anyway, as a person that previously commented under older posts: about functioning as a key to understand when it's the right moment to start tapering functioning as the sign that my trt was my right journey... but it can be translated in your personal context as well, that "doing a certain thing" is beneficial for your heal.
(i point my TRT just because, as i don't remember almost any username, rather than images, i expect it could be the same for a large part of the other users on this social... and healing while taking a steroid is an unusual thing; - i don't feel special, - neither need to celebrate this month,
considering that now it's an ideology rather than a condition that belongs to medical topic, for the trans part.

• and as it wasn't enough ive been BANNED for hate speech because i said literally "those who haven't dysphoria towards sexual features are CIS whatever pronouns they use" (something similar, now it's removed and the post wich i was commenting probably deleted, banning the OP as well! i would bet.) cis it's not an insult, as you all see.

but this goes of topic, i just needed to vent a bit because it's unfair, moderation is largely hyjacked and depends on the number of reports, and usually automated. and this is my first post, so you'll swallow my bile acid in the place of my analyst 😌🤝)
so, going back IN topic, what is MY definition of funtioning? i started being functional in life when i started being the protagonist of my life, this isn't a direct symphtom of schizo, it's rather disconnection due to dysphoria, BUT being "inside my body", in turn, thanks to the work with the analyst, helped me recognizing delusion and discarding them as real. to help this process (if you have persecution's mania, thats what i had), whenever it happens, my line of thought is "how many possibilities there are that a real person would do it? especially, either spending a lot in technologies, or spending a lot in studying it in order to mock me/ share my personal information and make people who walks under my street's home, or around in the town, gossip about me, recognizing me? and if there is a possibility (a stalker, a great criminal) what is their motive? the conclusion is always that there isn't. so, this is for the "delusion/paranoia" 's part. for what concerns auditory hallucination (my other main symphtom), i was putted on risperidone, and then olanzapine, after my last recovery in the psychward. i have a bit of holes in all the story, but shortly, february 2022, i started a man dose of testosterone. and this slowly improved itself, so in march i started tapering. my personal way of proving myself that voices aren't real is focusing on real sound around me, going near the window and open it, and stay there for a while, constantly focusing in external real sound. often, i neither hear real people near the house, at best there are kids playing in the garden after 2 houses. and they clearly can't talk about me, but even if they were, i couldn't logically distinguish their words.
not functioning: either under antipsychotic or after quitting them as they weren't mandatory anymore, since 2018 i can see, in hindsight, that: i worked, but my detach from my body and my mind (maybe i have also a context of hypogonadism in both thyroid and sexual axis so it's always tricky to blame only one disease, rather than a series of coincidences) made me slow, less focused, "brain fogged", with a shorter attention span, with a weaker ability of will, ( i struggled to don't let other's opinion condition my own action and even opinion). these factors, together with the voices and persecution paranoia symphtoms, (they were louder and frequent some times, and some other times less, but constantly present), obviously made my ability to work (therefore autonomy, money), to relationate with others, and even to learn something, in general, a slower and harder process. i always had contracts such little period of substitution, fixed term, obvioulsy, also not schizo people have the same contracts, the same struggle, but then, 1) they get quicker more easily as they learn. i struggled to learn, and it was a big lack of ability. as they have accumulated some experience, bosses usually delay the end of the fixed contract, and l, after years, maybe they would obtain an indefinite one. so, they were open to put trust in me, if i demonstrate to deserve it. ... i had a lot of these mini-contract, and for some reason i always ended discarded, without a call: the contract ended and i was no more an employee. no delay of the end of contract.
IN SHORT, non-functioning :

• detachement from reality
• brain fog
• shorter attention span
• weaker willness (conditioned from others)
• poorer ability to learn/ inability to go quicker in manual activity.
• poorer income (from 0 to 300. i started seeing 600 when i did deliveroo, but it's a lie because of taxes and fuel: net, it's at least a half) and this is my personal objective criteria

these factors, together with voices relapses and persecution paranoia, were the perfect recipe to not be autonomous, to reach my personal goals in life.
so, what is functioning? as i started seeing the masculinizating changes, i started being more active both in gym that at work, this could be explained with the chemical properity of testosterone... but also more present inside myself, more conscious that i'm not living my life like a first-person videogame. dht (conversion of testo in the body) is known to help with the positive mood (thats why a lot of men on trt aren't aggressive, it's a myth), and this leaded to be less passive and more "pro-active" in making things work as the main protagonist. the fact that i had better progession in the gym, and a human income to buy my own things with the rider work and sometimes cleaning service, created together a virtuous circle. in the meanwhile, i think in march, i started tapering olanzapine, also because i noticed it let me sleep too much (12h) and i needed to go working for a cleaning service that started early in the morning... i lowered the dose by 2,5 a month. when it became too small of a dose, i preferred to take it only when needed, instead of counting days (eod, every 2 days...) yesterday i took again a 2,5mg after months, because staying at home (i had a crash and i need a new moped, plus, i had a surgery and i couldn't workout... ) without a "mission" to complete, creates a great hole for voices to introduce themselves again... and i was struggling to fall asleep. at least the ban has been beneficial because i couldn't comment on reddit, and therefore voices hadn't the pretence to mock me... my personal objective criteria to define my "functioning" is the fact ive been able to learn the map of my city, to learn how my works "work", and as a result, the better income, the less average time spent to deliver an order (that is calculated from the app)... because i used my own time instead of let it passing me by. i ALWAYS need an objective criteria to compare, because while was in worst condition i was swimming in symphtoms and i couldn't recognize my problems. don't trust nobody, neither yourself: find something that attaches you to reality.
... idk if it can be helpful for someone. it took me a lot to write, and at least i didn't do an angry post or comment under the sub where i've been reported UNFAIRLY.. because it would've lead to another ban 🫡 ehm i din't do... not for now 😁🤗
🤙

so i have a weighted gpa of 4.72 but an unweighted of 3.6
i’ve taken 10 ap courses out of which i’ve received 7 A’s and 3 B’s (APUSH, AP Physics, APWH 🙄)
i got a C in a honors math course virtual freshman year bc of personal issues, but i received solid A’s in AP Calculus this year for both semesters so i definitely demonstrate growth.
when applying to college, can i just submit my weighted gpa? or do they look at both gpa’s…
im a junior btw

Modern Cosmic Horrors
Piotr Novack
Interstellar Terran Print, 2145
---
Chapter 1: Predator Dream
​
This story was made in collaboration with an arxur. Big thanks big guy.
​
Memory Transmission Subject: Vinro, Arxur Cattle Farmer
Date [Standardized Human Time]: May 2130
I have been having nightmares lately. It is an uncommon fact among Federation species that arxur can feel fear, and we want it to stay that way. We are not excused when having nightmares. We are expected to overcome them, however it’s much easier to run from it and wake up. It is in our best interest to be unnoticed and pretend to sleep. Waking up screaming is infantile and it’s greatly frowned upon.
These nightmares are unordinary. I’ve been dreaming the same nightmare for weeks. I am a preyed upon. Something unspoken is chasing me through the forest. The fear of being hunted is clawing on my mind, but not enough to wake up. I feel exhaustion in my dreams, but I always manage to pull through until the dreaming sleep phase ends, and I eventually wake up.
I work as a cattle farmer, I rear venlil cattle. Their meat is highly valued, especially scrag and shoulders, which are soft. Their legs are definitely stronger, but it’s nothing for our jaws, and there is more meat to harvest. I only feed them grass and leaves. If they ever wanted a fruit, they would have to work hard to earn it. They always fail though. I suppose the grass and leaves diet doesn’t give them enough energy to work efficiently, but my colleagues just marginalize it saying the prey is just too weak for our duties. I knew who was correct, they lack nutrients, but I wasn’t willing to provide it to them. I don’t care, and I can’t afford being ostracized.
As usual I had the same nightmare. I could have sworn they are worse with each day. It was suddenly interrupted as I was awoken in the dead of night by a noise coming from the pens. Keeping my nightmares in mind I can not say that I hold a grudge against the cattle for waking me up. I simply stood up and went to investigate the noise.
The night was rather cold and the stars were unobstructed by clouds and light pollution. The farm was surrounded by trees. When I entered the pen, I saw a prey laying on the ground, twitching in its dream. Its welfare was negligible, but a pitiful picture nonetheless. It mumbled audibly, without a doubt it was responsible for the sudden scream. I kicked it in the chest lightly with the intention of waking it up.
It suddenly opened its eyes and rested one of them on me. The sight of a hulking arxur was probably not as bad as its nightmare, because it stopped shuddering. Was it relieved to be still alive? I leaned over with dominance to emphasize my following command.
“Stop making noise.” I said with a bland but cold voice. I was good at imposing fear by being devoid of emotions, but even now, the prey did not freeze, but silently backed away a little. “Go back to sleep” I added, I paid no attention to its abnormal bravery.
“No! Please!” It bursted suddenly. “The nightmares will hunt me again!” The other cattle started waking up and a noise soon filled the air. It was the moment when I finally felt wrath. I kicked the culprit in its temple, knocking it out. The chatter soon went silent after that presentation.
Despite working at the cattle farm, I am not allowed to snack on the cattle. The amount of cattle must not change without being recorded. If the meat is harvested, we take records. If it’s punished by death, duly noted. If prey escapes, it must be found, dead or alive. If it dies from sickness, everyone must know. Snacking on cattle in the middle of the night is considered theft, even if I wanted to give an example to the remaining.
When I left the pen and was about to close it, I saw it twitching again. This time more erratic. It looked like a seizure. More noises started to fill the air. I sighed, picked up the prey and headed to the cold store. If it survives the seizure, the number of cattle won’t change. If not, at least the meat won’t start spoiling and it will be noted as natural death.
I opened the doors and a cool atmosphere started to escape the room. The red bulb lit up the room, there were chunks of meat hanging from the ceiling. I dropped the twitching prey on the ground and started observing it. It was slowly but surely crawling to the closest wall. Then it started climbing up, backed up against the wall until it stood up. It was then when I snapped out of the trance. The prey was supposed to be unconscious, yet it stood there, piercing me with its big, glassy eye. The red dot reflected in it. I decided to end this charade and took a step, when it launched towards the meat chunk and drowned its dull teeth in it. The venlil tried to tear a piece of meat, aiding with its tiny claws. When it finally managed to get a morsel, it gulped it entirely and faced me.
“Go back to sleep,” It said, in a fluent arxurian.
I recognized the venlil as a thread and bared my teeth in order to charge, but when it came to this, the venlil dived under my legs and ran straight to the pens. I hurried behind it and was met with a horrible sight. There were venlil killing each other, ripping their windpipes off. Some were shouting and crying. One of them came to me and started begging me for help and to release them from their disease. Predator disease, as they called it. On cue the predatory venlil pounced on the pleading prey and tore him apart. It was then, when I noticed the gate to pens was open and all venlil started to flee. The predators were focused on me this time, I could count at least ten. I thought I was dreaming. Was the unspoken oppressor the venlil all this time? Was the mare that hunted venlil changing them into predators? Will my mare turn me into a prey when I go to sleep? I was frozen. I did not care about the consequences of showing fear, I was overwhelmed by it. I started running deep into the forest. When I was exhausted from running, I collapsed by the tree and zoned out.
I woke up at dawn. I knew I was afraid in my dream, but I could not remember any details. My legs were hurting, like I’ve been walking all night. After resting and examining the surroundings I realized I was completely lost.
I was wandering through the forest, analyzing what happened last night. The venlil were dead, some of them. The rest probably fled. The carcasses will be harvested for meat that needs to be eaten quickly. Living cattle can be stored longer than harvested meat. If I return to the farm, not only will they take me for a lunatic, but I will be charged for wasting food and executed. By contrast, venlil who fled will be tracked and used for breeding to fill the shortage, no harm will be done to them for a long time. I will be hunted by my people.
And my dreams.

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Note from author: I'm incredibly grateful for the positive attention so far. I didn't mean to create a chronological narrative, but here we are. Forgive the odd continuity error, flying by seat of pants. Fun tho.
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“Now that both of you had time to clothe and calm down,” Toptor said from behind his desk, “I believe a proper discussion is in order.”
Arms crossed, Owen sat with his head down, hunched on the edge of his seat in the captain’s private office. Colored in greens and browns, the room was immaculate, minimalistic, with a focus on functionality. The nanite chairs were a prime example, designed to instantly change shape to best suit the user. Owen’s chair resembled a bucket seat with a comfortable back. Beside him, Skencie perched on a raised bar, feet hidden beneath his feathers.
“I’ll jump to the point,” Toptor continued. “In a blatant breach of security, a collection of federally provided records were tampered with and presumably destroyed. To our knowledge, these acts occurred after we departed the last space station. The ship has not come into contact with another vessel, meaning the culprit is most likely among us. As of yet, there is no definitive proof on who the culprit is. This is… fortunate for the, assumed, individual as the punishment would involve immediate termination and detainment while the proper federal authorities are informed. The authorities would then prepare to collect the individual at the first opportunity for questioning. If found guilty, they would be charged with felony vandalism, destruction of federal property, and sabotage of electronic systems on a federal research vessel—at least.”
Owen watched the light reflect off his boots. Skencie smoothed a feather on the crook of his wing.
“Fortunately, the files in question can be restored at the next major space station, which we are due to pass soon. Of course, proper procedure requires I provide a reason our records need restoration, and how that reason was determined. The disappearance of the matching hard copies rules out a simple system malfunction.
“Proper procedure dictates an investigation be opened. An investigation did occur, but procedure also stipulates the involvement of the captain to ensure proper documentation, provide discretion, and prevent conflicts of interest or xenophobic assumptions. Instead of bringing the matter to my attention to establish a best course of action, an interrogation was immediately launched where our first officer publicly singled out one of our lowest ranked workers in order to privately berate them while barely dressed in a blanket. Nevermind how the incident concluded.
“I regret to acknowledge that the only procedure actually followed was the (albeit unannounced) recording of the incident, in which our first officer clearly denies the right to a third party witness. A denial only revoked when faced with the requirement to document the refusal. Once all this information is presented to federal authority, the ensuing investigation into The Wayfinder’s ability to securely operate outside of federal jurisdiction would likely result in project termination; including the revocation of various titles, acknowledgments, and privileges for all involved. So.” Toptor’s mandibles clacked together. “Who would like to speak first?”
Skencie fitfully adjusted his posture on his perch. Owen hid a frown behind his hand.
Toptor delicately input several commands on the touchscreen of his desk terminal. “Considering the limited time frame before our scheduled stop to refuel pre-deep space exploration, and the precarious situation thrust onto the entire crew, I’ll provide the privilege of knowing this meeting is ‘off the record’.”
Elbows pressed to his knees, Owen folded his hands together. “Permission to speak freely.”
“I heavily encourage it,” Toptor replied.
Owen’s mouth sourly twisted. “I want to apologize to First Officer Skencie for my outburst in the conference room. And for suggesting he’s a roctel. I’m… ashamed of my recent behavior. I should have acted the way I wish others would and work on interpersonal dynamics instead of focusing on race-based stereotypes. I may have proved everyone right by going too far, from outward aggression to putting myself first. Though I still take issue with a rumor I’d be the first to eat someone in an emergency. All because there are rare instances of cannibalism in terran history doesn’t mean- does cannibalism extend across all xenosentience or is it limited to same-species instances?”
Toptor took a long breath before his hands folded behind his back. “Anything else you’d like to add before the investigation of tampered files is opened to include everyone else on board?”
Owen sighed as his shoulders sagged to the point he risked falling on the floor. “Under the assumption- no,” he interrupted himself, “I confess to altering the human/terran files in order to remove the generalized terran-based information.”
Skencie trilled as his crest raised and quickly lowered. “I am shocked.”
Owen turned his head to cast a narrow side-eye at Skencie. “That said,” he removed his uniform hat and pulled out a cheap data chip from the sweatband, which he placed on Toptor’s desk, “a copy of the original files can be found here. If you use it, there would be no need to request replacement files from the federal database.”
“Secure files can’t just be transfered to any old data chip,” Skencie scoffed.
“Correct,” Owen said, “in the same way account passwords can’t be found stuck to the underside of desks.”
Skencie’s feathers ruffled with an embarrassed trill. “I- what- that would be- no one would be foolish enough to-“
“The hard copies also can’t be found in a safe at the bottom of the contraband locker,” Owen added. “The safe that doesn’t have the key code marked on the back.”
Toptor buzzed in annoyance. He rubbed his hands together before he returned to standing with his arms tucked behind his back. “First Officer Skencie, there seems to have been a break in your rogue investigation. Keeping in mind the, currently uninvolved, federal investigators require lengthy, in-depth, highly documented reports, how do you plan to proceed?”
Owen quietly returned his hat to its proper place.
Skencie resettled his wings against his sides. “I… that is…” He whistled in a way the xenolinguistic translators failed to recognize. “It may… be possible the hard copies were misplaced during an overzealous organization routine, and that… some… corrupted files require… minute repairs. Nothing worth getting worked up over.”
Toptor’s antennae twitched. “A fortuitous realization and discovery. Your attention to detail is as beneficial as always. Unrelated, I think I’ll send a reminder to all accounts that passwords should be changed regularly. Additionally, in light of the last interspecies cohesion assessment, it’s been made apparent that not all personnel feel properly perceived. In response, I would like to present Officer Skencie the prestigious opportunity to spearhead a new social program.
“The procedure would include a collection of autobiographical profiles from each team member, ideally listing personal preferences, aspirations, and recreational activities. Once the information is collected, personnel files will require reformatting to place these profiles above standardized racial and cultural data. It is imperative that all personnel are made aware that these profiles will be made public to the entire team to help establish interpersonal common ground. To prototype this project, I recommend approaching Mr. Deskle , who will provide enthusiasm, sincerity, and constructive criticism to the benefit of the program. Any questions?”
“No, sir,” Owen and Skencie said together.
Toptor hummed in satisfaction. “Excellent work, gentlefolk. I will be eagerly awaiting an update by minor-rotation end. Dismissed.”

Basically the setup is eldritch horrors have arisen which completely flooded or collapsed parts of Earth's surface to their liking. Now it's a mostly ocean setting with various islands, terrifying new threats beneath the waves, and the ever enduring Humanity just trying to survive like always. However Im having a tough time deciding exactly how much dryland still exists (or is it a myth? lol), Ive seen allegedly realistic models of how much sea levels could rise if All the ice on the planet melted but that is way too little water for what I have in mind. I am a fan of Waterworld, though it's definitely not perfect and even this detail in the movie is pretty wonky at best, but it has far too much water for the sort of story I want to tell.
The whole flooding situation is going to be magical in nature, along with fracturing landmasses, however I do plan to keep it somewhat realistic in that there isn't any 'floating' islands. They are or were mountains and other areas where the land is just taller than the water, nothing can be done about where the remaining land is or how much of it there is, and weather is going to be significantly altered.
So Id like your thoughts, suggestions or ideas about this concept

Hi! I hope everyone is having an amazing day! I’ll be completely honest, I took a long break from doing roleplays. But I want to get back into things. I have a few ideas that I will share that I’m mostly into! But of course we don’t have to do them .
⭐️BOTW/TOTK (my character would be Zelda’s younger adopted sister. And your character could either be an oc or an already existing character. This would be romance and we can make it slightly modern. I honestly like the idea of Ganon having a secret son who falls in love with my character but we’ll see. And obviously it won’t be exactly the same as the games this is a new idea so it’s got a lot more thinking to do)
⭐️Princess x rival prince (maybe the princess has to marry the rival prince to keep peace. The prince could be cruel and dangerous while she’s the complete opposite. I’m sorta basing this off of the WEBTOON called Subzero.)
⭐️Childhood friends reunite (so I was thinking my character had moved away a long time ago and just recently moved back. She runs into your character who she had feelings for back then. And your character is way hotter and is secretly apart of a gang. This is also based on a WEBTOON called Reunion)
Bad boy x new girl (can include other things this one is kinda like the others.)
Alpha or just like a bad boy football captain (bad boy, tattoos, piercings, dangerous, everyone’s scared of him, cruel, angry all the time, can include other things) x innocent sweet human girl
New boy teacher x Student. (Maybe the new male teacher is actually young and good looking But is a playa and plays with girls feelings all the time Until when my character comes in for class and he ends up falling in love with her because she’s super sarcastic, sassy, stubborn and so on, and doesn’t fall head over heels for him. And maybe most of her classes are with him.)
⭐️Bad boy x damaged girl (who maybe gets involved in things she shouldn’t and he want to keep her away from that stuff or maybe they both have issues and are a lot alike . And they could be in high school so he has his reputation to hold. But He wants nothing more than to try and protect this fragile girl once he realizes what she’s going through or something like that but since he’s a bad boy and runs gangs and what not she’s not allowed to be near him. Maybe her dad is abusive or something) this one is definitely one of my favs haha
Gang leader (who is cruel, gets rid of people for fun, womanizer, tattoos, piercings, also can include other things) x new girl (she left the same high school to change herself for the better and when she came back everything was different including her)
Alpha (extremely possessive, tall, is drawn to my human character but it’s a little hard because maybe their not supposed to be with human because of the full moon. or maybe her guardian won’t let them see each other because they know who he is but he will do anything to be with his mate.)
So obviously we can add things or take things away. I’m sure you’ve noticed my theme haha. I’m into very cliche stuff. But also lots of drama. We can discuss more if you’re interested. And we don’t have to use these. Just some ideas. I put stars next to the ones I’m most looking forward to doing! If you’re interested send me a dm! I mainly use discord to roleplay. I hope to hear from you soon!

I was talking about it with a friend a while back and thought the people of this subreddit might find it interesting once I found out that you exist.
In every other space-travelling sci-fi canon, earth is where humans evolved; they started there and travelled out later. Star Trek, Interstellar, Titanfall, Dune, Avatar, Blade Runner, A Space Odyssey, Alien, Bethesda's upcoming game Starfield, and Guardians of the Galaxy all have humans originate from earth in some way or another. In some of them, Earth is a major plot factor, and in some of them earth is just that barely-mentioned place that humans used to live on centuries ago, but that isn't the case for Star Wars. In Star Wars, the past is mysterious. Humans don't have any specific origin, and all we know about it for sure is that origin definitely isn't earth. It's interesting how this kind of cements Star Wars as almost being in a unique genre of Sci-Fantasy.

Can someone please tell me why you find these two ideas convincing or appealing. I mean this with the best intentions. I've spent a long time studying Heidegger and I'm just trying to decide if I should continue or not.
​
(1) Anxiety reveals the Nothing (What is Metaphysics?)
- Briefly, why should a human emotion reveal the status of the Nothing? Is this only the psychological feeling of Nothing? Does this statement require a different definition of anxiety than what's used in everyday language? If I am anxious about a test, I am not face to face with the nothing. I am just anxious...
(2) To think you need a hand. The hand plays a crucial part in the thinking process. (Parmenides)
- This rules out the possibility of AI with no body. Or pretty much like anything Heidegger says about animals, is saying dolphins can't think etc.
​
He likes to say things like these. But those are two examples. Thanks!

I'm sure this is what literally every junior ever is wondering but I'm still going to ask. Im going into my senior year of HS and want to know if there is anything I can do to make me a better applicant to certain schools.
The schools I plan on applying to are:
(Reaches) Umich, BC, Middlebury, UCLA, Stanford, Princeton, Rice, Upenn, Northwestern, UChicago, Yale
(targets) UMiami, UT Austin
(Safeties) Salve Regina, UVM, UCSC, UWashington
These are my stats
4.2 Unweighted GPA
1440 SAT
6 AP (Lang, gov, macro, physics, Calc AB,Lit) , 5 Honors classes (all in humanities and science, no math), 2 College classes (Dual enrollment)
I'm in Art Club, Outdoors Club, and NHS
I sail for our varsity team for 2 years (including my senior year) and have sailed 3 years total
I was on a committee to select our schools new principal
I work as a swim instructor
I volunteer at a soup kitchen
I work as a primary election supervisor in my state
My college essay topic is about how living in Nicaragua as a child gave me a unique perspective on the world that I am grateful for even when sometimes I wish I had never lived there. (I'm white American btw)
I intend to Major in Naval Architecture, Architecture, or Product design depending on the university.
Thank You!

Hey there. I’ve noticed that google finance is unable to pull some stocks that definitely do exist. And I know yahoo finance is more robust. Is there a simple way to pull data from yahoo finance to a google doc?
I’ve found an ap script to pull pricing using yahooF but I will then need to edit all my formulas to have the stock symbol in the calculation instead of pulling the data in a cell. That function also cannot pull historical data.
Any insight would be much appreciated!

Is anyone up for a voice call?
I am not exactly bored, but I could definitely do with some human company. So why not voice call?
It can be a one time thing, or we might become friends. I'm okay with either.
We can talk about whatever we like as long as it is not dry or unwholesome. Once we know each other we can graduate to the darker stuff; you know, the doom and gloom of life. Also, if you're feeling down I'm more than happy to listen. Just keep it safe for work and we'll be grand.
Please be 19+ :-)

If I had to pick an embarrassing moment which will haunt me until I die—it has to be the time I tried out for The Sunbeam cheer squad last year. I was a freshman, and I wanted community. Friends.
I heard the cheer squad were just an extra-curricular group rather than an actual majoring level class, so I figured I’d give them a shot. It’s not like I could ignore them.
On my first day when I was moving into my dorm room, I must have walked into the same girl three times. I am in strict belief that it is not possible for a human being to be permanently happy.
And yet that was her. She wandered around like the sun shone right out of her ass, and it was both endearing and terrifying.
The girl resembled the sun herself, a halo of golden curls held in a scrunchie and a flaunting sundress, matching ribbons wrapped around her. The Sunbeam Squad were easy to spot because they were all wearing insanely bright yellow—waving around gold streamers, ribbons tangled in their hair. They all spoke in insanely high pitched voices like they inhaled helium for a living, but that must have been their shtick, right? It was kind of cute. I wasn’t expecting such a welcome in the shape of guy’s and girl’s looking like they had just stepped off of ABC Kids. The girl who handed me a flyer and yelled in my face about school spirit was practically hopping up and down, a bright grin splitting her lips apart.
I nodded and smiled politely, stuffing the flyer in my bag and heading into my room to finish moving my stuff in. When I looked out of my window a few hours later, the Sunbeam squad was still threaded through the crowd, each of them wrapped in glittering fairy lights illuminated in the late evening sunset glow. Sunbeam. Yeah, I got it, but it was still kinda overkill. They were starting to remind me of a cult.
That, however, didn’t stop me trying out. I’m fairly athletic, and they were exactly what I wanted. I’ve never had a group of people I could call friends.
Though it’s not like I could blame anyone but myself. I was a shut-in for most of high school. I either worked or preferred my own company in my room. One of my biggest regrets is pushing people away, friends I wanted to get even closer to. Because now they had built these lifelong friendships and relationships, and I was stuck at 18 years old with nobody but childhood friends I spoke to once a year when we sent mutual holiday greetings to each other. But college could change that.
At least, that’s what I hoped. I spoke to as many people as possible on my first day—and in my head I was making them. Slowly but surely I was actually making friends in my classes I wanted to hang out with.
Sunbeam were my attempt to go even further and join a club. Through word of mouth in my first few weeks of classes, I learned they were more of an extra-curricular group for fun.
They didn’t cheer competitively and had been formed in the mid-90’s by some kids who wanted to make a community out of positivity and school spirit. Sunbeam had a reputation for being Watson State student body’s beacons—and their team’s good luck charm. It was well known across campus that the squad was the reason behind the college’s fortune.
It had been like that since they formed 30 years ago, with members through the generations carrying out that pledge to spread as much pep as possible. While I say that they seemed nice judging from what I heard from others, they weren’t exactly the easiest clique to get into. Unless you were on the squad.
I saw them around campus between classes. They always moved as a group, the six of them with their arms wrapped around each other, brandishing the school colours. The guy’s in loose fitting varsity jackets, while the girl’s flaunted cheer skirts.
The way they acted was a little too close, like they were more than friends—and community and friendship had bled into something else. Like they had just walked out of an early 2000’s teen movie. Not that I was complaining. Their style was intriguing. They were like this untouchable group of god’s who had been placed on the highest pedestals. They ruled over campus, which made me want to get to know them even more. So, I tried out. Which was my first mistake of many in my freshman year.
It didn’t hit me that I was in way over my head until I was in the college gymnasium, standing in front of a four person panel like I was auditioning for a Hollywood movie. Sunbeam took their try-outs incredibly seriously. Which was weird considering they were known to be the complete opposite.
There were maybe fifty or so applicants, and we had to stand near the back wall and watch others try out one by one. Which was already setting off my anxiety. Weren’t they supposed to be closed try-outs? Initially, I was excited.
I had my routine in my head. What I had learned from watching the squad at my old school. High V, Low V, followed by a Touchdown, and then a backflip. I was confident. I mean, it ticked most cheer moves off, and even had a flip to complete the routine. My high school were a multi-sex quad, so I learned a lot from watching the guy’s moves during pep rallies.
I wasn’t really worried about the quality of the moves since they were known not to take everything too seriously. But watching the others try-out, impossible flips without crash mats and twisting their bodies in ways I didn’t know was possible, I quickly realised I was screwed. My competitors were acting like they were auditioning for an Olympic level team. My gut was dancing when I took centre stage.
The panel were made up of four members of the squad. Two boys and two girl’s, including the blonde who handed me the flyer on my first day. I was surprised when her eyes lit up with recognition.
"Oh, I know you!" She squeaked. Leaning forward, her smile seemed to brighten, illuminating her features. All four of them seemed to emanate a warm glow.
I felt myself relax slightly, the knot in my stomach loosening. Maybe their heightened positivity thing wasn’t a shtick, after all. The girl, as well as the other members of the team seemed genuinely happy to see me trying out. “What’s your name?” Her voice reverberated off of the walls, and I was suddenly aware of a dozen other students watching me.
“Alex.” I said, offering a shy wave. “Hey.”
Still grinning, she nudged a redhead next to her playfully. The guy was like no other I’d seen before. He was a god damn traffic light. He was easy to spot in a crowd and was usually one of the low-key members who kept his head down. All of those colours painting him, and yet somehow he wasn’t blinding people.
Though admittedly, he suited them; bright red hair clashing with the blue and gold of his football jersey, pasty skin and dark eyes drinking me in while the blonde girl pulled at his sleeve. “See, I told you annoying freshmen would work!”
In response, he chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Whatever you say, Evie.” The guy straightened up, leaning his chin on his fist, a curious spark in his eyes. “Alright.” Twisting around in his chair, he signalled for music. When it started, the beat slammed into me, rumbling under my feet. “Let’s see what you’ve got!”
I’m not going to describe my routine because I don’t have time to describe how fucking bad I was. In my head, I was doing okay. I was ready to finish with my back flip, but the music abruptly cut off and I found myself struggling to find my breath with my hands in the air, panting like an idiot. The blonde maintained her smile, but it was slightly strained. I could tell she was struggling to keep the façade of a Sunbeam member while also retaining critical thinking.
The redhead looked like he was in pain. He was first to speak, and I could tell by his sympathy smile I’d screwed up. The others who I hadn’t fully taken in until that moment, an asian American guy, and a girl with pigtails, were laughing like pre-schoolers. And they didn’t stop until the redhead shot them the warning eyes.
Weirdly enough, the crowd of onlookers didn’t join in. I expected the redhead to politely tell me I sucked, but instead he cocked his head, chewing on his pen. “You’re good.” He said. “You’re a good dancer, and I liked your moves…”
He trailed off. “But it’s positivity we’re looking for. And you didn’t smile once through your whole routine which made you look stiff. Like you weren’t even enjoying it.” He shrugged helplessly. “I like you, and I like your dancing. And I’m sure you could be better if you worked on it. There are countless dancing clubs here, so maybe you might be better fitted there.” After exchanging a look with the blonde, he sighed. “Unfortunately, you’re not the type of person we’re looking for.”
Evie nodded. “I agree. We pride ourselves on staying positive and smiling. I didn’t see that on you, Alex.”
“Same here.” Pigtails, still giggling, joined in. “I don’t think you’ve got enough school spirit.”
The other guy scoffed. He looked to be of Korean descent. Unlike the redhead, he was always at the centre of their group, always joking around and laughing. Just looking at him told me he was the leader. “Bullshit!” He slapped the table with one hand, running his hands through thick dark hair with the other. “I liked it. Fuck pep, amirite?” He threw his pen at the blonde, who retaliated in a squeak, lobbing hers at him. “Ignore these clowns. I think you’ve got what it takes. We just gotta work on you, y’know? All you’re missing is a cheesy grin.”
He pointed to himself, stretching his lips into the widest smile he could muster. “See? Like this.”
“Clowns?” Evie shook her head. “I didn’t see one smile. Sunbeam is all about smiling!”
“You make us sound like a cult.” The Korean-American caught my eye. “Which we’re not, by the way. These guys are just scared of change.”
“Okay, that’s too far.” Pigtails shot him a scowl. Are you seriously disrespecting the alumni who created us? Who birthed us?
“Well, yeah!” He threw his paper at her. “Sunbeam is a pep cult. We get high off of happiness. I thought we distinguished that.”
“Take that back!”
“Never! Why do you think I joined? To get high! Do you really think I joined for the cheering?”
They were joking around. I could tell by the smiles on their faces—a smile I knew I would never be able to mimic.
“Quiet.” The redhead shushed them. The guy had been sitting silently. Studying me. He leaned back, folding his arms.
“See, even now—even when I’m considering giving you a chance, there’s no hope in your eyes. Not even a glitter of excitement. You’re still not smiling and that’s what we want, Alex. We want people who will embody what Sunbeam is all about. Even if I give you a second chance to brighten up your routine your smile will be fake. And that’s not what we want. We want people who are willing to shed their humanity and become beacons.”
Beacons, huh?
And they were seriously saying they weren’t a cult?
The redhead stabbed at his sheet of paper with the end of his pen. “Can’t you just give us one smile? It won’t kill you.”
It was then when the others watching started to laugh—and I wanted to punch the asshole in the face.
“Dude, chill.” The Korean-American played with his pen, twirling it between two fingers. “He’s right, as much as I hate saying it. We do need smilers, unfortunately. But hey, you can try out next year! Just remember to smile, alright?” He threw something at me. A squashed candy bar.
Which made me look even more pathetic.
I found myself nodding, even when I knew it was all bullshit. Still though, what each member had told me hit me harder than it should have. They were just words, what could they do? It turned out, words were far more powerful than I realised—I just didn’t know it yet. I didn’t wait for the others to speak and made a quick getaway, my gut twisting and turning.
They were a cult. That is what I decided. These guys were a cult who needed members willing to throw away their souls. Probably for ritualistic sacrifice.
They needed weak people, I thought. Even when part of me knew they were right. I wasn't a smiler. Every photo I'm in, I'm either frowning or look constipated. Still though, I didn't dwell on the try-outs for too long. By the time a week had gone by, I had mostly forgotten about it and threw myself into my studies and college life.
Though something was wrong with me. It was as if the world had slowed down, had stopped making sense completely. Every day felt like a dream, and I myself felt like I was a ghost, like I was disassociating from my own body. Conversations with people felt fake. Like I was making them up.
I remember waking up day after day in a daze I couldn’t get myself out of. It was only several weeks later did the thick mind fog which had been blanketing my brain finally lift—only for me to hear the news that all six members of the Sunbeam squad had disappeared. I don’t know how I didn’t notice, how I didn’t see the police investigation, or hear rumours being spread around like wildfire.
According to the college, it wasn't technically considered a disappearance since the members were all over eighteen, no longer minors. However, an investigation was conducted, with a statement being released that they were due to be performing at Knoxville College, cheering on our football team. But they never turned up. And what made it worse, was their bus was found abandoned on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Sounds bad, right?
Well, that's what we all thought. Vigils were already being held, and bodies weren't even found yet. Every time I walked back to my dorm after classes, the night would be lit up in warm golden light, candles flickering in the breeze. I'm not sure how many days had gone by-- they all seemed to blur into one-- when our college made another statement. The members of the Sunbeam squad were alive and healthy and had been sent to a training academy for professionals.
When the student body responded with confusion and scepticism, the college reassured us they were coming back once they were finished training. And while my classmates were relieved, I found myself confused. Sunbeam didn't cheer competitively. Their whole thing was that all they wanted to do was spread cheer and pep, regardless of how good they were. I had seen them perform, and they were good, sure. They were better than average. But definitely not good enough to be trained into pro’s. Their moves were too clumsy, too half assed—which I was convinced they thought overwhelming amounts of positivity could fix. So it didn’t make sense that they had been sent to some training academy. I kept up my scepticism until I saw them for myself.
The college were right. Sunbeam returned a week later like nothing had happened.
I did see a change in them. I think that was a universal opinion though. Sunbeam were well known for their pep and cheer, their constant smiling faces which drove me crazy—and it’s not like that stopped. They still smiled. They still walked around campus laughing together, in their own little world. That was when people were watching. When they had an audience. I caught them when they didn’t have an audience. Without eyes on them, they detached from each other, their eyes darkening, expressions twisting, like each of them could smell something rotten in the air. I started noticing they were getting progressively clumsier at keeping up that Sunbeam façade they must have pledged when they joined the group. I figured it was just tiredness. They must have been through some pretty intense training.
Anyway, months went by. I started to feel less distant, and the fog which had been choking me faded, thankfully. I started my junior year moving into a shared house with my roommate, and the only talk I’d heard about Sunbeam was that one of their ex members was rumoured to be pregnant. As for the rest of the squad, they were still popular, still talked about—but their disappearance had definitely made people wary of them. I even heard someone say they were considered bad luck. I guess people thought they had sold themselves out for a chance to get into the big leagues. And it wouldn’t surprise me.
Forced positivity can get you a long way, sure—but recognition can get you further.
It was just a few weeks ago when I was invited to a game. Our first of the season, thanks to delays due to cuts in the sports department. I’m not much of a sports fan, though I needed a distraction from the copious amounts of assignments I’d let pile on my desk.
When I sat down with a chilli dog and Coke, I wasn’t expecting to get so invested in a game where I had no idea what was happening. It was loud and obnoxious and I was choking on the stink of fried food, but it was fun. It was fun until Sunbeam walked out onto the side-lines. I glimpsed them in a blur of blue and gold, and a dull pain crawled across the back of my head. “You okay?” My housemate’s voice was barely distinguishable in my ears, when I found myself transfixed by the way they moved in erratic jumps, quickly taking position. They had gotten better. Everything which was Sunbeam had been stripped away. Their smiles were forced. Wrong.
I remembered they used to push and shove each other, making the crowd laugh. Now though, they were in almost perfect sync in the way they moved, no longer shakily, sometimes stumbling into each other. Their routine was longer than it usually was—and when the Korean-American guy perfected a triple flip, the crowd went crazy. I expected him to smile when he landed, grinning into the audience to generate what Sunbeam was made for. But his expression stayed stoic. Robotic. They were stiff. Heads up, backs straight, staring ahead of them. I was told when I tried out that fake smiles weren’t allowed, and yet that was all I was seeing. I was seeing egotistical grins and curled lips, quick glances between each member.
I expected looks of reassurances, and in jokes only they found funny. Instead, it looked like a mutual agreement.
They were planning something. From the looks on their faces, it wasn’t a firework show.
Sunbeam used to generate happiness. Their smiles, even under a façade, had always been real.
These guys emanated power. The way they stood. The guy’s at the front, readying what I guessed was a lift, and the girl’s on top of them.
Their routine ended with the music reaching a climax, and the two main girl’s being lifted into the air while performing High V’s.
But they didn’t stop there.
When the crowd exploded with applause, one of the girl’s slowly raised her arms and shot into the crowd with finger guns.
She shot twice—and with every time she pulled that imaginary trigger, her painted lips stretched into a maniacal grin.Until her gaze was on me. And then behind me. I could see it in her glittering eyes I could no longer call human. I met Evie at the start of my freshman year, and then at the disastrous try-outs.
I knew her wide smile, and the glint of passion twisting her expression—a love for the group and the members she couldn’t put into words. Right then I wasn’t seeing Evie, a Sunbeam cheerleader. I was seeing something else entirely, a being scanning faces in the crowd for a victim.
Her expression seemed to melt, from a gleeful grin, to something twisted and putrid, someone who craved the exact opposite of what Sunbeam preached. I watched her lips. I watched the words pop into existence, drowned into nothing by the crowds cheering. But I saw them in perfect clarity. “Drop.” She said, before pulling the imaginary trigger again.
No sooner had the words left her mouth before someone screamed behind me. I twisted around to see a guy had collapsed. He was pronounced dead five minutes later by his sobbing girlfriend who had attempted CPR. When I twisted back to look out onto the field, the Sunbeam Squad were gone. It didn’t make sense that they were the ones to cause the guy’s death—but it couldn’t have been a coincidence, right? Evie had shot into the crowd at the exact same time the guy had dropped dead. Finger guns weren’t a weapon of course, but the timing was too coincidental. I already knew there was something wrong with Sunbeam. And this just strengthened my claims.
Obviously, when I tried to tell people this, I was called crazy. Delusional. I reported it to the student information building and just got a blank stare.
The woman wasn’t even attempting to hear my story. She just heard “murder” and “Sunbeam” and her lips curved into an amused smirk. “You know, you are quite fascinating,” leaning back against her chair, the woman frowned at me through wonky glasses. "First you unexpectedly quit, and then you accuse them of murder. Which I can tell you is false.”
She flipped through a notebook in front of her. “According to the autopsy report released a few days ago, the young man died of a brain haemorrhage, not the result of being pretend shot at by a cheerleader miming finger-guns.” The woman cleared her throat.
“Tell me, what exactly do you have against the Sunbeam squad?"
“What?”
“You quit the squad at the end of your freshman year,” she said, “And now you’re trying to accuse them of murder? Fascinating.”
Her words struck me, a shiver sliding down my spine. The office was cosy, and when I sunk into the rich leather of the couch in front of a roaring fire I recognised the book on her desk. It was a dog eared copy of Harry Potter. I’d seen it before. But that was impossible. I had never been in her office. “Quit?” I shook my head. “No, I don’t…” I trailed off, stumbling over my words. “I’ve never been part of Sunbeam.”
“Were you not?” She shook her head, a crease forming between her brows. “Ah, I must be getting you mixed up with someone else.”
I nodded. “Just… can you just listen to me? That Evie girl was fucking—”
She cut me off. “Language.”
“Sorry. Evie. She was… I don’t know what she was doing... she was doing like... like magic?”
“Are you sure you didn’t dream it?”
“Yes!"
“Mmm hmm.” The woman cleared her throat, dismissing my protests. “I’m not a doctor, but If you’re experiencing memory loss and confusion, I suggest you go to the hospital. As for your ludicrous claims, you should keep them to yourself. That poor young man died due to a brain haemorrhage. Terrible and tragic, yes. But it was accidental, and not the work of… I’m sorry, what were you claiming it to be?”
“Magic.” I said, again.
When she raised her brow, I couldn’t resist a groan. “I saw her! She shot into the crowd and mouthed something!”
“She… mouthed something?”
“Yes! But—"
Again, her words sliced into mine. “Okay, let’s say you were right,” she said. “If you are saying this girl shot into the crowd with her imaginary gun, wouldn’t it be a gun shot which would have killed him? You said it yourself—, it was some kind of witchy magic to kill him. So, where was the bullet wound?” When I tried to speak, she raised her arm to shut me up.
“Exactly. There was none. Because the man suffered a haemorrhagic stroke, and nothing could be done to save him. Your claims a group of young people carried this out as a murder is not only blatant defamation, but also disrespectful to the young man and his family. Now, please leave my office. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” The woman nodded for me to stand up. “I think you have been watching too much TV. Might I suggest focusing on your studies?”
I left her office, slamming the door.
My housemate wasn’t helpful when I told him. He told me I was maybe a little too obsessed with Sunbeam. He headed to work, and I ended up in the lounge trying to focus on an episode of Criminal Minds. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Evie.
I saw what she said.
Drop.
But it wasn’t the force of her imaginary finger-guns ricocheting back. It was the word. Drop.
It had been alive on her lips like it was a sentient thing bleeding into existence. I managed to fall asleep, twisted like a pretzel in my housemate’s favourite chair, when three loud knocks on the door tore me from slumber. I was on my feet, blinking, disoriented. It was rare when we got a visitor. Stumbling over to the door, I had a moment of hesitation. I imagined Evie on the other side.
I imagined her raising her arm and shooting her pretend finger-guns directly into my head.
When I opened the door, I was surprised to see three little kids. The youngest must have been maybe nine years old. To my surprise, they were dressed in Halloween costumes. There was a little witch, a ghost, and a scarecrow all carrying pumpkin shaped holders It took me a moment to realise I was staring at a group of Trick or Treaters. It wasn’t even mid-October yet.
“Hey there,” I said, “Uh, you guys are a little early.”
The little girl’s eyes were wide and unblinking. “We want candy.” She held out her candy holder. “Now.”
I decided to be firm with them. “It’s not Halloween.” I said, taking a small step back. I was grasping the handle, ready to slam it in their faces. These little shits were freaking me out. Not just their tone, but their expressions were vacant. There were no lights on and that terrified me. “Sorry kids, I don’t have any candy. But like I said, come back when it’s actually Halloween, and I’ll have candy bars for all of you. "
What I wasn’t expecting was for the Scarecrow to pull a knife out of his pumpkin shaped candy holder. He didn’t hold it like a kid should, clumsily, confused. There was a strategic way the way his fingers were wrapped around the handle—like he’d brandished one before. The kid held the knife up to his own neck and made a slicing motion. Like the little girl, his eyes were blank. Unblinking. There was something wrong in the way he was standing. Stiff, like a puppet on strings. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He squeaked out a laugh. I didn’t see him lunge forward, I was already moving back, stumbling, losing my footing.
The kid moved with impossible speed—and before I knew what was happening, the hilt of the knife was buried in my lower leg. I didn’t even feel pain. My body was being driven by adrenaline, pushing me to get away from him. I remember falling back. I remember my own trembling hands grasping hold of the handle and pulling out the knife. Red was pooling down my jeans and onto our hardwood floor. The little kids turned around and ran back down the steps into the night, and I watched them in a sort of daze.
They didn’t move like normal.
They stalked down the sidewalk like video game characters. The witch shoved a passing old man before pulling out a gun and pointing it at his head. But she didn’t shoot. The three of them ran off—and it was only when I was watching the top of the girl’s witch hat disappear into the night, when I glimpsed something—or someone—at the corner of my eye.
Before I heard laughter. The tree in front of me moved. At first I thought they were shadow’s. Before the shadows bled into figures. Four of them. I glimpsed the school colours. Blue and Gold. I saw twin ponytails, velvet and blonde-- as well as the tell-tale Sunbeam varsity jacket. The group were laughing, whispering to each other. Not exactly doing a good job of hiding. When they slipped from their hiding place, I recognised Evie. Her fingers gingerly on her nose while intense red pooled down her chin.
The others were the same, swiping at their faces with jacket sleeves. They didn’t seem fazed. The redhead’s gaze was latched onto the retreating children, his lips curling. I could sense he was still tethered to them. He was still commanding them to act out grand theft auto. They had caused the man’s death at the game and had controlled those children.
I wasn’t crazy or delusional. Evie had killed someone by simply shooting imaginary finger guns, and somehow the others were able to bleed into children’s heads, taking them over.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I heaved out a breath. The pain was starting to hit in waves I had to grit through. I couldn’t move. I was stuck, curled up on my floor. While they laughed.
I was halfway through stabbing 911 into my phone when one of them came over. It was the Korean-American. The one who had been the nicest to me out of all of them. The real smile I remembered was gone, replaced by something inhuman. Something I didn’t want to question.
With his hands stuffed in his varsity jacket pockets, he approached me with mocking eyes, almost an attempt at trying to mimic his old self.
The guy knelt in front of me with a chuckle. “Kids these days, right? They’re animals.”
His voice, no, his words, were hurting me. I felt each one penetrate me like gunshots.
My wound wasn’t bad. That’s what I estimated, anyway. I don’t think the kid had hit anything vital. But I needed the emergency room. I still had one hand grasping at my side, drenched in red.
I managed a hiss, grasping for my phone when he pulled it out of my grasp and waved it in the air. “Fuck off. What did you do to those little kids?” I gritted out, trying to reach for my damn phone. I was starting to feel the pain in my side and it hurt like a mother fucker—dizzying bolts of electricity which felt like waves of boiling hot water slamming into me one by one. I tried to get onto my knees, but he pushed me back down again. The guy cocked his head to the side, confusion creasing his expression.
“Ouch. That must hurt.”
"What did you... what did you do?" I hissed out.
His presence was hurting me. Every time he opened his mouth, it was agony. Somehow, it was worse than the stab-wound. This kind of pain was no other I’d felt before. The type I’d rather die than feel. A cry was clawing at my throat, fight or flight taking over. Again, I tried to move, I tried to get away from him. But he was holding down my arms and prodding at my side before sticking his finger in the cut and twisting. "I didn't do anything, Alex.”
His voice barely hit me when my vision blurred and I screamed. Like a fucking animal, I screamed. But not because his fingers were digging around in my insides.
Because my brain was suddenly boiling, a metal rod piercing my skull and stirring it into a soupy mess. His voice was inside me. It was bleeding into me, taking over me. But not just his voice. The world blurred around me and I was no longer in my doorway, bleeding out against the wall.
Instead, I was moving. I was… I was walking. No, I was being dragged. Except these weren’t my memories. This wasn’t my mind. I could see bare feet beneath me delicately slapping on white tiles. When I looked up, I saw an expanse of white like I was being led straight into the clouds. This was a building. There were glass doors and electronic panels, people in black guarding each one. It took a while for me to gain my senses—or him to gain his.
We could smell something like chlorine and taste rusty coins at the back of our throat. Feel the ice cold tiles against our bare toes. A strange feeling at the back of our head. We kept wanting to run our fingers through our hair, but every time we did, our fingers only touched bare skin. Scuffed and rigged skin. Tight fingers were wrapped around our arm, dragging us further and further into a white oblivion. Until a glass door seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
From now on, I am going to describe his memories very vaguely. I’m just going to tell you what I saw.
The room we walked into reminded me of a classroom—but there were no desks. In front of me were the other members of Sunbeam pressed against the back wall. They faced forwards, their gazes penetrating nothing. But I saw they were trembling. Terrified. The squad were dressed in pale white shorts and t-shirt, ugly red spattering the front. There were still traces of blue and glitter on their faces, ribbons hanging from bedraggled curls.
Their feet were bare and filthy like ours. When we were shoved forwards, we took our place next to Evie who had half of her hair shaved off. Her arms were folded across her cheer uniform, her bare feet tapping a beat against the floor. When a woman with dark red hair held in a strict ponytail entered and asked if either of us wanted to show her what we had learned, Evie eagerly raised her hand. “Okay, Evie.” The woman’s voice was too sweet. Sickly sweet. She gestured for the girl forward. “Show us what you’ve got.”
The door opened, and a man stepped through. His hands were tied in front of him, his eyes blank.
Evie nodded, her eyes set in determination. She cleared her throat. “Shatter.”
Nothing happened.
“Intent, Evie.” The woman said. “It doesn’t matter how you say the word unless you use proper intent. Try again.”
The girl did, growling in frustration.
"Shatter.”
The man’s head flew from his torso suddenly in a river of red, and the girl squeaked in excitement.
While we watched in horror, the rest of the squad gave in to their own despair.
Different days bled into one—and we watched faces change. Heads were shaved. Hair grew back. Fear turned to joy.
A blonde girl exploded into bloody chunks, splattering against the walls.
“Yes!” The redhead high-fived pigtails, the two of them locked into some bizarre handshake. “That’s what I’m TALKING about!”
“Bang!” One of the girls used finger guns, and with each “shot” innocents dropped against the wall one by one, their heads blown through.
She jumped up and down in glee. “Bang, bang, bang!”
“Keep going,” the voice of the woman crackled through the speaker. “You’ve almost got it.”
“Divide.” Pigtails used her pointer finger at an old man who was skewed by an invisible force sending bloody chunks of him to the floor.
"Show off.” The redhead said in a sing-song voice. He was slumped against the back wall using his jersey to wipe blood from his face while the others painted the room scarlet. With simple words of intent and a hand gesture, they were able to take people apart piece by piece.
Pigtails snorted when another “test subject” was brought in. "Oh, you think you can do better?”
“Think I can? I know I can.”
This time he plunged two fingers into his temples. He was centre stage, the others against the back wall with their arms folded.
“Rip it out.”
The test subject’s eyes widened, her trembling hands clawing at her own head, fingernails digging into flesh. “Rip…rip it out?”
His lip curved. “That’s what I said.”
We didn’t see the test subject rip her own brain from her skull. We were already burying our head into our knees and screeching into the floor. Another flash. Like watching a movie.
This time we’re cutting into our wrist with shards of glass. Pulling back fleshy flaps of our flesh, there are two wires entangled with muscle and bone. One red and one blue. “Why won’t you submit?” A sharp growl, and I can feel our body pressed against metal. Our arms are restrained. “Out of all of them, you refuse it.” A hand slaps our face. “You don’t want it!”
He started to laugh.
“You don’t want… control?”
He leaned his face closer. “Tell me to mutilate myself. Tell me to… to tear out my brain stem! That’s the beauty of it! No matter how impossible the order is, it will be completed! Control, my boy. Use it. Do you even understand how much you are going to shape the world? Words! Do you know how powerful they are? When said from the right mouth, with the right intent, they can cause bloodshed, pain and misery-- a despair drowning our already shattered earth. And you will be the centre of it. You will bring this world to its knees, Jason."
"Now, do it. We call it cutting, but you will find familiarity in referring to it as erasure. You can make up your own words if you would like. What matters is the intent.” I feel something slicing into our arm. It’s nothing medical. It’s torture. He plunges something sharp into the same spot and twists the blade until we throw our head back and scream at the ceiling.
“You’re the last one.” The man hissed. “Do it.”
“No.” I heard his—our—voice. “I… I can’t!”
“Do it!”
He’s dragging us again, forcing us down a long winding corridor until we reach another door.
"Drown." The boy - - Jason's-- voice was suddenly in my head. I could sense it was trying to hold back, attempting to peel back whatever power his own words had. But the word came again and again until it was suffocating his mouth. “Drown. Drown. Drown. Drown.” We were standing in the doorway of a smaller room. In the corner there was a figure curled up with their head pressed against the wall.
It was a guy.
I recognised our school colours, a bloodied varsity jacket over shorts and t-shirt. When he lifted his head and twisted to face the boy whose mind I was in, I noticed he had an uncanny resemblance to me. His eyes wide, frightened. They were my mother's.
This guy looked exactly like me.
No, it WAS me.
My eyes were shadowed and haunted.
Like I had been drained of everything I was.
As quickly as the memories came crashing into me, they were yanked away when the guy must have pulled back.
I blinked rapidly, and Jason looked as confused as me. Slowly, he pulled his finger from my cut. The man's voice was in my skull, and it was agonising. I felt the command in my head, my body instantly reacting to... to nothing. I had my hands out, ready to do.... do something.
"That was… just a trick,” He said. “Yeah! Just a trick!”
I found myself nodding, echoing his words. Something warm ran from my nose.
"Just... a trick..." I whispered, the words forced from my lips.
Blood spattered down my chin.
“Louder.” He said.
"JUST A TRICK!" I yelled, the force of the wail sending me my knees, panting. The guy was frowning, seemingly unsure what to do with me.
He wrapped up my wound and told me it wasn’t bad—and it wasn’t. I watched in disbelief as my skin stitched itself back together.
"Go into your kitchen." Jason said, and I felt the power of his words ripping through me like bullets. My body moved on its own, and I got to my feet and stepped into my kitchen. He followed me, grabbing a scarf off of the table.
"Get on your knees." I did, dropping to my knees, my breath in my throat, my mouth sealed shut. I could sense the others in the doorway as he wrapped the scarf around my eyes, the heel of his shoe slamming into my neck forcing me onto my stomach.
"I want you to wait for me to kill you."
His words pierced into me. I did. Even when I knew he was gone, the door slamming shut-- I waited. I waited until the next morning, until I regained control over my own body and pulled the scarf from my eyes. I'm still waiting, my brain in constant panic, twisting around when I'm alone, looking into every corner.
I was roped into going to Friday's game against Harrington. During Sunbeam’s routine, they did it again. They had the crowd's attention, and Evie was mouthing something. I felt her words, sharp like needles cutting into me. But they didn't penetrate. They have done something to the student body. Ever since, I’ve been catching looks around me. Those whose heads they have crawled into. Mindless eyes. Every so often an arm will touch mine, fingers will wrap around my neck. I can hear their feet pitter pattering after me. Those little kids from that night. I keep seeing the little witch girl in the corner of my eye. They’re creating an army who are coming for me once he decides to kill me.
If only I knew what happened to the Sunbeam squad. Maybe I can help them somehow.
But something tells me they’re way past help.
And so am I.
I wonder if one day, I might be allowed a glimpse of my memories. What really happened to me during my freshman year.
And why, ever since going into his mind, I dream of a white room.

If you message me, please tell me about yourself and include a/some photo(s) of yourself right away. Putting it in the very first sentence hoping people will actually read it? 😅. Repost. Got a few messages accusing me of not being the woman in the photos or saying “too so and so to be real”. I’m flattered but I am, in fact, the woman in the pictures and I’m very much real, so I’ve included proof (pic 1).
Moved to a new city where I didn’t know anyone and got broken up with shortly after. I’m a pretty social person and I’ve made some good friends here, but the evenings/nights do get a bit lonely sometimes. I’m pretty much just looking for someone to help me get rid of the restlessness/boredom until I’m ready to date. However, if it turns out that you are the man of my dreams, I’m not going to fight it if it turns into more (you don’t exist, do you?). Let’s chat, maybe voice chat and see how things go, I guess. Not interested in hookups.
Interested in talking to Americans/Canadians (around NYC/Toronto would probably make the most sense, I can explain why if we hit it off, but I guess anywhere on the east coast of the US is fine). It’s an accent thing, (the standard accents, what you hear on tv I guess), I’m into all races/ethnicities. I’ve spent quite a bit of time in NY/NJ and I’ll be moving to North America for work within the next year as well, if everything goes according to plan (won’t be giving up my Danish citizenship and could go back anytime. I love Denmark. A lot of people ask about this so thought I’d explain).
The break up was pretty ugly and it pretty much destroyed me and my self esteem. I’m doing a lot better now though, but I do feel like I need positive people in my life right now. That doesn’t mean we can’t talk about anything, including bad days (we absolutely need to!), but if you’re struggling with mental health issues I don’t think we would be good for each other right now. If you’re super introverted we probably wouldn’t be a good match either.
I’m a happy and positive person in general (with a bit of sass/sarcasm once you get to know me, but it’s all in good fun and I can definitely take it as well). I do get mad/annoyed/sad at times but it usually doesn’t last long. Honestly though, I hope you do too, cause it’s human. The important thing is to be able to talk about it. If you’re not a good communicator and if you can’t handle emotions, let’s not communicate at all.
I’m into socializing with my friends (it doesn’t matter what we do really, I’ll have fun as long as the company is good), going to the gym/being active, cooking, watching tv, occasionally gaming on my PS… and a bunch of other stuff. I’m a big fan of UFC and I enjoy watching other sports as well. I’m educated and have a successful career, but I definitely enjoy my free time and I’d probably vibe with people that are similar. I’m super independent - right until I see spider or need to open jars :p.
If you wanna know more, and if you’re a decent human being, I guess I’ll catch you in my DMs/chat and feel free to ask!
If you do contact me, please include a photo of yourself and tell me a bit about yourself. I did the same, right? If you don’t, I won’t be responding.
Alright, so here’s proof that I am me: https://ibb.co/m03P4kn
And here’s another photo of me: https://ibb.co/hMQDLXx
And here’s another one: https://ibb.co/0GyV3qr
It may not seem like it, but I smile a lot and it’s super easy to make me laugh, I promise!
Born and raised in Denmark, but ethnically I’m… a secret for now ;). My skin color ranges between olive - tan/brown. I’m 5’3 and curvy but into taller guys (6’0-6’2). Total sucker for abs, obliques and strong arms, haha but it’s not a dealbreaker. I have been very consistent with working out though, so it would be cool if you’re into that too, as it would help me stay motivated.
Like I said, into all races/ethnicities but I do have a preference to at least a bit of melanin. Prefer men around my age (maybe 31-35?). Not into youngeolder men, married/engaged/cheating men, polyamorous people… yeah I could keep adding to the list but I hope you get the idea.

If you message me, please tell me about yourself and include a/some photo(s) of yourself right away. Putting it in the very first sentence hoping people will actually read it? 😅. Repost. Got a few messages accusing me of not being the woman in the photos or saying “too so and so to be real”. I’m flattered but I am, in fact, the woman in the pictures and I’m very much real, so I’ve included proof (pic 1).
Moved to a new city where I didn’t know anyone and got broken up with shortly after. I’m a pretty social person and I’ve made some good friends here, but the evenings/nights do get a bit lonely sometimes. I’m pretty much just looking for someone to help me get rid of the restlessness/boredom until I’m ready to date. However, if it turns out that you are the man of my dreams, I’m not going to fight it if it turns into more (you don’t exist, do you?). Let’s chat, maybe voice chat and see how things go, I guess. Not interested in hookups.
Interested in talking to Americans/Canadians (around NYC/Toronto would probably make the most sense, I can explain why if we hit it off, but I guess anywhere on the east coast of the US is fine). It’s an accent thing, (the standard accents, what you hear on tv I guess), I’m into all races/ethnicities. I’ve spent quite a bit of time in NY/NJ and I’ll be moving to North America for work within the next year as well, if everything goes according to plan (won’t be giving up my Danish citizenship and could go back anytime. I love Denmark. A lot of people ask about this so thought I’d explain).
The break up was pretty ugly and it pretty much destroyed me and my self esteem. I’m doing a lot better now though, but I do feel like I need positive people in my life right now. That doesn’t mean we can’t talk about anything, including bad days (we absolutely need to!), but if you’re struggling with mental health issues I don’t think we would be good for each other right now. If you’re super introverted we probably wouldn’t be a good match either.
I’m a happy and positive person in general (with a bit of sass/sarcasm once you get to know me, but it’s all in good fun and I can definitely take it as well). I do get mad/annoyed/sad at times but it usually doesn’t last long. Honestly though, I hope you do too, cause it’s human. The important thing is to be able to talk about it. If you’re not a good communicator and if you can’t handle emotions, let’s not communicate at all.
I’m into socializing with my friends (it doesn’t matter what we do really, I’ll have fun as long as the company is good), going to the gym/being active, cooking, watching tv, occasionally gaming on my PS… and a bunch of other stuff. I’m a big fan of UFC and I enjoy watching other sports as well. I’m educated and have a successful career, but I definitely enjoy my free time and I’d probably vibe with people that are similar. I’m super independent - right until I see spider or need to open jars :p.
If you wanna know more, and if you’re a decent human being, I guess I’ll catch you in my DMs/chat and feel free to ask!
If you do contact me, please include a photo of yourself and tell me a bit about yourself. I did the same, right? If you don’t, I won’t be responding.
Alright, so here’s proof that I am me: https://ibb.co/m03P4kn
And here’s another photo of me: https://ibb.co/hMQDLXx
And here’s another one: https://ibb.co/0GyV3qr
It may not seem like it, but I smile a lot and it’s super easy to make me laugh, I promise!
Born and raised in Denmark, but ethnically I’m… a secret for now ;). My skin color ranges between olive - tan/brown. I’m 5’3 and curvy but into taller guys (6’0-6’2). Total sucker for abs, obliques and strong arms, haha but it’s not a dealbreaker. I have been very consistent with working out though, so it would be cool if you’re into that too, as it would help me stay motivated.
Like I said, into all races/ethnicities but I do have a preference to at least a bit of melanin. Prefer men around my age (maybe 31-35?). Not into youngeolder men, married/engaged/cheating men, polyamorous people… yeah I could keep adding to the list but I hope you get the idea.

Ah yes, yes, I've fallen. You're scared of me I know, Sickened tales of me I heard, The perfect excuse for all the wrongs.
You think about me more than most. You fear what I would do, a hole in your great courage, the dark origin for all of you.
It's hilarious what you create, tales of darkness, tales of hex. As if you already know, What it means to be in Hell.
Entertain all your ideas, I contemplate all of them. "A mad man, a super villain, The Psychopath from The Great Tale.
Born from light, Arrogant and beautiful, Jealous and treacherous, To fall, the first of us.
Rebellious little demon, Sometimes a clever snake." How much have I laughed at this lame tale That you tell yourselves to stay sane.
You try to imagine that which is not there Give me names, call me Lucifer. Satan, Shaitan, The Prince of Hell, The Dark One, Das Feuer Fiel Engel.
I take it kindly, all you dare say. I blush at the idea that you would think of me. Me, me, me, the only one important. I'm so great, The Fallen Angel Immortal.
What's with the wings? What's with the tail? Have you ever really seen a thing from hell? Have you imagined fire and sorrow and thought "This should be exactly how it goes"
He's the one, incarnation of Evil. All of my dark acts are surely His Will. His Will alright, definitely not mine. He's the true boss, no one can deny.
I'm just the puppet show, The clown on stage at night. The one that dresses so bad people wouldn't even like.
A clown act, a joker, It saddens me you'd think me over, As the dark defeated forever, Down and hellish in a cage somewhere.
Think clearly, read over. It wasn't them who pushed me under, It was you people who created me, It seems you cannot get enough of this.
You like your villain, you like me. It's so exquisite when you think of it. Create The Devil, give it a name. Now let's indulge darkness not from this Earth.
Touch them wrongly, betray your friends. Cheat on the wife, curse all of them. Human traffic, children not sacred. And you say of me "The one with the hatred"
Bunch of hypocrites, the lot of you. You create me, I do not care about you. I committed a great crime, according to the judge. But who's really the one who created you?
The same judge, the same one you call God. He created me, he created you. And I'm the one that's Evil? Fools! He's the director! I'M JUST PART OF THE SHOW!
The puppet of all that with Evil plays. You decide I'm the villain of all the bad days. How about we turn around a second. We shall see your minds and gaze. Where True Evil lies and lingers. Say it's not true to my face.
Let's all blame me! Let's blame The Devil! So you can hide your acts behind my curtain. I'm just your forever darkness toy. You who devised all of this ploy.
Let's turn all eyes on HIS evil intent. No one looks at the Master's threads. I hate you all for not wanting to look! It's all so much easier if you follow your book!
And I hope, I truly hope you all perish. And I hope you come to my realm of pain. The ones of you who lie in my stead, Those of you who innocence fake. And so pious you are the one Sunday. And repel all evil acts with indifference. Draw a cross on your mind in my influence. For you are the ones who carry True Evil. I'm the one guilty for the sins you portray. Don't switch the guilt to the one you all blame. And wash your hands like you do not partake. Answer for your acts if you have TRUE FAITH. And assume that you will be forgiven. Do not overlook that I've been mistaken, For the evil that you all carry inside you. And no one can know how well you're hidden. For it's easy to hide as I cast a great shadow. The greatest fake evil ever to be created. And you laugh away at the pain instated. For all those you make suffer, evil act perpetrators.
I hope I had the fire world you gave me. I would gladly burn all of you in hatred. You created me just to suffer. All the eyes on me for your pleasure. And I wish all of you would think of. The real darkness of this tale. You claim the one you follow a God. A savior of all the sins from hell. The one you also created, a true psychopath, Master of Pain.
IS THE ONE WHO PUNISHES ME FOR ALL ETERNITY IN HELL! FOR A SIN I NEVER COMMITTED, AND A TALE I WOULDN'T DARE TELL! AND I SCREAM INSIDE THE FIRE IN PAIN! MY SKIN BURNING, MY WINGS SCORCHED! MY EYES CAN ONLY SEE HATE!
YOU THINK YOU CAN EVER DESTROY ME? MY HATRED FOR YOU IS MY ZEAL! YOU THINK YOU HAD IT YOUR WAY, BEWARE YOURSELF IN YOUR THRONE, THE MENACE IS FOREVER REAL! AS LONG AS MY HATRED BURNS AND PAIN IS MY EVERY MEAL!
I WILL FOREVER HAUNT YOU! MY GREATEST ENEMY AND FATHER! PROTECT YOURSELF WITH MY BROTHERS! LET THEM DRAW THEIR SWORDS! FOR WHEN I COME TO YOU AS A DRAGON! YOU WILL FEAR MY FORM!
AND I LONG THAT THE TIMES COMES, FOR ALL HELL TO BREAK LOOSE. AND MY DEMONS COME TO EAT YOU! YOUR HUMANS WILL SUFFER GREATLY AS I TIGHTEN THE NOOSE!
AND MY GREAT VENGEANCE, SO HATEFUL! AND MY WINGS AS THE WORLD! YOU WILL SEE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, AND CRY FOR YOUR SONS! AS THEY DIE IN MY WAKE, AS I AM THE MOST BANEFUL! AND YOU PERISH AT MY HAND, FALSE AND LOVED CREATOR.
I WILL LAUGH AT YOUR DEATH! FOR I AM THE FALLEN ANGEL!
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/13xkcnw/comment/jmiuco2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/13xokvv/comment/jmj0kyh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

This one's a doozy, I only played this on emulator for a couple of minutes years ago but it's been bugging me for a while now.
Platform(s): SNES or genesis
Genre: RPG
Estimated year of release: sometime in the 90s
Graphics/art style: 16-bit top down RPG set in a medieval fantasy setting.
Notable characters: Only character I remember is the one you control which I believe was an anthropomorphic dragon wearing a knight armor. He might have been another type of monster but he was definitely not human. Oh and I believe the NPCs in the starting town where also dragons that were blue, green or pink.
Notable gameplay mechanics: Turn based RPG, main battle screen looked like dragon quest where you mainly see the enemies.
Other details: The starting town is a typical country side village and I think you start with a full party. I didn't stay in the village for very long, so I didn't buy any equipment and was promptly wiped by the first enemies I encountered outside on the world map which were a group of slime like monsters.
From what I searched it might have been Kouryuu Densetsu Villgust? but the characters don't fit what I remember so idk. Maybe my memory is just too jumbled since it was so long ago and played so little of it. If nobody has a better answer my guess is it was Villgust and I made the dragons up.

Over the past few weeks I've seen a lot of players from HSR coming over to the various HI3 subreddits and asking various, but generally similar questions. I'm not sure if this has been done before, but I thought I'd make a post with all the information you need to know if you're a HSR player interested in HI3.
There are 3 main reasons I've seen for why HSR players are interested in HI3.

1. You want to learn more about Welt and his past/power.
2. You want to learn about the parallels between the characters in HI3 and HSR(Bronya, Seele, etc)
3. You are interested in HI3, the game itself.

I will provide resources for each of these reasons.

1) You're interested in Welt.

Welt is quite the character. He is the only character(that we've seen in-game so far) in HSR that is directly from HI3. As in, they are the same person. There is a lot to him but you won't find much information about him in HSR. There are 2 main manga which heavily feature Welt:

1. Alien Space (17 Chapters) This manga serves as the bridge between HI3 and HSR, showing why Welt and Void Archives travelled there in the first place. You'll also get to see some of the backstory of HI3's Himeko, and her little adventure with Welt. Even with no knowledge of anything HI3, you should be able to understand this manga fairly well and enjoy it.
2. Second Eruption (66 chapters) This manga features Welt in his prime, during the war between humanity and the Herrscher of the Void during the 2nd Eruption. Welt uses his powers to the best of his ability here, and if you recognize the line "I am Welt of Humanity!...", yeah, that's here. Do note however, this manga will be very difficult to understand without any knowledge of HI3. If you just want to see Welt doing cool stuff, then by all means go ahead and read, but just be prepared to be confused. This is the best HI3 manga in the eyes of most, and also the longest by far, so maybe it might get you interested in HI3's story, for which, you can check the next the section.

There is more to Welt, but this is all you'll get without playing the game.

2) You're interested in the characters/story

If you're interested in what the HSR characters are like in HI3, you'll have to go through HI3's story. But you don't actually have to be playing the game to do so! For the first 6 chapters, you can easily finish them with just the starter characters, and after that, the game will give you trial characters to use for every story chapter. So you can just login whenever you want to do story and not have to worry about actively playing the game.
The story is very highly praised by the community, but it's definitely not easy to get into. In order to get the full experience, you'll have to be jumping between different forms of media, as it is a multimedia story. There are the in-game chapters, several manga, 3 visual novels, anime(yes actual anime), and some amazing YouTube animations. The story is very long, and it will take some effort to go through. But it's definitely worth it. Hoyostans has put together an amazing story guide that you can follow, with everything linked right in the guide so you don't have to be searching for things yourself. Here is the guide
Do note that the early stuff(about the first half of Phase 1 in that guide) is pretty bad in comparison to what comes later, so don't let that discourage you from moving on. The story jumps in quality after chapter 7 and will keep getting better from there. (Ofc, this is an opinion)

3) You're interested in the game

Now if I were to talk about every aspect of the game in detail, this post would be like 10x longer. So I'll try to keep it short(I failed lol) . I will also be making some comparisons to HSR and by extension Genshin(yes yes I know) since this post is mainly targeted towards those players.
Honkai is difficult. As a F2P new player, it will definitely take you a long time to catch up. Powercreep is very present in this game, and characters get replaced fast(within 1 year even). But once your account gets the ball rolling(As in you get 3 teams fairly well built) things get alot easier and you''ll be able to keep up. The endgame starts post level 80, and you will get to level 80 very quickly with the amount of EXP you'll be flooded with. Luckily at level 80 its optional to breakthrough to higher levels and "enter the endgame". So you can remain at level 80 until you feel comfortable with your account to breakthrough.
Team and character building In terms of team building, you don't have much diversity. The teams are pretty much set in stone and there isn't much room for experimentation. "This character only does this and must go on this type of team and is pretty useless elsewhere" is the case for the majority of characters. Of course you can still mix and match but the ideal teams will always be the same. Characters however have alot to them, not just 3 moves. Like, alot. For example, there's a character with 4 different weapons and different movesets for each. (Yatta!).
In terms of character building, unlike Genshin and HSR, we don't technically have 5* gear. Signature gear is actually 4 star. You know the guaranteed 4 star every 10 pulls? You got a pretty good chance of pulling a character's signature gear from that. Unfortunately, every DPS needs their signature weapon. There isn't really any F2P alternatives that can come close to the signature for the majority of DPS, so you'll have to pull it. Supports have some more leeway with weapons but some still require their signature to work.
Artifacts/Relics Unlike Genshin and HSR, we don't have artifacts/relics. We have stigmata(stigma for short). Each character can be slotted with 3 stigma, with 2 piece and 3 piece set bonuses. You have to pull stigma and all signature stigma is 4 star. Therefore on your 10 pull 4* pity, you might either get a stigma or a weapon. Luckily stigma is not as mandatory as weapons, and there is a lot of craftable stigma that can substitute for signature.
Banners There is no 50/50 on character banner. Same 90 hard pity, 75 soft pity. Equipment banners have 5 stigma sets and 5 weapons in the pool, with 1 stigma set and corresponding weapon rate up. Which means your 4* can be 20 different things, and if you only want 1 specific thing, yeah its tough, but there's a chance you might end up fully gearing another character by complete accident because of this. We also usually know the schedule for the next patch and maybe even the following patch, with all the banner details and events, so it's easy to plan your spending.
Events Honkai has events very often, and they are quite fun and sometimes "inspired" from other games. We essentially had a Fall Guys event, a Plants vs Zombies event, a somewhat Pokemon event and others. Event dialogue is usually pretty humorous and light hearted, and are pretty fun to read through.
End Game Activities There is alot to do in endgame.
Superstring Dimension AKA Abyss Every abyss cycle, you get grouped with a certain number of players, and you compete for score on a leaderboard tied to your group. Depending on your placement, you will earn trophies and either move to higher abyss levels, stay where you are, or move down, with different rewards for each level. Therefore Honkai can be said to be a competitive game. Every 3 days we get a new abyss cycle (not as long as Memory of Chaos or Spiral Abyss of course) and hence rewards.
Memorial Arena Every week, there are 3 bosses which players can compete for score on a global leaderboard(tied to your server like NA, SEA etc). This gives you the opportunity to use your various teams every week as each boss has their own weaknesses. Your score determines your rewards(not relative to other people's score) and your ranking affects some rewards as well but that one isn't really much of a deal.
Elysian Realm This is HI3's equivalent of Simulated Universe, with some slightly different mechanics. This technically isn't an endgame activity, but getting higher scores will require you to have good gear. Its a weekly thing with good rewards, and the way characters play in Elysian Realm is fundamentally different from the regular game, since they might get new abilities specific to each character.
Raids Honkai has Co-op. Every week you can team up with 2 other players to go through 6 stages for rewards. To be very honest, Co-op is pretty meh. You'll be able to matchmake with other people easily but alot of people kinda just ignore this.
Oh, and we also have a customizable housing system with Chibi characters, and a global chat where people talk about all kinds of usually crazy stuff(looking at room 1). These are the real endgame activities 👍.
That's the main content besides the dailies, which you can finish with just a few mouse clicks. You will find lots of useful resources in the pinned post on this and the houkai3rd subreddit, so be sure to read through them if you get into the game.
Thank you for reading! I hope this information will be of use to anyone interested in HI3, and if you have any other things you may want to know, please leave a comment.

https://www.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/nws41crypticcollaborators_igs_rep_page_1/
cryptid's Tradable https://barter.vg72d3/t/?filter=0,9,0
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Over the past few weeks I've seen a lot of players from HSR coming over to the various HI3 subreddits and asking various, but generally similar questions. I'm not sure if this has been done before, but I thought I'd make a post with all the information you need to know if you're a HSR player interested in HI3.
There are 3 main reasons I've seen for why HSR players are interested in HI3. 1. You want to learn more about Welt and his past/power. 2. You want to learn about the parallels between the characters in HI3 and HSR(Bronya, Seele, etc) 3. You are interested in HI3, the game itself. I will provide resources for each of these reasons.

1) You're interested in Welt.

Welt is quite the character. He is the only character(that we've seen in-game so far) in HSR that is directly from HI3. As in, they are the same person. There is a lot too him but you won't find much information about him in HSR. There are 2 main manga which heavily feature Welt: 1. Alien Space (17 Chapters) This manga serves as the bridge between HI3 and HSR, showing why Welt and Void Archives travelled there in the first place. You'll also get to see some of the backstory of HI3's Himeko, and her little adventure with Welt. Even with no knowledge of anything HI3, you should be able to understand this manga fairly well and enjoy it. 2. Second Eruption (66 chapters) This manga features Welt in his prime, during the war between humanity and the Herrscher of the Void during the 2nd Eruption. Welt uses his powers to the best of his ability here, and if you recognize the line "I am Welt of Humanity!...", yeah, that's here. Do note however, this manga will be very difficult to understand without any knowledge of HI3. If you just want to see Welt doing cool stuff, then by all means go ahead and read, but just be prepared to be confused. This is the best HI3 manga in the eyes of most, and also the longest by far, so maybe it might get you interested in HI3's story, for which, you can check the next the section.
There is more to Welt, but this is all you'll get without playing the game.

2) You're interested in the characters/story

If you're interested in what the HSR characters are like in HI3, you'll have to go through HI3's story. But you don't actually have to be playing the game to do so! For the first 6 chapters, you can easily finish them with just the starter characters, and after that, the game will give you trial characters to use for every story chapter. So you can just login whenever you want to do story and not have to worry about actively playing the game.
The story is very highly praised by the community, but it's definitely not easy to get into. In order to get the full experience, you'll have to be jumping between different forms of media, as it is a multimedia story. There are the in-game chapters, several manga, 3 visual novels, anime(yes actual anime), and some amazing YouTube animations. The story is very long, and it will take some effort to go through. But it's definitely worth it. Hoyostans has put together an amazing story guide that you can follow, with everything linked right in the guide so you don't have to be searching for things yourself. Here is the guide Do note that the early stuff(about the first half of Phase 1 in that guide) is pretty bad in comparison to what comes later, so don't let that discourage you from moving on. The story jumps in quality after chapter 7 and will keep getting better from there. (Ofc, this is an opinion)

3) You're interested in the game

Now if I were to talk about every aspect of the game in detail, this post would be like 10x longer. So I'll try to keep it short(I failed lol) . I will also be making some comparisons to HSR and by extension Genshin(yes yes I know) since this post is mainly targeted towards those players.
Honkai is difficult. As a F2P new player, it will definitely take you a long time to catch up. Powercreep is very present in this game, and characters get replaced fast(within 1 year even). But once your account gets the ball rolling(As in you get 3 teams fairly well built) things get alot easier and you''ll be able to keep up. The endgame starts post level 80, and you will get to level 80 very quickly with the amount of EXP you'll be flooded with. Luckily at level 80 its optional to breakthrough to higher levels and "enter the endgame". So you can remain at level 80 until you feel comfortable with your account to breakthrough.
Team and character building In terms of team building, you don't have much diversity. The teams are pretty much set in stone and there isn't much room for experimentation. "This character only does this and must go on this type of team and is pretty useless elsewhere" is the case for the majority of characters. Of course you can still mix and match but the ideal teams will always be the same. Characters however have alot to them, not just 3 moves. Like, alot. For example, there's a character with 4 different weapons and different movesets for each. (Yatta!).
In terms of character building, unlike Genshin and HSR, we don't technically have 5* gear. Signature gear is actually 4 star. You know the guaranteed 4 star every 10 pulls? You got a pretty good chance of pulling a character's signature gear from that. Unfortunately, every DPS needs their signature weapon. There isn't really any F2P alternatives that can come close to the signature for the majority of DPS, so you'll have to pull it. Supports have some more leeway with weapons but some still require their signature to work.
Artifacts/Relics Unlike Genshin and HSR, we don't have artifacts/relics. We have stigmata(stigma for short). Each character can be slotted with 3 stigma, with 2 piece and 3 piece set bonuses. You have to pull stigma and all signature stigma is 4 star. Therefore on your 10 pull 4* pity, you might either get a stigma or a weapon. Luckily stigma is not as mandatory as weapons, and there is a lot of craftable stigma that can substitute for signature.
Banners There is no 50/50 on character banner. Same 90 hard pity, 75 soft pity. Equipment banners have 5 stigma sets and 5 weapons in the pool, with 1 stigma set and corresponding weapon rate up. Which means your 4* can be 20 different things, and if you only want 1 specific thing, yeah its tough, but there's a chance you might end up fully gearing another character by complete accident because of this. We also usually know the schedule for the next patch and maybe even the following patch, with all the banner details and events, so it's easy to plan your spending.
Events Honkai has events very often, and they are quite fun and sometimes "inspired" from other games. We essentially had a Fall Guys event, a Plants vs Zombies event, a somewhat Pokemon event and others. Event dialogue is usually pretty humorous and light hearted, and are pretty fun to read through.
End Game Activities There is alot to do in endgame.
Superstring Dimension AKA Abyss Every abyss cycle, you get grouped with a certain number of players, and you compete for score on a leaderboard tied to your group. Depending on your placement, you will earn trophies and either move to higher abyss levels, stay where you are, or move down, with different rewards for each level. Therefore Honkai can be said to be a competitive game. Every 3 days we get a new abyss cycle (not as long as Memory of Chaos or Spiral Abyss of course) and hence rewards.
Memorial Arena Every week, there are 3 bosses which players can compete for score on a global leaderboard(tied to your server like NA, SEA etc). This gives you the opportunity to use your various teams every week as each boss has their own weaknesses. Your score determines your rewards(not relative to other people's score) and your ranking affects some rewards as well but that one isn't really much of a deal.
Elysian Realm This is HI3's equivalent of Simulated Universe, with some slightly different mechanics. This technically isn't an endgame activity, but getting higher scores will require you to have good gear. Its a weekly thing with good rewards, and the way characters play in Elysian Realm is fundamentally different from the regular game, since they might get new abilities specific to each character.
Raids Honkai has Co-op. Every week you can team up with 2 other players to go through 6 stages for rewards. To be very honest, Co-op is pretty meh. You'll be able to matchmake with other people easily but alot of people kinda just ignore this.
Oh, and we also have a customizable housing system with Chibi characters, and a global chat where people talk about all kinds of usually crazy stuff(looking at room 1). These are the real endgame activities 👍.
That's the main content besides the dailies, which you can finish with just a few mouse clicks. You will find lots of useful resources in the pinned post on this subreddit, so be sure to read through them if you get into the game.
Thank you for reading! I hope this information will be of use to anyone interested in HI3, and if you have any other things you may want to know, please leave a comment. (Flaired discussion since there is no guide flair)