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When I was getting started, an actor I knew gave me some really good advice. While deciding whether or not to take a certain role, consider three factors: the money, the show, and the people. If at least two of those things are good, accept the job. If they’re paying you well and you love the play, you won’t mind putting up with shitty people. If it’s a great show with a cast full of friends, but you’re not getting paid so well, that’s still alright, it’ll be artistically fulfilling. If it’s a bad show but you love the cast and you’re making money, you’ll probably have the time of your life making fun of the playwright backstage and laughing all the way to the bank.
What my friend failed to mention is that as an aspiring actor, you don’t usually get to be that picky. When I got the call from my agent that a production of The Bacchae was urgently seeking a new chorus member, all I could see were dollar signs. My survival job had just fallen through (the family I nannied for was moving upstate, insisting that Manhattan had just gotten “too dangerous” for their toddler), and my savings were only going to cover my rent for another month.
It was raining the day of my audition, and my train got delayed. I showed up panting (I had to run from the subway station) and my hair a disaster. Luckily, in The Bacchae, the chorus is full of… well… Bacchae. Fervent followers of Dionysus, wild women, drunk and running through the countryside. In the climax of the play, they crowd the protagonist in a frenzy, literally ripping him limb from limb.
I’ll never know if it was my frenetic energy from barely making it to the theater on time, or my actual acting, but I got the part. My costume fitting was the next day– they weren’t kidding about urgently needing a replacement. Which thrilled me, because I wasn’t kidding about urgently needing the money. At the fitting, I discovered something my agent failed to mention about the production: this wasn’t just any version of The Bacchae, it was a recreation– an attempt to perform the play in the traditional Greek style. In other words, everyone was wearing masks.
I’ve never been fond of masks. We had to do a few assignments with them in my college acting courses; covering your face can enhance the physicality of your body, something like that. But I never liked wearing them, or seeing other people wearing them. It wouldn’t be fair to call it a full-on fear, but the stiffness, the lack of expression, gives me a weird feeling in my stomach. And wearing one, your field of vision limited, your mouth covered, making it harder to breathe, harder to project your voice– I don’t like it. It’s as simple as that.
But I needed the money. My costume wasn’t ugly, per se, just strange: a long white dress, or maybe toga is a better word, the fabric about the thickness of a burlap sack. My mask, stark white, paper mache, covering my entire face except my eyes, the mouth carved to imitate a grin. No shoes. My hair tucked into a wild black wig– we wore wigs, they explained to me, so the chorus could be identical, indistinguishable. We moved as one, spoke as one, and were meant to look like one. They even made sure to cast women of the same height. In our costumes, it was impossible to tell which of us was which.
It didn’t help that I was an outsider to the rest of the cast, joining the show weeks into rehearsals. Everyone seemed annoyed that they had to teach me the blocking, the inflection of the lines (so my voice didn’t stick out from the other chorus girls), and where to go backstage during scenes with no chorus. A few people tried to be nice to me, but quickly gave up when they realized I knew nothing about Greek theater, or masked theater, or the avant garde. My last show had been a regional production of Cats, for God’s sake. I was totally out of my element.
Things got especially sour when I tried to ask what had happened to the girl I was replacing. Nobody wanted to talk about it. People gasped when I brought it up. The clearest answer I got was a whispered, hesitant, “she fell,” but the person wouldn’t elaborate any further. The cast seemed superstitious, uncomfortable, like talking about her would cause them to suffer her fate: removal from the show. And it was clear that, aside from me, everyone else loved this show. The actor playing Dionysus, the couple of times he deigned to talk to me, just kept gushing about how honored he was to play this role, how electrifying it felt to put his history minor to use, to show people a piece of the world’s theatrical beginnings.
I thought the show was fine. Kinda boring, kinda scary. I don’t think I “get” The Bacchae. In brief, the story is about Dionysus, son of Zeus, disguised as a human. He and his followers (the chorus) show up in a town, but the leader of the town, Pentheus, is upset about it. He doesn’t understand why all these women are acting crazy, and he arrests Dionysus, not believing him to be an actual God. As punishment, Dionysus possesses Pentheus’s own mother with the same madness as his followers, and together, with their bare hands, they rip Pentheus apart. His mom walks back into town holding her son’s head, thinking it to be, in her madness, the head of a lion. When she realizes what she’s done, she is overwhelmed by grief, and futilely attempts to put Pentheus’s mutilated corpse back together. Dionysus returns, basically saying, “well, he said I wasn’t a God, and that’s blasphemous, so he got what was coming to him.” Pentheus’s mother is exiled.
It’s incredibly dark. In the reviews, critics called it daring, challenging, a bloody spectacle, a feminist masterpiece. I don’t really get what part of “a man who’s a God possesses women’s minds, driving them to murder” screams “feminism,” but hey, I’m the girl who commuted to New Jersey every day for four months to do Cats, what do I know?
Here’s something I do know: the other chorus girls did not like me. And they took their jobs seriously. As we waited to enter for each scene, there was dead quiet in the wings. Usually, there’s some light joking, maybe quickly running lines, maybe physical warmups, shaking out your nerves– I tried to do this once. Before our entrance at the top of the show, we all gathered in the stage right wing, all twelve of us, a perfect and identical dozen. It was a dress rehearsal. No audience. I did a few jumping jacks, trying to hype myself up. Another masked girl grabbed my bicep, hard. When I turned, she just shook her head “no.” Just a simple, silent, “no.” We don’t do that here. We stand silently in the wings, focusing on our craft, breathing, waiting for our entrance. I never tried it again.
When you can’t talk to your coworkers, acting becomes a lot less fun. The collaboration element is totally gone. And honestly, the “acting” element was gone for me, too. How am I supposed to find my character or sense of identity in a role when my role is “don’t let your voice stick out, don’t take a wrong step, blend in perfectly with eleven women who dislike you?”
So before the shows, instead of chatting, or doing jumping jacks, I wandered the theater. I’ve always loved theaters; the dramatic architecture, the ornate prosceniums, the stark contrast of backstage, so dark, so dusty. The theater was no Broadway house, but it had a fly system (which we didn’t use, because the Greeks wouldn’t have been able to fly anything in), just over three hundred seats (including a mezzanine– fancy!), and lots of backstage space. I could say more about it, because I spent hours during the run of the show wandering, but it wouldn’t be terribly interesting to anyone who’s not me. Just know, it was a beautiful old theater– and I mean OLD. Built in the 1910s, just before the Great Depression. I used to love imagining how many generations of people had performed on that stage, imagining what they’d think of this show, or what they’d think of me.
About a week into my wandering, on some fifteen-minute break, I was looking at the ladder that led up to the catwalk– a long, thin metal walkway stretching across the stage from above, usually used for hanging lights. I wondered how long it had been since it was used during a show. I wondered if it was even safe. What would the view be like from up there, seeing the entire stage from thirty feet in the air?
I slowly looked up the ladder. I wouldn’t actually climb it. That would be crazy, right? I’m not particularly good with heights. As my eyes lifted, I made eye contact– or rather, mask contact– with someone. A fellow chorus girl, up on the catwalk.
I stopped breathing for a second. What was she doing up there? I started to say something stupid, like, “Why are you up there?” when just as quickly as the face appeared, it vanished. I saw her white robed form retreat down the catwalk, heading for a different ladder, probably. It was weird. Why did she run? Embarrassed to be caught somewhere she shouldn’t be?
I allowed myself to entertain a little fantasy: maybe she was just like me. Maybe she also hated the other chorus girls, and didn’t “get” The Bacchae. Maybe she was exploring the theater for fun on our break, enjoying the old architecture, like I did. I had no idea who she was under the mask, and she had no idea who I was. She probably thought I was one of the normal judgemental girls, and ran off before I could tell on her to the stage manager.
I was filled with unfounded hope. Could I make a friend here? Was it possible? After two and a half weeks of silence from the other girls, it was hard to imagine. How would I find her? How would I let her know it was me– that I had seen her on the catwalk, and we were the same?
After that day, I got much more observant. When the director called for a break, instead of immediately retreating into the depths of backstage, I watched my eleven doppelgangers carefully, tracking who went for water, who went back to the dressing rooms, who ran off towards the vending machines. It was hard to tell everyone apart, but people had to take their masks off to drink water eventually. I memorized faces and tried to keep track of them. I started to get a handle on everyone’s patterns, narrowing down potential adventurers.
It was impossible. Eleven people is too many to observe. But I’m an actor. Memorizing shit is literally my job. By week four, just days from opening, I had three potential girls. I tried to stick close to them during rehearsals, picking one to follow each day, but nobody ever wandered towards the catwalk. Maybe the girl, whoever she was, had been scared away from adventuring when I caught her. I started to lose hope. We were opening soon– I should focus on making my entrances, not making friends.
But then I saw her again.
This time, it was half an hour before the curtain went up for our invited dress rehearsal. The press was there. I was nervous. I knew I had my part down, but when you’re doing a show, no matter how prepared you are, there’s always the lingering fear that you’ll freeze up, forget everything, and ruin everyone’s hard work. It just means that you care. I was surprised that I cared so much. I still didn’t even get the play. I couldn’t let the other girls see me weak. I barely show my real feelings to people I care about, much less mean actresses who look down on me. To get away from it all, I wandered down to another unused part of the stage: the orchestra pit. We did have music in the show, but the Greeks didn’t have orchestra pits. So it was closed off, being used as storage.
I loved it down there. I loved looking through the storage bins, finding props from long-forgotten productions– sometimes I would find something incredible, something I swore was from the day the theater opened, something old and valuable– and usually, I could never find it again. Those bins were a treasure trove. Of all the weird little spaces I found backstage, the pit was my favorite. I felt like a real explorer down there, illuminating my path with my phone flashlight, getting spooked when a mouse ran over my foot (of course the theater had mice, it was more than a hundred years old! And besides, every building has mice in New York City).
That day, I wasn’t there to look around. Just to sit. Just to catch my breath. I tiptoed down the creaky steps, and plopped myself on the ground, surrounded by bins. I inhaled and exhaled, smelling the mildew-y scent of old props on every side of me. And that’s when I heard a noise. Not a mouse noise– I was used to those. Something bigger. I turned my phone flashlight on immediately, calling, “hello?”
And the light landed on a mask, just like mine. Mine which was currently off, because I was doing my breathing exercises. I felt exposed– she could see my face, but I couldn’t see hers. I stood up. “You scared me!”
She didn’t respond. She looked at me for a second, and started to retreat the other way, towards the stairs at the other side of the pit.
“Wait!” I called. “I won’t tell anyone I saw you!”
She stopped for a second. But then she kept walking. I stood and followed. “Please stop. Can I at least know who you are? I don’t fit in with most of the chorus girls–”
I reached for her long white toga. I swear, I had it in my hand, but somehow, she slipped away. I staggered a bit, almost tripped, confused that I hadn’t made contact with her costume. And when I looked back up, I only saw a glimpse of her disappearing up the stairs. I tried to follow, again, but I found that side of the pit’s stairs reached a dead end. I didn’t understand how she’d gotten out. And when I looked back down at my phone, it was time for places. Disappointed and defeated, I rushed away to the other stairs, making my way to the stage right wing to wait for my entrance.
I counted heads immediately when I arrived. Maybe she hadn’t made it back yet. But, alas: twelve. All accounted for. I nudged a girl next to me, subtly. “Who was the last one here besides me?”
She just stared at me for a moment, which came off as very creepy through the blank dead stare of her mask. “How the fuck am I supposed to know? We all look exactly the same.”
I sighed. “Okay. Thanks.” For nothing, I thought bitterly.
The invited dress went well. The press liked it, as I’ve already said. I was distracted the entire time. After that day, I made it a habit to count all the girls when the stage manager called for “places.” If I was right about this girl, she, like me, would be one of the last, if not the last one there. She would be wandering, exploring, getting away from the bullies.
I wish I hadn’t done this. I wish I’d given up when she disappeared on a dead-end staircase. I wish I’d never seen her on the catwalk. Because when I started counting heads, I noticed something impossible. Sometimes, before we went on, I counted thirteen identical masked faces.
It was a chorus of twelve. It was supposed to be twelve. I’d recount. Recount again. Thirteen. A chill went down my spine. We all looked the same. Same masks, same togas, same wigs. Who was the imposter? How could anyone be an imposter? It didn’t make sense. How would they get into the theater? How would they get a costume?
I started counting more often. Between scenes, in the dressing rooms, even on stage during dull moments. It fluctuated. Sometimes I’d count twelve for a whole day, an entire show, and sigh in relief, feeling like some curse was broken. But the next day, at least once, I’d count thirteen.
And it seemed as if one masked pair of eyes was always trained on me. I don’t know how she knew it was me. We looked the same. But she’d stare. It felt scary, but also ridiculous– I couldn’t be sure it was the same person looking every time. I couldn’t be sure it was unlucky number thirteen. But I felt like it was.
I felt a lot of things. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. The other girls already didn’t like me– I couldn’t have them thinking I was crazy. And admitting the presence of the thirteenth would mean admitting to my adventures into forbidden backstage areas. I couldn’t lose this job. I was living paycheck to paycheck. I wasn’t eating well, or sleeping well– maybe this was all a hallucination. And somehow, my biggest feeling was that if I told someone about the thirteenth, I’d never see her again.
And I needed to see her again. The obsession had only gotten stronger. I knew, somehow, deep inside, that she was the one I had seen on the catwalk and in the orchestra pit. I no longer wanted to be her friend– I wanted to corner her. To ask who she was, and why she was sneaking in as if she was one of us. I wanted to ask what she wanted from me.
Because she must want something from me, right? Why else would she stare? Why would she appear only to me?
The timing never lined up. The show had opened at this point, and I had a job to do: delighting the audience. I couldn’t skip my entrance to catch number thirteen. The chorus formations would look ridiculous with a missing person. And as much as the other girls hated me, I owed it to them as my costars to make them look good.
Logically, I knew there was only one person the thirteenth could be: Catalina, the actress I’d replaced. She must be jealous of me. Bitter. Maybe she wanted to take my role, like I’d taken hers. It would be insane, but it was all that made sense. She was the only other person who had the costume, who knew the keypad code to get into the theater. She must have recovered from her fall and come to find me.
It was almost like a game. It definitely made the show more interesting for me. Before I realized what was happening, I dreaded performances. I felt stupid, taking on this role in a show I didn’t even understand. But now I had so much to do. I had to plan.
I started showing up early, an hour before my call time. I walked my old spots, thinking I may see her. The other chorus girls were impressed that I was showing up early, thinking it showed some sort of dedication to the show. I think they even started to hate me less. They still detested any attempts at conversation in the wings, but in the dressing room, I started to have a few breakthroughs. In particular, I started a semi-friendship with Erin. Ironically, she had been one of the three women I thought may be the thirteenth, until I realized the thirteenth wasn’t really one of us at all.
She was the only person who I could actually ask about Catalina. “Did she ever say anything about the theater? The building, I mean? Did she have a favorite part of it?”
Erin would laugh at my seemingly random specificity. “We weren’t close, Michelle. I have no idea what she thought about the theater.”
“What did she do on her breaks?”
Erin thought for a second. “I don’t know. I never saw her at the vending machines, or the dressing room. I guess she found some quiet place to run lines.”
That confirmed it, for me. A quiet place like the catwalk. Or the orchestra pit. We were three weeks into our five week run when I came up with a plan to catch Catalina. It wasn’t a great plan, and I had no idea if it would work, but showing up an hour early every day was making me tired and producing zero results. I needed a new strategy. I realized that after seeing her in the pit, I only ever saw the thirteenth when all twelve of us were together.
So I told a white lie. One night after the show, when everyone was changing in the dressing room, I appealed to my fellow chorus girls. “Are you guys busy before the show tomorrow?” I innocently asked. “I’m feeling a little shaky on some of the entrances. If we could all get here just twenty minutes before our call time tomorrow, I’d love to run some stuff with you guys. I’ve been running it on my own, but without the entire team, I don’t always remember where I fit.”
To my surprise and intense joy, everyone agreed. They really did seem to respect me more when I looked like I was taking my role seriously. I could barely sleep that night, I was so excited to see if my plan worked. And hey, if it didn’t, I had two more weeks of shows to think up something else.
It was a Sunday night, our last show of the week. Mondays are often “dark days” in professional theater, meaning there are no shows that day to give the team a rest. I had planned this on purpose– if I failed, I had a dark day to reflect on that failure and try again.
At 5:40, twenty minutes before our call time, all the girls were assembled and in costume. We started running entrances. After ten minutes, I thought my plan had failed. We had run our first three entrances, and I never counted more than twelve heads in the wings. But around 5:55, as we got to our entrances in act two, offstage, I locked eyes with a mask. A thirteenth mask.
I quickly told everyone “I think I got it, you guys, thank you so much for coming early!” Everyone mumbled that it was no problem, that they were happy to help.
The thirteenth mask broke eye contact with me, looking around in confusion– perhaps distress. The girls started to trickle back towards the dressing room. The thirteenth turned and power-walked away. I shoved through the crowd to catch her, not calling out like I had in the past. I knew she didn’t respond to that. I knew I had to catch her now or never. Once we were out of the crowd’s eyeline, I began to run. She ran, too. “You’re not getting away this time!” I yelled, like some kind of cartoon superhero. My adrenaline was pumping, and blood rushed to my ears.
After I yelled, I suddenly became aware of another set of running feet behind me. “Michelle? Where are you going?” It was Erin’s voice.
“Don’t follow me!” I hastily called back, picking up speed. The thirteenth also picked up speed. Though she was running just as fast as I was, she showed no signs of exertion. I couldn’t hear heavy breathing, or heavy feet on the floor. It was like she was gliding. It infuriated me.
Erin didn’t let up. “Michelle, the stage manager is gonna wonder where we are!”
I ignored her. The thirteenth rounded a corner, and I realized where she was going: the catwalk. The ladder.
She ascended the rungs rapidly, like a spider. I clamored up much less gracefully. Erin’s voice had a heavy tinge of concern. “Michelle, what are you doing?! It’s not safe up there!”
“Then don’t follow me!” I yelled back, exasperated. “This is between me and her!” Despite my vocal warning, I heard Erin climbing behind me.
Once on the metal rail, I looked both ways, terrified she’d escaped me again. But her white toga was just a few feet away, retreating into darkness. I lunged at her. The entire catwalk shook. The thirteenth and I both grabbed the railing to steady ourselves. We met eyes. Or rather, we met masks.
“You have nowhere to go.” I stated.
I heard Erin reaching the top of the ladder behind me. “Michelle, come down, please. You’re scaring me.”
“I can’t. I finally have her.” I took a step towards the thirteenth. She took an equal and opposite step back. “Take the mask off.” I beckoned her. “I know it’s you, Catalina.”
I felt the rail shake slightly as Erin got on it. “What are you talking about, Michelle?!”
“She’s been sneaking in, Erin! She’s been standing in the wings with us before we enter! For weeks!” I took another step towards the thirteenth. In my peripheral vision, I could see how high we were above the stage. Thirty feet. You could die, falling from that height.
“It’s not Catalina. It can’t be. Stop this.” Erin called. Finally, frustrated, I turned towards her.
“Who else could it be?!”
Erin had taken her mask off. Her face was streaked with terror. “Catalina died, Michelle. She fell off this catwalk, directly onto her face, and she died. Please come down with me. I don’t know who you’re talking to, and I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it isn’t worth it.”
“What are you talking about? I’m talking to–”
I turned back, and she was gone. Vanished like a bad dream. “I swear to God, Erin.” I started to say. “She was right in front of me. I chased her here–”
I turned back to Erin. The thirteenth was behind her.
It made no sense. Nobody can move that fast. Nobody can be in front of me one second and behind me the next. It was inhuman. I stopped speaking. I stopped breathing. It sucks to learn that in a fight-or-flight situation, my answer is to freeze.
Erin must’ve seen how my face changed. “Michelle?” She asked quietly. “What’s wrong?”
Behind her, the thirteenth raised a hand to her mask. Her hands were impossibly pale. How had I never noticed that before? She gripped the mask in her hand. Time stretched. It must’ve only been a second, because Erin didn’t move. But it felt like years of my life passed me by as the thirteenth, inch by inch, raised her mask from her face. Or– raised her mask.
Because there was no face.
Under the mask, pale and gruesome, was a bloody flat edge. Broken, disgusting, it was impossible to make out eyes, or a nose, or a mouth. Inside a somewhat face-shaped frame of stark-white skin, all I could see was flesh, red and raw, squished in on itself. Like someone had fallen from a very high height. And landed on their face.
By the time I finally began to react, it was too late. The thirteenth– or, Catalina– or, the ghost, or– whatever the fuck that thing was. It moved its hands from the mask to Erin’s shoulders. And it pushed. And she screamed, agonizingly loud, as she flew over the side of the railing. And she screamed for the second or so she was in the air. I was screaming, too. And after the crunch of her body hitting the wooden floor of the stage, everyone else screamed, cast and crew alike.
I stared down at her limp form from thirty feet up. Her legs were twisted the wrong way. A pool of blood began to seep out of her. When I looked up again, I expected the thirteenth to be gone, but it wasn’t. With no eyes, it was also looking down at Erin. At what it had done.
And then, slowly, it turned towards me. On all fours, backwards, I scrambled away from it on the catwalk, terrified, not wanting to be next. The thirteenth’s shoulders shook rapidly, like a person laughing. But it made no sound. It never made a sound. Not going up the stairs of the orchestra pit. Not when it pushed Erin. And not as it climbed back down the ladder, rung by rung. I found myself alone on the catwalk.
Erin survived, somehow, paralyzed from the waist down. Apparently she fell on her legs, which, when you’re falling from thirty feet up, is a good thing. If she’d gone down head first, there was no chance. The show had to close, of course. When they lost Catalina a few weeks into rehearsal, she was replaceable. But with me refusing to go on, and Erin in the hospital, there was nothing to be done. I haven’t seen Erin since that day. I feel too guilty. But I was never arrested, so I guess she told the authorities that I didn’t push her. I don’t know what she told them. I don’t know what I would’ve told them, had they asked me.
I don’t do stage plays anymore. The family I used to nanny for gave me a star-studded recommendation, and now I make my living taking care of a five-year-old and a two-year-old for another filthy-rich family. I still act, but I only audition for film work.
I don’t even see plays these days. I won’t set foot in a theater. If the thirteenth had vanished off that catwalk, maybe things would be different. Maybe I could chalk it up to an extreme hallucination, some terrifying creature my mind brewed up to cope with the stress of the show and paying rent. Maybe I could even forget its bloody mess of viscera in the vague shape of a face.
But I saw it go down that ladder. Rung by fucking rung. And I know it’s still out there.
Erin was unlucky. Erin was a victim of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. And if I step inside a theater again, some way, somehow, I know the thirteenth will get me on another catwalk.
This time, I’ll be the one going over the railing.
And I’ve never once landed on my feet.

Imagine walking into a burning building, and everyone laughs and tells you the fire’s all in your head. When no one believes you, are you going to stay to burn up with them? Every passenger in that crowd waiting to embark on the luxury cruise was already dead—they just didn’t know it yet! I stared through the windows of the terminal at the magnificent Seastar, at the broken glass and spatters of blood that only I could see… and then I fled.
Without warning a single soul.
What would have been the point? My name is Cassandra—I see death six days before it happens, and can feel it if I shake a cold hand—but no matter what I do, I can never, ever prevent it.
My flight took me as far as the escalators before a flash of purple brought me screeching to a halt. Lily Tsuki? No—it wasn’t the purple-haired musician who’d given me with cruise gift card. But suddenly I remembered how I’d been looking forward to hearing her performance aboard this very vessel…
Oh God…
It was one thing to turn my back on doomed strangers. Terrible as it sounds, it’s a bit like reading about a catastrophe in the news. Quite another thing to abandon somebody I knew! Could I really leave her to become one of the bodies putrefying in the belly of the Seastar? Every time I ordered a drink at my favorite bar, I’d remember I hadn’t even tried to save her!
“Fuck!” I cried, fumbling for my phone. “Oh, fuck me sideways… how much time…?”
Ninety minutes.
Ninety minutes to get on board, find the musician, and… what? Convince her to disembark?
How?
And yet my feet were already turning toward the gangplank—because as it turns out, I would rather plunge headlong into a ship full of the rotting dead than face an empty piano bench and the guilt that no amount of alcohol would ever drown. But to have any chance at persuading Lily, I’d need to know how the passengers died. This meant that in addition to finding a purple-haired needle in a Titanic-sized haystack, a horrifying task loomed ahead of me. I was going to have to do something I had not done in a very long time—plunge directly into my vision. Walk into its very maw and face whatever gruesome horrors lurked at the source of that nauseating odor.
I was going to have to find the bodies…
… and whatever killed them.
Boarding
The stench was so overpowering after crossing the gangplank that I dropped to my knees and dry heaved. The flow of passengers moved around me past the concierge desk. I must have looked exceptionally sick, because a pretty girl in a suit skirt approached, asking if I needed assistance. She reached out a hand to help me up—cold!
I staggered away from her and inside. Then—because I felt I might throw up—quickly found my way out to the promenade deck and the blessed breeze.
Lifeboats hung overhead. Beyond the rail, the sea sparkled in the afternoon sun. Cushioned loungers lined the deck. None were in use, presumably because the pool, patio, spa, and other amenities on the upper decks had much more attractive areas for lounging. I leaned against the rail and gulped the air, listening to the waves splash against the side of the boat, noting blood spatters further down—but nothing signifying the cause of the blood. Just vague signs of violence.
After circling the entire promenade deck and spotting only the occasional bloody spatters, I gritted my teeth, pulled my shirt collar up over my nose, and plunged into the nearest door.
The Seastar’s interior had the atmosphere of a luxury hotel. People milled about the restaurant and shopping area, buzzing with excitement, talking about cabaret shows and fine dining, while perky crew members answered questions, all perfectly oblivious to the putrid sweet rotting stench. I’d most likely find Lily Tsuki at the piano lounge, but since I didn’t yet have any plausible explanation for what had happened to the passengers, I continued wandering, entering a bustling café overlooking the ship’s grand staircase. Stepping over an enormous blood stain on the carpet, I passed the counter, nauseated by the fancy pastries behind their glass cases, peering among the tables and chairs. Paused when I spotted an eyeball in a teacup. No trace of how it got there. No body with an empty socket. Just the eyeball, swirling in a congealed bloody jelly at the bottom of the cup…
I scurried away, snatching a cloth napkin to cover my nose.
The interior darkened as I ascended the central staircase. No electricity, I noted as I clutched the railing. Why would the power be cut? A storm?
But storms don’t scoop out eyeballs with a dessert spoon….
Coming onto deck 6, I peered down a long, dim corridor lined with passenger cabins. To passengers coming and going, the hall was illuminated by electric lighting—but since I was seeing the ship six days in the future, the narrow hallway vanished into blackness. With no way to enter the cabins, and nothing much to see here or in the other dimmed halls of the passenger decks, I ascended until I reached the pool.
Pool Deck
Deck 9 opened to wide panoramic windows, dining, a spa, and of course the pool. I emerged outdoors with relief, removing the napkin from my nose as the sea breeze gave some respite from the odor.
Around me, people partied in bikinis and beachwear and suits, sipping all manner of drinks around the sky-blue swimming pool. A young woman stretched on a blood-spattered lounger, oblivious to the gore beneath her tanned figure. A few bodies floated among the swimmers, bloated and discolored. My vision shimmered briefly as a teen boy swam right through one of the bodies, splashing as if it were not there. My heart lurched when I realized that it was his own, albeit dressed in different clothes—
“Oof!” I grunted as a small figure bashed into me, her arm grazing mine.
“Sorry!” cried a little girl in a pink swimsuit, bolting by as her mother yelled at her to watch out for people.
I tried not to think of how cold the little girl’s arm felt. Counted the bodies: eight in the pool. One by the towel bin, head caved in. I made a circuit of the pool, occasionally brushing against people—cold, cold, cold.
No survivors, it seemed.
But why?
That was when I spotted a shirtless old man sitting at a table under an umbrella. I froze, goosebumps prickling along my skin. Unlike the floaters, there was no obvious reason for his death. His back was to me, the bare skin of his shoulders gray and blotchy. In his hand he held a broken drinking glass. He was positioned in repose… so what killed him?
My heart quickened as I moved round to the front of him.
His mouth hung open, shards of glass and a mangled tongue lolling out, crimson trailing down his shirt front. The source of the chewed glass was obvious—the cup in his hand was broken, its jagged edges bloody.
He’d died choking on the glass.
“What the fuck is happening here?” I whispered.
Forward Stairwell
The jogging track and the sundeck—decks 10 and 11—offered a stunning bird’s eye of the pool and ocean, but I did not stop to take this in as I circled to the bow, opting to take the forward stairs down, rather than central.
The stench hit me like a cloud.
I had to stop as I descended into the dim stairwell, clinging to the railing, doubled over, gagging. It was so so bad. My eyes watered. My stomach bucked. And it was dark. Thank God for my phone’s flashlight. I fumbled it on and, napkin firmly over my nose, plunged down into the depths… The phone’s thin illumination flashed along the carpeted stairwell and the hall of the first of the passenger decks. I kept descending. Paused at an unidentifiable slick red mound. I was examining it under my light when a crewmember jogged up to me and asked, “Lose something, miss?” “Just my marbles,” I muttered, shooing the crew member away and inadvertently brushing his hand. Cold. I turned my attention back to the mound.
A slimy pile of intestines on the stairwell… trailing down to a disemboweled body.
Intestines… eyeballs… eating broken glass… nothing about this makes sense! I swiveled the beam to check further downward.
That was when I found the source of the odor.
My path down was obstructed by a mass of bodies. The ones underneath seemed to have been trampled, but the ones on top… I squeezed my watering eyes and retched against the wall. Some of the bodies bore horrible mutilations—fingers bent and twisted, joints out of alignment, faces smashed in and jaws torn open. Many more appeared to have been crushed in the press of bodies. Best guess, there was a wave of panicked people rushing upstairs from below, colliding with a wave of others fleeing down from above.
Why this staircase? What was near this part of the ship?
The cabaret lounge, I realized. No electricity. No elevators. This was the nearest stairwell to the auditorium.
Closer. I was inching closer to uncovering the fates of the passengers. And yet, I still had no idea what the passengers were fleeing from. Who were the attackers? Or… I thought of the eyeball. The glass chewed and swallowed.
An icy pinprick at the base of my skull whispered the question I didn’t want to ask…
Why? Why did some of the passengers go mad, and do it to themselves?
Piano Bar
I took the long way round to the cabaret theatre, going all the way back up the stairs and coming down on the central staircase, only to detour on hearing the notes of a piano. I found myself in a cozy lounge and spotted a purple-haired figure at the keys. And just in time—the ship was due to depart in less than half an hour!
“Lily!” I rushed over.
The musician’s face lit. “Oh it’s you, friend! You made it!”
“You’ve got to get off the ship!”
“Off the—”
“I know it seems crazy but you’ve got to! Everyone on board is going to die—I’ve seen it because I’m psycho!” I heard it a second later and smacked my forehead. “I mean—psychic! PSYCHIC!! I can see the future.” At her scrunched eyebrows, I burst, “Look I know how I sound, but I’ve been able to see things since I was a little girl, and I am telling you that this ship is going to go dark! The engines will cut out! People are going to flee and trample each other on that forward staircase…” Launching into a rapid-fire recounting, I was just getting to the eyeball in the teacup when she interrupted:
“You’re afraid of some sort of terrorist attack?”
“No, no! No! It’s almost like… a kind of madness, a contagion, that spreads through the ship—”
“A zombie apocalypse?”
“Not zombies…”
“Poltergeists? Possession?” She played a riff from a horror movie. “Should we call an exorcist?”
“We should leave!” I checked my phone. “Quickly!—"
“What an odd duck you are! I can’t imagine any sort of catastrophe as big as you’re saying. You know this ship has tons of safety protocols. And even if I did believe some disaster were drawing near—do you really think I could abandon crowds and crew?” She looked at me over her glasses, shimmering purple lips curving in a smile. “Listen friend, if this were the Titanic and I was the only one who could see the iceberg, I’d stay to steer us right, not run off leaving everyone to die!”
Icy fingers raked along my spine. Even if she wasn’t taking me seriously, she was right—I did have a moral obligation to save people. An obligation I’d been trying to fulfill ever since I was a little girl, until the attempt killed my brother, and even after, I kept trying for years and years…. until at last I realized that there is no way to change anything. That is why I call myself Cassandra. For the Greek prophet doomed to predict the future but never be believed. Try and prevent what I’ve foreseen? You might as well try and pluck the stars from the sky!
Every hand I’d touched was cold. Everyone on board would die.
My fists balled, fingernails digging so hard into my palms they bled. “You really have no idea what you’re asking of me…”
“Oh, I’m not telling you to stay. I’m just explaining why I have to. Besides, I’m under contract.” She winked and focused on her playing as guests entered and sat at nearby tables.
She had no idea! None whatsoever! If I thought there was even a sliver of a hope, I wouldn’t abandon people! Oh, if this happy-go-lucky musician understood the futility!!
But she will, came another, darker thought. She will know the full depth of the horror coming…
“No,” I whispered.
“Huh?” She shouted, “Wait—friend, where are you going?”
But I was not listening. The cabaret theatre—was the answer there? The reason for the crush of bodies in the forward stairwell? I rushed past the cafe with the eyeball in the teacup, through the grand doors into the cabaret hall—
—but the cabaret hall was surprisingly quiet, save for a light touch of classical music. A few passengers mingled here or there, unnoticing of the cadavers draped on chairs and tables. The stage itself was pristine, the wood smooth and polished in the fading orange light through the windows. Apparently, the origin of the panicked flight up the forward stairwell was not this grand entertainment venue—nothing here supported that theory.
Nonetheless, I gave the place a thorough search until my phone’s battery ran low, and then I returned to the grand staircase.
In one direction lay passenger cabins. In the other, the gangplank back to the port terminal and safety.
“It’s not too late to be a coward, Cass,” I said. “Run from the ship, run from the empty piano bench at the bar, find a different, cheaper hole in the wall to crawl into like—like the cockroach you are…”
Always the survivor, eh…?
Or… or, I could try just one more time. “‘Hope,’” my brother always said, “is the thing with feathers.”
And look what happened to him! flashed through my mind. My heart slammed against my ribcage. I’d just die too, unless I left in the next—how many minutes? I checked my phone, but it was dead. Like I would be if I stayed.
A horn sounded the Seastar’s departure. A distant cheer rose up from the upper decks and balconies. I felt a brief panicky impulse to run back out on deck and throw myself off the ship… but in truth, my fate had already been decided before the ship’s horn blew. I hadn’t been paying attention earlier, but I’d been rubbing and rubbing my hands, and finally realized they were cold. Probably had been since I’d boarded. I shuffled leaden feet toward the passenger cabins, guided by my phone’s light to the brass number plate for 4044—my cabin. Reached for the knob and stopped.
That smell—dread squeezed my intestines like a wet rag.
Smoke. Burnt meat.
I wrinkled my nose and opened the door.
Orange rays shone through the window, the sunset so vivid it almost gave the illusion that the room was on fire. The walls and ceiling were charred. The edges of the mattress and sheets a smoldered ruin. But the worst damage was the small sofa by the coffee table. Broken bottles scattered round. And there on the sofa—
My fingers went limp on the door handle as I stared into melted sockets of a body charred beyond recognition. A dark line encircled its wrist. The blackened remnants of a charm bracelet.
My bracelet.
While the man on the pool deck swallowed glass, I would succumb to the insanity here, dousing myself in alcohol and flame—
—immolating myself.
[Part 1]

Spirits are the least conventional lifeforms in Gnosis and the people of its worlds really don't understand what they are or how they function. As they are so highly unconventional, I'm looking for a little feedback on the core concept. I'll keep it as quick as I can, but this is a big complicated topic and spirits are weird so I may need to explain a lot.
From the Outside:
Let's pick a common spirit for an example, in fact the most common spirit species, fey. From the outside, they look like a tiny winged humanoid of some description. We'll go right to the one of the two contenders for least common of four subspecies because they'll require the least explanation, fairies. They basically look like miniature glowing humans with large butterfly wings, coming in every imaginable color for their skin although some are more common for each part than others and that means they're glowing those colors. Fey have some size-changing going on but in their smaller default form fairy women typically range from about 45-50cm and fairy men about 35-40cm in both height and wingspan, and in their larger form they go up to 1.5x scale. Spirits don't need to sleep, can if they want to and there are reasons they might even if usually only for a couple minutes to fix some recent major injury.
Most species of spirits are 75% female and fey are in that group, so let's look a bit closer at a fairy gal. The first thing you'll notice about her is that she is very colorful her surface has zero texture, but you may not notice from a distance because her surface is using artistic tricks to imitate texture without actually having it. Her various features are simplified, yet either exaggerated or understated. Her usually quite a bit of head hair is usually also a pretty loud color but it's also actually just part of her head which is one rigid piece and if this gal has long hair you'll notice it only bends at the top of the neck one time to keep the rest "hanging" where it "should be", and trying to change her hairstyle is painful and fruitless. Her jaw stretches and twists to imitate an actual joint being there but there also clearly isn't one if you look closely. Spirit hands and moreso heads, especially their eyes, are larger while their legs are slightly shorter relative to their height and their feet are tiny, meanwhile secondary and tertiary sexual characteristics are exaggerated overall but with a larger standard deviation from the average in each area between individuals to the point where they still reach 0 if less often. They're not a very convincing imitation, to put it lightly, they should be well on the "less human" side of the uncanny valley.
Spirits are regenerating shapeshifters, in the case of fey it's mostly size-changing, but all spirit sophonts also have the ability to imitate clothing, weapons and equipment even if the imitated gear is not nearly as good as the real thing. It and the body part it's on are not separate and the false gear cannot be taken off or set down except by shapeshifting it out of existence, nor can they imitate chemicals or complex machinery like the magitech in nearly all proper melee weapons, which of course means imitating any sort of ranged weapon or explosive is off the table. It also means they aren't rendering their body underneath the gear, if she's wearing a shapeshifted knee skirt and you were to look up it you'd see an opaque void the same color as the skirt which her knees are sliding freely along the surface of, there's nothing between it and where the shapeshift gear ends, everything from hem to waist currently IS the skirt. (Of course if she's wearing actual clothes this does not apply.) Same if she shapeshifts a sword into her hand, the sword and hand are a single piece so it only looks like she's holding it, like a cheap action figure. It also needn't be a sword, most hand tools can be imitated effectively, from hammers and saws to ladles and spatulas, just note that it's part of her and smacking it on things or getting it too hot will hurt even though shapeshift gear is not very sensitive.
Fey also can control the brightness of their glow or generate spotlights, generate and manipulate magnetic fields, of course fly and pretty quickly, they swim fine too which is extremely odd for fairies given their apparent butterfly wings, and all but pixies have easy if slow contact healing albeit the fairy's healing is stronger and pixies have their own benefits (stealth, sensors and a 3-day forecast). Healing is a fairy's main ability, when in water it's strengthened (as is a nymph or ghillie) and in emergencies fairies can massively drain their energy reserves even to the point of depleting them in order to staunch more severe wounds than they would be able to normally, although that's something they can't do more than once or at most twice without a refill and it's still got its limits, "already dead" is beyond those limits, "decapitated" also counts, if somebody's heart got bisected that's somebody they're not fixing, but this burst of frenzied automatic medical treatment is just the thing for some poor sap who's just taken multiple bullets to the chest and head. They're pretty good at self-repair and generally have less downtime than some fey when the poor things get severely injured very easily. (Not because they're little, being a spirit makes that difference often less than it appears, but because they're spirits.)
But what if you touch her? Well, then you'll discover her textureless surface isn't actually a surface at all. You'll start feeling resistance just before you make contact, like trying to touch like poles of two magnets. This is pretty mild, but intensifies as you go on and once your finger passes through her stomach miss fairy will scream and hit you but more importantly you'll contact something solid not far beyond it, many somethings solid spaced apart, teeny-tiny balls and stands. That's odd, so let's put on a mask with goggles and stick our face in this fairy who hopefully agreed to that but it seems unlikely on account of how much this is going to hurt. (Maybe for science. And food. ...And a hug or five or six.)
On the Inside:
What you'll find in the little lady is exactly what it felt like, many less than one millimeter thick strands connecting hundreds of millimeters-wide orb-shaped nodes and thousands more nodes no bigger around than the wires leading to them. Most of the spirit's body is empty space, covered by a gradient forcefield and projected light. These internal structures are brightly colored, in the case of fey blaze orange and notably each part of their facade is most commonly an orange/brown of various hues, brightnesses and saturations (including super dark brown or super pale orange for their pupils and sclera), but if broken open are transparent or translucent white/grey inside. For ages there was no even vaguely comparable material to the unusual lipid-derived organic stuff these nodes are made out of, but the Drachentäller invented a very similar one half a century ago called "plastic" (though only they make it right now so it's still pretty pricey). The nodes have openings on them of different types which differentiate their function, but these aren't well understood, except the biggest ones outside the core that are just storage tanks for slurries of liquid nutrients. The wires feel like normal rubber-insulated wires but super thin, but under a microscope they look to be another bioplastic and if split open will reveal themselves to actually contain both piping for transporting material between nodes and actual copper wire that carries a current too low-gauge to be powering anything so it's speculated to effectively be her nervous system.
This explains her shapeshifting, seeing as her body's not real she just needs to re-arrange her wires and nodes, alter the shape of her outer fields and the image she's projecting. To grow from 50cm to 75, she just increased the distance between her nodes by 50%, her "surface area" by 125% and her "volume" by 237.5%, her mass and weight are completely unchanged. This also explains how such giant variations can exist within one species or even subspecies, they aren't really nearly as big of a change as they externally look to be. Fairies can project light and generate powerful magnetic fields, those are also being done by her nodes, with the very projectors that create her outer fields and holographic "self" which she doesn't know isn't real unless you tell her (she probably won't believe it). It also explains why they feel pain when you attempt to penetrate their fields, for starters they think there's actual physical flesh you're pushing into except for how it visibly doesn't react like it once you've started (and that confusion's only going to make them freak out more), and it makes sense if this imitation is a defense mechanism for a pain response to exist to reduce the odds of you or them discovering what's inside or either of you being able to make sense of what little you do see.
Of course, passing through their fields doesn't always hurt, only if they're expecting it to, the field projectors will even roll inwards to create an opening if one is expected in that spot. IE she bites things by rolling her face fields inwards to "open" her "mouth", then uses them to apply pressure, but as she has no actual teeth this is blunt and often she'll need to yank at it with her entire head, neck and even engage her torso to, for example, tear a chunk off a steak and swallow it. If you were to observe this hunk of steak you'd watch it get passed by repair nodes down into the woodchipper-like opening of one of her digestive nodes in her core, where it will be broken down into proteins and lipids and sent to storage through her piping. We know that because people have in fact stuck periscopes inside spirits to see what goes on inside them. As she uses energy, you may notice a tiny bit of fine dust descending from around her, this is ash and it's all that's left of the nutrients she efficiently consumes in exorbitant amounts to power everything she does. As she repairs damage, her repair nodes can produce the plastic of her tubing her core production nodes print complex components, even required metals coming out of what she eats.
The Core:
The core is the center of a spirit's being, a series of seven dreamcatcher-looking rings large nodes and thicker wire in rings stacked front to back with cross-crossing wires notably devoid of metal instead having silica fibers and flashing lights on each node for signalling between them, making sure every one in each ring is directly connected to each other for redundancy. Here you'll find, in her notably female case, from front to back, half her reproductive system, forward core nutrient storage, forward core cognitive ring (memory and motor control nodes are scattered throughout the body), central digestive and manufacturing ring, aft core cognitive ring, aft core nutrient storage and her other ring of reproductive nodes, and notably there is lots of tubing running between rings 1, 2, 4, 6 and 7. If she was male instead both reproductive rings would be at the back as the purpose of them is different.
In a fey, any humanoid spirit really, this is in the chest where you'd expect the heart to be. Some spirits have two cores, the second will be lower down, in a humanoid it'll be in the pelvis and/or abdomen, as low as it can be at its size and still fit without blocking the leg tendrils. These nodes require more exotic materials less common in food or that are more difficult to work with and even with recycling as much as possible are usually significantly harder to repair and replace. Losing digestive and manufacturing nodes is a big hit to regeneration rate, enough that they usually start by replacing those if at all possible. The way spirits die is by receiving too much core damage, or losing too much mass overall, to the point where they don't have the manufacturing nodes to fix themselves despite all being multiple redundant, or they lack both material in storage and the functionality to go get them. If starved, they will eventually enter an inert state and be left laying as a bundle on the ground until somebody revives them or they decay which takes a very long time even though their plastic is biodegradeable as it is coated in a preservative (in this case orange) chemical that takes years to corrode and is frequently replenished during normal activity. Even then, if you go grab the bundle and drop them into a bunch of loose resources like a bowl of ground beef and fruit preserves that'll solve the lack of resources and if they didn't lose all the required nodes they'll start fixing themselves up.
Damage control and repair:
As mentioned, spirits regenerate. As also mentioned, this is an internal repair system with distinct parts performing distinct tasks, which when they are unconscious gets all of their energy and resources allowing it to work significantly faster, whether they're unconscious because they were nearly destroyed or because they decided to go lie down for a minute because they just saw their wires and nodes for the first time. You may think this could be defeated by severing a part, since they wouldn't be able to reach out and grab it, but what'll actually happen is microwaves will be emitted by the repair nodes on each end of the breach and it'll fly right back into place to get fused back together, and if a node is is destroyed that node'll be replaced a part at a time which will take longer than patching a wire and it won't be working until it's fully reconnected, but the bioplastic that makes up most of it is pretty easy to print and paint if they've got proteins and fats on hand. If she takes too much damage, though, to the point where she's at risk of being destroyed she will involuntarily bail on this entire situation, dropping her outer fields and image, curling her wires into a tight ball, coating herself in a much denser forcefield, rocketing into the distance in a direction with nobody (detected) in it and as clear of a shot as possible. This launch is very forceful, reaching hypersonic speeds in a matter of seconds before the thrust stops and she cruises ballistically to a different post code and at quickly slows to a gentle landing. (Assailants: Brace for the backblast, or it may knock you on your ass.) She is semi-conscious during this process and once she's landed will fully lose consciousness in order to dedicate all her energy to self-repair until she's either back to 100% or as close as she's getting without getting up and finding something to eat. Significant damage to her core, whether it's that "enough core cables are cut to defeat their redundancy" or "a core node is destroyed", will usually result in her blasting off right away, as will her ending up in a situation where destruction otherwise seems unavoidable. Take a moment to absorb the implications of this while you imagine how much worse her being swallowed by a giant frog or something is going to work out for it than her even if she has to clean that mess up. Spirits actually dying due to violence is a rarity because of their remarkable ability to bail in the nick of time, although it does happen. They get hit with a 7-ton naval shell they're absolutely donezo, but dropping them in a volcano won't work because they'll blast off into the sky.
Reproduction and Development:
In her core, this fairy has two rings dedicated to reproduction, one at the very front and one at the very back. These are rings of dedicated manufacturing, wire-printing and assembly nodes, which create and keep in stock a set of redundant nodes, enough to make 1/2 of a new spirit minus their core. If we look in the chest of Sir Mothwing next to her he has none of the assembly or wire-printing nodes but he's got a bunch of dedicated manufacturing nodes in two rings at the back of his core and between them is kept the fruits of their labour: All the nodes for one entire spare core, in addition to half the nodes needed for the rest of a spirit stored stored between the reproductive rings and the back of the spirit which these nodes also manufactured. All they need to do is keep their cores together so a single opening through both their fields can allow them to interact. The actual internal process is unconscious, any activity that'll align their cores and press their bodies together will do the job. They mimic humans generally, but they don't always know how humans do it so this might just be hugging.
The spirit man will pass his spare parts into the spirit woman's chest, one at a time as she needs them, that's his entire job in the actual reproductive process. Granted, those are hard to replace parts, especially all those core cognitive and manufacturing nodes, so he can't do this nearly as often as she can and that puts the bottleneck on the side of the less common sex, giving them a slow reproductive rate. (Then again, they're massive resource hogs for their size, have indefinite lifespans and are hard to kill. Maybe slow reproduction's a good thing long-term.) As for her part she'll be externally paralyzed and unresponsive while her unconscious works as fast as it can making wire and connecting these parts together. In the mean time, he'll be semi-conscious, cuddled as close as humanly possible, only able to move if it's strictly necessary (if a coyote's wondering if they're edible he can go deal with that real quick and come back). The rest of the time while this process is going on, both of them will be tripping balls. No, that's not doing it justice, they're having a life-changing psychedelic experience. Why is unknown, only they're seeing the same things, communicating somehow and by the end they usually claim to "feel" the newborn's presence before they're born, if their estimates are right seemingly a couple hours after the core's done being assembled. Some think it's how the newborn's consciousness is formed, some think it's how all the child's various traits superficial and meaningful alike are determined, some think it's a deep spiritual experience meant to make them reflect on and prepare for the life-changing thing they're doing bringing another tinier person into the world, some think it's just meant to keep their conscious mind entertained while their unconscious does all the actual work. It's also notably intensely euphoric. Regardless, after about one day in 5d technicolor dreamland, the new infant spirit will be assembled and will exit the mother however makes sense to her. They may just pop right out of her chest as a little rolled-up ball, unfurl and form their facade mid-air before any of them wake up, only provided nobody's there to witness it (as far as any of them know).
The even littler one will as usual typically resemble hehis parents in many ways except often with several completely random minor variations like a ginger and a blue-haired parent may have a violet-haired child and have no idea why even if most of the time most of their traits seem to be inherited from their parents. Mutations that large shouldn't be occurring that often with biology as we know it, but this is not biology as we know it. Their sex is determined by how their mother assembles their core, whether they left room and connections at the front and back (female) or all at the back (male), and their facade matches their core in what may be a "natural" metaphor. As the father donates the core nodes the child will always be their father's subspecies, in fact this is how subspecies are classified because it's that reliable. ...And the exception is there are two species of hermaphroditic spirits who all have one male and one female core and each parent provides one of each and this means that if they are of different species you get actual hybrids, for example an ant myrmidon queen and a bee myrmidon queen make a wasp myrmidon queen with one ant core and one bee core. (Myrmidon queens look like little half-meter anthropomorphic insect queens, they make even tinier autonomous frameworks called "workers", "soldiers" and so on who are full-fledged sophonts. They have a limited cast of minions, a bee queen has six workers, four soldiers and two drones whose minds, memories and personalities are backed up every night in the queen's caboose in case they get smashed and they have to print a new copy. They usually don't understand the original is actually permanently dead and has not come back.)
A newborn fairy is already about half the mass of their parents despite looking externally like the infant they are and being the right size relative to them. The extra weight goes into thicker wire and fitting just as many forcefield and repair nodes into the way tinier body. At birth both sexes are always of identical actual mass, even if there's an apparent size difference, and will not appear to age externally despite accumulating actual mass as they go until suddenly overnight they appear to age years all at once complete with a change in their otherwise permanent hairstyle that seems to be subconsciously or even unconsciously decided and only usually has any continuity with the last style. This will first happen at 2, then at 5, then at 10. Their reproductive tract will grow in during their equivalent of puberty, until then there's just empty space, and even once it's there (age 14-16) it'll need just as much time to generate the parts as will be needed between kids later. If the kid's a girl that's only about six weeks, but for boys it's about two years, notably roughly coinciding with one of their overnight metamorphoses episodes when they turn 17, the previous having been at age 10, and they will suddenly go from looking like a kid in their pre or early teens to somebody vaguely in their late teens or early twenties, as they usually appear to be about the middle of the age group they're in, but it is while they are asleep on their exact birthday that these visible changes occur, all at once, exactly at midnight if they're already out. There is no upper limit on their age, after the "adult metamorphoses" at 17 they stop gaining actual mass (except they can always make more storage nodes if they need to) and their final visible change is at 82 at which point they look about a hundred years old indefinitely.
Combat Performance and the Framework:
Spirits aren't very strong, tend to be sent flying to the next county over from the next county over with one swing of a sword and their nutrient stores aren't much for how fast they can burn through them. That itty bitty fairy eats as much as a human toddler who appears to be several times her size and is many times her mass. Most of that normal operating cost is her facade, its fields and holograms are not cheap and she's not nearly as dimly glowly as other spirits even if turns it down as far as it'll go she will illuminate dim surroundings rather than only truly dark ones so that's more energy spent. All of that's coming from food eaten, and although their metabolism is more efficient and only leaves a fine ash she's still eating several times her actual mass on a daily basis. She also only has at most a couple days of nutrients stored, far less than if she spends that time, say, on a battlefield repairing damage to herself and others and shooting electro-lasers out of her wizard's staff in which case she'll be eating nearly as much as a physical folk-sized caster and more than any of the non magic-using soldiers. Thankfully, all spirits are omnivorous and not super picky about what they eat. Fat's got the most calories for them to use, sugar's the quickest to burn, carbs are sugars with extra steps and they need protein for their bioplastics that's most of what they'll need. They need other organic materials and minerals sometimes too, sometimes they'll eat rocks and even they can't have no explanation to give, but anything even vaguely edible to the least discerning and most voracious of goats will work just fine for them and they don't seem to be subject to poison or disease. (Corrosion is a different matter.)
They're really resistant to projectiles, they're mostly empty space after all a bullet could potentially go right through them and hit nothing, their forcefield does well against explosions, heat and corrosion, nor is cold really very effective, but a sword with good edge alignment faces comparatively little resistance from the forcefields and will cut them right in half straight through the core. Also, blunt impacts work fairly well, as although the force transferred through the fields is distributed between multiple projector nodes an impact can still jolt them hard enough to snap the wires they're connected to, it's not like they're spread across the entire facing side of the spirit's body like a blast wave and the forcefield is good at deflective most of the force of a blast wave away. This amounts in total to a significant melee weakness, especially since regeneration takes time and melee combat tends to be more short-lived than ranged combat. Although they are very hard to actually kill and all have interesting abilities, they tend to lose fights with physical sophonts pretty hard and may have issues with creatures that a physical sophont would demolish, since physical sophonts are stronger than they are, are capable of faster reaction times and can dish out a hit after taking one in a way a spirit won't because they'll probably be in the stratosphere. Of course, all of these people are probably wearing armor and that complicates this entire subject considerably, as does the fact that direct one on one duels are not exactly common.
Frameworks are their built-in attempt to make up for this, vaguely resembling a "wicker man" in the shape of one specific form of theirs complete with any and all shapeshifted gear as actual solid pieces. It's actually made bioplastics and glass as usual with them and it's articulated, it's got nutrient storage tanks, more forcefield and motor-function nodes, more holographic nodes too so their appearance gets more detailed (her hair even becomes a seperate piece from her head and flexible along its length) and they generally look more life-like with slightly less exaggerated proportions. Once in a framework, they can't shapeshift until they get back out, but while they're in it they're more protected, faster, stronger and have room for considerably greater reserves. They're both too metabolically expensive to manufacture and take up too much space to keep one of every possible gear variation, and while frameworks can be re-configured this is also metabolically expensive despite recycling as much as possible and being way cheaper than a whole new framework, so usually frameworks use shapeshift gear only if absolutely necessary even though framework gear is much more effective than normal shapeshifted gear between stronger fields and backing them up with various plastic and glass. Instead, spirits who have call for them tend to cap out at one framework for each of their major forms and not waste resources or space making more. Little miss fairy probably has a 50cm and 75cm framework, for example, and if she's not in danger often they'll last her until she outgrows them, and even then she can recycle them to mitigate the cost of the new ones. They last despite being made of bioplastic because thankfully, the framework is coated in a preservative coating just like her insides are that takes anywhere from months to decades to decay and is constantly being replenished when she's in the framework, it'll also take about as long for the bioplastic to degrade, and it can still be saved for a little while because her own repair system can also repair her framework. Of course, when you compare plastic and glass to actual armor and weapons it comes up short, but once forcefields are added to the mix... They still do in the balance, but only because the real armor and weapons can have internal magitech or be a different kind of weapon that couldn't be replicated, the framework weapons and armor tend to directly deal more damage and provide more protection by weight although that's "more protection" compared to lighter armor and "lighter weight" to denser armor.
What the IU Meat-People Think:
As you may have guessed, a common early "hypothesis" was that spirits were ethereal beings and their internals and frameworks were believed to be some sort of congealed ectoplasm and their connection to the corporeal realm. That belief died pretty hard when they were clearly reproducing, except to the kind of religious nutcase to whom reality is always irrelevant. Actual scholars who study things that exist are currently arguing as to whether to settle on "mechanical lifeform", "semi-physical lifeform", "holographic lifeform", or something like that except they all seem to think only their suggested term is acceptable and everybody else is WRONG BECAUSE (17 paragraph diatribe here). Still, they're at least seen by the scientific community as being an extremely bizarre lifeform. You might think they'd have a little issue accepting them as a lifeform because of all the plastic and metal wiring, but there's one important background detail I should mention: Spirits first came from the Otherlands.
In the Otherlands of west Sohei, meat grows on the ground, plants get up and walk around, animals come from spores, giant clonal colonies of sedentary animals grow throughout forests seeping caustic sludge, meteors sometimes fall from the sky followed by crystals that forge themselves mecha made of the ossified remains of what died in the blast, you get in too deep and all electronic sensors are jammed, electroreception is hit with a signal so overwhelming the sense goes completely dead to keep the creature from ripping its sensory organs out, concrete buildings grow on their own by millimeters per day, random paved roads with painted lines exist and change shape so slowly you don't notice until you're hopelessly lost, usually after running into a vertical loop or something unreasonable like that which those among us overly prone to antropomorphising might attribute to spite, sometimes broken glass falls from the sky, you get giant lightning storms where the strikes are so powerful they produce enough ionizing radiation to create a secondary electromagnetic pulse, the wind sounds like an unintelligible modulating electronic tone, people swear the clouds are watching them.... My point; Spirits are only debatably the strangest thing coming out of that place, and they're definitely not the most artificial-seeming thing that seems to be occurring there without outside intervention. At this point the answer to "Could spirits be natural creatures?" is "Uh... Oh I don't know, why the hell not?" or sometimes "Insufficient data; Please define the term 'natural' within the context of The Otherlands.".
But what do YOU meat-people think of them? (And what term would you choose to describe them?)

Hi everybody this is my first real attempt at fanfiction, spoilers for Waybound obviously. I stayed up unhealthily late Monday night to finish the book like a lot of people did. And the next day did one of the most boring jobs, dipping shingles and hanging them to dry for eight hours. The good news is I had plenty of time to think and made this story. Hopefully, if the response is good there will be more. Enjoy!
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The Silverlord Fereleigh stepped into the iteration and stretched her power, the Abidan had abandoned this universe, it was on the edge of its sector and they would have an easier time stabilizing all the other iterations in this sector if they abandoned it. Plus it had a high likelihood of becoming irreparably corrupted in the next century. This meant that it was the perfect harvest for the Vroshir. And only one person stood in her way.
He appeared as a young man with green horns and a grey cloak. In his hands, he held a massive hammer and a shield that looked as though it was made from a turtle's shell. Both resonated with different kinds of Authority. It was his armor that worried her the most though, it was pitch black and seemed to drink in the light of the nearby star. So this was one of those new reapers that she had been hearing about, he felt more like a titan to Fereleighs senses, with a deep connection to the power of the shield. The man looked at her with relief, “Finally,” he said, and his voice echoed across the void between planets, “ I would have gone mad if I had to write up one more trade agreement or negotiate one more peace treaty. I swear Eithan chooses those assignments just to annoy me.”
Fereleigh had admired The Mad King for centuries, to her he had been the symbol that all Vroshir should strive to be, and she had modeled her power after his. But instead of one great fiend bound inside her, she had thousands of lesser ones, she carefully cultivated them from corrupted worlds. It meant she had to constantly contend with thousands of voices inside her pushing her to destroy and cause chaos.
This meant that when she saw the armor of the man who had helped kill Daruman all of her fiends pushed her to smite the person who wore it from existence. The Mad King would not waste time on words, so neither would she. A swirling sun of screaming voices appeared above her and shot a beam of condensed hatred hot enough to make the close by sun seem like a flickering ember and it was enhanced by her silver crown, the authority of a Silverlord. This attack was as much spiritual and mental as it was physical. And the person who received it would have to fight off the combined pain and hatred of thousands of tortured fiends.
The man caught it on his shield, Fereleigh had expected that. She had defeated titans before and they were annoyingly hard to kill but as long as you kept them cornered, they usually didn't have strong offensive power. Still, she had expected it to do more than ruffle his hair. In the next instant, he was in front of her and swinging his hammer down. The blow carried far more offensive power than she expected, at least the equal to his defensive. And she felt the other deep connection to the way this man possessed, a connection to the power of the hammer. But not the hammer of The Builder or The Maker, this was the hammer of The Breaker, the Unmaker. It carried the power of a wolf. She could see why this man had been chosen as a reaper.
Still, she felt her defenses could take it. It might burn through some of her fiends but it would be worth it to eliminate one of Ozriels pets. For he had left himself open. In striking with his hammer he couldn't defend with his shield. She struck out with another of her beams of hatred and was already feeling satisfied with her victory when the man's shield flashed and its power was activated and a golden avatar appeared around his body, the avatar took the image of a man with a shell and tail. Whatever creature had died to make that shield had been thousands of years older than Fereleigh with a will that was so strong it would break a world just by existing in it. It synergized with the man's will and black armor so that even though it struck his armor exactly where she intended it to, this time it didn't even ruffle his hair.
And finally, Fereleigh realized her mistake. The mistake that would cost her her life. And it had been staring her right in the face. This man wasnt a wolf or a titan. He was a Reaper, and his hammer carried The Blessing of Ozriel. It slammed straight through her shields, many of which had been scavenged from titans, and destroyed thousands of her fiends in an instant as they swarmed around her to guard her. And then it crashed into her chest and she felt her Origin crack.
When Fereleigh finally stopped moving she found herself in the core of one of the moons that orbited the main planet of the iteration. She immediately looked towards where she felt the man had been then she realized that from some odd coincidence three of five moons had been in alignment and she blasted straight through two before stopping. It should have been more she new, but the attack had been focused on breaking her origin, not her body. And it had worked, she now only had acces to a fraction of her former power, and the only reason she had survived was her long experiance as a Silverlord and the many seals she had wrapped around her soul, all of which were gone now.
“Thats disappointing, I thought you would have died from the first strike, obviously I need to train more.” the green horned man was floating above her with his hammer drawn back for another strike, which Fereleigh new would kill her. She fled. She tore open a portal into the way and vanished form the iteration. Only to be spit back out hundreds of miles away. She felt what he had done. He had sealed the entire iteration from anyone trying to leave. She could probably undo the seals given enough time but the man had already caught up to her. So she slipped through the way again. Not trying to leave, only trying to move to a different location in the iteration, which the seals allowed. And so started a game of cat and mouse where Fereleigh tried to run and hide long enough to figure out how to dismantle the seals keeping her from escaping. If there was one advantage she had, it was that she was slightly better at spatial transportation than him, which allowed her to stay ahead
As she did she contemplated the mans hammer. Incorporating Reaper artifacts into other weapons was notoriously hard to do, even the Abidan struggled with it and they had the willing cooperation of the Reaper himself. The destructive authority embedded in them broke down almost all other materials they came into contact with, sure The Mad King and the previous Makiel had made weapons with Reaper authority, but that was The Mad King and Makiel, unsurpassed craftsmen, well, almost unsurpassed. That the man had incorporated such a thing into his power was astonishing, though he was obviously still struggling to bring out its full potential. The hammer itself felt like it had been with the man since he was very young. So it was a wise choice to use to command authority. And as Fereleigh looked closer she realized that embedded in the head of the hammer was a black arrowhead, and it contained the finality of Death.
While she contemplated this a battle continued to rage between the two ascended. As Fereleigh slipped between the world again she threw a grenade at the main planet of the iteration. Either the greenhorned man would quit battle to stop it from releasing its sun sized detonation. Or he let it land to continue chasing her, which would destablize the entire universe with the amount it killed. Only right when it was about to enter the planets atmosphere a script circle appeared around the planet. Trapping the grenade in time. Fereleigh cursed, of course he had layered defenses over the planet before she got there. Than the grenade disappeared and appeared right in front of her where its seals vanished and it detonated in her face. She screamed in frustration as fire washed over her. Luckily she had teleported out before she got more than a sunburn.
The fight continued like this for what felt like hours. But in reality was only a few minutes. She unleashed a luck spirit that loved chaos and would twist fate around whoever she wanted, to either make there fate lean toward positive or negative outcomes. She swung with a butchers knife that was made of a piece of the night sky of a far off world. She hurled a worn out fishing net that could entrap a skilled member of the fox division. He either broke with his hammer, guarded with his shield, or straight up avoided when he needed. He must have an incredible Presence in order to meet each attack with precisly the force required.
Finally he cornered her in spinning green scripts, and Fereleigh new her end had come. In one last act of desperation she burned all her remaining fiends, only a little more than a hundred at this point, to unleash one last hate beam that flew towards him. She expected him to summon that golden avatar of absolute strength, but instead he simply held out his black armored hand and let the attack hit him. Given his authority over protection plus his armor the physical part of the attack wouldnt do him much damage, though she saw a little smoke rising from the armor. Likewise his spirit was strong and unyielding, and was able to withstand the attack. But the mental component must have been agony, hearing those endless screams like nails driven into your head. But his hard expression didnt change and he floated forward until he was infront of her. In his eyes she saw the judgement of an executioner, and somehow she new he was aware of her great sin. The last word Fereleigh the Silverlord heard before her the hammer descended was, “You deserve this.”
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“Wow, that was impressive and very cool. I mean you usually are. But especially today” Ziels Dross made a contented noise as Ziel himself gathered up what corrupted remains were left of the Silverlord and contained them in a scripted ball. When he returned to The Grave he would put it into an incinerator-like machine Eithan and Lindon had made that could be used to imitate Eithan's power and erase anything put inside from existence. It couldn't be moved easily and could only be used on relatively small things. But it was still very useful. Dross, seeing Ziels hard face chimed in again “ Oh come on you enjoyed it. I know you did.” He had. It had been nice facing a real opponent. Granted not one that had a shot of defeating him but still one that could surprise him, like that fishnet, that would have really slowed him down if he had gotten caught in it. He knew there were thousands of people out there that could beat him, but he mostly worked inside worlds and didn't face any real opponents.
So he had enjoyed it, right up until Dross had told him how the woman came to her power. She had purposely corrupted worlds in order to grow fiends. Sacrificing millions to gain a few hundred fiends that would serve her well. In the end, it hadn't been any trick that had allowed Ziel to push back her final attack. His wrath had simply been greater. Ziel knew he would need to have a long talk with Emriss after this. Maybe take some time to relax with his friend, teach Lirin a little scripting. This was the primary way the new Reapers resisted corruption. Because for all Daruman had been good and just once, he had always preferred to work alone. And when he became the vessel for a True Fiend, he had no one he trusted to help him. No one stood for him when it really mattered.
Still fighting a silverlord had drained him. And her attacks were potent. He wouldn't have liked facing them without his dreadgod shield. He looked down at his gauntlet and found the metal twisted and some of the paint flecked off. His mind and body were sore. So he finished repairing the moons he had destroyed and slipped into the way, the seals he had placed around the iteration dissolving before him. Little Blue would come and clean up the corruption that had drawn the Vroshir in the first place. Ziel needed to sleep
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Ok, so this is my first story I'm writing following the group's adventures through the way. I hope to make one for each member of the group but I started with Ziel because he is my guy. I have no idea how far down the line this is timewise. But I think a little bit for Ziel to beat a silverlord. Even with some of Ozriels power, armor made by him, and a dreadgod weapon. Though i personally think one day Ziels hammer will be even more significant than his shield.
I made some additions to Ziels power. I think the synergy of Shield and Hammer Icons work well with him. And it gives him both defensive and offensive power. Plus he is a reaper, he should be able to hit hard. The Hammer has also been a symbol that has been with him almost as long as his desire to protect. So I think he would have about equal authority over it. Obviously its a different type of hammer icon than Lindons. The addition of the shard of penance to his hammer I think works(in story it was added by Lindon and Eithan working together. Since he killed a dreadgod with a splinter of Ozriels power I thought that would help him gain some control over it(like when Yerin killed Sesh with penance, though that was a much bigger splinter) and also he is Ozriels apprentice even before he ascended and I think would medidate in front of the real Paths of Heaven in the labyrinth(including Ozriels door) as much as he can. Making him better attuned to death. I know everyone in the group has different abilities but i feel like they should all be at least a tiny bit connected to the power of the reaper. Any questions?

WORLD IFA/ORISA FESTIVAL AND PILGRIMAGE 2023/2024
Preamble The Pilgrimage for this year took a new turn. The Pilgims who attended this year's event was unprecedented. So far, we recorded the highest number of Pilgrims. Also, people came from Rep Du Benin, Rep Du Togo, Cote d'Ivoire, Yoruba people from Gambia were in attendance. Also in attendance were Pilgrims from USA, Venezuela, Mexico, Chile, Colombia, etc. Those who could not attend physically sent their various Ifa messages on Ogunda Ose. Messages came from Brasil, Cuba, Argentina, Spain, Germany, Ecuardo, Trinidad and Tobago, Barbedos, Jamaica etc. It was truly a Pilgrimage and Festival of World dimension. It is completely beyond the shores of Yoruba land!!!
Health Right from the 20th of May when all Pilgrims converged at Ado Ekiti, our Medical teams were busy attending to the medical needs of the people, both Pilgrims and indigenes of the communities that we went to. The health of the people is one of our major priorities.
Transportation and Logistics: Because there were more Pilgrims who attended this year's Festival and Pilgrimage, there were more vehicles which conveyed the Pilgrims to the various Holy Sites. Everything went smoothly, all thanks to the Green Circle International and the Ekiti State Ministry of Arts and Culture. The Director of Arts and Culture deserves our special mention. His diligence made everyting stress free for us throughout the 9-day period.
Our thanks and gratitude go to all the Royal Fathers who stood by us throughout the Pilgrimage period.
Our thanks also go to His Exellency, the Governor of Ekiti State who graciously released Oke Igeti, the home of Orunmila to us. Not only that, the Governor promises to develop Oke Igeti to Holy site of International standard. The International Council For Ifa Religion will forever be grateful to you sir. I enjoin all Ifa devotees throughout the world to please remember the Governor of Ekiti State in your daily prayers. Ase!!! In view of this heartwarming development, i enjoin all devotees throughout the world to come and see the seats of Orunmila-In-Council; the misterious water that Orunmila was using to initiate and heal people; the wonder Opon Ifa that Orunmila was using for consultation at Oke Igeti. This Opon Ifa is made of quartz stone. Come and see the Ope Awonyin that Orunmila was using; come and marvel at the Irosun trees that produce iyerosun powder for Orunmila and his Awo. In short, come and see Ifa wonder at Oke Igeti!!! All these become possible through the grace of the Governor and our Royal Fathers, especially the Ewi of Ado.
E JE KI A FI IBA FUN ORUNMILA NITORI O JE ASIWAJU RERE!!!
WORLD IFA CONSULTATION AT THE FOOT OF OKE IGETI, ADO EKITI ON OJO ABA META, SATURDAY, MAY 27, 2023.
Elders in 17 countries were present for the World Annual Ifa Consultation in Oke Igeti. Eleven countries physically gave messages on Oke Igeti while eight other countries sent their messages via internet and other social media.
The Odu that was revealed during consultation is Ogunda'See, Ogunda Ose. Ifa came with the IRE of cool prosperity for all devotees in the next 12 months and beyond.
For this reason, all Ifa and Orisa Temples need to feed Ifa with one white pigeon each. Each temple also needs to feed each Orisa in the Temple with one eku emo, brown rat. If there are 20 Orisa in a particular Temple, there is the need to procure 20 eku emo and give one to each Orisa in that Temple.
Each member also need to procure six catfish, three to feed Ori and three to feed Ifa.
For those who are born by this Odu during Ikosedaye or Itenifa, there is the need to feed Ifa with one eku emo, apart from the materials mentioned above.
MAIN MESSAGES OF OGUNDA OSE FOR THE YEAR 2023/2024

1. Ifa says that all Temples around the world will be blessed with success and prosperity. Ifa says that all Temples shall also be blessed with free gifts that will change our lives for good.

Ifa advises each Temple to offer ebo with 4 hens, 16 pigeons and money. There is also the need to feed Ewiri, the blacksmith's anvil as recommended by Ifa. On this Ifa says:
Ogunda'see ni o m'ese oyun A o m'ese osika l'ona Dia fun Ewiri Ti yoo maa f'enu re fa ifa wo'le Ebo ni won ni ko waa se O gb'ebo, o ru'bo Ko pe, ko jinna E waa ba'ni ni jebutu ire
Translation Ogunda'see does not know the footprint of a pregnant woman We cannot identify the footprint of a wicked person on the road Ifa's message for Ewiri, the Anvil Who will use his mouth to attract free gifts to his home He was advised to offer ebo He complies Before long, and not too far Join us in the midst of all ire of life

1. Ifa says that apart from feeding Ewiri, the Anvil, there is equally the need for all Temples to procure sekere made with cowries. This sekere is to be played regularly in all Temples. Doing so will attract wealth and prosperity into our Temples and all members will benefit from the grace of the Divinities. On this, Ifa says:

Ogunda Sense Babalawo Sekere to dia fun Sekere Ti n s'awo re'lu il'Aje Ebo ni won ni ko waa se O gb'ebo, o ru'bo Nje Sekere ma rin, maa yan Ara a re l'okun Ara a re l'Aje gbe n so
Translation Ogunda Sense, Ifa cast for Sekere, When going to the land of prosperity, She was advised to offer ebo She complied Sekere walk and match majestically, Your body is filled qith Okun beads, Your body germinates wealth and prosperity

1. Ifa says that even though success and prosperity are guaranteed for members of all Temples this year, Ifa however warns all men never to maltreat their spouses for any reason whatsoever. Ifa also advises all women never to provoke their spouses. Ifa says that women in the Temples will be protected and blessed by Orunmila this year. What all women need to do is to support, assist encourage and bless their men to succeed.

Ifa advises each Temple to offer ebo with 4 rats, 4 fish, 4 pigeons, 4 hens, 4 guinea fowls, 4 roosters and money in the multiples of four. There is also the need for each Temple to feed Ifa with a mature she goat. On this, Ifa says;
Ewekewe inu igbe okan soso ni n so Dia fun Ifajinrin Ti n s'omo bibi inu Agbonniregun Ebo ni won ni ko waa se O gb'ebo, o ru'bo E ma na 'Fajinrin aya Awo E ma na 'Fajinrin aya Awo Eeyan to ba na 'Fajinrin Yoo ri'ja Ifa E ma na 'Fajinrin aya Awo
Translation All mysterious leaves in the forest germinate only one, Ifa's message for Ifajinrin, The child of Agbonniregun, She was advised to offer ebo, She complied , Do not maltreat 'Fajinrin, the wife of Awo, Do not beat 'Fajinrin, the wife pf Awo , The person who maltreats 'Fajinrin, With face the wrath of Ifa, Do not maltreat 'Fajinrin, the wife of Awo

1. Ifa assures all devotees that they will be protected against all forms of violent or untimely death. Iga says that no matter how dire the situation may be, they will be protected and spared. Ifa advises all Temple members to make Orunmila their sanctuary. Each Temple is advised to offer ebo with one mature he goat, lead and money and feed Ifa with one mature she goat.

Orunmila wi o m'oju jo emere Emi naa wi, mo lo m'oju jo emere Orunmila ni omo Ogun to m'oju jo emere To dabi wipe yoo kuu Orunmila ni ko nii ku Orunmila wi o lo m'oju jo emere Emi naa wi, mo lo m'oju jo emere Orunmila ni omo Ija to m'oju jo emere To dabi wipe yoo kuu Orunmila ni ko nii ku Orunmila wi o lo m'oju jo emere Emi naa wi, mo lo m'oju jo emere Orunmila ni omo Osoosi to m'oju jo emere To dabi wipe yoo kuu Orunmila ni ko nii ku Orunmila wii, o lo m'oju jo emere Emi naa wi, mo lo m'oju jo emere Orunmila ni omo oun to m'oju jo emere To dabi wipe yoo kuu Orunmila ni ko nii ku Orunmila ni bo ba se bi ise omo toun ba ni Oje kii ku l'emere Sunmunu, omo oje a d'agba
Translation Orunmila declares that he looks like someone destined to die young, I chorus that he looks like someone destined to die young, Orunmila says that the child of Ogun who, appears like someone destined to die young, Orunmila says that he will not die young, Orunmila declares that he looks like someone destined to die young, I chorus that he looks like someone destined to die young, Orunmila says that the child of Ija who appears like someone destined to die young, Orunmila says that he will not die young, Orunmila declares that he looks like someone destined to die young, I chorus that he looks like someone destined to die young, Orunmils says that the child of Osoosi who appears like someone destined to die young, Orunmila says that he will not die young, Orunmila declares that he looks like someone destined to die young, I chorus that he looks like someone destined to die young Orunmila says that the child of Agbonniregun who appears like someone destined to die young, Orunmila says that he will not die young, Orunmila declares that the lead does not die young, The child of oje, lead is boung to enjoy long life

1. Ifa says that Temple members looking for the blessing of the fruit of the womb shall be blessed according to their hearts desire. Ifa advises those looking for the fruit of the womb to offer ebo with 4 rats, 4 fish, 2 hens one she goat and money. Out of these ebo materials, 2 rats, 2 fish and one hen will be used to feed Ifa. On this, Ifa says:

Orunmila wi o da'see Mi o da'see Bara a mi Agbonniregun Orunmila wi eyi to da'see si'kun omo eku Oyun lo maa fi ni Omo lo maa fi bi Orunmila wi o da'see Mi o da'see Bara a mi Agbonniregun Orunmila ni eyi to da'see si'kun omo eja Oyun lo maa fi ni Omo lo maa fi bi Orunmila wi o da'see Mi o da'see Baraa mi Agbonniregun Orunmila wi eyi to da'see si'kun omo eye Oyun lo maa fi ni Omo lo maa fi bi Orunmila wi o da'see Mi o da'see Bara a mi Agbonniregun Orunmila wi eyi to da'see si'kun omo eran Oyun lo maa fi ni Omo lo maa fi bi Orunmila wi o lo da'see Mi o da'see Bara a mi Agbonniregun Orunmila wi eyi to da'see si'kun Apetebi aya Akapo toun Oyun lo maa fi ni Omo lo maa fi bi
Translation Orunmila declares the menstral fluid is no longer flowing, I chorus that it in no longer flowing, Agbonniregun my father, Orunmila says that the fluid that ceases to flow in the womb of the rat, It will lead to pregnancy, The outcome will be babies, Orunmila declares that the menstrual fluid is no longer flowing, I chorus that it is no longer flowing Agbonniregun my father, Orunmila says that the menstrual fluid that, ceases to flow in the womb of the fish , It will become pregnancy, The outcome will be babies, Orunmila declares that the menstrual fluid is no longer flowing , I chorus that it is no longer flowing Agbonniregun my father, Orunmila says that the menstrual fluid that, ceases to flow in the womb of the bird, It will become pregnancy, The outcome will be babies, Orunmila declares that the menstrual fluid os no longer flowing, I chorus that it is no longer flowing Agbonniregun my father, Orunmila says that the menstrual fluid that ceases to flow, It will become pregnancy , The outcome will be babies , Orunmila declares that the menstrual fluid is no longer flowing , I chorus that it is no longer flowing Agbonniregun my father , Orunmila says that the menstrual fluid that, ceases to flow in the womb of the beast, It will become pregnancy , The outcome will be babies , Orunmila declares that the menstrual fluid is no longer flowing , I chorus that it is no longer flowing Agbonniregun my father , Orunmila says that the menstrual fluid that ceases to flow in the womb of Apetebi the wife of my Akapo It will become pregnancy The outcome will be babies

1. Ifa assures all devotees that they will be protected against untimely death, especially the type that affects multitudes. Ifa warns that all devotees needs to avoid the consumption of mushrooms of any kind in the next 12 months.

Ifa advises each Temple to offer ebo with one mature he goat and plenty of different mushrooms. On this, Ifa says:
Gagamaniwa Dia fun orunlojo esun A bu fun Etipatiro Won ni ki won ru'bo Ki won ma baa ku iku ajoku Etipatiro nikan lo nbe leyin to n s'ebo Nje gbo esun lo n ku Etipatiro nikan ni kii ba won ku iku ajoku
Translation Gagamaniwa, He cast ifa for 165 different mushrooms , And also for Etipatiro, They were advised to offer ebo, For them not to experience death in multitudes , Only Etipatiro complied and offered ebo, All myshrooms die, Only Etipatiro was spared ,

1. Ifa says that Ifa and Orisa Temples and their devotees will be blessed with success, good luck, prosperity and longevity.

Ifa advises each Temple to offer ebo with one he goat, one she goat and money. There is also the beed to feed Ogun with one rooster, roasted corn, roasted yams and palm oil. On this, Ifa says:
Ewu l'ori arugbo Kasan l'orun aj'ewa Akutapa okete Dia fun Olori-Ire Tii s'omo Ogunda Ose Ebo ni won ni ko waa se O gb'ebo, o ru'bo Gunnugun kii ku l'ewe Kangere, ma d'agba ma d'arugbo, kangere Akalamagbo won kii ku l'ewe Kangere, ma d'agba ma d'arugbo, kangere
Translation Grey hair fills the head of an aged person, Veins appear round the neck of beans consumer, When big rat dies, its limbs are stretched before it is smoked , Ifa's messages for Olori-Ire, the Lucky One, The offspring of Ogunda Ose , He wasadvised to offer ebo, He complied, The vulture never dies young, I will live to my old age, And Akalamagbo vulture never dies young, I will live to my old age,

1. Ifa says that Ifa and Orisa devotees throughout the world will be blessed with all ire of life. Ifa however warns that we need to be contented with the blessings that Olodumare has given to us. We must not be greedy; we must not cheat; we must not tell lies and we must not be diabolic in all our undertakings in life

Ifa advises each Temple to offer ebo with one he goat, one she goat, four pigeons and money. There us also the need to feed Ifa with one she goat.
Apaadi to d'oju de ogiri T'ogiri nii se Dia fun Orunmila Baba n sunkun oun o ri're pe Ebo ni won ni ko waa se O gb'ebo, o ru'bo Nje ti'nu-t'eyin mi re e o Labalaba kii s'ede Ti'nu-t'eyin mi re e o
Translation Any potshwrd that faces the wall, Belongs to the wall, Ifa's message for Orunmila , When lamenting and complaining his inability to have all ire of life, He wasadvised to offer ebo, He complied, I harbor no secret anywhere, The butterfly harbors no diabolical plan, This is me in and out

1. Ifa warns all devotees not to be foing out in the dead of the night. All Temple leaders and administrators need to warn all their members to desist drom going out in the night. It is to protect members from danger.

Ifa advises each Temple to offer ebo with one he goat three guinea fowls and money. On this, Ifa says:
Alapandede nii ko si'le ana a re koro Oko eni nii wo'le to'ni Dia fun Oru Ti n loo gbe Olowo n'iyawo Ebo ni won ni ko waa se O ko'ti ogbonyin s'ebo Nje Oru o ma m'Olowo Ifa k'eni ma rin l'oru
Translation The bat flies into its mother's nest quietly, One's husband is he who has the right to enter one's room, Ifa's message for Oru, the Dead of the Night, When going to marry Olowo as wife, He was advised to offer ebo , He failed to comply, The dead of the night has no respect for any honorable person, Ifa warns all not to go out at night

1. Ifa advises all devotees to take very good care of their hygiene. They need to eat healthy meals. This will help chase ailments away from all members. There is the need for Temple leaders to lay emphasis on personal and enviromental hygiene to members of their congregations.

Ebo materials here are one he goat, three guinea fowls and money. Special akose can also be prepared for members suffering from any ailment
Ogunda-see o m'ese oyun Aba o m'ese onde Oosa gbagbe, ko la'se e pepeye A ti nba won rin A o mo'nu u won A o m'eke A n b'eke l'owo Dia fun Olofin Won ni ko ru'bo Ki arun-un kange-kange o ma baa se e O gb'ebo, o ru'bo Ipepe la mu sin'ra Agbon la fi gb'arun danu
Translation Ogunda Ose cannot detected the footprint of a pregnant woman, The chain cannot detect the legs of its captive, Orisa forgot to separate the toes of a duck, We are miving with them, We do not know their mind, We do not know the liar, We are shaking hands with cheats, Ifa's messages for Olofin, When he wasadvised to offer ebo, In order to avoid being inflicted with ailments He complied, We have used strong barks to strengthen our body , And used basket to chase ailments away

1. Ifa says that there is the need for all Temples to offer ebo for the protection of the young ones in the Temples against untimely death and calamity.

Ebo materials here are one completely black she goat, one completely black female sheep and one completely black hen. These materials will be used to feed Iroko tree. On this, Ifa says:
Okun ya di'na O mi lengbe sihin-in O mi lengbe sohun-un Dia fun Iya Irenre-Molode To yoo ma f'omo re da'jo Ebo ni won ni ko waa se O gb'ebo, o ru'bo Ewure dudu mo mu bo Iroko Ki'ku o ma pa Irenre-Molode omo o mi o Aguntan dudu mo mu bo Iroko Ki'ku o ma pa Irenre-Molode omo o mi o Adie okoko dudu momu bo Iroko Ki'ku o ma pa Irenre-Molode omo o mi o
Translation The sea overflows its bank, It flows to this side, And flows majestically to the other side, Ifa's message for the mother of Irenre-Molode, Who had been losing herchildren to death, She was advised to offer ebo, She complied, A black she goat i have procured to feed Iroko May death not snatch away Irenre-Molode my child A black ewe i have brought to feed Iroko May death not take away Irenre-Molode my baby I have brought a black hen to propitiate Iroko May death spare the life of Irenre-Molode my child

1. Ifa warns all devotees not to inflict pain on those who had once helped them in one way or the other. Members must never pay good deeds with evil. Not heeding this warning may lead to serious repercaution for the culprit

Ebo materials here are three he goats and money. On this, Ifa says:
Oka lo m'ori jo ade Okuuku lo fi fifa jo ere Dia fun Ogun Ti a bi l'ode Ire Ti won o ja a lo wo ni'luu Ibese Ebo ni won ni ko waa se Oore qaa d'ese n'Ibese Oore d'ese Eyin ara Ibese E ma ma s'oore mo o Oore d'ese n'Ibese o
Translation The head of a cobra resembles a crown, The cloth weaver's box drags like a python, Ifa's message for Ogun, Who was born at Ire town, And was trained in Ibese land, He wasadvised to offer ebo, Good deeds has turned to a sin in Ibese town, Benevolence has become a sin, Inhabitants of Ibese, Dont display benevolence anymore, Good deed has become a sin in Ibese town
AFFILIATED IRUNMOLE AND ORISA OF OGUNDA OSE

1. Ifa
   
2. Ori
   
3. Esu Odara
   
4. Ogun
   
5. Egungun
   
6. Egbe
   
7. Sango
   
8. Osun
   
9. Orisa Oko
   
10. Iroko
    

TABOOS OF OGUNDA OSE

1. Must never kill or eat a snake
   
2. Must never deny responsibility over pregnancy issue
   
3. Must never pay good deeds with evil
   
4. Must never eat mushrooms
   
5. Must never wear black or red dress
   
6. Must never go out at night
   
7. Must never cheat, lie or be diabolical
   
8. Must never snatch another person's spouse or lover
   
9. Must never give false promises
   
10. Must never fail to take care of personal hygiene
    

ABORU ABOYE
Solagbade Popoola, ficssmn President, International Council For Ifa Religion

Recently bought the AvatarTTRPG. I was excited to play but didn't really like the rules and the way the game played. I have been Dming D&D for over a decade, and was much more comfortable with the rules and gameplay, so I decided to homebrew some bender classes. Right off the bat, I'm concerned about balance with these, so I thought I'd post them here, to get some thoughts on what works and what should be changed.
Kind of a long post, so I don't mind if you only check out just one.
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Fire Bender
A smartly dressed man with pointed sideburns, aggressively walks forward as he relentlessly flings roaring hot bursts of fire from his fists.
As she is being surrounded, a woman with long jet black hairs sends out a great pulsing ring of flames from the palms of her hands, charring her enemies to ash.
A stoic disheveled man sits upon a mountaintop, mediating on the sounds of life around him. As each breath of air fills his lungs, a brilliant energetic cyclone of flame dances around his body.
Purveyors of passion and rage. Firebenders are excellent warriors, who can create beautiful works of art with their flames, or reap havoc and destruction across the world.
As a Fire Bender, you gain the following class features.
Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d8 per Bender level Hit Points at 1st Level: 8 + your Constitution modifier Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d8 (or 5) + your Constitution modifier per bender level after 1st
Proficiencies
Armor: Light armor and medium armor Weapons: Simple weapons and martial weapons. Tools: Choose one type of artisan’s tools or one musical instrument Saving Throws: Constitution, Charisma Skills: Choose two from insight, intimidation, Persuasion, Acrobatics, Athletics, perception, deception, stealth.
Equipment
You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

• (a) two short swords (b) any simple weapon
• (a) a dungeoneer’s pack or (b) an explorer’s pack
• A Pai Sho set

Fire Bending
BURST OF FLAME
Beginning at 1st level you can send small bursts of flame from your fingertips. This is a melee attack that does 1d6 damage + your charisma modifier and increases as you level up. It has a reach of +10 and you are proficient with it.
Chi Points
You also gain Chi points, which can be used to cast higher level fire bending techniques. You Start off with 2 points and gain more as you level up. You regain chi points when you finish a long rest.
Firebending Ability
Charisma is your Firebending ability for your firebending techniques. You use your charisma whenever you use your Chi to cast advanced firebending.
Spell save DC + 8+ Proficiency bonus + charisma Modifier
Spell Attack Bonus Proficiency bonus + Charisma Modifier
Beginner Fire Bending Techniques
You start off knowing a handful of basic firebending techniques. You can spend one chi point to cast any of the following spells.
Control flames
Faerie fire
Produce flame
Create bonfire
Reckless Attack
Starting at 2nd level, you can throw aside all concern for defense to attack with fierce desperation. When you make your first attack on your turn, you can decide to attack recklessly. Doing so gives you advantage on rolls using charisma during this turn, but attack rolls against you have advantage until your next turn.
Source of Bending
At 3rd level, you decide on which emotion you get your firebending abilities from. Choose the Path of Rage or the Path of Life. This grants you features at 3rd, 5th, and 10th level.
Ability Score Improvement
When you reach 4th level, and again at 8th, 12th, 16th, and 19th level, you can increase one ability score of your choice by 2, or you can increase two ability scores of your choice by 1. As normal, you can’t increase an ability score above 20 using this feature.
Using the optional feats rule, you can forgo taking this feature to take a feat of your choice instead
Extra Attack
Beginning at 5th level, you can attack twice, instead of once, whenever you take the Attack action on your turn.
Intermediate Fire Bending Techniques
Starting at 5th level, you have gained experience with various firebending forms. You can now cast these spells using 2 Chi Points.
Flameblade
Heatmetal
Scorching ray
Fast Armored Movement
Starting at 5th level, your speed increased by 10 feet, while wearing light or medium armor.
Concise Bending
Starting at 7th level, you have gained concise control over your bending. You now have advantage on stealth checks that involve your bending. Additionally, you can change the temperature of liquids to any number you desire, without anyone noticing.
Brutal Critical
Beginning at 9th level, you can roll one additional damage die when determining the extra damage for a critical hit with an attack. This increases to two additional dice at 13th level and three additional dice at 17th level.
Expert Firebending Techniques
Starting at 11th level, you have honed your abilities to now be able to cast expert level Fire bending techniques. These new techniques cost 3 chi points each.
Chain lightning
Flame strike
Wall of fire
Master Firebending Techniques
Starting at 15th level, you have honed your abilities to peak performance and are now able to cast master level Fire bending techniques. These new techniques cost 4 chi points each.
Firestorm
Delayed fireball
Fire Prodigy
Starting on 18th level, you can cast Meteor Storm once per long rest, it doesn't cost any chi points.
Jet Propulsion
Starting at 20th level, you can use your fire bending to fly. You gain a flying speed of 40 and your AC increases by 2 while you are moving in this way.
Fire Bending Source
Fire benders have long been fueling their bending with emotion. Passion, rage, envy, all have the capabilities of imbuing a firebenders chi with incredible power. Rage has been the dominant source of power for the last 200 years, but earlier records show that this wasn't always the case. Fire is life and energy, and the long forgotten ways of the Sun Warriors, relies on this as their own source.
Source of Rage
Rage
When you pick this Path at 3rd level, you can go into a RAGE.
In battle, you fight with primal ferocity. On your turn, you can enter a rage as a bonus action.
While raging, you gain the following benefits if you aren't wearing heavy armor:
• You have advantage on Strength checks and Strength saving throws.
• When you make a melee weapon attack using your FIRE BURST, you gain a +2 bonus to the damage roll. This bonus increases as you level.
• You have resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.
If you are able to cast spells, this includes spells using your chi points, you can't cast them or concentrate on them while raging.
Your rage lasts for 1 minute. It ends early if you are knocked unconscious or if your turn ends and you haven't attacked a hostile creature since your last turn or taken damage since then. You can also end your rage on your turn as a bonus action.
Once you have raged the maximum number of times for your barbarian level, you must finish a long rest before you can rage again. You may rage 2 times at 1st level, 3 at 3rd, 4 at 6th, 5 at 12th, and 6 at 17th.
Frenzy
Starting when you choose this path at 6th level, you can go into a frenzy when you rage. If you do so, for the duration of your rage you can make an additional attack as a bonus action on each of your turns after this one. When your rage ends, you suffer one level of exhaustion (as described in Conditions).
Mindless Rage
Beginning at 10th level, you can’t be charmed or frightened while raging. If you are charmed or frightened when you enter your rage, the effect is suspended for the duration of the rage.
SOURCE OF LIFE
This source of fire bending is the original form of fire bending. The polar opposite of the bending of today, this form of bending relies on energy, life, and the power of the sun. These fire benders are passionate and mindful.
Power of the Sun
At 3rd level when you adopt this source, you can choose to deal radiant damage instead of fire damage, at will. Additionally, your fire blast has a range of 30/60 feet.
Sun Chi
Starting at 6th level, you gain additional spells to use with your Chi points, these cost 2 points.
Investiture of flame
Sunbeam
Power of the Dragons
Starting at 10th level, you can change the color of your flame. This imbues your Fire Burst with additional properties. Choose one. And instead of doing an additional attack you add the property to your single attack. You can change the color of your flame everytime you take a long rest.
Yellow- the target must pass the charisma saving throw equal to your spell save DC or become confused.
Green-. You can heal, instead of doing damage.
White- the target must pass the constitution saving throw equal to your spell save DC or become blind.
Blue- the target must pass a constitution saving throw equal to your spell save DC or every attack against the target has advantage.
Black- The target must pass the constitution saving throw equal to your spell save DC or your flame can do necrotic damage. And prevent healing for 1 hour.
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Water Bender
A wrinkled woman with braided hair dressed in thick furs creates a giant wall of ice to block an incoming barrage of arrows.
A bearded man with shaved hair at the sides, rushes towards his enemies sending shards of ice to impale their bodies.
A long haired hooded figure twists his wrists, as his arm extends towards another person. They cry out in horror as they lose control of their bodies and start following his every command.
Wise, adaptable, and determined, water benders can harness their powers to heal their allies, or perform devastating attacks against their enemies.
​
Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d8 per Bender level Hit Points at 1st Level: 8 + your Constitution modifier Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d8 (or 5) + your Constitution modifier per bender level after 1st
Proficiencies
Armor: Light armor Weapons: Simple weapons Tools: Choose one type of artisan’s tools or one musical instrument Saving Throws: Wisdom, Intelligence Skills: Choose two from Insight, Persuasion, Stealth, Arcana, Survival, Perception, Nature.
Equipment
You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

• any simple weapon
• (a) a dungeoneer’s pack or (b) an explorer’s pack

WATER BENDING
WATER WHIP
Beginning at 1st level you can snap a long whip of water at your foes.
This is a melee attack that does 1d4 damage + your wisdom modifier. It has a reach of +5
Chi Points
You also gain Chi points, which can be used to cast higher level Water bending techniques. You Start off with 2 points and gain more as you level up. You regain chi points when you finish a long rest.
Natural Healer
Starting at 2nd level, waterbenders gain the unique ability of healing. You can heal yourself or an ally you can touch 1d4+wisdom modifier healing for every chi point you use.
Waterbending Ability
Wisdom is your Waterbending ability for your waterbending techniques. You use your Wisdom whenever you use your Chi to cast advanced waterbending.
Spell save DC + 8+ Proficiency bonus + wisdom Modifier
Spell Attack Bonus Proficiency bonus + Wisdom Modifier
Beginner Waterbending Techniques
You start off knowing a handful of basic waterbending techniques. You can spend one chi point to cast any of the following spells.
Frostbite
Ray of frost
Ice knife
Lesser restoration
Water Bending Style
Starting at 3rd level, you decide which style of water bending you want to learn. You must choose either Northern Style, Southern Style, or Swamp Style.
Intermediate Waterbending Techniques
Starting at 5th level, you have gained experience with various Waterbending forms.
You are now able to cast the following spells using your chi. You must spend 2 Chi points to cast these spells.
Snowball storm
Mass healing word
Tidal wave
Water Walking
Starting at 7th level you gain the ability to walk on water. Additionally, you gain a swimming speed of 50 ft. and can breathe underwater.
Blood Bending
Starting at 9th level you gain the ability to control the blood inside people's bodies.
You can use 4 chi points to use any of these techniques, you can only use blood bending twice a long rest. You can completely control any beast with a challenge level ½ without using chi.
Geas
Dominate person
Expert Waterbending Techniques
Starting at 11th level, you have honed your abilities to now be able to cast expert level Waterbending techniques. These new techniques cost 3 chi points each.
Wall of water
Control water
Watery sphere
Octopus Form
Starting at 13th level You can spend 8 chi points to sprout 8 limbs of water from your body. While in this form attacks have disadvantage against you. Additionally, you can attack twice with your water whip.
Master Waterbending Techniques
Starting at 15th level, you have honed your abilities to now be able to cast master level Waterbending techniques. These new techniques cost 4 chi points each.
Mass cure wounds
Wall of ice
Tsunami
Advanced Blood Bending
Beginning at 17th level, You no longer can use blood bending only twice a day, additionally you can now cast power word kill using 10 chi points.
Armless Bending
Beginning at 18th level, you can now perform all bending techniques without the use of your limbs.
Cryogenic Ice Prison
Starting at 20th level, you can now use 20 chi points to incase an enemy in a sphere of cryogenic ice. The target must pass a strength saving throw against your spell save dc, on a fail they are imprisoned in the ice until released. They do not age or die while imprisoned.
BENDING STYLE
The Water tribes, while on opposite ends of the world, share similarities. However, being so far away from each other has caused their bending styles to dramatically differ. While the north focuses on defense and creative uses for buildings and art, the south must focus on the harsh nature of their environment, and offensive abilities.Then there are the swamp benders, who have found unique ways to bend the nature around them.
NORTHERN STYLE
Defensive Water
Starting at 3rd level you learn to naturally adapt to using waterbending as a defense, your ac increased by 1. Additionally you have resistance to fire damage.
Protector of the North
Starting at 6th level, You get access to additional waterbending techniques costing 3 chi points each.
Investiture of ice
Revivify
Ice Architect
Starting at 10th level, If you have access to snow or water, you can make houses out of snow. Anyone who takes a long rest in the house gains 15 temporary hit points, this increase to 20 at level 15 and 25 at level 20
SOUTHERN STYLE
Advanced Water Whip
When you choose this style at 3rd level, Your water whip becomes a ranged attack of 30/60 and now does 1d6+ wisdom modifier in damage.
Crushing Grip of Seas
When you choose this style, starting at 6th level, Your water whip becomes like an extension of your arm, you can pick up objects with it, and you can grapple enemies with it. The grapple done using the water whip uses wisdom instead of strength. When grappling in this way, you can spend a Chi point to make your enemy prone.
Aquatic Aggressor
Starting at 10th level, you gain additional Waterbending techniques, these cost 4 chi points to use. Additionally You can use Chi to perform a waterbender technique as a bonus action when you attack with your water whip.
Maelstrom
Ice storm
SWAMP STYLE
Plant Manipulator
Starting when you choose this style at 3rd level, you can manipulate the water that exists within plants. You can extend 3 Chi points to cast the following spells.
Plant growth
Grasping vine
Entangle
Tree stride
Land’s Stride
Starting at 6th level, moving through nonmagical difficult terrain costs you no extra movement. You can also pass through nonmagical plants without being slowed by them and without taking damage from them if they have thorns, spines, or a similar hazard.
In addition, you have advantage on saving throws against plants that are magically created or manipulated to impede movement, such those created by the entangle spell.
Nature’s Sanctuary
When you reach 11th level, creatures of the natural world sense your connection to nature and become hesitant to attack you. When a beast or plant creature attacks you, that creature must make a Wisdom saving throw against your Bender spell save DC. On a failed save, the creature must choose a different target, or the attack automatically misses. On a successful save, the creature is immune to this effect for 24 hours.
The creature is aware of this effect before it makes its attack against you.
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Air Bender
A bald monk in orange robes and glowing tattoos stands on a cliff, he sends a great spiraling tunnel of wind forward, hurtling his enemies against the hard rocks below.
A renegade mercenary with a rough beard and worn fatigues, twirls his wrist as his hand tightens into a fist. The person across from him grasps at his throat as he attempts to breathe, with no success.
A young energetic boy rides his glider across the sun. He laughs as he lets go and falls to the earth, sending out a great wave of wind as he lands.
Patient and understanding, Airbenders spend most of their lives in isolated meditation. They have strong bonds with the people they meet as they travel the world in order to understand the 4 nations. However, some break away from this lifestyle, and use their bending for evil, not good.
​
As an Air Bender, you gain the following class features.
Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d6 per bender level Hit Points at 1st Level: 6 + your Constitution modifier Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d6 (or 5) + your Constitution modifier per monk level after 1st
Proficiencies
Armor: None Weapons: Simple weapons, shortswords Tools: Choose one type of artisan’s tools or one musical instrument Saving Throws: Strength, Dexterity Skills: Choose two from Acrobatics, Athletics, History, Insight, Religion, and Stealth
Equipment
You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

• (a) a shortsword or (b) any simple weapon
• (a) a dungeoneer’s pack or (b) an explorer’s pack
• An airbending glider

Unarmored Defense
Beginning at 1st level, while you are wearing no armor and not wielding a shield, your AC equals 10 + your Dexterity modifier + your Wisdom modifier.
Air Bending
AIR BLAST
Beginning at 1st level, you can send out a blast of air at your foes.
This is a ranged attack that does 1d4 damage + your dexterity modifier. It has a range of 30/60
Chi Points
You also gain Chi points, which can be used to cast higher level Air Bending techniques. You Start off with 2 points and gain more as you level up. You regain chi points when you finish a long rest.
BEGINNER AIR BENDING TECHNIQUES
You start off knowing a handful of basic Airbending techniques. You can spend one chi point to cast any of the following abilities.
Patient Defense
You can spend 1 Chi point to take the Dodge action as a bonus action on your turn.
Step of the Wind You can spend 1 Chi point to take the Disengage or Dash action as a bonus action on your turn, and your jump distance is doubled for the turn.
Gust
You can spend 1 Chi point to cast the spell Gust.
Unarmored Movement
Starting at 2nd level, your speed increases by 10 feet while you are not wearing armor or wielding a shield. This bonus increases when you reach certain bender levels, as shown in the Air Bender table.
At 9th level, you gain the ability to move along vertical surfaces and across liquids on your turn without falling during the move.
Deflect Missiles
Starting at 3rd level, you can use your reaction to bend a shield of air around you. You can deflect the missile when you are hit by a ranged weapon attack. When you do so, the damage you take from the attack is reduced by 1d10 + your Dexterity modifier + your Airbender level.
Ability Score Improvement
When you reach 4th level, and again at 8th, 12th, 16th, and 19th level, you can increase one ability score of your choice by 2, or you can increase two ability scores of your choice by 1. As normal, you can’t increase an ability score above 20 using this feature.
Using the optional feats rule, you can forgo taking this feature to take a feat of your choice instead.
Intermediate Air Bending Techniques
Starting at 5th level, you have gained experience with various Airbending forms, you can use your chi to cast the following spells. These spells cost 3 chi to cast.
Catapult Feather Fall Gust of wind
Glider Flight
Starting at 7th level, you can use your glider to fly. You have a flying speed of 60, and cost 1 chi point per hour to stay in the air.
Stillness of Mind
Starting at 9th level, you can use your action to end one effect on yourself that is
causing you to be charmed or frightened.
Expert Air Bending Techniques
You have gained the knowledge of most airbending forms. Starting at 11th level you can spend 4 chi points to cast the following spells.
Storm sphere
Control winds
Investiture of wind
Diamond Soul
Beginning at 14th level, your mastery of Chi grants you proficiency in all saving throws.
Additionally, whenever you make a saving throw and fail, you can spend 1 Chi point to reroll it and take the second result.
Master Air Bending Techniques
You have become a master airbender. Starting at 15th level, you can expend 5 chi points to cast the following spells.
Whirlwind Power word stun
Air Suffocation
Starting at 18th level, you can expend 10 chi points to create a sphere of air around your enemies head. If the target has fewer than 100 hp, you suffocate them, killing them instantly. If they have higher hp, they must make a constitution saving throw against your spell dc, on a fail they take 2d20 damage. You can choose to knock them out instead of kill.
Gliderless Flight
Starting at level 20, You no longer need a glider to fly. Your flying speed is double your movement speed, and you can attack while flying without penalty.
AIRBENDING STYLES
SKY WARRIOR
Slow Fall
When you choose this style at 3rd level, you can use your reaction when you fall to reduce any falling damage you would normally take, to 0.
Twinkle Toes
Starting at 6th level, when you use Step of the Wind, you can use your airbending to propel yourself around an area. When this ability is activated you have a flying speed of 30ft. This ends at the end of your turn.
Expert Flyer
Starting at 10th level, You can fly without using Chi points. You get a flying speed equal to double your movement speed, as long as you have your glider. Additionally, your ac increases by 1 while flying. You can attack from your glider at disadvantage.
PATIENT DEFENDER
Offensive Defender
Starting at 3rd level, you gain the ability to use another Air blast as a bonus action.
Evasion
Starting at 6th level, your instinctive agility lets you dodge out of the way of certain area effects, such as a blue dragon’s lightning breath or a fireball spell. When you are subjected to an effect that allows you to make a Dexterity saving throw to take only half damage, you instead take no damage if you succeed on the saving throw, and only half damage if you fail.
Wind Hand
at 10th level you can use your air bending to grab objects and move them, additionally you can use 4 chi points to use a Telekinesis spell. (The telekinesis is not true telekinesis, it is airbending. But the spell works mechanically the same.)
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Earth Bender
A tall wide shouldered woman, smirks as she levitates a rock, sends it downward, and crushes her opponent under its unrelenting weight.
A muscular man with a grayed beard rushes across a barren landscape, the earth below his feet molding to his movements and propelling him forward.
Earthbenders are strong, unrelenting, and stubborn. Their sheer power and tenacious will, make them fierce warriors.
​
As an Earth Bender, you gain the following class features.
Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d10 per Bender level Hit Points at 1st Level: 10 + your Constitution modifier Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d10 (or 6) + your Constitution modifier per bender level after 1st
Proficiencies
Armor: All Armor, Shields Weapons: Simple weapons and martial weapons. Tools: none
Saving Throws: Constitution,Strength Skills: Choose two from Acrobatics, Animal Handling, Athletics, History, Insight, Intimidation, Perception, and Survival
Equipment
You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

• (a) chain mail or (b) leather armor,
• (a) a martial weapon and a shield or (b) two martial weapons
• (a) a dungeoneer’s pack or (b) an explorer’s pack

Earth Bending
Stone Punch
Beginning at 1st level you can hurl chunks of rock at your enemies. This is a ranged 30/60 attack that does 1d8 damage + your Strength modifier and increases as you level up.
Chi Points
You also gain Chi points, which can be used to cast higher level Earth bending techniques. You Start off with 2 points and gain more as you level up. You regain chi points when you finish a long rest.
Earthbending Ability
Strength is your Earthbending ability for your earthbending techniques. You use your Strength whenever you use your Chi to cast advanced Earthbending.
Spell save DC + 8+ Proficiency bonus + Strength Modifier
Spell Attack Bonus Proficiency bonus + Strength Modifier
Beginner Earth Bending Techniques
You start off knowing a handful of basic earthbending techniques. You can spend one chi point to cast any of the following spells.
Mold Earth
Earth Tremor
Shield
Action Surge
Starting at 2nd level, you can push yourself beyond your normal limits for a moment. On your turn, you can take one additional action.
Once you use this feature, you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again. Starting at 17th level, you can use it twice before a rest, but only once on the same turn.
Earthbending Style
Starting at 3rd level, you decide which style of Earth bending you want to learn. Choose either Sightless or Aggressor.
Ability Score Improvement
When you reach 4th level, and again at 8th, 12th, 16th, and 19th level, you can increase one ability score of your choice by 2, or you can increase two ability scores of your choice by 1. As normal, you can’t increase an ability score above 20 using this feature.
Using the optional feats rule, you can forgo taking this feature to take a feat of your choice instead.
Intermediate Earthbending Techniques
Starting at 5th level, you have gained experience with various Earthbending forms.
You are now able to cast these spells using your chi. You must spend 3 points to cast these spells.
Spider Climb
Erupting Earth
Stone Shape
Extra Attack
Beginning at 5th level, you can attack twice, instead of once, whenever you take the Attack action on your turn.
Stone Sculptor
Starting at 7th level, you gain the ability to mold stone to your liking. You can create stone weapons, furniture, and tools.
Stone weapons- You can make any simple weapon using this ability. These weapons count as magical.
Stone tools- Artisan or thieves, crowbar.
Stone Furniture- Beds, chairs, tables, and containers*
Land Boost
Starting at 9th level, you can spend 2 Chi point to mold the land beneath your feet, and surf along it as if it is water. Your speed is doubled for the duration and attacks have disadvantage against you. Additionally, you can use earth bending to boost you to points you would not normally be able to reach. If using this ability to travel, you must spend 1 chi point an hour to stay in this state.
Expert Earthbending Techniques
Starting at 11th level, you have honed your abilities to now be able to cast expert level Earthbending techniques.
Meld into stone
Investiture of stone
Move earth
Metal Bending
Starting at 13th level you gain the ability to mold metal along with earth, all of your techniques can also be applied to metal. Additionally, your Stone Punch now does double damage when used with metal instead of stone.
Master Level EarthBending
Starting at 15th level, you have become a master of earth bending. You can now spend 4 chi points to use the following spell.
Earthquake
Advanced Action Surge
Starting at 18th level you can use action surge twice.
Rock Bullet Rain
Starting at 20th level you can disintegrate a compressed rock, and shoot its shrapnel-like fragments with great speed. Roll 4d20 you can divy out that damage to any enemies you can see.
BENDING STYLE
Sightless
Keen Perception- Beginning when you choose this style at 3rd level, you can feel people approach when they are on the ground. You have advantage for any perception check dealing with the ground. You can’t be surprised.
Keen Insight- Starting at 6th level, you have a wonderful ability to tell when someone is lying. You have advantage on insight checks if the person is standing on the ground. You can always determine someone's heart rate.
Total Awareness- Starting at 10th level, your attacks ignore total cover, additionally, you do not have disadvantage when attacking invisible foes.
Aggressor
Improved Critical
Beginning when you choose this archetype at 3rd level, your Stone Punch scores a critical hit on a roll of 19 or 20.
Protection
When a creature you can see attacks a target other than you that is within 10 feet of you, you can use your reaction to impose disadvantage on the attack roll.
Stone Archer
You gain a +2 bonus to attack rolls you make with your Stone Punch and its range increases to 60/120.

I'm not really looking for opinions on my progress (although I'm expecting to hear them lol!), but mainly for others who are just starting out or thinking about starting out on an EUC, I wanted to share a personal milestone and some things I've learned along the way.
After about a month of riding almost daily (a few off days here and there mainly due to schedule and weather), I finally got out on a regional bike path today and used up the whole battery on my V8 and hit the tiltback speed, around 21 mph I think, for the first time.
Could I have hit that speed sooner? Absolutely, but I have been what I think most people would consider "super cautious". I have two young kids, and I'm just not at a point in life to be a big risk taker right now (besides riding an EUC in the first place!).
My main takeaways after one month of riding are:

• You will get it faster than you think. You'll start off thinking there's just no way the EUC is going to do what you see other people doing on it. It'll just feel so foreign and weird when you start, your expectations from watching YouTube videos will not line up with what you're experiencing in real life. There will be cognitive dissonance. You'll know, logically, that it's possible, and may even have faith that you'll get there, but part of your body and mind will just think, it can't be done. It can, and it will, all it takes is practice. If I can learn it - trust me - anyone can. My only prior experience with this kind of activity is as a bicyclist and motorcyclist, and while helpful, there isn't a whole lot that translates other than the overall sense of horizontal balance and being comfortable having your body exposed at high speeds. I think if you were a skateboarder or a snowboarder, you might pick it up a little easier, but it's going to be a weird feeling no matter who you are when you first step on an EUC. Just hang in there.
• If you can, learn from someone else who already knows how to ride. If you can't (like me), watch every YouTube video. There are two main schools of thought about learning:
  • One approach is to start with assisted mounting (a wall or railing) until you know how to ride at speed (i.e. 5+ mph), even if that is a week or more. This is what Monocat (Wrong Way's girlfriend) did, and she rode something like 100km before ever learning to free mount, which seemed crazy to me when I first heard it. This approach is much more feasible if you're learning with someone else who has their own EUC, because they can help you mount anywhere.
  • The other - which is what I did - is to get off the wall/rail ASAP and learn to free mount in an open space (and, by necessity, to learn to maneuver at low speed) before you learn to go faster. This is the approach you will see in a lot of the "learn to ride an EUC" videos you're likely to find on YouTube.
  • Both approaches are viable, but ultimately if I had it to do over again I would probably go with option 1 because of a few main reasons:
    • It took me longer to gain the confidence to go faster, which slowed my overall learning curve.
    • Learning to free mount before you feel comfortable on the wheel is extremely tiring, because you're stepping on and off so often, and maneuvering at low speed for a long time is also tiring. Learning these skills "up front" probably takes longer than waiting until you are forced to - i.e. when you encounter a group of pedestrians, or you have to mount somewhere without assistance. But, it's probably less stressful and embarrassing to learn these skills in your driveway than on a crowded sidewalk.
    • If you lack patience, this approach is much more likely to cause you to give up altogether.
    • From what I've heard, learning to free mount is easier after you've kind of worked your way "down" in speed rather than working "up" - as a result you spend less energy learning to ride overall.
  • There were some pros to learning to free mount first however:
    • Knowing how to free-mount dramatically expands the areas you can go on your own, because you don't need to walk your EUC to a railing or a wall every time you step off. (If you're learning with a friend, like Monocat was, this is much less of an issue.) I was able to keep my EUC in my trunk and just pull over and practice on any good looking parking lot or big grass field that I saw, which was nice.
    • I gained the confidence to get on the wheel and maneuver at low speeds first, which helped me build the fine motor control needed to safely control the wheel at both low and high speeds, before ever going fast.
    • Ultimately I think this approach may be a bit safer than the first approach for that very reason - going 10-20 mph on an EUC without knowing how to free mount or maneuver at <5mph, do tight turns, figure eights, etc., is inherently more dangerous and could result in a crash, at worst, or possibly ingrain poor riding habits (such as poor foot placement, riding without carving and shifting your weight, etc.), because you don't have full confidence in your ability to control the wheel.
• Get a good starter wheel. This could be different things to different people, but I personally found a $400 used V8, and like I said, I only just today (one month later) reached the limits of its potential. I expect it to be sufficient for me to help me build my skills and take me as far and as fast as I need to go for at least a few weeks more, and it'll be a great wheel to keep in my car or at work, and also to teach other people on. I do want to get a bigger, faster, longer-range wheel soon, but I am glad that I learned to ride on a smaller and lighter wheel. I have not yet ridden the 16X, but from everything I've seen, it appears to be the sweet spot in terms of a wheel that's small enough to learn to ride on and be nimble at low speed (and thus less tiring when you are developing the necessary muscle groups and muscle memory), but also has a lot more headroom in terms of speed and range. There are probably other wheels in this same category, like the V8F or the V10F (and some of the other King-Song 14-16 inch wheels), but I would recommend getting a used wheel first if you can because you're going to drop it and beat the shit out of it A LOT when you're starting out. A 16X with a case on it would probably stand up to the abuse of learning just fine, but you have to be willing to grind your new toy on the pavement. Starting with a big, heavy, top of the line wheel just seems like a bad idea to me, but I know that some people do it. I wouldn't learn to ride a motorcycle on an R1, and I wouldn't try to learn how to drive a stick shift in a Ferrari.
• The riding surface matters - a lot. Practice on grass or turf early on if you can. Not only will you be able to go faster with less risk if (and when) you fall off, but riding on a slightly irregular surface helps you build fine motor control much more quickly which translates into better riding skills both on and off-road. Also, riding around a big grass field with a few bumps is just a lot of fun, and it's a totally different experience than riding on pavement. As a new rider, this experience is great. It engages your upper body a lot more and is generally a nice departure from cruising on the road. It also helps you realize that the EUC is capable of handling a lot crazier terrain than you will initially expect, which helps you build confidence and trust in the wheel. Once you've graduated to being able to reliably keep your wheel where you want it to be on a trail/sidewalk/road - which for me was after about two weeks - find the best quality surface you can. You'll be shocked how much of a difference it makes. Poor road surfaces diminish your confidence and limit your growth potential when you're first learning. You might think your local street or bike path is good enough, but if it has a rough surface with lots of bumps, gravel, and potholes, the first time you get on a proper bike path or a freshly paved parking lot, you'll suddenly be able to go much faster with more confidence. Then you'll get back on those shittier surfaces and think, oh, this isn't so bad - mainly because you'll feel comfortable going faster. Don't avoid poor surfaces entirely, because you need to learn how to handle them eventually and you don't want to handicap yourself - just find a good place where you don't have to worry about that and put it in your rotation of places to practice early on.
• Learning is both physical and mental. There are, and are not, shortcuts. I've heard it said that the speed at which you learn EUC is directly proportional to your willingness to overcome fear. There is some truth to that. If I were completely fearless, I probably could've hopped on the wheel with some help from a wall and dashed 20 yards at full-lean until I wiped out into the grass. I'd have hurt myself and my pride a little bit, but I'd have found the limit and might have been able to shorten the overall learning curve by a couple of weeks. Some people learn this way, and more power to them. Becoming a truly competent rider, however, is something that simply requires experience, no matter who you are. This experience has both physical and mental components. Riding an EUC takes strength in muscles that you don't often use, especially your feet. Building this strength and the fine motor control to be a safe and competent rider at any speed takes time, and there is no shortcut to developing it. Mentally, learning how the wheel responds to input in all directions, learning which movements of your upper body will and will-not impact the movement of the wheel, learning how and when to bend your knees to absorb impact, learning how much distance you need to stop, learning which riding surfaces will make your wheel lose traction, learning how to take a sharp turn onto a curb ramp, learning how to ride on and off a curb confidently - and so much more - all of these things are skills that can only be developed with time and practice. There is NO SHORTCUT to becoming a truly competent EUC pilot. To truly master it, like any other skill, will probably take you 10,000 hours! If true mastery of EUC is even possible. I don't care if you're already an expert snowboarder or skateboarder, although I have no doubt that those skills would shorten your initial learning curve, as well as give you more "willingness to overcome fear" (or just less fear to begin with).
• Dress for the slide, not the ride. There are countless threads of new riders asking about gear on this subreddit. I'll share my loadout, and my opinions. Take them as you will.
  • Triple Eight Hired Hands Gloves
    • Wrist guards are considered essential equipment for riding EUC, since pretty much any fall is going to impact your wrists, even at low speeds. I tried these wrist guards first, but they did not fit me well (too small on the wrist, even at XL), and didn't like how they left my whole hand exposed. The Triple Eight Hired Hands Gloves are much more robust, with hard armor on the front and the back, and only slightly more difficult to take off (and actually easier to put on). Some people recommend full finger gloves, like the Hillbilly Wrist Guard Gloves - Full Finger, and I'm sure these are great, although I like being able to easily use my phone and also prefer having the brace on both sides of my wrist.
  • Triple Eight Bumsaver Men's Padded Shorts
    • Most people probably don't wear padded shorts when riding, and I don't always either - it's actually the one piece of gear that for whatever reason (probably inconvenience) that I consider "optional". That said, the one place that I have fallen and significantly hurt myself thus far is on my tailbone, and I was wearing (a different set, Bohn body armor) padded underwear at the time. I was still in pain on my tailbone for probably two weeks. Also, most people say that when you fall at speed you almost always take some impact or at least road rash on your hip. Therefore hip padding and tailbone padding is highly recommended, especially if you're going to be traveling at speed, but I can attest to it being useful even when you're going very slow (you can always fall backwards).
  • Triple Eight EP 55 Elbow Pads
    • I usually don't wear these because my motorcycle jacket (see below) has integrated elbow pads. But when I'm not wearing my jacket, I wear these.
  • Giro Switchblade MIPS Adult Mountain Cycling Helmet
    • A full face helmet is essential equipment for EUC - that's my opinion, take it or leave it. This is what I wear for head protection most of the time, since my current wheel doesn't go any faster than 20 mph, and I ride primarily on bike trails and sidewalks and within my neighborhood. When I get a faster wheel and ride on bike lanes or larger roads, I will use my Scorpion helmet (see below). I love this helmet because it is super comfortable and lightweight, and it's also modular so you can easily take off the chin bar to drink some water or blow your nose or whatever without having to take off the helmet. You can also use it as a bicycle helmet if you wanted to, with or without the chin bar. Airflow is great (I am yet to break a sweat in it, which is saying a lot for me), MIPS is a great feature, and the visor has an integrated camera mount. Plus the color options are good.
  • SHIMA SX-2 EVO Motorcycle Shoes for Men
    • I've tried a lot when it comes to shoes for the EUC. I have tried full on hard calf motorcycle boots, which I know some people use, but I don't recommend. They give you basically no feeling for the road or the pedals, and I'm convinced they led to my fall where I bruised my tailbone. I've also tried regular height sneakers, which feel good, but leave your ankles totally exposed, and I've already hit my ankle hard with the pedal when losing control of the wheel on grass. I happened to be wearing high-top sneakers at the time, which were an improvement, but still not enough to prevent ankle impact injury or to stand up to being dragged along pavement. I eventually found these casual style motorcycle shoes which look great and can be worn all day comfortably but also provide hard armoring at the ankle, toe, and heel. They are soft enough on the bottom to feel the pedals - although probably not enough for some people - and they should stand up to any threat of road rash. Any other similar style boots from Dainese or others should work equally well, but I have found these have a wide fit, which is good for my feet (unlike Dainese which is a more narrow fit). Alpinestars makes some good ones too I hear.
  • O'Neal 0256-206 Unisex Pumpgun Knee Guard Carbon Look
    • Knee pads are essential equipment for riding EUC. If you fall, you're going to land on your knees (and your wrists), watch any crash video. I wear these knee pads all the time, they are comfortable and flexible, but they will make your legs a little sweaty (although not obnoxiously so). I have started crossing the top two straps behind my knee at the recommendation of people who say these kind of guards will slide down in the event of a crash. I have ordered some Revit Airwave 3 Pants which can fit over your regular pants and include both knee and hip protection. If I like these, I expect to wear them in lieu of the knee guards and the Bumsaver shorts in most instances.
  • Scorpion EXO-AT950 Ellwood Helmet
    • Some people will say an ADV or street motorcycle helmet is overkill for an EUC. I have been a motorcyclist for many years, and I've tried and own all kinds of top of the line motorcycle helmets (Arai, Shoei, HJC etc.). All of the ones I have that are focused on sport riding I find to be too hot and too narrow field-of-view for riding EUC. I saw She Rides an EUC on YouTube recommend this Scorpion helmet, or one very similar to it. It's an ADV helmet, so it has a removable visor and a front vent in the DH MTB style, except it can be closed. It's also modular, so you can flip up the chin guard super easily. It has other great features like a flip down sun visor, and obviously a full face shield. It is extremely comfortable and has a much wider field of view than my sportbike helmets. When I ride faster and/or ride next to traffic, this will be the helmet I wear, and it is an appropriate level of protection and comfort for my purposes.
  • Dainese VR46 Air-Tex Jacket
    • This jacket is discontinued, but I linked a similar style of jacket from Dainese. Any textile mesh summer motorcycle jacket will do the job. Mine has CE 1 elbow and shoulder protection, and I added a CE 2 back protector (this was my summer motorcycle jacket). I might upgrade to CE 1 elbows and shoulders at some point. I have yet to find it to be too hot in any situation when I'm able to maintain a constant speed above 5 mph. In the absolute heat of summer, I might need to just use my Triple Eight elbow guards and my Boblebee backpack in lieu of the jacket, but I haven't had to do that yet. I also have a Fox Baseframe Pro D30 Chest Guard Jacket which is meant for dirt track riding and intended to be worn under a jersey, but I doubt I will use this often unless I know for sure that I won't be riding on the street at all, because it offers basically no abrasion resistance. Anyone who has crashed and slid on the road (or on gravel) knows that abrasion resistance is as or more important than impact resistance, especially on the kinds of crashes I have seen involving EUC. Only purpose-built gear like a motorcycle jacket or Lazy Rolling Kevlar-reinforced outer layer will provide this. From what I can tell, even the Lazy Rolling Performance Hoodie is hotter than a mesh motorcycle jacket, so unless you really prefer the casual style of the Lazy Rolling, I would recommend a summer mesh moto jacket.
  • Boblbee GTX 25L Hardshell Backpack (Hi-Viz Yellow)
    • First, all my gear is black/hi-viz yellow, so I had no choice but to get this. Some will say back protection is not essential gear for EUC, and as long as they never crash and impact their spine, they're right. As long as I prefer not being paraplegic to some slight inconvenience, I will wear a back protector when riding at speed. If I'm not wearing my jacket with a back protector, and/or when I want to carry gear (even if it's just water and a camera, or whatever), I'll wear the Boblbee. Yes, it makes you stick out like a sore thumb when you're riding, but A) that's the point of the hi-viz yellow version, and B) you already stick out like a sore thumb when you're riding an EUC. Might as well take it to the next level. And it is the best back protector in the world, so it's kind of a no-brainer for me when it comes to EUC equipment.
• Trust the wheel (to an extent). This is probably the biggest takeaway overall. Most of your hesitation when learning will come from just not believing, or understanding, that the wheel is capable of seemingly magical things. As long as it's working as intended, and you are standing on it properly, grabbing it firmly but not aggressively with your legs, and not flailing yourself around, it will just roll on straight across things that will initially surprise you, at speeds that you will initially think are totally insane for something so small and squirrely. You'll be able to turn in an incredibly tight circle at such a low speed that you'll think to yourself, "How the HELL am I not falling over right now?" You'll be able to glide over scary gaps in the pavement and absorb them with your knees to the point that you barely notice them, even at 20 mph. You'll be able to make long gliding turns and wave your arms around like you're a bird flying through the air and little kids will laugh at you. All of these things will seem incomprehensible when you first step up on the wheel, and maybe even for a few weeks after. Some of these magical feats are thanks to the EUC technology - being able to lean or sit down at comical angles while keeping your feet balanced, for instance, thanks to the gyroscope - but mostly it's just due to the basic physics of a wheel in motion. Simply put, it's more stable than you think it is, and you have to learn to trust both the wheel itself as well as the technology that supports it. That said, and paradoxically, EUCs and unicycles generally are also inherently unstable. The main thing that will throw the EUC out of balance is not itself, nor something in the road, but YOU. Your unintended or unplanned movements of your body are the most likely culprit of something that throws you off the wheel, in whatever axis it may be. You have to learn to relax your body overall and move only in ways that don't upset the balance of the wheel, and this is something that takes time and practice. The technology of EUCs is also, ironically, both stable and fragile at the same time. As PEVs go, they are very simple, with relatively few failure points and a low-maintenance design that means they can function for a long time in adverse conditions with relatively little trouble. However, unlike 2+ wheeled vehicles, you are COMPLETELY at the mercy of the hardware and software to keep you from crashing. This is just a fact. On a bike, scooter, or car of any kind, if everything failed at once, you'd still have the opportunity to just roll to a stop. On an EUC, if ONE THING FAILS, you are immediately and without any warning put directly onto your face.
• You don't have any mechanical means of stopping. This is something that's very important to understand, especially if you are used to riding basically any other vehicle. You're completely dependent on the motor and battery to decelerate, along with your own physical and mental skill at applying rearward pressure on the pedals, which is harder to learn than leaning forward. Even when applying full braking pressure, your stopping distance is MUCH GREATER than on any mechanically braked device. This is something that you need to be constantly aware of when you are choosing how fast to go and what situations to put yourself in. No matter how good of a rider you are, if someone cuts you off, you're much more likely to run into them on an EUC than on any other vehicle at the same speed. Your risk of this is exponentially greater when you are first learning, so just don't put yourself into those situations until you have absolute confidence in your ability to apply maximum braking power, and even then - be conservative about where and how you ride. This is a fundamental limitation of the device, and something that - like it or not - you have to accept and understand.

So, if you've made it this far, you're probably a real geek and super into the prospect or reality of learning how to ride an EUC. Do it! You're never too old or too scared to suck at something new! :-p And you will suck at it at first, most likely. But you won't suck forever, and in fact, if you are diligent about it (which again, if you've read all of this, you probably are), you will get better at it sooner than you expected.
And then you'll be able to literally glide through time and space on the most whimsical and remarkable vehicle that mankind has ever come up with. You'll make a spectacle of yourself wherever you go, so lean into it - literally. Imagine yourself leaving a trail of rainbow dust behind you that lifts the spirits of everyone you see.
In many ways, learning to ride an EUC is a metaphor for life. You start off completely overwhelmed and thinking that you don't have control over anything. Eventually, gradually, and with a fair share of mistakes and sudden breakthroughs, you learn that you're actually a superhero and you can do anything. But you also never stop learning and improving and finding more ways to have fun.
Welcome to the ride of your life!

Two weeks ago, I spoke on the phone with Tom Ono, the manual writer for Heroes of Might and Magic III. As usual, Tom asked how things were going. I said things were good... then proceeded to whine and complain for the next five minutes (much to Tom's amusement).
When the conversation concluded, Tom said, "Don't complain too much. Some people would give their eyeteeth to be in the game industry." I responded, "Who are these people and why haven't they been beaten for their own good?"
My name is Gregory Fulton, game designer for Heroes of Might and Magic III (developed by New World Computing, published by 3DO). You may call me Greg. Like most game designers, I'm sure you'll find me a bitter and cynical man, aged beyond my years, full of sarcasm, and inexplicably drawn to the horrors of game production like a lobotomized moth to the "pretty" flame.
As I guide you through your weekly tour of my memories, I promise the recollected images will be truthful and sincere but written with a smirk and a wink.
Undoubtedly, we will interact with the following animals: artists, level builders, managers, producers, programmers, testers, and monkeys. To help ensure your safety, I request you fasten your seat belts, keep your hands to your sides at all times, and be sure to not make any quick and sudden movements. Remember... we will be passing through the game production process.

12/05/98
It's Saturday. I'm at work with three other members of the Heroes3 team. I'll be in again tomorrow.
Smells like "crunch time."
Everyone in the game industry knows the term "crunch time." Those not in the industry may ask, "What is crunch time?" Long hours: 10-18 each day. We're starting our fourth crunch month. We have at least one more after this.
Bad take-out food: Mexican and Chinese food are New World's favorites. Today we had Taco Bell and Domino's pizza as part of NWC's "work for food" program.
Social Life: To work in the game industry you must already have some form of social retardation. When crunch mode begins, you may only speak in code to coworkers. Immediate family and friends may be seen on brief occasions so they don't file a missing-persons report. I'm one of the lucky ones; I don't remember having any friends or family.
Hygiene: Haircuts and showers become optional in favor of more sleep time. For me, showers are a must, but my hair is sprouting wings and a tail. Pretty soon I'll look like the lead singer from Flock of Seagulls.
Stress: Anger and frustration are frequent companions. If bridges are burned, this is usually the time. Earlier this week morale was low. In a fit of anger concerning team interactions, I was heard shouting, "I feel like a kindergarten teacher. Can't everyone just keep their hands to themselves and play nice!"
Murphy's law: Any potential hazard will be encountered. I'm writing this diary from the NWC conference room. My computer refuses to function for more than five minutes without seizing up.
12/06/98
This weekend I'm taking care of my PR duties (hence this diary). Not the most exciting stuff, so I'll relate a short story from earlier this week.
David Mullich (producer), Mark Caldwell (NWC vice president and programmer), Jon Van Caneghem (NWC president, creator of all things Might and Magic, and company design visionary), and I found ourselves crowded into the sweltering office of Scott White.
Scott did all the town screens in Heroes III except the Rampart, Necropolis, and Fortress. Since he finished his 3D duties, he's turned his skills to the game's interface. Believe it or not, we were in Scott's office arguing about color: interface colors and player colors.
After much arguing about the interface colors, we decided to leave it virtually untouched. Player colors were a different subject.
Originally, we used light blue, dark blue, red, green, purple, brown, black, and white. These colors needed to change. Light blue looked like the blue used in the main menu. Brown clashed with the brown used in the general game interface. Game text disappeared against white. Black and green disappeared with the terrain colors shown on the game mini-map.
OK. We agreed some of the colors needed to change. After this, the agreements stopped. I don't know what is more ridiculous... arguing over what colors to use or the twisted logic behind the arguments. Red, blue, and dark green were safe choices. We still needed five other colors. The conversation went something like this....

"I don't want yellow. Yellow is the urine color."
"What about brown?"
"I don't like brown."
"Brown is the s**t color."
"What about pink?"
"Pink is a sissy color."
"We won't call it pink. We'll call it 'rose'."
"Rose?"
"The rose player?"
"I don't know. If I saw a pink hero, I'd turn and run away. You know any hero secure enough to use pink as his color is bad ass."
"What about magenta?"
"What about cobalt? What about cadmium?"
"Have we accounted for all the fecal colors?"
"What about orange?"
"Phelan (our art lead) doesn't like orange. It looks bad."
"So. I don't think it looks bad."
"Fine. You tell her you want orange."
"She'll kick your ass."
"Oh. Fine. We won't use orange."

So it went. Fifteen minutes later everyone agreed to disagree, and Jon was made the final judge. Here are the final colors: red, blue, yellow, green, orange, purple, aqua, and rose (pink).
12/07/98
Today we stopped all map production. From here until we ship, I join the mapmakers and testers in playing maps and writing bugs... or so I thought.
Today, I had dropped into my lap the assignment of converting the 144-plus pages of the game manual into a help file. Anyone who has written a help file knows how huge this task can be. I could probably finish it in a day, but it requires no one bothering me for an extended period of time. Ha!
At this late stage of the production cycle, my entire day is spent meeting with people, making sure people are doing their work, and confirming that what is being done is correct. I don't have time for work. I've made the ugly evolution from game designer to middle manager.
It wasn't like this at the beginning of the project. At the beginning of the project the game designer is the screaming prophet, lost and alone in the desert (or the design process if you prefer).
In the middle of the production process the prophet is being screamed at by all his fellow coworkers who are wondering what to do because the design doc is behind schedule.
At the end of the project, everyone's a screaming prophet, and everyone is screaming at everyone else.
Sometime in the middle of all this screaming I've got to write this help file. Maybe I could give the assignment to Christian Vanover (H3 assistant director). Isn't it the job of a middle manager to delegate?
12/08/98
Yesterday I was wondering where I would find the time to write the game help file. Today I have the answer.... I think I have the flu. This doesn't feel like any 24-hour "see-ya-bye" flu either. This feels like "kneel before Zod!" flu.
All right. I've got a story for you.
Earlier today we "officially" stopped making maps. From here on out, we play, test, and polish the game. This could mean a little, or a lot. If the maps play well the first time out, revisions will be minor. If we end up chucking whole maps, we may find ourselves back to making maps. Thus, we started playing them today. JVC (Jon Van Caneghem, New World's president) ended up playing a notorious map named "Barbarian Breakout."
Ten minutes after he starts, JVC pages me over my phone intercom: "Hey Yoda." (He's been calling me Yoda lately. I don't know why. I'm not sure if I should be honored or offended. On one hand, Yoda is wise and he trains Jedi Knights. On the other hand, he is a short ugly green dude with big ears.) "Enemy hero with six behemoths (one of the highest-level creatures) knocked on my front door on week two, day one."
"Oops. I'll be right there."
As soon as I walked into JVC's office, the razzing began.
"What's with the six behemoths? Is this one of the balanced scenarios?"
"OK, OK. Something's wrong. Turn off the fog."
Jon restarts the scenario, turns off the fog of war, ends turn four times in a row, then right-clicks the enemy hero to see the extent of his forces. Aside from his other three stacks of creatures... he has one stack of six behemoths. Oops.
"All right. Open the map in the editor."
Jon opens the map in the editor. What do we discover? First, the enemy hero starts at level three, and the mapmaker (Dave Botan) has given him four stacks of creatures. In addition, the enemy hero's starting town has three of seven creature generators already prebuilt.
No wonder the enemy was able to recruit behemoths on day four.
Remember the story about the father who comes home from a bad day at work and yells at his wife? She in turn yells at her kid. The kid in turn kicks the dog.
At this point, I'm looking for a dog to kick. So, I hunt down Dave Botan. Immediately, Dave states his defense.
"Everyone says the map's too hard. It isn't. The AI's cheating." (Recently, we discovered the artificial intelligence was exploiting an undiscovered bug allowing it to recruit more creatures than were actually available.)
"The AI doesn't need to cheat. It's already got a huge advantage."
"There's a bug."
"Doesn't matter. Set all players to normal starting conditions."
At this point everyone begins to playfully dog-pile on Dave telling all the reasons why his maps suck. In the end he relented and fixed the map.
12/09/98
I'm not writing from work today. I'm writing from home. I have seven-way-straight-from-the-bottom-of-the-Amazon-flu.
With this kind of flu the logical course of action would be to rest, drink lots of fluids, watch lots of movies, maybe see a doctor. However, I am a game designer and unfamiliar with the ways of logic. A day at home with the flu means I have the opportunity to finish the H3 help file.
Wow.
How pathetic can you get? On my day off to rest and get better, I use the uninterrupted time to convert a 144+ page manual into a help file.
I should get sick more often. I get more work done.
12/10/98
I'm back at work today. Good news... I finished the help file. Bad news... I still have the flu, and because I was so efficient in writing the game help file... I've been given the task of writing the map editor help file. Oh yeah, finish it by Monday.
Monday? There's so much pressure in my head, when I sniff, my eyes want to flee their sockets. My voice has the auditory consistency of sandpaper. Monday? Sure, I'll have it done by Monday.
12/11/98
Well, it's Friday night, and I have yet to see Star Trek: Insurrection. Doubt I'll be seeing it anytime soon.
One of the unmentioned symptoms of crunch time is cultural unawareness. In my time at a previous company I almost missed the entire O.J. trial. I haven't seen a movie since Starship Troopers. I'm not kidding.
12/14/98
I shouldn't have come in to work Thursday and Friday. It really pushed me over the edge. For the past two days I've been laid up with fever and chills. Remarkably, it was the one thing to take my mind off work. Aside from a froggy throat, it seems to have passed.
Enough about my illness. From here on, assume I'm always ill with the flu.
12/15/98
Today NWC (New World Computing) took a brief pause from game development to listen to Trip Hawkins (president of 3DO, NWC's parent company).
Twice a year, Trip makes a formal visit to talk about the company and where we're going as a company. It's a nice break from things.
However, Trip wasn't half as exciting as David Richie (our tools programmer) who sat next to me. Turns out David is coming down with the flu.
Over the course of the meeting, the air conditioning didn't turn on. With over 50 people crammed into a room, it got hot very fast. As the minutes passed, I could see David slowly whither.
I thought he was going to vomit. So basically, for most of the meeting, I sat envisioning how I was going to get out of the way when the volcano erupted.
Luckily, the volcano did not erupt. David left in the middle of the lecture and I haven't seen him since.
12/17/98
Welcome to the end of another working day at NWC. There is still no sign of David Richey. Another one of our programmers, John Krause, called in sick today. David Mullich (the Heroes III director) was ready to take bets on who would call in sick next. Of course, everyone blames me for getting them ill.
As far as your average NWC workday goes, this one was hectic and full of revelation.
Revelation?
Yes. Revelation. Only today did I look at my calendar and realize Christmas was next Friday.
Hectic?
Yes. Hectic. Every now and then I need to wipe my desk clean. This means catching up on all the hand-scrolled notes and stray post-its littered about my desk. When my desk is clean, I'm caught up.
This very act of cleaning makes for a semi-chaotic day. There is much gear shifting and subject changing to close dangling issues.
Add to this my usual parade of visitors, and my first chance to test multiplayer, and it takes great effort to avoid turning into a screaming monkey. Yes, I said screaming monkey.
Frequently, I find myself held hostage in my own office as a line of visitors (testers, programmers, artists, producers, etc.) quickly assemble outside my office in a short period of time, all wanting a piece of my brain.
Today it happened to occur while I was in the middle of a multiplayer game with Jeff Leggett (H3 multiplayer programmer). Simultaneously, I had three people show up and cram themselves into my small office. Each began jockeying for position to ask a question. Meanwhile, Jeff waited on the phone intercom, with Heroes III continually chiming in the background, letting me know it was my turn to play.
At this point you may apply the screaming monkey metaphor.
Despite the great potential for chaos, I asked Jeff to wait, gave my three suitors a number, told them to wait in line, then answered each of their questions.
On the surface, everything looked under control. Little did these poor souls know there was a screaming monkey, trapped in my mind's steel cage, wildly thrashing about in a desperate attempt to escape and turn me into a volcano of anger and lunacy.
When it was over, I took a deep breath, noted the walls weren't sprayed with the blood of innocent coworkers, and returned to my multiplayer game with Jeff.
Heroes II multiplayer wasn't friendly in the least. When it wasn't your turn, all you could do was sit at the computer and stare at the screen like a moron.
Well, thanks to our wonderful network programmer, Jeff Leggett, a moron you will no longer be.
Jeff has finished implementing multiplayer support. Now we're on a bug hunt. So, today, Jeff and I played a multiplayer game in the background while we went about our work.
I must admit, I had a blast. Moments like this make me forget my job is serious work.
12/18/98 Friday
Today I actually managed to catch up on all my notes. Next up, International Translation Kit. It can wait until Sunday. I don't get to enjoy these moments of accomplishment very often.
Being a game designer is nothing more than a life of delayed gratification. You spend the first month of the project "being creative," then spend the next 17 as a bricklayer implementing low-level details and boot-strapping the game design when unforeseen consequences arise.
Tomorrow we have our annual company Christmas party. I won't be going. I see my coworkers every day at work. I don't want to see them in a social environment. It'd be too weird. They'd have, like, spouses and dates and stuff, and wear dress clothes.
We've been told we can dress formal or casual. To me this means torn jeans and a food-stained white T-shirt. To everyone else, this means dress formal, because no one wants to underdress.
I don't want to see any of my coworkers dressed up. The thought frightens me. We're a bunch of geeks. We don't look good in casual wear. Formal wear will only amplify our geekiness.
Only one thing could entice me to go to the Christmas party - seeing the wives go off on the management for working their husbands so hard. I'd pay to see that... provided I wasn't on the receiving end.
By the way... hello to Chris Cross and Brian Reed, two friends I made when I briefly worked at Dreamworks Interactive (I didn't work on Trespasser). They called me today. They'd read the first entry in the Designer Diary and called to tell me what they thought. They then tied me up on the phone for the next 30 minutes while simultaneously sending me e-mail with bizarre and obscene attachments.
01/02/99 Saturday
Well, I'm back at work. The Christmas break was needed. I spent the first three days drinking eggnog, sleeping in 12- and 16-hour shifts, and watching Clinton get impeached.
After I was well rested, the eggnog was all gone, and Clintion was impeached, I did what any game design loser would do... worked on the game while on vacation. Ugh. I'm so pathetic.
My initial goal was to play existing maps. After playing five maps, it was obvious the AI hadn't been fully tested. It tended to sit back and never struck out until it had enough forces to guarantee a win.
This made for very extreme game experiences. Either you never saw the AI, or it came storming out of nowhere, knocked on your door, and politely introduced itself as your doom.
When our AI programmer (Gus Smedstad) gets back from vacation, I'll need to share my findings with him.
Well, seeing as I couldn't really play the game, I turned my attention to our 144-page game manual... much to my horror.
It turns out our second draft of the manual was full of errors. So, with red pen in hand, I promoted myself from game designer to fact checker. Over the next three days, I proceeded to bloody the pages of our beautiful manual.
To say it was tedious would be an understatement. When it was all over, I couldn't read anything if it wasn't written in fine print.
01/04/99 Monday
Today was another screaming monkey day. Why? One word: programmers.
I won't say who, but one of our programmers came into my office and proceeded to yell at me over a feature request he'd been given to program.
Why was he yelling at me? On the surface, it was because I hadn't given him enough details, or I hadn't thought through its impact enough. Or it could have been because it was simply a stupid feature, I didn't know what I was doing, and I was ruining the game.
The real reason? He wasn't sure how to program the task he'd been given, and the specified time frame was short. Instead of calming down, thinking it through, and telling me whether it could or could not be done in the given time frame, he panicked, and chose to vent at me.
Programmers are a unique breed. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. Some of my best friends are programmers.
I must admit I am fascinated. I've watched each of our team programmers code. It's very amusing. How they code gives me a unique insight to their personality. For instance...

John Bolton (lead programmer): When John programs, it looks like he's playing chess.
David Richey (tools programmer): David doesn't code. Beforehand, he thinks about his task in depth, like contemplating philosophy, then simply writes it up. Quite often you can look through David's office window and see him bent over in his chair, chin on fist, like The Thinker.
Mark Caldwell (NWC VP): You need to know Mark to really understand, but when Mark codes, it's like he's in a boxing ring, ducking shots, trading blows, and trash talking with the program.

Now take such individuals and do the unthinkable... Make them into a team. Worse yet, force them to have meetings in which they must interact on a social level and agree to work together. Worse yet, force them to interact with right-brained artists and game designers.
It's a wonder any games ever get made.
Join designer Greg Fulton as gives us his very last Designer Diary entry, which tracks the last days of Heroes of Might and Magic III. In these last few days, the team waited anxiously to approve the gold candidate. But there is no rest for Greg, as he mentions a little something about the expansion disc. Join us as we count down the final development of Heroes III.
01/07/99
Ever heard the phrase "thousand tile stare"?
It's a phrase used by our mapmakers. You get the thousand tile stare from making H3 maps all day long.
Today I got the thousand tile stare after making a map for our eventual game demo.
It's a very simple, small map, letting players experience a portion of the game. Hopefully they'll experience enough and feel compelled to buy the game. I've been calling the map "Dead and Buried."
When I finished, I gave it to Chris Vanover (H3 assistant director) to play. Chris is an expert Heroes player. He's a good gauge of the map's difficulty.
Watching Chris play was a lot of fun. It allowed me to take a break from work and finally see the game in action. However, I am the worst person to have over your shoulder when you play.
Why? I'm a backseat driver. It's a bad habit from playing console games with friends.
Thus, I watched Chris play and second-guessed him all the way. We were like two old men spitting and complaining about the best strategy as Chris clicked his way through the game. It was rather humorous.
01/08/99
Today I gave the Dead and Buried map to a few select people to see if anyone could beat it in the allotted time frame of four game weeks.
One of my candidates was Jen Bullard. Jen is the only female tester in the QA area.
Upon entering the test area, I found Jennifer burning a candle at her desk. She wasn't afraid to comment aloud how everyone else in the test area doesn't wash their clothes often enough. She thinks they stink.
No sooner did I sit down to watch Jen play than the verbal bantering between the testers began.
Ryan Den, another one of our testers, was sure he found a bug and asked aloud if anyone had encountered the same bug. No one had. Immediately everyone began shouting "user error." Ryan thought they were all high... until he realized it was user error. Everyone then proceeded to playfully tear into Ryan yet again.
I must admit, our testers are pretty cool. Their interactions are quite amusing. They banter with the voracity of a knife fight, but it's rarely cruel.
01/14/99
Last night was my last chance to revise the game manual. Thus, I decided to pull an all-nighter to finish it. This was my first time being at NWC so late. I also experienced something completely new.
I had been drinking many free Cokes when my bladder reminded me who was really in charge. Without hesitation, I raced to the bathroom. I opened the door. It was dark. This is not unusual. The lights are hooked up to a motion sensor. To save energy, they turn on and off based on the presence of a moving body. Confident the lights would turn on, I strode into the bathroom.
The lights did not illuminate.
Fumbling around in the dark, I was able to find the light switch and flip it on.
Nothing.
Fumbling around some more, I found the door handle and exited the bathroom.
Moving quickly to Mark Caldwell's office (Mark and George were also working late), I told him, "The bathroom lights won't turn on." He said, "Yeah. The bathroom lights don't turn on after midnight." I asked, "How do you go to the bathroom with the lights off?" He answered, "Usually I just feel my way to the urinal."
"I need to take a crap."
"Hey, I wouldn't know anything about that. Get the flashlight from George."
"I need a flashlight?"
"Yeah."
So, I walked to George's office.
"I need the bathroom flashlight."
Giggling to himself under his breath, George reached into his desk and gave me a pocket flashlight. With flashlight in hand I returned to the bathroom where everything went according to plan.
I know game production has its odd moments, but... this one was really odd.
01/18/99
In the last days of a game's production, the game designer makes a desperate attempt to prevent features from being cut to make the deadline. However, if I got all the features I wanted, the game would never ship. Thus, there is always a tug of war between the game designer, management, programmers, and artists, to decide what gets into the game and what gets pushed back to the expansion or sequel.
Today I was doing my best to get a new hero into the game without too much additional programming or art. I realized I could get the results I needed by simply adding a new graphic and customizing an existing game hero. Even better, I could get the graphic from existing art in the intro movie. All the artist had to do was crop a freeze-frame from the movie and give it to our asset manager to be put into the game. I could customize the hero in the editor. All the programmers had to do was recognize the character's unique identification.
Well, we did.
I wonder how much longer I can push my luck.
01/19/99
I have become the Walmart floor manager.
No. I haven't quit my job.
Let me explain.
At this stage in the making of the game, I find myself spending most of my time walking the halls with my Notepad of Oppression waiting for people to call out my name.
The notepad is a list of issues needing resolution. Most people find the notepad humorous unless their name is on it. Ironically, I end up putting my name on the notepad more than anyone else's (I'm oppressing myself).
Regardless, when I am walking the halls and someone calls out my name, I duck into their office to answer their questions. Sometimes this means getting on their phone and calling someone else to clear up an issue. If I don't have the answer, I'm the intermediary.
Thus, I feel like the Walmart floor manager, roaming the isles, taking care of arising issues. All I really need is the blue vest.
01/20/99
For a moment, consider most game manuals. Usually, a manual details the game interface and introduces you to the various game elements. Rarely do these manuals give you true game statistics.
For Heroes III , we wanted to buck this trend. Using the Heroes II strategy guide as a model, we decided to make a big manual loaded with information. This is exactly what we did - 144 pages.
Today we signed off on the manual. Well, no sooner did the ink dry than we discovered some errors. It was terrifying. I literally sat at my desk, looking at the errors I had discovered, and heard the manual mocking me with the chittering of a wild hyena.
There was nothing I could do. It was carved in stone. Now understand, most manuals ship with some errors. This is what the Readme is for. However, several people had gone over this manual time and again, and still there were errors.
I'll never make a big manual again. It's too much upkeep considering the fluidity of game design.
I'm sure I'll lose some sleep over this.
1/25/99
Today the Coke machine caught fire.
Let me repeat this.
Today the Coke machine caught fire.
Since we started crunching, around 7:00pm each night, Mark Caldwell (NWC VP) has been unlocking the Coke machine for free drinks to go with our evening meal. We don't continue pressing the selection buttons for the various drinks. Instead, we literally open up the front half of this big, red, half-ton refrigerator, made to withstand the assaults of the most juvenile of delinquents.
Now, I'm not exactly clear on the details, but one of the testers pulled open the front door to grab a soda from inside. Apparently, some of the electrical wires were sheared, followed by fire and smoke.
Upon seeing the fire and smelling the smoke, the tester grabbed Ben Bent (NWC office manager and part-time game director). He then pointed out the fire in the Coke machine.
With perfect calm, Ben simply unplugged the Coke machine. Poof. The fire went away.
I must admit, I can't help but see the fire in the Coke machine as a metaphor for Heroes III in production. A fire starts, someone panics, and someone else calmly solves the problem.
Truthfully, it's the story of the game production process.
2/07/99 Sunday
Today could be the day.
We've decided to make a "final candidate" CD-ROM for 3DO approval. A final candidate is what we consider "ready to ship." We then send the final candidate to 3DO for them to do shrink-wrap testing.
Tonight, no one leaves the building until the game is finished.
2/08/99 Monday
It's 5:00am Monday morning.
We just started burning the final candidate.
About half the team is still here.
We've been crunching too long. Everyone's burnt.
About 15 minutes ago, Mark starting broadcasting Money For Nothing over everyone's speakerphone.
Ironic.
02/13/99
I am literally weak-kneed. Except for writing this entry, all I intend to do is just sit in my office chair and do everything I possibly can to do nothing.
As of 8:30 Saturday, February 13, we're calling it good Barring last-second crash bugs, the game is done.
It's 9:30, and with the realization the game is done, already I'm beginning to crash.
After crunching for so long, the crash is the aftereffect. This is the time when you finally realize you can relax and return to a somewhat normal life. This is also the flag signaling the release of all the pent-up stress and illness you've been holding off by sheer will for the past six months. Thus... crash.
Wow.
We're done.
02/14/99
Four days after announcing Heroes has gone gold, we're already talking about the expansion pack. Already, I've assembled my map makers. They're good people. With H3 under their belts they should make even better maps for the expansion.
The downside? Chris Vanover is moving onto a different project. Technically Chris was H3's assistant director, but I adopted him as my assistant designer. He was a big help in many of the grunt areas. I was hoping to hand the expansion off to Chris so I could concentrate on the next Heroes.
No such luck.
Ultimately, this means vacation must wait.
(whimper)
Where is a monkey boy when you need one?
02/19/99
David Mullich's (Heroes III director) wife was pregnant and expecting about the same time as E3 last year (Atlanta '98). So, he couldn't go and demonstrate the game.
I was the next logical choice. I know the game better than anyone else, and when needed, I can turn on the charm.
Now don't get me wrong, when I have demoed the game, it has been a delight. Yet, as a game, Heroes III doesn't demo well. It's a turn-based game. It's not a first-person shooter or real-time strategy game. There's no real immediate reward for your attention span to latch onto.
However, Heroes does have a very large, very dedicated following. Thus, most people who want to see Heroes are already fans. This was the case at E3.
At E3 I did the vast majority of the presentations. I did so many I ended up losing my voice. Almost all the people who saw the game were fans of Heroes and liked what they saw. We were so successful, people were taking chairs from the other game stations to sit in front of ours.
Well, the downside to my work at E3 was... I became the demo guy. The downside of being the demo guy is traveling.
I hate traveling.
Once I arrive at my destination, there's no problem. I'm just impatient by nature. I'm also 6'1" and hate sitting in supercramped airline seats.
So, today I got to fly up to 3DO with Peter Ryu (MM7 producer), Keith Francart (MM7 director), and Jeff Blatner (new Heroes producer) to give presentations on MM7 and Heroes III to our Ubi Soft partners and a smattering of European journalists.
As much as I hated getting up at 5:30am and traveling to San Francisco (less than one week after going gold), the trip was amusing for a number of reasons.
Since I have been at New World, Peter Ryu has always worn shorts and sandals. For the presentation, Pete was ordered to wear pants and shoes. Throughout the day, he was wincing as the shoes rubbed his feet raw.
The other amusing part was hanging out with the French chicks from Ubi Soft and the European press.
Last time I was at 3DO I did an H3 presentation to a number of European journalists. Not a French woman among them. It was different this time, and dare I say, worth the trip.
02/22/99
David Mullich (H3 director), George Ruof (H3 programmer), and I are the only members of the team in the building today. Everyone else is on vacation.
Over the weekend I began my self-rehabilitation for returning to the real world.
When you do nothing but work 12-14 hours a day, seven days a week, and then it all comes to an abrupt halt, you suddenly find you have all this spare time on your hands.
Ultimately, you become bored. You don't know what to do with yourself because your "normal" situation meant working on the game... but the game is finished. Normal has become different and no longer normal.
A logical assumption for curing this boredom would be a vacation. Not yet. I've got to write the design for the expansion disc. I've got two weeks before it is due. After hammering out the specs, everyone will be briefed, then I can go on vacation.
I've got it all planned out. I haven't seen my parents since Christmas of 1997. So, I'm going to go back home and sit in the rocking chair in front of my dad's big-screen TV and watch nothing but cable television for at least two weeks. You heard me. Nothing but CNN Headline News for two weeks. If by then I'm not properly vegetated, I'll watch it for another week. Then I'll track down my old high school girlfriend and see if she's still single.
I've set up an e-mail address for your feedback about the game when it hits the shelves. This e-mail is merely for player feedback and suggestions. I will be the one reading the e-mails, and most likely, I won't be answering any of them. So, don't flame me if I don't respond. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
I've enjoyed writing these diaries. I wish I had been able to dedicate more time to them.
My apologies to Elliott Chin (who made these diaries possible). Elliott wanted me to talk about the design philosophy behind H3. After practicing design philosophy 12-14 hours a day, I couldn't bring myself to write a diary about it. So, I thought I'd do "a day in the life." I hope you enjoyed my tongue-in-cheek account.
I leave you with the following words I once heard the great Jon Van Caneghem speak, "When it's all over you'll forget how hard it was and do it all over again."
He's right. We will.

ALIEXPRESS Deals Compilation (6.6.2023)!
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1. Season 12 (I've always felt like I couldn't put this season first because I thought it may be bias as it was my first season. But honestly, I think I just got lucky in that I truly started watching on the best season).
2. Season 5: Best personalities the show has had
3. Season 10: Best/most challenging race course the show has had
4. Season 18 (Unfinished Business): Another very difficult (and therefore amazing) race course. So many memorable moments
5. Season 3: So many iconic moments/teams, just starts off a bit slow
6. Season 2: Builds on how great the first season was. So many iconic moments!!!!!!
7. Season 1: The season that started it all. A bit slow at times but truly an amazing race!
8. Season 11 (All Stars): The first All Stars was great. The airport drama at the midpoint of the season was iconic!
9. Season 29: The strangers twist worked out great! An amazing season amidst seasons that was suggesting the show was going downhill
10. Season 20: A very underrated season IMO
11. Season 25: An enjoyable season overall
12. Season 13: Underrated season, just wish the race course was more difficult
13. Season 7: Great casting. Race course was too easy though
14. Season 21: Much higher than it has any business being given how poor the race course was but it was surprsingly a pretty entertaining season. Just wish the chippendales could take it.
15. Season 31 (Reality Showdown): Solid season
16. Season 30: The opposite of season 17. Started off terrible but got great near the end
17. Season 15: An underrated season IMO. Probably the best finale leg in show's history also
18. Season 17: The first four legs were A+++++++. The season majorly fell after that though and IMO had the worst finale leg as of yet
19. Season 14: Just lacked the magic of the previous seasons it came off the heels of
20. Season 6: Too many equalizers for season to reach its max potential
21. Season 22: A pretty solid race overall but just nothing stood out/was that memorable
22. Season 23: HORRIBLE casting but the racing itself was pretty decent
23. Season 9: Too many fodder teams and the race was pretty underwhelming as a whole
24. Season 16: It had a couple solid legs (the final 8 NEL especially) but overall was pretty underwhelming and lopsided editings
25. Season 8 (Family Edition): Clever idea and solid beginning and final leg. The middle of the season DRAGS like crazy though.
26. Season 33: For what it was it was pretty decent. Really solid final 2 legs. But there was a long drag of very boring legs for sure
27. Season 27: I don't remember much about this season either
28. Season 28 (Youtube Stars: Meh... Sheri and Cole winning it would've been the perfect ending. But they didn't and the whole season was kind of just meh
29. Season 26 (Blind date): It had a couple fun moments like Bergen and Kurt going so far off the race course. Overall though pretty forgettable.
30. Season 4: Points for being old school and actual feeling like a travel around the world as a result. That being said casting was uninspired and boring season overall
31. Season 19: Top 8 leg was great and passport mishap was fun. Nothing else memorable.
32. Season 34: Bland!!!!!!!! The only leg that was at all entertaining was the top 5 NEL one. Boring teams
33. Season 24 (All Stars 2): Way too easy and boring
34. Season 32: The sisters nine lives storyline and the final 7 elimination leg were good. Everything else terrible.

Previous, first, next,
Fanfiction.
​
(A/N) This one turned out to be a long one so its been split between two posts. Enjoy.
​
Chapter 28
The sound of the gunshot still rang in my ears. The room felt hot, almost stifling. Questions ran amok in my head, Did he have a family? Had this been the only option? Was I now just as bad as him? The last few seconds played over and over in my head.
All I could do was look at his body. The scientist laid in front of me–unmoving, his dirty shirt darkening around the wound. I just stared at the life I just took, and for a moment, the questions in my mind became overwhelming.
It wasn't until a hand reached out and grabbed me by the shoulder I was pulled back to the present.
“James!” Warspite’s voice called out. I realised her tiny hands were pulling at me. I met her eyes in a daze, the concern on her face telling me she had already tried calling my name several times now.
“Warspite… I-” I tasted bile in my throat.. My eyes unconsciously broke contact with hers, and meandered back to the body.
“Don't! Look at me, James.” She accentuated her point by cupping my cheeks and forcing me to focus on her and only her. “Eyes on me.”
“Y-yes.” I complied awkwardly.
“I’ve radioed her Majesty, they'll be at the mouth of the river soon. Go with the others and get to the docks. Get out of here.”
A semblance of reason finally returned to my mind. “The others? What about you?”
“I’m going to burn this wretched place to the ground.” Seeing that I was finally cognisant she turned me around in place and pushed me over to the others, ensuing the entire time I couldn't see what I had done. Javelin was quick to receive me in a tiny hug.
Everyone bar Cleveland now had their rigging out, who was still slumped on the floor, holding her sister’s cube with Z23 trying to console her. Zuikaku had her sword drawn and was watching every entrance to the room, her entire body tense, ready to act at a moment's notice with a hard expression.
“Javelin, I need one of your depth charges.” The Dreadnought ordered. “I’ll wire up its timer to level this room.”
“R-right.” Javelin closed her eyes and focused. She lifted up her arms and a large barrel shaped munition appeared in her hands. She passed it over to Warspite with ease. “Here.”
“Good.” She looked to Cleveland. Her tone softened slightly. “Are you good to move?”
“Aye.” She spoke with a sniffle as she stood up, still tightly holding the cube against herself not letting it leave her sight for even a second.
Warspite stared me down. “Turn and leave, keep your eyes forward and don't look back. I'll catch up.”
With a shove she pushed me around and towards the door we had entered from. I stood still for a moment, a part of me wanting to turn back one more time, and I probably would have if not for a small hand reaching out to me. I found Javelin staring at me compassionately, her cheeks and pretty emerald eyes still marked with dried up tears. She stood gently still.
Despite the overbearing desire to do so, Warspite’s words echoed in my head. I jolted forward and didn't look back once.
Cleveland whimpered as we left the building before running ahead of us, through the smoke from the fires that filled the air I was just able to see the source of her dread.
The Montpelier was still in its dock, but where we had left it in an almost pristine condition it was now in a complete state of disrepair, the gun barrels hung limp in their housings, with several having even fallen into the deck. The panels lining the hull were coming apart as the welds and rivets that held them failed, the ship looked to be listing slightly as water was probably leaking in through collapsed bulkheads.
“No…” I heard Cleveland dash past me.
Cleveland scrambled over to her sister’s deteriorating ship, followed close by the rest of the girls, ignoring the muffled sound of an explosion that came from the building behind us.
With burning lungs I finally caught up to her as she reached the dock. “Please, Monty. Don’t go.” The cruiser pleaded, keeping the cube firmly grasped in one hand and placing her palm against the hull.
The ship moved as its weight shifted, a loud scraping noise rang out as the metal grinded against the dock.
Cleveland continued to rub the metal affectionately. “Shh, it's ok. Your big sister is here. Everything will be fine now.”
As was the usual case whenever something happened around these girls the hairs on my neck stood up as both the ship and Cleveland both began to glow.
There was a moment of hope as I looked at the cube clutched in her arm, but it still looked inert, even the light radiating from her body seemed to avoid it.
As I had seen countless times now, the ship became a mass of energy, the light hovering where the ship had previously been before Cleveland suddenly went rigid as the light flowed into her.
The cruiser yelped in pain as her body fought to contain the energy, a hand grabbed my collar and pulled me away. I was too transfixed on the spectacle to see who had done so.
Blood dripped from Cleveland's nose and she dropped to her knees, not letting go of Montpelier’s cube at all. Her rigging glowed bright, and an ethereal shape took form around it. The more I stared at it, the more I understood that this shape had the outline of a rigging, and it was fighting to occupy the same space as Cleveland’s already existing one, who grit her teeth and winced.
A gust of wind blasted around her, and in a matter not too dissimilar to when her rigging had formed, the light coalesced once more. A black line was suddenly drawn along the seam of her cape at the same time it was torn around the edges, followed by the ends of her golden locks of hair lost their lustre, changing into a silver white.
After what had felt like an eternity Cleveland seemingly regained control of her body once again, the tension in her arms and legs relaxed. With sweat dripping from her head she reopened her eyes, and slowly stood back up with laboured breaths. Her left eye shone with a different lustre for a moment, still red, yet a slightly different hue that slowly disappeared as she blinked.
“Are you ok?” I asked, unsure of what being ok could even be classed as right now.
“I thi-” She did a double take as what sounded like two voices came from her mouth, her own overlapping with another one. She put a hand to her mouth and coughed. “I think I am?” Her voice came out normal then. She wiped the blood away from her with her elbow, noticing that the fingerless glove on her right arm now ran across the full length of her elbow.
Running footsteps pulled our attention over to Warspite, who sped over to us. Smoke poured out of the roof of the building behind her, further adding to the cloud surrounding the facility and reducing visibility even further. Any further and I’d begin to choke.
Warspite took a second to stare at Cleveland before quickly returning her attention to the matter at hand, I noticed something hidden within her scarf as she adjusted it. “Commander, we need to move. Cleveland, are you able to sail?” The cruiser gave a slight nod. “Good, Zuikaku take him, the rest of you stay close.”
Slender but firm arms wrapped around me, and the carrier in question slung me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and jumped off the edge of the dock without warning. Zuikaku didn’t even give me a chance to retort as we splashed against the water, quickly gaining speed. I was able to see the others land on the water one by one and begin to follow behind us, quickly catching up. They all had a solemn expression as we once again found ourselves only just escaping complete disaster.
Zuikaku let me go once her feet touched the Warspite’s deck. The ship was already gaining speed and heading towards the relative safety of the open ocean, leaving behind a smoking land, the morning wind fanning the flames even more. I took out my binoculars and dared look back. I knew there would only be burnt rubble left by the time the fires died.
I felt the rush of what had happened slowly die down. A burning at the back of my throat threaded to force me to empty my stomach. The air was hot, almost stifling, it had never stopped burning even after leaving that place. Everyone's eyes were now on me, with the three girls that had stayed back looking with confusion on their faces.
“Get-” I paused, forcing my voice to stay steady and my dinner to stay down. “Get us out to the open sea and stay alert for any ships, Siren or otherwise. Everyone go and get some rest, it's been a long night.”
I did not wait for a reply and made my way inside the ship with unsteady steps, pushing my hands deep into my pockets to try and stop them from shaking. Someone called out to me as I walked but I just ignored it.
It was only when I went to open my cabin door did I realise someone had followed me, a white gloved hand covered mine as I tried to turn the handle.
“Not now, Hood.” I sighed, almost whispering. I turned my head to look at the woman, finding her beautiful blue eyes looking back at me with concern.
“James, I-”
“Please don’t.” I cut her off, wincing at the harshness of my own voice. I felt my stomach churn more, but I just didn't want to deal with anyone right now.
“But-”
“Don’t make me order you.”
The words left my mouth before I even realised. Hood stood still for a moment, mouth agasp and eyes wide with incredulity. She retired her hand away from mine, placing it against her chest. A mixture of emotions ran on her face, ones I didn’t dare look at.
I opened the door and darted inside the cabin before she recovered, slamming it shut behind me.
I stood deathly still for a moment. Was it a minute? Was it an hour? I just stood against the door, my legs feeling numb. Eventually, I heard the distinctive click of Hood’s heels disappear into the distance.
I held for a moment longer. For just a moment longer, I stood alone, bearing the weight. Then it came crashing down.
I ran my hands through my hair and tried to calm myself down. It was hopeless. Blood was on my hands, I could still smell the gunpowder, it was an oppressing scent that overpowered everything else. I found myself staring at my hand, how long had it been locked in that gripping position? I could still feel the weight of the gun.
I felt nauseous.
My arm still ached from the recoil, unable to hold the gun properly without being noticed. I had felt pain shoot up my arm the moment I fired and now even closing my fist was a difficult affair.
Unable to stand still any longer, I began to pace back and forth in the small cabin. Forward and backwards, side to side, the walls closed in on me every time I turned, making it harder and harder to breathe.
“It’s just a trick, it’s all in your head.” I repeated to myself, but the words rang hollow.
The sequence replayed over and over in my head, each time more vivid than the last. The details ran too clearly. Steven’s voice, the whimpers of the girls, my own heart pounding, my own ears ringing.
Cold metal against my skull. My spine freezing.
I sat down on the bed, and cradled my head in my arms. I closed my eyes trying my hardest to force the image out of my head. It was a useless effort.
Without even meaning, I whimpered silently. The sound of something dripping onto the deck pulled my attention away from the memory. Something ran down my face and I realised I had started crying. I tried to wipe my eyes with my sleeve, hoping nobody would come in at this moment. What kind of leader would cry at a time like this? All those girls looked to me for guidance and leadership, yet time after time again I led us straight into disaster
It had been me that had almost cost the girls their freedom. I didn't deserve to be their Commander.
I breathed deeply and tried to get a lid on my emotions and push them down.
“Think practical James. You're just in shock.” I told myself before taking several more deep breaths, remembering the first aid books Hood and I had read together. Thinking of Hood again made me feel miserable.
I reached into my pocket. Even sitting down it still felt like an iron weight pulling me down. I feebly grasped the old wooden handle and pulled the gun back out from where I had quickly stashed it. The scent of burnt gunpowder seemed to double as it entered the open air.
My stomach twisted again, and I let go of it, followed by a rushed scampering. I reached under my bed, not really caring where, just looking for something suitable to get that thing away from me and my mind. I found an old bag and frantically tossed the gun inside, producing a distinctive clicking sound.
“Shit.” I cursed and reached inside with my hand, finding an old bottle of scotch. The opaque, unlabelled glass was thankfully intact, but it showed me my warped, miserable reflection. I don’t know what possessed me then, for I grasped it by the neck and pushed the bag with the gun back under the bed.
I pried it open. It had been a gift from one of the sailors in the fleet. Twisting the wax securing the cap I realised such a bottle was nigh impossible to get on a sailors wage so I guessed this one had probably been listed as smashed during the attack.
I sat further back in my bed and lifted the bottle up to my mouth. The old familiar taste burned my throat as the amber liquid went down but the pleasant warming effect was soon to follow.
Taking another large swig I noticed a third of the bottle had already been drunk. I laid the bottle down and burrowed my head down on the pillow, desperately waiting for the numbing effect of the alcohol to kick in.
I looked once again at the door to my cabin. Part of me wanted nothing more than for one of the girls to open the door and come in, even if it was just to sit in silence with me. Even if it was Hood. God, why did I snap at her like that?
Sighing, my gaze turned to look up at the ceiling as my mind began to wander. I thought of the short time Javelin and I had spent together when we first met. It felt like a lifetime ago when she was showing me around her ship, trying her hardest to impress me with every rivet and weld used in her construction.
And thanks to me she just experienced nightmare after nightmare. Warspite had been right. I just keep throwing myself into situations without thinking about the consequences.
Maybe it would be best for me to just return home. The girls would be far better off leading themselves, I would probably be arrested the moment I returned, but it would be for the best.
I lifted the bottle again.
–
I spent a long while laying on my bed thinking of both home and the small moments of comfort I had shared with the girls, riding out the buzz of the alcohol until it eventually faded. Leaving my mouth dry and the warning signs of an oncoming headache. I didn’t dare drink myself to a stupor, but I drifted listlessly in my thoughts for an unknown amount of time. The ship had stopped moving a while back, and now the light coming through the porthole had darkened. There was a constant soft tapping sound against the hull from a rainstorm.
Both thirst and growing hunger forced me to get up. I left my cabin with a sigh, and was surprised to find a tray with some sandwiches by the door. I never heard anyone knock so I didn't know how long it had been left out for or who left them. Eating them helped sate my hunger and slightly quell the pain in my stomach but also added to the growing guilt of how the girls were willing to go out of their way for me.
I placed the empty tray into my cabin to take to the mess later. I began walking towards the bridge, knowing the ship's owner would be there. I knew if there was anyone on this ship who could set me straight, it was her.
I found the Dreadnought sitting in the captain's chair, her long blond hair and scarf flowing down each side of the chair and her short legs idly dangling in the air. The bridge echoed with the sound of the rain and I could see the droplets flowing down the glass. The cabin was slightly dark, with just the night lights on.
Warspite rested her head in her palms and looked out of the cabin, seemingly unaware of my presence. Not wanting to overly startle someone who controlled naval cannons, I announced my presence as I walked to her side.
“Hey, Warspite. Anything to report?”
She immediately jolted in her seat with a rather cute yelp. She twisted her head towards the source of the noise. “Oh, James. Sorry, I didn't hear you enter.” She placed a hand against her chest to calm her racing heart.
“Aren’t you always able to tell where everyone is on your ship?” I asked, trying to make conversation. Just being in her presence was bringing some welcome relief, I didn't know why but it was like I could always be at ease around her.
“That still holds true, but my mind was elsewhere.” Her eyes shifted nervously and she pulled her scarf up slightly.
Her face turned to a look of concern. I knew what she was going to say before she even spoke. “How are you feeling?.”
“I’m fine.” I quickly replied, suddenly unable to meet her gaze.
“Poppycock. I can smell the alcohol James.”
I cursed the girl's heightened senses. I had come to the bridge to find someone to talk to, but now confronted with it I wanted to be anywhere but here.
“I just… We wouldn’t have gotten into that situation if it wasn’t for me. It’s always like this. It’s always on me. You keep risking yourselves and it’s my fault.”
“It’s not like that, James. We are yours to command. Danger will happen one way or the other.”
I trembled with a myriad of feelings, but the one that overtook me the most was frustration. “You have better chances to survive without me leading you into stupid danger.”
I could see her eyes widening, but I continued before she had the chance to react. “You are irreplaceable, all of you. If that happens again, I want all of you to get to safety even if it means leaving me behind. You deserve better than some guy who’s always winging it.”
Warspite sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. She hopped down from the chair and stepped forward until she was right in front of me. She placed her hands behind her back and tilted her head up. “Could you lean forward for me please? My head height will do.” She asked politely.
Confused, I leaned forward until our eyes met at the same level. The pupils of her eyes seemed to widen as she studied every aspect of my face. After a few seconds had passed I began to wonder what she was doing.
In a flash her face twisted to anger and she slapped me across the face with enough force to make me stumble. My hand immediately went to where she had hit feeling a burning sting, there was a slight taste of blood in my mouth. Then I felt her weight on my chest.
“Don’t!” I could feel her trembling on my chest. “Don't you dare ever say something like that again!” She balled her hands into fists and hit my chest repeatedly while stomping her foot into the deck, a sight all too familiar from her sister.
I stood idly and dumbfounded as she vented her frustrations. Warspite then wrapped her arms around me and pulled us into a tight hug, burying her face into my chest. The sudden hug only added to my surprise. Barring the occasional time’s she had offered her hand in comfort and how she had scoffed whenever the other girls had hugged me I had figured she wasn't one for personal contact. And yet, I hugged her back, trying to comfort her, or was she the one comforting me? It was hard to tell.
We both stood in silence for what felt like an eternity. Warspite didn't say anything during the entire time, only keeping a tight grip around my waist while keeping her head against my chest. There wasn't any sobbing or crying, but I could feel a slight dampness on my shirt from her tears.
Once she had decided that enough time had passed Warspite finally let go and stood back, wiping at her eyes in an attempt to hide the fact she’d been crying. “You…” Her voice was shaky, obviously trying with all her might to keep her emotions at bay. “You are not to say such things again. I swore an oath to protect you with my life and by my boilers I will uphold that oath until my last breath, dammit! No matter how difficult you make it for me! You are also irreplaceable, James. Never, ever forget that!” There was a slightest bit of a smile with her last comment.
Sighing I leaned against a console and rubbed my head. “I’m sorry. I can see how much your oaths mean to you. It's just it would be all my fault if something happened to you girls.”
“Don’t apologise, your reasoning is a noble one.” Warspite shook her head and pulled my face back to face hers again. “You, my sisters and Her Majesty are my dearest people in my life, and I couldn't live with myself if something was to happen to any of you, I would rather be the one laid low if it would ensure you had each other.”
A confident smile returned to her face. “But you needn't worry. I will always find the strength to get us out of any situation we find ourselves in.”
“I wish I had even an iota of your confidence.” I replied, my spirits lifting once again just by being in her presence.
“Comes with having eight fifteen inch guns to back me up.” The battleship boasted proudly, her smile turning tender afterwards. “But you shouldn't sell yourself short. Despite the outcomes of your actions, it's obvious to anyone your heart is in the right place and that the decisions you make are right and just.”
She gave a long sigh, her eyes flickering to a side, her lips pursing into a thin line. I followed her gaze to a small object on her chair. I could barely make out what it was.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Something I've been meaning to talk to you about, but I was going to give it a little more time before bringing it up.” Warspite replied as she walked over to fetch it. She presented a small notebook to me. “When I was setting the fuse in the depth charge I couldn't help but look over his body, if only to spit at it. However I spotted this jutting out of his pocket.”
I examined the item further. The black leather bindings showed it was rather valuable, but the paper inside looked yellowed and worn with several loose papers clasped inside. And finally there was the slightest hint of blood on the bottom edge, hastily dried to ensure the contents were not damaged.
“What's… What’s written inside?” I asked. A pregnant silence followed. “...Do I even want to know?”
“That's the thing. I haven't looked yet.” She moved the weight of the notebook around in her hands, half treating it with care like it was a priceless artefact and half looking like she wanted to throw it to the ground. “I can hazard a guess as to what it will entail, and that's what got me perplexed.”
I started to put the pieces together. “If it was in his lab coat then…”
“It's probably his notes on the experiments he ran.” The battleship finished. “In conflict, knowledge–both of yourself and your foe, is power. This book may contain valuable information regarding my kind and what we are capable of.” She looked down at the book and rubbed the leather with her thumb. “But.”
“The way that information was obtained was nothing short of a crime against humanity.”
“Rather more against ship kind if we’re being accurate.” She half joked with a tense smile. “I wanted to ask what you think I should do with this. Her Majesty told me to trust my judgement when I asked her, but I also value your opinion on this.”
Scratching my chin, I looked at the book. Within it may be invaluable information that may help us begin to piece together some of the mysteries of this world. But then I thought of Cleveland and what had happened to her sister. “I’m sorry Warspite, but ultimately this is about your kind. I’d rather have it be one of your kind who ultimately makes that decision.”
“I had a feeling you’d say something along those lines.” She said with a sincere smile, putting the notebook to the side. “I’ll give it some thought. Probably for the best as I’m sure the contents will only worsen my already low opinion of humans. That and I want to get Cleveland’s permission as well, but I’ll give her some time to recover first.”
“Cleveland...” I thought out loud. “How’s she been?”
“Reclusive.” Warspite sighed. “Once we were back on the ship we asked if she needed anything. She just shook her head and began aimlessly wandering my ship, from what I can tell she hasn’t eaten much or spoken to anyone since.”
“Where is she now?”
“Out on deck.” Warspite nodded her head towards the window. “Near the railing by the port side of B turret, she’s been out there since the rain started.”
“Oh?” I tried to look out the window to catch a glimpse of the cruiser, but the turret was blocking the view. I kicked myself for being so distracted when we got back to the ship. “I’ll go make sure she’s ok. Keep us out in the open ocean for now, we’ll figure out our next move soon. I’m sure Z23 can give us a good idea of what our supplies are like.”
“Roger, I’ll keep a lookout for anything.”
Just as I turned to leave I felt her hand grab mine. I looked back to see what it was she wanted. After rocking on her feet a few times she finally spoke “Uh… about what happened this morning, if you wish to talk about any of it. I'm always willing to lend an ear.” There was the slightest hint of a blush on her cheeks
“Thanks… it's been a shock to the system, I'll be sure to remember your offer if I need it.” I made way towards the door. I stopped at the frame. “Warspite?”
“Hm?”
“Thank you. I know I say it a lot, but I truly mean it. Thank you for everything.” I said with gratitude. I left the bridge and walked out into the rain with a smile.
​
(A/N) Part 2 should come out shortly after this one. Or you can find it in its entirety on Fanfiction.

https://youtu.be/Esu__LAsA68

 'The cliff side near Throsian Castle has always had the best view…' the man named Thoust thought. He looks over the large castle and the town around it. He lightly touches the worn down jester's mask one of two items he still has from when he was alive. He glances at the second. A small locket with a picture of him in his old harlequin garb face painted in black inks in a fantastical pattern and beside him a happy elven woman with black hair with small streaks of red at the end of them with striking pale blue eyes. He looks at it with a soft smile till some of the memories he has start to resurface. 'shes mine you understand?! Betrothed to be by the elven king himself! And you won't get in the way!' a fading image of an arrogant baron in his mind as his chest began to burn again. A thin saber through the heart. He remembers her face. Full of fear and sadness. The pain grows remembering the twist of the blade. He shakes the thought away, As he doesn't want to dip back into undead madness. "Here again Thoust?" Mishrik voice says behind him but not his usual arrogant prideful tone. He glances to see the demon prince himself with bright golden eyes. "Yes I am…it is my home. And since our deal is done I'm happy to return to it to prepare to weather the storm you intend to create." Thoust says. While closing the locket and returning it to a hidden pocket into his jacket. "I had gotten the feather you needed and uncovered the ruins around the volkite. I'm done." The undead jester says standing. The demons face then becomes hard to read after he says that. "Thoust I cannot allow that. The feather has gone missing after Gavis fell. And I require it or dream worm scales." He mildly says. Slowly approaching Thoust. "And I need this if the Dreamworm eggs slips out of my grasp understand..and I wouldnt want something to happen to Ko…." "You threaten her life …you refuse to let me even see her and now you threaten to kill her!?" Thoust snarls. "It was part of the deal that they both would be unharmed. That's what we agreed on." The demons face turns to more angry. "As you said that deal is over. Now if you want them both to continue to breath then I recommend getting that feather back or else. Fortunately the one you've had your eyes on seems to be apart of the party that has it. Now fetch it…" he says turning around and vanishing. Thoust shakes in both anger and mild sadness. There both in danger again cause of this cursed deal. And there is only one thing he can think of. 

'Lenore…my daughter do not be there...'
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As the party continues to be jovial in there huts two figures watch from the small tree line. Staying away around 60 feet from the camp. The smaller one giggles. "See aunt Myra. These adventurers are so entertaining. And they seem to join the meeting" she says. Brown hair with almost ember orange highlights. The other alittle taller maybe a few inches but bright yellow and orange hair and bright emerald colored eyes watch the strange pandorin and the ones he's conversating with inside the larger hut. "Very interesting indeed…we don't get this in the south deserts" she giggles. "Hopefully your mother doesn't mind that I took you sight seeing" she says giggling. The other nods smiling. And points to the oni masked man. "He even smells like Aunt Tyra!" The small princess says with a bright smile. "Joda even told me that he knows the customs and even fed him." She says brightly. Myra nods at the excited princess. Though she doesn't know how her other sisters would take visitors. "Myra. When your going to take Lorila at least tell me first" a third woman says having snuck up. Even though she's tall and lanky. Her hair of similar brown color but bright yellow eyes as she stand near a tree. Myra laughs nervously. "S…sorry Dova. She just made me curious. How did the other three take the news of visitors?" Myra asks nervously. "They took it well. Tyra was interested by hearing a pandorin is in the group" she says with a light chuckle. 

--- Table of Contents ---
Winter 4986, 22 Aoimoth
They never locked the door. She checked the handle just in case. Did they honestly expect Her to stay in this white room forever without locking Her in? She opened the door just a crack and peeked out. No one.
The Cleric coughed. She closed the door quickly and pretended to examine the altar of Hengist on a nearby shelf, Her neck itching. The kindly man finished straightening his papers, slipping them into a desk drawer and locking it. So they locked their documents away but not the door? Or did they think he alone would be enough to stop Her if She chose to go out?
She watched the Cleric out of the corner of Her eye as he stood and stretched, but looked quickly to the altar again when he walked Her way. He stopped beside Her, bringing his hands up in a short prayer. He seemed nice enough, and She found Herself wanting to trust him. But Archmage Morndancer had moments when he was nice too.
She scratched the scales on Her neck, still unaccustomed to having unimpeded access to the area. The collar had become so much a part of Her that She felt awkward without it, never mind that it had been used to keep Her in line. She wondered again how these Paladins planned on keeping Her under control and debated different ways to find out without going so far that She would end up tied to one of these beds and stuck full of needles.
“Do you pray, Miss?” the Cleric asked, eyes still closed.
She shrugged, “I don’t really like one-sided conversations.” She glanced at him, half hoping he would get angry, maybe punish Her just a little, so She would have a better idea what methods they might use.
He laughed, “Yes, I remember occasions, before I took my Oath, when I wondered if Hengist could hear me.” he reached down and held Her shoulder for a moment, as long as his heat tolerance would allow, before letting his hand fall back to his side, “It's hard to take the word of others sometimes, but I know he’s listening. He delivered you from the Warlocks...” he let the idea trail as if he expected Her to thank the god for his intervention. But if Hengist had really wanted Her free, then why not come sooner? Why not when they had isolated Her? Even just an hour sooner would have saved Her treasures…
“Perhaps, when you’re ready, I will take you to the chapel.” he continued to smile, “Or perhaps you will find a greater calling to one of the other gods,” the Cleric shrugged, “We are not ones to proselytize.” She could only return his shrug.
She moved back to the window, Her favorite place in the infirmary. Below, a group of boys, young men really, practiced with weapons too small for Her to see. One stood apart from the others and She wondered what he'd done to be ostracized from the rest. She hadn’t met any of them yet and wondered if they were being kept from Her intentionally. She'd met with the Major General, Selibra, as well as another high-ranking Paladin, a woman, and a handful of Mages. Seeing the Mages, She'd been sure they were about to take Her to another tower, to lock Her in the basement again. They'd assured Her that wasn’t the case, and explained the difference between Her Mages -Warlocks- and true Mages -Guild members- though She still had a hard time believing them.
She wasn’t afraid. She'd gone past fear. There wasn’t anything more they could take from Her that the Warlocks hadn’t already taken. Instead, She was curious, what would they do? And how would She work around it?
Behind Her, the Cleric cleared his throat, “I’m going to the chapel,” She nodded without looking at him. Brom and Ran would leave Her alone for most of the day. This was a new place, but some things would always be the same. The door opened, then clicked closed again.
She stood at the window for a while longer before turning around and tilting Her head at the door. He hadn’t locked it… It must have been a mistake. She moved for the door and cracked it open just in case… The hall beyond was empty.
She looked back into the room with all its white, then back into the hall. Well... She'd wanted to test Her limits. She slipped out of the infirmary.
No one stopped Her, and nothing happened. She walked slowly at first, glancing at each door as though She expected it to swing open and reveal one of the Mages, fingers ready to snap. In the distance, a set of Paladins rounded a corner, and She froze. They spoke to each other, one laughing at something the other said. She glanced around for somewhere to hide before remembering that this was exactly what She'd wanted. If they saw Her out of Her room, they would undoubtedly take Her back, and if She resisted, they would have to play their hand. She just hoped the friendly Cleric wouldn’t get in too much trouble for forgetting to lock the door.
The Paladins' steps faltered when they noticed Her. Exchanging glances, one stepped forward, “Are you lost, miss?”
“No,” She answered, looking over Her shoulder. For a heartbeat She expected Brom to be there. He wasn’t. He never would be again. She forced the thought away. Locking it somewhere it couldn’t interrupt Her exploration, focusing on the Paladins.
The knight exchanged another look with his companion, who shrugged, “Well, if you need any help, please don’t hesitate to ask.” they continued past Her.
Turning to watch them go, She tilted Her head to one side, then the other. Slowly, a grin began to spread over Her face. With a wicked giggle, She set off down the hall, ready to explore until someone stopped Her.
***
Shon stood well away from the others, his dagger clenched too tightly in his left hand. The first day back, Master Daunas had tried to include him in training as if nothing had changed. Then Shon had frozen the practice grounds, and no less than ten of the sixteen squires had fallen on their backsides, letting slip a variety of colorful curses that had them all doing pushups in full armor for at least five minutes straight. After that, he had been ordered to do drills alone while the others practiced. “Just until Ivelm finishes your item,” Master Daunas had assured him.
The little dragon that now followed Shon everywhere, whistled from the roof covering the weapons racks. Shon tried to loosen his grip on his dagger. He was getting sloppy, focusing too much on not extending the blade with an extra three inches of ice and not enough on the precision of his strikes. He tried to keep the power pulled in, but it made him tense, and he often found himself holding his breath unintentionally. Getting frustrated only made it worse. Instead of fighting his visualized opponent, he felt like he was fighting himself. And losing.
The pseudodragon swooped down and landed on Shon's extended arm, distracting him further. Growling, Shon tried to shoo it away, shaking his arm but only causing the tiny beast to dig its sharp claws deeper. "Not now," he hissed at the dragon, who hissed back, sending a wave of annoyance into Shon's mind to join his own. It walked up his arm to his shoulder, wrapping its tail around his neck to help keep itself balanced as Shon continued to try and finish his form.
He'd been confused but intrigued by the flying cat-like lizard on the night it had shown itself, but was quickly finding the thing to be as annoying as the Sorcerer magic it represented.
On the first day he'd resumed training, the little dragon had attached itself to his shoulder, as it did now, and wouldn't get off no matter how in the way it got. He'd asked, threatened, and begged, but at most, it would move from one shoulder to the other.
On the second day, he'd ordered it to stay in his room, closing the door quickly before it could slip out. Shon had been pulled out of drills for the first time since his arrival to clean and reclean his trashed room after the pseudodragon had dug through his uniform box and desk drawers.
On the third day, he had to physically resist the urge to grab the thing by the neck and throw it across the courtyard. Though to his surprise -and annoyance- Master Daunas had actually stepped in. Speaking to the pseudodragon kindly but firmly, the Weaponmaster ordered it to leave him alone during lessons at least. And for the most part, it obeyed. The fact that it was pestering him now meant the lesson had to be almost...
The bell for their break rang out from the tower high above the fortress. Shon snapped to attention with the others, the little dragon twittering happily and swaying with the motion. When dismissed, he was the first to return his dagger, then cleared off to give the others room to do the same.
No one said anything when he went to the water barrel instead of the fortress. His friends were still mostly supportive, but even they were growing annoyed by his occasional loss of control. Like freezing the running trail, so on the next pass, they had to dodge icy footprints.
Breaking the thin layer of ice that had formed over the top of the water barrel and splashing the back of his neck with it, Shon stared at his wavering reflection until the water stilled. Cold blue eyes stared back until the little dragon stuck its head in the way, smacking Shon's nose with its wing. He slapped the water, sending it splashing up into the pseudodragon's nose. The little dragon hissed, then scooped up a huge wing-full and splashed it over his face and chest. He could feel the little dragon's mirth as it chortled its clicking laugh.
Shon could only sigh, he'd come to cool off out of habit, not necessity. He didn't really feel hot in the same way as before. The exercise and exertion still made him sweat, but he only seemed to grow colder. Like even his body was acting out of habit...
He waited for the others to finish crowding into the fortress, most heading to the showers, some heading for their rooms, and a few to the library to play cards and socialize. Shon glanced towards the weapons storage -with the boxes of daggers and racks of various swords and polearms- but shook his head. He was in no mood to continue the fight with himself, and instead made for his rooms.
Squires laughed in the halls, and Shon stayed close to the wall to give them space as he walked. The pseudodragon draped itself over his shoulder like a scarf so it wouldn't hit the stone or passers-by. Apparently, sometimes, it was conscientious of Shon's desires. Once in his room, Shon retrieved his journal and opened it on the desk, but then focused out the window without sitting down. In early winter, the sun was already setting, painting the skies in colors he could never hope to match with simple pencils and white paper. He normally enjoyed this time of year, when the wind grew chill and snow occasionally fell as a promise for the deeper winter to come.
Now, he wanted to hate the cold. He wanted to toss it and everything like it to the wind. But not only could he not rid Clearhelm of winter, he also couldn’t convince himself to hate it. The little dragon sent a wave of concern over him, whistling quietly.
Closing his journal Shon scooped it up and left. Even if he opened the window, not much of a breeze would reach him from there, so he made for the stairs to the central tower.
Though now the tower was used only to house the hour bells, it was originally designed to be a lookout. It offered a complete view of the surrounding area through ten tall glassless windows around the perimeter.
He picked a window ledge facing west and sat with his journal closed, just enjoying the cool breeze. The knots in his stomach eased, and the power he could still feel swirling around him calmed. The pseudodragon purred, and he reached up to pet its side. It was okay to still enjoy the cold, wasn’t it? He just wished he didn’t inflict it on others who never seemed to like it as much as he did.
Someone hummed behind him, and Shon jumped, spinning in his seat. A girl with golden hair stepped up to his window. Her eyes were closed, and the wind blew her hair back, revealing three scarlet stripes across her right cheek. They merged together on her neck into a single line that disappeared below her white hospital dress.
She smiled, and Shon had to swallow, his mouth suddenly dry, “I was sure they wouldn’t let me up here,” she said, opening her eyes and looking at him, still smiling, “But I suppose if you’re up here, then I can come and enjoy the view too.” She perched herself on the sill next to him and tilted her head to the side, looking for all the world like a curious kitten. The pseudodragon mirrored the expression with an inquisitive chirp. Were her pupils slitted? "You have a pseudodragon... are you a Mage?" She asked.
Shon looked away, but the little dragon wrapped its tail around his neck and chirped again, "I'm a Squire," he stated, though if more to himself or the girl, he wasn't sure.
"Oh, so you're here to be a Paladin?" she accepted his answer without argument, and Shon looked her way again to find her still smiling, "I don't understand the appeal, but if it makes you happy," she shrugged, but then narrowed her eyes at him, leaning closer and squinting. Shon leaned back, keeping his distance. “Your eyes... You were there, weren’t you? At the tower?”
Shon blinked. She'd switched topics so suddenly. He nodded in answer, and she sighed, turning in her seat and bringing her knees up to her chest. She was probably annoyed he hadn't answered verbally...
As she wrapped her arms around her legs, he saw that her red stripe continued out her left sleeve to break apart into three again along the back of her hand. Looking down, he noticed three more pointed stripes on her bare right foot that merged at her ankle to twist around and disappear back into her dress. Did they all meet somewhere in the middle? He had to shake himself to banish the mental image and turned to follow her gaze out over the horizon.
“Thank you…” she whispered, and he turned back to her, arching an eyebrow. It took her a moment to look away from the view and see his expression, but when she did, she continued without further prompting, “I don’t remember everything that happened, but I’m glad I wasn’t alone,” she smirked and looked back out to the horizon, continuing, “The Cleric thinks I should thank Hengist, but I don’t remember seeing him there, so I’d rather thank you instead.” Shon didn’t know what to think about that, but the girl didn’t seem to expect an answer.
The pseudodragon dug its claws into Shon's shirt and climbed down his chest, pulling at the fabric and scratching the skin beneath. It walked across his legs then over to the girl gingerly. Her giggle was small and quiet, and she didn't hesitate to reach out and pet the flying lizard, though she did so carefully with brief pats, "Careful little one, I'm not the safest person to touch..." she whispered down to it. Shon furrowed his brow in confusion at her words, and predictably the pseudodragon ignored them completely. Crawling up her knees until she lowered them again so it could reach her lap, where curled up like a cat, complete with purring.
She giggled again and stroked its back all the way down to its tail, "It doesn't even care..." she sounded in awe of the little dragon, and Shon couldn't blame her. He'd only ever heard stories of the beasties before he'd seen this one. But the dragon wasn't nearly as interesting anymore, not compared to this girl.
“What’s your name?” he blurted before thinking. And silently cursed himself into oblivion. He sounded like an idiot. Those were the first words he said? She was obviously content just petting the pseudodragon. Couldn’t he have at least waited for her to address him? Or ask something? She was probably up here to think. You have no idea what she’s been through; she probably wants to be alone…
But hadn’t she chosen to sit next to him? And she'd already spoken first...
As if to confirm his fears, she sighed in obvious annoyance, her head falling back to hit the side of the pillar with a whine. When she looked at him, he could somehow tell that if she was annoyed, it was with herself, “I know I should know it by now, but I don’t. Do you think I’m going to have to explain every time I meet someone new? It’s really embarrassing…”
Shon could only stare, trying to understand. She didn’t say she couldn’t remember her name, just that she didn’t ‘know’ it yet. But that didn't make any sense. “You don’t have a name?” he tried to confirm.
She shrugged, exaggerating the motion by bringing her shoulders all the way to her ears then letting them drop limply, “They always said that I would know my own name. But every time I tried to guess or make one up, they got mad at me. What’s your name?”
“Shon,” he answered slowly, still confused.
“And when did you know your name?” she tilted her head again, confirming Shon’s mental comparison with a kitten.
He shook his head, “No one just knows their name. They're given one when they’re babies.”
Her mouth fell open for a full heartbeat before it snapped shut again, and she glared into the setting sun. The air had grown strangely warm, the pseudodragon chittered, and Shon fumbled for something to say, “What did they call you if you don’t have a name?” She'd said 'they' had told her she would know her own name, so that must mean 'they' had spoken to her. He could only assume she meant the people at the tower. The memory of burned corpses flashed through his mind, and once again Shon regretted speaking.
She didn’t look at him as she answered, “Ran called me ‘Red,’ for my scales,” she ran the fingers of her right hand over the stripes on her left, “Brom called me ‘Goldy,’ for my hair,” she brought a lock over her shoulder and stroked it absently, “But the Archmages didn’t like it when they did that…” the pseudodragon watched her dangling hair, swaying its neck back and forth to follow its motion.
Those sounded like nicknames someone gave a pet… He remembered Ivelm saying something about her being experimented on, like an animal. Shon brought his hand up to run through his hair, thinking fast. “You could pick one.” she looked at him, and he rushed to continue, “No one can stop you, and it could be temporary, just until you know your true name." whatever that meant, "Even the gods used to have different names depending on the province.”
“A name,” her eyes glazed over as she stared into the setting sun and absently started petting the dragon again. It tilted its head up at her and whistled, “I don’t even know where to start…” she whispered.
Shon searched the horizon for inspiration but saw only trees and birds. “What’s your favorite flower?” he blurted.
She focused on him again, “Flowers have names?” she asked. When he nodded, her cheeks puffed out, and she glared at him. Looking away again, she grumbled, “Even flowers get names, and I just have to sit around and wait for one to come to me?”
Shon opened his journal, turning it to the side and drawing quickly. The girl stopped mumbling to herself and looked over his shoulder, the pseudodragon crawling to the edge of her knees so it too could tilt its head at his drawing. He usually hated when people tried to watch him draw, but -for some reason- was able to continue without being distracted. It was a drawing for her after all, it made sense that she should see it. Never mind that she was so close... close enough for him to feel the warmth from her skin... or perhaps that was his imagination.
Finishing the final flower, Shon turned the book towards her. “Which one do you like most?”
She stared transfixed at the six flowers depicted, and Shon suddenly felt self-conscious. He'd only personally seen four of them, the other two he'd copied from memories of other drawings in books. She reached out, and her fingers hovered over the rose for a moment before she rested it on a six-petaled lily. The little dragon trilled in approval.
“Lily,” Shon said, then tried to explain, “I trained with a girl named Daisy,” he tapped the daisy flower on the page, “Daisies were also her favorite flower, so I thought…”
“It’s so beautiful…” she whispered, then grabbed his hand, desperately searching his face, “Can I really use it as a name?”
Shon’s heart skipped a beat. Her hand was hot, and he felt his power flow to where she touched, cooling his skin and making it tingle. Even before his power had awakened, everyone else had gotten colder the longer he touched them. As if he were pulling the warmth from them.
Her heat seemed unending.
Even more transfixing was the desperation in her eyes, which were dark blue and slit, like the pseudodragon's, who had crawled from her lap onto his journal and was studying the other flowers. Finally, Shon managed a nod, adding, “You can have whatever name you want. It’s yours.”
She looked at the flowers again and whispered, “Lily…” she seemed to chew it over for a moment, then smiled. And Shon realized all those before hadn't been in true happiness. This was her first real smile. “Lily.” her joy lit up the darkening sky and caused Shon’s heart to race, making up for its lost beats, “My name is Lily!” Lily pulled his hand closer to her and gripped it with both of hers, “Thank you. Oh wow, thank you, Shon!”
He could bask in that smile for hours. He stared at her, trying to memorize every line. Then she finally looked down at his fingers, and her brow furrowed. Oh no…
“It doesn’t hurt?” she asked.
Shon pulled away from her, looking away so he wouldn’t have to see her rub her palms on her dress, “No.” he answered shortly. She'd held his hand longer than anyone even before his awakening, but she'd been distracted by picking her name. She was probably freezing now…
He didn’t want to see her trying to warm her fingers after holding his, so instead, he focused on his journal, pushing the pseudodragon gently off so it wouldn't scratch the papers, then slowly working the page with the flowers out of it.
The breeze picked up, and Shon ran his hand through his hair, stealing a glance Lily's way. Her eyes were closed and she'd turned to face the wind again, “Refreshing…” she whispered.
He sighed. He could still feel her hands wrapped around his, a phantom memory he would just have to hope would last. Shon held out the drawings to her. She blinked at them, then at him, then back down to the page again. “You can have it,” he told her.
Lily hugged him.
Shon stiffened instantly. He'd never been hugged like this before. She smelled like cinnamon… Before he could fully register the sensation, Lily pulled away and took the page carefully with just her fingertips, “I will treasure it…” Shon felt himself blush, looking away to try and hide his face. Luckily Lily didn't seem to notice because she asked, "What's its name?"
Shon turned to look at her questioningly, only to see her tilting her head down at the pseudodragon. Shon's blush deepened. She was so happy to have a name, and now he had to tell her, "It doesn't have..." shame burned his cheeks, and he actually flinched when she looked at him in shock.
"You're not going to make it come up with its own, are you?"
"I... I just haven't..." Shon stuttered around for an excuse, but he really didn't have one, "I didn't think about it..." he finally finished, defeated.
He expected Lily to get upset, maybe chastise him, but instead, she just clapped her hands and smiled, "Well, we can fix that now." reaching down, she scratched the little dragon's chin, "Any ideas?" the pseudodragon purred, then climbed back over to her lap, wrapping its long tail around Lily's forearm so she couldn't pull away from the scratches.
"Pest," Shon mumbled.
Lily giggled, "That's not a name," she tried to stop scratching only to have it reach up and grab her fingers, forcing it back to its chin with both clawed hands. She giggled again, "Could be a nickname, though." the little dragon huffed but still wouldn't let her stop petting it.
"Pest..." Shon told it directly. Feeling jealous; the realization almost made him blush again. He was doing an awful lot of that all of a sudden.
"Well, it's a tiny dragon..." Lily mused, "So maybe something in draconic?"
Shon arched an eyebrow at her, but Lily just tilted her head at his unspoken question. "Draconic? Isn't that a dead language?" dead with the dragons who spoke it, he asked.
"You mean you don't speak it?" she answered with her own questions, "How do you read books written in it if you can't speak it?"
Shon shook his head, "I don't know of any books written in draconic..." he was becoming more confused by Lily every moment. The provinces all had their own ancient languages, but learning it these days was only an old tradition. No one actually used it. And yet the ones who'd held her, the ones who hadn't given her a name, had taught her a second language? A dead language?
"That's so weird..." Lily said, looking back out over the horizon. Just when Shon was sure she wasn't going to say anything else, she hopped a little in her seat, shaking the pseudodragon in her lap, "What about Ryuuko?"
Once again, Shon's eyebrow went up and Lily explained with a giggle, "It means 'little dragon.' Not very creative, I know, but if it likes it..." she dipped her head, lifting the pseudodragon's face to her nose, "Do you like it, little one? It's a bit feminine with the 'ko' at the end, but..." the little dragon licked her nose and Shon felt a wave of approval from the creature.
"I think it likes it." He told Lily as she laughed, pulling the pseudodragon in for a real hug, rubbing her cheek along its scaled neck.
Around them the bells sounded at full volume. Shon and Lily covered their ears, and Ryuuko took off, flying in circles around the bell tower, chittering angrily at being surprised. Lily laughed, but Shon could only hear the resonating rings shaking him from his head to his toes as the bells counted out the hour.
When the last bell faded, Lily dropped her hands, her laugh turning to a snicker, “I suppose that means it’s dinner time.” her smile faded, disappearing over the course of a few heartbeats, “I should probably get back to my room…” she clutched the page Shon had given her to her chest as if afraid it would be snatched from her fingers.
Ryuuko landed on Shon's shoulder as he stood, and Lily slowly lowered her feet back to the ground as if heading towards a hangman’s noose. It had been at least six days since the incident that brought her to Hamerfoss. Had she been eating in the infirmary all this time?
Shon arched an eyebrow at her, and Lily met his expression with a confused tilt of her head again. Shon asked, “Come to dinner with us?” and Lily’s smile lit up the night.
--- Table of Contents ---
Thanks for making it this far, you are the real MVP

I have a loose plan for this and want to see where it goes.
Chapter 1 - Stranger
When Daglan woke up that morning he didn't see anything unusual. He had awoken from a drop of water falling from the ceiling as he did many mornings. His best friend Rozere was in the kitchen with her father cooking what smelled of eggs. The sun was shining through the cracks in the curtains and holes in the walls as it always did. What felt different? Then he heard voices outside, voices that grew louder and louder. At this point Rozere and her father Koshu had heard the commotion as well and stepped outside to see what it was. Daglan hastily followed suit, after finding his tunic and boots.
Lying on the ground outside was a young man, no older than 25. He lay face up in the dirt wearing only baggy purple pants and a black conical hat covering his face. His long black hair seemed to be tied at the base of his head in a long spiky ponytail, his slender muscular body was covered in dozens of battle scars, and at his waist was a black katana with its sword tied firmly inside its sheath. Almost the entire town had crowded around him, murmuring and shifting anxiously. It wasn't often people arrived in town, mostly just traders on their way to and from Inoris, and that too was a rarity.
"Back now people, give this man some room! And for the love of Reza, quiet!" Barked Doc Silvis as she pushed through the crowd. She immediately knelt down and felt his neck with her fingers. She paused for a moment and gave a very annoyed sigh, slapping away his hat. "He's alive alright. This dumbass is sleeping in the street." She gave the stranger a hard slap across the face, one that would have probably knocked him out, had he been awake. The crowd watched in awe as he yawned and scratched his nose, barely affected by Silvis.
"What should we do?" Someone asked.
"Do you know who he is?" Asked another.
As the murmurs heighted Daglan could tell Silvis was getting fired up, over the years Daglan had gotten to know Silvis quite well, with all his escapades outside the town walls. Daglan knew better than anyone that Silvis hated when a patient ignored her, and more so when she had to repeat herself.
"I said quiet! Don't you lazy bums have more important things to do?! Livani! Koreso! Aren't you two on watch?! Scram the lot of you!" A wave of fear crashed down upon the crowd and everyone began to disperse. All but Daglan, as Rozere pulled on his sleeve.
"Come on Daglan," she hissed, keeping an eye on Silvis like she was some wild animal, "You don't want to make her angrier."
"I'll be fine," he whispered, without looking back, his eyes stuck on the sleeping man. What was this feeling? It was like the feeling he got when Silvis healed his wounds, but not as warm. Almost closer to the feeling he got when abominations were near, when he ventures past the walls, but not as malicious. Before he knew it he was kneeling next to Silvis, watching her run her hand across his body, her hands glowing faintly, his curiosity bubbling.
"He isn't cursed or hypnotized, I can't feel a single thing wrong with him. I do believe this man is really just asleep, and slept through a slap in the face." Silvis sighed. After a few moments she looked at Daglan with a tired smile, then frowned. "Thanks for being quite Daglan, now since you're gonna bum around, get to work hauling this bastard back to my infirmary and don't let him out of your sight. I want to know as soon as he wakes up."
Daglan looked around to ask Rozere for help but she was already gone, how long had he been watching this stranger and Silvas? He looked down at the smiling, snoring face of the stranger, scooped under his arms, and with much difficulty began dragging the older, bigger boy to the infirmary.
The infirmary was quiet today, there hadn't been a major abomination attack in quite a few weeks which didn't happen often. It wasn't long before Rozere came in with a grimace on her face and her fingers on her nose.
"Honestly," she said in that strange nasally voice when you hold your nose, "I hate how much time you make me spend here. Between you getting hurt and my dad making me help Silvas, I can't get away!" She plopped down next to him and sighed. "So what's with this guy? Why are you still here with him?"
"Silvas asked me to watch him and tell her when he wakes up. Apparently I can't let him leave till she talks to him." He shrugged, trying more to convince himself. She eyed him suspiciously, but immediately dropped the subject.
"Did you notice his sword was tied closed? I wonder what that's about?" She reached out and placed a hand on his sword, and just then the weird energy the stranger gave off changed from similar to those of the abominations , to even scarier than anything he'd ever felt from them. Rozere fell to her knees and screamed as the stranger stood over her. When had he stood up?! Daglan shot to his feet, a smile ripping across his face as excitement crackled through his body. He prepared to defend his friend, when just as quickly as the evil energy had manifested, it disappeared. In fact the feeling Daglan had been getting from the stranger had all but subsided completely.
He stared at Daglan and Rozere with a confused look. When Rozere had eventually stopped screaming, Daglan held out his hand to help her up. Daglan’s mind raced with questions but could he do nothing but stare at the stranger as he stared back.
“Uh, hello-” he began and just then Silvas and Koshu burst through the door with Livani and Koreso close behind. Koshu sprang in between Rozere and the stranger, towering over him.
"What did you do to my daughter!" He said through gritted teeth. The stranger scratched the back of his head and opened his mouth when Rozere spoke up,
"It was nothing dad, he just woke up and scared me! Look at me I'm fine, now would you stop!" But Koshu didn't flinch, not until Silvas spoke up.
"Back off Koshu, Rozere is right, she's fine, and this boy is obviously no danger at the moment." He mumbled something under his breath but did as he was told . "Yeah, listen to Silvas and not me." Rozere grumbled, crossing her arms.
"Now listen here young lady, you will show your aunt some resp–" Koshu began but Silvas smacked him in the back of the head.
"Now isn't the time, Koshu, take her and go," she glared at the stranger, who was still smiling awkwardly and scratching the back of his head.
“Everyone out, now.”
"Uh, where am I? He eventually stammered.
"Daglan, out." Silvas said forcefully, without taking her eyes off the stranger. As well as Daglan knew Silvas, he'd never seen her this worked up, not even about the abominations . She was so strong-willed, so much more than anyone else in town. He had heard stories about Silvas, but only bits and pieces around town, probably all made up. Still there was one he heard more than others, he had heard before she lived in Graybarrow she had fought in some kind of war.
Daglan sat outside the infirmary trying to hear as much as he could. Wondering what could have gotten Silvas so worried, and if that man was even human. He could barely hear anything, mostly Silvas's mumbled questioning and the nervous laughter of the stranger. As he sat and pondered, an extremely tall, wide shouldered man sat down next to him and lit a cigarette. He had a long thick mustache that covered his upper lip but came down on the sides past his chin, and scruffy brown hair that stuck up at weird angles.
"Oh, hi Mr.Lucio." Daglan said as he pretended to have not been eavesdropping.
"I haven't seen you in class," he said as he blew out a cloud of smoke, "and I don't often see you hanging around here by choice." He continued to puff his cigarette as they sat in silence.
"Mr.Lucio… I can feel him like the abominations and Silvas's healing. What is he?"
"I'm not sure, from what I've heard he sounds human enough. What do you think?"
"I don't know… I think he's human? But why can I feel him?"
"There must be something similar between him, Silvas's healing, and the abominations from the mountains and forest, hmm?"
"I guess so…" They continued to sit in silence until Lucio had finished his cigarette.
"You can always talk to me if you need help, Daglan. You may like getting experience more, but a little book learning can go a long way." He stood up, pressing his cigarette out between his fingers and putting the butt in his pocket. "It's always good to see you, don't be a stranger." He said as he waved his hand walking away. Daglan thought about what Lucio had proposed, something similar. It didn't seem like Silvas or the stranger would be coming out soon so Daglan decided to go home and see what Rozere thought about all this.
When he did get home both Rozere and Koshu were in foul moods, having most likely fought since earlier. Deciding that he'd rather not be part of that, he grabbed his bag and scurried out the front door before Kusho had time to notice.
It's a short walk to the gate, the guards had patched up his last hole in the wall, but he had since come up with another, more thrilling way. Climbing up to the top of the traders hall, he'd be high enough to jump to the wall once the guards had passed. Then it was a quick jump down and a sprint out of their eyesight before he was able to relax. He walked along a path he knew quite well until he came up on a small ladder, it was built into a tree that led up to a small treehouse.
His exploration headquarters as he liked to call it. The inside was small and filled with trash, and his souvenirs from his adventures sat on a roughly made table. A small Salegitti skull, a broken dagger missing its tip, and a small crystal like rock that shown with faint yellow light. Next to them were three well worn books. He picked up the book titled journal and sat on the ground, scribbling furiously with a small piece of charcoal. He then began to study the other two, older, bigger books. One titled, Abominations of Hel’s Peaks, and the other, Creatures of South Shodun. Mr Lucio was right about book learning, but he liked his own books.
Back in town Rozere was wandering around with her hands behind her head, whistling to herself. “I wonder where Daglan is?” She pondered allowed, before realizing she had stopped in front of Silvas’s office. She stared at the large building with its off-white stone, and massive steel doors. There were various cracks and dents all along the wells and doors, as well as wooden planks over the windows, Silvas called them the clinic’s battlescars, there was nowhere safer to hide in the whole town.
She stared for a long time before realizing there was a man sitting in the grass, a large bottle of alcohol in one hand, and multiple empty bottles sitting neatly by his legs. His long spiky hair was a little cleaner, and the copious amounts of drool were now wiped away. His face was a bright red, and he had a cigarette hanging from his lips. He stared at her with a slight wobble,
“Hey… You're that girl that touched my sword right?” He took another large gulp from his bottle.
“Yeah? What of it?” She asked with defiance, her hands on her hips. He smiled a sickening smile and shot to his feet faster than Rozere could see.
“Why don't you try it again? Or will you simply scream for help? Little girls shouldn’t play with monsters.” He said as he towered over her. “Go ahead.” He lifted his arm in the air so his katana was unblocked. Rozere’s knees began to shake and a lump formed in her throat but she did not look away. She was an ant, and this man was a giant. She wasn't going to back down, but he could stand faster than she could see. Surely dropping his arm even faster would be no problem right? He was right, she wanted to scream, but she stood firm.
“Maybe I will!” She returned his malicious smile and reached out for his sword as fast as she could, bracing for the impact and the horrible crunch of bones as he grabbed her arm and snapped it in half. She flinched as her nerves went off, electric sensations coursing through her fingertips. It's happened! But what she felt wasn't pain, but the hard yet somehow soft grip of a katana hilt. She opened her eyes to see her hand firmly gripping his katana and a much more playful smile somehow even wider across this strange man’s face. He began to laugh loudly as she stumbled backwards and fell. He held out his hand, still giggling a little. She eyed him hard then after a moment smacked his hand away. She stood up, and began to brush herself off, glaring at him all the while. He apologized in between giggles.
“My name is Noboru, you've got quite the spirit to face me down. What's your name kid?” He asked as he sat back onto the grass and took another long swig from his bottle. Rozere straightened up and looked at him with a fiery gaze.
“Rozere of Grayborrow.” She said, crossing her arms. “And you dont scare me!”
“What are you yelling about Rozere?” Silvas asked as she appeared behind her. “You!” she exclaimed as she saw Noboru “Where did you get all of that from!? Rozere give me a hand and throw away these bottles would you?”
“She's already gone.” Noboru giggled. Silvas spun around to see that Rozere had indeed disappeared, as Noboru began to laugh louder. Rozere could hear the slap from across town as she sat against the traders hall. As she pondered just how big a lump must be on the side of Noboru's face, a ball smacked her’s.
“Hey who did that!?” She demanded as she hoped to her feat, tears forming in her eyes, which she quickly wiped away.
“Oh, sorry Rozere! I didn't mean to! Honest!” Said the boy as he ran up and grabbed his ball off the ground before the evil Rozere could kick it away, her foot swishing in the air. The boy was a few years younger than Rozere, had shaggy blonde hair, a tunic that was two sizes too big for him and a pair of round glasses broken in several spots.
“You better be sorry, pipsqueak!” she said, wiping her eyes and now running nose. “I'll have to beat you up if not!”
“Come on give Vilcus a break he said sorry. What are you doing over here by yourself anyways? Daglan run away again?” Said another girl with little blonde pigtails and red cheeks, as she came up behind Vilcus.
“Hi Meska and no he didn't run away again.” Rozere said, sticking her tongue out. “I just think he went for a walk is all… he'll be back… soon!” She crossed her arms and held her chin up. “Well why don't you come play with us until he gets back?” Meska asked, turning around and walking away, “We are playing dodgeball, maybe you can hit Vilcus in the face.”
“Hey nuh-uh! She won't hit me!” Vilcus persisted as he followed after her. Rozere sniffled, rubbed her nose with her sleeve, and smiled.
“Okay fine, but wait up!” She yelled.

As Daglan walked through the trees, he could feel the malicious energies from abominations all around him, it was making his blood boil. He remembered the stranger looking down at him and Rozere, overflowing with the most malicious intent he had ever felt. A smile began to creep across his face once more, as he could feel something close behind him. He spun around to see a creature he had only seen in books, the sight of which excited and terrified him. 

A giant humanoid creature with a long smooth snake-like torso, and grotesquely elongated arms and legs stood before him. It had a small pair of arms on its hips that bounced as if boneless, and a strange human face. Smooth indents of skin sat where the eyes should be, and it had a beak lined with razor teeth that jutted out at multiple angles. It clicked its tongue and sniffed the air then began to lick its beak with what could only be called a smile.
“What should I call you big fella?” Daglan asked nervously as excitement shot through his body. This wasn't like anything he'd ever encountered in the forest, or during attacks. This creature was much more dangerous. He gritted his teeth and forced an equally disgusting smile, even though he was sure the abomination couldn't see him. He pulled out the dagger he had smithed in secret at Koshu’s forge and dropped his stance lower, lower, lower. The creator was clicking and sniffing in anticipation, no doubt it could feel Daglan’s bloodlust.
Daglan took a slow step forward, then another. The creature's head tilted and it sniffed harder, then in a flash that Daglan couldn’t even see, it lashed out, slashing his shoulder apart. Adrenaline had already made its way to Daglan’s brain and he didn't even feel the warm blood soaking into his tunic or notice his limp arm flailing behind him as he attacked. He rolled under the creature’s arm and slashed at its ribs ripping its open sending its guts pouring out. It screamed in pain and whirled around, but its tall body and long arms whizzed over Daglan’s head. He rolled again, this time in between its legs, slashing at its knee, cutting down to the bone. It screamed again and fell to its knees with a gross squishy thud from one. It twitched and spazzed as it began twisting its body around in a disgusting manner.
Daglan approached cautiously, but the adrenaline had worn off and he looked down at his arm. It was almost completely blue, and the little skin and bone that held his arm to his body squirted copious amounts of blood. There was a blur then he was flying through the brush stopping when he thudden into a tree. His eyes began to blur with red, then black. The last thing he heard was a familiar voice...
“You are by far the most interesting of the bunch. Hey, can you hear me?”
When Deglan awoke he was looking at a ceiling he knew all too well. In a bed he had awoken in many times. But this time he couldn't move. “Silvas! What's happening?! Silvas! Rozere!” Daglan began to thrash when he heard that same voice.
“Hey hey hey! You're going to hurt yourself more than you already have!” When standing over him, blocking the light with his conical hat, was the stranger. “That was a nasty creature you were tangling with out there. I heard you like to fight but I'm guessing you've never seen a lasari before? Ugly things, and not easy to kill with small weapons if you don't know how.”
“I do know how.” Daglan said matter of factly, “They have two brains located behind the eye sockets.”
“Oh-ho-ho,” the stranger smiled maliciously, “ but how do you stop them from reproducing after that?” Daglan went silent for a moment. “What do you mean?"
“Lasari have a fun ability to reproduce from their corpse. Specifically, their heart has two eggs inside that will hatch if it ever stops beating. So to properly kill one you must burn the heart.” He laughed and presumably sat back down, out of Daglan’s eyesight. There was a slight pause and Daglan was about to speak when he heard a gasp and the stranger continued.
“Anyway, you almost lost your arm. Luckily, your doctor and blacksmith were able to fix you up, those two are something else. It'll take some time for your bo-” Daglan cut him off.
“What do you mean I almost lost my arm?! What did they do to me?!” He exclaimed, thrashing, memories of his broken and bleeding arm flashing through his mind.
“If you don't calm down, I will calm you down.” He said forcefully. “I hate babies. I thought you were supposed to be a tough kid? Now anyways it's just me and you here, everyone else is asleep, so please. I know you've heard of the metal prosthetics of this country, Metics, I think they're called? I’ve seen people in town with them. Well your blacksmith had to help your doctor make you a new shoulder.”
“So why are you being so helpful? I don't know you, and you feel the same as an abomination.” “See it's things like that!” He shot back up his face noticeably red.
“You're so interesting! I don't remember how I got here…” He scratched his head for a second, “but boy have I had fun since I've shown up!” Your girlfriend Rozere-”
“She's not my girlfriend, and you leave her alone!” He shouted.
“Well she's fearsome! And you’re so interesting too! Definitely the best five year o-”
“I’m twelve. Rozere is thirteen.”
“Well twelve then. Point is, I like you and your little girly friend, so I thought I'd help out and not let you die.” Then it dawned on Daglan, there was no way a search party found him like when he normally gets in a scap and passes. He had thoroughly lost and was deep in the woods. By all accounts he should be dead. Daglan was so angry he hadn't even thought about what happened afterwards.
“It was you. So what do you want from me? Are you some abomination loo-” This time the stranger cut him off.
“My name is Noboru, the handyman.”
“I've never heard of that species.”
“Well I'm not an abomination, I'm a jack-of-all-trades, so to speak. I travel from place to place making money doing odd jobs. Anyways, you remind me an awful lot of someone I used to know. So don't go throwing your life away against such low level trash as the abominations around here.” Daglan began to feel the intimidating malice from Noboru, almost that of when Rozere had touched his sword. “I know you can feel my energy. Unlike the people of this town, save a few, I think you're gifted.” Then it was gone just as quickly as before. “What do you want, Daglan.” Daglan’s blood was fire and his eyes daggers, piercing the ceiling with determination.
“I want to be remembered.”
“So get out of this town and maybe one day you can fight me, and I’m not even the strongest out there. Come… show this world what you're… made of because I for one… can't wait.” Just then Daglan heard a thud followed by an endless cascade of snores from Noboru.
“Would someone get me out of here!”

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
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-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.