Dr phil what happened to colin

It's either an old Taiwanese movie or an old Hong Kong movie because I don't think China started making movies yet back then, but maybe I am wrong. This is an old erotic movie set in ancient China about a girl who was born in a brothel. I guess by law, she also had to enter the prostitution business like her mother, but she doesn't want to and instead learns all these other arts like calligraphy and poetry and etc. She is pursued by many but she instead falls in love with this poor scholar dude. He promises to come back and marry her since he had to go away for something. So she waits, but while she is waiting for him, there is this rich playboy suitor who wants to marry her and add her to his harem. She refuses to marry him and manages to avoid some of his traps, but in the end, her mother or the brothel manager helps the dude drug her and forces her to "marry" him. He basically forces her to stay at his place and does not allow her to leave, making her stuck. The scholar ends up coming back and goes to find her, but the villain drugs him and tricks him into sleeping with another girl under the villain. The main girl sees this and thinks that he cheated on her. But later on the other girl reveals to the main girl that it was all a set up by the villain. I forgot what happened next but she manages to escape the villain and reunites with her lover, but then a new official comes to town and captures the lover for some reason and he is tortured in jail. To save him, I think she agrees to sleep with the official and in the end, the lover is released and they finally get together. There is a little epilogue that says that she was successful in changing her fate to be a prostitute and they lived together happily ever after. I think that was how it ended. But yeah, if anyone knows this one, please let me know. I have been really curious what the actual name is.

So I have a friend, my best friend of over 25 years. I'm 38, he's the same age. We did everything together, mostly havung a pint and playing in bands over the years.
I separated from my wife in 2018 and finally got divorced in 2020 and since the split it divided my friends ad the group we had. Basically my friends divorced me too.
My 35 year friend however stuck with me for the first 6 months. Then he just stopped showing up.
He stopped replying to my texts.
I'd send maybe 2 or 3 a month asking for a pint. Nothing.
I did this for around 4 years, not as often, but I kept in touch.
I ended up deciding to move abroad, and text him about my leaving do, no reply. I came back to the UK for 3 days randomly and I text him saying I'm back if he wants to meet. Nothing.
When I bump into him walking my dog we chat, he apologises and days we should go for a pint and that he will text. It never happens.
Finally I decided to text saying it hurts me to be ignored so much and it makes me feel like I'm just annoying him so I won't text any more but I'm always there if he decides to rejoin our friendship.
What do you guys make of this? I feel like he decided to divorce me too. And it sucks. I don't know if I'm a shit person and he's decided like all my other friends I'm not worth the time. Or if he's just being a bad friend.
The key to this is probably that I kissed someone else when I was married and my closest friends judged me without talking to me and then never spoke to me again.
But it just kills me that I'm the same person I wad before the divorce I'm the same person now, yet all my friends and especially this one decided to divorce me too.
Your opinions are appreciated.

Hey there, potential smoking and gaming buddies! I'm a lover of all things chill - whether it's smoking some good weed, playing video games, or cuddling with my five furry friends. I'm looking for some like-minded folks to join me in my quest for relaxation and good times.
A little bit about me: I'm a hardcore gamer who's always down for some co-op or multiplayer action, as long as you don't me stoping to smoke every few hours. When I'm not gaming, you can usually find me chilling with my five animals - two dogs, and three cats. They're my best friends and they're always down for a good belly rub or snuggle session. You can also usually find me watching something on YouTube or any other of the many streaming services nowadays.
As for what I'm looking for in smoking and gaming buddies, I want to meet people that can keep conversations going, and can handle my occasional bouts of forgetfulness (hey, it happens when you're high). Bonus points if you're a fellow animal lover and don't mind sharing pictures.
If you're a fellow stoner and gamer who's looking for a chill, no-pressure friend, send me a message and let's get to know each other.

Hi,
I am a 33 y old f who needs help. So I keep passing blood clots. Sometimes I pass jelly with vein like substances in them. Sometimes I just pass huge blood clots. My last two ultrasounds showed hemorrhagic follicles but dr wasn't concerned as they were cycling and not growing. Ob gyn said not her department. They found a contortion in my left illiac vein and mild bilateral congestion on my pelvic doppler but said all are benign or mistakes as I'm young and healthy. I have a dvt running through my hip and have been diagnosed with pmdd and discharged from pelvic physio as she felt he use was with my external hip rotator. I'm so confused by what's happening! I get so much oedema, skin tissue discolouration, leg claudication and cramps. I sometimes bleed powdery dry blood for months as well. These issues all started recently but originally I was having issues where my periods weren't consistent. A day of heavy bleeding a day of nothing a day of spotting etc. today I passed a massive clot and woke up with my face black and blue. Yesterday I wore compression shorts and when I got home my legs were there heaviest they've ever felt. I elevated them and was having excruciating cramps and could feel a Bulge in my lower right side. This is my usual night pre passing a clot. Constipation started at the same time. When from regular to once every 10 days. any ideas?

I'll try to keep this brief:

• Purchased a CyberPowerPC Build:
  • ASUS Z690-P Wifi (LGA 1700 listed on board)- is 13th gen equipped with DDR5
  • i3-13900k - peak OC shows 5.8GHz
  • Nvidia RTX 4070ti
  • Teamgroup T-Force Vulcan 5200GHz 8GB x2
  • Not sure if other hardware is relevant for this discussion

My issue here is I don't know much about PC's. I play MSFS heavily and it requires the largest load of anything I play. I bought this PC to play MSFS because Xbox Cloud was horrendous. From what I can tell via monitoring systems with Task Manager, CoreTemp, and Nvidia overlay) I have a 90%+ memory utilization under heavy terrain+building detail cruise and I lose heavy FPS under combat maneuvers. This is not an "all the time" issue, but it happens nightly and my temps/utilization for CPU & GPU do not cross 70%. Big cities like NYC and Tokyo, and snow detail seem to be the biggest culprits here.
My memory usage is ~41% using Chrome, Spotify, and other low-load apps simultaneously, not sure if that is normal, but from research it seems it might be.
I think I need to expand my RAM based on the above. I am fine ditching the current sticks and buying a unified set - I am also fine going 16gb x 4 for a total of 64gb even though its likely overkill. The issue is that the "compatible" list on ASUS's website lists sticks that are pretty much not made anymore. Some of the product codes pull in Google but they are not exact (e.g: the CORSAIR model is near dead on but it is a C40 latency code versus the C38 that is stated on ASUS's website).
My question is.....what do I do here? What can I buy? What should I buy?
Also - Do I have another issue or is this a RAM issue?

3 months post breakup, and the hurt still feels vivid like it happened yesterday.
I honestly wish that he has a “nice” life, because he ruined mine.
I wanted to talk about my feelings to my family, but they just keep shutting down my emotions and wanted me to stop talking about it. It is honestly so draining and I don’t know what else I can do. I live alone and it has been especially hard these days, I tried to stop thinking about him, but he won’t get leave my mind alone. I even dreamt of him some days and I woke up with tears.

The other day we were walking to see some nature views and when we got to the destination and we’re chilling discussed eating out after and getting take out on the way home. I looked up the place to see if open, and then ended up on the menu checking it out. I have a history of loving food/cooking and do think about it a lot. Generally a healthy relationship as I consider it a hobby (like love cooking and exploring food scenes) and important in my life and family life (culturally).
While I did this though, she said to me, “you know you can’t be like this if you have a daughter right?” And I was like what do you mean. And she began talking about how obsessions with food (which I don’t think I have, nor have any friends or fam referenced it to be problematic) essentially could lead to eating disorders or unhealthy relationships with food for that persons children.
We have been a bit rocky for some time, she is very sure about me and I have some reservations about us as it has taken a lot of work to stay together as we’re very different (which to be fair has given us great communication alot of the time), our sex drives are significantly different and I feel like we may have too little in common. We do have good times and enjoy ourselves lots though and we have both shown each other many things we wouldn’t have seen otherwise.
but I find conversation chemistry to be lacking and feel some anxiety when I know we will be together alone for extended periods because we will run out of things to talk about. She is not a learner in the sense that I’m always picking up new things and always in awe of random shit but she has what she likes and likes to stay within that box so conversation can feel difficult when I often have to explain words or topics if I want to bring them up (even if I consider them common This was okay for most of the relationship thus far because we were exploring each other more and is also a positive that we can both be introverted and quiet together without pressure sometimes too. But I feel that chemistry with others and it makes me think it is something I may want in a partner. So there’s a few things like that and sex drive different that I’m trying to figure out if they’re deal breakers.
TL:DR partner of 7 months made a comment how I can’t be the way I am with food if I have a daughter otherwise it could cause my future kids to have an eating disorder which I thought was super harsh and insensitive since I love food and would want my kids to have a good relationship with it.
Any advice welcome, I have never broken up with someone before and it’s a difficult thought because I do love her but the work it’s taking and this kids talk at 6 months throws me off a bit.

Recently transferred from Overnight Freight to daytime Pro Loader. Personally love HD and have enjoyed every second. I know from this subreddit how varied other peoples experiences have been but it’s been great for me.
Second week in a dear friend of 35 years succumbed to Cancer. He and his family live an hour away. His wife called me to break the news and asked me to please come there as soon as I could. (For context I will be delivering a eulogy for which I’m honored to be asked)
That day I was scheduled to leave at 12:30. Call came in 11:53. I worked hard while I tried to process all the feels. I decided that their need superseded the need to finish my shift. At 12:19 I told the MOD what had happened and I asked to leave early. Was asked what time I was scheduled to leave. I said 12:30. He looked at his watch and said “you can leave at 12:30”. Stunned I looked at him and realized why all of you share the things you share. I now have zero respect for this ASM but am old enough to know how to play the long game. I feel compelled to share because one common thread we all share is how much one turd in the punchbowl can ruin the party.
Thanks for listening my Orange Aproned internet peeps.

We’ve been going out a year and a half now. One thing with my boyfriend is that his dick, or specifically the band on the back of the head the “frenulum” frequently tears.
When we first started having sex it would tear in any position. But now he goes extra gentle (which gets annoying) and it’s fine but when I ride him there’s a good chance it tears so I have to feel bad every time I want to go that.
And every time it happens we have to wait a week or two for it to heal before he can use it again. I would there’s seriously like a 30% every time I ride him it’ll tear and a 5-10% that if he’s doing it it’ll tear.
I googled and there’s surgery you can get to lengthen the band so it stops tearing. But apparently there’s a slight chance it’ll reduce sensitivity in the dick because the frenulum is pretty sensitive.
He said he’s not loosing feeling in his dick so he won’t get it. I ask what he plans to do then and he said nothing, like literally he plans to do nothing.
TL;DR my boyfriends dick keeps tearing and he won’t get the surgery he needs to fix it.

I usually post in Christianity, but I thought I’d ask for a more dedicated Christian opinion.
I grew up in a Calvinist church and affirmatively accepted Jesus’ gift of salvation at around age 7. That is, I prayed to him genuinely asking him into my heart and that he grant me salvation. From that moment on I was an enthusiastic member of my church community.
Unfortunately, I started having doubts about the fairness of the doctrines of election and reprobation, a part of Calvinist soteriology. I moved frequently thanks to my job and started becoming more and more uncomfortable with churches. Eventually I just stopped going when I moved overseas and never returned when I came back.
When my first daughter was stillborn, I wanted to know what happened to her soul and, to my dismay, I couldn’t figure it out. I began to fully wrestle with the fact that the Christianity I was raised under taught me that Eternal Conscious Torment (ECT) in Hell was a real fate that billions of people would suffer under, including possibly my stillborn daughter. The more I looked into and talked to people, including numerous pastors, about it, the more frightened of God I became. It finally struck me that I was in the presence of a being willing to engage in the eternal torture of billions of souls!
I found I no longer had the capacity to trust that God would not send my daughter to eternal torture; since he’s apparently done so with so, so many people, why should my daughter be any different? And who am I to complain about my family when so many other souls are suffering so badly?
To me, the father God I relied upon as a child is long gone, and in his place is a monster biding his time until he decides to chew me up along with the rest of my family, the pain of which will never, ever stop.
I’m not an atheist, much as I wish I were. I believe in God, Jesus, and salvation through him. But I find myself unable to love him because the love is crowded out by my terror of him and what he’ll do to my loved ones.
Am I still saved? Was I ever? If I was, did I lose it? And if I wasn’t, why was I so confident in my salvation for so long? In the language of Calvinism, why did God allow me to believe I was among the “elect” for so long?
In you opinion, is there any way for me to answer the above?

Please watch this replay and tell me why this happens in high bronze to maybe low silver lobbies. Replay code is 9216TG
Absolutely rolled. I ended up switching to Ana so please let me know if it’s something I did or didn’t do also. And of course everyone’s profiles are private so I can’t see what rank they are atm.

Hello to everyone in this sub, I have always been a silent reader. I wish I could write every single thing about my previous/ongoing (?) relationship but I truly can’t, there’s too much history and too much to tell but I guess ill give it my best shot. English isn’t my first language, Im sorry if my grammar isn’t the best.
My emotionally and psychologically abusive ex (M25) has been in and out of my (23F) life now for 6 years. We started dating when I was 17 and he was 19, he was my first boyfriend.
To be honest, right now it feels like Im literally choosing him out of fear. Im tired of disappointing people around me (close family and friends) and myself for letting him in EVERY SINGLE TIME he wants to and never knowing my worth just to say NO (I just feel like I can’t say no to him).
So Im here, in the only subreddit I feel truly understands me, asking for help.
My ex and I met a long time ago and we were friends way before we actually dated. To give you some context about myself, I have always felt like im a very unstable person, (AKA the “irrational impulsive friend”). I have previous childhood trauma that is related to abandonment issues and previous SA that have turned me into a very volatile person (now, being diagnosed as borderline at my 23 years of age, I finally understand the reason why).
But back then when I was 17 and this whole ordeal started, I had no idea why I was the way I was.
When we started dating it wasn’t magical or perfect I just simply idealized him as that, which is even worse. But to be honest, the emotional torment has always been there.
I have always feared him (he has never hit me or been physically aggressive), he is a very angry person, and so very early on in our relationship we came to a point where I just felt like I needed to do exactly as he said so he wouldn’t leave me. He knew this, so he used it in multiple occasions to get what he wanted, knowing I was completely afraid of being without him.
He was very controlling in the first years of our relationship, extremely possessive and jealous, to the point were he wouldn’t let me have male friends or would get mad at me if I liked a male picture on social media. We fought a lot and he was extremely manipulative, always turning the conversation on its way to blame me, and making me apologize even in times were I had done absolutely nothing wrong. He would block me, ignore me and hang up my calls when we fought (which made my abandonment issues even worse). I can truly say it always made me feel insane, like I needed to record him and show him the things he said so he wouldn’t turn them on me. Our fights were completely exhausting mentally, they were really explosive. He would do a lot of name calling, blame shifting and then he would just ice me out. I would ALWAYS cry my eyes out in these fights, beg and plead until he turned a switch and then he would hug me, kiss me and then tell me he loved me and that everything was okay. This was extremely damaging because I don’t know if I became addicted to getting back his love in a way were it felt like I needed to earn it. And these are JUST the first things he did. I feel like since I was so young it created an idea in my mind that relationships were this way, I loved him like the love of my life and wanted to marry him without a doubt in my mind. With him, my BPD just went out of the window in terms of stability.
I lost myself in this relationship. I became HIS girlfriend and I wasn’t even my own self. I had no idea what I was or who I wanted to be without him. I became very submissive, I would just take the name calling, the blame shifting and the explosive fights because losing him was worse than the abuse. LOTS of things happened between the years but I truly can’t even type it out, it exhausts me so much. While all of this was happening, I was still growing up. Graduating high school, getting into med school, studying hard, meeting new people. Slowly, I realized that the more responsibilities life threw at me, the harder it became for me to live my own life (f*ck you BPD). Since I have a lot of trauma from my childhood and early teenage years, adult life became extremely hard for me, tasks that were easy for everyone around me like being independent or living alone were almost imposible for me. During these years I developed a very severe eating disorder and later on I started having problems with substance abuse (especially alcohol). I say all this because I know I wasn’t the perfect partner, I was filled with internal struggles and issues I didn’t even recognize and had a debilitating mental illness that I didn’t even know, so being with me, obviously, wasn’t very easy. I shielded myself in this relationship as my “safe” place, because honestly, it was the only constant thing I kept having in my life, and it made me completely attached to him.
Because of my BPD, I split a lot, it is the worst symptom of my borderline personality disorder, this makes me an extreme perfectionist and the burden I put on my own shoulders on being the BEST, PERFECT, woman is truly unbearable. Through these years I have caught myself needing him to validate me since he would always leave when I was in my worst (broke up with me once in the ICU and the second time in the hospital). But he would always come back when he started seeing me do better, or look better (gaining weight etc etc), and I ALWAYS took him back. I felt like when he left I was worth nothing, and every time he came back I was perfect again. TLDR version: He did a lot of shit, I did a lot of shit and took a lot of shit, the relationship was extremely unstable. You get it.
So I guess I will start with the reason I am posting this.
We have broken up more than 6 times, he ALWAYS does the breaking up and I would ALWAYS beg him to stay. Sometimes he would stay, other times he would just kick me out of his life and then slowly reappear months later. Since everyone in my life started noticing this behavior, they tried to make me realize that I wasn’t myself when he came back, I would push them away, leave them behind (family included) but when he left, although I was in pain, I would slowly find a way back to myself. Until he would come back again. This made it really exhausting for the people around me to support me, even though they have never left.
This brings us all to October of 2022, the last time we had our big breakup. He did something truly awful and I, for the first time, felt like I didn’t have the strength to forgive him. So I went no contact. I stopped reaching out, I stopped answering his calls or messages even though he was apologizing. I felt like the anger was letting me leave this chapter of my life behind. It felt like I wanted to DIE, I hated every second of it, I wanted him in my life but I tried to keep myself distracted. I started rekindling my relationships, going to therapy constantly (I had started already, but I feel like until he left my life I didn’t even realize I didn’t want him in my life), taking my meds and finding a love for medicine and surgery that had left me almost since my BPD got really bad (2019). It wasn’t perfect, (Im trying really hard not to split right now) but it was better.
On November 2022 I met someone. Yes I know, not the best thing ever, but I truly feel like meeting him (26M) made me realize I was settling for absolutely NOTHING, not even the bear minimum. Many things have happened, and he has understood every step of the way. From the get go he was amazing, and he still is amazing with me. He is patient and doesn’t want me to change a thing about myself. He truly has helped me a LOT ever since I met him and I feel like I have found a person that is teaching me what I deserve. Not only that, he has helped me see some patterns in myself when I shut away because of fear, and he has helped me become more communicative and assert my position in a relationship like I never have before. He respects my needs and wants, he has read about BPD and tried to help me in every way. So I truly do not understand why, the more he tries to be there, the more I push him away.
My ex and I didn’t talk until December 2022 when I left our city to finish my last year of medical school. It was really hard, living alone (I have roommates but they aren’t usually here) and that was when it got really bad, missing him was unbearable to the point that when he came back just to speak, I fell into his arms. AGAIN. We talked for a while until eventually he pushed me away again, but this time, it didn’t hurt as bad. We stopped talking until February 2023 and that brings me to today.
He’s back, shocker, promising things he never has before, saying all the right things I want to hear: Im sorry I left you, I will never do it again, I can help you heal, I love you, I want to marry you, I want life my life to be with you, no one makes me feel this way etc etc. He’s says he’s here for the long run, and for good. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 6 YEARS I didn’t immediately say yes. I know in my heart of hearts I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK, but it is SO hard for me to say no. He has me completely manipulated and programmed to being there for him, EVEN when I have met someone that I truly feel doesn’t deserve absolutely anything that is going on. Even if nothing has truly happened. It feels like a magnet is pulling me back to him, and it is really hard to pull away.
So, I need help, I need to find the strength to kick him out for good, now that there is no anger, now that he is being perfect, now.
I need to find the strength to live the life I want. I need to stop fearing him and start fearing the life I am getting into if I keep choosing him.
So please, anyone, just lend me a hand, and help me find the strength. This trauma bond is very strong. You are all so powerful and have motivated me in sleepless nights, I know I can do this. I just feel like I need to push myself to do it.
Anyways,… Thank you for reading… And If you are in the same place that I am… We can do this.
Love, G

Hi fellow dads. I wanted to get some feedback from you. My wife's grandpa passed away, my 6yo didn't know him well, but he'll come with us at the funeral.
He hasn't really been exposed to death as a whole so far, aside from video games and what not. Any tips on how to brief him on what's going to happen? What are your thoughts?
Thanks

Hey there, potential smoking and gaming buddies! I'm a lover of all things chill - whether it's smoking some good weed, playing video games, or cuddling with my five furry friends. I'm looking for some like-minded folks to join me in my quest for relaxation and good times.
A little bit about me: I'm a hardcore gamer who's always down for some co-op or multiplayer action, as long as you don't me stoping to smoke every few hours. When I'm not gaming, you can usually find me chilling with my five animals - two dogs, and three cats. They're my best friends and they're always down for a good belly rub or snuggle session. You can also usually find me watching something on YouTube or any other of the many streaming services nowadays.
As for what I'm looking for in smoking and gaming buddies, I want to meet people that can keep conversations going, and can handle my occasional bouts of forgetfulness (hey, it happens when you're high). Bonus points if you're a fellow animal lover and don't mind sharing pictures.
If you're a fellow stoner and gamer who's looking for a chill, no-pressure friend, send me a message and let's get to know each other.

The shelves have been empty of all Aldi coffee now for about three weeks, in both stores that I go to???
Hopefully they will return soon!

Planted seed on the left 3 weeks ago and nothing happened the entire time, so I assumed it was a dud. Tried to dig it out but couldn't find it is so I planted another 3 days ago. I come home from work today and boom both seeds have now sprouted. I used the paper towel method on the first one and let the tap root grow to about an inch. The second seed I dropped right into the soil no soak no nothing.
I know it's not a great idea to have 2 plants in 1 pot. So should I let them developed a bit and try to dig one out or see what one is growing fastest and kill the other?
Both are auto emperor J

Does anyone else have a serious problem with the people who enabled your spouses' infidelity? How do you deal with it?
My WS has a senior-level job. As a result, multiple people are beholden to him, including employees and third parties whose accounts he controls. WS dabbled in infidelity before, but these people supercharged it.
WS met more than one AP while out with people like this. Nearly all turned a blind eye, and a few actively encouraged what what was happening. They did this in all different kinds of ways -- listening to ridiculous complaints about me or our relationship and regurgitating them back, participating in dinners where APs were present, etc.
How pathetic. It's also not lost on me that WS appears to have sought out these people to witness his activities because it was obvious they would not complain about what was going on.

Bit of a long one a TL;DR at the bottom. I agreed to give polyamory a go with my partner, he had told me he was poly when we first met and I had asked him if monogamy was something he would consider becuase I had alot of work to do before I could even think about poly but I was open to it and thus began our amazing relationship. Fast forward to now we were really strong in a good place I felt so secure and safe in our relationship I broached the subject with him of giving it a shot and told him what I knew and what my boundaries as of then were but we needed to talk more before we did anything but that yeah he could get back into the groups ect he had left a year and a half before when we first started dating (I had not asked him to leave them he had becuase I'd expressed I wasn't ready back then ) so he rejoined put a few posts up and within 2 weeks he was on a date, now I love his other partner she has become a really great friend. Their first date was a disaster for me plans changed a few days before which he ran past me and then during it plans changed again and their date was extended without proper check in ect and I ended up with a full blown panic attack. To give a little back ground I've been in abusive relationships and do struggle with anxiety which mainly manifests as when I don't hear from my partner my brain goes into doom mode and convinces me he's hurt or worse. We talked that night after I had been in the panic attack for a few hours, we had had no proper check ins for multiple days at this point as the date did last 3 days, we then didn't talk about it again. I've tried multiple times to talk to my partner but this is where its complicated he also has a past of not so nice people so communicating things that are struggles for either of us can be a trigger, but I tried to reach out multiple times untill he hit about 4 months in with his other other partner and I lost it had a huge outpour of emotion told him how harmful things were for me and that I was not ready for this and that I thought knowing it was my first venture he would have taken things more slowly to make sure I was OK and that he would have actually listened to me when I expressed I was finding things hard. It's now 5 months in and I'm a jelious mess really struggling our time is never just about us, I don't mind him checking in with her but he texts her through out and she is the main subject of conversation throughout the time we have together he isn't as chatty with me, our communication is none existent and part of it is that my trauma is butting heads with his but I'm to the point that I can't cope anymore we haven't still had the big discussions we should of had before he jumped into a relationship I'm still asking for those conversations to happen becuase I never wanted my poly journey to be toxic but that's what it's turned into and it's really impacting me at this point. How do I go about approaching this situation becuase I'm hurt and all sorts of emotions but he can't handle talking about it and actually putting things in place to change things I am his NP but this situation is killing our relationship. The only thing he has taken on board is that I worded it very sternly to get my point across but I told him I was removing permission he no longer had permission and if / when he and his partner broke up he was not to find another as I need time to heal and we need time to have the big discussions that should have happened but didn't becuase he jumped into the deep end with both feet. I'm struggling so much that my mental health is in a really bad place at the moment. Please any advice other then dump his ass will be greatly appreciated. TL;DR New to poly my partner is poly and has been for years stayed monogamous for me while I worked on myself, we talked about going poly and within 2 weeks he was in a committed relationship, I love his new partner she's an amazing person and a great friend but I'm so jelious, their first date was disastrous for me and it hasn't gotten any better, communication is hard me and partner both have past trauma how do I get the big discussions that should have happened done now 5 months later before it kills our relationship and before I have a mental breakdown?
Thank you if you read it all its a long one

Context: My girlfriend E(now 21) dated her ex J(now 20) for six years. During these years he was (in my opinion) very physically and emotionally abusive to E, they would argue and have broken up many times but always gotten together again. I met both E and J at work in 2021 and fell for her very quick. I told her I liked her but she said she wouldn’t leave J which is fair enough so I quickly laid off. In October of that year E and I stopped talking due to the job we had finishing but started talking again in March of 2021 and quickly got close again regardless of her still being with J it was nothing more than friendship until she told me she liked me too and wanted to leave him. It was a very long process for her to leave him due to him getting abusive and manipulative but I supported her through saying she didn’t have to and that I’m there for her regardless of what happens etc.
After they were broken up for just over two months we got together. We have been dating for 9 months and have broken up twice (for short bursts) due to J. Now this is where I’m unsure if it’s me being insecure or if there’s something going on. At the beginning E didn’t want to tell J about us two until he had moved on, this evidentally just isn’t happening. Throughout the 9 months he would randomly come to her house to cry, smash her room, shout at her and threaten to kill himself. Regardless of this she still keeps in contact with him and messages him all the time sending kisses etc. we had spoken before and she says she sends it to everyone (even tho I never get sent these ‘accidental kisses’. More so she messages him none stop even when we’re both cuddling, talking or going out and doing things. We will be speaking about intamacy and she’ll bring up what she enjoyed j doing and how much they did and how much she loved it etc which makes me just feel wrong. I have had past relationships and sex with others but no long term relationships so I understand her only being with him is all she’s known but she does little things which make me feel like she still has feelings to him. If not then I’m scared she’s leading him on as she states she never wants to tell him as he will ‘kick off’ and doesn’t want to ‘pour salt into the wound’ but I feel she is leading him on as she messages him the same as when she’d message me (before dating) and I believed it was because she had feelings for me. Whenever we speak about him and how I feel it ends in an argument as she says I’m being stupid and silly and how she did all this for me and has done a lot for me. It’s to the point where I want to withdraw from the relationship as I feel I’m dating both E and J but don’t know if I’m just jealous. Please don’t berate me in the comments I’m just after your honest opinion, thanks.