I just don't know what to do.
On paper, I'm doing everything you're supposed to do. Staying busy, focusing on hobbies, friends, work. I even have a decent amount of alone time which honestly is the best and the worst. Because when I'm alone I can finally take off the mask and just cry or do whatever I feel without hiding it. She made me want to be better in a lot of ways and since it ended I've made great progress towards some goals.
On paper I'm doing really well but inside I'm a wreck.
The real kicker is that this wasn't some dramatic end to a multi year relationship, no it was just a talking phase of everyday for a couple of months. Falling asleep on the phone together, things like that. We met at really busy times in our lives and agreed neither were in a rush. And then it was over. She ended it but I guess you can't end something that never really started. As weeks went by it really began to sink in how hard I fell for her. I'll be honest in the beginning, when it "ended" I was on a trip and the idea crossed my mind that maybe I'd find someone new. But every day I just wanted to share the experience with her. When I came back, I reached out trying to be friends and then I made mistake after mistake, obviously not over my feelings while she moved on.
So I keep trying to stay moving, I keep trying to outrun the thoughts of her that creep up and yet they seem to always be on my heels. I wake up to thoughts of her, go to sleep to thoughts of her. I'd be happy to forget the whole thing and I'd be happy to do it all over again hoping this time it would work. Without even asking or looking I get hit with reality. She's dating the guy after me. The guy that she talked to for a bit it didn't work but they stayed friends. Now my mind is just running all the what ifs such as "what if I didn't cut contact?"
I'm just frustrated, heartbroken and feeling pathetic. I'm trying so hard and it's been months yet my stomach is still in knots, I get waves of anxiety, can't catch my breath and still try to maintain a normal life. When does it get better?

Up for sale are two Semi-Boneyard AUGs, a Krytac Vector, a Boneyard SR-25, an Elite Force 1911A1, a plate carrier, and various pouches. All sold as is, though I would be willing to provide a test video of the AUG and Vector upon request (Price may be lowered if the guns do not work correctly). As for the 1911A1 I do not have CO2 (Price will reflect this). I am willing to negotiate a price, but will not accept low balls. The 1911A1 will come in its original box if I still have it. Buyer pays shipping. Happy to answer questions.
PICTURES (Timestamp not required due to flair)
Prices:

1. Semi-Boneyard AUGS - $105/Each
2. Vector - $375
3. Boneyard SR-25 - $135
4. 1911A1 - $60
5. M4 BAMF Midcaps - $7
6. M4 Lancer Midcaps - $10
7. M4 PMAG - $20
8. KWA M4 PMAG - $35
9. Plate Carrier - $65
10. Dump Pouch - $10
11. Admin Pouch - $25

Semi-Boneyard AUGs ($105 + Shipping/Each) - So I'm not sure what brand makes each of these AUGs (ASG I believe), they function and come with 2 mags a piece (The same type of magazine as pictured in the AUGs). I have swapped the various receivers between each AUG and verified that each works. I personally have never fielded them, just bought them from this subreddit, verified that they work, and put them on the shelf. Some notes to consider:

• The barrel is loose on one of them
• The black AUG has a missing metal plate that holds on the body pin
  • This plate can be replaced for a pretty low cost
• Minor cosmetic damage (small scratches, etc.) that come with use

Price is $125 + Shipping per AUG. I believe they MSRP for ~$165-200 on Evike (Low-High). If you buy both, I will go to $180 + Shipping.
Krytac Kriss Vector ($375) - Krytac Kriss Vector. Comes with one magazine, the flashlight, grip, and sights pictured on the gun. I bought this from someone on this subreddit and used it for like an hour. It has some upgrades (longer barrel and some others I think) and has a chrono tag from a previous owner that reads around 330 fps. The gun functions well. Only issue would be a missing charging handle spring. The spring does not affect the function of the gun outside of having to manually return the charging handle when it is pulled back. Its function was purely aesthetic. A replacement can also be purchased on Evike. Price is $375 + Shipping, the gun MSRPs for like ~$490 on Evike.
Boneyard SR-25 ($135) - Originally a semi-boneyard A&K SR-25 I bought from someone on this subreddit. When I received it, the motor was pretty much shot (Still fired a little bit) and the stock was cracked. It was meant to be a project gun, so I spray painted it and removed the pistol grip, motor, and stock. Never got around to messing with it. Currently it is just the body of the gun, the scope and the gearbox. I'm not sure what other parts I have lying around, but I may be able to find some stuff. The gun MSRPs for around ~$300 on Evike, but mine is boneyard and would need some work. I will give it up for around $135.
Elite Force 1911A1 ($60) - Elite Force 1911A1. The gun comes with one magazine and the paddle holster pictured. I purchased this gun from a store a very long time ago and used it a lot since. The gun has extensive cosmetic damage from heavy use. The gun works, last time I checked. I additionally brought it to a shop and had them replace most of the internals (Full Auto Airsoft) and have used it once since then. Upon request I can include a baggie with extra parts. The price is $60 + Shipping. The gun MSRPs on Evike for ~$130.
M4 Midcap Magazines ($7/Each for Generic Mags $10/Each for Lancer Mags$20 for PMag$35 for KWA Pmag) - Various M4 Magazines. Most bought second hand, I do have a couple PMags to sell though. M4 magazines usually go for around $10-$15 on Evike. I'll sell each generic midcap for $7. I do not know the cap, but they should all be midcaps. If you buy 5 mags at least, I'll give you one of equal or lesser value for free (While I can).
Plate Carrier and Pouches ($65 for PC$10 for Dump Pouch$20 for Admin Pouch) - Decent plate carrier and pouches, I do not know the brands. I used the plate carrier and dump pouch a bit, the admin pouch was used basically once. Plate carrier is decently comfortable, and comes with triple double stacked mag pouches. I think I bought the plate carrier for around $110, the dump pouch for around $20 and the admin pouch for like $30. I'm selling at a large discount, I just do not use the gear anymore.

This is an opinion question, so i appreciate any feedback. Im considering getting some high end sticks (virpil) because the idea of having a flight sim sounds really cool and i think my kids would love it, but i question whether this would provide better performance for me in dog fight situations since im in my 40s and have been using kbm my whole life.
1) is the transition fairly easy to go from keyboard mouse to using sticks? (Especially wanting to know if people who have used keyboard mouse for 25 years can make this transition easily)
2) do people find that HOSAS setups work better (accuracy on aiming and orbiting a target) than KBM?
3) For HOSAS users, what is the right and left sticks controlling?
4) For HOSAS users, are petals in your armament and what does that control?
Thanks for any feedback. Im not a great player, and i dont think a couple sticks will make me a great player, but with practice, im wondering if i can get better, and whether HOSAS will give me more accuracy or not. I would hate to get them and then choose to use keyboard mouse over dual sticks because im better at it. Just wanted to hear others thoughts. Thanks

Backstory, it was 2019 and i was going to Hawaii. At the airport, the following story happened. I was 9 at this time.
While i was at an airport to go to Hawaii me, being the impatient and inconvenient child that I was, had to go the bathroom. Sparing you the details, I went and was on my way out. I didn't wash my hands bc there were no paper towels and my family strongly wanted us not to use the blowers, so we regularly used hand sanitizer instead. Since I had forgotten mine, I left without doing anything so I could you my parent's. This lady, who we'll call Mrs. BK comes out of her stall, mind you, it was just me and her at the time, and sees me leave without hearing anything. Mrs. BK scoffs and says, "Ugh, children these days are so disgusting. Little girl, didn't your parents teach you to have any etiquette?" As a 9 year old, I had absolutely no idea what "etiquette" was, so I said yes. She screamed and started talking about how disgusting I was and how she was going to block the door until i washed my hands as it was a "Health Hazard" to everyone else in the airport. Mrs. BK kept her word and blocked the door until I washed my hands. I forcefully declined to use the blower until she grabbed my arm, drug me to the blower and dried my hands for me. When she finally let me leave, I almost ran to my family. I never said anything bc I thought I would get in trouble for using the blower. I didn't think anything of the interaction, that is, until I finally got on the plane. As I took my window seat, who else but Mrs. BK sat in front of me. Even as a kid I knew a situation of power when I saw one. Over the course of the flight I kicked, pushed, punched, and rocked Mrs. BK's already cramped seat. When we landed, Mrs. BK looked back and her jaw dropped. Angrily, I might add. I plastered this cocky, yet subtle, smile as her face turned red.
So, my fellow redditors, am I the jerk for making a woman's flight unbearable?

So Eric Crane made it far enough into the future that he supposedly became a part of Etheria. There is a detail there that I love but I also thing that I might be overthinking it.
I am aware that Beomus dies at his own request in the climax. When Eric Crane meets the cow he is informed that there is an opening for the role of Arbiter of Mischief.
My question is, did Eric Crane travel forward to the point that he himself becomes Beomus or was it simply coincidence that he traveled to the time that Beomus is gone and so becomes his replacement.
On one hand it’s ironic that Djall was the reason Eric Crane was able to travel into the future in the first place and if it is the case that he becomes Beomus then I think it’s very interesting that Djall created exactly what he sought to destroy in his pursuit to destroy it. If this is not the case and Eric Crane is simply the replacement for Beomus then I think that constitutes a “pleasant but ultimately meaningless coincidence" if you get what I'm saying ;)
Either way I was just wondering if there was any general consensus on this. I loved the book and would love to hear what people thought of it or what their favourite parts where, whether it's directly related to this idea or not.

I (34m) was talking to this girl (26f) on Ashley Madison. We talked, flirted, then got each others phone number. She told me how she was in an abusive relationship and kept fighting with her husband. We planned a couple dates to get busy, but every time we were supposed to meet, she’d flake. So I get a call (and mind you, we’ve never spoken on the phone before) from her “father” and he said that she’s 15 and attempted to take her life after being found out. I had no idea. She even sent some explicit pictures. He was talking about needing money from me towards putting her in a mental hospital. The way he talking was crazy, because he wanted me to doordash (which is my main job) to make and send him $500 in 5 hours. I used a fake name, but they have my phone number, address (moving at the end of the month. I live in an apartment, but I didn’t give them the apartment number), and picture. I need help!

TL,DR - Partner and I want to open relationship for 2 weeks to strengthen relationship
Hi - first time poster. My partner of 3 years came to me a couple days ago and said that he was having doubts on our relationship as we are both still young and the commitment of only being with each other scares him a bit. Tbh it scares me a bit as well because he is the only person I have slept with. I bought up the idea of opening our relationship (with strict rules) for a week or so to help remove these urges. He thinks that it could help strengthen our relationship in the long run and I agree but am a little cautious as it is not the most normal thing to do in a relationship. I feel like this could be a good thing for us.
What advice would you give around how to deal with this and keep boundaries in place?

I think Sam’s idea of “speaking up” is just talking at Aussie. They’re both very defensive and dismissive of each other’s feelings. Idk if it’s just the editing but Aussie runs every time.
Lexi doesn’t listen to Rae. She debates instead of participating in a conversation. If they stay together, hopefully they do some couples counseling or something. Honestly they all need it 😅

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $2500

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $822

★ Butterfly Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $616

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★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $1300

★ Bayonet Autotronic FN, B/O: $1050

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW, B/O: $629

★ Bayonet Bright Water FT, B/O: $326

★ Bayonet Safari Mesh BS, B/O: $233

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★ Karambit Lore FT, B/O: $1110

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $840

★ Karambit Freehand MW, B/O: $784

★ Karambit Bright Water MW, B/O: $759

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★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $751

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★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1156

★ Nomad Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $544

★ Nomad Knife Blue Steel WW, B/O: $318

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★ Flip Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $646

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $574

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $552

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $257

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $255

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $287

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★ Huntsman Knife Lore FN, B/O: $461

★ Huntsman Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $436

★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $353

★ Huntsman Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $212

★ Huntsman Knife Bright Water FT, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT MW, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT BS, B/O: $123

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $127

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★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $375

★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $363

★ Bowie Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $269

★ Bowie Knife Crimson Web WW, B/O: $192

★ Bowie Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $159

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $126

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★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $616

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $412

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe FT, B/O: $227

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★ Falchion Knife Lore FT, B/O: $214

★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $192

★ Falchion Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $105

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★ Survival Knife Crimson Web BS, B/O: $216

★ Survival Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $198

★ Survival Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $111

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★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $368

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $228

★ Shadow Daggers, B/O: $201

★ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $108

★ Shadow Daggers Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $105

★ Shadow Daggers Black Laminate FT, B/O: $99

★ Shadow Daggers Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $85

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★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $1700

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $223

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $203

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $191

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened BS, B/O: $127

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★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $138

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $111

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★ Classic Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $146

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $168

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★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $476

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $375

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★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $1137

★ Talon Knife, B/O: $608

★ Paracord Knife, B/O: $305

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $204

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $142

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

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★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1215

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $672

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $305

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander BS, B/O: $140

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web BS, B/O: $137

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot FT, B/O: $75

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★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $359

★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid BS, B/O: $229

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $77

★ Driver Gloves Racing Green FT, B/O: $48

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★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $739

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $733

★ Sport Gloves Arid BS, B/O: $292

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★ Hand Wraps Giraffe MW, B/O: $212

★ Hand Wraps Leather FT, B/O: $160

★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh MW, B/O: $101

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Yellow-banded MW, B/O: $185

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point FT, B/O: $67

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point WW, B/O: $59

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★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened BS, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald BS, B/O: $62

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge FT, B/O: $72

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AWP Fade FN, B/O: $1039

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Wildfire MW, B/O: $95

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP Duality FN, B/O: $81

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Electric Hive FT, B/O: $55

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Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $623

Desert Eagle Emerald Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $241

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Printstream FT, B/O: $54

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M4A1-S Blue Phosphor FN, B/O: $434

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Bright Water MW, B/O: $55

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M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1465

M4A4 Asiimov BS, B/O: $55

M4A4 Hellfire MW, B/O: $50

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USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $72

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $139

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AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $234

P90 Run and Hide FT, B/O: $147

Five-SeveN Candy Apple FN, B/O: $61

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

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Hi there everyone, I (~20) am having a hard time keeping close friendships for long periods of time (none last over 4 years) and feeling valued in them.
For the longest time, I thought it had been because I have horrible self-esteem, insecurities and etc, that led to me not feeling valued. I thought it must be my lack of self-love that has me not feeling loved. Somehow that logic added up for the past 20ish years.
I'm realizing now that, in addition to having ADHD, I might have autism? But that's for another post, hehe. If you have ADHD, autism, or are the older sibling rebel trope, any advice is much appreciated! And anyone else too, I'm just looking for comfort, in the form of an essay-like rant. Perhaps the toxic relationships sub is where this post belongs, but I'd just like to feel seen by a community that gets me better.
____
Anyways, the rant.
I seem to always leave friends, they rarely leave me. I am the one who decides "NOpe. This feels uncomfy, I give up." and part ways, rarely ever checking up on those drifted friendships. I always leave when I feel disrespected. For some reason, that is one thing that I've been able to hold true to myself about. The moment I realize that I am not respected, I leave (and trust me, I was better at this when I was a kid than now).
Anyways, it's happening again.
My closest friend, who I've always been proud of and inspired by for many reasons, is someone my heart has been drifting away from for a long while now (let's say, less than a year).
The last straw was when they lost my trust, utterly and completely.
______
I was leaving home. An emotionally abusive environment, where nobody and I mean nobody understood my struggles (oldest sibling, strict parents, no support for ADHD).
On rare occasions, I've felt violated in this home, I've felt vulnerable and weak, as though I was an object of ridicule. Rare occasions that my close friend knew about, and felt for me, comforted me through, and at some point, it was too much so I stopped sharing how I truly felt each day;
how are you? I'm good!
They're someone who's communicated that they are no longer interested in supporting my well-being, even to the level of knowing how I actually am doing each day (which is ok if that's how distant you wanna be from now on).
The day comes and I decide that one more weekend at home and I'll lose my sanity. I, for safety purposes, tell my friends that I plan to leave home (following all protocols for my situation). My close friend called this decision stupid.
The reason?
I was leaving "all of a sudden," it doesn't seem that "serious," I could wait a few years, get into grad school or get a job; leave when it's societally "right" to, so as not to rock the boat.
I don't know whose boat everyone seems to care about.
My method of leaving right now was too easy, too impulsive, and foolish, not with my own money, nor with my parent's agreeance and understanding.
I would rather have my parents "hate" me right now, and eventually explain things over a long period of time, rather than endure another few years of toxicity, get money and proper ghost them.
My friend's method meant that I would continue to be misunderstood, leave on "fake" good terms basis, and continue to play a game of leading a double life. I wanted to cut the bullshit, and have them know me for me. I cared about this more, rather than having the social and monetary connection with people I didn't feel truly safe with.
____
Fast forward to me finally leaving home. I left a letter, I gave my folks a call that night, it was a very emotional night. During my call, I had to set boundaries, I couldn't tell them where I was, I just tried my best to reassure them that I'm safe; I care that they were not worried sick.
A day or two later, I get a call from my friend. They tell me that my parents know that I'm with my partner and the city that I've gone to (strict parents, dating isn't allowed, curfew is before sunset, etc).
They say this calmly, with a straight, almost pissed but also trying to keep sane, face. My partner and I start asking why, why after all that you know about how toxic, how judgemental they can be, why tell them something I wasn't going to share until I had collected myself, until I was ready?
My friend robbed me of the opportunity of protecting myself from my parents' thoughts. As I mentioned earlier, my parents have made me feel vulnerable, fragile, and totally powerless, (physically and emotionally). All my life I lived up to "good kid" standards, and when they went through my phone a year ago, all of that trust I thought they had on me, diminished. They saw through chats, the outfits I tried in private, the makeup I tried, etc. Slutshamed me, told me not to text so much on the phone past 12AM, and ultimately, made me feel not only transparent, but ridiculed. I wanted to disappear at that moment.
Now having my parents know that I have a partner, I have no idea what horrific words they'd say. It doesn't cross my mind as much anymore (it's been a few months since the whole fiasco), but it still hurts just as much.
It hurts that my friend looked apathetic toward my pleas for an explanation.
Their response was more or less;
"I did not agree with your method of dealing with this, that's why I decided for you."
_________
Fast forward to now: I had stopped talking to this friend, I didn't want any more explanations.
They messaged me and I didn't want to hear it. They said, for what it's worth, their actions were out of care for my parent's wellbeing, and that they're sorry for any of the hurt I'd felt as a result.
I wish I could tell them that they can't even scratch the surface of knowing how it feels and that they had no business deciding my life's actions for me. Though they've been through rough times in life, they're the type of person to lack empathy and compassion for their past self - the self that had gone through emotional turmoil.
In short, they're emotionally unavailable and inconsiderate, to themselves and therefore to others.
________
I started talking to this friend again recently, I was missing social connection, and thought, perhaps my unsure feelings would be confirmed if I talk to them again.
I am almost certain now that it isn't worth working through this one, and that they'd never really have enough respect to have my back even if they didn't understand me.
I guess my rant here wondered if it's worth working through or worth slowly cutting off.
I also wanted some advice and comfort in knowing if it's ok to lose friends all at once. I feel misunderstood by anyone who even slightly agrees or empathizes with my close friend, and that number consists of the entire little group that knows of this situation.
I feel like a child in a group of adults, but the adults are childish.
I really like spending time with this outer circle, but as I mentioned in the beginning, most of these friendships feel emotionally distant. It's weird, because they all really want me to be my happy humourous self, but want nothing to do with me.
____
Don't know if this is just city friendships, where fast pace is a contributing factor to shuffling friends every handful of years, but I ultimately feel like an alien in the city. I vibe better with small-town kids.
____
If you read this far, thank you so much for your time :)) I really appreciate it. Any comments or anecdotes are welcome, and please no judgment! Thank you!

• You will be affected by a wildfire someday. Even if you've never seen wildfire smoke in your area in 50 years. Climate change is real, and expected patterns are changing rapidly alongside it.
• Get an air purifier before you need one. And get a good one. I got a small NOMA one to hold me over when I woke up to smoke rated as "hazardous" after sleeping with my window open while waiting for a larger one to be delivered - everyone was out trying to get a purifier at the same time - that is NOT the position we want to be in. Avoiding that is why we prep. I was being cheap and stubborn refusing to get one until I suddenly needed one. Now I have 2 subpar ones. Don't be me.
• Smoke appears quick. I went to bed after sitting on my balcony the evening before and enjoying my tea, breathing the fresh air. I woke up at 9am - having went to bed at 10pm the night before - thinking my apartment was on fire. I now intend to get an air quality monitor for inside that will alert me if a change like that happens again for any reason. I'd be in a much better position if my window hadn't been open for 11 hours.
• On that note, monitor air quality. Set air quality alerts. I monitor weather, but not air quality. Had I been monitoring air quality - which I really should do given my asthma - I could've prepared for this well in advance.
• Monitor the fire situation near you and up-wind from you. This can give you an idea of what may be coming before the air quality warnings appear.
• Cooking releases particles into the air, even if nothing is burnt. Rightfully, the focus in prepping is how to cook food - but cooking food in this case is worsening our air quality. Having no-cook food on-hand is essential.
• You and your partnepeople will have different ideas of what is a necessity and a good reason to go out/stay in - my partner thought going out in person for an air purifier was insanity and we should hunker down, I thought since we had the window open for 11 hours the air quality indoors wasn't much better than outside and an air purifier was essential at all costs. I went out to get one, he was upset about it and worried sick. I thought him going to work was unnecessary and ridiculous, he thought he needed to to pay for the air purifier. If we already had one it could've been avoided.
• You need to have a plan for if the power goes out while the smoke is present. Is there a point where you will bug out? When? What level of the AQI (Air Quality Index) will you decide to leave? Where will you go? How will you get there safely? If you cannot leave how will you protect yourself and your family from smoke inhalation?
• Keep on top of chores, especially if you are in an apartment. Do laundry when the basket is half full, take out your recycling whenever you get the chance. You want to avoid going out and breathing that in as much as possible
• Have non-toxic, no-smell cleaners on-hand. Everything that has any smell, anything that sprays, adds to the pollution in your home.

I am getting a USP .45 Tactical and need help choosing a suppressor for it.
I am not fully aware of what's out there but have some ideas in mind:
• HUX Rad 45 - flow through design which will cut back on gasses
• Rugged Obsidian 45 - supposedly quiet
• Dead Air Ghost 45m - durable
• Osprey 45 - profile designed to match, but heard people have regrets for it
• Dead Air Primal - rifle suppressor but it's on hand ... would this be a mistake?
• KAC suppressor - out of stock and very expensive
If I'm missing something and there are other challengers or considerations, please let me know. This would likely be dedicated. If you have experience with these and recommendations on which ones to avoid for which reasons, that is helpful information!

other improvements and ideas welcomed!!!!
i hate that you can't talk to osana during the walk around to learn her opinions to give her the cat charm. it makes her inhuman and is also not realistic
raibaru should be easier to distract. she's still a teenager, not a robot.
i dont quite care for how the buttons work, especially for setting up door traps and getting back phones. moving my camera around 12 times for the buttons to pop up makes me want to start the genocide ending.
the evesdropping is dumb. getting pissed for someone listening to your convo when you're talking in public? christ. (if i get -10 rep for listening to osana gush about her type of man again im going to use the sans easter egg on her and raibaru.) and it definitely shouldn't make our rep go down. only thing i understand is the call and the vent convo.
the socializing system just looks dumb, i think the compliments were better, but if it was 'too easy' to gain rep, maybe we could've had choices on what to compliment. if we compliment the wrong thing they wouldn't care or they would think it's weird.
you should still be able to lock pick the nurse cabinet in 20xx mode.
i think you should be able to rejoin clubs, like after a few days or a week.
let us go into town even if we kidnapped someone. like before we go to sleep it will give us the cutscene.
different ways to make money.
update skin tones and other customization for senpai + female senpai. i want lesbians!!!!
better club benefits. art club literally let's you get away with blood on you, and drama disguises you AND you can get fingerprints on weapons. (expand on this at the end)
better matchmaking. more options, more compliments, make conversation, set up dates, all that. — matchmaking outside of rivals, but make them like 1980s. time consuming, but will eventually make the game easier. like how if you do gemas task, the bullies stay there and free up the halls.
bloody clothes in hands doesn't get you caught by the student council. (this just happened to me. killed someone in the martial arts uniform and was going to wash it and got caught. barely any blood on it.)
bags you can buy for more space at school (tote bags, etc)
more eliminations!!! not totally rival specific but i'm just tired of the same stuff. like 1. 'tripping' down stairs 2. shower electrocution 3. water trap electrocution (that's not a thing, right?). 4. sneaking into houses for elimination.
more non lethal eliminations!!

1. making rival 'realize' she doesn't like senpai.
2. different way of telling rival you like senpai.
3. experimentation with sexuality, matchmaking same sex or manipulating her into thinking about it, making her forget about confession or think about if she even likes him, leading to no confession.
4. secret admirer. (leaving gifts and letters and gifts). could go hand in hand with cooking club benefits (expanded at end)
5. social media elimination, like cyber bullying. could be lethal tho

making rival miss her confession for longer timeframe. like her missing it and being like 'ok we'll try again next week! same time same place' or something.
club benefits expansion— LONG!!!
—2 new benefits each
gardening: gloves. buckets of water not suspicious
occult: cloaks and other clothing to disguise yourself (50% less is dope, counts as 1)
drama: 60% sanity not noticed (student will think its method acting) or making 'props' and being able to carry them around (gloves count as 1.)
art: apologizing for blood on regular clothes immediately brings rep back up (smock counts as 1)
sports: use of pool to wash off stuff, self, or dumping things for later use
music: singing can be used to distract students, and doesn't bring down rep (cello case counts as 1)
martial arts: kendo stick. and kendo stick non suspicious. (wining all confrontations counts)
photography: increases rep by 10, enables "go away" without befriending
science: N/A, dope stuff already
gaming: playing games increases one school rank of your choice to rank 1 (for the benefits) for the day. if at rank 1, maxes out the skill for the day
cooking: gloves. knives and other possible cooking equipment not suspicious.
——making treats specifically for secret admirer elim, or for friendship/rep increase

Chapter Four

1. … we were enslaved [משעבדים, MeShoo`eBahDeeYM] to fundamentals [ליסודות, LeeYÇODOTh] [of] the world.

“The word τα στοιχεια [ta stoikheia], the elements ... meant (a) the letters of the alphabet… (b) the elements of which a thing was composed, as the fire, air, earth, and water of which the world was thought to be constituted; (c) the elements of the universe, the larger cosmos, including the sun, moon, planets, and stars; and (d) the spirits, angels, and demons which were believed to ensoul the heavenly bodies, traverse all space, and inhabit every nook and cranny of earth, particularly tombs, desert places, and demented persons. These spirits were said to be organized like human governments. In Rom. [Romans] 8:38 Paul calls them ‘principalities’ and ‘powers.’ And vss. [verses] 9 and 10 of our present chapter indicate that he has them in mind in vs. 3. …
Paul … includes in ‘the elements of the universe’ all sub-Christian ideas and observances, both Jewish and Gentile. He regards these ‘elements’ as slave drivers who frighten men with curses for not propitiating them by observance of special days and seasons, food taboos, dietary fads, and circumcision. In Christ he declared his independence of Fate, Fortune, Luck, and Chance, and from astrology, the counterfeit religion and bastard sister of astronomy, whose practitioners exploited the superstition that the stars controlled men’s lives from birth to death.” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X pp. 521 & 522)
“The elements of the world] A mere Jewish phrase, יסודי עולם הזה yasudey ‘olam hazzeh, ‘the principles of this world;’ that is, the rudiments or principles of the Jewish religion. The apostle intimates that the law was not the science of salvation; it was only the elements or alphabet of it.” (Clarke, 1831, vol. II p. 387)

1. But [אבל, ’ahBahL] as that was filled the time, sent forth, Gods, [את, ’ehTh] His son, born [of] woman, and subject [וכפוף, VeKhahPhOoPh] to instruction.

“The four words, το πληρωμα του χρονου [to pleroma tou khronou], the fullness of the time, express a whole philosophy of history. The Hebrew prophets and Jewish apocalyptists believed that their God was the creator of the universe and arbiter of the destinies of all men and nations. Nothing could happen that was not his doing, either directly or indirectly through angels and men. He had a time for everything, and everything happened exactly on time. … The completion of this present age would be marked by a blood-red revolution, in which all good men and good works would be ground under the heel of the tyrant, while the wicked reigned supreme. Then suddenly God would intervene with the lightning of judgment to snatch the world from the mouth of the bottomless pit and restore it to Paradise, whence it had fallen with the sin of Adam. Sorrow and sighing would flee away, and the Messiah would reign with the perfection of a theocratic king.
At this juncture, says Paul, when the appointed period of history was ‘full,’ god sent his Son γενομενον εκ γυναικος, γενομενον υπο νομον [genomenon ek gunaikos, genomenon upο nomon], ‘born of woman, bοrn under law.’ … Jesus was not only born under law, but was subject to it all his life. ...The ‘yoke’ of the Torah demanded that he observe the customs of his forefathers, such as wearing phylactery and prayer fringes, ceremonial washing of hands before eating, giving thanks at mealtime, praying at stated times, bringing tithes and sacrifices, and obeying the Ten Commandments.” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X pp. 522 & 523)
Not to mention circumcision, kashrut, and the prohibition of associating with gentiles.
“Sent forth refers to God’s sending of his Son from his pre-existent state in heaven (I Cor. [Corinthians] 8:6; Phil. [Philippians] 2:6-8; Col. [Colossians] 1:15-17). Yet this Son was born of woman. There is nothing in these words, or elsewhere in Paul’s letters, to prove or disprove that he knew the story of the miraculous conception. His point here is that the Christ, although he was the pre-existent Son of God, did not come into this world with a body composed of celestial substance, but was woman-born like all other human beings. … It was very different from the conception of royal sonship in Ps. 2, where the king is called God’s ‘Son; because he has been chosen to be the Messiah. In Paul, Jesus is God’s Son by nature, and his Christhood follows by virtue of this sonship. This belief was the fundamental cause of the split between the Jews and the Christians. The lowly birth, the obscurity of Nazareth, and the fact that Jesus was a common laborer, constituted a grievous scandal in the eyes of all who were expecting their Deliverer to come riding on a chariot of clouds wielding the lightning of judgment. Paul’s gospel contradicts every form of hyperspirituality that fixes a gulf between God and his material world. On the other hand, his conception of the coming of Jesus was poles removed from the pagan stories of the births of heroes, savior-gods, and kings, whose legends were freighted with illicit relationships and lawless conduct like the lives of the devotees who had created them in their own image.” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X pp. 523-524)
“Nothing is said explicitly about the Son’s preexistence, which is at most implied … born of a woman: … The phrase is derived from the OT [Old Testament, the Hebrew Bible] (Job 14:1 …). So born, Jesus submitted to the law by being circumcised and thus became capable of falling under its curse. But lest the Galatians draw a wrong conclusion, Paul [and The Interpreters’ Bible] does not mention Jesus’ circumcision. Instead of genomenon, ‘born,’ some patristic writers read gennomenon, and understood this ptc. [participle] as referring to Mary’s virginal conception; but this is anachronistic interpretation.” (Joseph A. Fitzmyer, 1990, TNJBC p. 787)

1. Accordingly [לפיכך, LePheeYKhahKh], you are not [אינך, ’aYNKhah] a slave anymore [אוד, ’OD], for if [כי אם, KeeY ’eeM] a son, and, if a son, then [אזי, ’ahZahY] also heir from favor [מטעם, MeeTah`ahM] [of] Gods.

“This is Paul’s proclamation of emancipation.” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X p. 528)
………………………………………… Worry of Shah’OoL to Galatians [verses 8–20]

1. In [the] past, in a time that you did not know [את, ’ehTh] Gods, you slaved [את, ’ehTh] who that in their nature [שבמנהותם, ShehBeMahHOoThahM] were not Gods.

“The Jews never ceased to ridicule idols and denounce idolaters… They demoted the old gods to the rank of demons and made a list of detractive names for them: angels, shepherds, princes; kings, emperors, benefactors, heroes; demons, personifications, idols, nonentities. Some were living, some dead; some were good, but were not God. Most of them were bad, and their idols were but images of ‘things of nought.’ …
Paul did not deny the existence of these beings whose ignorant worshipers called them gods, but he declared that they did not partake of the nature of God (I Cor. 8:4-6). God permitted them to plague mankind to punish sin, especially the sin of participating in the sacraments of the Gentile cults (I Cor. 10:19-22; 11:28-31). But Christ had conquered them and no Christian needed to fear them.” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X p. 529)

1. Behold, you are honoring days and new-[moons], seasons [מועדים, MO`ahDeeYM] and years.

“Days like the Sabbath and Yom hakkippurim [“Day of Atonement”] are meant; months like the ‘new moon’; seasons like Passover and Pentecost; years like the sabbatical years… Paul can see no reason for a Gentile Christian to observe these.” (Joseph A. Fitzmyer, 1990, TNJBC p. 788)
…
…………………………………………
Two the covenants [verses 21-26]

1. Say to me, you, the wanters to be subject to Instruction, have you not heard [את, ’ehTh] the Instruction?
2. Is it not written that to ’ahBRahHahM there were two sons, the one from the maid [האמה, Hah’ahMaH] and the second from the woman the free [החפשיה, HahHahPhSheeYah]?
3. But [אך, ’ahKh] [the] son [of] the maid was born according to [לפי, LePheeY] the flesh, and however [ואילו, Ve’eeYLOo] [the] son [of] the free upon mouth of the promise.
4. The words the these, they are a parable to two the covenants: the one from Mount ÇeeNah-eeY [Sinai], the birther to slavery, and she is HahGahR [“The Sojourner”, Hagar].

“It is well known how fond the Jews were of allegorizing; every thing in the law was with them an allegory: their Talmud [ancient commentary] is full of these; and one of their most sober and best educated writers Philo, abounds with them…
It is very likely, therefore, that the allegory produced here; St. Paul had borrowed from the Jewish writings; and he brings it in to convict the Judaizing Galatians on their own principles: and neither he, nor we, have any thing farther to do with this allegory, than as it applies to the subject for which it is quoted; nor does it give any license to those men of vain and superficial minds, who endeavour to find out allegories in every portion of the Sacred Writings; and by what they term spiritualizing, which is more properly carnalizing, have brought the testimonies of God into disgrace. May the spirit of silence be poured out upon all such corrupters of the word of God!” (Clarke, 1831, vol. II p. 390)
“Allegorical interpretation rests upon the belief that every word, figure of speech, and grammatical form in scripture has a special ‘spiritual’ significance besides its literal meaning. The theory is that the God who dictated it meant more than rests on the surface and that while he said one thing, he also meant something else in addition to the literal sense… The Greeks had long since applied the method to explain away the immoral things which the gods said and did in Homer… Then Greek-speaking Jews, like Philo Judaeus, employed it apologetically to read Greek philosophy into the O.T. [Old Testament, the Hebrew Bible], proclaiming that Moses had said all these good things long before and better than Homer and Plato.
The wonder is that Paul has so little allegory. His restraint is explained partly by his training as a Pharisee. The rabbis were suspicious of any interpretation of scripture that tended to make Jews lax in their observance of the law. Jews with Gnostic leanings, and those who considered some of their ancestral customs outmoded, could resort to allegory to justify their philosophy and conduct, while maintaining that they were the spiritual superiors of the conservatives who held to the letter of the law … His argument, however, is never strengthened by allegorical symbolism and typology, for these are convincing only to those who by imagination can find them so. Rather, as in Rom. 9-11, he introduces unnecessary complications such as the moral difficulties involved in predestination. His gospel does not rest on the quicksands of allegory, a specious method of interpreting scripture. Its interpretations are of interest to the historian not as correct representations of what the writers and first readers of the Bible had in mind, but only as source materials for understanding the life and thought of the allegorists themselves.” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X p. 540)

1. Hagar signifies [מסמלת, MeÇahMehLeTh] [את, ’ehTh] Mount ÇeeNah-eeY, that is in Arabia, and parallels [ומקבילה, OoMahQBeeYLaH] to Jerusalem of our day, for she is in slavery with her sons.

“… why does Paul mention Arabia…? Possibly because Mt. Sinai is in Arabia[?], which is Ishmaelite territory; he thus associates the Sinai pact with the eponymous patriarch of Arab tribes … Paul thus suggests that the law itself stems from a situation extrinsic to the promised land and to the real descendants of Abraham. Paul’s Jewish former co-religionists would not have been happy with this allegory.” (Joseph A. Fitzmyer, 1990, TNJBC p. 788)

1. But [אבל, ’ahBahL] Jerusalem from ascended [מעלה, Mah`eLaH], [the] daughter [of] freedom [חורין, HOReeYN] is she, and she is mother to us.

“The Jerusalem which now is was a most unholy “Holy city”, full of injustice, violence and murder, and subject to the cruel and wicked rulers imposed by a Gentile empire. But over against this Jerusalem of slavery lay an ideal celestial city, unseen at present, but destined soon to supersede it. Paul called it the Jerusalem above. Sarah, the free-woman, was the ancestress of its citizens, who were the people of faith and of freedom in Christ…
Paul speaks of Jerusalem above, because this new city of freedom already exists in heaven where Christ is, where dwell the souls of those who have died in Christ. But it also exists on earth as the church, the body of Christ, whose members are colonists from heaven sent to prepare men for the full establishment of God’s kingdom at Christ’s second coming (Phil. 3:20; Col. 3:1-3).
The biblical root of this conception of an ideal future and heavenly Jerusalem is Isa. [Isaiah] 54. Other descriptions appear in Ezek. [Ezekiel] 40-48; Zech. [Zechariah] 2:1-13; Hag. [Haggai] 2:6-9; Tob. [Tobias] 13:9-18 Ecclus. [Ecclesiasticus] 36; Pss. Sol. [Psalms of Solomon] 17:33. Historically the expectation assumed three forms. According to the earliest hope, God would build the new Jerusalem in Palestine and make it the capital of his theocratic world government. The plan of this glorious city was graven upon the palms of his hands (Isa. 49:16). From this idea it was but a step, especially for those influenced by Greek ideas, to think of this ideal Jerusalem as already existing in heaven. According to the Apocalypse of Baruch, God had shown it to Adam in Paradise before he sinned; to Abraham on the night mentioned in Gen. 15:12-21; and to Moses on Sinai, when he gave him the heavenly pattern for an earthly tabernacle (II Baruch 4:1-6; cf. [compare with] Heb. [Hebrews]12:22). The third conception combined these two ideas. The Jerusalem which was ‘above’ would come down to earth to be established in Palestine in place of the city that ‘now is’ (cf. Rev. [Revelation] 3:12, 21:2; II Esdras 7:26; 13:36; 10:54).
So the new Jerusalem belonged to both worlds and to both ages, to heaven and earth, to the present and the future. Its constitution was the new covenant, and its citizens were the men of faith in Christ, a new kind of freemen who traced their spiritual ancestry through the line of Isaac and his mother Sarah as heirs of God’s promise to Abraham. As for Ishmael and his tribe, they were the men of law, predestined to be slaves forever. Needless to say, the Judaizers found Paul’s allegorical exclusion of themselves utterly unacceptable. They believed that the Torah was God’s blueprint for all creation, and that it would be observed forever in the new Jerusalem. That, they said, was why God was going to purge the old city – to establish an order of life in which perfect obedience to his law would be possible.” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X pp. 541-542)
“…it was a maxim among the rabbins, that, ‘Whatsoever was in the earth, the same was also found in heaven; for there is no matter, howsoever small, in this world, that has not something similar to it in the spiritual world.’ On this maxim, the Jews imagine that every earthly thing has its representative in heaven: and especially whatever concerns Jerusalem, the law, and its ordinances. Rab. Kimchi, speaking of Melchisedec, king of Salem, says, זו ירושלים של מעלה Zu Yerushalem shel me’alah – ‘This is the Jerusalem that is from above.’…
There is a spiritual Jerusalem, of which this is the type; and this Jerusalem, in which the souls of all the righteous are, is free from all bondage and sin: or by this, probably the kingdom of the Messiah was intended; and this certainly answers best to the apostle’s meaning, as the subsequent verse shows.” (Clarke, 1831, vol. II p. 391)

1. That see, is written:

“Chant, barren, not birthing, [רני עקרה לא ילדה RahNeeY ahQRaH Lo’ YahLahDaH] burst chanting and shouting, not travailing, [פצחי רנה וצהלי לא-חלה PeeTsHeeY ReeNaH VeTsahHahLeeY Lo’-HahLaH] for multitudinous are sons of her deserted than [מי, MeeY] sons of her mistress [כי-רבים בני-שוממיה מבני בעולה KheeY-RahBeeYM BeNaY-ShoMahMeeYHah MeeBeNaY BeooLaH].”
“A telling item in the counterpropaganda of the legalists was the argument that even among the Christians only a radical fringe consisting mainly of foreign Jews, of whom Paul was one, were proposing to abandon the law of Moses. …
In one respect his quotation of Isa. 54:1 does not fit Paul’s allegory. It was Sarah, the mother of freemen, who possessed the husband, and Hagar, the slave, who was the deserted woman. As usual with Paul’s illustrations (cf. Rom. 7:1-4; 11:17-24), the details cannot be pressed without making them go lame …
The Isaian figure to describe the plight of Jerusalem during the Babylonian exile grew out of a common experience in Hebrew family life. Childlessness, particularly the failure to bear sons, was great grief and disgrace. Such was the sorrow of Jerusalem; but the prophet bade her look forward with courage to the time when all her scattered children would come back to her (Isa. 54:3). God was her ‘husband,’ and he would treat his faithful remnant with everlasting lovingkindness, making them more numerous than the former population and giving them a heritage of great peace and prosperity (Isa. 54:13-17).” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X p. 542)
“The prophet’s words are addressed to deserted Zion, bidding it rejoice at the return of the exiles.” (Joseph A. Fitzmyer, 1990, TNJBC p. 788)

1. But you, my brethren [τεχνα, tekhna, “children”], you are the sons of the promise, as was YeeTsHahQ [“He Laughed”, Isaac].

“The Judaizers claimed that Abraham had obeyed the law of Moses by anticipation, and that God’s promise was his reward. Consequently the descendants of Isaac were children of promise only if they followed Abraham’s example in obeying the law. Paul turned it the other way about: the promise must be taken on faith, not as credit for obedience.” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X p. 542)

1. And just as [וכשם, OoKhShayM] that then pursued, [רדף, RahDahPh] the son that was born according to [לפי, LePheeY] flesh, [את, ’ehTh] the son that was born according to the spirit, yes, also now.

“In Gen 21:10 Sarah, seeing Ishmael ‘playing’ with Isaac and viewing him as the potential rival to Isaac’s inheritance, drives him and his mother out. Nothing in Gen is said of Ishmael’s ‘persecution’ of Isaac, but Paul may be interpreting the ‘playing’ as did a Palestinian haggadic explanation of Gen 21:9 (see Josephus, ANT. [Antiquities] 1.12.3§215 …” (Joseph A. Fitzmyer, 1990, TNJBC p. 788)
“A rabbinical tradition of the second century A.S. interprets the Hebrew participle מצחק [MeeTsHahQ, “play”] (LXX παιζοντα [paizonta] in Gen. 21:9 to mean that Ishmael’s ‘playing’ became so rough that Isaac’s life was in danger. This son of a slave is said to have shot arrows at Isaac to kill him, and Paul’s statement shows that some such tradition was current in his day. He applied it to the Judaizers who were trying to force the Christians to observe the whole law of Moses, and to the unbelieving Jews who were excommunicating the Christians and their families and getting them into trouble with the civil authorities (1:5; 4:17; 5:10; I Thess. [Thessalonians] 2:14-16).” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X p. 543)

1. But what says the Written [Scripture]?

“Banish [גרש GahRaySh] the maid and [את, ’ehTh] her son, for not will inherit [יירש, YeeYRahSh], son [of] the maid [האמה, Hah’ahMaH], with son [of] the free.”
“The quotation is from Gen. 21:10 … The speaker of these words is Sarah, who is filled with rage against Hagar and Ishmael. Abraham is represented as greatly grieved, but God is said to have sanctioned the demand of the cruel and jealous wife….
This story was one of the effects and one of the causes of the perpetual feud between the Israelites and the tribes that descended from Ishmael. The Hebrews were so sure that God wanted them to have Palestine that they found no moral difficulty in saying that it was God himself who had overruled Abraham’s conscience (Gen. 17:18-21). They affirmed that Ishmael’s character and destiny had been predetermined (Gen. 16:12). Consequently, even his circumcision at the age of thirteen could not make him a member of God’s chosen people. However great this innocent victim of a family feud might become by virtue of the halfhearted blessing conceded by an uneasy conscience (Gen. 17:20-21), he and his descendants were barred forever from the higher blessing. Theirs was to submit to the religious imperialism of the most favored nation or die. Moreover, all Abraham’s other sons except Isaac were barred from the promise and sent away ‘unto the east country’ (Gen. 25:5-6). And yet while all this was said to be the Lord’s doing, it was in the same breath declared to be the doing of the human actors in this drama of the nations. Sarah herself was said to have suggested that Abraham become a father by her Egyptian slave girl. Then, too, it was explained that Hagar’s flight from the cruelty of her mistress was voluntary, making her, rather than the callous compliance of Abraham, responsible for her plight ‘in the wilderness, by the fountain in the way to Shur’ (Gen. 16:7).
Paul’s use of Abraham’s expulsion of Hagar and her child has its parallel in the equally heartless treatment of Esau which he employs in Rom. 9-11 in his longer discussion of the divine process of selection. Here too it was assumed that the hatred generated by centuries of war for the possession of Palestine lay in the heart of God. “I hate Esau,” said Malachi (1:3), making God the speaker; and Rom. 9:6-13 presses it to the utmost limit of predestination. But the love of God in Christ Jesus made Paul’s heart better than his inherited doctrine … When the history of the struggle for the possession of “the Holy land” is allegorized to justify a doctrine of “election” which foredooms countless souls to an eternity of torment in a future hell, it becomes as morally atrocious as it is irreconcilable with Paul’s gospel.
Nevertheless Paul’s allegory gives the historian an insight into Paul’s mind as he wrestled with the insoluble problem of God’s sovereignty and human freedom.” (Stamm, 1953, TIB vol. X pp. 543-544)
“Paul bids the Galatians rid themselves of the Judaizers – and, ironically enough, obey the Torah itself.” (Joseph A. Fitzmyer, 1990, TNJBC p. 788)

I (22F) am a waitress. For some context, I'm pansexual, and was wearing a very colorful makeup and some earing with the LGBT+ flag on them. My work place will be shut down next week bc of a high debt in the franchise, so we don't care anymore about our job, even if we still try to do it the best that we can. Half of the staff is part of the community too. Now onto the story. We sat a couple (maybe 60yo both) and at the moment that they saw me, they looked at me like I was a plague. I was annoyed but still went to do my job, and got at their table to take their order. When I aproch them, they were kind of rude to me, but it is what it is and I took apon myself and took their drinks order. When I got back at their table to bring the drink, they asked me if I wasn't ashamed of myself. I was confused and ask them what they ment, and they waved their hand to designate my earings. I got confused and them remembered which ones I was wearing and at that point I was pissed. I told them that it was only earings and that there was nothing upsetting about them. They looked more annoyed and told me that I was setting a bad example for children and that people like me should keep a low profile (I'm Latina but where I live, people think that I'm from the Middle Eastern and they're really racist toward those people) and that I'm an anomaly. At that moment I was like "fuck it, I will soon be jobless, so now I'm gonna tell those rudes customers to go fuck themselves". I look them both and told them "You do know that homofobia is discrimination and that is punished by law? We are here since the dawn of the wold and we're not going anywhere. And I'm sorry that you're such jerks with a closed mind that a fucking simple rainbow trigger you. I bet you get a fucking episode when there's sun right after the rain and that mother nature do her thing. But I guess that I will not be dealing with your BS since you're soon going to be with your moms if you're almost having a heart attack from a flag and some colors in a face." They were shocked and soon they were mad and demanded that I get my boss. Little did they know that one of the directors is gay so I went to get him and let's say that he never stayed really polite with rude clients and that he match the energy. It was a shit show and he told them to go pay the bill for their drinks and to get lost. The two clients started to get loud and threatening to call corporate and the cops to fill a complain, so my director told them to do so, bc what will corporate do about the situation since our establishment will be closing in a week. The other director came to check on the situation and he told the same thing to the customers. I was there the whole time and enjoyed every second of it.
I told this story for a couple of friends and to my family and they told me that I was a bit harsh in my words and that the mom comment was unnecessary even if they were rude. So even if I'm not sorry about anything that I said, I maybe went to far with my words. So, AITA?

Really enjoyed writing Ashe, but didn't like the title or how short it was and wanted to expand upon it. So I C/Ped the extremely short chapter here, made a lot changes, and resumed where I left off. So this is the new and official Chapter 1. Changed the title too! Once this goes up, I might just delete Ashe altogether we'll see. Until then, here's another for you guys. A proper chapter. Longer too. Back on the computer, so that's fun. Enjoy.
Title subject to change!
Read Ashe here (unless it's gone lol): https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/13mkfre/comment/jkvjcro/?context=3
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The dead stare of a long-disintegrated child looked up at them. Remnants frozen in time as a monument of ruin to the wasteland before her. A lifeless, shattered. Echos of what used to be. It used to beautiful. Maybe in memory, it stays there. Isolated, but perfect. Perhaps, in another lifetime, they could have considered such a sight tragic.
But now? Now, it was simply a byproduct. One of many at that.
Oblivion wondered if it was a form of hypocrisy. To care for their own children, the ones they were responsible for feeding and caring for. The very same children who required the life-filling nutritional energy only essence, only Souls, could provide in sufficient quantity and quality. At least, until they found a long-term alternative. How then, was it fair, that they could stare into the monuments of ash and brimstone without remorse? To sleep well in the void of space as the killed world after world? To render galaxies extinct and universes as little more than drifting debris of dead space?
As it turned out, Oblivion didn't care to find the answer.
In truth, they didn't actually care to answer a question they'd already established an answer for. The thought experiment was simply that. An experiment. Something to do, at best. The attention upkeep for a Living Extinction class such as themself rarely warranted such self-scrutiny, but times could be dull, seeing as the bare minimum of effort that it took to kill planet after plantet after planet bore no grief to their heart not any guilt over the lives violently ripped away.
"Yo." A voice cried out. In response, the bored decimator tilted their head up to see their one and only partner hovering above them, floating in the shattered sky just a few feet above. They wondered if it was weird to take note that their friend's feet were remarkably clean. "You okay?"
Oblivion nodded. Their eyes glazed back down at the ashen remains of the child. It's face frozen in fear, their dreams, hopes and ideas dashed away. All so that their own children could have dreams, hopes and ideas on their own. Cataclysm, their partner, drifted down next to the standing red-skinned killer. Both Soul Rippers stood side-by-side amidst a lifeless chunk of what used to be Callus II, a world once renowned for its natural beauty. Destroying it hadn't actual yielded much Soulfood, or essence, as it was already halfway evacuated before their arrival. But once they did arrive, escape was impossible, not that it stopped the local resistance from, well, resisting. No, the planet's destruction was intended to damage moral moreso than it was to yield any form of "economic" bounty. Not that it didn't of course, food was food afterall, but it was an already sparsely populated planet. Since it was strongly suggested that the destruction of Callus II would cause significant unrest, maybe even rebellion in the remaining population centers, Oblivion figured it only fair they do their duty.
Hence, another byproduct of a looong list that kept expanding, unlikely to end anytime soon.
"We got new orders from the ladies up top. Wanna guess what?" Oblivion's head tilted up; eyes gleaming with a current of curiosity. She gestured with her hand towards the broken debris scattered about. Of a long-dead world around them.
Cataclysm smirked as she shook her head. "Nah, nothin' too crazy. Got something new this time." She paused. 'Word is... we got allies now. Real, honest folks that wanna, and get this, work with us this time around."
A frown creased the white-haired woman's features. She turned to look at her partner's increasingly grinning expression.
Oblivion asked the obvious question without words. Mute as she was, it'd taken some time for Cataclysm to get a proper read on her partner's flow with any accuracy. Maybe it was because she was one of the not-quite-insignificant few that carried whatever gene caused the highbreds to be amquadsinistrous instead of the standard amquaddextrious. Which, naturally, caused her childhood to be filled with more than a few hiccups when you're a part of a species that heralds 4 arms to 1 torso. But the challenge was welcomed. It allowed her to be the Soul Ripper she is today. Her upper-hand twirled its index finger into a speedy frenzy, purple Vydent energy streaming from the tip into a swirling tight ball barely half the size of her thumb. The casual level of control over her Vydent flow made Cataclysm's partner wonder if it was weird that they noticed that, in addition to her feet, their friend's nails were also very clean.
Oblivion, for her part, remained focused on the current revelation. Confused at her friend's wording more than anything. Vassals that chose submission, to forgo their freedom and independence and live as official dependence of the Highbred Collective was the standard play-by-play. The trade-off, of course, being that in exchange for willingly allowing oneself to live as, essentially, glorified cattle for food and breeding purposes for denizens the Highbred Collective, the said cattle, referred to as thralls, would be legally protected under relatively well-regulated supervision and oversight in order to protect both their privacy and livelihood. The Gyfolten Principle in particular ensured, under extremely strict law and application, that humane treatment be provided in abundance for all enthralled vassals, unless otherwise specified by the vassals themselves. It was one of the very few choices offered to any and all opposition, excluding special exceptions naturally. A choice often typically preferred over those whose territories were soon to be conquered, destroyed or both. That was the only form 'allies' her people took. For a species to be able enter an honest partnership with the highbred race was... nearly unheard of.
Only one race had ever managed such a feat, and they were long extinct. The white-haired decimator pointed as her own head in a clawing motion, its question clear.
"Nope, not enthrallment." Cataclysm responded, still grinning even when she popped the 'P'. "Like I said. Full on allyship. Partners even!" The excitement in her voice was evident. Almost infectious.
Oblivion's frown only deepened, confusion warring with contemplation before her eyes suddenly widened as the realization hit her. Cataclysm took the moment to mentally pat herself on the back for being able to translate the powerful mute's particular form of communication.
"Yep. There it is. It's aaaallll over your face BeeBee. No thralls, no vassals, no crazy shit. We got ourselves real volunteers this time around. People who wanna actually negotiate and even talk with us. Heh, three guesses as to who just got sattled to provide 'security' for the upcoming 'diplomatic mission'." She used air-quotes. "And the first two don't count."
Oblivion blinked.
Somehow, her partner's smile split her face even wider, a dance of mischievousness flashed through her glowing purple beacons. She slowly started to rise higher into the ruined sky moments later.
"Well! Guess you'll just have to fiiiind out when we get there. Planet we're going to is called 'Earth' by rest of the galaxy. So... ready for a lil' road trip?"
​
///
​
The journey to Earth was a rather uneventful.
Surrounding her was a comfortable dome of dark red vydent energy, solidified into a comfortable hardlight seat that was easy on the eyes. It surrounded her like those capsules she'd seen on TV, forming both a protective barrier between herself and the vacuum of space as they traveled through FTL. Spacious too. She even had a nice comfy pillow and the 'chair' reclined as high or low as she pleased.
So, while uneventful, it most certainly was pleasant.
Pinelock was their assigned Solar Soother, an Energizer whose sole job was to provide speedy and smooth transportation for Decimators like Oblivion and herself. Cataclysm remembered being in her role eons ago, using her own vydent energy to ferry bigger and better Decimators from star system to star system. It paid decently, but she wasn't in it for the essence. The job was, at best, a luxury afforded for the powerful. Like being a limousine driver for an excessively wealthy businessman. It helped her connect with those powerful killers back then, helped her understand their motivations beyond the barebone necessity of "kill or be killed".
With that thought in mind, the blonde Soul Ripper made a mental reminder to tip their chauffeur when they arrived at Earth as she leaned back into the provided pillow. Just as her eyes closed, she began thinking about her partner.
She remembered feeling incredibly nervous when upon first meeting her. The stories surrounding the then average Soul Ripper, wondering which ones were true and which ones were just hearsay from her various obsessors. Oblivion was a living legend, both inside and out. A genius and warrior both in fact. Back then, Cataclysm admired their tenacity. She read their info-profile. How Oblivion heralded many obsessors in her early days, rising to prominence primarily through utilizing some seriously impressive enthrallment tactics, drowning her would-be killers in a sea of bodies by utilizing some prolific insect race to force them to expend their vydent energy reserves. After that, it was a simple matter of killing off whatever opposition remained, though mercifully chose to personally spare or adopt many of the children of the deceased. All-in-all, it was a typical power story, up until the moment the Red Bastion, the main governing body of Highbred at the time, attempted to recruit her to their cause once she'd grown beyond their means of subjugation. And when their efforts ended in futility, Oblivion remained standing, the Red Bastion did not. Without leadership, the remaining populace moved on, formed their own groups, established a new primary Obelisk of Dominion, and the events were eventually relegated to the history logs. Whatever obsessors didn't try to outright kill the white-haired Soul Ripper decided to become dedicated housewives, pledging their hearts and mind to Oblivion and only her. Which was standard Obsessor behavior. What got her popular was the sheer volume of subsequent Supplicants that followed, asking to join her harem. Oblivion declined, of course, but the aftermath of so many offers are ultimately what rocketed her to the position she has today.
"A relatively bloodless rise to power really." Cataclysm though to herself. "Thought I wonder how she felt back then. What made her want to be a Soul Ripper? And why?" Even today, Cataclysm still didn't know. It was one of the few things she decided she'd have to be okay with never knowing. Over the years, as their bond grew, she thought she had a pretty good grasp on why her partner did what she did back then. But in truth? She still had no clue. And likely never would.
What she figured she should know, however, is a little information on the race they were visiting. The humans of planet Earth.
"May I ask you a question, Cataclysm?" Oblivion's voice gently echoed in the blonde Soul Ripper's mindscape, her voice somehow a whisper carried with all the authority of a command. But it was a genuine question, and Cataclysm was happy to answer honestly. "Well, you just did you did, but shoot. What's on that mind o' yours?"
It was always an exceptionally rare moment with an even short timeframe that Oblivion spoke, and even when she did it was always through their telepathic connection. So, whenever she did offer to speak, Cataclysm vowed to always make time to listen.
As she listened in on such a rarity, the blonde Soul Ripper also found her wondering about the new world they would be arriving at. And most importantly, what it's denizens so different from the rest.
///
Thank you so much for reading, Chapter will be far longer as they progress, haven't quite settled on a word count just yet. When Chapter 2 is up, it will be posted either at the top or the bottom, here. This is really my first real time posting here and, unlike previous unposted projects, I really want to improve my consistency in writing and craft a fun story while doing so. Until then, thank you for reading, please feel free to leave constructive criticism or feedback at your leisure, and I hope you have a great day!
-Highlord V.

Hi all this is my first post in this sub.
I am female, and I've long loved the look of field watches. I really want to get one and I'm deciding between these two. One thing to note is I have very small wrists around 6.25". So I don't want something that will look too large. The Hamilton is 38mm and the Seiko is 36mm, I will be going down to a store to try them, but they will both look a bit oversized but that's okay. I am looking at the hand-winding version of the Hamilton as that is more in my budget.
Important factors to me:
-Waterproofing, all my life I've used dive watches. I don't swim often but they should ideally be able to hold up to showering. I am a bit worried about the Hamilton as while it states 5 Bar waterproofing, I've read a lot of people having issues with that. The Seiko seems a lot more reliable because of it.
-I don't mind the wind-winding Hamilton or the automatic Seiko
-Size and weight is are important factors as I mentioned my small wrists. The Hamilton while having a bigger face has a slimmer profile as a handwinder. I am afraid the Seiko is going to be too chunky overall. I will get a better idea once I try them on in person.
I would be happy to get either, just interested to hear any feedback :)

I am a male, who was in a relationship for 15 years with a female "Lucy" (not her real name).
The TLDR:
I was in a long intense relationship in which I discovered long-standing betrayals of unusual magnitude and complexity. My mind had to process so many memories from good, but untrue, to terrible, but true, that my mind shattered like glass into 1000's of pieces that then burned like wildfire for five months day and night, without pause, as my mind had to process terrible epiphany after epiphany of all the events I had to reinterpret.
Turns out my girlfriend has one of the personality disorders where she can live contradictory lives, and expertly lie with out lying. I.e. she believes whatever she says when she says it, so normal clues of dishonesty simply are not there.
The question:
Is there a name for a trauma where so many deceptions are uncovered, so deeply intertwined in life over a long period, that the mind breaks up and has to process an overwhelming number of disturbing epiphanies day and night for months before it is able to start dealing with what happened?
The timeline:
For the first 11 years we lived two hours apart. It was a wonderfully intense relationship in which we were always happy to see each other, travelled often, constantly did things together and with my friends (who became her friends), spent uncountable nights talking till late hours, etc.
About five years into our relationship, Lucy trusted me enough to open up about bad behaviors in her past and shared that she thought she was a "bad" person. Before me, she had only had short relationships, cheated on every relationship, and stopped caring about each guy so suddenly and coldly that they were all badly hurt, and one of the guys couldn't make sense of it and killed himself.
Since our relationship had always gone extremely intensely well, and she was dealing with her past directly, I thought it was a good sign she was outgrowing past immaturity and irresponsibility.
I also flattered myself that my kind but assertive personality, interesting work, fitness, personality, etc., had given the relationship a longevity that helped her get past her bad patterns. You know, maybe I was special.
And that is how things played out for 11 years.
At that point my work arrangement had become too restrictive, bureaucracy and other factors of partners were leading me into a dead end. So I quit that work and moved closer to Lucy, also closer to universities that would be good for future career moves.
I assumed that seeing each other more than once or twice a week would be wonderful. But Lucy expressed some worries about my not having my interesting job, and her not having her regular escape from town that our long distance situation had provided. Even though we would still travel.
These didn't seem like problems we couldn't adapt to, to me, so I moved down.
Pretty soon Lucy began to disengage a bit. Not a huge difference, but noticeable. We still had good times, but we also spent many nights talking about relationships, and whether the romance or love ever really lasted. For me it did, she wasn't so sure.
But things were stable, and between travel, friends and family we seemed to be doing well. Just not as well.
At the thirteenth year, the distance between us began to grow more. But we had intense discussions, spent lots of time seeming to work on our relationship. But slowly but surely she began to behave erratically. She acknowledged it, and we "worked" on things, but things got crazy. Whole trips with family she would turn hateful and cold, then back again to warm and loving. She never stopped trying to work on things with me, as far as I knew.
At the end of year 15, I happened to overhear her talking as I arrived to go out with her. It was obvious she had another boyfriend I knew nothing about. Then things began unwinding fast.
For two months, I loved her so much I tried convincing her to hit pause and get counseling, but she wouldn't, so I gave up. But revelation after revelation came in. There wasn't one boyfriend, but a few, and then it wasn't the last few months, but a full two years of dozens of relationships, and regular gang bangs with local guys at my vacation home, on and on and on.
Since out relationship was so intense this seemed impossible. But I learned that virtually every interaction we had for the previous two and more years had been deeply dishonest. Money I gave her to help students afford to go on field trips (she was an elementary school teacher) went to liquor for parties. The guy who asked her to dance at a bar that I assumed was a stranger, and seemed a little surprised I was trusting for her to dance. 100's if not 1000's of little incidents changed their meaning. Nights of being sick were obviously spent otherwise.
The high level of time spent and intensity of talks and other interactions we had, now represented an astounding web of lies and deception, beyond anything my mind could comprehend.
My mind had been like a magnet with a million particles all consistently aligned in a coherent direction representing a consistent view of a girlfriend, having temporary challenges with romantic feelings, but working with me to maintain a deeply loving relationship, in a context of a rich life.
But suddenly, every one of these interactions, incidents, implications, had completely opposite, and as I experienced it, horrifying interpretations. Every epiphany of what something really meant, led to a dozen other unthinkable epiphanies, in an overwhelming explosion of reconsideration and processing of what all meant.
It was as if my brain had suddenly caught fire, and the maelstrom just burned and burned as my mind tried to come to terms with every aspect of every betrayal, but it couldn't do it all at once. My mind needed to process every dichotomy, all in the context that the view I had before was deeply intertwined with happiness and a love I still strongly felt. While the mirror image was horrifying, depressing, humiliating, with the only thing recommending it was that it was the true image.
For four or five months, my brain felt horrendous pain all day, every day. Every night was nothing but nightmares, which only ended when I woke up into what was the worst nightmare for me.
I knew I was going to kill myself. There was no doubt. I was so grateful for life, and all the good things life had given me, but this wasn't something I could survive. It was something that made me grateful for life, but also grateful to go into a final sleep.
Fortunately, one friend somehow knew just how be there for me or I would be gone. She would show up with concern when she hadn't heard from me, put her hand on my shoulder, which was the best feeling in the world. She went on a trip with me that I had planned on not coming back. And on the trip, she f**cked my pain away, or at least down to a manageable level.
I owe her my life, and have good memories of that trip. She says it was a horrible time, but she wasn't going to let me go. I will never be able to describe the depth of my gratitude to her.
So here is my question: That process where my mind had to overturn so many interconnected beliefs, from happy but false interpretations of being loved despite joint challenges, to horrifying but true interpretations of being brutally used, is there a name for that? It had to run its course for months, as every bad epiphany triggered other bad epiphanies that I had to process in order, and over and over, before my mind was able to make sense of my life again.
Other than describe it as a firestorm that wouldn't end, the onset also felt like my brain was safety glass that had suddenly shattered into 1000's of tiny pieces, and I had no idea who I was. It was only after months of the ranging mind fire cooled that I was able to slowly piece back together a new version of me.
This seems like something that might not be common, but must have happened to other people.
Does anyone have a name or reference for anything like this?
After story:
I am fine now, but different. I had PTSD for a while, where I would explode and only be aware of it after about 10 seconds or so, then calm down and be terribly confused as to what I was doing. But that has faded. I definitely feel aftershocks, and sensitivities, but I seem to be doing ok. Best of all, I am genuinely happy these days, with a life I like.

I had a paint paste in my hand that I did not notice, and I ate it, and I am afraid that I ate the paint, as the amount of paint was small in my hand thank you