 to 30% fructose. So even if you don’t care what it might be doing to your lungs, think of the cotton. Think of the coils. It’s very unfortunate because it tastes amazing. I will not buy more of it. But I can’t bring myself to toss it either, because CAKE.
I need it for Yellow Matter Custard and if I have any Holy Vanilla left by the time I get down this far on my to-do list, I’ll gladly mix some more of that. TASK 28
I bet 1-2-3 Pink CakeBawlz is great, too. TASK 29
And why in the world have I not mixed St. Louie Butter Cake before?! TASK 30
Yogurt
This tastes like what I would expect an artificial yogurt flavor to taste like, like it’s almost exaggerated in its sour milk yogurty tartness, but vaping it a while it comes off more cheesy than pukey. Very creamy, very thick, with a buttery undertone. Sweeter than most yogurts, kind of a dark sweetness. Very smooth, not chalky.
I don’t care much for yogurt vapes, and I’m getting pretty tired of seeing this in seemingly everything, to the point I almost wanna just toss it out of spite. But some of those recipes look like they might taste at least a little better than spite feels.
Such as, Butterface. TASK 31
Guava Paste Cheesecake TASK 32
Strawberry Cream Savers TASK 33
And a few that are already on the to-mix list.
Yumberry
Red berry (more like strawberry with a hint of tart candy cherry than anything else) bubblegum with an unfortunate woody off-note. Did you drop your weird berry bubblegum on some sawdust and then pick it up and keep chewing it anyway? Despite that odd woody flavor, it’s not dry, it’s actually juicy, and it tastes like that dusty wood note could be covered up as it’s not very prominent but it might be something to look out for.
I might trash it soon, but I want to try Brain Elixir first, mostly for that CAP Sweet Guava and FLV Guanabana combo. TASK 34
Chai Tea
I sorted this stupid spreadsheet by brand (alphabetically) and then by flavor (alphabetically) and have no idea how this one and the next two flavors wound up under Yumberry.
It tastes super nasty, and not at all like Chai Tea. Pretty much unvapeably bad. There’s not much spice to it, it mostly tastes like sweet tea mixed with dirty old fryer grease. My atomizer was salvageable but it also gunked up my coil really bad. I don’t know what they put in this stuff but it doesn’t taste safe to vape. Doesn’t help but the concentrate is very dark and weirdly thick. TRASH 13
Natural Kiwi
Definitely not the same as FW Kiwi, which is a great candy kiwi. The concentrate is not even the same color. My FW Kiwi is clear as water and by FW Kiwi Natural is like an amber color. FW Kiwi Natural is terrible. It tastes like old mushy rotten banana smell with an inexplicable tartness, like a squeeze of lime on a rotten banana. TRASH 14
Sour
Not only is that not sour, it tastes like cardboard. Not just like a flavor with a little cardboardy off note. It tastes like I’m vaping an intentionally Cardboard flavored juice, only a little sweeter than unflavored juice. I tried licking my 2% FW Sour sample (please don’t lick undiluted concentrates, you could hurt yourself doing that) and it was very sweet and still cardboardy, but also a little sour. So there’s something sweet in there that vapes well and a little something sour that doesn’t. Plus cardboard. TRASH 15
Next up: FLAVORAH
New Flavor Count: 2,622 - TRASH

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Eggy picks up Sonic
Eggy carries around Metal
For context Metal Sonic weighs almost 300 lbs, and Eggman is just carrying him around effortlessly with one arm. Also Eggman punching cop cars out of the way. When Rouge said he has a meticulous cardio regimen, she wasn't kidding! OG twitter post

Hi I'm 23NB, a dramatic bitch and I love writing, so this post is a long one. Make sure you're sitting comfortably and please enjoy this tale of my wicked mother and The Water Bottle Saga.

Allow me to set the scene for you: it is autumn 2018, I am visiting during my 1st year of uni to stay with my parents and brother (younger by a few years). My mother is a narcissist and my father is a doormat.
One morning, whilst both parents are out at work, I decide to cook myself breakfast. This sounds really mundane, but it's important for a few reasons: namely my parents rarely cook, ready-meals fuck with my health, and the kitchen is a cluttered mess stocked with all kinds of useless food you can't actually make a meal out of. By this point, various health problems had conspired to make this my first proper meal for a few days.
I made fried eggy bread (French toast but savory, whatever you want to call it). This detail (the frying) is somewhat important for later. I cook, then clean up after myself: years of childhood abuse has trained me to try to leave no trace of my passing, so even though we have a dishwasher I wash everything by hand — just in case something I've used ends up being wanted for use later and used as a reason to shout at me. My mother has left her water bottle in the sink (foreshadowing lol), which I remove from the sink and place on the side to wash up my stuff.
I go upstairs, eat. The meal is good.
I hear my mother come home. Like the traumatised child I am, I move one ear of my headphones off so I can hear more clearly: if she shouts for me, I must respond quickly or else she'll get angrier.
She indeed shouts for me. I yank my headphones off all the way and race downstairs to the kitchen.
She turns to me, voice full of scorn. "Next time you cook something, shut the doors to the rest of the house and open the windows. Otherwise you make the whole house stink of burnt oil."
I say my placating apologies and promises to do better next time. I am excused after only a brief verbal lashing and retreat back upstairs to my room.
That wasn't so bad, I think.
Alas, it was not the end.
She shouts for me again. I rush downstairs, thrumming with anxiety, waiting diligently in the kitchen. Her back is to me.
In the mildest, faintly wondering voice she asks, "Did you wash my water bottle?"
My mind races. What is the correct answer here? What will leave me the most unscathed? Is her water bottle fancy and special and she's worried I washed it the wrong way and ruined it somehow? Does she think it's damaged?
I answer truthfully, "No."
Wrong. Answer.
She is furious.
The verbal lashing begins: I'm lazy, ungrateful, selfish, how could I not even do so little as wash her water bottle?
There is no room for me to explain that I barely made it out of bed, let alone made food, let alone washed up, let alone managed to do more than the bare minimum. No sympathy, no understanding; nothing but vicious criticism and verbal abuse.
I stand there and take it; apologise. Eventually, she is finished and I slink back to my room.
Now, the thing is, whilst I had grown up with this sort of treatment and developed a kind of thick skin — a numbness to it, I had been at university for months. At university I wasn't savagely berated for every minor mistake I made, I wasn't bullied, I wasn't shouted at. In fact, I had been surrounded by lovely friends who supported me, built up my self esteem and encouraged me.
This meant I no longer had my thick skin. My mother's words sunk into me like knives and I… cried.
And (thanks to my childhood leading me to repress most of my feelings) I very, very rarely cried.
Lo and behold, what misfortune, what rotten timing, this was the moment my brother barged into my room. He stopped short upon seeing me very obviously crying.
"What happened?"
I didn't need to say much. "Mum."
"Oh."
Then I asked to be left alone and he left.
A few days went by without incident. Being criticized right down to the moral quality of my character for simply not washing a water bottle had all but faded from my mind. On my last night before returning to uni, we went out for a meal in a restaurant. Often, these are the only times my family talk to each other.
The food is fantastic and the conversation is going nicely enough.
Then, my dear brother, making a habit of rotten timing, does the conversational equivalent of dropping a bomb.
"Mum, you do know you made [OP] cry?"
The table goes silent. I would very much like to not exist. Unsurprisingly, this is not something I would have ever wanted to bring up — let alone in public!
My mother, all innocently miffed with wide eyes, turns to me and asks, "Did I?"
And, unable to lie (something to do with being neurodivergently averse to it, and having had lying beaten out of me as a kid), I say yes.
She is astonished.
To my profound, dizzying relief, she doesn't get angry. She doesn’t raise her voice. She doesn't berate me. I guess I should really be grateful my brother didn't bring this topic up in private, since the public setting probably stopped her from blowing up on us.
We talk. I haltingly explain that sometimes the way she talks is hurtful, that she says mean things or speaks harshly. That little things set her off. She takes it well, I think, responding with amazement and good humor. At the time I was too relieved to view it as anything but a positive. Hindsight from a few years' perspective, retelling this tale to friends and a few therapists, has me recognising her reactions as belittling. She didn't react as if she was horrified at how she'd hurt me; she didn't express any regret or attempt to apologize. Every response was of the tone, oh gosh, little old me did that? Well I never! How strange! I guess I'm just a little quirky. How silly.
She was undermining the severity of it all. Making light of it. She was smiling sheepishly and laughing. I, having not yet had the habit of coping via humor trained out of me (which was done by trying to tell jokes to my therapist and her sincerely responding with a sobering "that sounds like an awful experience"), leaned into it, recounting painful or uncomfortable memories as funny stories.
The meal ends, we go home, and I go to sleep feeling a little lighter and a little hopeful. Surely, this was the hardest part? The ever-so-touchy subject had been broached! Perhaps the relationship between my mother and I could really change for the better, grow into something more honest and open, something closer.
I was fucking naïve, of course, and this story is barely halfway done. My mum is a narcissistic and petulant parent, desperate to be the victim.
The next day as I am all packed and ready to go, putting on my shoes by the front door, my dad asks my mum if she would like to join us for the drive to my uni.
She says, "Well I don't know. Am I wanted?"
Bemused, I poke my head into the room she's sat in and say yes of course she's wanted.
You see, although my mother was presumably now seeing our relationship in a wholly new light, to me very little had changed. This shit had been my whole childhood, right up until the present. Just because I'd torn aside the illusion that everything was fine and perfect to reveal that I was actually very hurt and fearful, didn't mean that our relationship (at least on my end) had changed.
She seems surprised to see me but pleased I want her company, and joins my dad and I for the drive to my uni to see me off.
And still, the biggest bullshit is yet to come.

It is now winter term and I am fighting through exam season. Biochemistry is not an easy course and I have plenty of revision to do.
At 5.11am I get a message from my mother. It begins: "This is incredibly hard to write I love you so much. I’m sorry to say this but you’ve really upset me. I have been hurting since Friday at dinner. I have been crying for the last hour and feel like a shit mother."
Just to be clear, to really paint a picture for you, I wake up, during exam week, to see this message from my mother, sent at 5 fucking A.M. Needless to say, my stress levels skyrocket.
Her (exceedingly long) message continued with saying how hard she's tried to get my pronouns right. (Not once did I bring up the topic of pronouns during the conversation of how she'd made me cry. I'm still not sure why she brought it up here).
She then says that she's been 'walking on egg shells', scared of offending me, which is funny in a tragic way since that is how I have always felt like around her.
Her message continues to say she had some hard weeks at work. That ministry is emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. She's hurt that her feelings never seem to matter. When she shouts it is because she is "deeply hurt".
Please, dear reader, remember the catalyst of all this: I didn't wash her water bottle. She was deeply hurt because, whilst providing food for myself and cleaning up after myself, I did not wash the bottle she had left in the sink. This is what "deeply hurt" her to the point of berating me to tears.
Her message continues in similar fashion (oh yes, it goes on much longer). Her trying hard to use the right pronouns for me is brought up again. She says she's neglecting work to write this because "I thought you were more important." She's spent 2 sleepless nights over this. She very dramatically talks about how she'll struggle to lead that morning's church service but "crying in front of your congregation is not an option."
The message finally concludes with her saying she loves me, is terrified I'll never want to visit again, and "I'm sorry I'm so shit."
So, all in all, a rather guilt-trip heavy message, with a mere 2 apologies — both of which are accompanied by self-deprecation. The remaining 300-odd words are her bewailing her tragic struggles, how terrible she feels, and how valiantly she's soldiering on through with her work.
Setting aside any hopes of managing to focus on revision, I painstakingly put together a reply. I do my best to be kind but firm: affirming that I still love her and I can appreciate her struggles, but that she has hurt me and any pain or difficulty she is going through does not justify how she has treated me. It ends up being a fairly lengthy message. In an attempt to demonstrate how this has been an ongoing problem (i.e. spanning all the way back to when I was a kid) and that it is recognisable outside of just the relationship between her and I, I mentioned that during my visit my brother and I had joked that she had "brought back my childhood nickname" by calling me a 'selfish cow'.
This was a grave error.
Her reply (sent the following morning at 1.43am) begins: "To kick someone when they’re down, twist the knife and to bring your brother in for extra pain is impressive."
And it really doesn't get any better from there.
"I’ve already apologised for being shit mother but thanks for dragging up the past where there have been things I’ve not been proud of. Shouting seemed to be the only way to get you to do anything, it came out of pain and frustration. Tell me when have you done something to help without it? Let’s use the last 2 week’s. When did you do anything other than for yourself? How did you expect me to feel to find you wouldn’t even wash my water bottle?"
I'm compared to my childhood friend who, one time when we were kids, made a cup of tea for my mother without being asked to. (My friend drinks tea; she simply made an extra cup for my mother whilst making one for herself. I do not drink tea. In fact, I don't drink anything much except water. But offering to get my mother a glass of water just wouldn't have the same depth of appreciation that a hot cup of tea would, right? Or perhaps, with how much she took the water bottle stuff to heart, the act of refilling her water whilst I did mine is exactly the gesture of mother-child appreciation she has been craving all these years). Anyways…
My pronouns are brought up again, this time about how I "make a big deal" about it and when her and dad get my "description" wrong I apparently roll my eyes and mouth the correction to my friend. (I would not dare to roll my eyes in the vicinity of my mother, since it is like pressing the button on a bomb, and it is always my friends mouthing the corrections because my parents have explicitly told me not to correct them because it is "rude" or something. And, seemingly contrary to my mother's beliefs, I do my utmost best to avoid conflict).
I'm really not sure how to sum up the rest of the message. Basically, she acknowledges that shouting is bad, but oh, how else was she supposed to react when she felt [various synonyms for unloved and ignored] and tired and sad? Shouting is her emotional release. As if that justifies it at all.
Then she drops in the fact she didn't throw up over her congregations (congrats, I guess?), before saying she didn't know if she should even reply to my message. The reason is she "didn’t want to turn it into a childish 'who hurt who first' or 'who is hurting more'" argument, "But after another sleepless night I decided I would."
So at least she's aware that it's a childish pissing contest over who is the most hurt and miserable.
I reply the next day, but what I said doesn't matter! I never got a reply. The reason for this will be explained later (stay tuned, folks!)

Months go by. I don't hear a single word from my mother. I try messaging my dad to ask how mum feels about me. His reply is the colossal understatement that "I think she's a little upset you wouldn't wash her water bottle." Oh sweet, ignorant father, we are WAY PAST this just being about the water bottle.
Asking my brother gets a more informative, bluntly candid answer: mum has been ranting about me behind my back and saying that I am trying to turn the family against her.
A very positive reunion to look forward to, then. Because summer break is fast approaching, and my accommodation contracts between my first year flat and my new second year flat have a few months long gap. I have nowhere else to go: I have to return to living with my parents.
Anxious to fuck, I move back in with them. Eerily, my mother acts as if the whole debacle never happened. There is no follow up, no continuation of the argument, not even a trace of animosity that I can detect.
I had no idea what to do. Should I try to bring up the subject to find a resolution, or at least some kind of closure? Follow her lead and pretend it never happened? Dear reader, be rest assured, to say I felt like I was walking on eggshells would be an understatement.
Weeks pass, maybe a month. The usual friction is there between us where I try to avoid incurring her wrath and mostly keep to myself; she makes passive aggressive hints that I should be helping out around the house more. Again, my parents don't do much cooking (and if they do, it is always my father). We have a dishwasher so there's very few dishes to do by hand. Sometimes I help with laundry, keeping the basket from piling up too much.
One day, my mother is waiting for a lift so she pokes her head into my bedroom to look out the front window it has, looking for the car. She spots a bowl of sweets I bought earlier in the week and asks to have some. I invite her to help herself.
And so I end up in the disastrous situation where my mother, linchpin of my childhood trauma, is sat in my room, on my bed, eating my sweets.
After a bit of harmless conversation, somehow the topic moves on to me admitting that I wasn't sure if I was even welcome back here (to stay with my parents) because she never replied to my message.
She tells me, rather detachedly, that she never even read my message.
Oh no, in fact, she had deleted the entire messaging app she was using to contact me.
And why? What was her reason for doing this?
Eating another few of my sweets, she explained, "I felt that if I had read your message I might not have wanted you to come home."
I don't know how to describe how I felt, but a good portion of me certainly felt trapped; this woman who had raised me was sat in my room — my only retreat, my safe space — on my fucking bed (eating my sweets!!) and had told me plainly to my face that she might not have wanted me to be here.
The conversation only worsens from there. Stuff about me not doing enough around the house. She made the argument, "If you had a flatmate who didn't pay rent, didn't pay for food, and didn't do any cleaning around the place, would that be okay?"
And I said, "No, of course not. But I didn't give birth to that flatmate, or choose to keep them and raise them—"
Nope. Same thing. Same situation. Nothing I argued was considered for a second. I was selfish and lazy and ungrateful for not doing housework.
It got to the point where I, on the verge of tears, asked, "So if I don't contribute anything to society, if I don't benefit other people somehow, then I am inherently worthless?"
And she stared straight into my tear-filled eyes and with all the conviction of god himself she said,
"Yes."

Then her ride arrived and she left my room to head out the house, leaving me in tears with my now half-eaten bowl of sweets.
And that was the moment that I decided I never wanted to stay with my parents again, not like this. No matter the cost, whatever my situation, I was going to get a tenancy contract that lasted over summer so I wouldn't have to come back here.
I never wanted to be dependent on my parents again.

Don't get IHOP delivered.
First things first: IHOP is not great food, it's cheap food. It's good, but its defining characteristic is that it's cheap and ready. Nothing wrong with that, and I take advantage of it all the time myself. That said, if you've got even mediocre cooking skills and a basic pantry laid in, you can cook anything IHOP would deliver faster, cheaper, and better.
Ok then. So you don't have any cooking ability. That's fine, many people don't and that's not a failing of any sort. The problem then becomes that breakfast food should be served hot and fresh. Eggs, pancakes, bacon and hashbrowns all quickly turn into ass as they cool. IHOP doesn't have its own delivery service, so it uses GrubHub and whatever. This means that you order, the cook whips it up, then it sits under the heat lamp until the driver gets there. Then it sits in the driver's car until it gets to you. This means there's a lot of time for this meal to go from "cheap and delicious breakfast food" to "pile of congealed eggy garbage". Think of how long you have to wait for an Uber. Then think about that Uber having to go get a plate of bacon and eggs from somewhere else before they come get you.
Which leads to the third prong of the problem. You're drunk/high/hungover enough that you can't drive yourself down there to get it hot and fresh and you've got no one to take you. Again, no judgement, we've all been there. One solution here is that you just Uber down there and get your breakfasty goodness as the good lord intended, but that's not always a viable option. Another option is that you half ass your way through cooking yourself a breakfast. Some problems there in this state. Probably your best option is that you've thought ahead a little bit and have some of those grocery store frozen breakfast plates and whatnot, and you just pop that shit in the microwave and enjoy. The point here is that the least good thing you can do in this situation is order a cheap breakfast from IHOP, pay Rando Calrissian almost the same price as the meal to bring it to you, and receive a plate that's of similar quality to anything else available to you, but cooled and congealed to the point of being nearly inedible.
The tl;dr of it is this: Food delivery is good. IHOP is good. If you've got to the point where you're combining the two, you've made some questionable judgment calls.

Hello there, bold adventuring bards! Today on the 30th of Frostfall, I have been entrusted with carrying out a very important task. Indeed, the author of the Bestiary book series has spent many moons just to search for me, this wise old Psijiic mage, to candidly cover this most curiously confusing creation of Kyne; the femboy. In depth, we shall go over what a femboy is, and the various implications they have for our world.
So, what exactly is a femboy, you may be asking rather inquisitively? A femboy born of the male sex, yet naturally possessing many traits that are most commonly known to be associated with that of the female sex. Unfortunately, I have little, almost no idea what THAT is, a “female”. And B’vehk, I’m sure as oblivion not being paid enough to find out. But I digress. These traits will generally include a toned, meticulously honed physique that many of acquired tastes find ever so unique, significantly reduced body hair density, skin softer, more supple, and smoother than frostbite spider silk.
Boytits, what some would like to call “booba”. Balls, cock and balls, usually undersized. Yet this is actually not a disadvantage at all, contrary to what many n*rds would tell you. Known as the “square cube law”, an Imperially discovered mathematical principle, it states that the surface area of an object is incapable of keeping up with an increase in volume. In layman's terms, this has the effect of bigger things being structurally inferior, less energy and resource efficient in organisms, and also less succulent, less flavorful when enjoying or experiencing something orally. The inverse is true, so the femboy cock and balls, while very small, are supremely delicious like you would not believe, and in fact the chef “Gourmet” has been spotted regularly at many fine femboy hooters establishments, such as the one in Raven Rock, to determine what makes their “menu” items so n’chow delicious, and why in comparison all his dishes are merely kwama piles. Of course, all this also means that femboys are stronger and more physically resilient than they would initially appear, at a glance.
Wide plumptuous hips for child baring, and exceedingly voluptuous buttocks for giving the ol’ slapple grapple. “But femboys cannot reproduce, that’s one of the perks of getting it on with one!”, silence, N’wah! That tongue is meant for lickin’ muatra, not questioning the high ranking Psijiic elders. We will get there, to the topic of femboy impregnation and pregnancy phases. Plenty of time, my sweet. There is also the presence of a very rarely occurring physical characteristic in any biological lifeform, some think it is but a myth. But the butt is no myth. Ah, but it is not a butt, even better, this is known as a “bussy”. An incredibly tight, muscularly elastical sealed hole, from which great pleasures and foul wastes are both going to be coming from.
This “bussy” varies greatly between all races, so I will delve into the minute differences between each of them here, as well as assess the quality and general user experience of each of them.
Nord: Really bad. I can't speak for the overall texture, elasticity, resilience, etc. because I couldn't even stand the stank. Holy fuck. Do you know how badly your ass cheeks can smell after covering them in animal fur or hide that doesn't breathe well? You'd be better off fucking a mutated falmer. It would have been less of a problem if he knew proper hygiene, but that's not exactly common practice. The best hygiene I've seen a Nord practice is to use the iron dagger on the kitchen table that he uses to eat, to cut off his own foreskin. But even then, that's rare, because Nords are known to just keep those cheese generators on, never bothering with a method of cleanliness. 0.5/10.
Imperial: This one was decent. Fairly tight, it smelled okay, and their moans were hitting all the right notes. Turns out, Imperials and their silver tongue makes them sound better when you're giving them your silver tongue, and it feels better when they use yours on you. Err... what was I talking about? Bussy, right. The Nibenese were quite good, if you want an Imperial, go for one of them. It felt like fucking a mer with their submissive and breedable personalities, but they can sure take a lot from behind. Colovians are kinda a turn-off, but if you're lucky enough to find a Colovian femboy to top you, you're really in for a treat. 7.5/10.
Breton: A little bit better than a Nibenese Imperial. They have some of that smooth buttocks commonly found on mer, not quite as firm as Imperials though, the good kind of firm. However, it's kind of odd to discover that the insides of Bretons haven't really evolved to match their perfect man-mer balance. Like, the mer have a distinct feel, as do the men. Bretons are like two different races, in there. Not a hybrid, but like some of the lining is mer, some has the texture of man. Best way to describe the unpleasantness is like dipping your hand (or your cock) into completely neutral temperature water. Like it feels so conflicted, that it feels like nothing and something. Just kind of off-putting. 4/10.
Redguard: Hygiene wasn't much better than the Nords, but was a bit better thanks to the sand keeping it dry. But also, I'm still trying to get sand out from under my foreskin. I guess on the bright side, it now serves to break down smegma, so the chunks don't get so big that it causes phimosis and I have to find a stormcloak to eat it out. By Sithis, though, you won't find a more resilient bussy than that of a redguard. It's the gift that keeps on fucking, or being fucked. Seriously, it doesn't have to take a break, it's not the tightest you'll find, keeps the elasticity it does have, though. 7/10.
Argonian: I really wouldn't recommend trying it. Their cum might be delicious, but you can get some nasty diseases from the Argonians. Or get that hist sap inside your foreskin. Do you really want your foreskin taking orders from a tree in a swamp? When you fuck that Argonian femboy, you're fucking every tree it has fucked too. Nasty. And don't get me started on those rough scales, it's like plowing a brick wall, there's no cushioning. 0/10.
Khajiit: It felt pretty good, warmer than other races, so if your dick feels tired and needs to warm up from the chills of Skyrim, the Khajiit bussy will welcome your member inside its walls. Sort of like an inn for your willy. Nice and soft, too. You might get fur trapped in your urethra though, and if you're unlucky enough, your coccy will get a hairball. Overall, seems like more trouble than it's worth. Sometimes you get a high off the moon sugar they had for breakfast that morning though, so that's a plus. 6/10.
Orsimer: It felt good for the first second or so, but apparently the orcs fart a ton since they don't need to hold it in, being isolated so much. Turns out it kinda forces you out of their hole. Not to mention that it's very hard to find a suitable Orsimer. This one didn't have great hygiene, but didn't stink in a good way. Wouldn't recommend letting them rim you either, those tusks will leave you unable to sit down for days. Overall? 2.5/10.
Altmer: They're not as tight as I would've liked. Probably because of their significantly higher height than the other races, their bowels are more roomy. However, I've had the pleasure of rimming an Altmer twink, and I'll tell you what, few races manage to be as hygienic. Those long lifespans serve their beauty routines well. For the area and skin immediately surrounding it, it's all a bit too soft, you feel like you're gonna break their pelvis. Not that I have experience with that, of course. Soft and mushy, like a banana. Most Altmer have given their anuses electrolysis via shock magic. All in all, the Altmer bussy is fantastic in concept, but in practice it doesn't feel as great. Not the worst either, though. 6.5/10.
Bosmer: It felt really soft and supple, I could actually feel the walls of his rectum hugging me, to be expected of such a small race. But they could also expand a good amount, that's the agility and limberness at play. The Boiche boicoochie/bussy doesn't smell that good, but the green pact has left many as very passionate rimmers in their own right. This might be the best race to go with, if you want to try the anal 69 position with another. They're a staple experience for every bussy connoisseur on Nirn, for good reason. 8.5/10.
Dunmer: This was unexpectedly the best bussy I've had. Out of curiosity, I knelt down to see (or sniff) how stinky that shitter was, placing my hands on both sides of those cheeks, spreading them at least an inch or two. Then I took a deep, deep inhale. B'vehk, the smell with that extra kick of ash was overpowering. It burned my lungs as though Namira thought it'd be funny to turn the air I breathe into spiders. Rather than placing me into a comatose state for perhaps months, the foul stench just filled me with a rage. A burst of insanity, a spout of grand intoxication. But I couldn't help myself. Inhaling again, concern crossing the face of the cute Dunmer boy witnessing my addictive episode, this time the fumes just overtook me. Had to let it out somehow, balling my hand into a fist, I broke out of the yurt, the anal high I received a double dose of leaving me all but mindless, dragging the femboy Dunmer out and onto the ashy plains of Vvardenfell. Tremendous strength from rectal inebriation flowed through my veins and thrumming through my muscles, I began slamming into the Dunmer bussy from behind. Bystanders that I later talked to (after being arrested by some boneheads) said I somehow started dragon shouting from pleasure, becoming ethereal only to phase through his cheeks to get even deeper. It was like becoming one with this guy, before phasing through him and severing his spine with my schlong, before blacking out, the veil of Tamriel fell before my eyes, as I saw the face of the godhead. I don't understand what I saw. But for a moment, just a scene frozen in my memory, I know that I did. I must have. The experience was truly, utterly mind-blowing. 9•π⁹/10.
Ayleid: “I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck”, never, under ANY circumstances, should you utter these words to the rare and exotic Ayleid twink. He will take it as a personal challenge to show you just how much of a sick, twisted, demented, and dare I say a psychopathic fuck he is. That bussy is seriously tight. Never would I have expected this to be possible, but it was actually too tight. In fact, I’m willing to bet you’d be better off in the jaws of oblivion than balls deep in the shitter of a cute Ayleid twink. If I didn’t cast a HIGH level flesh spell on my muatra, it would have been dismembered, almost certainly. The milk tastes good though, more on boymilk shortly.
Before I cover what is boymilk, in depth, I feel that I must prove that it is, in fact, milk. When closely examining the contents of boymilk via various magical rituals and incantations, it was found that it had very ample protein, as well as fats, and it helped feed the uselessly infertile spermies of the femboy in question. Being that it is nutritious, delicious, and feeds “young” in a sense, it can indeed be considered a milk of sorts. Now that we have that established, let us look into the magnificent world of femboy boymilk.
Nord: Extremely rich flavor, their high consumption of milk, cheese, and booze really makes a flavorful milk with a wonderful mouthfeel, 8/10.
Imperial: Tasted kinda sweet, with somewhat eggy/custard like hints to it, would probably make for some excellent yogurt, it's very cultured. 9/10.
Breton: Unfortunately I couldn't extract any, I assume it's because the Bretons are such cucks, having their wives banged by Redguards, that their will to produce their delicious boymother nectar has disappeared.
Redguard: It was rather refreshing, like the juice of a melon, fittingly coming from those boymelons. Pretty light though, less rich and creamy like the others, but solid. 7/10.
Altmer: Very creamy and thick, with subtle notes of what seems like Akaviri pear flavor, 6.5/10.
Dunmer: Pretty disgusting actually, very thick like an Altmer's boy milk, but the smokey flavor is NOT welcome in my culinary practices and utilization of boy milk. Smokey milk is nasty, 2/10.
Bosmer: Their tight bodies and rock hard nipples can shoot scrumptious boy milk into your mouth from across Tamriel. Very creamy, with slightly grassy notes, like canis root milk tea, basically. 10/10.
Orc: Kinda tasted like kwama piles, pretty sure these sick fucks are made entirely out of shit. Disgusting milk. 6/10.
Maomer: A somewhat floral/seaweed like flavor, and it's thin. Not very good, but for a savory dish, it could have its uses. 5/10.
Dwemer: Tasted similar to Altmer, but waaaaaaay creamier because their boymilk maid level has been increased tenfold due to the constant use of Dwemer milking stations. They're also extremely accurate with their milk jets. 9/10.
Snow elf: Pretty similar to Nord, but richer, less boozy, and it comes out really cold, as opposed to warm like others. 7/10.
Ayleid: Kinda tasted of blood, I think they're so sadistic that they replaced their boymilk with blood because that's what they get off of more. Or it could've been a piercing that bled? Either way, not a fan. 3/10.
Vampire: Not applicable, a vampire cannot be a boymother or produce boymilk. I've tried getting my vampire bosmer femboy boypreggers and it hasn't worked out.
Automaton: They don't have any, they usually DO the milking. What, you thought the Dwemer made them to defend their ruins? S'wit.
Daedra: Somewhat like a Dunmer's, but spicy too. This is bizarre because the proteins usually break down the spice when it reaches the palate, resulting in something that simultaneously cools and heats the tongue. Spicy and not spicy. 4/10.
Falmer: Really tasty, actually. Similar to mushrooms, it has a very umami flavor. Not my usual, but very nice, and I'll give it a 7.5/10.
Khajiit: Very yummy, kinda musky. But when you're thirsty, it'll quench ya! They've evolved to have very nutritious boy milk as a result of Dunmer breeding and not letting them eat regular foods. 8/10.
Argonian: Came out like thick sap, in small amounts, but it was so thick I couldn't really get a taste of it. So 0/10.
Sload: I contracted the thrassian plague. So it should really go without saying that it is a SOLID 9.5/10. Also definitely has the creamiest texture out of any boymilk. It is simply superb.
Still following so far? Good! Now, I hear you (no but literally, it’s highly advanced telepathy magic that the Psijiic Order invented, don’t worry about it) wonder, if it’s milk, can cheese be made from it, like with cows, goats, or even mammoths? Good news, the answer is an absolute yes! And we shall cover this subject now.
While many people have never heard of the legendary smegma “muatra cheese” male embracing the smegma “grindset”, many of the few that have heard of this tale, old as time itself (yet perhaps even older) simply write it off as nothing more than folklore, or Thalmor propaganda, I for one know otherwise, that males embracing the smegma grindset DO indeed exist. It ain’t easy, bein’ cheesy.
Yet before speaking of the males or of their grindset, we must first cover what smegma is. Smegma is a substance commonly found on the penis around the glands, with color, texture, viscosity, and taste very much akin to that of cheese. Mostly composed out of dead skin cells, small traces of urine, an undetermined level of cum, and sweat accumulating under the foreskin and sometimes balls, although it still can be found even on those poor, poor circumcised individuals who haven’t nabbed themselves a prosthetic Dwemer foreskin from Cockwork City.
The dead skin cells and, by extension smegma in general, usually occur when the foreskin would naturally separate from the head of the penis and gains the ability of being pulled back. Smegma could then be considered like a glue, finally appearing when the foreskin becomes unbound to the sensually supple sensitive glands residing under it.
Distantly related to the smegma grindset, there’s a more commonly known “sigma grindset” that involves a man being “the top of the social hierarchy”, a “lone wolf”, and many call themselves “highly successful”. This is quite frankly bullshit, kwama pile, as wolves nor humans cannot survive lone, or more accurately, cannot thrive. Despite what the circle of furries in the companions would like you to believe. More on that later, though. All that must be noted for now is that the sigma grindset involves neglecting the needs of others, doing what must be done for self achievement and fulfillment. A male who embraces and truly lives the smegma grindset not only neglects the needs of others for their personal needs, but also neglect their own personal needs for their own personal needs, too. This, of course, includes typical hygienic practices, such as regularly clearing the smegma buildup under their foreskin, causing it to accumulate. This gives them the nickname, smegma male (as opposed to sigma male). Indeed, the social standing of a smegma male far surpasses even the sigma male in terms of the societal hierarchy.
While a sigma male is often associated with a strong will and sense of self, the smegma male is even more so, at least in the former category. When the dick cheese under their foreskin builds up enough, it begins to develop into a crusty, porous consistency, effectively becoming a thick and strong adhesive to reattach the foreskin to the head of the penis, reversing the process of what happened previously occurred and created smegma in the first place, ironically. At this point, it can be quite difficult to reverse, as the solidified penile cottage cheese has gained a tensile strength surpassing metals like ebony or Dwemer alloy, this is why they have such strong wills, matching the predicament they found themselves in. Needless to say, the foreskin isn’t being pulled back any time soon, leading to the inability of penetrative intercourse.
With that inability in mind, no longer are these men distracted by the seductive, alluring ways of women. Assuming that the smegma has not reached and blocked off their buttocks, they may seek a man to pummel their bussy, commonly a sigma male, though they rarely admit to it, wishing to remain seen as not submissive to anyone. In truth, the sigma male cannot resist the smegma male bussy. Additionally, the sigma males are known to appear very muscular. This is very often because they pick out any loose smegma from their sloppy toppy smegma male, and eat it for the high protein content, as well as to display submissiveness. This can be considered a symbiotic relationship, of sorts, where the sigma male eats the smegma of the smegma male’s foreskin for the sake of protein and cleaning what’s unneeded, and in turn, it grants health benefits. Many will deny any of this, as it’s “taboo” or “unsanitary”.
However, despite the loss of pleasurable experiences of their penis, it is not entirely useless. With the solidified smegma blocking off much of the exit and also the internal methods of transportation of sperm and seminal fluid, masturbation results in neither pleasure nor the expelling of anything, aside from air. However, the air that comes out is extremely compressed and focused, due to the way it builds up. This air blast can even level a mountain, in some cases, so it can easily be mistaken for telekinesis. As Todd Howard once said, “See that mountain? You can destroy it.”
An even rarer form of the smegma male is the smegma lich, sometimes seen where Ayleid femboys were buried, and magically preserved so they could metamorphosize into something truly breathtaking, and beautiful. Why the unusual name, you may wonder? Well, the smegma lich has their anus and foreskin completely sealed off with supremely delectable dick cheese, and they evolved to no longer need to eat, sleep, or shit, as most of us must, from time to time.
The blocking off of most of their holes also means there’s a lot of excess smegma and rarely a male worthy of consuming it, so instead the smegma lich expels the extra smegma through their mouth, vomiting it with surprising force. The result becomes a being made entirely out of smegma, creating an even stronger smegma lich than the last, as the cycle continues. This defiance of ordinary needs, being composed out of decaying, mottled, rotting dead skin in the form of smegma, as well as the vomiting being comparable to a necromantic (or necrophilic?) practice giving them the title of a lich, something that cheats death and has supernatural abilities, basically.
One of these abilities is an upgraded version of the expulsion of air, where they not only unleash it penilely, but anally, too, causing a massive wave of air in all directions, a repulsing effect. If they manage to live long enough before maggots eat the smegma (which may take a while due to how tough it has become) they can eventually gain such mastery over this ability to the extent that it becomes a form of flight, mimicking levitation magics, so no longer do they not need food, water, sleep, etc. but even lose the need of any other method of locomotion. Of course, because it isn’t ACTUALLY levitation magic, the empire cannot really outlaw it anywhere, all they can do is merely watch the lich traveling around the province with an intense feeling of jealousy, and the nagging thought “Look at that S car go”, I’m not sure what a car is, dear reader, but I can tell you the S stands for smegma, of course.
When asking about this around a strip club, a drunkard there getting his dick sucked by a tight assed twink bravely recounts the story. "They say Jess’e has started living the Smegma Male Grindset. He smells awful. I told him as much, it seemed to upset him, so I asked if he was gonna cry, piss his pants maybe, maybe shit and cum. And then he did, or at least I think he tried to, it was unclear.
One giant wave of air burst from within him, scattering in all directions to disintegrate citizens, like Force Repulse in the promotional content of the Force Unleashed 2. It was surreal. And he was a good friend."
In rare cases, it has been witnessed that, once a smegma lich vomits into the mouth of an unsuspecting sigma male host, this is where the truly interesting merging can occur. The strength of the smegma and nutritive properties, yet the lack of necrotic tissue in the sigma male, leads to swift mutation of the internal organs of the hypothetical subject in question, replacing organ tissue and skin with smegma. This makes them capable of withstanding more wear and tear, as it were, and they can expand significantly more, allowing the “sigmegma” male to have better endurance.
Heightened endurance, strength, etc. all come at a price though, as they still don’t produce their own smegma and, now that it makes up most of their cellular tissue, must regularly be replaced by a smegma lich. This also ensures loyalty despite the new found strengths of the sigmegma male and their power-hungry nature, they must now rely on the delicacy that is century year old build-up of oily, sublime, rich, and creamy smegma under the foreskin of a powerful smegma lich, in order to survive. Without this regular dose of smegma vomit, the sigmegma male will surely decompose at a highly accelerated rate, lacking the time defying ability of a smegma lich.
And with that, you may be wondering, if the femboys can reproduce via those means, such as in the case of the sigmegma male, is it only limited to that, or are there other evolutionarily developed methods of reproduction? Good news once again, there are! Those wide fertile hips aren’t just thick and soft for grabbing from behind, with those little dimples on their backs for extra grip, no no no! It also serves as storage for extra cum. “What?” you may think? Well, it is true that the femboys and their bussies cannot be impregnated in the traditional sense, however, something happens if a LOT of cum is stored in them. It begins to coat the insides of their colon in a slimy goo-like webbing of cum, and if this continues much more, it won’t come out. This leaves them very “backed up”, as it were.
For this reason, femboys came to be known for their farts, which are a delicacy in some provinces, but I digress. Eventually, a “stink fiend” will form inside their rectum, and emerge. Materials forming its organic matter depend on the diet of the femboy, but shit and cum will most certainly be a prevalent one. There is little to speak of in terms of interesting qualities of the stink fiend, other than the fact that it came out of some cute femboy’s bussy and is yet a disgusting monstrosity that even Kynareth herself would be deeply ashamed of. It possesses little intelligence, merely desiring to eat and kill, however oddly enough, it avoids other “backed up” individuals, leading many scholars to speculate that it can sense when another femboy is boypreggers with a stink fiend. Meaning that it will not harm them, so as to not harm another stink fiend. It’s almost heartwarming, this sense of comradery that they seem to feel for one another.
When giving birth to a stink fiend, the femboy in question will likely be very weakened from the labor, and they won’t have very long until the stink fiend turns hostile, so it is highly recommended that if you did not “use protection” with a “flesh spell” to prevent this from happening in the first place, that you whisk them away in your arms and carry them to safety. As I hope this paper has already established many times over, all femboys of Nirn are beautiful, beautiful creatures, and we of the high ranking Psijiic Order elders have dedicated our millennia long lives to protecting them at all costs. With any luck, I have successfully persuaded you to do the same.
Dear reader, I must apologize profusely for my having neglected the most important, underrated demographic of all regarding femboy milk, boytation milk, and of course the delectable dick cheese. Yes, I am referring to the Chaurus, Skyrim’s beautiful and often misunderstood creatures that inhabit the darkest of caves, illuminating that which is but an otherwise bleak living situation for the Falmer. These Chaurus femboys are perhaps the greatest emotional support femboys of all, and much of Tamriel doesn’t so much as recognize their existence.
So on this day, of Loredas the 17th, of Hearthfire, I aim to change that. Indeed, I’ll be going into blackreach and writing of my findings, exploring the vast and mysterious lives of these majestic Chaurus femboys. Of course, before I am to do this, we must cover the differences between a Chaurus female, a Chaurus male, and the elusively seductive Chaurus femboy.
Characteristics of the female Chaurus include an ovipositor from which they lay eggs, spiky vagina, and the ability to spit venom, as well as inject it directly with a bite. Surrounded in a sturdy chitinous shell, they are quite resilient. Some of them may become queens of the colony, being bigger and stronger, producing more larvae. These Chaurus are the most common to encounter, therefore I shall not cover them in nearly as much detail. Though if you wish to learn more, other scholars have invested their time into writing bestiaries of this group. Or perhaps if you feel adventurous, delve into the depths of blackreach itself, and if you’re lucky, you may encounter them.
The characteristics of a male Chaurus are lesser-known. Rather than sticking to the caves of the underground cave systems of blackreach, the male Chaurus are known to venture into the wilderness, they may be found in the swamps of Morthal, searching diligently for potential mates. This could be you, if dibella smiles upon you that day! Unlike the female Chaurus, the male Chaurus of course possesses a schlong. Yet despite the rest of its body, the penile structure is not spiky as you might initially expect, but rather like a worm, soft and having a gentle pulse. This may occasionally detach and be stuck inside the receiver’s hole, it likely won’t come out no matter how hard you try, at least until the time is right, whenever that may be. And they cannot inject venom via bite force. Yet, this is not a weakness, but rather an evolution developed. Since close range combat has the lowest chance of being envenomed, potential targets will inevitably prefer being close. This gives the male Chaurus opportunity to use its powerful ebony-grip pincers to prevent movement, while it maneuvers itself and the target into the optimal position for mating. In other words, it isn’t evolved out of the need to take life, but rather… to make it. Of course, the male Chaurus also has superior chitin, the strength of which can shrug off blows from ebony, or even daedric weapons at times, if the angle is ideal. And if someone goes near a male Chaurus shortly after consuming Chaurus mating pheromones, however it must be one in the wild, it’ll lure the male Chaurus to whoever imbibed the concocktion, at which point it’ll make the man or mer the next Chaurus queen. Truly beautiful are the blessings of Kynareth! Or perhaps mara, for what better way to show love? It makes for some touching stories and acts of kindness in Morthal, especially to the sister of the alchemist there.
Now to cover the characteristics of the Chaurus femboy. Having more of a light blue hue to their chitin shell, these precious specimens are only found in the deepest reaches of blackreach, and sometimes the Forgotten Vale. They have a bit of a symbiotic relationship with the other Chaurus, not directly relating to the mating rituals, but close enough. Emitting a delicious smell akin to a boiled cream treat, even the most strong willed and stubborn of Nords simply cannot resist some chaurusubussy. But of course, that chaurusubussy in fact has a grip surpassing that of a Daedroth Alpha. Indeed, what comes in, must not cum out. There’ll be none of that. Whilst you struggle, the pheromones coming off you and the femboy Chaurus will alert others, allowing them to surround you, and, well, you’ll be a proud parent to the next colony of Chaurus in no time. To explain the femboy Chaurus in simple terms, the lustrous eyes reminiscent of gems, the beautiful shell, it’s all just a trap. The origin of it is unknown, though. They’ve never been witnessed to be born in a colony, unlike the males or females of the Chaurus.
Around Noon of Loredas the 18th, of Sun’s Dusk: I’ve started gathering the supplies needed for the Chaurus mating pheromone potion, this is of vital importance if I am to have any luck with this endeavor. I already have the swamp fungal pod, the daedra heart, and even the vampire dust. Now all I need is some Chaurus chitin, which should be easy enough to get from that N’wah over at Markarth’s Understone Keep.
Evening of Loredas the 23rd, of Sun’s Dusk: Having paid a visit to that S’wit alchemist in Whiterun (she tried to diagnose me with “an unhealthy obsession with arthropods” which I clearly don’t have!?) I commissioned her to make that potion, charged me an outrageous fee, but no matter, I’ve got the septims. Kept an eye on her though during her work, it wouldn’t do to have her taking any swigs of my Chaurus mating pheromones.
??? of Frostfall: I have successfully made my way into Blachreach! Set up camp in some poor sod’s house, guess he must’ve been an alchemist or something. B’vehk, I hope he didn’t get to the fertile Chaurus before me. Anyway I’m tired after venturing into here, so I think I’ll open up the sack lunch my mother made me. Apple cabbage stew and horker snout, my favorite! Some Chaurus pheromones to wash it all down…
Feeling flushed suddenly after my lunch, I guess there’s nobody around blackreach, so I’ll just remove my tunic, surely nothing will come of it.
???: It would seem that the Chaurus must have taken my clothes, they’ve vanished. Perhaps before welcoming me into their ranks, they’re smelling me out through my belongings? Hope they don’t go through the pockets though and find the satchel of Yagrum Bagarn’s magically preserved smegma, that’s a pretty hard ingredient to come by. By the eight, I’m feeling sleepy. Might rest my eyes for a moment.
???: Waking up, it appears some kind of chitinous creature has attached itself to my lower regions, interesting. Come to think of it, not feeling hot anymore either, maybe chills if anything. I can’t remove whatever this thing is, doesn’t look like a chaurus either, from what I can tell. With my clothes gone for the time being, and it being difficult to walk with this thing attached to me, I’ll merely wait a while. I have some femboy smegma left to sustain me for a few days, anyway.
???: Is it just the darkness, or am I looking blue now? My skin also feels significantly less dry, indeed, more moist than usual. Interesting. Well, the creature seems to have scuttled off, so I can walk again. Think I’ll go explore Blackreach and see what’s keeping these Chaurus so bussy.
Apparently I am not alone, as it would seem. There’s this redguard that just entered the city of Blackreach. N’chow! These were supposed to be my findings!
Now he’s smelling around. Guess he smells something good? I don’t get it.
B-b’vehk~ he’s going for my supple bussy I see~ Wait, why can’t he understand me? By the eight, it seems like he can’t pull out either. What in Oblivion is going on?!
Oh Zenithar, I hear the Chaurus sounds from behind him.. They’re mating with the redguard, not me?! A-ah but I can still feel the force behind their muatra thrusts. N’chow, I’m gonna chim! What’s this, XarXes?? notices my muatra Looks like I may just get to sample some Chaurus femboy smegma.
By Dibella, yes my S’wit...mmmm....quite cheesy indeed...is that....dare I say....mmmmf...chaurus eggs I taste? hmmm...yes...quite so my Redguard darling....sniff....quite tasty cheese eggs yes very much so. Oh yum...very good!....very stretchy and salty cheese....hmmmmm...is that a drop of precum I see on my muatra? Let me...... allow me to just have a little taste before the climax, my darling Chaurus Stud. Stretchy… salty.. And oh so moist, yet it melts on my tongue. The cheese pull… THE CHEESE PULL. Truly delectable, I was most successful here today, I’m going.. going.. I am going to have sloppy toppy, dripping tripping, perhaps even some stripping, hot steamy sex with this male Chaurus
I am going to have sex with this male Chaurus from Blackreach. I find the male Chaurus in the faint futuristically dystopian 9th era neon lights of Blackreach mushrooms to be exceedingly sexy. They're not like the female Chaurus, who only want one thing (to rob me of the pleasure of baring the Chaurus male’s eggs) and got swamp fungal pod infections in their chaurussies. However, the male Chaurus body is made up of sharp chitin that is tough as steel, and their pincers are still very sharp indeed. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with one again. So as to remedy this, the male Chaurus has just encased my genitalia in webbing, perhaps it’ll even cover my whole entire body, making me protected from the, sharpness, blunt force, and serving as a soft sack for carrying its offspring inside my supple bussy. Keep in mind, protected is not the same as immune. I still get falmer cave insect aids. Just because my muatra and eyes of magni are encased in silky smooth Chaurus male webbing, does not mean that I will not feel anything, it simply means that I will take no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with this rare male Chaurus specimen found in Blackreach, I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with, especially non-humans! That Redguard N’wah, who’d he think he was plowing my bussy anyway? I'd rather take damage and be taken advantage of like an N'wah instead, than fail my entire purpose in the godhead’s dream and not pleasure the male Chaurus.
The male Chaurus and I go to a romantic scene in blackreach to have sex, maybe near a river. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human's natural habitat, which is why this study was to be conducted here in Blackreach. And the underground breeze of Blackreach would be so romantic, we'll lay down a lion pelt before having intercourse, of course.
Before we go into Blackreach, the male Chaurus secreted pheromones, as I would secrete mine, which is going to let all the female Chaurus and the falmer know that we are just here for sex (they know not that I’m here to become the next Chaurus Queen!). The Chaurus and falmer will not attack us because they know I am here at the city of Blackreach on official sexual business (I actually advise and council the Jarl on sexual matters, but this is probably all a bit under the table, and a bit over your head) This includes the Frostbite Spiders. However, the Dragon there thinks that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a follower of his orange artificial Dwemer sun lamp cult, considering that I am having unprotected sex (save for his webbing around my muatra and eye of magni) with a male Chaurus. However, I have no interest in becoming a Chaurus femboy and baring the Chaurus larvae for the standard incubation period of 1 week.
Of course, I'm sure that these pheromones will have no effect on my body or on my psyche, or for my distaste and repulsion towards Namira, and all things disgusting of that nature.
Edit: Having gotten significant opposition from citizens via courier, if I didn’t already mention it, that very early on in my career I was promoted to the top of Femboy Hooters, and I’ve been involved in numerous behind-the-counter transactions with customers, and I have received over 300 clinically confirmed prostate orgasms.
I am trained in gag reflex suppression, and I’m the top cocksucker in the entire province of Cyrodiil's Imperial Legion, plus the Psijiic Order elders as well. They are nothing to me but just another client. I will straddle them all the fuck up and down, with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Nirn, mark my fucking words.
They think they can get away with saying that shit to me over the courier? Think again, they should. As we speak I am contacting the Pink Brotherhood enclaves across the Illiac Bay and Cyrodiil. Their soul energies are being detected right now, so they better prepare for the sexual tension, fetchers, the whole lot of them. The next dragon break, the one that wipes out the pathetic little thing they would call their Aedra given virginity and crushes their clockwork balls. They’re truly fucking fucked, those N'wahs. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can pleasure someone in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my tongue alone.
Not only am I extensively trained in Ayleid cock and ball torture thanks to the Ayleid femboy I encountered, but I have access to the entire Daedric tier selection of sex toys, courtesy of Vittoria Vici's secret in Solitude. And of course, I will use it to its full extent to pleasure any gourmet ass off the face of the continent of Tamriel, those little S'wits. If only they could have known what unholy, Daedric retribution these little “clever” letters were about to bring down upon the lot of them, maybe at least one would have held their fucking tongue, and merely cummed their load, like a good Bosmer femboy ought to.
But they couldn’t, they didn’t, and now I’ve sent Imperial guards to them, so all their stolen goods are now forfeit. Those little vehk'n'chow scuttleheads, such grand and intoxicating innocence they have exhibited. I will CHIM all over these poor souls, and inevitably, they will drown in it.
They’re fucking fucked, muthsera. It’s ironic, they could successfully save others from death, but not themselves.

This sorry mentions [email protected], [email protected], and somewhat mention of murder if you are not comfortable reading this don’t please.
So I 16F was at school about to go on break. And since we had an assembly today all of my classes were short so I get to English and a kid a sit next to who’ll we will call Evan sits next to me in class and we both like to pick and tease each other not mean but kind of in a sibling like way and he was playing a game while our teacher was grabbing papers and getting ready for the last class. So I’m sitting here and I was really bored and my stomach was cramping really bad so decided to pick on him while he was trying to focus on this stupid game called eggy car . And I stared poking and prodding at his stuff to get his attention like I do everyday well today he was in the mood at ALL. So he says that I’m starting to piss him off and so I keep doing it and he says he can do way worse than punch me so I back off and my friend who I’ll call Ann grabs my arm while I’m still staring at him wondering if I insult him back or wave him alone he continues to glare at me every once in a while and my friend whispers to me he’s gonna rape you and I als her to repeat because she never ever says stuff like that like that serious and she always changes the subject about this kind of stuff . And it makes sense why he would threaten that too because he doesn’t say anything about murder it’s always about sex or something and if your teasing him sometimes if he doesn’t have any insults he’ll say suck it or suck a truck and he is extremely dirty minded like if you draw corn or a banana or if hears you wrong he’ll always say something about dicks or sex which is ridiculous. So once I realized he said he’d rape me I stopped and I’ve been kind cold towards him and I don’t find it funny when you joke about this shit it’s not funny at all so I should go confront him or tell the teacher or just keep it to myself?

The engine management light came on in my car about 4 months ago. The fault code was P0420 Catalyst System Efficiency Below Threshold Bank 1. After a google search I decided to try a catalytic convertor and lambda sensor cleaner. The light has recently come back after 4 months. As there has been a significant amount of time between the light coming I'm not sure if the problem is more likely to be a clogged up cat than a failed one or possibly a faulty sensor?
The car isn't displaying any of the tell tale signs of a faulty cat (sluggish performance, eggy smell etc)
My journeys are mostly short and at low speeds which I have read can increase the chances of the cat becomming clogged. Is it possible I may need to use the cleaner on a regular basis?

Anyone on here catch Eggy’s set or have any video from it? Decided to live in the moment that night and leave my phone in my car. Wish I had it for that night now. Eggy -> Circles Around the Sun was chef’s kiss

Eggy car femo

Does anybody else feel like they're fighting a really painful absolute internal battle with this egg stuff? (+ lore) (24)

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