Sutter home health yuba city

(Can travel and will consider relocation, looking for same)
Hey! Let's not waste each other's time, so I'll be comprehensive about what I'm looking for instead of messaging back and forth.
Firstly, I'm looking for great personality, mentally stable and drama-free.
I'm a somewhat successful entrepreneur, hard working, educated, and seems totally wholesome and respectable. If you're wondering why I'm single, it's my deviant side. Kink is a big part of my life, but I won't compromise on vanilla qualities just to get hitched with any kinky partner.
I'm a switch, so it depends on my partner's qualities which way I lean. You could say I'm versatile. Staying safe and healthy is my priority, so I won't engage in short term flings or play that might do permanent damage.
I want my partner to be my equal, so no tpe, 24/7, or high protocol types of dynamic. In day to day life I want her to be independent, capable, and makes intelligent decisions. I prefer her to be educated, smart, fit. Not that she has to have a PhD and an Olympian, but someone who values learning, growth, as well as physical health would be preferable.
Ultimately I want a partner in life, not just in bed. She should be old enough to considered mature, but young enough to have children in the not so distant future. We will design and build our dream home(s), travel the world in style or backpacking. When we have kids they can tag along like young Indiana Jones. They will have the best unconventional education that gives them the depth and breadth of human knowledge.
Our family will be religiously agnostic, politically center, and possesses good moral compass.
I don't care too much where you are. I care more about whether we are on the same wave length. If distance is great, then we work something out.
A little about me. I'm Asian, western educated, near-native level English, semi-banana, but not quite. Slim build but muscled. Looks like Song Mingi with stubbles and glasses. I won't send pics or video until after I'm satisfied I'm talking to a genuine person. Definitely no money will be involved, well, at least until you take my last name.
If I strike your fancy feel free to send a message now, before I grow older;)

So I ordered Abbey from Paulmart days ago, and it said she would arrive Saturday. It said it was delivered…but it was NOT at my house and didn’t say a specific address it was delivered to, just the city I’m in. So idk if the postal service still has her or they delivered it to the wrong house, but this is so frustrating. I can’t just go up to physically check at the postal service for a couple of days because I work and they close at like noon. Hopefully this all ends well and she’s comes home with me just a few days late. Sorry rant over lmao.

I’m planning on building a home on a lot I own. It will be a primary home on a currently vacant lot that has its apn already by city hall.
My question is: do general contractors offer some type of financing? As in there willing to take let me pay them monthly till i finish paying them what I owe for the house they built? I just want to see if there’s other options besides getting a construction to permanent loan from a bank. Any help is appreciated thanks! If my question doesn’t belong here I will delete it.

After a healthy but awful pregnancy [thanks, baby daddy] I decided to come home to Louisiana at 38 weeks pregnant for an alleged "support system", but must have forgotten that my family is mostly dysfunctional and toxic and that's why I moved away.
The TLDR is that I absolutely CANNOT last 1 week postpartum before I head back home to Florida. These people are bad for my mental health and probably physical too tbh. There's no space, trifling people, excessive noise, and I'm just generally more uncomfortable than I thought I would be.
I'm not quite certain what I was thinking but I've been here two days and I'm already thinking I should head home. I'll tough it out, but there's nothing stopping me from just going once I get discharged from the hospital.
I'll be stopping hourly and don't mind getting a hotel 200 miles/3.5 hours into my 575 mile/8 hour trip. I'm getting a ring sing locally since I left mine at home and will walk and nurse at rest stops. I've got a cushion for my soon-to-be swollen vag and my spirit [and the airman within] say just do it.
What say ye this plan? It's risky, ik.
I figure rural moms might have to travel 45 minutes to an hour or more before they get home and they're all right lol. I also figure that the hard work will be worth it in the end if I could just get to my own bed and bathroom. I've got a sibling that I can maybe fly down from Florida to help me drive back, but our last road trip resulted in six months of silence and I REALLY should only use family as an absolutely last resort.
Tips?

Hi Everyone: complex financial dynamic with my bf, need guidance.
I love this sub and read it all the time. First time posting.
My bf (34m) and I (31f) just started living together a couple months ago. It's the healthiest relationship I've ever had, but we do still have occasional fights and tensions. I wanted some feedback on something that has been coming up.
I have always done most of the cooking, in return he does all the dishes, and we are both very content with this arrangement. This also means that I plan the meals and shop for the ingredients. I also pay for almost all the groceries. I have some familial wealth and am very privileged, and I like to help my loved ones when I can.
He had been shoplifting a lot of his staple foods, and I asked him to stop doing so. I don't want to build a life with someone regularly committing petty crime, even if it is in order to eat. I don't judge someone who has to do so, I think the cost of living is insane and I understand, I just don't think we are in a position where it is necessary to take that risk... For instance, he actually inherited 50k from a family member recently, HOWEVER, refuses to use it for groceries or bills. He says he is trying to save it and be responsible. In my mind there's no expense more responsible than buying food for yourself, but he won't budge on this. He says I don't understand what it's like being a person with normal financial stress and it's not my place to judge him. He wants to keep the money for big expenses in the future. So basically I agreed to pay for most of the groceries if he would stop stealing.
It's been a pretty smooth arrangement until the last few weeks. He has a Costco membership that he mostly uses to buy gas, he commutes and spends a lot on gas otherwise. The problem is that he has recently started buying Costco sized snack foods on a regular basis. Protein bars, meat sticks, and other random stuff like crackers or even today he came home with popsicles. And two huge jars of pickles when we literally already have 3 partial jars of pickles in the fridge.
I have mentioned before, and reiterated today, that i think this is a waste of money and not great for our health. We end up snacking more just because it's around in large quantities. He argues that he needs these snacks because he has a busy schedule and needs easy foods to eat between school and work. After about the third time i said something about how we don't need all this stuff, he blew up on me and totally lost his temper. He said that my tone was rude and judgy and he's paying for these things for himself to eat, so that I don't have to pay for them, and i need to stop being controlling about it.
I reminded him that it's pretty ridiculous for him to claim he can't afford groceries and then drop 40 dollars on optional snacks at Costco. He does not feel they are optional due to his demanding schedule and physical labor, and says it was really rude of me to throw the fact that I'm supporting him financially back in his face. I just think there's a middle ground where we could have some healthy snacks in the house, but not so much that were wasting money and over eating. We've both been trying to establish healthier eating patterns and exercise more, and I see these mass quantities of snacks being an impediment to those goals, as well as a waste of his supposedly precious income.
I guess my question is whether I'm actually being as judgemental as he seems to think. I know that i come from a much easier financial background than him, as well as having a much less demanding work/school schedule. He does lots of physical labor and is exhausted during the week. He may have 50k in his savings due to the inheritance, but he has led a very frugal life for a long time, even being homeless at one point, and i think those habits are hard to overcome. He sees a "deal" at the store and just goes for it, even if it's not really something we need, the psychology of "saving" on a large quantity is very ingrained in his mind.
Is this something i need to just drop and be understanding about? I'm not trying to be controlling, or lacking in empathy for his financial concerns. It's really important for me to use my familial wealth for good, and help the people I love. I see it as my duty to not be greedy or selfish with my privilege. But I also think now that we are living together, with the intention of one day hopefully being married, that I am allowed to have an opinion on our shared resources and food.
Thoughts?
Sorry this was so long winded for something that may seem somewhat trivial. I struggle with brevity. I hope i can get some good perspective because I'm really struggling to know what's right here.

I've recently moved to the city from overseas and am trying to immerse myself in the local art scene. Back in my home country, we have a comprehensive app where I can easily find information about the latest exhibitions, read reviews from other museum enthusiasts, purchase tickets, share my opinions, and even connect with others to visit museums together. I've tried to find a similar app, website, newsletter, etc. here, but have had no luck so far. Can anyone lend a hand in this situation? Many thanks!

Venue: XL Center (Hartford, CT)
Attendance: ~8900

Winner	Loser	Match Finish	Stipulation
Becky Lynch	Sonya Deville w/ Chelsea Green	Man-Handle Slam	MitB Qualifying Match
GUNTHER w/ Imperium	Kevin Owens w/ Sami Zayn	Roll-Up following Imperium brawl with Sami
Ronda Rousey and Shayna Bazler	Kayden Carter and Katana Chance	Kirafuda Clutch
Ricochet	Shinsuke Nakamura	Double DQ when Bronson Reed attacks both men
Zoey Stark w/ Trish Stratus	Natalya	Z-360
Indus Sher w/ Jinder Mahal	Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander	Referee Stoppage
Seth Rollins (c)	Damian Priest	Curbstomp	For the World Heavyweight Championship

IMPORTANT NOTES

• Kick-Off with Seth Rollins making his way to the ring and welcoming us to Monday Night Rollins and says the last week has been a non-stop par-tay before thinking to himself when was the last time they had a World Title match on Raw. He had to go all the way back to two years ago and says that is too damn long so he put out for the call for an open challenge which was answered by the Judgement Day's Damian Priest. Seth admits he's kinda excited for it since he wanted to fight the best, and love them or hate them, The Judgement Day are as as good as it gets and he's looking forward to showing them that as good as they are they just ain't him. The Judgement Day come out to interrupt with Finn and Damian walking down the ramp and Seth wants to know where Rhea and Dom are out wondering if they're gonna jump him from behind or making out somewhere. Priest says Dom and Rhea has their own business to take care of and Seth says he's sure they do before asking why Finn and Priest have to go everywhere and ask if they even gotta hold on together when they go to the bathroom. Finn calls him funny but says no one is gonna be laughing when Priest beats him for the title tonight. Damian admits that he thinks Seth is a deserving champion and he's beaten everyone he's been in the ring with, but so has he. Damian says he never knew when this opportunity was going to happen so he is taking full advantage and he doesn't need Finn, Dom, or Rhea to take care of Rollins. Seth tells Priest if he's so confident then why doesn't he put his money where his mouth with and leave his crew in the back and suggests it may be better if he leaves Finn in the back since he usually can't handle a fight with him. Finn tells Seth that he doesn't dictate how they roll but Priest interrupts to say he's fine with the stipulation because either way he's leaving tonight as World Heavyweight Champion and put a short end to Seth's title reign. Seth says he's looking forward to it, and even if the reign ended tonight it'd still be much longer than Finn's was.
  
• Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn are interviewed backstage about what happened on Smackdown. Sami says he isn't the one to say he told you so but he's glad to say the Usos do what they should have done months ago, well at least Jimmy was able to but hopes Jey follows suit. They are interupted by Kaiser and Vinci, Ludwig says that the Bloodline is no longer their problem, Imperium is. Kevin goes on a rant saying that they told them already last week to not appear when they aren't asked. GUNTHER appears and tells Owens he needs to control his temper. Owens says he'll show him how much he can control it and challenges him to a match right now and storms to the ring.
  
• Backstage Matt Riddle says he's tired of seeing GUNTHER cheat week after week and says if it wasn't for Kaiser and Giovanni he would have lost the Intercontinental Championship long ago. Kaiser and Vinci come by and demand to know how dare he degrade GUNTHER's good name and asks Riddle what he's going to do about it before shoving Riddle. Riddle grabs Vinci and flips him over the crates before grabbing Vinci's leg and locking him in an ankle lock until officials come by to pull him off.
  
• Backstage Shayna Bazler says they manifested this a decade ago when they were still in the octagon and Ronda says they are finally going to legitimize the titles and want to see anyone try and challenge them. Katana Chance and Kayden Carter approach them and say they're up for a fight but Ronda and Shayna both dismiss them and attempt to intimidate them. Ronda says if they have a death wish so bad then they'll get their baptism by fire.
  
• Ricochet is shadow-boxing backstage when Bronson Reed approaches and calls him lucky for qualifying for Money in the Bank when he rag dolled him two weeks ago. Ricochet says it wasn't luck that he beat a former world champion and Bronson couldn't get the job done against Nakamura. Bronson says he was dominating Shinsuke until but is cut off by Nakamura saying until he beat him. Bronson walks off as Ricochet tells Nakamura he respects him but that won't change things tonight or at Money in the Bank.
  
• Backstage Chad Gable says Otis is the reason they came together with Maxine Dupree and Maxine says Otis is what made her realize their true potential but wants to know what that Viking troll. Chad tells her that he has a plan to train Otis to deal with the Viking Raiders and is having him read up on Viking literature but he is also going to teach her how to deal with Valhalla and tells her to get changed so they can train.
  
• It's time for Miz TV! Miz says he knew once he heard about the World Title match that tonight would be special so he had to secure a special guest and welcomes out Cody Rhodes. Cody comes to the ring and Miz says he looks dashing tonight before getting down to business. He says last week Cody listed all the cities he'll be in and challenged Brock Lesnar, the same man who broke his arm, to a fight? Isn't that kinda stupid. Cody says Mike is coming right out of the gate with it. Miz corrects him that in this ring he is The Miz thank you. Cody says he hadn't heard it been called stupid, he heard it called crazy, gutsy, and required balls which Miz knows a tiny bit about. Cody says since we all know Brock is on his yearly vacation so he has a feeling he won't be seeing Brock for a while but he will be waiting every week for him. Miz says he has a surprise for Cody, another multi-generational superstar who can know exactly what Cody goes through and introduces the one and only Dominik Mysterio who makes his way down with Rhea Ripley. Miz starts to talk but Rhea tells him to be quiet and Miz complies before she hands the mic to Dom. Dom attempts to speak but is booed out of it, Cody sarcastically asks for them not to boo Dom and Rhea demands that they show some respect. Dom powers through the boos to say that he listened to Cody talk last week like he was the big dog but compared to someone who did hard time he's just a birdie with a broken ring. Then he heard him list off all the crappy towns he'll be at and it made him realize that Cody is a bad father who'd rather be out waiting for Brock than at home with his daughter and says him a dead-beat just like Rey. Cody says he has a lot of empathy for the 15 minutes Dom spent in prison and calls that real hard time and says Dom ended up with a worse prison tattoo than he did. Then at Wrestlemania he didn't have a match at Rey, he had a public spanking. Cody admits that it is true that Rey made some terrible mistakes in his life, because he's looking right at one. Dom goes to leave but then smacks Cody as he's looking down and then hides behind Rhea as he taunts Cody and Ripley challenges him to take a shot. As Dom and Rhea retreat up the ramp Miz tries to hug Cody but instead Cody knocks him with a forearm from his titanium cast.
  
• Backstage Paul Heyman invites us to join him to join him this Friday when family drama will play out as Jey Uso makes his historic choice. As a wiseman he must at times deliver unpleasant news even if it is to Roman Reigns, and this is some unpleasant news. This will tear apart the Anoai family when Jey makes the right choice to stand by his brother...Solo. Heyman says you can share a womb with Jimmy but he will never be closer than with your Tribal Chief Roman Reigns, and says this Friday Jey will acknowledge that fact, or else.
  
• During the main event Finn attempts to blindside Seth on the outside but Rollins is able to super kick him off. Priest asks Finn why he's out there before re-focusing on the match. Following the end of the match Balor enters the ring to stare down with Seth.
  

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I am half way done with my RBT course. I have a company that I will be starting with when I get certified. I am really excited to learn more about this field.
I have 3 questions that I'm concerned about/need help understanding

1. What exactly do we as RBT's do when a child has a tantrum and/or refuses to do the tasks we give them? How do we de-escalate the tantrum? I'm worried that a child having a huge meltdown and me just standing there not knowing what to do is going to look really bad and make me feel very awkward.
2. What are the parents like during home health care? Do the parents watch and monitor you and intervene often? I am kind of nervous of the thought of them not liking what I'm teaching their kid or having them intervene and ask a lot of questions.
3. Just how physical is this job? Obviously besides being up and about engaging w/ the kids. Are there instances where therapy might require me to literally be running wild? Is there a good balance of sitting and being physical? I am in good shape but I actually have asthma that can act up if I over do it physically.

Thank you all so much for helping

I've recently moved to the city from overseas and am trying to immerse myself in the local art scene. Back in my home country, we have a comprehensive app where I can easily find information about the latest exhibitions, read reviews from other museum enthusiasts, purchase tickets, share my opinions, and even connect with others to visit museums together. I've tried to find a similar app, website, newsletter, etc. here, but have had no luck so far. Can anyone lend a hand in this situation? Many thanks!

https://voca.ro/1ShbPHVjjoF9 - Voice clip I have a corporate career but I much prefer to game (Diablo 4 has been amazing!) and watch anime/movies/shows. I work to live, I don't live to work. I'm looking for other like-minded individuals who value their free time and hobbies. I love watching MMA but boxing is my favourite physical activity and I've been missing it since my recent upper bicep tendon injury :') I play card games competitively and I like to sing. I'm starting to travel more again and need to decide between South Korea and Europe this year and I'm having a tough time choosing. Have a conference in California this summer that I'm not looking forward to (I'm borderline allergic to the sun) and that would make going to that state twice in one year. I love the rain, struggled with mental health growing up, and I'm big on self improvement. I have a weird interest in longevity research and take pride in looking young for my age, whether it's genetics, lack of sunlight, skincare/supplements or a combination of all of it - I'll take it. I work from home and I have the opportunity to live almost anywhere. European countries with digital nomad visas have been at the top of my list but if I'm being honest I'm a bit nervous making such a big change. If you could introduce yourself if you decide to reach out I would greatly appreciate it. I also like voice chatting/watching shows/movies/anime/gaming if any of those things are something you'd like to do with me.

Hey everyone,
Me and my partner have been together for 7 years. For about a year now he has been heavily drinking. He drinks about 7 pints on his own every night. I see him a few times a week and I can usually tell instantly that he is drunk. I feel like he isn't present and it's very hard to deal with. I practically have to force him to eat dinner and go to sleep. He's a nice drunk but very annoying sometimes, constantly all over me, in my face and trying to instigate intimate moments but he's so drunk he falls asleep or just can't do it. I wouldn't mind in the slightest if he was sober or we were both having a drink on the weekend, but intimate moments are not fun for me when he's like that. But I do go along with it, because when he's sober and hungover he's practically good for nothing (I feel awful saying that but I find it so difficult).
He is currently doing a degree and failing due to his drinking. I want to do anything I can to help him and have tried. I totally understand how difficult addictions are and I know it's one of the hardest things to overcome. He's had counseling etc, but didn't get on with the therapist he was assigned. I sat him down last night and he said he is not ready to give up drinking yet.
I'm finding it so hard. I come home from work/university and want a nice dinner and a chat with my partner. But, he doesn't listen because he's intoxicated and will call me boring if I go to sleep before '4 am' on a work day. This makes me upset and I start to question if I am boring 🥺. I have just finished my degree and been offered a really good job. I feel like him being up until 4 am listening to music etc will distract me. But I can't stop going to his and seeing him, as I will miss him and he needs me.
I am really stuck, it's making me very upset and making me not want to see him, which is so sad. I love him so much and would help anyone struggling, especially someone I love.
We are also looking to move into together in a few months and I just don't know what to do. It is hurting my mental health. Any advice on what I should do for my mental health whilst still protecting him?

I do not have friends in the city and due to serious health conditions, I had to call my ex for help. He arrived at the right time and saved my life. Now he wants me to come back. I have no idea what to do

I (23F) recently graduated college back in December and had to come back home to live with my parents. It wasn’t something I wished for but had no choice since I was broke and barely had $400 to my name, thankfully I got a decent job in the city in April and just started making some decent money. My plan is to save as much as I can to move out of my parents apartment by latest December-January.
For context, I come from a family who’s parents didnt attend college let alone finish 5th grade. I feel like I’m getting some control to pave a way for myself when I got confronted by my parents to pay half of the rent (side note: i decided not to tell my parents how much I’m making. But you can imagine an average entry level job salary) I get constantly told that I’m ungrateful and they keep threatening me once in a while to leave their house since I don’t follow their rules to agree to pay half of everything.
I feel hurt, used and only seen as a tool to get them off their own duties. I’m currently paying the monthly cable, phone and wifi bundle and that doesn’t seem like enough. Am I truly the problem?

July 7th Excerpt From the Journal of Violet Stone
​
I don’t remember much. Just the scenery flying by me as I ran from the train station. I didn’t see anyone chasing me. But I felt chased. I didn’t know what to think, what to feel, or even where the hell I was going. The only thing I felt was fear.
​
When I finally stopped, it was because I just couldn’t run any further. My lungs burned, begging me for air. So I ducked into an alley, trying to catch my breath, and organize my thoughts. The rain pounding down around me was too loud. The street was too quiet and every car that passed by sent another fresh jolt of terror through me as I replayed what had happened at the train station over and over again in my mind. The way that he’d fallen, the look on his face in the instant before he’d gone under the train. Oh God… I couldn’t get it out of my head! I couldn’t stop seeing it in my mind!
​
I wanted to go home, but was that even an option? How the hell does someone just go home after something like that? I couldn’t just waltz through the door like nothing was wrong! If Sam and Lisa didn’t notice, Rose sure as hell would and that assuming that the police weren’t already there. Someone could have recognized me! That Marilyn Monroe looking girl on the platform had gotten a good look at me. What if she told someone? It didn’t matter whether I’d meant to push the guy or not! It didn’t matter how much I’d fucking hated him at the time. He was dead. I was responsible. I’d pushed him. It was my fault.
​
‘I’ve just fucking killed a man!’
​
That thought… that reality didn’t feel real. It hadn’t truly hit me yet.
​
‘I’ve just fucking killed a man!’
​
I felt sick. If I actually had anything in my stomach, I might have even thrown up. Moving made me feel even worse, so I just stood there, letting the rain soak me to the bone, shaking from the horror and the cold while I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do next. But all I could think about was the way he looked as the train went over him, and wondering if anything would have changed if I’d at least tried to grab him. Could I have caught him? Could I have saved him? What then? What would happen next? As far as I knew that motherfucker had murdered my goddamn parents! Should I really have even bothered trying to save him? Maybe I should have felt vindicated by all of this? Maybe this was some kind of justice, right? It sure as hell didn’t feel like justice. It’s not like I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this had been the guy! There were doubts! There were a lot of fucking doubts!
​
I heard the sirens in the distance. But nobody came for me. I saw a police cruiser pass my alley. It didn’t stop for me, but it did make me think about my sweater. The goddamn sweater… it would probably be enough to identify me, right?
​
For a moment, I thought about turning myself in to the police. I mean, maybe once I told them that it was an accident, then maybe they’d be cool with it and let me go? I mean, the police are just known for being trustworthy and reasonable, right? What did I possibly have to worry about with them? I could just turn myself in and everything would be hunky fucking dory! ‘Oh, you just threw a man in front of a fucking subway train! Yeah, no big. Go home! Take a load off! Get some coffee! Try not to think about the man you just threw under a fucking subway train!’ Yes! Go to the police Violet! Great idea! And while you’re at it why don’t you do it in the fucking nude too? GREAT IDEA VIOLET! ALMOST AS GREAT AS THE TIME YOU THREW A MAN IN FRONT OF A FUCKING SUBWAY TRAIN! REMEMBER THAT?
​
I took off the sweater and abandoned it in the nearest dumpster. I hid it under some trash bags and hoped to God that nobody would ever find it, then, after standing in the rain like an idiot for several minutes with no idea on where to go next, I started walking home.
​
Nobody noticed me.
​
Nobody followed me.
​
The city was just… quiet. Not quiet, quiet. But nothing felt out of place. The world around me almost felt normal, and it was my own fault that the normalcy felt wrong somehow.
I entered my old bedroom through the fire escape, just like I used to back in high school when sneaking out at night to drink was the worst thing I’d ever done. I could hear people in the apartment, and I listened to see if any of the voices were unfamiliar. I heard Sam and Lisa talking over breakfast, and I could hear the TV. Nothing out of the ordinary. It satisfied me enough that I was safe. I locked my bedroom door and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over my head and listening to the rain and the voices outside. But I heard nothing out of the ordinary. It was like nothing had happened. Like it was all just a bad dream. Eventually, I fell asleep.
​
I stayed in bed until well after noon, staring up at the ceiling when I couldn’t sleep anymore. Sam and Lisa both left for work. I could hear Rose going around the house. She’d said that she had the day off, save for classes in the evening. She only bothered me once, though. Knocking on my door to check on me. I told her I was sick, and she didn’t pry. She didn’t sound suspicious. Just concerned.
​
I kept replaying what had happened at the subway station over and over again in my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I couldn’t stop hating the quiet around me.
​
Sometimes, I wondered if it was just a bad dream. If maybe I’d never even left my room at all. Maybe I just wanted to believe that. It was better than thinking I’d just killed someone. There was a part of me that didn’t really seem to care. It still hadn’t fully hit me yet. After all, no one had come for me. So maybe it really was just a bad dream? Even if it hadn’t been, how had that man known who my Mom was? What about the things he’d said? Was it just a weird coincidence, or a horrible mistake? Maybe it was both.
​
I checked my phone when the afternoon began to slip into evening. The whole event was getting hazier in my mind. I was starting to convince myself it hadn’t happened. Lisa had messaged me, asking how I was feeling. Rose must’ve told her I was sick. I lied and said I was feeling a bit better, then I checked the news.
​
When I read the story I felt sick all over again. No name for my victim, no information at all. The man who’d gone under the train was just identified as ‘a man.’ That was it. Nothing else. There wasn’t even a picture of him.
​
There was however a picture of me… kinda.
​
It was blurry as hell. I tried to make out my own face amongst the black and white pixels but I couldn’t. It might have been me as I entered the station, although my hood was over my head, my hair was covered, and the only thing I could sort of identify was my lips, which aren’t exactly that distinct. Really, it could have been anyone in that picture. Anyone at all.
​
‘An unknown possible suspect’ It said under the picture. Followed by: ‘The suspect is believed to be male, approximately 6’2 and was last seen wearing a grey hoodie and jeans.’
​
They got the outfit right, and were only a little off with the height by two inches.
​
All in all… I can’t say that any of this really seemed damning to me. Although the idea that the police (or at least the news) had no idea who I was didn’t do a whole hell of a lot to calm me down. The idea of ‘getting away with it’ seemed just as bad as being caught.
​
For the second time that evening, I wondered about turning myself in to the police. I mean, this wasn’t exactly first degree murder. It was an accident! That had to be at least manslaughter, right? I mean, it was still a crime but it wasn’t first degree murder, right?
​
Christ… I was probably committing an even bigger crime by not coming forward! Why wasn’t I going to the nearest police station? What the hell was stopping me? Fear? Fear of what, consequences? You don’t fucking kill a man and not suffer any consequences! Even if it was an accident, there had to be some kind of consequence, right?
​
Was it justice? Assuming that this guy really had been the one who’d killed my parents all those years ago, did he really deserve to die like that? Thrown screaming under a train and… and…
​
God I didn’t even know if it was really the guy or not! It could have been anyone! He could’ve just randomly known my Mom and just so happened to look like her killer! It wasn’t even a perfect resemblance! I mean, fuck, how many fucking people in New York have blond hair, blue eyes and glasses? Thousands at least! Justice wasn’t a valid excuse! It just wasn’t!
​
I wanted to continue to lie there and stew, but I don’t know if that was really an option anymore. Slowly, I forced myself to get out of bed and head into the kitchen. I’d eaten nothing all day, which wasn’t all that healthy of a diet. As a further fuck you to my digestive system, I rummaged through the cupboard. There was a box of off brand pop tarts that I jammed them in the toaster for breakfast, if you could still call it that at five in the evening.
​
While I waited for my sugar enriched breakfast to ‘cook’ I raided the fridge for a drink. I found some OJ, and wandered into the living room. Rose had already left for class, but I knew Sam and Lisa would have been home soon.
​
When they did come home, they found me in the living room, under a blanket and finishing my shitty off brand pastries. Lisa fussed over me, like I knew she would. Sam just took over the TV and changed the channel to something other than the news.
​
I went to bed early last night, checking the news stories again on my phone before lying awake in bed. I might have slept a little. I couldn’t really say. I was just alone with my thoughts.
​
I’m not supposed to go back to Toronto for another day or so. But maybe I could leave early? Fuck off, leave all of this behind me and try to move on with my life? Sam and Lisa wouldn’t question it… much. That sounded like a horrible idea though. Just… fucking off, forgetting, pretending that this didn’t happen. It sounded like a mistake. Running away seemed like the exact kind of thing that would come back to bite me in the ass… and then what would I do? Was I supposed to just keep running from it? I knew in my gut that this would only ever make things worse. What would that do to Sam and Lisa? What would it do to Rose? I didn’t want to find out. I didn’t want to put them through that!
​
As I lay in bed a quiet resignation settled over me… and oddly enough, with it came a bit of peace. I guess even if no one else ever found out about what had happened at Prince Street, even if I took that secret to my grave, it would still gnaw at me. I’d still be looking over my shoulder, waiting for the day to come when it caught up with me. I didn’t want to deal with that. I didn’t want to put my family through that!
​
So I made a decision.
​
I don’t know if this will be my final entry or not.. I might not be coming back after this. Sam, Lisa, Rose… if any of you are reading this, I’m sorry. I swear to God, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.
​
I’m going to go to the police in the morning and I’m going to turn myself in. So if this is it… well… goodbye.
​
I hope you don’t hate me too much.
​
***
​
Okay, so what the fuck?
​
I did the right thing! I turned myself in to the police! I was ready to go to jail over this!
​
Instead, I’m back in my old bedroom at Sam and Lisa’s and I’m 99.9% sure that I’m off the hook.
​
I went to the police station. I told them that I was there to confess and up until that point, things went as expected. They took me to an interrogation room and I waited for someone to come and talk to me. I was in there for about an hour, fidgeting aimlessly with my hands and waiting for some kind of judgment before someone finally bothered to show up.
​
The guy who walked through the door had a sort of ex military look to him. His eyes were intense and he had a muscular physique with a neatly trimmed goatee. He didn’t say a word to me as he came in. He just looked down at the file in his hands before sitting down at the desk.
​
“Violet Stone, right?” He asked. Straight to business. I always thought that Detectives were supposed to come off as friendly at first. This guy seemed like he’d come in with the express purpose of kicking my ass.
“Yeah, I’m Violet.” I said.
​
He looked up at me, sizing me up for a moment before huffing.
“Alright… well Violet, well my name is Vincent Bennett. I’m the Detective assigned to the Arthur White case. I understand you’re here with information, correct?”
​
Arthur White? Was that the name of the guy I’d killed?
“Yeah… I was… I was the one on the subway platform with him.”
“The one who pushed him?” Bennett asked.
​
I hesitated for a moment before nodding.
“It… it was an accident!” I said, “He’d grabbed my arm, I was just trying to get him off of me!”
“Right… tell you what Violet, why don’t you walk me through what happened yesterday morning, okay? Tell me everything that you remember.”
​
I did just that. I told him about how I’d run into Arthur and his daughter while I’d been out on a jog, I told him about how he’d mentioned my mother and how I’d followed him, and finally I told him about what had happened on the subway platform.
​
The whole time, Bennett just took notes and nodded quietly, only pausing a few times to ask a question.
“So - you attest that it was an accident, that Mr. White fell into the path of the oncoming train?” He asked.
“Yeah… yeah, it was.” I said.
“Okay. You mind if I ask why it took so long for you to come forward?” He asked, “I mean… this happened yesterday morning. It’s been at least twenty four hours.”
​
“I was panicking!” I said, “Look, I didn’t know what to do or if I should come forward or what!”
“A man was killed,” Bennett replied. “And you fled the crime scene. You also took a while to come forward. Forgive me if I find any of that suspicious.”
“Well, I’m trying to do the right thing now!” I argued although Bennett’s stony expression didn’t seem to change much.
​
“Miss Stone… are you aware of who Arthur White is?” He asked. “Do you know much about the White family?”
That question of his seemed awfully loaded.
​
“No, why are they important?” I asked.
“Depends on which circles you run in,” Bennett replied. “I’m gonna be honest with you… Arthur White was a real piece of shit. I wouldn’t really call him the worst member of the White family. Arguably he made the rest of them look saintly in comparison. But he was still a man with a… history. You say he resembled the man who you believed killed your parents… was that your only motivation for following him to the Prince Street station?”
“He mentioned my Mother by name!” I said, “He said he knew Diana Stone!”
​
Bennett paused, before looking up at me again.
“You’re Diana Stone’s daughter?” He asked.
My brow furrowed.
“What, you knew her too?” I asked.
“I’ve… heard the name before.”
​
My heart skipped a beat.
“So he did kill them…” I said softly, “You’re telling me that he did kill them?”
“Arthur White was not a suspect in the Diana Stone murder, no. His-”
​
Bennett’s phone started to ring before he could finish whatever it was that he was trying to say. His ringtone was the opening riff of ‘Phantom of the Opera’ by Iron Maiden.
​
He paused, tensing up a little at the sound of the ringtone. Then he quietly reached into his pocket to take his phone out. He stared at the screen, which depicted a big red X on it, before quietly standing up.
​
“Excuse me,” He said softly as he left the room, and for a few minutes, I sat there in the uneasy silence, waiting for him to come back. I found myself fidgeting with my hands again as I looked over at the mirror that dominated the wall to my left. I figured that there had to be someone behind it, watching me. Maybe it was Bennett? I squinted, trying to see if I could see him behind the glass, but there was no luck.
​
The only thing I saw was my own reflection, squinting back at me like an idiot and the security camera in the corner behind me. I looked back up at the camera, staring into it for a moment. I wondered if maybe Bennett was watching me through there. Maybe nobody was watching me? It was hard to say. I stared back into the iris of the camera for a moment, before the door opened again and Detective Bennett came back in. I saw him stuffing his phone back into his pocket.
​
Something about his demeanor had changed, but it was hard to say exactly what. When he spoke to me again, his tone was much quieter.
“Thank you for your time, Miss Stone. We have all we need. You’re free to go.”
​
Free to go?
​
“Wait, what?” I asked. “I… I just killed a guy! What do you mean I’m free to go!”
“You indicated that Mr. White’s death was an accident, correct?” Bennett asked. “That’s all we need. Go home, kid.”
I stared at him in disbelief. He was just letting me go? I’d fucking killed a man and they were just letting me go? That didn’t make any sense!
​
“So that’s it?” I asked, “You’re not going to arrest me or… or press charges or…?”
“No. We’re not,” He said. “You’re free to go.”
​
He picked up his folder and headed for the door again, pausing before looking up at the camera and then back to me. He held the door open for me, and after a moment, I got up and followed him.
“Do I need to get a lawyer?” I asked.
“That won’t be necessary,” He replied as he led me back through the police station. Once we were back at the front door, he pushed through and gestured for me to follow.
​
Once we were outside, I watched him take out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
“So that’s just it, then?” I asked. This whole thing still confused me.
Detective Bennett still didn’t reply. He just looked up toward the building, before taking a drag on his cigarette.
“Take my advice, kid… don’t ever look a gift horse in the mouth. It might not always be so pretty on the inside,” He didn’t look at me as he said that. He started down the steps of the police station, before pausing. “And do yourself a favor, keep your head down for the next little while.”
​
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, but Detective Bennett was already walking away from me.
​
I’m not an idiot.
​
Something isn’t right here. I just don’t know what.
​
I keep thinking back to the phone call Bennett got. I’ve got a feeling that it had something to do with my sudden release. What I don’t know is what or why and to be honest, I’m not sure that I want to find out.
​
Bennett told me to keep my head down, and I’m smart enough to take his advice.
​
I’m leaving tonight.
​
I’m going to let Sam, Lisa, and Rose know over dinner. I’ll think of some bullshit excuse. Maybe I’ll say that it’s a work thing, or something. They’re not going to check. I’m supposed to be heading home in a couple of days anyway, so they’re not going to think too much of it if I leave early.
​
Either way, whatever the hell I’ve gotten myself into, I want to get out of it sooner rather than later.

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