Dr. Jacques Vallee is Skeptical of the ET Explanation for UFOs: Contact Experiencers Should Study his Detailed Investigations.
Joseph Burkes MD 2023.
“There is probably no more influential thinker in the study of UFOs than the French astronomer and computer scientist Jacques Vallee.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmLE0X5FRFc&t=342s
Thus, starts this excellent short documentary linked above, Jacques Vallee, UFOs and the Case against Extraterrestrial Origins produced by Think Anomalous in 2022. Dr. Jacques Vallee early in his career was a proponent of the ET Hypothesis (ETH) as explanation for UFOs. However, after years of speaking to UFO witnesses and discussing the cases with an informal group of scientists that he called “The Invisible College”, Vallee concluded the following: the proposition that UFOs were controlled by ET beings was too simplistic.
In my opinion, contact experiencers and activists should also be skeptical of the ET explanation for UFOs and the non-human beings associated with them. This is especially so given the larger society is starting to acknowledge the reality and importance of what are now called UAP. Although the current emphasis is on sighting reports, eventually societal discussions will not be able to ignore the stories of contact and communications with the non-human intelligences associated with flying saucers.
As one who supports the staging of Human Initiated Contact Events (HICE) popularly known as CE-5s, it is crucially important that contact activists have at their disposal the most accurate assessments of what is truly going on. The thoughtful analyses of a brilliant thinker such as Dr. Jacques Vallee should guide our investigations into UFOs and associated paranormal phenomena. These have been called “The Contact Modalities.” This is term coined by author Rey Hernandez, who believes that UFOs, out of body, and near-death experiences as well as other paranormal events should be studied as related phenomena characterized by manipulations of spacetime within a matrix of consciousness. In my judgment, by having a nuanced and sophisticated approach to flying saucers, contact and disclosure activists will be able to share their knowledge most effectively with the larger society.
An important factor that contributed to Vallee rejecting the ET Hypothesis is that encounters were associated with a multitude of what are considered paranormal phenomena like poltergeists and apparitions. Many of the reports included many absurd elements and behaviors exhibited by the “ufonauts” that Vallee deemed were not consistent with their being highly advanced ET visitors with sophisticated technologies. The seemingly nonsensical behaviors of the so-called aliens seemed so contrived that he suspected they were designed to display certain images. Those visual displays were associated with profound psychological transformations in many witnesses and over time have had an effect of society in general.
In the documentary, producer Jason Charboneau lists Vallee’s reasons for challenging the ET Hypothesis. These appeared in an article Vallee published in 1990 in The Journal of Scientific Exploration.
“First: he argued that there were far more landings and contacts than would be necessary for an interplanetary survey or surveillance operation. By his and others estimates there must have been 3 million UFO landings around the world in the last 20 years, an impossibly large number.
Second: UFOs and ufonauts rarely flew away or walked off. When they left, often they simply vanished blinked out of existence or slowly faded away. This suggests that the craft and occupants were more like projections than physical things.
Third: the bodies, actions, and the abilities of the ufonauts do not suggest an extraterrestrial or evolutionary origin. Often the aliens were identical to humans, spoke our languages and were perfectly capable of breathing our air and walking in our gravity.
Fourth: Vallee noted that most of the ufonauts revelations, especially those concerning their origins were nonsense and almost entirely different from one another. Ufonauts claimed to be from just about everywhere in the universe and frequently gave directions or offered maps that made no logical sense such as the two-dimensional star map shown to Betty Hill.
Fifth: finally, Vallee argued that the data collected from cases of so-called alien abduction were unreliable and again involved highly unlikely scenarios. For example, abductees frequently describe highly invasive and painful medical procedures in order to achieve tasks that even doctors in the 1980s could have done with minimal discomfort.”
The Think Anomalous team has produced many excellent short documentaries and I encourage everyone to view and share widely this important resource.

Hi everyone!
My husband (28M) and I (26F) decided late last year that we’d like to start trying for a baby. Went to see a fertility specialist and received a PCOS diagnosis which was a lot in itself and started letrozole and TI which worked great for us the first cycle and found out I was pregnant this past Feb.
On Feb. 13 I was in the ER with severe pain and told the pregnancy was likely ectopic and was given meds for my pain… to make a long story short, I was treated via expectant management and really thankful I did not need to remove my tube or take MTX because it was starting to resolve itself.
Fast forward to today, beginning of June after almost 5 months of back and forth doctor visits, cycle monitoring (this month will be our 3rd cycle trying since the ectopic, no success yet) and yesterday I finally did a procedure to remove the blockage that was left from the ectopic. This took a huge weight off my shoulders and is making me feel like I can finally start again with a clean slate.
I can’t help but struggle with the feeling that I still don’t feel okay? I thought after this procedure I would feel so much better considering it was minimally invasive and almost no recovery time needed… I’m not sure if it’s the frustration of trying again with no success or unfinished grief over my baby that was never born.
I know this is a long post, but I’m still struggling to find a light at the end of this tunnel. I know others go through a lot worse, and part of me feels dumb for even feeling this way in the first place.

so yaebin did an ig live where she shared a lot of fun facts and stories about matthew and their family, so i've decided to compile them all. i got all of this from twitter user nyangmatchu and the twitter thread that she made so shoutouts to her

they have a sibling tattoo, matthew's is on his left shoulder, hers is behind her right elbow. it wasn't planned but it was when they weren't living together and they wanted sth that represented their bg, it's some old korean artwork pieces. matthew's sibling tattoo is around the size the palm of his hand, and it's cool because if they link arms you can see both their tattoos from the back. his HMC tattoo is in honour their mum, because it's their mum's favourite movie
yaebin said matthew and her are complete opposites, they grew up so different, and their mum really enjoyed raising them, yaebin said matthew is the sun and she is the moon, they both shine bright and positive light but in very different ways. when asked if they share anything in common, yaebin revealed that they're very different, e.g. food matthew doesn't like she likes (e.g. cheese), matthew loves mushrooms, but yaebin doesnt. matthew's favourite food is chicken, fried chicken. it used to be steak but after he came to korea, chicken is all he wants to eat
matthew and her use mainly english with each other, use korean with parents, and use konglish at family gatherings
say my name is yaebin's favourite matthew performance on boys planet, she feels like it really embodied his personality
yaebin said matthew's a gamer so he was in the baesment a lot playing his games, he does love anime too, he love one piece (bingewatched & had a collection of figurines stuff), naruto, and he was quite sporty, he also skateboarded, he was very typical canadian boy in her opinion
on the question of 'do you guys fight?' yaebin said we are still humans, still siblings, we don't always get along but there's a lot of love behind it still, and we usually end things with a good hug and say sorry
when yaebin told matthew happy 21st birthday!!! matthew was like 'im turning 22!!!' he was very adamant that he was 22 (korean age)
yaebin does want to get more sibling tattoos with matthew but she doesn't think he's allowed anymore? now
question about hows it liking having an idol bro? she said she still sees him as her little brother, it's still kind of weird for her, she doesn't know how we picture him but she sees him as her baby bro still to this day, nothing really changed about the way they text
their mum likes matthew's style more than yaebin's but their mum and him have similar style, yaebin said. and she doesn't know why he likes camo print so much either
quality time together for them is that they'll go into their own rooms, do their own thing, then come out and go for a walk, have dinner and chat - just like any siblings really
matthew he started dancing when he was 8 or 10? he wasnt into it as she was (their mum put them both into classes), yaebin did a lot of comps and shows, while he just did rec hiphop until he was 15 or 16 bc thats when yaebin got into a dance team and he joined bc she encouraged him to and matthew got into dance more bc of it
"how was it visiting matt bday cafes?" she said it was seeing a lot of his face, they grew up in canada so they don't have this culture of renting cafes for idols, "i thought i was entering a matthew universe!" it was cool and she liked it, best experience was seeing his face everywhere and everything around her
"how did it feel when you found out he would be on boys planet?" yaebin said she didn't know what it was really so she felt netural, and because matthew doesn't know many people in korea, she was thinking of how she can support him which is how the tiktok videos came to be
question: have you seen matthew since the finale? yaebin said yes but only once, it's so sad bc she extended her trip initially to see him more but after the finale, the boys went straight to work and getting ready for the debut launch. matthew's been so busy, it's even hard to stay in contact though phone, like they'd contact at midnight for a bit and he'd say that he'd just got home ;; she said they do have plans to meet so she can drop off fan letters and stuff from his birthday and he can drop off gifts for his family (but he's gonna need to ask his manager), but yaebin said she's happy he's busy doing what he wants
matthew used to call yaebin 'noona' when they were younger bc their dad said it was respectful but he just calls her yaebin now and she's ok with it
"how did you feel when matthew was p03" - first thing she did was cry, bc all the stuff that was happening before the last ep, she already was giving up after p04 was announced and was thinking about how to comfort him already, but then he was p03!! the three of them (matthew, yaebin and their mum) made eye contact and the three of us were like oh my god! yaebin said 3rd seemed a bit far fetched at the time with everything that was happening but she's proud of this guy, killed it, seokryudans made this happen
yaebin said she did meet hanbin after the finale, and he said matthew told me you were really good at dancing and she's like the one who's good at dancing is you sir! yaebin said hanbin was really nice, and yaebin saw hanbin's sister too but it was really busy but they do follow each other on instagram so she does chat with her here and there
fav memory of yaebin and matthew growing up, they used to live in this gated town house area where there's a huge hill, matthew decided to bike down this hill and he smashed into someone else's garage door and got his entire face scraped (lip & nose), bike ended up in a bush
he doesn't swear as much as yaebin, "he doesn't swear that often... he doesn't swear"
matthew doesn't drive but yaebin does
yaebin: can matthew twerk? yes matthew can twerk, but don't tell him i told you!!
yaebin said "matthew was more americanised so for me it's also kind of weird seeing the cute version of him, bc i swear he was not this cute growing up with me"
what does yaebin think of the oppa agenda matthew is pushing? "it's so weird for me bc i dont see him as an oppa bc im the noona, it's defiitely interesting, an interesting perspective bc i think it represents another side of him"
matthew was very good at school, "definitely better than me" yaebin said
dream trip with your brother? "probably japan! we'd be living our childhood dream then" she mentioned that he was quite sad bc they couldn't even explore japan when they went recently since they just went for a day to perform kcon
is matthew scary at home? "matthew's too nice, he's the least scariest thing ever"
what yaebin likes most about matthew is his personality definitely
matthew does like studio ghibli
yaebin said her korean is better than matthew's bc his agency was very shocked at how fluent she was when she visited
[matthew texted her during the live LOL] after yaebin called him out for accusing her of not remembering his age when "he just forgot that he's also canadian" he didn't even say you're right, he just said sth like "this is what you're leaving a 1 minute voice note for?" [here's the full video i highly recommend watching it it's so funny skjdlfs]
q. is matthew into photography? yaebin: idk? i think so? i think he is
yaebin: "i feel like the idol life is very suitable for matthew because… growing up he’s always been really good at being told what to do? that sounds so bad, i’m not saying he doesn’t have freedom, he definitely has freedom within this work that he does but at the same time i feel like it’s very planned out? like his life is very like you have to live it this way, you can’t do this or you can’t do that, there’s a lot of restrictions within his life.” but yaebin doesn’t like ppl telling her how to live her life, she grew up very stubborn. yaebin said "i feel like matthew is great at it (being an idol) and likes it and loves it."
yaebin doesn't usually send matthew memes bc he's too busy to check anyways
how matthew got into kpop and being an idol according to yaebin: "So I don't know if I fully had influence on him wanting to become a kpop dancer or for him to be famous but I actually didn't know much about it until after he was telling people about it and I was actually talking to a lot of Matthew's friends and people that knew him and knew me and they were telling me what he's been saying about me, so he essentially was saying that- I didn't realise how much of an impact my life had on him originally. For me, like I said I've always been kind of a rebel child because I've always been very into just me doing what I wanted to do with my life, I was very adamant about me living my life the way i want to live it and be happy with my choices so I did grow up fighting a lot with my parents, with my dad mainly, obviously I still love my dad but we definitely had a bit of a rough relationship when I was growing up because I was so stubborn and also because my dad was so stubborn, and I get my stubbornness from HIM but he was very stubborn in me living my life the way he wanted me to live it and Iwas very stubborn in me wanting to live my life the way I wanted to live it so that's why I didn't go to school (university), I decided to just go into dancing and pursue dance instead and that's why I love to teach […] I am very happy with what I'm doing right now [...] But I guess that had a big influence on my brother in a way where he realised that he didn't want to go to school either, and he wanted to do something that he loved and we did have a discussion before he decided to do this, before he decided to audition and become an idol. So there was one day he came back from school and I told him like 'hey are you feeling? how do you feel about school? and he said that he kind of felt like 'mhm' about school, he's never the type to ever shut down and idea or like 'i hate something', he cares about every single person around him so he's very careful with the things that he say and expressing himself because he hates hurting other people's feelings and that's why he's such a little cutie! but he was kind of like 'school's ok but I don't love it.' so I was like 'ok so what do you want to do?' because I feel like school isn't the right answer for you if you don't love what you're doing because I told him you're just going to be stuck in school, wasting money, creating school debt, and doing something you don't even love doing, so what's the point? and at the time, it was after we were dancing together and ANYWAYS I essentially said, with the whole auditioning too, I think he had an easier time with my parents letting him go to the audition and letting him go to Korea to pursue this because of how much leniency my dad had gained from me. Because I fought him so much for my life and l'm glad I did because I feel like it made it so much easier for Matthew, and I'm glad that it was easier for Matthew. And I'm glad that I was the punching bag because I always grew up being very protective of Matthew too so I'm glad that I was the one who had to go through all the tough poopy part of life and Matthew can kind of have an easier way of getting there. So, I guess that's kind of in a way how I inspired him because he watched me do what I wanted to do..."

(i meant to post this like two days ago but *in gyuvin's voice* sorry i forgot)

Today our Rx had to close at 1:30 because there is no pharmacist after lunch. For the 2 hours left of my shift, people were coming in and asking about it. Everything was fine and civil until at 4 and I was on my way out, a man comes in asking about it, and we told him Rx had to close early and hopefully the hours will be 10-6 like usual tomorrow.
He proceeded to cuss us out, saying "this is a CVS problem" and "your paycheck has CVS on it". So I just told him, literally, "Call corporate. Please don't ask us" and he told us to fuck off. And we (the closers coming in) told him "you too".
I just, really, really wish people understand the concept of FS are not related to Rx and that their frustration must be taken out at the corporate level, not the store level. What am I supposed to do, summon a pharmacist???

First I want to say this, Destiny is in general right, but he is missing the forest for the trees. The general point that it's not the place of the internet to hunt down every person accused of a crime and try to dox them or get them fired from their job and it's cringe as fuck to do that is correct. The point of a legal system is that we don't rely on public perception for the arbitrary judgement of victims or criminals. Now that in mind, this only works if people see said legal system as being legitimate. This is where our actual problem lies which is that a vast majority of people seem to not think the institutions are legitimate and therefore believe that justice must come from the mob.
This is where the problem actually lies. The reason social media cancellation got so popular and is defended so much is that most people don't look at American institutions with legitimacy. Most left leaning people think police are lazy and corrupt and don't do their jobs... The fact that the media basically did the entirety of the investigation against the dude who assaulted this woman only serves to confirm this bias. If people feel the system is illegitimate they will take matters into their own hands. This is what the whole #METOO movement started with. People who were suffering from a corrupt system who tried to take whatever power they could to force the institutions to recognize their pain and suffering and to finally get some form of "Justice". The issue is Justice doesn't exist within a mob, only retribution does. So the movement has devolved the way all mobs are always destined too; which is the undirected ramblings of people with no end goal. And as mobs do they jump from issue to issue based on whoever is screaming the loudest at that particular point in time. And to be very clear DESTINY YOU AREN'T IMMUNE TO THIS. You are just as reactionary when you blame the mob and defend people, from what I agree is an injustice. It's not the fault of a new generation of people this has been the case in every generation in history. Mobs don't change, institutions have to adapt to address the issues of the mob. The appropriate response to most of these outrage videos, is simply saying "If that's what happened that's fucked, and we should hold the police accountable in doing their due diligence in investigating and holding the people involved accountable." This includes if someone lies to try and destroy someones life. Holding institutions accountable is what the job of the mob is. Not holding individuals accountable.
The purpose of movements is not just to bring Justice to Power, but to change the institutions that created the unjust system and to create a better one that can answer the cries of the people before they become a mob. Yelling at the mob won't solve shit, it just makes you feel better for not being a member of the mob. We have systems in place so that we have rules of engagement with each other and we as individuals don't have to analyze every situation down to the fucking pixel and frame to figure out what happened. If you feel like you have to have an opinion on every fucked up thing that happens you are apart of the problem. If you think the institutions suck, but you can't make a substantive critique of any institution YOU ARE APART OF THE PROBLEM. I hate that every week a new story blows-up we complain about individuals and move about our day when in reality, all the outcomes we actually want aren't achievable through individual action... They are only achievable by actually diagnosing the real issues with the systems we have. Cops aren't lazy, but they prioritize the wrong crimes, and often times use greater budgets on things that don't actually help reduce crime at all. The most important factors to reduce crime are not how strict of a punishment a person receives. Not how armed the police are. Not the fear of social retaliation because there will always be a mob of people on the other side saying you've gone to far, it's just knowing that you will be caught. Most crime in America goes unreported because we don't believe the criminals will be caught. That's a problem that we have to solve, because by letting police not file police reports, or not reporting a crime they get to scrape by with their analytics unaffected, but it creates that self-fulfilling prophecy of criminals not being caught.
Main point of this whole ass post is to get people to stop trying so hard to turn every fucking new video into another counter culture movement, that does nothing but perpetually cycles us between one circle jerk and the next. FFS. The system we built created this mess, we aren't getting out of it by just circle jerking about every new internet video. We have to have a message, an end goal. That end goal can't just be "stop being so reactionary". Someone is always going to be there to react... We can't change that, but we can change whether or not there's a mob behind them. So direct the efforts at dispersing the mob and fixing the systems that created it not pretending that its unfathomable a mob of people might have a shitty take with no evidence. It's not only fathomable it's expected.

Games that I played tonight, on Frankfurt server:

1. Octane is JM, he is disconnected, I wait until the end maybe he comes back, ping location and drop solo, the other guy who wasn't disconnected goes with him at the edge of the map and they become both crates. I get chased by 3 dudes and punched to death.
2. Same Octane as previous game, again JM, but now he confirms by voice he's not disconnected, we land with one other team. I do like 250 damage, with him and the other two a combined whooping 0. Zero. Nada. They die with weapons in their hands. I also die because I can't do 1vs3 with a p2020 and a shotgun without ammo.
3. They chose location for drop, we land far, with one other team. I start shooting, they go opposite direction and leave me alone only to get killed 30 seconds later. No pings, no voice, no nothing.
4. Good start with a Path and Ballistic, we kill a team and get baited into a bad position. Bad luck.
5. Good start with Lifeline and Ash, we kill 3 squads, then die to the combined fire of some other two.
6. Drop uncontested with Bangalore and Wraith. We loot and we head to 3rd party some dudes. Our Bangalore goes left instead of right, we ping and talk that we like to 3rd party, he goes "there's enemy here too" we start shooting, only to discover 10 seconds later that he drops a f-off balloon and yeets himself across the map. Me and Wraith we finally get killed after we down like 4 or 5 dudes. Bangalore rats for the rest of the match with and amazing 279 damage and 80 RP. He's a Silver 3.
7. It's just me and Ballistic. We get followed while we drop, and die with 600 damage between us.
8. I get a Ash and Bloodhound. Good play with Ash, I'm getting carried, this Ash is good, Bloodhound was always behind and not helping at all, ignoring the pings and voice, he left me and Ash to fight a full team only to sneak into the ring. He died 30 seconds later. Karma I guess.
9. Good match, lots of damage, lots of kills, in the end we got a bad ring. GGs for Caustic and Rampart.
10. Hodrop with 5 other teams, we die in the first 30 seconds.
11. Good match with Path and Gibby. Top five with good coordination.
12. I get a Ballistic and Ash. We meet a team, Ash does 90 damage in total, yeets away. The he goes back, gets our banners, goes into the ring, drops a mobile respwan beacon in the middle of nowhere with no cover and dies to a single charge rifle shooting from 300m or so.
13. Together with Lifeline and Caustic we hotdrop, do 400-500 damage each and get 3rd partied.
14. I get a Valk and a Octane, Valk goes solo from the start, dies with zero damage, starts pinging his banner from across the map, then gives us text based directions. Us two finish a team, we get 3rd partied.
15. Wraith and Revenant, Wraith pushes then falls back, closes a door, manages to block me and Revenant on the outside of a door, getting us killed, then proceeds to calls us idiots that we don't know how to open doors. Dies one minute later with a whooping 205 damage.
16. We hodrop. Lifeline does zero damage, Fuse 108, I do 491, I kill two, I revive Lifeline only to get 3rd partied.
17. Second place, with 1k damage each, but in the end our Bronze II Seer decided to ignore me and Revenant even if we were knocked safe and just waited to do a 1v3. He did not survive.
18. Loba and Pathfinder, we got second place with Loba surviving for 90% of the game, and not shooting a single bullet. Zero damage. She had weapons, but didn't shoot once.

And the jewl in the crown, my man Wraith that dropped solo from the start, in the middle of the map, didn't move for the next 15 minutes and got 4th place.
This game is amazing.

“There is probably no more influential thinker in the study of UFOs than the French astronomer and computer scientist Jacques Vallee.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmLE0X5FRFc&t=342s
Thus, starts this excellent short documentary, Jacques Vallee, UFOs and the Case against Extraterrestrial Origins produced by Think Anomalous in 2022. Dr. Jacques Vallee early in his career was a proponent of the ET Hypothesis (ETH) as explanation for UFOs. However, after years of speaking to UFO witnesses and discussing the cases with an informal group of scientists that he called “The Invisible College”, Vallee concluded the following: the proposition that UFOs were controlled by ET beings was too simplistic.
In my opinion, contact experiencers and activists should also be skeptical of the ET explanation for UFOs and the non-human beings associated with them. This is especially so given the larger society is starting to acknowledge the reality and importance of what are now called UAP. Although the current emphasis is on sighting reports, eventually societal discussions will not be able to ignore the stories of contact and communications with the non-human intelligences associated with flying saucers.
As one who supports the staging of Human Initiated Contact Events (HICE) popularly known as CE-5s, it is crucially important that contact activists have at their disposal the most accurate assessments of what is truly going on. The thoughtful analyses of a brilliant thinker such as Dr. Jacques Vallee should guide our investigations into UFOs and associated paranormal phenomena. These have been called “The Contact Modalities.” This is term coined by author Rey Hernandez, who believes that UFOs, out of body, and near-death experiences as well as other paranormal events should be studied as related phenomena characterized by manipulations of spacetime within a matrix of consciousness. In my judgment, by having a nuanced and sophisticated approach to flying saucers, contact and disclosure activists will be able to share their knowledge most effectively with the larger society.
An important factor that contributed to Vallee rejecting the ET Hypothesis is that encounters were associated with a multitude of what are considered paranormal phenomena like poltergeists and apparitions. Many of the reports included many absurd elements and behaviors exhibited by the “ufonauts” that Vallee deemed were not consistent with their being highly advanced ET visitors with sophisticated technologies. The seemingly nonsensical behaviors of the so-called aliens seemed so contrived that he suspected they were designed to display certain images. Those visual displays were associated with profound psychological transformations in many witnesses and over time have had an effect of society in general.
In the documentary, producer Jason Charboneau lists Vallee’s reasons for challenging the ET Hypothesis. These appeared in an article Vallee published in 1990 in The Journal of Scientific Exploration.
“First: he argued that there were far more landings and contacts than would be necessary for an interplanetary survey or surveillance operation. By his and others estimates there must have been 3 million UFO landings around the world in the last 20 years, an impossibly large number.
Second: UFOs and ufonauts rarely flew away or walked off. When they left, often they simply vanished blinked out of existence or slowly faded away. This suggests that the craft and occupants were more like projections than physical things.
Third: the bodies, actions, and the abilities of the ufonauts do not suggest an extraterrestrial or evolutionary origin. Often the aliens were identical to humans, spoke our languages and were perfectly capable of breathing our air and walking in our gravity.
Fourth: Vallee noted that most of the ufonauts revelations, especially those concerning their origins were nonsense and almost entirely different from one another. Ufonauts claimed to be from just about everywhere in the universe and frequently gave directions or offered maps that made no logical sense such as the two-dimensional star map shown to Betty Hill.
Fifth: finally, Vallee argued that the data collected from cases of so-called alien abduction were unreliable and again involved highly unlikely scenarios. For example, abductees frequently describe highly invasive and painful medical procedures in order to achieve tasks that even doctors in the 1980s could have done with minimal discomfort.”
The Think Anomalous team has produced many excellent short documentaries and I encourage everyone to view and share widely this important resource.

Left a city job 5 years ago with a little over 8 years of service. Have about $84k accumulated contributions with interest (ACWI) left vested in the pension.
When I've run the calculations it would amount to $1k/month for life with survivor benefits continuing for my spouse for life. I can start withdrawing at 62, am 40 now. Have not accounted for inflation.
If I die before I retire, my spouse will get a lump sum payout of my ACWI because I have <10 years of service.
Interest on contributions prior to 12/31/2011 is 5.75%. Most of my contributions were post 2011 and get less, with my total annual average interest being 3.1-3.3%.
Should I roll this account over to an IRA to start working on better returns? Is the $1k/month in retirement worth it? Appreciate any advice/perspective.

You know, to automatically activate those cooldown skills that you always want to refresh as soon as they're available, without having to always look at the cooldown timer like a hawk, which is incredibly annoying...
I've been looking for a controller utility to emulate rapid-fire, so I can press the shoulder button once (for example) and the program will continually press the button for me until I press it again to deactivate the toggle, but all programs I found are also remapping utilities. So you can only set your controller to auto-fire mouse or keyboard keys. And when you do that, the game recognizes a keyboard press and switches to M&K mode instead of staying on controller support, so the game rapidly going from M&K mode to controller mode creates various issues. FYI, the built-in controller support causes the same issue in Diablo 2 Resurrected.
I played D3 on pc for 10 years with a controller thanks to a remapping utility (JoyToKey) so my left analog stick controlled the mouse cursor (not ideal but I got used to it, it really wasn't so bad, especially with certain builds) and I could use the auto-fire built-in the program, but D4's controller support messes everything... So, if there's no easy-to-use utility that can give an auto-fire mode to your controller that bases its buttons on themselves instead of mouse or keyboard keys, I guess disabling the game's controller support could help and I'd just play D4 the same way I played D3. Does anyone know how to deactivate D4's controller support? (If you're wondering, I hate playing with M&K, I've always been a controller guy)

I just need to speak a bit about myself,
a few details about me? To make it simple I'm of the invisible type, I'm 21 years old ugly yet extraverted, I have such anxiety that everyday feels like I have a metal pole up my throat and every single thing I do feels so painful.
I enjoy painting, the kind of art that is pretty weird, I enjoy physics, and overall everything that touches Computer Science.
The reason why I'm stupidly writing this, it's because it's been almost 10 years, 10 years I felt the same way, 10 years that I just wish to be obliterated from the surface of earth. 10 fucking years, I cannot even bear the fact that I still wake up, I still do the same thing over and over and over again.
I cannot actually even imagine that I lived for all the people for so long, i cared so deeply about everyone, and honestly that's the achievement and the peak of my life, but i cannot take it anymore, my shoulder collapsed a long time ago, and yet I held.
Yet i was always unimportant, and anyway I didn't ever care about it, all the people that could or did care about the pile of shit that i was either died or i managed to fuck it up completely.
And i write this like i care, i mean i used to, i used to give a fuck about everything even, absolutely down to the last minute detail, and yet i slowly lost it, the last thing that remained something that i felt good about slowly went away, the last thing that remains and rings like a fucking infinite bell is "finally fucking do it".
I've tried doing it, i've tried the worst ways, and i always pathetically failed,
and after almost a decade of suicide attempts, treatment, hospitalization, therapy, and medication, i still do things because i feel forced to do them so everyone around doesn't feel like they have a parasite around them, and someone even shittier than they could think.
At work or at school, it made everything even worse, I hated the clients. I hated the arbitrary policies dreamed up by some corporate idiot I'll never meet.
Most of all, I hate the omnipresent ticking clock that crushes my mind even outside of work. The clock that ticks down to my misery. It taints every action. Every thought. Outside of work, inside of work, it then follows me everywhere like another burden added to what i am.
And all for what? To what end? To get a degree? To have a life that I will despise ??
Maybe a slightly less miserable job at some stage in the future because of a degree and still what's the point?
What's the point of that? Buying the things that I "want" in a life i already hate, a life that i hate since almost more of half my existence?
Or what perhaps, on a more fundamental level, survival? Survival in a world that gets progressively worse and worse?
None of that is worth it. Nothing is worth this. The things that living takes from me can't be bought with money.
And I don't think there's anything out there that would feel different. What tasks in life takes no time, no emotional charge no qualifications, no arduous effort, no transportation, no interaction, nothing.
I am just low and for every single thought i can recall i always have been, I hate as well the medication i have, the loneliness i feel in my stupidly dumb apartment, and i don't know i guess i finally have some guts, guts to speak and guts to act on a change.
At this day, i want only one thing, it is to die, i want to be forgotten as fast as possible, i want to find a way to kill myself to do everything not to be discovered.
I just wish i could be completely deleted.

My cousin and I are both 24-year-old males. He has been ill off and on for the last year and needed a bone marrow transplant. I was a match so I agreed to be his donor. The arrangement was for me to stay in a hotel, then my aunt and/or uncle were going to pick me up, take me to the hospital (where my cousin also is) for the procedure and drive me back to the hotel once I was discharged since I had to go under anesthesia.
I completed the discharge process about two hours or so after waking and waited in one of the hospital waiting rooms for my aunt or uncle to take me back to the hotel. They let me know via text that the transplant was starting and they wanted to stay with my cousin for a while to make sure it started off okay, which was completely understandable.
Two hours passed and I didn't hear from them. I was trying not to be rude or pushy because I know they're stressed, but I asked if one of them would be able to drive me soon, and also asked if everything was going okay on his end (I was getting worried). At this point I was in pretty bad pain and felt like I needed to lie down so I wanted to get back to the hotel (which was 5 blocks away).
Two more hours passed and I didn't hear anything. I sent them one more text saying I was leaving and called a ride share which ended up being way more expensive than I thought it would be. Slept at the hotel and got home earlier today. This morning I saw on social media that the transplant had gone well, so I'm still not sure why they never responded. I sent them a payment request with a note: "Unexpected ride share expense, glad everything went well."
I received the following message in response:
"You are a heartless AH for trying to extort money from us at a time like this. You could have waited a little longer and we would have taken you back to your hotel. It was your choice to spend your money."
I tried to explain that I had was in pain and feeling unwell for 4 hours without hearing a word so they left me with little choice but to find another ride back to the hotel, to which they responded, "Your discomfort doesn't compare to ours or [my cousin's]. We will not be guilted into giving into this extortion."
I get it. They're going through a hard time, but AITA?
P.S. The hotel stay was free because of my travel rewards but I took unpaid time off work for this too, so my own finances are a little tight.

I had not ridden a bike in over twenty years (since ~12) but had practiced with my new e-bike in the parking garage of my building for over eight miles, and decided to take my bike out on Wednesday afternoon onto the street for the first time. I live in Downtown near the Whole Foods, so I went out to the protected lane on Grand.
I was nervous but once I got started I felt a burst of confidence; the bike lane was wider than I remembered, my takeoff was good, etc. Saw a guy get out of his truck in front of me so I braked a bit, and he went up on the sidewalk. Then he turned around and walked directly in front of me. I yelled “woah woah woah!” and hit the brakes but it was too late.
He seemed fine, I’m not sure if he even fell, but I was laid out having fallen over to the side, and needed a minute before getting back up. He apologized for not looking, and said he was fine besides maybe a light abrasion (bit of grayed skin) on his arm. We parted ways amicably, but I lightly skinned my arm a bit below the elbow and my ankle/foot hurt, but I was able to limp back to my place. Ultimately couldn’t put much weight on my foot without a lot of pain.
I ended up going to Kaiser for an x-ray yesterday; was given a boot to wear for a week to help my foot heal but I happily did not get a fracture or major soft tissue damage.
Hopefully I’ll be back out trying again next weekend or so, but yeah, not a fantastic first experience trying to ride a bike in LA!
My stylish new footwear: https://i.imgur.com/EvwmzK3.jpg

This is an ongoing drama, one that won't stop until probably next year or even longer. But before I get into the details of the drama, let's talk about the background, and the important information to know...
TW: Sexual assault discussion mentioned about halfway.

Hockey? NHL? What the fuck are those?

Ice hockey is a sport where 6 very large, burly men put swords on their feet and glide around on ice against 6 other very large, burly men who also have sword-shoes. They carry a stick to whack around a hard little circle of rubber and each other (most often each other) with the goal of hitting that little rubber past another large burly man into a 6'x4' net. A game takes place over 3 periods of 20 minutes each, and whoever hits the rubber circle most often in the opponent's Warhammer gaming table sized net is the winner of the game. There are 82 games during the 'regular season', and then they compete in the 'playoffs' for the Stanley Cup, which is worth at least $5.
The National Hockey League, or the Ligue Nationale de Hockey if you hate everyone else in North America, is effectively the world's highest level of ice hockey. People all over the world spend their entire youth lives training to have a shot at being drafted by an NHL team, from Belarus to England, from Canada to Australia. There are other leagues in the world, but they are more or less for people who are shunned in the NHL for whatever reason, people who have retired from the NHL but still play hockey for whatever reason (Jaromir Jagr, I'm looking at you), or people who aren't good enough to play in the NHL but still good enough to be paid to play.
There are 32 teams in the NHL at the moment, but the most important teams for this story are:
1) Chicago Blackhawks: I'm going to go over the Blackhawks later in this post. It's...a lot.
2) Anaheim Ducks: A team that was originally owned by Disney based on the movie The Mighty Ducks. No, I'm not joking. They were founded in 1993 and have had some close calls with the Stanley Cup, but has never won it. They finished the 22-23 season with the worst record possible, and one of the worst records in NHL history.
3) Columbus Blue Jackets: They're young, having only existed since 2000. They've never been in the Stanley Cup finals, and have never really had a good season during their existence. They finished second to last.
4) Seattle Kraken: They're the newest team, being founded in 2021. They're actually not relevant at all to this post; they're my team and therefore am obligated to mention them.

Okay, so sword-feet and stick hitting rubber circle. What is this about 'draft'?

In order to make it to the NHL, you have to be drafted by an NHL team. Being drafted is similar to how people used to pick each other for teams during recess. You know, where you kept getting picked last. Except if you get drafted, you get a contract worth potentially millions of dollars.
The draft takes place over a series of rounds, where each team picks one person each (unless they traded their draft pick, but this isn't relevant). In the first round, the teams with the worst record draft first, all the way up to the team that won the Stanley Cup. Then in the second round, it counts down from Stanley Cup winner down to the worst, third round is from worst to best again, and so on until the draft is completed (Usually 7 rounds).
HOWEVER, there is a twist...

The Lottery

So in order to prevent teams from 'tanking', aka losing on purpose in order to get the best draft pick, the league came up with the Draft Lottery. After the season has ended, every team that didn't make the playoffs participates in the lottery. Whoever wins the lottery will jump up 10 spots in the draft. Teams who were worse during the season get higher odds. This year, the team with the best odds are the Anaheim Ducks, at 18.5% chance of winning, since they sucked hard and it wasn't even on purpose.

Okay, enough. Why is the 2023 draft important?

This year is one of the most important drafts in recent NHL history. The current highest-rated prospect is Connor Bedard. Bedard is...good. Like, really good. Like, really, REALLY good. Top NHL players are saying that Bedard already has the best shot release in hockey right now at least...and he's only like 17 years old. I won't go into it much further, but Connor Bedard is the type of player that can lead teams to the Stanley Cup by just being on the team. People are comparing him to Wayne Gretzky; if you need context for who that is, he's considered one of the best sports-people of all time out of all sports.

Side Show -- The Chicago Blackhawks, and Why Everyone Hates Them

The Blackhawks, which I'm going to call the Hawks, are an old team. They've been around since the 40s as one of the 'original six', teams that have been around since the modern NHL was a thing (well, not really, but it's not relevant). Yes, the NHL only had 6 teams until the 1960s, which is when they finally expanded into more markets, which then snowballed into what we have now (32 teams).
The Hawks have had...a rough recent history. They effectively had a dynasty for most of the 2010s, winning the Stanley Cup 3 times, and a lot of it had to do with their talent. Before the 2010s, the Hawks sucked. That is, until they drafted amazing players like Jonathan Toews (pronounced "taves", not "toes") and Patrick Kane, who helped boost them to the Stanley Cup in the 10's (They have since retired. This is important context.) These picks were already controversial; people like to claim that the NHL favors original six teams because they're massive markets, which means more butts-in-seats, which means more money. So the Blackhawks getting so many first round, top-3 picks was...suspicious to most.
But all of this is overshadowed by the sexual assault and subsequent cover up.
During the 2010 season, one of their cup-winning seasons, a player named Kyle Beach, was sexually assaulted by a member of the coaching staff. He brought it forward to the organization who did their best to make sure that the coaching staff was safe and sound. Kyle Beach never broke into the NHL aside from the 2010 season -- take that information for what it is. In 2021, Kyle Beach sued the Blackhawks for their mishandling. An independent investigation found that the Blackhawks knew about the sexual assault, and did nothing to the perpetrator. The perpetrator went on to commit more acts of sexual assault against young players.
The punishment that the Blackhawks faced? Nothing major. They were fined $2 million. Which...is basically nothing, considering they made $222 million that year. So, like...1%.
This punishment was a slap in the face to teams like the Arizona Coyotes, who lost draft picks (which means losing players that could turn their organization around) because of a much, MUCH less severe violation (In their case, the Coyotes were performing physicals on potential draftees before they were drafted, which is a violation of the NHL constitution). Other teams have lost players because of similar circumstances -- the first one that comes to mind is the Boston Bruins, who dropped a (potential) top player because it came to light he had hazed, abused, and hurled racial slurs at a black autistic player in the junior leagues.
Needless to say, this further fueled conspiracies that the Blackhawks were getting special treatment because of their status as an original six team, and how big the Chicago market is.
From the /hockey subreddit:

Didn't the NHL originally fine the Devils $3 million for the Kovalchuk stuff a decade ago? What a joke. [Context: Kovalchuk was a high-level player, and the Devils tried to do some sneaky-shady stuff in order to keep him.]
Coyotes lost high picks for getting extra physical data, Devils got fined $3m and two picks for cap circumvention, and we got fined $250k for calling out George Parros for being the joke he is. And all the Blackhawks get for covering up rape is a $2m fine?? What a fucking joke [Context: This is a Rangers fan, and the Rangers called out George Parros, leader of the Department of Player Safety, for doing nothing about player safety. They were fined $250k for making mean comments.]

It doesn't really help that Chicago fans have a poor reputation. In the NHL, Chicago fans have a reputation for being drunk fair-weather fans. Before 2010 Chicago had a rough time filling up their arena to half-way. During the 2010s? Sellout arena, every game. Going into the 2020s, when their team started sucking again, they're back to struggling filling seats.
So the hockey fandom in general doesn't really like Chicago, but how does this all tie into the 2023 Draft?

The Lottery (for real this time)

As mentioned before, the 2023 season was potentially a huge season for struggling teams like the Columbus Blue Jackets or the Anaheim Ducks. Getting Connor Bedard would turn around entire franchises, overnight.
Going into the draft, the heavy favorites to win the lottery were the Ducks at 18.5%, the Blue Jackets at 13.5%, and the Chicago Blackhawks at 11.5%. The other 13 teams had basically less than 10% odds.
The draft lottery was televised, and millions of people watched ESPN and TSN to see the results from all over the league. Top teams in the west were praying that the lottery winner would go to the Blue Jackets so they wouldn't have to face Bedard, and top teams in the east were praying the lottery pick would go to the west for the same reason. Everyone universally had the same sentiment though:

Anyone but Chicago.

The hosts go down the line to show the new draft lineup, starting from 16 and going down. Nothing seemed to change in the lineup; teams hoping for ajump up were sadly disappointed but knew they never really had a chance anyways.
The hosts get to the top 5. The reveal the 5th pick is...Montreal. Montreal fans speak French-Canadian sadly, or whatever it is Quebecois folk do.
The fourth pick is revealed. The San Jose Sharks. Sharks fans chomp sadly. Or drink their Starbucks sadly. Idk, I'm not rich enough to live in San Jose.
Then something curious happens. They cut to a commercial break, but the ESPN broadcasters say something very curious. "An upset for Columbus! It's down to Anaheim or Chicago!" Suspicion arises. The card for 3rd place wasn't revealed, how could they have known that Columbus was the 3rd pick? Conspiracy talk bumps up in the live Reddit thread. People were already saying that Chicago won the lottery. They just knew.

Nice of ESPN to state Columbus will pick 3rd before Daley ever even showed it and they went to commercials “It will be either Chicago or Anaheim”….
Elliotte Friedman tweeted out who got pick 1 and 2 during the commercial break. Said tweets have now been deleted.

The NHL lottery comes back on after commercials and reveal that CBJ wins the 3rd pick to no one's surprise. All that's left is two envelopes, one with a '2' the other with a '1'. They begin to open the '2' envelope. The hockey world goes silent, as whoever gets the 2 spot means that the other won the lottery...

The Worst Timeline

The worst-case-scenario happens. Chicago, universally hated in the hockey world, wins the draft lottery. Duck fans are outraged. Blue Jacket fans are outraged. Literally every fanbase is outraged.

hockey 9/11
why has god abandoned us
If you didn't think Chicago was getting Bedard here is your lesson of how fucked up the world is
Fuck this
Can't lose that media market now that Kane and Toews are gone!
Never forget that the Coyotes had to forfeit a first round pick for talking to a prospect before it was permitted, while Chicago protected a fucking rapist and got no reprecussions.
Coyotes: asks prospects what they ate and to wear shorts? Forfeit draft picks Blackhawks: cover up sexual assault and lie your asses off? Have a Bedard
Draft HoF talent 1st overall -> Go on a dynasty and win 3 cups -> Trade HoF 1st overall -> Draft another HoF talent 1st overall.
He went to the least deserving team.

Individual team subreddits were no better. Every fan from every team, aside from Chicago, were seething and chomping at the bit. There is an ongoing conspiracy about the NHL favoring Chicago now, and people are actively calling for the NHL commissioner's resignation.

Living in a Post-Apocalypse Wasteland

It's been barely a month since the bomb dropped. Food is hard to come by. Hope is lost. People fight each other for the barest scraps of undamaged cloth to keep warm at night since the sun was blacked out.
We don't know what will happen. Life is moving on, but is it really life if there's no will to live?
In seriousness, no one wanted this outcome. Even some Hawks fans hated this. It's hard to say what will happen to the NHL now. Some people are saying that Connor Bedard will get drafted and refuse to play for the Blackhawks, demanding to be traded. Some say he'll disappear to Europe and play in the Swedish league or the KHL to avoid the Blackhawks contract. Others say he'll be a fool to avoid the NHL and just take what he's got, and demand a trade later.
No one knows what Connor Bedard is thinking. He's not really said anything. But we do know that the world of hockey has been shaken to its core. If Bedard plays, Chicago will be a force to be reckoned with for years. If he avoids Chicago, it'll be a legendary act of defiance that will 100% cause the NHL to invent a rule to prevent that from happen again.
But for now, I must return to my fallout shelter. It's not healthy to stand in the radiation for too long.

I'll be brief.
My ex and I were together for 5 years almost to the day when about 10 months ago she asked for a "trial separation". To clarify there was no abuse, no cheating "that I am aware of" in our relationship, she seemingly just lost the romance for me is the best I can figure. I initially protested it and argued that we should try to talk out our problems and overcome them together, but eventually realized that it just had to happen because she wasn't relenting on her request. After a couple months of "separation" she said we should just ahead and start calling it a breakup.
Okay, fine...I wasn't happy about this, but it was in that moment that I knew I had to start charting my life course out as if she weren't going to be a part of it and as though all the plans for moving in together and getting married were just gone because for all intents and purposes...they were. It's been slow going but I eventually fell into a high paying job, had a casual sexual encounter with someone I met on hinge and have generally just being trying find new ways to fulfill myself.
However, like clockwork, every two or three months she'll send me a random text message, here's a quick list of what I've got so far.
- She sent me one out of the blue in early January just to tell me she didn't ever see our lives intersecting again and that I should find someone else to give my love to, keep in mind this was unprompted and totally out of the blue.
- She texted me again march to tell me a family pet of theirs that I had grown to love as well had passed away and followed that up with "I could have loved you forever you know", again totally unprompted.
- She self admittedly drunk texted me again in early May to tell me I was hot and look like a young Bill Pullman.
- She texted me again just last week, this text was a recording of an old voice mail I left her years ago telling her how much I loved her and missed her, she followed that up by saying..."What a different time that was, oh well into the trash it goes lol".
It just seemed borderline hateful and weaponized to attack my feelings. I don't understand, SHE broke up with ME, SHE did not have any interest in working things out so why does she keep texting me acting like I ended things with her? Like I'm an asshole, I've been amicable, I don't text her ever, I leave her alone and try to let her live her life in the way she sees fit, why will she not pay me the same respect?
I haven't blocked her yet because I always wanted her to feel like she could lean on me if she ever needed to, that was it, no ulterior motives, just wanted to be here for her.
What is she doing? And why can't she just let me heal in peace?

Hey guys,
So this is my first time writing something on Reddit. This is a story about how I turned a near bad trip on LSD into probably the most profound experience of my life. It's about discovering the importance of love, battling unhealthy habits, and finding an inspiration that has fueled my pursuit for personal growth and progress. Peace <3
This was the second time taking acid, and the first time was absolutely beautiful and amazing with cool visuals. So the plan this time was to take one tab and go to the festival. I took my tab around 20:30 (the festival was starting at around 21), and started mentally preparing myself - I feel pretty responsible about every trip and I try to get myself ready as much as possible. I put on some nice music and was ironing my clothes which I would go to the festival. I also asked my close friend and my significant other to record a video-message wishing for a good trip.
So around 21:10, I was already feeling a little buzz and brightness, I met up with my friends and we were on the move (they were doing trip-sitter role). So as we were walking they were like "Dude, maybe we should take acid too". I was shocked by that idea - because the first time at the festival can be pretty harsh, and I would not be able to look for them in case, so that was a definite no.
We passed the security, I was feeling very uplifted and some music started playing. As the festival was continuing I started to feel more anxious - I got lost from my friends twice and was desperately looking for them, every time I was scared like hell. It felt like being a child left behind by my parents.
As I was approaching the peak, faces of people started melting and getting fractalized (people who trip on festival - how do you do it?). And also there was so much security that I felt super scared - so I decided to leave. I had no phone or headphones, because I gave them to my friend.
I successfully passed through security back to my dorm (it was a 10' walk). As I was walking I was seeing a fractalized tree with transparent leaves - like this tree was frozen by Elsa from Frozen, but I was still anxious so I didn't have a chance to immerse in this beauty.
As I entered my room I was kinda close to having a bad trip - so I decided to go to the cold shower (a pretty awesome tool to wash away negative thoughts). I put on some music, light up the candle and ended up listening to Nature of the Daylight by Max Richter and Cornfield Chase by Hans Zimmer (his music has always been something special for me).
I was weeping like a broken person. I felt like my soul was being cut from the inside by hundreds of swords and I was literally screaming from the inner pain. I was thinking about how I messed up my life, how I went to pursue my dreams in another country, but left my friends, the love of my life, and my family back there. I was thinking about this life choice and it felt so painful.
I think I rediscovered in myself the old me, ambitious, goal-driven, extremely sensitive, and loving person. I had this feeling of being thrown back into my life from this old perspective and I was like, how the hell did I allow this to happen to myself. I was feeling shame and I was crying like I never cried before. I was crying all those tears that were there for years.
I felt pretty happy after crying, that I discovered my inner trauma. I felt happy that I was getting the perspective of the old me, the one that I am proud of. I then put my sleep mask on and listened to Sleep by Max Richter (this is a super-meditative album). I was reflecting on my life for almost 6 hours - which under the L feeels like eternity.
I was thinking about how no drug can buy you a feeling of being loved and loving someone. I was thinking about how precious it is to have your soulmate. I felt the extreme feeling of missing the love of my life (she will be reading this one, I love you honey ♥️)
I was also reflecting on the nature of self-destructing behavior - I was addicted to nicotine for about a year, and the shame I felt this night; I think this greatly helped me to overcome this destructive behavior.
I want to be the son my parents are proud of. I want to be the friend who will support and inspire my closest ones. I want to be the husband my love will think how lucky she is.
If somebody will ask me if I believe in god - I believe that some acid in a controlled set and setting can help unravel your inner trauma. I also believe that increased neuroplasticity with proper work on yourself can make you a better person, destroy distracting habits, and change them with healthy ones.
Peace, love each other <3

Hello Reddit, I am a 21M, and I just wanted to come on here and let people know about my experience with this antibiotic.
This antibiotic is usually for skin-related issues and a few other things. This is not something someone would take to help RELIEVE anxiety but instead, this is something that people may use without knowing that it has the ability to CAUSE anxiety and other horrible symptoms. I had a pilonidal cyst and so a dermatologist gave me a prescription for about 2 weeks' worth of Doxycycline (100 mg, twice a day, preferably in the morning and then again at night before I go to bed). My horrible experience started very soon after taking my first dose, though I did not realize it. On day 2 of taking the antibiotic, I had eaten some wings for dinner. I started to feel lightheaded and had an overwhelming weird feeling in my body. I have the potential for HBP because of my parents, so I figured it was related to that. I felt pretty bad through the night, and couldn't go to sleep for a while, but eventually, I was able to calm myself down enough to go to sleep. The following day, I woke up feeling okay, but progressively felt worse as the day continued. I had shortness of breath, arm numbness, uncomfortable chest pressure (on the left side), and a weird tingling that shot throughout my entire body. My anxiety also rose to a new high. I thought I was having a heart attack. My parents, who are both medical professionals, said it was just anxiety but I managed to get them to take me to the ER anyway. Spent like 5 or 6 hours in the ER just for them to tell me I'm perfectly healthy and all I have is moderate HBP, which is mostly due to my anxiety. Even after, the symptoms still persisted for the following days, and I assumed it must have just been due to my BP levels... Flash forward to just a few days ago, I had moved back to my dorm and felt pretty okay, though the lightheadedness and shortness of breath never seemed to go away truly. I was doing more walking to try and get my BP down and it had started to work, when suddenly I started getting all of these horrible symptoms back again. The lightheadedness persisted, dizziness, shortness of breath, heartbeat skips, chest pressure...It finally hit a head when I was driving to practice down the interstate and I felt this horrible wave through my body, I thought I was going to pass out, and my heart rate jumped to like 110-120 BPM. It was, and still is, the worst sensation I have ever felt in my life. I pulled over on the side of the road and called my mom and told her how I felt and asked what I needed to do. She talked me through my symptoms and then told me it was most likely just a panic attack. By the end of the conversation, my symptoms had gone away and I felt moderately normal again. I decided to go back to my room for the remainder of the day and rest. The attack hit me again as I drove back to my dorm, but that time I was better equipped to deal with it. When I got back to my room, my dad called me and asked me about what happened, and I told him. Throughout the entire conversation, I felt these waves of pressure go through my body. I could barely focus on anything and at times it felt like I was going to pass out, but I was still fine. My parents told me to just try and relax, so I got in bed and tried to relax, but I couldn't. My heart rate continued to rise, the left side of my chest was highly uncomfortable, and I still had shortness of breath, lightheadedness, dizziness, slight nausea, crazy chest tightness, and this feeling of what felt like indigestion...like something was stuck in my chest. It had been two hours since that last conversation when I told my parents about these symptoms. My dad decided we should go to the ER again, so my parents came and picked me up from my dorm and brought me to the ER near home. This time I was in the ER for 9 hours (so fun...). All my tests came back negative once again. EKG looks "textbook healthy" as the nurse said, and all my blood work came back perfect as well. X-Ray showed no signs of anything abnormal. My BP was high when I came in, but by the time I was settled out, it had lowered back to proper levels. In all, no one knew what was wrong with me besides anxiety elevating my symptoms. Out of nowhere, my dad asked about the Doxy...specifically wondering how long I had been taking it. I told them it's been two weeks...which is exactly how long I've been dealing with all of these horrible symptoms. My mom then looked up the side effects of Doxy, something we hadn't actually done yet for some reason...and...well look at that...all the side effects match up with the symptoms I had been having :) So when we got back home, I tossed the Doxy. I'm trying to cycle the rest of it out of my system so I can feel normal again. This is the 3rd day since my most recent ER visit. The symptoms have not really gotten any better. I still get at least one panic attack a day, though it is much more manageable now that I know I'm not actually having a heart attack. I still have shortness of breath, my heart rate will run high, I'll feel warm for short periods of time, my heart will randomly skip beats (this can sometimes trigger a panic attack, which makes my HR and BP skyrocket temporarily), I get weird poking feelings in between my left shoulder and arm and occasionally in my actual arm, I still get occasional stinging chest pains, tightness in the middle of my chest, "indigestion", and the uncomfortable feeling in the left side of my chest. I am drinking a lot of water to flush the Doxy through my system fully, and have 10 billion count probiotics that I take once a day to help rebalance my gut. I'm looking forward to feeling normal again...

It feels like punishment for simply seeking necessities. Every living person needs to eat somehow and I'm tired of paying for groceries and delivery just to be upcharged sometimes over $75 "just in case." Then, that $75 takes an entire 7 to 10 business days just to come back to me. I need that $75. When I budget everything out I'm not actively sitting here going "hmm $750 for rent, $300 for groceries, $75 for the tip, $45 for electric, oh and a whopping almost extra $75 for Instacart to just latch onto and holdfor absolutely no reason for a goddamn week and a half that I could totally use for other things."
I just don't understand. Before I would pay, and maybe a few hours after the order was completed I'd get the difference back right in my account. Now? No, never. It's always a waiting game where after 7 business days I get to try to talk to Instacart support where I'm left in a neverending loop of "go ask your bank" or "your rep has disconnected please wait for a new one" and no answers.
Just give me back my mf difference, it's not that fkn hard. My shopper did a great job and I'd love to tip him an extra $20 but can't now because Instacart is just holding a whole $77.99 and won't give it tf back. I'm stuck with just $18 for who tf knows how long before they give me my difference back.