Watch old sportscenter episodes

I have 4 dogs. One is reactive to people he doesn’t know (as in tries to nip and growls). One is mildly reactive to dogs while he is on a leash (barking and lunging, not in an aggressive way, but still not great either.)
My dog who is reactive to people he doesn’t know, grew up in a cage his whole life. I adopted him at 7 years old and he was just terrified of the world around him. He would bite peoples pants leg or just generally growl at anyone who came near him. I have been introducing him to people and making sure to watch his triggers and he seems way happier. He hasn’t growled at anyone in almost two weeks. I just feel like he doesn’t have the fear that a person is going to hurt him. He now enjoys seeing my friends when they come over and even goes to sit near them. I still watch him closely and anyone who comes to my house knows about his issues and what to watch out for, but it feels good that he doesn’t cower away in his cage and is happy to get treats from my friends and family.
My other dog, I have had for 5 years. Got him as a puppy. I lived in a really remote area so didn’t really get to socialize him when he was a puppy. I started to notice that he would bark and lunge when he saw other dogs. It seemed like it genuinely stressed him out. We moved to a bigger house in a suburb area with a large yard. My dog are able to run free and have plenty of space to run and play. We also have play dates with other dogs (he is only reactive when on a leash). I stopped walking him because he seemed stressed and constantly on alert. Yesterday, I just felt like maybe he wanted a walk so we went for a walk. We encountered so many dogs and he just sat and ignored them. He remembered the training I gave him even after a year of not using it. When he pooped and I went to scoop it, he sat next to me and waited patiently. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dog coming so I tried to hurry and braved myself for the worst. He saw the other dog, looked back at me and continued waiting. I was absolutely floored! No barking or lunging. It was amazing.
I don’t know why I am posting this but it feels good knowing that my dogs aren’t feeling that constant anxiety anymore.

Hi! So basically there's a show I've been searching for. I have vague memory of it so my description may not be helpful. I watched it when I was a kid,.I think it was 2015 maybe? It was either just a craft show or a show that told stories with felt. I watched it when I was a kid but It isn't a kids show. It had stories where they use crafts (again it might've just been felt) to tell stories. Here's 3 very very short descriptions in my memory. Also I think the VA had some kind of accent.
1: A man was shown walking down a hallway where there were knights and a king (I think). The man was dismembered but I don't remember why.
2: someone was running away from something I believe and hid in one of those metal bull torture devices, or got eaten by one. They .."got out" a few days later.
3: There was a king whose birds would sing beautiful songs everyday. The king was not kind to these birds, he got sick of the same music. The birds one by one stopped singing for him.
Please help me find this. It was on my fire stick tv. No specific app, not Hulu or Netflix. Just a show option.

My fan blower is making a humming sound - but still running albeit not very efficiently. The entire furnace is about 2 years old only, and while I'm no expert the hum sounds identical to those I could find in videos about the capacitor and I figured, for $10 I might as well try to fix it myeslf. So I watch some videos where I found one for my exact furnace, open up the furnace compartments, and....no visible capacitor. So I stick my phone in there, take some videos of the hard to see spots - nothing. My only thoughts are that its on the backside of the motor housing where based on my furnace location I can't get to - BUT, I can't see any wires going to that side so...does anyone know of any hidden places people will hide these things? I really prefer not to take the whole assembly out and disconnect the board, because thats the stuff I'm not great at - But I also don't want to pay $300 to fix a $10 part. Any suggestions?

Making a martyr. (92/100)
Imagine you’re 23 years old. You’re on top of the world, and you’re under the gun. You’ve achieved your dream, only to watch it spiral into a nightmare. The art form that once represented your escape is now your albatross. The world you set out to save appears hellbent upon destroying you. The culture you love greets your hard earned success with hostility. You’re all alone in a fight, and you don’t even fully understand what you’re fighting for. That’s the existential vice in which Tupac Shakur found himself in 1995. The raging struggle gives his third album, Me Against the World, its searing poignancy and, in light of Pac’s untimely 1996 death, its eerie sense of inevitability. MORE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Making a martyr. (92/100)
Imagine you’re 23 years old. You’re on top of the world, and you’re under the gun. You’ve achieved your dream, only to watch it spiral into a nightmare. The art form that once represented your escape is now your albatross. The world you set out to save appears hellbent upon destroying you. The culture you love greets your hard earned success with hostility. You’re all alone in a fight, and you don’t even fully understand what you’re fighting for. That’s the existential vice in which Tupac Shakur found himself in 1995. The raging struggle gives his third album, Me Against the World, its searing poignancy and, in light of Pac’s untimely 1996 death, its eerie sense of inevitability. MORE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Probably brining this up in my next therapy session. Also curious if anyone else has felt similarly and would like to hear what y'all think.
I have been alexithymic most my life and only just started trying to identify how I feel. And for the past five or six years I have had to force myself to cry when I felt overly emotional whether sadness or anger or regret. When the feeling to cry comes.up it's instinctively suppressed. I always fantasized a lot. A lot of maladaptive day dreaming around anime where I would imagine being the main character and kind of rewrite the whole story to include my own OCs, all in my head, like a huge fanfiction collection for every anime I've ever seen. But despite living in an anime world.in my head anime hardly makes me emotional besides a select few like Clannad.
However, there are a few fiction pieces that get me to tear up every single time, even if I try to actively stop myself. And when I don't hold myself back tears are allowed to flow.
First, DND. Like watching critical role, a dungeons and dragons podcast. I saw a few episodes, didn't really keep up with it, but the highlights, the recent animated series based on it, and also any like reddit post where people talk about the big events in their games gives me goosebumps. I get excited but also tear up even when the stories aren't exactly sad.
Second, there's a loving reaper comic strip that I watch with voice overs for when I really want to cry. Is my go to now for when I want to cry but can't get myself to.
The loving reaper is kind of connected to DND, because when I first started playing, there was this reddit post I read that someone archived, about a necromancer that wasn't necessarily evil, but not completely good either, and I really wanted to try that out. I guess I really related to the idea of necromancers being this demonized group, but still having a few able to use their powers for good. It wasn't until recently, like 3 years ago, that I was able to play one. And I think it makes me so emotional because I'm so much more attached to my own character then I am to real life. I spent way more time thinking about him then I did my real life issues and relationships.

Watched the episode and noticed that when whos who said tekkai his jaw and claws became a darker colour to most COA Haki, is this because he combined the two? if so why isn't this talked about more lol

Ive had several Rolex, Breitling and Tudor watches and now Im looking to take the next step in to the high horology. I think that the new royal oak chronograph is the most beautiful watch and I love it but the 41mm is way too big for my wrist. The only option for me is 38mm but Im not sure if I can justify the price of old 80s ebauche 2385 when 41mm has the new inhouse 4401. Is this a real problem or am I just making this up? How do you see this 2385 vs 4401 debate? Thanks!

As a #teamKendall, knowing that he will just go back to being himself, lose everything like always, with no progress... Im a huge Succession fan, i always couldn't wait for the next episode, but knowing that's what happens in the finale really throws me off and i kinda don't want to watch it. Hearing that everything go the worst way, with Roman talking about Kendall kids being not his (!?) and even Frank "betraying" Kendall out of nowhere, and Matsson being the ultimate winner even though he is a complete moron.
I've got the Daenerys ending flashbacks.
Anyone from #teamKendall who thinks it is worth watching?

Making a martyr. (92/100)
Imagine you’re 23 years old. You’re on top of the world, and you’re under the gun. You’ve achieved your dream, only to watch it spiral into a nightmare. The art form that once represented your escape is now your albatross. The world you set out to save appears hellbent upon destroying you. The culture you love greets your hard earned success with hostility. You’re all alone in a fight, and you don’t even fully understand what you’re fighting for. That’s the existential vice in which Tupac Shakur found himself in 1995. The raging struggle gives his third album, Me Against the World, its searing poignancy and, in light of Pac’s untimely 1996 death, its eerie sense of inevitability. MORE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Making a martyr. (92/100)
Imagine you’re 23 years old. You’re on top of the world, and you’re under the gun. You’ve achieved your dream, only to watch it spiral into a nightmare. The art form that once represented your escape is now your albatross. The world you set out to save appears hellbent upon destroying you. The culture you love greets your hard earned success with hostility. You’re all alone in a fight, and you don’t even fully understand what you’re fighting for. That’s the existential vice in which Tupac Shakur found himself in 1995. The raging struggle gives his third album, Me Against the World, its searing poignancy and, in light of Pac’s untimely 1996 death, its eerie sense of inevitability. MORE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Making a martyr. (92/100)
Imagine you’re 23 years old. You’re on top of the world, and you’re under the gun. You’ve achieved your dream, only to watch it spiral into a nightmare. The art form that once represented your escape is now your albatross. The world you set out to save appears hellbent upon destroying you. The culture you love greets your hard earned success with hostility. You’re all alone in a fight, and you don’t even fully understand what you’re fighting for. That’s the existential vice in which Tupac Shakur found himself in 1995. The raging struggle gives his third album, Me Against the World, its searing poignancy and, in light of Pac’s untimely 1996 death, its eerie sense of inevitability. MORE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Trying to watch a file with multiple sub tracks available and its not letting me select between any, just saying that there's one track to choose from. Isn't happening in VLC but I'd rather use Nova if I can.
Its forcing them to all play at the same time, which is a real madness. If an episode has 3 or 4 tracks available, theyll all be displayed, with everything but the first in brackets.
Anyone ever encountered this and solved it?

(Sorry for my poor english) Hi! I'm a 17 years old girl with body dysmorphia and I want to learn how to dance. I'm an amateur filmmaker and I recently saw the film "Dear Diary" by Nanni Moretti and this line hit me: "I always wanted to learn how to dance, [...], I've always reduced myself to watch other dancing, that is nice, too, but it's a completely different thing".
That was so relatable. Every time someone invites me at a party, I am the only one that's not dancing, not because I don't want to, but because I have zero confidence with my body. I've been to my friend's birthday, and everyone had to dance in a huge hall filled with mirrors. Mirrors are the things that terrorises me most, and while everyone was dancing, I was at the corner trying to find a point where I couldn't see my reflection on one of the mirrors.
When I'm home alone, without mirrors or reflecting surfaces, I often dance a little bit to the music I listen. I want to learn how to dance but I would die in those dancing school's halls filled with mirrors and teachers that judges your body. (Especially in Italy, where the dancing schools' teachers are known for their behaviour towards insicure people)
I write here to have some advices on how to start to have confidence in learning how to dance not only alone or in front of mirrors, but with people too. Youtube channels or videos are appreciated. Thank you.

Id been dating this girl for nearly a year. A couple of months after we started dating it was her birthday I sent flowers to her workplace on her birthday as a nice surprise and took her for dinner a few days later where I presented her with a gift that she had mentioned on her twitter feed that she liked.
My birthday was nearly 8 months later and we’d had some ups and downs but I’d gotten her a bag for Christmas and was always generous when we went out paying mostly for meals and drinks. Although we did split other means too.
I would also add that we had an argument about gestures whereby I was being taken to a very fancy restaurant for work. Few days before the dinner she kept sending me messages saying that it would be a good gesture if I took her along or had food sent over for her. I knew she was joking but she kept going on about it until I snapped and told her that gestures work both ways… she still didn’t get it and made a joke saying something like it’s thumb wars. I sent her a voice mail saying look I know you’re just joking but you literally went to Paris a month ago and didn’t bring me anything back despite me saying that I loved French wine. She bought the cheapest bottle she could find for 8-10 euros (her words) for us to share…
She apologised and we made up. But what made me upset was that she didn’t just get it and apologise she made it about her which she has done in the past. Prior to that she had messaged me saying that she’d watched a tv show about working in finance which is what I do. I sent her a funny video of me receiving an award and an old report I’d written to give her context about what I do given she was interested. She didn’t respond even just to say thanks I’ll take a look or whatever. Couple of days go by it was the weekend so I left it. Monday morning I sent her a message saying hello everything ok? She responded but didn’t mention my message regarding the video or report.
I sent her a voice message on WhatsApp telling her I was upset at her non response to my earlier message. She responded by saying that she’s rubbish at communication and emotion and apologising saying that she was waiting to come back regarding the video and report as she didn’t know what to say. This maybe should have been a red flag for my birthday…
So I was planning to go away for my birthday with friends but then didn’t and my gf asked if she could take me to dinner.
She was away the week before in Greece seeing her dad but we had agreed a date for my birthday diner not on the day itself but towards the end of that week.
Day of my birthday she texts me at noon all of my friends and family had texted or called earlier.. to say happy birthday can I book the restaurant now. I was a bit surprised she hadn’t done it earlier but ok.
Day of my Birthday we meet for dinner no card or present but she did pay for dinner. Couple of days later she’s like she would like to surprise me with some new lingerie and asked me what I liked. I’m like whatever you like but she insisted that I give her some options - sent her some and said should I get it for you? She was like yes. Few days later after discussing with some friends I asked why no card on my birthday.
She told me she didn’t think she had to as she was meeting me after my birthday and that she never does blow out dinners like this so I should be lucky. We been out for dinner before so didn’t get this…- subsequent arguments about this and fact I’ve brought her lingerie she finally mentioned that she doesn’t do gifts as she thinks their tokenistic but she does experiences instead. For me dinner on someone’s birthday is a low bar… she told me I should draw a line and she’d do better next time but thanked me for letting her know…
This is something I couldn’t get over and while she offered to return the lingerie we continued to have massive arguments where she finally told me I need to just draw a line under it.
I think my gf likes receiving gifts more than she likes giving them. Should I dump her or try again to explain why I’m hurt?

I hope you're well and having a good day!
A bit about myself:

• I'm a 22 year old male from the UK.
  
• I work 80 hours a week. I work 2 different jobs but also manage properties.
  
• I smoke a lot of weed and enjoy it.
  
• I love watching new movies and/or TV shows. I tend to sometimes rewatch previous shows that I haven't seen in a while. Most recent being breaking bad!
  
• I'm Muslim and Pakistani.
  
• I'm planning to retire by 25!
  

That's a bit (or maybe a bit too much) about myself 😂 Feel free to send me a message if you're down to chat.
I love voice chatting and meeting new individuals, regardless of your country. I use both Snapchat and Discord.
I look forward to hearing from you, take care!

Pup is 9 weeks and mostly house trained. He responds pretty consistently to "come here, hop up, get down, lay down, sit, let go, wait/stop, go, fetch, spin around, be gentle" and even has stopped begging for food most of the time.
But I feel like guests to the house (especially people with small children) and even other members of the family who live here are expecting absolutely ridiculous obedience from him for such a young dog while being total a**holes.
They don't respect his need for quiet time to nap, they try to get him excited to play again when he's overtired and attempting to lay down. They scold him when he chases running children, pushing him away with more force than would even be necessary and then call him vicious when he protests with barking or biting.
They drop choking hazards all over the floor, and leave tasty smelling food and drink within his reach. I spend all of my weekends and evenings supervising him super closely and almost constantly asking him to give things to me, which he does reluctantly - but the frustration builds up and eventually when they finally piss off I'm left with a very frustrated pup who doesn't want to follow a single command and refuses to take a chew instead of my legs and fingers.
I feel like my dog is smart and the adults/parents are the stupid ones who need to learn manners. If you're bringing your kid around to someone's house to meet their puppy who is only just old enough to leave it's mother - then it's as much your responsibility to watch your kid and teach them appropriate behavior not just yell at my dog for doing something that is normal and expected for his age in these circumstances.

My final week of life will be this one. If I do everything I can and they still leave, I can't worry about it. I'm going to jump off this cliff I know in the morning. I've had enough of being disturbed. Since I was sixteen years old, I had been considering my predicament. A complete loner with autism who is bullied, unattractive, and friendless. After a year, I was still the same, but I found someone online after being unable to communicate with anyone in person due to social anxiety and self-hatred. putting me in a hole of suicidal thoughts, which I attempted a few times, one almost fatally. I am waiting until I arrive since I watched how my family reacted. They're having a great time. My situation is still awkward. Despite my best efforts, nobody seems to stick around, and I'm at a loss as to why. I'm going to make a dawn jump from this cliff that I know. The interruptions have grown old to me.

Hello guys I posted here a while ago about yelling at my toddlers cause my husband was in a coma and I do have an update the original post is: https://www.reddit.com/parentsofmultiples/comments/13fg4ya/i_screamed_and_shouted_at_my_3yo_twins_and_told/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
In the days following the incident I didn’t do a lot to make up for it I feel I probably should have but I just didn’t have the time, I did sit them down and apologise and explained that I was under stress and that I will always love them the I gave them some hugs and kisses I also put some extra treats in their lunches for play school, I didn’t really step back from the 3 businesses even though I should have but one Redditor reached out to me in private u/Mom2surprises and as it turns out we live like 20 mins away and my husband’s agri garage is her husbands go too and that he also uses my husbands agri contracting business, she’s on maternity leave but she’s a corporate accountant and was able to call in a few favour to get me some help on the financial side of the company’s which was great, the internet is big but sometimes it’s small :)
I was still however exhausted and so I took a day off but then the twins play school closed due to an emergency so the day off wasn’t a day off I ended up passing out on the stairs and falling down them thus breaking my wrist, I’m writing this with 1 hand, the twins didn’t really do anything to help although what could they have done they’re 3, they got mad that they couldn’t use my phone for their hour of screen time because I was unconscious so I couldn’t unlock it, my mom arrived as a surprise and found them both throwing a tantrum jumping and stomping on my back
She called an ambulance and took the twins to hers to stay with my dad, I woke up confused and dazed in the hospital I had a cast on and was in a fair bit off pain, they asked me if I wanted to go for a ride in the wheelchair and said it was more of a request, I was taken to the coma ward where my husband was and he was awake he apparently woke up around 12 which was when I fell down the stairs it was now 6pm
Emotions where high, they still don’t know unfortunately why he was in a coma the leading theory is that his body was so broken after the cancer that it needed time to heal so it shut him down to focus all energy on healing, he’s majority ok he has a limp and needs a cane but the docs say that it will fade as it’s because he was off his feet for so long his muscle memory weakened
Another bombshell that was dropped on me in the hospital was that they did a blood test to find out if any other factors caused me to faint and the tests revealed some interesting things so they did an ultrasound, I’m not ready for this but I was 6wk pregnant with not one not 2 not 3 but 4 babies although the 4th is very small and likely wouldn’t make it as it’s not implanted properly and will likely just be absorbed. We went back a week later and the 4th had unfortunately died, i guess I was so busy I kinda forgot about my period they where conceived the day my husband got the all clear, we honestly thought he’d be sterile for a few weeks while he recovered from radiation I don’t know how we are gonna handle triplets but so long as my husband is ok I think we’ll be fine, not looking forward to being the size of an apartment complex though, so I could really use some triplets parents advice
As for the twins we are sleep training them we have fitted padding to the back of the door and put a lock on it so when they go to sleep we lock them in the room, we have a monitor so we can see and hear, the first night we woke up to see them screaming and yanking at the door and hitting it which is why we put the padding on we watched them for a few minutes then we rolled over and went back to sleep, in the morning we found them asleep on the floor it’s been a few days now and they have finally stopped trying to leave the room, I know it sounds wrong but it was satisfying to see them not leave the room and get annoyed about it kinda the same way I got annoyed with them for leaving the room, we never had this problem with our 5 year old singleton and I hope to god we don’t have it when the triplets arrive
Thank you everyone for your advice it meant a lot I think things are finally going to get better although I didn’t reply to all your comments I did read them all and I appreciate everyone of them except for the big feelings one I’m sorry but the term big feelings annoys me so much it’s a dumb term I find it easier to actually name the feelings wether it be me or the kids, but thank you really I don’t really cry a lot but the support made me cry

So, here is my story, it will be really long. Sorry about grammatic mistakes, im not native speaker. If you want to skip to drdp related text, it will be marked below.
From childhood I was really, really anxious about everything. My peak was, when I went to Sunday School, and fixed on a thought, that my parents will go to heaven, and I will go to hell, because of my sins. And i really loved (and still) my parents, so every night was a horror. Funny enough, after around two years of this torture (i really mean it, it was so bad, especially for young mind), i completly lost ability to have nightmares. I had like 2 after 9 years old, and even than, those were nothing in comparison with those, i had before. So, at 18 y.o im getting my diagnose (somewhat of a mix: GAD-based MDD :) )
I having treatment with mirtazapine with pick in 15mg (those who knows, that s not that much)
And I responded really well, my anxiety (the "ill" one) flew away, and depression sinked after lost of anxiety. Parallely, there were a lot of stress in my life. School, uni, than work, personal life, regular stuff. And I occasionally smoked weed. Not much, not often, never two days in a row, and the smallest gap was 3 weeks (it was only once, usually 1.5 months minimally, 6 months casually between smoking). And I am also responded really well. I was happy, no anxiety or panic at all, but i was also really responsible. At 19 years old I stopped vaping (I was vaping 3 years, 2 years on nic, from 17 to 19 on really high dosage, 20 - 50 mg/ml on 100 watt).
Here starts DRDP question
But, in February of this year, my dog died. I was always afraid of it, all my life, I prayed to god for his health all my life. He had heart cancer, really rare case. And on first days of his illness, i was alone with him, i had noone who could help me. So I had a couple of really intense episodes, not sure if those were panic attacks, but i felt really bad, nausea, dizzines, vertigo, heartrate is 120 (my normal is 100). He died after 2 weeks. It was so painfull to see how he is changing, how his behavour is "unnormal". We decided to put him down, until he got pains (he was inoperable). All of this started, after 3 days of me slipped off of mirtazapine (really bad timing). But, it seemed as a surprise to me, I really lacked in emotions in comparison of what i expected from my self. My bet is that, my brain tried to pull me out of situation, because i faced my biggest existential fear, the fear of death. Anytime I think of death (from childhood and now on), I am getting temporary severe anxiety, that I once had. It flews away when I stop thinking of it, but this fear is on a place.
So, after this I developed serious headaches. I tried to go to neurologist, and had all my analysis passed, everything was fine. On march 25, it was a soccer match, so I decided to have a little weed (by little, I really mean it, I was not even high, just slightly apettite boosted). Everything was fine, I ate a lot, and went to sleep. Afterwards, I woke up at 3 a.m, with strange feeling. It was like nausea with mild anxiety (I think, organism wanted me to go to toilet, because, I really had a lot of food), but, I tried to fell asllep once again. And I fell of in some kind of limb, as it was dream in ultrasound, i was not asleep, but I saw how i am slowly flying in dark entity with white artifacts appearing around me. It was like 3 seconds long, but I really freaked out. On a next day I felt still "high", so I thought that it was just me being too tired and not had enough sleep. But as time went, I still got this feeling of "something isnt right". It seemed to me, like my vestibular system was really hecked up, full time vertigo, and like general feeling, like my sensory systems were inadequately perceive the signals (colors were not right, blurry vision, a lot of dark dots and so on). First week, every night I had anxiety attacks. I thought that I am physically damaged, that something is not right. But, I didnt have any feeling of not being me, or not living my life. I was living in constant fear, that I will be forever stuck in this condition (that was along with me had a little break up with my pshychiatrist, because, I asked her about my condition in link with weed, and in our country weed is not yet decriminalised). I was really tired of vertigo and nausea.
And here I am, 2.5 months past, and I came back to mirtazapine (now 7.5 mg, more like a sleep aid). I am feeling really better, but still, I am catching these visual distortions, and overall, I am really afraid of having anything even mildly psychoactive (primarily caffeine and alcohol). So, what is your thoughts, what is wrong with me? Was it DPDR, or just severe anxiety after dogs death? I am really afraid of getting back to that cycle. Thank you for reading all of that, I really appreciate it.
edit 1 - I want to add, after dogs death , developed not exactly headaches, but paresthesias in my head, like something really heavy pushed my forehead (from inside to outside), that sometimes were becoming into headaches. So I was really freaking out, if that was a schizophrenia or something...

Hey, I'm gonna provide you with some backstory, because this is driving me crazy. There are certain things I won't mention, thus I will focus only on the one/two problems that happened over time.
I (22M) have a boyfriend (26M) of 2.5 years. We've been getting along perfectly, no huge issues, just a healthy relationship. It started with him mentioning his ex a lot, but we talked it through and it was fine to some point. He mentioned that he's happier with me, on top of that, I live 5km away, and his boyfriend used to live 300km away. That's a win-win for us.
​
The thing is, 3 months into the relationship he told me that he's so satisfied with me, that he's never met anyone like me before to the point where he claimed he stopped watching any porn when we met. I was flabbergasted, I truly felt loved and appreciated. Fast-forward two months, he was working on his PC, I was right beside and I noticed a video on the desktop. It was porn. I kindly asked about it, without any issues, and he claimed it was not porn, it was just some video he got off his old hard-drive and swiped it under the rag. I googled it at home once, just to make sure, and it indeed was porn. It was fine, I didn't mention it again. Two or three months later the same situation happened. I also called him out on it because I felt a bit uncomfortable about it. He shrugged it under the rug and told me he didn't watch it and so on.
So, porn for me isn't a huge issue, it truly isn't. It's just the fact that we live 5 kilometers away, and we only do 'stuff' together when he wants to. There's no taboo, there's no limits, and when we want to do something, we do everything. There's nothing he has to be scared about, no insecurities and he can do anything he wants to me. Sometimes when I am 'feeling the moment' I ask him if I can send him a 'spicy pic' or if he wants to see it, etc. He always states that 'yeah sure, you can send it but 'don't do anything without me, wait for me and we'll do it together' - and I always wait. Whether I have to wait a day, three days, a week or even three weeks - I always wait for him and don't do anything on my own. It's fine.
When we want to do anything it's always easy for both of us, because our parents are often away, so it's no problem to travel 5km to each other places, especially when we cycle - we cycle all day long everyday, so a 15-20 minutes drive doesn't make any difference. We can do 'stuff' whenever we want to.
The thing is, he often doesn't want to, or claims that he wants to but 'has something to do' That's when the porn issue is concerning to me, because I am literally at the reach of his hand and instead of doing stuff together, I keep finding porn on his computer. It was about 3 times I found out, and he always told me that he's deleted it. So three times 'he deleted it' and three times I 'found it' (not snooping, just by looking at his other screen).
So, this is a bad thing I've done, I am truly aware, but one time when I was helping him with some stuff on the PC, I looked into the 'external hard-drive folder' and found lots of porn, it was 2 folders in, hadn't to look any further. I called him out again, because he claimed that he's deleted everything. We got into an argument, I told him that I know I did a bad thing and it won't happen again, but that's when my trust issues started. I know that looking at someone's PC is bad, but in this case, it proved my worries again.
He defended himself that 'it's old stuff from his laptop that he hasn't deleted yet, he didn't even know it was there'. But when I ask him about 'my pictures' that he reportedly downloads and 'keeps in his folder', he couldn't find it, because it's on a pendrive 1, 2 or number 3 and it's deep in the drawer. But the 'porn he didn't know was there' took me 3 seconds to find.
It's okay, I wanted to talk about it, as it's more about communication and honesty, because I never call him out in a way 'you're forbidden to watch porn', but more like 'tell me when you don't feel like doing it with me today/this week and want to do it on your own', but it never works this way. He just sweeps it under the rug, never communicates and leaves things unsolved.
So I am at his place quite often, 4-5 times a week. He always keeps his old hard drive besides his laptop, 365 days a year, that's where I found the porn once and that's where he stores it. Beside that one time I looked at his PC, told him about it and talked it through, everything was fine. He told me he deleted it, again, though.
So today he was away on a trip, he told me to walk his dog out, and I did. I had some stuff to leave at his room on the desk, so I left it there and left. However, I noticed the external hard-drive wasn't there, even though it is there 365 days a year.
Beside that one time, over a year ago, when I looked at his PC, it never happened again. I told him I am aware that I did a bad thing, told him I would never do it again, and I never did. However, today, after over a year after the accident, before leaving he still thought about hiding the drive from me. It's not a coincidence, because I know him well, he hid it on purpose.
No, I don't know a password to his laptop anyway, I never look through it, he trusts me with all my heart, that's what I thought, and it's mutual.
Is it right for me to feel bad now? I feel like he doesn't trust me anymore, and I don't know if I trust him at this point. He claimed to have deleted it 3 times and 3 times I "proved him wrong" by simply looking at the other screen when I was helping him with some work-related stuff. Then, one time, when I was helping, I snooped on my own, proved myself right again. I feel like this is an issue he sweeps under the rug, resulting in my not getting enough sex, being worried about him preferring to jack off to stuff on his computer, and being dishonest on top of it all.
All I want from him is honesty , because if he told me, there wouldn't be an issue. But it's always "yeah, I deleted it" and then I don't even have to look for it and I find it.
Is it okay for me to feel disappointed in him now? I know it's not a biggie, but just the fact that before leaving the house he thought of hiding it from me, it just feels unnatural, because I am there for him all day long everyday, helping him to cope with all the stuff he's got going on, helping him when he's down, when he's got tons of work on his head, and all I get as a "thank you" is to be dishonest with me.
I just feel like I'm being lied to and that I do too much for him, when I can't simply get a response "Yeah, I'm watching porn instead of doing it with you" or "I'm sorry for doing so". All I want is honest communication...