20Female okay, so bare with me but I would really like some help and understanding. I had a yeast infection (i think caused by hormones bc I missed 3 days of BC and my OBGYN diagnosed my first yeast infection and said that caused it). I got over the counter Vagistat 3 day suppository. On day two, I started having heavy bleeding. Very unusual for me, I have PCOS and with my BC.. never get periods let alone bleed. I figured it might be the treatment. I was on the toliet and out of nowhere, a sharp pain/pressure in my abdomen came. I even took off my shirt and bra in hopes to relieve it, i started instantly sweating. I waddled over to the couch but it hurt so bad i could barely walk and even laying down didn’t help. so i tried to sit up/stand straight.. still unbearable intense pain. The pain felt like someone was squeezing my abdomen, mostly towards my upper, right under boobs to my pelvis, It radiated to my back. When I say, this was the worst pain I EVEr felt.. i don’t even know how to describe it bc it felt like pressure, sharp, dull,gnawing,slicing all at once. I have had gallstones (gallstones taken out at 15/16 y/o), a kindney infection from supposedly an asymptomatic UTI.. WBC 19 and almost septic.. i broke bones and walked on them for weeks.. I have a high pain tolerance but holy fuck.. I tried to wait it out for 10 minutes but then I tapped out and called 911.. which is absolutely last resort and i can’t afford it so.. I literally could barely walk to the door and the paramedics were visibly like “oh god”. I was literally struggling to talk and one of the paramedics asked if i had a cyst rupture and I said no, and wouldn’t it be more painful in my pelvic area? she said well i feel them all over.. anyway i was transported and I couldn’t even open my eyes. Get in a room, the doctor doesn’t do an exam. Just gave me IV fluids, took my blood, gave me a shot and meds. I think bentyl, omnipaque, pronontix.. didn’t respond or help with pain. Then i was given morphine, hefty dose the nurse said and that the DR isn’t one to order pain meds & she was surprised but she’s glad. Morphine helped, had a pelvic exam for any yeast, STI or STD.. all negative. Although there was a lot of blood. I got a CT with contrast and apparently it came back clean but “with moderate amount of stool through colan”… well i was pooping regularly and had no struggling or signs of constipation… Anyway I have attached my lab results and the ER docs notes. Now I am having constant nausea & acid reflux and heartburn when I had none of this prior..
Is it worth noting that when I had my kidney infection CT said this? “Patchy decreased enhancement of the renal cortex is present. This is most notable over the lower pole of the right kidney and perinephric stranding is present. In the setting of abdominal pain and fever findings are suspicious for polynephritis. Along the lateral aspect of the kidney a more discrete low-attenuation areas present measuring 13 mm in greatest dimension. An underlying renal cyst is possibly present. Margins are not sharply defined. This may be somewhat a technical phenomenon but could indicate a low-attenuation areas secondary to abscess. There is no evidence of enhancing margin.”
https://imgur.com/gallery/XfTvQ0v
thank you for reading this long winded explanation but I really need answers and wanted to give context.

So today I finally passed my driver's test. I had passed the initial driving part my first time taking it, but I ended up failing the maneuverability portion of it which sucked ass (it's like where you have to drive and try not to hit cones and have to reverse and shit, it's so damn stupid).
Anyway, I had to take it about two more times before I finally passed it. I'm so fucking happy. It was a dangerous game I was playing because my temps expire on the 31st, so I only had one more shot at this before I had to take my temps test again AND inevitably retake the driver's portion and maneuverability portion over again. But I passed, and thank god for that. I also am going to have my own car, it's an old car we've kept that I call the hobo car because it's been in our driveway for a long time and at one point had bees nesting in it.
So, summer is almost upon us! And I've been planning to get a part-time job in order to earn some money that I'm going to need for when I go off to college. I was watching the live stream of the Unus Annus video that is still up and I got to the escape room portion of it. I was like "Hey, I could totally be an actor in an escape room like that" (I do a whole bunch of theatre, our high school is doing Mamma Mia and I got Rosie's part!) but I couldn't really find any escape rooms in my area looking for actors, BUT they were looking for game masters and hosts.
I talked to my mom about it and she actually told me that there was an escape room opening up in the downtown area of where I live and I was flabbergasted. It must be fate, right? They're accepting applications soon for part-time stuff and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get the job! There's also another place literally right next to where I live that's accepting applications so if I don't get a job at the scape room then I'll get one there.
That's my whole speech! I just, really feel like I'm growing up now. It's such a weird feeling but it's a really good feeling too! I'm finally coming into my own.
TLDR: Girl get's drivers license after a long ass time and gets an old car and is going to try to get a cool part-time job this summer and finally feels like she's growing up and into an adult.

brain was burnt while writing this so sorry for trash spelling and grammar
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• Gender: Male
• Race/Ethnicity: Black
• Residence: Midwest USA
• Income Bracket: $300,000+
• Type of School: uncompetitive public with around 1800 students
• Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): Black as shit (URM)

Intended Major(s): Computer Science
Academics

• GPA (UW/W): UW 4.0 (school doesn't weight)
• Rank (or percentile): School doesn't rank, but technically tied with anyone else with a 4.0
• # of Honors/AP/IB/Dual Enrollment/etc.: 8 AP's + 1 College course (school doesn't offer any honors 5's and 4's for exams)
• Senior Year Course Load: AP Calc BC, AP Enviromental, AP Comp Sci A , Gen ed English classes (did AP Lit and AP Lang earlier in hs), senior elective music class, other gen ed courses

Standardized Testing
List the highest scores earned and all scores that were reported.

• ACT: 34 Super (36 English, 33 Math, 34 Reading, 31 Science (oof)) - 33 Composite

Extracurriculars/Activities
List all extracurricular involvements, including leadership roles, time commitments, major achievements, etc.

1. District Strategic Planning Committee - Student representative among 20+ exec members in my district including the superintendent, principals of the middle and elementary schools, and various staff; I work with the rest of the members in the committee to form and regulate the rules and commitments my district will be operating under for the next 5 years. This includes working with focus groups, analyzing community data and feedback, and external research with a professional company we hired.
2. Developing an app used within my district - Worked with my computer science and math teachers to develop an app that gives students assistance with their grades by providing analytics and data using the grading software my district uses. Had to develop algorithms and models to give the best aid to students where I learned a lot from both of my teachers. I also taught myself Swift so this project was especially fun and challenging.
3. Tech Internship - 2 month internship during the school year where I worked with experts in data analytics and astrophysics for a pretty niche purpose that I won't mention for doxxing purposes. Created my own project at the end of the internship with the help of said experts and got to present the final product to them.
4. Club Soccer - State champions for multiple years. Team elected captain for 3 years running. We compete in national leagues and tournaments, and this is by far the most time consuming EC.
5. High school soccer - 3 Years varsity. Team elected captain this year. Made it to state semis every year I've been on the team and we won state this year.
6. Book Club founder and president - pretty self explanatory. we have about 30-40 consistent members and my club advisor is the head librarian which makes my life a lot easier. Normal club stuff + working with local library to do a free book give away for students + interacting with middle and elementary schools.
7. Superintendents Advisory Board - 12 student representatives who essentially report information to the superintendent on the current state of the high school, and then with his team executive team we help create and change policies. One of the original 6 selected when this group began last year.
8. Math tutoring + Sports manager - I tutor for my math teacher when I have time during my release period. Did this a lot last year with his algebra class. I also managed one of my hs varsity sports team which was a massive time suck but also gave me a lot of hours.
9. Student speaker - I do a fair amount of speaking for my school as a student representative. This includes an event that had every staff member from our district, NHS commencement speech as the keynote speaker, board meetings, etc.
10. Black student union - just a member so nothing special. Done it for the last 3 years.

Awards/Honors
List all awards and honors submitted on your application.

1. National research competition that required making it past regional and state competitions first
2. Regional award for academic, EC, and volunteer related activities.
3. Superintendent medal - Essentially just an acknowledgement of the work I've done with my school
4. Tons of soccer recognitions for hs that includes tiers of both all state and all conference
5. NHS

Letters of Recommendation
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*not gonna grade cause... ya know... cant see them*
Math teacher (Calc ab, bc, and stats) - Same teacher who helped with the app so I've worked with him outside of class a lot, along with having him for the past 3 years. We're close cause we poke fun at each other a lot and I don't put up a goody two shoes façade around him so it doesn't feel like the typical teacher-student dynamic. Like I said earlier, I tutor for his classes so there's that too.
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Orchestra teacher - Helped me out during a really hard time and he's a really genuine guy so I expect nothing but good things.
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AP Bio teacher - Had her for two years but I like to go and talk to her about whats going on in our lives. When i had her as a student she took a lot of interest to my cs passion so we talked about that a lot and she got to know me as a person very well. Sweet lady all in all.
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In the document I sent to my LOR writers, I basically just talked about my interests and that I really want to show a lot of my personality in my application, so I brought up specific anecdotes from when i had each teacher for them to write about. Btw they all asked me for a sheet like that so it wasn't unsolicited.
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Interviews
Princeton - 10/10 loved the women who interviewed me. It was a zoom meeting but when i logged on she was in her pajamas while sitting in her living room. She seemed really into my hobbies and when i talked to her about my guitars and PC - even asked me to show her it - she talked about how her son would think it was really cool which I took as a good sign. More of a general conversation with talking points we would veer from as time went on. Hope she's thriving rn.
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Northwestern - 8/10 Standard interview. Older gentleman that seemed pretty stern, but after a couple of light hearted jokes he opened up pretty quick. We ended up talking about our families origins for like 20 minutes after the interview.
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Stanford - 6/10 Longest interview but also the weirdest. He was really shy and it started with us connecting from our interests in music but after like ten minutes he said it was time for the interview... and it wasn't him asking me questions, it was me asking him questions. For like 80 minutes I asked him a variety of questions. I tried to connect to the things he was saying with my personal life and sometimes the convo would flutter off, but other than that, it was a reverse interrogation.
Essays
Personal Statement : Not gonna grade cause bias and all that. Talked about how I worked on my grandfathers horse farm over the summer to help paint his fence - mind you his farm is more than 4 squared miles. My grandparents live really close to me, so they've always been present in my life, but my essay basically focused on how little I actually knew my grandfather and by taking part in something he loves, farm work, I was able to truly understand his personality and past. The theme boiled down to putting yourself in uncomfortable / foreign environments in an effort to meet the real version of those around you, not just the outer layer - see what I did there... cause paint and all. Real talk, that farm work had me on deaths door no cap and istg the horses would watch me in amusement too.
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Rest of my essays basically tried to capture as much of my personality as they could like most other applicants.
Decisions (indicate ED/EA/REA/SCEA/RD)
Acceptances:

• State School
• Notre Dame University
• University of Florida
• Northwestern University

Waitlists

• None

Rejections:

• MIT - Shouldn't have made this my dream school lol
• Princeton
• Carnegie Mellon University

Waiting on Stanford but at the rate things are going I've basically given up on caring.
​
Additional Information:
Just a disclaimer, my parents do very well now but until sophomore year my mom was single with my siblings and I while constantly traveling for her work. During hs my mom was almost completely uninvolved with my education, which was the right call for our family, so I didn't have crazy resources to help me for the most part despite what you may initially deduce about my living conditions growing up.
Honestly I'm just gonna rant

1. Going to a public school that's highly populated is such an L. There is very little information on what colleges will want depending on how highly you want to achieve. For all they're concerned, getting students into community college is the equivalent of winning the high school world cup. It's so bad that my school doesn't even bother talking about the benefits of taking the SAT, or the SAT at all for that matter, and instead focuses completely on the ACT. After I had already submitted my apps I took a practice SAT test and- yes, with correct timing - I scored a 1530... 790 math. Additionally, the EC's our school has are pretty limited despite the size of our district. The only reason I did the tech internship is because a teacher mentioned it briefly in a one on one conversation. I never knew how valuable summer programs like MITES would be, and to be honest, it is partially my fault for not doing more research but as far as my teachers, counselors, and school was concerned, I was doing phenomenally.
2. Having a sibling that applied to college is a cheat code. My friend essentially had a stacked EC list from the get go and knew all the ins and outs of college as a result of his brother having already gone through the process. Now, good for him for taking full advantage of the situation but I wish my siblings had taken hs a little more seriously so they coudve passed some of it on to me. I essentially figured most thigns out in regards to EC's, awards, writing essays, getting LOR's and so on.
3. Knowing what you want to do / major in going into high school is so useful. I think my applications lacked the most in the EC department. Had I started programming earlier, I think my spike and commitments could have been much more impressive than they were. The reason I started programming in the first place was to make a game on Unity while I was bored so it was dumb luck I even made it this far.
4. In regards to college applications, doing a sport isn't worth it unless you are extremely, extremely talented. The offers I got for soccer were low d1, high d3 - partially because I'm very very short and I would get bull dozed in college soccer - so most of the schools weren't particularly amazing on the side of academics. Some of my teammates have seen a lot of success getting a heap of D1 offers, but the amount of time and money invested into it could have been used a lot more effectivley for making my app stronger. We travel out of the state on a weekly basis, so it is a massive time suck on top of EC's and school in general. Realistically, it's better to do something like a sport because you enjoy it over investing into your college app but it makes me wonder how much I could've accomplished with the amount of time I would have had on my hands.
5. As a high achieving - at least, tried to be - black student, I truly want to punch every one of my peers that has come up to me and moaned and groaned about affirmative action while having significantly worse stats and commitments than me. If you are a better applicant than me, you know what, fair enough to you for being upset about it, but for the love of god if youre going to do so to AN UNDER REPRESENTED MINORITY make sure you actually have some level of ethos to back you up.
6. Lastly, I'm a chronic dumb ass. At the end of the day, I don't really have anyone to blame for not getting into my ultra reach schools. I really should've applied to more schools like Columbia, Cornell, UCLA, and Berklee to at least have a chance of having some variety in my options. I also was pretty stupid when forming my college list as I didn't take the strength of my major at the school into account as much as I should have. As things stand, I'm probably going to end up at my state school even though i can pay full for all the others. I can't logically have my parents spend 50k more a year just to go to a school that has more of a name brand - I know there are other benefits but you get what Im saying - which kind of blows considering how hard I feel like ive tried. Honestly though it kind just invigorates me to work my ass off for the first two years at whatever uni i go to so I can try and transfer with the insight I have now.

Even as I type this out, I’m struggling with the executive functioning to do so. So if the format is all over the place, I’m sorry.
Life has not been kind to me recently. My mind is a very hard place to be right now. Paranoia, guilt, and fear plague me. I’m trying so hard to do what I need to do to heal and live, but homelessness keeps my head below the water’s surface just enough to give me that little flicker of hope that I can one day breach it.
Living in the US these days, especially as a trans person, is terrifying. Fascism creeps ever closer every day, and everyone I know says “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
I just… I really need someone. I need someone who will treat me kindly and not take advantage of the love I have to give. I want a friend who will see me for me: see that in all that I do I have the best intentions, even if I don’t always come across that way. I’m looking for someone that will laugh with me about the fun things, and cry with me about the hard ones. I need a friend.
Some things to know about me, going in: -AuDHD -spiritual journey is always evolving, but I will say that I don’t believe in capital G God. The latest I identified was pagan -I’m open to all different kinds of people, but you must be 18+ -the only language I speak and understand is English, but I’m open to learning if you’re willing to be patient with me -I love to learn! Especially if it’s something you’re passionate about
I’m sure there’s more that I should say, but I’m struggling to find the words to express these things. If there’s something you’d like to know, please feel free to ask.
If you made it this far and are still listening: thank you. I hope to talk to you soon.
Love,
Nova

The audacity. I haven't been in contact with my Nmom for way over a year, and yesterday was my birthday. Leading up to my birthday, she'd call and email me a lot. She also texted my old roommate to get information from her. I can still see the call history and emails in my spam unfortunately, so I'm not able to stay away from her completely. Anywho, in her latest email, she said she had a bad dream that I was in danger and then she had a feeling that something bad happened to me. Ironic because many bad things happened to me when I was still living with her but that doesn't matter to her.
So tonight my doorbell rang and I got really scared because I thought she found me and was going come knocking at my door. But lo and behold it was the POLICE. They told me they got a call asking to check if I was still alive, because apparently I hadn't posted on my cat Instagram in a while and my parents panicked. I couldn't stop myself from crying in front of the policemen and I told them that my parents won't stop bothering me and it's getting too much. Unfortunately they couldn't do much but they said they'd relay the message that my parents should leave me alone.
Now I am absolutely furious for multiple reasons. Firstly, my mom never and still doesn't care about me and my wishes. If she wants to contact me when she feels like it, or send the police, she'll do it. Only cares about what she wants. Again. Thank God this didn't happen on my birthday but still. Secondly, how in the world was I found?? I really hope the police checked my governmental files, and not my parents somehow knowing where I live.
It's honestly terrifying and disgusting at the same time. The lack of respect is flagrant. I've decided to reach out to a lawyer to get a restraining order in place. Far too long have I been scared that my mom would come looking for me, or to open my email, or even worse, calling me from a different number. Every time I pick up the phone, I'm scared to hear her voice. And I now had to delete most of my social media. It's really not a way to live, so a restraining order seems like the most viable option.
Any help, advice or encouraging words would be much appreciated, I feel that my whole existence has been voided.

I'm a resident and my girlfriend is a college senior who is entering medical school later this year. We had our first year anniversary recently. She's going to her top choice school that is local to us, same one I went to. I met her as an escort and things progressed from there as she pushed for exclusivity. She's my sugar girlfriend and we are very serious. Living together, close with each other's families, several trips together, etc.
She hasn't brought up how she's going to pay for medical school. There's a chance she just assumes I'll pay for it, since I've covered all of her college/medical school related expenses so far. If I don't bring it up, she might pay it with loans since she's applied for financial aid. She is not aggressive financially, so it's I believe she's waiting for me to bring it up.
I have noticed she has always tried to make things seem as organic and nontransactional as possible. In the beginning when we met, she was never strict about payment. We would meet for her 3 hour rate and she would stay overnight. We were seeing each other so often she didn't care if the rate was provided or not.
She eventually proposed being an official couple and an exclusive arrangement with a monthly allowance, which was reasonable and flexible. We have moved away from this arrangement as I cover her college tuition, all our living expenses, everything she needs or wants, and providing her a small allowance monthly. I initiated the transition and I prefer it this way even though I'll spend more on her, I love her and enjoy taking care of her.
I want to pay for her med school but I'm not sure if it's a smart decision. The amount wouldn't be significant to me at all. She's mostly aggressive about marriage and children, which deal with finances indirectly.
She let me know on our anniversary I can remove her IUD at any time. Things were intimate and she was vulnerable, emotional when she said this, so I didn't address it further. She asked for my thoughts the following day, we talked about it, and she genuinely meant it.
I came home from work the next day. I open the door to her, as she always wants to be the first thing i see. I knew she was up to something. She made my favorite foods and was professionally dressed, kind of. Her interview clothing and no pants, was in her panties as always. She never wears any sort of pants or shorts at home and didn't use any for interviews either.
She prepared an extensive presentation with all the reasons why we should get married and have a "preclinical baby." The presentation consisted of two parts, one was pretty much that we love each other, and the other part was all the other reasons besides love why it makes sense like fertility, how it's possible financially, etc.
She says her desire to be "bred" is partially my fault. I "make" her feel like she needs to get off birth control due to how our relationship is. She can't think of one reservation against us trying since she's never felt so loved, happy, protected, and cared for in her life. She knows I'll be an equally amazing father. She's sure of us as a couple and as parents. Therefore, she is confident we can "figure it out as we go" if we were to "see what happens."
The last slide of the presentation was her jokingly proposing a "compromise," removing her IUD and timing her cycle, pulling out when necessary. She couldn't keep a straight face saying this. We both know what would happen. I've never pulled out of her and never will. I'm "not allowed" to pull out anyway.
She already had a date picked out when she wanted to get it removed, start trying, have my last name, to have a child during her fourth year of medical school. She still has the date on our fridge and wants me to remove the IUD when I decide. I of course have a say in all this. If I don't approve, it won't get removed. Even though she would like to start our family and we only use that one method of birth control, I trust her and never worry of pregnancy.
She also chose to go to our local medical school. She had a successful cycle and was accepted to many schools, one in particular that is much better than all the others but is located far away. She says she "owns" me, that's always been a thing of hers( owning each other), she's never losing me, I'm never going to be away from her, she values what we have much more than a better medical school, and "medical school is medical school."
What I have with my girlfriend is very intense and passionate, but it started inorganically. She has successfully locked me down and wants to cement her possession even further with marriage and children. She has our whole lives planned out. Marriage, we're having a minimum of 2 children, we're going to consider having more children once we have 2, moving with her after medical school if we have to. I'll be an attending at that point. Thus, "there's no excuse not to." She already has her career decided even though it's really early, our own practice, buying a house together, slightly nudging our kids into becoming doctors so they can hopefully take over the practice, when and where we're going to retire, the list goes on.
I'm planning on doing a 1 year fellowship which would take place during her 2nd year of med school. I've been doing everything possible to match local. Ideally, it would be my home program, but that's never a sure thing. She says I'm "only allowed" to apply to the few nearby programs around since being away from each other is never going to be an option for us.
She's pushing for children, yet she's so young. We're in our 20s, and I'm 4 years older than her. However, she is flexible with marriage and children, and she says that it is my choice at the end of the day when those things happen.
She has figuratively dragged me to see engagement rings when we've been out, "just to see" and give me "inspiration" as per her words. She says she's willing to sign any prenuptial agreement I propose, as she knows what she wants and understands if I want protection. She's not asking for much to get married, just a proposal, she doesn't care about what ring I get her, small wedding, she mostly cares about the honeymoon as she values "experiences" the most.
I feel safe and happy with my girlfriend. However, I occasionally feel doubt as to whether I'm doing the logical and smart decision. Everything I've done with her has been due to desire, want, and what feels right. I was so hesitant to see escorts and try seeking arrangements. I finally got the balls to do it, and I had an amazing time with her. She was the first escort i saw and i lost my virginity to her. I don't think she knows and I don't plan to ever tell her. Everything from then has occurred organically as it's felt right, but there or course exists the inorganic financial component to our relationship.
She makes it easy to make decisions. She's extremely bratty, dominant, and bossy mostly, submissive in a few aspects, but sweet, caring, creative, intense, affectionate, loving, smart, funny, passionate, romantic, and fun to be around all the time, it's hard to describe but I love how and who she is. I was hesitant of entering an official relationship with her, but she made everything feel right. Prior to becoming official, she already moved in to my place, very clingy, possessive, territorial, she would introduce me to everyone as her boyfriend, it already felt like we were a couple, and i started falling in love with her, so I agreed to what she wanted.
We never argue and there's never any problems in our relationship. She's very mature and we have serious conversations. The closest thing to an argument recently was when I showered without her. She was mad at me. Wasn't a big deal as it was just her being brattier and more annoying than usual. We've talked about it and I'm allowed to "discipline" her whenever I feel it is necessary. Spankings aren't a punishment for her as she likes it, it's foreplay for us and reinforces her bratty behavior. But I don't mind as she is always respectful. It's a fun playful dynamic.
The previous time was a couple of months ago. I told her a coworker flirted with me and asked me out. She was mad at me since I didn't tell her immediately, it was a few days after. She says we always need to tell each other these things, and she needs to know the right when it happens and who it was as I "belong" to her. She can't stay mad at me for more than half an hour maximum though. She always apologizes, wants to make up, "talk about it."
The relationship isn't one-sided and I truly value the effort she puts into us. She spoils me like I spoil her. Some recent examples include us exploring something new for the first time and she bought me a ps5. We tried something new on our anniversary trip. We had an amazing night on our actual anniversary, which she planned . She considers it to be our first anniversary of being together as our relationship technically started that day when we met as client-escort.
I wanted to do something more for her. So I took her on a spontaneous golden weekend trip the week of our anniversary. We spent the mornings/afternoons exploring and had a dinner date each evening. It was obvious she was plotting something during the trip, I just didn't know what it was.
On our second evening, she took longer than usual to get ready for dinner, I didn't think anything of it as she always takes a while to get ready. Took her to one of the nicest places I could find. We had an amazing time. Talking, listening to her as she talks a lot, she enjoys teasing me, learning new things about each other, she easily has me smiling and laughing like an idiot, being lost in conversation and her company.
She always has to be making physical contact. From wearing lipstick that didn't last until dinner, to taking her heels off and having her feet wander underneath the table, placing her leg over me while we eat, it being "necessary" to hold my hand or arm as we walked, purposely bumping into me to mess with me and pretending it was an accident, saying she's "cold" as she wiggles her ass against me in the elevator. As a result of all this and her bratty antics, my underwear was already a mess with precum before we arrived. That's what being around her does to me.
We arrived back to the suite. She pounced on me as soon as I closed the door. She puts her arms up and snapped her fingers, indicating she wanted to be carried to the bed. I carry her to the bed with her legs wrapped around me, her arms around my neck, and her lips on my face.
She kicks her heels off on the way. I sit on the bed. She was on my lap facing me. Her hands firmly on my neck for control. She's not the most patient. Didn't take long for her tongue to be back in my mouth. I start to unbotton my shirt. She takes my hands and guides them down her body to her hips. She unbottons my shirt instead and says it's "just to get comfortable" between kisses.
She finally gets the shirt off. I got up and threw her on the bed (she likes being carried and thrown around). She always makes it back to me a second later. I place her on the bed and she points her feet at me. I wanted to worship her properly. I sucked every single one of her toes, in between them, and kissed her soles. Made my way up her legs. I unwrapped her from the dress she was wearing. I pulled her panties down and found out she she was using a butt plug. I removed her pad, tampon, and continued to slide her panties down her legs and off.
She told me "happy anniversary" when I noticed, probably for the thousandth time that week, with a blushed face and a beautiful smile. I kissed her, her forehead, cheeks, nose, shoulders, hairy armpits, breasts. I didn't want to miss one part of her. By the time I got to her stomach, she tried inching up the bed and pushing my head down so I could get closer to eating her out. I grabbed her by her hips and pulled her back to where she was. I told her if she tried that again, I was going to spank her.
As soon as she heard that she tried it again. I flipped her over and scooped her towards me so that now she was over my knees. I spanked her. The sight of her red ass with the plug inside her was incredible. Tears ran down her face while she egged me on to spank her harder.
I stopped and she sat back on my lap. I still had pants on, she was naked. She poured her heart out after getting spanked, saying how feels like the luckiest girl in the world to have "found and claimed" me. This is when she mentioned that she doesn't mind getting her IUD removed right now as she's never been so sure about anything.
I was surprised as she wanted to have a child fourth year, which was her original proposal she wanted me to strongly consider. I told her I understood. I've always liked how direct she is with what she wants and feels.
She was emotional and trying to kiss me. All I did was kiss her forehead once and comfort her. She was pressed against me. I didn't want to take advantage. I held her by her wrists to restrain her from touching me. She found another way. Different fluids dripped out of her onto my abdomen. When she noticed, she rubbed and grinded herself against me to make a bigger mess. She called me her "personal canvas that she can "draw and paint" on when she pleases.
She anticipated what i was going to ask and insisted she was alright to continue. I asked if she was sure. She hates it when I ask her that, but I have to. I let her kiss me, I kissed the tears and what was remaining of her makeup off of her face. I grab her by her cheeks and spit in her mouth. She clung to me while I took my pants and underwear off. I couldn't handle wearing those anymore.
I brought her up the bed as her lips never felt mine. She politely asks if she can "please" sit on my face as she was already making her there. She spits in my mouth right before mounting, partially missing the target on purpose. My face went in between her legs and was used for her pleasure. I love her bush, how wet she already was, and I love dining on her.
A lot of fun was had. I love exploring new places with her and enjoy spending time with her. It doesn't matter what we do.
We had to fly back after due to work and school. Slept through our flight. She slept on me like she always does. As for the ps5, it was also something I never even thought about. She saw my ps4 giving me a problem and bought it for me even though all I was going to fix it. She goes above and beyond every single day, not only on special occasions. She's a perfect girlfriend and would undoubtedly make a great mother.
I've dreamt of us having a child before her new proposal. It appeared to be the weekend, and I was making breakfast. Our child looked like a 5 year old version of my girlfriend, similar to her pictures as a child. They also had the same attire, braided hair and no pants. I woke up thinking I had a child with her for a moment, and it wasn't scary nor a nightmare. It was nice.
I did feel a desire to remove her IUD right then and there when she proposed it during the trip. I've been thinking of removing it to hopefully have a child in the summer between her first and second year. She wouldn't need time away from school this way. We can then try again to have another child for late fourth year.
However, at the same time, I feel uncertain about taking this next step. I think part of it must be due to how fast our relationship has progressed. A year ago I was a kissless, handholdless virgin, and it was looking like I was going to die alone. I was fine with that, I accepted it.
In contrast, now I'm in a happy, loving relationship with my girlfriend who doesn't "require an appointment" to get her IUD removed, and is ready for "lifelong commitment." I've always wanted to make a family. I never focused on it as it didn't seem realistic before.
My family does not know of the transactional origin and nature of our relationship. If I were to tell my parents everything, which I never will, they'd most likely tell me I'm stupid, be disappointed, and disapprove even though they agree she's "perfect" for me.
I'm also thinking of proposing couples therapy. I could already picture her freaking out and crying when I I mention it, but I think it would be good for us in the long run. She wants to be together indefinitely. I feel the same but I have doubts. I can't tell her directly that I'm unsure of everything since she's very sensitive about this type of stuff. I think she knows that I'm uncertain, and that's partly why she's always been so aggressive in our relationship.
Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Summary: Unsure of everything(whether to pay for her med school, kids, marriage) with my incoming med student sugar gf due to the inorganic origin of the relationship. She let me know that I can remove her IUD whenever I want, and we can start trying for children. If I were to propose to her with a ring pop or a piece of string, she would say yes, start planning the wedding,honeymoon, and sign whatever prenuptial agreement I propose. She would like a real ring eventually though. When she says things like this, I start feeling doubts even though I'm very in love with her, feel at peace with her, and want to be with her indefinitely like she does.

Payment is PPFF NO NOTES. Will ship next day in a USPS Priority flat rate box. Please request a specific picture or video if you want. Yolo is king.
Timestamp
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Spyderco Persistence, Black G10
Description: Knife is like new in it's retail box. Never used never carried.
Edge Condition: Factory, seems pretty sharp
Ownership: First owner
Centering/Lockup: Centering is good, lockup is maybe 65%
Blade Condition: Blade has some light marks that came on it.
Body Condition: Body looks great, no marks on clip
Accessories: Comes with original box
Modifications: None
Selling for: $40
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Kizer Yorkie, Blue titanium, S35VN
Description: Never used never carried. I really like the look and it has great action. I really wanted to like it but I knew I wasn't going to keep it. Put it back in the case as not to get scratched.
Edge: Factory edge
Ownership: First
Centering: Centering is good
Body condition: Body is good
Accessories: Comes with box and the extra hardware.
Modifications: None
Selling for: $150
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Kizer Escort, Red Richlite, 154CM
Description: Used and carried a little. Opened a few boxes probably cut some cardboard. Love this knife it's so smooth but I never carry it.
Edge: Factory edge
Ownership: First
Centering: Centering looks good
Body condition: Body is good, some wear in the coating near the tip, light wear to clip.
Accessories: Comes with box and the extra hardware.
Modifications: None
Selling for: $90
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Kershaw Iridium, Aluminum, D2
Description: Never used never carried. Fidgeted with but it's larger than I like to carry. Another one I knew I wasn't going to keep and didn't want to get scratched. And another one I'd say is like new.
Edge: Factory edge
Ownership: First
Centering: Centering looks good
Body condition: Body is good
Accessories: Comes with box.
Modifications: None
Selling for: $65
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CRKT Razelcliffe, OD Green G10
Description: Fidgeted with never carried. Just too small for me. Like new pretty much.
Edge: Factory edge
Ownership: First
Centering: Centering is decent
Body condition: Body is good
Accessories: Comes with box.
Modifications: None
Selling for: $20 with another item only, $25 by itself
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Gerber FlatIron, Dark Gray
Description: Used and carried a little. Opened a few boxes. Rubbed against a flashlight I guess and the aluminum scratched easily.
Edge: Factory edge
Ownership: First
Centering: Centering looks good
Body condition: Scratches on aluminum scale
Accessories: Just the knife
Modifications: None
Selling for: $20 with another item only, $25 by itself

I realize there us an age gap, but once you get past that, everything about my boyfriend is perfect. He's such a hardworker(he works 12 hr days), he is very loving and affectionate(PDAs all the way), he is caring and kind(loves me for me). He's got a car and a place to stsy(trust me dating nowadays that's huge)
He's literally the best thing to ever happen to me. I can see myself marrying this man.
The problem though. And I'm sure yall will tell me it's a big one.
He wants kids.
I can't have have kids.
He knew this (I couldn't have kids) going into the relationship with Me.
He said it didn't matter to him.
Now he brings it up again.
I remind him again that I can't have kids.
He doesn't really answer me.
So I ask him on a scale of [I can go without kids - to - having kids is important to me]
He told me it's important to him.
So then I ask him if he'd be open to adopting one day.
He tells me no.
So now I'm at
Can't physically gave kids, won't adopt, but having kids is important to him....
Not to mention that I'm more of a dog and cat kind of person rather than a mom kind of person...
My boyfriend is the best thing to happen to me, and I don't see myself finding anyone better. But I don't see this going long term this way if he won't budge with the kids.
I guess I probably have my answer already and am just venting at this point. Rather than asking for advice :/
Edit: I'm disabled and finding a relationship with a disability is very hard, especially finding someone who can see you beyond your disabilities.

I was closing in on goal weight and stable for about 4 weeks around 180 lbs. My doctor then prescribed Wegovy as a back up since it was harder to get MJ. I switched from 10 MJ to 1.7 Weg and boom I lost 10lbs in 2 weeks. Then I cycled back to 10mg MJ and another 5 came off in 2 weeks. I'm going to cycle back to Wegovy next week and see where that takes me. I never thought I could be anywhere near the 160s. So my goal weight is TBD. I'm in the normal BMI range for the first time in my life. I don't look sickly just normal. Note I strength train at least twice a week min, 45 min at a time.
Sw: 249 GW: 178, now tbd CW: 165

I 'm a resident and my girlfriend is a college senior who is entering medical school later this year. We had our first year anniversary recently. She's going to her top choice school that is local to us, same one I went to. I met her as an escort and things progressed from there as she pushed for exclusivity. She's my sugar girlfriend and we are very serious. Living together, close with each other's families, several trips together, etc.
She hasn't brought up how she's going to pay for medical school. There's a chance she just assumes I'll pay for it, since I've covered all of her college/medical school related expenses so far. If I don't bring it up, she might pay it with loans since she's applied for financial aid. She is not aggressive financially, so it's I believe she's waiting for me to bring it up.
I have noticed she has always tried to make things seem as organic and nontransactional as possible. In the beginning when we met, she was never strict about payment. We would meet for her 3 hour rate and she would stay overnight. We were seeing each other so often she didn't care if the rate was provided or not.
She eventually proposed being an official couple and an exclusive arrangement with a monthly allowance, which was reasonable and flexible. We have moved away from this arrangement as I cover her college tuition, all our living expenses, everything she needs or wants, and providing her a small allowance monthly. I initiated the transition and I prefer it this way even though I'll spend more on her, I love her and enjoy taking care of her.
I want to pay for her med school but I'm not sure if it's a smart decision. The amount wouldn't be significant to me at all. She's mostly aggressive about marriage and children, which deal with finances indirectly.
She let me know on our anniversary I can remove her IUD at any time. Things were intimate and she was vulnerable, emotional when she said this, so I didn't address it further. She asked for my thoughts the following day, we talked about it, and she genuinely meant it.
I came home from work the next day. I open the door to her, as she always wants to be the first thing i see. I knew she was up to something. She made my favorite foods and was professionally dressed, kind of. Her interview clothing and no pants, was in her panties as always. She never wears any sort of pants or shorts at home and didn't use any for interviews either.
She prepared an extensive presentation with all the reasons why we should get married and have a "preclinical baby." The presentation consisted of two parts, one was pretty much that we love each other, and the other part was all the other reasons besides love why it makes sense like fertility, how it's possible financially, etc.
She says her desire to be "bred" is partially my fault. I "make" her feel like she needs to get off birth control due to how our relationship is. She can't think of one reservation against us trying since she's never felt so loved, happy, protected, and cared for in her life. She knows I'll be an equally amazing father. She's sure of us as a couple and as parents. Therefore, she is confident we can "figure it out as we go" if we were to "see what happens."
The last slide of the presentation was her jokingly proposing a "compromise," removing her IUD and timing her cycle, pulling out when necessary. She couldn't keep a straight face saying this. We both know what would happen. I've never pulled out of her and never will. I'm "not allowed" to pull out anyway.
She already had a date picked out when she wanted to get it removed, start trying, have my last name, to have a child during her fourth year of medical school. She still has the date on our fridge and wants me to remove the IUD when I decide. I of course have a say in all this. If I don't approve, it won't get removed. Even though she would like to start our family and we only use that one method of birth control, I trust her and never worry of pregnancy.
She also chose to go to our local medical school. She had a successful cycle and was accepted to many schools, one in particular that is much better than all the others but is located far away. She says she "owns" me, that's always been a thing of hers( owning each other), she's never losing me, I'm never going to be away from her, she values what we have much more than a better medical school, and "medical school is medical school."
What I have with my girlfriend is very intense and passionate, but it started inorganically. She has successfully locked me down and wants to cement her possession even further with marriage and children. She has our whole lives planned out. Marriage, we're having a minimum of 2 children, we're going to consider having more children once we have 2, moving with her after medical school if we have to. I'll be an attending at that point. Thus, "there's no excuse not to." She already has her career decided even though it's really early, our own practice, buying a house together, slightly nudging our kids into becoming doctors so they can hopefully take over the practice, when and where we're going to retire, the list goes on.
I'm planning on doing a 1 year fellowship which would take place during her 2nd year of med school. I've been doing everything possible to match local. Ideally, it would be my home program, but that's never a sure thing. She says I'm "only allowed" to apply to the few nearby programs around since being away from each other is never going to be an option for us.
She's pushing for children, yet she's so young. We're in our 20s, and I'm 4 years older than her. However, she is flexible with marriage and children, and she says that it is my choice at the end of the day when those things happen.
She has figuratively dragged me to see engagement rings when we've been out, "just to see" and give me "inspiration" as per her words. She says she's willing to sign any prenuptial agreement I propose, as she knows what she wants and understands if I want protection. She's not asking for much to get married, just a proposal, she doesn't care about what ring I get her, small wedding, she mostly cares about the honeymoon as she values "experiences" the most.
I feel safe and happy with my girlfriend. However, I occasionally feel doubt as to whether I'm doing the logical and smart decision. Everything I've done with her has been due to desire, want, and what feels right. I was so hesitant to see escorts and try seeking arrangements. I finally got the balls to do it, and I had an amazing time with her. She was the first escort i saw and i lost my virginity to her. I don't think she knows and I don't plan to ever tell her. Everything from then has occurred organically as it's felt right, but there or course exists the inorganic financial component to our relationship.
She makes it easy to make decisions. She's extremely bratty, dominant, and bossy mostly, submissive in a few aspects, but sweet, caring, creative, intense, affectionate, loving, smart, funny, passionate, romantic, and fun to be around all the time, it's hard to describe but I love how and who she is. I was hesitant of entering an official relationship with her, but she made everything feel right. Prior to becoming official, she already moved in to my place, very clingy, possessive, territorial, she would introduce me to everyone as her boyfriend, it already felt like we were a couple, and i started falling in love with her, so I agreed to what she wanted.
We never argue and there's never any problems in our relationship. She's very mature and we have serious conversations. The closest thing to an argument recently was when I showered without her. She was mad at me. Wasn't a big deal as it was just her being brattier and more annoying than usual. We've talked about it and I'm allowed to "discipline" her whenever I feel it is necessary. Spankings aren't a punishment for her as she likes it, it's foreplay for us and reinforces her bratty behavior. But I don't mind as she is always respectful. It's a fun playful dynamic.
The previous time was a couple of months ago. I told her a coworker flirted with me and asked me out. She was mad at me since I didn't tell her immediately, it was a few days after. She says we always need to tell each other these things, and she needs to know the right when it happens and who it was as I "belong" to her. She can't stay mad at me for more than half an hour maximum though. She always apologizes, wants to make up, "talk about it."
The relationship isn't one-sided and I truly value the effort she puts into us. She spoils me like I spoil her. Some recent examples include us exploring something new for the first time and she bought me a ps5. We tried something new on our anniversary trip. We had an amazing night on our actual anniversary, which she planned . She considers it to be our first anniversary of being together as our relationship technically started that day when we met as client-escort.
I wanted to do something more for her. So I took her on a spontaneous golden weekend trip the week of our anniversary. We spent the mornings/afternoons exploring and had a dinner date each evening. It was obvious she was plotting something during the trip, I just didn't know what it was.
On our second evening, she took longer than usual to get ready for dinner, I didn't think anything of it as she always takes a while to get ready. Took her to one of the nicest places I could find. We had an amazing time. Talking, listening to her as she talks a lot, she enjoys teasing me, learning new things about each other, she easily has me smiling and laughing like an idiot, being lost in conversation and her company.
She always has to be making physical contact. From wearing lipstick that didn't last until dinner, to taking her heels off and having her feet wander underneath the table, placing her leg over me while we eat, it being "necessary" to hold my hand or arm as we walked, purposely bumping into me to mess with me and pretending it was an accident, saying she's "cold" as she wiggles her ass against me in the elevator. As a result of all this and her bratty antics, my underwear was already a mess with precum before we arrived. That's what being around her does to me.
We arrived back to the suite. She pounced on me as soon as I closed the door. She puts her arms up and snapped her fingers, indicating she wanted to be carried to the bed. I carry her to the bed with her legs wrapped around me, her arms around my neck, and her lips on my face.
She kicks her heels off on the way. I sit on the bed. She was on my lap facing me. Her hands firmly on my neck for control. She's not the most patient. Didn't take long for her tongue to be back in my mouth. I start to unbotton my shirt. She takes my hands and guides them down her body to her hips. She unbottons my shirt instead and says it's "just to get comfortable" between kisses.
She finally gets the shirt off. I got up and threw her on the bed (she likes being carried and thrown around). She always makes it back to me a second later. I place her on the bed and she points her feet at me. I wanted to worship her properly. I sucked every single one of her toes, in between them, and kissed her soles. Made my way up her legs. I unwrapped her from the dress she was wearing. I pulled her panties down and found out she she was using a butt plug. I removed her pad, tampon, and continued to slide her panties down her legs and off.
She told me "happy anniversary" when I noticed, probably for the thousandth time that week, with a blushed face and a beautiful smile. I kissed her, her forehead, cheeks, nose, shoulders, hairy armpits, breasts. I didn't want to miss one part of her. By the time I got to her stomach, she tried inching up the bed and pushing my head down so I could get closer to eating her out. I grabbed her by her hips and pulled her back to where she was. I told her if she tried that again, I was going to spank her.
As soon as she heard that she tried it again. I flipped her over and scooped her towards me so that now she was over my knees. I spanked her. The sight of her red ass with the plug inside her was incredible. Tears ran down her face while she egged me on to spank her harder.
I stopped and she sat back on my lap. I still had pants on, she was naked. She poured her heart out after getting spanked, saying how feels like the luckiest girl in the world to have "found and claimed" me. This is when she mentioned that she doesn't mind getting her IUD removed right now as she's never been so sure about anything.
I was surprised as she wanted to have a child fourth year, which was her original proposal she wanted me to strongly consider. I told her I understood. I've always liked how direct she is with what she wants and feels.
She was emotional and trying to kiss me. All I did was kiss her forehead once and comfort her. She was pressed against me. I didn't want to take advantage. I held her by her wrists to restrain her from touching me. She found another way. Different fluids dripped out of her onto my abdomen. When she noticed, she rubbed and grinded herself against me to make a bigger mess. She called me her "personal canvas that she can "draw and paint" on when she pleases.
She anticipated what i was going to ask and insisted she was alright to continue. I asked if she was sure. She hates it when I ask her that, but I have to. I let her kiss me, I kissed the tears and what was remaining of her makeup off of her face. I grab her by her cheeks and spit in her mouth. She clung to me while I took my pants and underwear off. I couldn't handle wearing those anymore.
I brought her up the bed as her lips never felt mine. She politely asks if she can "please" sit on my face as she was already making her there. She spits in my mouth right before mounting, partially missing the target on purpose. My face went in between her legs and was used for her pleasure. I love her bush, how wet she already was, and I love dining on her.
A lot of fun was had. I love exploring new places with her and enjoy spending time with her. It doesn't matter what we do.
We had to fly back after due to work and school. Slept through our flight. She slept on me like she always does. As for the ps5, it was also something I never even thought about. She saw my ps4 giving me a problem and bought it for me even though all I was going to fix it. She goes above and beyond every single day, not only on special occasions. She's a perfect girlfriend and would undoubtedly make a great mother.
I've dreamt of us having a child before her new proposal. It appeared to be the weekend, and I was making breakfast. Our child looked like a 5 year old version of my girlfriend, similar to her pictures as a child. They also had the same attire, braided hair and no pants. I woke up thinking I had a child with her for a moment, and it wasn't scary nor a nightmare. It was nice.
I did feel a desire to remove her IUD right then and there when she proposed it during the trip. I've been thinking of removing it to hopefully have a child in the summer between her first and second year. She wouldn't need time away from school this way. We can then try again to have another child for late fourth year.
However, at the same time, I feel uncertain about taking this next step. I think part of it must be due to how fast our relationship has progressed. A year ago I was a kissless, handholdless virgin, and it was looking like I was going to die alone. I was fine with that, I accepted it.
In contrast, now I'm in a happy, loving relationship with my girlfriend who doesn't "require an appointment" to get her IUD removed, and is ready for "lifelong commitment." I've always wanted to make a family. I never focused on it as it didn't seem realistic before.
My family does not know of the transactional origin and nature of our relationship. If I were to tell my parents everything, which I never will, they'd most likely tell me I'm stupid, be disappointed, and disapprove even though they agree she's "perfect" for me.
I'm also thinking of proposing couples therapy. I could already picture her freaking out and crying when I I mention it, but I think it would be good for us in the long run. She wants to be together indefinitely. I feel the same but I have doubts. I can't tell her directly that I'm unsure of everything since she's very sensitive about this type of stuff. I think she knows that I'm uncertain, and that's partly why she's always been so aggressive in our relationship.
Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Summary: Unsure of everything(whether to pay for her med school, kids, marriage) with my incoming med student sugar gf due to the inorganic origin of the relationship. She let me know that I can remove her IUD whenever I want, and we can start trying for children. If I were to propose to her with a ring pop or a piece of string, she would say yes, start planning the wedding,honeymoon, and sign whatever prenuptial agreement I propose. She would like a real ring eventually though. When she says things like this, I start feeling doubts even though I'm very in love with her, feel at peace with her, and want to be with her indefinitely like she does.

I'm a resident and my girlfriend is a college senior who is entering medical school later this year. We had our first year anniversary recently. She's going to her top choice school that is local to us, same one I went to. I met her as an escort and things progressed from there as she pushed for exclusivity. She's my sugar girlfriend and we are very serious. Living together, close with each other's families, several trips together, etc.
She hasn't brought up how she's going to pay for medical school. There's a chance she just assumes I'll pay for it, since I've covered all of her college/medical school related expenses so far. If I don't bring it up, she might pay it with loans since she's applied for financial aid. She is not aggressive financially, so it's I believe she's waiting for me to bring it up.
I have noticed she has always tried to make things seem as organic and nontransactional as possible. In the beginning when we met, she was never strict about payment. We would meet for her 3 hour rate and she would stay overnight. We were seeing each other so often she didn't care if the rate was provided or not.
She eventually proposed being an official couple and an exclusive arrangement with a monthly allowance, which was reasonable and flexible. We have moved away from this arrangement as I cover her college tuition, all our living expenses, everything she needs or wants, and providing her a small allowance monthly. I initiated the transition and I prefer it this way even though I'll spend more on her, I love her and enjoy taking care of her.
I want to pay for her med school but I'm not sure if it's a smart decision. The amount wouldn't be significant to me at all. She's mostly aggressive about marriage and children, which deal with finances indirectly.
She let me know on our anniversary I can remove her IUD at any time. Things were intimate and she was vulnerable, emotional when she said this, so I didn't address it further. She asked for my thoughts the following day, we talked about it, and she genuinely meant it.
I came home from work the next day. I open the door to her, as she always wants to be the first thing i see. I knew she was up to something. She made my favorite foods and was professionally dressed, kind of. Her interview clothing and no pants, was in her panties as always. She never wears any sort of pants or shorts at home and didn't use any for interviews either.
She prepared an extensive presentation with all the reasons why we should get married and have a "preclinical baby." The presentation consisted of two parts, one was pretty much that we love each other, and the other part was all the other reasons besides love why it makes sense like fertility, how it's possible financially, etc.
She says her desire to be "bred" is partially my fault. I "make" her feel like she needs to get off birth control due to how our relationship is. She can't think of one reservation against us trying since she's never felt so loved, happy, protected, and cared for in her life. She knows I'll be an equally amazing father. She's sure of us as a couple and as parents. Therefore, she is confident we can "figure it out as we go" if we were to "see what happens."
The last slide of the presentation was her jokingly proposing a "compromise," removing her IUD and timing her cycle, pulling out when necessary. She couldn't keep a straight face saying this. We both know what would happen. I've never pulled out of her and never will. I'm "not allowed" to pull out anyway.
She already had a date picked out when she wanted to get it removed, start trying, have my last name, to have a child during her fourth year of medical school. She still has the date on our fridge and wants me to remove the IUD when I decide. I of course have a say in all this. If I don't approve, it won't get removed. Even though she would like to start our family and we only use that one method of birth control, I trust her and never worry of pregnancy.
She also chose to go to our local medical school. She had a successful cycle and was accepted to many schools, one in particular that is much better than all the others but is located far away. She says she "owns" me, that's always been a thing of hers( owning each other), she's never losing me, I'm never going to be away from her, she values what we have much more than a better medical school, and "medical school is medical school."
What I have with my girlfriend is very intense and passionate, but it started inorganically. She has successfully locked me down and wants to cement her possession even further with marriage and children. She has our whole lives planned out. Marriage, we're having a minimum of 2 children, we're going to consider having more children once we have 2, moving with her after medical school if we have to. I'll be an attending at that point. Thus, "there's no excuse not to." She already has her career decided even though it's really early, our own practice, buying a house together, slightly nudging our kids into becoming doctors so they can hopefully take over the practice, when and where we're going to retire, the list goes on.
I'm planning on doing a 1 year fellowship which would take place during her 2nd year of med school. I've been doing everything possible to match local. Ideally, it would be my home program, but that's never a sure thing. She says I'm "only allowed" to apply to the few nearby programs around since being away from each other is never going to be an option for us.
She's pushing for children, yet she's so young. We're in our 20s, and I'm 4 years older than her. However, she is flexible with marriage and children, and she says that it is my choice at the end of the day when those things happen.
She has figuratively dragged me to see engagement rings when we've been out, "just to see" and give me "inspiration" as per her words. She says she's willing to sign any prenuptial agreement I propose, as she knows what she wants and understands if I want protection. She's not asking for much to get married, just a proposal, she doesn't care about what ring I get her, small wedding, she mostly cares about the honeymoon as she values "experiences" the most.
I feel safe and happy with my girlfriend. However, I occasionally feel doubt as to whether I'm doing the logical and smart decision. Everything I've done with her has been due to desire, want, and what feels right. I was so hesitant to see escorts and try seeking arrangements. I finally got the balls to do it, and I had an amazing time with her. She was the first escort i saw and i lost my virginity to her. I don't think she knows and I don't plan to ever tell her. Everything from then has occurred organically as it's felt right, but there or course exists the inorganic financial component to our relationship.
She makes it easy to make decisions. She's extremely bratty, dominant, and bossy mostly, submissive in a few aspects, but sweet, caring, creative, intense, affectionate, loving, smart, funny, passionate, romantic, and fun to be around all the time, it's hard to describe but I love how and who she is. I was hesitant of entering an official relationship with her, but she made everything feel right. Prior to becoming official, she already moved in to my place, very clingy, possessive, territorial, she would introduce me to everyone as her boyfriend, it already felt like we were a couple, and i started falling in love with her, so I agreed to what she wanted.
We never argue and there's never any problems in our relationship. She's very mature and we have serious conversations. The closest thing to an argument recently was when I showered without her. She was mad at me. Wasn't a big deal as it was just her being brattier and more annoying than usual. We've talked about it and I'm allowed to "discipline" her whenever I feel it is necessary. Spankings aren't a punishment for her as she likes it, it's foreplay for us and reinforces her bratty behavior. But I don't mind as she is always respectful. It's a fun playful dynamic.
The previous time was a couple of months ago. I told her a coworker flirted with me and asked me out. She was mad at me since I didn't tell her immediately, it was a few days after. She says we always need to tell each other these things, and she needs to know the right when it happens and who it was as I "belong" to her. She can't stay mad at me for more than half an hour maximum though. She always apologizes, wants to make up, "talk about it."
The relationship isn't one-sided and I truly value the effort she puts into us. She spoils me like I spoil her. Some recent examples include us exploring something new for the first time and she bought me a ps5. We tried something new on our anniversary trip. We had an amazing night on our actual anniversary, which she planned . She considers it to be our first anniversary of being together as our relationship technically started that day when we met as client-escort.
I wanted to do something more for her. So I took her on a spontaneous golden weekend trip the week of our anniversary. We spent the mornings/afternoons exploring and had a dinner date each evening. It was obvious she was plotting something during the trip, I just didn't know what it was.
On our second evening, she took longer than usual to get ready for dinner, I didn't think anything of it as she always takes a while to get ready. Took her to one of the nicest places I could find. We had an amazing time. Talking, listening to her as she talks a lot, she enjoys teasing me, learning new things about each other, she easily has me smiling and laughing like an idiot, being lost in conversation and her company.
She always has to be making physical contact. From wearing lipstick that didn't last until dinner, to taking her heels off and having her feet wander underneath the table, placing her leg over me while we eat, it being "necessary" to hold my hand or arm as we walked, purposely bumping into me to mess with me and pretending it was an accident, saying she's "cold" as she wiggles her ass against me in the elevator. As a result of all this and her bratty antics, my underwear was already a mess with precum before we arrived. That's what being around her does to me.
We arrived back to the suite. She pounced on me as soon as I closed the door. She puts her arms up and snapped her fingers, indicating she wanted to be carried to the bed. I carry her to the bed with her legs wrapped around me, her arms around my neck, and her lips on my face.
She kicks her heels off on the way. I sit on the bed. She was on my lap facing me. Her hands firmly on my neck for control. She's not the most patient. Didn't take long for her tongue to be back in my mouth. I start to unbotton my shirt. She takes my hands and guides them down her body to her hips. She unbottons my shirt instead and says it's "just to get comfortable" between kisses.
She finally gets the shirt off. I got up and threw her on the bed (she likes being carried and thrown around). She always makes it back to me a second later. I place her on the bed and she points her feet at me. I wanted to worship her properly. I sucked every single one of her toes, in between them, and kissed her soles. Made my way up her legs. I unwrapped her from the dress she was wearing. I pulled her panties down and found out she she was using a butt plug. I removed her pad, tampon, and continued to slide her panties down her legs and off.
She told me "happy anniversary" when I noticed, probably for the thousandth time that week, with a blushed face and a beautiful smile. I kissed her, her forehead, cheeks, nose, shoulders, hairy armpits, breasts. I didn't want to miss one part of her. By the time I got to her stomach, she tried inching up the bed and pushing my head down so I could get closer to eating her out. I grabbed her by her hips and pulled her back to where she was. I told her if she tried that again, I was going to spank her.
As soon as she heard that she tried it again. I flipped her over and scooped her towards me so that now she was over my knees. I spanked her. The sight of her red ass with the plug inside her was incredible. Tears ran down her face while she egged me on to spank her harder.
I stopped and she sat back on my lap. I still had pants on, she was naked. She poured her heart out after getting spanked, saying how feels like the luckiest girl in the world to have "found and claimed" me. This is when she mentioned that she doesn't mind getting her IUD removed right now as she's never been so sure about anything.
I was surprised as she wanted to have a child fourth year, which was her original proposal she wanted me to strongly consider. I told her I understood. I've always liked how direct she is with what she wants and feels.
She was emotional and trying to kiss me. All I did was kiss her forehead once and comfort her. She was pressed against me. I didn't want to take advantage. I held her by her wrists to restrain her from touching me. She found another way. Different fluids dripped out of her onto my abdomen. When she noticed, she rubbed and grinded herself against me to make a bigger mess. She called me her "personal canvas that she can "draw and paint" on when she pleases.
She anticipated what i was going to ask and insisted she was alright to continue. I asked if she was sure. She hates it when I ask her that, but I have to. I let her kiss me, I kissed the tears and what was remaining of her makeup off of her face. I grab her by her cheeks and spit in her mouth. She clung to me while I took my pants and underwear off. I couldn't handle wearing those anymore.
I brought her up the bed as her lips never felt mine. She politely asks if she can "please" sit on my face as she was already making her there. She spits in my mouth right before mounting, partially missing the target on purpose. My face went in between her legs and was used for her pleasure. I love her bush, how wet she already was, and I love dining on her.
A lot of fun was had. I love exploring new places with her and enjoy spending time with her. It doesn't matter what we do.
We had to fly back after due to work and school. Slept through our flight. She slept on me like she always does. As for the ps5, it was also something I never even thought about. She saw my ps4 giving me a problem and bought it for me even though all I was going to fix it. She goes above and beyond every single day, not only on special occasions. She's a perfect girlfriend and would undoubtedly make a great mother.
I've dreamt of us having a child before her new proposal. It appeared to be the weekend, and I was making breakfast. Our child looked like a 5 year old version of my girlfriend, similar to her pictures as a child. They also had the same attire, braided hair and no pants. I woke up thinking I had a child with her for a moment, and it wasn't scary nor a nightmare. It was nice.
I did feel a desire to remove her IUD right then and there when she proposed it during the trip. I've been thinking of removing it to hopefully have a child in the summer between her first and second year. She wouldn't need time away from school this way. We can then try again to have another child for late fourth year.
However, at the same time, I feel uncertain about taking this next step. I think part of it must be due to how fast our relationship has progressed. A year ago I was a kissless, handholdless virgin, and it was looking like I was going to die alone. I was fine with that, I accepted it.
In contrast, now I'm in a happy, loving relationship with my girlfriend who doesn't "require an appointment" to get her IUD removed, and is ready for "lifelong commitment." I've always wanted to make a family. I never focused on it as it didn't seem realistic before.
My family does not know of the transactional origin and nature of our relationship. If I were to tell my parents everything, which I never will, they'd most likely tell me I'm stupid, be disappointed, and disapprove even though they agree she's "perfect" for me.
I'm also thinking of proposing couples therapy. I could already picture her freaking out and crying when I I mention it, but I think it would be good for us in the long run. She wants to be together indefinitely. I feel the same but I have doubts. I can't tell her directly that I'm unsure of everything since she's very sensitive about this type of stuff. I think she knows that I'm uncertain, and that's partly why she's always been so aggressive in our relationship.
Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Summary: Unsure of everything(whether to pay for her med school, kids, marriage) with my incoming med student sugar gf due to the inorganic origin of the relationship. She let me know that I can remove her IUD whenever I want, and we can start trying for children. If I were to propose to her with a ring pop or a piece of string, she would say yes, start planning the wedding,honeymoon, and sign whatever prenuptial agreement I propose. She would like a real ring eventually though. When she says things like this, I start feeling doubts even though I'm very in love with her, feel at peace with her, and want to be with her indefinitely like she does.

Almost went over the edge tonight ...
I've been trying to sell a house for almost a year and we've moved heaven and earth to make this closing happen tomorrow. We've really made the house a fabulous space to live and we worked our butts off. Today, we believe we had it all ready to go and the buyers just needed to do the final walkthrough which should be fine.
Then, we got this great news on another event that was impacting many of our friends and family members and we were like woohoo - maybe we finally caught a break.
Then my wife and son broke out the cocktails and I was torn. I really wanted to celebrate with them and have a drink. But I also felt like I would jinx the closing on the house if I broke down. So after about 30 minutes, the desire calmed down and I was like - "OK self. Just keep breathing your way through this and do not go near the liquor."
An hour later, I get a text from the house buyer's realtor "There seems to be an issue with the plumbing".
OMG - panic. We've worked so hard for this to go through and now it sounds like they want to back out. Worse, if they do back out, we have a months-long process to re-sell it. I took a few breaths and started working the situation. I remained calm. I was not impulsive or emotional in my responses.
So far, the situation ahs been remedied but I know I won't sleep tonight.
BUt, after I got it resolved, my adrenaline and cortisol were so high I said to my wife - "I really just need a whiskey." She asked if she could make it for me.
"No." I said.
I really can't explain why but something told me I could get through this and self-medicating with poison was not going to help anything. I remembered coming here and pledging not to drink today. So, I didn't.
​
IWNDWYT
-10001

It reminds me of the Oregon Question, when Yank Democrats wanted to claim the Oregon Territory all the way up to a latitude of 54° 40' (a substantial portion of what is now British Columbia).
That got settled with the Oregon Treaty of 1846, with the continuation of the boundary along the 49th parallel that got as far as the Rockies in the Webster-Ashburton Treaty of 1842.
Almost as provocative as the Oregon Question are the lyrics of "54-40 or Fight" by Dead Moon, (which best describes my feelings about Gamestop's recent DRS numbers.
I've got a rocket trail in my mind I've got a feelin' that I haven't much time I've got a time-bomb tickin' with nowhere to turn Now these restraints that you're puttin' on me The dealin' with society This - the final approach, is my cause for alarm So don't tell me what I was before Or expect me to be something more I'm on the defense and I'm over the line I say 54/40 or fight.
If not near 64 percent, (about 61 percent was what it was before), there may still be time for me to buy some more shares and get them DRS'd before MOASS begins. Gotta do my tax return to see how many more shares I can afford to BUY, HODL, and DRS!
54.45 percent? Fight!

So I was working on a book this summer and it was going pretty well. Then school resumed and ive lost all motivation, if any one sees it could you please give me some honest feedback on this small clip from my book: "The Queens Gambit" It has inperation from a couple novels including "Wind In he Willows" and a few more. :/
Rat awoke, his head on his workbench. His work led him to sleep as he had assumed. See Rat was a noble shoe maker well known around northern yorkshire, many nights he sat up dreaming of wonderful slips sketching them upon his notepad only to have very few made, he sure was a picky rodent. His small eyes were caked in crust and he rubbed them free. His head lay in a puddle of warm drool, if his face were to move in the slightest it would turn bitter cold. The room he used for his duties was the one he currently snoozed in, a cup of cold tea and a fine tipped pencil sat beside him. He could hear the alarm from his bedroom, “Ring” “Ring” It went on, how long it had been going was something beyond him. The faint chirping of the morning birds could be heard from above and the rushing of the nearby stream was abundant in noise as it always was. Rat finally lifted his face off the table, he moved his feet and was shocked by the chilly floors. “Now, where are my blasted slippers?” He hopped up pulling his robe from the chairs corner. He scurried out of his working room and across the hall to his sleeping chambers, the Rat stuck his feet in the soft wool slippers made by himself ``Ahhh, that's more like it” He breathed a sigh of relief. Rat then bustled into the living room with the sun shining bright through the sky light, illuminating his trophies sitting upon his grand piano. Last night's fire was still crackling in his beautiful brick fireplace. To the kitchen he went anticipating tea time then out the kitchen he went remembering the mail. Rat stomped up the winding metal staircase eventually opening a grand marble door, his burrow revealed to be at the base of a flourishing oak tree with life buzzing all over it. Just to his right was the clear blue and I mean clear blue stream competing in its beauty with the tree. The long walk to his mailbox down his stone path was amazing, Rat thought. Fresh air flew in, the sun was out and many friends were strolled by.

The title says it all, I went in for a procedure which I was planning on using insurance towards, however I explicitly asked for an estimate on all expected services as even with insurance my coinsurance % would leave me with a hefty bill. I got the estimate which was described as being for the entire procedure. Now I am getting bills that add up to triple what the estimate was and the hospital is doing everything they can to avoid any accountability, despite openly admitting that the estimate they gave me was not for the entire procedure.
Any advice or suggested recourse? I have an itemized bill and intend on going through it. I'm guessing I can't do anything through CMS for surprise bills since I used insurance...

A friend and I are both preparing to graduate from college. We happened to be accepted to the same graduate program which is in another state with a fiercely competitive and nauseatingly expensive housing market.
I’m lucky to have my grandparents living in a nearby city there so I decided to just live with them in their extra bedroom.
My friend suggested the idea of us going in on a place together and I explained I’d be living with family.
During college I saw this friend maybe once a month. We started hanging out a little more frequently when we found out we’d be in the same graduate program because we thought it would be nice to know someone going in. But we’re by no means best of friends or anything.
I told him I was happy to ask my grandparents if they knew of affordable housing in the area and post his advertisement seeking roommates up in their building or whatever else I could do to help.
A couple days ago we were getting together and he confided that housing is creating a barrier to his attending the program and he might be unable to attend. I asked if he’d spoken to the financial aid office at the university and what not, he said he had, we discussed it a bit more then moved on to other topics.
As we were parting ways he said he figured I would’ve offered by now but it didn’t seem like I was going to do he’d just say it— he’d like to stay with me at my grandparents house until he could find other living accommodations. He said he could sleep on the couch.
I explained my grandmother has the beginnings of dementia and that really even if she didn’t, they were already leery about taking me in and definitely aren’t seeking any extra roommates.
He said, in so many words, since I am privileged to have family who can afford to live near campus it’s my responsibility to lend a hand to those who have no alternatives.
I feel awful for him, and if it weren’t for my grandparents I’d be in pretty much his same position, but it would honestly never cross my mind to ask a friend to let me indefinitely live with them, ever.
We left the talk on pretty sour terms and when I called to try and smooth things over he just kept laying it on pretty thick about how dire his situation is and that he’d do the same for me.
So… I’m feeling really conflicted. I want to help a friend but I’d be extremely hesitant to do this for even a close friend and do not want to further impose on my very kind grandparents. But I am also very lucky to be where I am and did stonewall him on this… AITA?

Hello
I'm a 24 year old male. I'm lonely as hell, completely out of my depth in life and am becoming desperate for a solution to my problems. If anybody can help point me in the right direction I'd be immensely grateful. I am genuinely starting to believe I've done everything wrong and now the sum of my decisions has manifested as a life, and a mind, that I can't escape. Here's everything (that I can think of) that's troubling me.
I am so scared. I'm scared of my boss, my coworkers, my roomate, the expectations of society, how I am perceived by all of them. I just don't like having to mask social competency and mental stability around people and that's exactly what I have to do whenever I speak with anyone who isn't family.
I'm tired all of the time, life exhausts me and it is mostly down to the fact that you have to put in what feels like so much work, in and out of the home, to simply exist, something I do not and can not enjoy for the most part. Any downtime makes me feel either guilty, empty, or ashamed due to my interests. I resent having to drag myself out of bed every day to do chores and work for a life I am suffering through 90% of the day.
I feel a kind of age-dysmorphia. I don't relate to people my age at all. I don't have a burning desire to strive in any kind of industry or career for the reasons I listed above. I don't enjoy drinking, for taste or drunkeness, or the kind of environments where people my age drink - pubs, clubs etc. Night life intimidates me - I see men my age that make me feel inadequate, and women that feel completely unapprochable and unattainable. I can never imagine a point where I feel the confidence or the share the same frame of mind as them. Some times I feel much younger than people my age, and sometimes far older - but always alienated. I've tried dressing myself more smartly and to my tastes but it feels like fakery and masking. I've had this confirmed with snickering while out and about in public. I don't think my height helps either, I am of average height for a man but it never feels like it when I see men towering over me wherever I go. Lastly, my interests haven't really developed since highschool - I like nintendo games on older consoles, YouTubers who clearly cater content to people younger than me and I used to enjoy drawing but my skill very much feels like it reached it's capacity at age 15/16. I don't have the patience for it anymore.
Social media disgusts me - this also intertwines with my age dysmorphia as people my age are very much hooked on it. I find tiktok, and other forms of vertical video scrolling, to be absolute brainrot. I used to be on Facebook and Instagram until I gave it up around 2018/19, joining instagram again recently until present day. I can't fathom how people my age live their lives on it. It seems to me, and I'm happy to be challenged on this, that social media is for the most part mindlessly uploading and perverting ones authenticity, thoughts, mental illness and falling into a few algorithmically crafted echo chambers where you interface with people who think like you, distorting your mind into believing that everyone thinks the way you do, or SHOULD. I think it normalizes a lot of things that are definitely not good for you, there are honestly too many things I've noticed to list without overwhelming myself. Cancel culture feels unhealthy, Outrage culture feels unhealthy, and an endless rope of content on anything and everything streaming into your already busy head feels unhealthy. The way that the AI designed to keep you on the apps you use will cater a feed to you that causes you pain, anger and discomfort because it can only understand these emotions in their relation to your engagement is frightening and feels so blatantly apparent to me yet everyone around me simply goes about their day engaging with their apps. I re-joined instagram because of FOMO and I've been using the reels section of the app. I've sifted through endless outrage, redpill, doomer content etc and felt alienated by all of it. It's mostly cats and obscure memes these days but I still feel an emptiness in the background when I scroll away. Even meme culture tends to upset me because of how bizarre and anarchistic it feels - it doesn't mesh well with real life in my experience. I don't know what to do with it or without it. Even without my participation these problems will continue to exist and evolve and the online world feels like it's shaping our reality.
I'm an addict - drugs (weed and occasionally xtc, shrooms, 2CB), cigarettes (smoked for ten years), sugary and salty foods, takeout, the internet, porn etc etc. If it gives me dopamine quickly and easily I'll do it just to improve my mood, I seem to live my life cycling through my addictions even though I can see them ruining my life significantly. The alternative feels so frightening and I'm very much an all or nothing person, so in my delusions I imagine a day where I simply free myself from my vices all at once. I don't know what I'd do, or what anyone else does, without immediate pleasure.
My Dad was neglectful, abusive and mentally defeated. I was scared of him and only felt a connection when he was drunk. Upon reflection it's clear he himself wanted someone to relate to him and felt very much lost in his own right. He would show me music, movies and videogames I don't think a child should experience. I do worry I'll end up like him and that I already share a lot of his mental strains.
I spent my entire adolecent years in relationships, I jumped from girl to girl, mirroring them and changing my personality from year to year. I ended up cheating on one of them and it temporarily ruined them. I was in a relationship where I was physically and mentally harmed because of an addiction and obviously their own inner demons. I dated a drug addict who knew me in highschool and built and idea of me in her head that I was more like her than I was and was then cheated on by her. I remember all of it with painful clarity. It feels like I pissed away my formative youth in pursuit of a love I was too young and hurting to navigate or understand.
I'm a retail supervisor who runs the night shift and I feel trapped. My managers are totally incompetent, there's 0 communication, bitching, constant changing of the rotas with no prior mentions or explanations. We have the biggest store in the chain and 3-5 workers on the shift. I'm expected to engage with 3 or 4 different Whatsapp groups, that are active while I'm asleep, and generally just contain pictures and complaints of issues that will never be resolved. I work 10 hour shifts that often run over into 11-14+ hours with an hour commute home. My staff barely speak English, don't care (I don't blame them) or are older. I can't effectively manage them as I have had zero training for this role, I was just the best working employee that didn't quit after a few months. I'd leave and get myself back into day work, but I'm unskilled and a horrifically slow learner. I feel overwhelmed by simple tasks, can't focus when someone is rattling off their 10 years of industry knowledge in a 2 minute window and just generally feel totally crushed under the pressure of picking up a new role in the span of two weeks to a month. Previously I worked through some criminal telesales offices, agency office work I didn't understand but managed to do for a few months, and more retail. I have a flat that my current job pays for comfortably but everything else about my job is ruining my mental and physical health.
Now that's out of the way, I can't stress enough I do want to fix my life - I just don't believe that I can. I'm sick to death of waking up early, searching my issues on reddit, watching sensationalized YouTube life advice (DO THIS ONE THING TO FIX YOUR LIFE/productivity/ anxiety etc) and then working a horrific night shift only to come home and binge food, weed, reels and porn in a short-sighted attempt to heal myself. People tell me to try therapy. Where? For how much? What do I tell them? Surely not all of this at once, even though I want to fix all of this right now. Try excersize. And go to the gym? And do what? With what equipment? What do I do about my anxiety when I get there? What's the right kind of excersize? Do I need a diet? Which diet? Why is everything seemingly bad for me? Why does every other 'expert' tell me that the last expert was wrong and to do this/ eat this/ don't eat this/ think with this mindset/ don't think with that mindset? What-in-the-ever-loving-f*ck is going on and what exactly am I supposed to do? I have no idea how to do anything to sort my life out. Nothing people suggest feels like the first step. I feel as if I might as well behave as if I'm starting on day 0 with the lack of any tangible path to go down in tackling all of my issues. It feels like I need an adult course when I barely have the energy to go into my living room and watch TV.
Any suggestions? I'm aaall ears, thank you so much for reading <3
It may also help to explain, a lot of people have told me they think I'm autistic + ADHD. I don't know of a means to a diagnosis that wouldn't drive me insane with waiting times and obstructions.
If you have read this and worked out you're one of my IRLS - I'm sorry, ily, please do not bring this up, taa.

hi everyone,
i've been kind of off and on drinking over the past couple years. i used to average 9 a night, im now down to 4. i stopped drinking for most of feb but then got back into it in march and have averaged 4 shots a night pretty consistently w/ a few nights without. i only drink at night between 9-midnight id say.
for the past month, i've mainly had between 3-5 shots of vodka every night. then i really wanted to cut down, so tuesday i had 2 beers and last night nothing and hoping to stay on that. i know this seems like absolutely nothing, but i am so terrified of withdrawals and having a seizure just because of how insanely anxious ive been. like i feel like i shouldn't be feeling this anxious but because i have about a year or so under my belt of 9 shots a night, then tapering down to nothing, then doing it again a couple weeks later im afraid ive kindled myself somehow even on such a low amount. all day yesterday i felt so anxious and had a really hard time falling asleep. so much nausea and whenever id open my eyes, i'd see shapes on the ceiling but they'd disappear within a few seconds. having some jerks as well, but only when im trying to fall asleep. today was more of the same, just a ton of anxiety and nausea and im so afraid of accidentally having a seizure or something even though the actual amount is lower. i have no shakes, but it's just the insane anxiety and the night stuff that's really freaking me out and making me feel like im gonna have a seizure.
i cannot see a doctor or take any medicine, i just need some reassurance or some advice. i'm a 27 y/o woman weighing around 150 pounds.

Before I fell asleep, my head was spinning so much that I felt like I was falling. Suddenly, my body lifted from itself and I could see myself lying there. In my conscious state, I was paralyzed and trying to move at the same time I was looking at myself. Suddenly, I flew out through my window and onto the street, moving forward. But then, everything stopped and rewound in an instant, and I went back into my body. I opened my eyes to a big, scary, red face screaming at me. I panicked and reached for the light switch, and it all disappeared. I was fully awake now, and everything felt so real. That day, I lay on my back, but since then, I haven't been able to sleep on my back. However, after that experience, everything in my life changed for the worse.

I hope this flair applies to me here.
I had seen this sub on my main account before but it never really clicked until I was in my friend's car and they were listening. I thought my story would fit in nicely. It's a little long, and I have updates since it was originally posted over at TrueOffMyChest (link for comments and such; it was removed, no clue why, haven't checked the account in a while.)
Anyways, on to my tale of woe.
Throwaway account because my husband and FIL use Reddit. Names changed of course. Apologies in advance for the long rant. VERY long. TW for emotional abuse and ED. Trigger-sensitive parts are spoilered.
There are two updates to my post (one posted March 10th, one posted March 20th), but I'll include them both here for ease of reading.
My husband (Mike, 26M) and I (28M) got married at the end of January. His parents are divorced, so I now have 4 in-laws; Mary (MIL, 54F), Mark (FIL, 55M), Mitch (Step-FIL, 54M, MIL's husband) and Medusa (Step-MIL, 46F, FIL's wife)
Mike and I had agreed, prior to our wedding, that Medusa would not be invited for a variety of reasons, the main ones being that Mike is NC with her, she is an active control freak, and we both had a sickening feeling that she would butt in horribly in our wedding. In brief, Medusa took complete control of everything in Mike's life when he was young (think 10-14). Controlling where he was allowed to go, what he was allowed to do and say, what he was allowed to eat and drink as well as how much (she limited how much WATER he was allowed to drink!), forced him to watch his sister for hours on end because she "needed to lie down" and would then berate him for "bringing a negative energy into her (his sister's) life." This caused Mike to, at first, limit his time at his dad's (every other weekend only) when he was 14, and then live full-time with his mother at 15 and onwards.
Mike had invited Mark and his younger half-sister Melanie (16F, Mark and Medusa's daughter), to our wedding, but not Medusa. Of course, this immediately triggered pleading talks between Mark and us, trying to talk us into letting Medusa come. Mike is horrible at confrontation, so I had to speak up for us. Invites went out in November 2021, around our anniversary. Mike and I told Mark right before the New Year that our choice was final; that Medusa would not be invited, for the above reasons. Mark finally agreed and said he would talk to her about it.
Our wedding, luckily, went off without a hitch. But this is where things started going downhill.
The card Medusa sent (Mark and Melanie each gave us separate cards, too) got my name completely wrong. I will admit, I do have a very uncommon name, a traditional Irish name with weird spelling (think Siobhan, Aodhan, Tadhg etc.), so it's really not that weird for someone to mess up my name. But Mike and I have been dating for eight years. In fact, she's been referring to me by a completely different name the whole time (instead of Siobhan, for example, she'd refer to me as Simon). I showed Mike, and he drunkenly sent her the first message he'd sent her in years: "[My actual name] and I say thank you for the card". He showed me the message, and I didn't think twice about it.
Ever since the wedding day, all Medusa has been doing is complaining about everything: complaining about our wedding choices, complaining that she wasn't invited, complaining that she didn't get "a proper thank you", and on and on and on. She complains to Mark, to Melanie, on Facebook, and to Mary (who loathes her and has blocked her) This has opened a whole new can of worms between Mike and Melanie.
Melanie sent a text to Mike about two weeks ago, asking him why he hated her mom so much. I was confused about this, but Mike wasn't. Mike asked Melanie if she'd be willing to meet up to talk about it in person, and she agreed. A week ago, they went on a drive together. Mike came home crying but said he wasn't ready to talk about it.
I got a text late last night from Medusa (I have no clue how she got my number) that accused me of ruining her entire life. I showed Mike immediately, and he called Mark. I wasn't there for the call, but it was almost an hour long. Mike came back and finally told me what happened when he met Melanie.
Turns out, Mark and Medusa had lied to Melanie about why Mike had left. Mark and Medusa said that it was "for school", and that Mike just found it easier to live at one house closer to his high school. Melanie had no idea of the abuse. Mike had tried to be vague at first, saying (I'm paraphrasing) "I told her that her Mom and I just didn't get along and I moved out to avoid a toxic environment, but she kept pressing to find out what I meant by 'toxic'." After the drive, Melanie went home and spent hours screaming at Medusa and Mark, asking them if it was all true. Medusa denied everything, but Mark pulled Melanie aside later and admitted everything. That night, Melanie packed a bag and went to stay with her aunt (Mark's sister), and she hasn't returned home and was ignoring her mother's calls. Medusa tried to message Mike before me but found that Mike had blocked her, so she got my number (we still don't know how, but Mike suspects she took it from Mark's phone) and messaged me instead.
On the call with Mike, Mark begged him to talk some sense into Melanie and have her come home. Mike said he would call her. Mike called Melanie with me by his side, and Melanie answered the phone absolutely sobbing. She cried and apologized for everything, despite none of it being her fault. Mike and I calmed her down, and she asked if she could stay with us for a few days. She didn't want to go back to her Dad, but her aunt had 4 other kids and it was hard for her to study. Mike said that she would always be welcome, but we would have to pick her up later to give us time to spiffy up a guest room (ie, the couch in our one-bedroom apartment.)
I'm writing this (at the time March 9th) while Mike is on his way to pick up Melanie. If you had told me that four weeks after my wedding, my husband's family would be absolutely ruined because of my name in a card, I would not have believed you. But here we are, I guess. Partially, I'm writing this to see if anyone has any advice. Partially, I can't just keep this inside. I feel like it's my fault and I should have just let it slide off my back. Whatever happened has happened.
Update 1, March 10th.
Mel and Mike got home last night in decently okay moods. Mike and I told her that she was welcome to take a mental health day if she wanted, but we wouldn't be at the apartment since we have to work (we're both in education and weren't ready to take a day off under that short of notice.) She said she was fine, didn't need one. We all hugged each other (my first hug from her, actually) and Mike and I went to our bedroom to give her privacy on the living room.
Tomorrow is Saturday, and there's a big family event on Sunday with Mike's stepdads family. Mike is messaging Mary to see if we can bring Mel, just so she can get out and socialize, but we also know she has friends ready to come see her if she'd rather that.
I've blocked Medusa and Mark on my phone. Mike has Medusa blocked, but not Mark. He told Mark that Mel was safe, but that he wanted to have more time to talk with her before telling Mark where she was. Mark simply said "okay, thank you."
So far, so good. I think tonight I might see if Mel and Mike would want to have pancakes and play Mario Kart or something. Just make everything feel normal. Ish.
Latest Update - March 30th
A lot has happened since I made those two original posts. It almost slipped my mind that I even made them, but then I heard my friend listening to a reddit podcast and it reminded me that I hadn't updated here in awhile.
Melanie has chosen to live with Mike and I for the foreseeable future. Mike and I were worried about the legal repercussions of this, but again, Melanie is 16. Mike was younger than that when he decided to live with his mother full-time. Our lawyer friend has told us that so long as this stay isn't permanent and we don't get dragged to court by Medusa, we should be fine for now. It's been about 20 days, and we've settled into our own little rhythm. She's still doing good in school, no problems with her grades.
As for Medusa, Mike and I haven't heard a peep from her since we blocked her. Mel's phone will sometimes blow up, but Mike and I don't press as to why. Mike has been in contact with Mark for awhile, and they've met up to discuss over coffee just the two of them as a safety precaution (Mike is paranoid that Medusa is reading all of Mark's texts.)
Overall, it's really nice to meet and really get to know Mel. She's a really kind-hearted, genuine teen girl. She and Mike look and act so much alike that it amuses me a little, but at least it was easy to click with her. We've included her in activities, like family nights and our dungeons and dragons sessions (she's, funnily enough, playing Mike's character's younger, estranged sister.)
I can't think of a better way this whole thing could have gone. Unexpectedly, Mike and I have even had a serious sit-down and talked about fostering or even adopting some kids of our own, which is a conversation I didn't see coming but nevertheless am really happy that we had. I have a sneaking suspicion a load of paperwork might be in my future, but that's not to worry about.
Tl;dr: My step-MIL put the wrong name on the wedding card for my husband and me. My husband sent her a passive-aggressive text, which caused his half-sister to ask why he hated her mom. This led to a revelation of step-MIL being abusive to my husband, which his sister did not know about. She has left home and has been staying with my husband and me for three weeks, and for the foreseeable future. No legal issues yet.

Hello all,
I found a few older posts asking the same question but I'm curious if there's some updated ideas out there.
I recently bought a pair of T0s and have been enjoying them quite a bit. I especially like how clear the bass is right down to their limit. I'm concerned that I'll lose that clarity by connecting a sub since the T0s have a built-in crossover. I.e., I don't want to add muddy bass to it.
I'm looking at the RSL Speedwoofer, SVS SB1000 (non pro), Emotiva S8, and the REL TZero Mk3.
I know the RSL Speedwoofers are often recommended but it seems rather overkill for something that's going to double as a foot stool under my desk.
I like that the SVS is front firing; it seems like that would be more efficient for my carpeted floor. Still seems more than capable for my use case even if it is ~10 years old now.
The Emotiva seems like a good 'budget' option to save $100 or so. Not sure how much I'd really be giving up with it in a near-field use case.
The REL seems like it would have the clearest bass and would be the best match for the T0s quality-wise, but the baby REL only goes to 37 hz and $450 seems like a lot for an extra 15 hz over (or under) the T0s.
I'd appreciate any feedback and am also open to other sub ideas up to $450 or so. Thanks!