How did demetrious johnson sister die
Looking for advice on how I (23M) can get over the loss of a toxic friend (20M)
2023.03.20 20:39 finnisqueer Looking for advice on how I (23M) can get over the loss of a toxic friend (20M)
This whole situation sucks, hoping you guys might have some advice.
So about a year ago I made a new friend, and tbh I've never connected with someone as quickly as I did with this person before - We bounced offa each other insanely well, and our friendship was awesome.
We talked and hung out pretty much every day, they became really important to my happiness.
He came into my life at a time where things were going really badly for me. My father was murdered, two of my pets died, I lost a promotion at work after the woman who was supposed to be training me framed me to cover up her own mistake.. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, and have spent the past few months in and out of hospital dealing with chronic pain.. And my 5 year relationship ended.
I haven't been able to properly process any of this, but through it all he was there for me. He was a shoulder to literally cry on when it all became too much, and helped provide me with healthy distractions and positivity. He always supported me, and I really appreciated that.
Then things changed. I don't know why, or what happened, but out of seemingly nowhere he stopped being a good friend. He put distance between us, stopped wanting to hang or even talk and started acting cold.. Of course I was concerned for him, but no matter how hard I pressed, he insisted nothing was wrong and that I hadn't done anything wrong either.
For a while I left it at that. I tried to continue uplifting our dynamic - Encouraging him to come hang, trying to be there for him but he only responded negatively to my support.
Over time, I've now recognised that he has become a toxic friend. He began belittling me, telling me I needed to talk to him less, calling me annoying?? Making me feel as small and insignificant as possible. He even tried to gaslight me into thinking nothing had changed with our dynamic, what the heck?
No matter how often I voiced my concerns, he shut me down and refused to even acknowledge that his actions were directly hurting me.
After trying everything to fix the friendship, and denying that he had become bad for me, I gave up. I've now stopped trying, and we haven't talked since.
It hurts so bad man. I seriously don't understand what went wrong. He came into my life like a damn hurricane, showered me in attention then punched me in the gut when my guard was down and took my damn soul with him. I'm an idiot for trusting him!
Now, the depressions finally hit. I don't wanna eat or go outside.. I don't even wanna get out of bed. I feel terrible, and without him now all the grief from everything that I bottled up has hit me at once, ontop of the fresh wound of losing the best damn friend I ever had. How can I get over this?
TLDR; Lost a friend who was very important to me after they suddenly became toxic and pushed me away. I can't save the friendship, and now I'm really depressed. What can I do to pick myself back up again?
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2023.03.20 20:39 Boring-Pea-4676 Fun gw2 idea/ theory- i guess spoilers?
now before we get into this, im not saying its true, they can do what they wants with the story and i can come up with ways to get rid of dragons ect aswell using the same theory.
This comes from something that bothered me in gw1 and now its a little more odd in gw2. and it particallly has to do with colors in guild wars in general. namely purple. i get you can have simular colors as example, nature and necromancy being greenish.
This has to do with abbadon and his story giving power to the worthy and trying to destroy tyria. he was imprisoned after handing out power to humans. who else gives power to humans? now you could say all gods and yes but it seems most of the gods have negitive traits which are highlighted in some of their stories found in game. Now dwayna game the emperor of cantha power for the ritual in gw1 seemingly, canthas culture is the most impacted by dragons in the early games. but who else gives power to people she deems worthy? who also tests humans and kills humans a bit more randomly in the game? who in her stories tests but also consumes all the food ect from people she then controlled to fight and die. Lyssa. The twin god, perhaps split personalities, god of illlussion and i raise you lyssa is loki. got a possible jar jar binks going on.
now this comes with colors from gw1 videos with shiro exploding, it has blue green and purple. you can say perhaps dwayna is blue as he absorbed the emperors soul but my thing is in gw1 we saw most of the relms of the gods, in gw2 you saw part of malandrues world, now you could say as you found the dragon he started in a area of the mists that was purple. maybe we saw some of lyssas world but i doubt it. and we know dwayna brought humans to find peace even if we havnt seen her plane.
now we are told we saw abbadons plane in gw1, madness and torrment... but in gw2 we talk and see the water dragons. we know most of the gods are simular to the dragons. perhaps the dragons feast on the energies that power the gods worlds. we know most of no all the gods worlds have confllict with shadow forces if not the void. Abbadon is the god of water.... blue.... madness and torment are mesmer sounding traits. he was imprisoned .... who was watching the prison? your telling me the gods didnt ever check their big boy threat in jail? what god likes punishing people.. lyssa. what god like manipulating peoples thoughts to do her will, lyssa, have we seen lyssas world? no. The gods came to tyria at different times. melandru is kind of neutral to natural things, dwayna is more on humans side than most. balthazar is a bit reckless and grenth is dwaynas son and the only god left that is able to see through lies.
i raise you that if the game wants us to kill or fight the gods right now is the time. kormir is the god of truth but she was bllind in gw1. she might not be able too see through lyssa. if the gods get power from their worlds, kormir gave up the title of water to who? lyssa, assuming lyssa might be able to enter abbadons relm and find knowledge maybe she is still around tyria. she is the main god that walks around tyria the most. testing people. now this leads to gw2 if domains give power lyssa now controls 2 which threatens balthazar. now balthazar has been collecting valiant soldiers to fight for him for a long time so even with him fallen his troops might be able to hold his domain for a while, opening the possibility of a fissure of woe expansion line. balthazar needed power to fight lyssa but now he is gone. leaving his world open to claim, we know abbadono was the strongest god and lyssa now controls water, which means its likely she is on par if not stronger than the other gods currently. and in this story grenth is the only god left that could see through her lies, meaning next target. leaving then dwayna and melandru left, and meandru would be neutral and grenths death might affect dwayna into action.
now in gw1 shiro was affected by a old woman fortune teller, we now lyssa has controled people before and turned into old women before. when shiro explodes there is a line of purple and he affects the reallity of the world with the jade wind. im a bit rusty on lore but maybe this was to awaken the dragons. we know lyssa deems peoplle worthy.
This suggests we have seen lyssas world or at least her effects on a world. Madness and torment. yes thats right. lyssa could have been the watcher over abbadon and to second this when shiro dies again he is sent to the relm of torrment for punishment. Abbadon was imprisioned... why would he have the power to decide were shiro went. yes its possible but lyssa coulld have been torchering abbadon and put shiro in there for her plans and perhaps abbadon loosing his sanity which is something we see in the dragons started to call apon the void.
now in gw2 balthazar was imprisoned and the only reason rytlock released him was hee didnt know it was balthazar, why is this? his form was changed by who? lyssa. lyssa helped imprison balthazar and then planned his escape so he would be forced to do her bidding aswell as give up his world.
i coulld go into mesmers in gw1 and the charr ect but its probably not important. but we have seen that charr get access to powerful balthazar artifacts in gw2? where did they get them? balthazar fought the charr with the humans in the past. if balthazar was trapped who would have access to his things .... lyssa.
now why would this be a thing. well lets compare the gods to something like dragons watch. you betrayal and one death. currently in the gods world you could say abbadon died and ballthazar betrayed the gods or , balthazar died and llyssa betrayed the gods, or both who knows.
we know dwayna brought the humans. we know grenth is dwaynas kid and melandru is kind of neutral and the oldest god. thats leaves, abbadon ,lyssa, and balthazar fighting over humans perhaps. lyssa may not even have a world if its void. abbadon was giving power to people lyssa didnt deem worthy, becoming her first target. the other gods can be simular in her eyes. and she has a kind of arrogance about her she may not like dwayna who knows. we dont really get much sense of unity between gods more like a mutual respect of power which is why they have to all decide to do something together and would give power to kormir after abbadons fall.
now they say the gods left to find new land but each relm we have seen had a dark force attacking it. the shadow army and the demons in grenths world in gw1. if that is affects simular to the dragons that means the gods might of been forced to return to their relms to protect their power and couldnt fight the dragons. also opens up storyline for us in the future.
mainly this more of less is based on purple. madness torment, torment weapons ect all purple. purple mesmer, illlusion, the skillls used by evil creatures in the games using mesmer effects ect. videos with purple energy effects.
lastly i want to throw one more thing in here. the new class, revenant. you involk legends... now you can say shiro is evil and he probably is but before his manipulation he was a hero of a sort, and most of the other legends are heroes. now in the new expansion you have lux and kurz heroes. what doesnt fit here...??
myllax- you have one demon evil creature among all the heroes.... lets look into this. The Margonite Mallyx
is a book
about Mallyx the Unyielding
, found in the Durmand Priory
's Special Collections
during the Hidden Arcana
chapter of the Echoes of the Past
No one knows who wrote this, but it is an ancient letter to the High Priest Zhellix
, a Forgotten
who led a historic assault on the Margonites
followers of Abaddon
).📷 Read on.
To be noted: breaching the Ebony Citadel
will likely kill you. Mallyx the Unyielding rules the four Lords of Anguish
, and they will shred you.📷 Read on.
If they don't get you, Mallyx will. If you do succeed, Mallyx will embark on a mission of vengeance from which you are unlikely to escape.📷 Read on.
If you insist, do not use standard tactics against this demon. They will not work. Good luck. I hope I see you again."📷 Put it back.
if you attack then it seeks vengence... and its smart. Those who followed the Dark God thrive in hidden places where the light of truth does not shine. Chief among these followers is Mallyx the Unyielding, a great and terrible Margonite leader who tamed hordes of demons in his dark lord's service. Mallyx has now fallen back to his Ebony Citadel within the Domain of Anguish, where he plots to usurp the powers of the gods and sit upon his dark master's throne. Mallyx has rallied the last remnants of the Margonite army along with their greatest surviving leaders. In addition, vast hordes of demons, titans, and other vile creatures have all flocked to his unholy banner. Only the bravest of heroes may halt Mallyx's rebellion. If you are worthy, then scour the Domain of Anguish and cast down this would-be usurper. Meet me at the Gates of Anguish and I shall tell you more of what lies ahead, and show you how the last shreds of the Dark God's power may yet be crushed.
would be usurper, rebellling against the gods, if you attack it comes back with revenge. lyssa does test people to see if they can look past the looks of others . they say abbadon wanted to destroy the world but myllax is trying to attack the gods. he serves abbadons purpose and what happened to abbbadon, betrayal, attacked by the gods. why have a revenant summon heroes for combat and then have a leader of a ancient god destroying the world to join the party? when we learn more about abbadon perhaps we will hear or see a new side to abbadon. maybe these creatures are demons but demons created out of desperation from Abaddon calling apon dark powers for freedom.
anycase this is just a fun idea in the back of my head and its very possiblle the story wont ever go this route but if we ever want to fight on the gods worlds or kill more gods. we got open doors.
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2023.03.20 20:39 yfnp0e8sg How did Nakia Strozier died?
2023.03.20 20:39 yfnp0e8sg How did Nakia Strozier died?
2023.03.20 20:39 ambo549 "Soul Mate" Ghosted, Possibly Died, What Now?
I'm going through the worst struggle of my romantic life and I don't know how to keep putting myself out there, but also don't think I can handle being alone forever.
Last year my partner of 7 years told me he was cheating and entering into a new relationship with one of the affairs. Obviously this was devastating, but I could feel we were on a sinking ship for a while. I took some time to reflect and after some months put myself back on the apps, dating after 40 is a whole new experience and I hate it. It takes me a long time to connect with anyone and frankly I'm picky, but for the right one the wait is always worth it right?
Anyhow, started talking to several people online, one in particular hit me like a ton of bricks, I've never fallen so hard so fast in all my life. He was just absolutely perfect in every way, I did not think a person like this existed for me, but I was keeping my cards close, he's the one that went hard into the vulnerability and expressing how much he liked me, how much we matched, how I was basically stuck with him. I ate it up. I've now learned this could be considered "love bombing." We talked for months, he's originally from Europe, but currently living in the states and was only a few hours from me. He had to go back to Europe for a work thing/family visit for 10 days, but wanted desperately for us to meet for our first of many planned dates when he got back. He was going to give me a photo tour of his homeland while there, stay in touch, etc.
For the first half of the trip, he did keep in touch, we were still sending long messages to one another, there was one day we didn't talk because he was visiting family but the next day he was back telling me how much he missed me in that one day of not talking, can't wait for us to be together when he gets back, etc. He sent me photos of himself with little scribbled love notes with my name/hearts etc. We were acting like teenagers, and I couldn't get enough, I've truly never felt this way about anyone before. He said the weather was supposed to be better the next day and he was going to give me the photo tour all day.
Then nothing. The rest of his trip I heard nothing, but I left him alone, I assumed things got hectic. But then the day he was supposed to return to the states... nothing. Weeks of nothing. We didn't exchange numbers (stupidly that was my choice, we were both fine to carry on in the app til it came time to meet up). And to make things worse we never exchanged last names. Neither of us do social media, so there was nothing there to exchange. I realize a lot of this might sound like red flags, but none of it seemed sketch to me when it was all the same behavior that I exhibit (no socials, being private, etc).
Anyhow, his account is still on the dating app but he hasn't been on at all since the last time we spoke. I've been ghosted plenty in the past, I know we all want to tell ourselves there's a valid reason, maybe he got hurt, etc. But given everything we talked about (including how awful ghosting is and how we can be mature enough to have a hard conversation/closure if needed), given how excited we both were, I truly feel like he could have been in a bad accident or possibly died. Men don't stay away from their horny place too long, and he hasn't been on that app at all (it's an uncommon kink community, but not explicitly so), so it's not like I'm being singled out. If the end goal was just sex, it was a pretty long game but didn't even culminate in that.
In any event, died, ghosted, whatever, there's no way for me to know and nothing I can do about it. In the past I've moved on from ghosts immediately but this one is hitting so hard, I've truly never found anyone so perfect, and I think not getting to actually explore it is making the feelings worse. I've just spent weeks in bed, my work is suffering, I feel so hopeless, like even if I keep trying no one is ever go to compare to this person. How do you keep doing it?
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2023.03.20 20:38 HitmanHimself Why kratos never dies.
So there is a thing goes in the community that Kratos is cursed to never die
Or kratos is cursed to never suicide.
I don't think its as simple as that.
Lets make some things clear first. 1. What is a curse really?
Either its a utterance/action
by an alive entity (mortal, titan/gods) for something to happen or not happen Or it just happens to be destiny.
Example of the former: a. Prometheus cursed by Zeus to be eaten and healed back every day, which would be some sort of magic? b. Kratos' ashes cursed by the oracle, another magic or some sort? Later: Destiny is not allowing kratos an eternal rest. 2. What happens when someone dies?
In real life if someone dies, they never return but In GoW World If its greek world they just go to the underworld if they have a mortal DNA that is like Kratos, Calliope, Alrik (barbarian king) etc.. im not sure what happens with gods/titans do they have a soul? Or when they die they basically disappear forever. No god has ever returned besides Athena (which is a special case higher existence shenanigans which hasn't been explored a lot). Alrik has returned from the underworld and well Kratos has returned multiple times. So if someone has a mortal DNA death just means they will go to the underworld and live there, and if they can they can come back to earth. Incase of Norse well their souls just goto the light of alfheim, or helheim, they can return in a different body if their souls were captured. Dev confirmation on how death in greek world Works, also the ambiguity that comes when kratos kills himself in GoW3: https://youtu.be/0QEwdTVhTOE?t=2278 Chronologically when kratos has been saved by someone else:
1. When kratos was born hera demanded Zeus to kill him but Zeus denied it. (The whole hera's jealously with bastard children of zeus) 2. Ares was about to kill kratos but Athena saves him. 3. Barbarin King was about to kill Kratos but Ares saves him. 4. Ares kills kratos and sends him to the underworld who gets pulled back by Zeus. 5. Kratos tried to kill himself Athena saves him. 6. Zeus kills kratos, before kratos reaches underworld Gaia pulls him back. 7. Thor saves him from death. (if you interpret as it is) Keep in mind all of these times if he wasn't saved, he would have ended up in underworld not like he would get a eternal rest. So getting to the main topic
, why he doesn't die (by death i mean getting a eternal rest)? Well obviously he is the money maker for Santa Monica they are not killing the character. For lore purpose if we goto the first definition of a 'Curse', did someone curse him? Like: 1. Persephone ("Your suffering will never end") 2. Gods/Athena ("You will not die this day kratos, the gods cannot allow someone who has performed such service to perish by his own hand") 3. Gaia's immortality curse of kin slaugher (it comes from the novel, which is not explained properly), by this curse Zeus shouldn't have died either. First of all are these really curses? and these are not allowing him an eternal rest? the interesting thing is kratos has been saved multiple times already before these things happened So was he really cursed by that first definition? Which brings me to think that kratos is doomed, destiny doesn't allow him an eternal rest either in the underworld or alfheim or some shit. Whenever he seeks the rest someone intervenes which is the curse (2nd explanation). In GoW3 Athena says "death cannot hold those who purpose kratos" his purpose was to kill zeus. In the fallen god comics again the gods are saying to kratos "Embrace your destiny". In ragnarok aswell he was supposed to die but the prophecy was changed, saved by thor aswell.
All the deaths and how kratos is saved and comes back from underworld has been explained besides GoW3's suicide, at that point kratos had no purpose to live, did someone save him? we don't know. The way death works he was supposed to goto the underworld but hades has been killed already, the system of underworld has been destroyed, all the souls escaped from him and went wandering around. In GoW2 when kratos was killed the arms of hades were there to take him to the underworld which will not be present when he killed himself in GoW3. So i think that's how he survived, the the system of the underworld is basically broken he has no where to go. And its always some conditions or destiny/prophecy that doesn't allow him an eternal rest in the underworld. Who is actually deciding his destiny?
(Not allowing him the eternal rest) we don't know
(It's the devs obviously)
either there is some other entity which is doing that or kratos is forever doomed, man is just unlucky, someone always saves him for whatever reasons or no reason.
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2023.03.20 20:37 Edgehead4Life What if Shawn Michaels went to TNA After Losing Streak vs Career match against the Undertaker Part 1: Rebirth
What if Shawn Michaels went to TNA After the Undertaker Streak vs Career Match
Story Theme: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself as the villain.
Author’s Note: Daniel Bryan signs with TNA and doesn’t head to WWE till late 2012 to early 2013. Considering 2010 was the beginning of the end for TNA, I realistically can’t see Shawn not retiring. If the product was really good, I think HBK would’ve went in. In this universe, Paul Heyman is in charge of creative in TNA. He wants a youth-oriented promotion in TNA and to push the younger talent. The only wrestlers he wants as World Champion over 40 to make the younger talent into Bonafede stars are Kurt Angle and Shawn Michaels himself. Also, Hogan, Bischoff and their friends will still be there due to Dixie Carter’s involvement but will have limited roles and won’t have the control they did irl. Also, since Heyman’s in charge, expect top names who are affiliated with him who are still young to pop throughout the story.
At WrestleMania 26, Shawn Michaels lost his final WWE Match against the Undertaker in a No Holds Barred Streak vs Career which was on par with it’s previous classic at Mania 25. HBK has a heartfelt goodbye speech at the next night on Raw. HBK has left the building. Shawn was no longer contracted to WWE but was involved in the next SVR game and the WWE offered him legends deal and a Hall of Fame Induction in the next year. For a few months Shawn stuck with his retirement promise as he thought nothing would top his last match and even signed the legends deal before faxing it in. But the Ric Flair syndrome hit him, and he started having the wrestling itch again. He figured he had more years left in him. He knew he couldn’t go back to WWE as him immediately returning there would ruin the purpose of his program with Taker. He then heard rumblings about TNA. He watched the show and was impressed with the talent. He knew that with TNA growing, he could help with the younger talent and put them over. Long were the days of politicking. He contacted his Kliq buddy Kevin Nash to help negotiate a deal with TNA. Nash personally wasn’t happy in his run with his heat with Heyman due to the older guys getting pushed aside for the Vanilla Midgets but would do anything for one of his best friends so he agreed. Shawn then entered secret negotiations with Dixie Carter and Paul Heyman. Heyman tasked HBK to be one of the only full time guys over 40 with the likes of Kurt Angle even though Shawn could take hiatus whatever he wanted to spend time with his family. Dixie, promised to pay him the most amount of money in the roster, can fulfill outside endeavors, and had a say over his storylines and promos but not match outcomes. It was then a done deal and Shawn signed the deal to TNA. Shawn wanted it to be top secret to the point that no one knew he was joining in and even told WWE that he was going to sign with them to avoid speculation. HBK signed a four-year iron clad contract. When HBK asked Heyman about Nash’s issues, Heyman said he wanted to chop the heads off them 40-year-olds but HBK and Angle weren’t one of them.
Part 1: Rebirth:
HBK's New Theme Since the Sexy Boy Theme is WWE Property: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7Nioh8wq3w
Note. Note: Shawn’s character will initially be a babyface, but he will do heel like actions. In HBK’s mind he is the hero. This will get worse in time.
At TNA Slammiversary 2010, TNA World Champion AJ Styles defended his title against “The Icon” Sting. They had a great match with the Champion keeping up with the Icon’s experience in the ring. AJ ended up winning the match much to the dismay of Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff. As Sting stood up to a standing ovation, the lights went out and who stood behind him was a man in dark clothing wearing a mouth covering and a cowboy hat. Sting turned around and was hit with a Superkick. The man turned around, removed his mask and took his hat off Undertaker style. Out came the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels with a smirk. The crowd goes nuclear crazy. Bischoff comes to the ring and eats a Sweet Chin Music. Shawn then escapes through the crowd as Hulk Hogan and security chase him. The next week on Thursday Night Impact, Shawn Michaels comes to a huge pop in San Antonio, Texas with a new theme of Rebirthing by Skillet. Shawn noticeably had a clean shaven face resembling his younger days with his long now receding hair in a top knot. He high fived fans. Shawn cut a promo on how after his lost his match he was fully committed to his retirement promise, but as he saw there was no more new stars who could surpass him. He figured that new generation were screwed due to old timers like Hulk Hogan coming and going and taking spots from the future. The only reason he came out of retirement was because he wanted to save the future of wrestling and have the younger talent be better than what he was, a backstabbing backstage politician. Long where the days of burying young talent. Shawn then said he didn’t go back to WWE due to respect to Undertaker who he trusted would preserve the future there. He wanted to cleanse the wrestling world of old part timers. He wanted this so the wrestling business wouldn’t go extinct in 20-30 years, be surpassed by other forms of sports and entertainment, and go under like WCW and ECW did. He promised that he wouldn’t challenge for any titles in TNA as his championship days were up. After his Mania match, he then declared himself to be the Career Killer and promised to end the career of any old timer who stood in the future’s way. He didn’t care if it was his best friend or anything. He will save wrestling.
Later in the night, Bryan Danielson defeated Jeff Jarrett in the main event. Jarrett and his crew then attacked Bryan, but outcome HBK for the save and he took down Jarrett’s crew causing them to flee the ring. In a similar image to Darby and Sting in AEW, Shawn helped Bryan up and stared him down. He then hugged his protégé and promised to be the mentor he should’ve been back in 99. He then walked down the ramp with him. The next week, he had a confrontation with Sting over the last PPV, Shawn said it was nothing personal but wanted to let Sting know that his time in the main event was up and was willing to spare him his career if he stepped aside from the title scene. Sting hesitated but refused telling HBK that he’ll decide in his own merit if his time was up. Sting and Shawn started brawling and out came Bryan to help HBK fend Sting. HBK and Bryan then performed a running knee/superkick combo on Sting. In a backstage interview, HBK with Bryan in his side declaring he was starting the Heartbreakers Foundation
(a spoof name to the Hart Foundation). He then decided to have try outs for the group. Over the course of following weeks try out matches were made to see who would fit best in the group. Bryan Danielson won his tryout match against Okada, while other protégé of HBK “The” Brian Kendrick won his tryout match against Gunner, D Angelo Dinero won his tryout match against Orlando Jordan, The Motor City Machine defeated Generation Me for the tryouts. Shawn seemed impressed with Generation Me and kept an eye out for them by making them honorary members to be the future of wrestling in 15 years. The last tryout match was between Shawn’s Kliq buddies Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Sean Waltman. The three men wanted in HBK’s group as they bonded well in the Kliq in the 90s. Shawn was willing to comply with their requests until they reminisced on their good old days and how they would bury the talent. Shawn then lost his cool and told them that those days were over. The four men then argued until Shawn said that only one of them would join the group if that person won the triple threat qualification match. Kevin Nash ended up winning the match. Shawn and his newfound proteges in the Heartbreakers Foundation beat Waltman and Hall down. Nash then realized Shawn was serious about his claims. HBK then forced Nash to Jackknife Hall and Waltman. Nash with tears in his eyes because he would hurt his best friends bad did so. HBK patted him on the back and said it’s for the best.
Heartbreakers Foundation Members:
The group will be a mix of the Hart Foundation and D-Generation X
- God Leader: Shawn Michaels: The Grizzled Veteran leader of the group who wants to preserve the future of pro wrestling
- Big Sexy Co Leader: Kevin Nash: The Muscle of The Group. He is a reliable tool to the younger members, but is still coming to terms that his glory days are done.
- The Violent One: Bryan Danielson (2009 look). Bryan Danielson is the violent submission specialist on an undefeated streak who Shawn’s is grooming to be the next big thing. Bryan does show a goofy side of him like in Team Hell No sometimes, but he just wants to kick some fning heads in.
- Kurt Cobain: The Brian Kendrick: He is the most funniest and chill back member of the group who was fired by WWE in 2009. He loves Nirvana and Weed.
- The Best Tag Team in The World: The Motor City Machine Guns: One of the best tag teams in TNA today. They will be the cornerstones of the tag division.
- Pope: D Angelo Dinero: He is a pope like figure in the group, who HBK personally loves due to his Christian Faith. HBK and Dinero have a similar ego problem but seems to like each other the most.
- Young Guns: Generation Me: They are the rookies of the group who Shawn wants to build up. At least when they eventually join the Bullet Club as the Young Bucks, they can say Shawn Michaels himself endorsed them.
HBK then informed Bryan, Dinero, TMCMG, Kendrick, and even Generation Me that they could challenge for any titles they wanted and that he and Nash wouldn’t challenge for any titles. Nash who is the TNA Legends Champion looked bewildered. HBK then told Nash to hand him his title. The HBF then went to a campfire and he burned the Legends Title. HBK then grabbed a title from his bag and christened it the TNA Intercontinental Championship. The IC was something Shawn fought for in classic battles in the 90s and now wanted his proteges to continues the titles legacy. Heyman then booked a six man ladder match including the HBF members for the title. Sting then called out HBK in a promo claiming that his rebirth from his past self was a lie and Shawn was still the same person he was in the 90s. He then said Shawn wasn’t there for the business, he was there for himself. Shawn then came down and refuted his claims and that he would prove it. He then called out Sting for still wanting to be World Champion in TNA and not being a man of his word. Shawn then said they never were in the same company in the same time but they had similar demons and that he should know better. Despite all this Shawn still respects Sting. Sting then challenges Shawn to a match at Victory Road 2010. Shawn agrees on one condition, if Shawn loses, he drops his vendetta, but if Sting loses he can never challenge for any title in TNA. Shawn and Sting then have a brawl which the locker room must separate. At Victory Road 2010, Shawn had a huge entrance in his WM 26 attire but with a cowboy hat and a V for Venetta like mask. This is Shawn’s first match in months. HBK and Sting have a classic match for their age group. HBK then shockingly wins clean with a Sweet Chin Music. HBK wins the match and shakes hands with Sting who accepts it. He has earned Sting’s respect, but Sting is devasted that he can’t challenge for titles anymore.
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2023.03.20 20:37 HeavyDonkeyKong The "Hawk Formula": Teen Villains, Cycle of Trauma, and Rough Redemption
When Johnny lost to Daniel at the first tournament, Kreese turned on him and potentially almost killed him. This traumatic experience happened to Johnny after he congratulated Daniel on the match, signaling a potential change of heart in the moment prior to the event. Fast-forward to now, and Johnny is revealed to have been a tragic villain all along, with a difficult past that led to him ending up under Kreese's wing, becoming a bully.
The Bully archetype is an inevitable staple in this franchise, and Cobra Kai has continued the trend with Hawk and Tory, two tragic villains whose experiences in life and lack of a helpful adult figure led them to embracing the philosophy of the titular dojo, and, on a more personally important level, turning to Kreese as their "helpful adult figure". There are other bullies in the show, but there is little denying that these two are the main ones, far worse than Johnny ever was. Unlike the trilogy bullies, however, who we don't see again until they are now full grown adults (having changed a great deal off screen), the writers went further with this by giving them redemption arcs, and Kenny assumed the rank of "main bully" in their stead during Season 5.
Hawk came before Tory, however, and although they are far from the same character, have very different personalities, and have developed differently, Tory's own arc, as of the time of this writing, parallels Hawk in a neat, formulaic way. And so far, Kenny's has as well. Maybe this is a coincidence, but intentional or not, I think the utilization of the "Hawk Blueprint" is strong storytelling that compliment's the show's messages.
Let's review Hawk's story for a moment: The source of his sad backstory is the scar on his lip. It's where his insecurity comes from, and he was a bullied nerd when he was first introduced. Inspired by Miguel to join Cobra Kai, and by Johnny to "flip the script", he rebranded himself with a mohawk; a cool physical trait to distract from his lip and give him confidence. This went to his head, however. He ended up becoming cocky and unpleasant, and due to the Cobra Kai Creed being the source of his newfound sense of self, he turned to Kreese pretty easily, and became a violent, vindictive, nasty bully. He had a wake up call, though, and eventually switched sides. His attitude did not fully change right away, however; he simply redirected it to thlse he viewed deserved it. He antagonized Kenny (albeit not nearly as bad as his villain days) because of this, which was one of the reasons Cobra Kai shaved his mohawk. It was his most traumatic moment, but he bounced back and became his best self because of it.
The key to this essay is that Hawk's most traumatic moment, his ultimate commeupance, happens AFTER he becomes a good guy. Not before. This is the most important detail.
This brings us to Tory, the show's other messy, teenaged, piece of work. Like Hawk, Tory is also a tragic villain but for different reasons. Her mother's sickness, being forced to be the breadwinner as a teen, and having no other adults who care about her led to her become resentful and unpleasant. Unlike Hawk, we never meet the "old" Tory; she's introduced when she's already become a bully. She's also introduced AFTER Kreese enters the picture, and by her own admission, her shitty life has caused Kreese's philosophy to resonate with her; encouraging her not to show the kindness she was denied, and, instead of feeling sorry for her actions, take it all out by channeling that frustration into her fists. She, like Hawk, goes from bully to horrible under Kreese's wing. Her wake up call is more of a slow burn, the moment she truly shifted was the end of Season 4. Despite this, she's still flawed: The non villainous Tory trusts Kreese just as much as the bad Tory did, likely due in part to Kreese supporting her at the tournament, as opposed to Terry trying to egg her into behaving in a way that she no longer wanted to. Because of this, she listens to instructions that she should not have listened to: Being a secret double agent for her true mentor at Silver's expense, instead of informing Daniel of Silver's bribery. Due to a karmic chain of events, it doesn't go her way, and she's left high and dry. Then, the moment she defies Silver openly (now with nobody on her side), he forces her to break her hand.
Tory starts out with a tragic backstory that leads to her becoming a bad person. She meets Kreese and becomes a far worse person. She has a change of heart, but remains very flawed. She is punished for her persisting flaws, and it's the worst thing we see happen to her thus far.
Does this sound familiar? Of course it does; it's very similar to how Hawk's character arc was structured. Two very different characters who share an archetype, with character development that, while telling a different story, shares a structure.
So why does this work, and why does it strengthen the messages of the show? As I said before; the crude irony of the situation is that Hawk's worst punishment happens post heel-face turn, and the same can be said for Tory. This, in my opinion, adds a lot of nuance to the two characters. The writers have always wanted you to feel bad for them both, while simultaneously hating them for what they are doing. The backstories are not an excuse, they are an explanation. The show still encourages you to root against them during their villain days. When Hawk steals Miyagi's metal, it's easy to forget who Eli was in the start of Season 1. When Tory terrorizes Sam under own roof, you probably weren't thinking about her sick mom or pedophiliac landlord. What would happen if the "shaving the mohawk" or "punching the stone" sequences happened at the height ofntheir bully phase? It'd still suck, but it would probably feel cathartic. The show denies us that satisfaction, but it does not deny the two bullies their punishment.
Hawk and Tory are part of a cycle. Troubled and traumatized, they turn dark, inflict unearned trauma on undeserving targets Demetri and Sam, only to have something horrible happen to them after they begin changing. In a show about the influences of adults over kids, and clashing ideologies, it's made clear that these two, much like Season 1 Robby, may have gotten better with the right teacher. Instead they get worse, and the show tells us it's because they have the wrong teacher; a man who worsens their flaws instead of trying to fix them. They need to learn the hard way, but as minors who have suffered in the past, the show wants us to feel for them when they are inevitably punished. This is why their worst punishments happen AFTER they begin changing, and why they happen in the way that they do. Demetri did not shave Hawk's hair; an assortment of Cobra Kai kids did. Sam didn't break Tory's hand; instead it was two evil senseis, one of whom coincidentally traumatized Sam's FATHER, for extra irony. They are being punished for their flaws and last actions that led to this point, but the story doesn't forget what led to them committing those actions in the first place. Hawk wouldn't have gotten his mohawk shaved if he had treated Kenny with less attitude, and never fell in with Kreese from the start, but his attitude is also coping mechanism for his own bullying and insecurities. Silver wouldn't have broken Tory's hand if she wasn't blindly faithful to Kreese, and had just gone to Daniel instead (which would have potentially fixed some of Daniel's problems as well) but her blind faith comes from a life of having no one to trust but herself, and Kreese coming into her life when she has no one else (Amanda was a positive influence on her, but their relationship was nowhere near as personal as a true mentor figure). Chronologically, their stories start with sympathy, and end with karma that brings everything full circle.
It's also worth noting that Demetri and Sam play vaguely similar roles in both these arcs. Demetri was the one who convinced Eli to go to Miyagi-Do after the shaving. Sam was the one who reached out to Tory after the stone punching. Two former bullies who hit rock bottom, and of all people, it's the VICTIMS who pay them a visit. It's for different reasons (Eli and Demetri were friends again by this point), but it is still a parallel, and it fits the show perfectly.
And this is where the show's themes are strengthened. In the end, you WANT Hawk to overcome the trauma of his hair, his coping mechanism, being shaved. Get his confidence back, no longer need that coping mechanism, addressing the root issue, and being stronfer than ever. Hawk is a tragic villain who learned his lesson in very hard ways, and bounced back as a hero. He is a villain who became a villain because he had the wrong teacher, and was punished for it, but with the help of the right teacher (and Demetri as well), he became his best self and was rewarded for it. That's a great story, and it works especially perfect for a show like this.
So what about Tory? This is where the discussion becomes hypothetical: Her story hasn't ended, but if she continues to follow Hawk's formula, she will likely have PTSD from Silver and Kim's physical and psychological abuse, which she will need to overcome, hopefully leading to a triumphant conclusion. This would be perfect for her: Her victim, Sam, also had to overcome PTSD, inflicted by Tory herself. This is full circle karma, giving Tory a commeupance, yet also a storyline that makes her sympathetic. And to keep with the show's themes, Tory needs the right teacher, and what better person to help with Silver induced trauma than Daniel, who just overcame his own? Alternatively, Johnny knows all about blind faith in Kreese that bites you in the ass. Chozen knows what it's like to be vindictively violent when you felt as though you had nothing else. Either of the three works.
The elephant in the room is Kenny. He is also, like Hawk and Tory, a sympathetic character who became a bully. Instead of Kreese, his main mentor was Silver. Anthony was Kenny's Demetri/Sam. His wake up call happenned at the end of Season 5. We have no idea what will happen, but if he follow's in Hawk and Tory's footsteps, is something awful going to happen to him next Season? Will Anthony be the one to reach out to him in his rock bottom moment? Will Robby the right teacher that he needs? Robby, like Johnny, went through growing pains as a mentor figure and is trying to make up for them.
Maybe Kenny WON'T follow Hawk's story structure. Maybe Tory will stop following that structure, but if they continue down this road, the story already has a perfect set up for an appropriate finish.
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2023.03.20 20:37 Bellaprincipessa1974 There is hope!
Hello friends! I pray I am posting properly as I have commented and talked to different folks through DM, but never posted my own post! So please bare with me!
I have been quieter than usual due to contracting covid and hospitalization for TOO LONG and am just enjoying my life being covid free. I always have my fellow warriors in my prayers and I always want to offer hope if I can. I know you can probably piece my whole story from my history but I just have read so many heartbreaking posts since being back that I have to share the hope that is total healing.
First I pray you are all doing as good as can be expected in benzo hell and second, I understand everything you are suffering through and know it's real and it's hell on earth.
I won't do my long winded version but I just want to tell you no matter how long you have been on or been tapering or have been in withdrawals, you will heal and have YOUR perfect and beautiful life!
I was put unnecessarily on a benzo at age 38 and had no family Dr so was having to go monthly to our local ER for any heath issue. Even for my birth control. I was having tolerance wds that I didn't even realize and was getting sicker and rebound panic. I had no clue and the drs just added more and they said 75mg of valium(plus other meds for all that happened to my strong and healthy body and mind)was safe and I would never be sick from that! [email protected]
!!$#!T!!! If I wanted to get my life back and ever ride my horses again as they so smugly insulated as they knew of my Rodeo career or I do it alone, I had to follow their b.s.(yes I researched but it was too late and I was already in tolerance wds and I still am angry with myself over my stupidity). I also was embarrassed to talk to anyone about all of it outside my family and those sh#t drs. Which was soooo wrong on my part as well I know now.
Finally by the grace of God, a benzo/psych med wise dr arrived in our town when I was 41 and there started my "true" understanding of benzo/med hell and my road to tapering all of it and healing. I won't dwell on the 4 years it took that I was in withdrawals and bedridden and literally throwing up daily and in hospital SO much with a dozen other health issues from the benzo and psych and other meds, that were totally not needed. Well til I ended up in ER and on a benzo! I have never been depressed or anxious or had a history of, but one panic attack in the ER and not one dr led me to believe otherwise. Til my now dr came to our tiny town!
The entire 4 years of taper and wds, even while having a great support in my husband and children, and a great dr, I still truly believed I was going to die because I was so sick. But I did not die as we all know and I know now my mind was tricking me to believe I was dying with all the health problems I had.
I finally was totally healed and off every med in the blister pack at age 45! June 21, 2019 to be exact! I was back to ME! Zero sickness or side effects or any of that! I was back to helping run our ranch beside my husband and sons, back to running our home, riding my horses daily, being the active mom and gramma I was prior to benzo hell! I couldn't even drive my truck those years! But that day I did and haven't stopped! All the HBP and G.I and heart problems and meds to control all those problems caused by benzo hell were and have been gone since June 2019!
It will be 4 years soon and I just want to tell all of my dear warriors that are in the midst of this hell that you WILL heal and that your blessedly healed and beautiful life is there waiting for you to come back...no matter how long it takes! I promise! It is not a race! YOUR physical and mental health are all that matters not how long it takes. That said, I absolutely understand it sucks and is so disheartening when it takes so long.
Please know I am not downplaying this at all by not sharing every awful detail or everythjng I went through. I know for us going through that, it was the equivalent of being dead(I assume)while watching my life go on around me while feeling every pain and sick sensation possible so I KNOW it's not as simple as I just squeezed it into. But it will end and we do heal! You are all so strong and I am so proud of you all.
And finally, please forgive me as this post still got way too long but I had to get in the bare minimum which was still not enough but way too much at the same time as I see rereading it! I just want to give some hope because there is hope and there is a beautiful life after benzo/med hell!
Sending all my love and prayers to you all! You are doing this and be proud of yourselves because this not for the faint at heart! But you are doing it! You got this dear friends, even on the worst of days!
submitted by Bellaprincipessa1974
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2023.03.20 20:36 Soren7549 As I've promised, my essay on "How to beat P-1"
ULTRAKILL is a fast-paced ultraviolent old school first-person shooter developed by Arsi "Hakita" Patala and published by New Blood Interactive. You play as V1, a combat machine fueled by blood who has ventured into the depths of Hell after the extinction of humanity. Hell abounds with demons and tormented souls, sources of blood that you must rend apart in order to refuel yourself and survive. ULTRAKILL's gameplay combines features from classic shooters like Quake, modern shooters like Doom (2016) and character action games like Devil May Cry. The game places emphasis on movement, dodging attacks, and efficient gunplay in its arena-style levels. Upon completing a level, the game measures how quickly the player finish the level, whether he killed enough enemies and how much style did player accumulate. Style is gained by regularly switching between weapons and combining their features to maximize the damage output. These stats are measured via letters, with D being the worst and S being the best, however, if the player has managed to get S on time, kills and style without dying once he receives a P-rank, which is theorized to stand for "Perfect" and nothing else. In addition, the player's health can only be restored by showering in the blood of enemies, requiring the player to adopt an aggressive playstyle that regularly places them in close combat with their opponents.
The game is divided into three Acts, as well as a Prelude, which is considered to be a part of Act 1. As of now, only 2 Acts are completed, with Act 2 being finished just a few months ago. At the end of each Act is a door that can only be opened if the player got a P-rank on every level of the respective Act and upon entering player will have a secret level to beat, a Prime Sanctum. In this essay I will be describing how to complete the first of these Prime Sanctums — P-1.
But first let's look what V1 has at... his? It's? Their? disposal in Act 1:
In terms of movement, V1 can dash and slide: dash makes the player quickly travel to the direction he's moving in, additionally rendering him invincible for 0,2 seconds. V1 holds a maximum of 3 dashes and one dash recovers in 2 seconds. Dashing interrupts any momentum the player previously had. Holding the slide button shortens V1's hitbox and makes him continuously travel with a speed twice as higher than V1's walking speed in the direction he last moved in until the player releases the slide button or the slide is interrupted by other means. While holding the slide button the player can't change the direction of the slide and the dash stamina doesn't recover. And while in the air, the player can press the sliding button to quickly travel to the ground and perform a ground slam, which will deal some damage to the enemy that was right under V1's feet and will knock up all the light-weighted enemies into the air, thus paralyzing them for a short time in which the player can deal damage to them. But that's not all — to quickly gain momentum player can press dash and then immediately press space to perform a dashjump which will launch the player far in the direction of his movement, but it will also consume 2 stamina bars so it's best to use that wisely. And jumping immediately after sliding resluts in a slidejump. Though doesn't pack such momentum as dashjump, but it can be done continuously without consuming any stamina, so increase it's speed the player can first dashjump and then continue slidejumling.
As for the weapons, there are a lot of them: Every weapon slot has multiple weapon variants to switch between with only the 4th weapon slot having 3 variants to choose from and the rest having only 2, blue and green, so far. Weapon variants, which reside in their respective weapon slots can be switched between by a press of a button that switches them and weapon slots can be easily switched by scrolling a mouse wheel or pressing buttons that these weapons are assigned to. Additionally, the player can switch between 2 fists at V1's disposal: The blue "feedbacker" which itself deals low damage but can parry enemy projectiles and attacks have a yellow flash before being done and the red "knuckleblaster" which, though cannot parry, deals heavy damage on hit and, if the player holds the punch button, it deals light damage in a large area with a shockwave, which can deflect all projectiles within it's range. Parrying an enemy projectile restores all of V1's health and dash stamina, but simply deflecting them with the knuckleblaster doesn't.
Now onto the weapons. The first weapon slot is reserved for revolvers. The revolvers can shoot once every 0,5 seconds and deal little damage on their own and start to differ when you look what the can do with either clicking or holding and releasing the right mouse button. Upon holding and releasing the right mouse button, the blue "piercer" shoots a beam which can pierce three enemies and deals slightly more damage and upon clicking the right mouse button while holding the green "marksman" V1 throws a coin into the air, where it can be shot and which will make any hitscan weapon's fire, be it a bullet or a beam, ricochet into the targets weak point, dealing more damage. Additionally, for a brief moment after being thrown the coin flashes and if the player is to shoot the coin at that exact moment with a standard marksman the shot will split in two and hit 2 targets. These splitshots quite useful when you need to hit 2 targets at once. The piercer can shoot a charged shot every 3 seconds, and the marksman produces 1 coin in 4 seconds and can hold a maximum of 4 coins at max. Near the end of Limbo, Hell's first layer, player can unlock alternate revolvers — they can shoot once every 2 seconds but deal twice the damage. While alternate marksman's coins are the same as the regular one's, the alt. fire for the alternate piercer, also known as the slab revolver, shoots a piercing shot with even greater damage and a cool-down twice as long. Note that weapon variants and alternate variants are two different things: you can switch between weapon variants on the fly whenever you want to with a click of a button, while alternate weapons can only be equipped manually with a terminal at the beginning of each level. It is heavily advised to equip the regular marksman amd the slab revolver: regular marksman allow the player to rapidly shoot coins and the slab revolver deals more damage than it's regular counterpart and also allows the player to shoot a regular or a charged shot once and then focus on other weapons while it recharges. Throwing all 4 coins into the air and them shooting them with a charged slab shot before they fall to the ground can deal massive damage to the enemy unlucky enough to be it's target. The second weapon slot is reserved for the blue and green shotguns. Shotguns' left-click produces many pellets with pitiful damage when shot at long range and high damage when shot within close proximity to the enemy. The blue "core eject" reloads in 1,25 seconds and it's alt. fire makes the shotgun eject it's explosive core, dealing substantial damage, however makes the shotgun reload for 2,3 seconds. The core will fly further, depending on how long the player held the right mouse button and shooting the core while it's in the air will detonate it and the explosion will deal more damage depending on what hitscan weapon the player hit the core with. The green "pump charge" shotgun, though deals slightly less damage, has a reload lasting less than a second and it's alt. fire pumps the shotgun, thus loading more pellets in it, which in turn will deal more damage on the next shot. Pumping the shotgun once doubles it's original damage, pumping it twice, triples it and pumping it thrice overloads it and upon next shot it will result in an explosion around the player, dealing quintupled damage. The damage from the explosion can be avoided by immediately dashing away after shooting the overpumped shotgun. There are 2 very interesting techniques with shotguns that can be combined together: quick swapping and projectile boosting: quickly swapping between the blue and green variants right after shooting, ignores the need for shotguns to reload and thus maximizes their damage output and, because of how the shotgun pellets work, making a punch with the blue "feedbacker" arm immediately after making shot boosts the pellet in the center and upon reaching either an enemy or a surface the pellets will explode. Thus shooting, immediately punching the pellets exiting out of the shotgun and switching to a different variant to repeat the process allows the player to rapidly shoot explosions. Though only 3 in a row — the feedbacker can make only 3 consecutive punches before it has a cool-down. Next are nailguns, again, blue and green. The blue "attractor" nailgun is the only weapon in the game that has limited ammo - only 100 nails, even though they're being restored over time. It has 3 magnets at its disposal, which can be deployed onto a surface or onto an enemy to attract and hold a certain amount of nails for a limited time before the magnet explodes and returns to the nailgun. The green "overheat" nailgun has 2 heatsink charges, each refills 8 seconds after being used, and a meter, which can be charged by shooting for some time and pessing alt fire when the overheat meter has charge will spit out fiery nails in a rapid-fire burst, using up one of the nailgun's charges. The player can make a temporary "nail bomb" by putting down all 3 magnets and shooting all of his nails and heatsink charges onto them, so that the enemy will receive massive amounts of damage when he'll walk over the trap. But be careful: the more nails there are on the magnet, the sooner it will expire. And the last weapon the player unlocks in Act 1 is the railgun, blue, green, but this time also red! The blue "electric" railgun shoots a powerful, infinitely piercing energy beam which deals massive damage, but the recharge takes whole 16 seconds, so just like with the slab revolver the player is encouraged to shoot it once and focus on other weapons before it recharges, though the railgun deals more damage, shoots not upon holding and releasing, but simply clicking and takes forever to recharge. Since the railgun's beam is hit-scan, shooting it at a coin reflects the beam and if the coin is behind the target, the beam travels back into the target to damage it again — that's a railcoin. Moreover, since the coin inherits the player's velocity and moves in the same direction the player does, by throwing a coin when walking into the enemy, then throwing another one while walking away and then shooting the first coin with a railgun the beam can piece the enemy 3 times, dealing insane amounts of damage. The green "screwdriver" railgun shoots a drill that, upon hitting an enemy, continually deals damage for 7,5 seconds and drop huge amounts of blood and thus healing the player if he is with close proximity to the enemy at whom the drill has been shot at. This is a weapon especially useful to those who struggle to stay alive in certain situations, for example bossfights one might find rather difficult. The red "malicious" railgun immitates an attack of The Malicious Face, one of ULTRAKILL's enemies — a beam that produces an explosion upon reaching a surface. The explosion's radius and damage can be increased exponentially by shooting the the core ejected from the blue shotgun while it's in the air — this will result in the biggest explosion possible in the game called "nuke". Nuking can be very useful to near instantaneously deal damage to a large area and this aspect can be essential to clearing P-1.
Speaking of, let's finally discuss what the first Prime Sanctum has in store for the player! As soon as the player steps out of the elevator shaft, he is greeted by a torch standing on a pedestal and a long spinal staircase descending into the pitch-black darkness. V1 picks up the torch and begins to descent. An eery music starts coming out of nowhere and slowly distorts as V1 marches further down into unknown, until finally a mouth-like hatch opens and there's no other way to go than inside it. Reaching it's bottom and walking a little further there's a door and another pedestal before it. Offering the torch to the pedestal opens the door and in the arena inside lies a horrifying attrocious spinning octahedron suspended in the air by two tendrils on the ground and ceiling with eyes and a mouth on it's sides. Flesh Prison has 3 attacks, each is signaled with a colorful flash of light. When it flashes cyan it starts spinning and producing several rounds of homing projectiles around itself which can either be parried back back to it, dealing quite a chunk of damage, or avioded entirely by either moving really fast around Flesh Prison by dashjumping and slidejumping or simply getting really close to it because the projectiles won't fly into the hellish octahedron so as to not damage it, however this option is made harder by the other 2 attacks. When Flesh Prison flashes purple it emits a black hole that will slowly chase V1 around the arena and if it hits him it will leave the player with only 1 health and make him unable to heal at all for some time. This means that as soon as the black hole spawns in, the player can't afford to be too close to Flesh Prison lest they become incredible vounerable. And when the octahedron flashes white it creates a large stationary circle right under the player and after a few seconds a damaging white beam of light will appears in it's place for 3 seconds. Then another circle will appear, but this time the heavenly beam will try to predict where the player will be next and fire there after the same amount of time as the last one. Then a third one does the same.
But all of these tricks up Flesh Prison's metaphorical sleeve pale in comparison to it's most devilish mechanic — healing. A few seconds after appearing before the player Flesh Prison spawns a dozen or so floating eyeballs that periodically shoot tiny beams at the player. After about 30 seconds they stop moving, Flesh Prison starts to receive much less damage and glows green. 5 seconds later it consumes all eyeballs and for each eyeball consumed it heals 10% of it's health. Then it spawns another batch of eyeballs to consume later. Outrageous, isn't it? But that's not all, for each eyeball present on the battlefield, the damage Flesh Prison receives lowers the amount off time till the next heal, so it is in player's interest to get rid of all eyeballs to properly deal damage to the octahedron without the fear of having done all that for naught. The easiest way to do it is perform splitshots with a standard marksman, since all eyes have only 1 health point. A more effective, though harder to pull off is nuking — shooting the blue shotgun's ejected core while it's in the air with the malicious railgun will produce an explosion large enough to kill all eyeballs, though even if a few have somehow evaded the explosion they can easily be taken care of with the aforementioned splitshots. It's a cake walk after that — the player must simply run around Flesh Prison to avoid it's attacks and use any weapons at their disposal to deal damage. If done right and quick, there will be no need to worry about the second batch of eyeballs coming in to heal Flesh Prison.
After it is defeated, it's guts violently explode and the only thing left is a soul. A prime soul. Prime souls are souls so powerful they don't require a husk to manifest a physical form, only immense willpower. Such a soul is formed when a person who is strongly remembered by many and with a mighty will dies. One such person was Minos the Judge of Hell. When God suddenly disappeared, Heaven went in chaos and no power watched over Hell, Minos felt that an eternal punishment was a punishment too harsh for those who simply wanted to love. And so the king began reforming the Lust layer, leading to much prosperity, as Minos lead his subjects to built a new civilization together. But one day the Council brought stability to Heaven with an iron fist and after they saw how Minos went against God's will they deemed it heresy, and so they ordered Gabriel, Heaven's brightest angel to kill the renegade. To no avail the king tried to reason with Father's righteous hand — he had struck him down. Since Minos' will was strong enough to stand up to Heaven's will, the angels feared his soul could become a prime one and so they imprisoned it deep inside king's husk and ordered the it to destroy all he and his people worked so hard on. Suffice to say, from inside his prison Minos vowed to take revenge and V1 just gave him an opportunity to do so. However, before that, it must pay for the crimes machines have committed against humankind.
Minos Prime has 8 attacks and almost each he signals verbally. After a windup animation with an orange glow and a hissing sound, Minos launches a homing serpent-like projectile that the player can parry. Minos can teleport to the player and attempt an Uppercut, sending the player into the air, after which Minos will teleport above the player and perform an Overhead, sending the player right under him, then he will shout "Crush!" and slam the ground with incredible force and send a shockwave throughout the entire arena. If the player doesn't dodge any of these he will most definitely die. Best avoided by sliding away from an aircut or dashing away from any of these. Sometimes if the Uppercut is dodged, and V1 is still close to the ground, Minos may teleport to him and make an Overhead there, followed by the same "Crush!" if not dodged. Other times if the Uppercut is dodged and Minos is airborne, he may shout "Die!" and slam towards the player, creating a shockwave just like he makes with a "Crush!". Best avoided by either jumping into the air when Minos shouts "Die!", then dashing away to avoid Minos' groui slam and then ground slamming when the shockwave is behind or by dashing once to avoid the slam and then quickly dashing back to dash through the shockwave. "Prepare thyself!" is a three-kick combo with the serpent projectile being launched on a third kick. Each hit can send V1 into the air and if one of them connects, Minos interrupts his combo and instead goes for the aforementioned Uppercut combo. Best avoided by either sliding away or simply walking "Thy end is now!" is similar to "Prepare thyself!" with the exception that Minos performs 4 kicks that can send V1 into the air and the last kick is parryable. After the fourth kick Minos is stationary for 2 seconds, which is an excellent time to deal some damage.1,5 seconds after shouting "Judgement!" Minos will teleport to the player and perform an explosive dropkick. After teleport Minos is still airborne, so sometimes he can follow it up with an Overhead or a "Die!". Best avoided by parrying Minos as soon as he teleports in for the dropkick and then immediately dashing away. After Minos reaches 50% health he shouts "WEAK" and changes some of his attack patterns. For example, he can now summon serpent projectiles after leaping into the air to perform a "Die!" or a "Crush!" or an Overhead. Before the fight starts, the king makes a speech where he warns Gabriel that his reckoning dawns, which is an excellent time to set up a nail trap. Additionally, if the player presses the escape button to skip the cutscene, all of his ammo is restored to the point where it would have after the end of the speech, so if the player were to throw all 4 coins into the air after setting up a nail trap, then switching to a slab revolvet and holding the right click, then pressing the escape button and shooting the airborne coins the player still has 4 coins and all heatsink charges.
This should be more or less enough information on how to beat P-1, I must now attend the recently released P-2, where lies the prime soul of the warrior-king Sisyphus.
submitted by Soren7549
to Ultrakill [link] [comments]
2023.03.20 20:35 RawSmackDownL Full scene of Wednesday and Tyler getting together.
What do you think of this text exchange between Tyler and Wednesday?
On Wednesday morning, Tyler woke up to a text sent at 3am from an unknown number.
W: I know what you did last summer.
It didn't take a genius to guess who it was. He saved the new contact in his phone, not even questioning how she got his number.
T: You can't prove anything I know how to cover my tracks. :)
Surprisingly, Wednesday was awake still, or again at 8am, because he immediately received a reply.
W: What does that punctuation signify?
T: It’s a smile, turn it sideways.
W: I thought a benefit of texting was not having to convey facial expressions.
T: Did you get a phone just so you could text me? ;)
W: Don't be ridiculous. I'm using Thing's phone, he needed one in order to stay in touch with Enid.
T: Thing. Your tarantula?
W: Do you know of any other?
T: It sucks not seeing you at the Weathervane.
W: Maybe you'll be unpleasantly surprised. Maybe the Weathervane will be robbed at gunpoint during your shift.
T: Fingers crossed. Doubtful though seeing as we never have more than $40 in the register.
W: Make sure no one takes my booth. I'm going to sleep now.
T: Night, Wednesday. Hope I star in your nightmares.
He sent the message, not really expecting a reply. But a minute later, his phone chimed.
W: You already do.
Wednesday stared at the screen, not quite able to believe the point she had reached. She sat in the most dimly lit study with her laptop. She had sequestered herself there for 18 hours a day since flying home, with the notable exception of the solstice celebration.
Chapter 8 had to be re-written entirely, twice.
Chapter 13 had taken her weeks to finish at the Weathervane.
But now there was just one more left to write. The conclusion. The reveal. The end.
And she had no idea where to begin.
Her mind strayed to the conversation she had with her mother, as they were making the preparations for the celebration of an endless night.
"What type of poison could cause one to feel hot and cold at the same time?" She had asked.
Her mother pursed her lips at the question, thinking. "What do you mean?"
"When you shiver and your palms sweat, in reaction to- to certain visuals, or sounds. What chemical could achieve this?"
"I don't think I've ever heard of such a specific toxin, have you been exposed to something?"
"That is what I am trying to determine, mother. I know of no one else more experienced in this field."
Her mother muttered about various plants, listing symptoms out loud. Occasionally she would ask Wednesday if she had experienced this type of symptom, if she had eaten that type of fruit.
And then, her mother smiled.
"Oh, my cruel and unusual child of woe, your symptoms- it means someone has touched your black heart." Tears sprung in her mother's eyes.
"Mother, do not speak in riddles."
"Apologies, I get carried away when it comes to these things. Who is it that is making you feel this way?"
"I never said it was a person." Morticia arched an eyebrow.
"A barista." Wednesday muttered.
"It's the word for someone who works in a coffee shop."
"Yes, I am aware. Would you like to tell me more about this barista?"
"Very well, little devil. The poison in your veins, the venom that this barista has introduced to your bloodstream is the most all-consuming, deadly substance humanity has ever known."
Oh no, she thought.
"I couldn't be happier for you, Wednesday. I hope we get to meet your barista soon."
She had been plagued with nightmares night after night, but they were not the usual nightmares she enjoyed. Dirty blond curls, soft smiles, and the smell of coffee pervaded her dreams. She had taken to sleeping with the lid of her coffin open, after waking up overheated and feeling much too alive.
Her phone- aka "Thing's" phone- vibrated. Tyler was the only one who had her number. She thought maybe there was something wrong with the piece of technology; it seemed to send jolts of electricity through her heart every time it went off.
T: You are not gonna believe what happened to me the other day. A female from my job asked me on a date. I Obviously, I said no. I think the solstice made him go temporarily insane.
The winter solstice celebration was one of the few gatherings Wednesday did not mind attending. Unlike most parties her family hosted, the winter solstice was subdued. It was a celebration of quiet, of stillness. The long night did not trigger insanity, but rather, lucidity.
W: The effect of the Winter Solstice spirit is to weaken the foundations of the lies we tell ourselves. In the endless night, we may shed our disguises and embrace our inner darkness without fear.
T: That’s…hauntingly beautiful.
T: So, when you said you already dream about me, were you channeling the solstice spirit?
She was reminded of something she read by the psychoanalyst Carl Jung, the rejected student of Freud: "People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."
Wednesday pressed a button on the screen firmly with the pad of her thumb.
"H-hey Wednesday. I didn't expect you to call. Not that I mind, it's good to hear from you."
She had ruled out possession. Neither was this the effect of some poison she was experiencing. It was unlikely she had succumbed to an airborne virus to which everyone around her was immune.
"I'm requesting that you turn down all other invitations for dates until further notice."
"Wednesday, I-" Tyler started to say something but she wasn't finished.
"I realize I have no right to ask this. You said I do not owe you anything, and that applies in reverse as well. But I want you, and I want you to be available to be mine when I am finished with my novel."
Over the phone, she could hear Tyler's sudden inhale.
"I'm already yours," he said, in a voice just above a whisper.
But that wasn't entirely true, Wednesday thought. She had a chapter plus editing left in her novel, and Tyler could have any number of admirers walking into the Weathervane in that time. It was pure luck that he had gone this long without being tempted by someone else. She just needed to keep writing.
"I'm stuck," she admitted, after a long pause.
"On your book? How much do you have left?"
"It's the last chapter, I don't know how to start it."
Tyler hummed. "I'm not sure how I can help. I skipped at least an entire semester of English classes in high school."
Since he wasn't going to be able to help with her writing, Wednesday thought that would be her cue to hang up. She stayed on the line.
"How do you usually start a new chapter?" He asked.
"I start where the last chapter left off, and continue the story. But that's not working. Viper is…"
"No spoilers, especially if this is at the end." He had a good point.
"Viper is…about to do something she hasn't done before. It is not a simple task, and it could go horribly wrong." Hopefully that doesn't give too much away, she thought.
"So, is she excited? Nervous?"
"She's terrified," Wednesday said, and it felt like a confession.
Tyler cleared his throat. "Well, seemed like from the first book, Viper wasn't the kind to scare easily. But you- but Viper probably has been at least kind of afraid, at some point in her life. So how did you- she- how did Viper handle it before?"
"She thinks danger is intriguing, and she finds violence entertaining."
"That doesn't mean she isn't afraid of anything, just means she could be scared of something, uh, not dangerous or violent."
How did Viper act in the face of fear? This is what Wednesday was stuck on. Some of the other characters cowered, or made stupid mistakes when confronted with their nightmares. That could not be Viper, she wouldn't write it.
And then it struck her, the understanding of her main character. She knew how to start the chapter; she saw everything in the final part of the story clearly outlined in her head.
"This was helpful. I'm hanging up now."
She ended the call, not waiting for Tyler to respond. She had a book to finish writing.
In the morning, Wednesday had texted him saying she was going to be late coming to the Weathervane the next day. He still felt his shoulders sag in disappointment when he got there and she wasn't in her usual booth.
He served four people their coffee and tea in the first three hours of his shift. His mind kept going back to one of the kids who had clearly been upset about something that morning, but declined every offer to talk. It was difficult to keep himself busy, distracted enough to keep from prodding at what he could have done better.
When it was an hour before closing time and Wednesday still hadn't shown up, he thought about texting her. She never actually said how late she was going to be though, he reasoned.
Ten minutes until close, he shot her a quick message -everything ok?- before grabbing a broom to start sweeping the empty shop.
Several minutes passed, and he never heard his phone ping with an answer. But that was okay, because the door chimed and when he called out that they were closed, Wednesday answered.
"Then you should lock your doors. There's some real sick people out there."
"Wasn't sure you were coming in today," he smiled.
"I was finalizing my draft. I've sent it to the publisher for editing."
"Congrats," his lips felt dry all of a sudden, and she took a step closer to him. "So how long-"
"I was told I would receive feedback in 7 to 10 business days. Then, based on how long the first novel took, I will spend another four weeks defending my masterpiece from being shredded. My novel will be published in a few months."
She took another step closer, and his pulse sped up.
"So, you have some free time coming up?"
"Unfortunately, no," she said, causing his heart to stop. "I plan on using that time to participate in the social convention of dating, and spending as much time with you as you will tolerate."
She moved into him. Her head tilted up, he bent his neck to let her press her lips against his.
It was like he'd drunk four shots of espresso and been shot with a tranquilizer. She was so gentle he thought he might shatter from her touch.
He pulled away to look at her for a moment, fighting the urge to pinch himself. He didn't want to wake up if this was a dream. The flat line of her mouth he was used to was gone, replaced by a smile. The sight made him vow silently to get on his knees and beg for her to smile again, later. She had dimples.
Slowly, he cradled her chin, wanting to be as gentle with her as she was with him. They kissed again, and this time he couldn't have told you under oath which of them leaned in first.
For all Wednesday's sharp edges and blunt words, her lips were soft and pliant. He sighed into them, tracing her jawline with his thumb. Tentatively, he brushed his tongue across her lips, and she gasped.
"Woah," she put a few inches of space between them. She began to rock back onto her heels, then forward again onto her toes, swaying back and forth.
"Everything okay?" He asked, and she nodded.
"I'm…it's called stimming, it happens sometimes. When things are a lot," she explained.
He took half a step back, to give her more space. "A lot, in a good way or a bad way?"
"In this case, torturously good." Her smile was back, and his knees were weak.
His stomach gave an audible growl, and he realized it was getting late, and he still needed to close up shop.
"Might be time to call it a night," he said reluctantly. "I'm kind of… well, I'm exhausted."
"You worked ten hours today," Wednesday reminded him. Right, because somehow she knew his schedule, though he'd never told her.
"Yeah. But, this weekend, can I take you out?"
"Depends, do you mean take me out as in assassinate me or take me out on a date?"
"The latter. This time, anyway." He shot her a wink, just because.
"Sunday, you may consume my time."
"Great. I've got a scary movie I've been dying to show you. At my place, since you apparently already know where I live." He was looking forward to seeing her reaction to Legally Blonde.
"I will leave, so you can lock up and go home. But first," she rocked towards him again, and her hand used his chest for support as she kissed him once more. It was just as perfect as the first time.
"Goodnight, Tyler. I hope I star in your nightmares," she said, as she walked out the door.
My sweetest dreams couldn't even compare, he thought, watching her go.
It was too easy, on Sunday, to slip past the front door of Tyler's apartment complex as another person walked out. He told her to call him when she arrived so that he could buzz her in, but where was the fun in that? If he wanted to surprise her with the movie they would be watching, she would repay the favor.
She climbed the staircase, noting for future reference which stairs creaked when she stepped on them, as a force of habit. She was looking for door number 32. The numbering system made her itch. It was not 32 as in the 32nd unit, but 32 as in the 3rd floor, 2nd unit. It should be 3-2. How cheap was the landlord that they couldn't afford a hyphen, she thought to herself.
Her fingers straightened the hem of her dress with every step. Enid had insisted on coming over to "help her decide what to wear," insisting it had some degree of importance. Since she had seen Tyler at least two days a week for almost the entirety of last semester, she was sure at this point that none of her clothes would be new to him. Enid failed to understand this logic, which was a consistent pattern in their friendship.
"Nothing too tight and uncomfortable, since you're watching a movie. But you don't really do tight and uncomfortable, anyway. Oh, maybe you can sneak off and lower the thermostat so you have an excuse to cuddle!"
She reminded Enid that she enjoyed the cold, but the blonde wasn't really paying attention to her, rifling through her closet. Eventually, she picked out one of her black dresses; an A-line style with a white Ganado pattern along the edges of the short sleeves and hem. Wednesday bought it for the same reasons most clothing items made it into her wardrobe; it was black, and the tag didn't make her long for death's sweet embrace.
At last, she stood in front of door 32. She wiped her palms down the front of her dress, and reminded herself that she, like Viper, charged towards fear without hesitation; with eagerness, even. Yes, typically it was to instill fear in others, but the same logic applied here.
She texted Tyler to let him know she had arrived. It pleased her when he opened his door and jumped.
"Woah, hey, I thought you meant you were like, outside. I take it someone let you in?"
"The security here is non-existent."
"Well, I'd invite you in, but we aren't actually going to stay here. One sec-" he left her standing at the door. When he returned, it was with two mixing bowls filled with popcorn.
"Here, hold this. We're going down to the basement."
Wednesday thought that the feeling she got low in her stomach, whenever Tyler smiled at her, might ease up after they'd kissed. She was mistaken; if anything, it got worse.
Tyler explained on the way down that shortly before he moved in, someone had hung themselves in the basement of the building. Since then, none of the tenants went down there, even though there was a laundry room for them to use. Everyone else elected to use a nearby laundromat because they thought the lower level was haunted, which Tyler said was unwarranted, unfortunately.
"I do my laundry down here all the time, no ghosts or poltergeists have bothered to introduce themselves," he explained. "And isn't the point of suicide like, to escape the world of the living? And this guy, I looked it up, he had his will notarized, visited some distant relatives, tied up all his loose ends in the weeks before. Not sure why a spirit would stick around, in that case. In the movies they're always saying ghosts haunt places because of unfinished business. I could see maybe if someone was murdered, that might be the case. But this guy finished his business. Why would he haunt a world he wanted to leave, you know?"
Wednesday let the cadence of Tyler's voice soothe her nerves. However, her apprehension returned swiftly when they got to the bottom of the stairs, when he asked if she would close her eyes for him. He gave her a warning before holding her shoulders to lead her inside - a smart move, as he could have broken a finger, otherwise.
She opened her eyes when he said so, to see string lights wrapped around piping that ran along the low ceiling. A white bed sheet hung from the cinder block wall, with a projector on a stand in front of it. Several blankets and cushions were arranged on the floor.
"I didn't actually ask permission to borrow the projector from the school, but it had been sitting in storage since the beginning of the year," he divulged.
She was disproportionately impressed by his petty theft. She would have thought a boy would at least have to break into a vault, not simply raid a supply closet, to make her feel special.
"So, you think the film you've picked will actually scare me?"
"Oh, I'm pretty confident. Prepare to be horrified." She shivered at his smile. She sat leaning against a cushion, popcorn bowl in her lap, as he started the movie.
Sun's up It's a little after 12 Make breakfast for myself Leave the work for someone else People say They say that it's just a phase They tell me to act my age Well, I am! On this perfect day…
It was indeed a grotesque picture. Wednesday was thoroughly creeped out by the crying in the first few minutes of the film, which was not from physical pain or psychosis. Pink, everywhere. It only got worse from there. This Elle Woods was worse than the antichrist, and terrifyingly intelligent for such a demonic creature.
"That was torture. Thank you."
He turned off the projector. When came back to sit down next to her, his shoulders hunched up, and his smile wavered.
"I'm just gonna come out and say it. I want to call you my girlfriend."
She had done several hours of research in preparation for the experience of dating. Multiple sources said that the timing of this kind of proposal/request should be carefully considered.
"You're making a mistake. There is a three-date rule before you can say that, and everything I've read says there are consequences for not following it."
She couldn't decipher Tyler's expression, his eyebrows looked concerned but he was smiling.
"Wednesday, the only rules we have to follow are the ones we set for ourselves. No one else gets to decide for us how we want to, uh, do this."
She considered this information. "That might explain the inconsistencies I found in my research."
His arm stretched across the propped-up cushion behind her head, hand laying casually beside her shoulder. She thought back to the way he'd held her chin the other night in the Weathervane. The combination of his lips on hers, while his thumb moved down her jaw was an entirely unique sensation that seemed to spread out to the rest of her body. She wanted to repeat the experience.
"So…what do you say?"
If she were to be his girlfriend, then accordingly…"You would be mine? My boyfriend?"
"Naturally." His eyes glinted in the glow of the string lights, she noticed.
"This is acceptable. You should kiss me now."
Tyler leaned forward, and followed her direction exactly.
From “Coffee and Change.” View Poll
submitted by RawSmackDownL
to Wednesday [link] [comments]
2023.03.20 20:33 TryingDailyforBetter I did CPR on my dad, but he died. Just quietly grieving
Not long ago my father unexpectedly passed away. He had a heart attack and didn't make it. I did CPR on him before help showed up, but it was too late. Did I do enough? Did the rescuers who came do enough? Could it have gone differently? Those are all the things that are swirling around in my brain.
If I can share some details and just vent that would be greatly appreciated. Any feedback is welcomed. Sorry this is long, it was actually MUCH longer but I chopped it down.
My dad was having health/heart issues the last few years and his quality of life wasn't the best because of blood flow issues. Had a small heart attacked and stents, a small stroke, and he wasn't the healthiest eater. Always dizzy, eyesight was in and out, and he didn't feel good enough to do much.
He had his fair share of heart related issues over the years (Stents, Small Stroke, etc) so he was no stranger to it. He would always say if he was in any kind of vegetative state that he would rather be dead and to put him out of his misery or he would do it himself if he could. He already had a poor quality of life from his past heart issues (Dizziness, eyesight was in and out etc) and he was an extremely independent person, so he hadn't felt well or been happy for a while. A guy who did everything himself all of his life, and the last few years he couldn't find joy in anything because he felt so poorly. If he had survived and his quality of life was worse than it already was, he would have resented anyone for calling 911 or saving him. While having chest pain that night he told my mom he wanted to die home that night, and soon after he did.
He was having chest pain I found out that might for about 1.5-2 hours but refused to go to the hospital or have 911 called and said he wanted to die at home. Luckily I was close by and I got the call he collapsed and was there within a minute or less. As soon as I got there, I told my mom to leave the room and someone else there called 911 and I got to doing CPR. He had no pulse and after an agonal breath he was fully unresponsive. In between my rescue breaths and chest pumping, he started to breath again but would soon stop. I don't have any training but I've seen videos to understand how to do it. I figured anything was better than nothing.
The firemen showed and after the fact I realize they didn't give him much of a chance. After a few minutes of my efforts where he actually seemed to take a few breaths in-between my efforts, I thought I was handing him off to good hands and they didn't seem to follow typical protocol. They didn't really do chest compressions, and didn't bring along an AED to try to shock him back. Maybe they were just waiting for the paramedics? By the time the paramedics showed I think too much time had passed, and with them not continuing CPR like I was doing, the Paramedics tried everything shocked him and got a faint pulse, but he died on the way to the hospital.
If he were to survive, I can imagine his quality of life would have been horrendous considering how the odds were already stacked against him. If he survived and was partially paralyzed or in worse shape, he would have resented me for it. While doing CPR I literally felt relief when I saw him take a breath of his own and I thought I had saved him, but the immediate thought after was guilt that I would have prolonged his unhappiness and now he would be much worse off. He seemed like he knew his time was short, and was at peace with it. Hurts to think he was fine leaving me and the entire family, but I have to somehow understand on his level that he needed to be selfish and do what he needed to do.
I realize the chance of survival of CRP is already slim, but I can't help to think that because chances are so low, that my efforts, and others mattered all that much more.
I did the best I could I guess, but I partially feel like I failed him. He was my dad, he was my best friend.
At his wake and funeral, I am still amazed at how many people came out and all the kind things they said and the impact he had on so many. I always knew he was a good guy, but he was a tough character, and he had no filter when he spoke so I always thought he maybe rubbed some people the wrong way towards the later years of his life. But I was wrong, he left an impact on people it seemed, even if he only met them once. People from all over literally crying, something I haven't ever seen at a wake with so many strangers crying. That was touching, but made me even more sad since I don't think he realized how much he was loved.
Weeks later, I'm still left with lots of emotions. Did I do all I could have? Would he have survived if I actually knew how to do CPR better? If I understood common resuscitation and knew they should have been using an AED immediately could I have advocated for him better, and he possibly would have had a better chance at survival with the paramedics?
So its a stack of emotion of grief, my own efforts, and the efforts of others.
I'm not one to ask for help and I won't go directly to find a therapist. I know a lot of you will probably suggest this and I am listening if you do. I do talk to family and I have a support system if I need it, but again I'm not one to ask for help. Eventually I may be there, but I"m not there just yet.
Any words of wisdom, experience being in a similar situation, or any thoughts from any angle of this situation are appreciated.
Thanks for letting me vent.
submitted by TryingDailyforBetter
to GriefSupport [link] [comments]
2023.03.20 20:32 Next_Cover_4746 I really hate my dad and feel guilty about it
I just need to get this off my chest because it feels like it's about to explode. I hope this doesn't bother anyone.
I'm in my late 30s now, and I grew up with a father who never really showed me love. He wasn't abusive or anything and always provided for our family. It felt like that was all he really did: Provide. And for that, I am still grateful.
However, growing up, I always felt like I had to prove my worth to him. I wasn't shown any type of encouragement or love at home. When I was learning how to write, he only sat with me once for english homework and said if I got an answer wrong, he would pinch me as a consequence. In high school, when I tried playing my first basketball game in school and our team lost by 30+ points, he was one of the first to leave our bleachers and just waited for me in the car. Once after picking me up from school, he punched me in the face when I made a comment about him always complaining about his boss in the car. When I got into my first relationship during my rebellious years with someone my parents didn't approve of, he told my sister he was ready to disown me. Most conversations with him revolved around how good and lauded he was as a student, player, employee, pianist, and manager over the years.
I pursued graduate school and made a name for myself as a good professional. Throughout the years of visiting the rents, I began noticing a lot of little disturbing behaviors towards my mom. He would always interrupt her mid-sentence just to correct her grammar even if other people were around. He would also mock her way of speaking at times. I was starting to resent him. He would also only post about his doting staff on social media. We only came in second place.
He had a stroke, and years later, he underwent heart bypass surgery. So now he is disabled and very fragile. We have a rule about not causing him any stress, which could lead to a sudden heart attack or death. I stayed the 'rents during the pandemic because he needed 24/7 care. But I couldn't help but NOT feel sorry for him. He was always spoiled by my mom and relied so heavily on her (for food, for company, etc.) and she was starting to suffer and would rant to me all the time about how he never helps himself get around. He wakes up, watches TV, waits for breakfast, lunch, and dinner to be served to him, pees, poops, and sleeps. He is awkward with conversations and doesn't know how to connect with any of us. He coughs and sneezes without covering his mouth on the dinner table, and no one is allowed to call him out. Because "he is fragile" and "sick" with only 1/4 of his heart functioning. He freaks out over the smallest things and also orders everyone around to do the smallest things like getting him a glass of water when he could still easily do it himself. He acts entitled to everything after retirement and it feels like a prison. I feel deeply sad for my mom, who is seemingly now reduced to acting like a maid. I've never seen them kiss and hug for the last 20 years. I swear.
Today, our cat escaped momentarily, and he flew into a verbal rage towards me, cussing at me for not locking the door properly. I snapped back after losing my temper, and he yelled at the top of his lungs, asking what kind of person I was. I walked away, leaving him still yelling at me. I extended an olive branch five hours later by ordering some take-out food for him. He yelled that he didn't want my food.
I'm angry and hurt. Perhaps, past resentment. I hate him but feel so guilty about feeling this way. How do I cope with this? I want to leave, but I keep thinking about my mother.
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2023.03.20 20:32 communistthrowaway69 The plague of Diegetic essentialism (or, how I learned to stop worrying, and just enjoy the sub)
There's a specter haunting the sub... the specter of... Oh fuck, this bit is played out, isn't it?
Hello everyone, it's been a couple years since my piece asking people to chill about calling things fascist
. Just long enough for everyone to forget it and the problem to come right back!
But that essay is a companion to today's topic, as is this ever relevant video by FoldingIdeas about The Thermian Argument
Today, I want to talk about diegetic essentialism, how it poisons discourse, and is a cynical ploy by corporations to get you to mindlessly consume their products. And, especially, how it's managed to infect Warhammer and Sigmarxism in particular.
If you Google the term "Diegetic Essentialism," the first result is....this sub? What the fuck? Did we make up this term?
Shit, that can't be right.
Ok, so there are actually a lot of other terms to describe this phenomenon, which has become pandemic over the past decade. Lore brain, Wookipediaism, the Thermian Argument, Cinema Sins-esque, Funko Pop Sunnism (ok, I made up that last one too).
But being the fucking insufferable, over educated losers that we are, we decided the best label was diegetic essentialism. The perfect academia poisoned definition. Exactly descriptive, but so wrapped up in jargon, it can't be understood on its own. So what does it mean?
The diegesis is a work of fiction's "universe." It is the imaginary place where the story is unfolding. There's a joke that's common in movies that explains the concept perfectly. A soundtrack is played over the intro, and when the credits are finished, a character leans over and turns off the radio, cutting the song short. The joke being, you thought it was the film's soundtrack, something the characters can't hear, but it was actually diegetic sound, sound that existed "in that universe." The joke being that there kind of isn't a real difference (hyuk hyuk).
Essentialism just means the only valid thing. To be essentialist is to say that something has an underlying, a priori nature that cannot be denied.
Put em together? It means someone who thinks the only way to analyze, critique, or understand fiction is as though it were real
. To the DEckhead (how I'll be referring to the diegetic essentialist from now on), a work of fiction is like a keyhole into an alternate universe as real as ours.
There's nothing inherently
wrong with this, it's often how we enjoy something as a consumer. And the DEckhead is nothing if not a consoomer.
While we're watching a movie or reading a book, we allow ourselves to pretend like it's real. It's fun.
But when a normal person returns to reality, they understand that fiction not only isn't real, not only can't be real, but isn't intended
to be, beyond the fun of enjoying it.
It is something which is produced by artists, authors, actors. It may or may not have clarity of purpose, themes, intended takeaways, cultural criticisms, etc. It might just be something someone thought was cool.
In a movie like, say, Scott Pilgrim (I know but it's a good example here), when Scott punches someone they burst into coins. This is obviously not intended to be real
. In the "universe" of Scott Pilgrim, people are not made of coins, it's just a fun video game reference, an absurdist joke.
But this is true even in something like Superman. When Supe punches someone, he's not really
punching someone. The physics of that would be like being impaled by a telephone pole. No, the punch is essentially metaphorical. Evil is defeated by the strength of justice. A punch is the psychologically satisfying, "non violent" way to do that. IRL it actually very easily could kill the petty criminal the same way a knife or a gun could, but it's something our brains can passively accept, it feels
This is a critical aspect of media comprehension. Most aspects of a story are thematic
. They're not meant to be understood as literally real
, but rather meant to evoke the feeling of something real.
The DEckhead does not
understand this, or, chooses not to, and gets angry at people who don't follow along. To them, a fictional universe is a consistent, coherent place that exists beyond the boundaries of the text in question. And the only thing you're allowed to do is contribute to "the canon." A term which was literally invented as a joke that is now taken 100% seriously. Welcome to the internet, enjoy your signal decay.
Our sub's eternal enemy, 40klore, is a perfect example of this.
Always are they searching for "evidence" of what something is "really" like, or who would win what fight. You know the type.
Which primarch has the biggest dick? What does Shadowsun eat for breakfast? Questions that, even if an author explicitly spells them out, do not have
answers, because they are not real.
Let me give you some other examples to give you an idea how absurd this exercise is:
Does Gandalf have colon cancer? Does Pikachu like dubstep? Did Captain Ahab have imposter syndrome? Hopefully, you're getting the idea. Characters exist to serve a story, they don't have a reality independent of that.
And the only thing that determines what happens next in a story is what an author decides
will happen next. That's it. This is true even of historical fiction or works like The Martian
, in which the original author went to great lengths to make it as "realistic" as possible. But "Realism" is essentially a genre trapping. It's like a lightsaber color, it's just there to help you enjoy the work. It can't be
So here's a great example from the sub that everyone isn't sick to death of, female space marines!
What does the DEckhead say? There can't be female marines because there's no geneseed for them. What does the other DEckhead say? Cawl could totally do it if he did primaris!
These answers are categorically wrong. There were
female marines, but they didn't sell as well, and for logistical reasons, they were dropped. Lore was invented to justify this. And it stays that way because the cultivated identity of your marine consumer expects
it to stay that way (we will talk about this term later), and would go Gamergate on GW if it changed. GW likes money, and not rocking the boat, so without a compelling reason to blow up their current fanbase, they maintain a piece of fluff so that it's "impossible." ("It's an easy fix! One line of dialogue, thank God we invented the uhh.. You know... Whatever, device."
This is the only coherent answer. "Lore" reasons are for idiots, and are literally wrong. It's like thinking that Toucan Sam controls what goes into froot loops.
Of course, I'm not saying you can't enjoy fiction on its own terms. But when criticizing it, you must think of it in material terms, as a production made by authors with intent. Lest you fall into this mental trap.
So how is this relevant to us, and why is it bad? Seems straightforward right? Can we be done here?
Well, unfortunately, DE is the tip of a very ugly cultural iceberg. We have a lot to talk about. About late capitalism, about the tendency of the rate of profit to fall, and about how one of capitalism's new frontiers is our brains, and how they've been fully colonized.
Ugh, fuck, like my sister essay, this is way too long. We will break it up with memes and jokes. Bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this.
Have you noticed recently that there's just, like, way
too much shit?
Pick any medium: TV, streaming, books, games, movies, music, fuck, even board and tabletop games.
The production and sale of entertainment products is more voluminous than ever. The sheer quantity of things released, even good
things, is so large, that even if it were your full time job, you couldn't keep up with just one
of these mediums, let alone multiple.
Sometimes people in the same hobby, that like the same genre, maybe even the same property
, won't have anything in common with each other.
It did not used to be this way. For better or for worse, "pop culture" used to mean pretty much everyone had seen something. In 1991, 22 million people watched the season finale of Dallas
. Now, something with a 2 million person fanbase is considered strong.
As more and more media is produced, it is competing with an ever shrinking attention span. You literally don't have time for this shit.
What results is an alienated, fractured fan "community," one in which you're forced to seek out other atomized individuals to even know someone who's experienced the same thing as you.
And this problem is only getting worse. With the proliferation of choices, not only is there an ocean of garbage to wade through, but a calculation has to be made whether that thing is even worth
experiencing if you'll never even meet someone else who has as well.
Ever scrolled through Netflix for hours and found nothing to watch? Ever paid good money for a game on steam and never once played it? How many books are you planning to eventually read, only to find that by the time you start, they're not relevant anymore?
There used to be a thought experiment in philosophy like this: if you had a superpower where you could make any movie you want, but only you could see it, would you want it?
That's not a thought experiment anymore, it is functionally true.
As a result, very few cultural properties have any lasting impact, and fewer still will even experience them. And so they become shallower as a result. They need to appeal to ever increasing crowds of people but still have nothing to say. How can you make a resonant cultural impact, when the culture is essentially a shattered mirror of little cultivated fandoms? How can you even know how to speak to people? This is, not coincidentally, why every show sounds like Twitter now.
Corporations have a term they use, cultivated identity, to describe a marketing and sales strategy for how you break through an environment like this.
Now this part of things I'm not an expert in. A lot of people make a lot of money figuring this shit out. But the outline of it isn't hard to understand.
If you're selling people a product, you're kind of a sucker. The buyer gets to evaluate whether that product is worth their money, and you have to convince them that it is, based on its quality, with consequences involved for lying or falling short.
But what if instead, you could convince someone that the product is part of their identity? You're not a customer, you're a blorbo! And you can't wait for blorb 13, the blorbening!
What does it matter if it's good? A blorbo blorbs. Duh.
Obviously, I made this sound as stupid as possible. And yet, how many people call themselves gamers
? Hobbyists? Superfans? YouTubers? Even "nerd" and "leftist" can fall into this category.
This isn't like being a film buff, which has expectations of expertise involved. And it's not like an ordinary fandom or genre appreciator, e.g., a metalhead. This is merely a consumer category. You get in the club by being someone continually buying into something, regardless
of quality or expertise.
It's pernicious, and it's a highly effective way to cut through all the noise.
Why buy the next thing? Because it's your identity. You could avoid it, if you wanted. But then you're back to that screaming void of attempting to parse through an ocean of stuff based on its quality, which no one else may even know about. Worse, the more people become like this, the less you can relate to them unless you become the same thing.
How many of you have read all of the Horus Heresy novels, all 60-something of them, even though you can count on your fingers which ones aren't complete dogshit?
I own all the Broken Realms books, and I sit and defend AoS on this sub all the time. Why? That shit is online somewhere for free, and I don't give a shit what redditors think about a game I enjoy playing.
It's because GW colonized our brains. In order to keep you onboard, they want you thinking about Warhammer all the fucking time
. They want it to be the only thing you consume.
Have you ever looked at something in real life and said, "hey! That's just like Warhammer!" But no, it obviously isn't. That's their marketing with its hooks in you. That's the brainworm they inserted so you'll keep coming back.
And now that I've mentioned this, you probably see it everywhere. Video games that demand they be the only things you play. Endless manga and anime that never has a satisfactory conclusion. TV or books that go on forever and have spinoffs and sequels and tie ins and etc etc etc.
This differs from just making more content for things that are popular. The goal of these kinds of franchises is to be totaling. Warhammer, in particular, is so impenetrable that you can't know it all (even if it is a mile wide and an inch deep, which is actually intentional.)
Marvel of course is the clear juggernaut here. You could live your entire life in a Marvel bubble, if you wanted to. There's that much content.
Shit, even things like apps have the same strategy. Endlessly consuming your attention, refusing to let you go long past when you're getting any use out of it. How often do you even remember what memes you looked at an hour after you put your phone down?
How do they cast this spell on us? Why does this work?
And now we return to D.E., and its role in this.
Real media criticism is like the product comparison we made before. Is this a good fiction? Are its themes coherent? What were the authors trying to say? Were the performances good? Etc etc.
You may notice, these are essentially subjective questions, which are the bane of both capital and the hopeless nerd.
If I judge something as bad, it's not easy to convince me otherwise. So you need to pull the conversation away from that, into something "objective."
Enter diegetic essentialism. The goal here is not to evaluate any substantive question. The goal is to establish canon.
Quality and artistic merit are essentially irrelevant. And the author might as well be god himself. Aloof and unknowable.
In a deeply bitter form of irony, many DEckheads actually invoke death of the author
as evidence for why a story can only mean what its "canon" implies it means. Symbolism? Allegory? Metaphor? These things don't exist. Only "details." Details established by fan arguments.
In this environment, it becomes very difficult to relate actual media criticism to the cultivated identity DEckhead. It tends to annoy them, or "spoil the fun." You're evaluating quality and artistry? That's not why we're here, bucko.
For you to fit into these properties, and therefore not be lost in the cultural wasteland, you begin to compete
to be the biggest "fan." The best lore understander, the most details knower, the most hours logged on, the takes haver.
What becomes important is not actual construction of meaning, talent in performance, or even just having a good time, it's constructing the cultural justification for why it's worth it to stay in this identity.
you know what I mean.
How often have you been roped in to an argument about the Tau? How long have you spent memorizing the details of battles that did not happen and aren't even consistent? How many marketing names do you know for troops that have slightly different weapons?
When you're trapped in DE, all you can do is talk about the details. Everyone is in the walled garden. You're not a visitor here, you're trapped
When we say 40k sucks, what we mean is the vast majority of it is zero effort reactionary garbage. Sure, some of it isn't, but that's the exception.
GW rarely or never credits their authors and artists anymore (their newest paint teacher is hands only lmao). They regularly shit can excellent story ideas if they can't connect to minis sales.
How can this dreck be worth thinking about? It's not just that it isn't real, that's obvious. It's not even really trying.
And yet that won't stop 40klore from furiously discussing the implications of bimchus boltbutt falling to chaos, all one paragraph written about it. And it won't stop someone else from spending two hours digging through wikis (which are like religious monuments dedicated to DE) to "prove" or "disprove" something that was never real and will be overwritten by the next book anyway.
Most of you are subconsciously aware of this. Be honest, when was the last time you really read any of the books? Compare that to how often you read a wiki instead, or, god help us, watched a "loretuber."
It's not your fault, it's because it's bad
. It's not worth
reading 80% of these things. Your brain rebels against it.
At one point, they existed to help you tell a cool story while you were playing a fun game.
Now? They exist to perpetuate a corporate juggernaut with a 30% profit margin. The game is deliberately designed to be miserable to incentivize new model purchases. And Black Library greases that engine.
Influencers and superfans consume and regurgitate "information" and "lore" to a series of people who've decided they "like" something that they literally don't like
And you keep up with it because otherwise, you don't get to be in the "fandom." Hilariously, a lot of the arguments people make on here are incorrect even in DEckhead terms. Like it's obvious to someone who has
read lore when someone else has not. But accuracy isn't even important to the DEckhead. Not really.
Just that it exists to argue about.
And now we come to it. The conclusion that will piss a lot of you off.
Leftist is essentially in this category too. Because it doesn't have a strict, coherent meaning like, say, Marxist-Leninist or Anarcho-Communist.
Despite being nominally anti capitalist, after the honeymoon period of escaping to the left, there is a lingering "what do I do now" that this same market mechanism is happy to latch onto.
"Breadtubers," shitty podcasts, awful electoral politics horseracing, they all fit into this same niche. An endless stream of content to deliberate on, but not act on or organize for.
Worse, since people falsely associate liberalism with the left, and liberals have increasingly become hysterical about the need to "improve" media, rather than improve material conditions, people start using diegetic essentialism to police their own fiction for elements that aren't
How. Many. Fucking. Times. Have you read a thread, on this sub, from people who definitely should know better (and I do not exempt myself one bit) about how X faction is (fascist, capitalist, cringe, based, comrade, etc.) because of some snippet of their lore
no author was trying to communicate, and that the story barely supports?
It's ok if you're just having fun, but we are so far past that point.
Stir made a joke a long time ago about how often the word "anarchy" is used in the Beasts of Chaos and Tzeentch battletomes in Age of Sigmar, and how it would be funny if someone thought that made them anarchist comrades instead of the clearly negative connotation GW puts on the word.
Only that's not a joke, that eventually did happen.
It's ironic that despite how saturated the internet is now with media analysis types with related degrees from universities, media literacy
is probably worse than it's ever been.
Fuck, are we at the end yet? Thank God. The tl;dr is almost here.
When you make an argument like "Salamanders are comrades because in this book they did a thing that was nice, and that's like communism, so they're communists," you are doing the leftist version of DE to keep this consumer identity going. It is exactly the same as a shitty 40klore thread (redundant, I know).
It is the "leftist" version of "no female space marines."
Or, not to put this user on blast, but the recent "Chorfs are capitalist?!??" post is another great example. It would be one thing if we could examine the story and see their mode of production and, wow, look, the author included enclosure of the commons and theft of surplus value, I wonder if that was intentional? But no. The argument is "Chorfs are greedy industrialists. Capitalism has greedy industrialists. Chorfs capitalist?!??"
Lost in this kind of nonsense are basic critical questions. E.g., what was the author(s)' intent? What is the value of this criticism? Is this what the story is about, or is there only incidental interpretive evidence?
What's happening here, is leftists are using the Thermian Argument in reverse. They're using DE to say a story objectively has a message that it does not possess, and that no author intended. And, even worse, that even the interpretation
is an idiotic stretch. All this to keep the fan content churning.
Do you see how foolish this exercise is? Do you see how the point isn't
to critique or analyze or enjoy a work, but to create a competitive context to keep people trapped in these consumer categories?
It would be one thing if, like is the case with Krieg and Space Marines, people were deliberately misinterpreting lore as an endorsement of fascism (using an admittedly lazy and inconsistent framing where they're arguably not wrong). Especially since there's a material effect that misinterpretation(?) has on our lives.
But if we're just arguing about the fucking lore, the answer is that's it's just a bunch of shit designed by Tory adjacent Anglos to sell toys. That's it. Most Warhammer fluff isn't even worth analysis or critique, it's got nothing in it. Even the DEckhead has to scrape the bottom of the barrel most times. Sometimes literal sentences are their only "evidence."
If you want to break out of this hell, you have to start using actual tools of critical media analysis. And absolutely the first step of that is throwing Diegetic Essentialism out the window.
Don't think about lore as real, think of it as decoration for a product, made by tired authors and artists who largely aren't getting any credit.
When you want to have one of these silly takes, ask yourself instead, "what was the person writing this lore trying to accomplish?"
The answer typically, in Warhammer's case, is not much.
This is not to say there's nothing about it to discuss, far from it. We could talk all day about what Warhammer considers normal and what it says about Western values.
But there's no intelligent things to glean from the lore itself.
There is no canon. The lore is not real. It cannot mean or imply anything not expressed by the authors and artists, or so strongly evident in the assumptions of the story, that it's an inescapable facet of it (e.g. Imperium and fascism).
If you don't want to be a consumer brained moron, stop asking """''factual""""" questions about the lore, and ask instead, "what did the author mean?" "How was this work produced and for what reason?" "Who made it?" "How does it make me feel and what are its themes?" And, most importantly
, "is this even good? Is it even worth my time or analysis?"
Otherwise, you're just trapping yourself into a series of pointless arguments to justify your consumption, forever. And you'll be polluting the sub, and dragging everyone else down with you.
Peace, thank you for reading this incredibly stupid essay.
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2023.03.20 20:32 EmbarrassedPoet3213 I love my mom, but I am frustrated with her right now...
Hey, I'm usually not active on reddit.. but this is something that I really need to get off my chest so I can start "relaxing".
So the title is kind of weird ik... hehe
My mom (49) and I (F22) have a very strong connection. I really love my mom and she's even my neighbour, for now (I'm moving soon). However I have had some quarrels with her..
The thing I want off my chest happened when I was 15 (2015) .. that's the year my brother died, from a disease with no cure. He lost his eye sight, then he struggled with speaking properly, he had to sit in a wheel chair the last years of his life, and in the end he struggled eating and needed a feeding tube (not the one through the nose and into the stomach but yeah, it's hard to explain). It was really hard to see him like this, but we all knew that this came with the disease.
In 2015 he was hospitalised for a while and mom visited him with my big sister, while me and my twin never got to come with for unknown reasons. Some weeks later she got the clear signal and we were able to go on vacation (my brother was with his father). A week into the vacation the doctor called saying that he was getting very ill again, and it was arranged so that she and big sis can hop on a plane and go back to him. Me and my twin were still on vacation with our dad and stepmom (mom and dad are separated but good friends) even though we wanted to go with them and say goodbye to our brother because we knew that this could be the end. And some days later when mom was back in Norway, we got a call saying "Hey, my little girls. I love you so much. This morning your brother died. I'm so sorry."
I was devastated to say the least and cried my eyes out... dad was trying to keep us happy though it was hard to do so.. my twin and i were more quiet and we hugged more because we were sad of course.. Some days later we were going home and we were sad about what is about to come... mom met us with a hug when we came home and we layed down in her bed crying together...
Then we were going to his funeral.. that's when I saw my brother for the first time in over a month and he was dead. He was pale and cold, but looked like he was sleeping peacefully. I touched his hand and his cheek and kissed his forehead. I knew he couldn't hear me or feel it but the last thing I said to him was "I love you so much, goodbye and may we meet again. I love you!" I did a speech that day and I still have the paper i wrote it on(mom laminated it).
Skipping forward, some weeks after his funeral, my mom was still very sad.. all of us were... and I get it.. she had to bury her own son...
Anyway, she was on antidepressants. I also found out she was smoking weed, which is illegal in Norway. I was scared she was gonna get caught and had to go to jail. She was kind of distant, but we were still showing love towards each other. One day I knocked on my mom and stepfather's bedroom door to ask my mom something. I opened the door since she said I could come in. And on the bed I see a tray with a strip of some kind of substance and a straw. I was a bit shocked but tried to ignore it and do the thing I came in there for. That day has stuck with me since.... it was so much for my 15 year old self to take in and in a time when I needed her the most. Instead I was going around being scared to find my mom dead someday...
Soon I'm about to move in with my boyfriend and he smokes weed, which I see no problem with. And my mom knows he does this, and she knows I know about her smoking weed back then. I told her I was gonna move in with my boyfriend and then she says to me "I'm so scared that you might start smoking too.." and I get it, she doesn't want me to ruin my career (im a kindergarten teacher and jailtime is a nono, because I'm working with kids) and go to jail. Still that comment made me sad because I've told her countless times that I'm not like that because I know the consequences of it.. I would never start smoking weed myself, because I simply don't want to.
So yeah.... a bit messy and long post, but I needed to get it out there and off my chest... thank you
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2023.03.20 20:31 Aromatic_Major5332 This entire family is insane
I hate being the scape goat in this family.
I drink alcohol socially, it’s a huge deal and all of my extended family needs to know about it (I’m an adult btw). I get lectured by everyone (including my extended family of how I should behave). My mom encourages them painting me as the “bad guy.” My mom’s sisters go on about how their kids and grandkids are the best kids in the world and all their achievements. Sometimes I feel like this family solely exists to make me feel a certain way.
My sister and brother drink alcohol and they do illicit drugs, but there’s a million reasons to justify it and keep it a secret from everyone. If my extended family tries to say anything to my brother or sister, my mom becomes violent bc how dare they try to tell her favorite daughter or only son how to behave.
I achieve something, “It was easy for her bc she has no stress…” My sister or brother (or my aunts’ kids) achieve something, “They deserve this bc of their hard work and dedication, they have so many stressors to deal with and we are so proud of them…”
Then, when I call them out on their BS, they gaslight and invalidate me 😡
This fam won’t get any better in the future bc even if some people die, it’s gonna get taken over by their idiotic kids/grandkids who have the same mentality as them. It’s going to carry on to the next generation.
This whole family has no moral compass. If someone in the family murders someone else (for example), the family reacts based on who it is. If it’s me or my uncle’s kids, then we are the most horrible people on the planet and God will deal with us. If it’s my siblings or my 2 aunts’ kids/grandkids, then they had their reasons for doing it and they were in a tough position. They get all the support for their bad decisions.
My aunt’s daughter (my cousin) stayed married to a gamblealcoholic for 25 years. She would take out loans for his addictions and do other really stupid things for him. My aunts and mom sympathize/empathize with my cousin. They say it’s bc my cousin is so sweet and innocent. And God gave her a tough life 🙄
My husband drank alcohol at a wedding and my aunt told him he’s not allowed to drink alcohol again 🙄 then I got mad at my aunt for saying that bc who is she to tell him that? And then my aunt told me I should control my husband… while her daughter was married for 25 years to a man who is still a gamblealcoholic/unemployed and has 4 kids.
I wish I had a different family. I hate all these people.
Then, when any of these idiots need something, they come running to me and my husband cuz their kids/grandkids don’t do anything for them and yet they are “the greatest kids” 🙄
BTW, I don’t talk to any of them anymore (except my uncle’s family bc we are treated similarly) but this shit still pisses me off just thinking about it.
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2023.03.20 20:31 giftheck Was Smith truly "free"?
And now here I stand because of you, Mr Anderson. Because of you, I'm no longer an agent of this system. Because of you, I'm changed, unplugged, a new man, so to speak, like you, apparently free.
Was Smith truly "free"? It's a simple enough question at a glance, but I believe the answer actually has quite a bit more nuance. I'll be looking at evidence from all four films to come to a conclusion.
In the first film, Smith is shackled to a system he is resentful towards, as an Agent of the Matrix. We learn later that Smith was present, if not an active participant of the cycle of the One. He yearns for 'freedom' from a system he hates, trapped alongside the people he views as completely inferior.
At the end of The Matrix
, Neo awakens as The One and destroys Smith. We can say for certain that their connection is forged at this point, in a process Smith doesn't fully comprehend:
I don't fully understand how it happened. Perhaps some part of you imprinted onto me, something overwritten or copied.
Keep that in mind. It will come up again.
Smith returns, now able to copy himself over others - program, coppertops and redpills alike. He seeks Neo out and attempts to copy over him too - only to fail. During their first exchange, Smith explains a compulsion to stay and disobey a directive to return to the Source. What's clear is that Smith also feels compelled to seek Neo out. They're 'connected'.
Neo's purpose, as the One, is to complete the cycle, which involves reinserting the 'Prime Program' he carries into the Source. This would then force a reset which would clear the Matrix of its errors. The Architect offers Neo the choice: return to the Source and fulfil his purpose, or return to the Matrix to save a dying Trinity, and in the process doom humans both inside and outside the Matrix to destruction. We know Neo rejects the offer, but I don't think the reset would
have happened had he agreed. Why? The Prime Program
We're never told the nature of this, but it is a necessary part of resetting the Matrix and clearing all of its errors. As the One, Neo naturally carries this program.
And so we return to Smith's words on his connection to Neo. In destroying Smith, I believe that Smith received a portion of the Prime Program. Neo's Prime Program is incomplete
. He couldn't have reset the Matrix by returning to the Source - because he didn't possess the entirety of the Prime Program.
We have some evidence for this in The Matrix Revolutions
. In his bargain with the machines, Neo is hardwired directly into the Matrix. But they do not immediately trigger the Prime Program - even though, if Neo truly did
carry it, the Machines now have all the power in the situation, and could simply have returned it to the Source there and then, thereby resetting the Matrix, purging the errors the Architect was so worried about, and resetting Smith to a default state. Why didn't they? Perhaps they couldn't
. Perhaps they examined Neo and found he didn't carry the entirety of the Prime Program, making a reset impossible.
When do the machines trigger this? When Smith has copied over Neo
. Now, an argument can be made that the machines simply had direct access to Smith's code and used that to target him. However: a point against this is that they surely had this direct access to Smith through every
human and program hardwired directly into the Matrix. Why wait for Neo? Just wipe him out directly. They can't. If they wipe out Smith, they also wipe out the piece of the Prime Program he carries. Without it, Neo is useless, and they are headed for certain system faliure.
Neo surrenders himself to Smith, and Smith copies over Neo, reuniting the two parts of the Prime Program - and this is when the Machines return it to the Source, thereby destroying both Smith and Neo, and fulfilling the 'cycle of the One' - that is, the reset of the Matrix.
And this, in effect, explains why Smith gained the ability to copy himself over others - his piece of the Prime Program trying to reunite with the whole. And this also explains why he loses this ability following the reset. Resurrected
I did state in my opening that we needed to consider the newest film also. In The Matrix Resurrections
, Smith is resurrected - though the bond caused by the Prime Program is gone, it appears that some other 'string of fate' has tied the two together (as the Oracle had stated, Smith is 'the result of the equation trying to balance itself out', so that may still be a factor here). Because he lacks the Prime Program, Smith no longer has the ability to copy himself, instead regaining the abilities he possessed as an Agent. He is also no longer compelled to seek Neo out in the same fashion - though he does still seek him out for his own reasons (primarily to discourage him from pursuing the Analyst, and later to save his life). Unlike before, Smith does not see conflict between him and Neo as being an inevitability either - he seems to understasnd that his survival depends on Neo, whereas before he believed he had to destroy Neo entirely. Conclusion
So, was Smith free? Never truly
to the point where he had total agency over himself. In one way or another, he has always been tethered to something - be it the system as an Agent, or Neo because of the Prime Program, or later an unspecified bond.
When infected by a portion of the Prime Program, Smith became compelled to seek Neo out to 'reunite' it with him, which resulted in his ability to copy himself. In spite of his statements claiming otherwise, Smith was never 'free' under these conditions - his actions dictated by this compulsion he didn't even completely comprehend. However, he certainly is the most
free following the loss of the Prime Program.
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2023.03.20 20:31 MrSaturn33 Consciousness
The phenomenon known as consciousness is not a mainstream obsession. Most live and die without considering it, and who can say they are poorer for their neglect of this matter? A few have made its study into a line of work, one that has yielded as many theories of consciousness as it has books on the subject. Psychologists, cognitive neuroscientists, philosophers of mind, and other interested parties may intransigently espouse whatever conclusions seem most probable to their heads as they butt up against the heads of their colleagues. Consciousness: what is it, how does it work, and why has no other species of organic life been so honored with its peculiarities as we have? Although no solid answers seem impending on the broader questions presented by consciousness, there is general assent on its main effect: to make human beings the only creatures who know they are alive and know they will die. From this knowledge, everything that separates us from other life-forms derives.
For the rest of the earth’s organisms, existence is relatively uncomplicated. They live—they reproduce—they stop living. For humans, things are more intricate, given that we know we are alive and know we will die. We also know we will suffer at intervals throughout our lives and then suffer—slowly or quickly and with pain—at the point of death. This is the knowledge which we “enjoy” as the highest beings in the animated diorama known as nature. United by such knowledge, we are also divided by it. For example, a debate has been going on among us for some years, a shadowy polemic that periodically attracts public notice. The issue: what do various people think about being alive in this world? Overwhelmingly, the average person will say, “Being alive is all right.” More thoughtful respondents will add, “Especially when you consider the alternative,” betraying a jocularity that is as logically puzzling as it is macabre. These speakers weigh down one side of the survey. On the other side is a small sample in disagreement with the majority. Their response to the question of what they think about being alive in this world will be a negative one. They may even fulminate that being alive is objectionable and useless on principle. Now both of these groups exhibit consciousness in its widely accepted sense. Why, then, are their responses so lopsided? For one thing, most people do not experience being alive as all that terrible. And even those who are statistically ill-favored do not generalize their experience into a principle, nor does their consciousness accentuate those things that are unquestionably awful about being alive. They go about their business as best they can for as long as they can.
Nobody’s welfare, not even those who think and feel that being alive is objectionable and useless, is served by immolation in a calculus of the worst...if they can help it. But we do not control what we think or feel about being alive, or about anything else. If we did have this degree of mastery over our internal lives, then we would be spared an assortment of sufferings. Psychiatrists would be out of a job as depressives chose to stop being depressed and schizophrenics chose to silence unwanted voices in their heads. Those who believe they can choose their thoughts and feelings are nevertheless disabled from choosing what they choose to think and feel. Should they still believe themselves in control of what they choose to choose to think and feel, they still could not choose to choose to choose...and so on? Were there any choice on our part about what we think and feel, it would not be adventurous to conjecture that we would think only as needed and choose to feel good as appropriate. Some might choose to live in a permanent state of intense euphoria. With godlike power over your thoughts and moods, why hold back? Such control would permit us, by fiat of self-addlement, to be careless of every hideous fact that our consciousness may impart about life and death. What is more, those who say that being alive is all right and those who aver the opposite would become united rather divided: we all do what we can to lock out what being alive implies, whichever side of the issue we may be on. And since we have no power of veto over our birth, we could choose to be ecstatic about it rather than negative. We would all be on the same side if we had absolute control over any lethal knowledge that might come into our heads. But the best we can do is this: stay as stupid as we can for as long as we can. And some people can stay just so stupid for just so long.
Of course, it could be argued—and probably has—that our “knowledge” that we are alive and will die is only a compound of flabby abstractions that coincide with no definite or uniform experience in human life. Practically speaking, this does seem be the way it is. “Being alive” encompasses such an abounding medley of feelings and sensations that it means nothing to say one knows anything about it. We may think of ourselves as “being alive” in moments of exhilaration or well being, yet we have no smaller portion of life in us when we are depressed or are suffering in some other style. And if we are not suffering at present—or at least not suffering noticeably—it is insurmountably difficult to know what suffering is like, or what it was once like for us in the past as well as what it will be like in the future. As for knowing that we will die, our ignorance is absolute, now and forever. We can only fear death without knowing anything about what we fear. Some people can short-circuit their jitters about public speaking by exposing themselves to it repeatedly. But no mortal can overcome the fear of death with practice. You can only put it out of your mind for the nonce, pathetically non-victorious over your fear and still unwitting of the feared inevitability. Therefore, we can have no conscious knowledge that we are alive and will die. This logic correlates to Zeno’s “proof” that nothing can move from one point to another because the distance between one point and another comprises an infinite number of incremental steps that in theory can never be completed. But just as things do in fact move from one point to another, so do we in fact have conscious knowledge that we are alive and will die. Everyone knows it, if only in a far off way. And the farther off it is, the more fluidly we can stay in motion and not lose our heads. Because even if we have conscious knowledge that we are alive and will die, the less we are conscious of this knowledge, the more we can keep doing what we do and keep being as we are, all things being equal. Luckily for us, or most of us, bringing to bear our consciousness on the subjects here under discussion is an uphill battle. Our brains do not seem to focus on these things very well or for very long. And should we manage to meditate on them for more than a few minutes, there really seems nothing to get excited about. “Yes, we are alive and will one day die. What of it? Pass those potato jobbies over to this side of the table, if you wouldn’t mind.” When the theme of life and death arises, that old warhorse, our minds go blank...unless we are philosophers who earn a living thinking about these things. Judging by the number of works they have produced, they know plenty about life and death, although not everything about them and perhaps not what is most interesting about them. The rest of us, or most us, only know that being alive is all right—“What a feast, and those potatoes”—especially when you consider the alternative.
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2023.03.20 20:31 wnesceitmx 😘👉👌 IF YOU TAP YOU WILL CUM 🍆💦
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Ugh, cheer practices.
"Okay, ladies, you’re free to go."
Finally. I got up from push-up mode, and head to the showers. I'd had enough of push-ups for a long time. I make my way to one of the showers, and strip myself of my sweaty, disgusting clothes.
"I'm so glad it's Friday," says someone in the shower next to me. Amy.
"I know. I don't think I would have made it another minute doing push-ups."
"Do you think Monday she'll make us do more?"
I let the water on off my skin, and look at myself. I was tired, and exhaust. "I don't know." I say absentmindedly. I run my hand through my hair, and lean against the wall. At 5'7 I was one of the best volleyball players in my school. Though I had to work hard to get it, I got the scholarship I needed to get into Drake University.
"So are you getting together with Kyle afterwards?" I heard the jealousness come out of her voice. Amy was downright the most popular girl in school. I came next, but wasn't a friend of hers. She thought everything revolved around her. Kyle had chosen me, but Amy never got over it.
"Oh...no reason. So have you...uh..done it yet?"
I yank open the curtain. "No, and it's none of your business what Kyle and I do."
The water in her shower stops, and she steps out. She grabs a towel, and wraps it around herself.
"Jeez..I was just wondering. I mean everyone is. The great "it" couple," She turns around, and heads over to her locker. "I mean it's pretty obvious he won't wait forever you know."
"What are you talking about?" I grab a towel, and start drying off.
"You and Kyle, of course." Pulling on the last of her clothes.
I get dress and think about this. Amy decides to drop it, and leaves with a satisfied grin on her face.
"Don't let her get on your nerves. She's just being, Amy." My friend Danny comes up, and is drying her hair.
"I know. She's just like a parasite." I look at my watch, and swear. "I'm late."
Danny looks at the clock, and she rolls her eyes. "Yeah, let me know how it goes."
I laugh. "I will." Not.
I'm halfway through the door when she grabs my arm. "I'm serious. She's just a jealous bitch." She lets go, and I grab my stuff from the floor, and head out to my car. This date was the only thing I looked forward to, and I had brought special clothes just for it. A black skirt with a flower belt, and a tube tank top I had once gotten a compliment from Kyle on.
I pulled into his house, and noticed his parents weren't home yet. Hmm.. strange. They're usually home by now. Maybe they're just running late. I get out, and head up to his door. Right when I get there the door opens, and Kyle steps out. He's wearing cargo shorts, and a simple button-up blue t-shirt.
"Hey, babe. I thought you might not be coming." He wraps me in a huge hug, and gives me a kiss.
"I know. Practice ran a little later than I thought. Can you forgive me?"
He laughs, and says maybe. He pulls me into the house, and pushes my body up against the wall with his body. He starts kissing me, and starts to undo his shirt. I pull him tighter against me, and finish unbuttoning his shirt. He sheds it, and I let my hands explore his chest. It was warm, and solid. Well, of course, he worked out a lot.
"I have a surprise for you." He murmured against my lips.
"Oh." I laugh, and push him back so I can see his face.
He doesn't say anything, but walks towards the stairs, and beckons me with his finger. He then turns around, and takes off up the stairs. I roll my eyes, and follow him. I get up the stairs, and turn into his room when he comes up behind me. He picks me up, and carries me into his room. I scream, and pretend to fight back. He chuckles, and pins me down on his bed not letting me move.
"Hey gorgeous." He leans down, and starts kissing my neck.
He moves down, moving my shirt out of the way. My heart stops beating . I suddenly knew why Amy had started the conversation.
"Wait, Kyle." I try to push him back, but he thinks I'm just playing.
"Wait." I say.
"Why do you want me to stop?"
I stop myself from telling him I wasn't ready, and that I couldn't have sex with him. I mean this is high school, and if I said that I'd never live it down. Not to mention Kyle would probably dump me, and go be with Amy. I shiver, and he thinks I cold. He pulls the covers back from his bed, and pats the area beside him.
"I know what you’re doing." He says smiling.
"You do?" I ask nervous.
"Yeah. Stalling." He grabs my hand, and pulls me to him. "But you and I both know that it won't work."
He starts kissing my neck again, and I once again push him away. He grins, and once more pins me to the bed. He grabs the end of my shirt, and pulls it up, over my head.
"Damn." He mutters. I groan as he starts at my stomach, and licks me all the way up my chest. Suddenly I want him. I want him bad. I can't stop myself as I sit up, and undo my bra. He leans down, and begins to suck on my breast. Wow! His hands slip down, and I feel him fumbling with something. His zipper!
"Kyle….wait! I think we should...wait..." There I said it. Only I don't think he's too happy about it.
But all he does is laugh. He thinks I'm joking. He unzips his pants, and steps out of them. He grabs me, and pulls me up and goes for my skirt.
"Kyle..wait I'm serious. I think we should wait a little bit longer until..." I let my words fade as he looks at me. Just looks at me. I couldn't read his face, but whatever he was thinking it wasn't good.
"Wait..?" He asks, like it's a foreign language.
"Yeah, I just...I don't know if we should do this. I mean..what if something happens?" Not meeting his eyes. I know what I'll see in them. Disappointment. Regret.
"We've been dating forever, and you don't think we're not ready. Babe, listen. I'm ready, and I know you’re ready. You’re going to lead me on, and not finish what you've started?" His voice. It was getting angry.
"Well..I'm sorry about that, but it was kind of hard not to get turned on with you doing everything that you did. I mean I liked it--" I start.
"If you liked it what's the problem then? I say if you like it why not?" He throws his hands in the air, "Come on, I dressed up nice, and everything for you." He reaches for my skirt, and I knock his hand away. His eyes narrow and his fist clench up.
"Look maybe we need a break..." I blurt out. This seems to only make him madder.
"A break..first you lead me on, when my intentions were clear, and you say no to me. Then you say we need a fucking break?" He says to me. His face growing redder by the minute.
I was getting scared. He was really mad. I knew I shouldn't have said we should wait. I shouldn't have lead him on either. Now his parents were gone, and we were the only ones in the room alone.
"Well, aren't you the greatest." I whisper.
"You know what; I'd like to think that my girlfriend of four-and-a-half years wasn't losing her mind!" He practically yells at me. He should of. It would have meant the same thing to me.
"I'm not losing my mind. I'm just not ready for sex!" I almost yell back at him.
"You’re not ready." He says. "That's the reason. So we can do all this stuff," He gestures to me, "but we can't have sex because you’re not ready. Even though we can get naked, and do this. We can’t have sex."
"Wait, Kyle, that's no--"
"Not what you meant. What did you mean?" He ask folding his arms across his chest.
“I meant I’m not ready to have sex. I don’t know when I will be, or if I ever will, but I know I can’t do it now. I’m just not..” I search for the right words.
“You’re just not into me. Like I am to you.” He says looking at me with a gaze so sad.
“No, Kyle, I never said that.” I say sitting down on the bed.
“You can say what you want, but your right, you might not ever be ready. So I don’t want to pressure you; make you feel like you need to do this.” He grabs his pants, and pulls them on zipping them up.
“Kyle, that’s not fair.” I grab his arm.
But he pulls it away before I can get my hand around it. “No, what your doing isn’t fair.” He slips his shirt on, and grabs his car keys. He looks at me one more time before he turns and heads to his car. I run after him, afraid he would do something he’d regret.
I push his door closed as he opens it. “Kyle, wait. Please just wait. I don't want you to drive while your mad. Please?”
He stares at me, and says, “Like you care.” Then he opens it again, turns his car on, and starts backing up. Then he shoots forward, and leaves me with no ride home.
He didn't just leave me here. I guess this is what people get for telling the truth. Shit. I start to leave, but I grab a sheet a of paper saying I was sorry. This was suppose to be a great night. Now it was just a disapointment.
I walk out of his house, and started the walk to my house. It wasn't long but I was exactly excited about it either. I was thinking about how this day couldn't get any worse when it started to rain. I stopped walking, and just let myself get soaked. I all the sudden didn't care. I took a deep breath, and started to walk again. I might as well go now. The sooner I get home, the better. As I turn the corner I see a blue pick up stopping for the stop sign. I looked to see who the drive was and wow, it was the gothic guy. He saw me too, and it looked like he was deciding on something. I saw his truck start to go, and then it stopped. I heard the door open, and then my name was being called.
"Allissa!" I stop and turn around finding him waving his hands at me.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"You..uh..looks like you could use...need a ride?" He ask. He was now soaked as much as me.
"...Uh..yeah. Thanks." I head towards his card, but then stop. If I get in that truck with him, if anyone sees me there goes my life. Well....screw it. I needed a ride badly, and Kyle left me. I climb in his truck, and we start moving.
"So..um..you go to my school right?"I ask. I knew the answer, but it was kind of ackward sitting in here saying nothing.
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I woke up, the alarm buzzing. 7:00 am. "ugh...Jenny..." I said groggily too her. " mmm...five more minutes and then we can get up." she said sleepily. After last nights activities, she must have been tired. This sucked because of our test today. I pressed snooze on the alarm, and five minutes later it went off again seeming louder. " Jenny, seriously. We have that...test thing...first period." "Ok ok I'm getting up." she said getting up, with no shirt on, her perfect tits hung out, I kissed her good morning letting my chest press up against them."Morning." I said. "Our clothes should be in the dryer still...."she said pulling my shirt on. Still completely naked I got up and walked down stairs. After getting dressed we both had our breakfast, we got on the bus. "Remind me again what the test is on?" I asked. "American Revolution and it's aftermath, are you ok?" "Yeah just still waking up..." I replied. We got inside and we still had 15 minutes before homeroom..."Hey Jenny.." " Yeah?" She said looking at me. I moved my head towards the mens room across the hall. Next thing I knew we where furiously, making out and I was caressing her sexy boobs. We made our way into a stall. I locked it behind us. As I turned around she had taken her top off and placed it on the toilet seat. "wow" I said. "your still excited about these after 4 years?" she asked kissing my lips and neck. Truth is I was. Having sex with her was like fucking an angel. As she lowered her self down, she unzipped me and pulled my dick out. Boner in full swing she put her mouth on it and sucked. "aah...aah..." I was groaning. " Youre the best at this!!" "I kno-" As the door to the bathroom opened loudly, I heard someone walk in. " Alright you two! Whoever that is you better come out right now or else!" It was my homeroom teacher Mr. Jenson. My heart was racing like lightning. I looked down at Jenny. She looked scared. "Ok Mr.Jenson" I said. "Mr.Peterson? Is that you?" who are you umm ..." he asked. "It's me sir."Jenny said. She wasn't scared anymore. She had courage on her eyes. " Could you both come out please?" he said. Jenny quietly pulled her top on. As we both stood in front of him, looking embarrassed as hell, he gave his normal speech;" What did you think you were doing in there?" he asked. "Look Mr.Jenson, homerooms about to start. Let Jenny go to her class. I'll take the rap." I said. Jenny looked at me,saying thank you with her eyes. "That's very noble of you Jake. I am willing to let you both off this time. But if I catch you doing this one more time, I will have to suspend you." I felt an ocean of relief wash over me. "Mr. Jenson I don't know how to-" Jenny started but he held up his hand. "Go. Good luck with your test." The rest of the morning went fine. The test was easier, I owe it all to Jenny though. At lunch me and Jenny saw eric, with no sign of Lisa. As we sat down Eric looked excited. "Hey guys. Guess what? My parents are having a long night out. An all night out. If you know what I mean. I'm throwing a party that's going to go down in history." he was practically bursting with excitement. Eric's parties are always good, probably be uase he's rich as a CEO. He has a huge house, with lots of private rooms. "Jenny, you wanna go?" I asked. " Of course!" she said." Oh Eric guess what? Guess who got caught in the bathroom with the extra long candle stick this morning?" "You and Jake got caught doing it I the bathroom?"he asked looking at me. This was hilarious to him. "Who caught you?" "Mr.Jenson" I said completely embarrassed. "HA!" he said. " this is better than that time you--" "OK that's enough Eric! Who else is gonna be there?" I asked Eric. "Everyone in the high school." he replied.
* * *
After school, I went home alone because Jenny had Field Hockey. I would have stayed but she said I should go. I got home, and put my bag down atone collapsed on the couch. I had an hour till Jenny got back, and four until the party. I turned on the tv. And turned to channel 269. That was the adult channel. It was two white chicks making out and scissoring. It was hot as hell. I pulled out my dick and started stroking it. One of the women pulled out a double ended dildo. As one of them put it in her pussy, I started masturbating faster and harder. I groaned as I came onto the floor and coffee table. I got a towel and cleaned it off. I turned it fox and turned it off. 20 minutes later Jenny walked in the door. "Hey, how was field hockey." I asked kissing her. "Fine. Luckily not much conditioning. Still good condition for tonight. " she said. She walked the living room and reclined. "What were you watching that made you cum?" She asked tentetavly. " I uuh..." I started embarrassed. " Oh come on Jake. I've seen you jack off, cum, and pretty much everything else. I don't care." "How did you know?" I asked "You missed spot on the coffee table." she said. See this would have been akward except for what happened earlier this morning. "How about we warm up for tonight?" she asked sexily. Now I was getting excited."Hell yeah!" She threw herself on my as we kissed, I asked I we should move to my bed. More comfortable for sex than the leather couch. We kind of undressed on the way up, leaving our clothes on the floor, stairs , and hallway. As we made out and fell onto my bed. "Can I put it in?" I asked. " Yeah!" she said really excited her pussy was already wet. I put my dick in and she moaned with pleasure. I started moving my sides. We were both sighing and moaning in pleasure."Aaah...aah...Jake...jaaaaake..." She leaned forward. And I sat down still thrusting inward and outward. As we kissed we moved our tongues into each others mouths. "Jake!aaaaah...aah..Jake I'm cumming!" she yelled. " Me too...." "AAAH!" we both came me then her. As we laid on the bed next to each other. "That...was...incredible..." I said gasping. Letting my cum and her cum oth seep down my cock and around my crotch. I assumed she let her pussy drain as well. "we should...get ready...for the party..." she said. " yeah...haha. That was...I think sex is generally better after Mr.Wheeler's tests." I said. "Oh my god yes. That was so good." she said. " now get dressed." Getting up and giving my dick a lick like it was ice cream. "Hey! ok let's go." I got up and we walked down the hall way collecting our clothes. Fully re-dressed, we were ready to go. "Wait Jake? How are we getting there?" "Eric is driving us, we're the VIPs. We get there and hour earlier, get our own...Uh..giant ass room, king sized bed, mini-bar. All access pass the Le Mansion de Eric. Being his best friend rocks." "Oh my god really? This is gonna be a fun night." she said. 'Oh yeah. I thought. This will be the best night in a while.' I thought.
-- Next time: PARTY! Alchohal,sex, and maybe some ecstasy.--
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It was a nice day at Woodrow Wilson High, located in northern California. (What an odd place to name that school there). My name is James Carten. I'm a regular athlete, played on nearly every team. I entered my Junior year of high school, hormones at their peak. Unfortunately, I wasn't the greatest with ladies. I could talk with them, be cool with them, but I never could ask them out. I tried to change that soon.
I entered first period, tired as hell, but I do the work anyway. I gaze upon this girl, Chelsy, as she sits there magnificently. She's very cute, and has a perfect body. She has long, straight, blonde hair, and she's around 5"7. A little tall, but it only turns me on more. Everytime she would move to get papers from the teacher, sit with her friends, I would stare at that lovely ass. Round, fairly large, but not enormous. It's firmness matches her beauty. Her breasts were perky, and were larger then her body suggests they were. Near perfection.
During lunch, every day, I just have to see her once. It's hard to overcome. A crush that I believed would end in nothing except discomfort among ourselves. Afterschool, I was walking home when I see her by herself, walking down sad, with her head down. She never really acted like this, from what I've seen. I started to walk with her, and asked her, "What's up?" She gave a modest reply. "I'm walking home" Even her voice was sexy, fragile, and cute, like herself.
For some reason, she never really backed off from me. I always thought she knew I liked her, but she never liked me. We continued walking home, and I realized I missed the mark where I was supposed to steer towards my house. At this point I was making some decent jokes, and telling wierd stories. Oddly enough, she began laughing. At the end of the walk home, I grabbed my neck, almost crapped myself, and asked her on a date. She giggled, and exclaimed, "I'd love to, but make sure you don't try to tell those stories on the date."
I was ecstatic. As soon as she entered the door of her house, I rushed home, almost got hit by a car. It was a dream come true. Two days later (Sunday), after a phone call or two, we met up at Boomers, a "Family Fun Park". We played in the batting cages when we came in, and I helped her swing with some (softly groping her arms and breasts). I'm not sure if she noticed though. I don't really think she ever needed my help hitting the baseball, since I knew she was on Varsity Softball for our school.
We went over to the Go Karts, and we sat in the same kart. As soon as the race started I cut a whole bunch of people off, and then raced around the track. Chelsy began to rub my leg and saying how good a driver I was. As soon as the race ended, we went into the arcade, played some mini golf, and exited the park. Not the greatest place for a first date.
We entered my car as I drived off to her house. After avoiding traffic, we arrived. I walked her to her doorstep, and we had a subtle kiss. Afterwards we did it one more time, but longer. All this on the first date? She isn't as innocent as I thought. She invited me in. It was a nice two story house, but I didn't know too many details because I was too busy staring at her amazing body, the tight ass, the disproportinate breasts that could imitate a pussy.
We went up to her room and talked. Alot. I thought it was an hour, but it seemed less, since I was so captivated by her. She eventually said, "You're the sweetest person I have ever dated. I also noticed how you've been staring at me since we were both 14. You really like me don't you." I was dumbfounded, and had no idea where this was going. She started to undress and my heart stopped. She dropped her shirt on the ground, and then asked me to unbutton her. I took off the pants as she reached for mine. She hastedly threw them off, revealing an erection that amazed her. She was a virgin, despite the fact that she has dated around 3 other people.
I felt a sensation around my penis as she began to give me a blowjob. "Why is it so hard to unclothe this woman dammit?" I thought to myself. I felt like I had to come already. When we were fully exposed, we looked at each other briefly, and then we begun to have sex. I slowly fucked her, and gradually increased speed. She craved it harder, yet the moans with the grunts made me think I was doing something wrong.
I put that aside as I let my cock do the thinking. She was ecstatic at this point, tits hard. I rubbed her breasts as we switched positions, and then she began to control. She was moving her ass up and down, my cock sliding in it. This sent me over the edge. I hastedly said "I'm cumming!" I took my penis out, and sprayed my cum everywhere. She looked surprised as it was all over her bed. I didn't want to give a facial, just for respect. She said that was the greatest time of her life.
I left her house, very satisfied, and went home. The greatest day of my life.
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I went back to my room and just laid there. Did that really just happen? Did I just screw my little sister? Are we really secretly dating now? I had so many questions, but they all had a positive answer. Before I knew it, it was light outside. I looked at the clock; it read 9:37, so I decided now’s as good a time as any to get up. As I got up I started to think again, what if I made a mistake? What if Rita was only in the moment and I took advantage of her? What if she regrets and was ashamed of what we’ve done? I could never forgive myself. All was answered when she came bursting through my door and jumped on me, causing me to fall on the bed. She gave me a long, passionate kiss on the lips, all the while grinding on my hips. When we finally broke the kiss, I was speechless. Everything was answered with that one kiss.
“Happy birthday big brother!” she said cheerfully. “I got something for you.” She handed me an envelope. Inside it was two tickets to my favorite band in concert, U2. I was ecstatic! “U2? I love you!” I said happily. “I knew you’d like it, that’s not all though” she said. With that, she started moving around under the covers then put her panties on my face, the aroma was intoxicating. I told her she wasn’t getting her panties back, and she told me I wasn’t getting my boxers back, completely worth it(I had forgotten she had those). I read the tickets to myself, third row, how the hell did she manage that? I just stared at her; I had the best sister in the world. Those tickets must have cost her a fortune, I was suddenly glad I didn’t skimp on her gift. “I have something for you too, and I know you’ll love it” I told her. I knew she’d love it, I put so much thought in her gift I expected nothing less. I handed her the box and she tore it open, revealing a necklace with a heart and a diamond in the middle. She gasped as she was looking at the necklace she wanted ever since she saw it four months ago. She looked at me as if she was going to cry. “I love it, and I love you” she said misty eyed as she started kissing me all over my face. “Why don’t you show me how much you love me” I said hoping she would. Just then she mounted me, and I got excited, real excited. Then with the worst timing ever, we heard our parents coming. She quickly jumped off me and got back under the covers, and not a moment too soon. Our parents came in and saw us holding the gifts we had gotten from each other.
“Happy birthday you two” they both said simultaneously. “Oh look they gave each other a gift” our mother said smiling. “Come on honey, let’s leave these two to their business” our dad said while dragging our mom out of the room. “Breakfast in five” he added. If only he knew the business we wanted to get back to. On that note we made out for a little while, went to the bathroom, brushed our teeth and proceeded to breakfast, Rita going to her room first. At the table we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other, but we had to be careful because our parents were there too. I dropped my fork on the floor under the table, I bent to pick it up and I saw Rita’s bare pussy staring back at me. Some of her juices were dripping out onto the chair! I was immediately hard. She knew I saw her because she gave me a sexy grin. I had to get out of there. I rushed through the rest of my breakfast and flew to the bathroom. After ten minutes of jacking off to the thought of licking and fucking her sweet pussy and came a busload in my hand, it felt good to get a release. I cleaned up the mess and headed out the door.
As I exited the bathroom, I heard my sis playing video games, and then I got an idea. I cracked her door a little and saw her sitting on the edge of her bed playing Super Mario Bros again(obviously trying to get some practice in since I whooped her last time). Without any warning I went into her room, kneeled down in front of her, and proceeded to eat her out as she played the game.
“Randy what are you, oh fuck! Mom and dad are right downstairs! Oh god that feels so good! Dam Randy I’m trying to play this oooooooooooooh shit! Fuck Randy that’s my spot! I have to beat this level! Oh shit fuck this game! Eat my pussy! Get you tongue all the way in there, lick my clit” she screamed out. Her pussy tasted so good, there’s nothing like the taste of a horny pussy. I ran my tongue and lips through her hairy black bush, which was matted down from the combination of her juice and my saliva. After a while I started flicking her clit with my tongue. When all her juices started leaking out, I made sure to get every drop. Upon seeing how wet she was getting, I then went to town on her clit, sucking it, biting it, everything possible I did it. It wasn’t long before she started to shake with an orgasm coming. She grabbed my head in both hands and held it firmly on her pussy. “Yes! Right there, I’m cumming! I’m cumming! I’m cummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmming!” she said as she fell back on the bed, totally satisfied.
When I finished, I got up, licked my lips, and left as if nothing had happened. The moment was priceless.
I went downstairs to find my parents being friendly in the living room. “Oh come on no one wants to see that!” I said as any son would. They just kept at it until my mother asked if we wanted to go to the beach. I weighed the pros and cons, but it wouldn’t matter because I would see Rita in a skimpy bikini, so of course I said yes. “We have to get there before 2:00 because that’s when the lifeguards get there” I said, “its no fun with them telling you how to swim.” What I wanted to do I didn’t want to take any chances getting caught. My parents started packing up the car and I went upstairs to take a quick shower. I told Rita and she started to get ready, or at least I thought she was getting ready, and then I grabbed a towel and hopped in the shower.
I had just finished rinsing out my hair when I heard the bathroom door open. I thought nothing of it since it happens all the time when someone comes in to use the bathroom or something, but then the shower curtain was ripped back, and my sis was standing there naked. I was confused, but I didn’t object as I looked her up and down. She stepped in the shower in front of me, saying nothing, and started washing herself. I wanted to fuck her right there but our parents could come in at any minute, which scared me to death, but apparently not her. She looked so good standing there with her ass poked out at me, taunting me, but I know she was trying to get me back for my little incident earlier, so I resisted, but barely. Then out of nowhere, she turned to face me, dropped to her knees and started sucking my cock! I did not see that coming! She twirled her tongue around the tip then took me into her mouth. I was in ecstasy. She had a nice little rhythm going that felt so good I can’t even explain it. “Oh yes suck my cock, keep doing that!” I said as she started fingering herself. She took hold of my ass cheeks and pushed them towards her, forcing my cock all the way in her mouth. She had really caught on fast because it was even better than her last blowjob she gave me. Then she did something with her bottom teeth and her tongue that sent me over the edge. I told her I was about to cum and she picked up speed and started moaning on my cock, adding to the pleasure. A jolt of electricity went through my body as I grabbed the back of her head and shoved my cock in her mouth as far as it would go and just unloaded all my sperm down her throat. She swallowed it all with no hesitation. She never took her eyes off me, as if she wanted to see the expression on my face from the pleasure she just gave me. After she milked me dry, she wiped her mouth, stood up and got out of the shower. Before she left she turned around and said “now were even”. She blew a kiss at me and left. I fell in the tub because my legs were too weak to stand on. God I love my sister!
I pulled myself together and finished my shower. As I’m getting dressed in my room Rita comes in and grabs me from behind in a big hug. “Cant keep your hands off me huh?” I joked. “I could, but I don’t want to” she said, “Id fuck you right now if we didn’t have to worry about getting caught” I told her. “Sneaking around might make it more exciting” she said, I agreed. She slipped a note in my pocket and left, it read…
“Don’t get too attached to swimming, you might have to take care of me.”
What in the world could she mean by that? My sis never was good at the whole brain teaser thing, but this one had me wondering. I decided not to make too much of a big deal about it and we all left for the beach.
We ended up getting to the beach at 2:37 because of an accident on the freeway, a fruit truck tipped over. I was a little bummed because I knew anything involving my sis and I wasn’t going to happen with the lifeguards all over the beach, great. We found a spot with a few people around and set up the chairs and towels and we all lay out for a bit. After a while mom and dad took off into the water leaving me and Rita to fend for ourselves, but with all these people around, there was no chance of doing anything.
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