Wattersons: Here he comes, the Vermin Man,
He's always ready with a trick or a scam!
With his one black eye and his pointed nose,
And an outfit straight from 80s cop shows,
He's a liar and a rogue and a sponger and a thief,
He'll take away your happiness and fill the hole with grief
Here he comes, the Vermin Man,
He's always ready with a trick or a scam!
He's a no-good husband and a deadbeat dad
If he disappeared for good, then we'd all be glad
His face is gross, his manner is brash
If you split him down the middle, all you'll find is trash
Here he comes, the Vermin Man,
He's always ready with a trick or a scam!
Frankie: [Spoken] Where's the candy?
Granny Jojo: [Spoken] There isn't any, just garbage to symbolize how rotten the Vermin Man is on the inside.
Wattersons: [Singing] Got a hole for a soul and a heart like a knife
He let down his child and wife
Never, ever marry him, he'll ruin your life
The Vermin Man
He's always ready with a trick or a lie or a con or a hustle
Or a hoax or a fraud or a racket or a sham
Or a diddle or a fiddle or a scam!

SO I've been doing food delivery with one of the major employers. It's been less than a week..so far I earn good amounts that make life easier for me.
I am calling the SSA phone to report my wages.
Am I going about this right way? I called ticket to work for information they will send out.
I can't report my wages online so I may have to sit at the office tomorrow.
My question I guess is
-How will self employed like uber affect my medical review? I thought remember reading that trying to work would potentially allow me to skip the medical review. Does SOCIAL SECURITY show leniency for people who try to work or do they deem them as cured and thus able to work? I know my body and do not believe I am ready for full time work..but let's be honest....who doesn't want more $$..and I know if you don't hunt you don't get fed so I'm trying the self employed thing out.
-Do I have to report ALL wages or only if I make more than a certain amount?
-How do I enter the trial work activity? Can you earn any amount during this period?
Now I only deliver for about 2-3hours MAX. So I'm not ever gonna earn more than like 300 for the whole month.

I'm a hopeless romantic deeply thoughtful guy. i could become your lifelong soulmate , provided you put in a bit of effort to understand me. I want to know you deeply from within. Do you have the courage to talk freely and be open about who you really are ? We all have shortcomings and issues. Acceptance is important.
I'm eventually looking for a serious long term relationship but I understand a lifelong commitment can be hard to promise or expect. So, I don't mind taking things slow, starting from a friendship with some fun chats and affection / intimacy. But i would like to discuss about the practicalities and feasibilities at some point in our conversation , especially if incompatibilities or geographical barriers are involved that can make it hard for us to be with each other. And then, we can gradually develop that emotional connect and liking for each other as we talk but yet not rush into commitment until we are sure of our decision.
People outside India are welcome too. LDR is fine with me ( i can move to your country). Long distance makes the final meet even more romantic as we travel across the world to be with each other. I'd be so happy if you visit me and learn about Indian culture from me.

Some Essential Info About Me

I was into software development and even did some stock trading on the side. Tried developing my own game as a hobby project. I didn't learn much in college. I was a self taught app developer. Self-employed. I'm not quite settled or established yet, but have enough to make ends meet. But eventually, I found I need support in life. It's difficult to work alone without a business partner or a romantic life partner. So I've just lost motivation to work since past few years. Also because of my family environment. My father hasn't been working since a decade, so I never had a role model growing up who could inspire me to be diligent, disciplined and help me find opportunities.
And I've realized lately that my motivation is more towards finding love. It's like a fuel I need in order to continue to perform. So I'm focusing on that first because I know I can't have my heart in my career if my mind is craving for something else. Finding a loving partner is both a need for me and the foremost thing on my bucket list. And finding consistent compatible women who are self aware and clear about what they want has been hard for me. It often ends in a few weeks. Or converts into a platonic friendship. But if I can't find romantic love, then I hope I atleast can find a true platonic unconditional love. And once I do, I will have the energy in me to realize my potential in the career aspect too.
I've never had a relationship, so you'll be my first.
Physical: height is six feet ** , I'm average build , slightly **muscular. Fair skin but not white, more like wheatish. Black hair. Cute. I get mixed responses. Some women like my looks, while some ghost after seeing my pics. ( in case you feel unattracted, just tell me bluntly 😅. I appreciate straightforwardness)

My Personality

I really like being a support and best friend to anyone, even if relationship doesn't work out between us. I believe in honesty, kindness, fidelity, privacy, empathy. I am straightforward in talks, i hate mind games, you don't need to be over-polite . Be blunt and straight with me please.
I think i'm assertive and i openly express how i feel and i want you to do the same. If you keep things bottled in, you'll be at discomfort. I want you to share your feelings & thoughts with me in a direct way and be as comfortable while talking , as if i'm your best friend.
I'm an ambivert because i feel introvert with people i don't really connect with and extrovert otherwise. My MBTI type (can't say if it is still the same) is ENTP.

My Interests and Hobbies

talking to people, listening to their issues and helping out, playing sports, especially those involving teamwork, i really want to collaborate eventually to solve problems the world faces. I am altruistic but self-centred too.

Affection & Intimacy

These are results of my love language test :
40% Acts of Service
20% Quality Time
18% Physical Touch
12% Receiving Materialistic offerings
10% Words of Affirmation
I like to give hugs every few hours. I believe i have a high drive. I am a sapiosexual, means attracted to intelligence. I adore your brain. While I'm not a demisexual, overall, I think it's the emotions and love which makes it all the more fulfilling. I like giving pleasure as much as receiving. I also can adapt to my partner's nature. So, I am dominating if they like me to lead and take control but I can be submissive too.

Who I’m Looking for

A woman anywhere on the Earth (if you can't relocate, i will ) who is preferably around my age (but I'm flexible) , any race. I'm open minded about your views of god, life philosophy. religion etc and you should be tolerant too. I'd prefer though that you follow a middle ground between a religious zealot and a hardcore nihilist. I do believe our existence and life has a purpose. But even if we don't align in our spiritual beliefs now, we may become like-minded as we talk and understand each other. We need to be receptive to new ideas and alternate viewpoints and rational / logical.
I value love and intelligence above everything else, so even if you are depressed, don't have confidence in your beauty, have some mental health issues, are not able to get over a break up, still i'd like to atleast get to know you , be your friend and give it a chance.
I feel people who have faced failures are actually wiser, people who have experienced depression before are mature and those who have suffered loss in the past are more emotionally stronger. I'm looking for a loving heart and beautiful soul. Physical attraction is important , but not the main thing i look for.
I don't smoke, drink, take any drugs, and i'd prefer if you don't as well.If you do, i won't pressurize you to change your lifestyle completely for me but I'd want you to put in an effort to abstain from that. I understand addictions are tough to deal with. But occasional indulgence is fine.
I also don't care about your income. You may be a college dropout , unemployed , that's alright. But i need you to be hard working and diligent.
In this overpopulated world, it doesn't make ethical sense for us to have kids. And a secondary reason is they deserve lot of time, attention and resources which we may not be able to provide with our life situations. I don't want to become the cause of why their upbringing may get messed up. That's why I have a preference towards being childfree.

Communication

I am open towards voice calls too whereas video calls only after some weeks . You don't need to send a pic right away but you can ask for mine after we chat for some hours . I don't abandon people abruptly , i'd let you know if i wish to discontinue talking. I'm also transparent about whoever i'm speaking to. I will never cheat on you , lead you on , keep you as a backup option , etc. You are free to explore your dating options until we become exclusive. I encourage you to talk to other people too.
If two lonely people get together, we can dispel away the loneliness.

Hi! I've been using a Pico 4 for DCS, after a lot of time in the Reverb G2 (and the G1 before that, and also a Quest). Here are my thoughts so far, some more objective than others, in case anyone's considering them:
⚪ = Pico 4 is better ⚫ = Reverb G2 is better 🔵 = They are the same

The review

🔵 Practically the same screen.
⚪ But the Pico has amazing lenses, most of the field of view is quite clear (in the Reverb the center is clear but the quality degrades fast towards the edges).
⚫ The Pico can only work via usb or wifi, both with less bandwith than the display port of the Reverb. This translates to a slightly better detail resolution in the center of the Reverb image, if you can run it in its native resolution (and that's a big if for many...).
⚫ And also, to get a nice image quality in the Pico 4 you have to have a fairly good router (I'm using a TPLink AX3000).
⚪ But the Pico image quality is still super good even though the final resolution is slightly worse in the center, because the rest of the image is quite clear, as opposed to the Reverb. In the Reverb I had to move my head a lot to get that "sweet spot" towards what I wanted to see, while in the Pico I can look at the HUD and still read MFDs pretty well at the same time.
⚪ Infinitely better software, really. Not depending on Windows Mixed Reality is such an win. I use Virtual Desktop (paid) with the Pico, and gosh, being able to switch from VR mode to seeing the desktop with just one key combination is so much better. The little ritual you have to do in WMR is so annoying, plus the sluggish menus, and the crashes/freezes when changing modes, and the times WMR simply refuses to recognize the headset, or the times the tracking goes back to 3dof instead of 6dof, the useless WMR Portal where you have to do rituals just to launch any app, etc. I could go on, but really, WMR sucks badly. Good riddance.
Some important context regarding the "seeing the desktop" thing: I fly in kind of a simpit, in which I don't have a nice big screen in front of me. So I need to be able to easily see the desktop in the VR headset, otherwise I have to twist all my body to do stuff like copying a server password from discord.
⚪ The Pico is lighter and more confortable, it has part of the weight in the back of the head instead of everything in the front. Though I would like a little more cushion in it, I still like its feel better than the Reverb. The strap is also better designed and easier to adjust (with that giant knob in the back).
⚪ Better movement tracking, both for the head and for the VR controls, though for DCS I don't use them. And the Pico isn't loosing track or readjusting position like the Reverb often does when something in the room changes (people walking by, a TV being turned on, a window getting opened, etc).
⚪ Less cables. I mean, really HP? 3 cables to use a single headset?? My simpit setup is now a little less messy.
⚫ The Pico doesn't (yet?) support OpenXR for desktop apps. Some websites advertise that it does support OpenXR, but there's a huge caveat to that: it supports OpenXR for apps running in the headset!, not for PC apps over Virtual Desktop or the official streamer app. I was really fond of OpenXR, I gained a fair amount of fps with the toolkit, which I can't use anymore, so I went back to my pre-openxr fps :(
There are some alternatives that might get that performance gain back, like ALXR. But right now they're super hackish, require lots of tinkering, and in my experience Virtual Desktop ends up working better.
⚪? I had all kinds of hardware problems with the Reverb: the G1 just stopped working after a few months, the G2's strap started tearing appart, the plastic bit where the strap attaches also broke (replaced it with a 3d printed part), the cable stopped working and had to get another one, the right speaker is now failing randomly... I honestly got tired of the quality control issues of the Reverb (and for fucks sake, I used it seated for a flight sim, it's not like I'm playing Beat Saber 3 hours a day).
The Pico in the other hand is fairly new to me, time will tell. But so far feels better constructed, and I don't see many people complaining online either. Take that with a grain of salt, but that's what I see so far.
⚪?? There are rumors that HP is leaving the VR industry. If true, that would make the Reverb a dead end, which doesn't seem to be the case for the Pico. But again, this isn't easy to verify or predict.

TL;DR

By switching to the Pico I got a slight loss of image quality in the center but better quality in the rest of the image (requires a good router), far better (but paid) software (WMR sucks), more confort, and lost some performance. And I'm tired of the Reverb hardware issues. Plus some other less important changes.

I’m sorry and thank you to everyone who is asking for updates. My heart is just too messed up to make an update. I talked to my husband and told him that his silence treatment won’t do. He told me that he was pissed at me because once I ignored his mom everyone followed suit and she got a lot of heat for “upsetting the bride”.
He said that he knew that his mom would make a speech because he knew her. She wouldn’t change. What he didn’t expect was me handling the situation that way. And not even trying to make things work with his sisters or mom the rest of the evening and next day even though I saw that they were visibly upset. I just ignored them instead. So I left for my parents house that same night.
His mom called me two days ago and she said that she never liked me (she said it was time for her to be honest) I told her that I knew this but that I wasn’t married to her. She said I wasn’t good enough for her boy and how dare someone like me break his heart. She said “I hope he wakes up soon and leaves you and your son”
My husband was here yesterday and I told him everything. He didn’t believe me and said I was exaggerating and that his mom would never say something like this “you must have misunderstood her”, I told him to ask her and she denied it and he believed her.
Then I remembered that my father in law probably heard her say these things over the phone because I heard him in the background so I asked my husband to ask him (my father in law is a good man and wouldn’t lie) only when my husband talked to his dad that he believed me. He was angry with his mom and told her that he didn’t want to have contact with her within the near future and now he is apologizing and asking me to move back but I’m just too hurt right now to think straight. How could I trust him after this?

So I graduate today and a lot of emotions are happening and a lot of things need to be done before I head over. So I took a nap cuz I got like 4 hours of sleep last night. I was STARVING so I ate whatever my grandma made, which was acidic, and I drank a soda. After I IMMEDIATELY took a nap and I knew I’d get reflux so I wasn’t too worried about a future tummy ache. So I woke up to my parents talking hella loud in the kitchen so I like shot up and not very kindly asked them to “stfu”. After that I couldn’t go back to sleep so I like shot up and jumped in the shower. Usually when I wake up from a nap or from the night I take a few minutes to like register consciousness and I didn’t do that earlier. So while I was in the shower I was super super anxious and cold and shaky. So my mind immediately goes to “oh no I have a sb”. So that heightened everything. I tried so hard to just slow down and take a breath to relax but nothing was working. So I had to just push through that shower while shaking and reminding myself that whatever feeling in the back of my throat is most likely reflux and that my stomach wasn’t hurting so it was all probably in my head. Rn after I got out I’m still shaking and idk why. Like Ik it’s graduation day and there’s lots to be done before 5 pm but I’ve never felt like this before. I can’t say this is a panic attack becuz i don’t feel panicked I’m just shaking. It’s like I’m anxious but I only feel it in my body. I think maybe I’m anxious about the possibility of me passing out or p and not being able to walk. Especially since I won’t have any gum or my phone for comfort. I’m scared of panicking in that kind of setting. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Is this like actually a sb* like developing? Am I just having some sort of nervous breakdown and in denial? Am I just hungry? What’s happening?

Recently, I've endeavored to approach my spirituality with Healing being my main focus.
I believe firmly that this coincides with my intense interest in necromancy, and naturally my affinity towards Death. My unique spiritual DNA, I think, has to do alot with my own personal tower moments. Times in my life where I faced the deepest ravines of my personal shadow, where my ego was cut with a scythe; albeit, allowed to regrow again over time. Friends, honestly, I used to be thick in the gangs, the drugs, and that lifestyle which guarantees never tomorrow. The past, my past, was an eclectic mix of many different social circles.
My path was walking through fire the whole time. Whether self-afflicted, or a casualty of war, it is a miracle I am alive. I testify to Santa Muerte always watching over Me.
I know my addiction is in the past, and I don't mean to always thread it in my reflections.
In deepest conviction, I feel and believe it speaks alot about where you are today ... when can use the past as a focal point for real change. It's like all of the sudden, when I got serious about who I am, where I want to go, and how to become who that man is (the one I visualized for so long, the one I needed to be to myself), the one I visualize in daily meditation; all the sudden... the low notes were transposed into a symphony. I have a real family now, I am going to be a Father. I am a rising pillar in the local recovery community. I've been able to be of spiritual assistance to human family that I meet along my journey. To Be this far and look back, it is humbling. Silently I admit, absolutely, a sign post of the turn around is the Spirits. Belial for sure, Lucifer, Paimon, Abaddon. Absolutely, integral, is Santa Muerte. For real, she is so powerfully with Me; I feel a new level of peace and comfort never before felt in this lifetime.
I feel in my heart, the reason I am sharing all of this previous information, is to help explain to you why I feel it's worthy to share today's experience. All of my sharing, has nothing to do with "my" genius, rather this story stands as a testament to the power of Santa Muerte.
Today I woke up at 5Am, meditated on "restoration" for an hour. I dropped my Sananga eye drops into my eye, slowly breathing and accepting the sting of the medicinal sananga eye drops. Sananga is a power filled medicine imported from Brazil. These eye drops utilize subtle energetic medicine to slowly decalcify the pineal grand. Sananga clears the "panema" from the eyes, panema being an indigenous term to reference "dark energy" or stagnant energies which disinhibit our true vision. Our true vision perceives not only the 3 Dimensional, but also the 4 Dimensional and higher; or in a sense, the fullness of the astral plane and spiritual dimensions.
I dropped the Sananga, and I jogged to the park which was 2 miles away. I was going to be a little late unless I sprinted, so I ran without stopping. The whole time I kept thinking "don't be a bitch" and I hauled ass. My friend, like I said, they are a military veteran and a bad ass so I have the utmost respect for their time and the quality of who they are as a human being. When I arrived at this meeting spot, we dapped up and stretched, and then we got too work.
We ran. It wasn't too difficult for me, and at the same time, I'm thinking about the warrior I was honored to train with today and I'm doing self-talk. "mother fucker, you will not stop" and I'm thinking of how I lost a good friend who struggled with addiction to a fentanyl overdose last weekend. I'm thinking of my future family. I'm thinking of how I want to be as ripped and fit as my little brother who is finishing his training in bootcamp right now. I want him to come home and be proud of me, and I want to earn the respect of everyone I meet; Not by talk, rather through actions. There is an undeniable power that comes with being a ripped beast-mode mother fucker. That is Me and who I am becoming.
The summary of that paragraph is "self-talk" and how I used mental images and strong emotions, both negative and positive, to propel me inside of this flow state as I surpassed the previous mental limitations I had placed on myself, and I broke through that fucking ceiling like a raging bull. There were a couple times we stopped, and during those times I was able to connect with my Brother whom I have the utmost respect for. It was during these moments, the camaderie was built and deeper rapport established. So "Here is my message from Ma - Self Talk is EVERYTHING!"
We are repelled and attracted; on an etheric, mental, subtle level it is important to understand the self, and how the self is pushed away from people, places, and things, and attracted towards pleasurable people, places, and things. You are the one in control of writing the programming regarding what attracts you; I used to be moving towards temporary fleshly desires, and now I am strongly attracted towards beinga beacon of hope, laughter, and love; Do not be fooled, I am not love and light. I am very much in touch with darkness, however through this internal understanding of the shadow I am growing into a spirit within a body who accelerates and enhances the energy of those around me, whatever their path may be.
What Am I repelled from? This would be what has cost me tremendous pain, shame, and dissappointent. What I've overdosed on ten years ago, the drugs which have cost me brothers and sisters - yeah, it's thick where I come from, and the pain is deep. I am repelled by that which would create me to become a hypocrite and disrepect towards Santa Muerte whom has granted me family, safety, peace, love, life, and wisdom. What that looks like, is a glutton for pain who disrespects his family and future daughter by choosing to step away from HIs most perfect self. If you pause and think about what I said, consider what that looks like... Reaistically, I am liberal and maybe you could say "Dutch" in the sense that I don't judge, and me personally, I have done a line of cocaine or two and been cool. As long as you got your fucking priorities straight and you're honest with your "god damned self" you know? It's the repulsion from becoming a straight drug fiend, a liar and thief who denys the self and chooses a false projection to subsist on fake pleasure. I enjoy drugs for inspiration, within moderation, with the exceptions of opiates. I avoid the hard shit in general, this writing is all keeping it A- to the motha fuckin real.
I grew up some of my life with the Hood, and also had the privilege of a middle class lifestyle at the least. When I was 18, I left the midwest and went out west to Nevada/Salt Lake City and I got a real taste of the streets. I was a rebellious, hustling psychonaut hellbent on the truth. I was also susceptible to magicians whom claimed to be "Divine and Chosen", having been raised in a very strict and very abusive religious enviroment. All of this submersion into the reality of the world, and the streets, from the Hood and the homeless shelters and the deepest crevices of societies underbelly (even rubbing shoulders with traffickers of drugs and humans on bulk, never NEVER advocating for that shit.... never really judging as such a young man, practically a teenager even, yet never advocating... just observing as a demonic creature witnessing the world...) all of this immersion, this modern baptism into Darkness, it served to broaden my horizons and open me to the possibilities of healing myself.
See when I started out on this spirtual journey officially, doing dedications and witch craft spells for wisdom and knowledge, more than sex and money, this all began a process which I believed altered my quantum reality. My initial course of reality was shifted, and I made choices more in line with "chaos" than the order predetermined and set for me. How I got to this point was willingly embracing "tower moments" only now, looking back, it is coming full circle and I am able to provide real support to those around me having been throught that darkness, and most importantly support to myself.
So In retrospect, today's run of 7 miles was also an "offering", a sort of proposal to my personal God and Ma, respecting them and inviting them into my spirit. Movement can be a great way to transmute the personal struggle and internal state, and with this in mind, I am also encouraging you to get up and become active. Find a way to participate in creative acts, and co-creation; reflect, encourage, and inspire.
I feel like maybe this post was a bit adhd, so I want to leave you with a few thoughts. No Matter Where You Are At, Santa Muerte Accepts You. She wants to see you Shine, and become all that you are. If you love yourself, or maybe you are struggling to love yourself, do you love Ma enough too ask Her to change you? She will create circumstances in your life, move people around, and you will be faced with temptations and challenges. Maybe even losing things. Where there is loss, there is room to grow. So have hope. Be strong. Life is so fucking temporary. Who you live as, beginning today, that is what counts. When you die, choose to face your God, Goddess, Deities, Self ; choose to face that with clean hands and an open heart.
Today I ran alot of miles, it was more than that. My personal achievements are very, very small in the grand scheme of the cosmos. I believe we are small fractals of the greater cosmos at large, therefore our choices everyday contribute to a small movement that is great when collective, a diretional change towards a better future for our children, and a better earth. If nothing else, we can say that we lived as Gods. Hail To Thee! Hail ThySelf! Hail Santisma!

So I went camping and this weekend for the first time in over a year and we brought a dirt bike I always ride that belongs to my grandpa. On our last day there, I rode hard and good and accomplished new skills of riding capability. We got back on Monday and now it's Thursday and every day since I have woken up with a well rested brain but my body doesn't wanna wake up yet. I've spent about 6 hours from waking up before I even really start doing anything cause my body just needs so much more rest than my mind.
Like, even being told I needed to do something, still waited an hour before even getting out of bed cause my body just says don't move. I'm sore in ways that feel most good and I do believe that once I have rested enough, I feel like my shoulder stability will be better. Riding a bike works my shoulder in ways I didn't think about. They've been super stuff and the muscles a healthy achy besides the already chronic issues that were already there.
Nothing feels worsened, just like it needs excessive rest. I didn't realize one good day of solid ass riding would wear me out so hard. Possibly more trips to come this year and I hope to be able to strengthen my body so that this cool down first hit so hard cause even working the last tiw days, things are so achy that five minutes of walking and achy muscles need to sit and rest. Though today I feel physically much better. But the rest was still needed.
I expect to feel fully recovered by the end of the week and then I'll start some exercises to hopefully prevent such strong physical burn out.

Hi. I've been a client at a PT gym for almost a year now. I've lost over 60lbs during that time and learnt how to lift weights, begun enjoying exercise again. It's been an overwhelmingly positive life changing experience. Ive been with my current PT for a few months and he is great.... I just cannot get over my feelings for him. It's so awkward when he demonstrates exercises and all I can see is his incredible body. What's worse is he looks at me looking at him but I don't really know where else to look If he's showing me an arm thing I have to look at his arm! - his arm can't help being muscular and my brain really can't help the way it feels about that.... but I get the sense that he knows he has a good physique and he knows that I'm not unaffected by it.
I would never ever do or say anything untoward. I'm just finding it difficult/stressful now to join up the need I have to just go workout hard for an hour vs the absolute anxiety of having to see and interact with him. It is awkward sometimes and it's because I don't want to talk to or look at him lest he reads the truth on my face but I'm pretty sure he knows at this point anyway....
He has a partner who I encourage him to talk about because I feel like it makes things more normal.
Should I just leave this gym despite all the life changing progress I've made there? Risk not finding something as supportive, but then not have the stress of dealing with my feelings and the fear of somehow behaving inappropriately? Or should I just stick it out and wait for the feelings to die off?
I think it might help you to understand how difficult this is for me to know that I have no experience with intimacy, or men in general and this is really the first time I've had these kinds of feelings in my adult life. It's just getting a bit overwhelming but working out there has become so important for me. What do I do.

Warning: previous chapters of this story have been updated with plot and character changes. Even if you've read them before, this chapter may not make sense unless you go back and re-read the last few chapters.
The Exchange Student Homepage
The next few days were a blur. I wanted to spend every waking moment (and all of my sleeping moments) wrapped around Isak. But school was fast approaching, and even though neither of us wanted to discuss it, I knew we had to decide what our plan was.
The fear of being outed at school started to keep me up at night. Sure, my parents knew and were weirdly cool with everything. But putting up with parents that are upset with you is minor compared to the judgmental stares and whispers that I knew would haunt me if people found out at school.
That combined with the stress of keeping secrets from Emma finally made me snap. Isak and I were laying on my bed when I pulled out my phone. I video called Emma and she picked up almost immediately.
“Oh hey, I was starting to feel like you two were ghosting me.” She put on a pouty face.
“About that…” I shifted nervously and Isak suddenly sat up, realizing what I was about to do.
Emma looked concerned but didn’t say anything.
“There is something that I have to tell you and you’re probably going to be pissed at me.” It was time for me to face the music.
“Jesus Gabriel, what have you done?” She sat down on her bed, preparing for the worst.
“I may have encouraged someone to shoot their shot with Ross.” Gabriel kept it vague to protect Reese.
Emma stared at the phone for a moment. I wasn’t able to read her reaction. “Is it safe to assume that based on your vagueness that this certain someone that you told to shoot their shot is a guy?” I glanced nervously at Isak and didn’t answer her question. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She didn’t seem upset, just confused. “Is Ross gay?”
I looked at Isak for help. He finally grabbed the phone from me. “The jury is still out on that one I’m afraid.”
“Well. Shit.” She looked a little disappointed, but not angry. “How come you never encouraged me to take a shot at him?” She asked.
“Didn’t seem like you needed it. You do a fine job flirting with him without my encouragement.” I explained.
“Yeah I guess you have a point there.” She seemed lost in thought for a bit. “So has this mystery man had any success?” I again looked to Isak for support. He had been the one that Reese gave nightly progress reports to.
Isak grabbed the phone from me. “Progress has been slow, but it's looking like there may be some mutual interest.” I thought back to the night after our trip to the lake with Ross. Reese had told us how he was teaching Ross to swim.
“I was holding onto his stomach for a super long time! And every time he swam off of my hands, his bulge would brush against them!” He was giddy with excitement.
Since then, he’d hung out with Ross a few times on their own. It had gone well apparently, but the topic of sexuality hadn’t come up and Reese wasn’t sure if Ross was being flirty back or was just being nice.
“Well if Ross turns out to like girls, can you at least put in a good word for me?” Emma rolled her eyes at us.
“Of course!” I grabbed the phone back. “Please don’t be mad. It just kinda happened and I’ve felt horrible about it for days.”
“Gabriel, I’ll never be mad at you for looking out for your friends.” She paused and put on a fake angry face. “Just don’t forget who your best friend is, okay?”
“Okay, promise.” I was relieved.
After getting off the phone with Emma there was only one thing left that I needed to do. It was time for the talk. I think that Isak could sense it. He kept giving me nervous glances.
I took a deep breath. “Okay so I’ve been thinking.” As soon as I started, Isak looked terrified. “I don’t think that I’m ready to be out at school.” I blurted out.
“Oh.” Isak seemed surprised by my statement. Apparently he’d been thinking I was going to say something else. “Okay, I totally get it.” He placed a hand on my knee and gave it a squeeze. “I thought you were going to say that you were having second thoughts about us or something.”
“Isak! If there is only one thing that I’m sure of in my life, it is that I love you with my whole entire heart and nothing, and I mean NOTHING will ever tear me away from you.” I placed a hand over his and gave it a squeeze.
“Does this mean that you want me to get back into the closet?” He didn’t seem upset, just unsure.
“I’m not sure.” I shifted uncomfortably. “I mean we’re out to my friends and family. So it's not like we’re really in the closet. Just at school maybe?” I felt like an absolute ass. Here I was claiming that he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and yet I’m acting like I was ashamed of him. Fuck.
“That’s fine. It’s not like people are going to ask me if I like guys right after I’m introduced to them anyways.” Isak pointed out. I guess he had a point. He may not even need to deny that he’s gay if it never comes up.. Right?
I leaned in for a kiss. Isak returned it, but it felt half-hearted. I ran a hand up his thigh. “Do you mind if we just watch a movie and snuggle? I’m not really in the mood.”
I nodded and tried not to look like I was upset. Isak had never turned down intimacy before. I know that eventually a night would come where one of us just wasn’t feeling it, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that he wasn’t feeling it tonight because I told him that I wanted to stay in the closet. I wanted him to stay in the closet. I didn’t want to admit to people that we were dating.
He put on a movie and slid into bed with me. I draped my arm over him and held onto him. His body was radiating heat. My mind began to race over all the things that he and I had experienced together in the past few weeks. He’d been my first in so many things. First real kiss. First time having sex. First love.
Why was this so hard? Why did I have to choose between upsetting him and being ridiculed at school? It wasn’t fair. The first tear slipped out of my eye. Fuck people. Fuck everyone. Judgmental fucks. Another tear fell. Then another. I managed to stay silent. I didn’t want Isak to see me crying. I had to be strong for him, for us.
Why didn’t he understand? He’d come out back home and everything changed for him. He was miserable after he came out. People treated him differently. Why did he want me to suffer the same fate? He’s supposed to care about me right?
My mind started to spiral out of control. The first sob hit suddenly. Isak turned around with a surprised look on his face. The dam burst and tears erupted out of me. The sobs were uncontrollable. Isak wrapped his arms around me.
“Gabe, what’s wrong?” He caressed my hair and wiped the tears from my face.
“I’m scared.” I managed to get out between sobs.
“Shhhhh.” He tried to calm me down. “We don’t have to tell anyone. I promise I’m not mad.” He assured me.
“You’re not?” The sobs started to subside.
“No, we will wait until you’re ready. There is no rush.” He gave me a kiss.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Here switch places with me.” He climbed over me so that he could be big spoon. I liked it when he was big spoon. I felt safe with him behind me.
Sleep evaded me that night. Try as I might, I couldn’t manage to get my brain to quiet down. I had everything I ever wanted laying behind me, but I was too scared to admit it.

Guys, a serious question. How do you stay active and healthy after working for 8 hours a day with a constant level of stress and mental gymnastic without actually moving and keeping your heart beating? Any tips? I sometimes think to switch to construction, atleast I would have some level of physical activity.

All this started almost 9 years ago. One of my friends told me that he and his wife saw her getting into an hotel with another man (his wife tried to convince him to not say anything, because "it was not their business" and got angry when he told me, but he said he couldn't keep being my friend keeping in secret something like that).
I made my moves, hired someone to follow her, and got all the evidence I needed, she was cheating on me. I had all the evidence I needed, even her social media, everything. Only after having everything on my favor, I confronted her.
I told her that I knew everything. She denied it, of course. I show her captures from her chats and texts. She kept saying those werent hers. I showed her lots of stuff, and she denied everything to the point it was ridiculous, all while she claimed that I was an awfull husband for thinking she would do that and not trusting her. I showed her photos of she getting in and out an hotel, and kissing that man, and she started to cry.
She started to say all the classic shit a cheater would say when they're caugth. "Is not like that" "is not my fault" "you dont understand" "it was your fault" "I was lonely" "I never loved him" "you're never at home".
I told her to stop. I didnt wanted to listen to her, she was a liar, a cheater, and I didnt trust her. I told her I wanted her out of my house, that I already talked to a lawyer and we were getting divorced. Then, her tears and begging dissapeared and she started to get mad, saying I had no rigth to do that, asking why Im not figthing to get her back, that she would not accept it, and threated me to take my kids and the house if I wanted the divorce. "Courts are always on women side" she said. I told her that she better start looking for another place.
The following days were hard. She was disgusted for being caugth, and mad because I werent trying to save our marriage. Me, on the other side, told her daily that she must leave, that our marriage was over. That only made her beheavior worst. But the day I completely lost it, was when I heared my daughter crying. I got in that room, to find her on the floor crying, covering half of her face with her hands, and her mother standing next to her, screaming at her that "she was no one to judge or question her" and "I'm your mother, I'm always rigth".
My daughter heard us, and asked her why I wanted the divorce, and she blew up against her and slapped on her face. A full force slap to an 9 years old girl. I lost it. I dont know how furious I must been, or how I looked, but my wife stopped her tantrum, and started to be afraid of me.
I told her that she must leave that nigth, if I came back and she was still there, there would be consecuences. I took my daughter and my son to my parent's house. I took her to the hospital and took photos of her face.
Next day, she was still there, asking me to talk, to be reasonable. I left. I wanted revenge, I wanted blood, I wanted to hurt her way worse the way she hurted my girl. I started by sending all the evidence of the affair to the wife of the other guy. He was a guy with a lot to lost, and that not only gave him a lot of problems, it made it lost friendships and contacts, and started the gossip about them. That afternoon my wife called me, hysterical, asking me "How could I do that" that "I had no rigth to expose them". I told her that it was just the begining, that I had enough of her. I wanted her out of my life, or this would go worst.
The good thing about being married, is that you know all the secrets of your partner, and I used every single one of them to take her down. I kept the house and the kids (hurting or daughter made her look dangerous to be in charge of the kids). After it was over, she moved with her mother. Then I send everything I had to her family.
She was raised by a single mom. Her dad cheated on her mom and abandoned them, so, it's a very delicate subject on the family, and knowing that she was just like him, made her situation worst. Her mother kicked her out of her house, and the brother only let her stay on his place a couple weeks, because "he was disgusted of her". She tried to get help from the guy, but he was on a worst situation that her, so he threw her away like trash.
She ended up moving to a little appartment, started to work to pay the bills, and slowly started to be miserable. Her friends stopped talking her, her family didnt wanted to see her, our children resented her. And thats only the second year of all this.
She tried to date again, just to find guys who used her and left, or took advantage of her. For what I knew, she slowly descended on depresion, and her old food issues returned.
She believed she touched bottom after the third year, so, she joined a church. One of those "rebirth christians" who promised her that all her faults and mistakes would be forgiven and forgotten after she was born again inside their faith. That ended up being another mistake. She found out very late that she was surrounded by some of the most toxic people, who as soon as they knew about her past, started to talk bad and spread rumors about her, took advantage and humilliate her.
She had nothing.
5 years after everything started, she came back, basically begging on her knees to forgive her. She cried how sorry she was, how much she regreted everything, that she had nothing, no family, no friends, nothing, she doesnt remembered being happy since the divorce, and how much she missed me, our family, our marriage, how happy she was with me, with us. She promised me that she would do anything, that she would obey me blindly, she wanted her life back, our family, our kids, and she would do anything to fix the worst mistake she ever done.
I'm aware I'm not a good person. I still resented her, so, I asked to prove it. How I could know she was being honest? She told me she had nothing to offer, except for her obedience, heart and body. I took her to the room and had sex with her. She not only never said no on any moment, her face reflected genuine happiness, and she ended up crying out of happiness after we finished, promising me she would do anything for me, that she would dedícate her life to be the perfect wife.
The following days, I set the rules, and made her sign a contract. She accepted everything. She was serious about doing anything.
To the outside people, we are a couple that, after lots of issues, found the way to have another chance. They look at us and see a lovely couple. She managed to slowly rebuilt her relationship with our children. But the reality, is that she basically became my slave.
Dont get me wrong. I'm not physical abusive, or have her locked, or isolated. We go to events, dinners, movies, vacations, she now have the life she used to have before all this. But she have nothing, and I make sure she never forget that. Nothing is at her name, she doesnt have job or any money, and she agreed on not trying to find a job and dedicate only to the home and the kids.
Her phone doesnt have password, and I have acces to all her social media in any moment, and she always have to show me where she is and what is she doing, on any moment I ask. She doesnt have voice on the important desicions, she cant complaint. And she accept it, because she knows she has nothing else.
Sometimes she asks me to marry again, she wants to be my wife again, but she signed that we would only do that, after our younger son is 25. When she ask me, if all of this is still necessary, I always tell her the same answer, "Yes, bacause I DONT TRUST YOU". Those words are enough to take her down. I've made sure she understands, that even though we live together, and I'm giving her this chance, we're not together. I'm still single, and if I want it, I can start dating on any moment I want. I've even brought women into the house a couple times, to test her limits. She has no choice but to shut up and accept it.
Even so, the moment I touch her, the moment I kiss her, she gives herself completely to me, desperate to feel me close, to feel I love her.
I'm not a good person. I'm sure of that, because I dont regret anything I've been doing. Its been almost 4 yearsvhaving her like this. For a revenge, it should have be over long ago, but I like to own her this way. I learned to enjoy having all this power over her, and she is honestly happy living like this. I cant hate her anymore, but I dont love her, and I'm not sure if I can.
My daughter is now 18, and my son 15, so, I still have 10 years to learn to love her again before marry her. But, if I found after all that time that I cant, I maybe just throw her again, say to the outside people that it just didnt worked, live my life on my own while she try to figure out what she would do. Meanwhile, I will enjoy how she works hard to be "the perfect wife and mother" she still want to be.

All this started almost 9 years ago. One of my friends told me that he and his wife saw her getting into an hotel with another man (his wife tried to convince him to not say anything, because "it was not their business" and got angry when he told me, but he said he couldn't keep being my friend keeping in secret something like that).
I made my moves, hired someone to follow her, and got all the evidence I needed, she was cheating on me. I had all the evidence I needed, even her social media, everything. Only after having everything on my favor, I confronted her.
I told her that I knew everything. She denied it, of course. I show her captures from her chats and texts. She kept saying those werent hers. I showed her lots of stuff, and she denied everything to the point it was ridiculous, all while she claimed that I was an awfull husband for thinking she would do that and not trusting her. I showed her photos of she getting in and out an hotel, and kissing that man, and she started to cry.
She started to say all the classic shit a cheater would say when they're caugth. "Is not like that" "is not my fault" "you dont understand" "it was your fault" "I was lonely" "I never loved him" "you're never at home".
I told her to stop. I didnt wanted to listen to her, she was a liar, a cheater, and I didnt trust her. I told her I wanted her out of my house, that I already talked to a lawyer and we were getting divorced. Then, her tears and begging dissapeared and she started to get mad, saying I had no rigth to do that, asking why Im not figthing to get her back, that she would not accept it, and threated me to take my kids and the house if I wanted the divorce. "Courts are always on women side" she said. I told her that she better start looking for another place.
The following days were hard. She was disgusted for being caugth, and mad because I werent trying to save our marriage. Me, on the other side, told her daily that she must leave, that our marriage was over. That only made her beheavior worst. But the day I completely lost it, was when I heared my daughter crying. I got in that room, to find her on the floor crying, covering half of her face with her hands, and her mother standing next to her, screaming at her that "she was no one to judge or question her" and "I'm your mother, I'm always rigth".
My daughter heard us, and asked her why I wanted the divorce, and she blew up against her and slapped on her face. A full force slap to an 9 years old girl. I lost it. I dont know how furious I must been, or how I looked, but my wife stopped her tantrum, and started to be afraid of me.
I told her that she must leave that nigth, if I came back and she was still there, there would be consecuences. I took my daughter and my son to my parent's house. I took her to the hospital and took photos of her face.
Next day, she was still there, asking me to talk, to be reasonable. I left. I wanted revenge, I wanted blood, I wanted to hurt her way worse the way she hurted my girl. I started by sending all the evidence of the affair to the wife of the other guy. He was a guy with a lot to lost, and that not only gave him a lot of problems, it made it lost friendships and contacts, and started the gossip about them. That afternoon my wife called me, hysterical, asking me "How could I do that" that "I had no rigth to expose them". I told her that it was just the begining, that I had enough of her. I wanted her out of my life, or this would go worst.
The good thing about being married, is that you know all the secrets of your partner, and I used every single one of them to take her down. I kept the house and the kids (hurting or daughter made her look dangerous to be in charge of the kids). After it was over, she moved with her mother. Then I send everything I had to her family.
She was raised by a single mom. Her dad cheated on her mom and abandoned them, so, it's a very delicate subject on the family, and knowing that she was just like him, made her situation worst. Her mother kicked her out of her house, and the brother only let her stay on his place a couple weeks, because "he was disgusted of her". She tried to get help from the guy, but he was on a worst situation that her, so he threw her away like trash.
She ended up moving to a little appartment, started to work to pay the bills, and slowly started to be miserable. Her friends stopped talking her, her family didnt wanted to see her, our children resented her. And thats only the second year of all this.
She tried to date again, just to find guys who used her and left, or took advantage of her. For what I knew, she slowly descended on depresion, and her old food issues returned.
She believed she touched bottom after the third year, so, she joined a church. One of those "rebirth christians" who promised her that all her faults and mistakes would be forgiven and forgotten after she was born again inside their faith. That ended up being another mistake. She found out very late that she was surrounded by some of the most toxic people, who as soon as they knew about her past, started to talk bad and spread rumors about her, took advantage and humilliate her.
She had nothing.
5 years after everything started, she came back, basically begging on her knees to forgive her. She cried how sorry she was, how much she regreted everything, that she had nothing, no family, no friends, nothing, she doesnt remembered being happy since the divorce, and how much she missed me, our family, our marriage, how happy she was with me, with us. She promised me that she would do anything, that she would obey me blindly, she wanted her life back, our family, our kids, and she would do anything to fix the worst mistake she ever done.
I'm aware I'm not a good person. I still resented her, so, I asked to prove it. How I could know she was being honest? She told me she had nothing to offer, except for her obedience, heart and body. I took her to the room and had sex with her. She not only never said no on any moment, her face reflected genuine happiness, and she ended up crying out of happiness after we finished, promising me she would do anything for me, that she would dedícate her life to be the perfect wife.
The following days, I set the rules, and made her sign a contract. She accepted everything. She was serious about doing anything.
To the outside people, we are a couple that, after lots of issues, found the way to have another chance. They look at us and see a lovely couple. She managed to slowly rebuilt her relationship with our children. But the reality, is that she basically became my slave.
Dont get me wrong. I'm not physical abusive, or have her locked, or isolated. We go to events, dinners, movies, vacations, she now have the life she used to have before all this. But she have nothing, and I make sure she never forget that. Nothing is at her name, she doesnt have job or any money, and she agreed on not trying to find a job and dedicate only to the home and the kids.
Her phone doesnt have password, and I have acces to all her social media in any moment, and she always have to show me where she is and what is she doing, on any moment I ask. She doesnt have voice on the important desicions, she cant complaint. And she accept it, because she knows she has nothing else.
Sometimes she asks me to marry again, she wants to be my wife again, but she signed that we would only do that, after our younger son is 25. When she ask me, if all of this is still necessary, I always tell her the same answer, "Yes, bacause I DONT TRUST YOU". Those words are enough to take her down. I've made sure she understands, that even though we live together, and I'm giving her this chance, we're not together. I'm still single, and if I want it, I can start dating on any moment I want. I've even brought women into the house a couple times, to test her limits. She has no choice but to shut up and accept it.
Even so, the moment I touch her, the moment I kiss her, she gives herself completely to me, desperate to feel me close, to feel I love her.
I'm not a good person. I'm sure of that, because I dont regret anything I've been doing. Its been almost 4 yearsvhaving her like this. For a revenge, it should have be over long ago, but I like to own her this way. I learned to enjoy having all this power over her, and she is honestly happy living like this. I cant hate her anymore, but I dont love her, and I'm not sure if I can.
My daughter is now 18, and my son 15, so, I still have 10 years to learn to love her again before marry her. But, if I found after all that time that I cant, I maybe just throw her again, say to the outside people that it just didnt worked, live my life on my own while she try to figure out what she would do. Meanwhile, I will enjoy how she works hard to be "the perfect wife and mother" she still want to be.

I’ve been wondering lately about my health and fitness and also my lil spermies. I have a question that could be interesting for others to discuss but bear with me please while I give the context.
I’m 22 y/o male. Been smoking heavily since 18 and I like to drink alcohol but i seldom drink the past 2 or 3 years. I was also a heavy weed smoker for 3 years until very recently.
I’m inactive in terms of exercise and sport but I work in a supermarket so I regularly get upwards of 10k steps a day and throughout high school I was fairly active in a lot of sports.
Now for the biology part. I’m fully aware my habits and lifestyle are terrible for my body and sperm health. I want to one day have kids and I want them to be as healthy as I can possibly allow them to be.
How long does it take for sperm to “bounce back” and become as healthy as they can. Also, with the age I am and my previous lack of care have I caused any irreparable damage?

Does being in a DB relationship affect your work/career performance?
Does it your relationship with your colleagues and friends?
Have you told anyone, or do you keep your situation to yourself? (besides Reddit)
Have you spoken to your partner about the situation?
Has anyone here sought therapy or counseling because of your relationship?
If so, then what did the therapist say?
Is there anyone here who is not married but has a girlfriend or boyfriend that they love dearly yet are in a DB relationship?
My story: I'm a 29M with a 28F LL, and I don't know what to do. I'm at a point where I have to fight myself to not resent her.
I had to buy myself those pocket toys because I miss the feeling of intimacy.
We have intercourse less than monthly if we are lucky. I am starting to have low self-esteem and a lack of confidence.
I have met all of her friends and family, and they all like me. I get along great with her father. Everyone keeps asking me when are we getting married, and I absolutely loathe it when I get asked this.
I have done my very best to be the best boyfriend ever. Yet I've been enduring for too long. Shouldn't we stick with our partners through thick and thin? Good times and bad? How long is too long without sex if your not married? My close friends and even my therapist say I shouldn't be with her. At this point I am lost because I love her so much, yet I am mad at myself that I gave her my heart.

Dear Ronnie.

October 5th, 2021.
Today I'm writing you not to ask you for permission, but to tell you I will soon be proposing to your daughter. If you are reading this, there's a good chance I already have. Whatever her decision, there are things here I just want you to know.
Amelia is the most beautiful person I've ever met. The last ~ten years I've spent with her, have been the best of my life. I couldn't ask for a better partner, and there's nobody on the planet I'd rather wake up to for the rest of my life.
I will always be thankful to you and [redacted] for getting together and creating such a beautiful and wonderful human being. I can argue all day that its the greatest thing you've ever done in your life. I hope reading this makes up for any ill feelings or pain you experienced in your separation.
She is so strong, so beautiful, and so kind. She stands valiantly in the face of adversity. Her independence is so powerful and inspiring. I learn from her every day and I'm so excited to be asking her to spend her life with me.
Thank you again for creating her. Yours is a work to rival the greatest artists of all time.
Rest easy knowing ill be taking care of her till the end, should she accept my proposal, and that I will do everything I can to keep her happy.
I know Amelia loves you so much, and I do by too, for creating such a loving, beautiful person with a heart of gold.
I hope we get to celebrate this huge milestone in Amelias life together soon, and look forward to meeting you again as my father in law as we grow your family.
[Redacted]
P.s.
May 30th, 2023
Today we received news of your passing. While I'm so sorry I never got to send you this letter, I want you to know my promises will be kept. I will always keep your daughter safe, and do my best to keep her happy and and see to it she live the most fulfilling life possible.
I hope you are here now in spirit as I read to Amelia the letter I never got to send to you. It will forever be a huge regret in my life. I wanted to pull out all the stops for her, and this tradition of informing the father was one I deeply wanted to do. I'm really sorry for that. I'm sure it would have helped your passing to know she was in good hands that wants the best for her. I hope this can somehow find you.
Life is funny, full of regrets. I'm sure you have a few of your own. However I hope you never regretted the time you spent with [redacted]… as it was the creation of such a fantastic person. You did well, and it was the right decision.
I really hope in spirit you know your daughter is going to grow to do amazing things. I hope you can see in my heart as I write this what a huge place she has in there, and always will.
I cannot thank you enough for being one of the people to have had a hand in the biggest impact of my life up until this point. I will forever be greatdul to you, and see to it she does even more amazing and beautiful things, and gets to touch the heart of as many people as possible, as she deeply as she has mine.
May you pass on to the next life easily, and may it be one as impactful and inspiring as this one was. Ill do my best to continue your line and legacy. Thats a promise.
Hopefully your future son in law,
[Redacted]